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My Mario Kart Wish List 📃

2023.05.28 17:21 VernonKazama My Mario Kart Wish List 📃

~ 1. Introduction ~
Here is a detailed description of my wishlist for a Mario Kart 9 or 10/X (if Tour is considered the 9th installment) I don't expect everyone to like all my ideas. This is just a wishlist. I obviously would be happy with any Mario Kart Nintendo decides to put out but in a perfect world, this is what I would want for it to be the best Mario Kart imo. I hope you enjoy.
*= Thoughts, Personal opinions, New ideas for modes, mechanics, driver outfits, vehicles, items, options, etc
🔒= Locked. Must be unlocked by in game requirements or DLC
~ 2. Mechanics ~
~ Single Player / Multiplayer 》1P》2P》3P》4P》
Grand Prix》Class Optimization》Driver(s) Select》Vehicle Parts》Circuits》Cup Select》 Class Optimization options: Engine: 50cc》100cc》150cc》Mirror》All¹》All Mirror¹》 Driver: Solo Dash》Double Dash》² Drift: Automatic》Manual》³ Items: Normal》No Items》 Camera: Normal》First Person》⁴
*¹ - All and All Mirror options are only available in Grand Prix. After a Circuit has been selected, It'll play each Cup in order of that specific Circuit.
*² - All race and battle modes will feature either a Solo Dash or the new Double Dash option similar to Mario Kart Double Dash for extra replayability and character combinations.
*³ - Even if not many people liked Automatic drifting, it was there for a reason for you to choose. Some liked it. Some didn't. It should be the player's choice.
*⁴ - Camera can also be changed freely during the race from the pause menu.
Time Trials》Driver(s) Select》Circuits》Cup Select》Course Select》 Race Solo》Race Against Ghost》View Ghost》Online Ghost》Upload Ghost Data》
• VS Race》Driver(s) Select》Vehicle Parts》Customized Race》Circuits》Cup Select》Course Select》 Customized Race options: Engine Class: 50cc》100cc》150cc》Mirror》 Driver: Solo Dash》Double Dash》 Drift: Automatic》Manual》 Teams: No Teams》Team Game》 Items: Normal》Frantic》No Items》No Items and Coins》Custom》 COM: Easy》Normal》Hard》Pro¹》 COM Vehicles (Solo)²: All Vehicles》Karts Only》Bikes Only》 COM Vehicles (Doubles)²: All Vehicles》ATVs Only》Buggys Only》 Courses: Choose》In Order》Random》 Race Count: 4》5³》8》12》16》32》64》All》 Laps: 1》2》3》4》5》⁴
*¹ - Added a Pro difficulty to make the CPU feel more of a challenge.
*² - Wanted to split the vehicle selections between Solo Dash and Double Dash drivers. Solo Dash drivers will now only select between Karts and Bikes and Double Dash drivers will only select between ATVs and new Buggy vehicles. *Buggys are essential similar to the designs of the Karts used in Mario Kart Double Dash. ATVs are now bigger in size to help fit the idea of 2 drivers on one vehicle.
*³ - The original Super Mario Kart had 5 courses per Cup so I brought that option back for custom races.
*⁴ - Wanted to make the option available for players. These courses will be excluded from Laps option and be set to default when selected: ⁿ⁶⁴ Wario Stadium, ⁿ⁶⁴ Rainbow Road, ᵍᶜⁿ Baby Park, ᵍᶜⁿ Wario Colosseum, ³ᵈˢ Wuhu Loop, ³ᵈˢ Maka Wuhu, ³ᵈˢ Rainbow Road, ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mount Wario, and ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Big Blue.
Battle》Driver(s) Select》Vehicle Parts》Customized Battle》Course Select》 Customized Battle options: Driver: Solo Dash》Double Dash》 Drift: Automatic》Manual》 Teams: No Teams》Team Game》 Items: Normal》Frantic》Skilled》Custom》 Round Time: 1 Minute》2 Minutes》3 Minutes》4 Minutes》5 Minutes》 COM: Easy》Normal》Hard》Pro》 COM Vehicles (Solo Dash): All Vehicles》Karts Only》Bikes Only》 COM Vehicles (Double Dash): All Vehicles》ATVs Only》Buggys Only》 Courses: Choose》In Order》Random》 Round Count: 3 Rounds》5 Rounds》7 Rounds》¹
*¹ - I shortened the rounds. Anything past 7 rounds is too much imo but that's just me. Also being a little bias cuz I'm not a fan of battle mode.
~ Online Play 》1P》2P》
Worldwide: Grand Prix*》VS Race》Battle》
Regional: Grand Prix*》VS Race》Battle》
Friends》Create Room
Tournaments》Menu. Menu options: Create a Tournament: Icon》Name》Rules》Time Settings》Other》 *Rules options: Mode: 50cc》100cc》150cc》Mirror》Balloon》Classic Balloon¹》 Renegade Roundup》Bob-omb Blast》Shine Runners¹》Coin Runners》 Shine Thief》Thunder Cloud Tag¹》Random Battle》 Driver: Solo Dash》Double Dash》 Drift: Automatic》Manual》 Teams: No Teams》Team Game》 Items: Normal》No Items》No Items or Coins》Frantic》Skilled*²》Custom》 Round Time (Battle only): 1 Minute》2 Minutes》3 Minutes》4 Minutes》5 Minutes》 COM: No COM》Easy》Normal》Hard》Pro》 Vehicles (Solo Dash): All Vehicles》Karts Only》Bikes Only》 Vehicles (Double Dash): All Vehicles》ATVs Only》Buggys Only》 Camera: Normal》First Person》 Smart Steering: Smart Steering OK》No Smart Steering》 *Time Settings options: Frequency: Weekly》Daily》Fixed Period》 Start Day: Sunday》Monday》Tuesday》Wednesday》Thursday》Friday》Saturday》 Start Date: Dependent》 Start Time: Dependent》 End Day: Sunday》Monday》Tuesday》Wednesday》Thursday》Friday》Saturday》 End Date: Dependent》 End Time: Dependent》 Round Count: 4 Rounds》8 Rounds》16 Rounds》 Group Shuffling: Don't Shuffle》Every 4th Match》 *Other options: Player Rating: Any Rating》0-2999》3000-9999》10000-99999》 Public/Private: Open to Everyone》Code Required》
*¹ - Scroll down to Battle section for more info.
*² - Skilled Items for Battle mode only.
Search by Code Search by Type Active Tournaments
~ MKTV
My Replays. View saved replays from previous races or battles on and offline. * You can now save more than just 6 replays.
Online Replays*¹ View shared replays from others online
Spectate*²
*¹ - Should've already been added in the first place.
²* - View recent online races or battles replays. Earn coins by voting who'll be 1st. * Literally stole this idea from Smash.
~ Other Details
~ 3. Characters and Vehicles ~
~ Characters
68 Total Drivers (including DLC) 32 Total Alternate Drivers. 100 Total Individual Characters.
~ Drivers
Mario》Metal Mario 🔒》Tanooki Mario 🔒》Fire Mario 🔒》Ice Mario 🔒》Dr. Mario 🔒》 - Mario (Classic) 🔒 - Mario (Builder) 🔒 - Mario (SNES) 🔒 - Mario (Sunshine) 🔒 - Mario (Tuxedo) 🔒 - Mario (N64)*🔒 - Metal Mario (Gold) 🔒
Luigi》Penguin Luigi 🔒》Fire Luigi 🔒》Gooigi*🔒》 - Luigi (Classic) 🔒 - Luigi (Golf) 🔒 - Luigi (Builder) 🔒
Peach》Pink Gold Peach 🔒》Cat Peach 🔒》Fire Peach*🔒》 - Peach (Wedding) 🔒
Yoshi - Light-blue Yoshi - Black Yoshi - Red Yoshi - Yellow Yoshi - White Yoshi - Purple Yoshi - Pink Yoshi - Orange Yoshi
Bowser》Dry Bowser 🔒》Meowser 🔒》 - Dry Bowser (Gold) 🔒
Donkey Kong Jr. - Donkey Kong Jr. (SNES) 🔒
Koopa Troopa》Koopa (Freerunning) 🔒》 - Red Koopa (Freerunning) - Blue Koopa (Freerunning) - Purple Koopa (Freerunning) - Gold Koopa (Freerunning) 🔒
Toad》Cat Toad 🔒》Captain Toad 🔒》 - Toad (Pit Crew) 🔒 - Toad (Builder) 🔒 - Toad (Astronaut) 🔒 - Toad (Blue)* - Toad (Yellow)* - Toad (Green)*
Donkey Kong 🔒
Wario 🔒 - Wario (Biker)*
Daisy 🔒
Birdo 🔒 - Birdo (Light Blue) - Birdo (Black) - Birdo (Red) - Birdo (Yellow) - Birdo (White) - Birdo (Purple) - Birdo (Green) - Birdo (Orange)
Baby Mario 🔒
Baby Luigi 🔒
Toadette 🔒》Peachette 🔒》 - Toadette (Explorer) 🔒 - Toadette (Builder) 🔒 - Toadette (Astronaut) 🔒
Paratroopa 🔒 - Green Paratroopa*
Diddy Kong 🔒
Bowser Jr. 🔒
Waluigi 🔒
Petey Piranha 🔒
King Boo 🔒 - King Boo (Luigi's Mansion)
Pac-Man 🔒
Ms. Pac-Man 🔒
Blinky 🔒》Pinky》Inky》Clyde*》
Dry Bones 🔒 - Dry Bones (Gold) 🔒
R.O.B. 🔒 - R.O.B. (Famicom)*
Shy Guy 🔒 - Light-blue Shy Guy - Black Shy Guy - Green Shy Guy - Yellow Shy Guy - White Shy Guy - Blue Shy Guy - Pink Shy Guy - Orange Shy Guy
Mametchi 🔒
Baby Peach 🔒
Baby Daisy 🔒
Rosalina 🔒
Funky Kong 🔒
Mii 🔒
Honey Queen 🔒
Wiggler 🔒
Lakitu 🔒
Don-chan 🔒
Baby Rosalina 🔒
Iggy 🔒》Roy》Lemmy》Larry》Wendy》Ludwig》Morton》
Link 🔒 - Link (Champion's Tunic)
Villager 🔒 - Villager (Female)
Isabelle 🔒 - Isabelle (Winter)*
Inkling Girl 🔒 - Inkling Girl (lime green) - Inkling Girl (magenta)
Inkling Boy 🔒 - Inkling Boy (purple) - Inkling Boy (teal)
Pauline 🔒
Hammer Bro 🔒》Boomerang Bro 🔒》Ice Bro 🔒》Fire Bro 🔒》
Monty Mole 🔒
Dixie Kong 🔒
Nabbit 🔒
King Bob-omb 🔒
Kamek 🔒
Chargin' Chuck 🔒
Poochy 🔒
~ Newcomers
Noki ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒 - Noki (Green) - Noki (Pink) - Noki (Yellow)
Pianta ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒 - Pianta (Pink) - Pianta (Yellow) - Pianta (Purple)
Professor E. Gadd ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Toadsworth ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Luma ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒 - Luma (Blue) - Luma (Pink) - Luma (Green) - Luma (Cyan) - Luma (Red) - Luma (Purple) - Luma (Black) - Luma (Orange)
~ DLC
Sonic the Hedgehog ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Miles "Tails" Prower ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
King K. Rool ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒》Kaptain K. Rool*》
Krunch ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒 * Would be an excellent choice for a surprise DLC character to those familiar w/Diddy Kong Racing
Zelda ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒》Sheik*》
Kirby ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
King Dedede ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Captain Falcon ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
Samus ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒》Zero Suit*》
Geno ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ 🔒
~ Vehicles
Available parts. The parts available are listed here in the order shown in the vehicle customization screen, with the following notation: ¹ = Changes color, depending on the character. ² = Changes color for the Koopalings. ³ = Changes color for Daisy, Baby Daisy, Rosalina, and Baby Rosalina. (DLC) = Part is only available as downloadable content.
~ Karts (Solo Dash)
Standard Kart¹ 4-Wheel Cradle 8-Bit Pipe Frame¹ Apple Kart B Dasher Badwagon Barrel Train Biddybuggy (Buggybud)¹ Birthday Girl (Royal Ribbon)²/³ Blue Falcon Blue Seven Booster Seat (Baby Booster) Bruiser (Growlster) Brute Bull's-Eye Banzai Bulldog-W ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ Bumble V Cact-R Cact-X Cat Cruiser Cheep Charger Cheep Snorkel Circuit Special¹ Clanky Kart Classic Dragster (Nostalgia 1) Cloud 9 Crawly Kart Cucumber Dasher II Daytripper (Royal Racer) Dozer Dasher Dragonfly Dry Bomber Egg 1 Flame Flyer Gold Mantis Gold Pipe Frame Gold Standard (Gold Kart) Green Apple Kart Honeycoupe (Dragonetti) Hurricane Jet Cruiser Jetsetter (Aero Glider) Jumbo Jetter Kiddie Kart¹ Koopa Clown² Landship ² Light Dancer Light Tripper Mach 8 Mini Beast (Concerto) Mushmellow Offroader P-Wing Paintster Parade Kart Penguin Slider Pink Mushmellow Pipe Frame¹ Piranha Prowler Poltergust 4000 Power Flower Prancer Prop Kart Quickshaw ROB-BLS Rambi Rider Royale Shooting Star Sky Pop ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ Sneeker (Bounder)¹ Snow Skimmer Soda Jet Sports Coupe (Sports Coupé) Sprinter (B Dasher Mk. 2) Star Broom Steel Driver Streamliner Streetle Super 1 Super Blooper (Turbo Blooper) Surf Sailer Swift Talon Tanooki Kart Tea Coupe Tiny Titan (Rally Romper) Tiny Tug Tri-Speeder Wario Car Warship Wild Wing Wildlife Yellow Taxi Zucchini (Gherkin) Speed Star ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Whirlwind Sport ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Egg Mobile ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ * Was inspired by this image I found. Source Reminds me of the Egg Mobile with Monster tires White Cat ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Dark Schnieder ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Car¹ ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ * Source * the number in the center will be replaced by driver's logo Dragoon Kart ⁽ᵈˡᶜ * Source
~ Bikes (Solo Dash)
Standard Bike¹ Bit Bike (Nanobike) City Tripper¹ Flame Rider Hurricane Jet Bubble (Bubble Bike) Master Cycle Zero Mr. Scooty (Mr Scooty) Phantom Quacker ROB-LGS Shooting Star (Twinkle Star) Sugarscoot (Bon Bon)¹ The Duke Varmint Wario Bike Zip Zip (Rapide) Zipper Wheelie Bike ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source
Bullet Bike¹ Comet Dolphin Dasher Flame Runner (Bowser Bike)¹ Jet Bike Mach Bike¹ Magikruiser¹ Master Cycle Sneakster (Nitrocycle) Sport Bike¹ Yoshi Bike¹ Zinger Sting ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ * just an idea I had for a new bike based off of a beta imagine for Donkey Kong racing. Source * the number in the center will be replaced by driver's logo. Bike version of the Prop Kart
~ ATVs (Double Dash)
Standard ATV (Standard Quad)¹ Bone Rattler Inkstriker Spear (Torpedo)¹ Splat Buggy Teddy Buggy Tyrant Wild Wiggler Hovercraft¹ ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source
~ Buggys (Double Dash)
Standard Buggy ¹ Banisher Bolt Buggy Bullet Blaster Coach³ * Heart Coach/Bloom Coach from Mario Kart Double Dash DK Jumbo Fire Buggy¹ * Red Fire from Mario Kart Double Dash Goo-Goo Buggy¹ Koopa Dasher Koopa King Para-Wing Pipe Buggy¹ Piranha Pipes Turbo Birdo Turbo Yoshi Waluigi Racer
~ Tires
Standard (Normal) 8-Bit Standard Ancient Tires (Ancient Tyres) Azure Roller Bicycle Tires Blue Monster Blue Standard (Normal Blue) Button Capsule Crimson Slim Cushion Cyber Slick Drum Gold 8-Bit Standard Gold Tires (Gold Wheels) Heart Rings Hot Monster (Funky Monster) Iron Leaf Tires (Leaf Tyres) Metal Monster Mushroom Mushroom Off-Road Red Monster Retro Off-Road Roller Slick Slim Snorkel Tires Sponge Triforce Tires (Triforce Tyres) Wood (Wooden) Yoshi Tires
~ Gliders
Super Glider¹ 8-Bit Jumping Mario Beast Glider (Ghastly Glider) Bowser Kite Butterfly Sunset Cloud Glider Crimson Crane Droplet Glider Eggshell Glider Eggshell Glider Fare Flier Flower Glider Gold Glider Great Sail Hylian Kite MKTV Parafoil Oilpaper Umbrella Paper Glider Parachute Paraglider (Breath of the Wild) Paraglider (Parafoil) Peach Parasol³ Plane Glider Ribbon Swooper (Swoop) Waddle Wing Waluigi Wing Wario Wing Magic Carpet ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Wizpig Glider ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Example at 00:31 Tails Flier ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Knuckles Glider ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source Gunship ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source
~ 4. Items ~
× – Does not appear in Battle Mode.
~ Items found on the track
Item Box - Gives the player a random item. Items given are based on the player's distance from first place. * I would like for them to look either similar to how they looked in Mario Kart 64 or Mario Kart DS' design.
Coin - Gives the player a small boost and increase top speed when more are collected, up to a maximum of ten.
Rupee - The equivalent of a coin, used for Hyrule Circuit and Zelda related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track.
Bell - The equivalent of a coin, used for Animal Crossing. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track.
Cash - The equivalent of a coin, used for Splatoon related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track.
Balloon ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of an Item Box, used for Diddy Kong Racing related course. Source
Item Box (Capsule) ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of an Item Box, used for Sonic related course. Source
Star Block ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of an Item Box, used for Kirby related course. Source
Banana ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of a coin, used for Donkey Kong Country / Diddy Kong Racing related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track. Source
Ring ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of a coin, used for Sonic related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track. Source
Food ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - The equivalent of a coin, used for Kirby related courses. They replace coins in the item roulette and in the track. Source
~ New Items
Coin Block ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ - * floats above player for a short time (10 seconds). Hop to collect upto 10 coins. Can only be obtained if player has 0 coins. Replacing the Coin Box item from Mario Kart Tour. Example
~ Returning Items
Banana Peel - When a kart hits a Banana Peel, it spins out. You can carry one behind your kart to protect yourself from a single attack. Can be thrown backward and forward.
Green Shell - Travels in a straight line and knocks over a kart it hits.
Red Shell - Red Shell Homes in on the closest kart in front of the player and knocks it over.
Feather - Causes the player to spin and leap in the air, providing a small speed boost upon landing, akin to a regular trick (characters will also perform a trick animation during the jump).
Mushroom - Provides the player's kart with a small speed boost.
Super Star - Provides the player invincibility from all terrain and items, and also giving a speed boost.
Boo - Unleashes Boo, who turns the player invisible for a brief time, making them impervious to enemy attacks, and steals an opponent's item. Cannot steal Special Items.
Coinˣ - Grants the player two extra coins and a micro boost.
Lightningˣ - Causes all opponents to drop their items, shrink, and drive slowly for a short time.
Fake Item - Looks just like an item box, but when you run into it, it knocks you over.
Bob-omb - Explodes after a short time when thrown or dropped, knocking over any kart in its blast radius.
Blooper - Sprays ink on all racers ahead and reduces their visibility. The racers hit also lose some of their traction while sprayed.
Bullet Billˣ - Transforms the player into a Bullet Bill, rocketing through the track with auto-pilot, and providing invincibility from all terrain and items.
Spiny Shellˣ - Targets the racer in first place, knocking over all other karts in its path.
Super Horn - Emits a radial shockwave hitting racers, as well as destroying all obstacles, including the Spiny Shell.
~ Special Items
Fireball (Red) - Three fireballs will revolve around your kart. They split up after they're thrown and go sliding ahead. These powerful pyrotechnics can take out multiple opponents at once. Drivers: Mario, Fire Mario
Fireball (Green) - Three fireballs will revolve around your kart. They split up after they're thrown and go sliding ahead. These powerful pyrotechnics can take out multiple opponents at once. Drivers: Luigi, Fire Luigi
Fire Flower - Allows the player to throw fireballs for a short time that cause other karts to spin out on impact. Drivers: Metal Mario, Fire Peach, Fire Bro
Ice Flower - Three balls of ice will revolve around your kart. Throw them all at once and they'll freeze any kart they hit, causing them to slide. Drivers: Ice Bro, Ice Mario, Penguin Luigi
Heart - This protective Heart revolves around your kart for a set amount of time, shielding you from attacks. Any item that hits the player becomes theirs to use. A cute and handy item. Drivers: Peach, Daisy, Villager, Wendy, Mametchi
Yoshi's Egg - This egg rolls down the road and home in on opponents. When they hit and break, they'll drop three more items. Drivers: Yoshi
Birdo's Egg - Homes in on the kart in front of you and crashes once it hits. Three more items will fly out when it breaks. Drivers: Birdo
Chain Chomp - This fearsome beast chases karts with reckless abandon, pulling the player behind it at breakneck speeds. Drivers: Baby Mario, Baby Luigi
Triple Mushrooms - Orbits the player's kart, providing them with three separate speed boosts. Drivers: Toad, Toadette
Golden Mushroom - Provides the player's kart with continuous speed boosts for a short time. Drivers: Captain Toad
Mega Mushroom - The driver grows bigger, which allows them to squash other racers by running over them, making them lose their items and slow down for a moment. Drivers: Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man, Wiggler
Poison Mushroom - A stationary item. Looks like a regular mushroom but If one is run into, the victim shrinks, as if hit by a Lightning. Shrunken racers who run into it revert to normal size. Drivers: Kamek * ngl, i didn't really know who to give this item to
Mushroom Cannon - A cannon designed to resemble a Mushroom. Continually shoots out Mushrooms in front of your kart for a set time. Drivers: Monty Mole, Peachette, Toadsworth
Triple Green Shells - Three green shells that orbit the player's kart, protecting them from incoming attacks. Drivers: Koopa Troopa, Dry Bones, Lakitu, Koopa (Freerunning)
Triple Red Shells - Three red shells that orbit the player's kart, protecting them from incoming attacks. Drivers: Paratroopa, Dry Bones, Lakitu, Koopa (Freerunning)
Bowser's Shell - An awe-inspiring giant shell! As it careens down the road, slamming and ramming into karts, it's the very image of Bowser himself. Drivers: Bowser, Bowser Jr., Dry Bowser
Triple Bananas - Three bananas that orbit the player's kart, protecting them from incoming attacks. Drivers: Donkey Kong Jr., Dixie Kong
Giant Banana - Not only does this big banana spin out karts that hit it, but after being struck it breaks into three regular-sized Bananas. Drivers: Donkey Kong
Banana Barrels - Arm your kart with two fully-loaded barrels of Bananas! Continually shoots out Bananas in front of or behind your kart for a set time. Drivers: Diddy Kong, Funky Kong
Thunder Cloud - A thundercloud hovers over the recipient and strikes it with lightning after 10 seconds. The user shrinks to a very small size for 10 seconds, driving more slowly. Before this happens, the user has higher speed and acceleration while not losing speed when driving off-road, and may pass the cloud to an opponent by bumping into them. Drivers: Blinky, Pinky, Inky, Clyde * If there was absolutely no choice but to have the next Meta character, it'd be the Ghosts. Having one of the worst possible specials in the game should balance them out.
POW Block - The POW Block appears above the karts as a 2D image, warning players of its arrival, and causes any racer on the ground ahead of the user to spin out and drop their items. * Since wheelies are no longer a thing, it always spins out other racers unless they're in anti-gravity mode or during an in air trick Drivers: Mii, Don-chan
Super Leaf- Gives the player's kart a tail that can be used to deflect items, knock over opponents and collect coins. The tail will disappear after a moment or if the player is hurt. Drivers: Tanooki Mario
Lucky Seven - Surrounds the player with seven items that rotates around its kart. The player receives a Mushroom, Banana, Green Shell, Red Shell, Blooper, Bob-omb, and a Star. Drivers: King Boo, Pauline, Poochy, Nabbit, Chargin' Chuck, Pianta, Noki
Boomerang Flower - Can be thrown up to three times, hitting racers forward/backward and when it returns to its user after the first and second use. Driver: Boomerang Bro, Larry
Piranha Plant - Automatically chomps on obstacles and other racers, giving a short speed boost for each bite. Drivers: Petey Piranha
Double Bob-ombs - Two Bob-ombs will revolve around your kart. Throw them both at once. Drivers: Wario, Waluigi, Roy
Bob-omb Cannon - Continually shoots out Bob-ombs in front of your kart for a set time. Drivers: Shy Guy
Giga Bob-omb - After being thrown, it will explode after hitting a kart or bouncing 3 times. It has a larger blast radius than a standard Bob-omb. Drivers: King Bob-omb
Bubble - Briefly envelops your kart and protects you from damage for a set time. While in the bubble, you will get a speed boost and float in the air. Drivers: Baby Peach, Baby Daisy, Baby Rosalina, Lemmy
Dash Ring - Tosses out three rings in front of you along the track. Pass through them for a speed boost! Drivers: Rosalina, Luma, Ludwig, Honey Queen
Hammer - Throws multiple Hammers in an arc aimed at karts in front of yours. Drivers: Hammer Bro
Super Bell - A bell rings above the driver, knocking away nearby karts and items. The bell rings three consecutive times. Drivers: Cat Peach, Cat Toad
Capsule - Three colorful capsules surround your kart. They'll bounce at opponents when thrown. Drivers: Dr. Mario
Splat Bomb ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ - * Explodes after a short time when thrown or dropped, knocking and spraying ink on any kart in its blast radius and reduces their visibility. The racers hit also lose some of their traction while sprayed. Drivers: Inkling Girl, Inkling Boy
Magical Boomerang ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾ - * Works like a Boomerang Flower that tracks closes kart infront of player like a Red Shell Drivers: Link
Magnet ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * a powerful magnet that pulls opponents towards the player Source Drivers: Krunch
Nayru's Love ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * will surround the racer's kart with a protective shield. Any items that hit this shield will be reflected back at the racer who used them. If a driver using Nayru's Love is attacked with an item such as a Lightning, the racer who used the Lightning item will take damage. Drivers: Zelda
Copy Ability ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * steals Special item from any racer. If no racer has a special item on them, it'll randomly generate a random racer's Special Item. Drivers: Kirby
Dedede's Hammer ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * driver using Dedede's Hammer, will swing it around for about 5 seconds. Any karts hit will be squashed, causing them to lose their item and speed momentarily. Drivers: King Dedede
Invincibility Shield ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * become invulnerable to all damage for a short time. Drivers: Sonic, Tails
Bombs ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * Think Double Bob-ombs, the original Triple Bananas and the Feather item. If used as a protective item, upon the explosion, the player will leap in the air, providing a small speed boost upon landing. Drivers: Samus
Geno Flash ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ - * works like a Lightning but doesn't strink opponents. Drivers: Geno
~ 5. Courses ~
~ Cups
161 Total Courses
Nitro Grand Prix Mushroom Cup》 Flower Cup》 Star Cup》 Special Cup 🔒
Retro Grand Prix 🔒 Mushroom 🍄 Courses : Shell Cup》Golden Dash Cup》Red Coin Cup》Blue Coin Cup》Banana Cup》Lucky Cat Cup》1-Up Cup》Gold Cup》
Flower 🌷 Courses: Leaf Cup》Turnip Cup》Freezie Cup》Metal Cup》 Lightning Cup》Rock Cup》POW Cup》Heart Cup》
Star ⭐️ Courses: Sun Cup》Moon Cup》Red Shell Cup》Thunder Cloud Cup》Wing Cup》Boomerang Cup》Coin Block Cup》Warp Cup》
Special 👑 Courses: Vanish Cup》Cherry Cup》Mega Cup》Tanooki Cup》? Block Cup》Spiny Cup》Shine Cup》Grand Cup》
World Grand Prix🔒 Lightning⚡️Courses: Egg Cup》Triforce Cup》Crossing Cup》Bell Cup》Propeller Cup》Fruit Cup》Feather Cup》Acorn Cup》Super Cup》World Cup》
Extra Grand Prix 🔒* Excellent idea to introduce courses from the Mario Kart GP series as well as new courses for DLC content
~ New Courses
Nitro Grand Prix: Mushroom Cup 🍄 1. New Mario Circuit 2. TBD 3. TBD 4. TBD
Nitro Grand Prix: Flower Cup 🌷 1. beach- or water-themed course 2. TBD 3. TBD 4. TBD
Nitro Grand Prix: Star Cup ⭐️ 1. ice- or snow-themed course 2. TBD 3. TBD 4. TBD
Nitro Grand Prix: Special Cup 👑 1. TBD 2. TBD 3. New Bowser's Castle 4. New Rainbow Road
~ Retro Courses
Mushroom 🍄 Courses Retro Grand Prix: Shell Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mario Kart Stadium 2. ᵈˢ Yoshi Falls 3. ᵍᶜⁿ Baby Park 4. ˢⁿᵉˢ Bowser Castle 1
Retro Grand Prix: Golden Dash Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ Luigi Circuit 2. ᵍᵇᵃ Shy Guy Beach 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Sweet Sweet Canyon 4. ᵍᶜⁿ Dry Dry Desert
Retro Grand Prix: Red Coin Cup 1. ³ᵈˢ Toad Circuit 2. ⁿ⁶⁴ Moo Moo Farm 3. ᵍᵇᵃ Riverside Park 4. ʷⁱⁱ Toad's Factory
Retro Grand Prix: Blue Coin Cup 1. ⁿ⁶⁴ Luigi Raceway 2. ˢⁿᵉˢ Donut Plains 1 3. ᵈˢ Cheep Cheep Beach 4. ³ᵈˢ Shy Guy Bazaar
Retro Grand Prix: Banana Cup 1. ᵈˢ Figure-8 Circuit 2. ʷⁱⁱ Moo Moo Meadows 3. ³ᵈˢ Cheep Cheep Lagoon 4. ⁿ⁶⁴ Kalimari Desert
Retro Grand Prix: Lucky Cat Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Mario Circuit 1 2. ᵍᶜⁿ Peach Beach 3. ⁿ⁶⁴ Koopa Troopa Beach 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Thwomp Ruins
Retro Grand Prix: 1-Up Cup 1. ᵍᶜⁿ Luigi Circuit 2. ³ᵈˢ Daisy Hills 3. ˢⁿᵉˢ Ghost Valley 1 4. ᵍᵇᵃ Bowser Castle 1
Retro Grand Prix: Gold Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Peach Circuit 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Water Park 3. ʷⁱⁱ Mushroom Gorge 4. ᵈˢ Luigi's Mansion
Flower 🌷 Courses Retro Grand Prix: Leaf Cup 1. ᵍᶜⁿ Mushroom Bridge 2. ᵍᵇᵃ Boo Lake 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Twisted Mansion 4. ³ᵈˢ Rock Rock Mountain
Retro Grand Prix: Turnip Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Mario Circuit 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Toad Harbor 3. ⁿ⁶⁴ Choco Mountain 4. ˢⁿᵉˢ Bowser Castle 2
Retro Grand Prix: Freezie Cup 1. ᵈˢ Desert Hills 2. ᵍᶜⁿ Mario Circuit 3. ʷⁱⁱ DK Summit 4. ᵍᵇᵃ Bowser Castle 2
Retro Grand Prix: Metal Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ Mario Circuit 2. ⁿ⁶⁴ Frappe Snowland 3. ᵍᶜⁿ Daisy Cruiser 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Shy Guy Falls
Retro Grand Prix: Lightning Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mario Circuit 2. ˢⁿᵉˢ Ghost Valley 2 3. ᵈˢ Waluigi Pinball 4. ʷⁱⁱ Wario's Gold Mine
Retro Grand Prix: Rock Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Choco Island 1 2. ᵈˢ Delfino Square 3. ³ᵈˢ Music Park 4. ⁿ⁶⁴ Mario Raceway
Retro Grand Prix: POW Cup 1. ³ᵈˢ Wuhu Loop 2. ʷⁱⁱ Coconut Mall 3. ᵍᵇᵃ Cheese Land 4. ᵈˢ Shroom Ridge
Retro Grand Prix: Heart Cup 1. ⁿ⁶⁴ Toad's Turnpike 2. ³ᵈˢ Mario Circuit 3. ˢⁿᵉˢ Donut Plains 2 4. ᵍᶜⁿ Waluigi Stadium
Star ⭐️ Courses Retro Grand Prix: Sun Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Snow Land 2. ˢⁿᵉˢ Choco Island 2 3. ᵍᶜⁿ Yoshi Circuit 4. ⁿ⁶⁴ Bowser's Castle
Retro Grand Prix: Moon Cup 1. ⁿ⁶⁴ Wario Stadium 2. ʷⁱⁱ Koopa Cape 3. ᵍᵇᵃ Yoshi Desert 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mount Wario
Retro Grand Prix: Red Shell Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ Daisy Circuit 2. ᵍᵇᵃ Ribbon Road 3. ᵈˢ Mario Circuit 4. ᵍᶜⁿ DK Mountain
Retro Grand Prix: Thunder Cloud Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Sunshine Airport 2. ⁿ⁶⁴ Sherbet Land 3. ˢⁿᵉˢ Vanilla Lake 1 4. ³ᵈˢ Maka Wuhu
Retro Grand Prix: Wing Cup 1. ᵈˢ DK Pass 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Dolphin Shoals 3. ³ᵈˢ Neo Bowser City 4. ʷⁱⁱ Grumble Volcano
Retro Grand Prix: Boomerang Cup 1. ᵍᶜⁿ Sherbet Land 2. ³ᵈˢ Wario Shipyard 3. ⁿ⁶⁴ Royal Raceway 4. ˢⁿᵉˢ Bowser Castle 3
Retro Grand Prix: Coin Block Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Koopa Beach 1 2. ᵈˢ Tick-Tock Clock 3. ʷⁱⁱ Maple Treeway 4. ᵍᵇᵃ Bowser Castle 3
Retro Grand Prix: Warp Cup 1. ³ᵈˢ Piranha Plant Slide 2. ᵍᶜⁿ Mushroom City 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Electrodrome 4. ᵈˢ Airship Fortress
Special 👑 Courses Retro Grand Prix: Vanish Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Donut Plains 3 2. ʷⁱⁱ Moonview Highway 3. ᵍᵇᵃ Bowser Castle 4 4. ᵍᶜⁿ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Cherry Cup 1. ³ᵈˢ DK Jungle 2. ᵍᵇᵃ Broken Pier 3. ˢⁿᵉˢ Ghost Valley 3 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Mega Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ Dry Dry Ruins 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Bone-Dry Dunes 3. ⁿ⁶⁴ Banshee Boardwalk 4. ˢⁿᵉˢ Vanilla Lake 2
Retro Grand Prix: Tanooki Cup 1. ᵍᶜⁿ Wario Colosseum 2. ³ᵈˢ Rosalina's Ice World 3. ʷⁱⁱ Bowser's Castle 4. ⁿ⁶⁴ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: ? Block Cup 1. ᵈˢ Wario Stadium 2. ˢⁿᵉˢ Koopa Beach 2 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Bowser's Castle 4. ᵍᵇᵃ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Spiny Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Lakeside Park 2. ᵍᶜⁿ Dino Dino Jungle 3. ᵈˢ Bowser Castle 4. ʷⁱⁱ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Shine Cup 1. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Cloudtop Cruise 2. ⁿ⁶⁴ Yoshi Valley 3. ³ᵈˢ Bowser's Castle 4. ᵈˢ Rainbow Road
Retro Grand Prix: Grand Cup 1. ⁿ⁶⁴ D.K.'s Jungle Parkway 2. ᵈˢ Peach Gardens 3. ᵍᶜⁿ Bowser's Castle 4. ³ᵈˢ Rainbow Road
Lightning⚡️Courses 🔒 World Grand Prix: Egg Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Rainbow Road 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Berlin Byways 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Wild Woods 4. ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Yoshi's Island
World Grand Prix: Triforce Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Mario Circuit 4 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Los Angeles Laps 3. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Piranha Plant Cove 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Hyrule Circuit
World Grand Prix: Crossing Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Luigi Circuit 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Sydney Sprint 3. TBA 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Animal Crossing
World Grand Prix: Bell Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Sky Garden 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Singapore Speedway 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Super Bell Subway 4. TBA
World Grand Prix: Propeller Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Mario Circuit 3 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Vancouver Velocity 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Ice Ice Outpost 4. ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Sky-High Sundae
World Grand Prix: Fruit Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Sunset Wilds 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ New York Minute 3. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Bangkok Rush 4. TBA
World Grand Prix: Feather Cup 1. ˢⁿᵉˢ Mario Circuit 2 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ London Loop 3. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Ninja Hideaway 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Mute City
World Grand Prix: Acorn Cup 1. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Paris Promenade 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Merry Mountain 3. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Dragon Driftway 4. TBA
World Grand Prix: Super Cup 1. ᵍᵇᵃ Cheep-Cheep Island 2. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Amsterdam Drift 3. TBA 4. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Big Blue
World Grand Prix: World Cup 1. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Tokyo Blur 2. ʷⁱⁱ ᵘ Excitebike Arena 3. ᵗᵒᵘʳ Athens Dash 4. TBA
~ Extra/DLC Courses
Extra Grand Prix: Mario Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Mario Highway 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Mario Beach
Extra Grand Prix: Extra Mario Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Splash Circuit 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Tropical Coast
Extra Grand Prix: DK Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ DK Jungle 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Bananan Ruins
Extra Grand Prix: Extra DK Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Bananan Labyrinth 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ DK Jungle
Extra Grand Prix: Wario Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Diamond City 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Snow Panic
Extra Grand Prix: Waluigi Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ² Stadium Arena 2. ᵃᵍᵖ² Waluigi Stadium
Extra Grand Prix: Pac-Man Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Pac Mountain 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Pac Labyrinth
Extra Grand Prix: Extra Pac-Man Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ PAC-MAN Stadium 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ NAMCO Circuit
Extra Grand Prix: Bowser Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Bowser's Castle 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Castle Wall
Extra Grand Prix: Extra Bowser Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Bowser's Factory 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Bowser's Castle
Extra Grand Prix: Rainbow Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖ Rainbow Coaster 2. ᵃᵍᵖ Rainbow Downhill
Extra Grand Prix: Yoshi Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖ² Yoshi Park 1 2. ᵃᵍᵖ² Yoshi Park 2
Extra Grand Prix: Toad Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Peach Castle 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Kingdom Way
Extra Grand Prix: Don-chan Cup 🔒 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Bon Dance Street 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Omatsuri Circuit
Extra Grand Prix: Bowser Jr. Cup 1. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Aerial Road 2. ᵃᵍᵖᵈˣ Sky Arena
Extra Grand Prix: Inklings Cup 1. Splatoon themed course * Splat Circuit 2. Splatoon themed course
Extra Grand Prix: Sonic ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. Sonic themed course * Twinkle Circuit Source at 1:00 2. Sonic themed course * Green Hill Zone related course
Extra Grand Prix: King K. Rool ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. King K. Rool/Donkey Kong Country related themed course 2. Diddy Kong Racing related themed course * Jungle Falls or Darkmoon Caverns Source 1 Source 2
Extra Grand Prix: Zelda ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. Zelda themed course * Lost Woods 2. Zelda themed course
Extra Grand Prix: Kirby ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. Kirby themed course * Fantasy Meadows (from Kirby Air Ride) Source 2. Kirby themed course * Meta Knight's Halberd or The Great Cave Offensive
Extra Grand Prix: Samus ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ 🔒 1. Metroid themed course 2. Metroid themed course
~ 6. Battle ~
In all games, the engine class of Battle Mode is fixed to 50cc. An exception is the Renegade Roundup mode where it is increased to 100cc.
~ Battle Modes
Balloon Battle》Team Balloon Battle》 Classic Balloon Battle》Team Classic Balloon Battle - Mini Bomb Karts return. Shine Thief》Team Shine Thief》 Bob-omb Blast》Team Bob-omb Blast Shine Runners Coin Runners (Coin Battle)》Team Coin Runners》 Renegade Roundup
Thunder Cloud Tag ⁽ⁿᵉʷ⁾* - Similar to Shine Thief but reverse. Think of it as Tag. A random player has a Thunder Cloud and must tag others to lose it from above their head. If the player holds the Thunder Cloud when the timer reaches zero, this process repeats until one player remains.
~ Courses
ˢⁿᵉˢ Battle Course 1 ˢⁿᵉˢ Battle Course 2 ˢⁿᵉˢ Battle Course 3 ˢⁿᵉˢ Battle Course 4 ⁿ⁶⁴ Big Donut ⁿ⁶⁴ Block Fort ⁿ⁶⁴ Double Deck ⁿ⁶⁴ Skyscraper ᵍᵇᵃ Battle Course 1 ᵍᵇᵃ Battle Course 2 ᵍᵇᵃ Battle Course 3 ᵍᵇᵃ Battle Course 4 ᵍᶜⁿ Cookie Land ᵍᶜⁿ Block City ᵍᶜⁿ Luigi's Mansion ᵍᶜⁿ Nintendo GameCube ᵍᶜⁿ Pipe Plaza ᵍᶜⁿ Tilt-a-Kart ᵈˢ Nintendo DS ᵈˢ Twilight House ᵈˢ Palm Shore ᵈˢ Tart Top ᵈˢ Block Fort ᵈˢ Pipe Plaza ʷⁱⁱ Block Plaza ʷⁱⁱ Delfino Pier ʷⁱⁱ Funky Stadium ʷⁱⁱ Chain Chomp Wheel ʷⁱⁱ Thwomp Desert ³ᵈˢ Honeybee Hive (Honeybee House) ³ᵈˢ Sherbet Rink ³ᵈˢ Wuhu Town ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Battle Stadium ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Sweet Sweet Kingdom ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Dragon Palace ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Lunar Colony ˢʷᶦᵗᶜʰ Urchin Underpass ᵗᵒᵘʳ New York Minute B ᵗᵒᵘʳ Paris Promenade B Icicle Pyramid or Smokey Castle ⁽ᵈˡᶜ⁾ Source 1 Source 2
submitted by VernonKazama to u/VernonKazama [link] [comments]

2023.05.27 18:46 superscarypickle Title: I am 23 years old and making $106,000 as a live-in nanny in a New York suburb

Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance- old 401k- $21,704 and IRA- $27,218 I don’t currently have a 401k through my employer and I’m totally fine with that, I max out my IRA in January of every year.
Savings account balance-$24,042
Checking account balance-$6,445, this is pretty high for me, I transfer $5,000 to my brokerage account anytime this hits $7,000
Brokerage account- $214,695
Credit card debt- just my current monthly balance, right now it’s $900
Total Net Worth- $293,204
Section Two: Income
Income Progression:
So I have been posting diaries every year for several years now so feel free to go back and check those for a detailed income progression. Last time I wrote a diary I was a nanny in DC. Shortly after I interviewed for my current job, the family and I meshed perfectly. It was the perfect situation for me so I pounced on it. I have no intention of leaving my current job anytime soon, I love the whole family and the kids love to say that they have three parents and that warms my heart. My year anniversary at my job is coming up and the parents and I spoke and they really want me to stay so in a few weeks I will be getting a raise to be making $121,000 a year.
Main Job Monthly Take Home:
I get paid weekly and if it is a 4 Friday month I make $5,600 a month and if it is a five Friday month I get $7,000 a month. Once in a while I work overtime and then that gets added in. There are no deductions here other than taxes, I don’t have a 401k and I’m still on my parents health insurance.
Side Gig Monthly Take Home
I occasionally babysit for the family I nanny for, and they pay me in cash for that. I also occasionally babysit for other people or dog sit and I also get paid cash for both of those. I probably make less than $2,000 total a year from this though, it is incredibly infrequent.
Section Three: Expenses
Rent- I don’t pay rent since I live with the family I work for, they obviously don’t charge me anything in terms of rent or utilities and they pay for almost all my food.
Retirement contribution- Maxed out at the beginning of the year.
Donations- I donate to libraries often by paying them extra when I go to book sales. I also donate to planned parenthood and food banks semi-regularly. I probably donate between $3,000- $5,000 a year, but I don’t keep track.
Cellphone- I pay my mother $55 a month for my phone.
Subscriptions- Spotify duo for my boyfriend and me, $12.99.
Car payment / insurance- I own my car and bought it cash and then I pay $106 a month for insurance. I have a work car that I use for everything during the week so I’ve been thinking about just getting rid of my personal car because I use it so infrequently.
Cast of main characters-
A- 9 yr boy I nanny
B- 6 yr girl I nanny
C- 18 month baby I nanny
L- my boyfriend
Day 1
6:15am- I wake up and find A coloring so I sit with him and start a new book, Pineapple Street, while he colors.
7:30am- Coffee and breakfast time, I have an iced latte and some oatmeal today. I say goodbye to the big kids before school and then go off to shower and get ready. I notice I am running low on Nespresso pods and shoot L a text asking if he wants anything, he requests two sleeves he has been meaning to pick up, so I place an order from the Nespresso site for 5 sleeves total plus I got a free sleeve. ($56)
9am- time to start work! During the day it is just me and C. Almost every day we have some form of a mommy and me class and today is no exception. I make us green smoothies to take and then we head out to class.
10am- Class is over and we head to the park for a bit. It is pretty nice out and we love picnics so I pick up lunch for us on the way there. I got tuna salad and a veggie wrap for us to share. I asked for ½ a pound of tuna but they gave us a whole pound of tuna and I was too shy to say anything, oh well. Ok also this might be an unpopular opinion but whenever baby and I go out to lunch I put it on my personal card. We have food at home and I don’t think the parents should pay for mainly me wanting to go out for lunch, even though they would be totally fine with me putting it on their card. ($23)
11:30am - We have our picnic lunch and play for a little longer before we head home for nap time which is at 12:30. On our way home I swing through H&M and get B a cute dress since her birthday is coming up soon. ($24.03)
12:40pm- C is napping which means I get to enjoy a nice quiet house. I throw a load of laundry in and read my book on the couch for a few hours and finish Pineapple Street and I loved it. I also do some light online shopping and place an order from Old Navy for some long summer dresses to wear for work. I order several with the intention to only keep a few. ($83.85)
3:30pm- C wakes up from their nap and A and B get home from school. We do a quick snack and then have to head out to drop A at basketball. We come home and play for a bit before I finish working.
5pm- I am done for the day! I head out to go to a library book sale. I have dinner plans that I am running late for so I do a quick look around and get 15 books. Library book sales are often super cheap and charge max $2 for books, this one said that they were charging me $10 for all these books but I gave them a $20 and told them to keep the rest as a donation. ($20)
6:30pm- I arrive at my mothers house for dinner, my aunt and some cousins are visiting from out of town and I am very excited to see them and catch up. We have chicken, burgers, and veggies on the grill for dinner.
9pm- My cousins and aunt head out and I help my parents clean up a bit before I head to bed. I try to start Giver of Stars by Jojo Moyes and fall asleep after a few pages.
Day 1 total- $206.88
Day 2
6am- I wake up and scroll tiktok for a bit before deciding to finally get up and make myself a latte. I take my latte outside and read Giver of Stars while I drink my coffee.
8am- I shower and get ready and have half a cream cheese mini bagel and a banana for breakfast.
10am- I head out for another library book sale and there is a line out the door before the sale even starts. I get in and realize that more than half the people here are book resellers who are grabbing everything in sight and scanning all the barcodes and just being pushy and rude. Book resellers at library book sales really frustrate me because I feel like that is not what book sales are about, in my opinion. This made me think about all the other possibilities for these books and it sparked an idea in my mind to set up a bookshelf at a women's shelter or a hospital near me with a large variety of free books for people there to take as they please. They wanted to charge me $7 for over 20 books, so I gave them $20. ($20)
11am- I meet L at a different nearby library. He is studying for the bar right now so I decide to use this time to teach myself how to code. I find a course that I want to take on coursera and sign up for it. It’s $50 a month but I get a 7 day free trial for now.
1pm- I get hungry and talk L into going with me to Whole Foods for lunch. I loveeee the Whole Foods hot bar and we each get a box and in mine I get the kale salad, roasted chicken, and some pasta salad and L gets roasted veggies and chicken. Somehow the price always surprises me, I pay for both of us. ($46.05)
3pm- I finish my work and head home. I hang outside in the hammock and read Giver of Stars for a bit before my brother tracks me down for some family game time. We decide on Catan and in the middle of the game L shows up and goes to the home office to finish up his bar prep for the day. I win Catan and some people are a little salty about it.
6:30pm- For dinner my parents get a pizza and salad for all of us since no one feels like cooking.
8pm- L and I are tired from all the work today so we head to bed and watch The Fosters for a bit before falling asleep.
Day 2 total- $66.05
Day 3
6am- I wake up early and decide to be productive so I go organize some cabinets in the kitchen before L wakes up.
7:30am- Everyone is up and my parents are a little confused by my random early morning mass reorganization. I make my latte and head outside to drink it while I finish Giver of Stars.
9am- We have crepes and french omelets for breakfast, L and I go on a 3 mile walk around the neighborhood before he heads out to study for a bit before his graduation ceremony later. I impulsively make an offer of $85 on some lightly used Veja sneakers on poshmark and it gets accepted, with tax and shipping it ends up being more than I planned to spend. ($97.27)
11am- My brother builds model rockets and launching them is a family affair. We head over to a local park with huge fields to launch the rocket. I get to launch the rocket today (woohoo!) Everyone else has the job of tracking the rocket to figure out where it lands so that it can hopefully be retrieved. After 5 minutes of looking for it we find it in the middle of the road and it remarkably is almost in perfect condition.
12:30pm- I keep seeing pasta salads all over my tiktok feed so I head to the grocery store to get the ingredients for one. I get radicchio, pasta, basil, anchovies, a lemon, roasted red peppers, and shallots. ($28.16)
3pm- The pasta salad was very delicious, I get ready for L’s law school graduation tonight and head out with my family. We meet his family there and sit through a very normal graduation ceremony.
8pm- After some pictures and hugs we head to his parents house for some light food and cake. Which is sweet and fun. After I head back to my nanny family's home and get ready for the week ahead. While laying in bed I start regretting my sneaker purchase and dm the poshmark seller and ask if I can cancel my order. I then scroll tiktok until I fall asleep.
Day 3 total- $125.43
Day 4
6:30am- I don’t know why I keep waking up so early this week, it is starting to get annoying. I pick out a new book, Cleopatra and Frankenstein, and sit on the couch and read for a while. I get a dm back from the poshmark seller saying she already dropped them off at the post office this morning (I’m calling bs but whatever).
8am- Starting work a little earlier today, I put the big kids on the bus and then take C with me to my room to get ready for the day. I let them pick out my outfit and then they hang out with me while I brush my teeth and all that jazz.
9am- I throw some laundry in before we head out for the day. Today we go to a new playground and play for a while and I meet some nice moms. We exchange numbers to get the kids together some time. Making work friends is often hard for me, many mothers don’t want to be friends with nannies for some reason and many nannies around here are older and don’t want to be friends with me.
12pm- We head home and do lunch. Hummus with nutritional yeast, cucumbers, and pita for C. Leftover chicken, melon, and cucumber for me.
2pm- I’m craving a smoothie but C is still sleeping so I take the blender outside and make a green smoothie and save some for C when they wake up. My go to is Kale, spinach, mango, pineapple, almond milk, greek yogurt, ginger, chia, flax, and collagen powder. I leave the collagen powder out of C’s smoothie because I don’t think toddlers should be having that (not sure on this though and now I’m going to be doing some research.)
4pm- Big kids came home, did snacks and homework and we headed out to drop them off at their after school activities. C and I head to whole foods to pick up food for the house. We get milk, chicken, kale, berries, eggs, and a few other random things. The total is $63 but I put it on the parents card. I also was running low on collagen powder and I obviously had to facetime my gym rat brother so he could decide for me, he picked one for me and that I paid for myself. ($35.90)
6pm- Dinner time, we have leftover pasta and meatballs with broccoli and the parents come home and we catch up about the day.
7pm- I take a shower and finish Cleopatra and Frankenstein and do some more work on the coursera course that I signed up for before I go to bed at 9:30.
Day 4 total- $35.90
Day 5
6:20am- I’m officially annoyed that I haven’t slept in once this week but whatever.
7am- Coffee, start a new book, this one is The Way I Used To Be.
8am- Put the big kids on the bus and take C with me to shower and get ready. Then I throw a load of my laundry in. They are extra cranky today for some reason and throwing themself on the ground crying over everything. I quickly make some spinach scrambled eggs for myself for breakfast before starting the dishwasher and running out the door hoping fresh air will calm them down.
10am- We just finished a 3 mile stroller walk and now we have a library mommy and me class today. C is a little less cranky but still not their normal chipper self. After library class we hang out in the library and play with other kids until it’s lunch time.
12pm- I’m craving a bagel again so we go out for bagels and I get my normal whole wheat bagel with cream cheese and C gets a mini bagel with cream cheese, I pay. ($6.22)
12:30pm- C is napping so I pop my airpods in to listen to my book on libby. I make another outside green smoothie, fold my laundry, unload the dishwasher, and make chicken and carrots for dinner. Then I sit outside and work on my coursera course until the big kids get home from school.
4pm- More homework, reading and then rushing to after school activities. It is my personal opinion that kids these days are way too overbooked and if I have children I am signing them up for one after school activity a week and that is it. C and I go to a local library until we have to pick up A and B.
5:30pm- Dinner of chicken and carrots and leftover wild rice and then we all had leftover chocolate cake for dessert. Parents get home and I dip out quickly tonight and go to my own space. The amount we hang out after I’m done working varies drastically day to day, sometimes we all hang out and other days I disappear almost as soon as the parents are home, depending on how overstimulating the day was.
6pm- I do a face mask and unwind while I scroll tiktok and reddit. Once in a while I feel a desire to delete all social media but I never actually follow through. I don’t post on social media at all though, other than an occasional reddit post, so I kind of have that going for me.
7:30pm- I read until I finish my book and then I scroll on tiktok until I fall asleep around 10pm.
Day 5 total- $6.22
Day 6
6:45am- Slightly better wake up time. I move to the couch and start The Housemaids Secret. At 7 I make my coffee and then shower and get ready.
8:30am- I grab C and we hang out in the kitchen while I make breakfast for myself. Today I do toast with jam and cream cheese. I then make our green smoothies and we head out.
9:15am- We take a nice 2 mile long stroller walk to a friend's house. They have a music teacher come over once a week and hold a music class in the backyard for about 15 of us.
11am- Class is over and we head to the playground for a bit and we were going to have a picnic lunch but C is in a mood. So we go to the grocery store and all C wants to eat are raw green beans so they snack on those while I shop. I pick up some random ingredients to make a variation of the pasta salad that I made earlier this week that maybe the kids will eat. I get mozzarella, artichoke, tomatoes, roasted red peppers, and olives and put it on the parents card. Mid shopping I realize that my period just came on fast and heavy and I am bleeding through my light blue shorts in the grocery store. We check out quickly and run home.
12:30pm- Very fun dealing with a period mess while having a curious toddler in the bathroom with you. C is napping and I listen to my audiobook while I make pasta salad.
4pm- Once again homework, snack, reading time, and then rushing out the door for afterschool activities. C and I go to the playground between dropping off the big kids at their different activities.
6pm- I have plans with four friends today so I head out to a bar to meet them. I don’t drink but my friends always want to go to bars so I just go to have fun. On the way there I want a sweet treat and swing through Wendy’s for a small frosty. ($2.49)
10pm- I get home and instantly crash.
Day 6 total- $2.49
Day 7
7am- Finally I am awoken by my alarm. Coffee and then a shower and finishing The Housemaids Secret.
8:30am- I start working and C hangs out with me while I make breakfast. Today an omelet with kale, tomatoes, and spinach. Of course we then make a green smoothie to share.
9am- We head out for a stroller walk before our mommy and me class of the day. We get a good 3 miles in and then go to class.
11:45am- class wraps up and we head to Whole Foods to get everything I forgot yesterday. We get salmon, spinach, berries, bread, and a few other random things. I put it on the parents card. I get the notification from poshmark that the sneakers got delivered and I’m reminded of how stupid of a purchase that was.
12pm- We do a quick lunch of pb and j with flax and chia, and pineapple before an overtired C goes down for their nap. During nap I make salmon for dinner and fold A’s laundry and put it away. I then do a little more of my course and realize it is not as extensive as I thought it was and I am not going to learn much from it at all and withdrew from the course.
4pm- What a surprise; time for homework, snack, reading, and then dashing off to after school activities. Today B doesn’t have anything so after we drop A and a friend off we come home and play outside before dinner.
5pm- A gets dropped off by his friends mother and we have salmon and leftover pasta for dinner. I then hang out with everyone until the kids go to bed.
7pm- I facetime L and we chat for a while until he has to go have dinner. Then I finish Housemaids Secret and scroll tiktok until I fall asleep.
Day 7 total- $0
Weekly total- $442.97
Clothes and beauty- $205.15
Food and beverage- $197.82
Books- $40
Reflection: Other than those very regrettable sneakers, this was a very standard spend week for me, maybe slightly on the higher side. I put everything on my credit card normally and my bill is normally right around $1,000 a month. I love my job and I love that my expenses are so low that I don’t need to worry too much about budgeting because I’m always saving around 80% of my monthly income every month. I know my living situation is very unique so if anyone has any questions I would love to answer them in the comments!
submitted by superscarypickle to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]

2023.05.27 18:03 Lillian_Madwhip Lily Madwhip Must Die : Chapter 16 - All Hell Breaks Loose

I’m trying to remember the last time I ate. Was it breakfast? Maybe it was lunch. The cafeteria had these fish cake things that were round like hockey pucks and mostly breading. Stick them between a shriveled hamburger bun and you’ve got yourself a sandwich. I’ve had them before. I always get a packet of mustard to add flavor to it because otherwise it’s like eating a soggy piece of cardboard.
But did I eat the mustard fish cake sandwich? I didn’t really remember. Not until now. Yes, I ate the mustard fish cake sandwich. I even added extra mustard because I was annoyed. It’s all coming back to me... from the pit of my stomach, up my esophagus and out past my tongue and teeth.
HYURRRRK!
I barf mustard yellow onto the grass in front of everybody. You would too if you just saw a man get his head ripped off, okay? I’m not going to stop seeing that, not even when I’m old and gray, if I live that long. It’s burned into my brain, like that scene in the movie Poltergeist where the camera guy hallucinates peeling his face off after eating maggoty meat. Why’d my dad let me watch that movie anyway?
I’m not looking anymore. I can’t look. I just shut my eyes and taste the lingering mustard flavor on my tongue. Even with my eyes closed though, I can see it all in my head using just my ears. That heavy FLUMP sound like someone dropping a bag of laundry is Mr. Gin’s body collapsing into a pile. The softer thump to my right is his head landing in the grass between me and Mr. Dutch after Samael tosses it aside.
That loud CRACK sound? The gun. Something wet spatters across my face. That’s blood obviously. I’m not sure whose. I flinch when I feel it. Samael hisses. Did they hit him? Is he bleeding? Several more CRACKs. A whistling sound. I put my hands over my ears and crouch into a ball. Be as small as I can. Be a piddle bug. Curl in on myself.
“SAMAEL!” Dumah shouts, “CONTAIN YOURSELF!”
Ms. Gwendolyn screams.
Felix yells over the noise. “WENDY, RUN!”
I peek through my lids for a second. Madame Wendy is wreathed in smoke. She’s still got the gun pointed at Samael. Her face looks like she just swallowed one of those red-hot cinnamon jawbreakers. I don’t get the love people have for those things. They just burn. Why torture yourself by putting a thing that burns on your tongue? Last year in science, our teacher brought a jug of cinnamon extract to school for some lab thing and one of the boys in the front row got his hands on it and took a swig. He had to go to the nurse. That stuff’s poison or something. Someone said it probably ate through his stomach lining and was burning a hole straight to the butt of his pants.
Samael is as tall as an adult. His body is all twisted and stretchy like one of those Stretch Armstrong toys. I imagine this is what that kid Mike Teevee from the Willy Wonka movie looked like after they stretched him cuz he got shrunk. That movie was a nightmare.
Dumah is grabbing Samael’s wrists and trying to twist them behind his back. It’s not really working though because Samael’s arms just stretch further, and you can hear popping as his elbows and wrists come undone. Their struggle is just a few feet away from me. They step and sway like two dancers but there’s a headless corpse at their feet and Dumah trips over it, sending him tumbling to the ground. He doesn’t let go of Samael though, or at least his arms.
Samael’s arms pop off at the shoulders with a sickening sound. If I hadn’t just emptied my stomach down here in the grass --which I’m squatting way too close to-- I’d probably lose my lunch at the sight and sound. Instead, I just have one of those unpleasant heaves that wrenches the muscles in your chest and make it hurt. I duck waddle backward to get away from my own sick and the insanity in front of me.
I can’t take this. This is too much. The songs I try to sing in my head to drown out the sounds aren’t working. Another gunshot. Screams of enjoyment on the other side of the tents. People having a great time at night with their families, oblivious to the death going on right here.
“Lily,” Paschar says something. He’s trying to settle me down but it’s not working either. I can’t hear his words; all I can hear is some sort of squelching sound. Dumah shouting stuff. I think it’s Latin or some other dead language. Mr. Dutch is gibbering too. I hear him say the word, “mommy.”
STOP IT! STOP IT ALL! ALL OF IT!
I scream just to drown out the sounds. I don’t care if anybody hears me. I want to not hear them. I want them to go away! Felix, Samael, Dumah, Ms. Gwendy, even poor Mr. Dutch. I want them all to just--
--GO--
--AWAY!
I have the power to do it too! I can make them go away. Why am I cowering here? Why am I duck waddling around on the grass, screaming with my hands over my ears? I’m not helpless. I’m not. I just need to--
I open my eyes. I kind of wish I hadn’t. Samael looks nothing like me anymore. He’s twisted into an adult with splinters of bone coming out of his shoulder sockets, like they’re trying to reform a pair of arms. Dumah is casually beating him about the head and shoulders with his own detached limbs. It’s almost comical except for how disgusting and awful it is. He’s yelling more nonsensical stuff in a loud, booming voice that seems to echo off of nothing.
Madame Wendy has fallen to the ground holding the pistol. Her finger seems to be trying to pull the trigger again and again but it’s just clicking. No more gunshots. No more bullets.
Felix is standing still, frozen in place. Maybe he thinks if he doesn’t move, Samael won’t see him. Maybe his brain just fried trying to understand what he’s seeing, what Hellish nightmare just popped into reality in front of him. The girl he hated more than anyone else living (but not dead, sorry Meredith) suddenly turned into some sort of silly putty monster that ripped the head off his friend and is coming for him next.
I don’t bother looking at Mr. Dutch.
Instead, I focus. I can hear Paschar shouting at me in the back of my mind but I drown him out with my song. It’s not one I heard on the radio. It’s not one Ms. Pembrook made us sing in music class. It’s one I make up on the spot. It’s a song about a girl who’s tired of being controlled by everyone around her. She’s exhausted from all the awful things she’s seen and all the people she loves that she’s lost. But she has this special gift. She can rip holes between our world and the dream world. She can make delicate, small cuts that rip the butt of a boy’s pants, but she can also make giant stinking holes.
So I scream at the top of my lungs and I throw my hands out and I make a giant, stinking hole in the Veil. I don’t know what it looks like to everybody else, but to me it’s like the air and the ground and the people all in front of me are a page in a book. A really well-illustrated page. Maybe one of those Bill Peet books, he was always good at drawing stuff. But someone punched a big, fat, black hole in the page.
I know what’s in that hole. Void. The emptiness of untouched Veil. It’s not space where you would suffocate because there’s no air, it’s more like flying or falling forever until you either make your own reality or just go completely insane. I’m guessing about that second part. I don’t really know what happens if you don’t make your own reality because I only ever did. And maybe I could do that because of who I am. It’s all still a big mystery to me.
“WHAT IS THIS?!” Felix yells. He’s staring into the blackness of the tear. I had kinda meant to just catch everybody in it, but for all my effort I really only made a rip the size of a kiddie pool. You know, one of those heavy plastic pools your dad drags out of the garage, muttering to himself about why you can’t just play in the sprinkler and then spends two hours filling it from a hose and when he’s finally done the thing is filled with floating dead bugs and other stuff you don’t want to touch. I don’t know why adults invent stuff like that.
Suddenly, Samael is behind Felix. He rises up from out of nowhere like a marionette. His arm stumps are a pair of rubbery-looking bones with polished knobby ends. Even though he has no hands on them, he still manages to wrap his bone arms around the shocked and confused Felix. There’s a big grin on his face that is NOT my face. It’s HIS face. He’s him. The him who we met in that prison cell thing in Hell. Fanged teeth, reddish eyes. Like a vampire if vampires had knobby bone arms instead of capes.
“Thanks for the assistance!” Samael yells to me from across the tear.
“I didn’t do that for you!” I yell back.
Felix shouts something I can’t make out. He reaches down and tries to swat away the bone arms that are rubbery-bending around his torso.
Madame Wendy is fumbling with something in one of her many pockets and rattling the gun in her hand. I think she might have more bullets and is reloading it.
Where did Dumah go?
I see half an arm on the ground right by the edge of the tear. It’s one of Samael’s that popped out of his shoulder sockets. I think maybe I opened the tear right on top of Dumah. Oops.
Samael grins at me. He hefts up Felix like a sack of flour or rice or some other sort of sack. Felix screams and claws at his face and head. Samael’s face and head, not his own face and head. He’s not THAT crazy... yet.
I cover my eyes with my hands but peek through my fingers. I just saw Samael twist Mr. Gin’s head off like a screw, so I’m already envisioning him ripping Felix in half.
He doesn’t though. He just casually chucks Felix right into the hole I made and starts laughing maniacally. It’s a surreal thing to witness because even though I’m standing on the other side of the hole that I assume has width and length and height, it looks 2D like a Road Runner cartoon and I can see Felix go falling into the blackness like I’m looking down into a well and watching Felix fall to the bottom of it.
Madame Wendy screams, “FELIX!” and does some wrist flick thing with the gun in her hand. She points it at me.
I throw a hand up between us. “Hey whoa! I’m the good guy!”
Am I? I mean, I kinda just got Felix killed. Felix and Mr. Gin. Sure, they seemed pretty awful, but would they have been quite as bad if they hadn’t been having to deal with me and my problems that I bring with me everywhere I go? To Madame Wendy I’m sure I’m a REAL bad person. Yeah, fair enough. Go ahead and shoot me.
Without thinking, I flick my wrist at her, just a sort of “whatever” kind of motion, giving her the go-ahead to empty a few rounds into my meatball and put us both out of our misery. But of course, things can never be that simple. Instead, I accidentally make another micro-tear in the Veil right where her wrist and her hand meet, and the whole thing just falls right off, followed by a scream of panic and pain from her and a big ol’ spurt of blood from her severed wrist.
I clench my fists up to avoid making the same mistake twice and hurry over to her. “Oh geez! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do that!” I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I’m running on some sort of autopilot. I pick up the hand and hold it with the fingers pointing down so the blood stays inside.
Madame Wendy is not having any of it. She slaps me away with her still attached hand. It stings but probably not as much as getting your hand cut off so I don’t cry. I just fall backward and drop the hand on the ground. She scrambles, reaching for it. No, wait, she’s reaching for the gun again. We’re back to the shooting me scenario.
“Oh just give me the gun,” I tell her, unable to hide my exhaustion, “I’ll do it myself.”
She picks it up, hugging her stump to her chest and getting blood all over her pretty ruffles. She points the gun right in my face.
“Devil!” she yells.
Samael steps between us, grinning at her with that same fangy smile that haunts my dreams. “At your service,” he hisses at the poor woman.
The sound of the gun fills my ears with ringing. At the same instant, the back of Samael’s head sort of pops open like a pretty flower. Red splatters my vision. And lastly I feel a sharp sensation in the side of my head that jerks me backward. Like from my eyebrow to my ear just getting yanked by an angry giant’s hand. Did I just get shot? Then the bullet is in my brain now, I bet. Except I’m still thinking. Well maybe that’s how being dead works, after all. Wasn’t Roger stuck in his dead body, thinking and waiting? I’m just gonna let gravity catch me and fall down here on the grass, get a feeling for being dead now.
The grass is wet. I can still feel it. It tickles the back of my neck. I don’t think you feel things when you’re dead. Okay, Lil, you’re not dead. But there’s blood in your eyes and something cut you across the forehead, I guess. Why doesn’t it burn inside my head though?
That Wendy lady fires again and again. I can’t see if she’s even accomplishing anything with Samael. Seems to me he just keeps going, like that Energizer Bunny in the battery commercials. Samael, he keeps going and going and going...
...and going and going...
“Get off of her!”
Oh hey, that’s Dumah’s voice. Dumah’s back. How convenient.
Another gunshot, followed by clicking again. Madame Wendy needs to get a gun that holds more bullets.
“Oh stop it, you ponce,” I hear Dumah say in a very agitated manner.
I peek an eye open, the one that’s not got blood in it and stings something fierce. Dumah’s given up his skin suit and is standing there on the edge of the tear in his robes and his Skeletor face exposed. He’s the spitting image of that Grim Reaper guy. They probably modeled him after Dumah or something.
Dumah kneels down next to the phony baloney fortune teller and pries the gun out of her fingers. “Give me that before you hurt somebody who can actually suffer,” he says like a father talking to his daughter who he caught playing with making milkshakes in the blender, but nobody told her you needed to put the top on it. “Now give me your hand. No, the other one, that one beside you on the ground. I’ll reattach it.”
I wonder if he can do that with Mr. Gin and his head.
“What... what are you?” Madame Wendy whispers at him. She looks pale and tired. Who knows how many pints of blood she’s lost by now.
He puts a boney finger to his teeth. “Shhh,” he says to her, “be quiet.”
She opens her mouth to respond but nothing comes out. She realizes this and her eyes start darting around in a panic. Dumah holds her by the wrist and then takes the severed hand and-- totally gets between me and everything he’s doing so I don’t even get to see. Oh come on!
Since I can’t watch his magic, I look around instead. My neck feels stiff. Where’d Samael go? Oh, there he is, laying next to me with a big, nasty hole in the middle of his face. I can see inside his head. It’s not the graphic, gross, brain-filled situation you’d expect. There are things inside his head, dark things that seem to be moving, squirming like a bowl of worms (unless it’s Halloween, then it’s just spaghetti that grownups tell you is a bowl of worms). They seem to be entangling with each other in the middle of the big, gaping hole.
Someone else steps out of the tear as if it was just a doorway into a really dark room. I recognize Barrattiel. He surveys the scene and makes a big “O” with his mouth. He glances briefly at Mr. Dutch who seems to be looking past everything with his mouth hanging open slightly. Then Barrattiel looks in the direction of me and Samael and Dumah and Madame Wendy, raises his eyebrows, goes, “ah!” and nods, then comes over.
“Barrattiel,” I sputter. There’s something hot and salty in my mouth. “I think she shot me in the head but I’m not dead.”
He just lifts a finger silently in the same manner as, “give me one second,” and starts picking up Samael instead. I can’t hide feeling a bit puzzled by this. I frown at him. My eye tingles more from this so I grit my teeth and wait for it to pass.
“Sam’s regenerating,” Barrattiel whispers to me, “I’ve got to get him across the threshold before he can resist. I’ll be right back for you.”
Oh sure, Samael can regenerate. Damn angels and all their powers and all they give us is the power to burn stuff and see the future and junk.
“What a mess,” Dumah mutters. He looks over at me. “Look at the size of this rip. This is almost as bad as Guatemala. There’s going to be Hell to pay for this.” He turns to Barrattiel. “Quickly now! And then fetch the stitcher. We need to close this immediately.”
Barrattiel nods. “Right.” He gives me a shrug. “Dumah will check on you.”
What happened in Guatemala? That’s not cool, referencing things I don’t know anything about. Paschar is silent on the matter so apparently nobody’s going to fill me in. Heck, I don’t even know where Guatemala is. I’m going to have to remember to look it up in the encyclopedia. I wonder if that’s where Abaddon and I went and got the cow pitcher that’s now never going to be returned to its owner.
I reach up and touch my forehead. There must be a hole or something in my skull. I don’t feel anything though. Of course, I haven’t felt any sort of pain this whole time. Even the stabby wound in my guts from the shard of cow pitcher. Is that still there? I stick a finger in it. Yep, still there, and still gross.
After a minute, Dumah twists his arms hard like a panicked trucker down a windy road and I hear a loud crack from the other side of him followed by a muffled groan of pain.
“Yes yes, go ahead and cry,” he says to Madame Wendy. “You can speak now.”
“Wh-what’s going to happen to me?” she asks in a frightened, child-like voice.
Dumah takes her head in his hands and twists and turns her every which way. “Well, you’ve lost about twenty-some odd years off your expected life span... and that hand is going to ache like a son-of-a-bitch when the weather is bad... but all-in-all, I’d say you’ll be fine.” He straightens up and brushes off his dirty, old robe. “Of course, there’s a place in the Pit specifically for false prophets.”
The false prophet Wendy stares at him with a slowly drifting jaw and then swallows the mother of all throat lumps.
“Go to sleep,” I hear Dumah say, followed by a soft thump of something or someone falling down on the wet grass nearby. He appears over me, looking down, studying me with his empty Skeletor eyes. “What have you got on your forehead?” he asks.
“I think it’s a gunshot wound,” I tell him.
“No, it’s one of those runes you weren’t supposed to play with. Gebo... jara... I’m afraid I’m not fluent in their precise qualities.” he kneels down and sticks his boney thumb in my face. I can feel him trying to rub the symbols off. “If I remove these, your head will explode.”
“That’s alright,” I sigh, looking up at the pretty stars. I want to go be a star and just shine down on everyone. “I’ve had enough anyway. Let’s get on with the exploding heads.”
“I was joking, I have no idea what will happen.”
Probably my head will melt like the laundry room door. That’s fine too. I can’t feel anything anyway so I doubt it’ll hurt. I take my finger and stick it back in my cow pitcher wound, dab it around some, get it nice and bloody. I stop and really think for a moment where everything in my life went wrong that I’m lying on the grass behind the tents at a carnival sticking my finger in a stab wound to use my own blood to wipe a magic rune off my forehead.
Someone steps through the Veil tear. I figure it must be Dumah’s crew of stitchers or whatever he called them. But it’s not. Dumah glances up from hovering over me and is visibly shocked, which is saying a lot since his face is a freaking skull and incapable of emotion.
“Abaddon,” he says, standing up, “What are you doing here? You spoke with Zadkiel?”
It is indeed Abaddon. He hasn’t even bothered to hide his extra pair of arms either. He’s got all four out on display in some sort of white shirt with not only no sleeves, but no sides to it either. Like, why wear anything at all at that point? The front and back flap just looks silly to me. He also doesn’t have any pants on, but before you read too much into that, his weird shirt thing is more like a long dress, I guess. He’s got a gold-looking piece of rope tied around his waist with tassels on it.
“I’ve come to help,” Abaddon says in his matter-of-fact tone.
“Help whom, brother?” Paschar speaks up.
Abaddon looks at my doll and says nothing. Then I notice that his lower left hand is clutching something against his side. It kind of looks like he broke a stalactite off the ceiling of a cave and is wielding it like a small baseball bat.
You ever been sitting at your dinner table and everybody’s talking about their day and then your mom mentions that she ran into her old friend Todd and your dad says, “is that the Todd you used to date in college?” and she says, “yes. He runs a successful travel agency now.” and then the room gets really quiet and there’s like this feeling in the air that maybe there’s a hidden conversation being had and you aren’t privy to it? Well, that’s what it feels like now. Dumah, Abaddon, Paschar, are all quiet. The fair is still going on somewhere and people are laughing and screaming happy sounds, but me and Mr. Dutch and Madame Wendy are sitting there wondering if mom and dad are having a silent argument in their heads.
Paschar finally repeats himself, in a slower manner. “Help... whom?”
Why are the hairs on my arm bristling up?
“Stamus contra malum,” replies Abaddon. He lifts the small stalactite bat and raises it across his forehead, then back down and across his chest. “We stand against evil.”
“You helped Samael escape.” Paschar doesn’t sound the least bit surprised. I’m surprised to hear him say it. Abaddon? Help Samael? But he was helping me with the blood and everything! Paschar is still talking. “I asked myself how Samael managed to do his vanishing act. We saw him in his cell before Lily woke and he was in her mind. But that wasn’t Samael, was it? It was Onokole, child of Hecate.”
“Oh no,” I whisper.
Abaddon clenches his jaw for a second. “I know this is hard to understand, brother, but Samael is right.”
“What does *that* mean?” Dumah steps back from the tear and Abaddon. I see his arm reach behind his back and with a snickety-snick his big, curved blade thingy unfolds in his hand.
“The great evil is coming,” Abaddon points with his upper right arm toward the sky. “You know this. It is why we do what we do. And we have spent eons preparing for it, building this wall against it, training these children to stand against it as the first row of pawns on the board. But look at them! Look at this!” he gestures with another arm toward my big, ol tear in the Veil. “We are fighting amongst ourselves when we should be working together! Your own Generals are ripping down the very wall they are meant to defend! We don’t stand a chance as long as we continue to--”
“Who is it talking to?”
I look over at Madame Wendy. She’s gripping her reattached hand with her other hand and trembling so bad that her jangles are jangling. She’s looking at me, but also keep side-eyeing Abaddon.
“He’s talking to my doll,” I whisper to her, so as to not interrupt Abaddon’s speech he’s giving. From the sound of it, he’s been holding this all in a long time and just needs to vent. Far be it from me to interrupt “Lord of the Bottomless Pit” when he’s monologuing.
“--is to stand together!” Abaddon is still going. I missed some of what he said thanks to that false prophet lady, dang it. “The Potestates *need* to be alarmed! Look at the signs! The first two seals are broken! Come and see!”
Dumah puts a hand on Abaddon’s shoulder. It looks like a gentle gesture, but Abaddon reels from it and swings his stalactite bat thing at Dumah’s head. Dumah takes the hit with stride, staggering back a moment and then casually shaking it off like someone who just got splashed in the face with cold spaghetti water.
“Abaddon, let us talk about this on the other side. This is neither the time nor place to have these discussions. I’m already going to have to--” he starts making a sweeping gesture at us normal folk lying in the grass. He pauses for a moment to specifically point out Mr. Gin’s headless body.
“It’s too late.”
Those words come from the tear. One white leg steps out of the blackness. Then another, along with the complete, regenerated body of Samael. He’s him now. He’s not me or some bizarre, twisted nightmare version of in between us both. He slicks back his hair with two hands drenched in red blood. It’s spattered across his suit that he somehow got. Maybe it’s a part of him? I don’t know. Angels can do anything it seems like.
“I come now to you as the lion,” he says with a mouth full of pointy teeth, “to lead mankind into a new age. To prepare them for the war that is to come.”
“WHERE IS BARRATTIEL?!” Dumah yells in a booming voice. Some of the laughing and hooting from fairgoers around the way on the main thoroughfare go quiet, that’s how loud he is.
Samael sticks one of his bloody fingers in his mouth and sucks on it for a second like a baby with its pacifier. He spots me watching and winks. My tummy does a tumble and considers finding more past meal to send up my throat.
“He’ll be fine,” Samael finally says with red teeth, “I didn’t have to completely incapacitate him like I did poor Nathaniel. Dear, sweet, little Bar can’t do much more than challenge me to a slap fight. That’s what he did, anyway, and you could say I won.”
Dumah finally reveals the giant blade he was keeping behind his back. He opens his jawbone and roars. I’m talking a big, darn roar. He drowns out everything else. Even Abaddon shrinks away when he hears it, bringing his stalac-bat up in front of him like it’s a shield. Even Samael cringes slightly, looking almost surprised. I hope he is. I want him to be shocked and confused and scared because that’s what I am and I hate him.
“Brothers!” shouts Paschar, barely audible over Dumah’s mountainous roar.
Abaddon flicks two of his wrists, causing the ground on either side of Dumah to erupt into a dozen sharp, pointy, earthy spikes, impaling him from every direction before he can take a single step.
It doesn’t stop Dumah’s roar, it just stops him from following through on attacking them both with his weapon. He swings wildly, missing Abaddon by inches, and then stumbles, sliding down on the spikes so that the stick up around him like a thorny crown.
Samael takes a deep breath. “How the mighty have fallen. Poor brother, you should have listened to me. Now you can stay here, among the children. I just wanted you to know that you could have had a place by my side. Like dear Abaddon.”
He smiles at Abaddon. Abaddon doesn’t smile back. He looks frustrated.
“The Veil is now officially off limits, as it always should have been. Don’t try to enter it. I will destroy you. I must make it stronger. I must protect the Throne. This has always been my job, my one, singular purpose. Do not try to keep me from my purpose again... Dumbass.”
And with that, Abaddon and Samael trudge slowly backward into the darkness of the tear. I can’t see them but I’d wager they’re standing on the other side of it, looking out at the lot of us and giggling to themselves. They’re just like the jerk girls from school. They think they’re better than everybody.
Bit by bit, the rip starts shrinking at the edges. Within five minutes, it’s gone, leaving just a normal empty bit of field behind some carnival tents with Mr. Dutch looking completely out of his mind, Madame Wendy shaking and sobbing, Dumah sagged quietly into a ball on the spikes, me sitting with wet pants and covered and blood, and of course one headless body.
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2023.05.26 05:52 Drakolf Maintenance Ch. 4: Malice - The Greater Multiverse Adventurer Hero Guild

There are only a few signs of a nascent Dark Lord, and they were only really detectable if you were looking for them. A year was a lot of time for a fledgling to grow.
Even neutered by the presence of another Dark Lord, the accumulation of malice being weakened, there could be untapped sources of corruption, dark artifacts hidden by the previous one simply to make our jobs harder.
That wasn't even going into the potentiality of Blackthorn deciding to mentor them, even if that was strictly to try and convince them to work with us, rather than against us.
The first sign was fairly benign, a gradual darkening of hair as malice is accumulated. I recalled reading about an albino Dark Lord who simply couldn't, and had escaped detection that way.
The second was the gradual change of eye color to red, gold, or silver. It was a mistake to think that the eye color conferred any specific alignment, one that had cost many lives in the past.
The third was an uncanny rapport with animals, which also led to a lot of innocent farmers and shepherds getting lynched by a paranoid populace.
The fourth was a suspicious line of deaths connected to them. Adoptive parents meeting some grim fate, family members falling into addiction or- or worse.
It was why I noticed the lay priest in the Temple.
He was cleaning the statues, speaking prayers to the Gods to aid all Heroes past, present, and future in their works. He was albino, and as much as I hated profiling people based on their appearances, I at least needed to check.
Since one and two were out with him, clearly, I needed to see how he was with animals.
Wendy grabbed my hand as I started walking to him, she shook her head. "It's not him." She said.
"What? Why?" I asked.
"He's my brother." She said. "We're twins, and I know for a fact the Gods have touched him."
"I still need to check." I said. "At the very least, he might have noticed something."
She let my hand go and I approached him.
I wasn't walking particularly loudly, yet he turned around and looked at me. I stopped in my tracks, confused. His hair was bright silver, not white, and his eyes certainly had a similar coloration.
He closed his eyes, bringing his hands together, and bowed. "Honored Hero, you grace me with your presence."
Yeah, yeah. Enough of the Hero talk. "Mind if I talk to you a moment?" I asked.
"Absolutely." He said. "What can this humble lay priest do for you?"
"Can you get me a horse? I need to head out soon."
He bowed again. "Apologies, Hero. I don't tend the stables." I blinked, confused.
"What?" I asked. "You don't tend the stables, have I missed some change in policy where lay priests don't maintain the Temple grounds?"
"He can't." I glanced back at Wendy, who looked at her brother with an apologetic look. "The horses can't stand to be near him, they won't even let him ride them."
I furrowed my brow, looked at him, then back at Wendy. "I'm sorry, what?" I asked.
"It's true." He said, his voice full of shame. "It may be a curse, or perhaps some ill omen. They refuse to accept my touch."
"I... see." I said. "Fine, it'll have to wait, then." I got ready to ask him about his family, when Wendy interrupted again.
"Hero, I know my brother, any aspersions you could cast upon him could be cast upon me. Understand, we are both humble servants of the Temple."
Her brother looked at her and said, "Sister, dear, I will gladly submit to any tests necessary to prove I am well." He looked at me. "After all, I have nothing to fear."
Bravado was something anyone could pull off, most Dark Lords who attempted such were exceedingly clever, but were often undone by careless actions.
I held out my badge, and he took it. I furrowed my brow when the gemstone darkened, as if he had less malice than the baseline person. He handed it back.
"Alright." I said. I looked at my badge, which glowed briefly for a moment as it normalized. I thought for a moment, considering the possibility that I might be a latent one myself and made a note in my menu to get myself checked.
It would be absolutely embarrassing if I was one of those few who managed to get a false negative during screening. The note made, and therefore unable to be erased by me without permission from a higher up, I filled him in on the situation.
"Yes, it would be unfortunate indeed for a fledgeling to show up now, of all times." He remarked. "That would reflect poorly on the Guild, as it is your duty- and by extension, the Temple's- to weed them out and destroy them."
"Or convince them to cooperate." I said.
"No." He said, more forcefully than I was really comfortable with. "They are a blight, it would be far better to rid the multiverse of them entirely."
"Which would then result in total sublimation in light which would render the universe null." I countered. He looked confused. "What, were you sleeping on that day of class? A Dark Lord can always be defeated, a world can always be pulled back from the brink of darkness! Hell, reverse-worlds exist as a counterbalance and have the opposite needs as worlds like this one! Sublimation of the worlds, the inability to maintain the balance of light and dark would lead to the eventual destruction of the multiverse in its entirety!"
"Please, there's no need to yell." Wendy said, taking hold of my arm.
I took a deep breath. She was right, that was uncharacteristic of me. "Sorry." I said. "It's just this is very strict, technical stuff the deeper into how things work you go, and having people on our side who are ignorant of some fairly basic concepts just... It gets to me."
"Ander, please forgive his wrath." Wendy said to her brother. "He is doing his best to find the fledgeling."
Ander looked at her and his expression softened. He approached her and hugged her. "Of course, my beloved sister." He said. "Forgive my ignorance, Hero. Perhaps I did sleep that day."
I sighed. "Alright." I said. "I have some tools at my disposal for tracking a fledgeling down. It's not precise, at best it just locks onto nearby sources of malice, which I can siphon off for containment. It's a long, laborious process, and if containment breaks, that's a lot of malice just getting spread out that could cause a lot of problems."
"We will accompany you, Hero, to ensure you are uninterrupted." Ander said. "After all, if someone were to sneak up on you and harm you, that would be even worse."
I blinked. "Alright, so full disclosure, you are extremely unsettling, so when this is all done, I'm putting in a request to get you some therapy or something."
"Apologies, Hero. I do not often engage with others. I prefer solitude."
At least he wasn't offended.
I pulled down my menu and sent in a request for some tools and some blessed water. Now, this kind of request would raise concerns about a seemingly Level 1 situation. Normally, it's a Level 1 handling these things, so my being here is just serendipitous.
The request was automatically accepted, considering my Level, and I said, "Alright, step back." An incantation appeared in front of me, with some instructions.
Even though I'd done this a few times before, I still followed along, because nothing was worse than misremembering an incantation and having nothing happen.
A blinding white light flashed as the equipment I requested was dropped off. I looked at Wendy and Ander and said, "Alright, I'm going to show you how we do a quick and dirty purification ritual."
The gear I received had a different form, depending on the world I was on. Here, it was explicitly a magic item that used holy power to siphon off malice.
All creatures have a certain amount of malice in them, and generally, it's a bad idea to outright remove it. That caused problems which can lead to the aforementioned sublimation of a world in nothing but light. Without malice, good has no shape, no form. Without love, evil is much the same.
Even evil has loved ones.
I'd remembered stories of Recurrences who fell in love with each other. They played their roles, certainly, but rather than ending in one dying and the other living until they died, being reborn the next cycle, it was a story of a person falling into evil in spite of their efforts to be good, and love redeeming them.
I'd love to study one of those Recurrences, they didn't really need Heroes, but the light half of that Recurrence was a member of the Guild for clerical reasons.
Mainly in case of divorce. Not every incarnation is the same, and Blackthorn wasn't always going to be Blackthorn.
The average person knew not to get in the way of a Maintenance Adventurer when they had magic items out. That meant Danger and nobody liked Danger.
I followed the direction of the lodestone compass, keeping track of if and when the needle shifted suddenly. Triangulating the source off corruption was generally a problem, and I wasn't going to have Blackthorn come out of his cave to gobble it all up and cause an early Recurrence.
"Alright, found one." I said, pointing my extractor at an off-colored patch in a wall. Malice is thick and goopy, getting submerged in it instantly mutates a creature into a monster, usually mindless, but always evil.
The purification ritual I'd done for myself was primarily to help me equalize, my acting out of character was an indication that there was probably enough malaise to make me grumpy, and considering I wasn't having any more issues with my temper, I was right.
It was a small amount of Malice, barely a standard unit, and certainly not particularly dangerous by itself. If someone had purposefully extracted it without the proper precaution, about the worst that would happen to them is a brief state of insanity.
The compass pointed in another direction, and off we went.
There are rarely large pools of malice, those are Level 6 and require at best a full team to clear it out.
At worst, it was just better to let a fledgling jump in and kickstart their reign of terror. People generally didn't like that, which was another reason maintenance is important.
Malice doesn't accumulate like this without a good reason, and that reason was proximity to a fledgling. The more spots I found, the more I realized it was in the city. Bit by bit, I extracted the malice out, working well into the night because I wasn't going to rest until this was done, my vacation be damned.
Actually, on second thought, let's not damn the vacation, that's why I was here in the first place, to get as far away from damnation as I feasibly could.
Wendy and Ander took turns bolstering me with magic, giving me energy so I didn't pass out on the job. The moment one of them needed sleep was the moment I went to bed.
Thankfully, even with a city this large, I only got up to about half a tank before the compass started pointing at me.
Well, that's actually pretty fucking concerning.
"Hey guys-" I started, turning to face them, the compass needle shifted away from me.
To them.
To Wendy.
She stared at the compass in shock and confusion. "Why is it pointing at me?" She asked.
"Move three steps to the left." I said, she did, the needle followed her. I walked around her, and sure as Hell is terrifying, it was locked directly onto her.
A thing about the Lonestone Compass is that it doesn't register anything below ten standard units, the average per individual was around five, it could be greater or lower than, but never zero or ten.
Below zero meant something very, very bad was happening, and considering Ander wasn't radiant with light, he probably had a solid two, maybe three. We'd get him checked out, and if he was at a solid one, then we'd break out the infusion.
"It's you." I said. "You're the fledgling."
"That has to be a mistake." Ander said. "Maybe she came into contact with the Malice, you only did a purification ritual for yourself."
"And you both should be regularly performing one for yourselves." I countered. "They don't work on fledglings, at least, not ones who have begun to awaken. The only thing that triggers an awakening is contact with malice, either in large quantities or in small amounts constantly."
"I haven't been doing my purification rituals." Wendy said. "I know you told me not to visit Blackthorn, but... I couldn't ignore someone in need. I thought, maybe I could ease his burden."
Yes, that was a feasible answer. It was extremely stupid for her to do, but a proper purification ritual would prove her words.
"Alright." I said. "We'll perform a ritual in the Temple. If the ritual works, then, we're either back at square one or I'm the fledgling and am far enough along that I'm attracting malice. Which would suck if true, but we can't just ignore that possibility."
We headed for the Temple, and as we walked, Ander asked, "Is it common for fledgling Dark Lords to not realize they are one, in the Guild?" He asked.
"It's not uncommon." I said. "The ritual prevents them from accumulating any, so it often goes unnoticed until something changes."
"And is there anything other than contact with malice that can trigger this 'awakening'?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Repeated contact with another Dark Lord, which is why Wendy's on the hot seat right now. Contact with dark artifacts, deals with demons, opening Hell Mouths..."
Being near one.
We reached the Temple and Ander got things ready for a proper Purification Ritual, which he performed. He was... a lot more hands-on than I was used to, and it did make me uncomfortable, but it was working, the compass was beginning to waver, and then it started spinning.
Oh.
Oh no.
Before I could begin to tell Ander to stop, Wendy crumbled to ashes in his hands, her malice completely drained from her body.
He fixed me with a cold stare, and I understood the situation completely.
​
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2023.05.26 05:52 Drakolf Maintenance Ch. 1: First World - The Greater Multiverse Adventurer Hero Guild

It was my first time being summoned to another world. As a new member of the Greater Multiverse Adventurer Hero Guild, I was hired to do some maintenance.
Maintenance was a service offered to worlds that had already survived their near-brush with a cataclysmic event, I go in, I check things out, do some community service, and get out.
The best part of the job is free resurrections for the first five levels, so if I happen to die while on a quest, I immediately come back with all of my gear at the Temple I was summoned at. It was convenient, and if I was killed by someone rated above Level 5, the world was immediately marked as in the early threat level and investigated.
I appeared in the temple, part of maintenance was ensuring the proper people knew how to summon us, they started the ritual, sent payment in the form of non-currency metal, or weapons and armor, and one of us pops into existence, ready to tackle the job.
"Welcome, Hero." The Head Priest spoke solemnly.
I blushed, rubbing the back of my head bashfully. "Oh, you don't have to do that." I said.
He chuckled, smiling. "It pays to have good practice, just in case." He said. "And knowing you Maintenance Adventurers, you appreciate hearing it."
That was true. Maintenance could be a pretty thankless job, I knew people who were Level 4 who were just grinding out maintenance work just so they could get to Level 5 and grind out some more.
The High Priest walked beside me as I headed for the entrance. On either side of me, as I walked, I saw past Heroes, those who came here when things got rough. I was surprised to see smaller bas-reliefs carved into the bases, each depicting Maintenance Adventurers.
"Wow." I said, squatting low to get a better look. "I know some of these people, there's Gregor, he recently got promoted to Level 6." I looked at the High Priest. He's out there now, taking on another world's Dark Lord."
He looked surprised, then smiled. "I am pleased to hear that he has finally become a Hero in his own right." He said. "Just as you surely shall."
I stood up and we walked over to the door.
Just outside, I was met with the sight of a sprawling metropolis, it was so big, I actually got a little nervous about navigating it.
"It is understood you need no assistance." The High Priest spoke. "However, I humbly offer the assistance of one of our acolytes. She is not well-versed in the art of combat, however, she knows the city like the back of her hand, and can offer you guidance in the event you wind up lost."
I nodded. "I appreciate the help. I'll be sure to keep her out of harm's way."
Within minutes, a girl around my age walked up to me. She brought her hands together and bowed. "Thank you, Hero, for accepting my aid."
"Aww, I'm not a Hero yet." I said. "But I'll do my best to help keep this world safe!"
I tried to remember how to use the Guild's management system, I pulled down the menu, looked through it a few times, then found what I was looking for. She jumped as I sent a Party Request to her.
"Here, just click 'yes' and you'll be registered as a party member while I'm here. This will confer the same resurrection power I have to you, so in the event we get overrun, we'll both remain safe."
She gave me a single nod and tapped 'yes'.
It would take me days to describe how great the city was. It was one of those multi-species worlds, full of Dwarves, Elves, and even Beastfolk! Going up to the Guild Branch in the city wasn't hard, the acolyte, Wendy, knew where it was.
The local branches of the Greater Multiverse Adventurer Hero Guild- or just 'The Guild'- were entirely locally run, sponsored by local governments, and provided places for people to join- either as local Adventurers, or or people like me.
A trio of Beastfolk were chatting nearby as I approached the front desk.
"Hey, kid. Don't you know the Guild is off limits?" One of them, a Lion Beastfolk, asked. I flashed my Guild Badge. "Ah, my apologies. We've been having kids come by lately wanting to go on adventures. The world may be safer, but there is always danger."
I nodded. "Don't worry, as a Maintenance Adventurer, my job is to ensure this world remains safe." I said.
"Eh, just don't forget to write down everything you notice in your reports." Another Beastfolk, a Bear, remarked. "We had a Maintenance Adventurer drop the ball because he thought a group of evil cultists were shoe salesmen."
"To be fair, good soles are hard to come by." The third Beastfolk, a Wolf, remarked. "And not everyone's going to be knowledgeable about what to look for. I remember when I did maintenance, I got assigned to a reverse world. I immediately called in saying it was a Level 20, only to be told what it was." He glanced at me. "Keep reverse worlds in mind, kid. They're fucking evil, but that's just their natural state. They won't hurt maintenance as long as you don't try being a Hero."
I nodded. "Good to know." I said.
They started getting into a discussion about reverse worlds, so I focused on the list of quests.
There was a lot about a world you could tell just by the difficulty of their lowest level quests. The three quests available for my Level were the Forest of Annoyance, the Somewhat Deep Cave, and the Meadow of Angry Rabbits.
Benign names, basic work for any new member. I accepted all three quests, but made sure to mention that if I had to leave the world for any reason, or if I abandoned the quests, that my claiming mark would vanish.
As per protocol.
The quests were nothing special, just go in and slay some adorable, yet vicious monsters, get some monster drops, and look around for any signs of corruption or more powerful creatures.
The Forest was annoying, mostly because it was just a maze of trees and no actual hazardous wildlife. The Meadow of Angry Rabbits was kind of a misnomer, these rabbits had horns and were vicious, but well within my ability to handle.
As we neared the Somewhat Deep Cave, my badge started glowing. Badges only glowed if there was a threat above your Level nearby, serving as a warning to be careful.
At the very least, I could identify what it was.
As we plumbed deeper, we actually came to a small cavern with a fire blazing. I heard the footsteps as they approached, and when Wendy and I saw what was approaching, she gave a shriek of fear.
Oh, shit. An actual Dark Lord.
"Ah, shit. Maintenance." He said. "Look, I'm here on leave, I have the papers to prove it, and all of the necessary seals, so please don't call in a Hero to beat me senseless. I haven't done anything."
"Oh, you have a permit?" I asked.
He proffered his permit, I took my badge off and held it against the permit, which glowed. Yeah, he was here officially.
"Alright. I will have to make a note of this when I give my report, but everything looks to be in order."
The Dark Lord sighed. "Excellent."
He walked over to the fire and fed wood into it. "You're welcome to rest a while, if you like. We both know there's nothing I can do to you to harm me, and you're far too weak to even register as a threat."
I looked at Wendy, shrugged, and sat down.
"So, why are you here, of all places?" I asked.
"Vacation." He said. "I'm part of an eternal recurrence every hundred or so years in which I return to the world, attempt to regain my full glory, and if I'm lucky, take over and rule. I've been here a day."
I nodded. "So, a hundred years to wait." I remarked.
"Indeed. I fully intend on leaving the locals alone, and if helping maintenance keeps them out of my hair, then so be it."
He took off his helmet, and while he certainly radiated high levels of cruelty and malice, I could tell most of it was restrained. Likely the sealing.
He was some sort of Beastfolk, his face criss-crossed with scars, his right eye missing. It was definitely a recent loss.
"Don't worry about me, I'll heal within the next decade or so, gradually build up my power again, and once I'm ready to try and subjugate my world again, I'll have my full power back."
"Why?" Wendy asked. "Why do you act so nicely, when you are a Dark Lord?"
"Because I am cruelty, rage, and ambition personified. I am quite literally the collective evil of my planet's populace, and until everyone is either dead or manages to get along nicely long enough to remove the concept of evil from the world-"
"Which is, incidentally, an extremely bad idea." I remarked.
"I remain. And yes, I did try to take over a world I was banished to. I did not last a day against a commoner. You could sneeze on me and kill me instantly if I so much as violate one of my permits."
I nodded. "Having a banished Dark Lord present on the world allows them to passively absorb corruption and malice, making maintenance easier. Yes, it makes them stronger for when they return, but in the case of eternal recurrence, it would happen anyway, they would return just as strong even if they only managed little bits of power every world they appeared in."
The Dark Lord nodded. "It's a mutually beneficial agreement that keeps me in one place and monitored, while you benefit by not having to deal with uppity would-be Dark Lords. as often. Anyone willing to target me for power to jumpstart their reign of terror would have to contend with me coming back and killing them."
"It's a system that keeps things balanced, making it easier to keep things in check."
She nodded solemnly.
"If it's any consolation." The Dark Lord said. "You are a very handsome lady, and I am certain one day, perhaps, a Hero would be lucky to have you at their side."
She blushed. "I- thank you." She said softly.
I took a deep breath, slapped my cheeks, and stood up. "Alright, my job here is done. Not to be rude, or anything, but I am expected to be back somewhat soon."
"I understand." The Dark Lord replied. "The company is appreciated, I do so rarely havevisitors."
I looked at Wendy, who looked at him with an expression of sympathy. "Wendy." I said. "I wouldn't get too attached. He is here as part of a punishment, not for companionship. We've had plenty of Maintenance Adventurers go dark because they took pity and let whichever Dark Lord they spoke with to corrupt them."
"He's right." The Dark Lord affirmed. "It's in my nature to twist and corrupt. The more powerful I grow, the stronger that urge becomes. I would only manipulate you and lead you down a dark path from which there is very little return."
She nodded. "I understand." She said.
"That being said, if things get boring around here and there's someone who's ambitious enough, but not quite there, you can refer him to me, and I'll ensure you have a proper Dark Lord in, oh, five years."
The way he said this, it was an obvious joke, and Wendy couldn't help but laugh. We said farewell and returned.
Back at the Temple, I bowed to Wendy as I would to any priest or priestess and said, "Thank you for your assistance. May peace continue to reign."
She bowed right back, and we both cracked up laughing.
I was only there for a day, but I was happy to do what I could.
​
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2023.05.24 07:56 WideAd8358 24 May 2023 (Kurt Tay) - Q&A (Part 3)

Why dont you go and find a full time security job ? Its better than working adhoc job.
In my previous Q&A video (Part 1 or 2), I got no intention of looking for full time job. However, I already change my mind. I want to look for SSS full time. Adhoc jobs I have tried quite a few times from 6pm-10pm and I couldnt get the job. I waste my time sitting down there waiting for a job but in the end never get the job. I feel that a full time SSS job will be more stable. If I want to do BDSM or friendship date all these, I only available on my off day. Adhoc will be more flexible. More freedom. Sometimes adhoc couldn't get the job. If I want to get a normal SO/SSO, its very easy. Any day you want, you can just get it. As long as you have security license. However for SS/SSS, its a bit hard. Don't tell me to make it soft because it is hard. Its a bit hard why ? Previously I was working the permanent IC in charge of the condo nearby my house until they get a full time staff. SSS is a bit harder to get the condo. The condo manager near my house felt that SSO can also become the in charge. The client can pay lesser money. Why the client want to pay more money to the company when they can pay lesser money to hire a SSO. Double S and SSS, the pay is higher. its not easy to get SSS job. I can call many companies, they say sorry no SSS vacancies at the moment. SO/SSSO confirm guarantee plus chop, confirm have but the pay is fucking pathetic. Fucking low. Its suitable for single who doesn't have family but I need to feed 5 people. The takehome pay for SSO is only $2200 which is the reason why I don't accept the condo job nearby my house. Because I know $2200 is 死路一条. 饱死。 confirm honggan one. Even I tell my mother, takehome pay $2200 how to survive ? I feed 5 people. If I one person confirm no problem. SSS job is not easy to find. Not that I don't want to find. This is the last time I going to explain.
Do you think your date friendship business will be successful ?
For my BDSM business, I can only advertise on Locanto. Its not suitable to advertise online, Instagram, Facebook all these because its not so accepted by society. People will feel that its weird. Its BDSM. But my friendship business, I can post on Locanto. I can post on Instagram, Facebook. I can post on TikTok, YouTube. There's more options for me to post my business. I believe that a superstar like me. I got so many fans who will be interested to date / rent me out for friendship, to chit chat with me, to eat together, to take photo with me. If I am a normal person, maybe the business will be a bit hard. I am a famous online celebrity and I got a lot of fans. I am famous. I think that this business most likely confirm will work out. My confidence level has reached above the sky level. My business will be come very very good. After I advertise on all platforms, my business will be very very good. I earn minimum at least 10k per month.
Mistress Luna sabotage you by posting on her Twitter account, tell all the BDSM community not to engage you. How do you feel ? Your Mistress Luna sabotage your rice bowl. Are you going to put her on the list of Kurt Tay ?
When I saw Mistress Luna Twitter post, I was shocked. How can she do this to me ? She go and post on Twitter account asking everyone not to engage my BDSM business. As a result my BDSM business got no clients, no slaves, no customers. At first I was very fucking pissed off. Why she want to sabotage me, my BDSM business, my rice bowl ? Because I got family to feed. I got financial problems and yet she want to do this to me. I am very very disappointed because I idolised Mistress Luna since I was a little kid. Since I was 4 years old, I tell myself that when I grow up I want to become like Mistress Luna to do BDSM business. The idol whom I respect for so long do this to me. At first I was very very very fucking pissed off. At first I want to put her on the list. I think it was actually me who make her angry because I too excited and I post the audio of me in a BDSM session with Mistress Luna caning me. The audio can clearly hear that I was calling for Mistress Luna "Yes, Mistress Luna" After that, I cannot control myself. I share my story. Share my story nevermind. I post her photo on my real Kurt Tay fan club group. Cannot see face. As a result, I don't know why got super high technology what reverse image. How can the image be reverse? I simply don't understand. Can anybody teach me or not ? How do reverse image ? I don't understand. Image how to reverse ? How come you reverse the image, you can see the link meh ? I really don't understand. Because of that, her identity was being exposed. I got many many haters go and message her to disturb her. As a result, she hate me very much. She ban me. She blacklisted me. She tell many people to blacklist me. Not to engage my business. That time when she sabotage me, I was actually the wrestling spirit inside my body. However, 2 days later when I watch porn, my BDSM spirit return to my body. I think and think and think. Actually for Mistress Luna to sabotage my BDSB business is actually a higher advanced form of punishment. She want to punish me by sabotage my BDSM business. Actually my fault to make her angry. This is just a punishment for her to actually destroy my BDSM business. If other people, I will confirm put them on the list. Because she is Goddess Mistress Luna. So answer is No.
Why always outside waiting for job ? Why dont you wait at home first. Got job then go out ?
I always standby at Yishun MRT to look for adhoc job. When they down man, they need you to rush to the location in the fastest time. If I stay at home, walk to Yishun MRt will take about 14-16 minutes. A waste of time. 14-16 minutes I can travel quite far distance from Yishun MRT. So always, I will standby Yishun MRT. I will buy the bread. Its also a good thing because Yishun MRT, many people recognise me and many fans approach me to take photos. I'm not going to stay at home. Nobody going to take photos with me at home. The real reason is I need to reach in the fastest time, as soon as possible. If I stay at home, my children will want to play with me so its bit hard to look for adhoc jobs in the security whatsapp group.
Who is current true true friend ?
I regard Eddie Low as a friend also. Beside Eddie Low, I also got other friends like Gargarno, Angle. Angle I know him for so many years, Lim Wei Zhong, Keith Tan, Keith Lee, Wendy Choo, Keely Tay. All these are my true true friends.
When in toilet, your kukujiao have touch the toilet water ?
What kind of question is this ? Its not so long to the extend to touch the water when I bang sai. Maybe some angmo the kukujiao is so long the kukujiao can touch the water but not for me.
Have you found a new BDSM mistress?
Answer is Yes. I have found a new BDSM mistress. I know its very difficult for Mistress Luna to forgive me. Maybe forever in the whole life, she might not forgive me. I got to find a new owner, a new BDSM mistress who actually can accept me to be her dog slave. Mistress Luna not only sabotage me, to make me lose my BDSM business ricebowl. She also tell many BDSM mistress to blacklist me. Some of the local BDSM mistresses when I message them, they block me. I can actually use a fake identity to message them but I don't want. Why? When I turn up for the session, they see my face, they asked me to fuck off. I don't want this thing to happen. I want them to know that this is me. This is Kurt Tay. Some local BDSM mistresses, once they see that its me who message them, immediately they block me. For example, Princess Yula, I go and telegram message her. Once she sees that its me Kurt Tay, she blocked me immediately. Fortunately, not all the BDSM mistresses are like that. Still a few ok to accept me. At first I found a local BDSM mistress and she got her own dungeon at her house. She ok to book a session with her. Later on, I found that she's not that ok to use my phone to video down the whole session. So I had to find another BDSM mistress. Because to video is very very important to me. I trying to search the local BDSM mistresses. I message one of them. She tell me that she got one friend, local BDSM mistress. She show me the photo. She tell me that her friend is actually a fan of me. I won't make the same mistake again to reveal who is my BDSM mistress. I was shocked. She told me that this Singapore local BDSM mistress is a big big fan of me. I was "oh my god. fantastic man" The 3 BDSM mistresses I served, they are not my fans. This one is my fan. Ahhh. I feel very very excited to have a BDSM session with my fan, who is a local BDSM mistress. Imagine when I turn up for the session then the BDSM mistress will say "oh Kurt Tay, Kurt Tay, I am a big big fan of you" She want to take photo of me. After we take photos together, wow, the BDSM session is going to begin. I going to strip totally nude, totally naked. Wow. Totally nude. I going to take out my tshirt, my jeans. totally naked. No take out underwear because I don't wear underwear. This is my female man who is going to become my BDSM mistress. She going to punish me and humilate me like a dog slave. Can you imagine that ? I strip totally nude, naked in front of my female fans. Oh my God. Its so embarassing. I really look forward to this session. First time ever. Female fan who is a big fan of me. Watch all my videos man. Its is something new. This BDSM mistress tell me her friend who is a big fan of me. She don't mind to punish and humilate me as long as its me. Most important thing is she dont mind me to video down the whole session using my phone. She also wanted to use her phone to video down the whole session. I am actually ok. She can even post the photo, even the video of me being punished by her. I got no problem with that as long as can't see my face and tattoos. She can post that she slap my kukujiao. I got no problem with that. Its going to be very fun. My female fan who is a Singapore BDSM mistress is going to leash me like a dog. I really get so excited about it. She actually wanted me to service her as soon as possible but I still have to wait. Firstly, I have financial problems right now. I don't have the money. I didn't tell her about this I don't want her to know that I got no money, I prefer my head to shave botak, nearly like bald. Because you see, I always think that Show Lo, Wu Zhun, these handsome guys. What happened if they shave botak or nearly bald ? They will be no more handsome. To me this is a humilation. It will make me feel more high when I shave botak. Anyway, I going to join Hair for Hope which I already register at Vivocity. I going to shave my head botak. Almost bald. When I bald, it will make me feel more excited, more high to get punished and humilated by a chiobu BDSM mistress. It will make me feel more high. I will imagine that she would want me to shave my head botak to humilate me. So its a form of humilation. I told her that I have to wait until August. Hair for Hope is at the last weekend of July. I have to wait until the last few days of July or the first week of August.
After dancing with Guo Lai, now are you going to dance with Uncle Raymond ?
Answer is No. Unless I meet Uncle Raymond in real life and he wants me to do a TikTok dance with him. That time is because I go to cosplay event. Thats why happened that we got the chance to do a TikTok dance together.
submitted by WideAd8358 to kurt_tay [link] [comments]

2023.05.23 23:20 TheOneMidGuy Fanmade Pathway-Solar

A pathway centered around beyonders throwing out massive attacks to deal massive AOE damage. The drawback being that said energy being contained can quickly go rampant either from emotions stressing the user or not have a grasp on the powers.
Ps: this is my first pathway so I’m open to criticism and ideas
Sequence 9: At this sequence the Solar are excellent at getting a feel of their surroundings no matter what environment. They possess a sort of sixth sense which helps make them excellent trackers and sense other low tier beyonders while possessing enhanced physical capabilities. The sensory abilities continue to grow at each sequence
Sequence 8:Solars sense their own untapped potential at this point and start to harness it. At this sequence Solars can summon a vast reserve of Wendy inside of them in order to further enhance their physical capabilities. In this sequence their sensory abilities are enhanced as they can now get a rough outline of everything around them around 3ft.
Sequence 7:Solars at this level now learn how to discharge the innate energy inside of them into powerful attacks. These attacks are made of innate energy that could take the form of rays/lasers,balls of condensed energy that explode on impact or even a quick weapon their familiar with. They gain a boost to their sensory abilities and may now sense spirits to a limited degree
Sequence 6:At this sequence Solars learn how to form barriers using their internal energy. These barriers are made of thickly concentrated energy which can handle physical and mystical blows. The barrier can shot out of with the Solar able to choose who can and cannot enter.
Sequence 5:At this level Solars use mystical energy to harness the ability of flight. They may move in any direction they wish with a limited speed. Along with that Solars know how to protect their brain with mystical energy to better protect themselves from mental influences/corruption.
Sequence 4:Solars are being of pure untapped power and at this sequence they reveal a fraction of their power. With this sequence Solars may transform into what could only be described as stars. Their bodies explode into pure mystical power that radiates a deadly heat. This power interferes with any other mythical domains and abilities, while it doesn’t nullify them it does make such abilities harder to use.
Sequence 3:At this sequence the Solar can absorb mystical energy from nearby beyonders to empower their own attacks. They also don’t need to eat,drink or sleep with their bodies changing somewhat(hair that’s able to flicker and move by itself,eyes turning black with yellow/gold iris’s, taking a tanned shade, and etc.)
Sequence 2:
Sequence 1:
Sequence 0:Solars are able to fill tap into the mythical energy inside of them to turn into a walking bomb. They constantly radiate mystical energy that can be concentrated and formed into multiple balls of energy to explode whenever they wish. They can easily destroy cities with their mystical blasts with the energy they absorb able to be enhanced by the Solar’s own power before being fired back. Lastly when a solar’s energy comes into contact with another beyonder they can cause even the tiniest amount to explode and disintegrate them.
submitted by TheOneMidGuy to LordofTheMysteries [link] [comments]

2023.05.22 11:07 iOnlyPlayPetBuilds I am tired of

Racist managers.
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Blanco this.. gringo that..
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GM is only hiring Hispanic people and making them managers within a month. They don't know English. If something goes wrong how are they going to communicate with the customer?
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When I'm not working the first window the customers the next day tell me it's hell when I'm not there.
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I've been working for McDonald's for about 5 years and had to quit and go to another store for personal reasons. My gm was white and everything was nice. Working for a Hispanic gm has been nothing but problems. I'm blamed for everything that goes wrong in the drive thru. Even though the receipt is correct and the sticker is correct but the kitchen was the one who messed up.. it isn't my fault lmao..
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So 2 weeks ago I was getting yelled at for no reason and I walked out. Ever since I've been getting only 2 days down from 5. Obviously so I'll quit instead of getting fired but I like where I am and the customers all like me. I got calls from Wendy's which I might take though. Wonder how hard or different they are.
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I legit called every store within 5-10 miles of me to see if there's any white gms at any McDonald's nearby and the only one was the one I had to quit a couple years ago.
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Someone told me move down south where there's more racists and less Hispanics. Wow
submitted by iOnlyPlayPetBuilds to McDonaldsEmployees [link] [comments]

2023.05.18 00:24 AshThymes Fucking hell

I showed up to an interview today at McDonalds (money's tight and I have bills due at the end of the month). I'd scheduled the interview yesterday, and the location was nearby (within walking distance).
I got there 15 minutes early, dressed in business casual. Got something to drink, and when my drink was ready and told the employee there that I had an interview at 2.
Her: "Oh. Well I know that you're supposed to have an interview today, but we're no longer hiring since we hired two people yesterday."
FML, I can't seem to find a job anywhere. Applied to at least a hundred jobs this week, and every interview I've had I've either been stood up (cough cough Wendys) or haven't been contacted again.
submitted by AshThymes to antiwork [link] [comments]

2023.05.18 00:24 AshThymes Fucking hell

I showed up to an interview today at McDonalds (money's tight and I have bills due at the end of the month). I'd scheduled the interview yesterday, and the location was nearby (within walking distance).
I got there 15 minutes early, dressed in business casual. Got something to drink, and when my drink was ready and told the employee there that I had an interview at 2.
Her: "Oh. Well I know that you're supposed to have an interview today, but we're no longer hiring since we hired two people yesterday."
FML, I can't seem to find a job anywhere. Applied to at least a hundred jobs this week, and every interview I've had I've either been stood up (cough cough Wendys) or haven't been contacted again.
submitted by AshThymes to recruitinghell [link] [comments]

2023.05.10 18:40 UsedCicada9696 Coffee Shop Visit

FireAndEarth, AyameM, River__Song, Sullivan, Mickey, ItsmeLD, DeltaMuskRat, PlasticBeetle, and Wendy_Darling23 decided to go to the coffee shop together.
As they all sat around the table, FireAndEarth accidentally sneezed and set the table on fire with her pyrokinesis. Everyone panicked and tried to put out the fire with their superpowers, but only ended up making things worse.
AyameM tried to use her invisibility to hide from the chaos, but ended up tripping over a chair and knocking over a vase. River__Song tried to control the water from the nearby fish tank, but ended up flooding the entire shop.
Mickey attempted to create an illusion to distract everyone from the chaos, but accidentally made everyone think they were being attacked by giant spiders. Sullivan phased though the wall to escape, but accidentally ended up in the middle of the street.
ItsmeLD tried to calm down the animals in the pet store next door, but ended up releasing all the animals and causing a stampede. DeltaMuskRat created a force field to protect everyone from the chaos but accidentally trapped everyone inside.
PlasticBeetle tried to use his technomancy to call for help, but accidentally hacked into the wrong system and activated the sprinklers, causing even more chaos.
Wendy_Darling23 tried to use her shape-shifting powers to turn into a firefighter, but ended up turning into a dinosaur instead.
In the end, the coffee shop was completely destroyed and the group of forum users all agreed that they should probably stick to communicating online instead of ever meeting up in person.
submitted by UsedCicada9696 to OpenForumPG [link] [comments]

2023.05.06 00:46 bedclothesstray The only size water available at my nearby Wendy’s. [Frickin' Frustating]

The only size water available at my nearby Wendy’s. [Frickin' Frustating] submitted by bedclothesstray to Frickin [link] [comments]

2023.05.05 01:44 thepacksvrvives Season 7: everything we know so far, part 1

If you haven’t read the books or don’t want to see any spoilers, do NOT read this post.
Buckle up, this is going to be long.
Unfortunately, a Reddit post cannot contain more than 20 images so I’ve made my analyses of the officially-released material over on Imgur: the World Outlander Day 2022 video, the S7 teaser, the S8 announcement video, the S7 opening credits, the S7 first-look stills, the S7A episode titles, and the Newest Cast for S7 video. Click the links to read the descriptions. I will be referring to them throughout the post.

EPISODES

Episode Title Writer Director
701 A Life Well Lost Danielle Berrow Lisa Clarke
702 The Happiest Place on Earth Toni Graphia Lisa Clarke
703 Death Be Not Proud Tyler English-Beckwith Jacquie Gould
704 A Most Uncomfortable Woman Marque Franklin-Williams Jacquie Gould
705 Singapore Taylor Mallory Tracey Deer
706 Where the Waters Meet Sarah H. Haught
707 A Practical Guide for Time-Travelers Margot Ye
708 Turning Points Luke Schelhaas
709 Barbara Stepansky
710 Luke Schelhaas Stewart Svaasand
711 Sarah H. Haught Lisa Clarke
712 Toni Graphia Lisa Clarke
713 Madeline Brestal & Evan McGahey
714 Diana Gabaldon
715 Danielle Berrow Jamie Payne
716 Matthew B. Roberts & Toni Graphia Jamie Payne
The writers of all 16 episodes are now confirmed on the WGA website. Diana Gabaldon previously shared that she wrote episode 714 and that parts of her unused 609 script were used in the script for 701.
The first two directors were first mentioned by Caitríona in an interview with Gold Derby:
We had an amazing director, Lisa Clarke, for the first two eps, and she has been fantastic. Really beautiful, strong eps. We just wrapped three and four with the director Jacquie Gould and it was really, really great.
According to her IMDB credits, Lisa Clarke also directed episodes 711 and 712.
Tracey Deer, a Mohawk filmmaker, appears in four actors’ credits, as well as on the clapperboard for episode 705 in this video.
Joss Agnew is confirmed by his agency. He said this in an interview back in June 2022:
Next up for TV directing? I’m time-traveling back to 1777 directing Outlander for Amazon in Scotland. I set my heart on doing this job at an early age. I’ve now been blessed with variety. Moving from directing this remarkable contemporary sci-fi to directing period action in a historical romance. It’s a rich playground to be dreaming in!
Cinematographer Nic Lawson worked on episodes 703, 704, 707, 708, 711 and 712. On his website, Joss Agnew is listed alongside Jacquie Gould (703-4) and Lisa Clarke (711-12) so he probably directed 707 and 708.
Stewart Svaasand is confirmed by his agency and appears in two actors’ credits, as well as an editor’s CV. He directed episode 710 and probably 709.
Jan Matthys appears in three actors’ credits.
Jamie Payne was confirmed to be directing on S7 by an entry on his profile on his agency’s website but it was since then deleted. However, the agency later included him in this tweet in March 2023, still stating he directed Block 8 (715 and 716).
As for Caitríona getting to direct, she has confirmed that she’d be directing “some extra scenes” in a talk she did in July 2022 (“I’m going to direct some little extra scenes this season”). These are most likely the Outlander Untold scenes for the Blu-Ray/DVD.
​

CAST

Obviously returning are Sam Heughan (Jamie Fraser), Caitríona Balfe (Claire Fraser), Sophie Skelton (Brianna MacKenzie), Richard Rankin (Roger MacKenzie), and John Bell (Young Ian Murray).
Also returning are (based on the footage shown/agency information): David Berry (Lord John Grey), Caitlin O’Ryan (Lizzie Beardsley), Paul Gorman (Josiah and Keziah Beardsley), Paul Donnelly (Ronnie Sinclair), Jack Tarlton (Kenny Lindsey), Gary Lamont (Evan Lindsey), Hugh Ross (Arch Bug), Sarah Collier (Murdina Bug), Chris Larkin (Richard Brown), Mark Lewis Jones (Tom Christie), Alexander Vlahos (Allan Christie), and possibly Jessica Reynolds (Malva Christie) in a flashback.
There’s this still from 606 which suggests they at least have the footage filmed for a flashback of Malva’s murder. Jessica herself seemed to confirm it in post-606 interviews, for SheKnows:
RG: One last thing: since the season was truncated, had you filmed extra stuff? Was Malva’s storyline going to be extended one more episode?
JR: Yeah, there has been some filmed. [smiles] That may or may not come later. We just have to see.
And Town & Country Magazine:
And despite the fact that Malva is dead, her story on Outlander isn't finished. Tonight’s episode “might not be the last” time viewers see the character, Reynolds hints. Of course, there’s still the mystery of who the baby’s father is—and who killed her. “There could be some flashbacks, maybe some stuff we filmed,” she says.
Joining the cast, from official announcements:
Reprising their roles, from official announcements:
Not officially announced but found through their agencies, also joining/returning are:
The First Nations actors returned for S7 in June 2022. Seen on Instagram, there was a large group of them in Glasgow, some of whom were followed by John, Joey, and Morgan; some posted from Scotland (“Y'all already know what a shaved head means”). Morgan (Emily) was also followed by Izzy and Joey. I also found a child actor who was in Glasgow at the time who I believe might’ve played Swiftest of Lizards. His IG profile is public but seeing as he’s a minor, I’m choosing to protect his identity:
https://preview.redd.it/j7qkb78wovxa1.jpg?width=1272&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=73b92960e90b0b448ea87ff294ebf1c3b753da73
The date of his first day of filming mentioned here is the same as the #HeardOnSet posted by Maril which I’m pretty sure is dialogue from Ian and Emily’s reunion and Swiftest of Lizards’ naming (more on that below).
SPECULATION: On December 8th, Richard and Diarmaid followed actor Nicholas Ralph on Instagram and he followed them back. Diarmaid posted a photo of his trailer (with Buck’s name on it) that morning, indicating he was filming. There is no confirmation on his agency’s website, however, but there is some resemblance between him and younger Richard (compare) so I think he might be playing Jerry MacKenzie. There are also some supporting artists who filmed “1940s” scenes on January 13th, which might be something to do with Jerry’s story in A Leaf on the Wind of All Hallows, as there are no 1940s flashbacks in either Echo or MOBY. Take this with a big grain of salt, though.
Based on this self-tape, it looks like there’s potentially going to be a flashback similar to 501, and this actor was auditioning for the role of Auld John Murray (Ian’s father), interacting with Jamie and Ian as children.
There was also an audition tape of a young actress auditioning for the role of Fanny Pocock. One of the scenes was from MOBY, chapter 53 when Jane and Fanny ask for William’s protection and he instructs them to find the laundresses. The second scene was from chapter 132, when Fanny tells William that Jane was arrested for Captain Harkness’ murder (that is not to say both of these scenes will be in S7). As mentioned above, Jane is played by Silvia Presente, so we should see Fanny as well.

BLOCK 1

In the 608 post-mortems, Maril mentioned that they shot a little more than made it into the episode and that it’s going to be included in S7:
There was a little bit of a tag at the end of this episode that we pushed into Season 7. But that was honestly the only change we made to this episode. (Variety)
We talked a lot about where to end Episode 608. There is a little bit of it that we are putting into Season 7. (Televixen)
The footage shot for 608 includes Sadie Ferguson. The actress portraying her, Sarah Finigan, filmed both under Jamie Payne and Lisa Clarke’s direction.
The first day of filming, March 30th, 2022, took place on the Wilmington set with Sam, John, and Mark.
The first bit of filming on location (that we know of) took place in Burntisland Harbour, Burntisland on April 5-7.
Credit: Michael Booth.
Caitríona and Sam were spotted, but not Mark. They filmed Claire and Jamie’s reunion and Claire’s rescue from the Governor’s ship. Eugene O’Hare wasn’t spotted either but his credits make it clear that he came back for S7. The same ship was also used for different sea scenes. Caitriona, Sam, and John’s doubles filmed the characters leaving on a ship. Their clothes match those they were seen at General Fraser’s funeral in Scotland (see below), so they most likely filmed their departure for Scotland on a British navy vessel.
Maril’s first #HeardOnSet isn’t from the book, but the second one from Apr 8th is from ABOSAA, chapter 96:
The Governor had been up most of the night, as well, and didn’t look much better than Jamie, though he was not, of course, besmeared with soot. He was, however, unshaven, bloodshot, and in no mood to be trifled with.
“Mr. Fraser,” he said with a short nod. “You are James Fraser, I collect? And you dwell in the mountain backcountry?”
“I am the Fraser, of Fraser’s Ridge,” Jamie said courteously. “And I have come for my wife.”
“Oh, have you.” The Governor gave him a sour look and sat down, gesturing indifferently at a stool. “I regret to inform you, sir, that your wife is a prisoner of the Crown. Though perhaps you were aware of this?”
All photos from Burntisland.
The next bit of filming took place in John Muir Country Park, with sets dressed as a British military camp and a trading post. Richard and Sophie were spotted, and a large group of supporting artists played British officers and prisoners. Richard was also spotted with Brennan Martin (Wendigo Donner). The last time we “saw” Donner, he was in a prison cell in Wilmington–he could be with the prisoners there at the British camp.
Credit: Sam Thomson (1), Graham Malcolm (2-5), The Herald (6-7).
JMCP also provided a location for the stone circle on Ocracoke. Caitríona, Sam, Sophie, Richard, and one of the Adair twins filmed the goodbye at the stones, and their doubles filmed the characters’ rowing to the island in a boat the day before.
Credit: Graham Malcolm (1-3), Outlandish Journeys (4-7).
All photos from John Muir Country Park.
There were also scenes filmed on the Wilmington set, like Brianna meeting William and LJG, LJG giving Jamie the sapphire; and on the Ridge: Mandy’s birth, Brianna and Jamie’s scene with the fireflies, and Allan’s death scene (see the Imgur links above).

BLOCK 2

For the 20th-century storyline, a lot of filming took place at Midhope Castle which housed a caravan. The show will likely cover the period of time when renovations take place at Lallybroch (the last time we saw it, in 1968, it was a ruin), so the caravan seems to be a temporary living situation for the MacKenzies. Midhope also had modern-looking windows and doors installed, and I also got a glimpse at the modern interior through a costume standby’s IG.
Credit: Mary’s Meanders Tours (1-3), Dixie Hutto (4-5), jenn___x (6).
All photos from Midhope.
Block 2 also saw filming at Hunterston Estate which previously served as the interior of the Reverend’s Manse. A local on the Outlander Book Group also posted about seeing location signs nearby a “manse-looking” building. I did some (okay, a lot) of searching on Google Maps and finally found the place in the area she mentioned (Bo’ness). It’s not just a manse-looking building, it is the building they used for the exterior shots of the Reverend’s Manse (Rivaldsgreen House in Linlithgow).
Credit: Mig Hunter (2), Scotland’s Gardens Scheme (4); screenshot from Outlander, ep. 201 (5).
Ciaron Kelly has Jacquie Gould listed as the director of the episode he was in, so Ernie (likely with Fiona) has to appear in either 703 or 704. Ciaron continued to film intermittently on Outlander throughout the year and wrapped in January 2023.
Some supporting artists also filmed at “Hunters[t]on power station” which might’ve been used for the interiors of the hydroelectric plant Brianna will work at.
As for the 18th-century storyline, episodes 703 and 704 wrapped up ABOSAA and started on Echo’s material. The actors playing Jamie’s Ardsmuir men were back for these episodes, as well as Paul Gorman playing the Beardsleys and Caitlin O’Ryan playing Lizzie (we should see the Beardsley baby in these episodes).
Most remarkably, there was a series of night shoots at the end of May. The same week, IFRA (International Fire & Rescue Association) posted about assisting on three nights of Outlander filming with pictures at the Big House exterior’s location. That points clearly to the filming of the Big House fire.
Credit: Caitríona Balfe (1), Paul Gorman (2), IFRA (3).
Interestingly, Chris Larkin (Richard Brown) posted about being back on set just a week before. It’s possible that Brown joins Donner when he comes to the BH and demands the gemstones. We find out in Echo, chapter 2, that the men accompanying him were from Brownsville:
You recall that idiot, Donner? [...] Well, he surpassed himself by getting together a gang of thugs from Brownsville to come and steal the treasure in gems he’d convinced them we had. Only we hadn’t, of course.
We see the Big House fire and the funeral of Mrs. Bug in the teaser.
This photo of Claire and Jamie is interesting because of their clothing. Claire appears to be wearing the exact same jacket Roger has worn in S6; it looks way too big for her, hence the belt. And the shirt Claire is wearing looks exactly like the one Brianna wore in 509, so I think this is after the Big House fire–most of her clothes would have perished in it, whilst the MacKenzies would have left loads behind.
The OL account also posted a photo of Caitríona/Claire with Adso, with Sam/Jamie on a horse in the background. It’s possible that it’s the scene of Claire saying goodbye to Adso in Echo, chapter 12.
In the video with the newest cast members, a clapperboard for episode 704 is visible during the shooting of some scenes with William and Ian in the wild, and with Ian bringing William to the Hunters. It means that the Frasers will have to be at Fort Ticonderoga by the end of 704. This checks out with Emma Hindle’s credits–she’s playing Mrs. Wellman, a widow of a Continental soldier whose son is a patient of Claire’s at Fort Ticonderoga.

BLOCK 3

For the 20th-century storyline, we saw Sophie, Richard, and Chris filming in Newmills and Dunfermline.
Credit: Amanda Weldon (1-2), Lee-Ann Smith (3-4), Wendy Kalogerou (5).
Sophie was photographed outside a pub (Crown Inn in Newmills), walking with Chris Fulton (Rob Cameron). A number of supporting artists have “pub regulars” listed in June/July. Echo doesn’t have any scenes at a pub, but one of Brianna’s co-workers invites her for a pint after she successfully makes it out of the tunnel (chapter 27):
“Knew ye’d make it, hen,” he said. Across the room, Andy and Craig turned from their work and applauded.
“Buy ye a pint after work, then, lass,” Andy called.
“Two!” shouted Craig.
She could still taste bile at the back of her throat. She gave Rob Cameron the sort of look she’d given Mr. Campbell.
“Don’t,” she said evenly, “call me hen.”
His good-looking face twitched and he tugged at his forelock with mock subservience.
“Anything you say, boss,” he said.
There is also this audition scene for “Craig Dowd” and the character mentions going out for a drink therein. The role ultimately went to Brad Morrison.
Richard was photographed outside a school (Torryburn Primary School). A number of supporting artists have “school night” listed in July. That is likely when Roger agrees to teach a class in Gaelic at Jem’s school at Lionel Menzies’ request (Echo, chapter 46).
All photos from Dunfermline.
Some filming involving Sophie took place near a lake, so it’s most likely the scenes involving the hydropower plant. There were supporting artists involved, playing “1980s waterworks plan maintenance men,” and standby art director Jack Rafferty posted in July from a dam, which appears to be Loch Sloy Dam. Filming for the hydro plant also took place later in the year, in October, in Cairndow, as per the supporting artists’ credits.
Credit: Sophie Skelton (1), Jack Rafferty (2-4), Euan Nelson (5).
As for the 18th-century storyline, a new set, a pretty big cabin next to a lake, was built in the village of Braco. We see it in the video introducing the Hunters and the video with the newest cast members. This cabin belongs to Rachel and Denzell and that’s where Ian brings William after saving his life in the wilderness.
Credit: Outlandish Journeys (1-6), Nick McGowan-Lowe (7-9)
The person who first found the set said that it was later “chemically aged for scenes later on in the timeline: a cowshed and chicken shed have been built, and the cabin now has a metal stove chimney.” You can see that it looks different in some shots in this video, particularly with William and Rachel outside–this scene is from ep. 705, as per the clapperboard, directed by Tracey Deer. I think it’s likely that the Hunters’ cabin was repurposed for Antioch Johnson’s cabin, and the scene Izzy and Charles were filming was after William kills the madman. Antioch Johnson is played by Daren Elliott Holmes in an episode directed by Tracey Deer, so that fits.
Credit: Nick McGowan-Lowe.
All photos from Braco.
Izzy, Joey, and Charles were also spotted in Pollok Park, Glasgow, most likely filming the scenes of the Hunters traveling north with William.
Credit: Glasgow Times.
All photos from Pollok Park.
William should make it to the British camp before the British attack Fort Ticonderoga. There were two actors at the beginning of 2022 who put their self-tapes on Vimeo (since removed/made private), auditioning for the role of William. One of the scenes was similar to the conversation William and General Fraser have in Echo, chapter 51.
After Ian leaves William at the Hunters’ cabin, he’s going to visit Emily. As I’ve mentioned above, the First Nations actors were in Scotland in June, and on June 17th, Maril posted a #HeardOnSet which is most likely from Ian and Emily’s scene in Echo, chapter 40:
“Are you happy?” he asked her.
“Yes,” she said softly. She looked down, not meeting his eyes, and he knew it was because she would answer honestly but did not wish to see if her answer hurt him. He put a hand under her chin—her skin was so soft!—and lifted her face to him.
“Are you happy?” he asked again, and smiled a little as he said it.
“Yes,” she said again. But then gave a small sigh, and her own hand touched his face at last, light as a moth’s wing. “But sometimes I miss you, Ian.” There was nothing wrong with her accent, but his Scots name sounded impossibly exotic on her tongue—it always had.
He felt a lump in his throat, but kept the faint smile on his face.
“I see you dinna ask me whether I’m happy,” he said, and could have kicked himself.
She gave him a quick look, direct as a knife point.
“I have eyes,” she said, very simply.
John first hinted at being reunited with Morgan (Emily) on the IG Live he did after 604 aired.
A bulk of the filming for block 4 took place in Duncarron Medieval Fort, which stood in for Fort Ticonderoga. I believe we see bits of it in the opening credits and the newest cast video.
Credit: Heather Roche (dizzy_designosaur).
We’re going to see Mrs. Wellman (Emma Hindle), a Continental officer’s widow whose son Claire suspects to have mumps, and Mrs. Raven (Gemma McElhinney), who later dies by suicide after the evacuation of Fort Ticonderoga. There were also supporting artists playing “female forters.”
A shot of British soldiers loading up a cannon in the opening credits seems to be from the British Siege of Fort Ticonderoga (Echo, chapter 51).
Burgoyne realized the tactical advantage of the high ground, and had his troops haul cannons to the top of Mount Defiance. Faced with bombardment from the heights (although no shots had yet been fired), General St. Clair ordered Ticonderoga abandoned on July 5, 1777. (Wikipedia)
General Burgoyne is played by Mark Frost.
What will follow is the evacuation from Fort Ticonderoga, filmed most likely in Pollok Park, Glasgow (Sam was spotted there). A number of supporting artists were listed as “Escape Squad.” The agency posted on one of those days: “Boys out running about the hills being chased by the boys in red.”
Maril posted this #HeardOnSet on June 21st. It’s from when Claire reunites with Jamie and Ian after the evacuation from FT (Echo, chapter 56):
“Ian—have you got that canteen?”
There was a soft pop! and Ian set the canteen in my hand. Very carefully, I tilted it into my mouth.
“Is that brandy?” Jamie said, sounding astonished.
“Mmm-hmm.” I swallowed, as slowly as I could, and handed the canteen to him. There were a couple of swallows left.
“Where did ye get it?”
“Your son gave it to me,” I said. “Where are we going?”
There was a long pause from the darkness, and then the sound of brandy being drunk.
Before that, Claire should share a scene with William.

BLOCK 4

Block 4 was filmed after the summer break they took in July/August and concluded on September 14th as per Sam. This block was mostly the Battle of Saratoga, filmed in the area near Forestmill, Alloa, and Coalsnaughton. A number of sup artists filmed that month, including night shoots, with “Battle of Saratoga” listed in their credits. They went through a boot camp “for fight training, gun control, drills and cannon routine.”
Credit: Brenda Farnsworth (1-7), Jennifer Cameron (8), Neilsart Caricatures (9-10), Mat Billings (11-12), Bryan Malcolm (13).
All photos from filming the Battle of Saratoga.
Maril posted this #HeardOnSet on August 25. This line doesn’t appear in Echo but it’s clearly Plain Speech, which points to either Denny or Rachel. Given the timeframe, I am theorizing that it’s Rachel talking about Denny who left to pretend to be a deserter in the “deserters’ game” they come up with before the Battle of Saratoga (and from which he later needs saving), but your guess is as good as mine.
We see glimpses of the battle in the opening credits, and likely the British surrender in the Newest Cast video.
I haven’t found who played General Fraser, but General Friedrich von Riedesel, who volunteers his home when the General is mortally wounded at Saratoga, was played by Stefan Willi Wang. Dan Morgan should also be present in these episodes, played by Barry O’Connor, as well as Benedict Arnold, played by Rod Hallett.
The post continues in part 2.
submitted by thepacksvrvives to Outlander [link] [comments]

2023.05.03 19:48 TribeWellspring Essential Digital Marketing Glossary, Part Two, SEO

Essential Digital Marketing Glossary, Part Two, SEO
If you missed part one, just a quick note to catch you up on what we’re doing here. The digital marketing world is riddled with jargon, acronyms, and other terminology that might be confusing for some. Many of us assume that you know what we’re talking about when, in fact, you don’t.
So, Alex and I have taken on the herculean task of defining the terms you need to know and telling you why we think you need to know them. Instead of doing the standard painfully long glossary, we’re going to break it out into disciplines. This way, you can skip right to what you need to know.
In this part, we will focus on part two of SEO or search engine optimization. Here is a link to the first part of SEO terms.

SEO (Search Engine Optimization)

Remember, this isn’t every SEO term. We singled out only the most important ones that are critical for SEO efforts’ success.
Ready to get SEO smarter? Here we go…
Keywords
Words or phrases used by search engines to match website content with user queries. Keywords are important, but so is the context surrounding those words and phrases. Search engines use this context against the words and phrases used to determine if a page fulfills the needs of the person searching for that keyword.
Why do you need to know?
Digital marketers need to understand what a keyword is and how it can affect the ranking of your website. A collection of target keywords helps them optimize their content for search engines.
By optimizing content for specific keywords, you make it more discoverable by users searching for those terms, which increases the chances of traffic and conversions. Just be certain that the content also has value for the user and isn’t just loaded with keywords, as this would be considered spamming.
Knowledge Graph and Knowledge Panel
A visual display of information about a topic or entity, shown in Google search results. For example, a bio card when searching for a celebrity or well-known political figure, or a recipe card when searching for a specific dish.
The content for these cards is pulled directly from a web page and displayed in the results as a breakout area, usually in a box frame, off to the right, or above the text results. For example, here are some recipe cards for Ted Lasso’s biscuit recipe…
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https://preview.redd.it/lwe4rjvrlnxa1.jpg?width=909&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=828ca16a3172591b018c76e7427d55bd57aab854
Why do you need to know?
Getting content from your website featured in the knowledge graph can dramatically improve your website’s visibility and credibility, as well as provide more information to users, leading to increased engagement and potential conversions.
Content that will be featured should be correctly coded and contain schema markup (see below) that the search engines can easily pull from.
Landing Page
The page on a website where users land after clicking a link from a search engine or other source. Some would argue that any page on a website is a potential landing page in that it can be listed in the search results and end up being the first page that a user “lands” on.
Why do you need to know?
You should consider any page a potential landing page and think how a user would react to landing on any page from outside your website. A well-designed landing page with a clear call to action and relevant content can increase conversions and drive more business.
With PPC (pay-per-click), a landing page is something different. That landing page is designed to accommodate traffic from one specific place, an ad. These should be limited in terms of content used and choices offered to the user. The idea with these landing pages is to drive the user to one single point of conversion, whereas an SEO landing page could offer multiple choices to the user.
Links
Connections between pages on the internet search engines use to crawl and index websites. These are the pathways through which the search engines will “crawl” the Internet going from one website to another.
Why do you need to know?
Links play a significant role in search engine optimization (SEO) and can impact a website’s visibility and ranking in search results. A strong link profile with high-quality, relevant links from reputable sources can help increase a website’s authority and improve its search engine performance.
You might be thinking, “links? I know what a freakin link is.” But you’d be surprised at how often linking opportunities are missed by marketers. Just keep in mind: a link should serve a purpose for the user and not just the search engine. Is adding a link going to help the user on their quest for answers? If yes, link it up!
Link Building
The practice of acquiring links from other websites to improve a site’s visibility and ranking in search results. Link building can be done manually or programmatically. The search engines will place value on links that are legitimate and serve a purpose for a user. They will penalize sites with links that are obviously spammy.
Why do you need to know?
Building a strong link profile is a key factor in SEO success. By acquiring links from authoritative and relevant websites, you can increase your website’s visibility, drive more traffic, and ultimately improve its search engine visibility. Without links, it will be much harder for anyone, including search engines, to find you.
Local SEO
The practice of optimizing a website to rank well in search engines for specific local areas or cities. Especially important when targeting mobile audiences, local SEO efforts can mean a website will show in mobile searches in places like the maps and three-pack, the listing of businesses you see next to a map in the search results.
Google Business Profiles play a huge role in local SEO as they show reviews, images, and content specific to a certain region or city.
Why do you need to know?
Local SEO allows you to target local customers and reach a specific, geographically-based audience using content catered to that audience in that location. Businesses with a physical location or who are looking to attract a geographically specific audience will want to invest heavily in their local SEO efforts.
Long-Tail Keyword
A longer and more specific keyword phrase, often used to target a narrower audience. If “yoga” is the keyword, then “can yoga improve circulation” would be a long-tail keyword.
Why do you need to know?
These longer keywords allow you to target a more specific audience with your content and advertising efforts. Long-tail keywords can reach a more qualified audience and increase your chances of driving targeted traffic and conversions.
Long-tail keywords typically have lower search volumes (which means fewer people use long specific queries when performing a search). On the other hand, they often are easier to rank for since many marketers overlook long-tail keywords and don’t optimize for them. Hence, you may have less competition to overcome to get to higher positions in search results.
Meta Tags
HTML tags that provide information about a website to search engines and users. These are pieces of HTML code that a search engine can read, such as the page title and description. Some meta tags, like title tags, can impact rankings.
Alternately, tags like the meta description may not impact rankings directly, but they can affect the text users see when your website appears in search results. Well-written and thought-out meta descriptions can increase click-through rate, which many SEOs believe to be a ranking factor.
Why do you need to know?
Meta tags play a role in determining how a website will appear in search engine results pages (SERPs) and how users will perceive the relevance and credibility of a website. Optimizing your meta tags can have a positive impact on your website’s rankings and could also improve the click-through rate of your website in the search results.
Navigation
The structure and organization of a website, including the links that allow users to move from page to page. A website’s navigation should be optimized for user experience and for search engine visibility.
Why do you need to know?
The importance of a website’s navigation is often overlooked. Navigation is critical for digital marketers as it affects user experience (UX) and can impact how users interact with a website, ultimately affecting the website’s search engine ranking.
In addition to the UX, the keywords and phrases used in a website’s navigation help search engines understand more about the website, how the pages and sections are structured, and what content is contained within each.
Negative SEO
The unethical practice of using techniques to harm a competitor’s search engine ranking, such as building spammy links to their website. A negative SEO attack can result in a website losing rankings and possibly getting penalized by Google.
Why do you need to know?
You should be aware of negative SEO as it can have a significant impact on your own search engine rankings. Be mindful of sudden drops in rankings or a sudden removal from the index completely, as this could be the result of a negative SEO attack.
An expert SEO can identify a negative SEO attack and put in place certain efforts to mitigate its effect. The most common way to undo the harm of a negative SEO attack would be to identify toxic backlinks and submit a link disavow list to Google.
Off-Page (Off-Site) SEO
Optimization techniques performed outside of a website, such as link building and social media marketing. Many of the other terms in this glossary refer to off-page SEO, such as citation building and link building.
Why do you need to know?
Off-page SEO plays a significant role in improving a website’s search engine ranking, so you’ll want to be sure they are being done. Off-page SEO is a powerful way to build a website’s visibility and to drive organic traffic.
On-Page (On-Site) SEO
Optimization techniques performed on a website, such as content, meta tags, internal linking, and schema markup optimization. A good bit of it is done in the code directly or using a plugin, like Yoast, for example.
Why do you need to know?
These techniques are crucial for digital marketers as they help to improve a website’s ranking in search engine results pages (SERPs) and ensure that the website is optimized for both users and search engines. Tools such as Ahrefs and Semrush can be used to analyze a website to identify if there are opportunities for on-page SEO improvement.
Organic Search
Results displayed in a search engine, based on relevancy and popularity, as opposed to paid advertising. Organic search results are the primary goal for any SEO campaign.
Why do you need to know?
Organic search drives traffic to your website without the need for an advertising budget. These are the search result listings that you earn as opposed to pay for. Organic search results also last much longer than paid. They will also signal to the user that the site is authoritative and relevant enough to earn a place in the search results.
Page Speed
The time it takes for a website page to load on a user’s device, which can impact both user experience and search engine ranking. Google and other search engines have said time and again that page speed is a ranking factor.
Why do you need to know?
A slow-loading page can lead to higher bounce rates and lower engagement metrics. A slow page can also rank less favorably than a fast-loading page with similar content. A fast-loading page can improve user satisfaction and increase your ranking in search results.
Pageview
The number of times a page on a website has been viewed by a user. This metric is important for measuring the success of a website and its content, as it provides insight into whether a particular page is popular.
Why do you need to know?
It’s important to look at pageviews as they will inform whether you need to optimize or otherwise improve a page, if it needs better content, or if it should be more easily accessed in the navigation.
Ranking Factors
Elements related to a website that search engines consider when determining the contextual relevance and popularity of a website. Ranking factors are weighed against other competing websites and user behavior, needs, and wants.
Why do you need to know?
Ranking factors can include keywords, links, user engagement, user experience, and more. It is a good idea to have a basic understanding of these ranking factors as they should be used to inform website optimization for better visibility and ranking in search results.
There is no official complete list of ranking factors and their “weight” in formulas that search engines use to determine a specific page’s place in search results. Companies that run search engines keep them secret to prevent abuse. Therefore, if you meet an SEO who claims to know everything about ranking factors, take this with a huge pinch of salt.
Reciprocal Links
A mutual exchange of links between two websites. These links are often used to increase visibility and ranking in search results. Links from high-quality, relevant websites can improve a site’s credibility and authority in the eyes of search engines.
However, it’s important to note that reciprocal linking can also be seen as spammy and may be penalized by search engines. Link building should be focused on the user experience and not just on getting the “link juice.”
Why do you need to know?
While reciprocal linking can still be done ethically, it is considered a shady tactic by Google. Search engines may not always be able to differentiate between an ethical link exchange and a spammy one. You are better off earning links by producing great content and focusing on practices like syndication and directory listings.
Rich Snippet
A search result that includes additional information, such as images or ratings, to enhance the user experience. For example, here is a search result for Wendy’s where you can see the Maps rich snippet just below the search result…
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https://preview.redd.it/6m70l4ntlnxa1.png?width=595&format=png&auto=webp&s=dae1e7ea6bd66eedc4afb636ab354c62ac677c53
Why do you need to know?
A website’s visibility and click-through rate can improve greatly if they include rich snippets with their search result listing. Coding a website correctly and making sure to keep your Google Business Profile up to date all contribute to the potential for your listing to contain featured snippets.
robots.txt
A TXT file that specifies which pages or sections of a website should be crawled by search engines. Think of this as the quick start guide for your website that would be used by search engine bots when crawling your website.
Why do you need to know?
A correctly configured robots.txt file can prevent search engines from crawling pages that should not be indexed, such as duplicate or low-quality content, and improve the efficiency of the crawling process for pages you want it to crawl.
This is especially important for big websites with thousands of pages. Googlebot can only crawl so many pages each month, it’s called “crawl budget”. Robots.txt helps you ensure that it crawls the most important ones and does not waste the crawl budget on pages you don’t even want to appear in search results.
Schema
Structured data markup that helps search engines understand the content and context of a website. Think of it as a sort of cheat sheet to provide additional information that a search engine bot may not get with a simple crawl of the content.
Why do you need to know?
Schema is critical for any SEO campaign. It can improve a website’s visibility in search results by providing more relevant and descriptive information to search engines and users. This can increase click-through rates, and drive more traffic to the website by giving what the search engines need to properly list a website, especially in a featured snippet.
Here is what schema markup might look like…
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https://preview.redd.it/mstmfexulnxa1.png?width=773&format=png&auto=webp&s=0ed0b8770a146ade7474aea87013595e414c6d49
If you’re wondering if your website contains schema markup, run a test at Schema Markup Validator. Once you’ve run the test, click on the tabs you see in the right side of the screen for a listing of your schema markup, if you have any. It looks like this…
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https://preview.redd.it/c1jatcmvlnxa1.png?width=624&format=png&auto=webp&s=c42900b2b57aef7b00f71b753b2fad29ee552cce
Duane Forrester, a member of the team who developed Schema.org, spoke to me a while back in a Wellspring Digital Chat interview where I asked if schema was a Google approved way to cheat. To which he said “I don’t like the cut of your jib.” 😊 It’s a fun conversation, definitely check it out!
Search Engine Results Page (SERP)
What you see when you search for something in a Search Engine. A SERP will list relevant web pages and other information, like rich and featured snippets. Many articles on SEO make mention of the SERP when talking about search engine results.
Why do you need to know?
Understanding the elements that make up a SERP, like those rich snippets, featured snippets, and paid search results, can help you improve the visibility and ranking of your website in those results. In other words, to get maximum exposure in the SERPs, you should know what a SERP is and understand the elements it contains.
Alex wrote a great article on this where he breaks down all parts of a typical SERP in Google. Here is what the SERP looked like many moons ago…
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https://preview.redd.it/t5a6rxn1mnxa1.png?width=624&format=png&auto=webp&s=4895a1e66d2fdf9d7c777a00337e12215c733aa5
Search Intent
Each search query is done with an intent, such as to find information, make a purchase, or navigate to a specific website. Specifically, search intent breaks down into four types…
Informational
Navigational
Transactional
Commercial investigation
Here is a picture of four dogs to help you remember these search intent types…
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https://preview.redd.it/8vgg7363mnxa1.jpg?width=624&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5362573b77264a9c529a82895e1ff2d6f4659f17
Why do you need to know?
Understanding the intent behind a target user’s particular query can help you to better optimize your website content and metadata and target that audience more effectively. For example, if an ideal customer will search for pricing on products you carry, then your content should contain that information.
Sitemap
A sitemap lists all of the pages on a website and helps search engines crawl and index that site, improving its visibility and search engine rankings. Sitemaps are usually added to websites as an XML file that only the bots and other crawlers can see.
Why do you need to know?
Smaller websites, less than 500 pages, do not always need an XML sitemap in place. That said, it is always better to have one than not have one. It makes it easier for a search engine to crawl and rank your website. Here’s a great article from Semrush on XML sitemap.
Spam
Spam refers to unwanted or irrelevant content or links that are intended to manipulate search engine rankings and/or deceive users. It can harm a website’s reputation and search engine ranking, even leading to a penalty and deindexing of a website.
Why do you need to know?
Spam never pays and we’ve seen it time and time again. Someone sees a quick way to get rankings and traffic and doesn’t think through the consequences. We’ve seen people’s websites get blacklisted and slapped with a Google penalty for using things like Private Blog Networks (PBN) and buying spammy links.
Always get it in writing that whoever is handling your SEO will always adhere to the search engine’s terms of service and will not engage in black hat or spammy SEO tactics. The consequences are dire.
SSL Certificate
An SSL certificate encrypts the data transmitted between a website and its users, providing an extra layer of security and privacy. A website with an SSL certificate is seen as more trustworthy by users and search engines, which is why Google has listed it as a ranking factor for some time now.
Why do you need to know?
Take a look at your website’s address in the browser window. Do you see a padlock icon or HTTPS// ahead of your URL? If so, you’re all set. You have an SSL in place. If not, you need to fix this as soon as possible.
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https://preview.redd.it/l3726tj4mnxa1.png?width=433&format=png&auto=webp&s=429f51db8b56f384ee26916a577a376d84b356cb
No SSL can result in Google’s Chrome browser showing a security warning for your website. And they will not rank your site as favorably as those with an SSL. See the SEO Glossary, Part One for the HTTPS definition, the URL prepend your website gets when an SSL is in place.
Subdirectory (Page Path)
A subdirectory is a way to organize a website into different sections, making it easier for users and search engine robots to search your website. For example, in this domain – https://wellspringdigital.com/blog/essential-digital-marketing-glossary-part-one-seo/ – /blog indicates the blog directory of the website.
Why do you need to know?
It’s important to pay attention to your website hierarchy, particularly the naming and organization of your subdirectories. Search engines use these directories to understand the informational organization of your entire website. This is different than a subdomain…
Subdomain
A subdomain operates as a separate section of a website, typically with a different URL. Generally, it operates as a distinct entity within the larger site, possibly to distinguish certain locations of a business, or various departments, for example, if it is important to make that distinction clear and obvious.
A subdomain would look like this – https://blog.hubspot.com/. Search engines will see this as an independent entity, whereas the subdirectory example above is seen as part of the larger website.
Why do you need to know?
Many times we’ve found that some are not aware of the difference between a subdomain and a subdirectory. While subdomains can be used to target specific audience segments or regions, they can also impact a website’s search engine ranking by diluting the value with a bifurcation of content.
In other words, a website with /blog (assuming the content relates to the overall website and is good content) will offer more ranking opportunities than a website using http://blog.domain.com. The blog content in the second example will be viewed by the search engines as a separate website.
Top-Level Domain (TLD)
The highest level of a domain name in a URL, such as .com, .org, or .gov which can impact the credibility and brand image of a website. These are also called domain extensions or URL extensions. Semrush has a great post on TLDs that features this URL breakdown…
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https://preview.redd.it/ucf4y827mnxa1.jpg?width=624&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5721ea7371b4667df8de2b55a55e4bf8475cee0a
Why do you need to know?
The type of TLD you use in your domain matters. For example, .com is the most sought-after TLD because it is the most common and easiest to remember. TLDs like .net, .org, or .gov can help communicate to the user what type of website they are on.
Make sure that the TLD you use is appropriate and has the most value in its branding implications as well as how easy it is for your users to remember.
Traffic
The number of visitors and pageviews on a website. Traffic is often measured using free tools like Google Analytics or paid tools like Semrush.
Why do you need to know?
While a lot of traffic is generally seen as a good thing, the type of traffic matters more than the overall number. If your website is getting hammered with tons of traffic but no one is converting – calling, booking, signing up, etc. – you should take a hard look at that traffic and your website and identify where the disconnect might be.
URL
The unique text-based address for a specific website, page, or file. For example, https://wellspringdigital.com/ is a URL and so is https://wellspringdigital.com/about/. Each takes you to a specific section of a website.
Why do you need to know?
It’s important to understand what a URL is as SEOs, as well as web developers, and digital marketers, will often ask for or reference a URL.
User Experience (UX)
The overall experience a user has when interacting with a website. UX includes things like ease of use, visual design, the customer journey, and the content’s quality. Good UX can lead to repeat visits, recommendations, and conversions.
Why do you need to know?
The user experience of a website directly impacts that user’s engagement, conversion rates, and overall satisfaction. Remember that the possible user of your website is the persona you developed (see above) and not your boss, board, or C-suite. Design and develop for your target audience, not the company stakeholders.
Visibility
The ability of a website or piece of content to be easily seen or found by users and search engines. Search engine visibility specifically refers to how easily a search engine can find a website and how easily it can crawl through that website.
Why do you need to know?
The visibility of a website directly impacts the reach of the assets within that website and whether a website will reach its target traffic and conversion rates. A website with good visibility will attract more traffic, potentially resulting in increased conversions and revenue.
Voice Search
Voice search is a type of search where users vocalize their search queries, typically through a smart speaker or mobile device. This type of search is growing rapidly in popularity and already affecting the way search engines crawl, index, and list search results.
Why do you need to know?
It is increasingly important to understand the impact and growth of voice search as it has fundamentally changed the way users interact with search engines and how those search engines rank websites. Optimizing content for voice search can help increase visibility and reach and can also enhance the user experience.
XML
XML (Extensible Markup Language) is used to encode and transmit data over the internet. XML is often used for sitemaps and other forms of structured data (see above).
Why do you need to know?
XML plays a key role in search engine optimization (SEO) by providing search engines with a better understanding of the structure and content of a website. Using XML effectively can result in higher search engine rankings, leading to increased visibility and traffic to the website.

You’re Now SEO-Smarter

Impress your friends at dinner parties! Just kidding. But you now know what you need to about SEO and the terminology used when talking about SEO.
Again, we feel that an educated client is the best kind. We don’t expect you to be an expert on SEO, we just want to give you the tools you need to make the best digital marketing decisions for your company. And, if you missed it, check out part one of our SEO Glossary.
Stay tuned. Next in line in our glossary series is PPC – Paid Search and Social. Join our newsletter now so you don’t miss out!
(This post was written by Jon-Mikel Bailey.)
submitted by TribeWellspring to u/TribeWellspring [link] [comments]

2023.05.02 05:13 Susceptive [Prompt Me] Two genres and a random activity - "RomCom/Zombie Apocalypse, Grocery 'shopping'"

[Prompt Me] Two genres and a random activity -
​
\"Sir, this is a Wendy's.\"

Grub Run

"Found a lunchbox." She pointed and I followed with the scope. "Under the semi."
Sure enough when I managed to zoom in, there it was: A crawler, black with rot and arms scraped down to the bone. But with a filthy backpack still strapped to its decaying torso. At long range jiggle on the rifle scope made details hard to pick out.
"Backpack looks pretty full," I pointed out. "Might be worth checking. You think?"
"Probably. Grocery store's down the street, and it wouldn't be on the ground if it could walk. I'd bet it got caught looting there and ran away with a sandwich or something." A lot of folks gave me shit about scavenging with my wife. I didn't care. Those people are idiots because Jen's probably the most situationally aware person I've ever known. "Does it have shoes on?"
Zombies are universally an "it". I think it's a disassociation thing; we don't like to remember they used to be people so everyone tends to use a lot of language that strips the previous humanity away. That used to bother me more back when therapy still existed. Now I get my mental balance from laying on top of abandoned gas stations and scavenging through horrible apocalypse leftovers. Sometimes when I really consider the big picture-- millions of shamblers in thousands of dead city blocks-- I start freaking out.
So I tend to narrow down on details. Like a blurry, jiggling image of a useless pair of legs. "Uhhh, only one leg on it. But yeah. Looks like a... boooot?" I drew out the word and squinted. "Yeah, boot. Camo pants, too."
"Okay, boot means it's probably an after-Z Day body. Better chances of a good haul." I could feel Jen shift around. Her backpack made a soft thump on the roof. "Anything nearby? Check the street, I'll run in and do the cut on the pack."
"Um, I could do it." I didn't like being to the one left behind. The runner always had the most danger.
"You'll get the next one." She winked at me and my heart melted all over again. I'm a romantic and just happy to have someone to be with... even if that means being sappy at the end of the world. "You'll be my IOU."
"Okay. Deal. Let me look around?" Scanning along the road with scope produced no visible motion. But that didn't mean much; the undead tended to go dormant when there wasn't any stimulus around. So did I, actually. Only they could do it with perfect stillness and didn't need sugary snacks the way I enjoyed. "Don't see anything, but the semi's blocking view on the cross street. Be careful."
Jen was already snaking over the side of the roof on the rope ladder. I barely heard her touch down but a moment later she was crouch-jogging across the concourse. Bringing the scope up I kept the reticule on her right as she slalomed through the gas pumps and paused by the curb.
Open streets and long sight-lines were always a problem. The dead triggered on motion more than anything. Once they spotted you across a parking lot or street they'd set up a moan and things got bad fast. It was better to stay behind concealment of some kind whenever possible... but that also came with risk of jack-in-the-box style rotting grabbers.
There were no pure upside situations in the apocalypse.
I clenched up as she darted out into the street into the shadow of an overturned Toyota. When nothing started moaning or lurched out she went the rest of the way in a quick hop-skip that got over a pile of luggage without kicking anything. When she skirted behind the fence and out of sight my anxiety started redlining a bit.
Moving the scope around didn't help much: There's not a lot of distractions in a ruined street and lifeless block of downtown businesses. Just a whole lot of trash, gruesome stains, busted windows and broken fencing. From the way all of the brick buildings were smeared black from shoulder-height down I'd guess a whole horde came through. They tended to fill the street and smash the edges of the crowd into walls so hard it was like painting everything with a filthy brush.
Movement got me looking in a hurry. It was Jen again, slowly bear-crawling to the front of the stuck semi. She must be moving quietly because the pinned zombie underneath wasn't reacting much. Except for the occasional handless arm-twitch it could be mistaken for one of the truly deceased-- more than one person got into the habit of overlooking a body only to have it bite them in the ass. Literally.
Jen paused by the front wheel well and drew a brick hammer from her belt. Then darted around the gas tank in a quick shuffle-sprint and viciously swung four or five times. I looked away with a wince, teeth gritted and waiting for the moan that summoned a horde. But she must have got it put down quick because when I looked back Jen was cutting the backpack off and retreating.
A minute later she was out of breath and back up on the roof with me. The backpack was one of those canvas types scavengers like to use, but with all the straps on the side taped down or removed. Less to grab onto if you have to run away from a crowd.
Jen pulled the flap open, looked inside and frowned.
I waited, but she didn't move for a long second. "What? Is it food? What's wrong?"
She dragged a hand over her eyes and I swear it came away moist. "Nothin', Mark. Yeah, there's cans in here. A lot of them. Just some... other stuff, too. That's all."
The mention of food made me happy. Successful grocery runs were always nice. Not to mention it wasn't even noon yet; there were a lot of other streets to check. We could maybe even cruise by the hardware store and pick up some nails or fasteners-- those always went over very well for trading.
Then Jen reached into the pack and pulled out a tiny set of knitted socks. The kind babies wore.
My good mood died, dried up and blew away into depression. We both looked at the crude stitch-work and knitted yarn for a moment, then met each other's eyes. Then she tucked it carefully back into the pack and started tying the cut straps back together.
We climbed down in silence and went about looting the end of the world.
submitted by Susceptive to Susceptible [link] [comments]

2023.05.01 20:14 toastymctoast10 Named bullets: Mystic and Severe

February 7th, 2291
Salton Frontline
"Sorry, Frank whoever told you that info was busting your balls."
Frank sighed as he looked at Colonel Boone as he took a drag from his cigarette.
"God dammit where is he then?"
"You ask me like I know. Look the legion is different now, the officers are fucking pussies now back then they led from the front, and now I'm lucky to even see their helmet plume."
"You're sure he's not here?"
"Yes, look Carla told me what he did...and I wanna kill the fuck as much as you do."
"No, you don't."
Boone stared at the ranger.
"Look point is I get it, killing legionnaires is my thing too no shame in it. But he ain't anywhere near here."
"Then who is?"
"Some guy name Severus. All we know is he's a Centurion posted in Yuma."
Frank looked at the ground then back up at Boone
"That's good enough for me."
"Before you do something stupid, your sister told me to tell you not to be a fucking moron."
"Thanks for the heads up."
Frank donned his helmet and walked out of the tent his fists clenched.
"You get what you wanted?"
Rachel said arms crossed.
"He's not here."
"Fuck...well where is he then?"
"I don't know but... I know where his 2nd is."
Frank looked around the small fob Wendy sat atop Diana talking to a female trooper.
"Damn how the hell did you catch this thing"
"I forced her into submission, she obeys me now."
"Like a pet?"
"More a slepnier."
"Wow..can I ride her?"
"Yeah, sure here let me get down."
The two talked for a bit as Frank watched. Rachel nudged him in the side.
"Oooo looks like she found someone."
"Not yet she hasn't."
Frank grabbed a bucket of water and walked over to the giant bird. The trooper turned and watched Frank set the bucket down in front of the griffon to drink from.
"Oh, hey Frank this is Emma...you find what you were looking for?"
Frank turned to the trooper silently and stared at her.
"I...I'll go..."
"Wait no...god dammit."
Wendy sighed as Emma disappeared around the bend
"Gonna tell you from the start don't date a trooper, they're filthy bastards, hardly shower even when on leave."
"Oh shut up I was just talking to her."
"Yeah, you better...be you're 14 she looked like 3 years older than you."
Rachel chuckled as she walked over.
"Wow reminds me of my dad. You're doing a good job adapting the whole parenting thing Frank."
"Quiet."
Frank reached into the saddle bag and took out a map. He set it down on a nearby table.
"Alright so turns out Aurelius ain't in California...I don't know where he is, what I do know is his 2nd is in the state, posted up by Yuma, we go in and bag the fucker, find what he knows then kill him."
"Alright, we're game.."
Frank looked at the map and then at Wendy.
"We'll leave at dawn, so we can relax."
"So I can..."
"Yeah go find her...remember what I said though.."
"I will..."
Frank watched as Wendy walked away. Before folding the map and walking towards Diana, he slid the map back into the saddle and then grabbed onto it pulling himself up.
"Keep an eye on her...I'll make it quick."
"That's a dumb idea, Frank.."
"Well, it keeps her safe."
"Safe from what exactly?"
"From what I'm about to do."
Yuma, Occupied NCR.
Centurion Severus buckled his belt as he walked out of the tent. He took a sip of water from his pouch and turned to his men.
"This one is free, she's a fighter though."
The legionnaire laughed as another entered the tent. Severus donned his helmet and walked back to his tent, it was quiet, that was strange.
"Silas?"
"Yes sir?"
"Where is everyone?"
"It's the middle of the night sir, the NCR won't attack us at night."
"And do you know that for certain?!"
Severus drew his machete and smacked his Decanus across the face with the flat end.
"I want guards up 24/7. Just because this is the laziest front doesn't mean it's not important. If this happens again I won't hesitate to use the sharp edge."
"Yes sir...it won't happen again."
The Decanus slipped away caressing his cheek. Severus scoffed, these new legionnaires were a mockery, they lacked the determination of the originals and the discipline, but they were still superior to the NCR and their poor conscripts. Severus made his way to his quarters and entered through the wooden door.
"Set the gun to your side."
He looked to his right, a ranger sat in a chair gun drawn.
"How did you..."
"Gun and machete..on the desk.."
Severus walked over slowly and set the weapons on the table.
"You're going to have to shoot me ranger I won't talk."
"That's what I was hoping for actually. See I'm not here for info, I already got that by reading those maps in the other room, I'm here for your damn head Severus."
"Then shoot me profligate, shoot an unarmed soldier you dishonorable-"
Severus froze.
"Was wondering when it would take effect."
The ranger stood and walked towards Severus.
"You had quite the tolerance, thought I put enough venom in your drink to cause paralysis when you walked in. Guess I was wrong."
The Ranger grabbed Severus and forced him onto a chair.
"You don't remember me as we never met face to face. But I...I remember you clear as day. That face of yours has been in my mind for years...today it disappears."
The ranger grabbed another chair and sat across from him.
"You were a Decanus back then, now you're a Centurion. Hell of a promotion."
Severus looked at the ranger as he desperately tried to move.
"Cazador venom, half your men are dead other half is just like you. Depends on how much they drank. Now...I'm going to kill you...slowly."
The ranger leaned forward and placed a hand on Severus's thigh before squeezing. The metal hand dug into his thigh and tore through muscle and nervous tissue as the ranger stared at him.
"Cazadors paralyze their enemies and drag them back to their den. I'm gonna do something similar."
The ranger grabbed Severus and pulled him onto the ground dragging him out of the building and out of the camp into the desert.
"Here we are."
The Ranger threw Severus onto the ground and looked at him. A griffon stood by chewing at something.
"Here we are."
The ranger approached the Centurion and pulled at his leg tearing it off in one clean tug. He then threw the leg overhead towards the griffon who caught it and swallowed it whole.
"YOU FUCK!"
"Oh, venom is wearing off...now you'll feel it."
Severus watched as the ranger approached again. He knelt in front of the Centurion and grabbed his elbow squeezing it and snapping it in half.
"GAAH FUCK! MY MEN ARE GONNA-
The ranger punched Severus across the jaw and dragged him towards a utility pole. He held him up and wrapped a cable around his neck.
"In California, we don't crucify, we hang. And now you will too."
The ranger aimed his arm up and fired the cable over the pole, he hoisted the bloodied Centurion up and held him high enough to look him in the eye. He then slammed his arm into the centurion's chest pulling his intestines out as he began choking on blood.
"Not yet you don't."
The ranger injected Severus with a stimpak as he pulled higher on the cable. Severus looked down in horror as he began choking and watching his body slowly fall out of him. After a minute the ranger stepped back content with where he was left hanging.
"Now it's time."
The ranger stood back and drew his sequoia, he opened the cylinder and loaded a single round into it.
"March 10, 2278. You caught yourself a ranger. You abused her, you let your fucking mongrels eat her just enough. And then you strung her up for all to see. Let's see how you like being a display."
The ranger leveled the revolver and squeezed the trigger.
submitted by toastymctoast10 to OldWorldBlues [link] [comments]

2023.04.22 19:15 CedarRain The ABC's of Two-Sentence Horror

A

Aching arms arose, aggressively grabbing Alice, as an agonizing scream echoed across the abandoned asylum. Amidst the appalling aroma of ancient, decomposing bodies, Alice's anguished cries attracted more attention.

B

Billy's basement boasted a bizarre bazaar, brimming with bizarre baby dolls. But, in the blackness behind the boxes, buried beneath the broken dolls, was Billy's biggest secret: his brother's body.

C

Chilling cries carried through the catacombs, causing Claire's courage to crumble completely. Crawling cautiously, Claire encountered a cadaver, clawing itself closer with its cold, calcified fingers.

D

Dark, deafening drums dominated Dave's dreams, driving him to deep despair. Dave didn't dare discover the demonic dance happening directly beneath his dwelling.

E

Eerily echoing, Emma's excruciating execution emanated from the empty estate's electric chair. Each excruciating zap etched itself into her essence, ensuring her eternal entrapment in endless agony.

F

Fearing the faceless figure that followed him, Frank fled through the fog-filled forest. Frantically, he fell, feeling the figure's frigid fingers fasten around his fragile neck.

G

Gasping, Grace glimpsed grotesque ghouls gnawing on gnarled, gangrenous limbs in the graveyard. Gruesome growls grew louder, as the ghouls gathered, gravitating towards Grace's gut-wrenching terror.

H

Haunted by hellish hallucinations, Helen hurried home, hoping for help. Horrifyingly, Helen's hallucinations had become her harsh reality, hounding her at her haven.

I

Inescapable insanity imprisoned Isaac, immersing him in illusions of indescribable, insatiable insects. Itching incessantly, he involuntarily inflicted injuries upon himself, ignorant of the insects' illusory existence.

J

Jittery, Jane jumped at the jarring jingles jingling just outside her jeopardized bedroom. Just as she jolted the door, a jagged, bloodied jester jawed, "Join us, Jane," before jerking her away.

K

Keenly aware of the killer's kerosene-kissed knife, Kate kept completely still, knowing any noise would give her away. Kate's kitten, Krissy, carelessly knocked over a kettle, making Kate's heart skip a beat, as the killer's laughter echoed throughout the kitchen.

L

Locked in the labyrinthine library, Liam listened to the lacerating laments of the long-lost souls lurking nearby. With each lugubrious wail, Liam's life force ebbed away, leaving him languishing in limbo.

M

Maddeningly, the mirror mimicked Marcy’s every move, except one. Mirthlessly, it mouthed, "Murder," as Marcy's mother materialized behind her.

N

Nightmarish noises navigated through the narrow, nefarious nooks of Natalie's new home, negating her naive notions of normalcy. Noticing a nauseating, necrotic odor, she neared the nursery, only to find the newborn's lifeless body nestled in a nest of nightcrawlers.

O

Oliver opened the ominous letter, only to observe his own obituary. Overcome with terror, he overlooked the obnoxious odor of the oncoming assailant.

P

Panic pervaded the party as the poltergeist perpetrated pandemonium. Petrified, Patrick perished, pinned beneath the plummeting piano.

Q

Quietly quivering, Quentin questioned the quixotic, quivering figure in the queue. Quicker than Quentin could react, the figure's quest for Quentin's quintessence quenched.

R

Ravenous, the revenant roamed, relentlessly rending the remnants of Rebecca's resistance. Reality receded as Rebecca relinquished her reason, relinquished to the revenant's reign.

S

Silence suffocated Sarah's scream as she stared at the sinister silhouette. Suddenly, the serrated scalpel sliced through her shivering skin.

T

Trembling, Tom trudged toward the towering, twisted tree. Tendrils tore through his torso, the tree thirsting for more.

U

Unsettled, Ursula uncovered the unnatural, undulating mass under her bed, the unholy stench of decay filling the air. Unseen hands unfurled from the writhing pile, urging Ursula into the underworld's unyielding embrace.

V

Vexed, Vanessa viewed the vile visage in the vacant window. Veins pulsated, and voracious hands violently violated her vitality.

W

Whispers wound through the woods, weaving their way into Wendy's weary mind, warping her perception of reality. Wrenched from her world, she wandered, forever lost, within a wicked, wraith-infested wilderness.

X

Xavier’s xenophobic tendencies exacerbated his anxiety in the x-ray room. X-ray images exposed his xiphoid process—only, the xiphoid was moving, writhing within.

Y

Yanking at the yellowed yarn, Yasmine yelped as the yarn yanked back, yanking her into the yawning abyss below. Yearning for escape, Yasmine yielded to the inescapable darkness, her yells echoing through the years.

Z

Zara's zealous curiosity led her to the ziggurat's zenith, only to find the zombified zealots of the forgotten cult. With a zephyr-like movement, they ensnared her, initiating a zealous new disciple.
​
⏤⏤⏤⏤⏤

Prompt

Write a collection of 26 two-sentence horror stories, where each story begins with a word that starts with a specific letter of the alphabet. The stories should be aimed at adults and can cover a range of themes and motifs, including but not limited to ghosts, monsters, and serial killers. There are no specific constraints or requirements on the format, tone, or atmosphere of the stories, but each story should be suspenseful, graphic, and psychological in nature. All of the stories should feel like a completed two-sentence horror story. They should leave the reader feeling concerned or gasping from the realization of what is occurring in each two-sentence horror story. The words in each two-sentence should start with the same letter. For example, the first story will have words beginning with the letter A, the second story will have words beginning with the letter B, etc. Words that don't start with the same letter can be included to make the stories more terrifying. For example, words like "the", "and", "but", "says", etc can be used in the stories regardless of the letter. At least 75% of the words in each story should start with the same letter.
submitted by CedarRain to ArtificialNightmares [link] [comments]

2023.04.21 23:13 Klokinator The Cryopod to Hell 486: The Mountain Hermit

Author note: The Cryopod to Hell is a Reddit-exclusive story with over three years of editing and refining. As of this post, the total rewrite is 1,910,000+ words long! For more information, check out the link below:
What is the Cryopod to Hell?
Join the Cryoverse Discord server!
Here's a list of all Cryopod's chapters, along with an ePub/Mobi/PDF version!
Want to stay up to date on TCTH? Subscribe to Cryopodbot!
...................................
(Previous Part)
(Part 001)
...
Over the next few days, Hope becomes more proactive when it comes to the Heroes Solomon introduces him to. The Second Wordsmith doesn't simply start talking to them, but instead uses the book he made to read up on their powers, their history, and their feats while alive.
Naturally, after introducing Hope to Hammurabi, Solomon doesn't follow up with even more mighty Kings. He once again returns Hope's attention to the 'lesser' Heroes, the people who didn't necessarily accomplish much during their lives.
This time, Hope takes some time before talking to the Heroes to study up on their lives, that way he can have a better knowledge of who they were and what they accomplished.
Sadly, Hope comes to find that a surprising number of them barely even have a page in his Heroic Encyclopedia. Some amount to only a first name and the date they lived, if even that.
On the fourth day after meeting Hammurabi, Hope introduces himself to one of these lesser Heroes. The book tells him the man's name is Jeremiah, and that he lived at some point in the 6th century BCE... but beyond that, not a single extra detail is provided.
Hope scratches his head. "Guess I can't expect much from this guy."
He reaches out to Jeremiah's artifact, which turns out to be an expertly crafted walking staff made of oak and ivory. Compared to many other artifacts, this one appears quite large, at almost five feet tall (1.5 Meters), weighing in at nearly ten pounds (4.5 kilos). Not only is it large and cumbersome, but also quite hefty. Hope immediately gets the impression that someone talented in fighting with a Bo Staff might be able to weaponize the staff in a pinch.
He walks over to the garden pagoda, sits down, then summons the Hero contained within.
"Awaken. Materialize."
In the chair opposite Hope, a hunched-over old man appears, with a long, scraggly beard, and equally long bedraggled hair. His eyes remain closed, as if he is fast asleep. He sits on the chair while lolled forward, seemingly about to fall off at any second, yet he remains moored in place.
Hope momentarily gets a sense of deja vu from how the old man reminds him of Hammurabi. However, the difference comes in that this old man does not appear to be a legendary king, but rather an old mountain hermit swaddled in rags. His face is dirty, and his hands are calloused, showing he has lived a long life of hard labor. Given how the notes in his book state that this Hero lived during the 6th century BCE, he certainly lived during a primitive time compared to the luxury of Hope's modern era.
Several seconds pass. Just as Hope is about to clear his throat to wake the old man up, Jeremiah slowly blinks his eyes open.
"...Mmm? Where... am... I?"
His voice comes off choked, sounding as if he has a frog in his throat. Jeremiah's raspy tenor even gives Hope the impression he never drank a glass of water in all his life.
"Hello." Hope says respectfully. "My name is Hope. I am a Hero from the future. My title is Wordsmith."
The old man blinks several times, uncomprehending. He looks around the pleasant garden then reaches up to gently scratch his scalp.
"Hero... future... I do not understand."
"Your name is Jeremiah, yes?" Hope asks.
"Jere...miah... yes. That is what people called me."
Jeremiah licks his lips, perhaps to try and moisten them. It doesn't seem to have much effect.
Hope frowns slightly, but quickly schools his expression. "Can you tell me about yourself?"
Jeremiah stares at Hope blankly. "Not understand."
"You know. Tell me about yourself. Who you are. What your life was like..." Hope explains, trailing off.
"Who am I?" Jeremiah repeats. "I am Jeremiah. Simple man. Live in cabin. Hunt. Eat. Sleep."
"Uhh. What did you do during your life?" Hope asks. "Surely living in a cabin wasn't everything."
Jeremiah once again glances around the beautiful garden, visibly confused.
"Not understand. Why ask questions? I am nobody."
"Well, you're a Hero..." Hope says slowly. "This is your staff, right? You lived a long time. Surely you must have done something interesting during your life."
"During my life..." Jeremiah repeats. "During my life... I am not... alive... now?"
Hope blinks. He finally realizes the missing piece to the puzzle.
"Ah. No, Jeremiah. I'm sorry. You've... died. Maybe I should explain the situation a little better."
Hope quickly but cautiously launches into a long and detailed explanation of Heroes, how they function, and the mechanics behind the artifacts. Jeremiah sits silently, saying nothing, while Hope explains how much time has passed, and the future Jeremiah now finds himself in.
After thirty minutes, Hope winds down his explanation, eventually falling silent as he watches the old man try to digest this news.
"I am... Hero." Jeremiah says slowly. "And I have died. I am in... Sheol?"
"No." Hope says. "You have been... reborn. In a sense. Your body is a spiritual form now. But you are back in reality, albeit not on Earth."
"Sheol." Jeremiah repeats.
"No, not Sheol." Hope explains patiently. "This is simply a garden in the Hall of Heroes."
"Hall of Heroes." Jeremiah says. "I am a Hero?"
"I think so, yes..." Hope says, no longer quite as convinced. "Your name is Jeremiah and you lived in the 6th century BCE... do you have any relation to the Biblical figure who was a prophet for the Lord? Did you see divine visions during your lifetime?"
Jeremiah, as always, continues to look completely lost. "Divine visions. No. Ordinary man. Simple life. Stay in forest. Hide from soldiers. Evade capture. Hunt game. Eat. Sleep."
Hope's eyes flicker. "You hid from soldiers?"
"Yes."
"From what nation?"
Jeremiah frowns. He looks away, as if trying to remember.
"King... someone. Wanted men for his army. Bad man. Did not trust him. I stayed far away. Always saw enemy coming."
"How did you see the enemy coming?" Hope asks.
Jeremiah looks at Hope as if he just asked the dumbest question of all time.
"With eyes."
"Right," Hope says, forcing a pained smile. "But you lived in a forest. How did you see past the trees?"
"...With eyes." Jeremiah says again, as if it's the most obvious answer in the world. "Look through trees. Look through rocks and mountains. Look through city walls and see evil king. Simple matter. King's soldiers were slow of mind, poor vision. Could not see what I saw."
Hope's heart suddenly skips a beat.
Hold on a second. This isn't normal! He's describing a heroic power!
For the next several minutes, Hope carefully but deliberately coaxes more and more information out of Jeremiah. He learns how Jeremiah's Heroic Power works through inference and vague explanations, ultimately coming to realize he has some sort of incredible eyesight that can peer through any barrier.
Already, Jeremiah has easily looked through the entirety of the Hall of Heroes, and even the blackness of the Void, where the Hall of Heroes hangs within a dimension between reality and the imaginary realm. Unable to see the stars, Jeremiah came to the conclusion he must have arrived in the afterlife, where no stars reside.
"You could see their thoughts?" Hope asks, after Jeremiah gives him another piece of information.
"Yes. Easy. Thoughts simple. Not hard to follow. Could see plans and goals. Sometimes could see other things."
"Can you read my thoughts?" Hope asks.
"Your mind is empty." Jeremiah states. "This makes you... god?"
"I'm not a god. Just a fellow Hero." Hope says, feeling a little relieved. Since Jeremiah can't read his mind, that means the protections Hope crafted to shield his mind from the Psions must also work on other mind-readers. "Did you have any other 'gifts' you were born with?"
Hope uses this term due to Jeremiah's usage earlier in the convo. Apparently, the forest hermit realized at some point that his abilities weren't ordinary, but due to his lack of an education, he came to think they were merely improved senses that any ordinary person could possess.
Indeed, the more Hope learns about this quiet and simple man, the more he grows to like him. Unlike the loudmouthed Hammurabi, Jeremiah speaks quietly and politely, only growing frustrated if Hope fails to pick up on 'obvious' cues the people of Jeremiah's era would consider common knowledge.
Hope eventually stands up and holds out his hand. "Since you've already seen the other Heroes, why not come with me? I'll introduce you to a few of them."
Jeremiah doesn't move.
"...Do not enjoy talking. Other people loud. Annoying."
"Err, am I annoying?" Hope asks.
Jeremiah looks Hope right in the eyes.
"Yes. Very."
"Oof, well, alright then." Hope replies, feeling slightly embarrassed. "How about I make you a nice, quiet little house in a forest? You can hang out by yourself if you want, or you can come out to visit with people if you get bored."
Jeremiah blinks. "Acceptable."
Hope chuckles in embarrassment, feeling more than a little self-conscious. He leads Jeremiah to a quiet corner of the Hall of Heroes, where he summons a brand new mini-world amidst the void, conjuring a forest into reality with his words, as well as a shack isolated in the center of all the trees.
Jeremiah watches with mild fascination, looking from the newly created world to Hope, and back to the world...
"You... are not god?"
"I'm not." Hope answers.
"I see." Jeremiah replies, not exactly convinced.
After Hope finishes building what he has decided to call the Hermit's Realm, he leads Jeremiah to his new home, and pauses outside the door of a cute, cozy log cabin.
"Is this big enough? I can make it larger if you want."
Jeremiah nods. "It is sufficient. Bigger than the one I built."
"Well. Enjoy your time here." Hope says. "If you need me for anything, I've installed this fancy red button on your wall. Just push it, and I'll pop over to say hello. Or Solomon will."
"Mmm. Many thanks. Good hospitality." Jeremiah says gruffly.
After Hope places Jeremiah's artifact inside his hut, he heads back to the Hall of Heroes.
Hope thinks to himself about the strange old man. Unlike the majority of 'lesser' Heroes Hope has encountered, Jeremiah actually seems to possess a decently strong ability, and he lived a long life. Most lesser Heroes were like Wendy, dying young to disease or hunger.
"There's such a disparity between them." Hope mutters. "And it's weird that Jeremiah lived so long, had such a decent power, but ultimately still amounted to nothing. I guess he doesn't have an ambitious bone in his body. He's content to simply live in his hut, far from the world's woes."
Hope continues to ruminate on Jeremiah. He cracks open his Heroic Encyclopedia and updates it with a more detailed description of Jeremiah's life story, as well as his abilities and other notable feats.
"The Volgrim didn't know anything about Jeremiah except that he was a Hero, and that was only because of his artifact's aura. They couldn't interface with his artifact. He didn't have any noteworthy historical records talking about him. All they could glean was his name and the era he lived in."
Hope pauses.
"It doesn't seem likely the Volgrim would have been able to pick this information up after Earth's destruction. They must have collected Jeremiah's artifact before the end of the Energy Wars. Maybe while they surveyed humanity for thousands of years, they covertly stole our artifacts as time went on."
Hope pieces together an important clue, possibly revealing an important Truth he had previously overlooked. Until now, Hope assumed the Volgrim collected the artifacts during the Energy Wars, or scraped them from Earth's surface following its destruction.
But logically speaking, with as little information that existed involving Jeremiah, and with no way to interact with the Heroes inside the artifacts, the Volgrim would have needed to scour historical records, ones which would have been destroyed when the Earth's surface was annihilated.
"They stole from us for a long time." Hope concludes. "Fucking bastards. I'll make those alien pieces of shit pay someday."
As Hope wanders the halls, he casually observes the slightly more numerous spiritual figures walking around. These Heroes, reborn through the Hall of Heroes' magic, sometimes nod at Hope and even chat with him, but plenty of others turn away, shunning contact.
It isn't that these anti-social Heroes hate Hope, but rather, that 100,000 years living in empty voids have turned many of them into hermits incapable of properly speaking to other people.
If anything, Jeremiah isn't an extreme case, but quite ordinary and well-adjusted compared to his peers.
Hope rounds a corner, where he spots the adorable Wendy talking to another girl her 'age,' though the two of them are actually both 100,000 years old. Having been permanently frozen in their child-bodies upon death, it still makes them look like two children yapping about mundane childlike matters to Hope's eyes.
After Hope gazes at the girls for a moment, he turns away and continues walking.
Eventually, he ends up inside a vast library, one that extends up into the sky, and down into the basement depths. In the ground level of this vast Heroic Library, he finds Solomon hard at work.
Solomon's primary goal, ever since the construction of the Hall of Heroes, has been to construct the greatest library in all of existence.
Solomon's fingers fly at inhuman speeds as he manipulates a powerful computer interface. Every second, he types out thousands of words, his fingers and eyes moving with such terrifying speed that Hope might assume the old man was actually an artificial intelligence, had he never learned how amazingly Solomon's power synchronize with his Crown.
Every half-minute, Solomon finishes writing a book, then it pops into existence on a table next to him. One of the spiritual assistants Hope created, typically in the form of a male or female librarian, will come over, pick up the newly written book, then walk to a nearby shelf and slot it in.
Hope doesn't say anything to Solomon at first. Instead, he walks over to one of the newer shelves and grabs a book from one of its ledges, purely at random.
Rygel's Intro to Pyrokinetic Engineering and Warfare.
Hope puts it back and grabs another one.
The Man Who Fell From the Sky.
He looks at another book title.
Practical Fusion: Volume III.
These books range wildly from historical records to highly advanced engineering textbooks, and plenty of fictional stories as well. The entire gamut of literacy finds itself on Solomon's shelves. Hope even finds a copy of War and Peace, funnily enough.
"Not a lot of page-turners." Solomon idly comments, his hands continuing to dance across the computer keyboard and interface at blinding speeds. If engaging in conversation with Hope slows him down in the slightest, Hope can't tell at all.
"I met a hermit-fellow named Jeremiah today." Hope says. "He seemed like an outlier. He was an ordinary person from ancient times who also somehow managed to live to old age while possessing a fairly potent ability, yet he never put it to use in the pursuit of some greater goal."
"Jeremiah." Solomon repeats. "A rare case of a Hero I've barely interacted with. Tell me more about him."
Hope nods. He launches into a brief but information-dense explanation of his discussions with the old hermit, while Solomon continues to write book after book.
In the time it takes Hope to finish talking, ten minutes have passed, and Solomon has written another twenty books.
"It's not often a Hero of his caliber would slip under my radar." Solomon says. "He's quite talented, yet has remained entirely out of the history books. If the Volgrim hadn't picked up his artifact, he might have perished along with the Earth."
Hope frowns. "Speaking of which. I just realized today that the Volgrim must have been collecting the Heroic Artifacts well before the Energy Wars. What do you think about that hypothesis?"
"It's the obvious conclusion one must draw." Solomon says, turning his head to look at Hope. "Did... did you only just now think of it? I assumed that fact was obvious."
Hope blushes, suddenly feeling incredibly embarrassed. "Uh. Yeah. Just now. I'm gonna go... think I've made myself into enough of a fool for today."
Solomon shrugs. "Take the rest of the day off. You've earned a rest."
Hope nods, then turns away. He heads out of the Library and walks down the hall, eventually arriving back in the garden pagoda. He plops down in his favorite chair and sighs, enjoying this moment of being alone. No other Heroes ever enter the garden, due to its status as the newcomer onboarding zone, and Hope's personal sanctuary.
Hope lazes back in his chair and yawns. He converts it to a rocking chair with a Word of Power, then begins to gently tilt forward and backward, rocking himself to sleep...
But then.
An indeterminate amount of time later, Hope awakens, feeling as if he's being watched. He opens his eyes to see Amelia sitting across from him, her eyes fixed on his sleeping figure.
"Oh. Hey, babe." Hope says, yawning. "How long have you been there?"
"Not long." Amelia says, her expression somewhat constrained. "I wasn't sure if I should wake you. But it's good you woke up on your own."
Hope blinks twice. Something about Amelia's actions have been weird, the past few days.
"Are you alright?" Hope asks.
"Privacy barrier." Amelia says. "Now."
Hope quickly sits up in his chair, feeling more alert than before. His fatigue vanishes as he realizes something important must be eating at his fiance.
"Sure. Barrier. Silence. Opaque. Privacy..."
Hope casts a dozen Words of Power, even going so far as to check for foreign influences inside the barrier, such as a Psion sneaking in under his nose. He only detects himself and Amelia.
"What's going on?" Hope asks, as his eyes drift down to the book clutched in Amelia's arms, the Heroic Encyclopedia he made for her.
Amelia pauses for a moment. She chews her lip and looks around shiftily.
Abruptly, she turns to Hope and blurts out six shocking words.
"Hope. Solomon is lying to you!"
Next Part
submitted by Klokinator to HFY [link] [comments]

2023.04.21 23:13 Klokinator Cryopod Refresh 486: The Mountain Hermit

Over the next few days, Hope becomes more proactive when it comes to the Heroes Solomon introduces him to. The Second Wordsmith doesn't simply start talking to them, but instead uses the book he made to read up on their powers, their history, and their feats while alive.
Naturally, after introducing Hope to Hammurabi, Solomon doesn't follow up with even more mighty Kings. He once again returns Hope's attention to the 'lesser' Heroes, the people who didn't necessarily accomplish much during their lives.
This time, Hope takes some time before talking to the Heroes to study up on their lives, that way he can have a better knowledge of who they were and what they accomplished.
Sadly, Hope comes to find that a surprising number of them barely even have a page in his Heroic Encyclopedia. Some amount to only a first name and the date they lived, if even that.
On the fourth day after meeting Hammurabi, Hope introduces himself to one of these lesser Heroes. The book tells him the man's name is Jeremiah, and that he lived at some point in the 6th century BCE... but beyond that, not a single extra detail is provided.
Hope scratches his head. "Guess I can't expect much from this guy."
He reaches out to Jeremiah's artifact, which turns out to be an expertly crafted walking staff made of oak and ivory. Compared to many other artifacts, this one appears quite large, at almost five feet tall (1.5 Meters), weighing in at nearly ten pounds (4.5 kilos). Not only is it large and cumbersome, but also quite hefty. Hope immediately gets the impression that someone talented in fighting with a Bo Staff might be able to weaponize the staff in a pinch.
He walks over to the garden pagoda, sits down, then summons the Hero contained within.
"Awaken. Materialize."
In the chair opposite Hope, a hunched-over old man appears, with a long, scraggly beard, and equally long bedraggled hair. His eyes remain closed, as if he is fast asleep. He sits on the chair while lolled forward, seemingly about to fall off at any second, yet he remains moored in place.
Hope momentarily gets a sense of deja vu from how the old man reminds him of Hammurabi. However, the difference comes in that this old man does not appear to be a legendary king, but rather an old mountain hermit swaddled in rags. His face is dirty, and his hands are calloused, showing he has lived a long life of hard labor. Given how the notes in his book state that this Hero lived during the 6th century BCE, he certainly lived during a primitive time compared to the luxury of Hope's modern era.
Several seconds pass. Just as Hope is about to clear his throat to wake the old man up, Jeremiah slowly blinks his eyes open.
"...Mmm? Where... am... I?"
His voice comes off choked, sounding as if he has a frog in his throat. Jeremiah's raspy tenor even gives Hope the impression he never drank a glass of water in all his life.
"Hello." Hope says respectfully. "My name is Hope. I am a Hero from the future. My title is Wordsmith."
The old man blinks several times, uncomprehending. He looks around the pleasant garden then reaches up to gently scratch his scalp.
"Hero... future... I do not understand."
"Your name is Jeremiah, yes?" Hope asks.
"Jere...miah... yes. That is what people called me."
Jeremiah licks his lips, perhaps to try and moisten them. It doesn't seem to have much effect.
Hope frowns slightly, but quickly schools his expression. "Can you tell me about yourself?"
Jeremiah stares at Hope blankly. "Not understand."
"You know. Tell me about yourself. Who you are. What your life was like..." Hope explains, trailing off.
"Who am I?" Jeremiah repeats. "I am Jeremiah. Simple man. Live in cabin. Hunt. Eat. Sleep."
"Uhh. What did you do during your life?" Hope asks. "Surely living in a cabin wasn't everything."
Jeremiah once again glances around the beautiful garden, visibly confused.
"Not understand. Why ask questions? I am nobody."
"Well, you're a Hero..." Hope says slowly. "This is your staff, right? You lived a long time. Surely you must have done something interesting during your life."
"During my life..." Jeremiah repeats. "During my life... I am not... alive... now?"
Hope blinks. He finally realizes the missing piece to the puzzle.
"Ah. No, Jeremiah. I'm sorry. You've... died. Maybe I should explain the situation a little better."
Hope quickly but cautiously launches into a long and detailed explanation of Heroes, how they function, and the mechanics behind the artifacts. Jeremiah sits silently, saying nothing, while Hope explains how much time has passed, and the future Jeremiah now finds himself in.
After thirty minutes, Hope winds down his explanation, eventually falling silent as he watches the old man try to digest this news.
"I am... Hero." Jeremiah says slowly. "And I have died. I am in... Sheol?"
"No." Hope says. "You have been... reborn. In a sense. Your body is a spiritual form now. But you are back in reality, albeit not on Earth."
"Sheol." Jeremiah repeats.
"No, not Sheol." Hope explains patiently. "This is simply a garden in the Hall of Heroes."
"Hall of Heroes." Jeremiah says. "I am a Hero?"
"I think so, yes..." Hope says, no longer quite as convinced. "Your name is Jeremiah and you lived in the 6th century BCE... do you have any relation to the Biblical figure who was a prophet for the Lord? Did you see divine visions during your lifetime?"
Jeremiah, as always, continues to look completely lost. "Divine visions. No. Ordinary man. Simple life. Stay in forest. Hide from soldiers. Evade capture. Hunt game. Eat. Sleep."
Hope's eyes flicker. "You hid from soldiers?"
"Yes."
"From what nation?"
Jeremiah frowns. He looks away, as if trying to remember.
"King... someone. Wanted men for his army. Bad man. Did not trust him. I stayed far away. Always saw enemy coming."
"How did you see the enemy coming?" Hope asks.
Jeremiah looks at Hope as if he just asked the dumbest question of all time.
"With eyes."
"Right," Hope says, forcing a pained smile. "But you lived in a forest. How did you see past the trees?"
"...With eyes." Jeremiah says again, as if it's the most obvious answer in the world. "Look through trees. Look through rocks and mountains. Look through city walls and see evil king. Simple matter. King's soldiers were slow of mind, poor vision. Could not see what I saw."
Hope's heart suddenly skips a beat.
Hold on a second. This isn't normal! He's describing a heroic power!
For the next several minutes, Hope carefully but deliberately coaxes more and more information out of Jeremiah. He learns how Jeremiah's Heroic Power works through inference and vague explanations, ultimately coming to realize he has some sort of incredible eyesight that can peer through any barrier.
Already, Jeremiah has easily looked through the entirety of the Hall of Heroes, and even the blackness of the Void, where the Hall of Heroes hangs within a dimension between reality and the imaginary realm. Unable to see the stars, Jeremiah came to the conclusion he must have arrived in the afterlife, where no stars reside.
"You could see their thoughts?" Hope asks, after Jeremiah gives him another piece of information.
"Yes. Easy. Thoughts simple. Not hard to follow. Could see plans and goals. Sometimes could see other things."
"Can you read my thoughts?" Hope asks.
"Your mind is empty." Jeremiah states. "This makes you... god?"
"I'm not a god. Just a fellow Hero." Hope says, feeling a little relieved. Since Jeremiah can't read his mind, that means the protections Hope crafted to shield his mind from the Psions must also work on other mind-readers. "Did you have any other 'gifts' you were born with?"
Hope uses this term due to Jeremiah's usage earlier in the convo. Apparently, the forest hermit realized at some point that his abilities weren't ordinary, but due to his lack of an education, he came to think they were merely improved senses that any ordinary person could possess.
Indeed, the more Hope learns about this quiet and simple man, the more he grows to like him. Unlike the loudmouthed Hammurabi, Jeremiah speaks quietly and politely, only growing frustrated if Hope fails to pick up on 'obvious' cues the people of Jeremiah's era would consider common knowledge.
Hope eventually stands up and holds out his hand. "Since you've already seen the other Heroes, why not come with me? I'll introduce you to a few of them."
Jeremiah doesn't move.
"...Do not enjoy talking. Other people loud. Annoying."
"Err, am I annoying?" Hope asks.
Jeremiah looks Hope right in the eyes.
"Yes. Very."
"Oof, well, alright then." Hope replies, feeling slightly embarrassed. "How about I make you a nice, quiet little house in a forest? You can hang out by yourself if you want, or you can come out to visit with people if you get bored."
Jeremiah blinks. "Acceptable."
Hope chuckles in embarrassment, feeling more than a little self-conscious. He leads Jeremiah to a quiet corner of the Hall of Heroes, where he summons a brand new mini-world amidst the void, conjuring a forest into reality with his words, as well as a shack isolated in the center of all the trees.
Jeremiah watches with mild fascination, looking from the newly created world to Hope, and back to the world...
"You... are not god?"
"I'm not." Hope answers.
"I see." Jeremiah replies, not exactly convinced.
After Hope finishes building what he has decided to call the Hermit's Realm, he leads Jeremiah to his new home, and pauses outside the door of a cute, cozy log cabin.
"Is this big enough? I can make it larger if you want."
Jeremiah nods. "It is sufficient. Bigger than the one I built."
"Well. Enjoy your time here." Hope says. "If you need me for anything, I've installed this fancy red button on your wall. Just push it, and I'll pop over to say hello. Or Solomon will."
"Mmm. Many thanks. Good hospitality." Jeremiah says gruffly.
After Hope places Jeremiah's artifact inside his hut, he heads back to the Hall of Heroes.
Hope thinks to himself about the strange old man. Unlike the majority of 'lesser' Heroes Hope has encountered, Jeremiah actually seems to possess a decently strong ability, and he lived a long life. Most lesser Heroes were like Wendy, dying young to disease or hunger.
"There's such a disparity between them." Hope mutters. "And it's weird that Jeremiah lived so long, had such a decent power, but ultimately still amounted to nothing. I guess he doesn't have an ambitious bone in his body. He's content to simply live in his hut, far from the world's woes."
Hope continues to ruminate on Jeremiah. He cracks open his Heroic Encyclopedia and updates it with a more detailed description of Jeremiah's life story, as well as his abilities and other notable feats.
"The Volgrim didn't know anything about Jeremiah except that he was a Hero, and that was only because of his artifact's aura. They couldn't interface with his artifact. He didn't have any noteworthy historical records talking about him. All they could glean was his name and the era he lived in."
Hope pauses.
"It doesn't seem likely the Volgrim would have been able to pick this information up after Earth's destruction. They must have collected Jeremiah's artifact before the end of the Energy Wars. Maybe while they surveyed humanity for thousands of years, they covertly stole our artifacts as time went on."
Hope pieces together an important clue, possibly revealing an important Truth he had previously overlooked. Until now, Hope assumed the Volgrim collected the artifacts during the Energy Wars, or scraped them from Earth's surface following its destruction.
But logically speaking, with as little information that existed involving Jeremiah, and with no way to interact with the Heroes inside the artifacts, the Volgrim would have needed to scour historical records, ones which would have been destroyed when the Earth's surface was annihilated.
"They stole from us for a long time." Hope concludes. "Fucking bastards. I'll make those alien pieces of shit pay someday."
As Hope wanders the halls, he casually observes the slightly more numerous spiritual figures walking around. These Heroes, reborn through the Hall of Heroes' magic, sometimes nod at Hope and even chat with him, but plenty of others turn away, shunning contact.
It isn't that these anti-social Heroes hate Hope, but rather, that 100,000 years living in empty voids have turned many of them into hermits incapable of properly speaking to other people.
If anything, Jeremiah isn't an extreme case, but quite ordinary and well-adjusted compared to his peers.
Hope rounds a corner, where he spots the adorable Wendy talking to another girl her 'age,' though the two of them are actually both 100,000 years old. Having been permanently frozen in their child-bodies upon death, it still makes them look like two children yapping about mundane childlike matters to Hope's eyes.
After Hope gazes at the girls for a moment, he turns away and continues walking.
Eventually, he ends up inside a vast library, one that extends up into the sky, and down into the basement depths. In the ground level of this vast Heroic Library, he finds Solomon hard at work.
Solomon's primary goal, ever since the construction of the Hall of Heroes, has been to construct the greatest library in all of existence.
Solomon's fingers fly at inhuman speeds as he manipulates a powerful computer interface. Every second, he types out thousands of words, his fingers and eyes moving with such terrifying speed that Hope might assume the old man was actually an artificial intelligence, had he never learned how amazingly Solomon's power synchronize with his Crown.
Every half-minute, Solomon finishes writing a book, then it pops into existence on a table next to him. One of the spiritual assistants Hope created, typically in the form of a male or female librarian, will come over, pick up the newly written book, then walk to a nearby shelf and slot it in.
Hope doesn't say anything to Solomon at first. Instead, he walks over to one of the newer shelves and grabs a book from one of its ledges, purely at random.
Rygel's Intro to Pyrokinetic Engineering and Warfare.
Hope puts it back and grabs another one.
The Man Who Fell From the Sky.
He looks at another book title.
Practical Fusion: Volume III.
These books range wildly from historical records to highly advanced engineering textbooks, and plenty of fictional stories as well. The entire gamut of literacy finds itself on Solomon's shelves. Hope even finds a copy of War and Peace, funnily enough.
"Not a lot of page-turners." Solomon idly comments, his hands continuing to dance across the computer keyboard and interface at blinding speeds. If engaging in conversation with Hope slows him down in the slightest, Hope can't tell at all.
"I met a hermit-fellow named Jeremiah today." Hope says. "He seemed like an outlier. He was an ordinary person from ancient times who also somehow managed to live to old age while possessing a fairly potent ability, yet he never put it to use in the pursuit of some greater goal."
"Jeremiah." Solomon repeats. "A rare case of a Hero I've barely interacted with. Tell me more about him."
Hope nods. He launches into a brief but information-dense explanation of his discussions with the old hermit, while Solomon continues to write book after book.
In the time it takes Hope to finish talking, ten minutes have passed, and Solomon has written another twenty books.
"It's not often a Hero of his caliber would slip under my radar." Solomon says. "He's quite talented, yet has remained entirely out of the history books. If the Volgrim hadn't picked up his artifact, he might have perished along with the Earth."
Hope frowns. "Speaking of which. I just realized today that the Volgrim must have been collecting the Heroic Artifacts well before the Energy Wars. What do you think about that hypothesis?"
"It's the obvious conclusion one must draw." Solomon says, turning his head to look at Hope. "Did... did you only just now think of it? I assumed that fact was obvious."
Hope blushes, suddenly feeling incredibly embarrassed. "Uh. Yeah. Just now. I'm gonna go... think I've made myself into enough of a fool for today."
Solomon shrugs. "Take the rest of the day off. You've earned a rest."
Hope nods, then turns away. He heads out of the Library and walks down the hall, eventually arriving back in the garden pagoda. He plops down in his favorite chair and sighs, enjoying this moment of being alone. No other Heroes ever enter the garden, due to its status as the newcomer onboarding zone, and Hope's personal sanctuary.
Hope lazes back in his chair and yawns. He converts it to a rocking chair with a Word of Power, then begins to gently tilt forward and backward, rocking himself to sleep...
But then.
An indeterminate amount of time later, Hope awakens, feeling as if he's being watched. He opens his eyes to see Amelia sitting across from him, her eyes fixed on his sleeping figure.
"Oh. Hey, babe." Hope says, yawning. "How long have you been there?"
"Not long." Amelia says, her expression somewhat constrained. "I wasn't sure if I should wake you. But it's good you woke up on your own."
Hope blinks twice. Something about Amelia's actions have been weird, the past few days.
"Are you alright?" Hope asks.
"Privacy barrier." Amelia says. "Now."
Hope quickly sits up in his chair, feeling more alert than before. His fatigue vanishes as he realizes something important must be eating at his fiance.
"Sure. Barrier. Silence. Opaque. Privacy..."
Hope casts a dozen Words of Power, even going so far as to check for foreign influences inside the barrier, such as a Psion sneaking in under his nose. He only detects himself and Amelia.
"What's going on?" Hope asks, as his eyes drift down to the book clutched in Amelia's arms, the Heroic Encyclopedia he made for her.
Amelia pauses for a moment. She chews her lip and looks around shiftily.
Abruptly, she turns to Hope and blurts out six shocking words.
"Hope. Solomon is lying to you!"
submitted by Klokinator to TheCryopodToHell [link] [comments]

2023.04.17 21:21 Klokinator The Cryopod to Hell 485: Voice of the King

Author note: The Cryopod to Hell is a Reddit-exclusive story with over three years of editing and refining. As of this post, the total rewrite is 1,907,000+ words long! For more information, check out the link below:
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Join the Cryoverse Discord server!
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...................................
(Previous Part)
(Part 001)
...
Hope stares in wide-eyed shock at Solomon. The Knowledge-Seeker bows as deeply as his body will allow him, kowtowing like a servant at Hammurabi's feet. As for the man himself, Hammurabi smiles smugly, clearly pleased that even in death he can still demand his student's filial piety.
Solomon gurgles angrily in his throat, desperately trying to rise above this humiliating position with all of his strength. But he cannot!
No matter how he struggles, he has to remain face-down, obediently bowing at his teacher's feet.
Hammurabi directs the smile of a kindly old grandfather Hope's way, as if Solomon's sudden change of heart came naturally and as a consequence of his own actions. In Hope's eyes, Hammurabi detaches himself from the act, seeming to pretend that he had nothing to do with Solomon's 'decision.'
"You're a Wordsmith?!" Hope blurts out as he jumps to his feet.
"Hah. Not quite." Hammurabi says, his voice once again softening. "I possess the Voice of the King. I can compel others to obey me with great ease."
He glances disdainfully at the man bowed at his feet. "Good. You've demonstrated a sufficient level of obedience. You may rise, Solomon-boy."
Hardly has Hammurabi spoken before Solomon releases a gasp and jumps up, staring angrily at his teacher. His face flushes red with a mixture of rage and embarrassment, not least of which is due to being made into a fool in front of Hope, his own protege. Still, Solomon bites his tongue, for fear of pissing Hammurabi off and making his student bow a second time.
The humiliation might actually cause Solomon's proud soul to wilt and die!
Hammurabi continues to smile amiably, as if having had little to do with the rage visible on Solomon's face. He turns his attention back to Hope and paces toward the young man with the authority of a wise sage.
"The Voice of the King is one of my signature abilities. None may disobey it." Hammurabi declares. "It matters not how powerful they are, how strong their soul is, or how elite the person's combat skills might be."
"So it's a power of compulsion..." Hope says slowly. "You can't create objects or defy the laws of physics."
"I cannot." Hammurabi acknowledges. "But the Voice of the King is an ability many have underestimated at their own peril. Even if my opponent were the lauded Second Founder of the Volgrim Empire herself, she would not be able to resist me."
Hope's eyes widen. His heart skips a beat as he realizes the implications.
"Holy-! If that's the case, then aren't you invincible? You could order someone to kill themselves! You could bring enemy states, nations, and empires to ruin!"
Hammurabi gloats quietly, clearly pleased by the shock in Hope's eyes. But before he can continue to praise himself more, Solomon speaks.
"Teacher! Your ego is too overblown! Stop acting as if the Voice of the King has no limit. You and I both know that isn't the case."
Hammurabi's expression slightly deflates. He glances at Solomon in annoyance.
"I was getting to the limitations."
"Not quickly enough." Solomon bites back.
The ancient Babylonian rolls his eyes dramatically, sighing out loud as if deeply aggrieved by Solomon's words.
"Yes, yes. The Voice of the King is not infallible. It acts upon the order of the world, and the order present in one's mind, body, and soul. I cannot compel someone to act against their sense of right and wrong, or to defy their conscience. I was able to make Solomon-boy kowtow because despite his insistence to the contrary, he knows he owes me filial piety for the years I spent carefully instructing him in the ways of seeking wisdom. If Solomon did not truly feel indebted to me in his heart, my Voice would not have affected him."
Hope's expression lightens. "That's a pretty significant limitation."
"Not as much as you might think." Hammurabi retorts. "In my lifetime, and following my death, I have met countless villains, heroes, and people of little importance. Rarely will the Voice of the King fail to compel someone, because all creatures follow some sort of a moral compass, whether they acknowledge this Truth or not."
Hammurabi fans out his fingers and examines his nails, putting on airs before the Wordsmith.
"Even the most callous and cruel murderer knows, deep down, that their actions are evil. Even if they seemingly erase their guilt, they will never truly destroy their conscience. No matter how small the sliver of self-recrimination, my Voice can bring it out and grant me authority over their actions."
"You've used this power to kill demons, I take it?" Hope asks.
"Oh, yes. Many times." Hammurabi says, looking into Hope's eyes. "If I wanted to command you, doing so would present me no difficulties. It is deeply apparent that you are a walking mess of contradictions. The bloody and violent actions you've taken in the past did not come easily to you, and even now you continue to lie to yourself about how easily killing comes to you compared to your other half."
"Telling an enemy to bow to the sunrise for thirty minutes would easily allow my teacher to kill them while they were helpless." Solomon explains. "It is for this reason that I previously stated that even the mighty Arthur might not be able to defeat Hammurabi."
Hammurabi waves his hand. "But worry not. I will never use my power for selfish pursuits or my own gains. My power is one of order, and I loathe greed with all my heart. I strictly follow my Code, which means I would never kill or strip the authority from someone who did not deserve such a punishment. I am as bound to my Code as my enemies are to theirs."
Gears metaphorically turn inside Hope's mind. He feels a little frightened of the idea that Hammurabi could take control of him and force him to Wordsmith without his consent, but the realization that Hammurabi has imposed constraints upon himself lessens that worry somewhat.
"Do you have other powers?" Hope asks.
"Many." Hammurabi says, smiling slightly. "But the most significant one is... Eye for an Eye."
"The power of Reflection." Solomon says, much quieter than before.
"Those who would attempt to bring harm upon this King in an unjust manner must instead suffer that harm upon themselves." Hammurabi explains. "This ability granted me a measure of invincibility unparalleled in my era. Even today, were I to walk the mortal coil in my flesh and blood body... I am not certain any living enemy could best me."
"Solomon told me you killed three Demon Emperors." Hope says. "Was that...?"
"A simple matter." Hammurabi says lightly. "My lifelong goal was to put Satan the Devil to death. Unfortunately, the Emperor of Subjugation was too powerful. Satan could not be killed by my hands. I successfully destroyed his body on many occasions, but he always revived and fled, leaving me empty-handed. I ultimately decided to kill his strongest followers, but they grew wise to my strength and hid themselves away in the mountains and beneath the oceans."
He pauses.
"That is why I continue to believe it was a demon who poisoned me to death. Any deliberate attack inflicted on me would instead be returned to the deliverer. But a subtle poisoning? It must have been the event which brought about my eventual ruin."
Hope nods, not particularly caring about the events of ancient history. Whatever led to Hammurabi's death, it no longer has any bearing on the modern galactic situation, so Hope can't be bothered to dwell on it.
Hope walks over to his chair, now destroyed by the thunderous force behind Hammurabi's roar. He utters a Word of Power to restore it, then creates a third chair for Solomon.
"Let's continue where we left off." Hope says.
Hammurabi and Solomon both sit down. By now, Solomon's earlier humiliation has faded somewhat, allowing him to return to a more dignified expression. It's clear he doesn't enjoy being in Hammurabi's presence, but neither does he have a choice.
For three long hours, Hope continues talking to Hammurabi. He learns about other abilities the Babylonian king possesses, as well as the various predictions he made during his life.
"You're telling me you predicted Earth's fall?" Hope asks.
"It was a possibility." Hammurabi acknowledges. "I believed there was a fifteen percent chance of such happening."
"But why would you think that? Weren't you too busy building an empire to worry about things like Earth's ultimate fate?"
"You have erred." Hammurabi responds, lightly waving his hand. "You think I am referring to the time I spent while living. But I am actually referring to the period after my death. I had 5,000 years to contemplate a great many things. I ultimately came to the conclusion that there was other life in our universe."
"And that life," Hammurabi adds after a slight pause, "could potentially be far more advanced than ourselves."
Hope scratches his chin. "Was it because of the angels? Because they existed in the vacuum of space for many eons, so there would plausibly be other forms of life 'out there'?"
"Exactly." Hammurabi nods. "If the angels had evolved or were created by an external force, who is to say other such forces did not exist. Later thinkers, such as Madam Mildred, would come to refer to this phenomenon as the 'Fermi Paradox.' As for myself, I had no deep thinking or systemic imagination of the universe's mechanisms. I merely hypothesized the existence of extraterrestrials to be more likely than not."
"As did I." Solomon mutters. "Though we could not conclusively prove the existence of an alien species until the arrival of the Volgrim during the Energy Wars. They had successfully observed Earth for thousands of years, and we never knew it. In truth, the signs were there all along."
"We lost the war." Hammurabi says quietly. "But we may yet make a comeback. Had a Hero not returned, this would be unlikely. But! Now that the Wordsmiths exist, if humanity can move past its internal divisions, it can unite to battle for a common cause. I predict great things for our species..."
Hope, Hammurabi, and Solomon continue to talk for a while longer.
Eventually, the Wordsmith concludes the discussion and opts to leave. He gives Hammurabi a respectful, if somewhat distant bow of the head.
"I enjoyed our discussion. The Hall of Heroes will be your new home, moving forward. You can exit your artifact at will to converse with the other Heroes as you desire."
Hammurabi waves his hand. "No need for that. I've little interest in speaking to Lowborn Heroes, only Trueborn ones. Solomon-boy and I will stay here a while and catch up. You may run along, young one."
Hope frowns slightly at being dismissed so casually, as if he were a child getting in the way of 'the adults,' but he chalks his feelings up to Hammurabi's distaste of commoners and peons. The old man is clearly way up his own ass when it comes to his ego.
Hope bows his head again, then he strides out of the garden.
He begins wandering the Hall of Heroes, passing by several others he's brought out of their artifacts in the past two months. Some of them he waves at, but the others are still traumatized and wary of speaking to him.
He even passes by Wendy, who gives him a cute little wave of the hand.
When Hope passes by a room Solomon has deemed the Armory, he pauses.
The Wordsmith glances inside, where he sees Amelia talking quietly to two female Heroes, though she does keep her distance. Amelia holds in her hands a notepad and paper. She nods at the two, saying something Hope can't quite make out, while occasionally jotting down notes.
Hope stands in the doorway for a minute until Amelia notices him. She says goodbye to the other two women, then walks over to her fiance.
"Hope. There you are." Amelia says. "I was hoping I'd run into you soon."
"Are you up to no good again?" Hope asks, smiling at her.
Amelia doesn't reciprocate the smile. Her gaze remains focused.
"Hope, did you copy the knowledge of the Volgrim we captured? Specifically, the knowledge about these Heroes?"
Hope's smile fades as he notices the serious look on his fiance's face. "Of course. I downloaded the information into Solomon's Crown, and I absorbed it all myself."
"Have you been looking into the details of these Heroes?" Amelia asks.
"Huh? No. Not really. I mean, I've skimmed their information but... there's literally a thousand names. It's a lot of work. I'll meet them all eventually. Why? Is there a problem?"
Amelia frowns. She purses her lips, hesitating to say something.
"I could be wrong. It's just a hunch. Look, can you Wordsmith a book of information about what we know of these Heroes? All of them. Sort the information in the book by their names."
"Uhh..." Hope grunts, scratching his head. "Yeah, sure. Any time. But is something the matter? You seem spooked."
"It's just a hunch." Amelia repeats. "I'm probably wrong, but it can't hurt to investigate..."
"Investigate what?" Hope asks.
"Can you just make the book already?!" Amelia exclaims, frowning at him. "I'll tell you when I've proven or disproven my suspicions. Until then, there's no point in slinging accusations around."
Hope nods at Amelia slowly, but in his head, invisible question marks pop up.
Accusations? Amelia sure is acting strange. Has she noticed something I overlooked?
Hope holds out his palm. "Book. Write. Etch. Knowledge. Organize. Inspect."
A giant, unwieldy, and surprisingly thick tome jam-packed full of information lands atop Hope's upright palm. Weighing in at nearly five pounds, it turns out to be the size of multiple Bibles stuffed together, making him raise an eyebrow.
"I didn't even know I had that much knowledge saved..." Hope murmurs, before Amelia snatches the book out of his grasp. He falls silent and watches as she plops it down on a bench nearby and starts to flip to seemingly random sections.
"Adrian Peters... died at age 43, life accomplishments... metaphysical abilities..."
Amelia flips around the book while glancing at her notes. Hope catches glimpses of her scribbles, but it isn't organized at all and the best he can make out is a series of names, dates, and numerical ratings of various Heroic powers.
"Were you able to-" Hope starts to say, before Amelia interrupts him.
"This will do." She says abruptly, pausing to look up at Hope. "I'm going to be a bit busy for a while, Hope. Keep up your talks with the Heroes."
"I just finished talking to a Hero named Hammurabi." Hope says. "Want to hear about him?"
Amelia doesn't immediately answer. She returns her attention to the giant book, then flips through its ten thousand pages in clumps of one to two hundred at a time until she reaches the 'H' section for names. She points at Hammurabi's name, then shakes her head.
"No need. I'll be referencing this book for now. Hope, can you enhance my reading speed? I really need to focus for a few days."
"I- uh, sure." Hope says, feeling more and more weirded out by Amelia's strange behavior. "You're certain you can't just tell me what this is about?"
"You'll know soon enough!" Amelia snaps, visibly annoyed by Hope's persistence. "Try showing a little patience for once."
"Okay!" Hope exclaims, taking a step back. "Sorry."
Amelia's anger quickly fades. She looks away in contrition.
"No, I'm sorry. That was rude of me. Just be patient, alright? It won't take long."
Hope nods. He steps toward her, and the two of them share a loving hug. As they embrace, Hope catches a look at the other two female Heroes, both of whom whisper to themselves about this apparent lover's spat.
Damned nosey ghosts, Hope thinks.
Hope utters a half-dozen Words of Power to enhance Amelia's reading speed, then he makes his exit.
He travels to the dining hall and plops down, while spirits in the shape of maids and butlers materialize to attend to his needs. They begin setting up the table for him to eat, then leave to cook food.
At the same time, Hope ponders the events of the day.
I don't know what Amelia has noticed, but it must be something important. I'd better try my own hand at solving the 'mystery.'
He summons a copy of the same book he made for Amelia, then leans back in his chair to read...
Next Part
submitted by Klokinator to HFY [link] [comments]

2023.04.17 21:21 Klokinator Cryopod Refresh 485: Voice of the King

Hope stares in wide-eyed shock at Solomon. The Knowledge-Seeker bows as deeply as his body will allow him, kowtowing like a servant at Hammurabi's feet. As for the man himself, Hammurabi smiles smugly, clearly pleased that even in death he can still demand his student's filial piety.
Solomon gurgles angrily in his throat, desperately trying to rise above this humiliating position with all of his strength. But he cannot!
No matter how he struggles, he has to remain face-down, obediently bowing at his teacher's feet.
Hammurabi directs the smile of a kindly old grandfather Hope's way, as if Solomon's sudden change of heart came naturally and as a consequence of his own actions. In Hope's eyes, Hammurabi detaches himself from the act, seeming to pretend that he had nothing to do with Solomon's 'decision.'
"You're a Wordsmith?!" Hope blurts out as he jumps to his feet.
"Hah. Not quite." Hammurabi says, his voice once again softening. "I possess the Voice of the King. I can compel others to obey me with great ease."
He glances disdainfully at the man bowed at his feet. "Good. You've demonstrated a sufficient level of obedience. You may rise, Solomon-boy."
Hardly has Hammurabi spoken before Solomon releases a gasp and jumps up, staring angrily at his teacher. His face flushes red with a mixture of rage and embarrassment, not least of which is due to being made into a fool in front of Hope, his own protege. Still, Solomon bites his tongue, for fear of pissing Hammurabi off and making his student bow a second time.
The humiliation might actually cause Solomon's proud soul to wilt and die!
Hammurabi continues to smile amiably, as if having had little to do with the rage visible on Solomon's face. He turns his attention back to Hope and paces toward the young man with the authority of a wise sage.
"The Voice of the King is one of my signature abilities. None may disobey it." Hammurabi declares. "It matters not how powerful they are, how strong their soul is, or how elite the person's combat skills might be."
"So it's a power of compulsion..." Hope says slowly. "You can't create objects or defy the laws of physics."
"I cannot." Hammurabi acknowledges. "But the Voice of the King is an ability many have underestimated at their own peril. Even if my opponent were the lauded Second Founder of the Volgrim Empire herself, she would not be able to resist me."
Hope's eyes widen. His heart skips a beat as he realizes the implications.
"Holy-! If that's the case, then aren't you invincible? You could order someone to kill themselves! You could bring enemy states, nations, and empires to ruin!"
Hammurabi gloats quietly, clearly pleased by the shock in Hope's eyes. But before he can continue to praise himself more, Solomon speaks.
"Teacher! Your ego is too overblown! Stop acting as if the Voice of the King has no limit. You and I both know that isn't the case."
Hammurabi's expression slightly deflates. He glances at Solomon in annoyance.
"I was getting to the limitations."
"Not quickly enough." Solomon bites back.
The ancient Babylonian rolls his eyes dramatically, sighing out loud as if deeply aggrieved by Solomon's words.
"Yes, yes. The Voice of the King is not infallible. It acts upon the order of the world, and the order present in one's mind, body, and soul. I cannot compel someone to act against their sense of right and wrong, or to defy their conscience. I was able to make Solomon-boy kowtow because despite his insistence to the contrary, he knows he owes me filial piety for the years I spent carefully instructing him in the ways of seeking wisdom. If Solomon did not truly feel indebted to me in his heart, my Voice would not have affected him."
Hope's expression lightens. "That's a pretty significant limitation."
"Not as much as you might think." Hammurabi retorts. "In my lifetime, and following my death, I have met countless villains, heroes, and people of little importance. Rarely will the Voice of the King fail to compel someone, because all creatures follow some sort of a moral compass, whether they acknowledge this Truth or not."
Hammurabi fans out his fingers and examines his nails, putting on airs before the Wordsmith.
"Even the most callous and cruel murderer knows, deep down, that their actions are evil. Even if they seemingly erase their guilt, they will never truly destroy their conscience. No matter how small the sliver of self-recrimination, my Voice can bring it out and grant me authority over their actions."
"You've used this power to kill demons, I take it?" Hope asks.
"Oh, yes. Many times." Hammurabi says, looking into Hope's eyes. "If I wanted to command you, doing so would present me no difficulties. It is deeply apparent that you are a walking mess of contradictions. The bloody and violent actions you've taken in the past did not come easily to you, and even now you continue to lie to yourself about how easily killing comes to you compared to your other half."
"Telling an enemy to bow to the sunrise for thirty minutes would easily allow my teacher to kill them while they were helpless." Solomon explains. "It is for this reason that I previously stated that even the mighty Arthur might not be able to defeat Hammurabi."
Hammurabi waves his hand. "But worry not. I will never use my power for selfish pursuits or my own gains. My power is one of order, and I loathe greed with all my heart. I strictly follow my Code, which means I would never kill or strip the authority from someone who did not deserve such a punishment. I am as bound to my Code as my enemies are to theirs."
Gears metaphorically turn inside Hope's mind. He feels a little frightened of the idea that Hammurabi could take control of him and force him to Wordsmith without his consent, but the realization that Hammurabi has imposed constraints upon himself lessens that worry somewhat.
"Do you have other powers?" Hope asks.
"Many." Hammurabi says, smiling slightly. "But the most significant one is... Eye for an Eye."
"The power of Reflection." Solomon says, much quieter than before.
"Those who would attempt to bring harm upon this King in an unjust manner must instead suffer that harm upon themselves." Hammurabi explains. "This ability granted me a measure of invincibility unparalleled in my era. Even today, were I to walk the mortal coil in my flesh and blood body... I am not certain any living enemy could best me."
"Solomon told me you killed three Demon Emperors." Hope says. "Was that...?"
"A simple matter." Hammurabi says lightly. "My lifelong goal was to put Satan the Devil to death. Unfortunately, the Emperor of Subjugation was too powerful. Satan could not be killed by my hands. I successfully destroyed his body on many occasions, but he always revived and fled, leaving me empty-handed. I ultimately decided to kill his strongest followers, but they grew wise to my strength and hid themselves away in the mountains and beneath the oceans."
He pauses.
"That is why I continue to believe it was a demon who poisoned me to death. Any deliberate attack inflicted on me would instead be returned to the deliverer. But a subtle poisoning? It must have been the event which brought about my eventual ruin."
Hope nods, not particularly caring about the events of ancient history. Whatever led to Hammurabi's death, it no longer has any bearing on the modern galactic situation, so Hope can't be bothered to dwell on it.
Hope walks over to his chair, now destroyed by the thunderous force behind Hammurabi's roar. He utters a Word of Power to restore it, then creates a third chair for Solomon.
"Let's continue where we left off." Hope says.
Hammurabi and Solomon both sit down. By now, Solomon's earlier humiliation has faded somewhat, allowing him to return to a more dignified expression. It's clear he doesn't enjoy being in Hammurabi's presence, but neither does he have a choice.
For three long hours, Hope continues talking to Hammurabi. He learns about other abilities the Babylonian king possesses, as well as the various predictions he made during his life.
"You're telling me you predicted Earth's fall?" Hope asks.
"It was a possibility." Hammurabi acknowledges. "I believed there was a fifteen percent chance of such happening."
"But why would you think that? Weren't you too busy building an empire to worry about things like Earth's ultimate fate?"
"You have erred." Hammurabi responds, lightly waving his hand. "You think I am referring to the time I spent while living. But I am actually referring to the period after my death. I had 5,000 years to contemplate a great many things. I ultimately came to the conclusion that there was other life in our universe."
"And that life," Hammurabi adds after a slight pause, "could potentially be far more advanced than ourselves."
Hope scratches his chin. "Was it because of the angels? Because they existed in the vacuum of space for many eons, so there would plausibly be other forms of life 'out there'?"
"Exactly." Hammurabi nods. "If the angels had evolved or were created by an external force, who is to say other such forces did not exist. Later thinkers, such as Madam Mildred, would come to refer to this phenomenon as the 'Fermi Paradox.' As for myself, I had no deep thinking or systemic imagination of the universe's mechanisms. I merely hypothesized the existence of extraterrestrials to be more likely than not."
"As did I." Solomon mutters. "Though we could not conclusively prove the existence of an alien species until the arrival of the Volgrim during the Energy Wars. They had successfully observed Earth for thousands of years, and we never knew it. In truth, the signs were there all along."
"We lost the war." Hammurabi says quietly. "But we may yet make a comeback. Had a Hero not returned, this would be unlikely. But! Now that the Wordsmiths exist, if humanity can move past its internal divisions, it can unite to battle for a common cause. I predict great things for our species..."
Hope, Hammurabi, and Solomon continue to talk for a while longer.
Eventually, the Wordsmith concludes the discussion and opts to leave. He gives Hammurabi a respectful, if somewhat distant bow of the head.
"I enjoyed our discussion. The Hall of Heroes will be your new home, moving forward. You can exit your artifact at will to converse with the other Heroes as you desire."
Hammurabi waves his hand. "No need for that. I've little interest in speaking to Lowborn Heroes, only Trueborn ones. Solomon-boy and I will stay here a while and catch up. You may run along, young one."
Hope frowns slightly at being dismissed so casually, as if he were a child getting in the way of 'the adults,' but he chalks his feelings up to Hammurabi's distaste of commoners and peons. The old man is clearly way up his own ass when it comes to his ego.
Hope bows his head again, then he strides out of the garden.
He begins wandering the Hall of Heroes, passing by several others he's brought out of their artifacts in the past two months. Some of them he waves at, but the others are still traumatized and wary of speaking to him.
He even passes by Wendy, who gives him a cute little wave of the hand.
When Hope passes by a room Solomon has deemed the Armory, he pauses.
The Wordsmith glances inside, where he sees Amelia talking quietly to two female Heroes, though she does keep her distance. Amelia holds in her hands a notepad and paper. She nods at the two, saying something Hope can't quite make out, while occasionally jotting down notes.
Hope stands in the doorway for a minute until Amelia notices him. She says goodbye to the other two women, then walks over to her fiance.
"Hope. There you are." Amelia says. "I was hoping I'd run into you soon."
"Are you up to no good again?" Hope asks, smiling at her.
Amelia doesn't reciprocate the smile. Her gaze remains focused.
"Hope, did you copy the knowledge of the Volgrim we captured? Specifically, the knowledge about these Heroes?"
Hope's smile fades as he notices the serious look on his fiance's face. "Of course. I downloaded the information into Solomon's Crown, and I absorbed it all myself."
"Have you been looking into the details of these Heroes?" Amelia asks.
"Huh? No. Not really. I mean, I've skimmed their information but... there's literally a thousand names. It's a lot of work. I'll meet them all eventually. Why? Is there a problem?"
Amelia frowns. She purses her lips, hesitating to say something.
"I could be wrong. It's just a hunch. Look, can you Wordsmith a book of information about what we know of these Heroes? All of them. Sort the information in the book by their names."
"Uhh..." Hope grunts, scratching his head. "Yeah, sure. Any time. But is something the matter? You seem spooked."
"It's just a hunch." Amelia repeats. "I'm probably wrong, but it can't hurt to investigate..."
"Investigate what?" Hope asks.
"Can you just make the book already?!" Amelia exclaims, frowning at him. "I'll tell you when I've proven or disproven my suspicions. Until then, there's no point in slinging accusations around."
Hope nods at Amelia slowly, but in his head, invisible question marks pop up.
Accusations? Amelia sure is acting strange. Has she noticed something I overlooked?
Hope holds out his palm. "Book. Write. Etch. Knowledge. Organize. Inspect."
A giant, unwieldy, and surprisingly thick tome jam-packed full of information lands atop Hope's upright palm. Weighing in at nearly five pounds, it turns out to be the size of multiple Bibles stuffed together, making him raise an eyebrow.
"I didn't even know I had that much knowledge saved..." Hope murmurs, before Amelia snatches the book out of his grasp. He falls silent and watches as she plops it down on a bench nearby and starts to flip to seemingly random sections.
"Adrian Peters... died at age 43, life accomplishments... metaphysical abilities..."
Amelia flips around the book while glancing at her notes. Hope catches glimpses of her scribbles, but it isn't organized at all and the best he can make out is a series of names, dates, and numerical ratings of various Heroic powers.
"Were you able to-" Hope starts to say, before Amelia interrupts him.
"This will do." She says abruptly, pausing to look up at Hope. "I'm going to be a bit busy for a while, Hope. Keep up your talks with the Heroes."
"I just finished talking to a Hero named Hammurabi." Hope says. "Want to hear about him?"
Amelia doesn't immediately answer. She returns her attention to the giant book, then flips through its ten thousand pages in clumps of one to two hundred at a time until she reaches the 'H' section for names. She points at Hammurabi's name, then shakes her head.
"No need. I'll be referencing this book for now. Hope, can you enhance my reading speed? I really need to focus for a few days."
"I- uh, sure." Hope says, feeling more and more weirded out by Amelia's strange behavior. "You're certain you can't just tell me what this is about?"
"You'll know soon enough!" Amelia snaps, visibly annoyed by Hope's persistence. "Try showing a little patience for once."
"Okay!" Hope exclaims, taking a step back. "Sorry."
Amelia's anger quickly fades. She looks away in contrition.
"No, I'm sorry. That was rude of me. Just be patient, alright? It won't take long."
Hope nods. He steps toward her, and the two of them share a loving hug. As they embrace, Hope catches a look at the other two female Heroes, both of whom whisper to themselves about this apparent lover's spat.
Damned nosey ghosts, Hope thinks.
Hope utters a half-dozen Words of Power to enhance Amelia's reading speed, then he makes his exit.
He travels to the dining hall and plops down, while spirits in the shape of maids and butlers materialize to attend to his needs. They begin setting up the table for him to eat, then leave to cook food.
At the same time, Hope ponders the events of the day.
I don't know what Amelia has noticed, but it must be something important. I'd better try my own hand at solving the 'mystery.'
He summons a copy of the same book he made for Amelia, then leans back in his chair to read...
submitted by Klokinator to TheCryopodToHell [link] [comments]

2023.04.17 18:36 artpumpin New time clock setting - attestation agreement?

I'd rather ask here instead of Workplace but whats up with the new attestation agreement on the time clock and how serious can Petco take it if you "agree".
My store is STILL a flaming clusterfuck of a Dumpster fire and I often don't take a 'official" Lunch and often multitask on my 10s.
I have always been a fast food, eat on the run type person and Covid screwed up all the fast food places and my previous routines for lunch. (used to enjoy hitting a nearby Wendys - timed it just right to grab a $5 biggie bag - sit down and eat and be back in the 30 minutes but they closed indoor dining - that location is STILL drive through only I think) I got in the habit of not taking a proper 30 minute lunch because we ware always SHORT handed or the store was so screwed up it was ALWAYS work to do.
Even when I take a 10, I'll grab carts outside if the weather is nice or hit the breakroom computer and audit my fish and/or feeder order - still doing "petco stuff" on a couple minutes of my 10
I think the question at Punch out needs to be a multipart:
If I say AGREE can Petco go back and alter my time by 30 minutes because I said YES I took I lunch?
Will I get flagged if I answer disagree everyday because I choose to work and not take a lunch?
Honestly, I prefer to get paid for that half hour instead of scrolling my phone sitting in the breakroom doing nothing for 30 minutes. It's ALWAYS shit to do at my store.
Just wondering if we say AGREE to the attestation if we don't take lunch or miss a 10 - what are the possible outcomes?
submitted by artpumpin to petco [link] [comments]