I once heard this reasoning and I think it’s very interesting so I thought I’d share it with you.
When you have to do something but you think you can’t because of your anxiety, think about it like this:
Imagine it’s ordering food at a restaurant for example. First of all, you have to keep in mind that you are able of doing it, since you are able to talk or, at least, point at things (I know it sounds stupid for now lol). Secondly, remember that even if you stutter, your voice comes out in a weird way, your hands shake, you have a bunch of intrusive thoughts or whatever your symptoms are, you still have control over what you are trying to do and you also have the capacity, leaving aside all of these feelings and things that make it harder to convey the message.
When the moment comes, just focus on that action you are trying to complete instead of your body responses in the moment. No matter if you are turning super red while you are ordering that pizza, you are still doing it, right? You really could do it. It should be more important to us the feeling of having accomplished the action rather than worrying about what the other person thought about us and our possible “strange behaviour”. Be happy about what you did and praise yourself!
I’m not sure if we will ever eliminate completely our symptoms and become the most extroverted person ever but, at least, even if it’s while dying on the inside when doing that thing that terrifies us, and even if we think that the other people thought we were a weirdo, we can be happy with ourselves since we completed our mission. If we stop doing things because of our fear, life is just stupid.
I myself know that it can be so hard to stop those annoying thoughts telling us that we are making a fool of ourselves all the time. I’m also trying to work on this, and I’m far from accomplishing it, but I do have hope.
It will probably take a long time to reduce the fear, but remembering that we still have the power over our bodies is a very good way to cope with the problem.
Also sorry for any mistakes, I’m not a native :) I hope this was helpful, have a great day and please tell me your thoughts about this!

Just finished binge watching the entire show (first 3 seasons and up till episode 9 of season 4) in the matter of 8 days. I feel like having watched the show for the first time from start to finish in a short timespan offers a unique perspective towards how things might potentially end.
However, I’m completely aware Tom winning is not an uncommon theory. From what I can gather from fan discussions, all possible endings hint towards either Kendall Roy or Tom Wambsgans (and Shiv being nowhere close) being the next CEO and thus “winning Succession”.
While I want Ken to win, here’s some thoughts I had 3 hours before the series finale:

1. He’s an outsider in the sense that he isn’t a blood Roy. He doesn’t have the entitlement or hasn’t treated other board members (Gerri, Frank, Karl, etc.) in the same vein that Ken, Roman, or Shiv has. Ken got into it with Karl before the presentation when he started treating Karl the way his father did and Karl felt disrespected by this. Roman “fired” Gerri twice now and has been unprofessional towards her that has jeopardised her position in the company numerous times over the past few seasons and episodes. For them, voting for Tom is a middle finger to the entitlement of the Roy children. Tom was also there with the board members when Logan died and he already has a better connection with them than the children (at Logan’s house after his passing, Tom looks into the room with the kids but choose to go to the board instead).
   
2. Tom is a stone cold “killer” (one of the reasons Logan says Ken can’t be CEO) and devoted to his work. Tom sacrificed his wife’s position and jeopardised her inheritance in order to help Logan sell the company, something Logan himself is the only other person I would think capable of doing. Logan hated when Ken skipped an important meeting to come to his birthday in S1E1 and then there’s Tom who missed Logan’s funeral to take the helm of ATN News when they were in crisis for having “fixed” the election. This is something Logan would’ve respected and appreciated himself.
   
3. Jeryd Mencken and Lukas Matsson are open to the idea of “An American CEO” but that doesn’t necessarily mean Shiv. Mencken recognises that Ken and Roman okayed ATN News to call the election for him, but it was Tom who made the final call. It’s also Tom who is highlighted in the news-articles having been the one to call the election for Mencken so Mencken is aware of him. Mencken also doesn’t like Shiv and the 3 Roy brothers made a joke of themselves at the post-funeral dinner. Matsson has already seen Tom trying to build a good rapport with him at the Norwegian retreat and Tom is less complicated than Shiv, Roman, or Ken, so Matsson may think Tom is easier to control and puppet.
   
4. Finally, I have a very very strong feeling that Greg is going to be instrumental to whoever wins Succession tonight. Greg had spent time being the number 2 for both Ken and Tom. Tom and Greg have both been treated quite horribly by all 3 siblings and especially during this last season. They are both seen as leaches of the Roy family (by Roman, Ken, and Shiv) and treated accordingly by them. All 3 have made jokes about firing Tom ever since Ken and Roman took over as interim CEO. However, Tom and Greg have had a strong connection since season 1. They’ve looked out for each other, helped each other, kept each others’ secrets, and been through hell for each other. Greg already has an inside line with Matsson (which is why Shiv yelled at him election night) and he may be the one to push the idea of Tom as CEO to Matsson. Even if he isn’t the one to oust the idea, Greg will solidify his position as “Number 2” something everyone laughed at in the library after finding Logan’s piece of paper with “Kendall Roy CEO” on it.
   

They cured me, of every last bit of anything good that I had left in my life.
This is how my they helped me personally:
2017:
- Involuntarily locked me up a in a closed ward which is just an empty hallway with rooms, haven’t seen the sunlight for the whole month of July, no one talked to me, no one explained what is happening to me or what will they do with me
- During this hospitalization, while being completely calm and quiet I got grabbed and stripped by two men while the nurse injected me with some poison, got locked up in a cage where the “doctor” came to openly insult me and threaten me that I’m not coming out for the next three days which caused me terrible claustrophobia to realize that I’m not going to be able to move for 72 hours
- During the “cage incident” I had to witness a guy in the cage next to screaming for hours that he needs water, got refused, screamed and begged for another hour until he had to take his dick out to piss in his own mouth in front of me so that he would quench the thirst he got from the medication they gave him. I’ve lost all innocence here.
- Released me after a month of this type of shit, claiming that I was helped by them and that I’m stable and doing great mentally
- I was naïve as fuck to come back, hoping that they would put me in an open ward so that I could be helped instead of tortured
- They did put me in an open ward, however they suddenly decided that I’m suffering from severe form of schizophrenia and an ECT has to be done immediately
- Threatened me to sign the ECT papers otherwise they would send me to another hospital across the whole country for another 3-6 months
- Fried my brain for a month straight on bi-daily basis because of a diagnosis that I don’t suffer from
- Medicated me heavily, later I rotated through 12 different antipsychotics, usually 3 at a time, for a diagnosis that I don’t suffer from
2018
- Tried committing suicide because I realized how disgusting the whole world is and no help is coming - got hospitalized again, been there for a month and I just spent it lying down drugged out of this world
- During this I haven’t seen my room doctor until the last day, when he came to shake my hand telling me that I’m being released, the guy spent the whole month being away at some psych convention and didn’t know anything about me, great care
- They put me on Invega injections, because my non-existent “schizophrenia” was not going away so they probably thought I wasn’t taking the pills, which I was, cause I was dumb and trusting at this point
- Invega injections killed the last bits of my personality (all my friends left me) and now I wasn’t only mentally castrated but I developed a new side effect called “ejaculation failure”
- I realized that this is not the solution and tried my best not to ever get hospitalized again, just stuck to the regular check-ups because my psychiatrist was the nicest person that I’ve met
- The whole year I spent in bed, sleeping easily for 18 hours a day, never left my home, I was heavily sedated during the 6 remaining hours too (800mg quetiapine, Invega injections, max dose of levomepromazine = 3 sedative APs at the same time)
- Reached my highest BMI of 36 (normal is 18.5-25)
- I kept complaining to my psychiatrist that I sleep 18 hours every day, she did not care, she even wrote it in the papers and did not change the medication
- Lost this whole year in bed and nothing else happened, I was 24/25 y/o
2019
- Another year of sleeping or lying in bed, drugged for a diagnosis that I don’t suffer from
- I tried 2 jobs, both failed in the first week or two cause I couldn’t wake up in the morning or keep my eyes open, had to lie down in the street a couple times cause I had to sleep so bad if I only slept for 12 hours instead of 18
- They put me into some daily psychiatric care where you come every day and leave at around 2PM, soon enough they kicked me out for refusing to get on more antipsychotics, not giving a fuck about anything that is happening to me, only trying to push more drugs
- August came and my leg started to hurt terribly, developed breathing issues, couldn’t even walk upstairs cause I felt like I’m suffocating
- Turns out I got a gigantic blood clot in the main artery of the leg, some of it traveled to the lungs and almost killed me (pulmonary embolism)
- I tell this to my psychiatrist, she acts like it has nothing to do with me taking 3 max doses of APs at the same time and sleeping 18 hours a day for two years straight. I even got a confirmation from another doctor that says I have no hereditary blood clotting issues and that it was caused by psychiatric medication, she won’t admit to this until this day (she is legitimately a nice person, always tried to help me and thinks that the drugs would never do this, but its pissing me off that she didn’t claim responsibility cause it means that it might happen to someone else easily again)
- She switches one AP for another, I still rot in bed, sedated out of my mind
- Another year is over, I slept through it and developed even more chronic health issues
- I’m 25/26 and starting to realize my best years were lost due to illness and psych drugs
2020
- Had a couple psych check-ups, nothing was getting better, 800mgs of instant release Quetiapine kept giving me all types of disgusting side effects, electroshocks in lower limbs, passing out mid-speaking, not breathing while sleeping, waking up with blue lips and pale face
- Covid hit hard and I stopped going to the check-ups for 7 months as they advised everyone to stay at home
- Used this time to get myself off of all antipsychotics, Quetiapine withdrawal was the worst and lasted for weeks, couldn’t sleep for days at a time, puking, terrible anxiety, everything physically hurt, itching, sweating and all types of nasty shit but I decided to get off this poison so I did
- Until this point I really thought I am a schizophrenic but it turns out all the nasty schizo-like symptoms were caused by my overmedication, suddenly I started to have personality and I was more lively
- I was still suffering really hard from psychological pain so I googled “most painful mental disorder”, BPD came out as the answer, read up on it, realized that it’s really no schizophrenia but instead Borderline PD, which to me is even worse and I wanted to die even more after finding out
2021
- After 7 months COVID calmed down, decided to get a psych check-up, told her I’m no longer on APs, she suggests me to take Latuda (another AP), she was really careless as I was already prescribed Carbamazepine which has a terrible interaction with Latuda and no one in the right mind would prescribe it together
- I take it together, the result was explosive puking, couldn’t even manage to get into bathroom in time, this happened multiple days before I decided to Google the interactions.
- First time in my life I started to be psychotic after taking Latuda, auditory hallucinations and extreme paranoia. Told her about the interaction and the psychotic symptoms, she just increased the dose. Another check-up I complained the symptoms got even worse, she increased the dose to the max.
- I didn’t know it was the Latuda causing it so I just stopped taking the carbamazepine because of the interaction, got extreme akathisia from Latuda which felt like being burned alive from the inside, I didn’t take another dose after this but the psychosis stayed
- At this point I was already 6 months in active psychosis with auditory hallucinations and paranoia, trying to survive in the world where everyone was “after me” and no help was in sight
- This is the first time I experienced psychosis in my life and started to believe them, that I really am a schizophrenic
- After 7 months of Latuda induced psychosis she got me on another AP which calmed it down a things got better
2022
- I read up on Latuda, realized the psychosis was caused by it and I was back to thinking I only got the fucking BPD + all the comorbid crap (depression, anxiety, ocd…)
- I looked at myself in the mirror after 5 years of being made completely careless about everything because of the overmedication, realized I’m a BMI 36 fat peace of shit and without all the medication numbing me I got super anxious about my looks
- Stopped taking the meds and I was finally able to start doing things, started working out, doing chores, walking 5 miles every day and I started fasting
- In exactly 180 days I lost 40kg/88lb and went down to 22 BMI but these 180 days hurt like fuck because of the un-medicated BPD and my living conditions at home. I was in a terrible place mentally, suicidal, I knew no medication can fix this condition
- After almost 5 years I decided to trust psychiatry again, got myself hospitalized, spent one month just sitting there waiting for a miracle as they closed off the whole ward because of COVID. They tried getting me on prothazine and MAOI at the same time, which is a deadly interaction but they were careless and almost did me in with this combo
- Nothing changed for the better during this month, at the end of the hospitalization they did psych tests and confirmed BPD without me telling them that I suspected this dg.
- No one said we’re sorry for misdiagnosing me w/ schizophrenia or frying my brain with ECT, or overmedicating me with 12 max dose APs for a diagnosis that I don’t suffer from, or them making me extremely fat for no reason, or giving me 3 blood clots that won’t go away, or them destroying every dopamine receptor in my brain to a point where I couldn’t ever feel any positive emotion again, or that they castrated me and made me asexual
- The day after officially getting the most stigmatized diagnosis confirmed on paper, I was released even more suicidal than before and lasted a couple of days before deciding to go in the psychiatric ER in the same hospital. They just told me to “take a hike in the forest” and I was sent home and they billed the insurance company for something expensive like “anti-suicidal intervention with duration no less than 45 minutes” even though we talked for about 6 minutes; ($$$$$)
- I lasted about 35 days like this before I gave up and try to commit suicide out of all the hopelessness, 80 xans and 700ml of vodka was the only thing that I amounted to, spent 2 days in coma but the outcome could’ve been way worse
- I ended up in the same psych ward, after this suicide attempt they decided that I don’t deserve any psychological help, instead they locked me in an empty room for 5 days where I had to endure all the BPD symptoms all alone, just me, a bed and 4 walls and a bucket they had me piss & shit into because they wouldn’t even let me out to use the bathroom, nurse even complimented me on how much piss & shit I produced into the bucket, lost all my dignity right here at this point
- I remembered all the stories I read and finally realized that honesty only brings you harm in these types of hospitals so I started lying that I’m doing great just to get out of this hell and they just released me, even more suicidal and traumatized than before
- Out of the desperation I order something similar to Kratom, It allowed me to somehow survive the next 6 months without a sui attempt
- The year was over, I was 28/29 and my youth was all gone and wasted in suffering, zero hope
2023
- I kept going to the check-ups, kept googling new medication in hopes of finding something to fix my brain and I started a new antidepressant, It didn’t do much but at least I had no side effects
- I was offered to go to the daily psychiatric care again so I went. I came there, introduced myself as well as I could in front of 15 new people. The main therapist literally tells me that she feels bothered by my presence and starts to ridicule me in front of everyone even though there was nothing wrong with my introduction
- I left and no longer I could say that it’s only me who feels like a burden or annoyance to people if even a paid professional can’t help it but to bully me
- I go home and decide to do what’s been long due, I hang myself with a fucking Ethernet cable, it breaks after 10 seconds anyway and I fall down on my sad ass. Sleeping pills started to kick in so I just went to sleep and left the cable hanging there
- For some fucking reason the next I decided to look for help in psychiatry again, got offered a hospitalization just to get kicked out after 3 days, they gave me 60 seconds to pack my shit and leave the room, I don’t even know what I did at this point but kicking suicidal people to the curb like a bag of garbage is apparently fine by them, no reason needed. I guess they already prescribed me all types of useless but expensive shit that brings them money every month anyways so I’m of no use to them anymore
It hopefully ends here. I realized that it doesn’t matter how bad I'm doing mentally, every chance I give psychiatry, they only make it worse. I’m almost thirty, they cured nothing, only made me worse, traumatized me further and made me develop new chronic disorders that cause me physical pain, as if the psychological BPD pain wasn’t enough. Not only my youth is gone but the future too as I am unable to get any sort of positive feeling out of anything, I don’t know if it was the ECT that fried my brain or the shitloads of APs that caused me to have this anhedonia but I can’t feel anything. My whole life is just me trying to cope with the BPD pain as it is the only thing I can feel. I don’t know where else to go and I feel like the brain damage is irreversible while the psychiatrists are living their best lives, enjoying the money and the status of god. I’ve been used and the big pharma is hundreds of thousands of dollars richer thanks to me, which they will either pocket or use to make new poisons that will kill or destroy lives of even more people. I don’t know how long I will last but I wish I killed myself in 2016 so that I wouldn’t have to go through all this shit only to come out even more damaged.
Rule #5 says no medical advice and I'm not looking for one, but someone please tell me what to fucking do after all this brain damage has been done or what to do with the BPD, where do I go when things get bad? I'm all alone and I'm scared I will be dumb enough to ask psychiatry for help again, the story proves I'm dumb enough to go back again and never learn.

As I reach my 30s and still trying to unwind the mess that is my mind..... I am starting to suspect that my parents gaslighting messed me up as a kid/ young adult and implanted lots of limiting beliefs. Not really in the habit of blaming them, as for all of these years I blamed myself and only myself but didn't really understand why. I just knew I was at fault.
Well thinking back, where did this idea that I was always the problem come from? Who are the ones that always blamed me and said I wasn't doing good enough even if I did a slam dunk job doing chores and letting them control me everyday of the week........ who are the ones who guilted and gaslighted me for having any interests outside of what they came up with....... my parents.... and I believed them!
Am I destined to repeat the same mistakes? This is going to take time to unpack.

This might only apply to my fellow ladies, but I thought I'd share. I've been doing a lot of reflecting and trying to understand the root of my feelings, and in so doing, I end up sharing my thoughts with my husband. I was expressing to him that when I was younger, before I was married, I knew I wasn't a good cook, and I knew I wasn't great at cleaning/keeping the house tidy, etc. But what I did have was an adventurous wild side, and I thought that was what I "had to offer" my future husband. That's why it hurts when he rejects me, because he's rejecting the one thing I had to offer in a sense. (This was communicated to help him understand me, not to guilt him into not rejecting me or anything like that.) And you know what he said to me?
"You're worth more than sex."
I was speechless, and had to go sit and think again. He was entirely right. I've been placing my value as a wife in my sexual prowess. But he sees me as so much more, and loves me for way more than what I bring to the bedroom. But I don't acknowledge those things, and don't believe I have anything else to bring to the table, so I end up feeling like sex is all I'm good for, and the rejection of sex is a rejection of me which is just simply untrue.
Now I definitely still just have a higher libido than he does. It's not all about my perception of myself. But dang, it is part of it. Since then, I'm trying to intentionally notice the things I do for him outside the bedroom, and notice his appreciation for those things instead. And it's helping! I guess I'm moving into a place where I can more healthily accept that our marriage is more than sex. We aren't just roommates by any means, but there are platonic elements to our relationship, and those elements matter too. There's also just sappy silly elements, that I've been overlooking while longing for sex and romance instead of joy and love. It's really hard, but I'm starting to see things in a more balanced light. And it's really helping me adjust my expectations, and maintain a better relationship with my husband.
Idk if this will relate to anyone else. But I'm sharing because I really hope someone else might make the realization I did, and find answers they didn't know they needed.

Sorry for the delay. My computer crapped out on me so I had to type this by phone. It’s going to be shorter than I intended but I hope it’s still informative and appreciate everyone's patience.
A familiar theme for the Saints, unfortunately, continued this past season. Injuries helped ensure that Dennis Allen’s first season wouldn’t be a successful one. The defense lost a lot of players in free agency but it took a step back season anyway and needed an infusion in talent. Offensively the biggest hole was filled by the signing of QB Derek Carr. The O line has talent and just needs to stay healthy.
Departures:
David Onyemata (DT) Marcus Davenport (Edge) Shy Tuttle (DT) Kaden Elliss (LB) Andy Dalton (QB) Deonte Harty (WR) Justin Evans (S) Marquez Callaway (WR) Kentavius Street (DT) Ethan Greenidge (OT) Andy Trautman (TE) (Trade)
Signings
Signed QB Derek Carr Signed RB Jamaal Williams Re-signed WR Michael Thomas Re-signed TE Juwan Johnson Signed DE Nathan Shepherd Signed DT Khalen Saunders Signed S Johnathan Abram Re-signed DE Malcolm Roach Signed CB Lonnie Johnson Re-signed QB Jameis Winston Re-signed P Blake Gillikin Signed RT Storm Norton Re-signed LB Ty Summers
Round 1 • Pick 29 - Bryan Bresee, Defensive Tackle, Clemson
By far the number one need for the Saints, headed into the draft, was IDL. Enter Bryan Bresee, the 6’5 298lb DT who was once the number 1 ranked high school recruit in the nation. Bresee’s college career got off to a great start. At the end of his freshman season, he was named the ACC Defensive Rookie of the Year, and an All-ACC first-team member. He was unable to build upon that success the following season, however, as he suffered an ACL tear, which cut his season short to only four games. The following season a kidney infection and the unfortunate and unimaginably tragic passing of his 15-year sister to cancer caused him to miss some games but by the end of the season, he started to resemble his old self. Many mocks tied Bresee to the Saints. He filled the biggest hold and fits the prototype that the Saints love. Great size and truly athletically gifted. I think his injury concerns are overblown. He only had one serious injury which was the ACL tear. The other that caused him to miss time was bad luck. His upside is great. He’s quick off the line, has great measurables, and is only 21.
Round 2 • Pick 40 - Isaiah Foskey, Edge, Notre Dame
Another pick that fills a need and makes sense. Some people believe that this was a slight reach but I disagree. I brought Foskey up as a great fit before the draft. Foskey was exceptionally productive at Notre Dame and broke Justin Tuck’s record for most sacks in the program’s history. Another ideal Saints fit as he also has RAS of 9.61 which means he is gifted athletically on top of being productive. Has good length which he knows how to use to not only get sacks but cause fumbles which he lead the nation in 2021. Needs to get a little stronger as an edge defender but has an ideal teacher in Cam Jordan. There is an open spot for the taking with the departure of Marcus Davenport if Foskey is ready but if not, there is still ample playing time available.
Round 3 • Pick 71 - Kendre Miller, Running Back, TCU
With the looming suspension of Alvin Kamara, Running Back was a need even with the signing of Jamaal Williams. Miller checks two big boxes in production and size. Ran for over 6 yds per carry all 3 years of college including last season where he rushed for almost 1400 yds and 17 tds. His biggest flaw is his lack of breakaway speed but he has good acceleration through holes. Needs to work on his pad level as he runs high sometimes. Also has some production as a pass catcher and the confidence to force his way onto the field. Only 20 years old.
Round 4 • Pick 103 - Nick Saldiveri, Tackle, Old Dominion
Saldiveri was a surprising pick to most, but when you look at his RAS score and his ability to play all across the O-line, he is another prototypical Saints pick. Doesn’t have the ideal length to play out at Tackle but the Saints do have questions on the interior. Guard Caesar Ruiz hasn’t been re-signed yet although if he plays like he did last season, I don’t think that will be an issue. Guard Andrus Peat has been an enigma for Saints fans. Between his injuries, salary, and play, most fans seem to be counting down the days until he’s off the team but the coaches have always seemed to think highly of him. Regardless, Saldiveri can offer a cost-effective replacement for either spot.
Round 4 • Pick 127 - Jake Haener, Quarterback, Fresno State
Jameis Winston is only signed for one season. A backup QB is a need going forward. Haener has the tools to be a good one. He lacks size and arm strength but has very good timing and anticipation. Also, did you see his rookie photo shoot? Those pouty lips justified the pick already. 😂
Round 5 • Pick 146 - Jordan Howden, Safety, Minnesota
A smart player whose timed speed was much better than expected. Generally always in the right spot and is a solid wrap-up tackler. The worst-case scenario is special team ace and spot starter is great value for a late-round pick.
Round 6 • Pick 195 - A.T. Perry, Wide Receiver, Wake Forest
An absolute specimen at WR. 6’4 200lbs and ran a 4.4 in the 40. Tall wideout with elite arm length but also shows a surprising amount of twitch for his size and a good understanding of shifting speeds. Has shown a knack for high-pointing the ball and is a hands catcher. Concentration lapses and inconsistent hands showed up on film and so far in OTAs but I would not be surprised for Perry to be the steal of the Saints draft. The Saints have a lot of options but Perry can play himself to WR 3 or 4 this season or higher depending on Michael Thomas’ health.

Hey everyone,
I recently finished my new album and thought my urge to create music would be satisfied for a while but then I saw this video of someone writing music with some very simple chord progressions and just did a piece myself. It's very corny, so I tried to counter it with a bit of adventurous fantasy music.
Still, it was a good exercise in orchestration and in writing some cheesy Hollywood/Disneyesque filmmusic which is rather new for me. So, tell me what you think! It was written in Dorico and rendered with the newest version of Noteperformer, though I'll probably give this a make-over in Cubase one day.
Score: https://www.mediafire.com/file/0y8fbpekcxqyx5k/Orchestral_Fantasy_for_a_Corny_Theme_Park_Ride_TRANSPOSED.pdf/file
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oeJMb31xNQ

I (19m) lived with dad (48m) and my brother (22m) my whole life. My dad and mom divorced very early in my life. There is so much to the story but to speed it up alittle bit, basically my dad was awful. Verbally abusive, possibly mentally and sometimes physical. He was horrible and that affected me and my brother. I wasnt the best kid, i took after my dad in personality and my brother did too i suppose. That affected how i was too friends.
Anyway, last year after a long buildup, we lost our house due to bankruptcy because my dad quit paying after having bankruptcy. I moved in with my mom(55f) and at first it was actually nice. My video game addiction due to depression was gone and aside from a couple times there was an angry moment between my mom and her boyfriend(58m), everything was good there. My brother and dad lived in a truck then at my grandparents(dads side) then a house they rented then now a camper in someones yard. Im sure that seems weird. Its because they lived in a truck until my dad wrecked it, they lived at his parents until after like 6 months whennmy dad finally got into the rented house, and the landlord did him a favor and let him pay extra rent until the deposit was paid off because my dad couldnt afford it first thing.
They lived there for 3 months until stuff that coincidentally stopped my dad from having money and preventing him from paying a penny to the landlord in all 3 months got them kicked out. My dad bought a camper and now they are living in it at yard in which actually a few weeks ago, they started sleeping in tents because the camper was so packed that they cant even enter it anymore. That's the simplification of them up until now.
Things where i am have gotten worse. My mom acted awful every day for a while, her boyfriend started being mean too. Got somewhat better though. Its just been a whole lot of stress though. My dad has continuously screwed up and that screws over my brother who up until 5 or so months ago, i still disliked alot. I have understood that if i wish to change and hope that people will understand i did and my friends will forgive me, i have to forgive him too. I have understood that while i mostly acted how i did because of my dad, it was the same for him.
So because of those realizations, i have started "caring" and feeling bqd and trying to help. Atleast for my brothers sake. But it's been awful. I have no money and cant drive which means i can't do anything and my mom wants him to live here. If something messed up, im completely dependent. She wasnt her own place because of her bf (who is pretty bad recently) and would have my brother move in (IF he even would) but again no license and no money. My mom also has no license, lost it last year and hardly has no money. Her car is in her boyfriends name. Considering all that, who help me drive, who would get our stuff to her new house and what would happen with her car if we moved?
With all that, everyday is awful. I hate getting up because i wonder what will go on today. We have had to constantly help my dad out after his screw ups. Im down a few hundred dollars i got for graduating and im just sick of it. The last few months i have tried to be happy. I will soon have my license which will let me go anywhere i want when i want, i will have money which will let me get whatever i want and i am talking to my friends again and they dont have hard feelings against me but we arent going to hang out until i can drive.
Its not working. Im not happy. Things have just been getting worse and more worrisome with my brother and we always say we need to say something because "this cant keep going on" but then my mom and her mom(75f) wimp out because "what if my dad does something bad because we angered him" but in my opinion TRYING to talk to him but angering him is so much better than not doing anything and them starving to death or something and all we did was non directly help with that. So today my dad needed to pay the owner of the property he is at 80 bucks but didnt have it (surprise surprise) so my aunt (50f) lent it and i said some stuff to him basically saying how it cant go on like this and he got pissed and raised his voice at me and fast walked towards me as if he was going to put his hands on me. I just walked inside my house. I was pretty angry. I told my mom and she was worried they weren't going to get any money back. But me? I am so done. This was 4 hours ago and I have done ALOT of thinking. My post might seem alittle over the place and that is because i have been typing this for 3 hours and been constantly thinking of everything.
My thoughts are that i think i want to leave. Im going to get my license and a job, buy myself a car, save a little then leave. Everyone else be damned. I can't do it anymore. All this going on is a constant battle of thoughts in my head. Am i a bad person? Are these people around me bad people or just assholes? Im done with my dad but my brother, im not too sure. We were both bad back then. I was a jerk and didn't realize it if that makes sense and had anger problems which came out when someone was mean to me or bothering alot. He was the big brother that knew they were bigger and stronger than the little brother and took advantage. Then he became super different and worse the last few years and my hate and anger grew which made me meaner to him.
Moving here, i have been thinking in my head that it wasnt always our fault (with my mothers help of course) but while i was very angry today, i wondered if my mom has been manipulating me to believe that or rather that NONE of it was his fault. Everytime i complained about him she always blamed my dad. I dont think i have ever heard "your dad" more in my life. Thinking about stuff in the past kind of makes me believe she has been manipulating and brainwashing me (which is easy because i have a very weak mentality) into thinking he wasnt bad at all. Anytime i complained about him at the other house she always just said geez or shook her head. I told her once that i was feeling depressed and a specific thing depressed people feel and she hugged me but then that was it. She acted as if i never said it after that. She seems to be more sympathetic towards him.
I dont think he is bad but when i have to deal with my dad, my mom manipulating and guilt tripping me(just remembered that im done a few hundred bucks because she guilted me into lending it to my dad) and my brother who wont really help himself, i very much want to just give the middle finger and be done. I am feeling very de-motivated to keep typing and my thoughts are slipping but last thing is i honestly think my mom might believe im like my dad or something. It would explain why seems to always be sympathetic towards my brother. She might think me and my dad were the abuser towards him. I joked(very obviously) about giving a hot pepper to the dog and she almost threw it away because she thought i wouldve. I wouldnt have. That is evil to do. There was another piece of "evidence" but it is out of my mind now so i am just going to finish up now.
But yeah this post definitely changed a little bit from what i was originally going to say but yeah i feel like im done with it all. I hate dealing with this.

I keep reading how good it is to apply on June 1st, but I honestly don’t think all my supplemental essays and personal statements will be ready by then. Earliest would be second week of June, I’ll be done with finals by then.
Also, how long did you guys spend writing your apps?

I am getting mix result, some said it is buggy, other said it is good some say it beautiful to screenshot but hell to play. Getting a bit tired of the Gamma play style because of the crazy amount of item you need to fix in order to use armors/weapons. Too many clutter after 1 hour of traveling around (though I am getting used to it but my god if it is not overwhelming)
So I want some opinion on Expedition 2.3

This shit is starting to get to me so I need some perspective on this whole situation please. I'm using my main account since two of my friends use Reddit and know my username anyway.
As a preface, I was in a 6 year relationship in which we were engaged that ended 2 and half years ago. The engagement ended due to incompatibilities that we couldn't ignore any longer, but it ended on great terms since we genuinely cared about each other. This current friend group formed during the last year of that relationship. We all hang out together all the time, have been on several trips together, support one another, and regularly stay the night at each other's homes. They are like my second family of sorts. Nothing sexual has ever happened between anyone in the group that I know of.
Well about 8 months ago I was finally feeling ready to date again with the intention of getting married and having kids after two long term flings. I expressed these feelings to my friends after we got back to my place from a bar. They were all excited for me and offered to help look, to which I declined since I'd rather let the process happen as organically as possible. Well nearly two weeks after this conversation, we've all gathered at 30F's 4ghouse after work for a dinner party since she loves to cook; except she had also invited one of her friends (31F) that doesn't normally hang out with us on nights like this. I couldn't care less since I think she's a great person to be around, super kind, and pretty funny although I've only talked to her a handful of times. As you have probably guessed already, she was invited for me which everyone was in on except for 28M and me. I'm not entirely oblivious/naive so I figure out pretty quickly that this is an informal date between 31F and myself. She spent a large portion of the night making conversation with me in an effort for us to get to know each other. Towards the end of the night I took 31F aside to the patio in order to talk about this situation in privacy. She tells me that 30F said that we would be great together and that finds me attractive and wants to find out where things could go. I tell her that I'm flattered but she's just not what I'm looking for in a life partner. There was some back and forth about why and what she might have done wrong, I stressed that it was nothing she did wrong and that she is attractive but I'm not interested. The conversation ended something like this:
31F: "But I don't understand, why wouldn't you be interested? From our conversations I think we should at least give each other a chance. "
Me: "It doesn't matter why I'm not interested. I think you deserve to be with someone who is crazy about you. Besides, I'm sure you have a ton of guys who are interested in getting to know you on an intimate level. "
31F: "Ok I understand, but let me know if you change your mind".
Exact words escape me, but I thought this whole thing was tied up that night with they conversation. We re joined the get together and had a good time with everyone before we all went home. The next goddamn day I'm contacted by friends 30F and 27F about 31F. They were annoyed that I didn't give 31F at least 1 date since she really tried to get to know me. I ignored the fact that they tried to set me up because I genuinely don't think it's a big deal. I reiterated what I said to 31F the night before but they continued to press me about why I won't date her. After like an hour of pressing me I finally told them that I don't like dating promiscuous women. How do I know that 31F was promiscuous in her past? Because it's hard not to listen to 23F, 27F, and 30F gossip and talk about people they know when we hang out. I know all about 31F's past since she and 30F went to college together. Now let me just say that I do not care if an individual is sexually free, as long as every one is safe, consenting, and healthy, please do whatever you want. I also don't look down on any one who chooses to live their life that way and try my best to treat everyone with respect. However I learned from that gossip that 31F was a "party girl" and had slept with over 50 men during her time in college. Again, she can do whatever she wants but I don't find that type of behavior appealing in a long term partner. I equated it to dating a vegetarian or someone who doesn't like pets. It's just a preference, that's it.
27F and 30F immediately jumped down my throat until 23F came to my rescue and helped them understand my perspective and thought process. I felt as though I was perfectly reasonable. I was a bit shocked when they acted like I shouldn't have this preference and that it was based in misogyny. Look, I have two sisters and most of my family are women, I don't have a misogynistic bone in my body. There was a slight shift in how frequently we hung out after that, but things seemed fine for the most part over the next few months. Even 28M came to me and said that he thought it was ok for me to have whatever preferences I wanted for whoever I plan to spend the rest of my life with. Case closed right?
No. A few months after that blip I met someone that I'm excited about (she sent me a rose on Hinge) and I began spending a bit less time with the group to spend more time with her. Everyone noticed and asked if I was dating someone and I of course said that I was and told them about her. Well 27F and 30F didn't like that she was 23 years old and started throwing out some pretty shitty accusations about me grooming her, or that I might have pedophilic tendencies. Then they brought up 31F again and said they now understand the "real" reason why I wouldn't date her. Friends 23F and 28M again defended me but things became increasingly tense. I don't understand what the fuck is happening with 27F and 30F. We were all solid before all of this and everyone has been so reasonable up until that night with 31F.
Can you all please share your thoughts? Is our friend group done? While 28M and 23F think it's fine, I'm still getting shit from 30F and 27F.

Hi everyone! I’m moving to NYC soon & am looking to buy a good bag for my trips to the office. I’ll need to be able to fit a 16” laptop, accessories, chargers, etc. as well a change of clothes for the gym. I’ve seen a lot of discussion about the Travel Pack 3 Small as well as the City Pack Pro. Is there a noticeable difference when between 28L & 24L? I’m also looking at their gym tote since that would allow me to take a change of shoes but I wonder would the smell of my shoes leak into the rest of the bag? Not that I get super smelly feet but, naturally, feet get sweaty when working out.
Thanks for reading!

I have to chop the top off of one of mine and I’m thinking about using it for grafting.

I did a load of sheets, tossed them in the dryer, and it wouldn’t run. It’s an older dryer. Tried a few things, no luck. So I went online, bought a new dryer from Lowe’s, and it’s getting delivered tomorrow.
But I still had wet sheets.
So I went to a laundromat.
I haven’t been to a laundromat in 20 years. It wasn’t even a bad one but I was uncomfortable putting my clean sheets on any surface in there to fold. I was there for half an hour. It sucked.
I used to have to go to the laundromat every week. I’d spend 2 hours there, washing and drying laundry for a family of five. It was exhausting. I couldn’t do anything else during that time. I usually had my kids with me. It was expensive. Hot. Boring.
I have had the good fortune (and much of it is good fortune, it’s not all hard work) to reach a point where I can do laundry at home and buy a new dryer when the old one dies. But I will never forget being poor and all the extra work that goes into being poor. Those who have never been poor have no idea.

I was struggling with Anxiety from 2020 Then Hoarding OCD (Unable to throw things) Now, Memory Hoarding.
Each feels worse than ever. I want to be okay...please help me to be okay and get out of this mess.
When I was having hoarding OCD I suffered so much but then few months ago I started to throw things and it felt so refreshing but now I collect the dates (exp and production dates) before throwing things away. Dates that I will never ever need still I take a picture or try to remember it or write it down. Cause my brain is like just in case I need it..ofc I don't need it but I can't stop doing this. Please advice me. Help me to come out of this.
My pain trigger is exams and sitting for exams. I feel scared and feel like I need to know the date only then my exams will be good or I won't have any panic attack to disturb me during exams.
😔 it's been like a month or two since my memory hoarding started. Please advice me to stop it. Tell me how do I stop it.