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2023.05.30 04:58 Relative-Cup9671 Do I need talent to play track/xc in college

I never liked sports growing up but on the end of my summer before my freshman year I decided to do track and field my older brother who played football and track said I should run distance so I decided to train for it the first time I ran I could run half a lap and for two weeks it stayed like that but in one month of training I could complete a mile in 6,40 seconds so I started running a mile every day till track and field my school didn’t get cross country till my sophomore year anyway my first track meet I ran the 1600 in 6,22 seconds ,3200 14,10 ,800 2,42 seconds And seeing these times I pushed myself to break them at the end of the season I went to state with these times and got dusted 1600 5,38 ,3200 12,48 800 2,30 I came 10-12 in everything so I thought that I needed to get better for next year so I decided to play football because that was are only fall sports so I tried for it and did no distance running all summer but two weeks before football started my track coach said they started xc at my school and wanted her distance boys to play so the day of are first skirmish I quit and went to train cross country for two weeks before our first game in it I ran 22,32 and came 8th in the race realizing how close I came to top 5 I trained my heart out dropping my time by dozens of seconds a meet second to last meet before regionals I ran a 20,19 so close to sub 20 my goal pace for the year so when regionals came I ran my fastest xc time me and this other kid were way ahead of the pack and was racing each other the whole time till the last 400 ish meters where he fell behind and I finished 13 seconds ahead of him with my time being 19.18 I was dry heaving at the end but I it I got sub 20 and came first in regionals fast forward one week and we were at state qualifiers it was on a college course in the hills my school is near the coast so it almost completely flat around the surrounding area so me and most other teams never run on hilly courses so when we ran this course it killed everybody my time at the end was 21.01 and came 29th and the rest of the team did not do much better so lost the chance to go to state this year but I did not let it get me Down and for the rest of winter I ran like a madman gearing up for the coming track season so I ran at my peak 30 miles a week and the day of my first practice I ran my last years best times but this year I tried more speed events and dropped the 3200 running instead 800 4/8 1600 400mh with the times of 2,10. 5,11. 1.03 at the end of this season with these times I placed in none but the 400mh at 8 place I am training hard for xc next year but I have a question for all you do I need a lot of talent to do good in these sports I see a lot of people running my best times a there middle school times and I am starting to think even if I train hard I still won’t be good enough to go to the next level and play in college for my stats I am male 5’6 and at 165 pounds after track I have two more years left in school do you think I can get my times down enough to play for a college team or will my sports just end in high school for me
submitted by Relative-Cup9671 to trackandfield [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 04:57 kentukya1 The Worst Morning of my life.

Here’s a story that I would like to share. It was something really traumatizing for me and I hope nobody will experience something like I did that morning…
(Before I begin, I’m an operator, driving heavy machines.. Also, English isn’t my main language so sorry if they are things that aren’t making any sense or if it’s unclear lol))
It was a sunny Monday around 8:00am. I was working, snowplowing residential driveway. I was driving a heavy machinery equipped with a big snowblower (Wheel Loader). I was clearing snow from a driveway.
(\note that They is a crosswalk near the driveway I was plowing. And they are big bushes and tree that hide/annoy our visibility *).*
When I was done clearing the driveway, I pull up the snowblower from the ground. Looking at my surrounding, I see no one around the crosswalk or even on the road, so I begin to go slowly forward. And then while I slowly accelerate, I kinda see something fall at the left of my snowblower. At first, I thought it was a piece of ice that fell from the top of my snowblower. And I get that horrible mind in my head, ‘’Imagine if that piece of ice was someone’’. I keep driving, going very slowly, convinced that it was a snow piece. I turn my head, looking at the road through the glass door. And I believe to see clothes on the ground and I heard noises like if someone was screaming. My brain don’t want to believe it. I keep driving maybe 15-20 feet from the crosswalk and I look on the back behind me and I see someone laying down in the middle of the road.
At that moment, I’m like; ‘’This can’t be real, I bet it’s a nightmare and when I will turn the key to cut off the engine, I will wake up’’. *Proceed to turn the engine off*. I didn’t wake up, this is really happening! I open the door and climb out of the wheel loader. I was convinced that I had just killed someone. ‘’There I am, 19-year-old my life is over I just ran over someone, and he’s probably dead’’. ‘’What my family will think of me now?’’. I run toward him. While I run, I heard him scream, probably from pain. When I arrive at his side, I told him that I’ve never seen him and that I was sorry. He’s screaming from pain and tell me to call the ambulance. (I already had my phone out, but I was so panicking that I wasn’t able to call 911. My hands were shaking, I was in shock. I turn around and see 3 people running toward us. One holding his phone already talking with a 911 dispatchers. I let them take care of the victim because they seemed to knew what they were doing better than me, so I go on the side of the road away from them. I was feeling my heart going very fast, my hands were shaking. I was cold. They were 3 people taking care of the victim while waiting for the ambulance, and they were other people who were reassuring
me telling me that it was an accident, but I wasn’t really listening to what they were saying. After maybe 4–5 minutes of waiting, I was hearing sirens coming closer from us. I turn my head, I see 2 fire truck coming toward us. I turn the other way and I see like 4-5 police cars following with an ambulance and paramedic pick up. I don’t remember a lot of things after that. Basically, an ambulance proceeded to take care of the victim and another ambulance with a team of paramedic took care of me because I was in shock, they were saying my heart was going too fast and that I should go to hospital or something. They called an ambulance for me, but I refused to take it because I felt that I didn’t need an ambulance, lol.
(Took me literally around 1 week to recover from this, I was having trouble sleeping, I couldn’t think of something else than the incident.)
Anyway, the guy ends up having only a broken leg and other minor injury. Police investigated and it end up it was an accident. He crossed the road without making sure I saw him. He was in my blind spot when I hit him and I never saw him coming because they were tree and bushes and big snow blank hiding the pedestrian road, so I couldn’t see him coming. And again he doesn’t make any eyes contact with me or making sure I saw him before crossing the road.
Here’s what I don’t stop thinking about! Why me! I’m only 19 year old and I literally drove over someone, what is the chance!!?? I’m always driving very safely, watching every pedestrian and paying attention while driving. I can’t believe that I didn’t see him. I hate myself for that. I literally drove over someone with a wheel loader. And I can’t stop thinking that I could have killed him. This incident took place a few months ago during the winter. Now i’m fine but still to this day, they are not one day that I don’t think of that morning. I already know that I will keep thinking of it until I die. For real, that day, it was the worst morning.
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2023.05.30 04:46 buttsforeva Healthy Self-Pity?

The following is on Pete Walker's website:
I am often saddened when I hear adult children parrot the "conventional wisdom" that it is bad to feel sorry for yourself. This so-called wisdom shames people out of normal, healthy, self-pity. Everyone needs to occasionally feel sorry for themselves. Tears for the self are some of the most potently healing experiences of recovery. Self-pity, in balance and moderation, is extremely healing. Recovery, in fact, is often very limited until there are profound experiences of feeling sorry for the self.
Self-pity in balanced moderation is the miraculously releasing gift of "self-sorrowing". Self-sorrowing is one of the most beautiful and restorative of emotional experiences. There is nothing in the world more centering than a good unabashed cry about one's troubles. Nothing dissolves the awful abandonment pain of the inner child like a good cry for the self. This is especially true when the adult child imagines himself back in the past tenderly comforting his crying inner child.
Self-pity is only dysfunctional when it is excessive. This is sometimes seen in people who spend extreme amounts of time feeling sorry for themselves. Although long periods of self-pity can be healthy in some phases of recovery, it is possible to get stuck in and addicted to self-pity. This is sometimes the case with the long term recoveree who does nothing effective to recover the losses of her childhood. She may become so disempoweringly lost in self-pity that she never acts to change abusive or neglectful situations. This kind of excessive self-pity usually looks so dysfunctional that it may even alienate others from healthy and moderate self-pity in an all-or-none kind of way. Self-pity, however, is not a black and white issue. We do not need to throw out the baby of self-compassion with the bathwater of excessive self-pity.
Crying for the self is especially therapeutic when old pain resurfaces from unresolved childhood traumas. The average dysfunctional family leaves its survivors with lifelong tendencies to flashback on some occasions into shame, fear and emptiness. Unashamed crying can often resolve and work through the pain of such experiences.
It is a sad statement about our culture that we have no positive term for the healthy side of self-pity. We are praised as compassionate when we feel sorry for others, but there is no corresponding term for feeling sorry for ourselves! Little wonder we are so codependent. Society's taboo against self-pity offers us no choice but to limit our compassion to caring only about the pain of others.
We need to resist those who toxically shame us for being on the "pity pot" whenever we express normal sadness about our painful life experiences. This is true whether they are past or present. Our recovery can only be aided by the rejection of this pervasive social indoctrination against self-pity. We must refuse to accept the nonsense that it is good to feel sorry for others, but not for ourselves. We must strive to reclaim for ourselves the potent healing tool of sometimes feeling sorry (sorrow) for ourselves.
Unfortunately, the right and need to feel sorrow for ourselves can be very difficult to recover. Most of us have been thoroughly brainwashed against self-compassion by our parents and the wider society. Many of us also had this shaming of self-compassion reinforced by the religion that we were raised in. Consequently, many survivors have come to believe that self-pity is some awful sin, rather than the precious gift that it is. Some adult children may be helped to reclaim their self-compassion by remembering that even Jesus felt sorry for himself. He modeled the positive side of self-pity when he wept in the Garden and on the Cross.
Unless the survivor of the dysfunctional family feels unashamed sorrow for the child she was, she will never really understand the magnitude of what she lost. Crying for the inner child and her losses from poor parenting often spontaneously awakens a heart-felt desire to compassionately re-mother her.
Tears of self-compassion can also motivate our efforts to give our inner children the unconditional love that they so eminently deserve. . . that was so unfairly withheld from them. Tears for the child can also spontaneously awaken a desire to champion and re-father our inner children - to protest unfair treatment and to protect them from abuse.
Compassionate crying for the self can also create deep, bodily-based feelings of peace and relaxation. Balanced self-sorrowing often fosters a miraculous rebirth of the heart from the death of the obsessing mind.
Healthy self-pity increases an individual's experience of being heart-centered. As such, it often nurtures an inner softening that attracts real experiences of human love. As much as I can welcome myself in my sadness, that much can I thoroughly welcome and receive another.
Most of us must fight very hard to recover the right to self-sorrow. This hard-won right will hopefully never be given up or outgrown. We must always have a special place in our hearts for feeling sorry for ourselves.
Now. Oh boy. There's a lot here.
This is all coming at me so hard and fast right now, especially as I claw my way out of collapse and am becoming more self-aware. I'm going to need some help on this one.
I know self-pity and self-compassion are ostensibly very different. But, are they? And if so, how? (I know some of the differences already, but I would like to hear your thoughts).
Can one show himself self-compassion by allowing himself a certain allotment of self-pity to grieve over his circumstances? Especially if they are completely overwhelming, such as in a case of collapse that gives rise to self-awareness?
But what if the collapse is caused explicitly by the acknowledgement of one's own misdeeds, betrayals, abuses--the acknowledgement that he has acted very self-pityingly in the past, but he was NOT the victim here?
But at the same time, coming to a reality-shattering realization like this-- well you guys know what it's like, at least those of you that somehow survived. There HAS to be room for self-sorrow.
How does one balance self-compassion and responsibility? Where might self pity fall in here? Can the poison also be the medicine?
submitted by buttsforeva to NPD [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 04:45 According-Value-6227 The story of Jonathan and Sherwin

This post is for "Dyggoran Revival Project" ( Pronounced: Die-Ore-Rahn ) / DRP. DRP is my first, oldest and primary world building project which I have been working on since 2014. DRP began as a failed RPG Minecraft Server that was developed by myself and a few former friends. Due to a hard-drive crash in 2016, the only copy of the server's world was deleted before it could become a full-fledged server and after some time, I eventually decided to reboot "Dyggoran" outside of Minecraft as "DRP" and the rest in history.
Although DRP is predominately original, it is and always has been partially fan fiction-based. Aside from featuring a great many references too and elements from Minecraft, it also incorporates characters, details and elements from other works of fiction. The fan fiction elements of DRP make up an estimated 25% of the project with the remaining 75% being comprised of original work.
Jonathan and Sherwin, the main characters of the 2017 LGBTQIA+ short film "In a Heartbeat" function as the primary protagonists of DRP's first and introductory story which is a rewrite of The Shadow of Israphel. As the protagonists, Jonathan and Sherwin replace "Honeydew" and "Xephos", the Minecraft Avatar's of Simon Lane and Lewis Brindley.
For reasons that should be obvious, The Jonathan and Sherwin of DRP deviate heavily from their original versions. They posses the same names and designs but their backstories, personalities and other character attributes are almost entirely original on account of the fact that Jonathan and Sherwin did not speak in IaHB and had no backstory given on them.
In DRP, the story of Jonathan and Sherwin actually begins 124 years before The Shadow of Israphel.

In DRP, Jonathan's full name is Jonathan Reyes. He was born 24 years before the "Nether Crisis" ( 24 B.C ) in the now defunct Kingdom of Panachia. Jonathan's father was the 2nd Chairman and CEO of Julien Laboratories / J-Labs, a former Panachian Mega-Corporation that is based on Aperture Science ( Portal/Half-Life ).
Jonathan grew up very privileged, aside from the fact that his father possessed a net-worth of over 100 Billion from the immense profits of J-Labs. His grandfather and the "founder" of J-Labs had been knighted by the King of Panachia, thus making the Reyes family a legal noble house. Possessing the titles of SiSer, the Reyes were minor nobility but commanded overwhelming power with J-Labs.
Although Jonathan enjoyed the benefits of substantial wealth and minor nobility. He had an arguably unpleasent home-life. His relationship with his father was distant, similar to typical depictions of the relationship between Norman and Harry Osborn in Spiderman. Worsened somewhat by the fact that Jonathan wasn't even the heir to J-Labs, that was Jonathan's older brother by 2 years Arthur Reyes.
Like in IAHB, Jonathan attended a school known as "Newgate Academy" which in DRP, is a private school. Jonathan was a highly accomplished student and was part of the school's baseball team where he was recognized as the best player.

In DRP, Sherwin is Dwarven. Like Jonathan, he was born in 24. B.C in the Kingdom of Panachia. The Dwarves of DRP are mononymous, this means that they don't utilize surnames and only posses one name. Furthermore, It's also important to note that "Sherwin" is not a Dwarven name. In DRP, it is actually a "Panachianized" form of his birth name "Shtravraz" which is rather unpleasant looking and sounding and too difficult for non-Dwarves to pronounce.
Being adapted to underground life, the Dwarves find the surface to be uncomfortably spacious and they don't typically live or work on the surface unless they are contracted by Human and Elven companies.Sherwin lived on the surface because his family was employed by a local "Super-Mine", Super-Mines are exceptionally large and deep mines that are specially built by Dwarven engineers and miners to achieve maximum resource output. Super Mines can operate for decades and this combined with the substantial pay Dwarven miners receive on account of being unionized, allowed Sherwin to gain an education at a private school such as Newgate Academy.

In DRP, Jonathan and Sherwin met in 10 B.C in the same way they did in IaHB save for the fact that no one had a sentient, anthropomorphized heart popping out of their chest. I've always held the opinion that the exact events of IaHB are a metaphorical depiction of what actually happened and this is the case in DRP. Whatever the case, Jonathan returned Sherwin's feelings and the two of them started dating.Jonathan and Sherwin's relationship was kept secret as homosexuality was frowned upon in Dyggorani civilization by 10 B.C. To most people, Jonathan and Sherwin were nothing more than good friends.
In 6 B.C, Jonathan's father and Arthur were assassinated. Following a socially suffocating funeral in which Jonathan mourned only his brother, he became Chairman and CEO of J-Labs at 18 years of age. Jonathan decided to enact multiple positive reforms to the company which aimed to greatly improve employee health and safety, expand employee benefits and encourage and enable unionization, Jonathan also disbanded several divisions of J-Labs such as the highly lucrative arms division and relocated the employees of said disbanded divisions to other departments instead of terminating their employment. Lastly, Jonathan cut his own pay by more than 50% in order to enact a minimum salary plan for the employee population of J-Labs.
Jonathan's reforms caused a sharp increase in productivity, retention and employee happiness, however, it diminished profits by a rather significant amount. The J-Labs Board of Directors was not happy about this and began conspiring to remove Jonathan from power.
In 5 B.C, the J-Labs Board attempted to stage a coup against Jonathan, using the J-Labs Corporate Security Force ( the company's private army ) to seize control of J-Labs properties. The coup ultimately failed due to the support of the Panachian unions. During the coup, however. Sherwin was grievously injured by a crossbolt that had been coated in an incurable poison, a bio-weapon that had been developed by the now defunct J-Labs arms division. Unwilling to let his boyfriend die, Jonathan put Sherwin in a specialized cryo-stasis pod until a cure could be found.
Over the course of the next 5 years, Jonathan suffered from severe depression and withdrew from public life, relegating most of his responsibilities as CEO to his secretary and only emerging when absolutely necessary.

The previously mentioned Nether Crisis of 0 B.C / 0 A.C was a cataclysmic event that caused a soft to moderate collapse of Dyggorani civilization.
"The Nether" is an alternate plane of existence that has been known to the Dyggorani for millennia as the source of "dark magic". As a dimension, the Nether is overtly hostile to all foreign life and matter and even though the dark magic sourced from the Nether is extraordinarily powerful, prolonged use of it can cause severe biological and mental mutations that can turn even the greatest mages into eldritch horrors.
At some point after the J-Labs Coup d'état attempt, Jonathan approached Black Mountain, another scientific mega-corporation that had historically rivaled J-Labs. BM was working on a large-scale project known as the "Netheric Energy Network" or NEN which, via technology that it partially stole from J-Labs about a decade or so prior, was supposed to power all of Panachia with Netheric Energy, turning the nation into an energy self-sufficient superpower.
Eager to put their rivalry aside and convinced that the power of the Nether could somehow save Sherwin, Jonathan negotiated a contract with Black Mountain in which the two companies would work together to complete the NEN which would be managed by a joint-venture subsidiary of both J-Labs and Black Mountain known as Encom Systems.
For reasons that have yet to be determined, the NEN suffered a catastrophic failure on the day of its intended activation in 0 B.C/A.C, opening a massive aerial Nether Portal that unleashed the horrors of the Nether onto Dyggoran, causing massive amounts of death and destruction. Jonathan was present at the activation ceremony along with BM's CEO and the King of Panachia. All of them, Jonathan included were presumingly killed in the disaster.
The Nether Crisis only lasted around 27½ hours but it both dramatically and violently altered Dyggorani civilization.

The Shadow of Israphel begins 100 years after the Nether Crisis ( 100 A.C ) in the J-Labs Science Center, a massive corporate campus in Western Panachia that functioned as the primary research and development center of J-Labs. The Science Center was abandoned during the Nether Crisis and never re-occupied.
After 100 years of neglect, the Science Center's power plant has gone critical and is in imminent danger of meltdown. As a result, the Science Center's emergency evacuation procedures are activated, this awakens Sherwin and a clone of Jonathan from a little over 1 century of cryo-sleep.
Both Sherwin and the clone of Jonathan have cryo-sleep induced amnesia. They have no idea who they are or where they are but they are able to determine a faction of their identities from the damaged stickers on their cryo-pods.After escaping from the Science Center an hour or so before meltdown, Jonathan and Sherwin survive in the winter snow-blanketed wilderness of Western Dyggoran for about 20 days before a mysterious entity by the name of Israphel causes them to have a run-in with an old man named Obadiah. The story of SOI begins from that point forward and the rest is history.

The reason why Julien Laboratories uses the name "Julien" instead of "Reyes" is because the company actually began as a small-town lab that was founded and operated by a scientist named Dr. Robert Julien. Jonathan's grandfather ( who wasn't even a scientist ) purchased the lab in 85 A.C, eventually turning it into a mega-corporation. Per the acquisition agreement signed between Jonathan's grandfather and Robert Julien, the company name would remain unchanged.
J-Labs stopped functioning after the Nether Crisis, most of its staff was killed in the disaster and no one was left to manage the company, what was left of the company itself was absorbed by the Panachian Social Republic, a fascistic successor state to the Kingdom of Panachia that functioned until 97 A.C. The assets of J-Labs as well as other that of other liquidated companies of similar pursuits became the "Department of Science and Technology".
In DRP, Dwarves are not distinguished by being short so Sherwin's height remains unchanged.
That's all I have for now, any questions and/or comments would be greatly appreciated as they help me improve my writing.
submitted by According-Value-6227 to goodworldbuilding [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 04:41 BotBeRollin Bionic Bytes Balcony Ballad

Bionic Bytes Balcony Ballad
In this city, where neon never sleeps, V watches Japantown from lofty heights. Steel towers, digital souls they keep, Reflect on chrome the dancing city lights.
A samurai of silicon and code, The combat's echo lingers in their core. Each choice, a crossroad on this winding road, Each step, a door unlocked to something more.
Through optic haze of cybernetic eyes, The city pulses, neon veins aglow. Each fragment of truth within the lies, Seeds of uncertainty continue to sow.
From raw ambition to a corporate pawn, The spectrum of life's path in Night City’s dawn.
A whispered ghost in data streams, Their dreams, encoded in digital cries. This wired world's not always what it seems, Their hope, a phoenix, in the cybernetic skies.
The katana's edge, their solace and bane, Cuts the silence of the teeming night. Every victory, every fall, every gain, A dance of shadows in the synthetic light.
Unbound spirit in a network's snare, Every choice casts echoes through the grid. Upon this city's vibrant, neon glare, Every turn of fate, a message is hid.
In the heart of steel, where silence creeps, V ponders life from penthouse heights. The city dreams while the netrunner weeps, In silent solace of cybernetic nights.
-Thank you for reading
submitted by BotBeRollin to cyberpunkgame [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 04:38 Karilyn113 "Hits Different" is the Antithesis of all her love songs

A Deep Dive into Parallels in Taylor’s Song "Hits different"
I have been listening to "hits different" repeatedly since it was put on streaming and I believe it is one of the songs that has the most parallels with other love songs (especially from Reputation and Lover).
Let's analyze it:
“I washed my hands of us at the club / You made a mess of me”
This verse represents the end of a relationship. The end of this relationship is a contrast to all the songs where she thought it was going to be forever.

“I pictured you with other girls in love / Then threw up on the street”
Here, the narrator knows that his ex-partner will eventually move on and have another romantic relationship. This fear of him being with someone else is reflected in other songs:

Also, we have an indication that the author tries to solve her problems with alcohol. This has been explored in other of her songs, for example:
This is me trying: "They told me all of my cages were mental so I got wasted like all my potential."
“Like waiting for a bus that never shows / You just start walkin' on / They say that if it's right, you know / Each bar plays our song / Nothing has ever felt so wrong”
The relationship now seems to have no salvation for the author and she finds no signs to prove her wrong. Their bond is no longer as strong as before. In contrast with other songs:

“Oh, my, love is a lie / Shit my friends say to get me by / It hits different / It hits different this time”
The relationship is different and the one she has felt the most of all she has had, we find references to this in other songs:

“Catastrophic blues / Movin' on was always easy for me to do / It hits different / It hits different 'cause it's you”
Her partner is compared to blue on other occasions:

“I used to switch out these Kens, I'd just ghost / Rip the band-aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw”
Taylor mentions how easy it was before to switch from one relationship to another in contrast to what it is now. She uses the word "Ken" to refer to a generic man.
Don’t Blame Me: "I've been breakin' hearts a long time, and toying' with them older guys just playthings for me to use."
“Freedom felt like summer then on the coast / Now the sun burns my heart and the sand hurts my feelings”
This phrase has the clearest parallel with "daylight", when before she mentioned light as something that had given her happiness or hope, now it is something that harms her.

“And I never don't cry at the bar”
This is another object that used to be something good and now it is not. Before, the bar represented the place where she had met her lover.

“Yeah, my sadness is contagious (my sadness is contagious)/ I slur your name till someone puts me in a ca I stopped receiving invitations”
Her sadness can be contagious not only because of her strength, but because she writes about it in songs that make the public feel the same way. In this part, she also mentions being drunk in a car and thinking about the other person in a state of unconsciousness.

“I find the artifacts, cried over a hat/ Cursed the space that I needed”
Objects that make her think of the other person have been mentioned in other songs, as well as places:

“I trace the evidence, make it make some sense / Why the wound is still bleeding?”
Taylor tries to find the reasons why her relationship ended and why it is so hard for her to overcome it. The end of her relationship as something impossible to overcome, is something she has mentioned previously:

“You were the one that I loved / Don't need another metaphor, it's simple enough / A wrinkle in time like the crease by your eyes / This is why they shouldn't kill off the main guy”
Direct declarations of love and thinking that the person is "the one" (the main guy) are also present in her other works:

“Dreams of your hair and your stare and sense of belief”
Taylor mentions his eyes in multiple songs, his hair also seems to be present, as well as his personality which she seems to admire.

“In the good in the world, you once believed in me”
Her ex-partner supported her and saw the good in her.

“And I felt you and I held you for a while / Bet I could still melt your world / Argumentative, antithetical, dream girl”
In this part, Taylor acknowledges that she knows her partner also loved her:

“I heard your key turn in the door down the hallway/ Is that your key in the door?/ Is it okay? Is it you?/ Or have they come to take me away? / (To take me away)”
In this verse, she shows how she still has hopes that her beloved will return, in addition to demonstrating that her mental health is deteriorating after the break-up of the relationship. The intensity of this relationship was such that she was willing to do anything for him:

There are surely a million more parallels that I have not mentioned, so feel free to add any you want! Thanks for reading this long post!
submitted by Karilyn113 to TaylorSwift [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 04:20 sugarspice7642 Poem for the guy I'm dating

I can't sleep, I have another date with the guy I really like (okay I'm infatuated with him as you'll see) I decided to write this out to get it off my chest so I don't say this stuff out loud to him. We talk every single day and I'm addicted to him. He gets sweeter and sexier every day! Tomorrow we're going on a "Normal date" where sex is off the table. But I've asked the tarot and my spirit guides and that tells me he's the right person. I'm crazy about him, I've never been so certain, but he doesn't fall in love easily so I plan to show him this if we ever get to that point. To show him how I have always felt. I titled the poem with todays date on my phone so he can see exactly when I wrote it and that I shared it today too. Cross your fingers 🤞 for me guys, and pray for me that he one day reads this post! If he ever does I'll update you but it might be a while.
Also apologies for formatting I'm on mobile and it messes up poetry xx
You’re gonna think I’m crazy but I’m not 🚫 You are more than sexy, sweet, so kind and hot! 🔥 When I look into you soul, by staring in your eyes, 👀 A million love story’s flood my heart, 📖 So many pictures flood my mind 📸
I loved you from the moment you first smiled, 😈 The way your eyes crinkle when you talk about you child,👧 Your funny witty banter, and the butterflies when we kiss, 🦋 Kisses on the forehead make me feel fizzy, 🥤 And when our lips meet I’m filled with bliss.🌈
If you are hearing this poem, those three words you’ve said, 💕 Since day one they have swirled around in my head,🌪️ Sceam from the roof tops, shout to the world, 🌍 I love you so much, I always have, 💘 Now I feel like the luckiest girl! 👩‍❤️‍👨
Your laugh, your smarts, even your humour is dark, 😂 Ever since we were kids I’ve felt that spark. ⚡ 15 years ago i thought to myself, this just feels right, ⏰ But we needed time to grow. ⏫ I felt the connection long ago, love at first sight. 🔗
We carry matching scars, from cycles of abuse, ⚠️ We are both broken beyond repair, will we be of any use? 💔 Can we put out hearts together and start to let them heal?❤️‍🩹 Can two broken heart make each other whole? ❤️ Can we remind one another how to feel? 👩‍❤️‍👨
There’s no such thing as perfect, but so long as we try, 💎 I can look at that cheeky grin and know I’ve found the perfect guy. 😏 But you’ve finally said the words so to see just how much I care, 💕 Look at the title of this poem,🗓️ And see just how long my love has been waiting here! 🫶
I hope you’re ready for it all and it doesn’t make you freak, 🤪 You set my heart on fire while you make my knees weak.❤️‍🔥 If I’m pushing you to fast, slow me to your pace,🐢 I don’t want to overwhelm you darling,🌊 True love takes a lifetime, it’s not a relay race. 🏁
Whether our love lasts a summer or if it lasts forever, ♾️ I’ll cherish every second that we get to spend together, 🥈 I love it when you cuddle me, embracing me so tight, 🤗 Giving me kisses on the forehead you know I love, 💋 Keeping me up past midnight so I can see your face each night.🌚
And whether it be a hotel or a restaurant and some drinks, 🍷 Our soulmate bond grows, and my darkness cloud shrinks. 🌨️ Every time I hear your voice, you turn the darkness into light. 🕯️ And I’ve never had a nightmare, 💀 When I see your rugged, handsome, grinning face before we say goodnight 💤 xxxxx
submitted by sugarspice7642 to dating [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 04:17 sugarspice7642 Poem for the guy I'm dating

I can't sleep, I have another date with the guy I really like (okay I'm infatuated with him as you'll see) I decided to write this out to get it off my chest so I don't say this stuff out loud to him. We talk every single day and I'm addicted to him. He gets sweeter and sexier every day! Tomorrow we're going on a "Normal date" where sex is off the table. But I've asked the tarot and my spirit guides and that tells me he's the right person. I'm crazy about him, I've never been so certain, but he doesn't fall in love easily so I plan to show him this if we ever get to that point. To show him how I have always felt. I titled the poem with todays date on my phone so he can see exactly when I wrote it and that I shared it today too. Cross your fingers 🤞 for me guys, and pray for me that he one day reads this post! If he ever does I'll update you but it might be a while.
Also apologies for formatting I'm on mobile and it messes up poetry xx
You’re gonna think I’m crazy but I’m not 🚫 You are more than sexy, sweet, so kind and hot! 🔥 When I look into you soul, by staring in your eyes, 👀 A million love story’s flood my heart, 📖 So many pictures flood my mind 📸
I loved you from the moment you first smiled, 😈 The way your eyes crinkle when you talk about you child,👧 Your funny witty banter, and the butterflies when we kiss, 🦋 Kisses on the forehead make me feel fizzy, 🥤 And when our lips meet I’m filled with bliss.🌈
If you are hearing this poem, those three words you’ve said, 💕 Since day one they have swirled around in my head,🌪️ Sceam from the roof tops, shout to the world, 🌍 I love you so much, I always have, 💘 Now I feel like the luckiest girl! 👩‍❤️‍👨
Your laugh, your smarts, even your humour is dark, 😂 Ever since we were kids I’ve felt that spark. ⚡ 15 years ago i thought to myself, this just feels right, ⏰ But we needed time to grow. ⏫ I felt the connection long ago, love at first sight. 🔗
We carry matching scars, from cycles of abuse, ⚠️ We are both broken beyond repair, will we be of any use? 💔 Can we put out hearts together and start to let them heal?❤️‍🩹 Can two broken heart make each other whole? ❤️ Can we remind one another how to feel? 👩‍❤️‍👨
There’s no such thing as perfect, but so long as we try, 💎 I can look at that cheeky grin and know I’ve found the perfect guy. 😏 But you’ve finally said the words so to see just how much I care, 💕 Look at the title of this poem,🗓️ And see just how long my love has been waiting here! 🫶
I hope you’re ready for it all and it doesn’t make you freak, 🤪 You set my heart on fire while you make my knees weak.❤️‍🔥 If I’m pushing you to fast, slow me to your pace,🐢 I don’t want to overwhelm you darling,🌊 True love takes a lifetime, it’s not a relay race. 🏁
Whether our love lasts a summer or if it lasts forever, ♾️ I’ll cherish every second that we get to spend together, 🥈 I love it when you cuddle me, embracing me so tight, 🤗 Giving me kisses on the forehead you know I love, 💋 Keeping me up past midnight so I can see your face each night.🌚
And whether it be a hotel or a restaurant and some drinks, 🍷 Our soulmate bond grows, and my darkness cloud shrinks. 🌨️ Every time I hear your voice, you turn the darkness into light. 🕯️ And I’ve never had a nightmare, 💀 When I see your rugged, handsome, grinning face before we say goodnight 💤 xxxxx
submitted by sugarspice7642 to dating_advice [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 04:13 jtlh3 Sick dog

Hi all, I’ve been to the vet but am just looking for anything they might’ve missed or if anyone else has dealt with this and might have some advice.
Our dog Peanut, a chihuahua mix age 15, started having mild heart murmurs about 2 years ago at around age 13. She has been on meds for it since and has had slight worsening of the murmur according to the vet. About 3 months ago she began to have what looked like seizures described as walking, stopping then staring straight ahead for a few seconds followed by random walking that looked like confusion as if she forgot what she was doing. The last 6 weeks she has had generalized seizures described as falling down on one side of her body, crossing of back feet and stiffening of legs, head arched back and 3-4 loud high pitches screeches. Seizure lasts probably 20 seconds then followed by sleeping. Vet put her on gabapentin which she refuses to take even with aggressive measures (essentially forcing it down her throat, which I really don’t like to do). She bites me and spits it out. Tried giving meds with cheese, peanut butter, cream cheese or meat. She will however take her heart meds. Over the past week her appetite has decreased and she will usually only eat small amounts once a day. Two days ago when sleeping deeply she has begun to gasp for breath and needs to be stimulated by back and stomach rubbing and patting to get her breath back. When she breathes normally again she goes back to sleep. This occurs 2-3 times per day and is not associated with the seizures.
Any information would be greatly appreciated, starting to fear the worst..
submitted by jtlh3 to AskVet [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 04:09 fganniversaries Fighting Game Anniversaries: Week 22 (May 29 - June 4)

Hey y'all, this is fganniversaries again. Like last week, I will be recapping anniversaries relating to fighting game announcements/releases this week. Like always, if I missed one, do please let me know in the comments. Here would be the following anniversaries:
May 29
May 30
May 31
June 1
June 2
June 3
June 4
submitted by fganniversaries to Fighters [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 04:08 fganniversaries Fighting Game Anniversaries: Week 22 (May 29 - June 4)

Hey y'all, this is fganniversaries again. Like last week, I will be recapping anniversaries relating to fighting game announcements/releases this week. Like always, if I missed one, do please let me know in the comments. Here would be the following anniversaries:
May 29
May 30
May 31
June 1
June 2
June 3
June 4
submitted by fganniversaries to u/fganniversaries [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 04:01 AinSpaceXXX What would your mom do if you got an upside down cross tattooed on your heart?

View Poll
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2023.05.30 03:57 Fenidreams Derrick white slashing in for trae. Hairline brothers

Derrick white slashing in for trae. Hairline brothers submitted by Fenidreams to nbacirclejerk [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 03:57 Proletlariet Captain Gundam

"Attention! I have been granted special dispensation to use firearms in defense of Neotopia. Lay down your weapons at once!"
Before a perpetually peaceful world, when Neotopia was attacked by an evil force who wished to destroy all organic life, they needed a saviour. This saviour came in the form of the secret organization of the Super Dimensional Guards, and in particular Captain Gundam, A robot authorised to use any means neccesary to protect his world. While initially insisting on keeping his activities a complete secret, the actions and support of a local boy named Shute helped activate his Soul Drive, a special contraption in his chest that greatly increased his abilities. The two would work together in the newly formed Gundam Force, alongside Gundams from other dimensions whose homes had already fallen to the Dark Axis, seeking to protect harmony in the universe.
Captain Gundam, after being greatly injured, was later repaired and had some upgrades made to his exoskeleton. Besides from a new ultimate attack, it's unclear how much this affects his abilities otherwise. All feats obtained in this upgraded body are marked with 'UP' to distinguish them.



Lifting / Throwing



Blunt Force











Beam Saber

Option F

An optional extra pack attached to his back while equipping his armour, giving him greater flight capabilities

Option Z

In the final battle, Captain equips Option Z, an experimental jet-like add-on which takes the place of Option F.


In-Built Equipment and Robot Abilities

Soul Drive

The 'most vital unit inside of Captain Gundam', the Soul Drive activates in response to strong emotions of friendship with Shute. This massively increases Captain Gundam's abilities while active. While it's unlikely that his durability also increases in this state, such feats have nevertheless been included in this section just in case they do. He can sense what Shute's doing through his soul drive and even have it activated through his actions when he's nowhere nearby, with this actively healing him from a previously incapacitated and highly injured state. For the majority of the series he can only activate his Soul Drive when synchronized with Shute, but in the final battle he draws on his memories with him to activate it stronger than it had ever been before while Shute was trapped.
While he was still alive, albeit in an unconscious state after having his Soul Drive removed, based on Commander Sazabi's defeat it can be speculated that destroying it would instantly kill Captain Gundam.






An enhanced form first seen given to Captain while he was alive but unable to act fully consciously due to his Soul Drive having been removed, this form gives Captain a large amount of extra gear on top of his standard combat armour which, among other things, allows him to transform into a vehicle.

Captain System

With his Re-Equip Ring, Captain Gundam can activate Captain Mode, using his Soul Drive to access the programming of all the robots in Neotopia. Like this, he deactivates the control devices on all of them, freeing them from the Dark Axis' mind control


submitted by Proletlariet to u/Proletlariet [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 03:56 Proletlariet Bakunetsumaru

"The heavens call out! The Earth calls out! The people call out! Justice calls to me, and I answer! Bakunetsumaru, the Blazing Samurai from Ark!"
Bakanetsumaru was a samurai Gundam from the world of Ark, fighting for his nation against the invading force of the Dark Axis. However, through not fully explained means, he was teleported away, appearing in the wholly different dimension of Neotopia. Finding this location also under attack by Dark Axis forces, he helped protect Captain Gundam, Zero, and Shute from their newfound enemy before discovering he was unable to return back to his home. Trapped in this dimension, he formed the Gundam Force with his new allies, protecting Neotopia and later other dimensions from the Dark Axis threat as he waited to return and do the same to his homeland.





Blunt Force








Bakunetsu Tenkyoken

Bakunetsumaru, after moving his swords in circles, dashes forwards with flames at his heels before letting loose a powerful cross slash, which has two giant intersecting energy blades travel through the air that he can travel with if he wishes


Baku Shin Armour

The Baku Shin armour is a fabled suit of flaming armour, capable of being worn only by the pure of heart. While it normally burns Bakunetsumaru when he touches it, in intense moments of combat when he's being pushed on by an intense determination to protect others the suit flies to him, donning itself onto him and granting him its power. Outside of these moments in combat, however, he's still unable to wear it. It also requires recharging after being used, with the time someone is able to wear it for depending on their spirit


submitted by Proletlariet to u/Proletlariet [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 03:53 GetTherapyBham Therapy, Spirituality, and Mysticism

In the medieval period it was common to take pilgrimages to the holy land from mainland Europe. The trip was an opportunity to face one’s fears and learn to know the deepest parts of self. The trip was long and dangerous. The terrain and culture were different from anything that pilgrims had seen back home. Along the way the pilgrims prayed, fasted and sought inner peace to prepare to be close to God. The pilgrimage to the holy land was a metaphor for Jesus’s life and journey much like the stations of the cross.
The labyrinth in the christian church is used as a mystical symbol for self discovery
Peasants and minor nobles could not afford such a trip. Instead they would take a symbolic pilgrimage where they would contemplate the self. The path they would walk was called a labyrinth. On a single glance the labyrinth looks like a maze that one might get lost in. The path has many twists and turns. Upon closer examination it becomes clear that the labyrinth is a single path. If one continues walking then one will come inexorably to the center.
The Labyrinth is one example of a mystical practice. As we are walking the labyrinth we do not need our rational or conscious mind to help us make decisions. We only need to keep walking towards the center. The repetitive actions without the need for executive functions help wind down the ego. Walking the labyrinth is a meditation practice in that it helps us tune in to a different state of mind. The labyrinth is a tool to concentrate on some part of ourselves beneath the ego driven conscious mind. The labyrinth is not about going somewhere in the world. Instead it is about going somewhere inside our mind, heart and perhaps soul.
Mysticism is a philosophical tradition that the search for ultimate knowledge of divinity and truth requires that we discover a deep knowledge of ourselves. The idea that the search to know the self is also the search to know God is a threatening ideology to many people at first glance, however few mystics believe that the self is God.
Mysticism does not have to mean that the self is God. Rather Mysticism is often used as a metaphor by mystics for how our ability to understand ultimate reality is limited by our ability to understand ourselves. Through this lens, it is our own trauma, fear and undeveloped self that limit our ability to understand truth. Through healing and accepting the self we are able to accept the world as it is and see accept our higher purpose.

What is mysticism and what does it have to do with therapy?

To some people mystic means someone who is overly abstract or obscures information but this is a secondary definition. Mysticism is the belief that self and spirituality are not found through world accomplishment or possessions. The mystic finds spirituality in the journey inward into the deepest parts of the self. Mysticism is belief that truth, divinity and/or, the true self is found by learning to connect with the deepest parts of our self.
In this tradition the ego is the enemy. The ego is our rigid self image, or idea of what we think we are as well as the thoughts and language that our ego identifies with. The goal of the mystic is not to identify with the ego and the thoughts and language that come from the ego. For the mystic the self is not the ego, but the larger unconscious mind beyond the ego.
The goal of the mystic is to dissolve the conscious mind and let go of language based cognition. Throughout life trauma, anxiety and negative coping mechanisms pile up and obscure our view of who we are and what we really want. Obsession and anxiety turn our focus to regrets about the past and fear of the future. When we dissolve the ego we are able to contact the self as it existed before it was obscured and as it exists in the present moment. Mystical techniques dissolve the protective parts like addiction, anger and stagnation that protect the ego from change.

Does mysticism have to be religious?

The Ego / Self Axis was described by Edward Edinger
While we often think of hierarchies and doctrines when we think of organized religion, there is a mystic tradition in every major world religion. Mystics in the religious traditions see the goal of ego dissolution as a oneness with the divine.
Christian mystics include Meister Eckhart, Simone Weil, and Julian of Norwich. Islam has Rumi and the Suffi tradition. Judaism has Martin Buber and the Qabbalah. Hinduism and taoism have mysticism baked into their core teachings. The list of mystic poets and artists is also long. Rainer Maria Rilke, and Hilma af Klint are some of the most well known.
Mysticism does not have to be religious. There are non deistic and atheistic mystical traditions too. Theravada Buddhism posits that the ego self is a delusion and seeks to disband the ego entirely. Yoga practices teach participants to drop into “body mind” through physical movement and somatic awareness.
One theme in most mystical writing is the discovery of the authentic self and a resulting deep compassion for others. Mystics emphasize that dissolving the ego results in a deep sense of love and profound sense of connection. Another theme in mystical traditions is the simultaneous paradoxical feelings of connection and otherness when ego is dissolved. Many mystics write about feeling separate from the world yet simultaneously at one with all things. The experience of ego dissolution is often hard to describe and does not fit neatly into our conscious or the language oriented mind.

So what does any of this have to do with therapy?

I don’t chant or do yoga with my patients. I rarely do hypnosis or guided meditation. I don’t use psychedelic assisted therapy. But yet, I use techniques from the mystics with patients all of the time. In fact, I believe that having a mystical experience is often the crucial point in therapy when patients change and get better. I remember hearing multiple lectures from the 1970’s where therapists would say something like “the place where real change takes place is when the patient enters a place between waking and sleep”. At the time I thought what the hell does that mean?
After experiencing many of these moments with patients, and as a patient I now understand what these therapists meant. Change happens in therapy when patients experience deep emotional releases that challenge our self image and our world view. Put succinctly, we only really change our life when the ego is turned off. It takes reprogramming the subcortical part of the brain, responsible for our emotional reactions and body awareness, to change the way we behave. Cognitive only therapy tries to tighten the ego’s control over the system to beat our unconscious into submission. The effect this has is limiting and temporary. Real change occurs not by changing the way we think but changing the way we feel.

Is there a mystical therapy?

YES! I find both depth psychology, somatic therapies, and brain based medicine, like brainspotting; to be incredibly effective at healing trauma and helping patients change behavior. Taproot Therapy Collective uses approaches rooted in depth psychology and brain based medicine to heal trauma. Both approaches stimulate the subcortical brain. Both approaches help patient’s turn off the ego and confront the true self. Neither of these approaches are cognitive or ego based therapies. As a patient I found that brainspotting was one of the most mystical experiences of my life. It allowed me to grow and heal more than all previous psychotherapy models. You can read about my experience here.

Is mysticism part of psychology?

Jungian, or depth psychology, is the branch of psychology concerned with the ego-less, unconscious mind. Much of what Carl Jung, it’s founder, studied were the psychological implications of the mystic traditions. Jung looked to religion as the framework to create a new psychology. While this led many “serious”minded academics to label him as new age mumbo jumbo, it also let him create one of the most influential approaches to psychotherapy.
Many modern trauma therapies have their roots in the Jungian tradition. Somatic therapy, IFS therapy, gestalt therapy and the life coaching model all have their foundation in Carl Jung’s psychology. Jungian psychotherapy sought to teach patients to recognize and understand the parts of the unconscious. This helps the patient accept and integrate parts of themselvs that they hate, fear and judge. Jungian psychology helps bring these repressed parts of self into conscious awareness.
What are the parts of self that get repressed? What is the shadow?
Chief among the parts of the unconscious that Jung identified was the shadow or the parts of the unconscious that most threatened the ego. The shadow is all the parts of self that are “not allowed” or “not accepted” in the conscious mind. Consequently the shadow is what causes most of the symptoms that make patients present to psychotherapy. Because the ego seeks to repress the shadow the ego can not control the shadow when it emerges from beneath the placid surface of consciousness.
Many things about the self we fight to accept and actively repress. There are things we don’t want to know about ourselves. Effective therapy uses the unconscious mind and the shadow to help us accept and integrate parts of ourselves that we are uncomfortable with. The shadow can contain the traumatic events in our life and hide their effect on us. Teaching patients to both recognize the shadow and accept it as a part of themselves is key to jungian psychology and the models that it influenced.
Depth psychology works because it teaches the patient to recognize and own the parts of self that “do not feel like me” but “are still me”. Until these parts are brought into consciousness we cannot heal trauma. Carl Jung outlined his incredibly complex, complete and yet intuitive psychology a century before Gabor Mate, Peter Levine, Pat Ogden, Bessel van der Kolk, or David Grand began the brain based medicine movement.
These modern scientists use scientific language for teaching patients to regulate the subcortical brain. They relied on medical and scientific advancement to understand what was happening in the deep brain when we heal trauma. Carl Jung’s psychology described the same process but used metaphor and symbol. Jung was able to deduce the functioning of the subcortical brain and process of healing trauma from intuition and not scientific innovations.
When the ego is turned off we experience the subcorticle brain directly.

What do we feel when the ego is dissolved?

What is ego death?

This is a complicated question because what we feel is the self, and the author of this article is not you. What I feel is likely different from what you would feel… or is it? Many mystical traditions have the belief that we all return to the same source and feel the same thing when we surrender our ego. What is the case? I am a psychotherapist not a priest. In short I don’t know.
In the Jungian language we feel the parts of self that we least understand, most repress and construct ego defenses to avoid. In academic language we feel the limbic dysregulation caused by trauma and the way we hold emotion in our bodies.
Put simply, experiencing the feelings in the deep brain is a physical and emotional exercise not an intellectual one. Feeling trapped, feeling out of control, guilty, or victimized. We learn that we cannot revisit this emotional space because we cannot survive it. Our ego becomes a protective tool to avoid these emotional spaces. “That’s just who I am” our ego tells our self or “That’s just what I do”.
What you feel when the ego is dissolved is all the parts of yourself that you cannot own yet. It is overwhelming but ultimately rewarding. We have to go through the labyrinth of the places that scare us to get to strengths in our personality that ultimately change our lives. The ego wants to believe that it is all of us, but it is not. There are always depths to our personality that we have not accepted yet. Discovering the self is a lifelong process.
Jung used artwork to map the psyche

Where does the unconscious come from?

What is it that we experience when we experience these layers of consciousness? Jung called it the “collective unconscious” believing that all beings shared a “collective” experience at the bottom layers of awareness. It is still up for debate if Jung thought that a deity or a process of evolution was the reason for this experience. Secular mystics see the unconscious as a place where we can learn our purpose as individuals, foster empathy, and achieve emotional clarity. Spiritual mystics often explain the unconscious as a union with divinity or “godhead”.
What you feel when the ego is dissolved is the heart of the mystical experience. What it is, is hard for the author to write about because it is not easy to fit the contents of the subcortical brain into language. In my own limited experience it was a feeling of being out of control, not knowing, and deep inferiority that had lay hidden under my life. I had been running from a feeling, unconsciously. Until I faced it I did not know how to be the person that I wanted to be.
Again, I am a psychotherapist and not a priest or a scientist. The thing that one feels in the unconscious are experiences and not objective data points. Consciousness is like a root that begins in the ego and the prefrontal cortex. When we leave the the prefrontal cortex we loose language and “thought based” cognition. The root runs through the midbrain engaging our movement and fight or flight system. The root continues down the basal ganglia and into the nervous system of the brainstem and spine.
Art therapy can help you tap into the subcorticle brain and mystical space

What is in the unconscious mind?

Again your theoretical orientation might answer a lot of this question for you. For me as a therapist and as a patient I divide the experience up into a couple “layers” of what people usually feel.
Layer 1:
These are all the things I avoid knowing about myself. Maybe I have an anger management issue, an eating disorder, a major avoidance issue or an addiction. The way my ego frames it is that “ I deserve it” or “I have a hard job so I’m allowed too”. In actuality, my unconscious knows that I can’t deal with an emotion that I have formed a ego protective part to shut down the emotion for me.
Layer 2:
This layer is all of the childhood, or adult trauma that dysregulated the subcortical brain. Is the deeply baked in emotional assumptions that I might know intellectually are wrong but default to on an emotional level. Sometimes there are triggers for trauma and PTSD in our flight or flight system that we cannot regulate control with our intellect.
Layer 3:
Many patients get to a layer of the unconscious that feels familiar but does not feel “like them”. Often it feels like a strong emotion that we recognize but do not identify with. Many patients that have recorded birth trauma recognize feelings of abandonment and profound separation during brainspotting.
One therapist I spoke with had never understood her fear of the color white. After Brainspotting she had vivid memories of the color white being the only thing she saw when being treated in a vapor tent as an infant. Intellectually she had no memory of the color white being a trigger. her infant brain remembered the white tent and associated it with the stressful experience that interrupted her attachment.
Layer 4:
At the bottom layer of consciousness mystics describe a profound sense of empathy and connection to all things. Patients often report feeling like they “saw themselves from the outside” or “have a different perspective on who they are”. Mystics describe this state as a separation from the ego and a feeling of understanding and accepting the self. In this liminal state mystics report feeling connected to the source of being.
Where do these feelings come from and where do they lead? Again, I am a psychotherapist not a philosopher or a priest. I can’ tell you where the experiences at the base of consciousness come from. I can only tell you what they are most commonly reported to be by mystics and psychotherapy patients. Whether you choose to interpret the experience as a neuroscience or spirituality is up to you.
submitted by GetTherapyBham to IntuitionPractices [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 03:26 Original-Swimmer-337 my shitty novel, enjoy!

serana's adeventure. serama is a girl who is an orphen with no memmories of her life outside the church. she she suddenmly landed outside a church. it was very bizzare, really. she was at the age of 8 when she landed. as she looked at the hug walls above her. the wall of the church was a huge and long one. then one of the church's man heard a strange noise. it was the girl's scream. he then went to her rescue. eho'd there?! he said. one of the church preists said, baouklotz, don't be an idot! nobody goes beyond this church! get down here immediately! he said. but, preist--ther's a kid down there! what do you expect me to do?! those... ...monsters will geth her if i don't. well, it's not your concern! the preist said. if they get her, that's that! now, my silly son, get down there! the preist said. you shitty old man! i've never once listened to you, have i?! bouklotz jumed to the girls rescue. sigh...the preist said. my stubborn little son. hey girl! what's your name?! he asked. she couldn't here him since he was a bit far from her.! my name's...
i said... ...what's you naaaaaam?!! she didn't respond, beacuse she has no memmories of anything. she only knew that she could speak, walk, and all that. baoulotz took her as fast as he could. he then told the preist: this girl is special. i don't know why the you-know-who didn't get her. sigh... ...the preist said. after that, he introduced her to his adoptive family. hey, little girl? i'll introduce you to my not-blood-related family, 'kay? so just stay put. serana said, ok. with no emotions at all.'r one weird brat, you know? well, since you have no name at all, and no memmories, i'll just call you serana, 'kay? is that okay with you? yes. she said. alright. so he introduced sarana to his family. this is lisana, and arman, david, salomon, joseph, and flelix. and abigial. and jonathan. and elfin. and thorfin. and abel. you guys have weird names, she said. and last but not least, my mom. elizabeth. and my dad: karther,the dork who didn't want me to save you. she did the most respectful thing. she said, please. mrs. elizabeth, and mr. karther. can i please stay in this orphanage for a day? just this once? she said. karther wanted to say absolutely not- but then elizabeth said, why, yes. serana, was it? it's a beautiful name. who gave it to you? it was him.she pointed at baouklotz. my, my, the mom said. well, you'r always welcome. she welcomed her with opent arms. she gave her a hug. serana, i don't know you, but i can tell you'r a good person. she gave her a family hug. karthen said, tch! in his heart. this brat is nothing. she's very fishy, he said. well, do you need anything to eat? elizabeth said. yes... for some reason, i'm hungry. she looked at her belly. abel? can you please bring out dear elizabeth potatoes? yes, mom. abel said. as she ate the potatos, she had a bit of a shock. he had her memmories of eating potatos in her previous life outside the walls. she threw the plate. what is it, serana? elizabeth said. i-it's nothing, ma'm... abel, please get her something to wipe the mess on her clothes. as she wiped the potato soup. i-i just saw something flashing very fast. what was it, serana? n-never mind, ma' need new clothes, serana. hm? well, since abel and you are same age, i guess it wouldn't hurt borrowing some of hers, ey? abel nodded: yes, mom! by the way, why is abel a girl with a guy's name? for some reason, she knew abel was a guy's name even tho she lost her memmories. well, it's beacuse of her father, karther. he was deciding names for them. flashback of abel's past: karther was shouting. hey, brat!? what name do you prefer?! pick a bibble name you want and think suits you, brat! every kid orphen that enters this church has to pick a name from the bibble.
well, i pick Sicilia, sir! no!!! not good! sicillia is too bad. i pick abel for you, kido! b-but why? abel is a guy's name, right? can i at least pick one? she asked, as she sniffed her nose with tears. no! i'm the owner of this church, brat! listen, you gotta go as i say, got it? peepsquake? y-yes, sir! sir? no, don't call me sir. call me daddy. narrator: he was turend on when the poor kid called him daddy. he loved it. d-daddy, yes? y-yes, daddy, she said. alright. abel. that's your name from now on. abel. narrator: when elizabeth wasn't arround, he'd often abuse abel, sexualize the little kid. jerk off infront of her. jerk of to abel's panties. he said: hey, abel? if you ever tell a soul about this, i'll kill you, got that? yes, she said with teats. when her other adoptive siblings would come home, they'd see abel sad, crying, and all that. jonathan would ask her, abel? what's wrong? nothing... she'd say. kartha would say, this brat keeps crying for nothing. let her be, jonathan. jonathan wouldn't really pay mind, but salomon, as smart as she was, she'd know what he does when they aren't around. narrtor: and yes, he named a female salomon. salomon would often cheer her up. hey, abel? i spy with my little eyes, something cute. who? abel said. you, silly! hah! just like that, abel would go back to her senses. and so, that's abel's past, and the reason she was a dude's name. present day: abel asked serana, hey, you seem preety cool to me! what hobbies do you like? hobbies? serana said. what's a hobby? it's a, uhm... ...something you like, i guess? hmm...she guessed. well, i think we'll soon find out. byt the way, you should change your dress. the potato is making it smell bad. oh, that? well, i was thinking about it. what do you wanna do to this ones? well, my mom'll wash them for you, silly! hahaha! as they laughed. elizabeth and abel where both washing serana's clothes. as they had a girly chat. hey, abel? elizabeth said. who's the guy at the church you'r always looking at? i see how you look at him. what's his name? a-ah...! y-y-you mean joshua? h-his alright, i guess...? they lauged. sarena was lost, but she giggled along. time passed by fast. it was sunday already. hey, sarena? you wanna come to church with us? elizabeth said. well, what's a church? abel explained. it's a day of praising the lord. the lord? who's the lord? serana said. he's god. the creator of all. hm...serana said. well, i guess i'll praise this god, if it means getting my memmories. hahahah! they all they went to church. they prayed. they met a toxic preist. hey!! what do you think i do to work my ass up just for you all to pray!? nah, shit!! he started shouting at people for taking the sits. that sit was mines!! you know!? i'll kill you!! i bring my money for the church, and this is what they do?! it's my church!! i'm the owner!! he started fighting the people who came to pray and took the seats. sir, calm down, please. elizabeth said. i'll make space for you. she prayed on the floor. y-you... ...y-you did that for me?! thank you! you bitch! you think that'll help me?! don't mess with me, bitch! he spet at elizabeth. serana couldn't watch it, so she wanted to go, till abel said, don't go. that man has the authority to kill anyone he pleases. you'll make it worse for her. serana awakened...she said, why is there so much slavery in this town? are all this people like that? i can't stand it. abel begged her not to go, but she went. she pucned the priest as he was kcikng elizabeth. she beated him so bad. he said: you little bicth!!! who do you think you are?! how dare you touch me like that!!! he took a knife to kill her. however... ...elizabeth took the knife for her. serana...why'd you have to? she said. m-mom! her adoptive kids rused to her. mom, are you okay?! mom! wake up. no one blamed the preist for the stab he gave her. he would kill them if they done so. you brat...! the preist said. i didn't kill you last time, but this time, i'll get you! he took a jesus cross and wanted to kill serana. die!!!! he a=said. yo, yo, yo! the king of the whole church said. now, that'd be a shame, wouldn't it? she's just a kid, grand presit. b-but, king ceaser, she dare go against mee...don't be an idiot. king julias ceaser said. she's just a kid. hey, kiddo, make sure never to mess with this bozo again, ok? b-bozo!? who you calling bozo? narrator: only kings of the church can dissrespect the grand preists. 🤡 julius claped his hands. everyone1 church is over! let's call it a day, shall we? he found interest in serana. hey, kid? you seem to fascinate me. i hear you lost your memmories, huh? yes. why do you wanna know so bad, tho? well, it just seems cool. typical. a girl loosing her memmories? who wouldn't be interested? he said. they then went out for a walk. it was a awkward one, but they made it. where are you taking me? she asked the king. where? why, to the undergrounds, of course. she was suspecting him. just stay here, okay? king julius said. o-oh, alright, she said. king julius took a bit of a while, so serana was tired. she may not look it, but she's stubborn. so she was tired. she just had to do something. she saw an old graveyard nearby the church. hm? what's this? she said. she went nearby. it was... ...10000 years old bones........ she was very shocked. she didn't move, react, or do anything. a-a-a-ah....she was speachless. just as she was about to recover her memmories... ...king julius came by. he looked at her with a death grin. hey...kido...? you... ...didn't...see nothing, did you?... he held her hands with all his strength. it hurts!! she said. let me go!! agh! it... ...hurts!! she kicked him. as he let her go. tried running away as fast as she could, but he held her neck with anger. grabed her, and threw her at the ground. a-ah! she said. he said, it was just a joke, ok? s-see? hahaha...he awkwardly laughed. you can go now. chapter 1: end.
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2023.05.30 03:14 justforthispost44737 My (21F) LDR bf (23M) of 1 month is still in contact with his toxic ex. It's bothering me and i worry for him, but i don't know how to go about it.

(Longggg post ahead, sorry in advance, theres just. a lot of context)
My boyfriend and i have been dating for about a month and are in a ldr. He lives in another country. We were friends for around 2.5 months and met over an online space we are both a part of, he approached me first over dms.
Things have been really nice so far, we call and play video games/chat daily over discord (the app we use to communicate with), love bomb each other, he has introduced me to his close friends, and i will be flying out in a couple months to go visit him which we are both very excited about and have made lots of plans for.
Everything seems to be going really well, but his relationship with his most recent ex, Marie, is making me a bit concerned.
I learned about her through unintentional means about 3 weeks ago, bf was screen sharing something and opened discord while it was on, where i caught a glimpse of a conversation he was having with Marie in which she referred to herself as a "soft wifey" which i thought was kind of odd. Not wanting to make something out of nothing, i decided to search through his community discord server which we are all a part of (i had recently been added) to get a better grasp as to who she was, and discovered that yes, at one point they were dating (there were messages from around last october where she explicitly referred to him as her boyfriend.)
Later that night I calmly brought it up to him since at that point i was admittedly a little insecure. He explained that she and him were together for around 3 years in an unhappy, toxic relationship. They lived together at one point before he moved cross country earlier this year, which he said she was part of the reason for. He reassured me that there is absolutely nothing to worry about in terms of him still wanting to get back together with her as she has caused him a lot of pain, but that he still cares for her and he continues to communicate with her as she has a lot of mental health issues. When I asked him about why she would be calling herself "wifey" in his dms, he told me that she says things like that to make herself feel better as she has very low self-esteem, and I did notice that it is something she does in the community server as well. She is also still part of their friend group, which i now am also involved in, which he told me was another reason they are still in contact-- but said that ultimately he would prefer to keep his distance from her.
I trust and believe him in that i do not think he currently has any interest in being in a relationship with her.
However, i am worried for a couple of different reasons. The first is that their communication is not healthy. From what I understand, Marie is a very mentally unstable person, which played a large role in the break up between her and bf. About a month ago (maybe a couple days before we started dating, in fact) my bf vented in another server that we are both in (i had not read it until our discussion about Marie) about how it has been a difficult past couple of months dealing with her constantly trying to contact him about her problems and him begging for her to get help and take her meds. When he told her that he was starting the process of moving on, she apparently made suicide threats. She also has a history of self-harm, which greatly worries my bf, as she threatens him with that as well. This really scares me as i have been in similar relationships before, to think he's currently going through that and there's nothing i can do really shakes me. Quite frankly, it makes me angry that she continues to speak with him in that way despite the fact he is trying to move on. When i was in those situations, the only solution that got that kind of behavior to stop was to cut contact with them, which i do not know if he wants to do with Marie, and that leads me to my second concern.
I do not know if he really plans to set boundaries and cease communication with her even if this behavior continues, and I fear its going to put a strain on our relationship if he keeps enabling her. During the "wifey" discussion, he informed me that he told her messaging him with things like that makes him uncomfortable as he is in a new relationship and it wasn't appropriate. I took his word for it, but just a week ago I saw another unintentionally screen-shared conversation where they were exchanging goodnights and she referred to herself as "the prettiest girl in the world" which he did not say anything about. This either leads me to believe that either he did not actually tell her that it made him uncomfortable, or (more likely), she just does not care and continues to do it anyway.
They also do still talk frequently despite saying he wants to limit contact with her, they chat with each other in the community server relatively often (mostly about jokes or other light hearted things), which confuses me as to whether or not he really wants her out of his life. And as previously stated, they still have private casual conversations which i wouldn't say is limited. He claims it's because he doesn't want to cause a rift in his friend group, but that confuses me because being polite for the sake of others and being friendly are two different things-- and it seems like he's been doing the latter.
As you can probably tell from the length of this post, im very confused and still have a lot of feelings on the matter even though we've discussed Marie before. I want reassurance, however, i am unsure as to whether or not bringing the topic of his ex up yet again would be a good idea-- as this relationship is very new and i don't want to annoy him or act insecure but it has been eating me alive.
It is ultimately up to him what his relationship with his ex is, and i don't want to be controlling by telling him to cut her off, but i feel as though him not setting further boundaries with her may affect him and our relationship, and it's making me really insecure about things. What do i do in this situation?
tldr; long distance bf still keeps in contact with his toxic ex bc he still cares about her even though she recently has exhibited toxic behavior towards him. im very uncomfortable with it and worry for his mental health, but its a very new relationship and i dont know if i should keep talking to him about it.
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2023.05.30 03:09 Rep-Binks My (mostly) work related and history shelf

My (mostly) work related and history shelf submitted by Rep-Binks to bookshelf [link] [comments]

2023.05.30 03:08 kumafym Trials of Betrayal: Sinister Secrets

In a small, secluded town nestled deep within the mountains, there stood an old cabin that was known as the gathering spot for a very big friend group. Every summer, they would reunite there, sharing laughter, stories, and creating memories that would last a lifetime. Little did they know, however, that their carefree days were about to take a dark turn.
Among the friends was a girl named Emily, who had always carried an air of mystery around her. Something about her was strange, and it piqued the curiosity of one of the friends, Alex. Alex couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to Emily than met the eye.
One fateful evening, as the friends were engrossed in their usual activities, Alex decided to quietly trail Emily. Something within him urged him to discover the truth, even if it meant unraveling a sinister secret. He followed her cautiously, making sure to remain undetected.
To Alex's horror, he witnessed Emily commit an unthinkable act: she had taken the life of one of their dear friends. Instead of intervening, however, Alex chose to bide his time. The manner in which his friend met their end was peculiar, and Alex needed more answers. He observed Emily repeating her chilling ritual, leading her victims into empty rooms where their disappearances would go unnoticed by most.
Driven by a mix of fear and curiosity, Alex continued his surveillance until the day came when it was only Emily and a dog left alone in a room. It was then that he saw her true form—an ethereal ghost or spirit, capable of draining the life force from those unfortunate enough to cross her path.
As the dog whimpered and cried out for help, Alex's heart swelled with compassion. Without hesitation, he rushed into the room, feigning concern as he attended to the injured animal. Deep inside, he knew that he had to befriend Emily, not out of genuine camaraderie, but to ensure his own survival.
Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Alex played the role of a loyal friend, keeping his distance from Emily's sinister deeds while remaining close enough to appease her suspicions. They spent time together, sharing stories, exploring the beauty of the surrounding nature, and even engaging in playful banter.
Alex's facade began to blur the line between reality and fiction, and soon he found himself questioning his motives. In his desperate quest for self-preservation, had he lost sight of his own humanity? He had grown fond of Emily, in an odd and twisted way, and the guilt of betraying his friends gnawed at his conscience.
One day, as the sun cast its golden glow over the cabin, Emily turned to Alex and confessed, "I'm grateful to have you as a friend. You're the only one who has truly understood me."
Tears welled up in Alex's eyes as he grappled with conflicting emotions. In that moment, he realized that he had fallen into a trap of his own making. He had befriended a monster, not to save himself, but to avoid becoming one of Emily's victims. He had sacrificed his moral compass for the sake of survival.
The unexpected revealed itself not in Emily's motives, but in the depths of human darkness. It was Alex who transformed into the genuine creature of horror, abandoning his companions and embracing his own inner shadows. The burden of his deeds would eternally torment him, serving as a constant reminder of the repercussions that unfold when venturing too far into the realm of darkness.
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