## Race Information
* **Name:** Edinburgh Marathon
* **Date:** Sunday May 28, 2023
* **Distance:** 42.2km
* **Location:** Scotland
* **Time:** 03:43:12
* **Gear:** Altra Vanish Carbon
* **StravaURL:** https://www.strava.com/activities/9156827328
## Goals
Goal Description Completed?
------------------
1 Sub 3:25 no
2 Sub 3:45 yes
3 Don’t Walk no
## Splits
Split Time
------------
1 04:22
2 04:25
3 04:20
4 04:34
5 04:35
6 04:24
7 04:41
8 04:31
9 04:41
10 04:35
11 04:42
12 04:39
13 04:44
14 04:41
15 04:46
16 04:43
17 04:49
18 04:50
19 04:49
20 04:53
21 04:56
22 04:54
23 04:58
24 05:03
25 05:11
26 05:12
27 05:18
28 05:19
29 05:17
30 05:24
31 05:24
32 05:42
33 05:56
34 05:57
35 06:51
36 07:22
37 07:03
38 06:34
39 06:30
40 07:32
41 05:38
42 05:49
43 02:36
##Background
Just turned 50 this year (50M) and started running (again) in Oct’22 from a base of zero exercise for the past five years (excepting having 3 small boys (5,7,&9) and the hustle of daily life, family walks, family activities etc. In 2014 I did a couch25k and between 2014-2017 started to run commute into work averaging about 10km per week over this period - (2014 - 900km; 2015 - 500km; 2016 - 650km; 2017 (jan-aug) - 500km). This culminated in a half-marathon race (Rock n Roll Dublin) in 2017 for which I didn’t follow a training plan but did a few longer runs of 13k(ish) and finished in c. 1:48 (ran out of steam at c.19k and had to run/walk a couple of times to finish).
Before 2014 - there was no exercise/running/training/gym - I was relatively ‘active’ but no sports/activities to note.
In October last year (‘22), I decided to go for a run to see how it felt and surprised myself by running 7km @ 6:10/km pace. I enjoyed it, and decided to get back running with a vague aspiration to complete a marathon in my 50th year….
##Training
… so I started training. Decided in November to book a bib in the Edinburgh marathon, figuring that 7 months should give me a decent enough training block. Avg went from 50km/week to 100km/week over this period.
Month Distance Avg Pace
------------------
Nov 216km 6:16/km
Dec 321km 6:07/km
Jan 284km 5:26/km
Feb 237km 5:25/km
Mar 291km 5:19km
Apr 412km 5:07/km
May 305km 5:00/km
Didn’t follow a specific plan (per se), generally ran 5 or 6 days a week with one long run (5:00/km to 5:30/km), one medium/tempo type run (4:40/km to 5:00/km), three easy runs (5:20/km) and a sprinkling of ParkRuns.
I had no (observable) issues in stepping up the mileage over this period, two small injury niggles,one in Nov and one in Feb, and I rested with no reoccurrence of either.
I self-diagnosed regularly occurring foot pain as a Mortons Neuroma (flared up after c.9km and could be run through - but painful) and went through a variety of shoe types to lessen the flare-ups. Settled on Altra’s and roomy footbox, which worked for me.
Parkrun (5k) times went from 25:26 (Oct’22) to 19:06 (May’22) over this period.
Other notable times -
10k times - avg sub-45mins on tempo/fast runs
Half-marathons - (did over 20 runs at this distance over the 7 months) ran x2 sub 1:40 and x1 sub 1:34 during the block (not races, just fast/tempo runs)
In Mar&Apr’23 I completed x5 long runs >30km (longest @33km) and a further x2 (27km & 29km) as part of the build up.
I trained with SIS gels and a water bottle filled with Tailwind mix during the long-runs and they settled ok, a little queasy but ok (I did all other runs (<27km) without nutrition or water)
The <1:35 half-marathon was the last fast/long run before the start of the taper (from 100km to 80km (wk1) to 55km (wk2) to 25km (wk3)).
##Plan & Pre-race
All marathon time predictors (runalyze; metathon; crplots) had me at a 3:10 to 3:12 marathon time based on my strava logs - I felt this was optimistic (4:34/km) as I had a tendency to drift (pace & heartrate) on longer runs. Based on the half-marathon times in the training block I felt i could sustain close to that pace for maybe 30km - but >40km would be a push - so settled on the following plan for race day:
First 16km (10 miles) at 4:40/km, next 16km (10miles) at 4:50/km, last 10km to keep legs moving and hold-on to the finish. Goal A - was to run a sub 3:25.
Pre-race prep was unremarkable - flew to Scotland (from Dublin) on Friday evening - ate well Fri/Sat (lots of pasta, steak, bread) slept ok . Collected bib Saturday morning, pottered around the city for a couple of hours , rested the rest of the day.
Race day morning, grabbed a banana, coffee, croissant - had 500ml of tailwind c. 2 hours before start - greased myself up (sunscreen & anti-chafe), bathroom, checked bag, warmed-up (stretches/gentle jog). Fuelling plan for the race was a gel every 6km topped-up with Tailwind which I carried in a hand-held bottle.
Weather was warm and overcast at the start (10am)
##Race
Start was largely downhill for the first 8km, and I tried to keep the pace under control. Legs felt strong and were turning-over well. Despite best efforts, the combination of the downhill, first marathon excitement, over-confidence, other runners pace, me being an idiot, had the first 8km in c.4:35/km pace - which was faster than intended, but not wildly so. The course then hit the sea front and the breeze helped to take the edge off the pace and I settled into the target pace of 4:40/km (-ish) for the next 8km.
Took the gels at 6km, 12km and 18km and sipped from the hand-held bottle (tailwind) throughout. I grabbed a few gulps from the on-course water as I ran-by. Weather started to warm-up as the sun broke through the clouds.
Hit 16km feeling good - slightly ahead of target pace and the race-plan was to run the second 16km at an avg 4:50/km so I eased off a little to adjust to plan.
Hit half marathon in 1:38ish which was ahead of plan, but I felt ok, knew I had completed a 1:34 half a few weeks back and the race-strategy was to target 4:50/km from 16k to 32k.
Then things changed at around 23/24k mark - legs started to lose some power which came as a surprise, I also started to feel a little nauseous. I skipped taking the planned gel at 24k as i felt i would be ill if i forced it down.
At 25k I just couldn’t hold a sub5:00/km pace at all. I recognised that I was in trouble and it was barely half-way through. Resolved to move to my long-run pace for the training block at 5:20/km and hoped this could see me through to the end. Took a gel at 30k and temperatures were getting warmer. Despite all the difficulties I hit 30k in 2:24 (avg. 4:50km) but i was weakening and getting worried.
When I reached 32k in the marathon I knew I was fucked, pace had slipped to 6:00/km, sun was beating down, other runners were struggling, and I started negotiating with myself to just. keep. running.
By 35k I had to start run/walking as my legs had completely gone. I was gutted but there was nothing left in the tank. Walking through the two water stations I could actually drink the bottles of water and was surprised at how thirsty/dehydrated I was. Pace times dropped off as I continued to run/walk for the next 5k. Nearing the end I gave it everything I had to run the final 2k.
Crossed the finish in 3:43
##Post-Race
Disappointed I couldn't run the whole 42k but recognise sub 3:45 is an achievement for a 50year old (couch to marathon in 7 months).
Hard to rationalise what went wrong here - initial thoughts:
1). Over-fatigued / over-trained - despite feeling strong during training this was not actually the case - taper ineffective (??)
2). Target pace too aggressive - over-confident/ego/greedy - did not respect the distance - went out too fast
3). Fuelling/hydration was wrong - sweated too much -relied on tailwind - did not take enough water on-course - skipped gel at 24k
probably a combination of all of the above factors.....
##Next Steps
i) Rest for a week
ii) Dublin marathon at the end of Oct
iii) Start structured plan Pfitz. 18/55 or 18/70
Made with [Strava race report generator](https://race-report-gen.jezl.xyz/).

I’m rxom. Found out my store manager has been offering more to boys that apply vs girls that apply. I’ve looking through their resumes and interview scores and nothing I saw looked different from each other. Am I missing something or should I take some form of action?

i (18F) and my boyfriend (19M) have been together for acouple of months now, throughout these months and even when we first started talking i’ve been slowly obsessing over his ex. Now this isn’t without reason, my boyfriend has multiple exes and i’m completely okay with them but this one is the one that’s stuck. Let’s call her Lily.
I live in a small town, which means I see his exes on a daily basis. Lily is the same age as me and we went to the same school so I saw her all of last year. Her and my boyfriend dated in 2021 and broke up a month or two after getting together, I heard rumours back then of why they broke up and it was because she was talking to multiple other boys that my boyfriend had issues with which caused him to break up with her. She ended up getting with one of these boys shortly after they split.
If it had ended there I really don’t think I would be this obsessive over it but it didn’t end there. My boyfriend saw me at my work place last october when I served him and after that he kept on asking one of my friend’s who’s dating his best friend to set us up. At the time I was not looking for a relationship, but he was still very persistent throughout the months leading up to december.
During december I went to a party and my boyfriend happened to be there, he looked really good. One thing lead to another and we ended up kissing before the night ended. After a week or so he asks my friend for my snapchat and she gives it to him… he adds me 2 weeks after that. The thing is he broke his phone acouple months before this so he was using someone else’s each time. He didn’t message me until half way through january, but then he ended up ghosting me and not messaging me until over half way through february (he said this was because he had no phone and just bought a new one) and we talked every day after that until we eventually got together.
Now here’s the thing, I found out he was hooking up with Lily all through december despite the fact he was talking about me to his best friend the entire time. After we kissed he probably went home to Lily in his bed, we kissed at the start of december and he was still hooking up with her throughout the month. My friend told me that he had been trying to get her to leave his house near the end, but a part of me feels like he only said that infront of her because he knew she would tell me. When I asked him about it he said he was the one who broke things off with her.
Ever since I found out about this it won’t leave my mind. I have no issue with Lily personally, she’s so beautiful and she’s always been nice to me but this entire thing that happened with her and him just won’t leave my head. I feel like they’re the type of exes who get back together each year after every split they go through like they’re drawn to eachother especially given the circumstances they ended on the first time. He reassures me that I am the only girl he wants and I want to believe it so bad but I always have her in the back of my mind. She’s gorgeous I do not blame him for going back, but it still makes me feel so insecure even tho I know it’s wrong for me to feel this way. Lily and her ex had broken up not long after she started hooking up with my boyfriend, so she had went straight to him after and he knew that.
Today i saw a message from a blocked account on his phone and they had video called the same day he added me on snapchat and it just brought everything back. I feel like this is really bad for my mental health and needed to get it off my chest, I just really don’t think i’ll get over it.

Hey Dr. Jordan.
First of all, the name Jordan is a beautiful name i think. I'm a 34 years old male from Israel. Call me mohe. I work hard each day of my life, married with 2 astonishing boy and girl. My wife is pretty and kind to me. I work as a police investigation officer here in the capital. I'm writing you for 3 reasons: First of all, to say Thank you for being you, for helping me through tough times in the past and in what i'm enduring now and in present days... You have been the voice of reason, objectiveness, reapect while pushing science and facts forward. I like listening to you on Youtube and i got 2 of your book and read them immediately. I found the 12 rules for life simple but very correct and on point. I connected to almost evert sentence you said, it's like i knew what you about to say (also in audiobook) before you said it.
Secondly, i seek directions! My father whom has been ill for long long time, suffered a lot of pain, because several conditions one of them brain strocks and half paralyzed, DIED a month and half ago!!
I loved him, he was extremely kind to all even people who treated him disrespectfully. He always told me, before you judge, put your self in their shoes! He invested a lot in his home and family. And he died in a sunny normal day unexpectedly, between my arms while i tried to do my best to save him. I saw the last breath (here we call that the soul) leaving him! I took care of him for the best of my abilities in the past 3 years, showered him, changed his dippers and feed him and took him places and more, while my brothers did little for him which angers me. I remember, you said, one of the hardest things to achieve and a sign of strength is to be the strongest & the most reliable person in your father's funeral. I tried to live by those words each hour passed after his death and i think i did well, i'm the youngest of my brothers but they always referred to me in any matters to solve them. But...deep down it's hard for me! I miss him. Home is empty! He suffered alot! I told him only one thing over and over again while he slept on the cold floor without heartbeat with his blue eyes still open and looking at me - Forgive me! Forgive me for not doing more! I didn't expected this experience to have such a scar and impact on me. I'm a strong man overall i endure a lot of things, but this one feels different.
Above and to add furthermore...I don't feel fulfilled at my job and work. I hate what i do. I work far from my town, my bosses seem like they care about anything but me, even tho i give it all at work, i'm still unappreciated. And the things that i do and decisions that i take are not aligned with my values and principles. I attent my work with almost 0 motivation. But on the other hand all my friends and brother and a lot at my village work in such jobs and it's what the small community expect from me. I know that the devil that i don't know are not always bigger that the one that i already know, you said that a lot. But still i'm not sure. So quiting and starting over feels like a bad idea sometimes. I don't know what to do, i feel strangled and energy-empty, which surprise me, because i always been funny and good hearted and nice person. Both matters combined, work and family issues, are heavy on me. I don't know what to do regarding my father's death and my work. Thank god i have a supporting family so far.
And thirdly, when are you gonna come to Israel?! I would like to meet you and listen to your lectures in person. I think i watched almost all your videos on YouTube!!
Thanks again.

Edinburgh Marathon

Race Information

• Name: Edinburgh Marathon
• Date: Sunday May 28, 2023
• Distance: 42.2km
• Location: Scotland
• Time: 03:43:12
• Gear: Altra Vanish Carbon
• StravaURL: https://www.strava.com/activities/9156827328

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
1	Sub 3:25	no
2	Sub 3:45	yes
3	Don’t Walk	no

Splits

Split	Time
1	04:22
2	04:25
3	04:20
4	04:34
5	04:35
6	04:24
7	04:41
8	04:31
9	04:41
10	04:35
11	04:42
12	04:39
13	04:44
14	04:41
15	04:46
16	04:43
17	04:49
18	04:50
19	04:49
20	04:53
21	04:56
22	04:54
23	04:58
24	05:03
25	05:11
26	05:12
27	05:18
28	05:19
29	05:17
30	05:24
31	05:24
32	05:42
33	05:56
34	05:57
35	06:51
36	07:22
37	07:03
38	06:34
39	06:30
40	07:32
41	05:38
42	05:49
43	02:36

Background

Just turned 50 this year (50M) and started running (again) in Oct’22 from a base of zero exercise for the past five years (excepting having 3 small boys (5,7,&9) and the hustle of daily life, family walks, family activities etc. In 2014 I did a couch25k and between 2014-2017 started to run commute into work averaging about 10km per week over this period - (2014 - 900km; 2015 - 500km; 2016 - 650km; 2017 (jan-aug) - 500km). This culminated in a half-marathon race (Rock n Roll Dublin) in 2017 for which I didn’t follow a training plan but did a few longer runs of 13k(ish) and finished in c. 1:48 (ran out of steam at c.19k and had to run/walk a couple of times to finish).
Before 2014 - there was no exercise/running/training/gym - I was relatively ‘active’ but no sports/activities to note.
In October last year (‘22), I decided to go for a run to see how it felt and surprised myself by running 7km @ 6:10/km pace. I enjoyed it, and decided to get back running with a vague aspiration to complete a marathon in my 50th year….

Training

… so I started training. Decided in November to book a bib in the Edinburgh marathon, figuring that 7 months should give me a decent enough training block. Avg went from 50km/week to 100km/week over this period.

Month	Distance	Avg Pace
Nov	216km	6:16/km
Dec	321km	6:07/km
Jan	284km	5:26/km
Feb	237km	5:25/km
Mar	291km	5:19km
Apr	412km	5:07/km
May	305km	5:00/km

Didn’t follow a specific plan (per se), generally ran 5 or 6 days a week with one long run (5:00/km to 5:30/km), one medium/tempo type run (4:40/km to 5:00/km), three easy runs (5:20/km) and a sprinkling of ParkRuns.
I had no (observable) issues in stepping up the mileage over this period, two small injury niggles,one in Nov and one in Feb, and I rested with no reoccurrence of either.
I self-diagnosed regularly occurring foot pain as a Mortons Neuroma (flared up after c.9km and could be run through - but painful) and went through a variety of shoe types to lessen the flare-ups. Settled on Altra’s and roomy footbox, which worked for me.
Parkrun (5k) times went from 25:26 (Oct’22) to 19:06 (May’22) over this period.
Other notable times -
10k times - avg sub-45mins on tempo/fast runs
Half-marathons - (did over 20 runs at this distance over the 7 months) ran x2 sub 1:40 and x1 sub 1:34 during the block (not races, just fast/tempo runs)
In Mar&Apr’23 I completed x5 long runs >30km (longest @33km) and a further x2 (27km & 29km) as part of the build up.
I trained with SIS gels and a water bottle filled with Tailwind mix during the long-runs and they settled ok, a little queasy but ok (I did all other runs (<27km) without nutrition or water)
The <1:35 half-marathon was the last fast/long run before the start of the taper (from 100km to 80km (wk1) to 55km (wk2) to 25km (wk3)).

Plan & Pre-race

All marathon time predictors (runalyze; metathon; crplots) had me at a 3:10 to 3:12 marathon time based on my strava logs - I felt this was optimistic (4:34/km) as I had a tendency to drift (pace & heartrate) on longer runs. Based on the half-marathon times in the training block I felt i could sustain close to that pace for maybe 30km - but >40km would be a push - so settled on the following plan for race day:
First 16km (10 miles) at 4:40/km, next 16km (10miles) at 4:50/km, last 10km to keep legs moving and hold-on to the finish. Goal A - was to run a sub 3:25.
Pre-race prep was unremarkable - flew to Scotland (from Dublin) on Friday evening - ate well Fri/Sat (lots of pasta, steak, bread) slept ok . Collected bib Saturday morning, pottered around the city for a couple of hours , rested the rest of the day.
Race day morning, grabbed a banana, coffee, croissant - had 500ml of tailwind c. 2 hours before start - greased myself up (sunscreen & anti-chafe), bathroom, checked bag, warmed-up (stretches/gentle jog). Fuelling plan for the race was a gel every 6km topped-up with Tailwind which I carried in a hand-held bottle.
Weather was warm and overcast at the start (10am)

Race

Start was largely downhill for the first 8km, and I tried to keep the pace under control. Legs felt strong and were turning-over well. Despite best efforts, the combination of the downhill, first marathon excitement, over-confidence, other runners pace, me being an idiot, had the first 8km in c.4:35/km pace - which was faster than intended, but not wildly so. The course then hit the sea front and the breeze helped to take the edge off the pace and I settled into the target pace of 4:40/km (-ish) for the next 8km.
Took the gels at 6km, 12km and 18km and sipped from the hand-held bottle (tailwind) throughout. I grabbed a few gulps from the on-course water as I ran-by. Weather started to warm-up as the sun broke through the clouds.
Hit 16km feeling good - slightly ahead of target pace and the race-plan was to run the second 16km at an avg 4:50/km so I eased off a little to adjust to plan. Hit half marathon in 1:38ish which was ahead of plan, but I felt ok, knew I had completed a 1:34 half a few weeks back and the race-strategy was to target 4:50/km from 16k to 32k.
Then things changed at around 23/24k mark - legs started to lose some power which came as a surprise, I also started to feel a little nauseous. I skipped taking the planned gel at 24k as i felt i would be ill if i forced it down.
At 25k I just couldn’t hold a sub5:00/km pace at all. I recognised that I was in trouble and it was barely half-way through. Resolved to move to my long-run pace for the training block at 5:20/km and hoped this could see me through to the end. Took a gel at 30k and temperatures were getting warmer. Despite all the difficulties I hit 30k in 2:24 (avg. 4:50km) but i was weakening and getting worried.
When I reached 32k in the marathon I knew I was fucked, pace had slipped to 6:00/km, sun was beating down, other runners were struggling, and I started negotiating with myself to just. keep. running.
By 35k I had to start run/walking as my legs had completely gone. I was gutted but there was nothing left in the tank. Walking through the two water stations I could actually drink the bottles of water and was surprised at how thirsty/dehydrated I was. Pace times dropped off as I continued to run/walk for the next 5k. Nearing the end I gave it everything I had to run the final 2k.
Crossed the finish in 3:43

Post-Race

Disappointed I couldn't run the whole 42k but recognise sub 3:45 is an achievement for a 50year old (couch to marathon in 7 months).
Hard to rationalise what went wrong here - initial thoughts:
1). Over-fatigued / over-trained - despite feeling strong during training this was not actually the case - taper ineffective (??)
2). Target pace too aggressive - over-confident/ego/greedy - did not respect the distance - went out too fast
3). Fuelling/hydration was wrong - sweated too much -relied on tailwind - did not take enough water on-course - skipped gel at 24k
probably a combination of all of the above factors.....

Next Steps

i) Rest for a week ii) Dublin marathon at the end of Oct iii) Start structured plan Pfitz. 18/55 or 18/70
Made with Strava race report generator.

Whenever asked about Miami girl, Ariana says she wanted to protect him because this is the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with. That was like 1-1.5 weeks into their relationship. How did she know that so surely that early??? That makes me think it’s really obvious they had a solid romantic relationship way before they are letting on. Otherwise how would you know? If I just started dating a friend that early I would think “what if the romantic part doesn’t fall into place, what if we ruin the friendship bc the romance part doesn’t work?” Definitely wouldn’t be thinking I’m absolutely spending my life with this person - unless of course I had already tested the romantic waters thoroughly and thus could say that with certainty
I also think she is mad at Schwartz for enabling bc as she said she saw similarities of being the three musketeers with Tom and Tom early in their relationship. Schwartz probably helped enable their relationship so she knows he did something similar.

We are due with our 3rd girl, our first two have honor middle names and we are struggling with the 3rd. For the longest time we talked about using Alice in honor of my aunt who passed a few years ago, we were very close and would love to use her name. Recently when I’ve been saying “Tessa Alice” out loud, it just doesn’t feel right. I would love to use a name from my husbands side because our first two come from my side, but we can’t find something we like that flows nicely. We are very close with his mom and grandmom. Looking for suggestions to incorporate: Dora - his grandmom. I adore her and she is so involved with our daughters. Tessa Dora? I’m not sure how I feel about it, looking for feedback. Effie - his mom. Her full name is Efsevia. We have a very long Greek last name, so we’ve tried keeping their first and middle names short but Effie feels like too much of a nickname to use as a middle name. Thoughts? Any other variations of the name? Patrick - my dad and brother. If this baby was a boy, we were going to use Patrick for the middle name. Me and my husband are so close with my dad and brother, we were living with them when we had our first daughter. This is our last baby and we know we won’t get to use Patrick in the future. I’m not crazy about “Patricia” but any other feminine variations you’ve seen as a middle name?

Question of the Day: What shallow icks do you get from people when dating? And what are the top 3 things you notice on the first date? And what are your tips for those who are in their dating stage/phase? You can send a DM if you want to make kwento about it! Hahaha
*This is open for both girls and boys!!

Question of the Day: What shallow icks do you get from people when dating? And what are the top 3 things you notice on the first date? And what are your tips for those who are in their dating stage/phase? You can send a DM if you want to make kwento about it! Hahaha
*This is open for both girls and boys!!

Proud puppy daddy moment, and wanted to share it here.
I've been lurking here since we got our beautiful girl (a Brittany) about 7 months ago, and have taken solace in everyone's posts. We've had quite a few dogs over the years, but it's been years since we've had a new puppy. You forget how much work they are! We made it through those first few weeks of "That's it! We're taking her back to the farm!" (in jest, only in jest). Reading others' posts was a huge help, just knowing others were dealing with their land sharks and sometimes nutty, high energy pups (and now adolescence!). At 10 months now, it's worlds better, and she's settling into a lovely family dog.
Our girl is so smart and trainable; but sadly we don't train as regularly as we should. She's still made amazing strides and is such a good pup...a bit too excitable and reactive with other dogs, but we're working on it. I've been working on on-leash recall with her among other things.
So the other day we're out on our morning walk; dog's on the 15-foot lead so she has a bit more room to wander. We're on a footpath, but open fields around us; and boy, does she love to run. I reach down to move a large branch off the footpath, and as I'm distracted and dragging it away, she decides to pull at the end of her lead...just enough so the end flies out of my hand!
She started running, no doubt thinking 'freeeeedom!!!', while I'm thinking "Oh, good lord how in the heck am I going to catch her!" Fortunately I didn't panic and go blank, and quickly called out our recall phrase...and she turned around and ran back to me! I was SO proud of her! We have nothing close to consistent, reliable off-lead recall, but it was such a gratifying first step for her!

Question of the Day: What shallow icks do you get from people when dating? And what are the top 3 things you notice on the first date? And what are your tips for those who are in their dating stage/phase? You can send a DM if you want to make kwento about it! Hahaha
*This is open for both girls and boys!!

That was strange. Very strange. One show passed into the next and I wasn’t sure just what was going on…I mean, I didn’t notice it at first, he has other friends. He could have stopped by someone else’s place.
‘Could they have ‘not’ listened to me after all?’ That thought did occur to me, that maybe the ones who hit him, got together a group and ambushed him? My brow furrowed, ‘If they did that…’ I paused the show right as the boorish butch girl was getting ready to punch the computer nerd…because what’s a trash anime without dramatic overreactions?
I began to tap my foot, then checked the time on my phone. ‘School ended two hours ago…’ I thought while I read off the time. Jin was generally the sort of boy you could almost, if not quite, set your watch by. He always left for school early, and even if he dallied a little bit on his way home, he ‘generally’ didn’t delay except at the end of the school week.
And today was a Thursday.
So I did the only logical thing, I shifted back to my natural state to cast a more powerful spell. A swapper’s body isn’t that different from that of a human, at least in its basic body plan. Like if all a human saw of us was our shadow, they might think they were looking at a slightly ‘off’ human’s outline.
Basic, low level magic didn’t require any transformation or ‘swapping’ of my form, but search magic was different, there’s so much data in the world at any given time that without our natural biology to filter it, we just can’t use the spell.
[H’craes r’etemarap Jinn] I spoke the spell aloud to increase it’s potency, just in case, and a white dot formed in the air above my outstretched palm, it pulsed, then exploded like a star going supernova, the billions of little photons spreading out from my palm and touching everything as they dispersed, passing through objects and feeding an endless stream of images into my brain all at once, which I was rapidly filtering through. I didn’t really like to use a spell like this.
Point in fact… I hated it.
I hated it because you can see just… all the things, including things you don’t want to. I winced as points of light passed through occupied bathrooms and busy bedrooms in surrounding apartments. “And I had the nerve to call Jinn a hentai.” I muttered under my breath as more images flowed into my head, the spell was beyond the apartments now, and the endless points of light that were so minute that it was no more than starlight on a cloudy night to human eyes, continued to spread out over streets and into other buildings, offices and places of employment.
The bullyboys were sitting on the old bench where I met them before… they were not nearly so cocky as before, if anything, they were quite sullen. ‘Strange for them to be there at an hour like this… just doing what… nothing?’ I wondered about that, but there was no time to think on it. At least I could safely rule them out. I was now well outside the reach of the neighborhood, and there was no sign of him.
‘It isn’t any of your business.’ I told myself, but I didn’t cancel the spell.
The search went on.
And then… I found him.
And I felt stupid.
‘The hospital… there he is, sitting next to a bed, and yes, there’s his mother…’ She didn’t look good. There was a tube in her throat, an intravenous drip in her arm, her eyes were closed, and she even had tubes in her nose. None of those were desirable as far as I knew.
I didn’t know a lot about human sickness, and why would I? Human viruses and bacteria don’t impact me. But I knew those weren’t good things. I’ve never heard someone say, ‘My health is great, I’m actually getting some tubes shoved down my throat this weekend.’ So I figured it was pretty much the opposite of a good sign.
I canceled the spell. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much I could do about her being sick. Healing magic isn’t something I know anything about. My skills are far more…visceral.
That didn’t mean I was completely helpless.
I reclaimed my human guise, hit the shower, and changed into a plaid skirt and white button down shirt with some flat shoes. I even took the time to take a brush to my fox-fur colored hair and straighten it out before giving it one tie in the back close to my head.
Search magic over an area that large was… not inconsiderable, especially when searching for an individual target, so I did still have to wait a few minutes to cast another spell, or rather, to make sure I could cast it twice.
[t’ropelet f’les l’atipsoh] and then… I was gone. It was dark out when I reappeared on the roof of the hospital, and I rolled my eyes at my absurdity. ‘Of course it put you on the roof, it was the place closest to the target you pictured…’ The winds were blowing high and my skirt danced around me as my hair was lifted up from my back, and I went to the edge to peer down to the bottom. There was nobody around, at least. So… I added some wings to my back, and hopped off, I knew well enough how to make ones that would arrest my descent, that was actually one of the first things I did when I picked Earth as my vacation site.
Swappers aren’t the most popular race in the Universe, and you never know when you’ll have to get gone fast, or how. So I made sure I knew all sorts of shapeshifting techniques to adapt to a wide variety of situations.
I landed out of view, dropped down to one knee and drew the faux wings back into my body, then walked around the front entrance. The lights inside were on and flickered a little when the glass double doors opened. Like most hospitals, this one had a lot of seating in the front area, halls diverged in every direction. A bored, sleepy receptionist in white sat behind a curved wooden desk that had a series of computer monitors evenly spaced along it… but hers was the only one occupied.
I approached the woman, she had curly hair and a world weary expression while she worked at her computer, and didn’t look up when I came near. “Hi, I’m here to see Miss Toriyama, can you tell me what room she’s in?” I asked as cheerily as I could.
She looked up from her computer screen for a moment and huffed, “Visiting hours are over.”
“But-” I started to ask.
“Visiting hours are over. You can return tomorrow morning at nine. Thank you.” She said, then pretended I didn’t exist.
I knew these types. We have them at the agency. Bureaucrats don’t change much from one world to the next, I guess.
“That’s fine, I’ll be happy to come back tomorrow, but could you tell me what room I’d need to go see, so I don’t have to waste your time first thing in the morning?” I batted my eyelashes at her, and at the prospect of not having me come see her twice, she seemed to waver.
“Room nine-zero-one.” She answered after a moment’s look, and I turned around to walk away.
But I never reached the exit. I just waited until I was sure I wasn’t going to be seen, doing what I did next.

I just moved in with my mom for a new place due to disability. I'm currently rarely able to walk my dog and when it's not far. My mom does most dog walks.
Karen told me several times, when, how often and how long to walk my dog, including exact times. This works for her dog who's significantly younger than mine and had a hard time learning to potty outside. She had seen my dog all of 3 times when she started that shit.
My dog is almost 14, has a pre-existing health condition that affects his mobility, can't walk as long anymore without pain of fatigue, doesn't want to walk as often anymore, has no issues with pottying inside, tells you when he needs to go outside of our potty rounds, needs a good while to get his body going and be ready to walk in the morning (which suits me as my body is the same) and has never been a morning person. Like even when we both walked 5-7km a day in the mountains I had to sometimes force him to get up and go potty by 11am and he always needed a lot of motivation to go out before 9am. Which is accounted for by a late night potty round.
I told his former foster (a certified dog trainer who helped me set up the perfect potty and exercise routines depending on what was going on with him health-wise) and she answered (direct quote): "He's not even able to sort his four legs at 7am and at 6am he neither knows where he is, nor who he is." which is a perfect description of my boy.
Other crap this lady said: "All her disabilities and health struggles are just psychiartric" (after failing to downplay them), implying because she can do more than me and is my mom's age I'm just lazy because I can't lift heavy stuff, do things that require strength or balance and my mom is spoiling me a bit due to being in month 4 of 24/7 extreme pain (before February it was only 10 days a month that were that bad and 20 days of manageable pain) and helping me get up and walk when I'm dizzy, telling me it's totally wrong that we moved into our new place without renovating (a nicely renovated place is great, but it takes time and money we didn't have), trying to rile up my dog to bark because she's annoyed he barely does that and stops on command while her well trained dog barks all the time (joke's on her, my dog stopped on command - saying it's allright - because that's one of the things we focused on in training, informed me that he needed my help and I came to "rescue" him from that mean person annoying him), telling me I need to use water to train the street dog behaviour out of him and that he's "damaged" because after 9 years on the streets you can't get rid of trauma and survival strategies, even though he was fostered by a dog trainer.
The list of "damage": Needs to always be on leash due to an independent streak (though he always comes back to me absolutely happy, just not always in the moment I want him to), a tendency to hunt and a tendency to jump at cars (according to his x-ray he has once been hit by a car and sustained spine damage), is a master thief that needs to be outmanoeuvred constantly to prevent suicide by food and has a hard time stopping to beg or take food (needs supervision and guidance to do that) as well as exchanging stuff he found for treats (doesn't work perfectly). Or in other words: This dog has a history.
I'm not sure if I should be infuriated or amused.

My boy needs more attention tbh
Small TW for: child neglect and bullying and mentions of death (by car crash)
He was a young mershark whose parents moved in land after he was born. He had a lot of siblings and was close to his younger sister named Comet and had a mom and a dad, who were quite neglectful and were very absent in his life and left Hikaru most of the time to take care and pretty much raise his sibilings. Hikaru studied in a school where people were judgmental, and tended to bully him a lot and Hikaru had to overcompensate with being very violent and acting though in return which caused strict teachers and others to dislike him more. He grew to have a temper and not showing his more sensitive side.
When Hikaru was 11 his parents died in a car crash, Hikaru even if he resented how his parents didn’t care that much for him he still grieved and had so many mixed feelings. Hikaru and his siblings were sent to an orphanage and were there for 4 years since they were in bad conditions there, Comet wanted to escape with Hikaru even insisting they leave the rest of their siblings. but when they were being chased Comet pushed Hikaru into a lake and from the impact he passed out and when he woke up and swam back to the surface, Comet was gone. He stayed in water in his mer form for the remaining time before he went to NRC and after one encounter with other mers his tail was scarred and pieces of it were ripped off permanently which cause him to be slower than average on water. Then he was accepted into NRC, and the rest is history.
(I didn’t add a in NRC section since this is his first year which is mostly the events that happen in cannon. Unlike Zora who was a second year and needed that one year to be talked about. Also his backstory was planned to be more brutal with him seeing Comet die in front of him but I didn’t want to hurt Hikaru even more emotionally lol)
Selkie is next and then I’ll figure who should I overblot first

I’m a 21F, undiagnosed neurodivergent
I suffer from OCD. SO-OCD (sexual orientation ocd) makes me so anxious, I feel uncomfortable with myself, make me overthink and question about my sexual orientation too much (I get analysis paralysis over it). (sometimes, I worry if I would date someone in real life)
I love cartoon men, I like only loved cartoon men most of my life.
When I was a child, I used to deny I like characters romantically but actually felt something intense and was like “nah, I like these characters normally >///<”
when I was 11, I realized my favorite characters were all male. that’s weird, I wonder why??? is that love?? and then started to accept the fact that these characters are my boyfriends
when I see some female characters especially curvy girls, I do feel some tendencies but I don’t necessarily obsess over them like I do with the boy characters
Cartoon guys are so fun, cute, goofy, and interesting. they look like they come from a happy vibrant world.
real life guys on the other hands are plain looking and look like they come from a grey boring world (real life feels like a grey boring world to me)… I can’t see myself actually dating a man in 15 years, it makes uncomfortable
ugh. watching a YouTube essay about the depressing case of Ronnie Spectothe meaning behind roar’s christmas kids song made me be like “no thanks, never dating a man ever”
I don’t even have male celebrity/public figure crushes, I only see them as role models. for example, I see Jack Black as my role model, not as my boyfriend
I like to be a solitary person, so dating an abstract form helps me a lot.
whatever it is, I only love fictional guys but I don’t like real life guys. I think girls are hot but I don’t obsess over them.
does that make me straight?? aroace?? bothies?? neither?? other thing??
should I label myself as “straight”, “aroace”, both, neither or something else?? suggest me a cool label, please (something a bit official sounding, not too MOGAI-ish)
I’ve seen/known so many male artists/cartoonist/guys who only draw girls, themselves dating fictional girls, decorate their room with pictures of hot animated girls and base their personality on liking fictional girls, I’m just like them but with animated guys instead, it’s weird.

So, I had a friend with whom I spent my entire 11th and 12th grade. I feel so hurt right now, because I felt we had a special bond. Soon after board exams, we went to a nearby city (where I was going for the first time). For some reason, I had to return early and naturally I thought she would come with me, as I would've done the same. She asked me to go alone. What kind of friend would be more concerned with having fun than her friend's safety? We have been friends since 6th grade, became best friends since 11th. It's been two months since then, and I didn't text first, so we haven't talked at all. She did offer me an insincere text apology, and cancelled our reconciliation plans soon after. I don't even want to be friends with such an insincere person anymore. Another incident mid-12th. So, my other friends were teasing this girl about a boy, and recorded them together and added a music to that video, nothing more. I told her because I felt she should know and that it isn't that big of a deal. She let everyone know I told her and made a huge fuss about it without even telling me she was going to confront. I got treated like a whistleblower for the rest of 12th standard, while she made peace with the others. And guess what, these were the same people she chose to stay with, while I had to go back alone.
I just realized that maybe we were friends just because of her social skills, and she just wants a bunch of fun-friends, and not intimate ones.
But just now, I was watching a reel, where we had to name three people we love, and her name came to my mind. I am so hurt and angry at myself for still thinking of such an insincere person.
Long story short, I feel like an idiot after being sidelined and growing apart from a good friend. But, I still thought of her while watching a reel about people you love.
Thank you for reading this boring vent, I'm crying right now. I wish I hadn't wasted my years with such a person.

Hello everybody, My name is Ivan, 21 years old! I got tinnitus and hyperacusis 4 years ago, Back then in time i was still a boy who didn’t know how to cope with life situations, didn’t have love around me, nobody to share with my toughs or to express feelings, so basically after my first night club, i got this strange feeling of fullness in ears and like bees flying around my ears sound, in the beginning i was fine with it, thinking it’s normal, but then the next morning I decided to check if sound was still there and i hardly heard it but i though ookay there is something, so i checked it in Internet and what happened was i got really stressed guilty and anxious thinking it will stay forever. I was like these for 2 days speaking with some doctors saying how urgent sth has to be done, at the same nobody really helped me, also i was underage, soo difficult, And the third day i came back from hospital and something happened- I started hearing some strange sound from television- high pitched ones that really bothered me, from this moment on i started thinking that i really fucked it up. I blamed myself and lived a miserable life for some months, then tried to go to different doctors, and then I thought fuck just go on. I mean i had tinnitus all the time but hyperacusis was much worse, what I struggled the most was that in some situation for example me talking face to face with a girl and suddenly my body my brain got blocked because there are some disturbing sounds around and brain goes into defensive mode, sending a lot of blood to legs hands and brain and me staying like a robot not able to say a word in front of this girl, I suffered so much because I couldn’t even express what i feel, I couldn’t express my personality, i felt whatever i say it wasn’t deep it was some reactive words just like a machine, it always used to happen when i go to deeper state of mind and reach my authenticity I become more sensitive and this shitty tinnitus always there, ookay I don’t care stay there, but when sounds around bother then I really can’t stop my body from going to defensive mode, so difficult it is. My only dream is to be able to express myself and to be my authentic version my real me
So i started intruding myself back to normal life, actually Erasmus projects really helped as first time my life i found people who understand me except for one of the doctors that also has this condition. Well basically i started thinking it still possible to have a happy life even with this disease and started doing stuff that doesn’t bother me. For example started to meet people only outside as my body was feeling more relaxed more easygoing, inside except for tinnitus people’s voices were loud and i was thinking somehow sounds attack me from everywhere like they bounce on walls and come to me, so i started spend time with people mainly outside, i met some very good friends, i did some parties and night clubs with normal paper in my ears just to experience it, I felt my body kind of tolerate it but it wasn’t so comfortable.
Then i did many other Erasmus projects, volunteering, basically i started doing a lot with my hands - gardening, cleaning, crafting. Then i was thinking what to do to fully reach my potential- boom i started climbing- great sport, i started do audiobooks and watch more often movies, but when i was listening the to the audiobooks or some videos some sounds bothered me- most bothering is the letter S, god damn even when people talk it feels awful, so my point here is that i do all this i get a lot and still i am not in such a deep mind state(that i know i am capable of) and that i can get much more.
It was like this till I met a person- what happened is this person saw my soul he was looking through my eyes and seeing deep. He revealed who I really can be and what life could be. So I finally realised i was deceiving myself trying to find a comfortable bubble to live, but live is not about a bubble live is so much more, he showed me how one can approach any people and show himself to them while me i was not able because of this blockage mechanism. What was giving push to continue was to have children and raise them proper way, be a good father, but now I realise it’s not about my children it’s about me and if I’m healthy i could educate not only my children but so many people around world, any people i meet or choose to meet- possibilities are endless. And i feel there is so much love inside me, i think just several seen people i met with so much love inside them and i feel that sharing this love making people smile sharing each other’s story experiencing this magic tension between people that is in the touch in the air between two eyesight in the uncomfortable silent moments and of course the power of music(I play guitar and piano a bit with paper in my ears, but again i feel there is much more to feel as blockage mechanics limit me) and speaking(the power when speaking deep from your heart, this warmth in the air). All this is so much more worthy than surviving in a bubble. Because this is how i feel - surviving not living.
I feel it strongly and I think best is to do euthanasia and see what happens afterlife. What could happen either i will just vanish which is fine, then life is nothing but an evolution. What i feel though is connection to universe and I believe in this- still don’t know if entire soul goes to space as one part or it disintegrates into smaller particles. Whatever it is it will either get reborn in animal or human or will stay for a while different place than earth, or it may disintegrates into energy and unite with cosmic energy to become one. Don’t know exactly, I have a feeling that there is something thrilling afterlife that somehow you get reborn or I don’t know, i feel it’s like this. ;)

This is from years ago but the girl still goes to my school. I 12F and my best friend 13F were best friends in the beginning of the school year. She was really quiet and I was really talkative so we got along fine.
Since she wouldn’t give me her number she gave me her Snapchat. We I didn’t talk to anyone other than her on Snapchat but she was trolling this man who I called Pedo Lex Luther.
But anyway she add me and her friend to a group chat to troll him. The friend was the boy she really liked and met on Snapchat. He was 16M . I was really uncomfortable with the age gap cause my parents are 1 month apart. But I got his snap and we were sorta friends. He seemed like a nice guy.
My friend knew that the boy liked her but simply didn’t want to communicate her feelings. So I told him how she felt and they got together. A reason why I did that is because I thought they had known each other longer that I knew her. But no they met a month after we did.
I cried and realized that I was in love with my best friend. I was happy for her tho. But then one day my best friends boyfriend texted me saying “(my best friend) is mad at me and I don’t know why.” He asked me to not tell her that he brought me into this. I did anyway cause I wanted to help.
But I eventually nagged her enough to communicate with him. But I think she got him to remove me or he blocked me out of anger. After that our friendship kinda. Changed we didn’t talk as much she didn’t want to talk to me. She suddenly started leaving me on read.
I know she would never do that to her stupid boyfriend. Then she told me when I was talking to her I don’t care. That made me feel really sad. So that night I thought about it and decided to do it. We were officially no longer friends.
But I felt really sad. So I apologized she accepted. But the weekend of she removed me. For after setting a boundary I didn’t talk to her cause I was waiting for her to talk first. She doesn’t have any friends irl except for me. I have friends and a boyfriend now but everytime I think of her I become sad. Now I don’t know what to do to get her trust back.