Lowes door knobs

First Prev Next Royal Road
u/KieveKRS providing the Trash certification of quality!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
[Thank you for agreeing to teach them.]
Volta nodded, not entirely sure if it was for the best, but recognizing a request—or in this case, a thinly veiled order—for what it was.
Ever since she had taught Scarlet and the others her field, the occasional rotation of Lilhuns would be assigned to work under her for a time. It made her job easier, especially since the settlement was expanding at a ludicrous rate compared to what she had heard from the new members of the pack.
The Atmo that had joined were quickly treated and cared for, those who did not require so much time for recovery quickly accompanying the existing insects in their tasks. The largest, Mama, frequently assisted in construction and decoration of structures, so they worked with her. Once they had oriented how things progressed and their part in it, they were paired off with a construction group to be assigned a project. It was to the point where there were as many as five buildings nearing completion at once, the majority of them being accommodation for the new members of the pack.
The remaining question was regarding the insect kits. The answer? Well, there were four Atmo slightly smaller than the purple ‘Queen’ that had requested Volta instruct them, the pearlescent shimmer of her scaled carapace dancing in the sunbeams afforded by the skylight the den had been constructed with.
Teaching Violet—as well as the two Atmo that Volta had escorted to this pack—in the ways of sanitation had been an interesting endeavour, all things considered. They held a remarkable dexterity in those long edged appendages, but the lack of something to properly grasp with made finding a way to secure a rag onto the ends difficult. Luckily, Heralt was receptive to assisting her with creating something that would attach to the blades.
It was little more than a mop that secured to the joint and braced around the cutting edge gingerly, the ends of the stick using ‘ironwood’ springs to clamp onto fabric pads that would soak in the cleaning solution and allow them to do the floors and walls. Were it not for how shockingly efficient the task was performed, she would have been useless through the laughter at the sight.
Each Atmo kit held two of the devices on their limbs, allowing them to travel in pairs and simply finish large spaces within the time it would take her to prepare the next batch of cleaners to use. They had only started a short while ago and yet two dens had been finished, Scarlet assisting her in doing whatever furniture or ledges the Atmo were unsuited to completing. The odd pack member going through what Head Sahari called ‘versatility training’ listened to her instructions in an oddly compliant manner, giving the blue-furred female pause at the unusual experience.
All in all; the cleaner was guiding the five insects and three Lilhuns in the ways of cleanliness. Scarlet was primarily keeping an eye on those who interacted with the purple-coloured Atmo, her contributions to the other tasks proficient, despite the split attention. Before, she would have assumed the servant quietly acquiescing orders, but the dark red-furred female was particularly vigilant in matters pertaining to the kit now.
Volta wasn’t sure what happened to the other servants that regularly assisted her on a rotation—save for Kaslin, the female seeming to have been unofficially inducted as Grand…. Toril’s assistant alongside his mate, Tersa—but Faye, the mild-mannered deep gold-furred female, and Raine, the polite and excitable brown-furred female, had been absent for many suns now.
It was almost lonely, in a way.
Almost.
“That should be sufficient for this den,” she announced to the gaggle of Atmo kits and Lilhuns, careful to remind them not to bother the few ‘rock-worms’ that Ferra kept separate from the rest outside. There were only four, the largest one adorned in an odd script, but they were apparently a selection of favourites of the female. Regardless, it would not do to irritate a mate of Atrox.
The brown-furred male was responsible for the ghastly armour that the Grand Hunter wore on occasion, and she was not in a hurry to see if the disturbing tendencies of the male extended to how he displayed his displeasure.
“Where is our next destination?” Scarlet asked, her tail brushing up Volta’s spine in an uncomfortable way. It wasn’t that she disliked the touch, but the owner of it worried her. Something about the servant struck her as more than what was presented, and it was obvious that the female thought of it as immensely entertaining. That much was obvious, even without the sly grin.
“We have proceeded much faster than I was expecting,” the blue-furred female admitted, mentally checking over her itinerary while subtly batting away the offending appendage. “I suppose we should attempt the barracks while the pack is engaged, then rest for a time.”
[May I leave to check on the other Atmo?]
Volta paused, unsure why it was being requested rather than merely presented as a fact. Violet was—as far as it mattered—completely beyond the cleaner’s station, if only because she was an adopted kit of the Grand Hunter, as well as a sort of leadership figure for the insects. It was an enigmatic blend of positions where the purple insect could very well order Volta to do things, rather than ask. Though the hierarchy was not nepotistic in nature, it was safer to adhere to the wishes of the den-kit than it was to disobey.
“You may. What of the others?”
[I will leave them with you and Scarlet.]
The mentioned servant frowned. “I am to accompany you.”
Violet chittered her curious laugh. [These young ones are your task. I must attend to my own.]
Volta discreetly jabbed the female with a claw, glaring at her not to question the wishes of her better. The less attention drawn from the Grand Hunter, the better. Just picturing the disturbing mask and piercing gaze was enough to make her blanch.
Either reminded of her position, or merely interested in playful retaliation, Scarlet sighed quietly, bowing slightly to the insect. “As you wish, young mistress. Do call for me if I am required.”
[I will. Thank you, Scarlet, Volta.]
Volta lowered her head, watching the Queen leave before returning her attention to the group.
“We will do the first barracks, then determine if we are of time to do the second. The kits are to await the floors cleared of obstruction by the Lilhuns before cleaning them. We will manage it in sections so as not to disturb any who may be taking a break. In future—assuming you are to operate independently from myself—it would be best if you are used to working in groups.”
The Lilhuns nodded their understanding, the young Atmo hesitantly conferring with each other before approaching Scarlet to have their mops freed of soiled cloth and materials placed upon their carriages.
The Atmo had all been outfitted with a specially made platform that fitted over their wider base, clasping underneath past their six legs. It allowed them to transport much, their carrying capacity much larger than one would suspect from their size. The kits could comfortably haul all of the materials for the sun by themselves, and the adults had been the subject of idle speculation for mounted weapon platforms—assuming the fragmented conversation she had chanced upon was to be believed.
Volta inspected the odd section that the Lilhuns under her tutelage completed while she waited for packing to finish. She was not necessarily pleased with the results, but it was more important for them to understand the procedure to take for various locations at the moment. They had proven that they understood what to do for the dens, so next came teaching them how to approach high-traffic areas.
Once everyone had been prepared and the materials gathered, they left the den and started towards the barracks, glimpsing the Grand Hunter sparring with some of the pack in the open.
Ever since the Atmo were delivered by a trade caravan, the male had taken to training much of the pack personally, Huntress Pan taking over much of his more mundane work. Those who were deemed adequate were then pawed off to Head Tel for some specialized training, though Volta was not privy to what exactly it was meant to accomplish.
Regardless, Head Sahari was in charge of rotating out the pack amongst tasks, only a few specialists being directly assigned to any one occupation. By all rights, Volta herself should be training under the male, but the nature of her work meant that she was typically better off doing her job when such was under way. Given that the Grand Hunter was a rare case of someone fully understanding the importance of her specialty—and how little she wished to interact with the alien—she was thankfully spared.
Disregarding the events going on, she motioned for her group to follow her. There was work to do.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
“Two up!” he called out, wiping the sweat from his brow. The exertion cleared his mind, and the break from endless paperwork was appreciated. With the influx of members and various training being required, he had gotten rather exhausted mentally. Between the Wraiths being gone for two weeks since he told them to do recon around the Atmo traders, regular interaction with various caravans, planning out what they needed to do, and Robert still not calling him since the man had left to handle something, he had been pretty high-strung.
As always, there was more on his mind. Harrow had become more elusive regarding him ever since he had her transcribe the Union documents regarding the Lilhuns, their conversations vapid and brief. Jax didn’t have anything useful to say about it other than that she wanted time to sort her thoughts. Toril, Idee, Mi’low, and Bratik were given copies of the file to go over recently, since they were the closest thing he had to a counsel unfettered by a close relationship.
His own makeshift family took the news in an odd way. There was a lot to unpack.
Jax had become quiet, his muscles tensing. Harrow ended up staying away from her mate for a few days until he had stopped brooding about it. In the end; the guy just told Joseph that he would trust the Grand Hunter’s decisions regarding it, finding himself at a loss otherwise.
Sahari and Nalah were approached about the bonding information, the latter denying any bond to him, as well as Sahari confirming the same towards her blond-furred mate. The only line of reasoning that they could think of to make sense was that Nalah’s circumstances had messed with her in some way. The two seemed rather distressed by the assertion, but calmed somewhat when he mentioned that nothing would change between them regardless. Sahari could tell how conflicted he was about the whole thing, he just wanted to give them something to hang on to.
It was a bigger deal for them than he had initially internalized. In retrospect; something revered as a literal gift from their god being denied really should have been an obvious point of stress. As begrudging as his acceptance was, he was linked to the whole ‘Great Hunt’ business in their minds, so he was aware of how deeply that belief ran. He didn’t personally subscribe to the religion, but they never really bothered him with anything besides overseeing funeral rites—not that he would have refused anyway.
Pan seemed to mirror his feelings on the matter—a dark feeling of helplessness and sorrow. She had fallen quiet when she heard about the trials on the defectives, that particular section hitting her harder than the others. After an entire day of silence, all she had to say about it was that she loved him, and then spent the night burrowed between him and Tel, unable to sleep. He had a hard time as well, but it extended well past the initial night.
Tel had informed him that his restlessness had made it difficult for her to get any shut-eye, his shifting disturbing her, but it was said in a slightly concerned tone. Her general reaction was fairly subdued compared to the rest otherwise, her lifetime of being at either end of a gun numbing her to the reality of things. It was weird for him, but he was deeply thankful for it on some level.
She kept him sane, her cold response being a candid ‘Wish it, and I will end all who displease you.’
For once, her more violent background gave him something to grip onto. It resonated in him—loose, yet present. A door within him, chained and locked, was brought to mind as he really considered what he wanted for those involved. The traders who abused the Atmo, those who seemed so bent on hurting his friends, the Union ‘GUOS’ who called for the experiments... A thrumming settled in his fists, an itch that couldn’t be sated by just scratching.
A paw flew past his brow, his shifted posture allowing him to slip the claws that had been left exposed in the heat of the spar. His heart hammered, his sweat soaked his clothing, and his focus returned to the fight.
No Union, no traders, no worries. Just the two security members who had doubted Jax’s claims that the smaller Human had somehow bested the male in a fight, and were now bringing out their natural weapons on instinct.
Grabbing the wrist with his right hand and gripping the shoulder with his left, he pulled, using the rotational force to pivot on his left foot and haul the overeager Lilhun to the dirt, the appendage bending behind them sharply. A second fist came from the corner of his eye, the other combatant trying to use the momentary distraction to score a hit.
Using the gripped arm as a balance, Joseph leaned into the spin, firing the sole of his shoe into the head of the opportunistic attacker. The loud slap of his foot connecting with the larger male almost outdid the crumpled form crashing to the ground unconscious. It was only a dull sensation of mercy that stopped him from completing the spin while he maintained his iron grip on the arm of the thrown adversary, saving them a torn and dislocated shoulder.
Joseph breathed heavily, the adrenaline wearing out as Jax checked on the defeated. Minus some stiffness expected in one of them and a sore jaw for the other, they would be fine, albeit embarrassed for such a quick disposal in front of their usual teachers.
The sound of his rubber sole slapping on the ground some distance away killed off whatever motivation he had to continue, his shoes finally giving out.
“I would ask you not to disable my security, Grand Hunter,” Jax said with mock frustration, the black-furred male’s eyes following the two leaving with an expression of exasperation.
“Sorry,” Joseph breathed out, his heart hammering in his chest as his system wound down.
The Head of Security glanced down at him, his expression pensive. “As much as I enjoy my boasting of your prowess to be validated, I do worry that you see more than a spar in them.”
He drew his lips thin as he brushed his sweat-soaked hair back, his arm dropping to his side. He took a few moments to sort the thoughts that returned. “I probably should have called that kick, yeah.”
The larger Lilhun snorted. “They will be fine, it is not their health I am worried about.”
“I’m fine, Jax,” he snapped, averting his eyes when his friend seemed to have made his point. “I…. I’ll be fine. Just some things on my mind right now.”
“Joseph,” the black-furred male started, walking up to place a large paw on his shoulder. “We are here if you wish to talk.”
His breath died in his throat, his eyes closing in defeat. He felt the soreness in his hands surface, hours of constant fighting to soothe the burning in his blood that failed to abate. Bruises made themselves known, dehydration made his joints stiff, and lack of sleep clouded his mind. Jax was right, he was a bit of a mess.
“Grand Hunter,” Mi’low called, his tired glance in her direction revealing the female approaching. “We are ready to speak.”
Joseph placed a hand on Jax’s paw, patting it softly. “Talking will have to wait. Tell Harrow I said hi and that I’d like to hang out again. I miss it.”
The male looked at him apologetically, nodding as he was still unable to offer anything to ease the sting of a friend distancing themselves from the Human. “I will.”
The Human cycled a breath and faced the actress. “The rest?”
Mi’low nodded. “Where will we meet?”
Joseph waved an arm towards the base. “My place. More chairs.”
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Toril was wearing his usual smile, his eyes inspecting everything about the hub from the couch while Tersa stood nearby, her body language telling that she was wary about being in a new place without time to scout it. Bratik was in his wheelchair, Sorren holding his paw as he sat on the opposite side of the chemist. Idee—being the only one to spend time in the outpost regularly—simply thanked Kaslin for the water from her place between the two mated males. Mi’low had claimed a free chair, her legs crossed and back straight as she stayed away from the others on the couch. The Wraith handed Joseph his requested tea since Scarlet was babysitting the insects, then occupied a place out of the way, but close enough to act if things got heated.
He stayed standing rather than occupying his usual place on a table, his second choice of seating being filled up. He could have dragged over the Atmo couch, but he didn’t want to stress his body any more than he had already by lugging it. “So, everyone had plenty of time to read the documents.”
“Indeed,” Mi’low commented dryly, a glare shot in his direction. Idee nodded, though her expression fell as it was brought up. Toril maintained his detached look of amusement, but it didn’t escape Joseph’s notice that Tersa stiffened.
The Grand Hunter took a sip of his refreshment, enjoying the fleeting feeling of warmth from something other than exertion. “And what do we think?”
“We?” Sorren asked, the male not quite used to the Human using their tongue. Joseph’s mastery of the language was still spotty at times, but Kaslin could fill any gaps if needed.
“Yeah,” he replied plainly. “It has more to do with you than me. I just got the message.”
“I find it rather fascinating,” Toril opined cheerily, his energy at odds with the atmosphere of the room. “Such thorough study allows us many insights into facets of our own biology that we may never have known!”
“By slaughtering our kin in the thousand,” Mi’low shot back, a slight snarl pulling her lip.
“As regretful as such is, we can not bring them back,” the chemist noted with a small nod. “We must simply use the information gleaned by our foes without repeating their atrocities.”
“You suggest ignoring their sins?”
“I suggest utilizing what they have learned and incorporating it to our advantage.”
“Or,” Joseph interjected, “we talk about it instead of getting into an argument.”
“Your people are not free of fault, Grand Hunter,” the crimson-furred female spat. He remained silent, already having spent far too long thinking about how none of it would have happened if Humans weren’t in the picture for them.
“You can not hold him as a factor, Mi’low,” Idee said softly, shifting in her seat to get comfortable and smiling apologetically at Sorren when she bumped him.
“Were it not for them, then we may not have lost our homes!”
“Were it not for him you would be little more than bones bleached by the sun, or so I hear.”
“We are not here to cast blame,” Bratik disputed quietly, his voice carrying through the room despite the low volume. “The Grand Hunter has saved each of us. Some from demise, others from the shackles of their station, and others from the fate of losing loved ones.”
Toril and Idee shared a glance as the male continued, Tersa paying attention to him for the first time.
“He seeks our counsel. Not our aimless ire to be spewed upon him for that which he himself had no knowledge of, nor involvement in. His kin were as much victims as our own.”
“Quite,” Toril concurred as the two females ceased their bickering reluctantly. “How would you like to address this, Grand Hunter?”
Joseph blinked, expecting the blame, but not Bratik defusing it so quickly. “Well, we have a few things to work off of. Years of experiments coinciding with missing persons after accepting a job, whoever tipped off your military taking info with them about Sol and the ‘blacklist’, whatever bond fuckery they discovered, and the defects.” He shrugged weakly. “Take your pick.”
“There are too many missing across too wide an area to recognize such a comparative few,” Idee stated, the others in the group silently agreeing.
He nodded, nursing his tea with small sips. “Figured that would be a sticking point. Plus, we don’t really know how long it was going on... or when it started... Not even if it was a bulk recruitment or slow trickle. I guess the missing people are something we’ll just have to keep unknown.”
“The bond information was rather enlightening,” Toril mentioned, his eyes rising to the ceiling as he thought about it. “Our peoples are wildly compatible.”
“As servants, perhaps,” came the scathing remark from the High Huntress. “What use is our gift if it is twisted to be mere subservience? To discard ourselves for some alien race?”
Sorren’s ear flicked. “It is hardly ‘twisted’ to protect that which the Hunt Mother has afforded us.”
“Are we to just accept that our bonds are better suited to that,” she emphasized with a pointed claw in Joseph’s direction, “rather than our kin?”
“Drop it,” the Grand Hunter ordered tiredly, his reflection in his beverage shaking as he shifted on his feet. “Arguing isn’t going to help anything.”
Mi’low held her disgusted expression. “You ask us to trust that which led to our downfall? We are yet another strike against your kin, no?”
He shook his head, his eyes buried in remains of the shimmering image he held in his hands. “I blame the sick fucks that did all this. If you can’t agree with that, then there’s not much reason to hold this meeting.”
“What is it you seek to accomplish?” Toril asked, amused by the theatrics. The rest seemed surprised by Mi’low’s pointed aggression, but the chemist was more interested in continuing.
“I have people looking to get me out of here,” Joseph informed them, laying his empty cup on the table with a soft clack. “People who will probably extend the offer to you. If they come, I need to know what we’re doing about it. The last thing I need is people acting like Mi’low and opening fire on whoever comes to drag us out of the mud.”
“Why would we?” Sorren asked, taking his mate’s paw as he gave a worried glance to the offended female.
“Because our people were tortured due to our interactions with them,” the chemist noted in a matter-of-fact tone, his pleasant demeanour remaining despite the morbid topic.
“Did our people not initiate contact with another species on less hostile terms?” Idee asked, her head tilted slightly.
“But no one lived to talk about it,” Joseph countered, gesturing with an upturned palm. “Plus, that’s assuming whoever was in charge of that call being the norm, rather than the exception.”
“You believe our people to act otherwise?” Bratik asked, his tone inquisitive rather than judgmental.
Joseph shrugged. “To be fair, I’ve almost been killed by more of your species than the wildlife. Granted, a few of those were just people being assholes, but still.”
“Many would see the opportunity as retribution for the Union,” Mi’low mentioned dryly.
Sorren’s face fell. “Then we should not propagate this knowledge?”
The Human glanced between each of them. “That’s why you’re here. My group knows because I trust them with it. I think we should keep this to ourselves, but if we do—and someone finds out—it would just cause a lot of issues. Alternatively; we tell everyone.”
“And suffer the consequences of that action as well,” Idee concluded dejectedly. Joseph returned a wry smile as Toril raised a paw, speaking when the Grand Hunter raised a brow at him.
“Perhaps we should withhold the information from the lesser station?”
“Like, just the Grand Hunters?” Joseph inquired cautiously. Toril tilted his head.
“Those who would be more diplomatically minded, perhaps.”
“I don’t exactly see some of them as what you would call ‘diplomatic’ and I’m not going on some voyage to visit everyone with the info in tow.”
“We are able to make copies,” Sorren offered. “Perhaps we could exchange the information using traders and gain something from it as well?”
Mi’low shook her head. “That is assuming they do not claim us manipulative nor seek to remove him. Some may very well move to strike us all down for ‘withholding’ the information, regardless of how readily we supply it.”
“Do your people know?” Bratik interjected, gathering the attention of the others. Joseph winced in uncertainty.
“I’m not sure. I’d guess my brother does, but I don’t know how sensitive things are. It could have been announced and there’s an intergalactic war, or it might be kept under wraps until conflict isn’t as likely. At least until it’s less likely to blow up in our faces, anyway.”
“They are of lesser force?”
“No clue,” he admitted. “Not my area. All I do know is that there are more species allied against us—or at least aren’t inclined to take a bullet—than are.”
“So our options are rather limited,” Idee concluded, receiving a series of agreements.
“We could,” Mi’low said after a few moments of contemplation, “distribute the information anonymously. Humans are not named directly in the document, and we need not divulge its origin.”
“So, what? Just pass people tablets and ask them to forget where they got it?” he probed, not entirely disagreeing with the idea, but skeptical all the same.
“Tersa may make additions to trader inventories without their knowledge,” Toril offered, the mentioned Blade frowning at him, but not protesting. “Or perhaps Trill’s kit, since she is devoted to yourself.”
“Eh. I guess that’s an option,” he conceded, sighing. “So, about the bond; any opinions? Notes?”
“Stay away from me,” Mi’low answered warily, earning a flat scowl.
“I meant something besides that. I’m not too keen on adding to the cluster-fuck I have going on anyway.”
Sorren smiled. “I am excited to meet your people—should I be so blessed. There are many who would never know the joy of the Hunt Mother’s gift otherwise.”
“I would not mind her words, Grand Hunter,” Toril chuckled. “She is a creature of dishonesty—including her own desires.”
The actress glowered at the chemist. “I preferred it when you were nomadic. It was much easier to ignore your presence. Your words were but some distant wind I need not soil my ears with.”
“Perhaps our meeting is best ended here,” Bratik interjected, waving his functional paw. The other arm was coming along, but still too stiff to use for much. “We should propagate the information through unsigned parcels to the Grand Hunters.”
“One last thing,” Joseph said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The information on Sol; anything ever get done with that?”
“We were capturing habitable planets in a particular direction, though the decision to do such was made by our superiors.”
He nodded. “Makes sense. Same issue we have now. Can’t let everyone know because chaos is a lot easier to manage when it’s directed. Between the religious connotations and the context around it; there’s no saying if it would lead to riots or worship. Rather not bring the problem to our door.”
“Wise,” Mi’low remarked sarcastically, her judgmental side-eye aimed between him and Sorren.
“Alright,” he said with a raised voice, ignoring the red-furred female to the best of his ability. “Drop off letters and lock myself in a room or something. Sounds like a plan.”
“That will not be required,” Sorren corrected with a laugh. “Though the documents confirmed a high percentile of successful bonds, there were many incompatible pairings. It is unlikely that your informant included every variation of failure, but the bond seems to be as selective as usual, just more receptive to those who meet the criteria. I would speculate that the majority of those who would bond to you by now, have. Barring the new additions, of course. I doubt you will need to worry about bonding to half a species by yourself.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” he muttered. “Okay, you’re free to go back to your work. You know who to talk to if something comes up.”
The gathering dispersed, Toril requiring Tersa to drag him by the ear before he got too distracted. Mi’low stayed behind, waiting for everyone else to leave.
“Thoughts?” he asked, glancing over at her. She shook her head as she dropped the antagonistic persona.
“Two attribute you to their religion, Toril is too interested in your species to act against your best interest, and Idee rather enjoys her time here—as well as sympathizes with your position. Tersa’s allegiance is with Toril, so she will follow him, as well as your tentative arrangement as a superior over her.”
“So, we’re good?”
“We are,” she confirmed. He looked at her for a long moment.
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Going to try and kill me again?” he questioned wryly.
The High Huntress snorted. “Unfortunately, my pack has ostensibly become yours, and with it, my fate. They would rather watch me go than follow. It seems your influence extends past our biology.”
Without an opportunity for him to ask what she meant, she headed to the exit, pausing in the doorway when he called out to her.
“Mi’low?” Her ear tipped back towards him. “Thanks. For putting yourself on the block like that. I know how risky that could have been for you.”
She afforded a single nod before letting it close behind her.
“’Past our biology’, huh?” he muttered, eyeing the empty cup on the table.
He considered bothering Tel, since she would likely offer him a distraction for a while.
Sighing at his remaining intact shoe flopping as he stepped, he decided to do exactly that.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
“How are we holding up?”
Tech leaned back in her chair, yawning widely. “Communications have been down for a while, navigation software is pointing everywhere at once, and if it wasn’t for me, everything else would be dark too.”
“All hail Tech Ops,” Comms quipped, struggling to make his system do much more than transmit static on a loop.
Willin rolled his eyes at Tech’s boasting, but she was probably right to do so. They had aligned themselves in the right direction and simply let navigation go, communications discreetly blinking out as they got close without warning. All they had left was the actual piloting and onboard support systems, both of them hanging by a thread until Tech could run diagnostics to see if she could counter them properly. She might be able to eventually, but she didn’t seem confident beyond keeping the crew mobile and alive.
“How’s it look down there?”
Nav had long since given up making sense of their controls, opting to keep watch for whatever they were approaching. Since they had gotten within visual range, they had occupied themselves using whatever scanning equipment Tech managed to keep shielded. They leaned over the readouts, brows raising before furrowing at the information.
“It appears that they have remained fairly close together. I am reading several AEC distress signatures... Why am I able to?”
Tech raised a paw. “Right here. The jamming is consistent with the United Military’s algorithms, though boosted past what we have the equipment to manage. Can’t override it for you or Comms, but it was never meant to counter the low-frequency of a distress pulse, since that would get lost in normal noise anyway. I took the liberty of limiting the scope of collected data to increase the sensitivity.”
“Not much frequency pollution on an untapped planet,” Willin remarked dryly, his screen mirroring what Nav was looking at. Thirty-eight sources, most of them repeating the initial call-signs. Two seemed to have retained some power, though not much, implying a makeshift solution. There would normally be more to glean, but the measures taken to make picking them out at all possible had stifled it.
“Orders?” Nav asked after a moment. Willin considered it, scouring the somewhat distorted visual feed.
“Let’s get closer first.”
“Understood.”
He adjusted his uniform as they drew near, Tech frowning as more of her fail-safe measures ironically failed. Quick action saved them from listing aimlessly, but any chance of copying the survivor’s distress call faded. The AEC’s were effectively invisible until Tech had dealt with the issue preemptively, and their beacon wasn’t any stronger.
Detriment of a scout craft, he supposed. Help would have to deal with not knowing where his ship had gone until they were up to their necks in the warp-spike’s field. Hopefully, the EW fleet would manage it better.
“Just outside of atmosphere,” Nav reported, activating the scanning equipment again. Normally, it would be able to tell them everything down to the rough number of wildlife in an area, but all the interference gave them little more than confirmation that life existed.
“Well, there goes any advanced recon,” Willin muttered, ignoring Comms silently debating if he should bother Tech to duplicate the feed again. Noticing, she did anyway, the male gesturing their thanks. “Tech, can you get us population density?”
“I’m good, Leader, but not that good.”
“Leader,” Nav called, highlighting a few points on the feed. Whatever it was that they were trying to show him, he didn’t see it. “These areas are likely settlements.”
“Structures?”
“Affirmative. It is subtle, but there.”
He nodded, trusting their judgment. “Which is the largest?”
The feed zoomed in, losing most of the clarity—not that there was much to begin with. “Location coincides with an AEC still actively reporting.”
“They set up around it.”
“Likely, Leader.”
Willin exhaled slowly. “Take us down nearby. I’d say to hide us, but that’s hard to do with open skies.”
“The planet suffers constant rain,” Tech added, her screen already reverting back to a simplistic game while she waited for someone else to need something. “We could descend under the cover of it.”
“Any idea how long?”
Her monitor flickered. “One local sun.”
“Then we spend the time gearing up,” he ordered, waving to have Nav and Comms’ screens defaulted. “You two will make sure our defence armaments ship-board are active and loaded. Tech, queue up whatever armour and equipment we might need for a diplomatic mission.”
She turned in her chair, her head tilting questioningly. “Just us?”
“Just us. We’ll want someone here to keep things warm in case we need to leave quickly. Can you get Comms’ station capable of short-wave?”
She nodded after a moment, her eyes losing focus as she consulted her implant. “We’ll lose the fabricator during, but we should have enough for life-support and in-atmosphere flight. Weapons will have to be swapped out with it too.”
“That bad?”
The purple-furred female shrugged. “It’s that or I take down the defences and we lose it all.” She frowned at her screens. “Even this is pushing it.”
“Can you take down the purifier once we’re down there? Switch to external flow?”
“As long as you don’t mind alien air, sure. It won’t give us more to work with, but it should make it less taxing to keep what we have.”
Willin scratched at his ear. “Do it. They lived here this long, doubt we’ll join the Void breathing it too.”
“Will do.”
He shifted his attention back to Nav. “Set course to that settlement. Keep us above the clouds until it gets bad enough to obscure us.”
Nav signalled their agreement, the scenery shifting slowly as they picked a cloud to shadow in the meantime. Comms looked at Willin expectantly, forcing him to come up with something for the male to do.
“Comms, I want you to monitor anything this place has coming in or out. Set up surveillance.”
The male raised a brow. “My systems are inoperable, Leader.”
“If you try to do anything big, yes,” Willin corrected. “Just keep us informed if something goes through. We don’t need to know what happened, just that it did.”
“Keeping track of possible communications between settlements?”
Willin bobbed his head to the side. “Whatever we learn, it’s more than we know.”
“Understood. I will try to arrange a passive probe.”
The group set about their tasks as he brought up a still-frame of the settlement Nav spotted. It was blocky, blurry, and the chromatic aberration on the edges hurt to look at, but it was a settlement. A large AEC surrounded by silver constructions, all laid out in a slightly haphazard way. He couldn’t judge it too harshly, however. There was a method to the madness. Narrow pathways hidden between dens, each leading to the AEC like a system of routes for select Lilhuns to reach anywhere they may be needed as quickly as possible.
The AEC itself seemed modified, large solar panels placed where a solid hull would be expected, the semi-transparent material likely acting to illuminate the interior. Many of the buildings around it were larger than those beyond, some appearing to be two or three levels.
From sheer volume of dens, Willin figured this was a contender for the largest settlement. His best estimate placed the number of inhabitants in the range of three hundred or so. If the other settlements were even close, then the initial guess of a thousand survivors was woefully short.
That made things complicated, yet so much simpler.
He awaited the distant storm clouds rolling over the landscape, thankful Tech had prioritized the water-proof gear.
He hated being soaked.
Next

♈️ Aries: Aries, your fiery charisma is set to draw in someone captivating today. If sparks fly but don't ignite into a full flame, don't let it dampen your confidence. It's time to take the bull by the horns and explore avenues for growth professionally. Health-wise, fortify your defenses against any bugs going around. An adventure with your ride-or-die pal is also in the cards, so plan well ahead to sidestep any travel faux pas. Keep a close eye on your wallet and avoid real estate or stock market investments for now. Lastly, remember to be mindful of your straightforwardness as it can make your friends a bit apprehensive.
♉️ Taurus: Today is a day of deepening bonds for those in relationships, Taurus. Singles should keep an eye out for intuitive Cancer signs, as love is in the air. Financially, you may face a small hiccup, but use this as a lesson in budgeting and future planning. Health-wise, your bladder might be more active today, so plan for extra pit stops. Travel is the key to life's experiences, so take the time to explore the world around you. Luck may not be on your side when it comes to money matters, but your charisma is set to skyrocket, making every social interaction a positive one. Emotionally, you are mostly content with your life's course, but there may be an aspect that needs a boost. Reflect on what that might be and seek out ways to improve it.
♊️ Gemini: Gemini, with Venus bestowing its blessings on your relationships, you can expect a smooth sailing day in the sea of love. Singles, don’t worry if your flirty charm hits a speed bump with Libra, your day will come! Financially, you are in for a windfall, so seize this opportunity to boost your bank balance. Health wise, it’s time to fill your plate with a rainbow of fruits and veggies to get the essential vitamins your body craves. And why not add an intense workout to supercharge your health quest today? Travel may have slipped off your radar today, but it’s okay to take a breather and focus on other things. Keep your eyes peeled for the numbers 10 and 31 as they are set to bring a dash of luck into your day. Finally, channel any negative vibes into a productive pursuit today and use your unstoppable spirit to keep the blues at bay.
♋️ Cancer: Cancer, your sensitivity is a secret strength and your partner appreciates it. If you're single, take the time to reflect on past relationships and use them as learning experiences for the future. An unexpected email may bring financial news that reveals a forgotten windfall. You are radiating health and confidence, and your aura is as bright as a summer's day. An upcoming journey with someone special has you counting down the days. The numbers 7 and 43 are your lucky stars today, so keep them in mind. Your emotional landscape is blossoming with positivity, and self-improvement is a bumpy road but the rewards make it worth it. Keep going, the journey is as beautiful as the destination.
♌️ Leo: Today might not be the best day for romance, but singles should keep their eyes open for a special Pisces. Professionally, you're on the right track and your ambition is paying off - you could even be in for a pay bump! Health-wise, it's important to check in with your optometrist if you wear prescription glasses. Travel could bring a new perspective and 37 and 8 could be your lucky numbers. Emotionally, you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed - take some time to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet.
♍️ Virgo: Today is a day of love and luck for Virgo. Venus is showering you with affectionate energy, so if you're in a relationship, expect to bask in a warm glow of love. Singles, look out for a Capricorn with a smile that lights up the room - some delightful flirtation may be in the cards. At work, you may face some challenging dynamics, but counter any negativity with a radiant smile. Financially, you're on an upswing, so keep up the momentum. Health-wise, you're in great shape, so stay on track with a balanced lifestyle to keep the good health vibes flowing. If you're feeling adventurous, consider couch surfing as a budget-friendly accommodation alternative. Lady Luck might not be knocking on your door today, but it's a neutral day on the luck front, so you've got the reins. Finally, thanks to the good vibes from your ruling planet, you'll feel a wave of positivity and happiness today. Soak up the sunny energy and shine on!
♎️ Libra: Today is a day of love and learning for Libras. Single Libras may find themselves drawn to someone who is already taken, while those in relationships should take the time to appreciate the loving gestures from their partner. At work, break up the monotony with a chat over lunch with a colleague. Unemployed Libras should keep an eye out for a potential job lead. Health-wise, those with a history of blood pressure issues may experience a mild fluctuation, but overall health should remain steady. For those with long commutes, use the time to read or listen to an audiobook and turn the journey into a learning experience. Lady Luck favours the colour red and the number 15 today, so if possible, add a touch of green to your outfit for an extra sprinkle of good fortune. Finally, take some time to disconnect from your devices and give yourself the tranquillity you deserve.
♏️ Scorpio: Single Scorpios should be prepared for a day of flirtatious vibes, as a charismatic Gemini is sure to capture your attention. For those who are married, a small tiff may arise around money matters and kids, but it's important to remember that these small battles can help strengthen your bond. In the workplace, your boss may have some concerns, so be sure to acknowledge them and strive to improve. Financially, you may experience highs and lows, but have faith in your ability to balance it all. Health-wise, it's time to commit to healthier choices, such as quitting smoking if you're a smoker. When it comes to travel, make sure to familiarize yourself with the local customs and traditions, as respect for others' cultures is the key to meaningful experiences. Your ruling planet has your back today, especially when it comes to financial affairs, so consider playing the stock market if you're feeling lucky. Lastly, be gentle with your own heart today, as a figure from your past may resurface in your thoughts. Allow yourself to remember, grieve, and heal.
♐️ Sagittarius: Today is a day of change and progress for you, Sagittarius. If you're in a relationship, it may be time to seek advice from trusted friends if you're feeling uncertain. For those who are single, the presence of an Aquarius may bring a sense of comfort. At work, a colleague is set to drop some significant news, so be prepared for change. Financially, you may receive a boost, and job seekers should stay alert as your phone may hold the key to a promising opportunity. Health-wise, it's time to book an appointment with a healthcare professional and get a comprehensive check-up. When travelling, remember to squirrel away some 'just-in-case' funds for peace of mind. Lady Luck is whispering your numbers today: 39 and 1, so expect some positive magic to come your way. An understanding Leo is also set to step into your emotional realm today, guiding you towards emotional clarity.
♑️ Capricorn: Single Capricorns should take advantage of the day and show off their vibrant party spirit. Those in relationships should be prepared for secrets to come out into the open. Jupiter's aura makes this a potentially lucrative day, so bring your best to the workplace and show your dedication. Health-wise, consider joining a gym or sports team and try to balance your diet. If you're travelling, immerse yourself in the local culture and try out the local delicacies. Your lucky numbers for the day are 4 and 10. Lastly, it's time to work on managing your emotions more effectively and cultivating a steadier emotional climate.
♒️ Aquarius: Today is a day of mixed emotions for Aquarius. On the one hand, those in relationships can expect an extra sparkle in their bond, while single Aquarians should brace themselves for potential heartache. Professionally, it's important to open up and invite collaboration, as cooperation is key for success. Health-wise, you're set to enjoy a day of physical vigor and mental calm, so don't forget to stay hydrated. Travelers should take the time to learn about their destination before embarking. Luck will be on your side in social scenarios, but it might not be the best day to make real estate investments. Emotionally, you're holding up well and your strength will help you weather any storm that comes your way.
♓️ Pisces: Today is a day of kindness and patience for Pisces. If you are in a relationship, be understanding and empathetic towards your partner. For those who are single, an unexpected ping from a past flame may be on the horizon. Professionally, there is a golden opportunity coming your way that could lead to a promotion and a financial boost. Health-wise, consistency is key when it comes to fitness, so make sure to pair your workout regime with a healthy diet and consider bringing a personal trainer onboard. If you are travelling today, don't forget to pack your travel insurance. Jupiter, your cosmic benefactor of luck and prosperity, is sending positive energy your way, so embrace it and let it guide your day. Emotionally, you are feeling grounded and balanced, but if you live with family, some pressure or nerves may creep in - but you've got this, Pisces!

Check out today's Hora

The quest continues. The quest to find my person. I have posted on a couple of subreddits in the last few weeks and turned up empty like most of you and I don't plan on giving up until I find something promising. I'll link the old post below if you're curious.
My post
My last posts were long and some may find it long-winded. I'll take a different approach with this one by making bullet points to summarize myself and what I'm looking for:Me:* I work in IT for a living and have most of my shit together. Believe in constant personal growth be it staying active to keep myself healthy or being introspective about my actions, and words by learning from my mistakes.* Loves all animals alike, some more than others. Dogs, Horses, and cats are at the top of that list, and reptiles are at the bottom.* Left most of the immature habits I indulged in during college and moved on to more productive and fulfilling things.* While I am cognizant of the fact that I'm fully capable of being a dick, I try my best to make others' day if possible.* I may not be religious but I am a firm believer in karma and I have my parents and the faith they brought me up in to thank for.* Strictly monogamous, kinda old fashioned in ways like holding the door for you and all that jazz.* As much as I like a night out drinking with friends, I equally enjoy staying in to cook a meal I like and watch a movie.* I like communication. Sometimes the way I communicate may sound too direct but I try my damndest to be respectful and when I fail I'm not afraid to say "I'm sorry".You:* Give or take a few years within my age range, healthy and hwp.* Stable career and ambitions for the future.* Located somewhere in California or the west coast of the US (Open to other states, depending on whether we hit it off)* Monogamous. Able to hold a conversation and keep an open mind about things, even ones you don't tend to agree on.* Mature: I hate how this word is overused and I dislike I'm using it but here goes. The true measure of the character of someone is not how they talk to people who share the same world views, but how they treat people with opposite world views.* Be willing to voice chat in the first day or two. This may not be for everyone, but voice calling is surprisingly effective to find out if two people can vibe or not.* Religious or not, I do not mind. As long as you're okay with having a partner who's not religious.* Lastly, firmly believe in "Pineapple has absolutely no business being on a pizza". (Not a dealbreaker, but I'm willing to fight you on this)* Not passive-aggressive, making snide comments about something that bothers you. (No point in being mean when you can clearly communicate what's bothering you like a normal person)I swear when I was thinking earlier today about stuff to write this post I had so much more and it sounded great in my head. But then again, I'm not an English major to make this sound that beautiful. Anyway, those are the broad strokes. Low-level effort messages will be ignored with prejudice(Sorry, not sorry). It's only fair to expect something with a remote semblance of a thought to be put into words. Messages with a picture(yours) will receive priority, and I will share mine.Good luck and good night.
​
Edit: Old post
https://www.reddit.com/ForeverAloneDating/comments/13r72n4/34\_m4f\_socalcalifornia\_breaking\_the\_mold\_and\_the/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3

For background, my husband have been together 11 years now, we have one car, I have a boyfriend as well who is a 15 minute drive away, and my husband has a gf who lives an hour away with 6 kids/husband/one car. I think, hopefully, that will cover most info questions about the general situation about our situation. Also, this will probably be a very long post.
Basically the event that has sent me into a spiral of emotions was on Monday. Several days before me husband and I were sitting om the couch and randomly he brought up the event. He said how his gf, 2 kids, and one of their friends were riding the train down to go and that he would have to pick them up there and drive them. In that same sentence he asked if it was okay if he could just drop me off at my bus house since I had been thinking about not going. I reminded him that the whole reason I had said I was thinking of not going was because her whole family was sick just 2 days before and I didn't want to risk getting sick since we have a vacation planned out of country next week (imI had never told him one way or the other but I understand he latched on to the idea of me not going as the solution). But then I also told him when I was working through my thoughts on it how it didn't matter because regardless I would be exposed to it if he was exposed so that I would still go. I told him how I was a bit hurt that his first reaction was to uninvite me just because she decided to bring 2 of her kids along and that he instead should have asked me what solutions would remedy the situation. I told him how it made me feel he didn't care if I went one way or the other.
Anyways, the night before when I came to bed I asked him if he wanted to have sex. He said he wasn't in the mood because he was pretty stressed about how Monday was going to go. So we cuddled instead and I reassured him everything was going to be okay. The next day (day of the event) was an accumulation of small things that blew up by the evening. My boyfriend and I get to the event before they do because their train had been delayed so he ended up driving to the station they were held up to pick them up. As my husband had invited us and I didn't know much about the event, my boyfriend and I had no idea where to go when we got there. So we stood on the outskirts of the event with our dog. I should I also mentioned that I told my husband I would bring her. Anyways, so I texted my husband asking him what we needed to do and didn't hear back from him. About 10 minutes or so later they pulled up.
When they got there they all walked up to us and my husband went and asked the coordinators where to go and such. When he came back he still didn't hug or kiss me or anything. Then his gf mentioned how she had read dogs weren't allowed (only service dogs). Which upset me because I had told my husband how I was going to being her (she's been allowed at all of my husband's work events so it's never been an issue before. The difference was this one was at a different place and he said he just forgot to tell me). So then they all go into the ceremony leaving my bf and I on the outskirts watching. We ended up just leaving because it seemed my husband didn't care about us being there and hadn't even asked what I thought we should do now that we were in that situation. I told him I probably would have came to the same conclusion of us just standing there but to me it seemed he was so focused on spending the event with them that I was just an inconvenience. Granted I had gone into the day knowing how he had already suggested I not go since he didn't have the room for me in the car.
Anyways, I texted him to let him know we were heading home. Turns out he had forgotten his phone in the car and didn't even realize we had left until another 30-40 minutes. I guess it just rubbed me wrong because I already felt like I was uninvited and I was only there to support him.
When I got home I took some medicine because ironically I woke up feeling sick. I thought it was just from sleeping on my back the night before but the feeling never went away. The medicine knocked me out and next thing I knew I was waking up to everyone walking into our house. Turns out their train was delayed again so they all came back to eat. I was upset that he hadn't asked if we wanted anything. I know it shouldn't have been something that upset me but I was already upset, not feeling good, and I always make an effort to buy him some kind of snack when I'm out running errands. I know it probably sounds dumb but it still upset me. So my boyfriend and I decided to rely on the left over pizza we had for dinner. A few hours later when we went to go eat it turns out they had eaten most of that as well. I told my husband this was disrespectful to not at least ask since it was my boyfriend who had bought it in the first place (I told him this on the phone later).
I qent back and laid down for a little bit longer since I had a few work appts that evening. My husband came down shortly after and said that instead of taking his gf back to the train station before I left for work he wanted to know if it was okay if she stayed until I got back (at this point he had already taken everyone else back to the train but she stayed to have alone time with him). I said sure but asked if she'd be okay if I got back at the latest by like 8:30/9.he said it was okay but asked me not to stay super late with my clients like I usually do (I like to stay as long as possible usually exceeding the minimum time needed to make sure my clients are taken care of. For some more background I run 5 businesses. The appts that evening were specifically for animal care).
So anyways I go to work and up finishing at 7:50. I made it home by 8. I texted and called me husband to let him know I made it back and received no answer. I also didn't know when her later train was supposed to leave since this was thrown on me right before leaving for work. So I went and knocked only for them to be I'm the middle of messing around. So after the whole day of feeling slighted and like an afterthough, after the lack of communication from his end, after rushing through work to make sure she was able to get to the train on time, all of it just overwhelmed me and made me get in my feelings and topped that with now thinking about how he had just turned me down less than 24 hours before just all overwhelmed me. I ended up just walking away and going back downstairs and he followed me to talk but I was extremely upset now. Even more so because the whole day I was talking to my boyfriend about how I wasn't going to say anything and just brush it all off so that way he had a good time.
He ends up taking her to the train station 10 minutes later and turns out her train wasn't even for another hour so they just sat in the car. Then when the train got there they called and and said how they missed it by "3 seconds" and I was so upset because I said how could you miss it when you've been sitting there an hour. He said they only stopped for 20 seconds to let people off and shut the doors in their face. So I asked if other people had got on the train and he said yes so I said then it doesn't make sense that you all missed it.he said how they were saying their goodbyes and when they got done the train "just took off" . So they had to wait another hour for the next train. Then literally 50 minutes later he calls me to say she's asked him to just take her home which will now add another 2 hours of time round trip plus gas. Which she said she would help pay for but they still haven't paid us back for him driving over 400 MI to pick her up for an event because she didn't want to ride the train to it.so I told my husband I wasn't okay with it since we already haven't been paid back for the last time, we are pretty low in the bank as is until payday which isn't for several more days, and how thar adds another 2 hours (now 4 hours total) of time away when I was already upset.
Anyways so I guess she heard me on the phone saying I was going to call her husband to come get her (apparently he couldn't because he had been drinking which I didn't know at the time because he's having a hard time dealing with her being poly). So she tried jumping out of the car while my husband was driving to essentially rage off (as my husband put it). He then told me she was pissed at me for "changing my mind." I told him how I never changed my mind and had told him from the start I wasn't okay with it. He said since I added at the end of the phone call "do whatever you want" that that was permission and that he knew I'd be upset with him but he still made the decision to drive her home even though I wasn't okay with it. After she tried jumping out of the car he took her back to the train station where she had someone come pick her up. Yes, I know I'll get a lot of hate for saying "do whatever" but at that point I felt voiceless and like no matter how many times I said I wasn't okay with it, it didn't matter. And I know some will say I shouldn't make it about gas money but my husband drives this 2 hour round trip almost weekly to see her and says how he doesn't care about the money it takes or the time but yet I'm sitting here working and running 5 businesses and am exhausted while I simultaneously take care of our dog alone (only one who feeds her, walks her, etc) and do everything around the house (he very rarely helps with chores or cleaning up after himself). That's a whole other issue though that's not necessarily relevant. But it does showcase why just wasting money on gas when she's only made the effort to come out her twice in their 8ish long relationship at this point (I'm not entirely sure how long they've technically been dating because her husband wasn't okay with it for a long time).
When he got home we had a long discussion about everything mentioned above. But the thing that stuck with me was him saying in summary, "from our perspective it's annoying and inconvenient to always have to check in with you for use to see eachother whether it be because you need the car for work or we have something planned" and it just hurt to know he thinks it's annoying and inconvenient when he could see her but we have something planned or I need the car for work to make the money for us to even go on the trips we do. He said he badly misspoke and that's not what he meant but it definitely stuck and hurt.
In summary, I'm upset by being uninvited, left on the outskirts, not being communicated with about our dog being allowed there, not thinking to bring home any food for me then eating the food I did have while I was asleep, having turned me down but fine to mess around around her (in my own bed might I add which I don't usually have a problem with but after everything it still got to me because I'm human), the whole missing the train situation, attempting to drive her home against my wishes, and the comment he made at the end.
I will go back through and check for typos and such in a bit but I am currently at work but I needed to get this off my chest. There's probably more I can add that happened but that's the overall picture.

sorry if this post doesnt belong here. this mentions men btw. trigger warning - mentions of eating disorders, self harm
ive known i was a lesbian my whole life basically. last year was the first time i socialised properly because i figured i didnt wanna waste my high school years being an introverted nerd lol. which ended in an uptick of men who were constantly dm-ing me, asking me to hook up, etc.
when it fist started i was a bit annoyed by it bc i really dont love social interaction. idk how it escalated, but then suddenly so many guys were after me. and ive never really been popular or felt pretty or even liked myself and my family's literally never nice to me lol, so i really enjoyed this sudden attention of so many people being nice to me and giving me attention.
but then i started questioning, i like this attention from men, does that mean anything? and then i became so addicted to validation cus id never realized how good it felt, and i gave myself an eating disorder. not an actual eating disorder i just starved for a couple months for no reason.
this guy (my friends then-crush) called me to his house, and i was rlly confused why he would call me cus we dk each other that well but i was really excited cus i thought he was gonna tell me that he likes my friend and how to ask her out etc. i couldnt think of any other reason.
anyway we enter and its completely empty, we go to the room n he locks the door. he just hands me a vape (ive never vaped before) and i guess we vape for a while? (vaping feels absolutely shit btw). and then he asks me if i wanna make out to which i say...uh no? he keeps asking so i pretend i didnt hear him. he asks again later and i thought it wouldnt hurt to experiment. honestly it was such an impulsive decisio cus up until that moment i was like well why would i wanna make out w him? but like im really impulsive in general and the nicotine prolly made me even more impulsive than i already am. so i was like, sure why not.
at this point i already wasnt sure if i really was a lesbian bc i enjoyed getting attention from people including men earlier.
but then we made out n the whole thing was kinda weird n awkward. like i didnt really know what to do so i just kinda...sat there with my eyes open lol. we did it again a few more times and i dont really know if i was supposed to feel something? like i didnt feel anything but also like idk if i was SUPPOSED to. ive never made out with ANYONE before so idk.
anyway later it made me feel really gross and violated and i relapsed into my eating disorder. i dont know why or if it was related or not. it might have been unrelated. i was JUST starting to eat again (i dont actually have an eating disorder i dont really know why i was doing it tbh) and then this threw me off.
but how do i know if i felt gross/violated/disgusted or if i was heartbroken? i just felt very very bad. so i thought maybe i felt bad cus i had a crush on him so i told my friends i had a crush on him. and then i stopped talking to him for a few months.
later i started talking to him again and i was like "i should have enjoyed that more, idk why i hated it, but ill enjoy it this time" so we made out again and i didnt like it. and this time i felt so shit i relapsed into my self harm habit that i hadnt done in a long time.
i didnt wanna block him cus he made me feel bad about it earlier but i couldnt get rid of my SH habit for a few months. again it wasnt an addiction i dont really know why i was doing it it just felt good.
but again - i dont know if it was related to this or not? i could just be feeling shitty in general. i dont really know. idk if my SH was related to this or not i just very REALLY shit after that.
anyway i was really confused why i didnt like it so i thought (again) if i turned it up a notch ill like it so i agreed to give him a blowjob. and i didnt like it, and then he said he'll try it on me so i said ok and i still didnt like it. it was just neutral i was daydreaming through it.
but heres the thing - WHY didnt i like it? is it because im not into men? or is it because i was nervous? or confused? or didnt know what to do? or because i just have a low sex drive cus of my bad mental health?
so for a while i thought maybe i was bi but asexual? and i started questioning everything, did i even ever like girls? i made a post on here and i was told u cant just turn asexual u would have been ur whole life. which is true, i wasnt asexual before all this happened. so maybe my mental health was just fucking with my sex drive?
anyway i got rid of him and all social media because i realized how much all this had changed me. i needed other peoples validation to not hate myself and yet it made me hate myself more than ever. and soon all that faded and my attraction to women returned and my sex drive returned too. and i was like, "yeah no im definitely not into men im being stupid". one thing plagued me, that my friends n school knew i was into guys and as far as they knew, i was straight or bi. which really disturbed me because i didnt want them to thnk that.
but then i met this guy for a lab project and we were in the lab together and he tried to make a move on me and pushed me really hard. i freaked out super bad and ran away. and this incident threw EVERYTHING off. i started questioning everything again.
can someone just like tell me if im just on the bi-cycle or not? i see ppl here constantly say that bi women r running away from their label, bi women are constantly using the lesbian identity. blah blah. and i cant tell if im one of those people or not? am i just in denial of my attraction to men?
because thats the thing in my head it seemed good, when i would think of it i would be like, "thats not so bad, i should have enjoyed it more", but i didnt like it when it really happened so what was th reason for that? ive never struggled with that before, ever in my life. just the past 9 months ish. thing is it doesnt seem good in my head anymore obviously cus its been so long. but like i also dont know if its supposed to feel like something. i wasnt aroused and i didnt like it, but that could be due to LOTS of reasons. and i kept doing it over and over and over 3-4 times. why???
im still confused as to whether or not i enjoyed it. cus technically i didnt, but r u supposed to? and it all seemed good in my head, just really shitty when it happened. but when i thought of it it wasnt that bad.
this has ruined me mentally so bad...and now i get intrusive thoughts about it. like ill just be chilling and ill get a mental picture of it and ill have to shake it off. like i said earlier the mental thought of it didnt seem bad, just it actually happening in reality that wasnt good. but now its like intrusive thought, not really intrusive thought but if im watching tv and a man and woman get together a random image of me blowing the man or making out with the man will show up, and in my head its kind of like a "test" to see if im into him or not.
it makes me feel really uneasy, but is it an intrusive thought or me being in denial??
plus ive always felt uncomfortable saying im a lesbian. i would never have said that in real life. idk why the word "lesbian" just seems so sexual i cant say it in real life. its like the word "pussy" to me, like how do i say it in real life without cringing super hard. ive known i was exclusively into women my whole life but idk saying the word lesbian has always seemed weird.
its also bothering me that my only experience is with a man now.
yes i know labels arent necessary but im clearly just hurting myself like this + i like labels. so i kinda just want a straight answer - according to u is this bi or lesbian? i dont really want support or validation or advice or "sexuality is fluid", like if u knew this info what would u assume i am? also another thing is im attracted to personalities or general vibe, so if i like i a girl its cus i like her vibe or personality. if i just see a random naked woman i dont feel any attraction. i dont feel attraction if i look at boobs or butt or whatever. am i supposed to? i need to know the vibe of the person (whethe shes a celebrity, influencer, or someone i know).

sorry if this post doesnt belong here. this mentions men btw. trigger warning - mentions of eating disorders, self harm
ive known i was a lesbian my whole life basically. last year was the first time i socialised properly because i figured i didnt wanna waste my high school years being an introverted nerd lol. which ended in an uptick of men who were constantly dm-ing me, asking me to hook up, etc.
when it fist started i was a bit annoyed by it bc i really dont love social interaction. idk how it escalated, but then suddenly so many guys were after me. and ive never really been popular or felt pretty or even liked myself and my family's literally never nice to me lol, so i really enjoyed this sudden attention of so many people being nice to me and giving me attention.
but then i started questioning, i like this attention from men, does that mean anything? and then i became so addicted to validation cus id never realized how good it felt, and i gave myself an eating disorder. not an actual eating disorder i just starved for a couple months for no reason.
this guy (my friends then-crush) called me to his house, and i was rlly confused why he would call me cus we dk each other that well but i was really excited cus i thought he was gonna tell me that he likes my friend and how to ask her out etc. i couldnt think of any other reason.
anyway we enter and its completely empty, we go to the room n he locks the door. he just hands me a vape (ive never vaped before) and i guess we vape for a while? (vaping feels absolutely shit btw). and then he asks me if i wanna make out to which i say...uh no? he keeps asking so i pretend i didnt hear him. he asks again later and i thought it wouldnt hurt to experiment. honestly it was such an impulsive decisio cus up until that moment i was like well why would i wanna make out w him? but like im really impulsive in general and the nicotine prolly made me even more impulsive than i already am. so i was like, sure why not.
at this point i already wasnt sure if i really was a lesbian bc i enjoyed getting attention from people including men earlier.
but then we made out n the whole thing was kinda weird n awkward. like i didnt really know what to do so i just kinda...sat there with my eyes open lol. we did it again a few more times and i dont really know if i was supposed to feel something? like i didnt feel anything but also like idk if i was SUPPOSED to. ive never made out with ANYONE before so idk.
anyway later it made me feel really gross and violated and i relapsed into my eating disorder. i dont know why or if it was related or not. it might have been unrelated. i was JUST starting to eat again (i dont actually have an eating disorder i dont really know why i was doing it tbh) and then this threw me off.
but how do i know if i felt gross/violated/disgusted or if i was heartbroken? i just felt very very bad. so i thought maybe i felt bad cus i had a crush on him so i told my friends i had a crush on him. and then i stopped talking to him for a few months.
later i started talking to him again and i was like "i should have enjoyed that more, idk why i hated it, but ill enjoy it this time" so we made out again and i didnt like it. and this time i felt so shit i relapsed into my self harm habit that i hadnt done in a long time.
i didnt wanna block him cus he made me feel bad about it earlier but i couldnt get rid of my SH habit for a few months. again it wasnt an addiction i dont really know why i was doing it it just felt good.
but again - i dont know if it was related to this or not? i could just be feeling shitty in general. i dont really know. idk if my SH was related to this or not i just very REALLY shit after that.
anyway i was really confused why i didnt like it so i thought (again) if i turned it up a notch ill like it so i agreed to give him a blowjob. and i didnt like it, and then he said he'll try it on me so i said ok and i still didnt like it. it was just neutral i was daydreaming through it.
but heres the thing - WHY didnt i like it? is it because im not into men? or is it because i was nervous? or confused? or didnt know what to do? or because i just have a low sex drive cus of my bad mental health?
so for a while i thought maybe i was bi but asexual? and i started questioning everything, did i even ever like girls? i made a post on here and i was told u cant just turn asexual u would have been ur whole life. which is true, i wasnt asexual before all this happened. so maybe my mental health was just fucking with my sex drive?
anyway i got rid of him and all social media because i realized how much all this had changed me. i needed other peoples validation to not hate myself and yet it made me hate myself more than ever. and soon all that faded and my attraction to women returned and my sex drive returned too. and i was like, "yeah no im definitely not into men im being stupid". one thing plagued me, that my friends n school knew i was into guys and as far as they knew, i was straight or bi. which really disturbed me because i didnt want them to thnk that.
but then i met this guy for a lab project and we were in the lab together and he tried to make a move on me and pushed me really hard. i freaked out super bad and ran away. and this incident threw EVERYTHING off. i started questioning everything again.
can someone just like tell me if im just on the bi-cycle or not? i see ppl here constantly say that bi women r running away from their label, bi women are constantly using the lesbian identity. blah blah. and i cant tell if im one of those people or not? am i just in denial of my attraction to men?
because thats the thing in my head it seemed good, when i would think of it i would be like, "thats not so bad, i should have enjoyed it more", but i didnt like it when it really happened so what was th reason for that? ive never struggled with that before, ever in my life. just the past 9 months ish. thing is it doesnt seem good in my head anymore obviously cus its been so long. but like i also dont know if its supposed to feel like something. i wasnt aroused and i didnt like it, but that could be due to LOTS of reasons. and i kept doing it over and over and over 3-4 times. why???
im still confused as to whether or not i enjoyed it. cus technically i didnt, but r u supposed to? and it all seemed good in my head, just really shitty when it happened. but when i thought of it it wasnt that bad.
this has ruined me mentally so bad...and now i get intrusive thoughts about it. like ill just be chilling and ill get a mental picture of it and ill have to shake it off. like i said earlier the mental thought of it didnt seem bad, just it actually happening in reality that wasnt good. but now its like intrusive thought, not really intrusive thought but if im watching tv and a man and woman get together a random image of me blowing the man or making out with the man will show up, and in my head its kind of like a "test" to see if im into him or not.
it makes me feel really uneasy, but is it an intrusive thought or me being in denial??
plus ive always felt uncomfortable saying im a lesbian. i would never have said that in real life. idk why the word "lesbian" just seems so sexual i cant say it in real life. its like the word "pussy" to me, like how do i say it in real life without cringing super hard. ive known i was exclusively into women my whole life but idk saying the word lesbian has always seemed weird.
its also bothering me that my only experience is with a man now.
yes i know labels arent necessary but im clearly just hurting myself like this + i like labels. so i kinda just want a straight answer - according to u is this bi or lesbian? i dont really want support or validation or advice or "sexuality is fluid", like if u knew this info what would u assume i am? also another thing is im attracted to personalities or general vibe, so if i like i a girl its cus i like her vibe or personality. if i just see a random naked woman i dont feel any attraction. i dont feel attraction if i look at boobs or butt or whatever. am i supposed to? i need to know the vibe of the person (whethe shes a celebrity, influencer, or someone i know).

It’s Memorial Day 2023 and at my job sitting in my office as the store manager of a retail box chain. The couple deployments in the big green uniform during the mid 2000’s cross my mind only once or twice and I cant decide how I feel about that. With the old big 40th birthday not but but a couple years around the corner, the southern beach town where i live and spent most of my childhood hasn't quite woken up yet. But here i am feeling something I hadn't felt in a long time. I feel surreal. That or I’m in shock.
I confronted my narc over her lack of commitment last weekend, after another game of midnight twister. Twister never was a issue with us, probably some of the best games ever played. Yall get it.
We have been in this long slow death spiral for over a year now but this feels like the end. I demanded to know why I was good enough to fuck but not good enough to be in a relationship. She spouted off about some lie she made up that i told. Then last Thursday, she again ask me to come over. I stand my ground and say no, that if I’m not good enough to tell your ex fiancé that i exist then I’m not having sex with you. Friday I look on Facebook and she hadn’t blocked me again but here’s she’s posting a picture of her packed truck headed where? You guess it……the northern state where “ex-fiancé” lives. You gotta be shitting me what’s wrong with this lady ? How long had that been planned and she left without saying a word. By now I’ve gotten to be an expert detective among other things. She's from a northern state The fiancé had lived with her down here a few years before moving back. Evidently She always went to enormous lengths to keep me away from the rest of her life. Now the whole house of cards is falling down. I basically call her a liar that there is nothing on between them. She went up there to help a relative move a few weeks back didn’t answer a single call or text all weekend. Completely ignored me. He was there with them the whole time. I asked why did the engagement end years back? Her answer left me utterly astonished. “I just didn’t love him like i I should have.” What the fuck does that mean? Whys he still around? Tell me all the whole truth. That was Friday and communication ended immediately and haven’t heard from her since. She hadn’t blocked me yet but will not respond. .Just silence as I slowly realized that every single thing she told me was all a lie. All the crazy accusations out of now where, all the lies she’s told her family about me were all in fact things she’d done to others or was doing to me. I learned early on in this what "projection" meant and the first time I told her I think she was doing it , she counter punched like she been holding a UNO reverse card up her sleeve. As the full weight of who this person actually was hit me, everything spiraled for me into the worst feeling of betrayal and despair I’d ever felt. This woman that i loved more than I’ve ever loved the one who promised me so many bullshit promises. The one who claimed to my friend and would never leave , had finally evolved into something i didn’t recognize. Something that was evil and dangerous. Boy i was so naive.
Let me tell you how this all began. We were both employed at the same outlet mall. I am in my mid late 30’s , she’s a bit older than me. Early mid 50’s. Blonde. Not a lot but enough tattoos and piercings to make you look twice. She was no super model but her body always had kinda driven me crazy.Right curves in all th right places. But the age difference could raise a eye nethertheless, I had always kinda had a crush on this lady but never really made a move. Just couldn’t draw up a play. Life went by and I eventually found my self living in what looking back was my PARADISE. My parents divorced in my early teens and my little brother and sister and I kinda never gained a sense of direction for many years. I found mine on a bus to to Fort Benning. If I was going to be in the Army, I couldn't tall the future grandkids i had that i changed the oil on humvees. It was Infantry for me and with 2 years of hugging my mom bye I found my self in Nuristan Province, Afghanistan. It was every thing you imagined it could be and more and i still sometimes kind of think to myself you went through some shit over there in the valley that 98% of people would never even dream of doing. And made it out relativity unscathed . Couple busted lips and a good old TBI to take with you but soldier on. My career really started trending upward after the first tour ended and I began dating a girl from near my hometown. Not too long after that we get married on the courhouse steps out of fear the next phone call could be a mission. 5 months later my convoy is just stepping outside the wire when the Red Cross Message comes in. Car Crash. Your wife. Her brother. Drunk driver crossed center line. Hit them head one while they were stopped at rural stop sign. No survivors. That's the first time my soul detached from my body.

The army at the time was big on taking these resiliency classes and preaching resiliency and over the years it kinda became my mantra. Life went on and seemed like I had made something out of myself I became engaged to beautiful woman who had been through thick and thin with me the past few years. She was what we call "good people " down here. She absolutely adored me and was totally out of my league. Grew up in the Florida Keys, ACC Division 1 Athlete, she made life look easy. We had a 2 story house at the end of the cul de sac. We had a large group of friends. She was the Coach of the church dance squad, I willed that softball team to 2 consecutive "playoff" appearances. Life was good.
Then about 5 or 6 months before our wedding date her first, my second chance, and that's when this our story here really kicks off. By the way huge southern wedding. It was amazing even though i was becoming stressed about all the constant planning, I had finally been promoted to management and was becoming burnt out. This lady,who would become my narc, these blonde hair woman with a free spirit who I'd known for some years ,one day she just, she just looked different. I can't describe it but there was something drawing me in that I felt powerless to stop. I remember the first time we locked eyes, we just held the stare for what seemed like forever until we were both out of breath and then looked at each like "WTF was that" I felt like electricity flowing through my body. A few weeks go by and we starting to find ways to be closer to each other until one day our hands actually grazed and it felt like every nerve in my body exploded. Life as I knew it at least, effectively ended that day. She had her hooks in. Didn't take me long find my self sneaking out the house in the middle of the night into her bedroom. The passion, the intensity was so great that I thought there's no way that cant be real. It was the most intense thing I'd ever experienced. I was totally wrapped before too long. As the wedding date loomed and my fiance became more and more suspicious, the narc would start planting these fantasies of how we could be together. Oh yea she was totally aware I was taken. We could buy a camper go out west raise goats. Runaway together...it sounded good. We spent our days fantasizing about running away together and staring into each others eyes. In the back of my head I already felt like this was my person. What do I do? Looking back those were that last days of innocence. I had no idea what was to become. My narc had all but flat out said if you want me you know what you have to do. The wedding comes and it the best day of my life. I do a pretty good job of not thinking about the narc. We actually go a whole week without seeing each or speaking. I almost thought to myself , " Well you' ve done a really shitty thing but your married to a really good woman so lets move on as best we can.
I lasted 3 weeks.
My narc tells me that as long as I am living under a roof with my wife, she will have nothing to do with me. Next thing you know I'm standing in our kitchen with my bags in my hands and the stupidest look on my face. I still cant explain why but the draw to this narc woman had me powerless. My poor wife lets me go she still doesnt know for sure whats going on and I tell her I just need some time I'm staying with a friend. I shack up with the narc and for the next week things are good. all things considered. This is around the time where I start to blow through red flags like I'm in a stolen Ferrari on Miami Blvd. The narc has family coming down from up north, a baby shower for one of the narcs daughters. The fact that narc is a grandma never bothered me. this is the first time hear abut the ex. Hes not the father of her daughters but he "raised them" and they consider him pops. I was very shocked and didnt have a clue what to say when I was told I needed to find a place to stay for the next 2 weeks, not enough room for everyone. I landed on a friends couch utterly confused and when i heard her daughters and her screaming because my employee name tag had been found in narcs bed, somebody might see it , I should have run far and fast then. I eventually made my way home, walked in the door and broke down in tears confessing it all to my wife. She told me we can work through this we will go to counseling whatever it takes. The one thing that was non negotioable was i was to leave my job immeditaly. I felt helpless- I wanted my wife I was already missing my old life by then. But I was making more money than I'd ever imagined I would and I come up from square 1 seven years ago, how could I tell the man who hired me the GM who would become mentocoach figure to me? I just couldn't. Narc catches wind I'm back home and one morning I'm out in the middle of this mall and she comes beelining towards me and right into front of EVERYONE delivers a left jab, right hook combo that would have made Teddy Atlas proud. I didn't flinch or wince I simply dropped my head in shame, saying I deserved that while she runs off making this strange guttural crying/screaming noise. What was I supposed to do I had no where else to go? Knowing what I know now, I was witnessing r my first narc rage. Things eventually calm down over the next 3 weeks but my wife had grown tired of waiting. I was around this narc everyday. been She moved back to Florida, giving me a month to find a place to live. I haven't seen her or spoken to her since AND that's not my choice. I think about her almost everyday and honestly I'll never forgive myself for breaking her heart the way I did. She was innocent and never deserved this.
I cannot understate how woefully unprepared for this I was. I was extremely naive, I had no clue what narcissism meant, I thought it meant you liked to look at yourself in a mirror.I never realized the dangling of the carrot or the manipulation and the complete total inability to admit wrong or have any form of accountably all were tied together , at least until much later .Now my narc starts saying we can only be together if I have my own place. Next thing you know I've found one and moved in. Man these carrots are actually quite tasty. Now begins a looong 4 5 months where she would accuse me of cheating or lying or some reason for us to not be officially a couple. But she would keep a trove of men she flirted with on social media , go out with with i don't think she slept around but definitely wasn't right.The double standard from hell. Life became a constant cycle of hot cold hot cold to the point where at any given time I had zero idea of whether so considered us to be together at that time or single. One of her go to plays was to dare me to walk away, but by then my entire network of family and friends had really zero desire to have anything to do with me because they had all been at this very expensive wedding not even a few months ago. I found a place to rent further inland , a little place out in the country. She had isolated me now, I just didn't know it, and honestly by this point I was becoming more desperate and desperate to make us work. I've sacrificed everything because i truly truely believed in her and us. I would have done anything she asked and i many times I did. Midway into last fall, I started noticing things that I dunno made me notice things. Something wasn't right.

1. She never once not one time ever said those 3 words. I love you I said them every time we got off the phone. To this day I've never heard her say it
   
2. Every holiday, every single one she would find a reason where I wasnt allowed to come over and be with her and her family. LIttle did I know the smear campaign was starting to fire on all cylinders.
   
3. The accusations of lying and or doing something I wasn't supposed to were becoming more frequent yet even when I would prove to her I was telling the truth, she never once has has said I'm sorry , I was wrong.
   

Red flags are more like advisories right?
Things progressed to the point where I start going to counseling/therapy because she has me so convinced I'm bad person. She accuses me of not going to appointments even when I Facetime her sitting beside the doctor. It amazes me to this day that no one could see her true colors. She is so good its downright dangerous.
I spent Christmas this year completely alone. She had her family and the usual flock of buzzards, hang arounds. By now I was getting the stretches of silent treatment. I was at my lowest of lows, Isolated, alone, lonely .......going down a dark road real fast. Same pattern of discard bring you back discard. I didn't even know who i was anymore by this point i was losing weight. I could hear the people whispering. She was killing me from the inside.
One thing finally happened that I'll never forget as long as I live. Her birthday had come aroud and since my narc conviently found a reasson as to why I couldn't come I begged for her to take the presents I had gottten with her. She put them in her car and drove away. I didnt think about it again until a week /later, I walking out the back door at work and here she is, at the dumpsters throwing the still wrapped birthday presents. I ask her what the hell? you didnt give them to her? What the hell ? WTF?? The answer I got as she looked me dead in the eyes sent a cold chill down my spine.
"I didn't give her the presents because I figured you would try to take em back just to hurt her." Stunned I muttered with what I am now sure was a face full of shock and disgust..."Honey she is 5 years old." I truly shocked me that a human would think of such a horrible scenario.
​
I didnt speak to my narc for a couple days after that. Another week, another brand new hot shot therapist looking for save the world. I have never been comfortable with the idea of therapy, I have too much man macho I guess. Its just always kinda been taboo. Nevertheless I finshed jabbering and she immediatly reaches in her desk and passed me a little pamplet. "Read this" she says. I look down -"What is a narcissist and are you in a relationship with one? By the time i finshed reading it, I was straight ugly crying on her floor. It felt like a MAC truck hit me square in the sternum. I was devestated. Literllaly every single bullet point I could point at and say yes. Its like hamy narc had this pamplet memorized and was running it like a well oiled machine. It finally was all making sense. Maybe Im not a horrible person after all?
I began to distance myself from her at this point and she went the tried and true method of total discard which inevidebly turned into full blown lovebombing which would lead to a steamy night together which she would then sabatoge. Rinse, wash repeat. The first trip back home she took I never could get a answer as to why i was ignored all weekend, she made me ignore her how dare you ask forget it happened. Same ol bs. Whch brings us back to today where this story began. I finally concluded that this is how every relanship my narc has ever had has been like this. Alll family turmoil ....it all made even more sense. Her lies have become near constant and I realized the first thing she ever said to me was a lie. Not only do I think I'm begginning understand what she is and what I became to her, I think she could be one of most dangerous kinds of these individuals the world has ever seen. She is still somewhat popular, nobody around her would ever have a clue. But I can see through it now. And she will never change because I have finally accepted the fact that she psychsilly cannot change. Her brain cant evem acklowdge things like being wrong. It breaks my heart that i feel so in love with someone who is incabple of love and thats when I realized I have to walk away.
This ended up being way more than I expected but once i started typing it just kept flowing out. I guess her spidey sense must have gone off because within the last hour she has began sending me messages on social media. Not her phone no but social media.
I replied simply are you going to ignore the elephant sitting over there?
​
​
She replies "What are you talking about?"
-
She cannot change.
​
I think I will struggle with this past year and a half for the rest of my life. This was something I was totally unprepared for. I think I can see light glimmering on the horizon and I feel grateful to understand what actually happened and I could have very easily given up, succumbed in, but I survived it.
It is what people like us do. We pick up the pieces, dust the dirt off and keep going.
Yesterday was yesterday
Tomorrow is a brand new sun.
​
Also one last thing.....if your ever feeling down or sorry for yourself give u/StickFigure a listen. I don't think I'd be here if weren't for his music. He literally saved me life.
​
​
Ramble over good night

sorry if this post doesnt belong here. this mentions men btw. trigger warning - mentions of eating disorders, self harm
ive known i was a lesbian my whole life basically. last year was the first time i socialised properly because i figured i didnt wanna waste my high school years being an introverted nerd lol. which ended in an uptick of men who were constantly dm-ing me, asking me to hook up, etc.
when it fist started i was a bit annoyed by it bc i really dont love social interaction. idk how it escalated, but then suddenly so many guys were after me. and ive never really been popular or felt pretty or even liked myself and my family's literally never nice to me lol, so i really enjoyed this sudden attention of so many people being nice to me and giving me attention.
but then i started questioning, i like this attention from men, does that mean anything? and then i became so addicted to validation cus id never realized how good it felt, and i gave myself an eating disorder. not an actual eating disorder i just starved for a couple months for no reason.
this guy (my friends then-crush) called me to his house, and i was rlly confused why he would call me cus we dk each other that well but i was really excited cus i thought he was gonna tell me that he likes my friend and how to ask her out etc. i couldnt think of any other reason.
anyway we enter and its completely empty, we go to the room n he locks the door. he just hands me a vape (ive never vaped before) and i guess we vape for a while? (vaping feels absolutely shit btw). and then he asks me if i wanna make out to which i say...uh no? he keeps asking so i pretend i didnt hear him. he asks again later and i thought it wouldnt hurt to experiment. honestly it was such an impulsive decisio cus up until that moment i was like well why would i wanna make out w him? but like im really impulsive in general and the nicotine prolly made me even more impulsive than i already am. so i was like, sure why not.
at this point i already wasnt sure if i really was a lesbian bc i enjoyed getting attention from people including men earlier.
but then we made out n the whole thing was kinda weird n awkward. like i didnt really know what to do so i just kinda...sat there with my eyes open lol. we did it again a few more times and i dont really know if i was supposed to feel something? like i didnt feel anything but also like idk if i was SUPPOSED to. ive never made out with ANYONE before so idk.
anyway later it made me feel really gross and violated and i relapsed into my eating disorder. i dont know why or if it was related or not. it might have been unrelated. i was JUST starting to eat again (i dont actually have an eating disorder i dont really know why i was doing it tbh) and then this threw me off.
but how do i know if i felt gross/violated/disgusted or if i was heartbroken? i just felt very very bad. so i thought maybe i felt bad cus i had a crush on him so i told my friends i had a crush on him. and then i stopped talking to him for a few months.
later i started talking to him again and i was like "i should have enjoyed that more, idk why i hated it, but ill enjoy it this time" so we made out again and i didnt like it. and this time i felt so shit i relapsed into my self harm habit that i hadnt done in a long time.
i didnt wanna block him cus he made me feel bad about it earlier but i couldnt get rid of my SH habit for a few months. again it wasnt an addiction i dont really know why i was doing it it just felt good.
but again - i dont know if it was related to this or not? i could just be feeling shitty in general. i dont really know. idk if my SH was related to this or not i just very REALLY shit after that.
anyway i was really confused why i didnt like it so i thought (again) if i turned it up a notch ill like it so i agreed to give him a blowjob. and i didnt like it, and then he said he'll try it on me so i said ok and i still didnt like it. it was just neutral i was daydreaming through it.
but heres the thing - WHY didnt i like it? is it because im not into men? or is it because i was nervous? or confused? or didnt know what to do? or because i just have a low sex drive cus of my bad mental health?
so for a while i thought maybe i was bi but asexual? and i started questioning everything, did i even ever like girls? i made a post on here and i was told u cant just turn asexual u would have been ur whole life. which is true, i wasnt asexual before all this happened. so maybe my mental health was just fucking with my sex drive?
anyway i got rid of him and all social media because i realized how much all this had changed me. i needed other peoples validation to not hate myself and yet it made me hate myself more than ever. and soon all that faded and my attraction to women returned and my sex drive returned too. and i was like, "yeah no im definitely not into men im being stupid". one thing plagued me, that my friends n school knew i was into guys and as far as they knew, i was straight or bi. which really disturbed me because i didnt want them to thnk that.
but then i met this guy for a lab project and we were in the lab together and he tried to make a move on me and pushed me really hard. i freaked out super bad and ran away. and this incident threw EVERYTHING off. i started questioning everything again.
can someone just like tell me if im just on the bi-cycle or not? i see ppl here constantly say that bi women r running away from their label, bi women are constantly using the lesbian identity. blah blah. and i cant tell if im one of those people or not? am i just in denial of my attraction to men?
because thats the thing in my head it seemed good, when i would think of it i would be like, "thats not so bad, i should have enjoyed it more", but i didnt like it when it really happened so what was th reason for that? ive never struggled with that before, ever in my life. just the past 9 months ish. thing is it doesnt seem good in my head anymore obviously cus its been so long. but like i also dont know if its supposed to feel like something. i wasnt aroused and i didnt like it, but that could be due to LOTS of reasons. and i kept doing it over and over and over 3-4 times. why???
im still confused as to whether or not i enjoyed it. cus technically i didnt, but r u supposed to? and it all seemed good in my head, just really shitty when it happened. but when i thought of it it wasnt that bad.
this has ruined me mentally so bad...and now i get intrusive thoughts about it. like ill just be chilling and ill get a mental picture of it and ill have to shake it off. like i said earlier the mental thought of it didnt seem bad, just it actually happening in reality that wasnt good. but now its like intrusive thought, not really intrusive thought but if im watching tv and a man and woman get together a random image of me blowing the man or making out with the man will show up, and in my head its kind of like a "test" to see if im into him or not.
it makes me feel really uneasy, but is it an intrusive thought or me being in denial??
plus ive always felt uncomfortable saying im a lesbian. i would never have said that in real life. idk why the word "lesbian" just seems so sexual i cant say it in real life. its like the word "pussy" to me, like how do i say it in real life without cringing super hard. ive known i was exclusively into women my whole life but idk saying the word lesbian has always seemed weird.
its also bothering me that my only experience is with a man now.
yes i know labels arent necessary but im clearly just hurting myself like this + i like labels. so i kinda just want a straight answer - according to u is this bi or lesbian? i dont really want support or validation or advice or "sexuality is fluid", like if u knew this info what would u assume i am? also another thing is im attracted to personalities or general vibe, so if i like i a girl its cus i like her vibe or personality. if i just see a random naked woman i dont feel any attraction. i dont feel attraction if i look at boobs or butt or whatever. am i supposed to? i need to know the vibe of the person (whethe shes a celebrity, influencer, or someone i know).

Out there - Patreon (for all those curious or wanting to support :))
At the Beginning
Adventure Arc - Arc 2
Wilderness Arc - Arc 3
Academy Arc - Arc 4
Previously on Leveling up the World…
Book 3 will be available on Kindle and Amazon tomorrow :D
 
Setting conditions to the Order of the Seven Moons wasn’t a wise move in most circumstances. Being a mage somewhat put things on an even footing, though not quite. It was only when the request was so insignificant from the order’s point of view that it didn’t ruffle feathers. Depending on the circumstances, it could even be viewed as a positive.
Dallion had made his involvement subject to three conditions. The main was that no one outside of the order be made aware of the deal. This was seen as reasonable from all sides and immediately guaranteed through another Moon vow. The second was free access to the copyette ruins beneath the Nerosal. If nothing else, that was the location of the magic vortex. Regardless if it was related to Adzorg or not, Dallion wanted unfettered access to it. Given events in the past, the request posed a bit of alarm, but was ultimately fulfilled.
The last condition was a bit trickier. It had taken a lot of convincing, but ultimately, Dallion had managed to obtain another vow that upon the successful completion of his mission, Adzorg not be killed. In addition, the Order would help Dallion remove his own curse, or at the very least tell him how to do it. Since they had experience in the area, it was unlikely to present a problem. On his part, if Dallion failed to stop the rise of a new Star, he’d be facing greater issues than the Order’s bad side.
None of Dallion’s guardians said a word as he made his way to the city’s arena. In truth, he himself wasn’t thrilled to be going there. That was a place that the general frequented, and the man was still owed one favor.
“I won’t be visiting him,” Dallion said, sensing the tenseness within his realm. “Besides, I’m a mage now.”
You know as well as me that he won’t let that stand, the armadil shield said. You won’t be the first mage to owe someone favors, making him a lot more eager to collect.
There was no denying that. As a precaution, Dallion cast an invisibility spell on himself as he entered the arena. With the festival over, and unlikely ever to occur again, the place had become alarmingly empty. All the Priscord family banners had been removed, along with many of the statues and portraits. One could get the unmistakable feeling that this was a foreclosed building awaiting new owners.
A few city guards were scattered about the vast corridors, just in case someone unwanted tried to steal anything of value that was left. Sealed doors and stairways ensured that no one could freely venture into the lower areas, but for a mage that didn’t present any challenge. Even without flashy or destructive spells, Dallion had picked up a few ways to enter a place without the use of doors or other openings.
Upon reaching one of the entry points, Dallion drew his harpsisword and tapped it on his boot. The blade vibrated, allowing him to seamlessly stick it through the wall, then extend his magic to create a magic portal on the other side.
You’ll need more if you’re going after the mage, Harp said, her voice a combination of vibrations that formed words.
“I know.” Dallion completed the spell, then pulled the weapon out. “That’s why I’m heading for this vortex.” He needed to increase his magic trait as many times as possible, and that meant absorbing every vortex he came across.
A second portal formed on the wall, allowing Dallion to walk through into one of the old stairwells. From there, he continued downwards.
Darkness was complete. Even with his present perception level, it was impossible to see a thing. In the past, Dallion had used Lux to light the way in such circumstances. This time, he chose to rely on another spell.
You’re relying too much on magic, Ariel criticized from Dallion’s domain.
“Maybe.” Dallion replied. From his view, he wasn’t relying enough.
The descent continued for another ten minutes. Then, finally, the “modern” staircases ended and the ancient glory of the copyette ruins began. There were many things that could be said about the imprisoned races at the height of their power. Pan claimed there was nothing that could rival a copyette city. Of course, he tended to be a bit biased on the topic. Seeing his share of ruins during his time as a hunter, Dallion had witnessed the majesty of many forgotten wonders of architecture. If he had enough time he would have gladly roamed through what was left of the ruined city in an attempt to recreate it in his mind. Sadly, his focus wasn’t anything built by copyettes, but the vortex that had appeared there.
After another minute walking through chambers and corridors, Dallion took out his aetherizer and looked at it. The purple dot appeared close.
It’s in the middle of the next corridor to the right, boss, Gem said. Dallion had offered to make the aetherfish the guardian of the device, but Gem had refused—he enjoyed exploring the real world too much to be stuck in another realm.
Less than fifty steps later, the purple glow of magic became visible. It was just as Gem had said… or rather, close enough. While part of the vortex was indeed visible in the corridor, its main part happened to be in a small room leading off of it. Dallion tried to look in, but the magic intensity was too high for him to see a thing.
Looking closely at the outer threads, Dallion was able to read a small part of the magic instructions, most notably that the vortex had ceased to exist over a month ago, possibly even three.
Afterglow, he thought.
Just as powerful vortexes gleamed before they appeared in the world, after images were also present long after the fact. One significant detail was that afterimages could allow a mage to absorb the tower as if it were the real thing.
“Ready?” Dallion asked.
The vertex was different from the ones he’d seen before. Back in the Academy, he was dealing with lingering concentrations of magic energy. This had the appearance of a tower… very much like the one during his failed awakening trial.
“Ruby, slash the walls.”
The shardfly flew off Dallion’s shoulder, sending a small tornado of wind slashes. Sections of the walls crumbled, revealing more of the vortex.
As Dallion suspected, the vortex had the general shape of a tower. The threads of the outside formed a solid impenetrable surface, at least for everyone who didn’t know where to look.
“Stop,” Dallion said after a while.
If Nil were here, he would have said that destroying a tunnel while still in it wasn’t the best of ideas. Thanks to Dallion’s scholar skills, he was able to make an adequate assessment of the situation. It also helped that he was constantly splitting the entire time.
A few of his instances examined some of the newly revealed parts of the vortex. In one case, Dallion tried placing his hand on the magic tower with the hope that he’d trigger a response. No such thing happened. Even so, it soon became clear that every seventeen thousand and six hundredth thread was visibly dimmer than the rest.
At least it’s not the top, Dallion thought, then infused his harpsisword to slice a sliver of an opening.
​
VORTEX AWAKENING
​
The familiar purple rectangle appeared. The moment it was gone, Dallion found himself on a floating chunk of rock beneath a purple sea above.
​
You are in a level 4 VORTEX
Defeat the guardian to Absorb the VORTEX
​
An upside-down world? Dallion wondered. Glancing at his shoulder, he saw Ruby still there. That suggested that at least gravity was normal for the moment.
Cautiosly, Dallion split into two instances. Some vortexes were temperamental and didn’t react well to combat splitting. The moment he did, a wave formed on the sea above.
A bird of blue flames emerged and after making several circles round him perched on Dallion’s free shoulder. Ruby flicked his wings. Vortexes were the only places in which Dallion’s realm and real world guardians could interact effortlessly, sometimes leading to the occasional grumble.
“Check for anything suspicious, Lux,” Dallion said. “Don’t fight. I don’t want any mess-ups like last time.”
With a loud chirp, the firebird darted off, disappearing from view.
“Harp, Onda, anything you can tell me about that?”
Neither of the guardians replied. For some reason, whenever a question was presented to both of them, Onda would remain silent unless Harp responded first.
“Harp?” Dallion asked again.
I can’t give you advice, the nymph replied.
That, in a way, gave Dallion his answer. Just to make sure, he took his harpsisword and did a spark infused point attack straight up. Force shot out from the tip of the weapon, as a white beam within the realm of purple. The moment it hit the sea, a vast amount of water moved aside. A hole briefly emerged, though it was short-lived—the volume of magic water wore down the force of the strike until it had no further effect. Loud splashes filled the created space, sending ripples throughout the sea in the form of giant waves.
Send an echo to check out the water, the armadil shield suggested. I know your thoughts on the matter, but it’s the safest way.
Ignoring the advice, Dallion cast a flight spell and slowly flew up. He strongly suspected that there was some trap laying in wait. Either the ocean itself was going to react to him, or something beneath it. Even with the differences between types of vortexes, that principle never changed.
Knowing that he remained safe in the air, Dallion burst into instances. Waves covered the entire sea, raging as if a massive storm had begun.
One single instance of Dallion increased its speed, flying faster towards the surface. Over five hundred feet away, the reaction everyone was expecting took place. Spikes of water shot up like tentacles, aiming to pierce the instance. Before they got a chance, Dallion ended it, choosing another to become reality.
“So, that’s your game,” he said.
The sea was nothing less than a barrier shielding the vortex guardian. In order to reach his destination, he had to somehow puncture it and move to the space beyond.
Lux, Dallion thought. Have you found anything?
There was a loud pop a few feet from Dallion marking the firebird’s return.
Nothing, boss, the familiar replied. I’d say send little bro to check out the water. He’s good at this.
“I’m sure.” Jellyfish were at home in water. However, with Gem’s level still so low, Dallion didn’t want to risk it. It didn’t help that he remained uncertain how the creature was supposed to level up. Originally, he thought that feeding it magic would do the trick. That hadn’t been the case.
Focusing on the water, Dallion this time combined his magic and layer vision. Surely enough, the appearance of the sea changed. No longer was it a monolithic liquid, but millions of magic threads, a fraction of the size of a human hair. Interestingly enough, they didn’t have any firm connections to anything, but were freely moving about attaching and detaching at will.
Concentrating harder, Dallion tried to spot any anomalies or thread instructions, but his current level of magic prevented him from doing so. After half a minute, slight tension emerged in Dallion’s temples.
“Harp,” he said, closing his eyes. “Without giving any advice, is there an easy way through this?”
Yes, the harpsisword replied. But not for you.
“I thought so.” Dallion opened his eyes. Despite his many tricks, he was going to have to rely entirely on magic. Still, that didn’t exclude combining it with any of the other skills he had.
Unsummoning his weapons and gear, Dallion extended his internal magic. Minuscule threads emerged from every part of his body, surrounding him like a defensive mesh. Now he had a layer of defensive skin, very much like a platypain. That was just the first part of his plan.
What exactly do you intend to do? Harp asked from within his awakening realm.
“Have a violent swim,” Dallion replied, commencing a new spell. “A violent swim in the world’s largest potion.”
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this story, consider joining my patreon or check out my other stories on redditserials:
The Scuu Paradox (a Space Opera Sci Fi)
The Cassandrian Theory (a Space Opera Sci Fi)
The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon (Dungeon Core Adventure Comedy)
Uncharted Waters (An Urban Fantasy Detective Noir)

Trigger warning: Mentions of abuse
÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷
First Previous [Next]()
÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷

POV: Milko

I didn't know how Mateo did it. Forgave so easily. I was not that good; not that benevolent.
The way I saw it, the galaxy was a cruel thing tenanted mostly by uncaring inhabitants who willfully caused pain and suffering to other beings, or at least felt no concern for the hurt they dealt or tolerated.
Whenever I thought about my father - the begetter of children he never saw as people but merely expendable commodities - I started to seethe and sulfuric, slender ringlets of smoke drifted menacingly from my nostrils.
It's not like I didn't try to be better, I really did. Those hours trying to get help from him to my mother bleeding to death in front of me spawned a darker me. The hours sitting in my mother's and siblings' blood with the quiet of their deaths screaming in my mind, those hours depleted something vital in me.
I am able to forgive if not forget. I forgave the commander when he intentionally hurt me with the gravity change. I forgave the IASO for her antics in our initial interview. But my sire? I didn't think so. Other Coltavalke? I didn't feel like being a member of that particular gang.
So how is Mateo ok with Ouer, the Eoan teenager?!? Her entire species was guilty of the most horrible acts against sentients and sapients. I understood not blaming the kid but how did he stay in the same room without being overwhelmed with disgust and fury?
Well, Mateo was befriending the monster lookalike and I was there to support him.
We were behind the door of the youth habitation unit belonging to Saša, Ouer's guardian for the moment. An almost breathtakingly handsome, young Deblom male opened the door.
Deblom male: Yes? Who're you here for?
Milko (after shaking his head slightly to clear her thoughts): I'm Milko, a Coltavalke, and this is Mateo, a human. We're here for Ouer.
Deblom male: Who?
Mateo: It's ok, we're on the list of approved visitors.
Deblom: Great for you.
His handsomeness was waning in my eyes. There's no beauty in the galaxy to make up for these manners. Still, I tried again, politely. I tried to keep smoke from escaping but keeping it in was making my eyes water.
Milko: This is Saša's habitation unit, isn't it?
Deblom: Maybe.
Mateo: Is Saša here?
Deblom: ^Don'tknow.
Or care, it seemed. He was leaning to the doorframe at an increasingly alarming angle. His eyes were half closed in a way he probably thought was sexy but came across as exhausted and dull. Suddenly I saw Ouer in the room behind the obtuse Deblom.
Ouer: Are you here to see me?
At the sudden sound of the low gurgling Eoan nightmare fuel of a voice, the Deblum guy exceeded his maximum lean angle and unceremoniously plonked on the floor. It was very satisfying to see him blinking several times like a confused Huuq.
I held Mateo's hand and we curtly stepped over him to our new friend.
Milko: Good...
Mateo: ...morning,...
Milko: ...Ouer!
Ouer: You came! You actually came! That guy kept telling me you didn't mean it as a promise. He said nobody would think twice betraying the likes of me!
Saša (stepping into the room from some smaller room in the back): Who said that?
It took him about half a human second to find the Deblom guy on the floor wearing an obnoxious smirk. He was lying in a weird pose on the floor, one leg bend up, opening his crotch area in a way that would be obscene if it weren't so utterly ridiculous. Saša sighed.
Mateo: Saša, we came to take Ouer to play in the private shore area. One of our friends is already there. If Ouer wants to come, of course.
Saša: This is just having some good-natured fun together, kids only?
Milko: "Young people", please, not "kids"! Sir.
Saša: Of course. It was just a slip of the tongue.
Mateo: Then yes, sir, just us. If we happen to start discussing some legal stuff, we'll inform everyone. It's not the idea, though.
Saša: Ouer, do you wish to go?
Ouer: Oh, yes, yes, please!
Saša: Use the lift at the end of the corridor. Tierpe, c'mon, let's go discuss this in my office. Up, up, up: other people need to use that threshold. It's not there purely as a background for your pin-up poses!
Mateo: We have a friend, Caleo. Please, be very careful with him. He very nearly died a few days ago. He is aquatic, small, and cute.
Milko: He used to be enslaved, his entire life until now. And his slavers directly caused his condition. He had never seen a bath, not to mention a beach. He wasn't taught anything. He didn't even have a name until Mateo gave him one.
Mateo: We were there when he woke up, and feel very protective towards him. He doesn't know how the real world works.
Milko: He has known no kindness.
Mateo: He has never had anything, not even the basics.
Milko: They didn't give the enslaved children even a glass or a mug to drink from. A bowl on the floor if they were really lucky, mostly just some used water was splashed on the floor for them to lick.
Mateo: I took a bath with him on our spaceship. He - an aquatic child - had never before been immersed in water!
Milko: Sorry to rant on you. It's not like you did anything to him.
Mateo: The injustice of it, the sheer agony these kids endured...
Milko: ...it just gets us very riled up.
Mateo: Partly because of our own trauma and enslavement. Which was not that bad.
Ouer: Not as bad?! You almost died. Your sister did die. You were tortured and eaten for months until you rescued yourself!
Milko: Not to mention the slave work we were forced to do at the space station, Mateo.
Ouer: Aren't you still having physical problems you are here to fix? And the degree of enslavement and torture is not some competition! What one person might not even remember might be extremely traumatic to another. And it doesn't mean they're weaker or anything.
Mateo: Wow, Ouer! That was well put! Race you to the elevator!
Milko: No fair! My legs are short!
Ouer (whisking by Milko): Well I don't have legs at all, just one muscular foot!
Really wouldn't have thought it possible but despite Mateo's head start the legless mollusk won the race. Soon we were at the private shore. It was - of course - an artificial beach with one-third sand and two-thirds water. The HOTCHI-station had several of these as well as other environments to help with rehabilitation after surgeries or hospital stays.
It was perfect for our purposes. Ouer wasn't guilty in any way of the previous attack on the HOTCHI station. But his physical form would trigger horrendous memories in several patients and many of the staff here. We decided public areas were to be avoided, for now.

POV: Ouer

I couldn't believe it. All my life I had been hiding, knowing exposure to others would only bring suffering and death. Our species was hated for good reason and our form was disgusting.
And here I was, on the very station our hated warriors had desecrated in acts more vile than anywhere else. But I was allowed to move around and meet people! And now someone - two someones - wanted to do something incredibly nice to me!
Their friend had never been immersed in water in his life. Mateo and Milko seemed to find this especially condemning since the child was of an aquatic species. Like me.
I didn't know if I should tell them that I hadn't even ever seen enough water to submerge in. I wondered if it would make me look too pitiful.
"Shore." I knew what the word meant. I had seen a low-resolution picture of one. I almost hyperventilated thinking I'd get to see one in real life. It was artificial, I knew that. But most things in space are.
We stepped in the omnidirectional hover-lift. The lift had minimal friction as it hovered magnetically in the shaft. The ride was smooth, as were the transitions from vertical to horizontal.
But the best part was the interior of the lift. Even though the travel only took some minutes there was ample room and an abundance of seating options. This was a hospital and the convalescents were given every opportunity to do things and not just forlornly lie on a bed.
One side was for mammals with seats that conformed to different kinds of people. On the opposing side were perches and nests for avians. That section also had branches and caverns for insectoids.
And the back wall, directly where you looked when you entered, was the section for aquatic and amphibious species. With a push of a button, you could get either freshwater or saline water in different concentrations.
You could get totally underwater, sit in a seat partially underwater, or get water osmotically just by holding onto a bar with a partially permeable membrane. I used the last method. These humans, they think of everything. You could even add small molecules of nutrients of your choice to the solution. It was so refreshing after so long in the relatively dry spaces the Terrans preferred.
In truth, when the elevator ride was over I kinda wishes it had lasted longer. But the siren song of a shore was too enticing to ignore.
The elevator chauffeured us right outside our private shore. The door faded out to let us pass into a corridor. A small cephalopod child was impatiently waiting for us.
They were mostly diaphanous with a blue tint, possibly for sun protection. Some parts of them were darker blue, presumably for more protection against harmful UV and galactic cosmic radiation.
They had no hard external shell or internal bone, three hearts were visible, and their delicate tentacles were curling and uncurling with excitement.
Caleo: Mateo! Milko! Is the shore here? Right here? I feel weird but good weird. Is that normal? Who is that with you? Are they nice? I'm feeling sooo good weird!
Mateo: Slow down a tad, Caleo! Good weird is probably excitement. Excitement is a really good feeling, right?
Caleo: Yes, good, good! Good weird excitement! A good, new word!
Milko: Caleo, this is our new friend Ouer. She is an Eoan, of the good ones. Ouer, this is our friend Caleo. We don't know the species' name, though.
Ouer: Very good and exciting to meet you, Caleo. My parents taught me how to recognize many sapient, aquatic, and amphibian species. You know, not to... accidentally mistake them for a food source. Caleo is an Urtsas. They are masters in camouflage.
Mateo: Wow, thanks, Ouer! Did you hear that, Caleo? Your people are called Urtsas!
Milko: Later, it would be really great if you, Ouer, could tell us what else you know about the Urtsas. We hope to eventually contact Caleo's people, maybe even some relatives.
Mateo: But now, behold the shore!
The large door dissolved into the air and revealed the paradise within.
Warm airflow with tiny drops of salt water caressed me tantalizingly, practically propelling my body toward the shore. I felt directional warmth and light. It looked like the ceiling wasn't there. Instead, it looked like the sky, incredibly high above. And the warmth came from a light yellow ball in the sky. I looked at Mateo, incredibly. He lifted his shoulders for a moment.
Mateo: Our cradle has one white-colored yellow dwarf star. I'm told this is an approximation of how it looks seeing it through Earth's atmosphere. It looks yellow.
Ouer: You're told? You haven't been there?
Mateo: We were six when our detestable uncle decided to kill us slowly by selling us to an Eoan ship as food. The few years with him before that weren't any better. We weren't let outside much, and he had newspapers glued to cover the windows for some obscure reason. I must have seen the Sun, but don't recall.
Milko: I'm not even sure if there are beaches on our planet. The space station we grew up on definitely didn't. This will be our first time experiencing this as well! Let's go!
These two were candid when talking about their frankly horrible past. But they were not wallowing in the wretchedness of it all. They looked towards new, positive experiences with their heads held high. They had their severe trauma. I had seen that myself. They just seemed to grasp whatever positive experiences they encountered with all manipulation extremities. And then share it others.
The floor transitioned into fine sand. There was a rockier part but I wanted to feel the sand under my foot. It was so much finer than the coarse rubble my family had to acquiesce with. Rubble made from ground, non-metallic spaceship salvage.
I reveled in the sublime experience of the smooth sand, the sunshine, and the glorious breeze. Only it was cut short by excited, high-pitched squeals. I turned around at couldn't help but laugh.
Now I knew my form was monstrous. That was the day I found out my laugh was a sound causing instinctual, instantaneous horror in other beings. Had it only been Mateo - whose association with the sound was in all probability horrific. But no. Equal terror had engulfed also Caleo and Milko, who had never heard it before.
Mateo recovered first. He had stepped in front of Milko protectively and was extending a hand to yank Caleo to safety as well. Milko had dropped her head. Something was coming out of her nostrils, something gaseous, burning, and sulfuric. Also, some sort of chitin plates on her back were raised.
Caleo had frozen mid-squeal. Half of his tentacles were pointing up at varying angles, clearly just thrown sand up in the air. A few were digging sand out of his gelatinous body, and the rest had been threading the sand, making him half-sink inside the sand dune.
I couldn't help it. It was all so hilarious. I fell backward into the sand and roared in laughter. As I said, Mateo recovered first.
Mateo: That... that eldritch sound came from you?
Milko: Eldritch?
Mateo: Right. It's a handy word for something otherworldly, eerie, and unnatural that inspires immediate fear.
Milko: A good word working hard to convey a lot of meaning.
Mateo: Quite. Ouer, was that your laughter?
Ouer: Well, yes. Caleo looked so adorably funny, I couldn't help it!
Hardly had I said that when something sandy and sticky with way too many thin tentacles jumped on my unsuspecting and unprepared soft part. It was my turn to squeal shrilly. Except it came out more like a feeble yelp due to the tentacles pressing on my air-breathing organ.
I was stunned for a moment. A good thing I was. The child was obviously not attacking with menace but incredibly with joy. They were laughing in a way that distantly mimicked mine! Seeing that my other two friends' alarm converted into hilarity as well.
The sand was fun but the smell of salt water and the sound of the water moving rhythmically soon became irresistible. When we arrived at the point where the water started we all just looked at it in wonder. It was magical. It was soothing. Peaceful. Awe-inspiring. Home.
In the shallow, the water was turquoise and moved further into the sand and then back again in a gentle, slightly froth-edged movement. The water seemed to sparkle in the light of the sun. I was hypnotized.
Mateo: Those are waves! They're so...so... beautiful!
Ouer: Yes, that's the word I was looking for: waves!
Caleo: Ayeeeij!
We turned to look at Caleo who was waddling towards the water. He stopped at a place where the water was only a few centimeters deep.
Caleo: Ooooh, I like this moving water! And I like the water-sand that moves under me! C'mon, you slow people, come try this!
That was all the rest of us needed to join the kid. Mateo had quickly taken off most of his clothes and was wearing short pants. I had to fast intake a large amount of air when I saw the scars on his body.
I would never, ever, in any circumstance belittle anyone's trauma again like I did when we first met. How - just how - had he survived?
He joined Caleo in the shallow water, lifting his legs like a decapod crustacean, trying to bring wet sand up with his toes and throwing water on himself - and Caleo who happened to be near him. Caleo retaliated by sucking water in through their body and then squirting it on Mateo's face in a stream. A war ensued, one with water, wet sand, and laughter as weapons.
I looked at Milko. She stood timidly at the fringe of the water, just letting the very tips of her feet touch the water. She felt my gaze and looked a little embarrassed.
Milko: I don't think our planet has surface water in any meaningful quantities. We have mountains and meadows, valleys and small mountain brooks. And rocky desert galore. I'm also not sure if my form is compatible with floating.
Mateo: Neither is Ouer's. You could always dive and just come back up for short periods to take some air.
Milko: Brother, you don't swim either!
Mateo: No. But I can always stand and walk in shallow water. And I can sit in the water!
And that's when he plopped down to sit. The water splashed everywhere, even on Milko. I got some, too. That's when Milko charged right in front of Mateo, made herself as wide as possible, and splashed him really well when she plopped down to sit.
Mateo cleared the water from his face and laughed. But that was the moment the dragon girl had waited. She lifted and struck the water hard on her long, prehensile, and powerful tail. Mateo got a good spurt of salt water into his open mouth.
By then Milko had sprinted away. Mateo gave chase. But the two were laughing the entire time. It was just play.
I went to the shallow and let the waves wash my lower body. It was almost overwhelming. Caleo approached me and tapped my shell with one thin tentacle.
Caleo: I know. More water than you can understand. I had no words. I couldn't think, just feel.
We stood there together for several minutes, two aquatic beings, pondering things too big for our brains.
Caleo: Wanna go deeper?
Ouer: I'm afraid I go underwater completely and my gills won't work. I have never needed them before.
Caleo: Don't worry. Even if they don't work, you can hold your breath until you get up again.
Ouer: You are very smart.
Caleo: No, I'm dumb. No one says it here, but my owners did. All the time.
Ouer: They weren't your owners, Caleo. They were criminals, kidnappers, and slavers. Slavers of children, which makes them the worst of all slavers.
Caleo: What is kidnapping?
Ouer: Take a person away by force or by lying and not letting them go.
Caleo: They didn't do that. They bought my egg and made me. So I was theirs to do what they liked with.
Mateo: Is that what they said? They were lying to you. They didn't make you, Caleo. Your parents did.
Caleo: But maybe my parents gave ... sold...
Milko: That doesn't matter. Stolen, bought, kidnapped, cheated, found, incubated, whatever. You are a sapient being and sapient beings cannot be owned.
Mateo: Ouer was right: they didn't own you. They were illegally keeping you imprisoned, they hurt you and they forced you to work for them. They are scum.
Caleo: Scum?
Mateo: You know how trash comes to the surface of water? If you have really dirty, trashy, smelly, horrible water, what comes to the surface of that? The most horrible of the horrible? That is scum.
Caleo let out a peal of surprised laughter. We all joined. Then we all went a little deeper into the water. Caleo suddenly disappeared from view to our alarm. But soon I could see them swooshing here and there, propelled by their tentacles. I pointed them to Mateo and Milko.
I approached the deep carefully. The more of my body I got under water the better I felt. The buoyancy of the water made me feel a lot more graceful. A lot less monsterlike.
At some point, I realized I was getting oxygen from the water when my gills were still above it.
Ouer: Mateo and Milko, why am I breathing water without my gills?!
Milko: I read about this. Many beings like you can breathe through your skin. And your gills double as a sort of mouth.
Ouer: Mouth?!? You're not serious!
Mateo: It's true. If you are in a body of water that has food particles, your gills trap those small particles. You are quite remarkable, Ouer!
Ouer: Can you come with me to the deep water? I'm a little apprehensive still...
Mateo; I would love to ... but ... I don't know how to swim...
Ouer: Oh, I'm sorry I asked.
Mateo: It's nothing. I mean...it doesn't matter.
Caleo: Ouer! Ouer! Ouer! Come and swim with me!
Mateo: Go on, Ouer! Go have fun!
And fun I had! I started to feel like these people could be trusted. Mainly because they genuinely wanted to give me and Caleo a wonderful day. And they asked no questions or even hinted that I should now reciprocate somehow.
I slept so well after that day. I only wondered if our planet used to be like that. I also wondered if my parents experienced water like that.
And slowly I started to feel some hope for the future. Maybe my people could find a watery home. Live and not only exist.
÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷¢÷
First Previous [Next]()

My neighborhood has always had a extreme population of stray animals in it. While many of the dogs have been caught,the same can’t be said about the cats. While coming home at night, every house you look at has one or two pairs of glowing little eyes staring back in your direction. No matter how many cats we get out of the neighborhood, more just seem to keep coming. This has caused people to move out of the neighborhood, making the place seem vacant and barren. Hardly anyone batted an eye in wanting to buy the houses, which is why I was surprised a new neighbor moved in. As the moving trucks drove up to the driveway on the house next to me, I went to greet the person who was my soon to be neighbor. As I welcomed him into the neighborhood, he asked “Why is there so many cats in this neighborhood?”. I responded by telling him that’s how it’s always been and that I was surprised he hadn’t noticed before purchasing the house. He responded “This won’t do, but I have just the thing to get rid of these cats, would you like me to get rid of them?”. I was intrigued, so I asked “Could you do it?”. He replied “Of course I can,by the end of tonight you should see less and less cats in the neighborhood.” I was super curious, so I decided to say my goodbyes and walk back to my house. The rest of the day went by slowly, but as I was getting ready for bed I heard a cat scream. I usually hear them making noise, I’ve even heard a cry or two from cat fights, but never a scream. The cats scream echoed in my ear as it slowly faded away into nothingness. I wondered if this was what my neighbor was talking about, but decided to leave it and let it do its thing. That night, I woke up multiple times to the same noise. It was always a cat screaming, screaming in pain, screaming for help, only to get no response as its screams turned to cry’s then to silence. I woke up the next morning groggy from the awful sleep I got, but as I went outside I had noticed that there were no cats to be seen, and the ones that could be seen seemed to be hiding from something. I went to knock and knocked on my neighbors door. He opened up the door, and asked me if I had liked that he cleaned up the cat problem. I responded “Yes, but what were you using that caused such a reaction from the cats?”. While he replied “I can’t share my methods, but it’s something my grandfather had used for hunting back when deer had overpopulated his local ecosystem”. While still curious to see if I could get the answer out of him, I quickly left it at that as I had to get to work. I drove to work, got on with my day, and after my tiring 10 hour shift I immediately went home and crashed on my bed. I didn’t even bother to change out of my clothes, but instead just drifted off into a deep sleep. I was awoken about a hour later when I heard a familiar sound from the night before, the screaming from a cat. I tried to sleep through it, but then I heard a different sound from before. I shot up as I heard the barks from a dog, I heard growling, then the dog barked one last time till I fell completely silent. After that, I heard a few more cats than nothing more for the night. As I awoke the next morning, I was surprised to see my neighbor putting boxes into a moving van. “Leaving so soon?” I asked him. He turned to me, his face looking like all the blood drained from it. “I have no time to talk right now” he exclaimed as he walked to get more boxes. I followed him, grabbing a box myself. “Why move in for a couple of days just to move out after, was it because of the cats?” I said as I put a box into the van. “The cats are the least of this neighborhood’s problems,I suggest you get out as well.” He told me with a shakeup voice. He looked so pale like he was about to pass out, so I suggested to him to take a small break and sit down to recuperate, which he did. While sitting down, I asked him what got him all worked up. He then explained that he heard a dog last night, crying out in pain, and after hearing it started to pack. I laughed a bit, finding it ironic that the same guy that had no problem getting cat’s murdered drew the line when it came to a dog. The neighbor look at me furiously “Get off of my property , I will not sit here as you mock me.”. “You and this whole neighborhood don’t know what’s soon to come, and you’ll be sorry that you made a fool of me” exclaimed my neighbor as I walked back to my house. He then slammed the last box into the van, shut it closed, and sped off as fast as he could. I was confused by the whole encounter, and just decided to get dressed for work. After my 8 hour shift at the office, I went home to watch television and eat some hot pockets. I walked to my room, then I heard a crashing at my farthest window. I heard the noise of claws scraping on the floor and the low growl of a feral animal. I thought some sort of wolf broke into the house, so I went to my room, locked it, then climbed into my closet as I clutched a baseball bat I had in there. I heard something pounding it’s full body weight against my door as I heard it begin to crack. As the door finally gave in, I began to realize what had scared my neighbor so much. I clutched my bat as I began to realize it too, The dog that was killed isn’t what startled him, but instead what it made him realize. Whatever thing the neighbor released into the neighborhood. It was moving up the food chain.

Got this part finished! It took some doin, but I got there. Anyway, let me know what you guys think, and I hope you enjoy. I'm not very good at these intros.
First / Prev / Next (Coming eventually)
----------
“-ck.”
David’s apartment wasn’t overly furnished to begin with. He lived with the bare essentials that came with state housing, but the fiks decided to make it more homy. Their idea of a home was converting it into a flophouse. Beds, cots, and pallets soon spread out along the walls while boxes and crates soon took up residence in the middle of the room. His coffee table, end tables, and small dining set were conspicuously absent.
He stared slack-jawed for a moment before a crash sounded from his kitchen. “Saa! No food!”
“Lie! How can human starve?” After a brief pause, “Saa! No food!"
David was about to investigate when a short…well, relatively short fik stood in his way. “Ah, David! Yes, yes, we come as soon as we could.” He was just a few inches taller than David and wearing more ornate garb. About as ornate as something stolen from a seamstress’ dumpster. He was also an albino. That was important to fiks, right?
“Am Wesh. Clan Ermin.” That sounded important, alright.
“Ermin? Are you the one in charge here? Tell them to stop ripping up my-“
Another clatter sounded from the kitchen. “Look, look! Hidden door!” Oh right, the pantry. Great. Now they’re in his walls.
With a content smile the Ermin said, “Yes, this will be good den. The wise clan lives close.” He illustrated his point by interlacing his fingers. “Builds strong bonds. And now with human! Wise human no less!”
“Wise? Look man, if I was wise, I’d be doing better than I am. Now, will you tell them-“
“Bah! Yes, human wise…Maybe David does not see. Or hear. Wesh hears wisdom you recite.”
“…You could hear me in the shower?” he asked sheepishly.
“Saaaaa. Yes. David sings song of fik! Sings of fik’s struggle in new world. About lies and hate fik suffer. But our fighter spirit keeps us going. Keeps us strong. You sing such wisdom without knowing?” He placed his hands on David’s shoulders, “Fear not! Wesh will hear and speak David’s wisdom. Even if David cannot see.” With a pat on the shoulder the albino shuffled away to the warriors who seemed at odds over sleeping arrangements.
“I guess it’s good to know they like Simon and Garfunkel.” He mumbled to himself. David summoned his courage to finally investigate what was happening in his kitchen when the door chimed, and the apartment went abruptly silent.
*****
Sarif didn’t need a canid nose to know something was off. The various tables and bits of broken furniture stacked up beside the building leading a trail of dust and debris to David’s door was a decent tip off. Another would be the small din coming from the building. Sure, any tenant could be having company over making a decent noise, but they wouldn’t stop after pressing David’s chime. But of course, she could also smell the small number of people who’ve passed by recently. It didn’t seem likely David would give up being a recluse overnight. What worried her was the smell of his pursuers from last night.
After a moment of silence, Sarif pounded on the door as a bit of anxiety seeped into her mind.
“Who’s there?” called David.
She let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “It’s me. I’ve come to check on you, and…And apologize.” She struggled to get the last word out.
After a brief pause the door slid partially open revealing David’s suspicious expression. “Apologize?”
“Yes…Who’s in there with you?” She looked above him, but no one was in view. The place looked like a mess.
“Just, uh…Just some friends. Could you maybe come back another time? Now’s a bit…Busy.”
She quirked an eyebrow. “Please let me in. It’s-“ She caught herself before saying ‘my job’ “Important to me that I know you’re safe.”
With a grimace David looked back into his apartment before relenting and opening the door. Her eyes quickly scanned the room looking for the intruders as she stepped through the threshold. The fiks were hiding in the doorways to the kitchen and bedroom. She caught sight of the impromptu bedding and realized this was an infestation.
She took a couple strides to put herself between as many of them and David as she could. “David, what are they doing here?” she demanded in a hoarse whisper. “They were the ones chasing you last night. You’re letting them move in?”
“I’m not letting them do anything.” He replied as hushed as he could. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m a bit on the short side. When someone twice my height wants to do something there’s not much I can do about it.”
Her eyes narrowed as she looked over her shoulder before leaning down and whispering in his ear, “Do you need me to get rid of them? If you feel in danger I’ll-“
“No! No. They’re fine. Just a bit…excited? Eager?” He sighed, “Look…Last night was a bit of a misunderstanding. I didn’t know all of this was happening until a few minutes ago. It’ll sort itself out.”
“You can’t let these people stay here. It’s not safe. They’re…”
It was David’s turn to squint, “They’re what?”
“You know.”
“No, I don’t. Enlighten me.”
“They’re dangerous. They steal, they’re violent-“
“Violent? Violent? Everyone in this galaxy is violent. So far, they haven’t stolen anything, and have been polite with everything I’ve asked. Meanwhile the other high and mighty races have done their very best to make my life a living Hell. They haven’t beaten me. They haven’t starved me! They haven’t shoved shit in me without my consent like those fucking snakes or big fuckers did!” David shouted while pointing to the scar behind his ear. He realized he was shouting and leaned around Sarif to see a dozen or so eyes staring at the two.
Sarif closed her eyes and took a breath. “Look, I…I’m sorry. I’m sure they’re fine. I just…” She looked up and around, searching for the words. “I’m trying my best to keep you safe. I really am. Sometimes that…Sometimes that makes me come off a little harsh. You know the galaxy isn’t a nice place. So do I. I tend to see the worst in people.” She looked down into his eyes, “Will you meet me halfway? Help me, help you? I just want to help you however I can.”
The tension left David as he sighed and rubbed his forehead. He opened his mouth to speak when there came a rough knock at the door.
*****
Hilda took a seat at the bar in the Aimless Wind Café. It had mostly emptied out as the breakfast rush died down. She perused the menu on her comm then checked for any upcoming entertainment. Looks like authentic human music was a random flash promotion. After a brief wait, a black furred felinoid walked up behind the counter.
“Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah, I’ll take a tea and is the owner in today?”
She looked the taurian up and down before replying, “Sure. I’ll go grab him.” With that she disappeared into the back. A few minutes passed as Hilda looked around the restaurant. It wasn’t small exactly. The bar and stage took up a good portion of the room, but judging by the tables the place could seat just over fifty patrons.
“Well, if it isn’t our resident human wrangler. A bit wilier than herding troqs, huh?”
Is my accent that bad? The man rose to eye-level on the hidden step that ran the length of the bar. He was dressed in more conservative clothing with a handkerchief tied around his nubs holding his hair back. While he readied the kettle and dug out a large earthenware cup, Hilda cleared her throat.
“We grew nist, but yeah. I’m here to-“
“Learn what you can about our little music-man.” He set the cup down in front of Hilda and began wiping down the immaculate counter. “He’s been here a few times; engaging in his impromptu therapy sessions. Not much of a talker I’m afraid. What were you hoping to learn?”
Hilda went back and forth in her head about just how much she wanted to say, before deciding honesty would be best. “This is…only our second day with David. So far, we’ve only read his file, picked him up from the hospital, then chased him through half the station. We can’t get a word in edgewise because he doesn’t trust…Well, anyone. But, he kept coming here. I just want to see why. Maybe find something we can do to help him.”
The owner raised his eyebrows then leaned on the bar, “Well. I suppose things have nowhere to go but up, now. If you were looking for some great truth or revelation about David, I’m afraid I have none. All I can say is the man loves-no, needs to sing. I don’t know why. Maybe it distracts him from the here and now or takes him back to when life made more sense to him. Though, if I were to guess…I would say he probably always loved singing. Might well have been his drive before everything was stolen.”
She mulled that over. For someone without all the answers the man had a better bead on David than most of the evals in his file. “That’s as good a guess as any. I just don’t know what I can do with that Mr…”
“Rodrik, and it may be a bit selfish on my part, but it also may bring David a bit out of his shell. Maybe you and your partner could finally bring our bard to perform on that stage over there.” He pointed to the back corner. “I’m more than willing to accommodate whatever he needs.” Standing straight again he told her, “I’ll be here whenever if he decides to perform up there or in the back. I live on the floor above. For now, Shasa here will take care of you.”
Stepping back down, the man passed the felinoid and returned to the backroom. Hilda nursed her tea and thought when Shasa spoke. “I do hope you get him to perform again. I’m a bit of a fan now.”
Hilda eyed the woman. She realized her fur wasn’t solid black but covered in hazy, faint spots. A bit on the taller and bulkier side for felinoids she seemed a bit out of place, but she didn’t know why. “Have you spoken to David much?”
“Not as much as I’d like to. He’s adorably uncomfortable whenever anyone is…particularly friendly to him. But I do love a man with baggage. They melt in your hands once they’re comfortable around you. Lean on you for support. Oh, but you’re not here for that kind of advice. Or are you?” She smiled mischievously.
Squinting at the other woman, Hilda rose and paid her tab, “Thanks. I guess.” She left the café and headed for David’s apartment, learning all she could and a bit more besides. I’m gonna have to keep an eye out for that one.
*****
The room was silent for a beat before Sarif opened the door. She was staring at a leather clad chest before she craned her neck back and saw the single largest fik she had ever seen. I didn’t know they could get that big.
The fik woman seemed equally confused to see Sarif and looked past her to the other fiks approaching the door.
“Chief!” called a fik.
“Chief?” parroted David and Sarif in unison.
A grin split the chief’s lips as she bowled past Sarif and strode in to meet her clan.
“Hey! You can’t just barge in here!” cried Sarif as she rebounded off the wall and planted her paws.
“Why? Am chief. Chief can go anywhere.” The fik giant explained as if to a child. Ignoring the canid, the chief’s gaze wandered the apartment before settling on David, “You!” She took a couple quick strides before bending down and scooping David up in a bear hug.
Sarif launched herself with reckless abandon at the fik’s back with teeth and claws bared. The chief spun as she hauled David up throwing Sarif’s lunge off causing her to shoot past. She dug her claws in the floor and spun around. David was effectively a hostage and meat shield.
I’m gonna have to go low or else I’d rip David open with her. But what if she lands on him? That could be just as…Wait, what’s she saying?
The fik, seemingly oblivious to the attack was rocking David side to side saying, “So happy to finally find you! Humans so hard to find. Always hiding. Always running. But now I have you! You’ll be so safe and happy now!”
She blinked. That wasn’t quite what she expected, but violence still hadn’t been ruled out. She was plotting her next move when she noticed a sharp blade of some description enter her peripheral, threatening her to stay still. Right. The others.
Then the door opened.
*****
Hilda heard voices and a scuffle as she approached the door. Deciding she needed to get in there quickly she opened the door and stepped inside.
She didn’t know how to process what she was seeing. There were almost a dozen fiks around the redecorated room. One was just about her size, clutching a squirming David while another was holding a knife to Sarif who had murder in her eyes. And all eyes were on her.
The door slid shut behind her when she turned and glared at the big fik. “Put. Him. Down.”
A confused expression crossed her face. She looked down and saw the human struggling for air then released him. He dropped to the floor gasping for breath, bracing his hands on his thighs.
Her gaze settled on Sarif who was beginning to relax. “What happened?”
“These f-“ She glanced at David, “These people broke in and seem to be trying to move in.”
A white fik stepped forward, “There are lies! Fik was welcomed into new den. David is most gracious. Fik would not break anything!”
“I broke something!” Piped up a fik in the back.
“Silence!” the white fik yelled, spinning around.
“You about broke David’s spine!” Sarif growled and stalked up to the chief. “Where do you get off thinking you can just whip him around like that?”
She seemed unperturbed by the chastisement. “Human is fine. Sulta knows her own strength.” The argument carried on for another couple minutes when the door chimed again.
*****
That’s it! I’m ripping the chime off and bricking up the door! No more visitors! No more headaches! David had slipped out of the middle of the verbal clash in case it became more physical, but that put him closest to the door. With a roll of his eyes and a groan he answered it.
Standing in the doorway was a blue and red colored avian. It gave David a quick glance before handing him a slim paper package. “You must be David. Not a lot of humans running around here. Anyway, have a pleasant day!” he called before striding down the street.
David tried to get a question out but the avian’s long legs carried him away before David even knew what to ask. With a sigh he inspected the package. It was more like an old Earth manilla envelope, bulging with something weighty. It had his address and even a description of him, but no return address or even the name of the sender.
Frowning down at it he turned around and closed the door once again. Then looked up and realized he was once again the center of attention.
“Uh…You all keep doin…Whatever. I’m gonna go check my mail.” He shuffled along the wall until he entered his bedroom then shut the door. Thankfully he was alone.
He sat down in his desk chair by his comically oversized desk and pulled out the envelope’s contents. It held a pad and a card. He set the pad aside a read the card with someone’s face on it.
You are formally invited to attend the celebration of life/graveside service of Mortemer J. Albrecht.
A funeral? I don’t even know this guy. He quickly read the dates and brief life summary on the inside before setting it aside and powering on the pad. It blinked to life before displaying the front camera view. God, I look terrible.
It blinked a couple times before scanning his face, with special attention to the eyes. I wonder if I get to keep this thing. Passing whatever check, the pad displayed the directions to the desolate planet Mr. Albrecht was going to be buried on. It drew up a diagram of the landing zone, gravesite, and where the Guardians will wait.
Guardians? Plural? Realization dawned on him. Multiple humans in one place. They never did that. David never fully understood why. He missed that bit of collective trauma. In some instances, it made him feel more disconnected to humanity than he already was.
He continued reading the invitation. It seems Mr. Albracht wanted as close to a traditional funeral as he could have, but he had no surviving family. That’s where David and the other invited humans come in. He pondered his options. He really didn’t want to venture out. He didn’t want to meet people and see that all too familiar pity in their eyes. Especially other humans. He didn’t know if it’d be worse to see them looking as bad as himself or doing better.
On the other hand…He was lonely. It’d been so long since he’d spoken to another human. Another person with a shared background and experience. Someone who’d just understand. He thought about it for a minute before reaching a decision.
He opened the door, and it seemed everyone really went back to arguing and shouting.
“Hey!” Silence. “You.” He pointed at Ruk’sa, “Keep everyone from wreaking my apartment. You.” He pointed at Sarif, “Keep them from getting into trouble while I’m gone. You.” He pointed at Hilda, “Come here.” He stalked back into his room while everyone looked at each other.
Hilda followed him to his room. “Gone?”
David spun around and squinted at the towering taurian, “You and Sarif really want to help me?” She nodded immediately, “Then take me here.” He pointed at the uninhabited planet displayed on the pad.

This is going to sound stupid, I know. Basically, I don't like open backed headphones as much nowadays. I get hot spots, they don't fit my head super well, etc etc. I just have a weird head. WIth this in mind, I was thinking of getting either speakers, or IEMs. I can't really do speakers though because I still live with family, and IEMs, while seeming like the most appealing of both options, isolate me from the outside world far too much. The reason why isolation is such a big deal for me, is because I'm blind. So I like being able to hear what's going on around me just incase someone is knocking on my door, or they need my help doing something out in the kitchen, or something of that sort. With all of this in mind, are there any options for me? I'm aware of the Koss KSE75, and am actively thinking about getting them. I'm just not super sure how much EQ can help add some bass to those, nor am I sure how good the QC is considering it is a very cheap pair of headphones, but I am aware they have a solid reputation. I am also aware of the Audeze IEMs that are fairly open backed, but they are all either super expensive, or just fi tmy ears very strangely. It seems to not be a me issue in this case either, because there are several complaints about comfort with Audeze IEMs online that I have seen. I would also go the TWS route, but the latency might be of concern if it isn't super low, because adding latency/delay to my audio is like adding latency/delay to my eyes. Since I'm blind, I also navigate video games with hearing as well. Reddit, please sit me down and give me a talking to. I am going mad looking for a solution to this issue. SOme of you may have seen posts from me going back as far as a year ago, lmao. I'm still actively seeking something like this out. :< Thanks!

Cover Art!
Just because you’re transported to another world, doesn’t mean you’ll escape from your pain.
Abused by her parents, thirteen-year-old Frances only wants to be safe and for her life not to hurt so much. And when she and her class are transported to the magical world of Durannon to fight the monsters invading the human kingdoms and defeat the self-titled Demon King, Frances is presented with a golden opportunity. If she succeeds, Frances will have the home she never had. If she fails, Frances will be summoned back to the home she escaped.
Yet, despite her newfound magic and friends, Frances finds that trauma is not so easily lost. She is dogged by her abuse and its physical and invisible scars. Not only does she have to learn magic, she has to survive the nightmares of her past, and wrestle with her feelings of doubt and self-loathing.
If she can heal from her trauma, though, she might be able to defeat the Demon King and maybe, just maybe, she can find a home for herself.
Teaser: The Traditionalists last stand...
[The Beginning] [<=Chapter 188] [Chapter Index and Blurb] [Chapter 189 on June 5 or now on patreon]
The Fractured Song Index
Discord Channel Just let me know when you arrive in the server that you’re a Patreon so you can access your special channel.
The first sign that something wasn’t quite the same about the Greenway was when Frances, Timur and their company spotted horsemen in the far distance. They would have assumed this was Thorgoth’s scouts, but these horsemen retreated toward the Greenway and entered into the broken fortifications.
So the group entered into the Greenway fully armored and armed, ready for a fight. They rode into the underground highway, travelled for a full second day and saw nothing the matter.
Then they entered Kairon Aoun.
The ancient goblin city of Kairon Aoun had been built as a defensive city facing north. As such, the city in the great cavern it was carved out of was stepped into four tiers. To access each of the levels, the attacker would have to fight their way up a ramp that ran up the side of the rammed-earth foundation of each tier.
Every tier’s edge was also faced with a brick curtain wall with machicolations built into the ramparts. This was so that stones and other objects could be dropped, wherein they would fall down the steeply stoped sides and slam into the attackers. Many of these ramparts had fallen into disrepair when Morgan, Hattie and Frances had last passed through here.
Except, the moment Frances and her company rode through the Greenway and into the city, they could see it was alive with activity. New ramparts were being built atop of the old. In the distance, they could see old houses had been demolished and cannon batteries had been set up. Holes in the walls were being patched.
“What’s even lighting this whole thing?” Tara whispered.
Morgan pointed at the ceiling. “The ventilation shafts provide some light. I’m not sure how they ended up lighting the entire place up, though.”
“Combination of mirrors through said shafts and a goodly amount of torches,” said Timur. He glanced at Frances. “Did you know about this?”
“No I did not, let’s hope they recognize us as friendly. Colonel Tara, we’ll take the lead,” said Frances, touching her heels to her horse.
The gatehouse on the lowest level, which was protected by a low, thick wall, now swung open and a wing of cavalry rode out, Erisdalian and Lightning Battalion standards flying high.
Timur immediately recognized the troll that lead the group. “Aloudin! It’s me! We’re back!”
Captain Aloudin, eyes wide, broke his horse into a gallop. Riding ahead of the cavalry, he only stopped so that he could slap his hand into Timur’s. “Your Highness, it is good to see you. Though, you really ought not to take such risks! Who are these new arrivals?”
The prince chuckled, squeezing his friend’s hand tightly. “One of those rumored orphan brigades who decided to defect.” Timur gestured behind him. “This is Colonel Tara, who risked her life along with her troops to help us escape.”
Riding up, Tara unsheathed her saber, which she presented it to Aloudin, only for the troll to gently push it back to her.
“There’s no need for that, Colonel. We do things quite differently around here.”
Tara sighed, returning her blade to her scabbard. “I’m beginning to see that. Makes me wonder why I didn’t try to leave earlier.”
“The first step is always the hardest,” said Frances. She shook Aloudin’s hand as well. “What’s going on here, Aloudin? I know our long term goal was to fortify Kairon-Aoun, but we hadn’t the manpower to spare.”
The captain pursed his lips before they twisted into something between a grimace and a smirk. “We got some important news and new orders. I’ll show you. Follow me.”
One thing that Ayax and Elizabeth hadn’t accounted for when they ran up into the attic was the lack of a water source, and any way to dispose of waste.
So by the next day of their hiding, the trio stuck in the attack were wearing cloth masks, thirsty as hell, and hoping the odor wasn’t going to alert anybody.
“This shit stinks,” Leila growled.
Elizabeth touched a hand to Leila’s cheek. The girl’s color had returned and after some very reluctant healing by Ayax, she was now able to sit up. “You’re right, but I think you’re much better now.”
“I feel better.” Leila staggered to her feet, pushing the covers off of her. “Does Janize know you found me?”
Ayax snorted. “We told her while you were napping. She’s pissed.” The troll walked over. “Do you think you’re ready to move?”
“I take it you’ve come up with something?” Leila asked.
Elizabeth pursed her lips. “Yes. You need to convince Janice we need to launch the attack now.”
“Excuse me what? Are you insane? We haven’t—” Leila rubbed her sweat-matted hair with her bandaged hands. “Wait, how long have I been captured?’
“ A week. You were out for one of those days,” said Ayax.
“Then you’re right. Darius will have to make a move now that he knows I’ve disappeared. Wait, Janize doesn’t—Of course she doens’t. She’s cautious by nature. Get her on the mirror right now!”
“You could use please,” said Elizabeth, handing Leila her mirror.
“Leila—”
“Janize, there’s no time. You need to barricade yourself in a safe place with as many guards as possible, perhaps the throneroom and get the attack started by tonight.”
Frowning, the queen’s eyes narrowed as she stared at the mirror with a mixture of confusion. “Love, we haven’t finished preparing—”
“There’s no time! Darius and Scarlet know I’ve been rescued. They’ll attack as soon as they get everything in order because they know you can move to arrest them!” Leila put her hands up to the mirror. “Love, they’ll stop at nothing until you’re dead.”
Janize’s eyes widened and she whispered, “What did they—”
“It doesn’t matter, Janize. Please, you need to issue the orders now!”
The queen exhaled slowly. “Alright. Ayax, Elizabeth, are your forces in place?”
Elizabeth, relaxing a little, smiled. “Martin and Ginger found a way to get to the Water Tower and to deploy reinforcements into the palace. We still need your troops to ensure the Water Tower’s guns are silent and for the main gates of the citadel to be opened to us.”
“It will be done. How are you getting out of Darius’s mansion?” Janize asked.
“When the attack takes place we’ll break out and support the attack,” said Ayax, arms crossed.
Janize pursed her lips. “Then we are going for tonight?”
The three exchanged a glance and all nodded.
“Go for tonight,” said Elizabeth. “Good hunting.”
“Good hunting.” Janize leaned forward, peering intently through the mirror. “Leila, stay alive. No matter what they did to you, you’re still mine you hear me? I still want you by my side.”
Leila blinked. She blinked again furiously and pressed her bandaged hands to her eyes. “I…Janize, thank you.”
Janize smiled. “I love you, dear. See you soon.”
Ayax had turned from the exchange. When the mirror was shut off, she let out a long, shuddering exhale.
“You are terribly lucky to have her,” she said.
Standing up, Elizabeth took Ayax’s elbow, squeezing it gently. The troll placed a hand around Elizabeth’s side, hugging her tightly.
Leila could only bow her head. “I know.”
“Because I probably would have killed you if it weren’t for her,” hissed the troll. She swallowed. “And not because of our agreement.”
The Otherworlder looked up. “Why then?”
Biting her lip Ayax stammered, “I couldn’t kill someone who doesn’t want to hurt me when they have a loved one. There’s no…no justice in that.”
With that, Ayax walked to the corner of the attack. Elizabeth gave Leila a look. “When you’re ready, we ought to call George and the Otherworlders, give them a heads up and communicate our plans.” Elizabeth then ran after Ayax, interweaving her fingers with the troll. They left Leila standing in her corner, in her own thoughts.
Half-choking, her hate-filled grunts punctuated by hacking coughs, Jessica followed Ginger down the sewer.
“I hate you. I hate you so fucking much!” she hissed.
Half-gagging herself from the smell, Ginger glanced over her shoulder and shrugged. “Hey, I just suggested it to you. You wanted to help rescue Leila.”
Two middle-fingers was Jessica’s response along with a chuckle from the Erisdalians that were part of Jessica’s unit and new band of comrades.
Ginger joined them in their chuckling. She knew she could rely on Jessica and the rest of her group. Besides, their attack was going to be much easier than what her fiance was going to be doing up high.
Taking cover behind a slightly holed house, Martin examined the area in front of the citadel.
The Lightning Battalion’s batteries had been keeping up a very long barrage. Mortars and long cannon had pounded the makeshift defense line of houses on Castle Way. After hours of bombardment, they’d breached the line.
The result was flat, rubble-covered broken ground that led up to the moat in front of the citadel and main palace within. They had no hope of knocking down every house. Houses still stood on the flanks of the Citadel, covering the road that led up to the castle’s side gate. There were also a number of houses standing on the main approach, though, this actually was better for their plans. The remaining stone foundations of the houses and charred remains in the gap would be able to cover the advance.
The bigger problem was the walls in front of them were mostly intact and the gatehouse’s drawbridge was up. Their mages could cast smoke or illusion spells to screen their approach, but that would do no good if the drawbridge was still up and the gatehouse in enemy hands.
Martin breathed in and out slowly. No, they were entirely reliant on Janize keeping up her end of the bargain.
Sitting in the throne room, Janize steepled her fingers, eyes focused on the steps to the dais.
Was her decision correct? Was she making the right choice? Had she considered everything?
Those thoughts ran in her head as she studied the carpet. The sounds of her guards and knights preparing the throne room and ensuring the main entrance was secured echoed in her ear. Yet she did her best to ignore them.
If she went through with this, she knew she’d never sit on Erisdale’s throne again. Her brother would be the last to sit on the throne and then it would be House of Conthwaite, the house of a knight and later, his offspring with a common soldier.
How had it come to this? Why had she put herself here?
The image of a fierce Otherworlder came to mind, along with the litany of decisions she’d made. Siding with Darius, rejecting the Alavari as monsters, falling in love and then realizing where she’d gone wrong. The news of the dragons in Thorgoth’s employ.
Maybe it wasn’t so bad. Maybe there was still hope. At the very least, she still had Leila.
The Otherworlder, George marched up to the dais and bowed. “Your Majesty, we’re ready to open the gates. The Water Tower’s received their orders.”
Janize sighed. “To think that there was a route to the citadel through the sewers.”
George chuckled. “At least we’re making them suffer for it.”
The queen pursed her lips. “Tell me, George. You fought against Ayax and Elizabeth at Lehrbach. You sided against them. All the Otherworlders here sided against them. Why are you willing to fight alongside them once again?”
The teen—no, young man looked away, towards the windows that lit the hall.
“I think after a year of fighting with Darius in earnest, we all realized we’d made a mistake. We’re not from your world, but we learnt enough in our own that this… what Darius was doing is wrong and no different from the worst villains from our world. We weren’t fighting Alavari, we were fighting other humans. We just…didn’t know what to do about it. So when you and Leila told us about the plan, and that we would have a chance to actually fight Thorgoth, to protect people from a world ending threat, we all jumped on it.”
Janize snorted. “You’re going to have a heck of a time convincing the other Otherworlders.”
George sighed. “We all know that, but hey, they are going to need us. I mean we are going to be fighting literal dragons.”
“That is true.” Janize closed her eyes and nodded. “Carry it out, George. Get those gates open and signal the Water Tower.”
George saluted. “Yes, Your Majesty. It’s been an honor and a pleasure.”
Through her spyglass, wrapped warmly in her bright orange cloak, the Erlenbergian mage, Ophelia Voidsailor watched the coast with her spyglass.
Despite the years Erlenberg had fought Alavaria along the northern front, and through all the naval battles on the eastern coast, Ophelia still wore orange. It’d become her calling card of sorts and she knew it gave the crew of her ship comfort to see her strut around. Honestly, she was getting a little tired of the color, but she liked the attention more.
Beside her, looking through his own spyglass, the one-eyed Eustace Windwhistler glanced at the sky. “It’s about time,” said Edana’s brother.
“I know—I see it!” Ophelia exclaimed. Before her eyes, the Water Tower, the main obstacle to the Erlenbergian fleets advance, had lowered the red banner of the traditionalist. A blue banner was being run up and more blue flares were being fired into the sky by some mage.
Eustace looked through his spyglass and nodded. “Signal to the fleet! Follow my lead. We are attacking!”
Flags ran up and down on the galloen Stormcaller, which had been named as such much to her namesake’s consternation and embarrassment. Behind Eustace and Ophelia’s warship, the long lineof Erlenbergian ships of the line ran flags up and down in acknowledgement. The entire line then followed the Stormcaller as it swung starboard toward the bay.
Underneath the Water Tower, Ginger found a ladder had been dropped into the sewer. Gingerly taking the rungs, she climbed up and was helped up by several red-uniformed harbour guardsmen. A petite woman with a musket slung over her shoulder handed Ginger a clean rag.
“Wow you stink, but I’m glad to see you. Captain Belinda of the Harbour Guard.”
“Ginger, yes, that Ginger. Are Darius’s troops reacting?”
“They are indeed. Several regiments have filed out of the Citadel and are making their way here as we speak. How many have you brought?” Belinda asked.
“A whole regiment of crack musketeers are behind me to help you secure the tower. The Erlenbergian fleet is landing marines. We’ll be fine, I’m just worried about the main assault,” said Ginger. She wiped her face and hands. “Show me the battlements. I’ll get my soldiers set up along with yours.”
“This way,” said Belinda, guiding Ginger out.
Ayax and Elizabeth silently crept down the drop-down attic stairs. Behind them, carrying a spare wand, Leila limped as quietly as she could. They could hear shouting in the mansion and the scurrying of people on the lower floors.
The trio paused to quickly grab a drink of water from a nearby pitcher left by the servants for any houseguests, before continuing on. From what they could tell, someone was having a heated discussion in the foye.
As they got closer to the staircase, they soon could figure out who.
“Janize is making her move and the Lightning Battalion must be close behind. The Erlenbergian fleet is moving in and the Water Tower is not firing on them.”
“There’s no need to panic—” “Scarlet, your fucking plan has accelerated Janize and the Lightning Battalion’s timetable! We’re fucked. We’re all probably dead.”
There was a sharp intake of breath. The three heard Scarlet growl, “Alright, I was…overly optimistic that the Lightning Battalion and Janize would split due to that report, but we only need to secure Janize and the Citadel and our position will still be quite strong.”
“I disagree, but Janize won’t have long. My troops led by Vulpina are converging on the throne room as we speak. Otherworlders or not, she can’t hold for long.” Darius chuckled dryly. “We might all die in the attempt to oust her, and hell she may be killed, but we won’t let her have the last laugh.”
Ayax turned to the two humans with her. “Liz, Leila, go. I’ll try to pin them down here.”
Elizabeth blinked. “Wait, but Ayax—”
“Liz, if we lose Janize, we’ll lose the civil war. You got to go.”
Elizabeth briefly closed her eyes and nodded. Grabbing onto Ayax, she drew her troll close to her and into a brief, fierce kiss. “Come back to me, alright?”
Ayax managed a smirk. “Always.”
Elizabeth turned to Leila. “Let’s go—what are you—” The Otherworlder had knelt on the ground her head bowed.
“Ayax, I’m sorry. I promise you can do whatever you want to me after you save Janize, but please, let me save her first,” said Leila, she lowered her head, but Ayax quickly grabbed her by the shirt and yanked her up. It was easy as the girl was still very light.
“This is not the time. I accept your promise, but we’ll talk later. Now go!” Ayax hissed.
Nodding, Elizabeth grabbed Leila and the pair took off in the opposite direction. Meanwhile, Ayax took a deep breath and walked up toward the balcony overlooking the foye.
Darius was pacing, whilst Scarlet was biting her finger, one hand gripped tightly around her staff.
“What if they breach the gatehouse?” Scarlet asked.
“There’s no way that force assembling outside can breach the gatehouse. They’ll need—”
“Earl Darius, Master Scarlet, I have waited a long time for this moment.” Ayax leaned casually against the railing, noting the fine, polished grain. “Do you know who I am?”
Darius, eyes staring up at her, took a step back. “Ayax the Blackgale.”
“Daughter of Allaniel the Valorous, who you had murdered,” Ayax hissed.
Scarlet ripped her heavy cloak off and gripped her staff in both hands, which had a number of rings on the fingers. Her eyes narrowed at Ayax. “So it was you who rescued Leila. I thought you would kill her.”
“You certainly tempted me, but she was just the instrument. It was you two who had my parents killed.” Raising her staff, Ayax growled. “Prepare to die.”
Scarlet waved the earl off. “Darius, go, deal with Janize. I can handle her.”
Darius arched an eyebrow even as he grabbed the main door’s handle. “Are you sure?”
Scarlet smirked. “She’s no Frances Stormcaller. Just an angry little troll.”
“I’m a pissed off troll.” Ayax leapt over the railing, throwing several spell cards at Scarlet. The woman waved her hand, magical rings activating to form a barrier. The cards slammed into it, sparking and banging. It would have knocked her back, but the barrier dissipated the force.
No matter, Ayax landed nimbly on the carpet and whirling her staff, slammed it into Scarlet’s barrier. Darius had run for it, slamming the doors behind him. Ayaxs’s blow sent Scarlet smashing through those closed doors, nearly throwing her onto Darius.
The Red Order Mage picked herself off the grown, dusting off her robes. “Ah I see the familial resemblance now you monster. You and your adoptive ‘cousin’ are just fucking irritating.”
Ayax was about to quip back, but found herself pursing her lips as a thought ran through her head. “You know, if you were just a little nicer, just a bit more understanding, you could have gotten along with Frances. It’s really hard to not get along with her.”
Scarlet’s snarl faded and she grimaced. “She wouldn’t have been my student, but Edana’s. Now are you going to kill me, Blackgale, one of the people who helped murder your parents, or are you going to talk me to death?”
Ayax flinched, feeling the swirling vortex of power bubble in her very core as her fury sparked. At the same time, a serene, piercing idea just echoed through her head. It was not really a revelation, more of an observation she’d noticed about Leila, Darius and now Scarlet.
“You all are awfully insistent on dying. Why don’t you all just…give up? Live?” Ayax asked. The pair were circling now, ready to let loose with spells at any sign of weakness or an opening.
Scarlet snorted. “Would you let me and Darius live?”
Ayax paused, watching Scarlet continue to circle. When the troll didn’t move, only followed her with her eyes, the mage stopped and tried to circle in the other direction. Still Ayax didn’t move, she just remained still, staff at the ready.
“If you all surrendered and submitted to a trial, I would,” said Ayax. There was still turmoil, rage, roiling in her heart. Yet, she was starting to feel another emotion that calmed her, despite how odd it felt.
The Red Order Mage blinked, before she sneered. “Then you are a naive fool.” She twirled her staff, the ends bursting into flame as she sang. Fireballs tore toward Ayax.
The troll dodged, not flamboyantly. She just stepped out of the way, shuffling and stepping from side to side. No fancy shielding required, no complicated jumps needed. Scarlet cast, and continued to cast. Whips of crimson magic were followed by cobblestones torn from the road. Ayax had to briefly block those with a quick shield, before twisting out of the way.
Shifting her grip on her staff, Ayax pulled her weapon to her side, as if she was drawing a sword. Crying out a string of Word of Powers, she whipped it across.
The staff suddenly extended, dark-blue magic lengthening it until a incredibly long, thin rod of magic crashed into Scarlet’s side. It sent her tumbling through a hedge and onto the lawn of Darius’s mansion.
Leaping over said hedgerow, Ayax rolled to a perfect landing on the other side. Scarlet had staggered to her feet, wiping blood from the scratches on her arm and face. She was already wincing as she touched her side.
Ayax thought she would be taking pleasure from this. Well, part of her was. She was happy she was kicking Scarlet’s butt. Yet, the part of her that was choosing to be calm, to think and be a good person felt an entirely different emotion.
Pity.
Pity for how pointless this whole battle was, pity for how this woman and her allies had hurt so many and seemed so unhappy with their lives. There was disgust and anger, and yet when Ayax thought about what she had, and what Scarlet lacked, she found that anger seeping away.
“Scarlet, this is your last chance. Surrender now,” said Ayax.
“To you? Not to Edana Firehand, or even Frances Stormcaller? But to their lackey? A second-rate battle mage?” Scarlet spat on the ground and raised her staff again. “I’d rather fucking die.”
The troll sighed. “So be it.”
Author’s Note: Ayax is getting ahold of her anger. It hasn’t been easy to figure out how her feelings changed but I decided to approach it from the idea that she’s matured as a person and has started to take more perspectives, something that she’s always struggled with.

Yes Im saying I hate house sitting big houses. I could be in a big nice house gated neighborhood and I would rather housesit for a low income area 800 sq ft house client. Is anyone else like this? Too many noises. Too many doors. Too many windows. Too much everything lol! Pray for me these next 4 days 🤣
Also I love the dog I’m sitting for he’s a protector and I wish he could sleep with me but they make me go upstairs and put him in a crate in THEIR bedroom 😭 and anytime he hears a noise he starts barking and he’s going to give me a panic attack. I’m like “what do you hear buddy? Who’s there!??” 🤣

I’m a rising ece sophomore and I’ve just been offered an internship at Tesla as an equipment engineer working on the automation of their battery manufacturing. It would basically be working in controls and manufacturing, pretty MechE focused. While it seems cool I’m more interested in pursuing a career much more electrically focused. The internship would be for fall 2023. Would it be a good step in my career to take this internship and have Tesla on my resume and have my foot in the door there, or should I not take it since it’s not really something I want to pursue as a career and just focus school work.
To better understand the circumstances I already have an internship for this summer just doing some very low level and basic electrical testing. It’s a pretty manageable job so I’m also taking 3 courses at a local community college so I won’t be very behind on coursework if I take the internship.

"the abyss of unending anxiety"
The trip:
I had only just recently started weed again as I had a traumatic experience with it years ago when I tried it the first time which pretty much scared me away from the substance for a very long time- I pretty much thought I was a tough guy and thought hell why not and took a fat 10 second rip off of my friends cart and proceeded to go running around in the woods at midnight- yeah genius I know.
Anyways enough about that I had been using marijuana for a solid two or three months now and I figured I had completely mastered the substance and was ready for the next level naturally shrooms were the next on the list for me and being the cautious person I am, I decided to do all of the research I could on shrooms in order to prepare myself for what was to come from them. little did I know nothing could have prepared me for what happened that night. I had finally finished my research which was composed of mostly trip reports by vivec and tales from the trip as well as some research online about the affects, the duration of the high, strains how much to take etc. When I decided it was time to begin preparing myself mentally for what was to come. my research had told me that mindset and where you are in life at the moment played a key role in how the trip was going to go, so I began listening to smooth Jazzy music and just generally making an effort to stay positive for a week leading up the time I had planned to take them, I was at a friend's house hanging out with 2 friends one being my best friend of 5 years Who I will call N and the other a friend of N's who I had only hung out with a couple times before. we were playing Halo, talking and passing around a bong packed with high quality Mary-Jane that I had brought when the subject of shrooms came up, I knew these two both had connections to people who would definitely have access to hard drugs. the dealers I knew only had access to marijuana so I asked them both "how much would i have to pay for 4 Grams of shrooms" to which our mutual friend replied it's about 10$ a gram for us man but being your not a regular it will likely be more" I asked them if they could buy them so I could get a discount to which the both agreed they would do. 3 days later after I had given them 40 bucks for the shrooms I came and picked them up and stared at them when I got home taking in every detail so I could match them up to what they said the strain was which was enigma or Omni shrooms which are an extremely potent and rare mutant of 3 very powerful strains of shrooms.
I had N come over to be my trip sitter as he had 2 prior experiences with shrooms before. Both of which he told me he never saw anything but he did tell me he laid down in the grass outside of his house and stared at the sky for 2 hours mind you he had done 5gs of the stuff and said it was the same strain I was getting I was surprised by this and asked our mutual friend about his experience on the stuff with a similar dosage he said that he had a blast but he too never had any hallucinations. I was a bit confused and let down by this as I had expected alot more from a said powerful mutant of 3 shrooms. The day I had planned to take the shrooms I had woken up and carried out my regular routine of making a coffee and I reminded myself that I only needed to eat breakfast and a small one at that to ensure the shrooms worked at peak potential. As I ate my breakfast and scrolled through my phone listening to peaceful jazz and scrolling through many many happy birthday wishes- see I had just turned 18 and I thought to myself "wow what a time for my first psychedelic experience" I played need for speed and awaited N's arrival I had planned on taking them around 6pm to get a good amount of day time and night time in my trip. When N finally arrived it was around 5:30pm "perfect I thought as I looked up from my Xbox and at the clock when I heard my dogs barking at the arrival of my friend he walked into my room we said our greetings and shortly after I went to get some honey as I had heard that the shrooms would taste horrible I also poured me a decently sized glass of tea and put it into a thermos as I thought to myself "gonna be 6 hours so I better be ready" I brought them both into my room and set them on my dresser as I pulled the shrooms from my drawer examining them as my mom walked in she asked me what they were- I told her they were the shrooms I had told her about doing as I tell her everything and had talked to her about it before I even purchased them. She said alright and wished me good luck. I looked at my friend with a wide grin on my face and said "here we go". I then dipped the brain resembling shrooms into the honey generously Dunking them to avoid the bad taste as I ate them chunk by chunk I realized they didn't even taste that bad almost like a honey comb but without the honey taste I even ate the last chunks with no honey at all N suggested we could play halo while I'm still functioning and he could switch to his call of duty when I began tripping and explained to me it's best to be in a very comfortable position when they begin kicking in. I gladly took him up on the offer.
The trip: everything was normal for the first 15 minutes until I started to feel like something was off it wasn't uncomfortable but I began feeling of warmness and almost a low level weed high I told N about this. He said that it wasn't normal for anything to start happening this early as it normally takes 30 minutes to an hour for them to kick in. I wasn't swayed by this and I continued gaming. 30 minutes in- this is when they really started to kick in I was still playing the game when I began feeling this out of place and uncomfortable tightness in my chest and left arm I thought this was odd but I decided not to let it affect me. Then I looked down at the carpet in my room and noticed my first visuals the carpet was beginning to move and wiggle about resembling that of waves of water I thought this was amazing so I continued staring when I noticed my friend staring at me with a slight smile on his face "you good?" He said with a Chuckle to which I replied to him "the carpet is moving bro" we both laughed and continued playing the game. The tightness in my chest was becoming more powerful but I was still resisting the urge to acknowledge it because I wanted this to be a good experience. I looked at the carpet again and noticed it was now making patterns folding in on itself and it never stopped moving. Every once in a while a streak of purple would run through the carpet which to me was extremely beautiful I told N that I wish he could see the carpet as I see it he told me that it was likely time to begin his game and let me lay down I agreed and began to lay down as he set up his playstation to my TV this is when the most strange thing happened I looked at my dog Lucy and she was beginning to wave like the ocean her fur flowed like water but she appeared to be completely still and normal I got this overwhelming feeling of love and happiness from Lucy so I began hugging her and telling her that I loved her my dog didn't move and I imagine my friend was thinking "oh he's tripping now" I had the urge to urinate so I got up and walked towards the door of my room N stopped me asked me where I was going and if I was ok I told him "No I'm fine I just need to use the restroom" as I stood up the affects really began kicking in I felt an intense wave of euphoria go through my body I began laughing for no reason and Headed towards the bathroom when I got there I looked at myself and the mirror and noticed my pupils were so wide that I had lost all of the green color in my eye instead it was replaced with the black pupil I thought this was hilarious for some reason, as I stared I slowly began looking like a cartoon with massive eyes as I laughed and looked at myself in the mirror once I was done I went to go urinate when I began the toilet suddenly began to get further and further away and began distorting in an odd and wavy kind of way I remember this vividly and told N about it the next day. As I left the bathroom back into my room I saw N playing call of duty I sat down. Which now I realize was a bad choice as I should have laid back down and surrendered to the intense euphoria going through me it was around and hour into the trip now. I looked away from the screen that my friend was playing and back down to the beautiful carpet it was making patterns just like before but far more intense and the movement was more angular I got lost staring at the carpet and the patterns began becoming more and more obvious as I stared I began being completely mesmerized by the patterns in the carpet till the point they became all encompassing. after almost 10 whole minutes staring into the carpet I finally looked back up at my friend his face began distorting and moving I recognized who he was but he looked different now the tightness in my chest was back and it was becoming overwhelming i decided not to move back to my bed and delt with the tightness I watched my Friend play his game and I noticed that every time that a tree or any form of pattern showed up in the game it began folding in on itself and fractalizing I didn't pay much attention to it until the soldiers in the game began loading up into a military transport vehicle I remember the camo on the truck was moving by moving I mean the individual splotches of color were sliding across up and down the truck this was odd as I would have expected it to fractalize like every other pattern. I decided that smoking a bowl with my friend would perhaps mellow out the trip we passed the bong a couple times, This is when the tightness in my chest became too much and I told my friend I was going to lay down and take a nap to which he replied "ok" as I laid in my bed covered in comforters and too many pillows to count the tightness began manifesting as deep and painful anxiety I couldn't get comfortable so I decided fuck this I'm gonna sleep anyway the dreams will be better than this. I've never been more wrong in my life. In this part of the trip approximately 2 and a half hours in I can't be positive whether I was asleep or if I had entered a state of paralysis and vivid closed eye hallucinations I was still listening to the jazz and it too became part of the painful anxiety I was experiencing I angrily threw my headphones never opening my eyes saying this shit doesn't work over and over again, this shit doesn't work, this shit doesn't work, this is when everything became quiet and I entered what I will call the abyss of unending anxiety. I wouldn't say I forgot who I was like the ego death I had heard so much about but I definitely stopped caring who I was I tried reminding myself saying my name over and over again my friend told me that he was actively trying to comfort me in this stage but to no avail. In this abyss, I stayed for what felt like years I felt as if I was but a grain of sand and a heaping monstrosity of anxiety as large as reality itself was crushing me from all directions. A feeling I will never forget. I was in mental anguish and felt I was going to be stuck there for eternity I also had this odd feeling that I was being watched and that this was all for a reason. However I began to miss my girlfriend and my mom my friend told me after I was sober that I kept repeating I love my girlfriend and talking about missing my mom. I stayed there, insignificant, in pain and hopeless. Until I woke up mid sentence with my friend talking about my girlfriend "she's definitely better than your other choices" he said. Slowly coming back to reality I replied "yeah.. she really is, I hope to marry her you know?" A hint of positivity began coming back. I was extremely happy about this and decided to take my chance now that I was not not being pinned by crushing anxiety you might think I am being dramatic but I was litterally immobilized by This dread. I got up and walked to my mom's room hugged her and told her that she was my reason for existence I stayed there not understanding what she was saying to me hugging her feeling an amazing wave of love and positivity pulsing through me I was alive happy and loved once I was sure I was going to be ok I walked back to my room where my friend met me shortly after he said he was looking for me worried, I then told him all was fine now and I had it figured out I sat down yet again and I began repeating "life is rough and existence is rough" I remember trying very hard to make some inspirational speech out of this but my brain was racing to fast to do this my friend turned on some of his own jazz music and I sat there listening to the beautiful music it was true bliss I loved it I told him that he was a great guy and that he was my best friend he thanked me and changed the song my sister came in and began listening with us a family friend of ours also came in and began staring at me asking what it felt like I told her there was no real way to describe it she asked me if she looked funny and what it looked like I noticed she didn't look like she normally did almost a completely different person if not for her voice I wouldn't have recognized her at all. this is when I left to go use the restroom again and the same events that happened before in the bathroom completely repeated themselves almost perfectly I stared in the mirror and laughed the toilet got further and further away. "I'm tripping balls" I thought as I left the bathroom drank some water and returned to my room where my friend and my sister were talking about me tripping and his experience as my sister had never done it and was curious it's worth saying that I only know this is what they're subject was because they told me when I was sober. at the time I couldn't understand what they were saying and it sounded like a totally different language I remember the tightness was gone but there was still some left over anxiety and laying back down in my bed triggered it again though not as intense as last time it was still horrible and painful I held my pillows tightly and tried to comfort myself by humming and sometimes mumbling the lyrics to the music my friend was listening to. Approximately 4 hours into the trip I began coming down and I was slowly getting familiar feelings of the life I lived before all of this. this felt amazing as some familiarity felt told me it would all be over soon my friend asked me if I was ok and I told him "Yes I think so" this is when my sister suggested we all play Minecraft together. My Friend declined however as it was getting late and he was ready to be home. I told him goodbye and thanked him for watching me. this is when my sister set up Minecraft, I played for 10 minutes or so then I dropped the controller completely back to reality aside from some light visuals and stared at the ceiling trying to comprehend what I had just went through. for the last 2 hours of the trip I was in awe of what I had been through and walked around my house with a blanket draped over me walking around like a zombie humming too myself and thinking about what had happened in this stage I felt nothing. Nothing good, and nothing bad, just nothing. When I woke up the next morning I pondered over what happened this is when I realized what the shrooms had truly done, when I was in the abyss I had this odd feeling that I was being watched and that this was all for a reason. I thought this was odd at the time but I now realize that it was god watching over me he was watching me in pain and anguish but this wasn't a bad thing this had to happen, this is when it finally clicked in my head, God was using the mushrooms to purge the anxiety out of my life and heal me from this experience and I can't be More grateful.
Over all the good parts of the trip were very fun and even tho the abyss far overdid the good parts I still believe it was for the best and I learned a lesson, and left it better person Its been only 2 days since the trip and I feel a massive weight has been lifted off of my shoulders I know this is the absence of the anxiety which has been purged from my life. I will definitely do shrooms again but next time I will have more respect for them, and treat them as the spiritual medicine they are. To all who plan to do shrooms make sure you go in with the intention to heal yourself this is not just some drug to have fun with it is much more than that it is a tool used by God to heal us in ways regular medicine cannot and that is not to be taken lightly.

Throwaway because husbands ex stalks.
Here goes. We have a house valued at 450k, 4.25% mortgage. Owe 204. No car loans, pay all credit cards monthly. Mortgage is only debt.
We have 120 liquid; 30k emergency fund. We are 37 and 38.
We have IRAs and 401ks. Leaving those out for now for simplicity but they are managed by a trusted financial advisor and he feels confident that we are on track to at least retire in our late fifties. But, we want to be financially independent and have money working for us as soon as possible and build our future.
We are faced with a big decision w a lot of moving parts. We need to move closer to my sons school, and really are out of space in this home, it was never meant to be permanent (husband and I both have 1 son each and married during the pandemic when houses were so wacky).
We found a house we love next door to my sons school. He’ll be in 4th, the school goes through 8th. My step son will now have to be driven to his school but we drive him less often (50% custody) so gas-wise it makes more sense even though we can currently walk him.
The desired house is 725-800k. Has income potential by way of a rental unit attached separate entrance. It is a new build with a big national builder (not free of problems but imho none are).
At 10% down, we’d be looking at an almost $5000 payment. The builder is offering a mortgage rate of 5% permanent 30yr.
We currently pay $1800 on our home in PITI but set aside $3200 to see how it felt, and it’s fine. That’s been happening for maybe a year now and we have just been saving it.
We can rent our current home and “profit” at least 1k (granted we will be landlords and have to keep some for repairs and vacancies). A hopeful but reasonable ask for rent here is $3000. Lots of updates, decent neighborhood.
We can rent the ADU on the new property for about $1400.
So that scary $5000 mortgage seems less scary with these two revenue streams and it also opens the door to landlording/semi passive income which we want. And we drive less and gain more space for the growing boys. We are also looking at other ways to make revenue with our advisor which is why we prefer to do 10% down over 20%, we’d like to keep some cash to put in stocks or principal protected structured income notes.
Is the new home a mistake because it’s just so expensive? Do we stay in a home that feels to small cuz it’s so cheap and just invest like crazy?
If we move, we see the current home as going 2 ways. an income stream for 2 years before we sell and reinvest the money, or keep as rental long term. Either way with the low interest rate we see it as a good investment to at least keep for 2 years while monitoring the market.
Goal is passive income, money that earns itself, work outside and with our hands and away from desk jobs as soon as we can. We have dreams of hobby farming (we spend all spare time gardening and chicken tending and building now).
I have a side hustle in addition to a FT job, cant logically take on any more work or anything as I’m already so stretched for time. But the side hustle is good assurance against any unforeseen issues with jobs in the future, although we feel relatively stable in our careers. We make about 165000 gross per year without my side job (this is currently bringing in an extra 10 or so per year). I have several very employable career options as I’ve got a strong background in both marketing and high end executive assistant work, as well as paralegal background.
Any advice is so appreciated!!!

Here are some things we often forget to clean:

1. Light switches and switch plates.
2. Door knobs and handles.
3. Remote controls and game controllers.
4. Computer keyboards and mice.
5. Cell phones and tablets.
6. Faucets and shower heads.
7. Trash cans and recycling bins.
8. Ceiling fans and light fixtures.
9. Blinds and curtains.
10. Mattresses and pillows.

https://honesthoneyreviews.blogspot.com/?m=1

Throwaway because high conflict ex stalker.
Here goes. We have a house valued at 450k, 4.25% mortgage. Owe 204. No car loans, pay all credit cards monthly. Mortgage is only debt.
We have 120 liquid; 30k emergency fund. We are 37 and 38.
We have IRAs and 401ks. Leaving those out for now for simplicity but they are managed by a trusted financial advisor and he feels confident that we are on track to at least retire in our late fifties. But, we want to be financially independent and have money working for us as soon as possible and build our future.
We are faced with a big decision w a lot of moving parts. We need to move closer to my sons school, and really are out of space in this home, it was never meant to be permanent (husband and I both have 1 son each and married during the pandemic when houses were so wacky).
We found a house we love next door to my sons school. He’ll be in 4th, the school goes through 8th. My step son will now have to be driven to his school but we drive him less often (50% custody) so gas-wise it makes more sense even though we can currently walk him.
The desired house is 725-800k. Has income potential by way of a rental unit attached separate entrance. It is a new build with a big national builder (not free of problems but imho none are).
At 10% down, we’d be looking at an almost $5000 payment. The builder is offering a mortgage rate of 5% permanent 30yr.
We currently pay $1800 on our home in PITI but set aside $3200 to see how it felt, and it’s fine. That’s been happening for maybe a year now and we have just been saving it.
We can rent our current home and “profit” at least 1k (granted we will be landlords and have to keep some for repairs and vacancies). A hopeful but reasonable ask for rent here is $3000. Lots of updates, decent neighborhood.
We can rent the ADU on the new property for about $1400.
So that scary $5000 mortgage seems less scary with these two revenue streams and it also opens the door to landlording/semi passive income which we want. And we drive less and gain more space for the growing boys. We are also looking at other ways to make revenue with our advisor which is why we prefer to do 10% down over 20%, we’d like to keep some cash to put in stocks or principal protected structured income notes.
Is the new home a mistake because it’s just so expensive? Do we stay in a home that feels to small cuz it’s so cheap and just invest like crazy?
If we move, we see the current home as going 2 ways. an income stream for 2 years before we sell and reinvest the money, or keep as rental long term. Either way with the low interest rate we see it as a good investment to at least keep for 2 years while monitoring the market.
Goal is passive income, money that earns itself, work outside and with our hands and away from desk jobs as soon as we can. We have dreams of hobby farming (we spend all spare time gardening and chicken tending and building now).
I have a side hustle in addition to a FT job, cant logically take on any more work or anything as I’m already so stretched for time. But the side hustle is good assurance against any unforeseen issues with jobs in the future, although we feel relatively stable in our careers. We make about 165000 gross per year without my side job (this is currently bringing in an extra 10 or so per year). I have several very employable career options as I’ve got a strong background in both marketing and high end executive assistant work, as well as paralegal background.
Any advice is so appreciated!!!

Here are some things we often forget to clean:

1. Light switches and switch plates.
2. Door knobs and handles.
3. Remote controls and game controllers.
4. Computer keyboards and mice.
5. Cell phones and tablets.
6. Faucets and shower heads.
7. Trash cans and recycling bins.
8. Ceiling fans and light fixtures.
9. Blinds and curtains.
10. Mattresses and pillows.

https://honesthoneyreviews.blogspot.com/?m=1