I'm not trying to be dramatic or make things fit a narrative. However, I believe my birth father could be the I-70 killer. I watch a lot of true crime videos; I am not often overly bothered by the content I see or hear. Not that I endorse or support it. I am in social work and do not get "wigged" out easily. I was watching a video with information regarding this specific cold case, unaware of it previously. I will link the Wiki below.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I-70_killer
That said, I felt "off" while watching this one, specifically when it showed the composite sketch of the suspected killer. I could not place my finger on why the picture was so unnerving. I realized the reason like a eureka moment; I was looking at a picture of my birth father. The I-70 killer murdered six people throughout the Midwest in 1992. He was described as being a white man in his twenties or thirties, 5'7" (1.70 m) to 5'9" (1.75 m) tall, thin, and having lazy eyelids and sandy blonde or reddish hair. In 1992, my birth father was 23 years old, 5'9", had a thin runner's build, sandy blonde hair, and lazy eyelids. He also lived less than two hours from the first murder and worked out of town during my childhood. I genuinely have no idea if he worked out of town at this exact time, I was one, but I know he did throughout that time, so it is possible.
I sent a picture of the composite sketch to my mother, asking if it meant anything to her, she responded, "No, but it looks exactly like (birth father's name)." I explained why I sent it to her and her brother (birth father's best friend from childhood through his twenties), who also thought it looked exactly like him. It freaks me out with the eyes because it is like I am looking into his.
I spoke to the detective over the cold case and gave her all my information, which was lackluster. I do not have contact with him and have not for years. I am adopted by my mother's ex-husband, whom I call Dad. That said, my birth father was around until I was about 18, so I know him. He was a violent man, and I do not have many fond memories. I was worried about my biases and spoke to my therapist about it. I do not have a picture of him when he was this age; however, I do have a picture of my deceased grandfather, who looks very similar. I am linking it below compared to the aged composite sketch, and it is uncanny to me. I am also providing the original composite sketch with a more recent picture of my birth father. While he is several years older, his eyes feel the same to me. My therapist also felt the same way and that it is worth giving the detective the information, just in case.
The detective was very kind, took all the information, and gave me her email address to send any photos I could find. I also offered to provide my DNA if she felt it was ever necessary. I don't know where to go with it from here; it is weirding me out. That is not what I expected to find when watching a true crime video. Although, I would not be at all shocked if he had done something like this.
I might be completely way off base, it just feels like it might actually be something. What do you all think?
https://imgur.com/a/94j9ZWv

The last story about a DNA test and reveal on GH had Carly secretly find out if Nina was Willow’s mother. She didn’t tell Drew, her kids, or Willow that she did this and that Nina was Willow’s mother until she spoke to Drew. Then, we had two weeks of everyone hearing that Carly is a lying liar who lies and forgiving her (except Sonny and Nina). That story was a big ol’ waste of time. Nina wasn’t even a match for Willow.
Now, Dan and Chris have done it again. Portia’s 20 year old secret came out and no one’s upset with her except for Curtis… for a month. Trina’s a bit uncomfortable with her. Taggert’s still counseling her FFS. And as for the results, it aired three entire months after the reveal in February and the only one who looks like his life was turned upside down was Taggert. But Taggert has been a noncharacter for two years. He’s not involved in any plot except this paternity story. Curtis has been Trina’s de facto father in all of the storylines Trina has been in since her trial.
GH has had an issue with storylines recently where things happen and nothing changes. I think the last time someone did something on this show that had major ripple effects was Esme being retconned as Heather’s daughter and her baby daddy drama with Nikolas. Here, Esme’s amnesia and baby changed her character; Ava divorced Nikolas and “killed” him; Esme’s mother killed several characters, changing the lives of Sasha, Gladys, and Trina. The hooker also connected Joss and Dex and led to her cheating. This was all within the last year. Prior to that, Ryan’s plot to break up NAva had many many ripple effects, including Spencer and Trina falling for each other and Spencer and Nikolas’s relationship ending.
We need more stories like Esme’s and less like these paternity and maternity stories that have near zero lasting impact. They’re boring and anti-soap.

I (18F) live with my mother (40). For years, we’ve seen her as the victim in her relationship with my father(he’s actually my stepdad but he’s been there for me since I was 6months old) We always believed her over him. Almost anything she told us, we would believe her over the other person. Well recently, we(me and my brother) have started realizing that she lies… ALOT about situations, so she can look like the victim and the other person looks like the bad guy. Anyway, I never had anywhere safe to put my cash and I had $1000 in twenty dollar bills from taxes and stuff. She told me to put it in her gun safe and I could go get it when I need it to buy a car. (I don’t have one yet because unlike my brothers, my parents don’t pay for things for me. I had to pay for my own drivers Ed, my license, hygiene essentials. They bought my older brothers first truck as well as paid for all of that stuff. And they did the same for my little brother) Well my mom keeps the key on her keychain and it’s with her at all times. The other day I got my paycheck and I wanted to pull $800 out in cash and leave the rest in my account. I paid her for rent ($200) and I kept a $100 in my wallet. So I was gonna end up putting $500 in the safe, along with the $1000. And I told her this. So we get home and I ask for the key to the safe and she just says,” I’ll put the money in for you. Just leave it on my dresser” and I’m like,” well I wanted to put the money in and organize. It helps me make a better mental note of how much money I have” And she was really hesitant but she ended up putting the key on her dresser and walking away. When I opened the safe… the $1000 was gone. No where in the safe at all. So I asked her where the rest went and she goes,” oh I used it for rent a couple months ago.” (Mind you, rent is only $800. Me and brother pay her $200 each every month so she only needed $400 if any) So I was hella confused on why she took MY money without asking, didn’t tell me anything, and pretended I still had the money in the safe. She says the money is in her savings account and that I didn’t have $1000. I only had $800 and I’m like no. I definitely had $1000. So she’s arguing with me about it so I pulled out my phone to show her that I keep track of my money and what I spend it on and she goes,” oh maybe you’re right. My bad” So I’m still missing $1000. I ordered my own personal safe and it came in today so I opened it and checked it out. She was in the kitchen and her keys were on the counter. So I’m like,” I’m gonna go get my money out of your safe and put it in my safe.” She says ok. I switch the money and everything’s fine. And suddenly she starts yelling at me not to go in her safe without asking her and I’m trying to explain that I did ask and she said ok but she’s talking over me so I just went quiet and said “yes ma’am. I’m sorry” My dad gets home and I’m telling him about my new safe because I’m kind of excited about it ( he doesn’t know that she stole $1000 from me) And she starts on a rant again about not going in her safe without asking. So I try again to explain myself and she AGAIN starts yelling and talking over me. So I’m like,” I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk over me, so I can explain.” But she goes,” no you’re talking over me!” And I said,” no ma’am. I was talking first so I could ex-“ “NO! Just admit that you’re wrong and disrespectful and you don’t care about me!” I have no clue what to do anymore. The older I get the more I realize how manipulative she is. She tells other people all the time that she doesn’t argue with her kids and she gives them a chance to explain their side of the story. But she doesn’t. She makes us feel bad for things that aren’t our fault. Like when I get home for a long shift at 2am and I sleep until 12 or 1pm, she calls me lazy and disrespectful, it hurts my feelings and when I tell her that, she turns it around on me and starts talking about how I hurt her feelings all the time when I was a kid. She likes to call other people narcissistic, but so is she. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to get my $1000 back without her throwing a fit. So AITA for going in her safe “without asking her”??

Hello fellow Derp masters, I am in a dilemma. LONG STORY.
TL;DR what can I do to help/supplement bone density/growth?
Our 1 year old has had a series of broken bones over her short life and I'm asking for advice.
We got her at 8 weeks; happy puppy that sat funny. (right leg kicked out when sitting)
at 4 months old, while chasing an RC car, she broke her left front toe. (zigged when she should have zagged) Cast for 8 weeks.
During this time, we noticed a funny gait when she was walking/ running. When we followed up on her toe, we mentioned the funny gait. X-rays showed that her right femur had been broken at 2 growth plates, and that it healed funky (deformed). She still walks and runs funky but is VERY active (2-3 miles a day, walk/run/jump/play daily) We take her health seriously.
We were shocked! She's never been out of our sight and had NO trauma prior to the toe. (Hindsight reveals an old break from in-utero, birth, or stepped on as a newborn) Breeder denies any issues.
We dealt with it; however this past Saturday, while jumping to catch a bubble, she snapped her left tibia. Spiral fracture. It was a terrible experience.
Vets think we need to go to a $peciali$t (U-Penn) to diagnose/study/treat the issue. It is ridiculously expensive (10k plus according to the vet, and they may not have an answefix)
Is there anything that we can do for our Derp that can help with the healing process? I have an active email to 2 vets and Penn to ask for advice. No answers yet.
I've considered calcium supplements, multivitamins, etc, but won't pull the trigger without a Vet's blessing.
Any and all advice is welcomed and appreciated; we love this Derp to death and want the best.
Thanks in advance!

i (19F) currently live with my mom (49F) exclusively. my mom and dad (50M) got divorced when i was 3 years old, and they shared custody of me. when i was 16 and got my first job, i slowly started living at my moms over time because my dad met and married a woman around 8 years ago and i absolutely despise her. she tries to act like my mom, she tried to have a sort of dominance over me, was ugly towards me and my friends, and just so much more. so around 4 years ago, my dad and his wife started fostering. she can’t have kids, and me and my family “joked” that she only wants to foster so she could get a baby like she always wanted. if you don’t know much about being a foster parent, it’s constant and rigorous appointments, court dates, home inspections, etc. it first started when i was on my way to work and my car broke down in a deserted sketchy town which was only about 15 minutes away from his house and i managed to get enough of a cell signal to call my dad because he’s a mechanic. he said he wasn’t able to come because a social worker was coming to do a home inspection. i called my mom and her and her boss left work to come sit with me and try to figure out why my car broke down. fast forward a few months. for context my mom and grandma both had a very severe thyroid condition, which is hereditary. i don’t get insurance through my job but i was still on medicaid through my dad, so i went to the doctors to get it checked. i did the blood work and they said they would call me with the results. they were also trying to find me a therapist that worked with medicaid because they said my answers to the checkup questions (about mental health) scared them, and i also needed to get birth control because i need it to regulate my period. they never called me with my results. my mom then comes home to tell me that my dad cancelled my medicaid, because if dss found out i was on his medicaid, but not living with him, then they would get their fostering license taken away. that really sent me over the edge, because that means yet again he wasn’t there for his only blood child when i needed him. he hasn’t done anything, or financially provided anything for me since i was 14 years old. so when i found out he cancelled my medicaid is when i stopped talking to him almost completely. i also need to go to the eye doctor, and my wisdom teeth are coming in and i have no way to have surgery because neither me or my mom can afford it out of pocket. and now i have found out that my dads wife is trying to talk him into stopping fostering (because they adopted my baby brother and it’s “too stressful on my dad to keep fostering”) so i guess me and my family called it. so, AITA for hating my dad for cancelling my health insurance?

So I have noticed a significant increase in the amount of straight white guys looking to get with a transgender girl. There have always been plenty of white Christian men, everywhere, that like to hook up with CD's and trans girls on the DL.
I prefer nice, rugged guys who aren't afraid to meet me at Starbuck's. But that's me.
Can I mention Doublelist? If not, just edit it for me, if that's OK.
I never posted anything until this morning, I think. Maybe a few encouraging emojis, but not an essay.
So Doublelist, for those who are unaware, is Craigslist for hookups.
DL white guys, some very genuine, most not, can meet trans people and stay discreet about it.
For any reason. Amen to that.
I met a guy who isn't afraid to meet me in public, and we have a great time together. He's confident in his sexuality and it shows.
But he is not the norm, unfortunately. The other 999 guys who want to have sex with a trans girl honestly think it's not gay for them to fuck a CD or trans girl.
Whatever gets you through the night, baby. I'm fine with that.
No....what's annoying is the hypocrisy.
​
Because the vast majority of these guys are transphobic in public. I've had discreet encounters with men in hotels.
Loads of fun, if you are VERY careful. Now I just prefer guys who don't need to hide.
I used Doublelist before I transitioned, mostly to confirm what Ive known since I was 3 years old.
Since I started transitioning, though, I've moved on to more conventional sites where I meet nice guys who don't mind meeting at Starbucks.
Here's the concern: there has been a massive uptick in the # of married white Christian guys.
An SUBSTANTIAL INCREASE in the number of married men seeking out trans girls and CDs.
Forget about the audacity...
Does that NOT concern ANYBODY?
Did I tell you I live in Florida?

Here are the goodies.

First haul in a while. Got a nice mix of things today.

Total: $98.78

Coupons: None!

Total Cash Back: $108.60

Final Cost: -$9.82 - Money Maker!

^{Photo of the haul.}
 
Here is the complete break down and sites used. The stores are listed in the breakdown image. I don't include sites that take any receipt such as Coinout, ReceiptPal, etc on my breakdown. Brandclub takes a while to credit, so the amounts listed are what I expect to get once it finishes pending. FieldAgent is an app that pays you to do a variety of tasks, including the one I did here where I made a purchase, took a couple photos, and left a review about the cat food.
Note: Individual deals vary by user for most apps. If you don't have the deals right now, you can try checking back later.
 
My Guides

1. All rebate apps/sites I use and/or know about
   
2. How I do my hauls
   
3. Beginners guide to using rebate apps/sites - for those who don't know where to start
   

 
If you aren't interested in this kind of thing, please keep your comments to yourself. If you don't like what I buy, you can buy different products. If you don't like hunting for deals, you can do surveys, microtasks, games or whatever else you like instead. There is no need to discourage other users just because you aren't interested in the same things!
 
Some additional deals:

• 3oz CeraVe Lotion for $1. They're $5 at Wal-Mart and there's a $4 printable coupon on their site.
  
• Knoppers Chocolate Hazelnut Wafer - ~$4 at the store, MP + C51
  
• Colgate Keep Replaceable Heads - Money Maker. It's on MP + C51. Alternatively, you can get the toothbrush + the 2 heads and add on an IB rebate for like $2 for 2 toothbrushes + 4 heads. Or mix and match.
  
• Dr Elsey's Cat Litter - Up to $22 back on a bag up to 40 lbs when you purchase at Target, Walmart, or a local business pet store. You need to cut out the barcode and mail it in with the receipt. One rebate per person/household/address. Must submit within 90 days. There's also a handful of $1 coupons on this page.
  
• Born Simple Pasta Sauce - Free after PayPal/Venmo rebate. Only available at Target
  
• P&G Rebates - Made to Save - Get $15 when you spend $50 OR get $5 when you spend $20 on select products. Expires 6/30/23
  
• Free T is for Tame hair taming product
  
• Free Pedialyte - expires 7/31/23 - This is also on IB for $1
  
• Free bag of Like Air Puffcorn - Refund via PayPal or Venmo. Must purchase in-store or for curbside pickup. Expiration date unknown.
  
• Nightfood Ice Cream - Free pint. Expiration date unknown.
  
• Various freebies on Ibotta.
  
• Various offers on Aisle Referrals: SkinTe Core Bar Proper Good Meals (using my ref will give me another rebate offer) Pays out via PayPal or Venmo
  
• Various deals I've done in previous weeks can still be done.
  

 

Afterthoughts

Man, today was stressful. In part due to the fact that I ended up going during a particularly busy time (I was planning to go after a doc appointment, but that didn't happen), and the fact that our Wal-Mart has rearranged 2/3 of the store, some of which in weird ways (they put all of the wet cat food in reverse order) But mainly it was due to what happened on the way to the store. For those curious, I'll explain further down at the end of this section since it's not explicitly related to this haul, but a TL;DR - I fucking hate my Jeep.
 
So, the haul itself went relatively smoothly. It's been a while, so I was a bit out of my groove. I messed up a bit on the deals. I meant to get 2 Arm & Hammer toothpaste and 4 Knoppers, but I swapped those around. Whoops. I also accidently got 11 deals when I only needed 8. I had decided to relook over MyPoints and found some deals, and it didn't register that since there were also deals for them on Ibotta, I could remove other deals. This wouldn't have been an issue if I were to aim to finish my big bonus this weekend, but... I'm not sure if I will be able to now.
Not a huge fan of Fetch's new redemption screen. It's pretty, sure, but it's no longer intuitive which defeats the purpose. I liked the old one. I also don't like how the videos seem to get longer each time. I also forgot about MyPoint's limit of 10 items per receipt, but then I found out you can just scan the receipt a 2nd time to get the rest of the rebates. So, what's the point of the limit? Lol. I also noticed a lot of rebates got added to aisle this past month... but none of them are good. Everything near me is mostly BOGO or just a buck or two back. That'd be fine if I knew I liked the products, but most of this stuff is really expensive, and I don't want two of something that I don't know if I'll even like.
BrandClub seems to have made some major changes. They added Kroger! I don't have one near me, but I see people post amazing Kroger deals all the time. Also, if I'm seeing this right, purchase rewards don't seem to be going into a locked status anymore (unless you unlock another reward with your purchase). For example, my Barilla purchases from last month all immediately unlocked their own rewards. I have nothing in the locked status for them. I did not add this change to my spreadsheet since I'm not 100% sure right now, but that'd be awesome if it were true. I also noticed a few rewards for watching videos. Unfortunately, they require a purchase to unlock. On the not-so-good side, brands seem to have different percent rebates now. Some items don't give any rewards, such as the Arm & Hammer, and they won't register or unlock rewards either. I know that Arm & Hammer toothpaste is in the system. I've bought it before, and it's showing in the search, but since it has no reward, none of my locked rewards were unlocked.
 
Instacart also gave me another offer for $30 off my next two orders of $50. Didn't take a picture this time, but I got almost $50 worth of groceries for $16 (they were out of something, so my total went down). Still not sure how to get them to use my credits that I earned before. It said it applied in the checkout, but it didn't. I have until the 9th to use the 2nd one, so maybe I'll figure it out then.
 
Now for the rant - In case you didn't notice, it's been a month since my last post. The last time I was at the store there was an obviously very ill jerk who didn't comprehend the concept of personal space. I ended up horrendously sick for the better part of 3 weeks. Not covid, but it was nasty, so I took it upon myself to completely self isolate. Looks like this cough is here to stay for a while though. My car apparently also caught what I did since it didn't want to leave the house either. Towed it to the mechanic, where the issue magically disappeared, he fixed a few things, and he wanted me to run it the next few days to try to see if the issue comes back. Well, it sure did. Car broke down on my way to do this haul. On a highway. Around a wide bend (I could be seen in time... IF they were paying attention). Going up a hill. In a place where people blow through at 45-55+ mph without thinking. Yea, that wasn't fun. There were a few close calls (mostly by school busses...), but thankfully it got towed away without incident. I borrowed a car and did the haul since I really did need to get some stuff after going almost nowhere for the past month. I planned to do another haul this weekend to finish my big bonus but... that probably won't happen. I'm not sure when my next haul will be.
 

Time Spent

I totally forgot to keep track today, sorry. I generally plan my hauls over the course of an hour or two while I play with the cat and eat breakfast. I spent a total of about 1.5-2 hours driving to a couple stores, getting everything including my shopping items, picking up my Aldi order, then driving the car back to its owner.
 

Food From Deals

This past month I made Buttered pasta, stewed apples, and cinnamon ginger tea, Tomato Tortilla, High Protein Tomato Crackers, "Pizza" Sandwich, Pesto Steak with Jasmine Rice, Pizza Pocket, and Cherry Pancakes
 
Do you guys want me to continue showing things I've made using ingredients I got from rebate apps on these posts? Let me know in the comments, or you can vote on this poll if you want to remain anonymous.

I used to be an Archeologist. Until the small town of xxxxxx in Oregon made me swiftly change jobs. Unable to look at bones or any sort of historical art piece without questioning it’s true origin.
Me and my colleague Damien were called to analyse and date some objects curated by a man named Mr Bardot. He had a museum about three hours from the centre of the town, very peculiar I thought, why would anyone drive three hours to a museum situated in the middle of nowhere? Anyway he was paying good money, and perhaps he had items that we’d never seen before, our curiosity could not resist.
The grand museum was situated on a hill, it looked more like a manor, with no sign indicating that it was in fact a museum. The walls covered in moss. As we stepped out of the car the smell of dampness hit you, but it was pleasant, like the smell after it had rained. The ground beneath was gravel, but I’m not sure it was gravel, as every time I took another step it felt as if bits were breaking and snapping under my feet. Like popping candy. Anyway Mr Bardot exited the large wooden door situated in the centre of the manor, an eccentric man, black moustache curled at the end, a top hat and purple blazer, a Willy wonka type look.
‘Greetings, come inside, we’ll worry about your luggage later’ he said.
Damien and I entered the building, a museum it was. But one for his personal enjoyment. Like a palace. Red carpets, walls completely covered with all manner of paintings and taxidermy. There was barely any space left to walk. With shelves and other odd spectacles upon the floor and a grand staircase leading up to what I presume was the bedrooms. ‘Dinner is served my wonderful guests’
Before we had a chance to digest the amount of stuff this man had, we were called to dinner. A beef stew. However the meat was tough and rather pale. But I’m not entirely sure this man owned a fridge. So the meat could have very well just have gone off despite not tasting of much.
We tried to make conversation with the man during dinner, but for some reason he would not answer our questions. Perhaps we were being rude and interrupting his dinner. But I could have sworn that I saw him shed a tear while eating it.
He ushered us up to our bedrooms quickly as if his social battery had all but run out for the evening. Me and Damien were exhausted from driving so we went to sleep. A painting of a curious creature staring at me as I tried to sleep. A rather disturbing painting to say at the least. A sort of cat? With some sort of liquid pouring out from its eyes, eyes that had an incredible shine to them and weren’t really what I would call cat eyes.
The next morning we were given our first task. Dating some bones that Mr Bardot said were from a Tasmanian tiger, an animal that went extinct in the 1930s. We got our equipment out, to date the bones, and most of them were around 100 years old as we’d expect. However one was only 21 years old. I thought that it must have been our equipment. Which meant the other bones could have been analysed wrong. Seeing as this was a job and we were being paid I had to send Damien back to the city to fetch new equipment.
While he was gone I had nothing better to do than admire the art that Mr Bardot had, one being a taxidermist horse, ever so strange. The mane was not like a normal mane, slightly coarse to the touch as you might expect. But it had a shine and an incredibly soft texture, I assumed it might be synthetic. But what he said next made me question where exactly did he get the mane from?
I brushed it off originally as living practically in isolation must mess with your head. ‘Could I just take a small clipping of your hair dear? Won’t be much but it’s ever so beautiful’ he said to me. I’m not sure anyone ever came to this museum, but if they did I’m not sure they ever left…

Age: 40
Sex: Male
Height: 6'7"
Weight: 220
I've been feeling tired the past week but especially in the last couple of days. Even when I eat, I end up just feeling tired and hungry again soon. Considering the details below, I figured my body is having trouble adjusting to post-walk living in some way. I've been keeping up with 5-10 mile daily walks for general fitness (I was doing 15-20 miles/day) and went to the gym yesterday. But today I just felt exhausted, more than once, and had to sit for a rest.
I stopped at a grocery store today to grab a bite to eat and felt like a hard cider (I'm not a frequent drinker and haven't had alcohol in several months). My mouth felt dry near the end of my meal. Even after finishing a swig of cider to wet it. What felt like an alcohol buzz became dizziness then me barely holding onto consciousness. I started trembling and soaking myself and the table in a cold sweat. It lasted maybe 5 minutes? Hard to say as I was entirely spaced out and barely there. I almost fell out of my chair. I asked someone to bring me water and said I was about to pass out. I was super thirsty and downed it. And then a couple more cups. My throat started feeling sore/burning; I tried feeling it for swollen lymph nodes. I don't think so but I'm not a doctor. It felt more like it had something to do with my salivary glands. Once they started flowing again the sensation left but it took a few minutes.
It felt like there was some faint nausea so I went to the toilet but nothing came out and there was no further GI upset. My urine didn't look super concentrated but I was very active today. I've been thirsty all day but I hit water fountains constantly as I walked around town.
Background: I had to halt an attempted walk across the USA last week. I spent 3 months walking on rural roads and did 1000 miles walking from Florida to Texas. I was doing great but I started having insomnia spells when I hit Texas three weeks ago. I've had insomnia for years, btw. The humidity and heat made it impossible to sleep outside - and even when I'd get a hotel it would take days for me to recover. So I had to end my adventure. I've had a couple insomnia spells since I quit so I'm still playing catchup on sleep. Faintly tired most of the time as I haven't fully erased my sleep debt but functional.
Also worth mentioning that I had been bitten on the leg by a tick maybe 3-4 weeks ago. The bite shows no swelling, spots, or bullseye but it does still itch faintly. I removed the tick before it was able to swell up with blood.
The calf in my opposite non-bitten leg has been sore ever since I stopped walking for some reason. Walking makes it fade but when I stop the soreness returns. Feels like it's more sore since it started up.
I took a CVS COVID test just now and it was negative.
Drank a lot of water before and after getting a Lyft to my place and feel okay now. What should I do? Not sure how serious all of this is and I feel fine now, if still sore in my calf. Dehydration spell? Exhaustion from lack of sleep?
I'm out of state right now from my Medicaid coverage and sort of homeless so medical care is complicated and likely expensive. But I also don't wish to die, so...
EDIT: Included photos of the tick bite area. Does it look like a proper tick eschar? Or just a scar from all the scratching I did? Still itches faintly if I touch it after 3-4 weeks of being bitten. It isn't swollen and the tick wasn't latched on long enough to swell before I removed it.

Some context: I was kicked out of my house at a young age (before graduating HS) and bounced around until my friends and I were able to save for an apartment. Note which is important for later: All my friends came from some sort of security. If they didn’t want to live in the apartment, their homes were widely open to them (I did not have that luxury, I was out), or, they had some sort of financial support to lean on. (I had none, trying to get through 1st semester college and working almost FT in various jobs). Sorry for the long read, ending worth it!
FF to not even 6 months of living together. We first started kind of cooking together and figuring out the room mate thing, but eventually started to buy our own food. I had a weird diet, and, only had like $40 a week at a time for groceries. I had to bring a pad and calculator to make sure I didn’t go over the $40, it was awful. I also had to get up for work early, and due to a weird sleep schedule, I had problems staying up late to “party” with the roomies. I was just exhausted and tried my hardest. The roomies began to bring people over to partly loudly and until sometimes 2 and 4 in the am, when I had to get up at 6 to go to work- and they would sit outside my door directly. I would wake up in the middle of the night because it was so loud and they would be trashing me and roasting me, making fun of my habits, but mostly for some reason they resented me not staying up to party.
They started to eat all of my food, and I had no spare money until paycheck time to get more, so I would write my name on my food. They made fun of me for that. They busted into my bedroom and searched my belongings and stole my college tuition that I had hidden (I wasn’t near my bank all the time) which was $2,000. They stopped paying rent and thought that because I had a checking account, they could stiff me if I wrote the whole rent out, so I stopped doing that and just started paying my half. FF to us being evicted and I said, yeah, peace I’m out, and they were like shocked pikachu face that I would rather live out of my car than with them for one more minute.
I also started dating a boy at the time that they then decided they were going to try to pry away from me, so thus started my revenge which lasted the next 3 years:
They invited my boyfriend (but not me) to a Halloween party, (a tradition I actually started ) and they were shocked when I showed up with him. When I got there I found my stuff everywhere! They had taken my favorite movies, had my magnets on their fridge, and were even playing one of my CDs in their basement. So this year I just waited and waited until it was like 2 am, and then I stole all my shit back when they disappeared because me staying so long was making them uncomfortable.
Next year, boyfriend invited, me not, again. Shocked I show up. Old room mate was screeching and demanding that everyone join in the living room for a ‘Halloween costume march’ Me and one dude stayed behind in the kitchen, and lock eyes, and I say to him: I have a secret, I hate these people. And he said, So do I! So we did stupid stuff, like, draw mustaches on all their pictures, poured out their liquor, and rearranged their sign from saying happy Halloween to “happy Hell”. By this time they were surveying all the dumb damage we did, and were staring at a mustached picture and actually crying “who would do that?” They turned right around to see us, and then slowly turned back around as if we weren’t there.
I was shocked that boyfriend got a 3rd year invite! This was the last year though that they hosted a Halloween party at their own home. They sent a flyer with FREE BEER and their address on it. I worked in an office and make 500 copies systematically over the week. Then I left 500 copies in the most popular bar part of towns music venue. I was dying to know what happened, and never told my boyfriend. They posted NO PICTURES of the party, as they had in the past.
4th year- got an invite for the party to be hosted in public, at a bar. I only saw one clue, a picture of them with someone saying, “good idea not to have it at home this year, last year got weird.”
I was totally satisfied by the ending, lol. A lot of strangers and freaky people showed up for the free beer. I guess a lot of things got stolen. Apparently the hosts (my old roommates) had to hide in the bathroom because of shady people at some point. No one wanted to leave until very late. They had to stop letting people in.

The scene of Logan throwing in Rory's face how privileged she is, is by far his best moment in the series, it was sensational, and then him saying that she is living for free in his family's 5 million dollar apartment? YOU GO BOY I love any scene where someone makes Rory come back to reality, she lived her whole life without having to work (like Dean, Jess, Lane), was spoiled by her mother, then had all her education paid for by her grandparents, and went to college with them paying for it too, then dropped out of Yale (pathetic) and stole a speedboat (ridiculous) and because she couldn't get Lorelai's approval she runs to her grandparents house and they renovate the pool house for her to live in for 40 THOUSAND DOLLARS, she stays for five months doing nothing and working in that ridiculous group of prejudiced old women, she becomes a spoiled and boring rich girl and even after going back to Yale she is still unbearable, her rich father shows up and offers to pay for her college and she accepts, and she still has the nerve to think that she is a poor person who fought alone to get where she is? She thinks she is Lorelai? Even Lorelai herself has her privileges, even if the two of them go back to see each other, Rory is even worse, she thinks she's better than everyone else because her mother worked hard and she came from a small town? It's a shame, I loved Rory until the 3rd season, I hated to watch her self-destruct.

Hi Leon and Sasha,
I miss you guys so much. I hope that you are safe in Moscow. I think of you often. I hope that you and your mom (grandparents and Irina/Phil) are okay.
I hope you mom reads this to you. I hope that it helps you go to sleep. I will write more and post it for you to read.
Astral or Star Jelly is a real event/substance that has been found in all areas of the earth (please Wikipedia it). My friend performed a DNA analysis on a sample of Star Jelly, and the results were amazing. His group concluded that the sample mostly had mitochondrial-like DNA, but it was very different from anything reported (much longer and having possible different base pairs).
Astral/Star Jelly is often found after meteorite showers or other astral events. I found some when I was young (heavy Northern Lights and Meteor Shower event). I crafted the first chapter of a potential novel. Please give feedback. I am switching to google docs, so soon I will have links to my works.
Yes, Charlotte edited the chapter. She kept saying to keep it simple and direct. We hope to see you in Turkey this summer.
​
Chapter 1
The Byproduct of Gods
with revisions by your favorite daughter
📷
Her owners had held her for so many lifetimes that the stream, which flowed, near her family’s hut was gone. The trees that provided fuel, housing, and food were missing, replaced by a prairie. After all the years of the concept of returning home keeping her going, she did not feel safe. There were no people near her village, and it took her days to unearth signs of her youth. She discovered the land that she had first walked on only because the mountain and stones did not move. As she cleaned the Blue Volga granite idol of her parents’ deity, she felt nothing. The blue-green face of the god looked sad to her. He also was no longer safe. His followers were dead and his power forgotten.
Her first owner was a traveler. They moved with each new moon. Her master felt safe but she failed to understand that her entourage plodded along a predictable path. After many decades, a tale of a demon woman who did not age traveled the same circuit. Finally, a village attacked the demon. Her second owner was the daughter of the woman who bought her. The daughter decided to build a fortress and to rule her fief. Her third owner was the daughter’s son who had grown tired of never gaining his birthright. His guilt and myopic greed caused him to sell her to an alchemist. From that point on, she was an item for trade or barter.
Her final master failed to return home. She remained in his caravan for a week, performing her duties. When she had eaten all the food, she felt justified using her knowledge to destroy her metal shackles. It took her five days to dissolve her bindings with her jellies.
She thought of the places that she had felt safe. Those havens were all underground. A magician made her live in the passages beneath Kyiv when he was being hunted. The tunnels funneled the 15 rivers of the city and protected inhabitants from invaders or punishing ruling forces. For twenty years, she had lived in the coquina catacombs of Odessa. A man who thought he was a seer was convinced that his power had attracted the attention of dragons and demons. No one could approach the lair unseen.
After a week of searching the now unfamiliar area, the woman began to carve her home from the soil of her childhood. She spent fifty years making her home safe. Only she would know the paths and twists of her underground world. Only she would know where the escape exits emerged into the surrounding world.
Eventually, her home attracted others. The woman could have chased them away, but she felt a need to observe people. When the fourth generations of villagers were aging to the grave, there was no hiding the fact that she had not died. The villagers erected a semi-circular wall around the entrance to the woman’s cave. The wall grew and the woman did not protest the separation.
Generations later, people whispered that the villagers maintained the defenses of their community to keep the woman away from the town’s children at night. In the tavern, each generation of gallant males would boast that they would be the one to remove the blight of the woman from the town. When she inevitably outlasted them, she would attend the funeral of the most vocal warrior from each age group.
Daily the woman would remove more soil from her dugout. The community would search her discarded diggings for possible minerals or stones. They did not share any discoveries with the woman. During times of blight or famine, the locals would collect her soil and remove it from the community.
People would peer around the wall to scan the woman’s home. As the village grew, a leader placed two chairs at endpoints of the semi-circle barrier. During full moons, periods of strife, festivals, and other social events, menacing men sat in the chairs. Infrequently, people tried to enter the woman’s home. Aside from the guards, it was the more distraught people of the village who visited her.. The most recent person to enter the woman’s home was a grieving widow. Her grief made her seek the woman to find answers about her loss. Three mornings later, the villagers found the widow in the public square with drapes of herbs, flowers, and crafts around her limbs. The people thought the widow was dead or mindless from torture. When the widow awoke, she went to her house and began the chores for the day. When pressed about the woman’s abode, the widow would state that the home was loved, clean, and well maintained.
On the spring day when the widow was about to remarry, she was again discovered in the square coated with ropes of herbs, flowers, and idols. The woman disappeared for a decade after the wedding, but the widow brought her newborns to the opening of the earthwork to declare their names into the sunken space.
The aging hamlet relaxed when the woman was away. There was a sense of freedom in the people. They did not fear the retribution of the woman for their actions, and parents could not correct their children with threats of giving them to the woman. At times, the leaders of the people would consider filling in the woman’s hovel, but shovels and spades would split if used to cover the opening of the woman’s home. One regretful man tried using a mule and cart to dump rocks into the fastness. The stones crushed the man after his own tram flipped over on him.
Although the townsfolk feared and despised the woman, she had free reign in the village. As an indicator that she was amongst the people, the woman would adorn her head with a dark purple scarf. No other members of the village would wear that color. They looked for it whenever the woman shopped at the market. The woman paid with old and foreign coins, but the merchants welcomed the precious metals they were composed of. During the dark days of winter, the people collected the woman’s tender and deposited it into a lead box. The villagers had a belief that the more people touched the woman’s currency, the longer the winter would be.
After the community fortified against the woman, religious leaders organized efforts to erect carved idols and large wagon-wheel hexes aimed at her home. Each generation attempted to counter the woman with the current symbols of spiritual protection. The largest structure in the village was now a church, and the threshold of the church was oriented to face the woman’s home.
The woman was home when Alyona began her schooling in the church. She had learned the fundamentals of math, reading, and writing. She knew that her coursework would end soon. The village expected girls to be useful to a limit. Her mother walked her only surviving child to school along a path that would prevent their shadow from falling close to the woman’s realm. The villagers performed this ritual after someone claimed that the woman had controlled their behavior by stealing their shadow.
Alyona was daydreaming during school of a life away from the village when the woman touched her. Alyona had spent the morning in the woods collecting mushrooms and other edibles. Her findings made for great, free additions to their usually simple meals. . On days that Alyona returned with a bounty, they shared the extras with neighbors. It was a wager that these people would remember the gift and provide Alyona’s home with food during lean days.
The person gripping Alyona twirled her body so that she faced the opposite direction. Alyona assumed the culprit was another student or a young assistant at the church. It could have been a boy attempting to bully her to get her attention. She lowered her right hand, preparing to use the back to slap the violator. Alyona’s willingness to confront her accoster left when she saw the face of the woman under her purple scarf. Alyona knew she should look away from the woman, but her eyes locked with the woman’s gaze. All the stories the Alyona heard about the town ghoul stated that the woman was so old that her skeleton was all that was left of her body. The woman’s youthful face surprised Alyona. There were no lines or furrows on the woman’s forehead. If anything, Alyona would have stated that the woman’s face glowed.
I can smell it on your hands. The woman placed Alyona’s fingers under her nose. The force of the drawn air startled Alyona. She thought that the woman had pulled the top layer of skin off her index finger. Alyona’s toes curled when the woman sampled her hand. Across a church aisle, one of the priests was herding schoolchildren. He spotted the two of them. His face darkened at the sight of their contact.
WHAT IS ON YOUR HANDS, ALYONA? The priest shouted over the children.
Nothing, Sir. The woman’s tongue darted over the tip of Alyona’s index finger. I was harvesting in the woods before class.
You touched more than growths and nuts this morning, Singleton Child of the Crying Matron. The woman chewed on her thumbnail.
Alyona did not like her mother being referred to in that way, but the eyes of the woman immobilized her. How could she react forcefully to a person who was savoring her hand?
She is mine today, priest. The woman held out her other hand to the shepherd of the church. I will pay her mother for occupying her child for the day, and she will be returned unsoiled and whole.
The priest brought a gurgle of protest up but was shut down quickly.
My tunnels are beneath your place of worship and the bedchambers of Mistress Blake, The women stomped on the ground, and I know all of what has occurred within your walls.
Alyona realized that she was screaming when her throat began to sear. She expected that the woman’s hole would be dark, but the home glowed. There were mirrors and reflective glasses positioned throughout the house to harness sun rays from many holes and entrances in the surface of the residence. Therefore, Alyona was able to see herself yelling on fifty surfaces.
Hush child. The woman touched her mouth. Do not be afraid of the manner in which I inspected you. It is a show for the people. I only want to talk about your morning, and then I will let you go with a full belly and money to buy many toys.
Alyona felt her utterances dwindle down to a wheeze that slipped out her lips.
You have the scent on your fingers, girl. The woman was now examining Alyona’s left hand. It is on both hands, so you must have found a huge source.
A source? Alyona wanted to look at her hands but she maintained her attention on the woman.
Sit. The woman pointed to a well-padded chair. Sit and I will return with small pies and honey.
Alyona hovered over the seat. She wanted to be strong and to stand, but then she smelt the pies. The chair was very soft. There were no pins, claws, or spines in the cushion like she feared.
Alyona. The voice of the woman wove through the tunnels of the underground network. Alyona felt her name circle around her. She had never been afraid of her name before. Alyona Pistan…daughter of Fiva and the missing soldier.
Alyona closed her fist and felt the pain of her nails digging into her palms.
Fiva lives off the salary that the Duke must pay for your father’s military service. Your mother knows that the Duke no longer wants to pay this burden.
Alyona wanted to speak but her throat stung from screaming.
Your father’s name is Bay. He earned this title because he would not stop speaking when he was a baby. Like a horse that always had an opinion, your father would squawk at everyone before he knew words. The voice was now coming directly towards Alyona. My first gift to you and Fiva is the information that your father lives. There was a pause in the woman’s words. An enemy does not enslave him; he is lost with the simpleton that led him away. One day a map will lead him home, child.
The woman emerged from a cutout with a basket laden with pies, a pot of honey, wooden utensils, and slices of ham. In her other hand, she held a bucket of colored water.
We will eat together. The woman placed the basket on Alyona’s lap and retrieved two cups. After you accept the first pie, I will tell you an important secret of mine.
I do not think I want to know any of your secrets Starly-Gradda.
The woman laughed and placed the small wooden spoon into the pie directly in front of Alyona.
Elder-grandmother, you call me. The woman dunked a cup into the water and held it in her left hand. I think that term is the nicest thing a child has called me in a lifetime.
Alyona brought the food to her lips. She smelt the mint, berries, and kasha. Gently she laid the pie onto her tongue. She did not chew; she only let it rest in her mouth. She expected that the food would burn or numb her. The taste was full and made her wish to spit the substance out because it was too good to be real.
Ah, she eats. The woman clapped her hands. I was your age when I saw my first god being born.
Alyona choked on the pie.
I was sitting by a riverbank when the god entered our place. The woman drank from her cup. It was a bright yellow fish with shiny scales. I saw it come from nothing to being here.
The woman snapped her fingers and Alyona swallowed her food.
No one prayed for its existence. No one was singing for it to bring salvation. The woman made circles with her hands in front of Alyona. As far as I know, simple fish do not worship gods, but a god came for the fish of that river.
The woman tapped Alyona’s hand to take another bite of pie.
It floated there. The woman held up her hands. Here I am…a young maiden…thinking a god or demon turned itself into this creature to seduce or corrupt me. Again, a chuckle came from the woman. No other god cared about this special fish. I think it was floating only because it did not realize that a fish should swim in water.
Alyona grabbed a slice of ham. It had been two months since she had meat that was not paste.
Eventually, the golden fish fell into the water and swam away. The woman pulled back her hood and revealed her full face to Alyona. I tried to follow it, but it swam away from shore, and I lost sight of it.
Alyona cleared her throat and licked her lips.
Girl, if you want a drink, just take it. The woman filled Alyona’s cup and handed it to her. The ham is not that salty, but I think your sore throat would improve if you drank.
Alyona sipped the water. It did not taste bitter. It did not smell foul. In fact, the water’s taste was a mixture of apples, roses, and plums.
I told my mother, and she whispered to my father that they needed to trade me into marriage now, before I became soft in the head. I did not want to marry at my age, so I told her that I would go find proof of my shiny golden fish. The woman used a toothpick to dollop out a portion of honey. There was nothing in the water when I returned. I waded in the cool stream. I put my head under the surface and looked at the rocks for the golden shimmer. I found nothing.
Alyona ate the ham.
I was weeping on the spot that I saw the god be born. My heart was full of dread. I started to believe that the shiny golden god was not real. I was so sad that I was quickly accepting that I would be married to an old man so that he would tolerate my problems. The woman tapped her top lip. I felt that my mother had no love for me. I thought that if the golden fish were my mother, it would love me just because that is what should be.
Alyona selected another pie. This pie contained spices and mashed nuts.
Your mother loves you. I listen to all the words spoken in this village. If a parent lacks love for their child, I correct them or have them leave. The woman did not form a fist. She turned her hand into a claw, the conviction in her words hanging in the air until she relaxed it. As all hope was gone, I put my hand down in the grass, and felt the substance.
The woman held her hand flat towards Alyona.
It was clear. It was squishy like the rendered bones of stock animals. It had a pleasant smell, but I was scared to taste it. The woman cupped her hands. I gathered this glob. I used the front of my dress to carry the material. When I believed that the last speck was contained in my clothing, I ran to my parents.
Alyona had felt something similar in the forest that morning.
My mother accused me of only finding the discarded waste of an animal. She threatened to smear it over my face. The woman moved the honey pot closer to Alyona. My father took me to the village shaman, and he looked at the material. They scraped the material off my clothes, but not around my breasts. The shaman thought it was bone waste from an owl, the eggs of a species of frog, a shell-less egg from a dying bird, a mushroom that was usually underground, or the spit of an evil spirit.
Alyona’s eyes widened.
Of course, something as amazing as what we found would be considered evil. The woman waved her hand. I have discovered many bundles and I have never seen the substance created by an evil thing.
No? Alonya asked, breaking her food-induced silence.
No, child. The woman touched the tip of Alyona’s nose. It is not to say that evil people and things are not interested in the substance, but the creation of it does not come from evil.
Alyona resumed consuming the luxurious treats.
The morning after I saw the god being born, people started to fall sick. The woman sighed. My mother blamed the god substance. It was hard for the village not to turn on me after my mother told them it was my fault. The woman’s shoulders lowered. I had not slept that night, and I did not clean after my discovery. They put me in a crate that only had three holes. My father fed me and still cared for me.
Alyona did not know how to react but to nod at the woman.
When my elder brother was close to death from the illness, my mother brought him to my crate. She told me that I would have to watch my brother die because I was an evil liar who unleashed a demon on the community. I could see him wither in pain from the openings in my prison. The woman moved a third pie in front of Alyona. The night my mother told me that my brother would die, my father talked to me. It was an act of rebellion against my mother, but he asked me if I knew what had happened. I cried to him about how this was not something I did. I pleaded with my dad that I would never make my brother suffer, and that the day watching him had crushed my will to live.
The woman tore a slice of ham into pieces and placed pieces of the meat on the floor of her keep.
My father and I wept. He told me that I was likely to die because of the sickness. The woman tapped the tray. Not that I was sick… or was likely to get sick, but because it would seem as justice to the people. I knew his words were true, but I could not think of anything else to say.
The third pie was berry and egg meringue. Alyona did not know that pies like this one existed.
I entered the crate in the dress I wore when I saw the god be born. The truth is that I only had that dress and a wedding dress. My mother kept the dress I would’ve worn to my wedding in a box near her bed. A cat approached the pieces of ham. My grandfather had given me the wedding dress when he died, but she took it from me. My father used what he received from his father to buy me the only special clothes I would have in my life. My father loved me, Alyona, just like yours.
The cat touched Alyona’s leg. It startled her, and she confirmed that the cat was not black.
We talked about the jelly I had found. My father told me that he had tried to burn it, thinking it was an odd piece of animal fat. The substance did not burn. My father then tried to crush it out of existence, but the material was soft, but not easily destroyed. The woman touched the center of her chest. My father’s words made me remember that there was still some of the jelly on my dress. I touched where they did not scrape, and there was a patch of the substance. I pinched the substance and it coated my fingers. It felt warm, but not hot.
Alyona was glad that the cat had returned to the ham.
My father grew angry. He was arguing with the air that if he were a real man, he would protect his daughter and revive his son. He was a good father. The woman showed Alyona a closed smile. He was crying because he knew he could do nothing. I was sore and battered from being in the crate. I felt so greasy and disgusting. I thought I was no longer the same girl that wandered in the meadows.
The woman offered to refill Alyona’s water cup.
For some reason, I brought the fingers I had used to touch the smear of the jelly that was on my dress to my mouth. The taste was tangy, but not foul. It was better than the food that my father had inserted into the holes in my crate. I sucked on it. With both hands, the woman rattled the basket. I felt so much better. It was amazing. I could not see it, but I felt my dry, cracked lips heal. My mind became clear. I knew what I had to do.
Alyona stopped eating to listen to the woman.
I asked my father to place my brother’s mouth in front of the biggest hole of my crate. He thought I was mad. He accused me of confessing that I pledged my soul to demons, but I told him that I felt different after praying to our god. The woman looked directly at Alyona. I rubbed my fingers on the same spot of my dress, and I placed them into my brother’s mouth. He was so weak that he did not respond to this action. I moved my fingers along his gums, his teeth, I even touched his tongue.
Alyona spoke to the woman. Was he healed right away?
The woman chuckled.
I like you Alyona, but you have the impatience of a child. The woman touched Alyona’s chin. It was not a sudden reversal, but he did not die. People died that night, but my brother lived. More importantly, he was the only person to get even slightly better. He was not running in the fields, talking to everyone better, but he was no longer crying in pain. His eyes were no longer looking like they would burst. Moreover, my father stopped crying for us.
I am glad. Alyona looked at the half-eaten pie. She wanted more of it, but she thought it would be rude to return to eating.
It was another day, another four deaths, before my father told the shaman that he thought I could heal the sick. They pulled me from the crate and inspected me. The women called for me to be stoned. The men wanted me burned. The shaman asked how my brother was alive, and how I was still in good health. The woman tapped her right temple. I knew I had to lie. I knew that I could not tell the truth. I had to convince these scared people that I was not dangerous.
The woman shuffled the half pie back to Alyona.
I fell in front of the shaman and shouted, ‘The Green Man came to me.’ I do not think you know the Green Man, child, but he was the god of the people before Christ came to the land. The woman pointed to a drawing of a large tree man. It matters not what god I said talked to me. I yelled that I knew that I did something wicked, but our god had forgiven me, and I was now able to cure the sickness that was killing the village.
Alyona returned to eating the pie.
They whipped me and bound me. I feared that they would burn my dress, so I yelled that the Green Man said that if I were to heal the village, I would need to be as I was when he forgave and blessed me. The woman opened her hands so that Alyona could see her palms. The oldest people would pray in this manner. They tied my legs together and only allowed my right arm to be free. However, that was all I needed to start to heal the people of my life.
Alyona finished her meal.
I would say our prayers; tell the people who were watching that the Green Man wanted everyone to close their eyes so that his healing ray could hit the person. The woman pulled her head backwards with a laugh. During this time, I would pull some of the jelly off my dress and stick the substance in the person’s mouth.
The woman laughed deeply.
What? Alyona asked.
I did not know that so many of my fellow villagers were missing teeth. Children of the people that always had food, had damaged and missing teeth. I was trapped and bored, so my mind began to guess how many disgusting teeth injuries each person would have.
Alyona shivered.
I thought the teeth were bad, but then it got worse. The woman looked upwards. It was on the third day of my healing that it happened for the first time. It was night, and the shaman had decided to blind me with a rag during the healing. Someone’s parents said that they did not want me to steal the soul of their child while I healed them. I placed my finger into a very small mouth, and everything was different. I did not feel a tingle from treating a person with the substance. I sang our songs to Green Man and rubbed jelly over my right fingers. I had planned to give the infant as much of the stuff as I could. The woman covered her eyes. The tiny body jumped, but there was still no response.
Why? Alyona wanted to know.
The baby was dead. I did not know if the god-gift could bring life back to a person. I was scared that if I did not return this child alive to their parents, I would be killed. The woman bobbed her head to the ceiling of her cave home. I kept doing it for a long time. I replenished the coating of my fingers four times, but still there was no living response. I finally shouted into the air. I faked arguing with the Green Man. I begged him to give me the infant. I spoke words that no one had ever heard in an odd voice that I thought would sound like the Green Man. This battle went on for minutes until I asked if whoever brought this child to me would allow the Green Man to have the special child live with him. I am not sure if the parents knew that their baby had died. I am uncertain if the parents wanted me to do something that I thought was evil, but a male voice eventually responded that it would be an honor if his young son joined the hunters of the Green Man.
Alyona gasped.
I spoke in my fake Green Man’s voice that the parents of his new hunter would be honored with a new child by the next spring. I informed the parents that they would find gifts for the next year. The woman rocked her head so that she was looking at the floor. They brought me five more dead people to heal, but no more deceased children. I did not make a fuss over the dead adults. I stated that the Green Man blamed the family for their death. If they truly believed in the power of the Green Man, they would have brought their loved ones to me before the sickness took them.
Alyona nodded her head.
On the fifth day, my fingers were raw. My nails felt like they were growing too fast. I guess I was healing and benefiting from the jelly, but I was placing the same fingers into people’s mouths most of the day. The worst problem was that my dress was getting dry. The woman traced her lips with her right index finger. I think my father was watching me. I think he saw me searching desperately on my dress for any of the substance. I believe this because he brought me fresh peas to eat that night. In the third pea he gave me, the pod was full of the jelly.
Did your village love you for healing everyone after those days? Alyona smiled at the woman.
No. The woman patted the girl’s forehead. They kept me in the crate. There was no joy for me after I found the jelly.
You saved them.
The woman breathed deeply.
I said that the Green Man had used me to save them. I was nothing but a tarnished girl who may have the power to harm or make people ill. The woman turned her head to the side.
Did your father and brother free you from the crate? Alyona looked hopefully at the woman.
No child, the town folk dispatched the shaman with me in that wooden prison out into the world to purge the town of my evil. He threatened to kill me daily. He attempted to abandon me at every opportunity. The woman cupped her hand in front of Alyona. When I sensed a second source of the god jelly, he was able to sell me to a person.
No! Alyona did not know if it was a spell, but she was extending her hand towards the woman.
The sum was so great that my parents and brother lived well. The woman clapped each hand separately. That was after the shaman took his share of my bounty and spent more money on food, drink, and women on the trip home.
That’s…..
That is life, my special girl. The woman grabbed her hand and they stood up. The woman led the pair through tunnels and caverns. Eventually, the woman pulled her through a blanket of vines that concealed an exit to her labyrinth.
Your forest, Alyona. The woman gestured to the glade Alyona crossed to enter the woods.
Alyona pulled her hand away from the woman and pulled her hair back.
I am not sure what you want me to find. Alyona looked up to the woman. She received a smile.
I have never told anyone this before, the woman stuck her tongue out to Alyona, when I first touched the jelly, I felt that there were ants under my skin. It was the power of the jelly moving through me. It was such an odd feeling that I thought it was a sign of madness.
Alyona lowered her head. I felt something like that. I thought it was worms latching onto me from the peat.
That is the place, little one. Take me there.
Alyona was about to step forward when the woman asked her another question.
What color was the substance you touched today?
It was not one color, ma’am. Alyona moved her hand down to her legs. She brushed unseen but felt passengers from her body. I grabbed it first because I thought it was rose root. My mother could turn the flower into medicine to sell or trade. Alyona knelt and touched the ground. Except that the flower was so low to the ground and it was not the red or yellow flower I normally pick. They were violet with orange centers.
They did not feel like flowers.
No. Alyona pulled her hand away from the ground. They stuck to me like honey.

Where: East to West Ski Traverse from Shepherd's Pass Trailhead (Independence, CA) across the Sierra to Wolverton (Western Sierra Foothills), sometimes referred to as the "Sierra High Route Ski Traverse" or the "David Beck Route" after the ski guide who pioneered the route in the 1970s. Getting to cross the Sierra on skis, particularly with a historic snowpack, was an amazing experience.
When: May 25, 2023 – May 28, 2023
Distance and Vert: 50 Miles, 15,000' ascent (CalTopo: https://caltopo.com/m/FH2VE)
Conditions: Continuous snow from mile ~6 at 9400'. Weather varied from zero visibility clouds, scorching direct sun, precipitation/graupel, and frigid mornings.
Lighterpack: for a couple (shared sleep system and ski gear for two) https://lighterpack.com/rp5unn
Cars/Transportation: This might be one of the biggest challenges of the trip. Some people choose to stage cars at both trailheads, but that would require a six-hour drive before and after the trip. The ideal situation, which we were able to work out, is to swap cars with another group crossing in the opposite direction simultaneously, trading keys on route. However, not everyone will be this lucky. Another option is to hitchhike from Wolverton to Three Rivers, then get a ride to the Fresno airport, fly to Reno, and take the 395 shuttle to Independence. But this will add days to your trip.
Road Closure: This year, an additional complexity was that the road from Hospital Rock to Wolverton was closed due to rain damage. It is a 14-mile stretch with an elevation gain of approximately 5000'. We spoke to rangers at SEKI, and suggested they might look the other way if we rode our e-bikes outside of construction hours, which they believed were from 7 AM to 7 PM. So, one group rode e-bikes with cargo trailers we purchased on Amazon from Hospital Rock at 2700' up to Wolverton at 7400'. They locked up the bikes and trailers and headed east. When we arrived at Wolverton after our traverse, we unlocked the bikes, loaded our gear, and rode the bikes back down to the car parked at Hospital Rock. Walking that stretch would be a pain after already crossing the Sierra, particularly because you'd probably have to haul boots and skis down the road with you on your back.
Purpose of [Long] Report: I've wanted to cross the Sierra on skis for many years, but poor snow conditions had stymied previous attempts. With the historic snowpack this year, I finally got a chance to ski it. Prior to this trip, I scoured the Internet for information, but most of it was either old and lacked details or came from guide companies that lead clients across in about six days. In the interest of aiding future skiers, I wanted to put together a comprehensive trip report with some of our group's learnings. However, a caveat to future readers, our trip was much later in the year than is typical and followed the deepest winter in recorded memory in the Sierra, so your experience may differ greatly.
GEAR
Our kits were relatively light given it was a ski traverse, which was essential due to the long ski and boot carry on day one. This lighter pack is my wife and I's shared and personal gear combine. She was less egar to list out her clothing individually (she does not share our affliction) however she let me weigh it all at once: https://lighterpack.com/rp5unn
Sleep Kit: For anyone contemplating winter camping with someone they feel comfortable sharing a sleeping bag with, I cannot recommend the Feathered Friends Spoonbill enough. It is the single greatest piece of kit I have ever owned. It's absurdly light and warm and more comfortable than a solo bag because it's large enough for both people to stretch out. Of course, it only really works if you feel comfortable cozying up with your partner, but if you're a couple, like we were, it's the greatest. Just make sure that you have pad straps that hold the two sleeping pads together. When we first got the bag, we contemplated one of those double sleeping pads, but they're heavy and not as warm as the Therm-a-Rest Xtherm. Instead, I've sewn pad straps with grosgrain, similar to the ones you can purchase from Gossamer Gear, that hold the pads together perfectly. It's also nice that each person has their own pad to inflate to their preferred firmness. The Xtherm is also warm enough to eliminate the need for extra closed cell foam pads.
Skis: If you're contemplating this route, you might be tempted to reach for ultralight skimo skis, but I'd urge caution. The snow conditions you're going to encounter are wildly variable, and unless you're used to skiing sun cups with a super heavy pack down steep passes, you may want something more robust. I ended up opting for my Blizzard Zero G 105 because I wanted that additional flotation in the soft afternoon snow. It ended up being a pretty good choice, although it was pretty heavy to haul up Shepherd's Pass on my back.
Sharps Kit: We carried aluminum boot crampons and ski crampons. Both were essential. My partner had a BD Whippet to assist on some of the passes. I just opted for poles. If you're used to booting, I think crampons are probably enough, and you can likely leave the ice ax at home.
Stove: We debated bringing an alcohol stove (Trail Designs Ti Tri), but we ended up bringing a MSR Reactor, worried that we would have to melt snow for water. We ended up collecting 95% of our water, and we could've easily collected all of it. I've heard from other groups that when the weather gets cold, it can be more difficult to track down water, but we could have gotten away with an alcohol stove.
Footwear: I wore light road running shoes up Shepard's Pass. They got pretty shredded on the trip, but they were a welcome addition and served as great camp shoes too while I tried to dry by boots in the afternoon sun.
Eyewear: At the last minute, I ditched my goggles and wore Smith Wildcats exclusively. Although I did have a backup pair of sunglasses, just in case I lost the Wildcats, I'm glad I didn't bother with goggles. The descents themselves were pretty short.
Pack: We both used HMG Porter packs without the HMG ski carry mod, but our own MYOG tubular webbing contraption to hold skis in place without damaging the webbing straps. They were perfect for the trip. I do know HMG now makes a ski-specific pack, but I purchased the Porter many years ago. However, even if the new pack had been available, I'd still prefer the Porter for versatility in other activities like climbing, packrafting, general backpacking, etc.
DAY-BY-DAY REPORT
Early on the morning of May 25th, we left the Courthouse Motel in Independence, CA bound for Shepard's Pass Trailhead. With skis and poles in hand, the proprietors looked perplexed when they asked us were we were headed and we told them “Fresno.” Despite significant runoff this year, the road to the Shepherds Pass Trailhead is passable with a low-clearance vehicle. While we couldn't reach the "hikers" trailhead, we easily reached the "stock" trailhead at 5600'. Starting our traverse from there, we ascended Symmes Saddle toward Shepard's Pass in lightweight running shoes, with skis and boots on our backs. Along the way, we encountered clear evidence of the historic avalanche cycle, including massive trees blocking the trail. Crossing the creek multiple times, we devised creative ways to keep our feet dry, using pack tosses and rock jumps. At the final crossing, we bypassed a sketchy log and carefully waded through the creek with our heavy packs.As the trail steepened into switchbacks, intermittent snow appeared around 8400', soon becoming continuous. Pushing on through snow with sneakers, we reached Symmes Saddle at 9100'. There the trail transitions to a south aspect and the snow disappeared completely. After a few more miles, we arrived at Mahogany Flat, there we switched from shoes to skis, encountering consistent snow for the rest of the traverse. Our first night's camp was set above the "Pothole" on granite slabs, offering a breathtaking view of the Owens River Valley below.
The following day, we ascended Shepherds Pass using boot crampons, reaching the Tyndall Plateau. Descending on firm, sun-capped snow, we made our way to the Kern River, where we were fortunate to find a snow bridge, a crucial element of our route. Crossing without a bridge would have been sketchy. From there, we faced the grueling climb up Milestone Basin under a scorching sun. Fortunately, afternoon clouds provided relief and intermittent graupel. We ascended Milestone Pass late in the afternoon, then descended into Milestone Bowl, where again we camped on granite slabs.
On the third day, we descended the remainder of Milestone Bowl before embarking on several long traverses across massive bowls. At the end of the first ski traverse, we booted up an unnamed ridge marked by glide avalanche cracks. After briefly meeting the other party traveling from West to East and exchanging information on conditions ahead, we crossed over Triple Divide Pass. The next pass, Copper Mine Pass, presented more glide cracks and cornices that showed signs of recent collapse. Instead of taking the conventional route north of the peak, exposed to hazards, we managed to skin up just below the Copper Mine Pass summer trail, which surprisingly was melted out and allowed passage to the next drainage. We finished the day with an easy skin up Horn Col and a relaxed ski down to Lonely Lake.
On the final day, we climbed over Pterodactyl Pass below Big Bird Peak before turning north and continuing to ski into the Tablelands. Once near Tablelands Pass, we removed our skins for the second-to-last time and enjoyed a fun but gentle descent toward Pear Lake Hut. The hut was completely buried in snow, having sat unused throughout the entire winter. From the hut, we skinned up the final hump before embarking on a true survival ski down to Wolverton. The snow extended all the way down to the parking lot, but it was wet and covered in pine needles, branches, and pine duff—the type of snow one can't truly fathom without venturing beyond ski resort boundaries.
Finally, we arrived at the parking lot and found our e-bikes securely locked to the barricade, which the eastbound group had prepared for us. We assembled the cargo trailers, attached them to the bikes, and began the long and winding descent from 7400' to 2700', reaching the road closure at Hospital Rock, the truck, and very welcome warm beers.

Astral or Star Jelly is a real event/substance that has been found in all areas of the earth (please Wikipedia it). My friend performed a DNA analysis on a sample of Star Jelly, and the results were amazing. His group concluded that the sample mostly had mitochondrial-like DNA, but it was very different from anything reported (much longer and having possible different base pairs).
Astral/Star Jelly is often found after meteorite showers or other astral events. I found some when I was young (heavy Northern Lights and Meteor Shower event). I crafted the first chapter of a potential novel. Please give feedback. I am switching to google docs, so soon I will have links to my works.
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Chapter 1
The Byproduct of Gods
Her owners had held her for so many lifetimes that the stream, which flowed, near her family’s hut was gone. The trees that provided fuel, housing, and food were missing, replaced by a prairie. After all the years of the concept of returning home keeping her going, she did not feel safe. There were no people near her village, and it took her days to unearth signs of her youth. She discovered the land that she had first walked on only because the mountain and stones did not move. As she cleaned the Blue Volga granite idol of her parents’ deity, she felt nothing. The blue-green face of the god looked sad to her. He also was no longer safe. His followers were dead and his power forgotten.
Her first owner was a traveler. They moved with each new moon. Her master felt safe but she failed to understand that her entourage plodded along a predictable path. After many decades, a tale of a demon woman who did not age traveled the same circuit. Finally, a village attacked the demon. Her second owner was the daughter of the woman who bought her. The daughter decided to build a fortress and to rule her fief. Her third owner was the daughter’s son who had grown tired of never gaining his birthright. His guilt and myopic greed caused him to sell her to an alchemist. From that point on, she was an item for trade or barter.
Her final master failed to return home. She remained in his caravan for a week, performing her duties. When she had eaten all the food, she felt justified using her knowledge to destroy her metal shackles. It took her five days to dissolve her bindings with her jellies.
She thought of the places that she had felt safe. Those havens were all underground. A magician made her live in the passages beneath Kyiv when he was being hunted. The tunnels funneled the 15 rivers of the city and protected inhabitants from invaders or punishing ruling forces. For twenty years, she had lived in the coquina catacombs of Odessa. A man who thought he was a seer was convinced that his power had attracted the attention of dragons and demons. No one could approach the lair unseen.
After a week of searching the now unfamiliar area, the woman began to carve her home from the soil of her childhood. She spent fifty years making her home safe. Only she would know the paths and twists of her underground world. Only she would know where the escape exits emerged into the surrounding world.
Eventually, her home attracted others. The woman could have chased them away, but she felt a need to observe people. When the fourth generations of villagers were aging to the grave, there was no hiding the fact that she had not died. The villagers erected a semi-circular wall around the entrance to the woman’s cave. The wall grew and the woman did not protest the separation.
Generations later, people whispered that the villagers maintained the defenses of their community to keep the woman away from the town’s children at night. In the tavern, each generation of gallant males would boast that they would be the one to remove the blight of the woman from the town. When she inevitably outlasted them, she would attend the funeral of the most vocal warrior from each age group.
Daily the woman would remove more soil from her dugout. The community would search her discarded diggings for possible minerals or stones. They did not share any discoveries with the woman. During times of blight or famine, the locals would collect her soil and remove it from the community.
People would peer around the wall to scan the woman’s home. As the village grew, a leader placed two chairs at endpoints of the semi-circle barrier. During full moons, periods of strife, festivals, and other social events, menacing men sat in the chairs. Infrequently, people tried to enter the woman’s home. Aside from the guards, it was the more distraught people of the village who visited her.. The most recent person to enter the woman’s home was a grieving widow. Her grief made her seek the woman to find answers about her loss. Three mornings later, the villagers found the widow in the public square with drapes of herbs, flowers, and crafts around her limbs. The people thought the widow was dead or mindless from torture. When the widow awoke, she went to her house and began the chores for the day. When pressed about the woman’s abode, the widow would state that the home was loved, clean, and well maintained.
On the spring day when the widow was about to remarry, she was again discovered in the square coated with ropes of herbs, flowers, and idols. The woman disappeared for a decade after the wedding, but the widow brought her newborns to the opening of the earthwork to declare their names into the sunken space.
The aging hamlet relaxed when the woman was away. There was a sense of freedom in the people. They did not fear the retribution of the woman for their actions, and parents could not correct their children with threats of giving them to the woman. At times, the leaders of the people would consider filling in the woman’s hovel, but shovels and spades would split if used to cover the opening of the woman’s home. One regretful man tried using a mule and cart to dump rocks into the fastness. The stones crushed the man after his own tram flipped over on him.
Although the townsfolk feared and despised the woman, she had free reign in the village. As an indicator that she was amongst the people, the woman would adorn her head with a dark purple scarf. No other members of the village would wear that color. They looked for it whenever the woman shopped at the market. The woman paid with old and foreign coins, but the merchants welcomed the precious metals they were composed of. During the dark days of winter, the people collected the woman’s tender and deposited it into a lead box. The villagers had a belief that the more people touched the woman’s currency, the longer the winter would be.
After the community fortified against the woman, religious leaders organized efforts to erect carved idols and large wagon-wheel hexes aimed at her home. Each generation attempted to counter the woman with the current symbols of spiritual protection. The largest structure in the village was now a church, and the threshold of the church was oriented to face the woman’s home.
The woman was home when Alyona began her schooling in the church. She had learned the fundamentals of math, reading, and writing. She knew that her coursework would end soon. The village expected girls to be useful to a limit. Her mother walked her only surviving child to school along a path that would prevent their shadow from falling close to the woman’s realm. The villagers performed this ritual after someone claimed that the woman had controlled their behavior by stealing their shadow.
Alyona was daydreaming during school of a life away from the village when the woman touched her. Alyona had spent the morning in the woods collecting mushrooms and other edibles. Her findings made for great, free additions to their usually simple meals. . On days that Alyona returned with a bounty, they shared the extras with neighbors. It was a wager that these people would remember the gift and provide Alyona’s home with food during lean days.
The person gripping Alyona twirled her body so that she faced the opposite direction. Alyona assumed the culprit was another student or a young assistant at the church. It could have been a boy attempting to bully her to get her attention. She lowered her right hand, preparing to use the back to slap the violator. Alyona’s willingness to confront her accoster left when she saw the face of the woman under her purple scarf. Alyona knew she should look away from the woman, but her eyes locked with the woman’s gaze. All the stories the Alyona heard about the town ghoul stated that the woman was so old that her skeleton was all that was left of her body. The woman’s youthful face surprised Alyona. There were no lines or furrows on the woman’s forehead. If anything, Alyona would have stated that the woman’s face glowed.
I can smell it on your hands. The woman placed Alyona’s fingers under her nose. The force of the drawn air startled Alyona. She thought that the woman had pulled the top layer of skin off her index finger. Alyona’s toes curled when the woman sampled her hand. Across a church aisle, one of the priests was herding schoolchildren. He spotted the two of them. His face darkened at the sight of their contact.
WHAT IS ON YOUR HANDS, ALYONA? The priest shouted over the children.
Nothing, Sir. The woman’s tongue darted over the tip of Alyona’s index finger. I was harvesting in the woods before class.
You touched more than growths and nuts this morning, Singleton Child of the Crying Matron. The woman chewed on her thumbnail.
Alyona did not like her mother being referred to in that way, but the eyes of the woman immobilized her. How could she react forcefully to a person who was savoring her hand?
She is mine today, priest. The woman held out her other hand to the shepherd of the church. I will pay her mother for occupying her child for the day, and she will be returned unsoiled and whole.
The priest brought a gurgle of protest up but was shut down quickly.
My tunnels are beneath your place of worship and the bedchambers of Mistress Blake, The women stomped on the ground, and I know all of what has occurred within your walls.
Alyona realized that she was screaming when her throat began to sear. She expected that the woman’s hole would be dark, but the home glowed. There were mirrors and reflective glasses positioned throughout the house to harness sun rays from many holes and entrances in the surface of the residence. Therefore, Alyona was able to see herself yelling on fifty surfaces.
Hush child. The woman touched her mouth. Do not be afraid of the manner in which I inspected you. It is a show for the people. I only want to talk about your morning, and then I will let you go with a full belly and money to buy many toys.
Alyona felt her utterances dwindle down to a wheeze that slipped out her lips.
You have the scent on your fingers, girl. The woman was now examining Alyona’s left hand. It is on both hands, so you must have found a huge source.
A source? Alyona wanted to look at her hands but she maintained her attention on the woman.
Sit. The woman pointed to a well-padded chair. Sit and I will return with small pies and honey.
Alyona hovered over the seat. She wanted to be strong and to stand, but then she smelt the pies. The chair was very soft. There were no pins, claws, or spines in the cushion like she feared.
Alyona. The voice of the woman wove through the tunnels of the underground network. Alyona felt her name circle around her. She had never been afraid of her name before. Alyona Pistan…daughter of Fiva and the missing soldier.
Alyona closed her fist and felt the pain of her nails digging into her palms.
Fiva lives off the salary that the Duke must pay for your father’s military service. Your mother knows that the Duke no longer wants to pay this burden.
Alyona wanted to speak but her throat stung from screaming.
Your father’s name is Bay. He earned this title because he would not stop speaking when he was a baby. Like a horse that always had an opinion, your father would squawk at everyone before he knew words. The voice was now coming directly towards Alyona. My first gift to you and Fiva is the information that your father lives. There was a pause in the woman’s words. An enemy does not enslave him; he is lost with the simpleton that led him away. One day a map will lead him home, child.
The woman emerged from a cutout with a basket laden with pies, a pot of honey, wooden utensils, and slices of ham. In her other hand, she held a bucket of colored water.
We will eat together. The woman placed the basket on Alyona’s lap and retrieved two cups. After you accept the first pie, I will tell you an important secret of mine.
I do not think I want to know any of your secrets Starly-Gradda.
The woman laughed and placed the small wooden spoon into the pie directly in front of Alyona.
Elder-grandmother, you call me. The woman dunked a cup into the water and held it in her left hand. I think that term is the nicest thing a child has called me in a lifetime.
Alyona brought the food to her lips. She smelt the mint, berries, and kasha. Gently she laid the pie onto her tongue. She did not chew; she only let it rest in her mouth. She expected that the food would burn or numb her. The taste was full and made her wish to spit the substance out because it was too good to be real.
Ah, she eats. The woman clapped her hands. I was your age when I saw my first god being born.
Alyona choked on the pie.
I was sitting by a riverbank when the god entered our place. The woman drank from her cup. It was a bright yellow fish with shiny scales. I saw it come from nothing to being here.
The woman snapped her fingers and Alyona swallowed her food.
No one prayed for its existence. No one was singing for it to bring salvation. The woman made circles with her hands in front of Alyona. As far as I know, simple fish do not worship gods, but a god came for the fish of that river.
The woman tapped Alyona’s hand to take another bite of pie.
It floated there. The woman held up her hands. Here I am…a young maiden…thinking a god or demon turned itself into this creature to seduce or corrupt me. Again, a chuckle came from the woman. No other god cared about this special fish. I think it was floating only because it did not realize that a fish should swim in water.
Alyona grabbed a slice of ham. It had been two months since she had meat that was not paste.
Eventually, the golden fish fell into the water and swam away. The woman pulled back her hood and revealed her full face to Alyona. I tried to follow it, but it swam away from shore, and I lost sight of it.
Alyona cleared her throat and licked her lips.
Girl, if you want a drink, just take it. The woman filled Alyona’s cup and handed it to her. The ham is not that salty, but I think your sore throat would improve if you drank.
Alyona sipped the water. It did not taste bitter. It did not smell foul. In fact, the water’s taste was a mixture of apples, roses, and plums.
I told my mother, and she whispered to my father that they needed to trade me into marriage now, before I became soft in the head. I did not want to marry at my age, so I told her that I would go find proof of my shiny golden fish. The woman used a toothpick to dollop out a portion of honey. There was nothing in the water when I returned. I waded in the cool stream. I put my head under the surface and looked at the rocks for the golden shimmer. I found nothing.
Alyona ate the ham.
I was weeping on the spot that I saw the god be born. My heart was full of dread. I started to believe that the shiny golden god was not real. I was so sad that I was quickly accepting that I would be married to an old man so that he would tolerate my problems. The woman tapped her top lip. I felt that my mother had no love for me. I thought that if the golden fish were my mother, it would love me just because that is what should be.
Alyona selected another pie. This pie contained spices and mashed nuts.
Your mother loves you. I listen to all the words spoken in this village. If a parent lacks love for their child, I correct them or have them leave. The woman did not form a fist. She turned her hand into a claw, the conviction in her words hanging in the air until she relaxed it. As all hope was gone, I put my hand down in the grass, and felt the substance.
The woman held her hand flat towards Alyona.
It was clear. It was squishy like the rendered bones of stock animals. It had a pleasant smell, but I was scared to taste it. The woman cupped her hands. I gathered this glob. I used the front of my dress to carry the material. When I believed that the last speck was contained in my clothing, I ran to my parents.
Alyona had felt something similar in the forest that morning.
My mother accused me of only finding the discarded waste of an animal. She threatened to smear it over my face. The woman moved the honey pot closer to Alyona. My father took me to the village shaman, and he looked at the material. They scraped the material off my clothes, but not around my breasts. The shaman thought it was bone waste from an owl, the eggs of a species of frog, a shell-less egg from a dying bird, a mushroom that was usually underground, or the spit of an evil spirit.
Alyona’s eyes widened.
Of course, something as amazing as what we found would be considered evil. The woman waved her hand. I have discovered many bundles and I have never seen the substance created by an evil thing.
No? Alonya asked, breaking her food-induced silence.
No, child. The woman touched the tip of Alyona’s nose. It is not to say that evil people and things are not interested in the substance, but the creation of it does not come from evil.
Alyona resumed consuming the luxurious treats.
The morning after I saw the god being born, people started to fall sick. The woman sighed. My mother blamed the god substance. It was hard for the village not to turn on me after my mother told them it was my fault. The woman’s shoulders lowered. I had not slept that night, and I did not clean after my discovery. They put me in a crate that only had three holes. My father fed me and still cared for me.
Alyona did not know how to react but to nod at the woman.
When my elder brother was close to death from the illness, my mother brought him to my crate. She told me that I would have to watch my brother die because I was an evil liar who unleashed a demon on the community. I could see him wither in pain from the openings in my prison. The woman moved a third pie in front of Alyona. The night my mother told me that my brother would die, my father talked to me. It was an act of rebellion against my mother, but he asked me if I knew what had happened. I cried to him about how this was not something I did. I pleaded with my dad that I would never make my brother suffer, and that the day watching him had crushed my will to live.
The woman tore a slice of ham into pieces and placed pieces of the meat on the floor of her keep.
My father and I wept. He told me that I was likely to die because of the sickness. The woman tapped the tray. Not that I was sick… or was likely to get sick, but because it would seem as justice to the people. I knew his words were true, but I could not think of anything else to say.
The third pie was berry and egg meringue. Alyona did not know that pies like this one existed.
I entered the crate in the dress I wore when I saw the god be born. The truth is that I only had that dress and a wedding dress. My mother kept the dress I would’ve worn to my wedding in a box near her bed. A cat approached the pieces of ham. My grandfather had given me the wedding dress when he died, but she took it from me. My father used what he received from his father to buy me the only special clothes I would have in my life. My father loved me, Alyona, just like yours.
The cat touched Alyona’s leg. It startled her, and she confirmed that the cat was not black.
We talked about the jelly I had found. My father told me that he had tried to burn it, thinking it was an odd piece of animal fat. The substance did not burn. My father then tried to crush it out of existence, but the material was soft, but not easily destroyed. The woman touched the center of her chest. My father’s words made me remember that there was still some of the jelly on my dress. I touched where they did not scrape, and there was a patch of the substance. I pinched the substance and it coated my fingers. It felt warm, but not hot.
Alyona was glad that the cat had returned to the ham.
My father grew angry. He was arguing with the air that if he were a real man, he would protect his daughter and revive his son. He was a good father. The woman showed Alyona a closed smile. He was crying because he knew he could do nothing. I was sore and battered from being in the crate. I felt so greasy and disgusting. I thought I was no longer the same girl that wandered in the meadows.
The woman offered to refill Alyona’s water cup.
For some reason, I brought the fingers I had used to touch the smear of the jelly that was on my dress to my mouth. The taste was tangy, but not foul. It was better than the food that my father had inserted into the holes in my crate. I sucked on it. With both hands, the woman rattled the basket. I felt so much better. It was amazing. I could not see it, but I felt my dry, cracked lips heal. My mind became clear. I knew what I had to do.
Alyona stopped eating to listen to the woman.
I asked my father to place my brother’s mouth in front of the biggest hole of my crate. He thought I was mad. He accused me of confessing that I pledged my soul to demons, but I told him that I felt different after praying to our god. The woman looked directly at Alyona. I rubbed my fingers on the same spot of my dress, and I placed them into my brother’s mouth. He was so weak that he did not respond to this action. I moved my fingers along his gums, his teeth, I even touched his tongue.
Alyona spoke to the woman. Was he healed right away?
The woman chuckled.
I like you Alyona, but you have the impatience of a child. The woman touched Alyona’s chin. It was not a sudden reversal, but he did not die. People died that night, but my brother lived. More importantly, he was the only person to get even slightly better. He was not running in the fields, talking to everyone better, but he was no longer crying in pain. His eyes were no longer looking like they would burst. Moreover, my father stopped crying for us.
I am glad. Alyona looked at the half-eaten pie. She wanted more of it, but she thought it would be rude to return to eating.
It was another day, another four deaths, before my father told the shaman that he thought I could heal the sick. They pulled me from the crate and inspected me. The women called for me to be stoned. The men wanted me burned. The shaman asked how my brother was alive, and how I was still in good health. The woman tapped her right temple. I knew I had to lie. I knew that I could not tell the truth. I had to convince these scared people that I was not dangerous.
The woman shuffled the half pie back to Alyona.
I fell in front of the shaman and shouted, ‘The Green Man came to me.’ I do not think you know the Green Man, child, but he was the god of the people before Christ came to the land. The woman pointed to a drawing of a large tree man. It matters not what god I said talked to me. I yelled that I knew that I did something wicked, but our god had forgiven me, and I was now able to cure the sickness that was killing the village.
Alyona returned to eating the pie.
They whipped me and bound me. I feared that they would burn my dress, so I yelled that the Green Man said that if I were to heal the village, I would need to be as I was when he forgave and blessed me. The woman opened her hands so that Alyona could see her palms. The oldest people would pray in this manner. They tied my legs together and only allowed my right arm to be free. However, that was all I needed to start to heal the people of my life.
Alyona finished her meal.
I would say our prayers; tell the people who were watching that the Green Man wanted everyone to close their eyes so that his healing ray could hit the person. The woman pulled her head backwards with a laugh. During this time, I would pull some of the jelly off my dress and stick the substance in the person’s mouth.
The woman laughed deeply.
What? Alyona asked.
I did not know that so many of my fellow villagers were missing teeth. Children of the people that always had food, had damaged and missing teeth. I was trapped and bored, so my mind began to guess how many disgusting teeth injuries each person would have.
Alyona shivered.
I thought the teeth were bad, but then it got worse. The woman looked upwards. It was on the third day of my healing that it happened for the first time. It was night, and the shaman had decided to blind me with a rag during the healing. Someone’s parents said that they did not want me to steal the soul of their child while I healed them. I placed my finger into a very small mouth, and everything was different. I did not feel a tingle from treating a person with the substance. I sang our songs to Green Man and rubbed jelly over my right fingers. I had planned to give the infant as much of the stuff as I could. The woman covered her eyes. The tiny body jumped, but there was still no response.
Why? Alyona wanted to know.
The baby was dead. I did not know if the god-gift could bring life back to a person. I was scared that if I did not return this child alive to their parents, I would be killed. The woman bobbed her head to the ceiling of her cave home. I kept doing it for a long time. I replenished the coating of my fingers four times, but still there was no living response. I finally shouted into the air. I faked arguing with the Green Man. I begged him to give me the infant. I spoke words that no one had ever heard in an odd voice that I thought would sound like the Green Man. This battle went on for minutes until I asked if whoever brought this child to me would allow the Green Man to have the special child live with him. I am not sure if the parents knew that their baby had died. I am uncertain if the parents wanted me to do something that I thought was evil, but a male voice eventually responded that it would be an honor if his young son joined the hunters of the Green Man.
Alyona gasped.
I spoke in my fake Green Man’s voice that the parents of his new hunter would be honored with a new child by the next spring. I informed the parents that they would find gifts for the next year. The woman rocked her head so that she was looking at the floor. They brought me five more dead people to heal, but no more deceased children. I did not make a fuss over the dead adults. I stated that the Green Man blamed the family for their death. If they truly believed in the power of the Green Man, they would have brought their loved ones to me before the sickness took them.
Alyona nodded her head.
On the fifth day, my fingers were raw. My nails felt like they were growing too fast. I guess I was healing and benefiting from the jelly, but I was placing the same fingers into people’s mouths most of the day. The worst problem was that my dress was getting dry. The woman traced her lips with her right index finger. I think my father was watching me. I think he saw me searching desperately on my dress for any of the substance. I believe this because he brought me fresh peas to eat that night. In the third pea he gave me, the pod was full of the jelly.
Did your village love you for healing everyone after those days? Alyona smiled at the woman.
No. The woman patted the girl’s forehead. They kept me in the crate. There was no joy for me after I found the jelly.
You saved them.
The woman breathed deeply.
I said that the Green Man had used me to save them. I was nothing but a tarnished girl who may have the power to harm or make people ill. The woman turned her head to the side.
Did your father and brother free you from the crate? Alyona looked hopefully at the woman.
No child, the town folk dispatched the shaman with me in that wooden prison out into the world to purge the town of my evil. He threatened to kill me daily. He attempted to abandon me at every opportunity. The woman cupped her hand in front of Alyona. When I sensed a second source of the god jelly, he was able to sell me to a person.
No! Alyona did not know if it was a spell, but she was extending her hand towards the woman.
The sum was so great that my parents and brother lived well. The woman clapped each hand separately. That was after the shaman took his share of my bounty and spent more money on food, drink, and women on the trip home.
That’s…..
That is life, my special girl. The woman grabbed her hand and they stood up. The woman led the pair through tunnels and caverns. Eventually, the woman pulled her through a blanket of vines that concealed an exit to her labyrinth.
Your forest, Alyona. The woman gestured to the glade Alyona crossed to enter the woods.
Alyona pulled her hand away from the woman and pulled her hair back.
I am not sure what you want me to find. Alyona looked up to the woman. She received a smile.
I have never told anyone this before, the woman stuck her tongue out to Alyona, when I first touched the jelly, I felt that there were ants under my skin. It was the power of the jelly moving through me. It was such an odd feeling that I thought it was a sign of madness.
Alyona lowered her head. I felt something like that. I thought it was worms latching onto me from the peat.
That is the place, little one. Take me there.
Alyona was about to step forward when the woman asked her another question.
What color was the substance you touched today?
It was not one color, ma’am. Alyona moved her hand down to her legs. She brushed unseen but felt passengers from her body. I grabbed it first because I thought it was rose root. My mother could turn the flower into medicine to sell or trade. Alyona knelt and touched the ground. Except that the flower was so low to the ground and it was not the red or yellow flower I normally pick. They were violet with orange centers.
They did not feel like flowers.
No. Alyona pulled her hand away from the ground. They stuck to me like honey.

((Hey all! This chapter is my longest yet, but don’t expect many to get THIS long! Now, this one is HEAVY so I am putting in warnings right away: Heavy topics include: Firearms, humanity’s history with guns, talk about human atrocities, human fight or flight response, and heavily excessive drinking. As usual credi goes to u/SpacePaladin15’s Nature of Predators series. Hope you enjoy.))
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FIRST//PREVIOUS//NEXT
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Memory transcript subject: Arxur exchange participant Syle
Date [standard human time]: October 21, 2136 It was finally time to learn about human weapons! My tail flicked side to side as we went through a very thick metal door and down some stairs to a room under his house he called a “basement.” I do not know what a ment is, but it was more than enough to be an Arxur base! There were guns EVERYWHERE. I saw guns as long as I was tall, some guns so small they were smaller than training guns we gave kids! Guns made with wood, some made only of metal, some made of plastic, old, new, and in between! I didn’t know so many types of guns even existed!
There was also tables set up to both work on the guns and another full of plastic, metal, and more with lots of weird machines. It didn’t take me long to figure out it was a place to make ammo though. The gunpowder was quite the giveaway.
“Why do you have so many guns?” I asked him as I walked from rack to rack.
“Been collecting all my life. Never got into cars, clothes, or anything really expensive, so bought a bunch of guns. Helps that I got a ton of money when my parents died and a house to live in. Plus, the government pays me VERY well.” He explained as he adjusted a few on the wall.
“I didn’t know so many guns could even exist.” My eyes wandered over a few. Particularly one that was a mix of wood and metal. A few bits of wood sticking out of what looked like a metal box and a tube.
“Humans have made guns for many reasons.” He explained picking it up and moving a round thing at the top back and forth some. “Some were made for hunting only. Some guns were made to get around rules.” He pointed at a weird gun without a stock, but clearly looked like a smaller version of their assault rifles. “Some were made to be fun.” He put down the gun he had been holding and tapped a tiny little gun that had a barrel, handle, and a round part full of holes to hold bullets. “But, most were made for war. From war they were changed to be fun, to go hunting with, and to just be different.” He put his hand on the old rifle he had used to beat me in the competition we had.
“Like this. This gun was made for war and had been used for a very, VERY long time.” He put his hand on a solid black thing made of metal and plastic. “This is called an AR-15. They were invented by my country to be weapons of war, but their parts could be changed in so many ways that they were a big hit with civilians too since they could make each gun their own.” He then tapped one of the more modern assault rifles that I had seen their soldiers using.
“How did you get a military weapon!? I mean, shouldn’t that only be for soldiers? Did you steal it?” I asked him as I poked it. To think this tool had killed so many Arxur so easily, and he had one! “We are allowed to own them in America.” He explained as he took it off the wall to show me. He worked the charging handle to make the various parts move for me to see. “The funny thing is is that its not even the best rifle available! The military tends to use guns that are not the best because they are cheaper.” He put it up and picked up a different assault rifle. This one had a nicer optic on it, was far sleeker, and, for some reason, had wood on it. “This is my personal favorite assault rifle.” He put it back on the wall. “If anything bad ever started to happen, that is the gun I would want to use!”
I nodded and followed along as he went from gun to gun.
—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Memory transcript subject: Arxur exchange participant Syle
Date [standard human time]: October 22, 2136
I'm worried about him. He hasn’t left the couch in hours as he watched the humans yell and stampede on the TV. This wasn’t a normal stampede though, the person on the TV said that the UN leader had been killed and there was fire and fighting all over earth. My eyes drifted by the door where his assault rifle rested against the frame with four magazines full of ammo next to it. My eyes drifted to the one in the gun and I let out a breath. Even I knew you didn’t keep ammo in your gun unless you needed to be ready to use it.
He had told me that we were safe, that we were far enough away that nobody would come out here, and even then nobody really knew I was even here. He told me if there was a real risk he would have body armor on and a gun on his waist too.
But he was still ready.
I could see his eyes only briefly look at me before he looked at the TV. The people were screaming about how aliens were evil, how only humans should be allowed in the milky way and that humans should stop talking with any humans. That it only brought problems.
They were not wrong either with everything they said too. I mean, the federation did just blow up most of their planet, and the arxur were, well…. The arxur. I wanted to hold him like he held me. I wanted to swear at the people on TV and tell them how lucky they had it, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t good at this fucking emotional stuff!
I turned around so I could hiss without him hearing me, only to see his pad ping. It was that messaging app.
Firebird: Hey, are you ok? I saw the reports about what is going on with the stampede. Talk to me. I know this isn’t normal for humans.
The message was meant for Jack, but I didn’t know if he wanted to read it. Hell, I didn’t even know how to even TALK to him right now! I didn’t know anything! I stared at it. This was a Krakotl on the other side. I knew they would hate me if they knew what I was, but they were the ONLY person that could tell me what to do.
54rhuman: This is the-
I paused. No way i could tell her I was a fucking Arxur!
54rhuman: This is his exchange partner. He isn’t happy and I don’t know what to do!
I let out a breath. Hoping the prey would be better with emotions than I was.
Firebird: How is he acting? Are you ok?
54rhuman: I am worried about him. I am not good with emotion stuff, and he is clearly hurt. He is just staring at the TV and I don’t know what to do to make him feel better!
Firebird: I don’t think either of us could make him feel better right now. But, maybe we could work together. I am going to request a call, accept it. Maybe together we could talk to him and distract him.
Soon there was a message saying “call from firebird” popping up on the screen. I paused, claw over the button. What if she found out I was arxur? What would happen to me? Would she be angry? I then looked behind me at Jack, still staring at the screen.
Fuck it. We need help. He helped me so its my turn.
“Accept.”
I took a breath and waited until I heard the clicking of a beak on the other end.
“Hey. I’m firebird. Me and Jack have been talking a little bit. I know I don’t know a ton about humans, but I just want to help.” She explained. I could hear the worry in her voice as my tail flicked side to side.
“Thank you.” I squeaked out trying my hardest to make my voice as soft and as high pitched as possible.
“You sound… strange.” Shit. “Still, we have bigger things to worry about. We can talk later. What is Jack doing?” She asked as her beak clicked a few times between words. I nodded a bit as I watched him. He was so focused he didn’t even hear me talking to this Krakotl. “He is just staring at the TV. He isn’t mad, or scared, or anything!” I explained not even caring that my voice was returning to normal.
“Okay, no stampede is good! Does he show any signs of… hate to say this, but it fits: Predator disease?” The way she talked, bringing up predator disease so casually, this wasn’t a normal Krakotl was she?
“No I don’t think so. He got ready for a fight, but we are in a very safe place. He even said so.” Ie explained slowly watching over my soft human’s now hard body. I didn’t like this at all. He was watching the screen like an arxur hunter watching a fight!
“Lets just… talk to him then.”
“I need help with that. I am not very… good at talking.” I admitted.
“I can tell. You are a very strange one.” She said back. “Are you a fellow exterminator?”
My tail went rigid and I had to cover my mouth to hide my hiss. A fucking, gnashing, venlil shit exterminator?! I took a deep breath in. She was here to help. She was the ONLY one that could help. Plus, she didn’t scream or anything about the idea of a human being weird.
“No, I am not. Lets just focus on Jack for now.”
“Agreed. He needs us.” I nodded and walked into the room. Jack looked up at me with wide eyes before letting out a deep breath and leaning back into the long-chair.
“Hey Syle. Sorry. Just… a bit concerned is all.” He whispered out before motioning to the TV. His voice wasn’t soft, wasn’t loud, it lacked almost everything.
“Hey Jack, its me, Firebird.” Her voice came out loud and clear through the datapad causing him to jump. Finally he was thinking about something else! He looked from the pad, to me, then back to the pad with even more worry on his face. I simply did the shoulder move thing that the humans seemed to do a lot and he took a deep breath.
“Hey firebird. Sorry our first voice had to be with… this going on.”
“Its okay. Are you okay?”
He paused a long time as I sat next to him. I calmly slid my tail around his waist and pressed against him trying to be as comfy for him as he was for me when I was having problems. He paused, looked at me as his face grew red again before looking back down to the pad.
“No.” Jack admitted with a long breath. “I know we are safe, I know this will pass, but its still not good. I always hate seeing humans get like this.” He explained as he pressed back against me.
Silence. Humans had done this kind of thing before!?
“What do you mean?” Firebird asked first. “How could you know these things? How have you seen this before?” She asked.
“Well, its not normally this bad.” He admitted. “There will be fights for a long time if people are this upset. But… let me think how to explain this.” He finally muted the tv and took a long, deep breath. I hated that explaining something bad about humans is what got him to stop watching it, but it was for the best.
I hope.
“Listen. Firebird. Don’t tell anyone else about this.” He looked down to the pad as he gave his order. Like hell some prey exterminator would ever a-
“You know I won’t. I haven’t talked to anyone about what we discuss. Its all confidential.”
Oh. Good birdy.
“Good. So.” He put his hands together and took another deep breath. This was clearly hard for him, but I wanted to hear. “There are two ways to respond to bad things. Prey have what we call the flight response. It is when the body naturally tells you to run away, hide, scream, and more. Arxur have what we call the fight response. The need to stand up and, well, fight. A more violent reaction to what triggers it. Humans have both.” He then motioned to the TV out of pure habit like firebird was in the room with us.
“This is what happens when there is nowhere to run for humans. Those with fight would get violent, but what pushed things over the edge is that many humans with flight reactions found nowhere to run. We have no colonies or anywhere. We hid in the safest places we could find. And died.” He took another deep breath. “We have sayings about how a cornered animal fights the hardest. These are humans that are ruled by fear and anger with nothing to really fight. To them the only way to get the bad things to stop is to get rid of aliens, since that is what caused all this.”
He paused a long time, thinking about something.
“Listen. Humans are… complicated. But to me we are at our worst when we are scared, angry, hurt, and have something that is… not like us to focus it all on. Some of humanity’s worst times was when we had all those bad emotions and focused it all on something that we had decided was… less than human or different enough.” He explained slowly. “Now here we are. VERY scared, hurt, and angry AND we have things that are very much not human to direct it towards. It was going to get violent no matter what.” He then looked at the TV. “I just was hoping it wouldn’t get THIS violent, but, it could be worse.”
Worse?
“Worse?” Firebird asked. I was glad she did since there was no way in betterment I was going to bring that up.
“Yes. We fought wars and killed… A lot of people just because they were different. Horrible things were done.” He took a breath. “Listen. There are reasons why the Arxur make us so angry and uncomfortable. One group of humans got VERY angry, scared, hungry, and hurt so they joined with a few humans who told them that it was all because of some people not like them. That the others were not as human and were evil.” He took a breath. “A lot of people listened to him and agreed to to very, very bad things. He caused a war that most of our planet had to fight in and did things that were VERY bad. Even by Arxur standards. We as a species fought him and when the war was over we swore never to let them happen again, and most of those who did the bad things were killed. We called them crimes against humanity. Crimes that were so bad they went against what our very species stood for.”
He paused to let it sink in. “There had been times before as well when humans fought because they were scared, angry, hurting, and were told the other side was at fault. Bad things happened then too. But one thing is almost certain: most people always look back at them to show one other side of humanity that is great.” He looked back to the TV at UN soldiers organizing the crowds and a smile came to his face. “We love to cheer for those that fight against that evil. Those that stood up and made things right, that made humanity BETTER. They are some of our greatest heroes.”
He watched the soldiers for a bit before taking a deep breath and turning off the TV. “Alright. That is enough for now.” He closed his eyes and leaned on me a little. I let out a small chirp and felt the tip of my tail betray me again.
Hold. Still. Damn. You.
“Listen firebird. S-” he paused to look at me before changing my name just in case. “-Sssylmia. This is just a bad stampede really. Please don’t be upset or think humanity is bad for it.”
I rubbed his head a little to try and comfort him. “You know I cannot do that.” I whispered softly to him. “We both now I have done worse.” He made a strange noise and his face turned more red, but he nodded.
“And I might be an exterminator, but I won’t judge humanity for this. I saw what the gojid did on the cradle during their stampede. Wait… Sylmia. What have you done?”
Oh shit.
“She was just forced to make some bad choices when she was young.” Jack pounced in to help save my tail!
“Hm. Makes sense. What species is she anyway? Remember, no lies. We agreed on that early on.” I was starting to like this bird FAR less now.
“Can’t say.” He admitted. There was a little bit of beak clicking from the other side before a long breath slid out of her. “Alright. Fair enough. I assume its to protect her identity. It sounds like she had predator disease at one point so you don’t want to reveal any identifying information.”
He looked at me with a bit of worry before she spoke up again. “Hey. Just take a moment. Have a nice strong drink, talk with Sylmia a little while, and just relax. You said this will be over right? Let it end on its own. Sometimes the best thing to do with a stampede is just let it happen.”
We both nodded. “Okay, thanks.” He put an arm around me. “I think we will just play some games, have a tasty meal, and a few good drinks then sleep early. Thanks firebird.”
“Call me Taita. I want to meet you someday and I think its time we just used each other’s real names. I know Sylclea’s faux name anyway.”
“Fair enough. Jack is mine.”
“Call me first thing tomorrow. I want to make sure you are ok. Deal?”
“Deal.” He then hung up, gave me a warm hug, then went to go make food. I could see it in his face that he was still hurting some, but he was far better. I got up and followed him both wanting to see what he was going to make, and to make sure he was going to stay ok.
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Memory transcript subject: Krakotl exterminator team leader Taita
Date [standardized human time]: October 22, 2136
Oh. Oh speh. The voice, the strange way they talked, the struggle with emotions, the fact they didn’t notice I changed that fake name, the fact Jack hid her species, AND a bad past?
She was an Arxur.
How was she an Arxur?
I pulled a bottle of my favorite strong drink from a cabinet and poured myself a glass. Then another after that one went away.
Oh speh oh SPEH!
I wanted to study the arxur one day, but never thought I would even TALK to one! What got me the most though was the fact she was trying hard to help the human. She clearly was showing empathy, worry for him, she was showing prey like emotion.
AN ARXUR!
Sure it was one that Jack trusted enough to live with, but it shouldn’t be possible. Can they get prey disease? Could more be like her? She could be good! No, few prey would DARE talk to an exterminator when their friend was in that much pain. But here she was begging for my, MY help!?
I downed another shot.
I did already make up my mind about one thing. All the evidence and my own gut led me to a conclusion: I could trust her and be friendly with her. She was not evil.
An arxur.
How?
Federation wrong about human. Could wrong Arxur?
Another s-h0-t.
I w1ll hav3 to think about this more l4t3r. Nobody can kn0w. But… must learn more about ALL pr3dators. If arxur can be friends 4nd fed without killing sentients. Then… war end. EVERYONE safe.
WARNING! Alcohol memory corruption detected!
An- s- ot. To. mne.
hhhh0w?
WARNING! Memory fatally corrupted by excessive alcohol consumption. Damage beyond repair. Later memories %80 uncorrupted. Please read another transcript and report issue to archivist.
FIRST//PREVIOUS//NEXT

So, like. Ok. I don't think this is ever going to actually become A Thing™, obviously. But that hasn't stopped me before, and it isn't going to now.
I've listened to a little Tally Hall for a while, but recently I've gotten more into them by way of Miracle Musical. Every now and then, when I get really into an artist or band, I'll start creating stories to connect their songs together (especially if some of those connections and stories are already in the music), and sometimes that takes the form of drafting out a jukebox musical. Which is what I'm gonna share in this post.
The working title is Marvin's Marvelous Miracle Musical. Definitely wouldn't be the actual title, but it does kinda accurately reflect the structure of the musical: Act I is an assortment of songs from MMMM and Good & Evil, while Act II is the entirety of Hawaii: Pt II in album order. Also, it's a funny name.
In this post, I'll give y'all what I've got so far: The cast list, a list of songs in each act (with who's singing what in parentheses), and a short bit of plot summary next to each song (which will also cover some of the in-between-songs material). As things currently stand, each song is sung in its entirety with no lines changed (though there are a few where small word changes would also work, and like it would be kinda helpful to have an English version of 宇宙ステーションのレベル7 lol). There are ideas for symbolic arcs and staging/acting choices and interpretations of specific lyrics that I won't be going into here but are, like, in my brain because reasons, so feel more than free to ask questions ^^
Heads up: This is going to be a long post.

Cast:

• Simon (name from The Mind Electric/Inside the Mind of Simon): Joint protagonist and childhood friend of Juno.
• Juno (name from Ruler of Everything): Joint protagonist and childhood friend of Simon.
• The Siren (name from Dream Sweet in Sea Major): Joint antagonist and Simon’s imaginary friend.
• The Erlking (name from Murders): Joint antagonist and Juno’s imaginary friend.
• Marvin (name from, like, the concept of MMMM): Juno’s father and town mayor.
• Violet (name for the fact that the Korean word for purple/violet is “bora”): Simon’s mother.
• Sally (name from T.H.I.S. skits “The Pretty One” and “What’s Wrong?”): A friend of Juno.
• Ryan (name from T.H.I.S. segment “Questioned Answers/Tally Mail”): A friend of Simon.
• Ensemble: Various other characters, including school friends and bullies, adult citizens of the town, and assorted spirits and illusory figures.

Act I:

Hidden in the Sand (Marvin, Ensemble): Marvin and Violet meet on the beach, having not seen each other since they broke up years ago. Both, now married to other people, briefly catch up on each other’s lives and watch their kids meet each other for the first time.
Turn the Lights Off (Juno, Simon, Ensemble): Simon and Juno grow up together and become fast friends. They’re misunderstood and often bullied by other kids, but find an escape in the form of imagination games, pretending to be wizards and ghost-hunters and the like. They each create an imaginary friend, and imagine their new companions defending them against the meaner classmates.
The Whole World and You (Ryan, Sally, Ensemble): Simon and Juno are in late middle school, and with how close they are as friends, many other students assume they’re dating. Their other friends give them the idea that maybe they really do like like each other, and they ultimately decide to give things a shot.
Out in the Twilight (Juno, Simon): Now about to graduate high school, Simon and Juno have been going strong; still, much of their relationship seems like more of the same adventures and escapades they went on as kids, just without the make-believe. They’re as of yet unjaded, and greatly looking forward to being more independent and making their own calls in life.
Ruler of Everything (Erlking, Siren, Simon, Juno, Ensemble): Simon and Juno are now married adults, and the faults in their relationship become clearer the more they try to hide who they truly are and fit the mold that’s expected of them, both in their interpersonal life and in the world at large. The Siren and Erlking, their old imaginary friends, resurface and watch from afar as the two live their lives, calling out the couple’s facades to no avail.
Just Apathy (Simon, Juno): Simon and Juno confront the problems in their relationship—in part, both realizing/owning that they aren’t straight, and have been trying to force a romantic attraction that isn’t there—and while ultimately they seem willing to commit to one another platonically, they don’t feel their relationship can continue the way it’s been going.
A Lady (Erlking, Siren, Ensemble): The Siren and the Erlking formulate a plan while Simon and Juno are sleep, out of fear that if the couple is no longer with each other, they’ll forget their old friends entirely, thus causing them to fade from existence. As the two are dreaming, their not-yet-fully-forgotten imaginary friends try to inspire them back into their old ways.
Misery Fell (Juno, Simon, Siren, Erlking, Ensemble): Having had strange dreams the night before, Simon and Juno grow disenchanted with the life they’ve been trying to lead, and find a sudden burst of motivation to seek out a better way of being (this being the Siren and Erlking’s doing). They run through the town, at first starry-eyed and eventually near-manic, and at the end of the song, an unspeakable idea seems to have struck them both.
Taken for a Ride (Marvin, Simon, Juno, Violet, Ensemble): Marvin is burnt out from mayoral duties but soldiering on with a more resentful and power-hungry attitude. Over the course of the song, he steadily breaks with reality, and it’s revealed that Simon and Juno are ostensibly behind this, with the two performing a ritual that mirrors the magic they played out as kids, only more potent. While their goal was only to bring more wonder and weirdness to the town, the damage is much more acute. Marvin is found alive but unwaking the next day, and when Violet tries to figure out what happened to him, she too gets too close to the gap between reality and dream and falls unconscious in much the same way, this time before Simon and Juno's eyes.
Fate of the Stars (Simon, Juno, Ensemble): As the sun sets, Simon and Juno attempt to figure out what’s happening, it dawning on them that they’ve done something seriously wrong. Reality slowly appears to turn into a stranger and stranger funhouse mirror reflection of itself, with the ensemble of their friends singing ominous warnings to them as if possessed, until the two suddenly find themselves decidedly “not in Kansas anymore.” They eventually make it solid ground, but are unable to wake up from whatever dream they’re in.
& (Erlking, Siren): The Siren and the Erlking, now appearing as adults, confront Simon and Juno to make their motives clear. Since the two were bound to leave each other one way or another, the imaginary friends sought out another means of securing their existence: pulling their creators into their reality so they could have them for themselves, with Marvin and Violet as mere unintended collateral. As twilight fades and night begins, the two pairs (Simon and the Siren, and Juno and the Erlking) find themselves torn from each other. While both imaginary friends seem eager to spend eternity in this dream with their humans, Simon and Juno push them away, eventually causing them to temporarily disappear with a promise that they'll eventually be back for more—if the couple doesn't seek them out or bring them back themselves.

Intermission

Act II:

Introduction to the Snow (Simon): Considerable time has passed within the dreamscape between acts. Both Simon and Juno are trying to find ways to reunite with each other for longer than a single twilight, and to escape the dream. Turning to the sort of magic that brought him here, Simon gains a prophetic glimpse into the way his story will ultimately end: in a snowy place, without Juno, and with him joining the Siren, who promises that he will "live forever tonight."
Isle Unto Thyself (Juno, Simon, Ensemble): Juno, with the methods she's been working at over time, is briefly able to hear Simon, from which she gains the impression that he’s decided to leave her and stay with the Siren (when in fact, he’s only seeking out the Siren in order to eventually escape with Juno). Juno sings about her feelings of heartbreak, while Simon prepares to call forth the Siren within the confines of a summoning circle, for negotiations.
Black Rainbows (Siren, Ensemble): Simon successfully summons the Siren, who explains how she plans to make things right, by reworking the dream and allowing it to continue indefinitely in a state of created perfection. Juno will finally live a happy life in a world that accepts her, and with a partner who can “fully love her”, and Simon will do the same; the implication that the two will have to be apart for things to be perfect is strong, though unspoken directly. The Siren regales Simon with a wild display of rainbow lights as she speaks, in an attempt to impress and distract him.
White Ball (Simon, Siren): While Simon is distracted, the Siren escapes the summoning circle, and steadily works a spell over Simon to make him fall in (some form or another of) love with her, ultimately so he’ll forget his quest for Juno and go along unquestioningly with her own plans instead. The two dance together as the magic slowly grows stronger and stronger.
Murders (Juno, Erlking): Having caught another brief glimpse of Simon, Juno becomes enraged and begrudgingly seeks out the Erlking’s assistance. They meet at the Fountain of Infinite Mirror, and the Erlking pushes Juno to murder Simon within the dream, dipping a dagger into the fountain’s psychically poisonous waters to give to her as a weapon. Dawn arrives, and Simon and Juno are able to see and hear each other at last. Juno goes in for the “kill,” only to find that as Simon desperately explains what he was trying to do for the both of them, she is momentarily unable to control her actions and stabs Simon in the head, before the Erlking withdraws the magic he’s been working over her.
Space Station Level 7 (Violet, Simon, Ensemble): Violet emerges from the recesses of the dreamscape as the song begins, searching for something or someone she recognizes, and telling herself that she’ll be alright in the end. She finds Simon, still alive in some sense, but clearly deeply confused and in anguish. She stays by his side and sings to him in his distress, reassuring them both that they’ll make it back home—that as many painful memories as life there holds for both of them, those are ultimately what make the good moments truly valuable. As the sky grows darker and the dreamscape grows more chaotic, Violet runs and attempts to take Simon with her, but he stays behind.
The Mind Electric (Erlking, Simon, Juno, Ensemble): Juno attempts to find her way through the fracturing dreamscape, while the Erlking tells her his plans for what to do with the dream. The longer they stay, the closer the dream gets to total undone chaos, but he promises to make something new, something better (than the current state of things and than the Siren's proposed ending), from the wreckage of the old—so long as Juno doesn’t leave or forget about him. It's strongly implied that the attempted murder of Simon was a ploy to make Juno more likely to go along with this plan. Juno remains skeptical. As the song switches direction, she finds Simon in a nightmare of his own mind’s unwilling creation, and sticks it out with him while both the Siren and Erlking attempt to regain control over their former friends, and ultimately over the eventual state of the entire dream. Simon and Juno fight back, shaking off the magic cast over them only to gain a much clearer picture of the danger they’re truly in—that if the dream does go to ruin, they'll go with it.
Labyrinth (Siren, Juno, Simon): Simon and Juno find themselves trapped in a labyrinth of their imaginary friends’ joint creation, their last desperate bid to get what—and who—they want. It seems as though there are only two ways out: towards the Siren’s ending, or towards the Erlking’s. The couple try to make their way through, facing various fears within the labyrinth along the way, while repeatedly dodging the fear that one of those two paths is ultimately inevitable if they want the pandemonium to end. They eventually reason that, even if it's only pushing the end down the line, there is a third way out for now: the twilight is soon to be over, and the two will be pulled away from this place. Over the end of the song, the two manage to find some amount of peace within the labyrinth as they await their escape, mixed with the grief of leaving each other again and the fear of what will come next.
Time Machine (Marvin, Juno): Day breaks, separating Simon and Juno. The dream continues to destabilize further and further. Juno finds Marvin, who’s been desperately scrambling to go back in time to before his sense of reality broke—and, as Juno finds, to before he and Violet left each other, so he can get a second chance at their relationship. Juno stops him (if Marvin and Violet never break up, then Juno and Simon both cease to exist), but realizes she can make use of the strange contraption he’s pulled together. She considers the places she could go—far back in time to live a life she didn’t get the chance to live... maybe even far forward, to when everything sorted out as per the Erlking’s plans, if it really must come to that. Before making her leave, though, she stops at the next twilight to say her goodbyes to Simon.
Stranded Lullaby (Simon, Juno): Juno finds Simon in the middle of the ocean, reluctantly drifting towards the Siren's shores out of the same sense of defeat she felt in the time machine. In that moment, she finds herself unwilling to leave him behind. While afloat in the nearly-broken dream, the two sing to one another about reuniting, about the ways they failed each other in the past, and about their inability to control where they’re headed anymore. In the last moments before it seems their fate is to be decided, they resolve to do as right by each other as they can: to try to better understand each other without needing to fix anything.
Dream Sweet in Sea Major (Simon, Juno, Siren, Erlking, Ensemble): Simon and Juno wash up on the shore of the snowy place that Simon had foreseen; the Siren waits for him, and the end she planned seems near. Simon, however, chooses Juno instead, with the two abandoning either plan presented to them and electing to find their own way through the chaos together. Initially unsure of what to do, the two become lucid to what happened to them while asleep back in Act I, and how they might be able to pull the same tricks as their imaginary friends did then. They find their real-world sleeping selves through the cracks in reality, wake them up (along with Marvin and Violet), and gently guide their real selves away from their old habits and external pressures and towards the things they wish they'd done sooner, before easing off the reins and watching themselves live the lives they actually wanted to. Real-life Simon and Juno ultimately start relationships with Ryan and Sally respectively, while remaining faster friends with each other than ever before. The Siren and Erlking accept that they are going to die, and try to make their last night together as romantic as they can as the world vibrantly falls apart. At the end of the song, the parts of Simon and Juno that remain in the dream—perhaps the selves they used to be, or that they tried so hard to pretend to be—realize they’re going to die as well, as the true Simon and Juno live on.

After the Show:

The Bidding (All): The cast members and portions of the ensemble come on stage one by one for bows, with the ensemble (led by Sally and Ryan) singing the choruses and post-chorus and the main cast singing sections of the verses and bridge in this order: Violet, Marvin, Erlking, Siren, Juno, Simon.
(Welcome to Tally Hall or Good Day (All): Optionally, the cast and crew all sing this on stage after bows.)
"Score" Playlist

I'm embarrassed to admit it but I feel so fucking miserable when I'm around my baby. She's 9 months old and she's just so demanding. It's killing me. As far as we can tell, there's nothing wrong with her, and she's as happy as a clam as long as you're holding her and giving her attention. The trouble is she literally cannot STAND to be around me unless I'm holding her. She has been like this her entire life.
I was a SAHM for 2.5 years (I also have an older daughter who is almost 3). After having my second baby things just got worse and worse. There has been so much screaming, I had to start wearing earplugs and had to put my toddler in daycare bc every time I had to do anything for the toddler, the baby would scream. Not fuss but SCREAM.
When my toddler was a baby, I loved being home with her. I could put a kids show on and lounge around with her and we were happy. This baby, the TV has no effect. I can't take the screaming anymore. Whenever I need to prepare food or clean up after she eats (very quickly) - screaming. All day long screaming the loudest screams you've ever heard.
Finally I decided to get a job and put her in daycare. It's been 2 weeks now and working is bliss bc I don't have to hear any screams. But then the baby gets home (my husband usually picks her up), and it's back to screaming. She needs dinner, she screams in her high chair while she waits and then screams in between eating, screams while you clean her up. It's so intense.
I genuinely love this baby but I literally hate being around her. :(
She screams way more when I'm around bc she is so attached to me, if I'm not holding her then she can't stand it. She's apparently happy as a clam at daycare (we found a really nice, wonderful place).
Today I went with my husband to pick her up from school and that was a huge mistake. He says she is always fine in the car on the way home. Today bc I was there she screamed the whole way home and it was just a wretched, agonizing, tortured, LOUD SCREAM. i'm so triggered right now I ran away and am sitting in a target parking lot. :(
I don't feel like i'm depressed bc whenever she isn't around i feel fine. i just hate my life whenever she's around. i'm sorry to say it but it's true. what the fuck am i supposed to do?

So, I just started a new job last week. It's my dream job, and I'm trying really hard to make it work. We have two children, 4 and 12. My12 year old is from my previous marriage. We've been married almost 2 years and together 8. We've had a rocky time. I am at the point of considering leaving him permanently due to situations like the one below.
Last night, after working all day, I was trying to be a good partneparent and attend the weekly church potluck with my husband. This includes buying, cooking, and bringing a dish for 20 people. I was exhausted from work (and the long weekend with the kids), and after getting the dish together I called him on my way to church and broke down. I was tired, had chores piled up, and felt overwhelmed because dinner at church always goes late and we don't get home till after 9 pm on a school/work night. But he demands we go.
He proceeded to LITERALLY call me a 'baby' and say I was being dramatic. He said that it's good for the kids to go to the dinner and I should just not go if it overwhelms me. I explained to him that I had to be across town at 9 am for work and it was sprung on me, and that night I have to still make coffee, set alarms, feed animals, water garden, prep lunches, and get myself and kids to bed after church and I was stressed. He then said that he does it all the time and although he gets that I'm overwhelmed he has no empathy for me being stressed that I have to work because he does it and I need to toughen up. He said that it makes him mad that I'm complaining because he gets up, gets ready, takes the 4 year old to school, works all day, and never complains and that by me complaining it shows I take him for granted....
This made me mad, so I drove my 12 year old and the food to church (20 minute drive) and then left. I was mad at him for dismissing me, and then making it about him. I felt unseen and criticized. Am I wrong?

I came across a thread from a few weeks ago with some recommendations for Performance Restoration, but wanted to check-in and see if anyone has completed the repairs yet there or anywhere else in town and had a good experience? What sort of ballpark cost should I be expecting for multiple dents on the hood/roof? What's the average turnaround time?
Seems like we keep getting storms and knowing my luck, I'll get it repaired and then get hammered again! I've got a 1k deductible, so not looking forward to dealing with it but the car is only a couple years old and the dents are quite unsightly.

I'm new here but I am really freaking out rn. I've been trying a new meditation technique recently, wearing a headset listening to 110 hz and a sleep mask over my eyes. This morning, I meditated for three hours and kept getting an intrusive thought regarding my 16 year old son. That something terrible was going to happen to him today. I even said out loud, " I will not claim this thought" bc I'm a tad superstitious. My son's grandmother just texted me to tell me that he was in a bad car accident and I need to come home. I'm currently out of town working. Am I going crazy or did I get a message from the beyond? This is my son, guys, my fucking BABY BOY.... What am I going to do?!?!

I have read a lot of ludicrous statements, and there are a few who would deny the European-ness of Jews just to absolve them of human rights violations and other depredations committed by Israel against the indigenous people of Palestine.
Such as statements like this..

Ashkenazi Jews are not of Slavic or Germanic descent in any substantial way.

"studies (such as Elhaik, 2012) found that Eastern European Jewish DNA had as much as 12% Slavic admixture."
"Analysis revealed two distinct subgroups within the remains: one with greater Middle Eastern ancestry, which may represent Jews with origins in Western Germany, and another with greater Eastern and Central European ancestry."
"Before the Holocaust, Jews were the largest minority in Poland. In Poland’s major cities, Jews and Poles spoke each other’s languages and interacted in markets and on the streets. Even the market towns, or shtetls, that have come to represent the lives of Jews in Eastern Europe were, to some extent, mixed communities. Jews were part of Poland, and Polish culture was, in part, Jewish."
"In the book The Maternal Genetic Lineages of Ashkenazic Jews, the mitochondrial haplogroups H11a2a2 and W3a1a1 are shared between Ashkenazic Jews and Polish Catholics so I think it is likely that Ashkenazim inherited these from Polish women."
"Genome-wide data from medieval German Jews show that the Ashkenazi founder event pre-dated the 14th century", the majority of the Slavic DNA in Ashkenazim was incorporated by the 14th century and intermarriages in later centuries only affected the Ashkenazic genome to the extent of about 2 to 4 percent at most. Some of the Jews living in Erfurt in the 14th century already had a huge proportion of Slavic DNA, making up as much as about 40 percent of their individual genomes. But some of the earlier Slavic elements appear to have been Czech rather than Polish."
"Intermarriage is generally regarded as the litmus test in the process of assimilation of ethnic-minority groups. Jewish–Protestant marriages and Jewish–unaffiliated marriages increased because of the higher propensity among Protestants to marry a Jew and the higher propensity among Jews to marry an unaffiliated spouse from the 1920s onwards. Successive marriage cohorts showed a higher chance to marry a Gentile among those who had Jewish parents at birth. A similar but weaker effect is found for those born in the old Jewish neighborhood. These differences in effect on later marriage cohorts indicate that religious and social barriers within the Jewish community had largely diminished. Opportunities like the social network of the mother and the living district during one's adolescents' age also significantly influenced the choice of a spouse."
"Jews in Germany were given the same rights as Christian Germans. By 1933, when the Nazis came to power, Germany’s Jews were well integrated and even assimilated into German society. Most Jews in Germany (about 400,000 people) held German citizenship. Many of these Jews came from families who had been in Germany for centuries. These families spoke German as their primary language. Most considered themselves German. In some cases, they had intermarried with non-Jews."
"In 1875, citizens throughout the recently formed German nation were for the first time allowed to intermarry without conversion. Over the course of the next fifty years, German Jews marriages to German non-Jews increased to such a level that German-Jewish intermarriage became one of the central issues in German-Jewish relations."
"Many Jews saw themselves as a religious group. They were Germans who practiced Judaism."
"Jews in western Europe made up much less of the population and tended to adopt the culture of their non-Jewish neighbors. They dressed and talked like their countrymen, and traditional religious practices and Yiddish culture played a less important part in their lives. They tended to have had more formal education than eastern European Jews and to live in towns or cities."
"Out of the approximately 525,000 Jews living in Germany in 1933, about 35,000, or six percent, were married to non-Jews, and this rate remained largely unchanged until 1939."
"Jews married to ‘Aryans’ had better chances of survival than other Jews. And so more than 65% of the approximately 15,000 German Jews who had survived the war on German soil were partners of mixed marriages. Of the roughly 8,000 persons registered with the Berlin Gemeinde (Jewish community) in mid-1946, 5,500, or about 68% were married to non-Jews. A similar trend existed in the post-war years also in smaller communities in Germany. Almost all 400 members of the Jewish community in Frankfurt, for example, were married to non-Jews, and in the Jewish community of Wuppertal, 60 out of the 90 married members were partners of mixed marriages.''
"The Berlin Gemeinde created a special committee to deal with applications for conversion, which by June 1946 had amounted to 2,500. Some of the applicants were Jews who had left the community upon marrying a non-Jew"
"The Joint’s chief of operations in Austria defended the policy as free from discrimination and prejudice, but his response also revealed the extent of the phenomenon: of the 9,400 people receiving welfare assistance from the Joint in Austria, 7,700, or more than 80%, were non-Jewish wives, widows or orphans of Jews."
"Another type of intermarriage was that between Jewish DPs, mostly of Eastern European origin, and German women. Atina Grossmann reports that by 1950, more than 1,000 such marriages had been registered in Germany, and that there were many more short-lived and permanent relationships. They were part of the larger phenomenon of close interactions between Jewish DPs and Germans in occupied Germany, and resulted, at least to some extent, from the ‘surplus of Jewish men’ caused by the ‘approximately 60/40 skewed sex ratio’ among Jewish DPs."
"In the summer of 1951, the Joint’s European Headquarters reported that it had dealt with at least 3,500 non-Jewish cases. In late 1952, the Joint’s Munich office estimated that intermarried families comprised between 25 and 30% of its emigration load. Already in 1949, the same office spoke of a ‘tremendous number’ of cases of that kind."
"At the same time, Joint officials also suspected that Jewish DPs had married German spouses in order to become eligible for immigration to the United States under the quota system"
"Most Jewish DPs had come from Eastern European countries that were allotted relatively small quotas. The quota for Poland, where the majority of Jewish DPs had originated, was only 6,524 immigrants per year, compared with 25,957 for Germany. Marrying a German spouse after the war could therefore clearly improve the chances of immigration to the United States."