Fish tank stand bow front

Each corner can be divided into three sections. - Corner Entry - Mid Corner - Corner Exit
Pay attention to which part you're having trouble with. Tuning different parts of the suspension will affect where you understeer or oversteer.
Tune each component one at a time between tests. This will allow you to see if your adjustments work how you need them to. Eventually, you'll get a hang of what everything does and you can create a baseline setting for each car and minimize the time you spend tuning and testing.
Fixing Oversteer
- Corner Entry
Increase rear damping (expansion) Increase front damping (compression) *these settings will stop the car's weight from transferring onto the front wheels as you brake, keeping the rear wheels gripping the road. *
Increase rear negative camber and toe-in as the car's weight shifts from one side to the other, more negative camber will allow the outside wheel to keep a larger contact patch with the road. toe-in will point the outside wheel more towards the inside of the corner, resisting the tendency to wander towards the outside of the corner. rear toe-in will also help with straight line stability in general.
Stiffen the front anti-roll bar if the front anti-roll bar is too soft, the weight at the front of the car will shift too far too fast, putting more weight on the outside steering wheel, turning the nose too quickly.
- Mid Corner
Soften the rear anti-roll bar this allows more of the car's rear weight to stand over the outside wheel, keeping it planted more firmly to the road.
Reduce rear spring rates if the rear springs are too hard, not enough weight will transfer rearward, causing the rear wheels to slip.
Reduce rear ride height the lower centre of gravity will reduce lateral (sideways) weight transfer, resulting in more grip.
Increase rear negative camber with softer springs and anti-roll bar, it maximizes contact between tyre and road.
- Corner Exit
Decrease rear damping (compression) Increase front damping (expansion) this is the obverse of corner entry, it transfers more weight rearward.
Fixing Understeer
- Corner Entry
Decrease front damping (compression) Decrease rear damping (expansion) this will allow more weight to transfer to the front wheels.
Soften front anti-roll bar if the front doesn't roll fast enough, the steering wheels will lose grip early.
Increase front negative camber and toe-out with softer front suspension, as the body rolls, the front outside tyre will need a larger contact patch with the road.
Decrease front ride height lowers centre of gravity, increasing grip.
- Mid Corner
Stiffen front anti-roll bar as weight shifts off the front wheels, this returns the front centre of gravity to the middle quicker.
Increase front spring rate this limits body roll and nose dive, and prevents the front from staying too low when you apply throttle.
- Corner Exit
Stiffen rear anti-roll bar as the car accelerates out of a turn, this returns the rear centre of gravity faster, causing the outside rear to lose grip slightly.
Increase rear damping (compression) stops weight from shifting rearward too quickly, keeping grip on the front.
Increase rear ride height raising the centre of gravity exerts more turning force, pushing the rear end outward.
Increase rear spring rate this reduces the distance that the rear end squats under throttle.

It appears in the scans that the back of the bow is collapsing, but I'm yet to find a photo that directly shows that end. All of the photos I've seen show the front of the bow and of the bow's profile.
Titanic is obviously decaying, and this is a perspective that I really want to see the ship from.
Do we have any newer images of this portion of the ship?

Terror gripped my mind as the gigantic bear started to charge towards me. My army critically wounded and the first of the few defensive lines compromised, outnumbered, overpowered, overrun... as I desperately searched for any options, a way to defeat my foe, temporarily or permanently, I just found myself running into a wall sooner or later - I could only delay, never actually stop this attack, even if I were to sacrifice my spawners for the temporary mana gain that could let me pump out more denizens, but even then they would just be crushed by the monstrosity, it's hatred alone enough to pierce my defences, a body so large it might uproot the tree itself and a mind behind it that would not stop at anything short of absolute annihilation. "Is this really so bad?" I thought with a weak voice, "Death just means I get resurrected again, does it not?" with every passing thought the idea seemed more enticing, before I came to the horrifying conclusion that I did not actually _know_ what would happen if I died here. I may have been resurrected before, but who is to say that I would have the same chance again, especially after failing, _giving up?_ This core is not just a body, it is the soul of mine - so if Deepholm takes it, _IS_ there even such a thing as heaven or hell for me? And would I accept giving up all of what I've built here to have all my progress and my memories wiped, damning this place to be taken by this abominable presence below?
​
No matter how I tried to argue, losing here was not an option I was willing to accept, and I could not sink even deeper in my contemplation as I was torn out of them by the bellowing roar that was far closer to me than previously, emitted by the Bear with the Jackalope on it's back, having shaped the bow into a spear and penetrating the thick hide to lodge it between the bones, using it both to delay it's advance and find grip on the movable Bulk which tried to shake her off. Focussing on the Scene, the bear was pelted by a mass of flechettes, though they did little more than slow it down as the few that actually pierced it's pelt were simply pushed out by the regenerating factor, leaving it enraged rather than hurt. And Jackie herself, despite her amazing growth and skill, was struggling to remain on it as it shook, before rolling over and crushing her with it's ~~meaty posterior~~ massive weight. Though I saw Jackie still living, protected by her Aether armor and fast sprouting vines that formed a dome, she was heavily wounded and exhausted by all these actions, the spear still lodged into the bear but proving to be as effective as a nail would against an elephant. Is this really all I can do? Was I doomed from the start, simply for having appeared above something that would not tolerate any other existence? Did I fail to plan for the invasion properly? Is it all my fault, that my loyal denizens, scions and all the people in my domain will die? was I that useless? I feel myself on the verge of tears as The slow but steady grind of Deepholm crushed all that I have, the battle brutal but ultimately hopeless.
​
Kelvin was making hasty progress through Deepholm's domain but I knew that he would not find the core in time, let alone reach it, and even if he did I doubt that it'll be found without resistance. Giorno was commanding the swindling troops to hold the line just that little bit longer for me to come up with something. Emmet was trying to rushing the production of concoctions, her supplies already low and the draughts providing little advantage against such an overwhelming foe, Alexa was in the air watching over her companions which were decimated just like that time when Deepholm tried to deprive me of another spawner, though this time around there would be no more survivors. And Jackie was still fighting tooth and nail to keep herself from being crushed as well as attempting to find some form of weak spot, some kind of special strike just to hurt the Colossus in any meaningful way yet found herself at her limit as no amount of effort provided any change, her strength waning by the second. Is this it?
​
I close my vision, praying to the heavens above, as the last of my hope bled out and I had nothing more left. "Heavens above, God, Guardian Angels, please help me! I do not want to die!"
​
The noise of the fighting continued, my denizens trying to hold off the endless horde
​
"Please, was it not your will that I find myself upon this planet, fulfilling the role of a dungeon that you so desperately wanted?"
​
Alexa cries out, having been hit by a sonic wave of the Bat scion, her equilibrium disturbed, falling to the surface
​
"Why do you do this to me, when I was just doing what I thought you wanted? Did I do something wrong?"
​
the secret laboratory is consumed in an explosion as the desperate mixing led to a fatal mistake, the chain reaction devastating the entire place
​
"How can you expect us to live in your image when you allow this to happen? We do all we can, and this is how you reward us?"
​
Giorno gives off a scared croak as the structures that serves as the defences started to collapse, leaving him under the collapsed rubble
​
"Do you not love your creations? Is this a punishment for some transgression that our ancestors committed?"
​
I feel Kelvin panicking as the last of his potions wore off with him nowhere near Deepholm's core
​
"ANSWER ME!"
​
But the only answer I got was the crumbling of the makeshift fortifications as the badgers and bears started to flow in, tearing apart whatever defenders were left. I look to the stars shining upon us, their light providing no guidance
​
"please...somebody..."
​
Jackie was lying on the ground, the Armor gone, the horns broken, lungs collapsed as her attempts at simply staying alive were weakening
​
_"anybody..."_
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The twins lie unconscious, exhausted of all their mana and wounds marring their body
​
*"save me"*
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[PACT ACCEPTED]
​
Without even an instance passing I find myself in outer space, or someplace akin to it, stellar bodies surrounding me like trees in a forest, so close yet so far away with their infinite beauty as the nebula in the back ground stretches it's orange, purple and all other facets of color into infinity. There is no up and down, no past or future, and for a moment I find myself left speechless at this arcane wonder I found myself in. There were no words spoken, no sound made and no interruption of the visage had, but a foreign thought reverberated through my mind. Safety. Power, to defend myself against those who would seek to subsume me. The knowledge and guidance to achieve victory once and for all. And a price to be paid, a prize of my choosing. Without even thinking properly, I answer with the one thing that comes to mind, something as priceless yet worthless to me as could be
​
"In turn, I offer you Deepholm. all it's territory, all it's land. It's scions, it's spawners, it's knowledge. I want none of it. And once the last piece of it's core was subsumed, the last of it's offspring removed, it shall all be yours"
​
not a sound came out of me, yet the offer was made, and the stars shone in acceptance. The universe itself seemed to expand and contract at the same, my vision focussing out. I let go of the reigns and let s̸̨̧̢̧͓͙̞͖̠̬̊͐͊̈́̅͋̈́̿͋̀̀͆̈́̋̋̓̐̽̀͜͠͝H̷̡̙̖̖̤̻̽͊̎̒̔̓͆̏̈́̎̉̉͛͝e̸̢̼̯̥͇̱͖̻̣͖͒̄̾̐̽̎̒̿̀̈̀̀̇̄̅̔̊̾̆̽͒̽̚̚͝y̸̖̲̯͂͌̅̈̀̕͘ take the lead ***control*** as I black out
​
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**LYDIA POV**
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Fire. Fire everywhere
​
That is all I could feel, despite knowing fully well that there was none. And yet, in spite of the calming words I was trying to tell myself, the unconvincing lies that it might be alright, any focus I tried to direct inwards was just torn apart by the horror instilled into me. The battle - no, _slaughter_ that was happening on the once almost idyllic dungeon, the fields and tree covered in blood, the screams of dying creatures of all kinds, and the marks of a battle soon lost, not a single able bodied scion in sight with the last spark resistance pushed back deeper and deeper. Though the comparison seemed far fetched in a sense, my brain lapped it up like a dog from the desert, the colossal bear's brutality and iridescent glowing blood floating around the battlefield almost having a morbid beauty about them if it were not for the uncanny resemblance with the past. I knew I had to get away, if not for my own safety then to report about the murdering that Deepholm has committed, but I was torn. Ignoring the fear that the execution caused, I still felt the need to do something to help Caldera in the back of my mind, as if I would lose something far more important than I could imagine if I just left her to die. Yet, what could I even do? I am merely an inspector, and I already almost got killed by Deepholm's assault when I rushed here to warn the mining party and then Caldera, and now it was an entire army that stood before me, not just some rogue animals. Looking at the exit while contemplating my options, I realised that fleeing was actually just as hopeless as fighting directly, as badgers have set up an uneasy line, disorganized but loyal enough to not abandon their post. Whatever miracle let me live those few days ago, it would not save me now, especially not now that they were on the lookout for anyone else fleeing and had air support as well. The only bit of grim spite I could find was the note that everybody else packed up already, hopefully able to make it back in time without being targeted by Deepholm and maybe even deliver my message for me.
​
Having no choice in this matter, I finally decided to do what I am best at, my mind slowly calming as I pull out my kanabō
​
"Let's see how many of you fuckers I can take down with me"
​
_well, this is it then_ were the thoughts that crossed my mind as I charged into certain death. _Sorry papa. I guess I won't survive for as long as you hoped me to_
​
strike by strike, I kept the badgers at bay, dodging the hits as I dished out my own, the dead bodies slowly mounting yet the amount of living ones piling up faster
​
I did not last long until the only thing left that I could do was keep the monsters that encircled me away, my stamina at it's limit. The badgers looked at me with hateful hunger in their eyes and approached me as my strikes slowed to a halt, my body unable to keep this up. A sneering sound akin to a laugh came out of them before they pounced on me and started tearing my flesh from my bones
​
_"damn. This will be our end then I guess. and you were such a good dungeon too, Calde-_
​
My thought was torn apart by the abyssal boom that swept over the battlefield, a deep emotion of wrongness griping my body at the shockwave that even the colossus seemed to be unsettled by. A deafening silence followed the wave that everybody witnessed yet nobody heard, every being that was not knocked out staring at the core's location with various looks of confusion, nausea and fear, as even the scions could not comprehend what they perceived. yet then it washed over us all at once, as if god himself has descended to give the answer
​
***this is not Caldera***
​
my body merely gave off a croak before I started throwing up, still standing straight and looking at the tree. The tree, once full of life, was now glowing a black light, the skies torn open from any clouds that could obscure the judging stars gazing upon us, and Hell was let loose upon earth
​
My vision swam together as bears and badgers burst, unholy tendrils and roots having taken their place, their blood watering the soil for the being to fester
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The bats, once dominating the skies now were frozen in place, as if time itself has abandoned them, screaming silently into the void with contorted expressions of pain on their face.
​
the once overwhelming colossus started vibrating in unnatural frequencies, their body torn apart from the inside as their flesh warped and melted into forms I could not comprehend, regenerating factor turned malicious cancer then servant as the new hulk dragged it's boiling body like an amoeba, chunks left behind in it's wake that the dark one all too eagerly consumed.
​
and worst of all were the denizens, the once animalistic beings' faces contorted into an expression with hate that only gods could muster, their screeching rage tearing apart their voice bands as they rampaged, bodies spitting into pieces through the sheer fervour they fought with, yet still charging even as entire sections were missing.
​
above them all, 100 meters in front of the tree, a storm started to form, one of purple darkness and of magic not meant for this world, an unmoving vortex twisting matter around it like an artist may in a drawing, unnatural and impossible, an orange haze forming around it all the while
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my brain felt like it was about to burst. the universe wept as reality itself screamed in rage, celestial rays piercing the ground at the transgression as I desperately tried to cover my eyes, only staining them with the blood flowing out, my body's wounds closing and sealing as my mind betrayed and consciousness failed me, my body writhing on the floor
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**DEEPHOLM POV**
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"What an utter waste of mana"
​
Deepholm spoke to itself in third person, mentally pacing through the lavishly decorated sanctuary
​
"The interloper dares to enter his claimed space, and then resists elimination. INSOLENCE!"
​
the ground shook, the waves reverberating through his domain. a satisfied smirk appeared on his face. how could it hope to ever stand against him? Whatever trick it pulled against his voice, He would not fall twice for it. That cat it sent, it was a surprise to see it appear in his domain so suddenly, but taking care of it would not take long. Whatever plans it had were shattered with it's body, The sorcerer no match when in foreign domain, and the armies that were sent were probably not even a necessity as his scions alone could have uprooted the tree and destroyed the core.
​
"What an absolute waste"
​
It starts laughing, wondering how for even a moment it could have expected anything more. The rush of imminent victory fills his soul as he listens through his bond with the scions about the progress they made, how the last of the interloper's scions fell. How nothing was left to stand between it and defeat. The laughter silently swept across the room, showing itself as ripples through the steady flow of mana pulsing out of the core. This is what it meant to be powerful! He feels mighty! he feels great! he feels-
​
***PAIN***
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a scream washes through the dungeon, wiping away any semblance of happiness it felt just a moment before as it recoiled, writhing at the new sensation filling it's perception. Turning his attention at the source hatefully, it finds the once the warm, pulsating domain that laid there like prey gone, replaced with a wall of torment and hostile intent, cold and black as it stood there unmoving. Raging, Deepholm reached out to it's scions, a mistake that it would regret soon after. The moment it established a proper connection with the scions horrifying visions filled it's mind, from the entirety of the universe to a place that was not meant to exist, twisted and tangled in shapes that would cause any other mind to babble and break. As if their body was it's own, for that split second it felt itself growing larger, tendons and muscle mutating into new organs that kept up the painful expansion, as eternity itself stretched out before him, a never ending stream in any given singular instance.
​
Wailing with unknown emotions, the Dungeon retreated back to it's core, the momentary insight sweeping across him like a wave of acid, leaving festering wound across the entire mental space. "What..._IS_ that damned creation..?" words that came out heavy, tinted by a fear never felt before. The answers came like tendrils, stretching out from the foreign domain and piercing his, deepening the wounds that were already inflicted. "Impossible..." was all he could mutter as his body was pierced by the blackening roots, dividing him into pieces - the pain keeping Deepholm from drowning in the surrealism and impossibility of it all.
​
And there, where once the corpse of the scion lay, an orb of nothingness manifested itself, the orange glimmer on the outside being the singular thing that prevented all from collapsing in it, a momentary space of reality and it's absence melding together. He could only stare, no arrogance, anger or joy remaining as the space grew to the size of the cave, light seemingly bending around it as he stared into the abyss, and the abyss stared back. There was no need to speak to understand that this was it's end. There is no reality where it could resist, and so he whispered the only thing he could
​
"How..? " a single word uttered in complete helplessness at the happenings of an assault turned into utter annihilation. Orbs of Plasma from the void all burned him with their stare, beings that were not meant to be seen by the earth locked creature.
​
a single voice, spoken in a chorus answered
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**TIME IS SIGHT**
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**GRAVITY IS DESIRE**
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**POTENTIAL UNLEASHED**
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***AN OFFERING WAS MADE, A TRADE CONCLUDED***
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**A SOUL FOR A SOUL**
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**AS ONE WAS ALL, AND ALL IS ONE**
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**WHAT WAS SHALL BE**
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**AND NOW THE PAYMENT**
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**WILL PAY THE PRICE**
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This hurts like Hell
​
I groan, my entire body aching as if I trained nonstop for seven days straight, opening my sore eyes slowly
​
This is Calderas domain... ugh, my head is killing me. Did she pull one of her tricks again and knocked me out so badly that I don't even know what I was doing?
​
I squint my eyes, the glaring sunlight doing wonders by making me feel even worse than before, as I shield my eyes with my hands, providing some much needed relief
​
"So much for hospitality" another groan, as the thought of Deepholm attacking shoots through me like lightning. The instant jump just makes me sit again as nausea overtakes me, the fast movement not serving well to my intentions of stopping this incessant headache. Looking around, I find the grass swaying in the wind, The tree still standing tall and the pond in the background. there were some denizens here and there, though all seemed to be asleep as me before. Affirming that there does not seem to be an immediate threat at least I focus inwards, letting my stagnant ki slowly come into proper motion, undoing the headache like untying a knot. Feeling somewhat better at least, I stand up, slower this time, and walk around. Though the relative silence is unusual, there seems to be no threat in sight. Deepholm's thralls are not to be seen, and any adventurers that could have gotten hurt must have departed already, as was planned.
​
suddenly a gust of wind came from below and I felt like throwing up again. Barely holding it in I look down, and stare at the small crack in the ground revealing a cave that looks like burning charcoal if it's fire was a dim purple. from it, I could feel nothing. My senses are still messed up and I cannot afford to find out what it is, so I do the next best action and start running towards Caldera's Core
​
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**CALDERA POV**
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I lie in a sea of nothingness, swimming through the molasse like a log on a slow river. Lack of duties, a space where there is no touch and I relax in a space of my mind's making...there is no better feeling one can get. I drift, slowly and without direction, my eyes closed in the infinite comforting darkness, faint smile on my face. Yet it was not meant to be. I frown, as I make out some sound. Nooooo...I don't want to wake up. Can't I just sleep five more minutes? Groaning, I turn around, the comfort slowly slipping away and making way for light. I don't think I can ignore the alarm for that long... Ugh, I guess I'll have to do the shitty daily routine then as I always do. As the light embraces me I open my eyes, just to realize that I have none. Ah, right. That happened.
​
focussing on the noise, I find myself at my core, a red woman yelling something something. Huh? what does she want? I focus on the noise made, slowly tuning my own hearing until I can hear the words
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"...DERA! oh thank the shield you are awake!"
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Huh? what's that? is it not missing a 'finally' before telling me how I was trying to cross the border with her and that bandit over here? wait, why does it sound like it's so important that I am awake?
​
sharpening my attention I look at the surroundings, realizing that the aforementioned red woman was Lydia, standing in my sanctum without anybody else to guard her, no frogs, no Jackie - and the network of information spread by Alexa was nowhere to be found
​
Panic mode settling in I rapidly skim around my domain, finding no invasion, no delvers, not a single thing happening. I quickly calmed down, partially, as the brain fog I woke up with still has not left me, and since this amount of quiet was far too unusual. Refocussing back to Lydia, she notices my attention immediately and asks "Do you know what is going on? I just woke up in the middle of the field, and there is no one to be found"
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Trying to answer her I am once again reminded of the lack of voices, so I simply divert my attention to finding my scions, starting with Jackie. I realize mid search that maybe Giorno or Alexa are better choices but I can just search for them later, for now I'll just focus on the task at hand
​
Finding Jackie in the small space that is my former sanctum, I notice how her horns were shed, lying by the sides as she muttered in her sleep. Now how about you wake up? Of all my scions I expected you to be the least lazy one. In return she simply turned around and muttered something else, the intention this time being felt through the bond and translating roughly into "I do not want to be horny anymore, I just want to be happy". Oh haha, very punny. Well if that won't work, let's try... Hey Jackie, Lydia stole your strawberry chocolate cake and is eating all of it!
​
Immediately her form changed from 5 more minutes to ready to fight the world as she jumped up and immediately hit her head on the root above, slumping into a crouch as she held her head from the ache as I laughed my ass off, getting an upset glare from her. Her faked anger was short lived however as she touched her head repeatedly to find the horns she's used to missing, just to see them lying on the floor. Looking around frantically, wondering if this is some prank or if she is sick, I focused her and myself away from the distraction on Lydia still waiting anxiously at the core, telling Jackie to sprint over to her while I look for the other scions after a flash of sharing information on the current situation.
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Before I was able to find any others however I felt a shudder run up my spine, as my clarity is regained yet the feeling of wrongness only intensifies - and now can actually be pointed somewhere. Right below me, where my border meets - Deepholm! switching over there immediately I find the source of that uneasiness, though it's not Deepholm, and I am unable to decide if what I see is more or less threatening
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Right at my border the uneasiness identifies itself as emptiness that rubs against my border, a feeling similar to driving a car with maybe a centimetre of space between it and an obstacle to the left or right, except I also cannot see; not truly. Because what I find is a shrouded space, purple swirling vortexes and darkness, A place where mana may go in, but nothing ever comes out. Whatever it is, it seems to be the only thing there, so from what I can tell...
​
Deepholm is no more. And I do not know what to do with that.

I know everyone is different and what works for you might not work for me.
However, the vast majority of people have the same problems due to a sedentary life. I work 8-10 hours a day sitting in a chair for the last 8 years. It fucked me over.
Anyway, here are a few things to check and fix, that are know to cause pelvis stability issues.

• anterior pelvic tilt
• posterior pelvic tilt
• hip mobility
  • excessive external rotation ( duck feet )
  • excessive internal rotation ( not so common )
• core stability
  • check out any Yt video for "The mcGill Big 3" and do those 3 exercises morning and night for the rest of your life
  • this is stability, not core strength, and should be done first before strength
• core strength
  • transversus abdominis should be your main focuse
  • external + internal obliques also very important
  • 1-2 times a way for the rectus abs, not so important
• glute strength
  • with the emphasis of also working out gluteus medius and minimus which are very important
  • should be worked out minimum of 5 days a week, always AFTER core/abs
• ankle mobility

A few non muscle related stuff that helps in the chronic periods when you are starting:

• higher potassium intake
  • half a teaspoon of potassium citrate power and after 30 minutes all your muscles will be relaxed. develop a habit of eating rich potassium foods and don't relly on powder and it's a bit risky. too much and your hear will work slower
• decaf or better nocaf at least until you get a grip on your condition
  • cortisol will make progress much much slower
• learn to do proper diaphragmatic breathing
  • no, inflating your belly won't help and it's actually making things worse as you are stretching the front of your perineum and it's creating a reflex to always contract PC muscle on inhale
  • you need to learn how to do full 360 breathing, where your ribs expand
  • 30 mins/day in the beginning will help to keep your PF relaxed until you fix your muscular imbalance
• stretch and strengthen the QL muscle. research what this muscle is, why it gets tight, and work it out

Last, but not least, and probably overlooked:

• have more sex. no matter how strong you are in your pelvic floor, if your penis has no clue how a vagina feels like, or if it feels it once every 3 months, you are not going to see any improvements
• at the very least, don't ever masturbate dry, always rub the glans inside a first, better with an overhand grip, and ALWAYS stimulate the corona of the glans. There is a spot on the right side of the corona which is called an ejaculatory reflex. you need to get your penis accustomed
• if you can, buy a fleshlight
• no matter what people say, porn is NOT helping, at all. In terms of cortisol, and anxiety, it makes things worse

My personal advice to you, at least for the 30+ guys here, go see a PT for 1-2 sessions and get an assesment of what's wrong with you. Check posture, muscle imbalance, ask to get on that tredmill where they put sensors on you and see what muscles arent firing and which are over working.
It's going to be the best $200 - $300 you've ever spent.
They will tell you exactly what the problem is, and then you can work it out on your own.
It's either spending some money or spending tome months figuring it out on your own
Small tip:

• when having sex standing, forcefully internally rotate your hips, engage your TVA and do a proper 360 breathing inhale, then on the exhale keep that tension pushing in your pelvic floor. It is going to help you last A LITTLE longer. Or much longer, depending on how severe you are.

The conclusion is that your main issue is pelvis stability.
The moment the pelvis isn't in the position it hopes to be, it will engage the pelvic muscles as a response to protect the organs.
Not even a million reverse kegels are going to fight that defense mechanism built inside you.
Keep the pelvis stable, and the pelvic floor won't contract.
Don't lose time on the small stuff, like the BC and IC muscle. leave them alone, they are doing what they think it's right. Orgasm is rushed by the PC muscle, which is part of the levator ani muscle group, and that group contracts on its own.
Most of you don't even know those muscles can relax, and probably have spend years in a contracted state.
I've seen a video where a guy said having sex back to back for 30 mins - 1 hour helps.
Yep, it does.
If it is possible in your curent situation, a 3 hour session with a hot prostitute might actually provide a lot of temporary fix until you fix your muscles
However I won't go into this as I know it's rarely possible due to marriage, girlfriend, etc.
If your partner is understanding, explain to them their issue and that having one 2 hour session a week will help things a lot.
Remember that spending time on reddit will NOT fix your issue.
Don't fixate on pudendal neuralgia. That is a sympton of a trapped nerved due to tight muscles, specifically the piriforms and levator ani. It will go away once you restore balance. No other way around it.
Ok, good luck guys.
Hope this helps at least somebody.

In my rod lockers and in a big middle locker, not right on the door but inside of them on the top there’s this foam type stuff. To better explain, if you open the rod locker, it’s up toward the front of the boat and on the under side of the deck you would stand on. The foam stuff is slowly starting to chip away, it’s a 2012, and it’s falling. I have to vacuum it constantly. Anyone have any ideas of something I can maybe spray on it to get it to harden and stop chipping away?

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No matter how terrible a weapon the Terrans have produced to use upon you, know this: They've got something worse they didn't want to use. - Wemterran analyst
Desperate times call for desperate measures. - Codex of Forbidden Truth
That's the worst thing I've ever seen. - Everyone, sooner or later.
The worst you've seen so far. - The smartass next to them.
Magnus hummed to himself as he reached up and plucked a lemon from the tree.
The day was pleasant. A warm breeze, the artificial sun was shining, and the orchard park smelled of plants, growing things, fruit, and the faint scent of water from the lake.
He heard the sounds of power armor behind him and sighed.
Of course you have to ruin my day, he thought.
Outwardly, nothing changed.
Inside, Magnus activated his combat systems, putting them on either standby or low power.
"I can hear you," Magnus said, starting to peel the lemon as he turned around slowly.
The two Sword Knights stood facing him, blaze rifles leveled, roughly a hundred meters away.
"We have to secure the SUDS facility," Sword One stated.
"Mommy said so," the second one said.
Magnus nodded. "And we should always do what our mothers tell us to do," he said agreeably. He nodded down toward the lemon he was peeling. "Want a bite?"
"No," Sword Two said.
"Enough with the fruit!" Sword One said.
"What? I like fruit," Magnus said. He held up the lemon. "This one in particular. It has certain acids that I need. The vitamins and minerals in it are crucial to a healthy and happy life."
"If swear to God, if you say one more word about fruit..." Sword One said, letting the threat hang in the air.
Magnus smiled, taking a bite out of the lemon and slowly chewing it, enjoying the sour acidic taste.
"We have to kill you. You aren't authorized to be here," Sword One said.
"And your mother told you to," Magnus said, swallowing the bite. He smiled. "You sent the Tome Knight to kill my sister and the Rose Knight to kill my Captain."
Sword Two nodded. "By now, your sister is dead and the Captain has killed that alien."
Magnus chuckled, taking another bite and chewing slowly.
"What's so funny?" Sword One asked.
Magnus kept chewing and smiling.
"ANSWER ME!" Sword One shouted.
Magnus held up his hand, making a show of chewing and then swallowing.
"That you think my sister is dead," Magnus said. He chuckled again. "Archaic armor. Out of date weaponry I wouldn't use for home defense. Against us. The Twins."
Magnus gave no clue that he had read Captain Nakteti's messages on his retinal link.
"You have a sword. We have guns," Sword Two sneered.
"And a lemon," Magnus held up the half-eaten peeled lemon.
"THAT'S IT!" Sword One screamed.
For Magnus everything suddenly slowed down as his mind and body went into overdrive. He let go of the lemon and it seemed to hang in mid-air as he moved forward, drawing his sword. He could feel the 'sleeper' implants in his muscles go offline, feel his full strength flowing into his body as his muscle tissue purged the ATP-blockers that normally filled his muscle tissue.
The two armored figures were stock still to Magnus as he moved up to them, came to a stop, his foot throwing up dirt as he skidded sideways, sword back behind his head.
One stroke and he pivoted smoothly, turning and making another stroke.
The sparks were just starting to flash. The lemon was only a few inches lower than it was.
Magnus stepped behind them, the tip of his sword biting deeply into the backs of the knees on first the right legs, then the left legs of both armored men.
He felt the crunch of metal and circuitry.
But no soft spongy feeling of flesh.
He finished up with running back to the lemon, which had dropped a foot, sheathing his blade, and grabbing the lemon out of mid-air.
Sparks hadn't even shot from the backs of the Chronotronic Knight's knees. Their hands were just starting to drop from the wrists, the rifles just starting to fall into two pieces.
His systems went back to standby.
The hands dropped to the ground, still holding the rifle. Sparks shot from the backs of the knees and the amputated wrists.
Both Chronotronic Knights screamed.
Magnus took a bite of the lemon, chewing slowly as he walked forward.
"You know," he said conversationally, "If you're going to pick a fight with someone, you really shouldn't drop your hands before you pull the trigger."
He stopped and looked down at them. "You might want to be sure you can stand and fight too."
Sword Two looked up. "You cheated," he said.
Magnus frowned. It sounded like the armored man was crying.
"All's fair," Magnus shrugged. "You tried punching way out of your weight class."
"Mommy's going to be mad my hands fell off," the other one said.
To Magnus it sounded like he was weeping. He frowned as he popped the last of the lemon into his mouth and moved around behind Sword One.
"Well, let's get a look at you," he said, reaching out and feeling under the edge of the helmet.
"No. Don't. You're not supposed to look at us," Sword One said, trying to move forward on his knees.
"Mommy doesn't want people to look at us," Sword Two said.
Magnus stepped back, his frown deepening.
He hadn't felt any emergency catches or any other way to remove the helmet.
It felt more like a robot's head than a power armor helmet.
"Magnus! Don't! Don't kill them!" Nakteti's voice rang in his ear.
"Why not?" Magnus asked, looking at where both of the armored men were pushing around their hands with the stumps of their wrists.
When she told him, his eyes opened wide and he stared at the two weeping Knights with horrified eyes.
"Menhit redeem us," he whispered.
-----
The cherry broke free of the branch with an almost inaudible snap, the fruit bright red and full of sweet juice filled pulp.
Surscee lowered her hand and looked at the cherry, smiling.
To her, fruit was better tasting then the scientifically designed to appeal to the broadest palates nutri-forge template driven foods.
True, it had a small bee-kiss on one side, but that little brown imperfection made her smile.
She used a thumbnail to split the cherry at the seam and shuck the pit out, sucking the juice off of the pit before tucking it into a pocket on her leather skirt. She popped the cherry in her mouth and slowly turned around.
"Sooner or later, you have to make a decision," Surscee said, smiling. "You can stand in the bushes until the anomaly burns out if you want, but you might get bored."
"The final two SUDS layers are separating," came the synthesized male voice of the Tome Knight.
"Indeed," Surscee said. "That is why we can pick the fruit now. Before, the overlapping temporal zones made it impossible to pick them. This," she hefted the stem in her hand. "Means that we were successful."
"I cannot permit unauthorized access to this facility. It's mankind's one edge against a universe that Momma says wants nothing more than to destroy us," the Tome Knight said.
"I could say the same," Surscee said. "An archaic violent relic of a time nine thousand years in our past. Scarred by the Glassing and riven by The Scream. Out of time, your people dead and gone, the war you are fighting taught to children in school with all the passion of a bread recipe, your enemy now one of our most valued allies."
"That changes nothing!" the Tome Knight said.
The voice suddenly changed to that of a little girl.
"I'll kill her mommy. I won't let her get away," the Tome Knight said.
"That voice isn't your mommy," Surscee said, turning away.
"Yes it is," the Tome Knight's voice was male again.
"Your mommy isn't here," Surscee said. "Just as my mother is not here," she reached up and plucked another cherry.
"She won't get away, mommy," the little girl voice.
"Did it hurt?" Surscee asked, pitting the cherry with her thumbnail.
"Did what hurt?" the male voice again.
"What they did to you. Before they sealed you in that armor. When they sealed you in that armor. Did it hurt?" Surscee reached up and plucked a trio of cherries touching each other. She turned around, pitting them with her thumbnail.
"Does it hurt now?" she asked.
The Tome Knight was holding still.
"Your head hurts. Your angry," Surscee said softly, walking forward slowly. "What are you, Knight of the Tome? In that armor, what are you?"
"Mommy says not to tell," the Tome Knight said. The blaze rifle was leveled at Surscee. "I'm sorry, but mommy says you have to die."
Surscee brought her hand up, rings of light filled with glowing runes around her hand, wrist, and forearm.
The Tome Knight pulled the trigger.
The golden-white beam hit something in front of Surscee's palm, a rippling field full of runic script appearing.
Surscee kept walking forward, chewing on the cherry in her mouth. Still holding the cherries in her hand, she used her thumb and forefinger to release the catches on the front of her leather bustier, the exposed top slope of her breasts already glimmering with sweat.
The Tome Knight screamed in rage and pulled the trigger again.
Surscee held her hand out, wrist cocked, the beam hitting the field in front of her palm, as she kept walking slowly forward. She held out two fingers from the hand she was holding the cherries with, making a quick set of runes.
The rifle started to dissolve.
"MOMMY SAYS CHOP YOU UP!" the Tome Knight screamed, dropping the crumbling rifle and reaching for the force blade on their waist.
Surscee used her thumb to pop another cherry in her mouth as she took another step forward. She drew a quick rune with her cherry juice stained fingers, stepping through the glowing rune as she did so, sweat running down her back, her shoulders steaming as the sweat evaporated.
The Tome Knight held out the force blade handle and thumbed the trigger.
Nothing happened.
They clicked it again.
Surscee shook her head. "It will avail you not. I disabled it as soon as you raised the rifle," she said.
A halo of light appeared around the Tome Knight's clenched fist, shining edges with runes moving in a circle in the middle of the halo.
The Tome Knight stared at the force blade as Surscee took another pair of steps forward.
"You face a sorceress, whose knowledge far exceeds your own, child," Surscee said, the words more habit than thought through.
"I'M NOT YOUR CHILD!" the Tome Knight screamed, distortion filling the voice, throwing away the force blade handle and shaking their hand.
Surscee frowned.
"I can hit you to death!" the Tome Knight said, raising their arms and preparing to rush forward.
Surscee made quick motions and chains of burning blue fire leapt up from the ground, going around the Tome Knight's waist, their wrists, their ankles, their chest, around their neck. The chains clattered as they tightened.
The Tome Knight went over backwards with a cry of rage, screaming louder when they were pulled spread-eagle.
Surscee tossed the last cherry up in the air, opening her mouth and catching it, before walking up and stopping next to the Tome Knight.
"No. Mommy says I have to kill you," the Tome Knight said.
Surscee frowned at how it sounded like the Tome Knight was weeping behind the synthesized voice.
"What are you in there?" she asked softly. "Ion bonded warsteel laminate. Nanite protective layer in the laminate," she touched the chest.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" the Tome Knight screamed. "MOMMY! HELP ME, MOMMY!"
Surscee leaned forward to look into the optics of the helmet, uncaring that her breasts dropped from her loosened bustier beyond the fact that she could feel the heat rush off of her.
She froze at the odd noise the Tome Knight started making.
The Tome Knight was stock still, staring at Surscee's exposed breasts.
And making a lip smacking sucking sound.
"Oh, by the dark and fell fallen Titans Fyzar and Monstersano," Surscee said, her hand going to her mouth with shock. "Bellona protect me from such evil."
-----
Nakteti looked away from where Surscee was standing at the head of the medical bed, gently stroking the helmeted forehead of the Tome Knight.
"They're what?" she asked Chuck.
"It's hard to explain. I don't even know how it was done," Chuck said.
"Try," Nakteti said.
"They're children," Surscee said softly. "No, they're infants," she stroked the forehead of the helmet. "Enraged infants."
"But I thought the Digital Omnimessiah cured that," Nakteti said. "The Second Miracle."
"These... these..." Chuck said.
"People," Magnus said, his voice hard and brooking no argument. "Call them people, if nothing else for what they could have been."
"These people," Chuck's shoulders slumped. "Are enraged infants impressed with SUDS recordings of trained Combine troops. Who knows what else was done to them."
"But we've been working for years," Nakteti protested.
"Chronotrons keep them from changing too much. They're basically frozen like that," Chuck said. "This... this is monstrous."
"Are he in pain?" Magnus asked, looking up from the Knight of the Sword his hand was resting on.
"He was, till I overrode the suit interface," Chuck said. "They feel damage to the suit as if you had done it to their bodies," he gave a defeated sounding sigh. "They're young enough that their brains never discerned the difference between their own bodies and the armor. To their brains, they're one and the same."
"Can you do anything?" Surscee asked.
Chuck shook his head. "I wouldn't know where to even start. I barely understand what was done to them, much less how it was done. Without that, I have no idea how to undo it."
"The Old Gods preserve us," Nakteti said, shaking her head.
"It might be more merciful just to kill them," Chuck said.
Magnus looked around the room in the empty medical center, saw everyone's face, and gave a sigh of frustration.
"I'll do it," he said, drawing the knife from his belt. He looked at the others. "Why don't you go outside."
"I will stay," Surscee said, her voice soft and gentle. "I will not leave my brother alone to perform such a terrible task."
"As your liege, I will stay to witness what was done by my will," Nakteti said.
"Well, that means I can't leave. I'm not going to be the guy who leaves," Chuck said.
"Digital Omnimessiah grant me the strength to carry the burden of what I must do," Magnus said solemnly, placing his hand on the left side of the Sword Knight's chest, lowering the dagger to aim at the side of the armor. "Give me the guidance to do what is right, what is merciful, no matter how heavy the task is."
There was a light buzzing sound, like bees.
"Stay thy hand, Magnus."
Nakteti turned and stared.
The Digital Omnimessiah stood at the doorway, made up of flowing blue code with splotches of silver here and there.
"I am with you. Let me guide you along this dark path."
Nakteti went down on one knee.
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Well, hey friends, sorry for the delay... again. I wish I could write faster, but I think chapters will come out every 1-2 weeks for the foreseeable future. Anyway, on to the chapter!
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first/
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Memory transcript subject: Mikhail Rykov, Human Liberation Front, Eastern American cell
Standardized human time: January 10th, 2057
After the reinforcements were briefed, our force of 65 strong left and headed towards the base, leaving behind only a skeleton crew to keep the outpost running. Just as the commanders promised, I was going to be leading the team going into the building itself to rescue my friends.
“God be with me…” I muttered to myself, closing my eyes as I clutched the small cross my grandmother had given me before my first mission as a token of good luck. It felt like so long ago now, I’d have to pay her a visit once we’re done. I had no doubt that my comrades would need medical attention, so we would likely be taking them deep into the wilderness to one of our larger permanent bases. I’d see if I could get a letter out to her, or get a secure radio signal that would reach Kamchatka.
“You still pray, huh?” One of the women in the back of the truck, who I recognized as part of Borowski’s reinforcements, said after I put the cross back in my pocket. Catherine I believe was her name. “I keep what little we still have of our ancestors' culture alive” I said while making sure my rifle was ready for the fight. My old, wooden stock, bolt action hunting rifle. It would do.
“Good, I think we’ll need a god's help” she said, checking her rifle as well. “We’re coming up on it now.”
“Then let’s prepare for a fight. Everyone!” I yelled as I stood up, facing the rest of my team in the cramped vehicle. “You know what they’re likely doing to our comrades! You know what they will do to us should they find out where we hide! Let all of your righteous rage at what they’ve done to our beautiful planet and cultures boil over! Let it guide your bullets towards the skulls of those Federation bastards! For the true humanity!”
I smiled as I was met with a chorus of our rallying cry said back to me, with a few cheers thrown in. It felt good, finally being able to do something. Finally being able to rescue them from whatever hell they were going through.
“Rykov, Borowski, get ready, T minus ten seconds” Carlson's voice said over the radio. I crossed myself one final time before grabbing onto a handle on the ceiling, steadying myself as we went off road. Carlson began counting down as we got closer.
“Five.”
Deep breath
“Four”
They’ll pay for what they’ve done
“Three”
My team will be ok
“Two”
Every Fed killed is a step closer to our freedom
“One!”
As Carlson finished the count down, I felt our vehicle crash through an armored wall. I could hear sirens blaring from inside the building as I pushed open the back doors, and hopped out of the truck with my team close behind me. “Bury them in lead! Leave no survivors!” I yelled as I fired at a fleeing Gojid, nailing the spiky bastard in the back of the head. It slumped to the ground, and I pulled the bolt back on my rifle before advancing forward, my team and I putting down the little disorganized resistance we faced with ease.
“This way! Come on!” I yelled, motioning for my men to follow me. I slid into cover, Catherine sliding in beside me, and looked over to see a door open. Perfect. “Right there! Light it up!” I said to her, raising my rifle and firing into the doorway. She fired as well, and we managed to take down three of the approaching reinforcements before we were forced into cover again.
“Hey Rykov” she said with a smile, reaching onto her belt and pulling out a grenade. “Would you like to do the honors?”
“I’d love to.” I said with a smile, taking it from her and pulling the pin. I threw it right in the middle of the group of federation soldiers, standing up and firing at any survivors as soon as I heard the explosion. I saw several attempting to crawl away, who I quickly put down with quick headshots. I wouldn’t have minded carrying out their deaths a bit longer, but I needed to be efficient.
Maybe I’ll bring one in alive, find out what a krakotl tastes like
As I looked back at the doorway, I saw a familiar face scrambling to his feet nearby. The officer from the road, the one that shot Miles. I watched as he shot one of my men in the neck before slipping into cover. When I looked around, I saw several bodies, both ours and federation. It was a sad truth that people died fighting for freedom they’ll never see, but I knew that when I chose to fight. I knew that when organizing this mission. There would be time to mourn later.
“Give me another grenade, now!” I said to Catherine, who quickly handed it over. I pulled the pin and threw it towards the officer's cover. I saw him fly backwards and hit the ground, which took care of almost all of the enemies outside.
“Now, move! Forward!” I yelled to my team as I rushed towards the door. I stopped to make sure everybody got inside before joining them, but as I was walking through the doorway a bullet hit the wall next to me.
I turned around to see the officer, blood running down his leg as he staggered towards me with his pistol aimed. As tempting as it was to beat him to death against the wall, I refrained.
Efficient, I need to be efficient.
Instead, I fired a shot at him, hitting him in the chest before pulling back the bolt and firing again into the same spot. He fell backwards onto the ground, finally out of the fight.
Hope that killed him, I thought as I advanced inside with my remaining team. Borowski and his group should be distracting them outside, while we push in towards the cells. Immediately, we were met with a firefight, forcing us into the little cover we could find behind corners and walls. A few of my team dipped into side rooms along with the techies, clearing them of anyone, even scientists and non combatants as they rushed towards the computers, nabbing whatever intel they could. The scientists were the chief architects of our cultural genocide, they deserved no more mercy then the soldiers who forced the cure down our throats.
“This way!” I yelled after we managed to clear the hallway, thanks to some of the team bringing along makeshift firebombs that we liked to call Greek fire, after the legendary weapon used by the Byzantine Empire back when we had a history. I doubt the cured had ever heard of Rome or Byzantium.
We hurried through the building, carefully rounding corners and picking off any enemies that came our way. We lost some of our own, of course, but we still had enough of a force to finish the rescue. Finally, we found them. I could see what looked like cells down the hall, guarded by a smaller force than I anticipated. We easily dispatched of them, and my heart began to race as I sprinted towards the glass doors.
What I saw in the first door drove me into a rage. Jacob was there, a large collar around his neck and a bloody bandage around the stump where his right hand once was. Blood was running down his face from his eye, and his mouth was scarred. He was being held up, one of the cured human guards using him as a shield while a Zurulian doctor coward behind them.
“St- stay back!” The guard said, aiming his pistol at me. He was clearly terrified at the sight of me and the remaining seven team members gathering behind me. “Go get the others” I said without looking away from the guard. He began to panic as I shot the lock on the door and began to approach, clutching my rifle until my knuckles were white. My team ran off, hopefully to enact the same vengeance on whatever federation monsters they find.
“Mikhail… I… I knew you’d come…” Jacob said weakly, forcing a smile, which let me see that he was missing a tooth as well. My rage finally boiled over. I lunged forward and grabbed the monster’s hand, tossing his pistol away from him before he could react. Jacob fell forward as I dragged the guard to the ground and began beating him. Over, and over, and over. No matter how much he cried, no matter how much he begged for mercy, I no longer possessed any. I beat it till it stopped making a sound, then stomped on its head until there wasn’t much left but a mess of red blood where a face used to be. The scientist had attempted to run while I was distracted, but even in his injured state, Jacob was still quick. He picked up the guard's pistol, and was keeping the terrified zurulian held at gunpoint.
When I finally got up, my hands bloody and my breath ragged, I approached him. He winced as I put a hand on his shoulder, but gave me another weak smile. “It's… good to see you again… how’d you find us?”
“A story for another day” I said, turning my eyes back to the scientist. “He’s all yours, do what you want with him.” Jacobs' bloody smile grew wider as he approached the cowering marsupial, who only attempted to run again. Jacob promptly shot it in the leg, sending it to the ground with a pained yelp.
“You fuckers put us through so much…” He said as he slowly approached, likely relishing the fear in its eyes as much as I was. The thing whimpered as he knelt down next to it, placing the barrel of the sidearm right up to the doctor's stomach. “Took my hand, took my eye, mangled my mouth, MADE ME EAT YOUR CURE!” He yelled, getting inches away from the shaking doctor. The part about the cure made my heart drop. After all we’d been through, after all we’d fought for, the federation had turned him into one of them. They’d probably turned everybody into one of them.
“Destroying who we were wasn’t enough three hundred years ago, was it?” He said, moving the pistol to one of the doctor's other knees before firing again, point blank. It cried in pain and began to whimper as Jacob got right up in its face again. “I will burn the federation to the ground… there’s nowhere you, or your species, or your entire fucking federation will be safe!” With that, he fired a shot into its gut, and left it to bleed out in agony. I went with him out of the cell, half carrying him as he leaned on me for support. The others had been rescued too, and thankfully were in better shape then Jacob. Miles had bandages around his chest and leg, but was otherwise ok. Alexandra was limping along with the help of one of the rescuers, while Emily looked completely unscathed other than a couple bruises and cuts.
“Get those collars off, now!” I said as I grabbed the pistol from Jacobs hand, firing a shot up through the large device and into the ceiling. I managed to pull it away, revealing burns from constant shocks. “Those fuckers… come on, lets go!” I began helping Jacob towards the exit while the others followed behind me. Emily fell in beside me, having grabbed a rifle from a corpse. “I can't believe what they’ve done to him, I knew it would be bad, but…” she said, taking a few steps ahead along with another partisan to make sure we would be clear to help the injured to the vehicles.
“I’m… glad to see I got it the worst…” Jacob said as we limped down the hall. “Don’t worry brother, we’ll be safe soon.” I said to him.
The techies joined us as we approached the exit, falling in behind Emily. “Find anything?” I said to them as the doorway came into sight. “Let's just say command will like what we have, this could change everything” one of them said with a smile. I recognized him as Ilich, the guard that had helped me into the cave and given me water when I first arrived at Carlson’s outpost.
“Yeah… you won’t believe why we were taken alive…” Jacob said as we made our way outside. To my dismay, the body of the officer with the glasses who I’d shot was gone, meaning he’d survived and managed to scurry away. A blood trail led around the side of the building, but I didn’t have time to chase him. Not right now.
“Tell me on the ride back” I said, calling for a medship. “Commander Carlson, Commander Borowski, we’ve got them! It's time to pull out!” I yelled into my comms as I helped Jacob onto a small dropship that had just landed outside the destroyed outer wall, one that had been converted into a medical vessel. I made sure everybody else was loaded onto ships before finally climbing into one myself. This surprise attack had gone spectacularly well. Borowski and his group had kept them completely distracted, letting us get in and out with my comrades without much resistance.
I finally began to relax as the ships lifted off with everyone inside. Carlson and Borowski would conduct a fighting retreat, and meet us back at the outpost later. Just as I let out a deep sigh, I saw Miles limping towards me. I barely had time to turn towards him before I felt his fist collide with my nose.
I stumbled backwards, wiping blood away as I stared back at the furious kid. “You left me!” He yelled, drawing the attention of anyone who wasn’t already watching this spectacle. “You ran! You left me, left us, and now look at Jacob!” He said, motioning to our mutilated friend currently being treated by a medic.
“And then I rescued you…” I said quietly, letting out a quiet sigh before I continued. “I didn’t want to run, but if I didn’t I would have been in those cells with you, and nobody would have made it out of that hell… I’d just be stuck with you.”
“Y- You… you…” Miles stammered, tears welling up in his eyes. He was clearly too angry to get any words out before he turned away and sat down, letting a medic tend to him as he glared at me.
“Here.” I heard Ilich say as I sat back down. I looked over to see him holding out a piece of cloth for me to try and stop the bleeding in my nose, at the very least wipe it off.
“Thanks…” I grumbled, taking the cloth and quickly staining it red. “So what did you find on their servers?” I asked him, turning to face the techie. A wide smile grew across his face as I asked, a smile wider and more genuine than any I’d seen in a long time. “Well… we aren’t alone, there’s another predator species. They call themselves the Arxur.”

Jesi had never been in a hotel before certainly not one as fine as the one Mr Ericson took her and Damion too. They had a suite all to themselves it had two bedrooms connected to a living room, and kitchen. The hotel room was larger then the apparent she used to share with her mama all those years ago. Damion shared a room with Mr. Ericson but for the first time in her life Jesi had a room all to herself. She thought it would feel secure, but she still slept with a knife under her pillow. Still the bed was so soft she felt like it was going to swallow her alive every night. Her nights were one thing but the days were another thing entirely, they were a whirlwind activity. First there was the image coach, a person that Mr. Ericson hired to find a way to make sure Damion and Jesi, both looked nicer then street kids but were still comfortable. Then there was the mountain of paper work and explanations of how her life would change once she signed the papers. Mr. Ecrison said that the press had heard there was an heir to the O’Connal empire but they didn’t have her name or face yet. He was hoping that meant they would have a quite arrival when their plane landed in upstate New York.
He realized he was wrong the moment they entered the airport. Mr. Ericson was shocked to see the number of reporters swarming the gate. He cursed under his breath he’d been so careful he’d even gone out of his way to ask O’Connal’s business partner Constance Karington if they could borrow her family’s private jet to fly the girl in under the radar. With a sigh he squared his shoulders and looked at the two young adults behind him. “You both need to stay quite they will snap photos, shout questions, and shove whatever kind of recording devices they have practically down your throats for a sound bite. Do not give them one.” Mr. Ericson commanded as he lead them toward the crowd. Airport security was already attempting to hold the crowd back. The instant the crowd caught sight of Jesi flashes began to blind them all while the questions started flying
“Miss Jahari is it true you never knew your father?”
“Miss Jahari are you going to sell the company?”
“Miss, Jahari how does it feel to be Cinderella?”
Jesi was proud of herself for not pulling her knife on any of the reporters at the airport. She didn’t like people in general and she certainly wasn’t used to crowds surrounding and recording her. Mr Ericson parted the crowd as best he could and then shoved both Jesi and Damion into a waiting black sedan, with a driver. A short ride later and the small black sedan pulled up to a set of iron gates in the center of a brick wall that surrounded a mansion as big as a castle. The street in front of the wall however was filled bumper to bumper with cars parked on the curb. As the black sedan they were in pulled up to the gates people mobbed the car banging on the windows shouting questions making it hard for the car to move. Mr. Ericson pushed a button on his phone and the gates swung inward admitting the car the driver moved forward slowly through the throng as the gates swung shut behind them. The car pulled up to the front of the house and an older matronly type woman, came rushing out, as Mr. Ericson opened Jesi’s door.
“Ah, let me look at you!” the woman cried out in a thick Irish accent as she looked at Jesi.
“Jesminda Jahari this is your father’s maid and cook Mrs. Mable Mcguil, she has served your father’s family since before I can remember.”
“Aye, your mother must have been a beauty. Why just look at ya! You did get yer Father’s hair though I see, and his eyes.” Mable said as she reached out to brush a strand of red hair from Jesi’s face
“You knew my father?’ Jesi asked
“Knew him? Why I helped his mother raise ‘im I did. Kindest boy you’d ever want to meet. Ack, but he did he ever have a stubborn streak.” Mable added with a laugh
“Mable, my dear, I know you want to get to know Miss Jahari but that’s better left inside I think as the wolves are snapping pictures at the gate.”
“Ack, of course where are my manners, get in here all of ye.” Mable said as she turned to lead the way into the house. Mr. Ericson handed Damion and Jesi the 2 small carry on bags worth of clothes they’d purchased a few days ago, and motioned the two of them to follow Mable inside while he took his own bag from the trunk.
Jesi stepped wide eyed into the large foyer, the floors were a black and gold marble. The walls were a pristine white, with a stair case on either side curving up to the open second floor but what drew Jesi’s eye was a large painting hanging on the wall between the stair cases. A small family of three with a rather severe looking man with blonde hair standing tall a woman beside him with red hair gave anyone who entered a warm welcoming smile. The boy in the front drew jesi in he was around 7 at the time of the painting. Red hair green eyes but the happy smile he gave didn’t quite make it to his eyes. Jesi walked toward the painting staring at the child.
“That’s your father.” Mabel said walking up beside Jesi. “I remember that day clear as a bell yer grandfather insisted on a family portrait sitting. Ah, but yer father little scamp that he was was having none of it. All he wanted was to go out and play in the yard. The artist finally got yer grandfather to agree to take a photo to make the painting off of. As soon as he was free Conner went out and rolled through the grass in that fancy suit you see ‘im wearing. Aye but yer Grandfather was in a snit for days over the grass stains.”
“This house is massive.” Jesi said looking around the foyer.”
“Ah, but we do agree on that. To the left You’ll find the kitchen, dinning room, ballroom, bathroom, den, and living room. Through the right door you’ll find the home theater, another bathroom, library, office, gym and indoor pool. Upstairs there are nine bedrooms each with their own on suite bathroom, And the master bedroom has exclusive access to it’s own balcony. The third floor contains the greenhouse conservatory and excellent views.”
“So many rooms for only three people.” Jesi marveled turning a slow circle around the foyer.
“Yes, that was yer Grandfather for ye. The man insisted on showing the world how successful he was by getting the best of everything privet jet, fancy yacht, all the cars, the house. Yer father was a much simpler type He would have been happy with a one room apparent in the city. That’s why he never replaced the privet jet after the crash. He didn’t see a need, said if he was gonna fly it could be commercially, with real people.”
Jesi stood staring at the painting tears burned the back of her throat, as waves of emotion beat at her. Her father sounded like such a good man she wished she could have known him, but right on the heels of that she was so angry, her father lived in such excess while she and her mother had scraped by on nothing. Yet according to Ericson her father had never known that she existed her grandfather had lied to her father to her mother. Jesi choked back the tears and clung to the only emotion that had kept her alive for so long. Anger. “I hate them.” she ground between clenched teeth.
Mabel’s face fell she seemed to be hoping for a more joyful reaction from Jesi, but to her credit she didn’t try to talk the girl out of her pain either. Damion walked over and placed an arm around Jesi’s shoulders. “Mrs. Mcguil, is there a room we can go to for rest and a little privacy?” Damion asked
As soon as the door to the large guest bedroom drifted shut behind them Jesminda let her real feelings be known. She broke into deep sobs and fell into Damion’s arms.
“I don’t- I can’t- How could he- How could they-” Jesi started so many sentences but the jumble of emotion stampeding through her.
“Easy Jes, take a breath.” Damion tried as he held her.
“Why am I morning a man I never met? A man who abandoned me?” Jesi started
“Because he didn’t abandon you not on purpose Jes.”
“I want to hate him. I need to hate him, Why can’t I hate him?” Jesi sobbed
“Your right Jes it’s not fair. None of this is fair. It’s a lot to take in, and neither of us have taken the time to really process this.”
“In the hotel he didn’t seem real, but now… He was my father, and I never knew his name.”
“I know, Jes, it’s not fair.”
“He was stolen from me!”
“Yes he was.”
“This whole life was stolen from me!” Jesi hiccuped
Damion just held her and let her cry. There was so much for them both to process. Jesi was now one of the richest women in the nation, and she had insisted that Damion share her home as the brother he’d been to her since the day they’d met.
Jesi spent the rest of the day in the guest room that was now her bedroom with Damion bouncing between sorrow and anger like a rubber ball. Eventually she cried herself to sleep. Damion had just eased her into the plush bed, when a soft knock sounded on the door.
“Hey, uumm.” Damion stammered he wished he could remember the maid’s name.
“Mabel deary. How is she?” Mabel asked as she tried to look past Daion towards Jesi.
“She’s sleeping.” Damion said protectivily blocking to door.
“I mean her no harm.” Mabel said gently
Damion winced and tried to force himself to relax “Sorry, I know you don’t it’s just…” He trailed off at a loss “I’ve protectd her since she was five. Its just really hard to let that go.”
“Ye love her then?” Mable asked
“Of course.” Damion stopped and then a thought occurred to him “Oh! Oh you mean! No, no we’re not like that. She’s basically the sister I -” he stopped.
“Yer sister?”
“The crash that took my parents. It also killed my five year old sister Amy. Three days later I met Jesi, she looks nothing like Amy, but she was the same age and well I guess I wanted to protect her the way I couldn’t protect my family.”
“Ack, ye poor dear.” Mabel said with tears pooling in her eyes. “She’s safe here though, not a sole can get past the walls without setting off the alarms.”
Damion stiffened “Jesi, doesn’t like loud noises. Not since her mother was shot.”
“She was there?” Mable asked
“I thought Mr. Ericson would have told you?” Damion asked in confusion
“No, he told me who she was and that her mother had been killed but nothing else.”
“Yeah, she was there, her mom had to take her to work that night and, she says all she remembers is her mom stuffing her in a cabinet then she heard someone yell for the manager then the shots.”
“My God! Did she see anything?”
“No the officer on the scene worked really hard to make sure she didn’t see anything, But she’s been really jumpy ever since.”
“Ack, the poor dear. Well it seems there’s nothing more You and I can do for her til she wakes come I’ll show ye to yer room you must be tired as well.”
“I-I can’t leave her I’ll just stay here with her.”
“She’s safe here. Your safe here. You need rest too.”
“And I’ll get it right here beside her.”
“Ye’ve taken care of her for thirteen years, Ye’ve earned a rest and so has she.”
“We rest better together.”
“I’m sure ye do, and you’ll be ale to hear her through the wall if there’s trouble.” Mable encouraged
“I-”
“Yer both safe. She’ll be fine.”
Damion reluctantly followed Mable from the room. Mable made a show of taking a key from her pocket and locking the door to the room she explained that she was the only one with a key to unlock the bedroom doors but that all door could be locked or unlocked from the inside.
The next morning Mable opened Jesminda’s door with a cart of food behind her. “Good moring Miss Jes-” Mable froze as Jesi lept from the bed a knife brandished in her hand it’s tip nearly rested on Mabel’s neck
“Sorry,” Jesi said as she lowered the knife. “Force of habit.”
“Well, I will say that’s a new way to get the blood runnin in the mornin.” Mabel said with a giggle “Is there a reason ye have a knife on ye?”
“I’ve slept with a knife since I was sixteen.”
“And ye haven’t cut yerself?” Mable tried to joke
“No, Sargent Mullens trained me and Damion how to defend ourselves.”
“Sargent Mullens?” Mable asked
“He was staying at the first homeless shelter we crashed at after leaving the home. I was young inexperienced in street life and so excited to have my first shower in weeks I wasn’t careful enough. After I walked into the ladies room a man grabbed me from behind. He clamped his hand over my mouth and put a knife to my throat. I tried to scream to struggle while he cut my clothes off. Sargent Mullens heard the struggle and rushed in. He pulled the man off before anything happened and called for help. The man tried to cut Mullens but he dodged the blade, disarmed him, and held him until the folks that ran the shelter arrived. He told them to bring the guy to the police for sexual assault. After he helped me and Damion disappear when the police showed up and then taught us how to survive on the streets we stayed with him for about 4 months, until he disappeared.”
“That must have been hard on ye both.” Mable said
“It’s life on the street.”
“Jesi!” Damion called out as he rushed into the room.
“Ah and that saves me the trouble of bringing breakfast to ye as well.” Mable said as she motioned to the cart behind her. “I didn’t know yer preferences, so I, well, I made yer Father’s favorites. Bacon, sausage, pancakes, as well as some fruit a selection of juices and, aspirin.”
“How did you know I have a headache?” Jesi asked
“I’ve spent more then a night or two crying meself te sleep. I know the headache ye wake with in the morin all to well. OOP!” Mable said as she pulled her phone from her pocket. “And it seems that Ericson has arrived for the day with company not far behind. Best ye eat up and prepare seems as though yer in for yoru first dose of Constance.”
“Heellloo, Constance Karington,” The tall blonde woman in her early twenties stepped up to Jesi and offered her hand “Your sister.”
“I have a sister?” Jesi asked
“No, you do not.” Ericson answered.
“Oh not a biological sister but Conner was like a second father to me.” Constance said
“That makes one of us.” Jesi griped under her breath
“Oh look at you aren’t you a vision well besides that scare on your neck but don’t you worry my step-mom knows a great plastic surgeon we’ll have that gone in days.”
Jesi rested a self conscious hand over the knife scare on her collar bone.
“I wish you had consulted with me Ms. Karington, Miss Jahri’s schedule is full today.”
“Oh, so I cleared my entire morning of running my very successful company to hang out with my new sister for nothing” Constance protested actually pouting at Ericson.
“I believe you’ll find the company belongs to both of you Ms. Karington, and as I Said if you’d checked with me I could have told you that Miss Jahari’s scheduled is full this morning.”
“Oh come on I’m sure you don’t need a stuffy old man telling you what to do Jesi. You don’t mind if I call you Jesi do you?” Constance’s words dripped with sugar.
“Actually I do mind.” Jesi wasn’t buying Constance’s act for a second. “And Ercison has a full day planned.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do with an open morning Ericson?” Constance tried again
“Since your so keen to have family time I suggest you go connect with your brother.” Ericson suggested
“I suppose I could find Skyler but I look forward to dinner tonight Jesminda.” Constance commanded
“I will contact your office and arrange for a dinner in a few weeks then.” Ericson offered.
“I look forward to it.” Constance said with a smile as she turned to go.
“Oh Ms. Karington I would like to know how our confidential flight itinerary was leaked to the press.” Ericson asked
“Oh right, I have talked to my pilot about that rest assured he’ll be disciplined for his loose lips. Ta.” Constance tossed over her shoulder as she left.
“Who was that?” Damion asked when the door closed behind Constance
“Constance Karington, she is the co CEO of O’Connal and Karington Enterprises.”
“Isn’t she kinda young to be a CEO?” Jesi asked
“She was a child prodigy she graduated high school early and earned her MBA by the time she was 20. Two years ago she convinced her father to entire and hand over his half of the company to her.”
Constance slammed the front door to her family’s home. And let out a frustrated scream.
“I take it your plan to get Cinderella to sign the papers was a bust?” her brother Skyler appeared at the top of the stairs.
“I thought you’d still be sleeping.” Constance griped
“I was until you slammed the door quite rude if I’m honest sister dear.” Skyler, said with a lazy drawl
“Well, tell whoever your current girlfriend is I’m sorry to have disturbed her.” Constance replied with a forced smile
“You can drop the loving sister routine Constance I’m alone today.”
“For once.” Constance laughed sarcastically. “What do Nora find you flirting with a waitress?”
“Her name was Ashley and no, she asked for commitment, and you know I don’t do commitment.”
“Hm. Yet another doe eyed debutante that thought she could marry New York’s most eligible bachelor?”
“Yes you’d think they’d know better by now don’t they all talk?”
“Brother this may surprise you but the world does not actually revolve around you.”
“And it doesn’t serve you sister dear. A fact it seems ‘Cinderella’ reminded you of today.” Skyer gloated
“That company is mine! Conner promised it to me! Then that worthless brainless rat shows up and takes everything from me!” Constance shouted.
“I’m not sure Cinderella showed up isn’t more like Connor hunted her down?”
“Cinderella?” Constance said as a calculating smile slid on to her face
“That look never bodes well.” Skyler observed
“Well, every Cinderella needs her Prince Charming doesn’t she.”
“As I understand it she came with hers did she not?”
“The street rat no he’s more a brother to her as I understand it, but you Brother dear are currently between lovers at the moment.”
“Ha! Don’t even try it. Your little Cinderella is no where near my type.”
“Oh please, she’s beautiful, rich, and a woman that’s exactly your type.”
“Hardly, once a street rat always a street rat!” Skyler objected
“I don’t care, you will romance her get her so infatuated with you that when you tell her it’s in her best interst to sign over the company she’ll comply.”
“And if it can’t.”
“Then you’ll keep it in your pants until you marry her! I will not let some brat swoop in and steal everything I worked my entire life to get!”
“You can’t make me do any of this.”
“Can’t I? Last I checked Brother dear I control your trust fund.”

I'm in the research phase at the moment so I hope I'm not asking too many questions. I've tried to do some searches but I've not found the answers but that is probably my fault.
I plan to make an aquaponics type system so that's where all the filtering will be taking place. I plan to use an IBC as the main fishtank (probably about 900l-ish once the hole is cut and filled). I'm planning on using goldfish, most likely feeder ones or some single tailed variety. Would 15 to 20 be a good number for this size tank?
I want to be able to eventually provide most of the food for them from growing/culturing it myself and lower inputs from outside as much as I can. I've tried reading around feeding goldfish and the usual answer is to feed them as much as they can eat in a couple of minutes. How does that work for live feed? If I throw a net of scuds in there it'll take a while to hunt them. How much should I feed in this case? I know feed amounts are based off size and age so approximately when first bought and full size? (I hopefully can extrapolate from there :) )
What sort of live feeds would be best? I will be growing veg and fruit and general food waste will still be generated (like potato peelings etc). We will most likely have a worm bin for compost with red wigglers. After that I was thinking something like scuds or daphnia in a separate tank and duckweed in my sump. Maybe some hornwort to feed the scuds (like goliad farms). What would I be missing? Also is it possible to take a bunch of these and veg and blend them up to make my own pellets/gel foods?
If I got some sort of small fish like guppies or mollies (something that breeds quickly) to put in the sump to deal with mosquito larvae and they start to get too populated can they be used within the food too (assuming I can't find somewhere to sell them)?
Sorry for the loads of questions. Thank you very much. :)

I know this sounds crazy. Shut up. I get it. I’ve heard it all before: “what are you talking about?” “You’re insane.” “This is why you shouldn’t do molly before your brain finishes developing.” My friends don’t believe me. My parents don’t believe me. My therapist doesn’t believe me. And I don’t blame them. I didn’t believe me either, at first. Maybe I still don’t. There’s no moral here; this isn’t some cautionary tale about the importance of keeping clean. If it were, it’d be the sickest, most twisted way to teach someone to fold their stupid clothes.
I normally fold my laundry. I do. I’m not a slob! I hate walking into my bedroom and seeing clothes on the floor. I hate it, seriously! I don’t believe in it, don’t subscribe to it, and don’t condone it. The floor could be as clean as a freshly zamboni’d ice rink, but the second my clothes touch it they instantly get dirty – coated in lint, dust, and grime that latch onto my shirts and underwear like leeches.
But no one’s perfect. I’m not an idiot, ok? I’m a realist. I’m an adult. I slip up sometimes. A bit of depression here, a dash of anxiety there, and suddenly I don’t feel like folding that huge lump of clothes the exact second the dryer vomits them out. In those cases, I put the pile on my desk chair, and I wait a few days. I go to work, I run my errands, I wash my face, and, whatever – you get the gist. Eventually, I work up the courage to square up to that foul fabric beast and tear it apart, devoting twenty minutes to folding and putting away every single piece of clothing until my room is back to its normal, serene state. This cycle is a perfectly normal part of the monotonous yet inconsistent ebb and flow that is adulthood, and I’m not going to put myself on trial for occasionally succumbing to it. Well, the last load of laundry I did was a particularly big one. Massive, actually. So big I thought the washing machine drum would break off its axle, spin out into my kitchen, and crash through a wall. After the clothes dried, I let them sit in the machine for a few days because taking them out proved too daunting a task (and yes, I opened the dryer door a bit so the clothes could air out. I’m not an idiot).
Eventually, I worked up the courage to extract the atrocious textile pile and take it to my room for folding. The pile was too big and too heavy to fit on my chair, so I threw it on the ground. I know, I know – I’m wincing at the thought. But I had too. It was enormous. At the time, folding felt like too herculean a task to do in that moment. So I waited a day. And another day. And another. I went to work, I ran my errands, I washed my face. By then, a week had gone by, and the pile was still there, on the floor at the foot of my bed. I went to bed that night promising myself I would deal with it in the morning.
Well, girls and boys, I didn’t deal with it. That day I did nothing; I did nothing but go to work, run my errands, and wash my face. And that evening I opened a beer, plopped my ass on the couch, and watched “New Girl.” I hate that show. I despise that show. But I watch reruns when my body is tired but my mind is awake; when I need something to dull my brain until it meets my body halfway on that miserable road to exhaustion.
When I crawled into bed that night, the laundry pile was still there, obviously. A sock was sticking out and touching the foot of my bed. It was funny, though, because I didn’t remember the pile physically touching my bed the night before. But who really remembers things like that, anyway? I figured the pile must have come apart a bit due to vibrations in the floor when I walked -- gravity, or something. It was a bulbous, globular, uneven stack of clothes, for fuck’s sake. I know this sounds silly – it’s just that my first thought when I saw the pile had shifted slightly towards my bed wasn’t that it was actively moving towards me.
I have bad dreams often, but that night’s was especially bad. I dreamt I stepped into an enormous bowl of pancake batter and couldn’t get out. I sunk into the batter, slowly, tortuously, inch by inch, until the beige mass globbed onto my face. Just as it covered my eyes and stuck them shut, I suddenly woke up with a shooting pain in my foot. The pain was almost indescribable: a burning, almost acidic sensation. It subsided immediately the moment I woke up and drew my legs up to my chest, curling into the fetal position and rubbing my foot until my mind coaxed itself to sleep. When I woke up that morning, my thoughts returned to that brief pain in my foot. I almost couldn’t even remember if it had been a dream or not. Until I looked at my foot. The top half of my left sole was a patchy red color. I grabbed hold of the foot and held it up as close to my face as my inflexible body could manage. My brow furrowed in disgust. I had the same expression in my face as when I was sixteen and riddled with acne and would pop an innocuous-looking zit, only for it to erupt and bukkake my mirror with an egregious quantity of pus. My disgust, however, then morphed into an acute sense of unease. Because there, in the center of this rosy patch on my foot, were four small indentations. They were deep in my skin, as far as you can press down on flesh before drawing blood. Each mark was parallel to the other. Bite marks.
I looked at my foot, then at the foot of my bed (no pun intended), where the pile of laundry sat. Then back at my foot. Then back at the pile. Something about it was different now. I swear it, suddenly it looked a bit more ominous, more looming, more… big. Yes, it was bigger. It had taken on a new color, too. A pair of jeans, my rainbow socks, and a Grand Theft Auto 5 T-shirt that I hadn’t seen before on the top of the pile were now sticking out, looking right at me. It’s strange; you don’t expect a pile of clothes to activate your fight or flight response, but looking back on that moment now, even if my conscience didn’t register it at the time, I was afraid.
I got up, got dressed with whatever clothes remained in my closet away from the pile (not much), and shut my bedroom door. I went to work that day, I ran errands, I washed my face. I went home. I changed clothes. As I changed, I stared at the pile. Now there wasn’t just a single sock touching the foot of the bed – now many, many socks were pressed against it, reaching out like little white hands of cotton. In fact, the whole pile seemed to be pushing its weight against my bed. But, like I said earlier, this was not something I consciously decided to worry about in that moment. It’s a pile of laundry, for fuck’s sake. I walked into the living room and shut the door behind me. I decided then that that night I would finally dismantle the pile and fold each and every piece of clothing. But not right then. My buddy Sam was coming over any second to have a beer and watch “New Girl.”
He got to my place twenty minutes later than he was supposed to, and when I opened the door four little legs trotted in with him. “This is Clarence!” he said with that bizarrely prideful tone in his voice that new dog owners sometimes have. It’s the same tone new mothers have, but since, as far as I know, humans are not physically capable of giving birth to chihuahuas, the tone in this case is always completely unwarranted. But I digress -- I was a little pissed, to say the least. Sam hadn’t asked if it was ok to bring Clarence. We were about five minutes into a random episode I had rouletted from season three when Clarence started yapping. I peeled my eyes off the screen and suddenly realized he wasn’t on the couch with us anymore. Indeed, he was standing right in front of my closed bedroom door, howling into the air and clawing at the wood. “Yo, Clare! Shut up!” Sam yelled as he paused the TV and sauntered over to Clarence. My first thought was Is "Clare" really a nickname for Clarence? My second thought was Oh my god. Do not let Clarence into that room.
“NO!” I blurted out.
“Huh?” Sam grunted as he turned to look at me with that big stupid face of his. Clarence kept barking.
“You… you can’t go in there,” I stammered. “It’s messy.” I straightened myself up.
Sam scoffed. “You got dead bodies in there or something?” He looked at Clarence, who refused to let up. “Something’s bothering him.”
“I can see that, but –“
Sam laughed, put his hand on the knob and started to turn.
“NO!” I screamed again. Clarence stopped barking that time. Sam took his hand off the knob.
“I told you. Don’t go in my room,” I chided.
“Dude. You… you don’t actually have dead bodies in there, do you?” Sam asked as his smile gradually disappeared.
I sighed. “Jesus Christ. Of course not! It… it’s just messy. Super messy. Like, so messy. It’s embarrassed.”
“OK. But now I feel like, as your friend, I have a responsibility to check. Just to make sure…”
“OK, well, I told you, you can’t go into my room.”
“… just to make sure you don’t have any dead bodies in there.”
“I DON’T HAVE ANY DEAD FUCKING BODIES IN MY ROOM!” My face went purple with rage.
“Well now you’re reacting as if you have a dead body in your room.” I sighed and rubbed my forehead. He had a point. “Ok. You can look inside… just… can you pick Clarence up first?”
Sam looked at me weirdly, but then quickly accepted this one condition and picked the little hairy sausage up. He grabbed the knob and turned. I held my breath as he looked inside.
“Oh my god. Dude. What the shit?”
“What? What?” I raced to the door and peered inside. The room was more or less the same as it had been that morning. Well, except for the laundry pile had…
“You should really fold your laundry, dude.”
… doubled in size. It was massive, over half the height of the room now, spilling across my bed. I started to shake. How was this happening? What was happening? There were more clothes in the pile now than I had ever owned in my entire life. And, I suddenly realized, I was no longer able to recognize the clothes themselves. While before I could clearly identify individual pieces within the pile – my red plaid boxers, my cargo shorts, a lone Nike sock – the mass now took on an abstract and mind-boggling shape. It was as if the clothes had stretched, twisted, even fused themselves together. Clashing colors bled into each other like watercolors. Disparate textures met at messy seams like some sort of scratchy, monstrous quilt.
Sam, clearly not understanding the apparent danger of this… this thing in my room, took a step forward.
“NO!” I blurted out. I said that a lot that night. And I would say it again soon.
“What is going on with you, man?” A condescending smile curled over that idiot’s lips. I couldn’t even begin to tell him. It was all too ridiculous. And yet, I had never been so terrified.
“Do you wanna go on a walk? Let’s go on a walk.”
“Huh?” Sam said with that stupid, stupid face of his cocked at such a severe angle it looked like his neck would snap in half.
My eyes turned to Clarence, who was still in Sam’s clutches and staring at the pile with wide, terrified eyes. “He hasn’t peed in a while. Let’s take him outside! Let’s take him for a walk!” I pleaded.
Sam looked at Clarence, who didn’t even register his dear owner’s gaze. His eyes were locked on the pile. He was trembling.
“Eh. He’s fine! You really should fold your laundry, though. I’ll help.” He walked towards the pile.
“NO!”
“OK, can you calm the actual fuck down, dude?” He turned to me again. Clarence squirmed in his arms. He whimpered and gnawed at the air, his little black eyes as if pleading, "let me down. Let me go."
“What the fuck, Clare?” Clarence managed to wiggle his way out of Sam’s grasp and hit the floor like a billiard ball. Immediately he twisted himself onto his feet and scurried out of the room.
“Maybe he does have to pee,” Sam wondered aloud. I sighed with relief.
“Yes! Let’s go!”
“But first we gotta deal with this.” He turned back to the pile.
“Later, Sam. Please.”
“Nah, bro. This is insane. It’s one thing to put off chores for a couple days, but this… this is mental illness,” He crouched down, right next to the pile, and reached out. “I can’t let you live like this -- ”
Then there was movement. A flash of color. A sudden jerk. A lunge. Of polyester and cotton and wool and linen. A brief yelp -- “oh!”-- managed to escape Sam’s lips just before the pile swallowed him whole.
I stood there like an idiot, frozen in terror as the pile contorted and undulated with Sam inside, re-arranging his big body like a snake swallowing a deer. The most vile and disturbing sounds I’ve ever heard accompanied Sam’s muted screams from inside: tearing, crunching, dissolving, guzzling. Sam let out one final blood-curdling scream before a nauseating POP rang out and everything went quiet. The pile was still now. A putrid smell filled the air, like the smell of raw chicken left out to rot on a hot concrete patio. Death.
Then, right before my eyes, the pile began to grow, metastasizing with new lumps of fabric sprouting in all directions. The smell got thicker and heavier with each inch the pile grew. It wasn’t until it reached the ceiling that I was able to rouse myself from my shock and I turned and ran out of the room. I grabbed Clarence, who had been scratching pathetically at my front door in a desperate bid to escape, and fled my apartment. I ran down the street. I ran down the block. I just ran. I ran for hours, in no particular direction, with Clarence in my arms.
It’s been two weeks. I’m writing this now from a motel room. I don’t know what motel it is. I ran into the first one I came across and haven’t left since. Clarence is fast asleep on the bed. He’s ugly and annoying, but I’ve found myself yelling “Clare!” when I want to get his attention. I haven’t been back to my apartment since that day. I’m never going back. I don’t want to know what’s in there, how much bigger it’s become.
I’m still wearing the same clothes from that day. My shirt and pants are heavy with sweat. I smell like shit. But it’s fine because I’m not changing my clothes. I’m not cleaning my clothes, either. Maybe I will, one day. Not for a long time, though. And if I do ever get around to it, I swear to God -- I’m folding them immediately.

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The day had slid by Aya like so much water off of a duck’s back. It took a particularly hard prod by Frare to dislodge her from a slurry of inattentiveness. As she looked around she realised the barricades had been almost completely disassembled, with only scraps remaining on the church floor. The pieces of broken glass and masonry were being carted outside by the villagers that remained.
Currently there was a lukewarm debate around the command table, dragged to the centre of the hall. Aya’s consciousness glossed over Sorore reprimanding her brother for bothering her, as well as the various arguments over logistics and provisions. She half-heartedly listened to discussions of various threats on various roads, and then quickly forgot about it.
Without really realising it, she found herself peaking at the parchments spread over the table. The lined scrolls held no real meaning for her, but the centre map with its pins certainly did. It was a large and fairly extensive map of the continent, with various cities illustrated with flowing script too elaborate for her to read. Slowly her eyes flitted from north to south, and found the curl of a mountain range bleeding into a peninsula where she assumed Karkos was.
“What about here?” she said, pointing to the location through the greaves of the captains before her.
Most turned to look with amused confusion, and she quickly felt a flush creeping up her neck.
“It’s a city,” she said.
The officers continued to look at her, awaiting elaboration.
“Y-you could get food there,” she offered weekly.
She almost added ‘I’ve heard the food is quite good’, though fortunately for her dignity the phrase died on her lips before it could enter the world. Naia, almost directly across from her, looked down and stroked his beard.
“It’s far from the worst option,” he said, “in fact, it’s probably one of the better ones.”
“It charges an arm and a leg, just for the usage of one ship. The cost of transporting all of us will be steep,” one soldier protested.
“The mountains are blocked off with the Alonshaze destroyed. None of the other passes can be reliably quickly traversed, even in summer,” Naia countered, “going the land route right now would be asking for trouble. The flatlands at the base of the Alonshaze have always been unstable, but ever since Ein’elen broke up it-”
“Sharaloch would be another option,” spoke up Damafelce, without much enthusiasm.
“You want to bet on a city of pirates and mercenaries for transport?” exclaimed another captain.
“Unwise, especially with such valuable persons,” Naia said, “we’ve already had enough headaches. The last thing I need is a hostage situation while sailing the strait.”
“You get what you pay for in Karkos,” yet another captain offered, with general murmurs of assent, “though with what gold we have I-”
“The gold’s not the issue,” said Naia, “if necessary, we can issue bonds in the name of Angorrah, or the paladins can in the name of the church.”
Niche, glum and surly, still nodded at the implied question.
“The general would not be happy. You know how possessive they get over money on a mission,” said Damafelce.
“We’ve been attacked multiple times, crossed half the continent, and found a long lost bequeathed, all with about a hundred men,” snorted Naia, “with all due respect to my betters, they can take their complaints and shove them-”
“If we’re going by speed and stability, Karkos is the best way,” cut in Niche through the laughter of the soldiers, “the safety of the Bequeathed should be our top priority. A good ship will get us there in under a week.”
“A ship to Espala, then Inalthia. Draskar forest is a nightmare at any time of the year,” Naia said, leaning over the map. With a subtle motion, he moved Aya’s finger northwest, and she realised with horror that she’d been pointing to the wrong end of the peninsula where some lesser settlement stood.
“Captain Deckard, I assume those that don’t want to come for pilgrimage will be returning to the fort?” he continued without giving any sign that she’d done anything wrong.
A new man, eyes blazing underneath furry dark brows nodded fervently.
“Well, I suppose we’ll have to clear out. I want everyone ready by sunset - it’ll be just under a week before we reach Karkos. Get what sleep you can - we’ll be riding out the next morning.”
There were a few finer points of debate that were bandied back and forth, but the conversation largely seemed to be settled. Niche and Damafelce both seemed to be locked in a staring match as Naia approached her.
“A good suggestion, my lady,” he said, “it’s been a long time since I’ve been in the city, but it might be just the place after this string of close calls.”
Aya tried to take what credit she could with a burning face.
“Now, there’s one other piece of business I have to attend to, I think,” he said, “where is the mage?”
“He’s on the roof,” she blurted, “I can show you.”
“No,” he said, holding up a gauntlet, “I think we’ll be just fine by ourselves. You should go and rest. It’s been a long night.”
He and Damafelce walked away from the table and vanished through the side door. Aya returned back to the altar with Niche, who was muttering some unkind things under his breath. It wasn’t more than a half hour before Naia returned with his captain, looking troubled. Before she could ask any questions, however, he quickly exited through the front of the church.
The rest of the day was largely spent on routines of amusement, the Bequeathed and the children of the village playing little games and telling stories among each other. The paladins, though they kept an eagle eye upon their charges, were not in a talkative mood that day. Lillian’s face was particularly dark, and she often muttered things that no one cared to listen to.
When evening came, any residual fears of the monsters returning were put to rest. The icy fear was no more, the villagers placed back what intact pews there were, and the flow of people from the medical bay slowed to a trickle. A simple meal, and a dreamless sleep, and Aya awoke in the early hours of the morning. Pulling herself up to one of the broken windows, she could see the summer green of the trees, their vibrancy somewhat damped by a light blue-grey fog.
Before they left, a service was held to bury those who’d been slain. The dead were laid side by side, wrapped in simple drab cloth, in a large pit just outside the doors of the church. Niche stood over the graves, eyes shut, pronouncings the blessing and peace that these brave defenders would lie with. Aya took the time to say a silent thanks as she gazed at the cloth-bound bodies.
As the remains were covered with soil, Niche shifted into a louder, older language as he sang in a husky tenor. Some kind of funeral liturgy, she guessed, though it was unfamiliar to her. The villagers cast tears into the ground with clouds of earth as they passed along the pit, then they left for the wall and the village beyond.
Aya’s concerns as she reentered the church shifted to more material things - hunger, cold, the lack of bathing over the last few days. At least some of those needs were addressed by the paladins in the next hours, with furs and food. But soon enough, they were on horses, walking in a line down to the south over open fields before the forest.
The first morning passed with very little conversation between anyone as they passed underneath the trees. That was all the better for Aya, who found herself enjoying the crisp air and the rapidly warming sunlight. It did take a bit of a turn for sorrow when she remembered that she often swam with her mother on mornings like these in the mountain lakes. Still, she was determined to extract what happiness she could on such a wretched journey. It was a resiliency that Frare seemed to share, while his sister still glanced nervously at the trees around them. Aya wondered if the girl was still seeing the creatures from last night in every shadow.
When they reached a clearing around midday, the children were made to sit before Niche as he handed out various meagre components of meals. As they began to eat, Lillian joined him, and both cleared their throats in unison.
“Right,” Niche began, “I realise the last few days have been less than smooth. Hardly a time for lessons, unfortunately.”
His dry chuckle was not reciprocated by any of the listeners, so he quickly moved on.
“But, given the nature of what happened, I think it’s advisable to speak on magic and mages, and what the scripture says about them.”
Frare, at the word ‘scripture’ audible groaned, which was followed by a hiss as his sister seized his ear.
“We have been forced into a position where we needed the help of a mage,” Niche said, picking his words with care, “it was not something we did willingly. It wasn’t a choice, but rather the product of circumstances beyond our control.”
You mean, the commander overruled you, thought Aya, though she elected not to voice such thoughts.
“If we had another choice,” Lillian chimed in, “we would’ve taken it. Survival, however, takes precedence, especially for you three. The choices were made, we might not be proud of it, but we’re all still here and that’s what matters.”
“That being said,” Niche said, fumbling in the interior of his breastplate and withdrawing a small booklet, “it would be good for you to understand what exactly underlies our choices.”
Aya’s eyes flicked over to the twins - Sorore was sitting upright and attentive, while her brother was a glum and slumped mirror. Niche thumbed through a few pages, focused in on the one he’d selected and once more, cleared his throat.
“And thus it was found, a great conspiracy, conspired against the children of Angorrah, conspired with creatures both great and small, but terrible all, in darkness and stagnant pools, where the profundity of their sin would go unnoticed by the decent and pious. Hated and proclaimed sinner, traitor, rebel against the Lost themselves. Three Boons would be taken, and three Houses be condemned to dust.”
Sorore perked up, for she clearly already knew the story and was excited to hear it yet again. Aya waited with a tempered anticipation, hoping at least there would be a half-way interesting tale, despite its lacklustre delivery. The story progressed into a broad parable, describing how three houses arose in rebellion against the church, and how three holy items had been robbed from the sepulchre of the ‘roiling cathedral’.
Apparently, they were ferried into the hands of mages, who perverted their holy functions until they burned the most sacred tree on the continent, one laid by Nafthtazia herself. For all of Aya’s doubts about the moral, she couldn’t deny the enjoyment of a good piece of history.
“Magic exists beyond the purview of the church,” Niche began, then quickly corrected his error, “rather, it is a part of the mystery of the Lost, but others can access in inappropriate ways. Some speculate that it should be left entirely to the Lost, not handled by mortal hands. Regardless, the church has taken upon a sacred duty, to ensure that what magic is used is done so sparingly, and with the utmost care.”
He closed the book with a flourish, clearly pleased at the depth of his instruction. Frare’s eyes were fluttering, which prompted a painful poke from his sister.
“So, magic is evil?” said Aya, trying to square that conclusion with all she’d seen.
Niche puffed out his chest, no doubt about to exclaim that it was in the strongest possible terms. Lillian however, had her own thoughts to add before he could.
“Not… inherently,” she said, “But it is broadly forbidden and for good reason. It is less evil, rather a great risk for evil. That is, far too easy to put it towards evil ends. That’s why mages are, as a rule, cruel, selfish, and dangerous creatures. Perhaps it is better put that magic attracts evil, even if it can be used for good.”
Aya stewed in that statement for a while - clearly the church was deeply knowledgeable, expanding and attending to her own, meagre education on the matter from the local priest. Still there were holes, obvious holes, or so she told herself.
“It might be hard to understand,” Niche said, “it might seem a little strange that the church forbids something that could be so useful. There are very good reasons both in scripture and in history that proves the point - magic is not to be used with abandon, and thus must remain under the Church’s eye.”
He patted the sigil of the church, engraved on his breastplate.
“That is one reason why the Light Lords were created in the first place,” he said, with thinly veiled pride, “we are the watchers, investigating the use of magic and capturing the perpetrator that would harm or cheat with it.”
“It was a decision made long ago,” added Lillian, “it was a sort of… half-agreement between the church and the army. We kept the peace that was broken by the mages during the Night of the Burning Tree.”
“So there are mages in Angorrah?” said Aya, drawing a strange, near insulted look by Sorore at the question.
“Well…” said Lillian, sharing a look with Niche, “a handful at most, who operate under the strictest scrutiny.”
Sorore’s face twisted at this, but whatever comment she would’ve liked to make stayed in her head.
“The point is that mages are faithless and concerned for themselves above all else. They are to be engaged on only the most necessary basis. They may be directed towards good in service to the church, but never on their own.”
The rest of the lesson served as constant reinforcements and examples of the danger of mages. There were one or two arguments between Frare and their teachers that Sorore was too slow to suppress. Before long they were off again, the leaves shaking above them as a wind blew from the south. The evening camp mercifully spared them another lecture and after a simple dinner, both twins made their excuses and retired.
Aya huddled beside the fire as the temperature dropped. Around them were a circle of waggons, some covered by a framework of canvas, others bare, all loaded with supplies. The gifts of the grateful villagers, granted to the commander who had saved them.
The paladins were busy doing maintenance, carefully laying out arms and armour, scrubbing, polishing and sharpening. Aya got up, murmured a good night to the paladins, who nodded curtly. They were so absorbed that they didn’t seem to notice Aya slipping away.
She poked her head into one of the ‘empty’ waggons, scanning the darkness for any sign of movement. Save for a handful of small crates, there lay the crumpled form of the mage just as they’d loaded him. Aya felt her breath still as she looked at Inniaylsia’s amber eyes. Even from this distance, she could see the subtle inner flames of reds and yellows softly illuminating them.
“Yes?” came the voice of the older woman, curt and snappish.
Aya started to speak, then stopped, realising that she had no real reason to be here, at least not one that she’d thought out.
“Come out with it child,” came the voice again.
Aya was put in mind of a line of children, heads bowed before a grandmother picking detritus from their scalps.
“I- I-” she said, “I was wondering if…”
“No. There’s been no change in this old bag of bones,” said Innie, her voice softening slightly, “though I’m sure he would appreciate your concern.”
Aya stood there for a moment, awkwardness rising, before setting her jaw, looking behind her, and upon seeing the paladin’s backs, clambered in as quietly as possible. The cat sat attentively and silently, regarding the young girl before her. Aya began in a hushed whisper, talking about the Night of the Burning Tree and the lessons of the paladins from the morning.
“If you want to ask a question about history,” interrupted the cat, “you best ask this sod when he wakes up. He proves irritatingly well-versed on that. Considering his age, he might've lived through it.”
“I thought you were old as well,” Aya said, trying to remember where she got the notion from.
“I am. Older than him. Old as half the company put together,” she said, “but I rarely venture outside of the forest. This is the furthest south I have been in decades, perhaps a century or two.”
Aya paused to try and get a grasp on the scale of time the creature had just casually gestured at.
“So my dear, if you’re going to ask me about the great deeds of men or the history of cities, I’m afraid you’re out of luck,” said the cat, tail bobbing this way and that.
“But that’s not exactly what I…” said Aya, taking a deep breath before continuing, “I wanted to ask about magic.”
The cat cocked its head, the speed of the tail picking up.
“What about magic, child?” she said.
Swish-swish.
“Well, I was wondering, just for a start, what is it?” Aya said.
“You should sit down,” said the cat, “this might take a while.”
[←Chapter 53] [Cover Art] [My Links] [Index] [Discord] [Subreddit] [Chapter 55→]

I was having some thoughts about Pokémon I’d like to see come to the game, there are loads (mostly magikarp) but then I got thinking about how many of them could actually be viable in the game. And here is my thought…
The game, as it stands, cannot accommodate water based Pokémon.
What I mean is, any Pokémon that requires it to be underwater to survive. For example, Seaking.
The current map only allows for land based, sky based, or water type Pokémon that can travel on land (have legs or wings).
This rules out the introduction of fish Pokémon, which is a real shame.
So either we don’t ever see these mons, OR we will see an adjustment to the map to include elements of water where these Pokémon can thrive.
Also… Hi Moderators ;)

So i was at a trainingsweekend with a Group of volunteers and had a nice click with somebody. But unsure about the following. There were these shared showetoilet rooms and i was walking into a toilet and she into a shower. After I walked out she called (somebody elses name) and i answered. She asked how the shower worked and i explained she needed a Coin for Hot water. So i picked one up for her and expected to either throw it over the door or Leave it in front of the door so she could Pick it up but when i came back she was standing with the door open in just a towel. Was this a hint or am i reading to much into it?

I (31m) just broke up with my (26f) girlfriend today.
You guys I don't really know where to start and I don't really want to ramble but I guess I'm going to anyways.
We've been together about 1.25 years, live 5 hours apart and have seen eachother almost every weekend except maybe 6-8.
I'll never forget the first time we met, she had never done a LDR before, was recovering from being sick so I offered to drive down to see her. We got a hotel (not classy I know) in a location that she works and loves, I remembered hugging her, putting a face to a name so to speak. We had met on Boo (app, highly recommend it) and we had these engaging long conversations about everything... The first message I sent her was about history, something I am very interested in and my god, the conversation flowed and continued to flow. The level of connection we had almost instantly was like no other I have ever felt.
I remember us getting out of the car and being weak in the knees with taking it all in. It was real now. She was even more beautiful than in her pictures. I hugged her and felt so alive and happy. We checked into the hotel, we both had to pee really bad and joked about peeing on the rug in the lobby as we were standing in line.
I came directly from a 10 hour day at work (carpenter) was so filthy and went directly into the shower. I get out of the shower and we held eachother and talked for hours laughing and having a good time. We both didn't even realize how hungry we were. We went out and got waffle house which was a first time for me. Our relationship was full of many firsts for us.
Right away I knew I had to have her, I asked her if she would want to continue and be my gf and she said she'd be a fool not to. A month or so in we told eachother we loved eachother at a very special location in my life, we had both been fighting the urge to say it sooner.
This woman changed me. She made me better. I cried more in front of her than I have in my entire life, something I have always been uncomfortable with. I am so grateful for her for being supportive to me in that way.
I remember us meeting eachother's families and it felt so good. I felt like I had a place in hers and I know she did in mine. My grandma's health is going downhill and has been for a while now, this Christmas my gma handmade my gf this really cool and cute old school apron with my gf's and gma's name on it. Added to that, my gf's profession is baking, something she is very passionate about. That's never happened in my entire dating life and my gf and I were so honored.
A couple months back her GPA developed cancer and has been going downhill, I have a motorcycle, turns out same exact one he had. He gave me his bells. I was so honored, I was speechless and stammering looking at them.
The plan has been for 6 months or more that I move to her to close the distance. Initially I was scared, I had never wanted to move away from my family before and had never taken that big of a risk before. We discussed at length who moves where and both agreed it would be best if I moved there due to a variety of factors.
Life got in the way, I had a couple old junky vehicles that needed attention and money and spent a couple months like crazy after work working on them with my brother. The amount of frustration and guilt I had for not moving in with her tomorrow was insane. We talked about it several times and agreed that it was for the best that I get all my ducks in a row before I move, as coming back home every weekend for however long it takes to square up my life would make both of our lives harder when it would already be challenging initially living together and have me acclimate to her area.
I had several job offers in her area soon after dating. Most of them not a good idea. As an example I could work for a family friend who gets drunk on every job and can't pay his bills... so we agreed that I needed to figure out what I wanted to do for work for myself in a way that benefitted me.
About a month ago my mom and her friend came down to visit, all four of us stayed at airBnB close to gf's work and in the area in which we would move. It was a lot of fun. I felt something was off in gf. The morning before mom, friend, and I were to leave I looked at gf's phone and had found she posted on reddit about us but the post was deleted so I didn't see much. I felt betrayed. She had become distant and wasn't talking to me much and she'd rather talk to strangers instead of me? I confronted her about it and a fight ensued.
So I decided to stay another couple days with her to work on ourselves, I helped her at work for a half a day (something I've done several times that everyone enjoys), we went back to her place and she got super drunk. Told me she felt like her life is falling apart and she's not happy. I held her while she cried, listened, and told her I'd be there for her rain or shine always. At one point she stood up... barely and she got a look in her eyes combined with her body language where I was near certain she was going to hit me (been here before in the past with others). It scared the shit out of me.
I left in the afternoon the next day after she told me I was her person, and she was laying in bed crying uncontrollably. It was so hard to leave but I had thought it would be better for her if I did.
For a couple weeks all communication on her end dropped. We used to talk all the time, and I was lucky to get an "I love you" once a day. I begged her to talk to me and not give up on us. The only times we talked she had clearly been drinking and said some truly horrible things about me. Character assassination repeatedly, I told her in confidence previously about some deep dark secrets I have and insecurities and she used then against me to tear my soul apart. I was devastated, I thought of leaving her then, but I didn't because I still loved her and she had been a great partner up until this point. She had stopped going to work, did not work for two weeks. From what I gather she spent most of that time at her mom's probably drinking and not doing much else.
One weekend we were supposed to go to a family wedding on my side, lots of people coming from out of town who are huge in my life I don't get to see often at all. A day or two before she told me she wasn't coming, and the thought of being with me and talking to me riddled her with anxiety. I spent that weekend surrounded by beautiful strangers and happy times and it was hard for me to quell the thoughts about "the grass is always greener". At one point an attractive woman was talking to me briefly at a bar after the wedding, playing with her hair etc. It was clear she was into me. It felt good to have someone give me the time of day but I felt terrible for putting on an impression that I was available and happy.
Then this weekend (memorial day weekend)... oh God. Gf and I had plans to go to a concert, stay at a hotel. I told her I said I don't want to go to a concert with you and your sister and spend money and pretend everything is fine when it most definitely isn't. She told me that was selfish because her sister was looking forward to it. So I begrudgingly agreed to continue with the concert.
We saw eachother for the first time in three weeks and right away I sensed the guilt from her for being cruel to me. I tried to point it out and she denied it, she was a lot more physically attentive with me and giving me compliments. The first night we were alone and it was hard but I think we undid some of the damage and reconnected a lot. I think we were both happy about the progress but sad at what we had become.
Concert was the next day, it was great, again she's attentive and amazing like the woman I fell in love with. My hopes had reactivated for us a little and my smile was genuine instead of forced.
Her mom had texted us Sunday (the next day, clarification gf lives with mom so I stay there when I visit) and had said to try to not be at the house all day since the house had many people in it already. Okay, makes sense. We occupied our time doing other things, and drove back to her mom's around 8 or 9p.
On the way there, one of my brother's (E) calls me and asked if I had heard what had happened to my other brother (B). I had said no, I hadn't heard I had assumed he had got the job he was looking at. E tells me B's apartment building collapsed. B was safe, but lucky to be alive realistically. B had lost everything he's ever had, he escaped with the clothes he had on and his phone, he didn't even have his wallet.
I'm dissasociating as I'm hearing all of this, driving gf and me back to gf's mom's house. Our relationship is dying, and I get the feeling that her mom isn't happy with me. We get to her mom's house and her mom and aunt (who is currently living there, I've seen her only twice) are drinking on the porch and want gf and me to come out and talk to them. Was a demand not a request. I don't know how long this went on, best guess is 1-1.5 hours but they berated me, were drawing wild ass conclusions about me, you name it, really weird, scary and hurtful things. I didn't bother to try to defend myself because there was no point. Gf sat there quietly and agreed with them partially. I felt so betrayed, hurt and alone, she didn't stand up for me. I asked her if she would speak to her mother or my behalf and she said she wouldn't. I found out I'm no longer welcome at the house, complicating our relationship further.
Memorial day the next day, I hadn't even really slept, no shower, I left gf's mom's house at 5a when I knew no one would be there and waited at a truck stop for hours for my gf to wake up and come talk to me. Eventually she did, and I told her my respect and trust for her mom was in the sewer and I was afraid her crazy ass alcoholic mother was twisting my gf's opinion of me over the last month. I told her I don't know how you can do it but please get out of that house soon. Between B losing everything he owns and the verbal assault I had last night I was in a very dark place. Later that day, completely dead inside with no sleep we made it to her dad's side of the family where everyone appreciates me and loves me. We had fun in the backyard, I did my best to try to forget about B and last night but I couldn't. I went inside at some point to pee and I snapped. I found my gf in the backyard and announced in front of her family that I had to go home immediately.
As she was driving me back to her car I reminded her about how I had been to the hospital for her brother several times and how I would like the same respect for myself. This frustrated her. I said I think now is the time we agree to go to therapy and she did agree, however I felt she didn't want to.
I've been working like a dog this week sweating my ass off, hadn't heard much from gf at all, last night I asked when can we talk again? She said today after work. I woke up this morning and I knew I couldn't take it anymore. I knew in my heart I have always supported her and loved her deeply. I knew all the sacrifices I already made and all the sacrifices I would continue to make in the future with my moving to her, and how she still would refuse to give me the proper recognition and reciprocation I deserve.
I broke up with her this morning. I'm hoping to meet halfway this weekend to exchange our stuff. I'm also hoping she'll do some self work and come back to me before I move on for good, I told her my door will be open to her for a while but I don't know how long.
Moral of the story- changing for people is good if it's good, sacrificing for people is good if it's good, loving people is good if it's good. If the person you are with refuses to communicate and reciprocate, it's not your fault. We make our own choices. Please be smarter than me and take care of yourselves.

To make the tank:
1.) compete for comp to turn into rmats 2.) wait hours or tomorrow for it to be refined 3) either lose rmats in a garage , or wait 1 day plus in a mpf que for a tank.
To make the ammo for ourselves: Scrap: 1.) emats take multiple hours or some instance 24 hours 2.) cost is still expensive in the mpf, also or in the factory 4.) sit and wait for items to produce, 24 hours again 5.) load times into the tank inventory 6.)suiting up a tanker gas mask, bandage, filters, wrench, bmats 7.) the risk of travel 8.) is night approaching? 30 minute wait time to play 9.) fight armor , help infantry push, fight bobs to move the front line, help capture relic or vp points. 10.) night do I rearm, repair to a garage, do I stand and help the front line as the enemy pushed at night?
Added:
I have to make sure to refresh my 40mm crates the few I have to get to play the game
These are hourly / days time investments when we finally get to play the game in a tank. This is why we start blasting everything in the short 30 minutes!!!!! We usually are our own logi, planners, strategies.
There is no such thing as picking a region, loading or queuing and instantly playing the game, We are not the same infantry. You load, have everything you nearly need in the bob, have map posts get what you want in some reasonable time, but you do not do the same work as us to start a fight or begin to play the game as a tanker, you probably do get the ugly end of the stick, but your there and I finnally get todo something!
So I start blasting!!!!!
Extra extra note: if I want a specific tank I use to have pre 1.0 I have to invest extra hours in a facility in upkeep, these hours are not remove even in a faculty larpers base, still hours. I know infantry are qrfing these threads, but this is almost like a 2nd job to be in a tank.

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https://preview.redd.it/p3z2xpxbbm3b1.png?width=3840&format=png&auto=webp&s=20b8d7aad3138bebfd7b98d9a99df8a41fd026ba
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In today's episode of our Gorou / Aqua study I want to make good on a promise from the introduction of the very first essay . We now have the overseeing outlook that is needed to feel the compelling psychological force that shapes Aqua's current behaviour . In this episode we will significantly come closer to an explanation why he in the latest timeline appears so malicious towards the people close to him . For that matter we will analyze Aqua's skillset as an actor he most notably showed during the "I'll Go With Sweet Today" film set . I believe that this little Arc is literally key to understand Aqua's fate .
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Thesis: Since Aqua realized that his father is still alive and made the decision to propose "15-Year Lie", he essentially performs a preperational phase to get into his role. He's manipulative, intimidating, pushes people away and all of this is related to his role as the movie's culprit, Ai's murderous fan.
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https://preview.redd.it/jzfsoqoshm3b1.png?width=3840&format=png&auto=webp&s=00fd5e131c7a95f482f2c338b0c87b1e8b6cdc2e
This however as we have found out in PART II is ultimately the conequense of Aqua's delusions and his very specific personal understanding of the culprit as a reflection of himself who feels guilty for killing his mother when she gave birth to him.
We found out that Aqua's perception in literally all regards differs 180 degree from reality. Aqua wants to archive a certain outcome from this movie which stands in total opposition to Ai's wish. Although he thinks all he does is in line with it. This fundamental conflict born from trauma is the current plot driving tension in the currently for Aqua's skillset as an actor very important preperational phase.
And if we want to elevate this tension on a basically "eschatological" level the fundamental conflict as pointed out in yesterday's PART III will decide if "Entertainment" gets either saved or ultimately destroyed.
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Ai's Wish
In yesterday's intermezzo essay we identified Ai's wish to be related to a vaguely by Gotanda titled vision of a "social phenomenom" or the cure of entertainment, cure of society for that matter. Ai planned to use her influence after the dome concert to start a public debate about the entertainment industry, thus she complyed with Gotanda to only say the truth in the documentary about her life. I'm sure that Gotanda and Ai both invisioned together that very noble cause and he promised her to fullfill it: "This is probably time for me to fullfill my promise" (C108 last panel). But Ai's wish also reflects on an individual level on her children Aqua and Ruby. Perhaps we can say that this reflection is the very reason for her determination to go down this path with Gotanda, as I yesterday argued that Ai had during her pregnancy a fundamental transformation from a "Venus" to a "Maria" archetype.
Her personal wish is for Ruby to become an Idol and for Aqua to become an Actor. As a loving mother who says that in her last moments she of course only wishes them the best in their life. At the same time she seems to not be afraid that her personal wish for her children could harm them. Thus it's strongly implied in her last words, that she invisioned them to be an Idol and an Actor in an entertainenment world that already experienced the desired reformation as part of her shared vision with Gotanda. In this entertainment utopia she saw the future of her children. She is not afraid.
Fundamentally that's her reason for her calmness after the knife penetraded her belly. For her there was no reason anymore to blame Ryosuke for his misdeed, in fact she already ascended to a state of mind mind in which "misdeeds" doesnt' exist anymore. She truely was enlighted by a vision in which even people like Ryosuke can find true happiness and love. In this utopia men like Ryosuke do not oppose danger to Ruby or Aqua. And she was confident that this vision will become a reality very soon. What I want to say is her "sweet talk" towards Ryosuke wasn't cold-hearted calculated to protect her children but came from a truely enlighted state of mind. She felt pity for a man who would shake hands with her so many times and who made her dear to her heart gifts. She felt pity that entertainment couldn't heal this fan but would corrupt and lead him on a path of self-destruction. She felt pity that her love couldn't reach him, because the industry as a regulator has polluted it. At the same time she knew change must happen. Gotanda for that matter - a character I really like - had such a strong lasting impression on Ai that there was absolutely no fear or doubt in her heart that the world will from now on only become a better place. Her death is the ultimate turning point. Her death should be the beginning of the end of a sick industry. She died with a satified smile that goes beyond the vague feeling of mere hope.
To give you an idea how this vision could look like: Well, for Ruby I think it's a world where Idols have "human rights", where they are not obsessed over from their fans to the point that they have to hide their private life or even deny its existence but where they can be artists and enjoyed by fans for their actual art. It may have been not clear in yesterday's post why I was pointing out the structural tension between Ai as Venus and her transformation to Ai as a Maria, a mother, when she fled Tokyo and came to the Sanatorium. Symbolically she fled the Venus-Status as the Evening Star, she fled from the Morning Star, her "Idol Fan" in the symbolic and actual representation of Hikaru with whom she had a sexual releationship. This transformation was actually portrayed very clearly after she gave birth:
When Ai came back from her Hiatus her performance became kinda mediakre. The real reason is because she lost her full venuslike sexual aura the fans used to like. As a mother she became chaste. It appears she also didn't had any more love affairs after Hikaru, which in itself is a symbol of chastity and transformation as both a woman but also how she perceives Art and Entertainment.
Then after her kids showed up at her event and performed an idol dance it evoked the most sincere maternal smile. And the fans loved it. Now they would more and more perceive her as a mother-like figure. I won't deny that lust is still a part of their attention but firmly believe it's now more clearly why the tension Venus vs. Maria is without doubt a structural element of the plot and that Ai did the first step to challenge the "Venusberg" by symbolically fleeing Tokyo and seek protection in the Goddess of Art's magic castle. The world she fled and tried to change is not the one she wants her daughter to be part of. She wants Ruby to be an idol in the utopia, she wants her offspring to be a better and happier version of herself as is the conviction of all loving parents.
For Aqua I can't say for sure right now but I feel this will be clarified through Hikaru's backstory. My best guess is that if the symbolic link of his name to Lucifer (as we showed in PART III) is right we might have here a metaphorical implementation of the mythological Lucifor too. Lucifer is a glorified angel but fell from heaven to establish his own kingdom - which could mean: Kamiki was a glorified actor but (for right now unknown reasons) stopped acting and established his own production "kingdom" meaning became part of the dirty entertainment industry and haunts down talent. So in one way or another something will happen in the acting-sphere of Art that will prevent tragedies like Hikaru's to happen again. In fact we know that he was most likely molested as a 11 year old child, which obviously shouldn't happen to anybody at all. In the end Aqua then can carry out the gifts and blessings that once were granted to Hikaru by becoming a better and happier version of him parallel to Ruby who becomes a mentioned better and happier version of Ai.
However Hikaru and "Tokyo" have a saying in this too. Ai's wish is not granted without a fight. And our heroes Aqua and Ruby have to actually realize this wish, which is fundamentally also carrying the hopes of the Goddess of Entertainment. And if we want to elevate this tension on a basically "eschatological" level the fundamental conflict as pointed out in yesterday's PART III will decide if "Entertainment" gets either saved or ultimately destroyed.
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The Fallen Angel (1847) by Alexandre Cabanel
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The Actor
There is a tragic irony to Aqua's critical view of his own acting ability. First of all he has a really unique skill which elevates him on a similar level like the pros Kana, Akane, Taiki etc. We will talk about this in a moment. But his underwhelming self-perception is also related to his complete refusal to accept Ai's last words.
As a man who - in his own eyes- ultimately failed to protect her, who basically killed her, he can't ever accept to be worthy of her envisioned future for him. This surely goes hand in hand with the emotional suppression he has to perform to avoid PTSD triggering. Thus his self-critisism has a strong autosuggestive moment to it. We will talk about the power of autosuggestion later again.
In fact we witness the beginning of his haunting delusion for that matter already in EP 3 of the anime, when he explained to Kana that he thought he could act but learned he couldn't. Gotanda in response wouldn't really agree but just accepted his opinion ("You heard what he said") although an episode earlier he noticed that Aqua had to be a pretty good actor to be able to deceive his twin sister. So clearly Gotanda has his own point of view but doesn't force it on him.
The image of Aqua looking at himself on videos is the exterior exemplification of his introspective self-critisism and we get very early on a clear hint how this fundamental misunderstanding will eventually blow up and head into total failure of Ai's, Gotanda's and also the crow girl's wish if he doesn't come back to his senses soon. Now this is only the autosuggestive and traumatic moment of his delusion. But objectively he is still a genius level gifted actor, which is the reason why his delusion is actually so dangerous. So, lets have a look at his talent.
[Footnote: What I ment with "the emotional suppression he has to perform to avoid PTSD" is that naturally he has a blessed joy in acting. He lliterally loves acting: "It's written all over your face" (Gotanda). Emotional acting is theoretically his forte. When shortly after Ai's death it would trigger PTSD through the guilt-complex he - as a self-preserving measure - started to cap his emotions. His acting has became average by this. Now, this is not yet a "performance of emotional suppression", but the beginning of it. It really developes during the Tokyo Blade stage play.
He was forced into a role where there is no way to just be mediocre. He had to perform excellent. And what he finally found was way of acting in which he unleashes all his emotions while suppressing them at the same time with almost superhuman intellectual power to keep himself out of the PTSD-Triggerzone. He basically invented a new form of acting: Acting as a true self-flagellation...and it caught the attention of the fetish Director of Lalalie Theatre Company so much Kindaichi. So his acting was still amazing. It's like an acting inception. He had to act an actor who hates acting while at the same time his true self loves it. So this incident gave us indirect evidence that theoretically an Aqua who overcomes his trauma and could act emotionally without self-restrictions would be an absolute BEAST of an actor.]
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The Director's Eye
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This instruction will become both a blessing and a curse for Aqua Hoshino...
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"I don't have Ai's talent. I don't have her captivating aura, nor am I good at acting. So I'll use everyting of my disposal. Props, camera, lighting, actors ... I'll utilize all of them. To be like Ai."

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Aqua has always been good at questions about an author's true intentions. During his studies at Gotanda's studio this purely intellectually comprehensing eye developed to a creative and artistic skill set of how to implement an author's true intentions into a movie play as an actor. I call this his Director's Eye. This however is not a passive skill as an observer but an active performative skill as an actual actor. He has the abilitiy to utilize props, camera, lighting, actors, all of them with the purpose to create an Aura like Ai. In this particular scene where he plays the stalker he understands how he has to actually create a realistic illusion not only towards the camera but also towards the actors. He thus creates an intimidating aura that shifts the mood on stage because he wants the actors to get personal as he believes personal negative affections towards the stalker will help at least Melt and directly or indirectly also Kana to perform better. "Personal negative affections towards the stalker", huh...we will came back to this later.
In fact Melt wasn't the only one affected by it but even the professional Arima Kana was completely suprised. During the general rehearsal she perceived Aqua as a somewhat okayish Actor. Dude just did his job, can't complain. But when he stepped into the water puddles it really caught her by surprise and automatically created the illusion of "somebody came here who shouldn't be here, a stalker, a danger" and this feeling of hers was processed by her consciouss into "He became better in acting". But in reality he basically acted the same but he created a dangerous intimidating aura which made it more real. Kana felt intimidated.
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(has no pepperspray because she hates pepper)
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In psychology this phenomenom goes by the term "suggestion". The term "suggestion" was introduced in the 17th/18th century and refers to the manipulative influence of an idea or sensation, resulting in the manipulation not being perceived or at least temporarily unavailable to consciousness. Etymologically, it can be traced back to the Latin noun "suggestio, -onis," which means addition, inspiration, or insinuation, or to the Latin verb "suggerĕre" (to supply, to suggest).
Insinuation meaning "instillment into the mind" and while it was subtle for Kana by intimidating steps that make his first line of text sound more scary, we actually get a very direct upfront depiction of this psychological principle by Aqua challenging Melts affection by literally whispering into his ear: Insinuation.
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roasted
But that goes in both ways. Not only Melt grows in his realism by actually hitting Aqua but Aqua himself gets pumped up too. It helps him to get uglier and scarier. He gets in somewhat an ecstatic trance of autosuggestion (self-insinuation)
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He's pumped but he knows exactly what for
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As a result as shown in the Anime he forced the Camera to record the spirit and imagination that was trapped inside of the Manga-Panels they were filming. Thus he performaned his "Director's Eye".
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https://preview.redd.it/sj50dr4vmn3b1.jpg?width=2552&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4b6d79290445a9bbbb5cfadcbf56c822f3e0dd19
It's kinda ironic that after he was attracted so strongly by her shining light he would dismiss his own influence on her: "this was her speciality". But Kana's cry wasn't mechanical at all, it was an honest expression because her emotions were truely in line with the emotions of the manga-figure.
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https://preview.redd.it/x81eqhzion3b1.jpg?width=2552&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0718a99ac4425786d89f1a47ba7cb3e19e313de1
Kana is this girl who doesn't know love and was protected by someone for the first in her life. And Aqua - very ironically - who was inside the plot playing the stalker became at the same time her saviouprotector in rea life.
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\"Oh, so he really did it for me\"
Kana already fell in love. It's not an act anymore
This is only for you, Aqua . A face of a girl who just fell in love .
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So to put it together: Aqua really didn't anticipated that his influence on her psyche would go THAT far, thus he dismissed his influence over her beautiful shining appearance. This was his first experience with his directing power as an actor but it just went insanely good. Her reaction was not calculated but it was literally created by his actions, by his insinuation. So what we learn is: This is a very effective but can perhaps become a very dangerous tool in the future.
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https://preview.redd.it/rk67ztlusn3b1.jpg?width=2552&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f9faab23d450f9aaacb65a76ac12461d1c763032
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Well, Aqua might not been aware of her love back then but clearly during her Idol performance and at the Tokyo Blade Stage Play he became very aware of his influence over her. He can by his own will whenever he wants pretent that he is her only "moon" - an orb that wants to be kissed by the bright light of a star and by that provoke Kana's ecstatic joy to finally have an object worthy to illuminate.
https://preview.redd.it/q4vbmpvswn3b1.jpg?width=1527&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1334b2f2f60c69b92b40c1c5c91e4987e8e52673
https://preview.redd.it/43wk21zgxn3b1.jpg?width=1464&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b5e112ff59ed3db21957abde82d7fc75848d83df
The lovesick Kana couldn't perform a smile in front of anonymous fans, it was only when Aqua appeared and performed an idol dance exclusively for her that she opened up. While at the first glance it technically doesnt look like influence by his unique skill it actually is. We defined it as performative influence, so by dancing visible to her eye sight he became part of the scenery and thus influenced performatively. The actual fans wouldn't notice, but what they notice is the finished product which is a marvelous first concert: So, checks the boxes for the Director's Eye.
The Tokyo Blade stage play however is obvious. He was kinda pissed that Kana shut her ego down and then utilized his skill to produce ad lips and prepared the stage for her similarily to "I'll Go With Sweet Today".Not surer if it really matters to figure if he did it "for her" or "for the play" but as a result the full potential of all actors could be activated so the overall performance of the stage play surely became better. In fact Kaburagi was just shocked and was fantasizing about Arima Kana maybe being "the real deal" and Ruby realized that Kana is really an actor.
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Epilog
This power is an important and by the Manga well established tool in Aqua's hands and we will in the next part explore how exactly he utilizes it for the "15-Year Lie" movie. In PART V we will unite our gained knowledge about his trauma and his TRAGIC misconception of Ai's wish with our expertise on his actual talent and skills and look at his actions precisly after he learned that his father is actually still alive.
And in PART VI we will go back to Gorou and Sarina and talk again about a one hinted topic from PART III: A fundamental structure to explain their "actual problem" and why the Goddess of Entertainment picked exactly these two as her sword wielding heroes.
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Thanks for reading and stay tuned!
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