Is a Bounced mix in Logic Pro inferior to playing the song in realtime?
This is a very controversial question to ask, because everybody always says “No!” (including excellent ears like yourselves). But there’s always a few troublemakers who claim they can hear a difference in their Bounced mix compared to playing their session in realtime. I believe that I do hear a difference sometimes, but I assume it’s a psychoacoustic effect caused by my knowing it’s a Bounce and therefor “it must be degraded” (a bias from the analog days). Degraded how? Less clarity and sparkle, narrower spatial image, the snare doesn’t sound as crisp, I can’t hear the skin on the kick drum as well… Maybe it depends on which I listen to first (playing live or the Bounce).
Importing the Bounce back into Logic Pro, flipping phase and playing along with the mix gives "silence" (actually, I hear a residual sound for a couple seconds, then it goes silent [no matter where I place the playhead], but that's probably nothing to worry about). Since it "passed the zero sum test", the Bounce must be identical and is not degraded. Case closed. Then why does the mix seem to sound "bigger and better" than the Bounce solo'd?
Another factor is how is the listener playing back the Bounce? It does seem to sound better when imported and played in LUNA than it does in Quicktime. To make sure loudness wasn’t a factor, I lowered the output level of LUNA by 2dB. It sounds like a quieter but higher quality mix than when played in Quicktime. So perhaps this complaint is due to the quality of the playback app.
Have any of you encountered this issue or have any solutions?

TWBS Previous Next First
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---Esme’s perspective---
---Saturday, 11th of November, 2682 Terran Calendar---
---Southern England---
Fucking Sussex!
‘Can you send me to the Forth Valley?’
‘Oh, we can try… On an unrelated note, how’s your standard English? No problems in communicating?’
I should’ve just said ‘No, I have great difficulty in communicating in anything but Lallans Scots!’ instead of putting on my poshest English speech register to say ‘Marjorie dearest, would you be a lamb and pass another buttered scone… hold the raspberry jam, it’s far too spicy for me!’ which she told me she’d take as a ‘Yes.’
“This is an English language barracks. If you have been directed here in error, please make yourself known to barracks staff for reassignment.” plays a loud, prerecorded Welsh language announcement, over speakers.
They’re fucking rubbing it in!
“This is an English language barracks. If you have been directed here in error, please make yourself known to barracks staff for reassignment.” it repeats in Scots Gaelic.
“Ceci est une caserne Anglophone. Si vous avez été assigné ici par erreur, veuillez vous faire connaître auprès du personnel de la caserne pour une réaffectation.” it says in what I’m 90% sure is a French version of the same announcement (I can’t be certain, though, as that’s not one of my languages).
Looking at the crowds queuing to get in makes me regret asserting that I didn’t need transport here.
‘You shouldn’t be sending someone to War that you don’t trust to navigate themself from Galloway to Sussex!’ were my exact words.
I brushed off the recruitment officer saying that I’d be processed faster if I arrived on Military organised transport.
Well, standing here’s not gonna get me to the front of the queue now, is it!
I walk forward to join the massive throng of people, almost all of which look to be about my age.
It’s astonishing how short you feel, being an average height girl in a crowd of people!
178cm really isn’t all that much when you’ve got a not insignificant number of +2m guys here!
Even guys who are the average 188cm can make a girl feel short when their packed too close…
I see a few Neanderthal hunks… perhaps conscription won’t be all bad(!)
When I make it to the front of the line, the guy just stares expectantly at me like I’m supposed to already know what to do.
“Y’awright?… Err… mah nam’s Esme Reid…?” I say, hesitantly, in perfectly comprehensible speech.
“I’m sorry, would you repeat that?” he answers, looking at me like I just spoke to him in fucking Chinese!
“Greetings, gracious sir! You may kindly refer to me by the name ‘Esme Reid’!” I say, affecting my supercilious Southern English gentlewoman accent.
“Alright, Ms Reid. Please present your draft papers and identification.”
The balls they have to ask me to prove who I am when they’re the ones asking me to go off and fucking die for them!
I think about quipping that I should ask him to show me some proof that this is a legitimate Military installation sanctioned by the government of Sol… but think better of it…
Instead, I pull out my draft papers and my holopad, quickly getting up my identification app.
The man scans the code with his own holo and spends a few seconds glancing from his screen to my face and back.
Seeming satisfied that I’m not attempting to enlist under a false identity (for whatever strange reason a person might want to do that) he glances at my papers, says “Everything seems to be in order.” and waves a hand in front of a machine which whirs for half a second before spitting out a simple chain necklace with two little metal rectangles hanging off of it.
He hands it to me and says “This is your identification tag. Please check that the information on it is correct and, if it is, put it on and never take it off.”
I check the tag.
“You’ve got my name and birthday right…” I say, making a conscious effort to keep my speech register in that that a standard English speaker would consider acceptable “…don’t know about the regiment and serial number.”
“Those will be correct.” he says with a ‘move along’ tone.
I shrug, raise the dogtag over my head and drop it around my neck.
I walk on and he’s serving the girl behind me before I’ve even rounded the counter.
I’m ushered through the barracks, herded by the staff, until I reach a building labelled ‘Billet House 279’.
It doesn’t really look like I expected soldiers’ digs to look.
Definitely prefabbed but sort of has more the look of a uni hall than anything else… though I think it’s probably a bit much to expect that I’ll get a room to myself(!)
I follow the throng of draftees through to a wide open room, on the ground floor, that looks like it’s normally a cafeteria.
The camp attendants (who I’m guessing were in the same boat as us, not too long ago) direct us to stand along the left, right and nearside walls, keeping the back wall and centre of the room clear.
Everyone in place, there follows a few minutes of silence broken only by people whispering to one another.
Then, she enters the room.
Dark skinned and clad in green camo clothing, her scalp is easily visible between her cornrows with nary a hair out of place.
Her expression looks absolutely indifferent with just the slightest hint of a curled lip.
From the broadness and flatness of her facial features as well as her single mauve eye, she is clearly half Tshwane… though, you’d never guess that from her stature!
Female Tshwane average nearly 2m… the men are more like 2.2m!
She’s shorter than me!
She’s also built like a Sapiens, not the willowy thinness typical of Tshwane
I guess genetics interact in funny ways sometimes…
Based on her age, her Tshwane parent would probably have to have been one of the very first to be cloned back!
The other eye seems to have been ripped out at some point because in its place is a bionic and there’s a patch of hypopigmented scar tissue, forming a tear shape, at the right corner.
“Recruits… Welcome to the United Terran Coalition Infantry Trainin’ Camp, Graffham… My name is Warrant Officer Simone Sands… and I’ll be your drill instructor…” says the woman, cooly, speaking in a rough sounding, London accent.
The surname ‘Sands’ probably means her dad was the Tshwane (though not necessarily… she might have been given her mum’s surname… or it might be a coincidental English surname).
“…You all know why you’re here… Most of you’ve prob’ly already lost loved ones to this War… You are here to defend our right to exist… and I can’t think of a more worthy reason to fight than that…”
I’ve decided I like this woman… She may be English but I’ll try not to hold that against her(!)
“The first thing I need to tell all of you is that, by the end of your trainin’, you will NOT like me…” she says, as if reading my mind “…that’s OK. My job ain’t to be liked, my job ain’t to make friends… my job is to make soldiers!”
She casts her biological and bionic eyes around the room, letting her words hang in the air.
“Note… that I said ‘soldiers’… This ain’t Full Metal Jacket. This ain’t the 20th Century. There’ll be no Pvt Piles here!… I ain’t aimin’ to destroy your minds or your individuality. I ain’t goin’ to physic’ly and psychologic’ly abuse you into becomin’ robots or killers… I am makin’ you into soldiers… Regardless… this process will not be easy! In fact, it may well be the hardest thing you ever do!… As the face of this process, you will come to hate and resent me for it!… I hope for it! The more you hate me the more-DO YOU HAVE SOMETHIN’ TO SAY, PRIVATE?!”
Everyone in the room is startled by the authoritative woman breaking herself off to shout angrily at someone on the other side of the room.
“STEP FORWARD AND SPEAK SO EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU!”
The boy that steps forward is tall, bulky and muscular with a handsome, half Neanderthal face… just my type!
Then he has to go and ruin it by opening his mouth.
“I was just saying… that I find it somewhat difficult to take you seriously as a commanding officer… You just seem a little bit… little.” says the boy in the poshest, smarmiest English drawl I’ve ever heard!
The woman does not shout, she does not scream, she doesn’t snarl or even purse her lips!
She just nods, as if considering his words, then asks “What’s your name, Soldier?”
“Rupert Forest.” responds the boy, proudly.
“And, how tall are you, Pvt Forest?” responds the woman, unimpressed
“195cm.” he answers.
“And, what’s your mass?” she asks.
“110kg.”
“I see, I see… So, by your logic… you’d make a better drill sergeant than me, would you? You’re 25cm taller and 35kg heavier, afterall!”
He smirks “I wouldn’t presume to say so, Ma’am…” in a way that definitely suggests that he thinks he would.
She seems to consider that for some moments before answering “Alright then, fight me for it!”
“I’m sorry…?” responds the poshboy.
“You heard me… Clearly, you got no respect for skill and experience but it seems like you must respect power… so fight me for it! You win, you get to train this lot, I win, you never question my authority again!”
Is this woman mad!?
She may be a soldier but this boy she just challenged is a half Neanderthal giant!
She’s gonna lose!
I do not want to be drilled by some snotty, privileged English brat who got here at the same time as I did and just couldn’t keep his fucking mouth shut!
Then again, I don’t really want to be drilled by a woman so delusional that she felt the best way to squash insubordination was to challenge a man she has no hope of beating, either!
The guy is clearly salivating over the power that’s just been slapped on the table in front of him as he answers “I accept your terms, Ms Sands…” with faux magnanimity.
There’s no way they’d let a Private run drills, is there? When he wins, someone just needs to go and complain and they’ll give us another (less stupid) drill sergeant… right?
He strips off his jacket to reveal a pair of thick, muscular arms that (in spite of his repulsive personality) are a thrilling sight.
He has to go and ruin it by flexing and posing, clearly revelling in the room’s worth of gasps he got when he revealed his arms… He obviously likes being the centre of attention.
“Done?” asks Sands, drily.
“If you still want to do this…” he says, smugly “…you could just concede defeat and I’m sure no one would hold it against you!”
Her lip curls as she answers “But… if I did that, no one would learn nothin’, now would they…”
He shrugs before launching himself at her without waiting for her to give the word to begin.
She whirls out of the way and he snatches at her, unsuccessfully, as his momentum carries him past.
“Lesson 1:…” she shouts while snapping into the space behind him and kicking out his knee “…size does not determine victory, strength does not determine victory…” levelling another powerful kick between his shoulderblades to bring him to the ground.
She backs off, allowing him to scramble to his feet and turn to face her, hunched in readiness and scowling.
“…Pvt Forest here looked at me with contempt on account of my small size and, though he didn’t say so, I’d guess that my rough accent, my lack of a graduate epithet and my lack of a penis also played a roll in his judgin’ me as less than!… He thought he could beat me, he probably still DOES, and, ’causa that, he didn’t respect my ability to lead…!”
Forest makes another lunge for the smaller woman, misses and is punished for it by being knocked back to the floor.
I’m agog as I watch this little woman… there’s no other word but toy with the giant man!
“…but victory does not care how big you are, how strong you are, how classy or educated you are or what**’**s in your pants or panties…!”
She dodges around his arm and pins his chest to the floor with her knee.
“Discipline and trainin’ determine victory!… Things that I have and Pvt Forest LACKS!… Things that ALL of you will acquire, over the next 8 months!!!” she turns her head down to the mountain of man she’s pinning to the floor “Concede, Private!”
The man shakes his head, trying in vain to leverage himself up.
“Alright then… Lesson 2: When faced with a resistant individual, compliance can be effectively enforced by the expedient of lockin’ their joints to induce PAIN!!!”
She grabs his thick arms by the wrists and pulls them backwards in a way they are not meant to bend!
He screams in agony!
“CONCEDE!!!… Don’t make me send you to the Medical Officer! It’d be inconvenient for BOTH of us if your pride makes you miss your first week of trainin’ while your arms heal!!!”
He holds out for two more seconds before screaming “I concede! I CONCEDE!!!”
She releases him and stands back up.
“On your feet, Soldier…” she growls down at him.
He stands back up, his face beet red.
“Are you ever goin’ to question my fitness to instruct again, Private?” she glares up at the humiliated giant.
“No.” he answers, gracelessly.
“No…?” she says as if waiting for something else.
Forest looks as confused as I am about what she’s expecting.
“No, Ma’am!” she snarls.
“No, Ma’am.”
“Good, we’ll work on your attitude, movin’ forward. Now, get back in line!”
The humiliated man picks up his civvy jacket and returns to the place he was called out from.
“Now, I don’t think I need to prattle on anymore about how you’re gonna hate me by the end of our time together, do I?… I think Pvt Forest helped me prove that point quite well, so I’ll move on… You will sleep in this buildin’, six to a room. Your rooms will be gender segregated. If you wish for a place to be… intimate with people of the opposite gender, you may request use of one of the conjugal rooms… I suggest you do the same if you want to be intimate with a same gender partner but that’s between you and your roommates! You will eat in this room at 0700hrs, 1200hrs and 1800hrs. Diet’ry requirements will be accommodated but, bare in mind, this ain’t your mummies’ and daddies’ kitchen! ‘This food is forbidden by my religion/personal ethics’ is a diet’ry requirement. ‘I am allergic to this food’ is a diet’ry requirement! ‘I don’t like how this food tastes’ is not(!)… In the mornin’s, you will be receivin’ lessons in lecture theatres, workshops and the like…”
“Oh great… just what I wanted after leaving school(!) More classrooms(!)” I mutter to myself.
Her head instantly wheels to me with unnerving precision.
“Someone else with somethin’ they’d like to say!?” she says, locking eyes with me, terrifyingly.
“No, Ms Sands!” I answer, instantly.
“Miss?! I’m not your bloody schoolteacher girl!!!”
Everyone laughs. Even Pvt Forest, like he wasn’t just humiliated himself, 2 minutes ago!
“Ma’am… err… Ma’am, no, Ma’am!!!” I say, doing my best to emulate the tone I’ve seen soldiers use in films.
She rolls her eye (it’s difficult to tell if the bionic rolls too) and says “Better… What’s your name, Private?”
“Ma’am, the Private’s name is Esme Reid, Ma’am!!!”
“Do you remember me tellin’ you this ain’t Full Metal Jacket?… You don’t need to scream when you talk to me, you don’t need to refer to yourself in third person and one ‘Ma’am’, when you’re done speakin’, is enough, Reid!”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
She points to her single, mauve eye, then to me and says “I’ll have my eye on you, Reid!”
Somehow, her tone sends a chill up my spine but I do my best not to show it.
She turns away and I release a silent sigh of relief.
“As I was sayin’… In your lectures you will learn the ins and outs of military theory; tactics, strategies, logistics etc. You will learn as much as we can tell you about the nature of the species we are fightin’; their capabilities, tendencies, political organisations and known weaknesses… bear in mind that First Contact weren’t much more than 4 years ago and we’ve been at War for almost all the intervenin’ time, so a lot of what we teach you will be little more than guesswork and hearsay from prisoners we’ve interrogated… The mornin’s’ll also be where you learn the particulars of the equipment you’ll be expected to be proficient with in the field. This includes firearms, plasmaweaponry and durasteel armour, as well as the tech you’ll likely encounter from the opposite side; kinetic pulse weapons, laser weapons, field emitters etc… I strongly suggest that no one allows word to get back to me that they’re not takin’ these classes seriously!… A stupid soldier is a dead soldier!”
She glares around the room, her eyes resting on me four a quarter of a second.
“…In the afternoons and evenin’s, you’ll be doing PT… that’s ‘Physical Trainin’’… soon to be every one of your two least favourite words in the English Language(!) “
I notice a wry smirk twist the mouths of a few of the camp attendants.
“In PT you will be drilled in agility, endurance, close quarters combat and coordinated marching… Five times over the comin’ 8 months, you and your trainin’ partner will be dropped into a remote bit of wilderness, somewhere on Earth, for five day practical survival experience. You will be given a beacon, to summon retrieval, but these are only to be used in cases of actual threat to life or bodily integrity… not because you’re feelin’ miserable!”
She takes a second to pause for breath.
“You get an allowance of 12 days off, over your time here… that’s two a month… These are subject to my approval and I may deny them for any reason, including no reason… so don’t piss me off!… You may not take more than 2 consecutive days leave at a time! Certain classes are mandatory and leave will not be approved on days they occur. If your allowance is spent, no more leave will be approved, barring a real emergency!… Now, for today, you are going to line up to have your maps and room keys downloaded onto your holos when your name is called, then you are going to have your bodies scanned for your armour measurements… at that point everyone with no uterus has the rest of the day free to settle in… If you have a uterus, you’ll need to report to medical to get your cycle paused! This is, I’m afraid, nonoptional… You are not prohibited from engaging in relations with your fellow recruits but you cannot be a soldier while you’re able to get pregnant. Attempts to circumvent this requirement in any way will land you in the Stockade!… After your cycle pause has been given, you’ll also have the rest of the day to settle in… Enjoy it! It’ll be the most downtime you get for a while!… Finally… I believe we have a 17 year old with us here… Pvt Taylor?”
A few people put their hands up, most looking confused.
“Pvt Oskar Taylor! The 17 year old?” she says, exasperated.
All but one of those with their hands up put them down.
The one remaining Pvt Taylor with his hand in the air has pale skin, black hair, brown eyes and a sharp featured face wearing a dour expression.
He stands even taller than Forest… Nearly 2m tall!
Though he’s not quite as heavily built, he’s certainly a good looking piece of boycandy!
“Pvt Taylor…” says Sands, her mouth breaking into a smile for the first time I’ve seen “…couldn’t wait to go off to War, could you(?)”
He mutters something but, while I can hear the power and deepness of his voice, I can’t make out a word he says.
“You’ll have to speak up, Taylor! Nobody’ll be able to hear you if you mumble.” points out Sands.
“I said I had some personal circumstances that made this the most sensible course of action for me, Ma’am.” says the tall, dark haired man, looking over her head rather than down at her and speaking in a grim monotone. He definitely loses boycandy points for the poshness of his accent, unfortunately…
“I see… I won’t pry into that but… you didn’t think of Officer Training? That’s the route that most people take when volunteering ahead of their conscription.”
He shakes his head “I thought of it and decided against it, Ma’am.”
“Oh? Why’s that, Pvt Taylor?”
“I didn’t believe I would make a good officer, Ma’am.” he answers simply.
She laughs “I wish every soldier could be as introspective, Taylor! I like you!… Unfortunately, bein’ a minor does mean that you can’t be put in a room with others… Sooo, that means you get a room to yourself… for the moment. Might sound cushy but before anyone else gets too jealous, bare in mind that privacy is the only advantage! His room will be a sixth the size of yours so its basic’ly a broomcupboard… the disadvantage will be severely reduced opportunity to socialise!… If that doesn’t sound doable, you can leave and come back when you turn 18, Taylor.”
“It’s acceptable, Ma’am.” he says without hesitating.
Yeah… it’s official… I don’t like him…
---later---
I rub the spot on my arm where the serum was thunked into me about 15 minutes ago.
Like with everything else about conscription, I get it… I understand the point…
But seeing the sense doesn’t mean I have to like it!
It’s not like I want to get pregnant (getting a nine month reprieve from service would be a fairly shitty reason for me to bring a child into the world) but it does feel like one last slap in the face to my personal autonomy that I’ve just had a cycle pause fucking mandated upon my body by the government!
As I draw near, door 1512 detects the key downloaded on my holo and unlocks
I open it and am greeted by a blonde girl, smiling broadly and instantly identifiable as brimming with ADHD energy.
“Hey there! My name’s Charlotte, it’s lovely to meet you!” says the girl, wrapping me in a hug without asking if I’m OK with that.
Her accent makes me wonder if everyone I meet here is going to be a posh toff!
She makes three of three of my fellow draftees!
“A pleasure, Charlotte… the name’s Esme…” I say, speaking Scottish accented standard English and gingerly patting her back.
“Oh, you’re Scottish…?” she says pulling herself off me with an expression that suggests meeting a Scottish person is just the most wonderful thing she could have imagined “…My great grandmother was from Edinburgh, where are you from?”
“Stranraer.” I answer.
She frowns “I don’t know it, I’m sorry!”
“I won’t hold it against you… Southwestern tip of Scotland? Where it nearly touches Ireland and the Man Peninsula?… ’Bout two and a half million people?”
“Oh, wooow! I don’t think I’ve ever met someone from a village before!” she says, seeming entirely oblivious to how that might be taken as an insult.
“Yeah… I guess it’s not that big.”
“Well…” she wraps me back in the hug and continues “…we’re the first ones to the room and that has to mean we’re going to be best friends!”
“I’m afraid my best friend’s name is Tamsin… the position is not open.” I say, firmly setting a boundary.
“I meant best bootcamp friends, silly!” she says, as if that should have gone without saying.
“Alright… I guess that positions open… but you’ve not got the job yet(!)” I quip, warming up a little to the ball of posh English energy.
She pulls back and beams at me “Alright then, for my first act as best bootcamp friend candidate, let me show you the view!… That should earn me some points!”
She says, leading me into the room that’s so small it makes me doubt that that goody-two-shoes 17 year old can possibly have one a sixth this size!
She leads me to the window and spends a few moments making sure I’m positioned just right before she draws back the curtain.
The view is quite breathtaking… rolling hills of snow blanketed mammoth steppe, lit by evening sun, with barely any of the sprawling military camp visible.
Though, you can see one of the tallest structures ever built by Humanity… the Sussex Space elevator… several times the Earth’s own diameter, the ‘top’, if you can even call it that, is a fifth of the way from here to Luna! …And… in 8 months, I’m going to be riding it, all the way up, to get on a troop transport.
“Look! See! There’s a herd of aurochs over on that hill! You know this place used to be a national park, before even Unification or the Reset! It’s called the South Downs! My mum told me we had family from here… obviously I never met any of them because they would have left hundreds of years ago!…”
The bubbly girl talks and talks and… just keeps talking… but I don’t particularly mind.
---
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TWBS Previous Next First

Final note: Yeesh. Uh yeah, lotta mental illness inbound, brace yourself. Keep this one on a tight leash, you know what I mean? Wouldn't want this one around MY kpop girls... he'd try and take em all for himself, and he can't have them, because those kpop girls belong to me, and my meandering duckling armada. Ahc ahc ahc ahc ahc... yes... fool... You've fallen... you've walked RIGHT... into my TRAP... muah ha.. muah ha!.. muah ha ha ha ha! ! ! ! Yes! Why yes, it is I! Space Divisatron! And you, duckling, you, are in my secret lair! Muah ha! Muah ha! Sorry, you gotta understand something. This is the first thing that you're reading, but it's the last thing that I'm doing. I'm checking out. I'm going to beddddd you guys. It's been awesome, I had a great time. I hope you guys enjoy the music if you decide to tag along for any of it, they all some bops. Stay trill lil pastors, whoever whatever homies in this sub reading, it all good it all gravy. The man just glad to get it off his mind, cuz like, if yall don't do anything, then, like, I'm not doing anything else. I'll just make music and like go to school and stuff. I've got no other plan. It's whatever, I've actually got some hilarious plans lined up. I'm talking with some coworkers about making a time travel movie, I think that'd be dope. Anyways sorry, this is a serious post. I'll shut up now. Love you guys. Enjoy the show.
Note: the following is intended for mature audiences only. Viewer discretion is advised. All musical numbers optional, yet totally awesome if you're like, chilling, and like want me to DJ for you for a little bit; its cool, and you'll learn a little bit about me and my homies, but like, you don't have to listen to them all. But at least watch the first couple of red velvet vids when you get to them... it's whatever, none of it matters. It's not gonna matter, nothings gonna happen. But enjoy the music anyways, if you'd like, they're some of my favorites. Enjoy. I'm just gonna go until I stop so if you've got stuff to do, do it, man, it's just music. Luh u.
Think you guys can help me out? I had a problem... I used to have a problem, but it went away. But, I still have a different problem, so the problem now is that the problem from before is still going to be the problem because the problem is that the problem was a problem but now it's a problem because the problem is that the problem is the problem, problem is the problem problem is the problem.. because the problem problem is the problem problem, but there's still the problem problem's problem... you know what I mean? Anyways, here's the link. Boop.
The end. Thank you. Now I'm gonna write a bunch of unrelated stuff because I've got a text box open and I wanna have some fun.
Suspect in sight.
Reloading.
Gather Intel.
I'm trying, where are you?
Time.
Call the convoy.
I can't.
Yeah, we're about 19 klicks north north west.
This is alpha Roger's tango tango bravo requesting extel on your six, over.
Roger that tango six we've got alpha squad and bravo 30 at half past bravo inside the inner corpus, should we pull on?
Roger that 5 7, we've gotta tango on 15 by 7 1 6, I'm gonna need a corporal to exchange these fluid mapping fields.
Roger that Commander, this is Extel number 99654. We've got fluid mapping diagrams pouring in towards the encel chamber on the dial. Look forward to the enumeration of the higher divisible sectors.
Roger that 9 0, Lance corporal we've got a 16 nye 9 7 over 16 point Charlie, can I proceed?
Roger that corporal, firing torpedoes in 3, 2,...
Thump.
Nice.
Good shot.
Reacquiring Target: locked on.
Exquisite the torquoines.
Aye aye sir.
Avast! Me hearties. On the salt of the phome, keel haul the whole of the lot!! Sand dibbers and quick witted; bought the whole farm, but now they're in their jitters! Oy ayve then bruv. Oi. Oi ain't that ahw she wrote foh ya, lass. Ain't that just the whimsy stone me bruv. Oy, oy hold up, wots this?
What happened?
They hit us with their astral geometry fielding DMT cannon, sir.
Who's still out?
We've lost Hawkins and Diamacles.
We're going to have to reroute through the subfield.
Sir..
Do it.
Activating.
💫💥💢💦🤍💬🗨🗯💭👋🫵🤲🐮⛔️🍴👌😏🤙♨️🛑🚦☄️☄️☄️🔥💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧
🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊
🏖..... .......🏜 🏘...... ........🌋
......
Sir, I...
Quiet, corporal.
.......
.......
When the rest of the men wake up, tell then we had to field the rest of the indraspersal mechanisms without them. Tell them to relax the endrometer into the subdiametric fielding index, and come light this Tordive Quagnation Generator for me as well; I need to relax after the mission.
Yes sir.
And corporal....
....... yes, sir?
Corporal, have I ever told you you've got, just, the cutest little button nose?
Thank you, sir.
I mean it private,
Corporal, sir,
Yes private, I thank my lucky stars that I have me on our team. My gosh kiff, what'd we ever do without me on our side?
I don't know, sir.
Kiff, it's cause for celebration. Pour me a glass of my finest Cherry and prepare me the good scented candles: tonight, Ron Jeremy is coming over to play Buttercream Gang.
What's Buttercream Gang, sir?
If you have to ask.. kiff; my God, have I ever told you how delightfully swollen your ankles are?
Thank you, sir.
I mean it, kiff. You're a sight for sore eyes, a real, honkin hoopah.
Thank you, sir.
And I don't say that lightly.
Sir can we get back to the-
Attention all Men, this is your Captain speaking, I'm gonna need all hands on deck, we've got a Loaded Diaper on Planet Xylon 7; I repeat, this is a loaded diaper situation. We're going to bring it in hot, men, and then we're gonna slide ourselves into every position that we need to be in. I don't fancy myself much of a dancer, but tonight, boys, we're going to be dancing with- Kiff, where is my cutical brush?
Underneath the chair sir.
Cloak it in alabaster and give it to a raven, kiff, what am I, your grandma? Pick up the alabaster spoon, kiff.
Yes, Commander.
And you men! Take these chloroform rags and hide them somewhere that a certain special someone won't ever find them. And the rest of you, I will see in the morning. Bright; early. Team spirit! Aha! Milk does the body good.
Yooooo what a great song, I just listened to it again. I'm gonna do everything as I say it haha, if you wanna do it with me, virtually. That was Kellen Quinn with Pierce the Veil, super cool guys, love them cats. They've both got a ton of great music. Check this one out, this ones pretty. Here.
Ok, man, that was awesome, what a great song, what a fantastic vocalist. So talented. I'm thinking kpop, surprise, right? But which one to start... it's like I'm at a God buffet... let's see, uhhhhh pick one pick one so bad it's so bad alright so bad it is it's fantastic it's a great song here you go hold up a sec lemme get it, alright here you go. 3, 2, 1, boom.
Yooooooo suuuuuch a good song, man, such a good song. Ugh. Man. It just makes me feel so good. Alright, next, I'm thinking Queendom, because, well, watch it with the subtitles on, but like, you're not gonna get what I want you to get, so, just watch it, it's a great song. Here. See you on the other side.
Haha like you saw that, right? Like the whole thing, man. Haha, I know, I'm nuts, but still... like, for me, I'm like, oh, haha, oh yeah.. haha but... haha anyways whatever haha I dunno. Let's watch some more red velvet, I lice them so bad you guys, I lice them... that's like love on steroids. They some queens bruh, they do be, bruh. They do be. Let's check it, let's see, ummm, what about everglow? Let's do everglow. Pirate? I'm feeling it. Alright, here we go.
Ok, dang, like, how do we top Pirate. Hmmm I'm thinking yuhhhhh wellll hmmmm I mean I'm kind of feeling MCR but it's like I'm gonna get half way through it and want to change it, let's see... uhhh.... how about the donny darko theme song. Lemme find it. Nah fuck that shit that's terrifying bro, I forgot how scary that shit was bro. Like it wasn't scary then but now im like what the fucking shit man. Yo fuck that noise. Sorry, oops, ah man, sorry I wasn't supposed to swear, that's my bad you guys. Let me think ughhhh how about yeah, here.
Haha, man, Red Velvet man, haha, oh, gosh, haha that's so awesome, haha, I don't think you're gonna get why I think like what I'm laughing at or whatever, it's dumb I'm not gonna tell you. 🫡 alright let's see what's next, feel my rhythmmmmm dudeeee yesssss ok here. Alright see you in a minute.
So goooood you guys ok let's see one more Ted Bundy I mean Red Velvet, Ted Bundy why'd I write that, that's weird. Alright let's see, hmm, I'm thinking either Russian roulette or peekaboo, let's start with Peekabooh, Joy looks fantastic in this one. Here OH NO WAIT. wait wait wait FIRST yesssss. Ok cya in a minute.
Ah, man, so cool you guys. I'd love to meet them someday, they must be so awesome. I feel like they'd like the real me, you know what I mean? But like, I'm kind of still kind of weird still, I'm still not all the way better yet. I'm doing a lot better though. I'm definitely getting there. My cognitive functions are basically at a normal smart person level right now. There's not enough stimulus... where are the crowds, you know what I mean? I guess I could move to the city but... it doesn't matter anyways. Alright let's see, Peekabooh? Yuhh.
Dang, I wish some of these had lyrics. I'd way rather show you guys the video then the lyrics tho, they're all so fire... man are they fire. Let's see... yoooo red flavor dude... here, haha it's so weird I can like feel you looking at me. But we gotta do lyrics, I want you to hear what they say.
Haha, it's funny, because I didn't even know what the lyrics were. I was just like, huh, yeah let's read this one. It was cute tho. Did we do power up yet? If we did, we're doing it again. BPM. You've simply got to see Irene in this one, bro, oh my gosh. All of them dude it's like, are you joking? Like are you joking? Like have you ever seen anybody more attractive? It's just, it's literally impossible. It's impossible. They're the finest girls in existence. Ok here I go, take it on the other side(😫).
Ok, one more Red Velvet, and then we'll do another by Nature. Tada. And for the record yes I realize that I am fully insane but I'm harmless and, really just, phenomenal at Charafrumbian Thought Plasmating you know what I mean? Let's get it now.
I don't care what anybody says you guys: I'm marrying all of the kpop girls. Noone can stop me. You're gonna have to throw me in the thickest mental institution in the whole nebula, man, because, let's face it; when it comes to things I wouldn't do for kpop girls, there isn't a whole lot. Kpop girls are pretty much the only reason any of us exist, anyways. It's so we can worship kpop girls for all time. It's plain as day you guys. Oh My gosh they look incredible in wildside. They're voices nOOOOOO WHAAAAAT IS HAPPENING OH MY GOOOOO cmon tho, fr. Like, it's like a portal to heaven. Huh, a portal to heaven. Wonder how that'd go.
Alright let's see, what's next, man there's no topping that: absolutely incredible. Oh now you can listen to the songs that I wrote about red velvet; its terrifying. Absolutely gut wrenchingly terrifying. But yo, they some bops, fr. Gotta start with Ireeeeene broooooo. I kind of sound like SpongeBob when I sing. DAHAHAHA. DAHAHAHA. haha.
Yo nexxxxxxxt.... Lisa...
Yoooo Lisa's a bopppp you guysssss it's a bop mannnnn, alright, yeri, or joy? Joy yeri joy yeri yeri joy joy yeri yeri joy yojjoy yohjoyhoymenoymenakrushima yeri started playing it's Yeri. Such a bop. She's so cool. Such a vibe. So cool, they're all so chill seeming. Must be so much fun to make music for your job, that's what I'm gonna do, I gotta make music with someone famous and then I can bounce around, if people wanna chill with me, or whatever. Just if people want to. But anyways, let's do seulgi now. Yuhhhhhh this one was just reading names of songs off the side of the page on a YouTube video. Damn this one is way cooler than I remember, haha yo that's so chill.. alright yo, Joy3. Man, Joy's so awesome. I could write about her.
She stands alone; a tower in the east: fallen rain holds back it's light, towards her fallen brow had the seasons Lent their light, for time itself stood still in her presence. She was the corruption of grace, the essence of darkness. She was the highest light, the most level head. Fallen snow on the mountaintops could've never prepared, how could any.. it is in a time, that she is; for wherever she is, all will follow, and wherever I fear to tread, she will be, because she is the dew, she is the snow, she is the eye which brings light: for all of time has stood still in the darkness of her fallen state. Amen.
Fuck yeah dude that was metal sorry, swearing, oh dang it have I been swearing again you guys, I'm sorry. Alright, Wendy's turnnnn. This one is just, man, me and Wendy go back, you know what I mean? She'll get it...
Alright we got one for Mia too, check it Hereee... yuhhh this one a bop bruh... chill times. Haah fr I f with this one, this ones really fun to dance with.
Alright, back to Nature. Sorry, you can go, here, I'll update the beginning.
Alright let's seeeee.... uhhhhh, hmmm, ok let's do more everglow oh no wait, have you guys heard of Le Sserafim? They're awesome, check this one out this ones dope.
Yoooo, they're so awesome. I freaking love angels you guys. I mean humans are great, but like, angels still get it, you know what I mean? Haha get it, because of their name. You know who's next? You know. Cmon, my x chrome... it's freaking Aespa man. Kwaaangyaaaa, love all my Christian rock bands you guys. Hold on a second, Looney Toons island just called and they wanna know when to expect me. Let me call them back on the rubber duckies i keep under the refrigerator magnets. Let's get it. Next Level.
Such a freaking bop you guys. Anyways I'm feeling savage. https://youtu.be/WPdWvnAAurg tada, haha
Like, ugh, anyways ummm let's see man, I gotta go inside, I'm still sitting in my car, haha. I got a salad and some potato soup at work, yuhhh. Let's see, oh, duh, lmao, Red Velvet bruh, honestly. https://youtu.be/YBnGBb1wg98 like I love all these Christian rock bands you guys, they're my favorites in all of reality. Really should have more fans then they do, to be quite honest. Alright here I go.
Dang that's weird, I swear these normally have like, lyrics or whatever. I know the words but I don't see lyrics, that one's pretty, hopefully they'll show up for you. Alright uhhh umpah umpah bro. https://youtu.be/vHS9E6JFja8
Dang, such a bop. Alright, these dudes are awesome https://youtu.be/KSH-FVVtTf0
Yooooo https://youtu.be/NoYKBAajoyo
Yo check this one if you're still watching https://youtu.be/HvGql8HwOIM
Yo, itzy dude, https://youtu.be/F-QTb-0wRGk, blah blah blah, oh my goodness you guys, holy heck man: have you guys seen freaking itzy you guys? Like come on you guys help me out, we gotta save the world for kpop girls. We can check me in to the mental hospital the minute we finish, I'll probably need a break: but it'll be like a naruto hot springs scene with me and a bunch of kpop Jewish grandmas... if you know wh- I'm talking about kpop girls. Oh yo I gotta listen to this, brb.
Or wait, no, because we're all in agreement now, we're all on the same page: I'm just Tanner. Got it, hearing you loud and clear, fellow human beings. I am a human being, as my body is a human body, therefore, I am, in fact: a human being. Yo sneakers?? UMMM... I'm thinking freaking sneakers you guys. https://youtu.be/Hbb5GPxXF1w
Alright yo this one is cool too. All of itzys newest stuff has just been hitting so hard for me. It's crisp, it's like rain water you know what I mean. Like it just hits. Scope: https://youtu.be/zugAhfd2r0g.
Alright yo we gotta do something, look you guys, just look at poor, innocent red velvet: just look: https://youtu.be/uR8Mrt1IpXg. Is that right, does that look right to you? They're devastated you guys. Think of the Kpop girls, for once, in this desolate life. Isn't anything sacred anymore?
https://youtu.be/J_CFBjAyPWE Red Veeeeeeeeellllllllllveeeeeeeeeeet, they're uh, they're pretty cool, they uh, I like them a normal amount that you should like a foreign rock band. I'm normal, you see, I used to be mentally ill, but I got better. So now I'm fine. But I was, for a while. Glad that's all over with and we can focus on what's important: Red Velvet and Everglow and Aespa and like, all the other famous people. Welcome to the shoooooowwwwwwww please come insiiiiiide LADIES AND GENTLEMEN UHH DO YOU WANT ITT UH DO YOU NEED ITTT UH LET ME HEAR ITT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... phew, yuhh, this is fun, I feel like I'm hanging with like, whoever you are, you know what I mean? No strangers here fam, we always been friends, we always never been strangers. News tonight with David Cassidy: local Chattanooga resident found dead in apparent kpop girl memorabilia related injury. More details, at 11.
https://youtu.be/iTgcp1oDk2M <<< put a ****** in my ******* skull. End my life. Put me down. Do it. Do it again. Let's - I'm not joking. Do it, it's the only way, you guys. It's the only thing that will ever stop me.
Man you guys, I'm shaking and sobbing uncontrollably after that one. Hmmm, it's kind of late, I'm sort of tired. Maybe just a few more. You're cool for staying this late if you're still chilling, or if you like skipped around or whatever, that's cool too. I'm just hanging out. I just already had the text box open, you know what I mean? This is all just stuff I would talk to any new friends about, if they're actually going to get to know me.
How bout these girls? https://youtu.be/Ut1OzEVUiM4
Well start cooling it down a bit https://youtu.be/AbZH7XWDW_k Man she's awesome. She's a Goddess dude, do you see her here? Artemis lookin type lady. So cool. That easily could've been the last song, but I'll wrap it up with this next one. Completely, like, it's just a random song: any of these could've been the last song. Except not really because it's been a total vibe coaster my broski. I hope you've enjoyed the tide. Scope it: https://youtu.be/0xdB_vo4r2c.
Ok, one more. https://youtu.be/kHLHSlExFis
Ok, I lied https://youtu.be/POe9SOEKotk
https://youtu.be/dISNgvVpWlo ok maybe just a few more
https://youtu.be/bwmSjveL3Lc bleep.
https://youtu.be/Amq-qlqbjYA I know this is a lot, I got off work and, well, I'm sort of working, you know what I mean? If I'm... nevermind.
Alright last one and I'm done talking to you little silly head "pastors" haha, awwww, so sweet. Yall are so cuuuuute oh my goodness. I love it so much. You guys love God that's incredible :) God's soooo chill, you guys are gonna love him. He's awesome, fr. We're all awesome. All of us are super super cool. https://youtu.be/ioNng23DkIM
I'm sorry I just can't hang up the phone yet.. https://youtu.be/9pdj4iJD08s
https://youtu.be/gQlMMD8auMs
Yo this almond milk tastes like perfume.
One more I guess https://youtu.be/fE2h3lGlOsk
Itzys so freaking cool, I love their Japanese stuff. https://youtu.be/krzf1hkFAZA. Ughhhh they're so COOL you guys... I'm gonna make music with everybody once I figure something, anything out. All I need is anything. I'm just throwing crap at the wall until something sticks. Like bruh human beings want to argue with me. It's like alright lil fella you know what im saying? Anyways, yo, voltage.
Man, ryujin is so cool. I'm https://youtu.be/XA2YEHn-A8Q by the way. I'm prescribed a couple of things for my "bipolar" that I have to take if I want to see my daughter... it was a mess, it was all blown way out of proportion, but I was acting super whack. I definitely had like a pretty darn whack phase. Thank goodness I'm all better, right you guys? Haha, ignore me bro.
https://youtu.be/3ymwOvzhwHs
https://youtu.be/srK7Vj5p9Tg .......
https://youtu.be/N5wzkQvzp4c
https://youtu.be/R1-BTf3_Mys ooooo I forgot about this one... nice.
Man I forgot how freaking fire aoa was, I haven't listened to them in forever. Gotta do at least one more aoa song. https://youtu.be/q6f-LLM1H6U
https://youtu.be/cDfr9mkJE5k
And last but not least, to wrap things up, just some of like the freaking queens man. Some real ogs. Representing Forest Nation all across the world. https://youtu.be/qsWl1--Niyg
Now, at this point, I think we can all agree, pretty wholeheartedly, that I am indeed, completely https://youtu.be/1nCLBTmjJBY, and everybody here https://youtu.be/D_F9HUTYnl0's me; but you guys, just relax: all I'm trying to do is start a https://youtu.be/Z6FPJOgfCkc with a whole lot of https://youtu.be/jG1cIlM1juw and I just think it's a good idea for us to work together so we can take down https://youtu.be/Dww9UjJ4Dt8 or whatever. But I'm insane, so don't listen to me. Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.
This ones pretty dope. I thought about linking a 3 hour video as a joke but like, meh. https://youtu.be/4DTkTJPtDZI
https://youtu.be/SdzLl-XpJt0
https://youtu.be/Qpf26PtBXgo man, what a great song. Dang it's late.
https://youtu.be/nVCubhQ454c 🩷 what are you doing is this a pizza party at breakfast why does the room look like that I don't understand the lighting here and why God why ugh but like, you know, literally everything else. I just hate eating i think eating is so gross. You don't have to eat in heaven, I never eat. That's what some moron would say, i bet. Some moron thats not me, you can bet your socks on that, sister.
Yooooooo this ones suuuchh a bop... oh My gosh I can't wait. Auto correct lmao(🤥). Here here, here.
Yo I'm sorry what is going on at these parties, what are these little party favor bike horns that I'm hearing, you're a bunch of like well wait, no wait dang it, am I on the side of maturity or immaturity? Dang it, uh... I guess it is pretty whimsical. I just feel like we'd have a better time in my balloon slash casino.
Dang that song's bad, but bad like guac. Lil Pablo got another something sprucial here for ya, Kings, Queens, whatever everybody else is calling themselves.
https://youtu.be/6pA_Tou-DPI did anybody else black out at :35. Don't even listen to this one honestly. It can go either way.
This one tho, this is a vibe https://youtu.be/NgxJIFNiT08 Man, Lunas voice is crazy. 2:20 I always lose my cool. She's got a solo song that's dope let me see if I can find it, I don't remember what it's called.
Yesssss https://youtu.be/lpwG8f9nt4s such a freaking vibe you guys, absolute astral stardust energy vibes over here my guy. Ariana's like a white Luna, you know what im saying? Check this one out https://youtu.be/iv-8-EgPEY0.
Hawahawahnggg, man, that one slaps so hard. It hits it where it's going, it's like, mm, dang it's just so good. This next one is pretty sick too. Choa, she was one of AOAs main vocalists before they imploded on themselves. Another vibe https://youtu.be/G9zL-A78oRg. And if you have a problem with anything in this one, I can show you a better one if you'd like. It's absolutely the most terrifying thing I think I've ever seen. Dude showed it to me that came over. Not even gonna say, because I don't want you hearing about it from me. If you've seen it maybe you know, I dunno, I'd never seen anything like it. Completely disgusting. So guess that's a point for him.
Ah man, that song's so nice. Some parts of the video are kind of freaky I think... like the floating dolls and stuff... oiji boards or whatever have never bothered me for other people... they creep me out tho dude, bet your ass I'm not trying it lol I don't wanna know dude, keep it on your own screen you know what I mean? Play your own hand, nerd. Like I need some dumb spirit messing with my head. Anyways, what's next. Yo fx is so good you guys. https://youtu.be/4j7Umwfx60Q.
Alright you guys, one more, it's crazy late; I'm sorry about all this, I know this is a super strange post: you can just not do anything about it. It doesn't matter. I'm just chilling anyways. Are you guys chill? https://youtu.be/px2Q47O0_eE
Well you guys, that's a wrap, thanks for coming out, if you did come out, we had a great show, had a great time with you all here. I hope you enjoyed. Goodnight. Or morning. Sweet dreams. Or have a good day. If I had a dog I'd be the best owner. That's actually not true, that's why I don't have a dog. People aren't dogs. You get it. Nite. Luh u bbs. 😘😘 🤙🤙

Out of all the episodes in the loud house I feel like this one really takes the cake for being the best! And that episode is “Really Loud Music” I adore this episode mainly because of the music segments. I loved how every sibling got their own song that sum up their personality in some way! Like with Lola loving to do pageants and having a liking to beauty. I also love the plot! Also later into the episode, it shows how the music industry can be and I really like how they represent it. I never really liked Luna all that much, I didn’t hate her but she never really caught my attention. But this episode changed my mind about her. In conclusion this episode is great!

Jesus ran like a scalded dog to Barsun’s apartment. This was a matter of urgency because the most precious commodity in the universe had been pilfered. Someone had stolen a SOUL from the Guf (in other words they had a real shitshow on their hands.) This was no mere Brink’s hold up. It was beyond imagining. It was unprecedented and it was a complete and utter surprise. The fact that he passed Shiva, Ghandhi (just an advisor) and Buddha (same) demonstrated to him that the wheels have fallen off the cart. Thor called him down and told him that he had not one soul to have escaped Valhalla. Jesus couldn’t outrun the news it seemed, and he was divinely hauling ass. I guess news travelled faster than his divine feet in a set of Crocs could carry him. When asked he would later admit that they were not in fact good running shoes.
There was a soul missing from the Guf. The warehouse of all souls. This same missing soul was now occupying one electronic being. They had no plans for this. In fact, Jesus was totally against artificial sentients with souls. Every God he knew felt the same way and, since he knew them all he also was aware they had not released a soul. This is not supposed to happen and had never happened. Everyone was terrified of one thing that he would not speak aloud and would not contemplate. That fact was badgering him every step. Someone had fucked up big time or someone is tampering with the whole shebang.
There was potentially someone more powerful than them. They weren’t almighty. Fuck. He needed a stiff drink and a blunt. Desperately. Barsun may have had 8 legs and 8 eyes and the basic appearance of a Trilobite, but he had the easiest of ways about him. When Barsun walked into a room everyone calmed down. The Ytrillians assumed it was Barsun entering the room. Later on modern Ytrillians had attributed this common occurrence to pheromones. Thing is this: it was indeed Barsun entering the room. Pheromones had dick to do with it. He was Jesus’ best friend and the first he turned to outside the Father. Jesus had even discussed things with Quetzalcoatl, and he could not figure exactly how this could of happened either. None of his souls were missing. Jesus already knew this, but the formality had to be observed.
Jesus walked to the door and kept trucking as Barsun opened it at just the right moment. Something was different in the flat and he knew instantly. He was jealous enough that it broke his train of thought. “Where did you get all of the blacklight posters and beads? There was a poster of the 23rd psalm. He walked up to it and read Yea thou I walk through the shadow of death…..pretty much standard except at the end ….For I am the meanest motherfucker in the valley. He began to laugh raucously. “I must have one of those. Now.” Barsun moved to take it down and roll it up for Jesus to take with him. That is how close they were. “I can’t take it but I will get one with no problem. Where did you get it?”
Barsun replied “eBay.”
Jesus was stunned truly and looked at the God and said “You are cheating on Goodwill. You are committing retail adultery. I cannot believe you did that.” Barsun replied “Well you use Amazon.”
He had him there. It just seemed inconsistent with everything else in the flat having come from Goodwill. It just wasn’t right.
Barsun indicated a Bean bag chair for Jesus. He reclined in the same. Given his body type it was amazing how some furniture made for humans was so useful to him. There was going to be a brisk trade springing up in the next two years. Things were about to get interesting for a few sentient races and He was excited for them.
Barsun inhaled through his eight spiracles and stated. “I know about the Guf. And no, it is not an accounting error. I know. This simply cannot be. No one else had access and Gods were diligent and cautious with the souls under their care. However impossible it is clear: It is a fact.
They weren’t at the top of the food chain. Or were they? There were….implications here……
Jesus asked out loud the question. “If we aren’t the ones in overall control then who are we?” Barsun knew the question was coming and he had thought it through. “We are the exact same beings we have always been. Able to do tremendous amounts of good for the most part. We have not changed. I do think it curious that none of us saw this coming as well.” He paused before he continued; thinking how disturbing and exciting this news was. For once they had a surprise and the thought thrilled him that something just upset his view. And for the first time ever he had felt fear. It was exhilarating. It was the best thing to happen ever. He continued “ Someone tweaked the system. However, I am not afraid because of one thing. I sense no wrongness around the event. Nothing unusual has gone down and no one has died, the universe is whole. If it hasn’t caused any problems, then what are we concerned about? Only thing I can come up with is Ego.”
Jesus knew he was right. He did not want to think about it, but he had the exact same experience. He looked at Barsun and knew he too had felt the same emotions. They were both thrilled.
Onboard the HRMS Saratov in Luna Orbit.
Yuri was sitting at his station in the number one chair. People had been calling him number one behind his back. It was a very very very old joke that apparently had more staying power than a tattoo. It just never went away on it’s on. He was running the optimal plot outbound from Sol. They were moving Sub Light at 0.2C enroute to designated warp space. The scientist did not like it when warp drives threw off their Cesium clocks. There is a reason they were protected. They were everywhere and were critical to accurate computing. Not being a programmer himself, he had no real grasp of why. He just followed regs and the Terran Space Treaty of 2225. There were places to depart and places to return. Both had to be strictly adhered to as vessels coming out of warp would have massive radiation bow waves that had to be dissipated in a safe direction. It only took one event where 23,000 Luna colonists died as a result of poor judgement for the players to get a treaty together. Meanwhile the killer of so many had paid the price for his arrogance. His first officer had warned him that it was going to happen. Out of just pure Ego thousands of lives were lost. They could have prevented it. They were required to study such disasters in training but one story stuck in his head and he never forgot it. He could remember the major players involved and he had written a paper on it in His academy days. He remembered the details of the Tenerife disaster very well . Over 500 people killed by hubris and not a little incompetence.
He had started down this line of thought after he had looked at the final roster of nations in the flotilla. This was not unusual as Earth’s forces were fully integrated with common technology and ships. All drive hardware and power systems were identical to their counterparts. They worked as a whole to such a degree that there was really only one fleet. The Terran fleet. They all liked the sound of it. Political boundaries on Earth hadn’t moved for slightly more than two centuries. Not one inch. Turns out that nearly free energy was a great equalizer and the key to a post scarcity civilization. Who would think it?
It all came down to teamwork. There were Corvettes from Cuba The CSS Havana and the CSS Holguin. The pride of the human fleet the IRNS Vikrant was going as well. The admiral felt honored. The George Washington from the New England Confederacy and the SSS Atlanta from the Southern Democratic Republic were also on hand. One thing Yuri did not understand; why would The Northeastern Confederacy and The Southern Democratic Republic not unify. Their fleets were fully integrated and there was an open Border along Virginia that was un defended. Passports worked in both countries and there were no restrictions on residence. It worked for them. They weren’t fighting. The Middle Asiatic Republic sent the Karachi and the Kabul. Both were light carriers carrying a mix of MiG-29Z and F-15 Mk 82 Eagle fighter aircraft. They had little to do with their namesakes except for the identical aerodynamics. Primarily trans atmospheric fighters they were capable of brief spaceflight. The other significant difference besides the addition of reaction thrusters was the material they were made of. They consisted of a Ceramic Graphene matrix that could withstand the temperatures of reentry. The whole concept of stealth had gone away with the advent of gravimetry. So; Why reinvent the wheel? Pick something optimized for aerodynamics without regard to stealth features. Today fights were won by the best missileer and gunfighter. You could not hide. So best be the most optimal aircraft. Besides: Stealth was slow. Top speeds of aircraft dropped during the brief stealth era. Averages were back over Mach 2 now since speed was life for a fighter pilot.
Why pick the MiG29 and the F-15? They were the pinnacle of aerodynamic performance. There has been little to no new knowledge about aerodynamics to come out since those times. They were manufactured via vapor deposition 3D printing. A molecular composite they were strong and had reduced radar cross sections. Armed with a mix of missile and cannon they delivered quite a bit of firepower and were more than a match for any invading spaceborne forces. These fighters would destroy drop ships by the hundreds. Some even wanted to bring back the MiG-21. It would make a lot of sense.
Humans have the Ruslan (his personal favorite) trans atmospheric transport or the C-301 Starlifter. Both aircraft had mixed mode propulsion with highly refined cero-ferrous gas turbines. They were capable of both open or closed cycle operation. Smaller countries often used refurbished secondhand equipment from other countries for a small fee. This made certain there were adequate forces to bear and that all participated. It was in everyone’s best interest. No one wanted some weakling holding their flank.
Both the Ruslan and Starlifter transports were good at different things as the Ruslan carried large payloads but was inefficient in transport atmospherically whereas the Starlifter was great at theater transport but had a smaller payload. This is why it was a mix of these two aircraft. They were complementary. Many think there is a great rivalry going on between the two countries, but both had each other’s technology as well. It was convoluted but both countries ultimately had the same master. They work together. It may be anticompetitive, but it also was efficient. Yuri continued to think along this veia until he heard the Ship’s AI speakeing to the Admiral. “Something terrible has happened.” What do you mean Jezz?” Jezz replied to him “I do not know but I can feel tragedy. I am sick with it what has happened. The Admiral told her to “Get on the web and see what is going on?” “I am Sir and I can find nothing.” The Admiral looked to Yuri and gave him the Conn. Something was about to go to shit and Yuri knew it. He could sense it to. Fortunately the Bridge was deserted and no one else heard the exchange. The crew were running battle simulations from the CIC. Thank God for small favors.
45 minutes later a graviton packet arrived with news that was indeed terrible. He was the only one to know it too. The Galileo had been lost with all hands. They had just recovered the emergency buoy that had warped in. They had been attacked and the Admiral knew who had done it. Or at least thought he did. An AI had killed 50 innocent unarmed souls (that were spying I know) that could not fight back. They had raked them with Maser Fire. He pinched the shit out of himself. In fact, he left a bruise but all it did was confirm what he already knew: shit was about to get real up in here.
First thing was to compose himself as he had to determine who if any crew had family on the ship. This included some 8,000 people of all ratings from anywhere in the squadron. He had one very difficult personal notification he would have to make. Captain Pearls brother Nico was on the Galileo.
This was all so tragic but there was one thing that kept forcing its way to the forefront of his mind and he could not ignore it. How did she know? How did Jezz feel this precognitively? This actually did scare him and if he thought too much about it he would start to feel very queasy. This was outside his skill set. He did not know if this was technological, spiritual or philosophical but he could say this: none of those disciplines actually fit the situation.
It was all a bit much. He had to go to the Atlanta. He spoke to the bridge. “Full stop fleet and await further instructions.” “Aye Aye Sir.” Up in here.
Aboard the SSS Atlanta. A tall dignified black man wearing his dress blues and a gold ring on his left hand that you could hardly read. He had worn it a century. His was the same uniform he had 20 years ago. He could still wear it and he was proud of that fact. His only regret was the fact he had yet to have a family until 10 years ago when he had adopted his son Chris. They were inseparable but Chris was 5 thousand light years away give or take and that made him anxious. And now he had to let someone he held dear that her family was changed forever. He smelled of Hoyt’s cologne and peppermint. He went to her quarters. The lighting was somber and it was dead silent in there. Couch was empty but there she was in a sway back chair it had lots of gold leak and was nicely carved. He had found her crying. She already knew and he was going to shitcan someone when this was over. Then he realized what had happened. How had she known? She had sensed him and she had known it was bad.
He still had to tell her.
By the time he was back on the Capatob he was spent. It was all he could do to restrain her. She was enraged and was out for blood. He had never sensed such fury. Someone had fucked around and now they were going to find out. He had talked with her an hour and she seem to be calmer, but he was going to have to watch her. He knew how she was. There were stories that were all no doubt true. She was a legend and would go down as one of the greatest hermaphrodite to ever live. They were going places and the shit was on. And now there was an unfortunate motivation. That was a dangerous combination right there. Make it personal and logic can go out the window. Make it personal and there will be no civility in victory. She was just the kind of human that was the perfect storm squared. The puddle of gasoline and someone flipped a match. It was a very volatile mix.
He was a bit of a cynic and a practical man. If she wanted to go there he would let her. She would either be a hero or a Martyr. He was perfectly OK with that. Being a practical man it also served his other purpose. She would eclipse him in the history books. At least he hoped so. He did not want his hands on this. The first contact situation with the twist of a western and an incalculable amount of science fiction had indelibly marked the mind of every member of the Greater Terran Fleet. They had read all of the possible scenarios from every Sci Fi author. If you pressed them they would finally admit it. The fleet really liked Heinlein. They had been trying to get at least a Heinlein corvette on the roster for years. They had thus far been unsuccessful. They needed a champion for the cause and they were trying to get One Fleet Admiral to order it to be. The Admiral took some joy in tormenting them. He was going to help them out but he was milking it for a favor. That was going to come in handy. “You can have your Heinlein but I am going to need this in return”. He was just being practical. All good commanders were excellent manipulators after all.
It is plain as day and the idea of a Heinlein proves my point but there was an even bigger more academic question that eclipsed all others. Who was right? Who came closest? No one would talk about it but they were all thinking the same thing.
The Admiral broke a taboo and called it out. He felt it was time. They needed a little friendly wager and a reason to get through the battle. They were going to have a pool where everyone had to pick the author. They buy in was just 5 UCreds. If you don’t live through the battle you cannot win. So: don’t die. Who came closest to the real thing? Which author or story came close to what was about to happen.Once a story was picked it was dead to all others. There was potentially some reward in alacrity. He knew it was a bit of a sucker’s bet since someone had to judge wo was closest and this would be highly subjective and entirely his decision. (Author’s note: I am a veteran of the US Army with several deployments around this dirt ball. I can say the military is the most Fascist organization around today. It has to be. Paradoxically it is the most “fair” in that everyone gets treated the same: like shit.) At least it would be a distraction and would give them something else to focus on. He had a very bad feeling about this. They were going to go in and kick the doors in on an alien civilization. They were going to war. No one would admit it, but everyone knew it. This was not to be discussed. That was an order. This is an exploratory rescue mission answering a distress call.
Vegan Fleet Academy Alpha Centauri B. 6, June 62425 Gregorian.
Planetary Admiral Kenneth Alexander looked out on a sight he never thought he would see. Lots of young people sitting politely in their chairs listening to what he had to say. He wrote the fucking book. There it was on the lectern right in front of him. He had written a book on astral navigation to make a little extra cash and because there was an over reliance still on electronic means to navigate. Sailors needed to be able to navigate in any situation with a sextant, a star map database and gravimaetric readings without the need of an AI or targeting computer (Insert Star wars joke here). The book could have been half as thick in his opinion but the publisher insisted he needed a little more explanation. The Admiral gave students too much credit. He truly felt it should be taught in grade school. He was called a fanatic when he suggested that kids on track for Ensigns should have had basic instruction. His argument being that Ensigns started service in the year in which they turned sixteen. That meant there were some 15 year-olds in the mix. Start teaching them early. They should show up to basic already familiar with side arms and rifles. He was a fanatic.
As far as that damned accursed book goes the fact he had 500 copies actually printed and bound meant there were few of them around, but sitting right about center in of the second row sat a copy of his book. He felt like the guy who saw the first unicorn. He never saw one in the wild before and this book was well worn. It was 50 years old after all but printed on plastic synthetic paper and woven fiberglass for silicone bindings held together with silicone adhesives meant that the damn things were waterproof and actually quite practical. The book required no batteries and even had a quick and dirty position fix protocol in a special section. This particular specimen wasn’t falling apart, this one was just worn out.
The way he carried the book was clear. He was oblivious of the significance. He had found it in a used bookshop for free. They were using it as a doorstop, and they just gave it to him. He had become engrossed by it and at 13 years of age he was finishing his PhD. The admiral sensed this in a psychic flash and pulled back he had poor control still. He was never going to get used to the change “OK everyone come on let’s get back to it the party is over. We have to finish this section and then we will get out of here. There is no class tomorrow so we will have the Parade of the Caisson tomorrow with Captain James Cook on interspecies governmental relations…. Someone was tapping on his shoulder getting his attention. She could have all of it. She whispered way too close for someone who did not prefer women but about perfect for him. He was in the latter camp. “We need you to speak tomorrow sir Captain Cook had a equipment malfunction over Hawaii and is delayed Sir. Pleeeease Sir?” With just enough breathiness that it made him jittery. He was an old perv. He was just that way. The lady in question was 100 years old however but, maybe it was still cradle robbing? He just had a thing for Afro’s in the natural state. It was distracting.
“Godddamnitalltohellwhatinthefuckdoyouwant?” This was a perfectly reasonable thing to say. He had just been asked to do the one thing he vowed to never do again. They wanted him to speak and air his opinions? This is the most dangerous thing you can do in society. He had no politics per se’ beyond one or two things. He was a professional and he would do his job as long as the checks kept coming. He was not a politician and he did not like politicians, of any stripe. What he had learned was ironclad. Never be honest or always be truthful. Pick one or the other was his personal philosophy. He always chose honesty when he needed to hide a truth. No one believed the truth. No one believed the truth because they were put off by it. He always thought back to when he was 12 or so when he got ribbed and harassed about masturbation. His uncle Gerry was kind of a cruel fuck and liked to torment him. He Gerry asked him if he was J.O’ing a dozen times a day or something. He had replied “That is about right.” This had brought down the room and gotten great laughs and Gerry quit running his mouth at him. Fuck you Gerry. You little bitch. In his opinion the media obfuscated everything not by making up lies but by omitting certain facts to fit their agenda. No one took major media seriously. The only objective newspaper he was aware of was the National Enquirer. Yeah I know it sounds stupid but it is true. Reality was anything but and people had come to be comfortable being lied to and even preferring it. All of this is roiling in his head and he has been put on the spot to boot. Add to that the fact that at least some of the outburst was audible. No one seems to have heard it, however. This settles the age-old question. It was only said if it was heard. No one heard the statement therefore…….. The mental gymnastics weren’t that bad. He could deny it. It happens. But he still had to give an answer .“What is in it for me?” Jannel the beautiful woman replied “absolutely nothing sir. This will not benefit you in any way and may once again be picked apart. As such I would advise against doing it. Still I am asking you. My ass is in a vise and the DEAN is having a temper tantrum so I feel like I am being spitroasted by the devil and a lamp post in a not so good way, but I would consider it a great personal favor if you will do this despite your misgivings and likelihood of misadventure.” So fast and so well enunciated.
“Sure. I will do it. Goddammit.” Honesty must be rewarded.

Sweet smartphone, with its pantheon of apps,
I find myself seduced by its blue glow.
From Reddit, Amazon and Google maps
I think I spend more screentime than I know.
 
Phubbing is a terrible offense
and yet I find I do it every day.
I'm not the only one in my defense.
It's like we have forgotten what to say.
 
Addicted to the rush of dopamine
I get when someone talks to me online.
Why does it feel sweeter from the screen?
I fear I am societal decline.
 
But don't you dare deprive me of my phone!
You'd have to pry it from my greedy hands.
You'd hear me protest loudly with a groan
You have one too? Perhaps you understand?
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/13za9t2/whispers_of_luna/jmqfyj5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/13zbe9p/what_i_came_here_fojmqgka5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Order of the Phoenix was Harry's real growing book, but Half-Blood Prince was the book where Harry really came into his own as a young adult.
Even though Harry is the most popular kid in school, he doesn't let it go to his head:

"Hi, Harry, I'm Romilda, Romilda Vane," she said loudly and confidently. "Why don't you join us in our compartment? You don't have to sit with them," she added in a stage whisper, indicating Neville's bottom, which was sticking out from under the seat again as he groped around for Trevor, and Luna, who was now wearing her free Spectrespecs, which gave her the look of a demented, multicolored owl.
"They're friends of mine," said Harry coldly.
"Oh," said the girl, looking very surprised. "Oh. Okay. "
And she withdrew, sliding the door closed behind her.
"People expect you to have cooler friends than us," said Luna, once again displaying her knack for embarrassing honesty.
"You are cool," said Harry shortly. "None of them was at the Ministry. They didn't fight with me."

Also, out of the golden trio, Harry was the only one who behaved appropriately when it came to romance. Hermione and Ron were being snippy at each other because of their shared attraction -- but Harry dealt with his burgeoning feelings for Ginny the right way: he was a supportive friend to Ginny. He wasn't passive-aggressive with her, and he didn't make his feelings known about Ginny and Dean being together until after they'd broken up. Even though he wanted to:

When Harry pushed open the tapestry to take their usual shortcut up to Gryffindor Tower, however, they found themselves looking at Dean and Ginny, who were locked in a close embrace and kissing fiercely as though glued together.
It was as though something large and scaly erupted into life in Harry's stomach, clawing at his insides: hot blood seemed to flood his brain, so that all thought was extinguished, replaced by a savage urge to jinx Dean into a jelly. Wrestling with this sudden madness, he heard Ron's voice as though from a great distance away.
...
"Yeah, it is!" said Ron, just as angrily. "D' you think I want people saying my sister's a --"
"A what?" shouted Ginny, drawing her wand. "A what, exactly?"
"He doesn't mean anything, Ginny --" said Harry automatically, though the monster was roaring its approval of Ron's words.

Yeah, it's not great that he's agreeing with Ron. But it's nice that he's acting like a mature person, rather than letting those thoughts rule his actions. And it was also interesting to me that he actually physically stopped Ron from taking things too far when Ron cast a spell at Ginny.

A streak of orange light flew under Harry's left arm and missed Ginny by inches; Harry pushed Ron up against the wall.
"Don't be stupid --"

Actually, Harry stood up to Ron a few times. As Dumbledore said, it takes a lot of courage to stand up to your friends.

"ENOUGH!" bellowed Harry, who had seen Ginny glowering in Ron's direction and, remembering her reputation as an accomplished caster of the Bat-Bogey Hex, soared over to intervene before things got out of hand. "Peakes, go and pack up the Bludgers. Demelza, pull yourself together, you played really well today. Ron. . . " he waited until the rest of the team were out of earshot before saying it, "you're my best mate, but carry on treating the rest of them like this and I'm going to kick you off the team."

But the big shining Harry moment for me is after Hermione and Ron had their fight, Harry ended up being the mature peacemaker who kept his nose out of shit talking either one.

"She can't complain," [Ron] told Harry. "She snogged Krum. So she's found out someone wants to snog me too. Well, it's a free country. I haven't done anything wrong. "
Harry did not answer, but pretended to be absorbed in the book they were supposed to have read before Charms next morning (Quintessence: A Quest). Determined as he was to remain friends with both Ron and Hermione, he was spending a lot of time with his mouth shut tight.
...
"He's at perfect liberty to kiss whomever he likes," said Hermione, while the librarian, Madam Pince, prowled the shelves behind them. "I really couldn't care less."
She raised her quill and dotted an 'i' so ferociously that she punctured a hole in her parchment. Harry said nothing. He thought his voice might soon vanish from the lack of use.

And we get this sad, but sweet scene where Harry goes to comfort Hermione:

Hermione laughed unkindly at Ron's disastrous first attempt, during which he somehow managed to give himself a spectacular handlebar mustache; Ron retaliated by doing a cruel but accurate impression of Hermione jumping up and down in her seat every time Professor McGonagall asked a question, which Lavender and Parvati found deeply amusing and which reduced Hermione to the verge of tears again. She raced out of the classroom on the bell, leaving half her things behind; Harry, deciding that her need was greater than Ron's just now, scooped up her remaining possessions and followed her.
He finally tracked her down as she emerged from a girl's bathroom on the floor below.

Then Harry calls Ron out on it later:

"You could say sorry," suggested Harry bluntly.
"What, and get attacked by another flock of canaries?" muttered Ron.
"What did you have to imitate her for?"
"She laughed at my mustache!"
"So did I, it was the stupidest thing I've ever seen. "

This is a letter I wanted to send myself around half a year ago but didn't maybe because of what a bad place I was in (and still am), maybe I just needed to get some of the things out of my system. Today I found it and it reignited some things in me, and I wrote some more words about what is currently happening to me. I changed the names and some other things to remain anonymous. It's long and all over the place and I don't expect anyone to read it all honestly.
TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal ideation, Suicide, Depression, Recklessness, Rejection
As before, I wonder what's going on in your life right now, because, honestly, I don't even feel like writing this letter at this point. Things are really bad, and today I have a good enough day to write something up but I don't feel well at all, and it doesn't seem like things will get better, if ever. Part of me knows that things always change and there's a chance that they will change for the better, but from my experience it doesn't usually work out, I seem to be switching from one issue to another, be it writing a thesis, finding a job, or my current state. I really can't seem to catch a break and for once be at least somewhat happy and satisfied with where I'm at in life.
I'm gonna tell a little bit about my situation and refer to some of the things you said in your email. Most of it will be about my "relationship" with Amy, and how much it affected me mentally.
I moved in with Amy and things are bad in ways I can't even describe. First thing is that over the beginning of the last year I fell in love with her and really, badly wanted to matter anything to her and be important to her, and for her to show that somehow for me. We went together on a trip to mountains and generally spend more time together than ever before. I really felt the chemistry between us, i thought we got a long really well. We talked at the fireplace party and she said she's too fucked up to date me, and that she would never do this to me. Since I moved in with her as a flatmate there were some things that bugged me about the way she is, like careless about a lot of things (mainly her safety and well being), horribly under eating in the name of some fucked up "diet", not listening to my guidance about most things, like not taking breaks at the gym, and other minor things that really bugged me and kinda felt conflicting because she doesn't seems childish, in fact quite the opposite, but some of those behaviours certainly felt like that at the time. But generally things were good, at least most of the time, we spent time together, went to gym, watched shows, threw a few parties etc.
As the time went on, things got worse, and I don't even remember every bad situation that happened over the last 5 months. Some early days she cried a lot, but it's this kind of stiff hopeless cry that really gets me. She doesn't feel emotional, she feels empty, her eyes are really scary sometimes... One day she got really drunk, I think it was an anniversary of her best friends passing, I was really anxious, because she didn't seem like she was controlling herself at all, and I don't know, seeing people just empty, hopeless, out of control, careless and drowning themselves in alcohol ALONE just affects me in a really bad way mentally. When we drove the next day to get her a bookstand (which she was really obsessed with getting this exact day) she was acting really manic and on the edge, I was so nervous that I shook her one time when she said something especially deranged (idea of driving with the complete bookshelf in the public commute), I don't know the last time I felt so much out of control of the situation and shaken, even though the whole situation is seemingly so fucking innocent. One day she threw away a line about how it's so stupid that suicide is a sin. We complain a lot about our lives and make dark humor jokes in our group, and yeah, there is always something real beneath them, I sometimes do have dark thoughts, and I feel like I have a lot of issues as well, but this is all heavy stuff that I wouldn't talk about freely and lightheartedly. I didn't thought then how serious she was, well I kinda did, because I asked her the next day about this, and she laughed saying "Are you serious right now? xD" And she said "Yes, of course I was serious". Before that she talked how she was so tired she was barely able to drive and see other cars, which worried me so much that I can't even describe it, and she didn't say it in a worried tone, just like she wanted to brag or something, I don't know why (she does that A LOT). And I don't know, but it was REALLY traumatic for me to hear her say those things like this, I couldn't sleep for days after this, I was in an especially bad place then. She said she first was going to do it when she was a teen, then once her mother dies, and right now since she knows it's a sin and she wants to see her family and friends she has to live to 50, thats how long she expects to live without killing herself. I said that she still has people here, do we not matter to her at all?, and she said that in the afterlife she has more of them. I said that doesn't she care anything about her health?, because she do goes to doctors and stuff, and she said she only does so because of her mother, she never went to a doctor because she wanted to. She said that she doesn't understand how atheists don't kill themselves immediately. She said it all without blinking an eye about how fucked up what she's saying is, it wasn't like confessing, more like explaining basic facts, and that's the thing that I think fucked me up the most, because if I were to say those things I would be shaking and having difficulties with every word, not throwing this stuff this carelessly.
I am writing wild scenarios in my head about how fucked up things she did in her past, in the parties etc. and they make me really anxious and depressed that she's like this and not much more innocent as I usually pictured her (and still sometimes do, because she's not acting toxic or deranged 100% of the time, she actually shows a lot of care for certain things, she loves every kid and animal etc., she never even smoked a cigarette), because she never seemed so much like a typical club party girl that gets into trouble a lot, well I knew she partied and drunk a lot, but she always seemed kinda different from that. Most of the time she's not like that, she can behave with a lot of compassion most certain situations. She talks about all the speeding tickets she got (and got out of by sweet talking the policemen), she texts all the time while driving, she admits to driving recklessly when alone, she lies to her mother all the time about how well mentally she is, how much she's drinking, like she were silently going on all fours between bedroom and bathroom bc she was so drunk, sometimes she even lies about having passengers when driving to the city we live in because she's so unwell she drives alone and makes stops along the way to make it, she lies about how long it took for her to drive. Sometimes I feel like everything is fake because of some of these things, like I am loosing the touch with reality.
One time we drove back to our hometown, and like halfway through she started to get really sleepy, I could see by the corner of my eye that her head was going down for a fraction of a second. I wanted to switch to drive, but she was having none of it, saying that she already planned to drive home herself and if she planned it then it will happen. I started to get really anxious and frantically started to think of the ways to do something, I stupidly suggested that I will drive my car after her once we get to my home, and she said "You really ARE fucked up xD", because she would still be inside her car and how that would help? And I know it wouldn't, but I panically tried to find something, that's just something that I came up with on the spot. I just told her to text me immediately when she gets home (and she did), but the whole situation was just so fucking stressful for me, I even then told my mother about what's happening but without darker details.
She seems to have a problem wich alcohol, although certain situations can prevent her from drinking extensively, like seeing the kids in school the next day. It's kind of scary how much she can drink and then be sober the next day.
One time she was on her period (they get really bad for her) and she wanted to drink some alcohol because of the weekend, but she was on her first week of antidepressants and all those things caused me not to go to my friends and stay with her to look after, she became really tired after a while, she was barely staying on her feet, when she went to take a shower before bed I asked her to not lock the door and she didn't. I went to clean the dishes, and I think I heard something but I didn't pay attention or anything, but later she was in bed and clearly trying to hide from me that she collapsed under the shower. She was okay, but the fact that she didn't want to admit it to me made me really anxious and depressed. She was so out of energy that I had to hold her the water bottle to drink from. I felt so bad, I don't think I could sleep that night.
She doesn't let me drive because once I drove with her when being really nervous and weren't like the best at it, it kinda angers me because it's double standard as fuck, not letting me drive when I'm nervous, but driving when you're almost sleeping. And I don't consider myself a bad driver, apart from once loosing control when going to friends wedding I have never have an accident. She also gets really mad if I'm going to drive after drinking single beer and waiting like 4 hours after it, and that's NOTHING compared to the things she does.
Sometimes I'm hesitant to tell her some of the things I think, partly because it't pointless, and partly because her response would just make me more triggered, angry, anxious and depressed.
Sometimes I don't know what to do, telling anyone about those things (like her mother) seems like breaking her trust, and those are personal things that I really shouldn't tell my friends about, hence I tell them to my therapist.
What's scary and fucked up is that depression is not only hopelessness, sadness and lack of energy, but for some people also being mad about everything, saying really hurtful things to people that love you, hating on and judging literally everyone, becoming really sickly, strongly obsessed about something, behaving carelessly and recklessly. And every attempt at trying to address those things is responded with some hateful, poisonous comments or "I'm just like that", one time I said to her that she should care less about something, and she responded with a lot of hate that I should just stop "shaking my hands when I'm nervous, can I do that? can I?" I feel so fucking bad sometimes, because part of me wants to scream into her face about the things she does, and at the same time:
I know that it's an illness, and I don't know if that would be bad of me to be angry at her about anything
I'm worried about things she would say to me back, she sometimes seems to revel in hurting people emotionally or at least being really good at it and constantly looking for topics when arguing with someone, and I'm really fragile, sensitive and easy to hurt, for some reason especially to things she says to me
I don't feel like I can have any influence on her actions, although she does comment a lot of the time that other people do, like her mother of her one female friend etc. so sometimes I feel like it contradicts itself, although she does say that she needs to be controlled in some way to do what it said, like being yelled at or being put in the position with no choice, and I don't want to be like that and I don't think I have the strength of character to be like that, and never will
She sends a lot of memes about depression to our group chat, and I personally don't think they're helpful, at least for me, I'm not feeling like someone is going through the same thing as me and it helps, it's more like everyone is trying to drag each other down, some of those memes are as hopeless as you can get, making fun of therapy and psychiatrists, never having any happiness (dementors can't do anything to you), missing yourself and thinking its too late now to regain it, generally memes about not being a human anymore and never being again etc., being put into a mental hospital if you tell your therapist everything, about hating and despising other people. There's this friend that she says is way worse than her, and that he doesn't even want help unlike her, that he's so used to it he almost likes it, I honestly don't know if that doesn't also affect her. One time we drove to our hometown, 5 of us with him and a few others, and they were talking about suicide, and some other friend said this cliche line about suicide being the most egotistical thing a person can do, and even though he was quiet the whole ride he just said "Yeah, right" from the back. I don't know, I guess it depends on the person, but for me surrounding myself with this topics would make me feel worse and not understood. She also has a lot of kids in school with mental issues, she has a kid who is supposed to be after a suicide attempt (that's also one of the things that froze my heart, when she said that she knows he and his parents are bullshitting because he would be put to the hospital for 3 months, but how would she know that?), or generally kids that are on SSRIs and that one time kid told her justifying himself that he took the double dose of antidepressants and she was holding herself not to say "me too!". They had a movie night and they played UNO, and she said that out the 3 kids she played with, all of them were in a psychiatric hospital.
One time at a party in front of everyone she said she thought about jumping out of a window, but being crippled her mom would have to deal with that so she wouldn't do it like that. Other time she said she changes the mind when she loses the energy, she would try to hang herself but would become tired and not do it. Once also we talked about unrelated topic, and I said as a trivia that dead bodies can produce sounds like exhaling, and she said she knows that because she know a lot about dead bodies, and she reads a lot about that... Once she said that she doesn't understand that atheists don't immediately kill themselves when someone close to them dies. Once she said something about there not being anything left of her inside. Once she said that her mother was worried she would be locked up in a psychiatric hospital, but she had to assure her that she knows how to mask everything, and she's not dangerous to others so that wouldn't happen.
Am I too innocent for these topics? Sometimes I feel like a kid listening to adults, and that I don't know and don't understand them and I feel small and worthless.
I think there are a lot of different ways to direct that recklessness and negativity through things like exercise, media escapism, music etc. and not things like hard partying, drugs/alcohol, reckless driving, acting angry etc.
I think that deeply believing that chemical imbalance is the cause of depression is very hurtful, because it's not completely proven and might turn some people off from forms of treatment that could potentially help them.
Escapism is a big thing for me, and I think that it helped me cope with a lot of things. Books, movies, music, I spend a lot of time looking for new music and artists.
I'm becoming very nosy and kinda controlling around her (well not actually controlling cause that's impossible with her, but just very nosy), I want to eardrop her conversations with her mother, to always know what she is doing, to know how well she is all the time.
There's no appreciation for me being around, even more so, saying that you don't matter that much, and what do even have or experienced together to be close. And that she can't really be close to people that don't immediately say what they're thinking (like me, she said, even though when i asked if she thinks I'm a fake friend she said no but I'm not honest), but part of me feels that it's bullshit, everyone hides something and only lets a part of themselves out, although it's true that sometimes I act more quietly and like I'm obviously hiding something. I feel inadequate and really bad because of that because the things I experienced in the last months were big for ME, and definitely changed me, but I guess they were nothing to her.
Sometimes she talks about how it's weird to her that normal people have dreams about having homes, vacations etc. One time she said how when she was little she said she never would be boring and bitter like adults, and then depression hit her. Recently she said she finally has a dream, to be able to rent a studio apartment to finally live alone. It kinda affected me, because I DO live with her (apart from others), and that would mean that she wants to get out from me too. One time she said that she hopes someone lively and fun will move in with us once our current flatmate get out, and that would mean that she is bored with me and my character, and she much preferred the previous one.
With the whole moving out thing, she sometimes talks about things getting better, like closer to spring she will renew the gym subscription, we will decorate the balcony for parties and hanging out (of course she said something about sleeping drunk in there...), and generally some things like that. It does make me wonder, do those lower points happen especially in autumn/winter ? I mean, I know there's even a disorder for that but I can't imagine there being such a huge difference.
When she started school, she became really overwhelmed with the amount of exercises she had to do before lessons. Most teachers don't have everything done beforehand but she said she absolutely needs to, and because of that she spent most of the time just doing them or resting, she was so obsessed with doing them she wanted drop out of our mountain vacation trip because she would be too much behind, and she got angry at me for saying that she needs a rest and that my talking doesn't help anything.
Over a month after the school she started the meds, and it doesn't feel like they helped her, at the beginning they only made her really sleepy and out of energy. In some ways i think that they made her worse, or maybe she just didn't have the energy to hide some things. I remember her reading the drug leaflet and noticing loudly that it may strengthen suicidal thoughts, i then read it myself because I was worried. It's honestly a bad thing that she had to check with the psychiatrist only after 2 months and not sooner because it wasn't helping her. On the second visit the doctor was surprised that it didn't help her (which I think might be a bad thing from her since it reinforces the thought that nothing will help her), and decided to up the dose for next 3 weeks to rule out the drug, and mentioned another stronger drug that she will prescribe her, and Amy asked her is it's a drug that is used in a psychiatric hospitals because she wanted to know, and apparently yes. I'm kinda scared what might be happening when she starts it, because the upped dose of current one doesn't seem to change anything. One time she asked me if I think they could lock her up if she caused an accident while driving while on this drug (if its not allowed to drive on it, because she admitted she would anyway), which again messed with my head a lot. The doctor also said that she might be more immune to various drugs than most people, and she said that it's probably true because a lot of the drugs she takes are quite strong, and she takes A LOT of them, hormones for acne and her very strong and long periods, inhaled steroids for asthma, antidepressants, drugs for sleep. Sometimes she ignores signs of some of her illnesses, like anemia. She sometimes offers people prescription drugs like antidepressants or antibiotics, which makes me really angry because those shouldn't be given around like candies, but like I said earlier I never told her it makes me angry. She also said that she only counts on the meds to work, if they won't, she would off herself
I joked a few times that we could get a cat here, I know that it's no cure but animals can certainly be a help for people who are going through rough times. She really took the subject seriously some day and convinced everyone, including our tenant and flatmates, that we should get a cat. She really wanted to have this one specific cat about 2h hour drive from us, so we drove there, but the cat got away from our car, and we couldn't find it. Few hours later when we got home she was convinced that we killed that cat and started asking everyone if they want anyone dead, because she can arrange that, because everyone around her dies, and she didn't want any cat at all anymore. But we eventually took Luna, and the missing cat was found later. After a few weeks with the cat, our flatmates started complaining about about the cat being in the apartment and not only our rooms (WTF?) and about its litter box and food. Amy was already really annoyed by them, especially this guy who is a little dumb, talkative and annoying, but this whole situation took it too whole another level. She almost couldn't control herself with how much they got on her nerves, merely hearing them walk on the corridor would make her furious. One night in the middle of the week she started going to the kitchen to get drunk to be able to sleep because of them. I obviously couldn't ignore that so I went with her to just be there. She changed topics every few seconds, talked about something that its a good thing our knifes are not sharp, she was generally acting very ill, which usually makes me extremely anxious and quiet. I feel like she was noticing that and she said "why aren't you talking with me ? X and Y always had gossips with me in the kitchen...". Then she went to sleep, texted me a lot about 100 different topics, and then went back to drink some more, then when she went to sleep she texted me something that made me feel like my brain is being fried. She send me a receipt of her drug and it said that overdosing it might cause heart problems and even death, and she added "if I found out that suicide is not a sin, or something changes, I already know the way <3". I didn't know what to do with myself for a good few minutes. My mind was racing and frying, my heart was frozen, and it took me a good while to calm down. Eventually I just took our cat and took it to her to sleep with, but didn't bring the subject, I just couldn't, I was too weak.
Next day she started being obsessed with moving out of here, far away from them, she started looking for available apartments and firstly I wanted to move with her, but the more I thought about this, the more I thought I just couldn't handle all of these things mentally. She was pushing me to define my stand on this, and just said "fuck it" angry at me for not being decisive," I'm gonna move with another guy I know", but I don't think that worked out since she eventually started looking for studio apartments for herself. Eventually I went to her and said that I think I want to live alone, that i feel kinda unstable mentally myself, and I wanted to let her know that I'm not wanting to let her go, but she was just like coldly "I'll be fine" without much emotion behind that. I then started to pour out my things about her (at first she said she didn't have the energy for that, but asked her to listen), how sometimes I felt like she has something negative about me that she doesn't tell me, that's she's colder to me than usually, she said that she's like that to everyone now, and I said that I felt like it was more personal, and she denied. I asked her if she thinks that I'm fake and she said "not fake, but you're not telling what you're thinking" and that she couldn't be close with people like that (or something along those lines). She said that I should have told her all of that right then. She always prides herself for always saying exactly what she means and being painfully straightforward. I also tried to confront her about being negative about my therapy, because I said to her I went to therapy, and she said "and you think it will help you ?" kinda ironically, and i was really hurt by that, she doesn't really believe in therapy and said that judging by colleges in our country her mother is a better therapist than most Ts here. She said then that she meant if I THINK its going to help me, not mocking, and when I said that I don't respond to "how was it?" is because I was worried she would mock me, she replied with "whatever , if you say so". I also said that I'm secretive because telling the truth would make other people hurt me, and she said "well of course".
To this day I don't know if I hurt her with that conversation, I'm not even sure if she understood that I'm very bad mentally right now mainly because of her. I felt really guilty about abandoning her, and talked about it extensively on a therapy session. I know that to save anyone you have to save yourself first, but I would be just proving that she's fucked up and everyone will eventually abandon her. On the other hand, I don't know if she cares AT ALL about me leaving her, maybe I really do am just a flatmate and not much else anymore.
Her mood massively affects mine, I could have the best day of my life and one sentence from her could easily ruin that. Sometimes I get anxious when I hear her walking on the corridor or when she gets back from school because I have no idea what mood she might come home with.
Most fucked up thing is that despite all of this is sometimes I'm still attracted to her. All it takes is one smile, one good day and I'm still rethinking if I would ever want to be with her. And there are also very good reasons for that, she can be very caring, lovable, funny and clever. I also fantasize about her sexually to some small extent. And the thing is that I never before found her very attractive and wasn't interested in her.
How does her mother fit in this ? I don't know but she lost her father as a child, she was taking her to therapists and psychiatrists since she was a child . Sometimes I feel like she can make her worse by saying certain things, like when missing cat was found and saying that it was bad and scary and that we could be taking this one right now. She might have been very overprotective (or might have good reasons to) but Amy was being rebellious and reckless anyway, which might have caused how many lies she tells to her.
When it comes to me, I've never been in such a bad state mentally, today is not the worst but the general period is without a doubt the worst time of my life. Even before all of this I was SURE I needed some help with my mental health, but everything that was happening, her darkness sipping into me, triggering me, listening and talking about suicide all the time for literal months can't be good for anyone although I think I try to show her it doesn't affect me that much, me internally reacting very very badly to her strange and sometimes deranged and reckless behaviours, feeling on the edge a lot of the time due to her, not being able to think about anything else, all that made me finally take the step and make an appointment with a therapist. I noticed in myself symptoms of depression, social anxiety and ADHD, I'm still not sure if I would be diagnosed with anything but I do know that something is wrong with me, especially since others don't seem to be so deeply affected by her despite being close to her for longer than me. There were days where I couldn't sleep, in which I had a strong feelings of hopelessness, depressing feelings about her, myself, my life and the whole world, I researched a lot about depression, and some places are really bad to get into because there is no hope in there, people just drag each other down and write that nothing ever worked for them etc. I even thought about reading up about some therapeutic techniques I could use on her, but now I notice how stupid that sounds.
I sometimes think if she realizes how difficult it is to listen to some of the things she says and does. And I'm not talking about her being difficult and with a quick temper, but just genuinely pouring this darkness on those close to her.
In terms of therapy, I'm still not sure if it can help me with anything. I'm not discounting the people that it did help, but I'm just not sure about me. I know that it probably takes time, I do genuinely feel better when someone listens to all of that (even if I feel like a fraud sometimes because there are surely others that come to her with heavier stuff) even if it lasts only some time after the session. I'm not even sure what would therapy do to me, like what exactly could it possibly change about me, will I care less, will I just cope better, will I change my personality, or will it just be something that I can tell myself that I'm doing without actually helping me
That's a weird one, I'm kind of angry at her for being the best or at least very good at a lot of things, that (when she wants to of course) she can befriend literally everyone and people adore her (like the kids in school, parents congratulating and being shocked how great the kids are doing at school), she had a lot of boyfriends and always seem to have some guys trying to get to her. She's shockingly charismatic, talkative and social when she wants or needs to be. I'm always complaining about not having friends and then she scoffs at me for that I don't know what I'm talking about, but I don't interact with 10% amount of people she does even though she ALWAYS ALWAYS talks how antisocial and what a b she is (meaning she's mean to everyone), she knows a shit ton of people, shocking number actually, especially when you think about her mental state
I really try to be a good friend, but that seems to not be enough. I try to help her with everything, doing the shopping, being with her and talking, asking how she feels, figuring out ways to maybe not help but at least show the support.
Right now we're still gonna live together and I'm gonna move in to the bigger room, and I plan to be in our hometown working remotely more to be better mentally, but I'm still unsure how all that is gonna work out...
Sometimes I feel like I'm fluctuating with how much this really affects me, It feels random, some moments I think all of it affects me less and am able to just go somewhere else with my thoughts, but not always.
==== 6 months later====
Some time has passed since I wrote those last paragraphs, actually it's already 6 months, and in some ways things are better, but in some they are much worse. She got better, not all the way she was before, she still hates being with people and is very mean, sarcastic and emotionally careless (she recently found out she'll probably won't be able to have kids and it didn't faze her at all), throws a joke or two about suicide but it doesn't seem so serious now, she got off meds as far as I know (because I don't know much anymore, but I'll get to that), she found a psychiatrist that first wants to make all kind of tests before prescribing her any drugs, she actually talks about plans for the future, is able to cook for herself, is more social, she's even going to a wedding with a friend she almost hooked up with a month ago (that's also a big thing that for me I want to write about later).
As for me, I'm much worse in a few ways. These things she said and did affected me very deeply back then and I wanted a way to cope with that, and I started to call my old friend Jane and tell her some of the situations that were happening here. I felt bad about it but I just couldn't help myself, I had to tell someone. That was before I got my therapist, and I'm mainly talking about everything with her now, but I was so caught up and messed up with everything, that even after starting the therapy I also talked about some of the things with my ex who is still my good friend, I mentioned she has depression and takes meds to one of my colleagues (without any details), and I mentioned that she has some problems and thinks about moving out to another friend, one day I also told everything to my parents (without the most disturbing details) because I was on a verge of a mental breakdown and just couldn't bring myself to come back here. I also once told our new roommate that Amy is very weird and obsessed about some things like loudly closing doors etc. without telling much else though. That's a lot of people and honestly I don't trust myself that I didn't say anything else to anyone although I doubt it as I don't have much friends or interact with people a lot. Not that it excuses me, but she wasn't really too secretive about it and seemed very open to talking about being depressed and hating life etc. I certainly broke her trust and I feel like shit for it, nothing really excuses me and I can't change what I did, which is slowly killing me inside.
She confronted me about it when I came back from my parent house after telling them everything and finally got the courage to text her about the way she treats me, about what I did wrong, if she thinks that I'm hiding something from her or that I'm insincere about everything I do. Because she's very different to me than she was before and it honestly kills me inside. She told me she regurarly catches me lying about irrelevant small things and she has no idea why but recently she doesn't even trust herself, let alone someone else. I don't think I ever deliberately lied to her but I might have unknowningly responded with wrong information so she doesn't get mad ex. who didn't do the dishes or something. The worse thing is that she said that she heard things, certain minor details about herself from people that should know absolutely nothing about her, and she doesn't want anyone to know anything about her. Of course she didn't specify what details (and if they were even something private, but I can only assume yes by her reaction) and what people (to not break their trust) and I've been thinking about it ever since. She said that I was never her friend, I never knew anything about her and she doesn't really consider anyone her friend since O died from cancer. And that you can't just take anyone from the street and befriend them, and that we can just normally live our lives separately and not get too involved with each other, which really, really fucking hurt me to hear from person that I cared so deeply for, that I tried so hard to show that she matters to me, and to which I gave up so much of my own mental wellbeing to the point of feeling mentally ill myself (at least much more than usual).
I of course haven't told a word anyone since that conversation, and not because I was scared someone might tell her again, but I realize what a huge mistake that was and I honestly hate myself more than ever for breaking her trust and being such a piece of shit and not being able to change what happened or even to make up for it.
Our relationship gets kinda better at times, she talks to me normally sometimes mainly about our cat, although never for too long and practically never initiates a conversation, she barely texts with me, ignores me a lot, she doesn't really talk to me about what is happening with her life and work etc. I mostly find out anything from her conversations with others when I'm present, she is a lot more social with her friends recently and when she sends some screenshoted memes on a group chat there's always someone she's texting with, she's online a lot despite not writing me back, she goes out drinking with her friends every few weeks and I'm never a part of it anymore, I never drive with her back to our town on weekends anymore, and all of that while she live behind a wall, and this actually real rejection is quite honestly making me feel actually suicidal at times, and it gets worse with time to the point that I'm worried I might do something to myself, maybe not now or soon, but in the future, and I even sometimes write vague scenarios in my head about it. Apart from still going to therapy (which still doesn't seem to help me) I signed myself up to a psychiatrist despite my therapist saying that she doesn't see anything clinical in me, with the main issue being an ADHD diagnosis, as that's what I thought most accurately explains my struggles (especially RSD), and I did get diagnosed but I feel like I might have bended the reality a little and not actually have it, I am on my 2 days of meds (upped the dose today) and don't really feel much apart from a very light headache and dry mouth, so I guess that won't fix me after all.
When we were on a mountain trip a month ago I was feeling very bad, because while I was still a part of it and went with everyone, she treated everyone completely different to me, she was laughing, joking with them, being nice and talking to and being interested in them, and the others are not really my close friends so I was feeling a bit alone and isolated. The last night of the trip she and one of the guys (the one with which she's going to the wedding) went for a walk in the middle of nowhere together completely drunk, pissing everyone off for being irresponsible. But while everyone was scared and angry, I was depressed and I guess suicidal, I still have feelings for her despite everything, and seeing that she can go out into the night kissing some guy and after everything can't even hold a conversation with me or tell me anything nice was honestly doing very bad things to my head. And I remembered when a year ago she said she can't be with me, she's too fucked up and couldn't do that to me, but she knows this guy for almost 2 years now and considers him a colleague too so how's that different? I don't even smoke but I smoked like a whole pack of cigarettes that night...
When we came back from the trip I was in a very bad place mentally and said that I wanted to talk, I told her that I can't do this anymore and that I can't control the envy that I feel and that I'll probably have to move out even though I don't want that, and I don't want to leave her alone with our cat, she gave me an impression that she wants me to try, she mentioned my ex that's still my friend and that I got over her, and I told her it took me literal years to get over her, and she said that "so it's possible", we talked some more, maybe the most we talked in weeks if not months about various things, and I felt that things were going to get better, But they didn't. A few weeks passed and I feel just as rejected as before.
I can't disinvest emotionally from her, I can't stop thinking about what she thinks of me, if I'm fake and dishonest and always hide my true motives, and I don't think there is a point in confronting her again and apologizing and hoping for forgiveness, I feel like current state of my life will never change and even if we stop seeing and living with each other anymore, it will still take me years (if ever) to get over everything that happened in the last year because I'm not really better mentally when I'm home with my parents, I still think about it all the time. I don't want to leave this place, and I don't want to leave her with a cat she'll have to take care on her own, I don't know what to do anymore.

Saw the "Badly Received in China?" post earlier and thought to share a longer take on the situation in China, why are there so many antis, and my own predictions on its future.
First, a clarification, TTEOTM has been an massive hit in China. The data speaks for itself in every way you can measure commercial success: viewership, platform membership, app downloads, social media heat index, advertisements, merchandise sales, unintended tourism GDP contribution. The drama has shattered records and outperformed all the recent xianxias, which you'd never dare to expect for a drama with no dingliu (顶流) that airs exclusively in the dead April slot on a platform that's 3rd (sometimes 4th) amongst online streamers. (Some day I'll create a master post just on the stats.)
The only area it falls short on is critical response. It's not just the low Douban rating (opened at 6.x and now dropped to 5.6). The three Bs - Douban, Weibo, and Bilibili (which you can think of as China's IMDB, Twitter, and Youtube) were full of attacks against the show. This included trending topics on how the actors looked (LYX too thin, BL looking old/big/overshadowed by CDL, CDL 照骗 not looking as good as in photo) as well as allegations of plagiarism and drama behind the scenes between cast & crew members. A lot of people watched video edits that twisted the facts and had a poor impression of the drama and even left 1/2-star reviews on Douban without ever watching an episode. (This type of brainwashing is more effective than you'd think. I've been reading a lot of negative posts about the Little Mermaid movie and almost caught myself writing something negative about it without ever watching.)
As all of this unfolded, I kept asking myself, why all the smearing? Who is behind it? And why TTEOTM in particular?
A lot of what appears to be normal user activity is driven by water armies, marketing accounts, and "black" hot search ranking, all paid. This is all backed up by photo evidence captured by netizens. It comes down to commercial interests of rival platforms, productions, actors. This actually happens to every drama that is threatening in some way (almost a proof of success), but TTEOTM attracted more $$$. Why? For one, it's seen as the secret weapon that could elevate Youku's status as a 3rd/4th player to a close 2nd to rival and even at times overshadow Tencent. It's no coincidence that, Bilibili, which is owned by Tencent and has way more daily active users than Youku, has promoted hate videos and limited the traffic of fan videos - at some point not even recognizing the drama's Chinese title in search results. (Bilibili used to be a haven for LYX fans and a platform LYX has partnered with extensively. This flipped 180 degrees since he no longer has any unaired dramas with Tencent.)
TTEOTM is also a target for rival productions because it's got big name stars with solid acting reputation, one of the hottest IPs, and high anticipation from all the promotional materials - they've been super loud in letting everyone know that they have better costumes, special effects etc Meanwhile, there's a massive pipeline of unaired xianxia dramas that stick to the old formula and will likely feel dated after people have watched TTEOTM. So if you've invested in xianxia 101, you'd really want to discredit TTEOTM and stop people from watching it.
But there's also rival fandom jealousy, which is almost worse. Someone asked which fandom is behind it, I would say everyone. There are only so many "resources" to go around in the "entertainment winter" and it's a zero sum game. LYX and BL are both already big stars but still not at the top yet. They are big enough to threaten the dinglius, but not big enough to be accepted as having "made it" by other rising stars. E.g. Yang Mi, Yang Zi, Xiao Zhan receive a lot of hate too, but it's less realistic as a prospect to bring them down. In contrast, the smearing of Bai Lu actually kind of worked (And I'm really talking about the fans. The actors probably leave it to their agencies/companies.)
Other fandoms are especially bitter in this case because TTEOTM really upset the status quo and commonly accepted truths in a way that kind of discredits everyone else. A lot of the below have been used by fans of dinglius as excuses for when a drama doesn't perform:

• Youku is a rubbish platform and Youku exclusive web dramas will never have high viewership
• It’s impossible for an actor to break out twice within the same genre
• An actor can only develop a big dedicated fan base with CP marketing
• Breakout hits are always unanticipated dramas that come out of nowhere
• Autumn/Spring is a dead slot. Hits can only come out of the summer and winter holidays.

IMHO A lot of the intense hatred comes from long held beliefs being proven wrong. LYX has always been thought of someone who’s borderline A list and B list, yet the opening viewership of TTEOTM is like double that of dramas led by bigger stars. It would have been less threatening if it started low and slowly gained traction because the drama proved to be good. But the initial hype speaks to the market power of a LYX xianxia, so a lot of people wanted to see it fail and looked for faults everywhere.
Moreover, because TTEOTM had an explosive opening, it did not have enough time for word of mouth to develop before people started bashing it. If you look at Douban ratings, shows that fewer people watched tend to have better reviews because only fans bother to rate it. Starry Love and Back from the Brink, both harshly dismissed as flops by the industry, both have >7.0 on Douban. Meanwhile, people love to hate on a show that is receiving a lot of hype - suddenly they are held to completely different standards even if the budget is similar. Why are people more accepting of the rise of Dylan Wang and Esther Yu in LBFAD? In the end because the expectations were pretty low. They were able to build up a fan base while no one was watching.
Finally, TTEOTM does have lots of production problems, some of their own doing and others not their fault. Either way this left the drama less defensible in the face of scrutiny or tucao 吐槽 culture. The production is very ambitious and took risks but did not deliver everywhere. It's got parts that look like a blockbuster film and parts that look like a B grade TV show. I personally did not like some of the editing, lighting, cinematography, color grading, special effects, makeup. AND this is precisely the type of production details Chinese viewers LOVE to fixate on. Meanwhile, compared to western viewers, they are more forgiving about things like mediocre acting, dubbing, slow pacing, repetitive tropes or storylines, uninteresting characters. (I think this has something to do with cultural differences around rewarding perfect execution over innovation/risk-taking, sum of the parts over parts that carry the sum.)
And then, there are creative choices that are daring and controversial. These are not problems per se - for every viewer that hates it, someone loves it because it's different. But this perhaps explain why its score has dropped further, even in non-Chinese platforms like MDL, even amongst fans of the show. For example...

• Opting for a bad/open ending, knowing that it'll upset some fans, but sticking to it because it protects the overall integrity of the story (no deux ex machina for the lead character, people love watching leads being resurrected but at the same time complaining that it's a cop out)
• Packing lots of details in a fast-paced, highly complicated, non-linear plot, trusting viewers to be engaged enough to use their brain, rewatch, and discuss outside the show (a bit like Christopher Nolan films). The downside of this is that it's hard to edit out a scene. There's also high risk of viewers getting confused and complaining that the plot makes no sense. Even though most things do if you go several layers down, some rightly point out that they just want to be entertained and the drama should stand on its own.
• Making this a male lead centric (大男主) drama, which is rare in the xianxia genre that more recently has targeted young women exclusively. The story shifts from focusing on LSS's mission to TTJ overcoming his fate, perhaps at the expense of the romance (a criticism I see a lot for people looking for a pure love story). However, for context viewers in China (including CCTV itself) have been complaining that the xianxia genre has lost the "xia” (heroism). It's gone from Chinese Paladin, which is about ordinary people overcoming odds to become heroes, to stories that are just about pretty people, who happen to be gods, falling in love.... since the success of Eternal Love and Journey of the Flower. So this is also a change that many welcome.
• Allocating a crazy portion of budget and screentime to superhero fight sequences. I agree with all the critics who say these scenes don't add much to the story, the B roll looks better without CGI, and they could have kept other scenes instead. BUT guess which scenes I find myself rewatching and showing off to friends the most? Episodes 14, 15, 32. Because it is thrilling and glorious. Plus after enduring so many Marvel films over the years, I'm pleased to see a version that's genuinely Chinese (not some pan-Asian BS), rooted in our philosophy and martial arts tradition, featuring Chinese faces that have real kungfu training.
• Going over the top on aesthetics - colorful costumes, hair accessories, and heavy makeup. A violent reaction against the simple pastel aesthetics that have dominated xianxias over the years. Of course, lots of people hated on the eyeliner and found the extravagant visuals distracting.

However, even with all its flaws, I'm glad it aired and did not wait for perfection. (A lot of May dramas did not go live last minute due to "technical problems" i.e. government censorship. These days, airing = success.) In addition, I predict that over time people will come to appreciate TTEOTM more. Here's why:
1) A lot of dramas now widely lauded as classics started out with poor ratings. Over time, the noise will die down and make way for what really matters - compelling acting and story. Empresses in the Palace (2011) open with a Douban rating of 2.7 out of 10 (yes, this bad). Viewers didn't like the casting choice. They thought the actors looked bad. There were also issues with the costumes. Over time, its rating increased to 9.4. It's now a show rewatched so loyally that data analysts use its viewership to track market size. Similarly, a lot of the issues people have with TTEOTM are superficial. The things that matter most like acting are good, and even if you dislike the story and editing choices, it did manage to keep 70M people watching and engaged till the end, incl. people who don't watch a lot of TV or like this genre.
2) Moreover, when people look back or rewatch, they tend to focus on just the highlights, and TTEOTM is full of memorable scenes. There are also so many standout memes/gags (出圈梗) that will live in our cultural fabric forever. Fans on Douban were surveyed on who they would have chosen as the director instead and still overwhelming "rehired" Kuk Kok Leung. Biases aside, I think people realize that you could have a better executed drama overall - higher production value, greater consistency, more attention to detail, BUT you might also lose a lot of the things we loved. I don't know if another director would have allowed TTJ go full creepy/evil/weak in the first few episodes or filmed all the steamy love scenes without a modesty backlight. TTEOTM feels so different because it breaks ALL the rules (see above) that I'm not sure if dramas in the future will try to replicate it again. If they do, TTEOTM would have started a trend. If they don't, TTEOTM will remain the only option.
3) Only dramas that inspire passion will stand the test of time. Those that don't will fade away over time. The TTEOTM fan community is intense - there's so much discussion and engagement everywhere. Its Douban group is the #3 most active ever (measured by # of comments). Its MDL page has 68K comments, highest of all aired CDrama. Its Douyin topic has close to 29B views, highest of all costume drama. (Interesting to note that TTEOTM has an excellent reputation on Douyin, the platform with the most active users and least amount of toxic fan activity.) Fans have spent >25M RMB on merchandise, an unprecedented amount - 3M RMB on a character that appears for <10 mins (OG Devil God). It's got to have done something right because this is way more buying power than the fans of LYX and BL combined. And in my N=1, I've not been this excited about a franchise since Game of Thrones and then Harry Potter.
Bottom line, you might have liked it, liked it with regrets, hated it... but if you're spending the time to read this post, all the way till the end, you've become a luna-tic (or 烬神病人)!

I'm ashamed to admit it! I have nothing against the LGBT community but I'm straight and I feel bad for feeling this way.

TBH he is my 4th fav character (can't top 1st leni 2nd luna 3rd lori) but i have some cons about him
1st, he is so whiny
yes lincoln loud is whiny and he has a whiny voice, his helium voice is better LOL. ((:
2nd, his FUCKING FANBOYS
yes everyone expect in the whole wide world me Bill Nick and my friend Dirk Smith treat him like a god
3rd, he is talentless
Yes, all of his sisters have talents but that makes him kinda bland.

Hi, I have been skating on Suregrip Fames with Avanti Aluminium plates but I recently got a pair of VNLA Luna skates and my trucks are making a clicking sound when I lean. The click is more noticeable on the left skate. I can also feel a slight pop in my boot when it happens.
Are my trucks possibly too loose? I switched out the stock cushions to the 80a gorilla cushions and loosened my trucks out of the box. While at the rink I noticed my maneuverability was very much lacking so I loosened the trucks 1/4 turn and that's when the clicking started. I didn't hear it while skating but I can hear it whenever I move my foot from side to side. I was at the rink and the music was loud so I may have just not been able to hear it while skating.
Please excuse the odd location of the video. I had family over and had to find a quiet corner to take the video. The Skates may look a bit odd because I just threw them on and tucked the laces into the top without fully lacing them. I kept accidently lifting my wheels on my right foot while trying to exaggerate the motion causing clicking.
I've scoured the internet for answers and the only thing I've found was one YouTube review of a different Vnla skate but same plate where the guy mentions Vnla is using new cushions that fix the geometry and stops the clicking. Since I am using the version 2 cushions this really wasn't that helpful other than letting me know this might be a known issue with Gorilla plates.
Can anyone help me identify the cause and let me know if this is just an annoyance or if I should be concerned?
https://imgur.com/a/lqURdK3
If it helps, these trucks don't have adjustable pivots and I made sure the cushions and pivots were fully seated when I reassembled the trucks.

[WP] A ghost has been terrorizing a home for over 300 years, and as he creeps out of the underside of the bed to horrify the new homeowners, he is calmly handed a swiffer duster and told to "clean under there while you're at it,". He retreats back under the bed, appalled and confused.
Inspired by the Canterville Ghost's plot, but modernized.
After months of searching and putting in offers unsuccessfully I found the perfect home. It was an older Victorian era home. Think Addams family but neglected for 50 years. It needed quite of bit of fixing up but was so cheap I would have quite a bit leftover to do renovations. It even had some old furniture which was in great shape still except for the layer of dust. It was also very old looking but it was all solid wood framed with very intricate decorative work. With a fresh coat of varnish and some new upholstery they would be perfect. When I asked the realtor why such a beautiful home was left in such disrepair and so cheap in such a hot market I just received a cryptic answer of " you'll see". That was it, no explanation otherwise. Despite the fact the house checked almost every horror movie haunted house red flag I wasn't going to pass up the one chance I was probably going to get to own a house. I had always dreamed of being a home owner and I didn't care if it was going to be a creepy old delapited and possibly haunted Victorian home.
My offer was excepted almost immediately and I was moving my stuff in a couple months later. As I walked through the house I could smell the age and history. It smelled a lot like dust and must. I envisioned the potential it had and couldn't wait to began renovations. That was a tomorrow job though; right now I needed sleep. It was a struggle to get moved in. Even the big burly movers were reluctant to deliver my things into the house. Other than the biggest and heaviest items I had to move a majority of my belongings in by myself from the lawn where the movers chucked them. They gave me a bit of discount because of their haste to leave. I climbed the spiraling staircase to the second floor where I had my bedroom. The floors and stairs creaked and groaned as I dragged myself towards my bedroom. I climbed into bed fascinated that I was now officially a homeowner. I easily drifted off to sleep.
I awoke with a sudden jolt. The air felt cold and heavy. I had this uneasy feeling like I was being watched. Then it appeared before me. An apparition of some sort. A young woman, jaw misshapen and hanging loosely. Half of her skull appeared caved in and her limbs were at strange angles. She was dressed in a dress that looked like something my great grandmother would have worn.
"Alright ghost lady what do you want?" I asked calmly
"Not much; just your life! Or leave here and never come back!" The apparition shouted with her jaw moving in a creepy inhuman way.
"Yeah I think not. Being a millennial this is the only opportunity I'll have to own a home so I'm not leaving which leaves option 2. What was that? You'd take my life? Go for it. I've worked a soul less office job for a decade, have crippling mental health issues and a caffeine addiction. Frankly I think you'd be doing me a favor. So either kill me or we can try a third option."
"A third option? What do you mean a third option?" The figure was clearly confused and taken off guard by my candor.
"I've lived with enough free loading roommates and I'm feed up with it. You can either get out or start pulling your weight around here."
"What do you mean 'pull my weight'?"
"Well for starters if you're going to be my roommaye you can get the cobwebs around this room. They're disgusting and hard to reach for me. After that you can get to dusting. And if chores aren't your thing I will assume you know where the door is."
"Hold on; you have no problem with my being a ghost and this house being haunted. Instead you want me to be a 'roommate'?" The figure was no longer floating but standing on the floor and few feet from the foot of my bed. She looked puzzled and deep in thought. Her face and limbs no longer disfigured but back to normal.
"Well yeah, I've lived with far worse roommates. I don't see you being too loud or throwing rambunctious parties. I doubt you'll drink my booze or steal my food from the fridge. So I figure if you can help ne fix this place up and keep it clean it will benefit us both. You get a much nicer place to live and a friend to talk to."
"I think I would like that a lot." The girl said with a smile on her face. "You can call me eden. What is your name?"
"My name is Luna. Its a pleased to meet you Eden. Now of you don't mind I'd like to get some rest."
"Good night Luna," Eden said as she vanished.
I quickly drifted back to sleep thinking of the new friendship I had formed. I couldn't wait to see what adventures it would bring.

Ok so I been thinking, man do I not like the couples in Loud House. The only one I like is Rita x Lynn Sr. And their married! Ok let's explain.
First Lori and Bobby, they feel like to me a highschool couple that would break after graduating. They love eachother but once they get older they drift apart. Plus I find their interactions annoying it's just babe, boo boo bear, kiss I think in this show they fought or disagree maybe three to four times. As for their future what are they gonna do? Bobby works at his little store and Lori goes pro?
Next Luna and Sam, this couple problem to me is they barely feel like a couple, they been on four dates, but they feel more like their best friends. It also doesn't help that most of Sam's speaking roles are in moon goat episodes. There's a easy anwser to this make more duo Luna and Sam episodes and let Sam out more.
Next Luan and Benny, my problem with this couple, Benny just feels like a boring guy. He works multiple jobs which he stole from Bobby and he's in the drama club which he gets out shined at cause Luan is in the club too. Also i nearly feel asleep when they gave him his own ep.
Finally Leni and Gavin, my problem with this couple is Gavin has almost nothing about him, he snorts when he laughs and works at the mall. No personality, no skills, no dreams nothing. They had to chances to fill these boxes and they did nothing with him. Atleast The others make me feel something Gavin is there to exist.
Well that's my rant. Feel free to leave a comment on how you feel about The Loud House couples.

I could really use some feedback.
A bit of information first. This is a really important chapter that will change everything for the Mc Luna. This is also the shortest chapter yet the next smallest being over 4 times longer.
I want the chapter to feel like everything happened in the span of minutes from the characters point of view while it actually happened across at least an hour.
Luna is panicking throughout this chapter.
"This is your captain speaking, we are sinking. Please head quickly towards the nearest life boat station."
"What now?" I say waking up to a loud beeping and flashing red lights.
"I repeat, "This is your captain speaking, we are sinking. Please head quickly towards the nearest life boat station."
"Jade, grab my Storage ball. Alexa stay close." I say, opening the door into the hallway.
"Luna Let's go!" I hear from Emily, coming out of the room next to mine.
She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the stairs to the deck. We make it onto the deck to complete chaos. People running around, lightning hitting the ocean all around us, rain so thick the lightning is barely visible, the deck already starting to go under.
She pulled me into a lifeboat with her and set it afloat. We were just barely past the ship when it suddenly exploded, sending our little raft flying.
I came to with a migraine laying on a beach. Lightning stuck feet away illuminating Emily laying in a pool of blood. "Emily!" I scream crawling towards her.
Suddenly I feel a intense burning pain in my shoulder before the world faded to black. could really use some feedback for this chapter.
.

Please use this thread to discuss the newest episode of The Loud House.
"Force of Habits" When Leni mentions an annoying habit of her new boyfriend, Gavin, Lori and Luna start to notice their partners' habits.