Hi there!
I'm struggling with understanding what statistical tests I'd use in this case-
2 groups; controls and gamblers, and the results will be reaction times (so quantitative)
controls have 4 groups; Pre 1 and Post 1, then Pre 2 and Post 2
gamblers have 4 groups; Pre 1 and Post 1, then Pre 2 and Post 2
These are the differences I want to look at;
1) Compare the pre scores of controls to the pre scores of gamblers (for both 1 and 2 together)
2) Compare the pre and post 1 scores of controls, and the pre and post 1 scores of gamblers, find the differences/trends WITHIN groups to be able to compare the trends BETWEEN groups.
At first I thought an ANova would be good just due to how many levels I have, but then I was like, cant I just do a t-test for the pre scores (averaging sessions 1/2 together so I have 1 pre score per participant in 2 groups) as well as a t-test for within groups, then one between groups?
​
Thank you!!!

Timestamp https://imgur.com/a/BjGL4xX
AK Parts:
ALG AKT-EL Trigger: ~200 rounds with it. Worked fine, no issues. Includes high energy mainspring
Recoil Spring: ALG Recoil Spring. Cant remember if it was ever used or not so well say ~200 rounds with it
Krebs Custom Safety: Fairly used but only cosmetic blemishes from contact with top cover
Looking to sell the TriggeRecoil Spring/Safety as a bundle at this time. Total for the three above - $80 shipped F&F ($83 shipped if G&S)
Strela 4 Piece Compact Flash Hider 24x1.5RH: ~300-500 round through it. Comes with 5.45/5/56 inner cone. Was accidentally included in box sent to cerakoting so there are no markings on it. Comes with original box/bag/manual. - $175 shipped PP F&F ($180 shipped if G&S)

If someone wants to include the Strela in the above grouping, price will be $240 shipped F&F ($250 shipped if G&S) for all 4 items. 

Aimpoint T2 LRP Lower 1/3 mount: Completely new and unused. Has sat in foam box entire time. Includes 4 mounting screws - $70 shipped PP F&F ($73 Shipped if G&S)
Surefire DS00 w/ modbutton lite + lite guards: Mounted and used for a bit. No issues just minor scratches from use but nothing major - $165 shipped PP F&F ($170 shipped if G&S) -> Looking to sell as a bundle rn and not looking to split

Adapted an NE555 tone generator kit to add a frequency control alongside the waveform selector. Mounted it in a cigar box that's been propping up my broken keyboard for a decade! Much better use for such a nice looking box I think!
I'll use this for testing out guitar pedals before boxing up.

Hello! I (16) have been thinking about going on birth control for quite some time. I’m not sexually active at the moment and I don’t think I will be for a while, my mom has just always informed me about different ways to have safe sex and such. I am considering an implant because I don’t have the best memory and I fear that the pill won’t be a good fit for me because I’d forget. I know shots, IUDs, and other forms are options, but I’m not sure what’s a good choice. I’m a bit worried about the effect it may have on my mental health or weight, and i’m well aware it’s different for every person, but is there a good “starter” birth control? My mom was on the pill at my age due to having endometriosis, but as I said I’m not sure that will be a good fit for me. Any and all advice is helpful!!

I'm not great at writing long form, so I'm going to write most of this in bullets for clarity

• Me (33M) and my partner (33F) adopted our German Shepard, Fliss, about a month ago
• My partner owns her own dog walking business and deals with many dogs every day
• My partner is also studying dog behavior via an online course
• Fliss is from a rescue center, but was formerly a breeding female
  • She was surrendered to the rescue at about 3 years old
  • We were told that she used to live in a barn with other dogs
  • She was quite underweight when we got her (by almost 10KG)
  • Other than this, we don't know much more about her
• My partner takes Fliss out each day with her other dogs, because of this I think she's formed a stronger bond with my partner
• However I do spend a lot of time with Fliss in the evenings and weekends
  • I give her a lot of fuss/treats etc
  • I generally do her walks at the weekend (she's out with my partner on her dog walking business for about 4 hours a day Mon-Fri)
• I have noticed that Fliss is a lot more obedient with my partner, her recall and general behavior is a lot better, but with me not so much
• She doesn't listen to me, she doesn't obey commands at all, I have no control over her in public so I have to put the lead on as soon as there's food or children about. (She generally has no interest in children but I have had a few situations where she's running towards a picnic in the park and the parents are freaking out because their children are sat there.) My partner however has the exact oppositte experience with her. Model dog for her.
• I have also noticed that her behavior with me is a lot better with my partner present. I can generally get a decent level of recall and obedience as long as my partner is there.
• Last weekend my partner was trying to get one of our cats out from under our car but Fliss was also running around and getting excited which was making the situation difficult
  • My parter was getting frustrated and called me from the driveway to come and get Fliss
  • When I got downstairs I called Fliss in but she ignored me, after a few attempts to call her inside I went out and led her back in by her harness, which my partner had just put on her to take her for a walk
  • I led Fliss up to my office, came in with her, closed the door and sat on the couch
  • Fliss jumped up on me and my laptop was on the sofa too undernieth her so I said "Fliss down" and tried to (gently) move her off me
  • At this point Fliss nipped me, I instinctively moved my arm back but she still managed to get a bit of skin which resulted in a mild blood blister
  • I'm not going to lie, I was a little worried for my safety at this point, I stood up and left the room
  • I went to tell my partner and she said something along the lines of "you're misunderstanding her, she's probably just excited or mouthing"
• There's been a few times where Fliss has really worried me in the last week, here's 3 of them
• This weekend, yesterday my partner and I had a small argument
  • This ended up with me wanting to go get some air / cool down, and I decided I may as well take Fliss with me for a walk
  • I got Fliss' harness and went to put it on her
  • She was really over excited at this point
  • She jumped up and thumped me hard in the chest, and then repeated this in quick succession for about 20-30 seconds, getting rougher every time
  • It was hard enough that it pushed me backwards and I almost lost my footing. I'm a fairly broad 6'1 man so this took me back a bit
  • I felt like I had no control over her and was worried I was about to get nipped/bitten again so I walked upstairs and shut myself in my office
  • When my partner came up I explained what happened and she said "oh she's probably just over excited"
• Then, today, my partner was getting ready for bed
  • The cats were out in the hallway and I think Fliss wanted to follow my partner but she's still not confident around the cats so stood in the doorway to my office whilst I was on the couch
  • I saw her backing up and was about to knock the bin over so I called over "Hey Fliss, come!"
  • She walked over nuzzled my hand for a sec and then snapped at me, like she was trying to nip/bite me again
  • I managed to move my arm out of the way fast enough that she didn't manage to latch on this time
  • I called out for my partner because I honestly at this point am a little worried again, and I know she'll calm down if my partner is in the room
  • My partner comes in and another argument ensues about "what actually happened? are you exagerating this? she's calm now, I can't see her doing this? I havent seen any aggression from her. it was probably just mouthing and you're taking it the wrong way..."
• So here's the thing in all 3 of these instances
  • Its always when my partner isn't present
  • Its usually straight after Fliss has experienced some behavior from my partner which is in someway negative. (Cat wont come out from under the car, we've had an argument etc)
  • As soon as my partner comes back in the room, Fliss will change back into an obedient, non aggressive dog
• My partner doesn't seem to believe any of what I've told her about the above encounters. She darts between flat out denial ("I haven't seen any aggressive behaviors from her"), blaming me ("it must be something you're doing"), and accusing me of exaggerating events or misunderstanding the behavior.
• My theory is that Fliss see's my partner as in-charge, but does not see me as in-charge. So feels free to react with annoyance and aggression.
  • Partly because whenever there's any conflict between my parter and I, I'm the one to back down. I think the dog is seeing this and is mirroring my partners behaviour towards me.
  • Which has been happening more often recently, because this whole thing is weighing heavily on our relationship.
  • I'm starting to get to the point where I don't feel safe around our dog, and I'm wondering where this ends... possibly me in the hospital?
  • With no support from my partner on this I feel completely alone in this whole situation
  • I'm also starting to get to the point where I'm wishing we'd never gotten Fliss in the first place
• Any advice on how to tackle this behaviour would be appreciated.

Or alternatively, have you found a way to effectively block the trauma at times while you also work through recovery at others? I feel like I was effective at blocking trauma for awhile, and then it became too overwhelming and I could no longer contain it. My coping mechanisms like eating or distracting myself to numb my feelings no longer work very well. So I am wondering what strategies people have found to manage their trauma after Pandora's box has already sort of been opened.

Hi! I saw a prompt on /writingprompts and wrote a story around it, I'd love to get some feedback. This is my first attempt at trying to write something since like highschool.
The prompt was:
​
You’re an astronaut on a deep space mission. You invent an imaginary friend to help stay sane. Upon finally returning, Mission Control stops you. There’s an unidentified life form on board with you.
​
Story:
​
It all started when I woke up from stasis. NASA had warned me that things would be weird for the first few hours after waking up and to take it easy, but when they had said ‘weird’ I had never expected this.
“Will you cut that out?” I said to John as he leaned back in the copilot chair humming a tune I couldn’t quite recognize.
“Sorry man, didn’t mean to harsh your vibes.”
John, apparently, was my imaginary friend. I don’t really remember dreaming him up, but he insists I did when I came out of stasis. I have vague memories of him while I was in stasis. He appeared in different dreams, or maybe memories from my childhood? Did I have a childhood imaginary friend? I honestly couldn’t remember.
“Woooaaahh dude. I just had the craziest thought.” John said.
I focused on the control station I was working at, trying my best to ignore him.
“What if when we get to Earth there’s like, a real version of me, you know?”
I turned and stared at him, “what on Earth are you talking about?”
“Well actually brosef, I’m not on Earth, I’m inside the ship. Are you still trippin’ from the stasis?”
I clamped my eyes shut and groaned, turning back to my station.
“I just mean like, so you imagined me, right? But what if you based me off a real person. So, what happens when we meet? Will he and I fuse into one person? Or will like, your head explode from seeing both of us at the same time?”
That made me pause for a moment. Had I imagined him from a real person? I racked my brain trying to think of anyone I knew named John, but I couldn’t think of any.
“I don’t know a John, sadly you’re wholly original in your annoying nature.”
He blew a raspberry, “dude come on, John is like, what, the most common male name in America? And you’re telling me you don’t know a John? Come onnnnnnnnnn.”
--
Eight months later and John was still here, and as annoying as ever. Today his choice of annoying entertainment was bouncing a tennis ball against the wall of the ship.
“Where did you even get a tennis ball?”
“Oh, you know man, around. Do you wanna try? It’s a pretty fun game.”
“No, I’m busy. We have to make sure these burns are executed correctly, or we’ll miss Earth.”
John rolled his eyes and went back to throwing the ball.
“Why are you so worried about getting back to Earth?”
I stared at him, hoping if I stared hard enough, he’d just disappear. “Why wouldn’t I want to get back to Earth? It’s our home, remember? And, if we get back, I can get away from you.”
John laughed, “Brosef, you imagined me, remember? Why don’t you just like, unimagine me if I’m bothering you so much?”
“Don’t you think I’ve tried that?” I said, resting my head in my hands, pressing my palms into my eyes until I saw stars.
John looked down at the floor, pouting. “Why you got to be so mean man, I’m just tryin’ to make this ride a liiiittle more entertaining.”
I let out a sigh, he was certainly annoying, but he was also my only friend, and was going to be for a very, very long time.
“I’m sorry, you’re right. Why don’t we do something fun? What do you want to do?”
John perked up, and I knew instantly I had made a mistake.
“You really mean that? We could do something fun? I have the BEST idea.”
I nodded, defeated. I had learned it was best to just get it over with instead of arguing with John. He could be very, very persistent.
“What’s the idea?” I said, putting on my best “I’m listening and am interested” face that I could.
He paused, sitting up straight. “Okay, here me out. So, like, what if we went on like, an epic road trip.”
He shot me the most excited, kid in a candy shop look.
I cocked my head at him, trying to read his expression for the hint of a joke in there, but I didn’t see one. “Aren’t we already on an epic road trip? We’re in SPACE John, alone, together, for another three years. Does it get any more epic than that?”
He scoffed, “yeah but like, we aren’t seeing anything, we aren’t going anywhere, we’re just drivin’ along, going back home. That’s no fun. We should be stopping places, going on whacky adventures.”
I looked around, balling my toes up trying to find an outlet for my frustration.
“Where do you want to stop, John? Again, we’re in SPACE. There’s literally nothing anywhere. What, you want to go stop at that proton molecule just floating out there?”
John rolled his eyes and went back to throwing his tennis ball.
“I knew you wouldn’t get it. Don’t you remember when we were kids, we went on that epic road trip across the country? We stopped, where was it, like, Idaho? No wait, Indiana, that’s right. We saw that maaaassive ear of corn? That was awesome! We need to do stuff like that, man.”
I paused, a chill working its way up my spine. “How do you know about that?”
John threw me a smirk, “come on bro, you created me, remember? Of course, I have memories from you.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t invent you until recently, you weren’t around back then. How could you know that?”
John stopped throwing his stupid tennis ball and turned to me. “Look, I don’t have the time or energy to teach you about the human-imaginary friend memory bonding structure, but trust me, that’s how it works.”
I wanted to press him for more information but knew it wouldn’t go anywhere. When he didn’t want to talk about something, he found every tiny way to distract from it until I gave up, so I decide to just give up early.
“Okay, so yeah, when we were kids, we saw the giant ear of corn. Where is that? Oh right, back on Earth. Where’s the giant space ear of corn John?”
I played up looking around the ship, putting my hand to my forehead to block the sun.
“Because I’m not seeing it, are you?”
He went back to throwing his tennis ball. “They probably don’t have a giant space ear of corn. But they could have other stuff. What if we went to Titan? Oh, oh! Or Enceladus! That would be sooo chill.” He giggled to himself. “Get it? Because it’s frozen?”
“I. Get. The. Joke.” I said through gritted teeth.
“Come on man, we could be there in like three weeks. Take a little pit spot on Titan since you clearly are against Enceladus for some reason. We could just a day, maybe two, then burn hard back for Earth. We’d lose what, like 5 days? That’s noooothin’ man.”
It would be cool to see Titan, the only moon with a substantial atmosphere, and the only other place besides Earth that had rivers and oceans.
“Think about it bro, we could catch some like, Titan fish. How long has it been since we’ve had fish?”
“A long, long time.” I said, my mouth watering at the thought of food that wasn’t in slushie form.
I shook my head, snapping myself out of it. “We can’t go to Titan, John. NASA would be pissed. We need to get back to Earth.”
John rolled his eyes. “You’re always so worried about what they’ll think. Oh, NASA wouldn’t like that. Oh, NASA wouldn’t approve of that. No John, we can’t have any fun because the fun police at NASA would be upset. Boohoo. Screw NASA. Let’s have some FUN!”
I had to chuckle at that. While I didn’t have the same rebellious streak as John did, I certainly got annoyed at all the rules and regulations we had to follow daily from NASA when it had been years since we had last heard from them.
“So, whadda think? Titan adventure?” John was looking at me with his best winning smile.
I sighed, “no, John. No Titan adventures. The only way we could possibly detour would be if we got a distress call, which is impossible since no one lives on Titan or has ever gone to Titan.”
John groaned his disapproval for my staunch commitment to the unbendable and boring rules of NASA and went back to throwing his ball.
I felt bad, he seemed really excited about Titan. And I had to admit, it was an exciting idea. But there was no way we could justify to NASA detouring to go to Titan. Our mission was clear, get back to Earth as fast as possible.
I stared at my control panel trying to remember what I had been working on.
--
“PING. PING. PING.”
“Brosef, wake up man! Wake up!”
I bolted up out of my seat, or I tried to. My shoulders ached from where the seat restraints pulled against me in my failed attempt to stand up.
“Wow that hurts. Every time man I swear to God one of these days, I’m going to cut these restraints out of the seat.”
John chuckled, “yeah you sure do that a lot.” He was sitting back in the copilot chair with his feet up on the control panel.
“What is that pinging? And why were you yelling at me?”
John sat upright, “oh right! Dude, you’ll never believe what happened.”
He sat in silence, on the edge of his seat.
“What, John?”
“John? Hello?” He let out a laugh, “sorry, had to build suspense. This is truly, epic.”
He got up and pointed at the control panel. “We got a distress signal from Titan, bro!”
I jumped out of my seat; this time having taken my restraints off beforehand. I ran over to the control panel and checked.
Sure enough, there it was. A distress beacon coming from Titan. I typed out a few commands asking the computer to recheck the signals origin. The computer confirmed it was correct. There was a distress beacon coming from Titan.
John was jumping up and down chanting, “We’re going to Titan, we’re going to Titan. Who’s going to Titan? We’re going to Titan!”
A feeling of dread crept up from the floor, enveloping me. I slowly turned and looked up at him.
“John… You didn’t do this, did you?”
He stopped jumping and stared at me, confused. “What? What are you talking about brosef?”
The gears in my mind started turning as I tried to put the fear into words.
“You wanted to go to Titan, insisted we go. I tell you the only way we can go is if we get a distress call, and now, we get a distress call from Titan.”
“Woaaah woah woah. WOAH.” He spattered, throwing his arms up in the air. “I’m gonna stop you right there broheim.”
Broheim, that was a new one. I kind of liked it, at least compared to brosef.
“If you think for one second that I CAUSED a distress signal from Titan just to get us to go there, you’re crazy.”
“Well, how do you explain this?” My feeling of dread was solidifying into anger.
“Dude, listen to yourself. I can’t cause a distress signal. How would I even do that? For one, I’d have to somehow control something on titan to tell it to emit a distress signal. Let’s dig into that. One, THERE’S NOTHING ON TITAN BUT WATER AND DIRT.”
“You could have sent down a probe to beacon back” I said, scrambling for potential ways he could have betrayed me.
He gave me an exhausted eye roll. “Check the logs bro, check the probe bays. There are no probes launched, no probes missing.”
I pulled up the probe inventory on the control panel, he was right. All our remaining probes were accounted for.
“Fine, all the probes are there.”
He gave me a proud eyebrow raise and puffed out his chest. “Seeee? And secondly, and I feel like I shouldn’t have to emphasize this but apparently I do because you’ve clearly gone crazy.”
He bent down to be eye level with me in my chair, “I’M IMAGINARY.”
Huh. He had me there.
I closed my eyes, trying to think. He didn’t send a probe, nothing existed on Titan for him to hack into to send the distress signal. Was this just one big coincidence?
I pulled up the communications buffer, the only other thing I could think of. There were no new messages sent by us.
“Well now what?” I asked him.
“It’s so simple bromigo. We go to Titan, rescue whoever is down there. Bring them back to Earth and become National, nay, International, nay again, PLANETARY heroes. I’m going to start writing my acceptance speech.”
I had to laugh at that. Planetary heroes did sound pretty awesome.
I turned in my chair toward the control panel. “I’m going to ask NASA what to do.”
John groaned a deep, frustrated groan. He pinched the bridge of his nose and said, “Dude, you can’t wait around for NASA. It’s going to take months for them to answer, maybe even years with all the hemming and hawing they do at any tiny decision, let alone the transmission time between us and them. Like you said the other day, we can’t delay.”
I frowned. He certainly had a point. “I’m going to send them a message telling them what we’re doing, but you’re right. We’ll have to do this on our own.”
He rolled his eyes, “if you must, but I think it’s going to be a bigger headache than it’s worth bromigo.”
I stared at him, “how could we possibly explain to NASA where we found a few extra astronauts when we get back to Earth? Oh yeah don’t mind them, we just picked up a few hitchhikers on the way back home.”
John laughed at that, “yeah that would be pretty hilarious.”
I began typing up a message to NASA. “This is the Celestial Pathfinder”, “that’s such a cool name,” John whispered to me. I waved my hand at him to be quiet.
“We have received a distress signal from the surface of Titan. While we know it is urgent for us to return to Earth as quickly as possible, we’re going to investigate. I can’t in good conscious leave another astronaut stranded out here, and the round-trip communication time is too long for us to wait for a reply from you. Be advised we may be returning to Earth with extra passengers. Celestial Pathfinder out.”
John nodded his approval, “very diplomatic of you bro.” He raised out a fist for me to bump and I obliged.
Now, how do we get to the surface of Titan.

I am considering filing a lawsuit I wrote. Do you think this has merit?
The Plaintiff is the proprietor of two businesses, namely [*], which is an electronic repair service, and [], an online retail business. Both of these businesses have a physical presence in [***].
In early 2020, the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic triggered unprecedented economic disruptions globally. Both of Plaintiff’s businesses, [*] and [*], were heavily impacted by these disruptions and faced severe financial setbacks.
Given the distressing circumstances, the Plaintiff, in his capacity as a small business owner, applied for two separate EIDL loans under the provisions of the CARES Act in order to offset the economic hardships caused by the pandemic. It is important to note that the Small Business Administration (SBA) is responsible for the implementation and administration of these provisions.
On June 8, 2020, the Plaintiff received a notification from the SBA, stating that the EIDL application for [****] had been approved. This approval entailed an Advance Grant amounting to $1,000.00 and an EIDL loan amounting to $1,500.00.
On June 16, 2020, the Plaintiff entered into an agreement with the SBA by signing the Loan Authorization and Agreement (LA&A) contract. Subsequently, on June 18, 2020, the SBA transferred the EIDL loan amount of $1,500 into the Plaintiff's personal bank account.
On June 25, 2020, the SBA initiated the transfer of the Advance Grant of $1,000.00 to the Plaintiff's personal bank account. However, this transfer was not successful and was returned to the SBA by the bank.
On June 26, 2020, the Plaintiff was informed via an email from his bank that the deposit of $1,000.00 made by the SBA had been returned to the depositor. The bank attributed this reversal to a discrepancy between the name on the deposit and the name registered on the bank account. This happened despite the successful deposit of the EIDL loan amount on June 18, 2020, indicating an error from the SBA's end as no changes were made to the account details by the Plaintiff. Over the course of the two years, the Plaintiff repeatedly reached out to the SBA for a resolution to this problem, but his pleas fell on deaf ears.
Contrary to the treatment of the application of [*], the EIDL application for [*] was denied by the SBA. Plaintiff received the denial notification on July 6, 2020, Plaintiff received an email From the SBA which contained a decline letter which stated, "Unfortunately, although we have made every effort to approve your loan request, we are unable to offer you a Economic Injury Disaster Loan (EIDL) for the reason(s) described below. Not Eligible: The SBA has been unable to verify the existence of an eligible business as reflected in the application. The SBA has been unsuccessful in our attempts to obtain documentation from multiple sources (public records) and we attempted to obtain documentation from you that would validate the existence of your business." Plaintiff disputes the SBA's claim to have "attempted to obtain documentation" from the plaintiff. The only time the SBA had reached out prior to the decline letter was On July 2, 2020, Plaintiff received a voicemail from the SBA asking Plaintiff to select a loan amount and submit for final approval.
On July 21, 2020, the plaintiff initiated contact with the SBA regarding the returned grant and the declined EIDL appliction. In a conversation with SBA Disaster Customer Service Representative Rossana M. Nuno, she explained her inability to provide case-specific advice or information. Instead, she could only offer general information about the program. The Plaintiff was informed that due to the depletion of funds, the Advance program had been terminated on July 13, 2020. The money that had initially been allocated to the Plaintiff for the Advanced Grant was no longer available. Plaintiff contended that this was a failure on the part of the SBA, that they had made a mistake sending the deposit and that it was their fiduciary duty to correct it. Nuno promise to make a note of it and notify her supervisors of the issue. The plaintiff managed to update their bank account details during this conversation in hopes that further errors would be avoided, and Nuno instructed the plaintiff to reach out to the Reconsideration Department for inquiries about the declined application and potential adjustments to the existing loan agreement At this stage, the plaintiff emphasized to Nuno that the applications were for separate business entities. Further she emailed the reconsideration instructions to both business entities.
On October 6, 2020, the plaintiff sent the first request for reconsideration letter to the SBA, attaching the documents as instructed by Nuno. The letter detailed the plaintiff's newness to business operations, the mistakes they'd made in financial and bookkeeping aspects, and the rectification of these errors. It also declared the filing of an Amended Tax Return for the years 2018 & 2019, which was still being processed by the IRS. The plaintiff included various supporting documents, including Business Bank information, State Identification, Driver's license, Social Security Card, Business registration with the Oregon Secretary of State, and IRS Form SS-4 assigning the business an EIN.
The SBA began a cycle of communication with the plaintiff from October 13, 2020, often requesting documents already submitted or requiring additional ones. Despite providing the necessary paperwork such as tax returns, Form 4506-T, and proof of identity, the SBA seemed to overlook the prior submissions and requested them repeatedly. This pattern continued until late December 2020, leading to significant frustration on the plaintiff's part.
On November 8, 2020, and several subsequent dates, the plaintiff sought to inquire about the status of their applications. However, these efforts yielded no responses from the SBA.
On January 7, 2021, the SBA responded with concerns about perceived discrepancies between the two applications, including different financials, number of employees, and Employer Identification Numbers (EINs), and the reported revenue. The plaintiff clarified that the applications were for two separate business entities with distinct financials, employees, and EINs. The plaintiff speculated that the SBA might have been misled by the similarity in trade names of the two businesses.
The plaintiff's dissatisfaction with the SBA's treatment escalated by March 2021. They composed a detailed letter of appeal on March 25, 2021, where they voiced their struggles, highlighted the separateness of the two businesses, and expressed their irritation with the SBA's repetitive requests for already provided documents. This letter also contained a plea for the SBA to take their case more seriously and to expedite the application process.
In a disappointing development on March 28, 2021, the SBA sent another email requesting more documentation. Many of the requested items were documents that the plaintiff had submitted multiple times in the past. Feeling helpless and dissatisfied with the SBA's handling of their case, the plaintiff turned to the office of U.S. Congress Member Kurt Schrader. They submitted a comprehensive summary of their ordeal, detailing the SBA's apparent disregard of their explanations, the repeated requests for documents, and their overall grievances with the SBA's treatment of their businesses.
On March 29, 2021, the plaintiff received an email from Alvin Klausen, a Field Representative from the Office of Congressman Kurt Schrader. In his email, Klausen requested further clarification on the issues at hand and asked for supporting documents to bolster the plaintiff's case.
The plaintiff also received a somewhat reassuring email from Vanessa R., an SBA Customer Service Center Representative, acknowledging receipt of the plaintiff's documentation. She stated, "We have notated the file with the information provided. We forwarded your email and attachment(s) to our Processing and Disbursement Center for review and file association." Even so, the SBA continued to ask for documentation that they had already received.
Two days later, on March 31, 2021, the plaintiff sent another email to Alvin Klausen, this time detailing their grievances against the SBA. The email was a passionate plea for recognition and change, highlighting several key issues. These included perceived discrimination by the SBA against the smallest businesses, a 'delay and deny' tactic used by the SBA, and repeated requests for duplicate information that were both tiresome and confusing. The plaintiff also questioned the SBA's ability to manage information and records effectively, attributing their struggles to the organization's mismanagement. They expressed a desire for accountability and reform, making it clear that while they wanted their personal issues addressed, they also hoped for broader changes within the SBA to benefit all small businesses.
On April 3, 2021, the plaintiff was taken aback by an email from the SBA, which stated, "We have received multiple applications from your business for economic injury as a result of Coronavirus (COVID-19). Your earliest application will continue to be processed, and we have withdrawn application number *****1116 from active consideration." The plaintiff felt this statement was fundamentally incorrect, as they had applied for two distinct businesses, each with separate financials, employees, and EINs. They reiterated that both businesses were in operation before January 1st, 2020, and both had suffered economic injury due to Covid-19. The plaintiff insisted that according to the CARES Act, both applications were valid and deserving of consideration.
A promising development occurred on April 7, 2021, when the plaintiff received an email from Alvin Klausen, stating that a Congressional inquiry had been submitted on their behalf. This offered a glimmer of hope, indicating that their struggle was gaining attention at higher levels and might lead to some resolution.
On April 13, 2021, a communication came from the Small Business Administration (SBA) Loan Officer, Ayesha Babar. She requested additional supporting documents for the plaintiff's application, explicitly mentioning the application number *****0742. The language in the email underscored the urgent necessity for the plaintiff to complete a particular form, with a clear warning: failure to provide the requested Form 4506-T within a week could lead to denial of the plaintiff's aid request. This gave rise to questions about the SBA's policies, especially whether this time-constrained requirement was a standard SBA policy or the discretion of an individual loan officer.
Just a day later, on April 14, 2021, another email from Babar arrived. It sought further information to move forward with the loan modification process and, importantly, put forth a request for immediate communication, either via a phone call or an email response. The email contained an explicit timeline: a response was needed within two days, or else the plaintiff's request could be labeled as 'not interested'.
These interactions highlight the SBA's conduct, characterized by an exigency that seemed to border on the arbitrary, as per the plaintiff's perspective. From a seven-day deadline for document submission to a two-day ultimatum for a call-back, the SBA's approach was perceived as a high-pressure tactic. This conduct raised serious questions about the equitable treatment of loan applicants and the management of relief funds intended to support small businesses during the pandemic.
On April 15, 2021, the plaintiff was contacted via email by Anna Rose, an SBA Loan Specialist, who was appointed as an advocate for the plaintiff's case. Rose expressed her intention to address the plaintiff's increase request and suggested a direct phone conversation for further clarification on the outstanding issues.
A telephonic conversation between the plaintiff and Rose took place the same day, during which the plaintiff articulated the hurdles encountered in the reconsideration process. Rose admitted she hadn't previously reviewed the plaintiff's provided documentation or any prior emails related to the case, though she was aware of the congressional inquiry initiated on the plaintiff's behalf.
Throughout the discussion, the plaintiff reiterated multiple points, clarified the nature of their "Qualified Joint Venture" tax status as opposed to a 1065 Partnership, highlighted the separation of business entities, and raised several issues previously discussed with the SBA. The issue of the missing Advance Grant portion was frequently brought up by the plaintiff. Although Rose acknowledged this concern, she clarified her lack of involvement in the advance program and asked the plaintiff to be patient.
Rose, in her capacity as advocate, took on an advisory role, guiding the plaintiff through the process, and requesting various supporting documents, including the original 2019 Federal Tax Return, SBA Form 2202 Schedule of Liabilities, IRS Tax Form 4506-T, and a Partnership Agreement. The SBA appeared to be in a thorough review phase, trying to ensure that all the necessary documentation was in order.
A significant aspect of these interactions was the decision to request an updated 2019 Tax Transcript from the IRS. Rose, on April 20, 2021, indicated that the utilization of the amended tax return figures (as opposed to the original ones) could lead to a larger loan amount for the plaintiff. However, this move, framed by Rose as the goal, was made without explicitly providing the plaintiff an opportunity to make an informed decision or explaining the implications of such a request. It was clear that the objective of leveraging the amended tax return for a higher loan amount was initiated by the SBA, specifically Rose, and not the plaintiff. This suggests an attempt by the SBA to maximize the available support for the plaintiff, albeit with a lack of transparency in communicating the possible consequences and constraints.
As the discussions between the plaintiff and SBA Loan Specialist Anna Rose progressed in April and May 2021, the focus remained on the plaintiff's amended tax return and the corresponding IRS transcripts, pivotal elements in the loan reconsideration process. In these communications, Anna Rose called for the submission of multiple forms, including IRS Form 4506-T.
A crucial point arose on May 6th, 2021 when Rose falsely reported to the Plaintiff that the IRS hadn't processed the plaintiff's amended tax return. This assertion was in direct contradiction to the plaintiff's records showing the return's adjustment, finalization, and subsequent payment.
Furthermore, when the SBA received Plaintiffs tax transcripts on April 23, 2021, and May 3, 2021, they both showed that the tax return had been processed. This fact was withheld by the SBA and kept from the Plaintiff. It would only be revealed in the Freedom of Information Act Request that Plaintiff acquired in 2022.
Rose then suggested that the plaintiff wait for the processing of the amended tax return before incorporating the amended gross revenue numbers. Plaintiff is told by Rose, "you can wait a couple of months until the amended tax return has been processed. This is the only way we will be able to go off of the AMENDED gross revenue." Plaintiff is told this despite having satisfied the requirements as stated by Rose on April 20, 2021, "This transcript should show that an AMENDED RETURN was filed. That's all the information that I need in order to use your AMENDED Tax Return figures."
Most notably, Rose informed the plaintiff of a policy that limits the resubmission of Form 4506-T to every 60 days or a couple of months. However, neither the SBA nor the IRS has an established policy restricting the submission of Form 4506-T to every 60 days. This alleged policy seems inconsistent with the Covid Relief Acts' guidelines and raises questions about its applicability and fairness. As a result, the invocation of this policy by Rose marks a significant point of contention in the loan modification process with the SBA.
On May 7, 2021, the plaintiff forwarded a screenshot from the IRS website confirming the completion of their tax amendment and questioned whether this would influence the decision.
Ten days later, on May 17th, 2021, despite the plaintiff's evidence, Rose indicated that the agency lacked confirmation that the plaintiff's amended tax return had been processed. The transcript's absence resulted in a significant discrepancy in potential loan amounts based on the reported gross revenue. Rose restated the need to wait 60 days from May 6, 2021, before reordering the tax transcripts.
The next day, the plaintiff was informed by Rose that their file had been forwarded to another department for assistance with the requested increase. This abrupt transition was given without detailed explanation, leaving the plaintiff uncertain about the next steps in the process. In response, the plaintiff voiced their frustration and confusion over the lack of clarity, and the perceived lack of assistance from the SBA.
Finally, Rose clarified that the plaintiff's file had been forwarded to the funding department to handle the increase request, citing that she had no control over this change. For any queries related to the advance funds, she directed the plaintiff to the customer service department.
On May 25, 2021, SBA Loan Specialist Austin Ross communicated with the plaintiff via email, requesting further details about the partnership filing status on the recently amended Federal Tax Return. Ross specifically states that the loan modification could not be processed until there was clarification of his business's 1065 partnership tax status. This was despite the plaintiff having shared this information multiple times in prior communications with various SBA representatives.
In response, the plaintiff reiterated the pertinent details to Ross and sought a definitive list of remaining requirements to finalize the aid request. A phone conversation between the two provided an opportunity for the plaintiff to clarify multiple points around the amended tax return, the nature of the “Qualified Joint Venture” tax status as opposed to a 1065 partnership, separation of business entities and ownership, the completion of the tax return, among other issues.
Following this conversation, Ross sent a summary email presenting two courses of action: waiting for the IRS to process the updated tax transcripts or proceeding based on the existing application details. However, discrepancies arose in Ross' recounting of the conversation, primarily concerning the waiting period for tax transcripts, the establishment of a loan modification, and the plaintiff's interest in the Targeted Advance program. Contrary to the plaintiff's stated intent to proceed correctly with the loan process and accept a loan amount commensurate to their qualifications, Ross miscommunicated this as the plaintiff preferring to wait for the updated tax transcripts due to potential differences in loan amounts.
Additionally, Ross indicated that the SBA could create a loan modification based on the existing application data, while the SBA subsequently sent a decline letter for the loan modification on June 12, 2021. Moreover, Ross's assertion that the plaintiff showed interest in applying for the Targeted Advance program misconstrued the plaintiff's wish to address the issue of the returned EIDL grant.
In closing his email, Ross expressed enthusiasm to continue working with the plaintiff, but his actions did not align with these words. The plaintiff's subsequent attempts to reach Ross through phone calls, messages, and emails went unanswered. Over a period of the next three months plaintiff would call and email Ross multiple times only to be completely ignored by Ross. This pattern of discrepancies between Ross's written statements and the actual actions of the SBA amplified the plaintiff's frustration and perceived mismanagement of their case by the SBA.
On May 28, 2021, the plaintiff received two emails from SBA Loan Specialist Dave Dubois requesting additional documentation, including proof of an active insurance policy and an SBA resolution indicating the board's authorization for the SBA loan. Subsequent attempts to reach out to SBA Loan Specialist Austin Ross, including numerous calls over the next two months, were unsuccessful, with each call going directly to voicemail.
On June 12, 2021, when the plaintiff received an email from the SBA, attached with a letter dated April 3, 2021, stating that his request for a loan modification had been declined due to "Unverifiable Information." The letter claimed that during the loan underwriting process, the SBA encountered issues with the validity of some of the information the plaintiff submitted. The plaintiff was particularly perplexed because the decision to decline the loan modification was apparently made on April 3, 2021, but was only communicated to the plaintiff over two months later. This decision predates the assignment of SBA Loan Specialist Anna Rose as the plaintiff's case advocate.
Seeking clarification, on June 24, 2021, the plaintiff emailed SBA Loan Specialist Austin Ross, attaching the SBA decline letter and the letter from Dave Dubois, and asked for an update on his loan modification status. However, this attempt to gain insights into his application status was also met with silence; Ross never responded to the plaintiff's inquiry. This further highlights the communication inconsistencies and lack of transparency in the handling of the plaintiff's case by the SBA.
On May 28, 2021,the plaintiff received a communication from SBA Loan Specialist Dave Dubois, demanding additional documentation that didn't pertain to the nature of the plaintiff's business. These included requests for proof of an active insurance policy and board resolution providing authorization for the loan. These requests were glaringly irrelevant, considering the plaintiff operated without a board of directors and did not require an insurance policy to conduct his business. This demonstrates an apparent lack of understanding or consideration of the plaintiff's business model by the SBA.
Then significant development occurred on June 12, 2021, when the plaintiff received an email from the SBA, attached with a letter dated April 3, 2021, stating that his request for a loan modification had been declined due to "Unverifiable Information." The letter claimed that during the loan underwriting process, the SBA encountered issues with the validity of some of the information the plaintiff submitted. The plaintiff was particularly perplexed because the decision to decline the loan modification was apparently made on April 3, 2021, but was only communicated to the plaintiff over two months later, exposing an egregious delay of more than two months in the SBA's communication. This decision predates the assignment of SBA Loan Specialist Anna Rose as the plaintiff's case advocate.
Further emphasizing the SBA's chronic lack of response, Austin Ross continued his silence in the face of the plaintiff's efforts to seek clarification. The plaintiff reached out to Ross on June 24, 2021, including the SBA decline letter and the letter from Dave Dubois in his email, inquiring about the status of his loan modification request. Ross's non-response persisted, marking a glaring lack of communication and process transparency from the SBA.
These events draw a critical spotlight on the SBA's handling of the plaintiff's case, particularly emphasizing the disconnect in communication, a failure to comprehend the business's nature, the delayed disclosure of vital decisions, and a persistent lack of response from SBA representative Austin Ross.
In an attempt to resolve the ongoing loan modification issues, the plaintiff on June 24, 2021, reached out to multiple SBA representatives, including SBA Loan Specialist Anna Rose. Rose's response, however, was perplexing. Despite her role, she expressed unawareness of the decline letter and shifted responsibility, putting the onus on the plaintiff for not accepting a purported loan increase — an offer that, to the plaintiff's knowledge, had never been formally made.
Most importantly, Rose laid down stringent requirements, instructing the plaintiff to provide a fully processed and IRS-stamped amended tax return along with an updated and signed 4506-T form, underscoring the red tape marring the SBA's process. Furthermore, Rose highlighted that 60 days had passed since the last transcript was received, implying that the plaintiff needed to hasten his interaction with the IRS — another burden imposed on the plaintiff.
Despite the plaintiff's repeated attempts to gain clarity, SBA Loan Specialist Austin Ross remained conspicuously unresponsive. This recurring lack of communication from Ross amplified the plaintiff's frustration and cast a gloomy light on the SBA's approach to customer service.
The SBA on July 1, 2021 reiterated the loan decline decision — a decision made three months prior on April 3, 2021, but uncommunicated until June 12.
In response to the array of impediments, the plaintiff kept pushing forward, providing the requested IRS transcript to Rose on July 21 and formally objecting to the decline on July 22. This well-articulated objection included necessary documentation, a fresh IRS Form 4506-T, and a specific request to move forward with the loan modification.
Throughout this convoluted process, the SBA, particularly through the actions of Rose and Ross, demonstrated an alarming level of inefficiency, bureaucratic entanglement, and unresponsiveness. The persistent silence, stringent requirements, lack of clear communication, and the controversial 60-day waiting policy before resubmitting a 4506-T form, critically marred the plaintiff's journey with the SBA, ultimately reflecting poorly on the agency's commitment to aiding small businesses.
On July 26, 2021, a detailed account of the ongoing issues was provided to Alvin Klausen, a liaison from Congressman Kurt Schrader's office, and copies were sent to SBA Loan Specialists, Anna Rose and Austin Ross. However, it seemed this attempt at gaining resolution bore no fruitful response.
In further compliance with SBA's requirements, the plaintiff sent to Anna Rose on July 31, 2021, a range of documents including an IRS-stamped Form 1040X, an IRS-printed Account Transcript, and a completed IRS Form 4506-T. This move was in response to Rose's instruction from June 24, 2021, yet there was no acknowledgement or meaningful reply.
Persisting with the process, the plaintiff dispatched exhaustive document packages to the SBA via fax on July 30 and July 31. Despite containing all necessary material to overcome the loan decline, these emails seemed to fall into a void, receiving no response.
The plaintiff took a crucial step on July 31, 2021. A detailed complaint was submitted to the Small Business Administration Office of the National Ombudsman. This report illuminated the interactions between the plaintiff, Ross, and Rose, and presented an extensive analysis of the challenges the plaintiff was encountering. Yet, in the ongoing pattern of silence, the plaintiff received no follow-up or response to this complaint.
The communication gap continued as on August 3rd, 2021, the SBA reiterated the decline reason, citing a lack of verifiable information, while ignoring the submitted IRS-stamped documents. The plaintiff tried to overcome this by sending an objection email with additional IRS documentation on August 6th, 2021, yet there was no indication of SBA's receipt or review of this new information.
On September 9th, 2021 the SBA requested 2019 business bank statements. This was curious as the SBA bypassed the essential step of ordering the IRS transcripts using the 4506-T. Moreover, it neglected to consider that the plaintiff didn't have a business bank account in 2019 and relied on online payment processors like PayPal and Amazon Pay for business transactions.
The plaintiff expressed their frustrations and disappointment in a response on September 14th, 2021. This correspondence conveyed the sentiment of being systematically ignored, manipulated, and deceived by the SBA. The plaintiff's concerns about the agency's lack of intent to provide assistance and the perceived injustices were made clear. Despite their efforts, the plaintiff was left in a seemingly endless loop of unmet requirements and unanswered queries.
In the subsequent months, the plaintiff did not receive any further information or correspondence from the SBA concerning their loan modification request, causing additional distress. The plaintiff expressed their frustration and disappointment with the entire process in an email to the SBA, stating that the constant silence and lack of feedback from the SBA were indicative of gross negligence and a breach of the SBA's fiduciary duties.
On July 31, 2021, initiated a fresh application for their sole proprietorship, [*], heeding the guidance of SBA Loan Specialist Austin Ross. It is essential to underscore here that Ross, in his advisory role, inadvertently mischaracterized [] as a cellphone repair business. However, [***] is an online retail business. Another example of Ross's blaintaint inaccuracies.
This effort was met with a contradictory response. The plaintiff was informed that their reapplication had been withdrawn due to it being a duplicate application. Then in an abrupt about-face, the SBA invited the plaintiff to proceed with the withdrawn application, issuing successive reminders about completing the application process.
Despite reservations about the sincerity of the offer, the plaintiff accepted the proposed loan amount. True to their suspicion, a decline letter arrived on October 22nd, 2021, citing the inability to verify the existence of an eligible business.
On January 3, 2022, the Plaintiff sent an email to the SBA asking to address the $1,000 advance grant that was returned June 25, 2020. The SBA responded with these instructions, "To assist in processing your request please reply to this email with: A copy of your photo identification (front and back), A copy of a check with the word "VOID" written on it (please do not redact the routing or account number) and, If you need to submit an updated 4506-T, the completed and signed corrected 4506-T form may then be sent as a reply to this email or may be emailed to [email protected]."
On January 10, 2022, the Plaintiff sent another email to the SBA with all the requested documents and expressing his frustration over the lack of resolution to his issue and the impacts it had on his eligibility for the targeted advance and the supplemental advance.
The SBA remained unresponsive and the status of the Advance on the SBA Disaster Portal was changed from "error" to "declined" without any explanation. This exclusion from the Advance Grant portion of the EIDL program, along with the Targeted Advance Grant and Supplemental Grant programs, was conducted without any legal justification.
For the record, it's important to note that the applicants must receive an official email invitation from the SBA to apply for both the Targeted EIDL Advance and Supplemental Targeted Advance. Due to the aforementioned error, the Plaintiff was deprived of this opportunity and thus, was unable to apply for these programs.
The SBA's failure to adequately process the deposit for the Advance Grant, coupled with their refusal to rectify the problem despite the Plaintiff's repeated attempts to seek a resolution, is a clear violation of their obligations. The repercussions of this error not only prevented the Plaintiff from receiving the Advance Grant but also from applying for the Targeted EIDL Advance and Supplemental Targeted Advance.
It is pertinent to highlight that these grants were crucial for the Plaintiff's businesses to mitigate the devastating financial impact of the COVID-19 pandemic. Thus, the failure of the SBA to fulfill its duties has caused substantial harm to the Plaintiff and his businesses.
Moreover, the lack of communication from the SBA and the subsequent change in the status of the Advance from "error" to "declined" without any given explanation is unacceptable. This behavior demonstrates a blatant disregard for the dire financial circumstances the Plaintiff found himself in due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
Not to be deterred, the plaintiff initiated a reconsideration request on March 1, 2022. In response, they were given a list of documents to submit, which they promptly did. Unfortunately, another decline letter soon followed, reiterating the inability to verify the business's existence.
The plaintiff sought a final reconsideration on April 2, 2022, asking for a comprehensive list of all requirements needed to overcome the stated reasons for decline. In a repetitive cycle, the SBA updated the application status on April 6, 2022, asking for a series of documents which, as per the plaintiff's account, had already been submitted numerous times.
Again the plaintiff submitted the required documents as per the updated request on the SBA Economic Injury Disaster Loan Portal account. Despite this, it's important to highlight the plaintiff's firm belief that the SBA was employing tactics of constant delay or denial regardless of the file status, even when all necessary documents were submitted, and all discrepancies were addressed legally. The plaintiff contends that such an approach seems to be a systemic internal policy, serving to deter applicants until the SBA could close the program. Unfortunately, the plaintiff's diligent efforts were met with an insurmountable roadblock when the SBA announced the exhaustion of all funds under the EIDL program. This, sadly, left the plaintiff's persistent attempts to secure the loan unfulfilled.
CAUSES OF ACTION
FIRST CAUSE OF ACTION: BREACH OF CONTRACT
The Plaintiff repeats, reiterates, and realleges each and every allegation contained in paragraphs 1 through ** as if fully set forth herein.
The Plaintiff entered into a contractual relationship with the SBA when it accepted the terms of the EIDL program, which was manifested by the approval of the EIDL advance grant and signing the Loan Authorization and Agreement (LA&A) contract.
The SBA had a contractual obligation to provide the approved advance grant to the Plaintiff as well as process the Plaintiff's requests in accordance with its established procedures and guidelines.
The SBA breached this contractual obligation by failing to deposit the approved advance grant, changing the status of the advance grant from "error" to "declined" without due justification, and failing to rectify this situation despite the Plaintiff's attempts to seek resolution.
As a direct result of the SBA's breach of contract, the Plaintiff suffered significant financial harm.
SECOND CAUSE OF ACTION: NEGLIGENCE
The Plaintiff repeats, reiterates, and realleges each and every allegation contained in paragraphs 1 through ** as if fully set forth herein.
The SBA owed Plaintiff a duty of care to diligently review and process EIDL applications, provide clear and consistent communication, provide adequate customer support, and demonstrate transparency in decision-making.
The SBA breached this duty by their actions as outlined above.
As a direct and proximate result of the SBA's negligence, Plaintiff has suffered damages, including but not limited to lost opportunities for financial relief and detrimental effects on the business, in an amount to be determined at trial.
THIRD CAUSE OF ACTION: MISREPRESENTATION
The Plaintiff repeats, reiterates, and realleges each and every allegation contained in paragraphs 1 through ** as if fully set forth herein.
The SBA made representations to the Plaintiff regarding the processing of the Plaintiff's application and the subsequent steps needed to rectify the situation.
These representations were false, as evidenced by the SBA's subsequent actions, which included changing the status of the Plaintiff's application without due justification and requesting documents that had already been submitted multiple times.
The Plaintiff, relying on these misrepresentations, suffered substantial financial harm.
FOURTH CAUSE OF ACTION: VIOLATION OF DUE PROCESS
The Plaintiff repeats, reiterates, and realleges each and every allegation contained in paragraphs 1 through ** as if fully set forth herein.
The SBA violated the Plaintiff's right to due process under the Fifth Amendment by declining the Plaintiff's application without providing any legal justification or opportunity to rectify the issue.
The SBA's actions, including unresponsiveness and failure to provide a fair reconsideration process, deprived the Plaintiff of the opportunity to adequately address the issues affecting his eligibility for the grant and loan.
FIFTH CAUSE OF ACTION: VIOLATION OF THE ADMINISTRATIVE PROCEDURES ACT (APA)
The Plaintiff repeats, reiterates, and realleges each and every allegation contained in paragraphs 1 through ** as if fully set forth herein.
The SBA, as an agency of the U.S. government, is subject to the APA, which requires federal agencies to follow certain procedures when making or changing rules.
The SBA violated the APA by acting arbitrarily and capriciously in its handling of the Plaintiff's application and its subsequent actions. This includes changing the status of the Plaintiff's grant without providing a reasoned explanation, unresponsiveness to the Plaintiff's attempts to seek resolution, and the failure to offer a fair reconsideration process in accordance with established rules and procedures.
Specifically, the SBA's refusal to rectify the erroneous deposit, even after being repeatedly informed by the Plaintiff, constitutes an arbitrary and capricious action under 5 U.S.C. § 706(2)(A). This statute allows courts to set aside agency actions that are arbitrary, capricious, or an abuse of discretion.
Furthermore, the SBA's failure to communicate effectively with the Plaintiff about the issue, followed by the unexplained change in the status of the Advance from "error" to "declined", are against the agency's obligation of providing 'reasoned explanation' for its decisions, a principle well established in the case law, see, e.g., Motor Vehicle Mfrs. Assn. v. State Farm Mut. Auto. Ins. Co., 463 U.S. 29, 43 (1983).
As a direct result of these violations, the Plaintiff suffered significant financial harm and a loss of opportunity to benefit from the EIDL program, the Targeted EIDL Advance, and the Supplemental Targeted Advance.
As such, the SBA's actions were in violation of the APA, and the Plaintiff is entitled to relief under the APA.

At the begging of this month (May) I was feeling good. More than two months without pregabalin, no weird feelings, neither physical or emotional, all was "well", no intense PAWs. But my mind tricked me into using pregabalin again "just one more time".
I used weekly for two weeks, then thrice peer week the next week, and last week I used almost every day. Since I was using less than the medical max (but very close), and only had a week using everyday, I decided to stop CT last Friday.
But oh damn, even with that sporadic use I feel like shit. Hot and cold flashes (although bearable) and a medium size sadness coupled with medium-large size anxiety. WHY THE FUCK I RE-STARTED MY USE.
This is day two of CT, but I feel like a failure, I feel I will always be relapsing. I'm an addict, I know that now, but will sadly forget that in a couple of weeks time (or maybe not, hopefully not). Please God (I'm an agnostic...) let me never take pregabalin again, or any other GABA related drug, or any other drug for the matter! People don't usually know about pregabalin in my local meetings, so that's why I'm also sharing here, hope is not against the rules.
If you stopped using pregabalin. Do not look back! It does not worth it! You will not control it, it is way to insidious. Even my "not so frequent use" during this mini-relapse has me going crazy.
Hugs to all

First Previous
After waiting a few moments, I poke the double door once again to check if the static electricity has finally faded away. Thankfully it had so I grabbed on to the door handles and with a wretched scream emanating from the door being pulled open. As I did this, some rubble collapsed through the opening and fell down onto my feet.
Finally, after many chunks of debris fall onto me, I am able to create a hole large enough for my drones and I to fit through after we move the rest of the rubble out of the way. After we are done with that, I have the ants go in to make sure that there are no enemies in the vicinity. After they signal that the room is clear, my drones and I, save the hornets due to their larger frame and wings, walk in.
Looking around, the room was in complete shambles with holes in the ceiling leading to the second floor, various burn marks along the walls, and a few piles of slag which I assumed were previously drones of some kind. There were two side rooms and another pair of doors opposite of the entrance doors. Moving to the room on the right, I found a small room filled with containers of various sizes. Looking through them, I found that most of the containers held some fabricator alloys and a handful of electronics.
Making a mental note to come back for those supplies, I walk over to the other room and open the door to find a still functioning small drone work. Just by looking at it I could see that the drone works was recently used from the fact that dust on the top has just begun to settle. As I continue to examine the machine a new notification appears on top of it.
"Convert Small Drone Works away from Ratling Scout Platoon. Y/N."
Convert? Wait ratling scout platoon? Is that where those rats came from? Deciding that I would not mind gaining a free production structure I converted it to my control. As I do this I hear scuttling from the ceiling and then a large group of scouts drops on top of one of my ant drones. They are quickly dispatched by the spider escorts thankfully but I wonder why they decided to attack after I took their base, assuming that the one drone works was their only one.
Walking over to the pair of doors opposite of the entrance doors I pushed them open and greeted with a hallway. Moving down it I find a familiar room that was where my scout rats once crawled out of the vents and discovered the medium drone works. Continuing on to the next set of doors I reach the room with the flame shooting beetle.
Keeping close to the edge of the room I have my drones set up facing the fire spitting beetle. Ordering my scorpion to do its thing I get ready to sprint forward. The hum from the charging scorpion beam comes to a halt and then the beam of energy blasts out and hits the beetle right in the side. As it gets hit, the flame thrower part of the drone retracts into the safety of its carapace.
Rushing forward with my ants following close behind I grab a chunk of concrete from the ground and slam it into the midsection of the fire spitter. This knocks the drone back and seems to slightly lessen the effects of the stun beam and it seems to gain some control of its many legs as it clamps down onto the concrete floor.
Smashing it once more I realize that the armored shell of the beetle was incredibly resilient and that I have only made small dents in its carapace. As my ants reach the beetle they also find much difficulty in damaging the droid as many of their bites were struggling to find purchase on any part of the drone. The beetle attempts to fight back against the ant assault by having its flame thrower part peek out and it fires a few bursts of flame before retracting again to avoid the flurry of chomps that come soon after.
Looking around for something to help deal with the surprisingly stubborn beetle, I see a crowbar leaning on a nearby wall. Quickly grabbing it, I wedge the, well, wedge of the crowbar in the small gap between each pair of legs. Pushing as hard as I could, I managed to dislodge the drone and topple it over.
One of my ants quickly rushed over to the, now upside-down, drone and opened its mandibles to get ready to chomp down. But then I heard a short burst of beeps which caused me to quickly jump out of the way and into the cover of some support pillars. Right as I do this, the beetle drone explodes violently and unfortunately one of my ants and its spider escorts were caught in the blast. Peeking out from cover after the dust settles all I can see the burt armor of the beetle and my ant and the only thing left of the spiders was ash.
Sighing to myself I start looking around the room for anything that might be useful. After a quick check around I only find a few bits of metal and components so I start moving up the stairs to the next floor. Glancing around the room I could not find much of note inside of any containers. There were two doorways, one on the left side of the room and one on the right. Since right is always right I open that door first which leads to the collapsed walkway connecting to the main segment of the factory. Moving over to the left door I open it to find a small room with a few scattered chairs and a desk along with a computer sitting on it. Around the floor of the room was the occasional hole as I made a mental note to walk carefully in that room.
I try to lighten my steps as I slowly walk over to the desk with the computer on it. Thankfully I make it there without falling through the floor and so I first check the drawers. In the first few they were mostly barren asides from the piles of collected dust that have likely not been touched in years. In one of the last drawers I found a blueprint snuggled under some various blank papers and empty folders. Stuffing the blueprint between my left arm I check the last of the drawers before making my way back outside of the room. I decide to grab the blueprint and pop open the description of the likely new drone.
"The Self-Detonation Combustion Sprayer or the SDCS is a small, heavily armored, flamekamikaze drone meant to burn away small swarms of enemies and to detonate if overwhelmed. Due to their armored carapace they are incredibly hard to damage once deployed, although they are very slow due to the same reason. Also, most of the blast when detonated can be directed downward to the base of the drone which makes them excellent at breaching armored vehicles and or inplacements. Can be constructed at a Small Drone Works."
Well that will certainly be useful when I reach MAI's other outposts or even their main base. Walking back to the main base I order to have three of the beetles to be constructed on my new drone works on the way back. When I do get back to base I also order up ten of those swarm lancer drones on my other small drown works.
After a quick look around to make sure nothing else needs anything else to be looked at I decide to take the three new scorpions with me as I start making my way over to the mining Outpost. As my drones and I marched, I could see some of the woodpecker drones that I made for the Flock fly around in the sky.
———
A few hours of walking later, I see that the sun has nearly reached the horizon. Deciding that now would be a good time to find shelter for the night. Although my drones nor I may not need to sleep we still can be ambushed, doubly so during the night.
Taking refuge in a nearby, mostly intact, building I begin searching around the structure to see if there is anything of use. Not finding anything of note, I head back to my scorpion in the main room, who are all sitting down in a circle. Taking a seat in the middle I order my drones to guard my body. And with that I hop out of my vessel drone and snap back over to the factory. Looking at the drones that have been completed I order the lancer woodpeckers to carry the explosive beetles and once daytime arrives to fly off to the Outpost.
Speaking of which I hop over to the Outpost to see what is going on over here. After a quick inspection it seems that nothing much is going on. The hounds and hornets are still patrolling the area and keeping the spiders safe and the spiders have decided to start trying to dislodge some of the looser chunks of ores in the mineshaft. Not really going to complain, any passive resource gain is better than no gain.
Hopping back into my vessel drone I look around to see that my scorpions are still fine and are continuing to guard me. Not really seeing much to do I just sit there not really thinking about anything in particular. I close my eyes and remember even with my ability to go days without sleep it is still a good idea to get some rest if you can.
Next

I'm making this post as a call for alumni to the program I'm interested in as well as others at FIU. I'm currently trying to decide between Rutgers MA in Criminal Justice and FIU (Florida International University) MASc in Criminal Justice. I'll start talking about me then about what each program has.
Firstly, I'm a Canadian student with a Honours BA in Criminology with a GPA of 3.0. I qualify for both programs no problem. I'm looking for a university which is somewhat prestigious in their program. If they are somewhat prestigious then the program ought to be somewhat good. By that I mean they cover many aspects about criminology and other intersecting fields, gender, sex, race, oppression, disability, drugs, age, policing, etc. I want a program which challenges me to further my academic ability as well as providing a foundation for me to write, publish, or at least advocate. I want to make the most out of my education with either a specialization and/or certificates I can obtain at the same time. This lead me to Rutgers and FIU as they both somewhat match what I'm looking for. I'm looking to further a career in working with, in, or outside the government. Policy analyst is probably the best career which encompasses what I want to do. Something with a liveable wage that helps to work on bettering society as a whole or works with people to help them navigate society. Depending on how well I do, I may also go for a Ph. D.
FIU offers a Masters of Science in Criminal Justice, where you can concurrently obtain a teaching certificate, a national security certificate or you can take an internship. In terms of core courses, you take a basic criminological theories, national security course, data analysis, policy analysis, and research methods. The course electives aren't bad like death penalties, geospatial crime analysis, or biosocial criminology. Those are of interest and are somewhat unique. It's a total of 36 credits (12 courses). FIU seems to focus it's criminal justice on practical and real world themes but touch on some theory. For example a course like cold case investigation is for practical while a victimology course is somewhat of a theoretical course. I feel as though, because it's "Florida" it's not taken seriously or to the same degree as other universities or states. My fear is that FIU is not serious and critical enough. Like a course like law and social control, looking at the laws effectiveness of controlling criminal behaviour. But what about looking deeper and being critical of "Why is something deemed criminal? Why do we attempt to control behaviour in such a way?" Here's a course catalog I'm using
Rutgers hasn't really advertised to me any certificates I can take at the same time of doing my MA. They have a portion of the same core courses, data analysis, policy analysis and research methods. Rutgers also offers some interesting courses like psychopathology or sex discrimination. It's a total of 30 credits (10 courses). Rutgers as a whole seems to focus more on the social theory aspect of criminal justice as well as intersecting studies. Like psychopathology or human behaviour and environment which touch on sociology and psychology. They do cover a wide range of things like white collar, labour, financial, gender and crime, or law and society. I think they do hit on those points like justice reform or being critical of policing. Here are the courses
Here are my questions and things I need to know

• Is CRT censored at the university? Can I mention it in my letter of intent? Can I write about it in classes? Will it be taught in classes? Can I advocate for it without some form of dismissal or consequence from the university?
• What are discussions like social welfarism or gender, race, and sexual orientation like? Do they talk about these things in an unbiased way?
• What are the courses like? Is it hard? Do they really make you critical think and analysis things? Do they challenge you to reframe your thinking?
• Is this a program that is forward thinking? By that I mean, is the university trying to strive and provide their students with the ability to further academic knowledge? Or are they just trying to educate people and be done with it?
• Is the program and faculty critical? Are they willing to teach or push ideas that are against the norm?
• What is the difference between a Masters of Science and a Masters of Art? Both universities require the same courses in terms of statistics for the degree. So why is one a MA and the other is a MASc
• I'd like to think of myself as striving to be an advocate, if I'm advocating for something like trans rights, abortion care, or systematic discrimination am I going to be seen as an advocate or a liability to the university?
• Knowing what I'm looking for in a university, which one do you think is best?

In conclusion, I can't decide right now which university suits my aspirations and is best for me. Hence why I am calling for more information from those who really do know what it's like in Florida or Rutgers. Currently, I lean towards FIU for their program as I can get a MASc (I see it as better and more competent) and possibly a certificate as well with the option of an internship. They do have courses which touch on topics of sociology, criminology, and psychology which are what I'm interested in, but I don't know if they dive into it and are as critical as I want to go. I also miss the palm trees. Meanwhile Rutgers is closer to home, it is in a more liberal state which makes me less worried about certain topics. Rutgers is also a lot more well known than FIU which gives me confidence in their competency. I'm taking my time to choose and decide but I need to know more information before I can make the choice.
TL;DR: I need a university which will really challenges me and see criminal justice as a social science for change. I do not want to be limited by some bigoted ideology regarding sex, gender, and CRT. I want a jampacked education which will facilitate my aspirations for a better society. Which one has the juicer education?
Thank you for taking the time to read and any advice or recommendations you give!

I'm making this post as a call for alumni to the program I'm interested in as well as others at Rutgers (Camden or Newark). I'm currently trying to decide between Rutgers MA in Criminal Justice and FIU (Florida International University) MASc in Criminal Justice. I'll start talking about me then about what each program has.
Firstly, I'm a Canadian student with a Honours BA in Criminology with a GPA of 3.0. I qualify for both programs no problem. I'm looking for a university which is somewhat prestigious in their program. If they are somewhat prestigious then the program ought to be somewhat good. By that I mean they cover many aspects about criminology and other intersecting fields, gender, sex, race, oppression, disability, drugs, age, policing, etc. I want a program which challenges me to further my academic ability as well as providing a foundation for me to write, publish, or at least advocate. I want to make the most out of my education with either a specialization and/or certificates I can obtain at the same time. This lead me to Rutgers and FIU as they both somewhat match what I'm looking for. I'm looking to further a career in working with, in, or outside the government. Policy analyst is probably the best career which encompasses what I want to do. Something with a liveable wage that helps to work on bettering society as a whole or works with people to help them navigate society. Depending on how well I do, I may also go for a Ph. D.
FIU offers a Masters of Science in Criminal Justice, where you can concurrently obtain a teaching certificate, a national security certificate or you can take an internship. In terms of core courses, you take a basic criminological theories, national security course, data analysis, policy analysis, and research methods. The course electives aren't bad like death penalties, geospatial crime analysis, or biosocial criminology. Those are of interest and are somewhat unique. It's a total of 36 credits (12 courses). FIU seems to focus it's criminal justice on practical and real world themes but touch on some theory. For example a course like cold case investigation is for practical while a victimology course is somewhat of a theoretical course. I feel as though, because it's "Florida" it's not taken seriously or to the same degree as other universities or states. My fear is that FIU is not serious and critical enough. Like a course like law and social control, looking at the laws effectiveness of controlling criminal behaviour. But what about looking deeper and being critical of "Why is something deemed criminal? Why do we attempt to control behaviour in such a way?" Here's a course catalog I'm using
Rutgers hasn't really advertised to me any certificates I can take at the same time of doing my MA. They have a portion of the same core courses, data analysis, policy analysis and research methods. Rutgers also offers some interesting courses like psychopathology or sex discrimination. It's a total of 30 credits (10 courses). Rutgers as a whole seems to focus more on the social theory aspect of criminal justice as well as intersecting studies. Like psychopathology or human behaviour and environment which touch on sociology and psychology. They do cover a wide range of things like white collar, labour, financial, gender and crime, or law and society. I think they do hit on those points like justice reform or being critical of policing. Here are the courses
Here are my questions and things I need to know

• Is CRT censored at the university? Can I mention it in my letter of intent? Can I write about it in classes? Will it be taught in classes? Can I advocate for it without some form of dismissal or consequence from the university?
• What are discussions like social welfarism or gender, race, and sexual orientation like? Do they talk about these things in an unbiased way?
• What are the courses like? Is it hard? Do they really make you critical think and analysis things? Do they challenge you to reframe your thinking?
• Is this a program that is forward thinking? By that I mean, is the university trying to strive and provide their students with the ability to further academic knowledge? Or are they just trying to educate people and be done with it?
• Is the program and faculty critical? Are they willing to teach or push ideas that are against the norm?
• What is the difference between a Masters of Science and a Masters of Art? Both universities require the same courses in terms of statistics for the degree. So why is one a MA and the other is a MASc
• I'd like to think of myself as striving to be an advocate, if I'm advocating for something like trans rights, abortion care, or systematic discrimination am I going to be seen as an advocate or a liability to the university?
• Knowing what I'm looking for in a university, which one do you think is best?

In conclusion, I can't decide right now which university suits my aspirations and is best for me. Hence why I am calling for more information from those who really do know what it's like in Florida or Rutgers. Currently, I lean towards FIU for their program as I can get a MASc (I see it as better and more competent) and possibly a certificate as well with the option of an internship. They do have courses which touch on topics of sociology, criminology, and psychology which are what I'm interested in, but I don't know if they dive into it and are as critical as I want to go. I also miss the palm trees. Meanwhile Rutgers is closer to home, it is in a more liberal state which makes me less worried about certain topics. Rutgers is also a lot more well known than FIU which gives me confidence in their competency. I'm taking my time to choose and decide but I need to know more information before I can make the choice.
TL;DR: I need a university which will really challenges me and see criminal justice as a social science for change. I do not want to be limited by some bigoted ideology regarding sex, gender, and CRT. I want a jampacked education which will facilitate my aspirations for a better society. Which one has the juicer education?
Thank you for taking the time to read and any advice or recommendations you give!

About 2 weeks ago, a cat showed up on our front porch. He’s long-haired, and was clearly not an outdoor cat but was well-cared for. He was clueless about everything to do with the outdoors and was terrified of everything. He also kept trying to come inside. At the end of the day, he was still there, so we brought him inside and he slept in my room. He used the litter box and scarfed down a ton of food (he must’ve been starving) and then promptly fell asleep next to my head. He’s very cuddly. The next day, we took him to the local vet (the only one in town, where we live in the middle of nowhere). He has no microchip, but is neutered. He’s also really young, only 5-9 months old. This was surprising to learn, because he’s massive! His feet alone are literally just a little smaller than the palm of my hand. Friends and family posted about him on Facebook. We put up posters everywhere, and I left my contact info with the vet. No cats matching his description have been reported missing within 50 miles of here, and honestly the cat is way too stupid to survive traveling far alone.
He’s adjusted well to living with us and so far has been an absolute angel . He’s the most laid back kitten I’ve ever encountered. Would it be ok to call him “our cat” at this point? We’d obviously still return him if we could find his original owners.

Hi fellas! I'm afab non-binary, so hopefully I'm not intruding on your space but fell free to remove this if I am!
Have any of you had success with bottom growth without the use of T? I don't want to go on T because I don't want the masculinisation effects such as voice change and the like, but I have a lot of bottom dysphoria and as such would love to have a T-dick. I know pumping can yield some results, and ideally I'd like to use something like DHT as well, but it seems it is not prescribed in the UK.
So do any of you have any advice on what I can do? I'm thinking of asking to be referred to a gender clinic, but with a waiting time of 2-4 years (eek!!!) I'm wondering if there is something I can ask my GP for so I can get this donkey moving sooner rather than later.
Thank you!!

Discover the profound impact of prioritizing yourself and how it can actually enhance your ability to be helpful to others. Learn why self-care and self-compassion are crucial for fostering strong relationships and providing meaningful support. Find out how embracing your own needs can lead to a positive ripple effect that benefits everyone around you.
Intro
Self-care and self-compassion are of utmost importance in our lives. In a world that often demands constant productivity and selflessness, taking care of ourselves can easily fall by the wayside. However, neglecting our own well-being can have detrimental effects on our physical, mental, and emotional health. This is where self-care and self-compassion step in as powerful tools for nurturing and rejuvenating ourselves.
Self-care encompasses a range of activities and practices that prioritize our well-being. It involves recognizing our needs and actively taking steps to meet them. This can include activities like exercise, meditation, getting enough rest, pursuing hobbies, spending time in nature, or engaging in activities that bring us joy and relaxation. By dedicating time to these activities, we replenish our energy and enhance our overall sense of happiness and fulfillment.
Self-compassion, on the other hand, involves treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, particularly during challenging times. It means acknowledging our flaws and mistakes without harsh self-judgment. Self-compassion allows us to embrace our imperfections and respond to ourselves with empathy and care. By practicing self-compassion, we cultivate a positive inner dialogue, reduce self-criticism, and develop a stronger sense of self-worth.
Putting yourself first does not imply selfishness or disregarding the needs of others. Rather, it means recognizing that taking care of ourselves is a prerequisite for being able to effectively support and help others. Just as they instruct on airplanes to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others, prioritizing ourselves enables us to show up in a more present and compassionate way for the people in our lives. When we neglect our own well-being, we risk becoming depleted, overwhelmed, or burnt out, ultimately hindering our ability to be there for others.
This article explores the vital connection between self-prioritization and being helpful to others. It highlights the fact that when we prioritize self-care and self-compassion, we enhance our overall capacity to provide meaningful support. By investing in ourselves, we recharge our energy, reduce stress levels, and improve our mental and emotional well-being. This, in turn, equips us with the necessary resources to be more present, patient, and empathetic when assisting others.
Furthermore, embracing our own needs creates a positive ripple effect that extends beyond ourselves. When we take care of ourselves and model self-care and self-compassion, we inspire and empower those around us to do the same. By fostering a culture of well-being, we contribute to creating a supportive and nurturing environment where everyone's needs are acknowledged and respected. Ultimately, the act of prioritizing ourselves becomes an act of service not only to ourselves but also to the community we are a part of.
In conclusion, self-care and self-compassion are crucial aspects of our lives. By putting ourselves first through these practices, we nurture our well-being, enhance our ability to support others, and contribute to the creation of a more compassionate and caring world. Prioritizing ourselves is not selfish; it is an act of self-preservation and empowerment that benefits not only us but also the people we care about.
Foundation of Self Care
Self-care forms the foundation of our overall well-being, encompassing practices that promote physical, mental, and emotional health. It involves consciously and consistently tending to our needs and taking steps to nurture ourselves. By prioritizing self-care, we create space to recharge and replenish our energy, which is essential for maintaining a balanced and fulfilling life.
One of the key benefits of self-care lies in its positive impact on our mental and emotional health. When we engage in activities that promote self-care, such as exercise, relaxation techniques, or pursuing hobbies, we stimulate the release of endorphins and reduce stress hormones. This leads to improved mood, increased resilience, and enhanced overall well-being. Regular self-care practices also provide us with a sense of control and agency over our lives, enabling us to better manage the challenges and pressures we may encounter.
Establishing healthy boundaries is an integral aspect of self-care. It involves recognizing our limits and communicating them effectively to others. By setting boundaries, we create a protective space that safeguards our well-being and prevents burnout. This allows us to maintain a healthy balance between our personal and professional lives, reducing feelings of overwhelm and promoting a sense of autonomy and self-respect.
Another crucial component of self-care is setting aside dedicated "me" time. This is a period intentionally reserved for self-nurturing activities that bring us joy, relaxation, or personal growth. It can involve reading a book, taking a bath, going for a walk in nature, engaging in creative pursuits, or simply engaging in activities that allow us to connect with ourselves. "Me" time is an opportunity to step away from external demands and cultivate a deeper connection with our inner selves. It provides us with the space to reflect, recharge, and replenish our energy, enhancing our overall well-being.
In summary, self-care is the foundation upon which our overall well-being is built. It plays a crucial role in nurturing our mental and emotional health, enhancing our resilience, and improving our ability to navigate life's challenges. By establishing healthy boundaries and carving out dedicated "me" time, we honor ourselves and create space for self-nurturing activities. Prioritizing self-care is essential for maintaining balance, preserving our energy, and fostering a deep sense of well-being and self-respect.
The Ripple Effect of Self-Prioritization
When you prioritize yourself through self-care and self-compassion, you actually enhance your capacity to help others. By taking the time to nurture your own well-being, you replenish your energy reserves and cultivate a greater sense of balance and inner strength. This, in turn, enables you to show up for others in a more present, empathetic, and effective manner.
When you prioritize your own needs, you create a solid foundation from which you can extend genuine support to others. By tending to your own mental, emotional, and physical health, you are better equipped to understand and empathize with the struggles and challenges faced by those around you. This enhanced understanding enables you to offer meaningful and heartfelt support, as you are able to draw from your own experiences of self-care and self-compassion.
Furthermore, prioritizing yourself and experiencing self-fulfillment are intrinsically linked to your ability to provide genuine support. When you engage in activities that bring you joy, fulfillment, and personal growth, you cultivate a deep sense of self-fulfillment. This sense of fulfillment not only enhances your own well-being but also radiates outward, positively impacting the people in your life. When you are personally fulfilled, you are more likely to approach relationships and support with enthusiasm, compassion, and authenticity.
By embracing and practicing self-care and self-compassion, you become an inspiration to others. Your commitment to your own well-being sends a powerful message to those around you about the importance of self-prioritization. Through your own actions and choices, you demonstrate the transformative power of self-care, inspiring others to explore and embrace their own needs. As they witness the positive impact it has on your life and relationships, they are motivated to embark on their own journey of self-discovery and self-nurturing.
In summary, prioritizing yourself through self-care and self-compassion enhances your ability to help others. By tending to your own well-being, you cultivate a deeper understanding of others' struggles and challenges. Additionally, experiencing self-fulfillment empowers you to provide genuine support, as it fuels your enthusiasm and compassion. Your commitment to self-care also serves as an inspiration, motivating others to embark on their own journey of self-nurturing. By prioritizing yourself, you create a positive ripple effect that extends beyond your own life, fostering a community of well-being and genuine support.
Building Stronger Relationships
Self-compassion plays a crucial role in fostering empathy and understanding within relationships. When we extend compassion to ourselves, we develop a deeper capacity for compassion towards others. By acknowledging and accepting our own imperfections and challenges with kindness and understanding, we become more attuned to the experiences and struggles of those around us. Self-compassion allows us to approach interactions with empathy, patience, and a non-judgmental attitude, creating a nurturing and supportive environment for building stronger relationships.
Establishing healthy boundaries is essential for maintaining balanced and fulfilling relationships. By clearly communicating our needs, desires, and limits, we create a framework that respects both our own well-being and the well-being of others. Healthy boundaries enable us to protect our energy, maintain a sense of autonomy, and prevent feelings of resentment or burnout. They foster an atmosphere of mutual respect, trust, and understanding, allowing relationships to thrive with clear expectations and open communication.
Putting yourself first is not selfish; it actually strengthens your ability to be present and engaged in relationships. When we prioritize our own self-care, we ensure that we have the necessary resources and emotional well-being to show up fully for others. Taking the time to recharge and nurture ourselves allows us to approach relationships with a renewed sense of energy, compassion, and enthusiasm. By meeting our own needs, we are better equipped to actively listen, offer support, and engage in meaningful interactions, leading to deeper and more fulfilling connections.
In summary, self-compassion, healthy boundaries, and putting yourself first are all integral to building stronger relationships. By cultivating self-compassion, we foster empathy and understanding, creating a nurturing environment for connection. Establishing healthy boundaries enables us to maintain balance and respect in relationships. Finally, prioritizing our own well-being strengthens our ability to be present and engaged, allowing us to foster deeper connections and meaningful interactions. By integrating these practices into our relationships, we create a foundation of mutual care and support, leading to stronger and more fulfilling connections with others.
Empowerment and Growth
Self-prioritization is deeply connected to personal growth and empowerment. When we prioritize ourselves, we create a nurturing environment for our own development and progress. By recognizing and honoring our needs, dreams, and aspirations, we take active steps towards self-actualization and personal fulfillment.
Embracing our own needs and aspirations is a transformative journey. It involves gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves, our values, and our passions. When we prioritize our own growth, we embark on a path of self-discovery and self-empowerment. We engage in activities that align with our interests, invest in our education and skills, and set goals that reflect our true desires. By pursuing our own growth, we expand our horizons, challenge ourselves, and unlock our full potential.
The process of self-empowerment has a ripple effect that extends to others. When we embrace our own empowerment, we inspire and uplift those around us. By living authentically and pursuing our passions, we demonstrate the power of self-belief and resilience. Others witness our journey and are motivated to embark on their own paths of self-discovery and growth. Our empowerment becomes a catalyst for positive change and transformation, both in our own lives and in the lives of those who witness our journey.
Moreover, as we become more empowered, we develop the ability to support and empower others. Through our own experiences of personal growth and self-prioritization, we acquire valuable insights, wisdom, and empathy. We can offer guidance, encouragement, and resources to those who seek their own empowerment. By sharing our stories, lessons, and successes, we become catalysts for the empowerment of others, creating a ripple effect of positive change within our communities.
In summary, self-prioritization is closely intertwined with personal growth and empowerment. Embracing our own needs and aspirations leads to transformative journeys of self-discovery and self-empowerment. By pursuing our own growth, we inspire and uplift others, becoming agents of positive change. Our empowerment not only enriches our own lives but also has the potential to ignite the spark of empowerment in others. By embracing our own power and supporting the growth of those around us, we contribute to a collective sense of empowerment, fostering an environment where everyone can thrive and reach their full potential.
Conclusion
In conclusion, putting yourself first is of utmost importance in leading a balanced and fulfilling life. By prioritizing self-care and self-compassion, we nurture our own well-being and enhance our capacity to help others. Taking the time to meet our own needs allows us to recharge, reduce stress, and cultivate a stronger sense of self. This, in turn, positively impacts our relationships, as we become more present, empathetic, and understanding towards others.
Embracing self-care and self-compassion creates a positive ripple effect that extends beyond ourselves. By modeling these practices, we inspire and empower those around us to prioritize their own well-being. The act of putting ourselves first becomes an act of service to our community, fostering a culture of support and nurturing.
I encourage you to embrace self-care and discover the profound benefits for yourself. Take the time to understand your own needs, practice self-compassion, and establish healthy boundaries. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and personal growth. By nurturing yourself, you cultivate a stronger sense of self-fulfillment and empowerment, which radiates outward and enhances your relationships and ability to help others.
Remember, prioritizing yourself is not selfish—it is an essential step toward creating a fulfilling and purposeful life. Start small, incorporate self-care practices into your daily routine, and observe the positive changes it brings. By embracing self-care and prioritizing your own well-being, you embark on a transformative journey that benefits not only yourself but also those around you. Choose to prioritize yourself, and let the positive ripple effect begin.
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And don’t forget to click below if you finally want to move forward in taking control of your health and making the necessary lifestyle changes to become a better version of yourself.
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Disclaimer: Adam is not a doctor nor a nutritionist. This is all from the experience Adam has gained through himself and through schooling. Through his videos, Adam shares his personal and educational experience that he has acquired over the past years of training individuals through fitness and nutrition. Adam would strongly recommend you see your physician before starting or completing any exercise program. You should be in good physical condition to participate in the exercises which is why consulting your physician would be recommended.
Action – Consistency – Results

I was pouring drink number three when my phone rang… I'm 20 years old, a little drunk and in about an hour, I will have almost shot my colleague in the chest in front of three police officers and two frozen dead bodies. Weird. I can't say that I'm mentally ready for what I'm about to see this evening, who’s ever really ready to walk into a garage with a Chevy Cavalier riddled with bullets and two frozen gang bangers inside. My name is Grant and These are My Funeral Home Stories.
Chapter Two: three drinks, Two dead & One Candy Bar
It's about six o'clock on the 3rd Tuesday in February and factoring in the windchill, it's negative 14 degrees outside. I've been off of work for about an hour and I'm not on call tonight…So naturally, I'm just finishing up my second drink and considering whether to order pizza or Chinese tonight. I use my finger to stop by drink from bubbling over and the phone rings. It’s Andy, one of the directors from the funeral home that’s on call when Ned and I are off AND apparently the person he's on call with this evening is unreachable…If it's your job to be on call, you don't want this to happen. It's almost the equivalent of a no call no show at any other job. If you're on call, the only thing you have to do is wait for the phone to ring and when it does ring, you answer it. It’s really not that hard.
Andy is calling me to ask if I would fill in and go on a police call with him. There was a shooting and apparently there are two frozen dead bodies in a car… inside the police station. OK. Why are they at the police station? Great question. Apparently it was too cold outside to investigate and process the crime scene so they moved the crime scene into a heated garage inside a police station. This all sounds incredibly interesting to me but there's only one problem… I'm drunk. Well, on my way to drunk and I'm not old enough to drink. I'm not going anywhere near a police station. I explained to Andy that I'm in no condition to drive to the funeral home and he'd have to find someone else. He interrupted me and said, “ but you're not old enough to drink. Stay put. I'm picking you up. See you in 10.” He hung up the phone before I had time to argue.
Welp. Looks like I'm going to the police station against all better judgment. I finish my third drink as I put on my black 3 button double breasted black suit by Chaps that I picked up at Kohls. (Side note: all my other suits were at the dry cleaners. I hate this suit. It makes me look like a walking rectangle.) It's our funeral home’s policy that we dress cleanly and professionally while in public. This means you ruin a lot of good dress clothes but at least you look sharp… and you can write off your dry cleaning as a job related expense.
I run a razor over my face sans shaving cream because I’m in a hurry and our funeral home also has a strict no facial hair policy. No mustaches, no goatees and definitely no beards. I'm not sure why this is a rule, It just is. I take an extra long look at myself in the mirror to make sure I have myself in order. The last thing I want to do tonight is walk into a police station looking like a sloppy, drunk unshaven underage mess. Could I get fired for getting an underage drinking ticket while on a death call? I sure hope not. I hear a horn honking in the driveway. I peak out the front window, Andy’s out front in our 2004 black Pontiac minivan. It’s a pretty slick…Instead of back seats, our van has a polished oak floor with rollers spaced evenly down the length of the van. These rollers aid in sliding caskets in and out without scratching the van or caskets.
I’m almost ready. I decided to wear a heavy wool four button top coat, scarf and rubberized dress boots by Ecco, all black of course. (Side note: Always spend extra money on ‘nicer’ boots. You don't want your socks wet on death calls.) Although I hate the suit I have on, I am wearing my favorite necktie. It's white, black and navy blue diagonally striped made from handwoven silk by Ralph Lauren. Very sharp. Remember this tie… my favorite tie, it’ll come up again later. On my way out the door I stuffed a handful of garlic flavored chips in my mouth and pulled a Nestle Butterfinger candy bar out of the pantry. The garlic will help cover up the three Jack and Cokes I just had and put a little food in my stomach. The Butterfinger…well, that's my reward. I'll eat it on the way home. I fucking love Butterfingers and why not reward myself for what I'm about to do? I'm not even on call tonight. I deserve it.
From my house to the police station, it’s about 10 minutes… a straight shot with no traffic. Andy starts nervously giggling almost immediately when my door closes and buckle my seatbelt. Funeral Directors are generally interesting people but our pal, Andy, he's a real card. I'm going to tell you a few things about Andy and hopefully won't sound too judgmental in the process. Andy had a gastric bypass surgery three years ago and as has lost about 150 pounds andI don't think he's gone clothes shopping since his weight loss. All of his suits look like they're about five sizes too big. His skin is loose around his jawline giving him a permanent droopy dog expression. It's weird seeing someone whose clothes and skin don't fit their body. He's a nervous guy and he's always afraid of getting in trouble…but somehow he's blindly confident. That's it for the positives.
Andy talks the most deliberate and malicious shit about everyone in the office. It's pathological at this point, I'm not sure he's even aware of it. You really have to watch what you say around this guy… I mean, if you don't want it repeated or used against you, don't say it around Andy. Andy's jumped from funeral home to funeral home around the country settling in towns just long enough to fuck things up and make a quick exit. He’s was a total creep and we found out a few years later that he was stealing from one of our funeral homes. He had his moments but for the most part, I didn't want anything to do with this guy…Especially after drinking almost half of my $36 bottle of Gentleman Jack. Actually, I'm probably just drunk enough to enjoy his company.
We turn on to Roosevelt, the police station is on our right. Andy has managed to keep the van under control even with the several inches of black ice and snow covering the roads. Andy tells me that we're to call a number when we're outside the police station parking garage and an officer will open the giant chain gate to let us in. The car with the dead bodies is in a separate heated garage inside the building to thaw out for processing.
It just dawned on me, I'm kind of hammered and last time I checked I'm still not old enough to drink… I feel my anxiety levels rising…I’m not super eager to walk into a police station in my current condition. My plan is to keep my head down and stay as far out of the officers’ breath smelling distance as possible. I'm so happy I decided to eat those chips before I left. I can still taste the garlic. Garlic breath is better than booze breath. I'm fairly certain they won't lock me up for having bad breath.
Andy calls the number, the gate opens and we drive down a pretty drastic slope and enter the garage filled with a fleet of police cars. There must be 40 decked out Chevy Impalas polished up and ready for dispatch. We pull forward and an officer signals us to stop next to a plain gray door in the center of a the cinder block wall on our right. Andy loaded two stretchers in the van this evening. One standard, one oversized, we get out of the van and unload both without incident. The officer walks to the back of the van and tells us to follow him.
We walk through the gray door and quickly move through three different beige hallways, no windows, just ugly plain cinderblock. I realized that I've completely lost my bearings. When we come to the end of the hallway with another gray door. I feel a combination of claustrophobia and vertigo hit me all at once or maybe that was drink number three kickin’ in. The officer opens the door and Andy and I wheel our stretchers into a 20 by 20 garage lit by the brightest fluorescent lights I've ever experienced. The temperature of the light in this room is unnerving among other things.
'Welcome to the crime lab garage' I think to myself. Immediately upon entering the room, I'm almost knocked to the floor by a smell that burns my nasal cavities. It wasn't the smell of rotting flesh or piss and shit, I’ve smelled all those things before. This was new. It’s so unique but the more Im exposed to it the more I realize I’ve smelled this before at the funeral home but I can’t place it….Then it hits me almost as intensely as the smell itself. Ammonia, that's it! It smells like someone took two or three large bottles of ammonia and just poured them all over the room. I look at Andy as we park the stretchers. We make eye contact and I pointed my nose while simultaneously making a confused face. “What the fuck is that?” I whisper.
Andy pulls two pair of blue heavy duty surgical gloves out of the front pocket of his stretcher, hands me a pair and then proceeds to blow my mind. He quietly tells me that the strong ammonia odor is coming from the blood. Apparently when someone dies suddenly all the blood cells in the body make one last screaming effort to stay alive and dump a ton of waste into the bloodstream. The waste is what gives the blood a strong scent of ammonia. You know when someone says they can smell blood in a movie or TV show? I think If this is what they're talking about.
Now that I have my gloves on and have adjusted to the smell, I take off my overcoat and suit jacket and tuck my tie between two buttons on my white dress shirt. This is simply precautionary. There is nothing worse than dipping your tie into something gross. It's almost always UNcleanable.
In this moment, I'm able to take in my surroundings. Perhaps it's the alcohol but something feels off. Under rows and rows of fluorescent lights there’s a maroon Chevy Cavalier riddled with bullet holes with all four of its doors and trunk wide open. Upon initial inspection, my eyes are drawn to two dead men in the backseat and rusted hood with a smattering of bullet holes. It seems that most of the shots were through the windshield, windows and door panels.The windshield is barely able to hold itself up.
Andy and I walk around the car to figure out our plan of attack. He flips open a black vinyl body bag, unzips it and places it on the ground next to the car and he tells me his plan. “If they’re frozen in a seated position, we won't be able to move em that easily… So we'll wiggle them out, lay them on the body bags and zip up the disaster pouch around them.” This sounds good to me. We move in.
We decided to start with the body in the driver's side backseat. The door’s already open and the hinges appear to be hyper extended. The crime scene techs probably bent the hinges while they were scrubbing the scene. Now up close, I’m finally able to take in the two dead men sitting in the backseat in front of me. These guys must have been a couple years older than me, both wearing Timberlands, black jeans and black jackets… like big puffy down jackets. One man has a New Era baseball cap on backwards while the other has a black stocking cap atop his head. I didn't see any logos but the brain matter, bullet holes and blood may have made it hard to notice. The ammonia smell inside the car is completely overwhelming. Blood is literally covering everything in the backseat. Chunks of thawing brain and meat are all over the headrest. I pick up a piece near the seat belt and squeeze it with my middle finger and thumb. It's still a little frozen so it crunches a bit before turning into mush between my fingers. I wiped my hand on a clean part of the interior.
Bullet holes are weird…For something that can end your life so quickly, they don't leave much of a mark on their way in…BUT the way out is a totally different story. I have no idea how many times these men were shot but they’re covered and destroyed by bullet holes. Chin, hands, thighs under the eyeballs and everywhere else. There wasn’t a part of either of these men’s bodies that didn’t have at least one bullet hole… I didn't see their feet though…if I’m being completely transparent.
This is gore. This is a complete horror show. Someone wanted these men dead… like seriously dead. Was it the driver or could it have been the front seat passenger? There must have been someone sitting in the front seat, right? Why else would two grown men sit in the backseat together if there was an open front seat? By the number of holes, I come to the conclusion that at least two people had to have shot up this car….Far too many holes for one shooter and it was definitely people they thought they were close to…
With half my body in the car, the smell of ammonia is blending with the smell of shit…which is undoubtedly oozing from one or all of the many holes in these men's stomachs. Thankfully, the taste of the garlic chips and whiskey I had earlier keeping me from gagging. Both men looked like they were sleeping like someone's dad or brother in the backseat on a road trip but riddled with holes and covered and smelly blood and falling human chunks.
There's only enough room for one of us in the car’s backseat door opening so Andy gets in the driver's seat backwards and reaches back around the front seat to help shimmy the body out. I press the button and unbuckle the seatbelt, it whips back into its home position startling Andy and I. Everything in this car is covered with blood or some sort of human matter. My gloves are literally covered in blood from just unbuckling the seatbelt and now the taste of the ammonia smell is dripping its way into my mouth through my throat. The officers are having some sort of quiet discussion standing by the door we came in earlier. It's not uncommon for police officers to be completely apathetic about crime scenes when the funeral home arrives. The investigation is basically over tonight these officers couldn't care less about their scene. They just wanted to get these bodies moved out of the garage so they could get home to their families. I get that… but their lack of supervision is troubling, especially with what happens next.
I am now completely hunched over the body in the back passenger seat while Andy is supervising from the front turned around in the driver's seat with his gloved hands on the headrest. I tell Andy that I think I'm strong enough to grab this man’s right forearm and slide his body out on my own. When I grabbed the man's forearm, I immediately feel something isn't right. I've grabbed lots of dead people's forearms before. None felt like this though. It was so hard and rigid….don’t get me wrong I understand this man is frozen BUT whatever I'm grabbing on to isn't human. It's something else. It's hard and feels like metal one of those cheap metal canes you'd buy at a drugstore. The three drinks circulating through my bloodstream make me curious but pensive. I tell Andy that I'm not touching a man's arm and that there's something else in this man’s jacket.
I interrupted the police officers conversation. “Hey, something isn't right here.” An officer and I switch places as he pulls out a tactical knife and starts cutting away the sleeve to the blood soaked down jacket. “It’s a FUCKING GUN.” I look over his shoulder and see the open sleeve of a jacket revealing a sawed off shotgun. The inside of the coat was some sort of bright orange material so the short barrel of the shotgun stand out…and so did the trigger but not because of its color. It stood out because of frozen dead man’s finger hooked over and frozen around it. Did I mention the gun was cocked. This means that the slightest movement would have caused a sudden discharge… The gun would have fired directly into the driver's seat, the seat where Andy was supervising from AND apparently Andy and I noticed this at the same time.
The next sound we hear was an officer saying, “Gun! Loaded gun!”
Andy and I step back while the officers deal with the gun… he's freaked out…I can tell by the blotchy greenish yellow color he skin has turned in the last 30 seconds. Andy says, “I don't like guns. I don't like guns.”
“It's cool, man. Nobody got shot.” I say not being too sympathetic. I'm definitely drunk now and the idea of a frozen dead man shooting my partner in the chest is kind of hilarious, even if it would have been my fault. I giggle internally. Andy quickly moves towards the door and says, “I need to get some fresh air” and scurries out like an asshole letting the door slam behind him. Almost at the same moment the door closed. The three officers approached me from behind, “We got it out….It was loaded. Your buddy's lucky you didn’t shoot him in the chest.” I just snicker and tell the officers my partner needed some air and that I'll make the removals myself. How hard could it be? I'll just grab and pull.
Frozen bodies move in one piece while regular room temperature bodies are just floppy deadweight. These fellas are frozen solid…they felt like moving a heavy chair or peculiar shaped table out of your friend's car. Square peg in round holes, it was actually considerably easier than I anticipated.
The sound of the two bodies hitting a cold cement after pulling them out was very satisfying…a simple loud hollow frozen thud. I'm surrounded by awfulness and all I can think about is how proud I am that I just handled this crime scene on my own. I can't wait to eat that Butterfinger waiting for me in the car. It's a fitting reward but also something to get rid of this ammonia and garlic taste overpowering my senses at the moment.
Andy still hasn't come back and we're about to zip up the last body bag. An officer had put on a pair of gloves to help me maneuver the second man's rigid bent knees into the body bag. This man's body was like a complicated Tetris piece. Once in, we each grab a zipper on either side of the black vinyl bag and zip our respective ends until they meet in the middle. I nod my head at the officer and say, “That's how it's done!”
The officer looks at me sternly and says, “Did you just come from a party?” I look at him confused and respond, ”What?”
The officer tells me that he just got a waft of alcohol. “It reeks like booze over here.” I closed my mouth quickly and my heart begins to beat out of my chest. I must smell like a distillery… so much for those garlic chips. Laughing, I say, “On a Tuesday? Come on, man!” The officer stands up and says, “Let's run a tox screen on these guys to find out how fucked up they were before getting blasted.”
Looks like a dodged a bullet. How did he smell my whiskey breath over the ammonia smell? Does my breath just smell like straight rubbing alcohol? I feel bad that these dead guys got blamed for MY alcohol breath but, at least, I won't be walking out of here with an underage drinking ticket.
Calming down and feeling relieved. I looked down on my shirt and see that my necktie, my very favorite Ralph Lauren necktie, had fallen out of my shirt at some point and had been dipped into some smelly smelly blood. Fuck! Of course I ruined my favorite necktie on a night I'm not even supposed to be working. I undo the knot and throw the tie into a biohazard bag. The rest of the removal was kind of a blur because I was laser focused thinking about that Butterfinger I left in the car. The alcohol plus all the blood smell I kind of made my stomach sour. My mouth starts to water thinking about that candy bar.
One of the officers helps me wheel the stretchers out to the van in the main area of the police station parking garage. I can see exhaust coming out of our van. It's on? Did we leave the van running? I open the back of the van to find Andy laying down in the center of the wooden roller board taking up the entire back of the van. The sound startles him and he quickly jumps up to a seated position and says, “I'm sorry man, guns really freak me out. I almost got shot…. I thought I was gonna pass out.”
I notice a yellow rapper sitting next to his right leg. He noticed that I noticed. “Oh yeah, I owe you a candy bar.” He says in a nonchalant manner.
All at once, my dislike for Andy hit me like a tidal wave. I ruined my favorite tie and this asshole ate my candy bar? Andy, sensing my disappointment and anger, didn't say another word and I imagine what it would have been like if that shot gun would have gone off.
My name is Grant and these are My Funeral Home Stories.
Here this episode wherever you listen to podcasts:
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Download the 45 minute Epilogue & Commercial Free Episodes & Seasons: www.MyFuneralHomeStories.com

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Freehand FN #1, B/O: $2500

★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $822

★ Butterfly Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $616

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★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW #1, B/O: $1300

★ Bayonet Autotronic FN, B/O: $1050

★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW, B/O: $629

★ Bayonet Bright Water FT, B/O: $326

★ Bayonet Safari Mesh BS, B/O: $233

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★ Karambit Lore FT, B/O: $1110

★ Karambit Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $840

★ Karambit Freehand MW, B/O: $784

★ Karambit Bright Water MW, B/O: $759

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★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801

★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801

★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $751

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★ Nomad Knife Fade FN, B/O: $1156

★ Nomad Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $544

★ Nomad Knife Blue Steel WW, B/O: $318

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★ Flip Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $646

★ Flip Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $574

★ Flip Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) MW, B/O: $552

★ Flip Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $257

★ Flip Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $255

★ StatTrak™ Flip Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $287

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★ Huntsman Knife Lore FN, B/O: $461

★ Huntsman Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $436

★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $353

★ Huntsman Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $212

★ Huntsman Knife Bright Water FT, B/O: $129

★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT MW, B/O: $129

★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT BS, B/O: $123

★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Rust Coat BS, B/O: $127

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★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $375

★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $363

★ Bowie Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $269

★ Bowie Knife Crimson Web WW, B/O: $192

★ Bowie Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $159

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $126

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★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $616

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $412

★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe FT, B/O: $227

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★ Falchion Knife Lore FT, B/O: $214

★ Falchion Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $192

★ Falchion Knife Scorched WW, B/O: $105

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★ Survival Knife Crimson Web BS, B/O: $216

★ Survival Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $198

★ Survival Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $111

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★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $368

★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $228

★ Shadow Daggers, B/O: $201

★ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $108

★ Shadow Daggers Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $105

★ Shadow Daggers Black Laminate FT, B/O: $99

★ Shadow Daggers Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $85

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★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $1700

★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $223

★ Gut Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $203

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $191

★ Gut Knife Case Hardened BS, B/O: $127

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★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199

★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199

★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $138

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $111

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★ Classic Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $146

★ StatTrak™ Classic Knife Stained BS, B/O: $168

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★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $476

★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $375

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★ Skeleton Knife, B/O: $1137

★ Talon Knife, B/O: $608

★ Paracord Knife, B/O: $305

★ Survival Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97

GLOVES

★ Moto Gloves Transport MW, B/O: $204

★ Moto Gloves Polygon BS, B/O: $142

★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84

★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63

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★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Kimono WW, B/O: $1215

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike FT, B/O: $672

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander FT, B/O: $305

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander BS, B/O: $140

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web BS, B/O: $137

★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot FT, B/O: $75

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★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave FT, B/O: $359

★ Driver Gloves Imperial Plaid BS, B/O: $229

★ Driver Gloves Overtake BS, B/O: $77

★ Driver Gloves Racing Green FT, B/O: $48

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★ Sport Gloves Omega FT, B/O: $739

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious BS #2, B/O: $733

★ Sport Gloves Arid BS, B/O: $292

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★ Hand Wraps Giraffe MW, B/O: $212

★ Hand Wraps Leather FT, B/O: $160

★ Hand Wraps Desert Shamagh MW, B/O: $101

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★ Broken Fang Gloves Yellow-banded MW, B/O: $185

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point FT, B/O: $67

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point WW, B/O: $59

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★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened BS, B/O: $65

★ Hydra Gloves Emerald FT, B/O: $65

★ Hydra Gloves Emerald BS, B/O: $62

WEAPONS

AK-47 Case Hardened BS, B/O: $130

AK-47 Bloodsport MW, B/O: $79

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Bloodsport FT, B/O: $70

AK-47 Neon Rider MW, B/O: $60

StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge FT, B/O: $72

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AWP Fade FN, B/O: $1039

AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139

AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139

AWP Wildfire MW, B/O: $95

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93

AWP Duality FN, B/O: $81

AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79

AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79

AWP Chromatic Aberration FN, B/O: $60

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68

StatTrak™ AWP Electric Hive FT, B/O: $55

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Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $623

Desert Eagle Emerald Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $241

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Printstream FT, B/O: $54

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M4A1-S Blue Phosphor FN, B/O: $434

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Bright Water MW, B/O: $55

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M4A4 Poseidon FN, B/O: $1465

M4A4 Asiimov BS, B/O: $55

M4A4 Hellfire MW, B/O: $50

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USP-S Kill Confirmed MW, B/O: $72

USP-S Printstream FT, B/O: $69

StatTrak™ USP-S Kill Confirmed FT, B/O: $139

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AUG Flame Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $234

P90 Run and Hide FT, B/O: $147

Five-SeveN Candy Apple FN, B/O: $61

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Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. 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I was pouring drink number three when my phone rang… I'm 20 years old, a little drunk and in about an hour, I will have almost shot my colleague in the chest in front of three police officers and two frozen dead bodies. Weird. I can't say that I'm mentally ready for what I'm about to see this evening, who’s ever really ready to walk into a garage with a Chevy Cavalier riddled with bullets and two frozen gang bangers inside. My name is Grant and These are My Funeral Home Stories.
Chapter Two: three drinks, Two dead & One Candy Bar
It's about six o'clock on the 3rd Tuesday in February and factoring in the windchill, it's negative 14 degrees outside. I've been off of work for about an hour and I'm not on call tonight…So naturally, I'm just finishing up my second drink and considering whether to order pizza or Chinese tonight. I use my finger to stop by drink from bubbling over and the phone rings. It’s Andy, one of the directors from the funeral home that’s on call when Ned and I are off AND apparently the person he's on call with this evening is unreachable…If it's your job to be on call, you don't want this to happen. It's almost the equivalent of a no call no show at any other job. If you're on call, the only thing you have to do is wait for the phone to ring and when it does ring, you answer it. It’s really not that hard.
Andy is calling me to ask if I would fill in and go on a police call with him. There was a shooting and apparently there are two frozen dead bodies in a car… inside the police station. OK. Why are they at the police station? Great question. Apparently it was too cold outside to investigate and process the crime scene so they moved the crime scene into a heated garage inside a police station. This all sounds incredibly interesting to me but there's only one problem… I'm drunk. Well, on my way to drunk and I'm not old enough to drink. I'm not going anywhere near a police station. I explained to Andy that I'm in no condition to drive to the funeral home and he'd have to find someone else. He interrupted me and said, “ but you're not old enough to drink. Stay put. I'm picking you up. See you in 10.” He hung up the phone before I had time to argue.
Welp. Looks like I'm going to the police station against all better judgment. I finish my third drink as I put on my black 3 button double breasted black suit by Chaps that I picked up at Kohls. (Side note: all my other suits were at the dry cleaners. I hate this suit. It makes me look like a walking rectangle.) It's our funeral home’s policy that we dress cleanly and professionally while in public. This means you ruin a lot of good dress clothes but at least you look sharp… and you can write off your dry cleaning as a job related expense.
I run a razor over my face sans shaving cream because I’m in a hurry and our funeral home also has a strict no facial hair policy. No mustaches, no goatees and definitely no beards. I'm not sure why this is a rule, It just is. I take an extra long look at myself in the mirror to make sure I have myself in order. The last thing I want to do tonight is walk into a police station looking like a sloppy, drunk unshaven underage mess. Could I get fired for getting an underage drinking ticket while on a death call? I sure hope not. I hear a horn honking in the driveway. I peak out the front window, Andy’s out front in our 2004 black Pontiac minivan. It’s a pretty slick…Instead of back seats, our van has a polished oak floor with rollers spaced evenly down the length of the van. These rollers aid in sliding caskets in and out without scratching the van or caskets.
I’m almost ready. I decided to wear a heavy wool four button top coat, scarf and rubberized dress boots by Ecco, all black of course. (Side note: Always spend extra money on ‘nicer’ boots. You don't want your socks wet on death calls.) Although I hate the suit I have on, I am wearing my favorite necktie. It's white, black and navy blue diagonally striped made from handwoven silk by Ralph Lauren. Very sharp. Remember this tie… my favorite tie, it’ll come up again later. On my way out the door I stuffed a handful of garlic flavored chips in my mouth and pulled a Nestle Butterfinger candy bar out of the pantry. The garlic will help cover up the three Jack and Cokes I just had and put a little food in my stomach. The Butterfinger…well, that's my reward. I'll eat it on the way home. I fucking love Butterfingers and why not reward myself for what I'm about to do? I'm not even on call tonight. I deserve it.
From my house to the police station, it’s about 10 minutes… a straight shot with no traffic. Andy starts nervously giggling almost immediately when my door closes and buckle my seatbelt. Funeral Directors are generally interesting people but our pal, Andy, he's a real card. I'm going to tell you a few things about Andy and hopefully won't sound too judgmental in the process. Andy had a gastric bypass surgery three years ago and as has lost about 150 pounds andI don't think he's gone clothes shopping since his weight loss. All of his suits look like they're about five sizes too big. His skin is loose around his jawline giving him a permanent droopy dog expression. It's weird seeing someone whose clothes and skin don't fit their body. He's a nervous guy and he's always afraid of getting in trouble…but somehow he's blindly confident. That's it for the positives.
Andy talks the most deliberate and malicious shit about everyone in the office. It's pathological at this point, I'm not sure he's even aware of it. You really have to watch what you say around this guy… I mean, if you don't want it repeated or used against you, don't say it around Andy. Andy's jumped from funeral home to funeral home around the country settling in towns just long enough to fuck things up and make a quick exit. He’s was a total creep and we found out a few years later that he was stealing from one of our funeral homes. He had his moments but for the most part, I didn't want anything to do with this guy…Especially after drinking almost half of my $36 bottle of Gentleman Jack. Actually, I'm probably just drunk enough to enjoy his company.
We turn on to Roosevelt, the police station is on our right. Andy has managed to keep the van under control even with the several inches of black ice and snow covering the roads. Andy tells me that we're to call a number when we're outside the police station parking garage and an officer will open the giant chain gate to let us in. The car with the dead bodies is in a separate heated garage inside the building to thaw out for processing.
It just dawned on me, I'm kind of hammered and last time I checked I'm still not old enough to drink… I feel my anxiety levels rising…I’m not super eager to walk into a police station in my current condition. My plan is to keep my head down and stay as far out of the officers’ breath smelling distance as possible. I'm so happy I decided to eat those chips before I left. I can still taste the garlic. Garlic breath is better than booze breath. I'm fairly certain they won't lock me up for having bad breath.
Andy calls the number, the gate opens and we drive down a pretty drastic slope and enter the garage filled with a fleet of police cars. There must be 40 decked out Chevy Impalas polished up and ready for dispatch. We pull forward and an officer signals us to stop next to a plain gray door in the center of a the cinder block wall on our right. Andy loaded two stretchers in the van this evening. One standard, one oversized, we get out of the van and unload both without incident. The officer walks to the back of the van and tells us to follow him.
We walk through the gray door and quickly move through three different beige hallways, no windows, just ugly plain cinderblock. I realized that I've completely lost my bearings. When we come to the end of the hallway with another gray door. I feel a combination of claustrophobia and vertigo hit me all at once or maybe that was drink number three kickin’ in. The officer opens the door and Andy and I wheel our stretchers into a 20 by 20 garage lit by the brightest fluorescent lights I've ever experienced. The temperature of the light in this room is unnerving among other things.
'Welcome to the crime lab garage' I think to myself. Immediately upon entering the room, I'm almost knocked to the floor by a smell that burns my nasal cavities. It wasn't the smell of rotting flesh or piss and shit, I’ve smelled all those things before. This was new. It’s so unique but the more Im exposed to it the more I realize I’ve smelled this before at the funeral home but I can’t place it….Then it hits me almost as intensely as the smell itself. Ammonia, that's it! It smells like someone took two or three large bottles of ammonia and just poured them all over the room. I look at Andy as we park the stretchers. We make eye contact and I pointed my nose while simultaneously making a confused face. “What the fuck is that?” I whisper.
Andy pulls two pair of blue heavy duty surgical gloves out of the front pocket of his stretcher, hands me a pair and then proceeds to blow my mind. He quietly tells me that the strong ammonia odor is coming from the blood. Apparently when someone dies suddenly all the blood cells in the body make one last screaming effort to stay alive and dump a ton of waste into the bloodstream. The waste is what gives the blood a strong scent of ammonia. You know when someone says they can smell blood in a movie or TV show? I think If this is what they're talking about.
Now that I have my gloves on and have adjusted to the smell, I take off my overcoat and suit jacket and tuck my tie between two buttons on my white dress shirt. This is simply precautionary. There is nothing worse than dipping your tie into something gross. It's almost always UNcleanable.
In this moment, I'm able to take in my surroundings. Perhaps it's the alcohol but something feels off. Under rows and rows of fluorescent lights there’s a maroon Chevy Cavalier riddled with bullet holes with all four of its doors and trunk wide open. Upon initial inspection, my eyes are drawn to two dead men in the backseat and rusted hood with a smattering of bullet holes. It seems that most of the shots were through the windshield, windows and door panels.The windshield is barely able to hold itself up.
Andy and I walk around the car to figure out our plan of attack. He flips open a black vinyl body bag, unzips it and places it on the ground next to the car and he tells me his plan. “If they’re frozen in a seated position, we won't be able to move em that easily… So we'll wiggle them out, lay them on the body bags and zip up the disaster pouch around them.” This sounds good to me. We move in.
We decided to start with the body in the driver's side backseat. The door’s already open and the hinges appear to be hyper extended. The crime scene techs probably bent the hinges while they were scrubbing the scene. Now up close, I’m finally able to take in the two dead men sitting in the backseat in front of me. These guys must have been a couple years older than me, both wearing Timberlands, black jeans and black jackets… like big puffy down jackets. One man has a New Era baseball cap on backwards while the other has a black stocking cap atop his head. I didn't see any logos but the brain matter, bullet holes and blood may have made it hard to notice. The ammonia smell inside the car is completely overwhelming. Blood is literally covering everything in the backseat. Chunks of thawing brain and meat are all over the headrest. I pick up a piece near the seat belt and squeeze it with my middle finger and thumb. It's still a little frozen so it crunches a bit before turning into mush between my fingers. I wiped my hand on a clean part of the interior.
Bullet holes are weird…For something that can end your life so quickly, they don't leave much of a mark on their way in…BUT the way out is a totally different story. I have no idea how many times these men were shot but they’re covered and destroyed by bullet holes. Chin, hands, thighs under the eyeballs and everywhere else. There wasn’t a part of either of these men’s bodies that didn’t have at least one bullet hole… I didn't see their feet though…if I’m being completely transparent.
This is gore. This is a complete horror show. Someone wanted these men dead… like seriously dead. Was it the driver or could it have been the front seat passenger? There must have been someone sitting in the front seat, right? Why else would two grown men sit in the backseat together if there was an open front seat? By the number of holes, I come to the conclusion that at least two people had to have shot up this car….Far too many holes for one shooter and it was definitely people they thought they were close to…
With half my body in the car, the smell of ammonia is blending with the smell of shit…which is undoubtedly oozing from one or all of the many holes in these men's stomachs. Thankfully, the taste of the garlic chips and whiskey I had earlier keeping me from gagging. Both men looked like they were sleeping like someone's dad or brother in the backseat on a road trip but riddled with holes and covered and smelly blood and falling human chunks.
There's only enough room for one of us in the car’s backseat door opening so Andy gets in the driver's seat backwards and reaches back around the front seat to help shimmy the body out. I press the button and unbuckle the seatbelt, it whips back into its home position startling Andy and I. Everything in this car is covered with blood or some sort of human matter. My gloves are literally covered in blood from just unbuckling the seatbelt and now the taste of the ammonia smell is dripping its way into my mouth through my throat. The officers are having some sort of quiet discussion standing by the door we came in earlier. It's not uncommon for police officers to be completely apathetic about crime scenes when the funeral home arrives. The investigation is basically over tonight these officers couldn't care less about their scene. They just wanted to get these bodies moved out of the garage so they could get home to their families. I get that… but their lack of supervision is troubling, especially with what happens next.
I am now completely hunched over the body in the back passenger seat while Andy is supervising from the front turned around in the driver's seat with his gloved hands on the headrest. I tell Andy that I think I'm strong enough to grab this man’s right forearm and slide his body out on my own. When I grabbed the man's forearm, I immediately feel something isn't right. I've grabbed lots of dead people's forearms before. None felt like this though. It was so hard and rigid….don’t get me wrong I understand this man is frozen BUT whatever I'm grabbing on to isn't human. It's something else. It's hard and feels like metal one of those cheap metal canes you'd buy at a drugstore. The three drinks circulating through my bloodstream make me curious but pensive. I tell Andy that I'm not touching a man's arm and that there's something else in this man’s jacket.
I interrupted the police officers conversation. “Hey, something isn't right here.” An officer and I switch places as he pulls out a tactical knife and starts cutting away the sleeve to the blood soaked down jacket. “It’s a FUCKING GUN.” I look over his shoulder and see the open sleeve of a jacket revealing a sawed off shotgun. The inside of the coat was some sort of bright orange material so the short barrel of the shotgun stand out…and so did the trigger but not because of its color. It stood out because of frozen dead man’s finger hooked over and frozen around it. Did I mention the gun was cocked. This means that the slightest movement would have caused a sudden discharge… The gun would have fired directly into the driver's seat, the seat where Andy was supervising from AND apparently Andy and I noticed this at the same time.
The next sound we hear was an officer saying, “Gun! Loaded gun!”
Andy and I step back while the officers deal with the gun… he's freaked out…I can tell by the blotchy greenish yellow color he skin has turned in the last 30 seconds. Andy says, “I don't like guns. I don't like guns.”
“It's cool, man. Nobody got shot.” I say not being too sympathetic. I'm definitely drunk now and the idea of a frozen dead man shooting my partner in the chest is kind of hilarious, even if it would have been my fault. I giggle internally. Andy quickly moves towards the door and says, “I need to get some fresh air” and scurries out like an asshole letting the door slam behind him. Almost at the same moment the door closed. The three officers approached me from behind, “We got it out….It was loaded. Your buddy's lucky you didn’t shoot him in the chest.” I just snicker and tell the officers my partner needed some air and that I'll make the removals myself. How hard could it be? I'll just grab and pull.
Frozen bodies move in one piece while regular room temperature bodies are just floppy deadweight. These fellas are frozen solid…they felt like moving a heavy chair or peculiar shaped table out of your friend's car. Square peg in round holes, it was actually considerably easier than I anticipated.
The sound of the two bodies hitting a cold cement after pulling them out was very satisfying…a simple loud hollow frozen thud. I'm surrounded by awfulness and all I can think about is how proud I am that I just handled this crime scene on my own. I can't wait to eat that Butterfinger waiting for me in the car. It's a fitting reward but also something to get rid of this ammonia and garlic taste overpowering my senses at the moment.
Andy still hasn't come back and we're about to zip up the last body bag. An officer had put on a pair of gloves to help me maneuver the second man's rigid bent knees into the body bag. This man's body was like a complicated Tetris piece. Once in, we each grab a zipper on either side of the black vinyl bag and zip our respective ends until they meet in the middle. I nod my head at the officer and say, “That's how it's done!”
The officer looks at me sternly and says, “Did you just come from a party?” I look at him confused and respond, ”What?”
The officer tells me that he just got a waft of alcohol. “It reeks like booze over here.” I closed my mouth quickly and my heart begins to beat out of my chest. I must smell like a distillery… so much for those garlic chips. Laughing, I say, “On a Tuesday? Come on, man!” The officer stands up and says, “Let's run a tox screen on these guys to find out how fucked up they were before getting blasted.”
Looks like a dodged a bullet. How did he smell my whiskey breath over the ammonia smell? Does my breath just smell like straight rubbing alcohol? I feel bad that these dead guys got blamed for MY alcohol breath but, at least, I won't be walking out of here with an underage drinking ticket.
Calming down and feeling relieved. I looked down on my shirt and see that my necktie, my very favorite Ralph Lauren necktie, had fallen out of my shirt at some point and had been dipped into some smelly smelly blood. Fuck! Of course I ruined my favorite necktie on a night I'm not even supposed to be working. I undo the knot and throw the tie into a biohazard bag. The rest of the removal was kind of a blur because I was laser focused thinking about that Butterfinger I left in the car. The alcohol plus all the blood smell I kind of made my stomach sour. My mouth starts to water thinking about that candy bar.
One of the officers helps me wheel the stretchers out to the van in the main area of the police station parking garage. I can see exhaust coming out of our van. It's on? Did we leave the van running? I open the back of the van to find Andy laying down in the center of the wooden roller board taking up the entire back of the van. The sound startles him and he quickly jumps up to a seated position and says, “I'm sorry man, guns really freak me out. I almost got shot…. I thought I was gonna pass out.”
I notice a yellow rapper sitting next to his right leg. He noticed that I noticed. “Oh yeah, I owe you a candy bar.” He says in a nonchalant manner.
All at once, my dislike for Andy hit me like a tidal wave. I ruined my favorite tie and this asshole ate my candy bar? Andy, sensing my disappointment and anger, didn't say another word and I imagine what it would have been like if that shot gun would have gone off.
My name is Grant and these are My Funeral Home Stories.
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Here this episode wherever you listen to podcasts:
Apple - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/my-funeral-home-stories/id1462188362?i=1000437632125
Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/episode/5rzZhNGCCkIaHbhWQ1irjd?si=2e0eae46d64e4066
YouTube: https://youtu.be/UYVL66uyfAE
Download the 45 minute Epilogue & Commercial Free Episodes & Seasons: www.MyFuneralHomeStories.com