I have been casually scrolling through this subreddit for a few months now and honestly, I feel a lot of the advice I've read can be somewhat unhealthy to take. Now I'm about to rant a bit about my life- but I just want to say that the idea of "sticking it out because it's a job" and "your job shouldn't fulfill you" only *really* works if you have enough money to do so and your job allows for a work/life balance.
Speaking from experience, when I first got this job I was in a position where I didn't have many bills to pay and was making more than double the minimum wage, so I had enough to live a way better life outside of work. Now, I still work for the same company and make a few dollars more than when I started, but am not able to afford much past housing and bills.
I also don't appreciate the industry I am in or the kind of work I am doing. It's a call center- so I am dealing with many unreasonable people upset about problems I did not create, yet expecting the company I work for the magically resolve them, and then, being upset when that's usually not the reality. Not to mention, I never really cared for tech-related matters, to begin with. I just like to problem-solve.
I have tried all the things my Team Leader has recommended, my therapist has recommended, and this subreddit has recommended. If I hear "get a hobby" one more time, I think I'll barf. Yes, having a life outside of work certainly helps, but in my experience, it only really numbed me until the next day when I still have to sit at my desk and drudge myself through the workday. Over and over and over and over. I mean damn, is this really it?
I don't know what I'm missing in comparison to people who are able to accept this as "normal life". I have no clue how or why anyone could be truly content with this kind of life. Again, I really think for me it's just time to go and find another job where I'm not constantly frustrated/abused by customers. I have been accepting that and finding whatever avenues I can get certified in business/marketing positions. I've been working to get myself out.
I guess the point of this post was for me to rant about the sometimes toxic mentality of "work is work" ]I wish I could dissociate at my job for longer periods of time for that to make sense to be fair though. That sounds really peaceful honestly. I do recall appreciating that mentality when I was newer at my job and hadn't reached complete burnout yet. However, I don't think that should even really apply to me given it's a call center. I wouldn't want anyone who I felt was mentally able to be content working in a position that thrives on people-pleasing, gaslighting, and micromanaging. Anyways thanks for coming to my TedTalk
TLDR: Feel like the "work is work" mentality can't and shouldn't work for everyone's situation. Sharing personal work frustrations.
I'm on the verge of having my phone line cut off which would make everything 10× harder. Just need £120 until the 13th of June when I get paid to pay my bill and get some bits of food in!
First time posting but I can provide whatever you need :)
Hi folks. I make reels on IG and am gaining about a thousand followers a day. I post once a week but am heavily engaged on my stories and that has helped me build a dedicated audience (20k as of now).
I would love to spend less time on IG however. I can cut out some of the stuff like answering every DM request but I still want to engage my audience through the week.
Any tips that could help me get through my day job? I hate it but I need it to pay the bills of everyone dependent on me.
"Pig! Nasty fat pig! - Arthur thought with irritation, leaving the subway, - Squeals, as if she is being cut! Businesswoman! I would put this businesswoman with doggy style right on her huge table and fuck her like a..."
Arthur Lomov was thirty-four and he had everything, like people have - a house, a wife, a child, death ahead, and death inside. He also had a job that he hated. More precisely, the work itself did not cause rejection in him, work as work is no worse than then of others. He did not like the bosses (who likes their?). And not even all the bosses, but only the headmistress, the one whom he was going to "fuck". Sleek and haughty, she spoke to people with undisguised disgust, through her teeth, sincerely and deeply despising the "cattle" that surrounded her. Lomov including. He was nobody for her, a manager, what millions, not even an insect, but a bacterium, office plankton. She has not fired him until now just because there was no case. And then the crisis broke out and rumors about layoffs spread around the office.
And as luck would have it, Arthur mixed up some numbers in the quarterly report. Margarita Nikolaevna called him into the office, and screamed as if he had stabbed and robbed a beggar on the porch of church! Not only did she deduct 30 percent from his salary, she also promised to fire he next time! Yes, he himself would have gone, on the same day! If he had money, real big money, say a million dollars!
Arthur suddenly imagined how he, in an expensive dark gray Versace suit, with a small suitcase in his hand, ignoring the screams of secretary, opened the door with a kick and entered the hated office. How the headmistress's already round stupid eyes are rounded.
"What do you want, Lomov?" She asks.
“I have a business proposal!” He says and puts the case on the table; - I want to fuck you ... Yes, to fuck you now on that table fore million dollars! Behind, you a lustful bitch!
“Yes, you are drunk Lomov, leave my office immediately ...” the headmistress says and the last word gets stuck in her throat, because at that moment Arthur opens the suitcase and she sees tight green bundles with real American money.
The headmistress hardly takes her eyes off the dollars, looks at Lomov, then back at the money. Her primitive brain tries to comprehend the non-standard situation and begins to boil.
"Where did you get this from, Lomov?" she says, swallowing her saliva.
"Who cares? You agree?"
The woman's face is covered with red spots, becomes confused and even somehow miserable.
“This is so unexpected…” she mutters, “what if someone comes in?”
Lomov does not answer anything, and only looks at the headmistress, enjoying her confusion.
Finally, having overcome her excitement, she presses the "selector" button:
“Lena don’t let anyone in to see me! I'm busy!"
Then she raises her eyes to Lomov and begins to unbutton her blouse with trembling fingers, the buttons do not obey her, she throws it, grabs the zipper on her skirt.
At this moment, Lomov slams the suitcase shut and takes it off the table.
"Best wishes!" he says.
"In what sense?" The headmistress asks bewildered.
"I changed my mind!" Arthur calmly answers and, without looking back, leaves the office...
He dreamed so much that he almost fell under the wheels and right on the pedestrian crossing. Some idiot on a tinted "nine" flashed in front of him, Arthur barely had time to bounce, but did not calculate his strength and fell into a puddle.
“No, that’s not good,” he thought, rising to his feet and shaking off the dirt from his jacket, “I need to drink urgently!”
* * *
The pub turned out to be very unpresentable, but this did not bother Lomov. Taking two mugs of beer, he hardly found a free table in the bluish smoke and finally took his first long sip.
- Your headmistress got nitpicking you up, and you are completely innocent of anything? - Arthur heard a dry cracked voice in his ear.
He raised his eyes and saw that a dubious appearanceg peasant with a week-long stubble and two mugs of light beer was sitting at his table. Since the question was purely rhetorical, Arthur merely chuckled vaguely in response.
Now ask me, how do I know this? - the stranger did not want to lag behind.
- What is this?
- Well, the fact that you were fucked by your headmistress for no reason at all?
- Well, how do you know that? - Said Arthur to get rid of the importunate type.
- It's very simple - I'm God! - The stranger said triumphantly. And noticing the bewilderment in the eyes of the interlocutor, he explained:
- Well, the one who created the Earth, the Sky and all this! - He glanced around at the smoky pub.
The life of Artur Lomov developed in such a way that he was not ready for such meetings.
"Yeah, that's exactly how I imagined you!" he chuckled sarcastically.
But the impostor, as it turned out, was not going to joke at all.
- What did you want? I look like this because of you! Because that's how you represent me! And if you were a Hindu, I could now have an elephant's head and a long trunk. What if you were a Mayan...
- Don't, I understand everything, - Arthur stopped him, - Just don't expect me to buy you beer!
- Do not make me laugh! I can create so much beer that it will flood not only your entire Moscow, but the entire planet! And what, not a bad idea - a worldwide beer flood! It is high time! Pathetic little people completely lost their fear, they do what they want! I created such a beautiful planet for you: blue seas, snow-capped mountains, shady forests, crystal waters of rivers! And what did you turn it into?
“Yes, the guy seems to be in trouble with his head!” - thought Arthur, listening to the ravings of an uninvited drinking companion.
Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.
- Well, if you are so omnipotent, could you, just as an entertainment, create for me, let's say a small suitcase with a million dollars? Lomov asked.
“I could,” reply the impostor, not at all embarrassed, “but I won’t. You see, money is such a thing… no matter how much they give you it anyway, very soon you will feel that this is not enough. I'd rather make sure you never need money at all. Is it coming?
Arthur shrugged vaguely.
- I will turn you, well, let's say ... - the stranger thought for a second, - into a rat!
“I don’t want to be a rat,” Lomov suddenly got scared, “they are vile and nasty!”
- No, no, just a rat! Big black rat! But not today, tomorrow. In the meantime, drink your beer!
- Wait! Don't turn me into anyone! - Arthur shouted, but the hanyga had already vanished into cigarette smoke.
* * *
Arthur could not get the key into the keyhole for a long time, and when he finally managed to open the door, he saw his wife in a dressing gown with a crumpled night face.
- Where are you hanging out? – Unkindly asked she, - Do you know what time it is? And why isn't the cell phone answering?
- The phone is dead. Probably ... - Arthur muttered, barely moving his tongue.
- You're l drunk! - The wife said and grimaced in disgust, - And with whom did you get so drunk?
- You will not believe - with God!
- Moron! - said the wife and slapped Arthur on the head with a slipper.
- I am not kidding! I actually drank beer with God and he promised to turn me into a rat! Tomorrow! - He suddenly felt funny, and he began to choke with laughter, - Imagine, tomorrow you wake up, and your husband is a rat, or rather ratman! But it's tomorrow, and now I want to sleep!
- You idiot, take off your shoes! - said the wife and went to the kitchen.
Lomov threw off his shoes with difficulty and went into the bedroom and, without undressing, collapsed onto the bed.
* * *
He dreamed of some nonsense: Margarita Nikolaevna, completely naked, in only shoes, walked around the office, scolded negligent employees, gave valuable instructions. The subordinates listened to her with a serious look and nodded their heads. And only one Arthur could hardly contain the laughter. But when the naked headmistress began to teach the electrician how to properly install the outlet, Lomov could not stand it and literally neighed out loud.
- Lomov, what's the matter with you? - Margarita Nikolaevna asked sternly, - Did I say something funny? By the way, how are you going to compensate for the colossal loss that you caused the company with your mistakes in the report? Do you have a million dollars?
- I have? – Surprised Arthur – Where?
- Then we could cut off your hand! - Suggested Margarita Nikolaevna, - Although wait! Say, are you drinking?
- It's good that you don't drink, and then we'll take your liver. Or not, better a kidney, because you have two of them!
And then Arthur saw a huge kitchen knife flash in the headmistress's hand. He realized that it was time to run, but his legs suddenly became wobbly and he could not budge...
* * *
Waking up the next morning with a sore head, Arthur first tried to understand why he felt so bad? Obviously, because he got drunk yesterday - that's clear. He strained his brain, and he managed to remember the scandal arranged by the headmistress, as well as the promise to fire him. After such it was a sin not to get drunk! But where? He didn't remember this.
However, there was no time to think, he was already late for work. Taking a sip of cold tea from a cup standing on the table, he quickly dressed and rushed out into the street.
* * *
Despite all the efforts, Lomov was still late for work. As soon as he sat down at his desk and turned on the computer, the secretary called and said that Margarita Nikolaevna urgently wanted to see him. His heart immediately felt ugly and cold.
Arthur honestly tried, following Chekhov, to squeeze a slave out of himself, drop by drop, but somehow it didn’t work out very well. He could convince himself as much as he wanted that the worst thing this woman could do to him was to fire him. Only and everything! But after all, he has arms, legs and a head on his shoulders; he will not die of hunger. But as soon as he was in the director's office, all logical arguments instantly evaporated, and only one animal inexplicable irrational fear remained. That vile, shrill voice pulled things out of the depths of his subconscious that he didn't even know existed. He literally physically felt how he began to decrease in size.
Even now, standing in front of the huge director's desk, like a delinquent schoolboy, he could not get rid of the feeling of his own insignificance.
“Not only are you unable to write an elementary report,” Margarita Nikolaevna’s voice boomed in his ears, “you are also late!” What do you not like about your work? Or do you want to be reduced?
Lomov suddenly imagined that he really was reduced, and at the same moment he saw how all the items in the director's office, including the hostess, began to grow rapidly. He did not immediately guess that in fact no one and nothing is growing, and that he himself is decreasing in size.
- Arthur Valentinovich, what are you doing? – Finally noticed the strange metamorphoses headmistress, - Immediately stop, I order you!
But Lomov was no longer able to stop anything. He was already looking at the edge of the director's table from the bottom up, and after a couple of seconds he realized that his height did not exceed the height of a woman's shoe.
- Rat! - Margarita Nikolaevna suddenly squealed and jumped onto the table with unexpected agility, - Lena, come here soon!
Whistling a few centimeters from his temple, the massive crystal ashtray hit the carpet with a dull thud, and Arthur realized that any delay could cost him his life. With all his might, he rushed under the closet, and a mobile phone and a few obscene words flew after him.
- Where is the rat, Margarita Nikolaevna? - asked the secretary, who came running to the cry.
- She hid under the closet! Call the guard as soon as possible, the closet must be urgently moved away before she runs away!
Realizing that he could not hide here, Arthur began to look for a way out and soon discovered a gap between the plinth and the wall. With difficulty, squeezing through a narrow opening, he found himself in a pier between the main wall and the plasterboard panels with which the office was sheathed. Only now did he feel relatively safe and tried to analyze the situation.
First, he realized that not only had he shrunk in size, but even worse, he had turned into a rat (he never liked rats). This followed not only from the screams of the headmistress (she could call her subordinate and not that way!) but mainly from the long bare tail dragging after him.
And only then Arthur remembered yesterday's visit to the pub and dubious type who called himself God.
It must be said that yesterday he treated his random drinking companion rather lightly, but now, under the pressure of circumstances, he was forced to admit that the impostor was far from being as simple as it seemed to him at first glance. Of course, he is no God, that's clear. But who? For some reason I didn't want to think about it.
Meanwhile, a security guard came and pushed the closet away. They searched for Arthur for a long time and unsuccessfully, but found only a gap in the wall.
- She probably climbed into this hole, - said the guard, - now you can’t smoke her out of there! Or you order to break the wall?
Then the supply manager and some other people came, made noise, moved the furniture.
This bustle tired Lomov, and he dozed off, and when he woke up, there was dead silence. Obviously, the working day has already ended and everyone has gone home. He was terribly hungry, however, not surprising, because he had not eaten anything since yesterday. And then his nostrils caught a delicious smell, it came from the director's office, seeped through the cracks in the wall, penetrated into the brain and caused painful salivation.
Overcoming fear, Lomov cautiously crawled out of hiding and, sniffing the air, moved in the direction of the source of the seductive aroma. Very soon he realized that the smell was coming from the drawer. Using the wires leading to the monitor, he deftly climbed onto the table, but the drawer was closed, and Arthur's weak rat paws were simply unable to pull it out. Luckily, there was a pencil on the table, he pushed it through the slot and, acting as a lever, opened the drawer rather quickly. To his disappointment, he found there only a pile of useless papers and a thick stack of five thousandth bills tied with an elastic band. The impostor did not deceive, now Lomov's money was not at all interested, out of annoyance he even shit on them, but this only increased the hunger.
“Did the devil pull me to ask this idiot for a million dollars?! - he thought, listening to the hungry cramps in his stomach - And yet, where does this smell come from? How can money smell so delicious!”
He rummaged through the entire drawer filled with stupid papers and finally found in the very corner under some kind of contract a small moldy piece of cheese. Well, yes, of course, it was cheese, only he could emit such an attractive aroma.
Arthur ate it in a couple of seconds and of course he didn’t sated a drop. Unable to resist, he even began to gnaw at the contract, soaked with a cheese smell.
- Are you eating contracts? Look, you will earn an ulcer! - Arthur heard a sly voice behind him and turned around. On the edge of the table sat a small but rather pretty white rat.
- Hello! My name is Larisa, - the rat introduced herself, - And you are Arthur from the sales department!
- Exactly, but how do you know me?
- Yes, I used to work in the logistics department; I was fired six months ago.
- Larisa from logistics? I remember you! - Arthur was delighted, - Such a pretty blonde, you still always wore very short skirts, our men just twisted their necks when you walked down the corridor.
- That's why I was fired.
- Wait, are you, too, like I used to be a human?
- All rats were once people, - Larisa remarked philosophically, - but fear turns a person into an animal.
- What kind of nonsense? - Arthur was skeptical.
- No nonsense. British scientists conducted research and came to the conclusion that over the past 40 years, the IQ in rats has increased by 10 points! And at the same time in all rats living in different parts of the globe.
- And what? Rats live next to people and learn all sorts of tricky things from them!
- Let's admit it. Do you know how many people disappear without a trace every year in our country? 80 thousand! A man went out to the nearest store for bread and did not return!
- Do you think they all turn into rats?
- Maybe not all, but many. We have become!
It was difficult to object to such an argument, and Arthur remained silent.
- What are we all talking about? - said Larisa, - you're probably hungry? Come on, I've got something from the New Year's banquet.
Larisa led Arthur to her hole, where a sumptuous dinner was waiting for them: there were half-eaten sandwiches with boiled pork and smoked sausage, and assorted fish, and of course cheese, a lot of cheese.
Satisfying his hunger, Arthur took a closer look at Larisa and suddenly realized that he liked her. And even her long bare tail now did not cause disgust, but rather seemed piquant. And what a wonderful smell emanated from her small, but such a dexterous little body!
Unable to resist the call of the flesh, he approached her from behind and put his paws on her shoulders.
* * *
- Darling! Do you want us to have little rats? - Larisa asked a few minutes later, snuggling comfortably on Lomov's shoulder.
- What? What other rats? Arthur didn't understand.
- Well, how? We didn't protect ourselves! And I am very prolific, in the last litter I brought twelve rats!
- Oh my God! Lomov groaned, “But you can’t do it somehow so that ... well, you understand!”
- Don't you want us to have little rats?
- No, you misunderstood me, that's not the point! It's just all of a sudden...
- What is unexpected? If you don't want little rats, say so!
- It's not that I don't want little rats. You see, this happened to you a long time ago, and in six months you have probably turned into a real rat, you feel like a rat and think like a rat. And I was still a human this morning...
- You were office plankton! - Larisa reminded.
- Okay, so be it! But I walked on two legs, wore a blue suit, a striped tie, and drank Gösser beer.
- You can get beer in the garbage dump, - Larisa suggested, - Sometimes unfinished bottles are thrown there.
- I don't want beer from the dump, damn it! - Arthur got angry, - And I don't want to be a rat! Why on earth should I be a rat? Why, Lord? There are so many real scums around: thieves, robbers, murderers, rapists, child molesters! Well, why me?!
“You and I seem to have such karma,” Larisa sighed sadly, “never mind. Let's sleep better, and tomorrow we'll go to the garbage heap and find you a Gösser beer.
* * *
Lomov fell asleep and had a wonderful dream. In this dream, he was human again.
He was lying in a small bright room on a clean sheet, covered up to his chin with a striped woolen blanket. The gentle spring sun shone through the window, and the soul was light and calm.
He thought that, perhaps, he should go to wash and already threw back the covers, but at that moment voices and noise were heard outside the door. Arthur returned the blanket to its place and pretended to be asleep.
People entered the room, through narrowed eyelids Lomov could only see through the legs and the skirts of white coats.
- But Semyon Arkadyevich, pay attention, a very interesting case! - said the first rather pleasant male voice, - Sick Lomov, he entered yesterday. Hypomanic arousal in an acute form, convinced that he is a rat. When the team arrived, he rushed around the director's office, biting, scratching, trying to hide under the closet, barely managed to calm him down. He was injected with 4 cubes of chlorpromazine. When he wakes up, for some time he will adequately perceive the surrounding reality, but after a few hours the effect of the drug will end.
- Very good! - Answered the second voice, - continue aminazin, add more phenazepam and electroconvulsive therapy. Who's next for us?
- Maklakov, Delirium tremens, entered three days ago...
The voices began to fade, the dream gradually melted away and Lomov found himself again lying in the rat hole. A white rat sat next to him and somehow strangely (with tenderness?) looked at him.
- Larisa? You? - He asked, looking at the animal.
- Well, yes, Larisa, who else?
- You know Larisa, I had such a strange dream here! - Lomov yawned, unable to restrain himself, - As if I had become a man again, I was lying in a clean, bright room, some people in white coats were coming and saying something. It seems like I got sick, I'm in the hospital, and they treat me.
- I, too, at first dreamed of something similar, but then everything went away, - Larisa reassured him, - And it will pass for you too!
- I do not want will pass! Vice versa. Understand - I do not want to be a rat, sleep in this stinking hole, and eat garbage! I want to be human!
- Unfortunately, this is a one-way street.
- In what sense?
- I asked to other rats. There has never been such a case that a rat became a man.
- And what, there is no hope?
- To be honest, not the slightest. Okay, stop talking, let's go have breakfast in the trash, otherwise yesterday we ate up all the supplies!
- I won't go, - Arthur answered and lay down, resting his head on his front paws.
- Okay, lie down. Then I'll bring you something delicious. Do you want rotten herring intestines?
"Then what do you want I to bring?"
- I do not want anything.
- You can't do that, Arthur. If you don't eat, you'll get sick and soon die!
- That's good, everything is better than this life!
- You know, Arthur, I used to think so too, but then I realized one very simple thing: since we exist as outcasts ...
- Outcasts? Lomov asked.
- Well, yes - rats, cockroaches, crickets and others ... So, since we are exist, then someone needs it!
- To whom? To office plankton? So that they look at us and rejoice that it is not they who have to rummage through the garbage in search of rotten herring intestines?
- Well, yes, at least. And don't forget that at any moment they themselves can be in our place!
- I don't want to be a scarecrow for these one-celled!
- And what do you want?
- Don't know. I don't want to live, that's what!
- We must be careful with desires, - Larisa warned, - they tend to come true!
- Well, let! I want to die and the sooner the better!
- Bad deed is not tricky. There are thousands of ways: you can deliberately climb into a mousetrap, or, for example, go out into the yard in the evening and shout: “Cats are motherfuckers!”
- Faggots! Cretins! Jerks! - Heard the cries of Margarita Nikolaevna from behind the wall, - I will fire you all; you will eat rotten meat in my garbage dump! I told you yesterday to catch a rat! Not only did this bastard gobble up a million dollar contract, but he also pissed off my money!
“Money can be laundered,” the financial director advised timidly, “now many do it!
- Here you take Mark Antonovich and launder this money as you want! And you, Igor Ivanovich, as the head of the security department, urgently take care of the rat! And so that by tomorrow morning I could see her corpse!
- Then I went for mousetraps? Igor Ivanovich asked.
- Go, do something already! Do not stand like idols!
* * *
Arthur not only did not go with Larisa to the trash, but did not even touch the delicacies that she brought him. He spent the whole day lying in the hole, with his head on his paws and staring dully in front of him.
But by evening, when there was no food left, hunger began to make itself felt. Thoughts of suicide disappeared somewhere; he wanted cheese, ham, grain, and most importantly more and more. At first he endured, trying to hide his cowardice, but then he could not stand it.
- Listen Laris, and there you have nothing left to gnaw? - he asked.
- No, I finished everything, you refused! - Answered Larisa, - But I think it's time to visit our headmistress's office. The working day is already over; no one will interfere with us.
Four mousetraps were waiting for them in the office, richly stuffed with cheese, sausage and even lard.
- Give me a pencil! Larisa asked.
Arthur climbed onto the table and brought a pencil. Larisa put it in a mousetrap and it snapped shut, breaking the back of the pencil.
- Well, now you can safely eat cheese! - She said.
While Larisa was fiddling with the next mousetrap, Lomov decided to look for food on his own, and very quickly found a saucer of flour in the corner behind the bedside table. True, the smell of flour was a little strange, but the hunger was so strong that he did not become picky.
- You're so funny! - Larisa giggled when she saw Arthur, - you have a white mustache, and the whole muzzle!
- Yes, I'm here ... I found flour ... - Lomov muttered and began to embarrassedly rub his muzzle with varnishes.
- Wait, are you eating flour? Larisa asked, and her gaze was filled with genuine horror.
- Yes, what wrong? - Arthur spoke slowly, involuntarily infected by her fear.
- I knew it! You could not be left alone for a second; you are like a small child! It's my entire fault!
- Wait a minute, explain plainly what happened?
- There is such an old way of killing rats and mice. Flour is mixed with alabaster and placed in a conspicuous place. Now you will be thirsty, the alabaster will mix with the water, the solution will immediately seize, and you will die a slow and painful death.
- What if you don't drink?
- Then you will die of dehydration. Not a very pleasant ending either.
Wait, you must be wrong! Maybe there was no alabaster in that flour? 'Cause I can't die, I'm so young!
- Okay, let's go; let's look at your flour! - Larissa sighed.
Lomov showed her the saucer; the rat carefully sniffed it and confidently sentenced:
- The smell of alabaster!
- And what will happen now?
- Now you're going begin to die!
- No, it can't be! After all, I have not even begun to truly live, only I was going to! And most importantly - for what?
- I don’t understand where all of a sudden such a thirst for life comes from? Just a few hours ago, you yourself wanted to die!
- I was a fool! And now I understand everything, I want to live! Live by anyone: a blind mole, a cockroach, a worm.
- Whoever you are, sooner or later you would still have to die. Or did you think you'd live forever?
- No, of course, - Arthur was embarrassed, - I just didn't expect everything to happen so quickly and ridiculously. I am not ready!
- Well, get ready, you still have time! I told you - you will go to die for a long time.
- Wait, Laris, it seems it has begun!
- What started?
- Well, what were you talking about. There is something going on inside of me. It feels like... I don't know what to say. It seems like everything is starting to turn to stone!
- I knew it! Well, go to look for your last shelter!
- What other shelter?
- The rat, when it feels that its end is near, leaves its relatives, looks for a secluded place and hides there.
- For what?
- Such is the law - everyone dies alone!
But I don't want to die alone! In fact, I just don't want to die! However, I think I've already said that.
- Of course he did! Come on; crawl away faster while you can still move your paws!
* * *
Arthur wandered for a long time through some basement passageways, crawled into holes, but could not find a quiet place anywhere. There was a rat smell everywhere, or even worse, a cat smell. Finally, he managed to find a seemingly suitable hole, he lay down on a pile of dirty rags, but as soon as he closed his eyes, some devils appeared and dragged him to hell.
"Put me down," he shouted, "I don't want to go to hell! For what? I didn't do anything wrong!"
In response, the devils grinned and were talking among themselves in an incomprehensible language. And when he began to struggle, they twisted his hands (now he had hands!) Behind his back.
But the worst began when they arrived at the place. The devils put a funnel down Arthur's throat and began pouring molten lead into him. However, maybe it was not lead, but silver, platinum, or some other white metal.
Then he vomited with this liquid metal, and then the funnel was inserted again, and everything started all over again. But this was not enough for the devils, and they began to pour the same metal into it only from the other side. His insides were swollen, and it seemed that they were about to burst. Unable to bear the torment, Arthur passed out.
And when he came to himself, he saw a girlish face of angelic beauty bending over him. And suddenly this angelic face approached him and dug into his lips with a passionate kiss.
"Maybe I'm in heaven!" thought Arthur.
- Stop overworking, Lariska, don't you see, he's already recovered! - A rather unpleasant female voice came from somewhere above.
Larisa pulled away and spat.
“I thought he would never recover!” she said, wiping her lips with the back of her hand.
- Where I am? Arthur asked, looking around.
- Where, where, in Karaganda! - Answered the second girl and rolled up with a cheerful laugh, - You better tell us fool, why did you eat cement?
- Cement? So it was cement? – Delighted Arthur, - Definitely not alabaster?
- We have Tajiks doing repairs, - the girl explained, - there are bags of cement in the corridor, so you ate straight from the bag. Dzhamshut came running, complaining, if your patients eat our cement, how can we repair? You had to do a gastric lavage, and out of habit you almost go to hell! Well, Lariska noticed in time, you can say, she saved your life!
The nurses left (he guessed that they were nurses in white caps and gowns) and Lomov began to inspect the room. On the wall, framed under glass, he noticed a rather strange document. Arthur got out of bed, walked over and began to read.
“A reminder to the new arrivals.
Eight levels of hell.
- Arbuda-naraka - hell of blisters. On a dark frozen valley, surrounded by cold mountains, there is a constant blizzard and snow storm. The inhabitants of this hell are naked and lonely, and their bodies are covered with blisters from the cold. The time spent in this hell is how long it will take to empty a barrel of sesame seeds, if one grain is taken every hundred years.
- Nirarbuda-naraka - the hell of swelling blisters. This hell is even colder and the blisters swell and explode, leaving the bodies covered in blood and pus.
- Atata-naraka - hell when shaking from the cold.
- Hahava-naraka - the hell of weeping and groaning. When the victim moans from the cold.
- Huhuva-naraka - the hell of chattering teeth. Terrible chills and chattering of teeth.
- Utpala-naraka - the hell of the blue lotus, when the constant cold makes the whole skin turn blue like a lily.
- Padma-naraka - lotus hell. A snowstorm covers the frozen body, leaving bloody wounds.
- Mahapadma-naraka - the great lotus hell. The whole body cracks from the cold, and the internal organs also crack from the terrible frost.
Staying in each next level is 20 times longer than in the previous one.
What awaits the unfortunate then Lomov did not have time to find out - a doctor entered the ward. He felt his pulse, pulled his eyelids back, examined his tongue.
- Well, the patient, I see - your condition has stabilized, it's time for the procedures! - He said in a cheerful voice.
- What other procedures? Arthur asked suspiciously.
- Shock cryotherapy.
- What is this? Never heard of such a thing!
- No wonder, this is my own technique. It consists in the following: the patient is stripped naked and placed in a special chamber, cooled to an extremely low temperature...
- Wait, I can't be frozen, I can't stand the cold! My skin is covered with pimples and starts to beat like a fever!
- Get used to, a person gets used to everything. Moreover, you have eternity ahead of you!
Are you a doctor; are you out of your mind? What the hell is eternity? Are you going to freeze me forever? My heart can't take it, I'll just die!
- It's you who are crazy, - the doctor objected, - and now we will treat you!
- Do not treat me, doctor! Yes, I admit, I was sick, but now I am cured. Believe me, I'm healthy! I adequately perceive the reality around me! For God's sake, let me go!
- Would a healthy person eat cement? - The doctor grinned sarcastically.
The orderlies appeared - Lomov recognized in them the very devils who poured liquid metal into him.
They blindfolded the patient and led him through the endless hospital corridors. Then he was taken for a long time in an elevator, as it seemed to him down, and then again there were corridors.
* * *
- I can't be frozen, - just in case, Arthur warned, when the orderlies suddenly began to pull off his clothes, - I'm allergic to cold. I will die immediately!
- Not anymore! - The orderly assured, continuing to undress Lomov.
- In what sense? - Arthur didn't understand.
- In direct! You probably think you're in a psych ward?
- Yes of course! Where else can they bully people like that?
- Wow, "above the people"! - The orderly chuckled, - But just a few hours ago you considered yourself a rat!
- I was wrong! But now that I have realized my delusions, there is no need to keep me in your terrible hospital!
- I told you, this is not a hospital for you!
- What then?
- The ancient Greeks called this place Hades, the Muslims Sakar, the Buddhists - Naraka, the Christians - underworld or just Hell. Atheists believe that there is no such place at all. Remember that jerk on the tinted nine?
- Wait, what do you want to say? But I managed to jump back!
- As you can see, you didn’t have time! - The orderly grunted sarcastically, - You died before the arrival of the ambulance!
- How did I die? Wait, I'm… - Arthur tried to object, but suddenly he realized that he was talking to himself.
He tore off the bandage from his eyes and saw that he was standing completely alone, naked in the middle of an endless snowy plain, and the icy wind was beating his face, tearing tears from his eyes, which immediately hardened, turning into ice.
There was no strength to stand still, and he went at random, trembling all over and falling into the snow almost up to his knees...
Im in phone , formating ~= weird , and english is my second language.
Like ... where do i begin?
In The pandemic i(amab 20) was super depressed cuz i couldnt see my friends was studying an online course that i hated while doing college and working for free with my dad, i felt guilty to even to out to buy bread for everyone cuz if i caught covid i could infect everyone, thus i just didnt go out and lost friendships, and my mental health too a dip and started questioning stuff, like how mom never NEVER gave a serious apology unless it made me feel bad and trauma bonded, like when I kept saying i couldnt do all the stuff i needed to do, cuz adhd stress and autism, she kept saying YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOU CAN DO IT , and when i trully tried and got Max grades she said "you only did your obligation... I I MEAN good job my son keep doing it(in a falsa você of compasion) then i focused only in college and forgot the rest, she complained but eventualy said i should focus on college instead of the course, i was happy cuz i could sleep, then she dug trough my stuff and found what she didnt like, a skirt , it helped me to calm down , she screamed at me asked if i wanted to be raped and beaten to a pulp, how she needed a man, and that i should trow it out, all while i was crying, 2 days later she trew it out... after a little while i tried to understand her side and try tô speak... i said i was depressed and felt Hurt even suicidal cuz of the stuff she did and said... i didnt like being called a pervert while she dug trough MY STUFF . She said i was distorting her words and that she should think abt HER FEELINGS. CUZ SHE FELT BAD AND I SHOULD JUST BE HAPPY!!!! CUZ SHE WAS DOING EVERYTHING FOR ME UNLESS ITD BEING EMPATHETIC!!!!! needless tô say i became even more depressed , she kept asking me what was wrong cuz Nothing should be... all she does is complain , when i try tô have a conversation she will scream or just... not listei? Like "hey mom you taught me how to Cook clean the house wash clothes só i would survive Alone.... idk if well but i would survive...." she started to laugh..." mom i cant help cuz i need to study" , "BUT YOU ONLY STAY IN YOUR COMPUTER!!" YES I SO COMPUTER ENGENIEERING!!! ALSO you made me chose a other college de degree 3 times cuz you didnt want to let me chose, só i chose the best option with half a sholarship, she still complains cuz instead of repaying the loans my dad forgot to pay directly to the school with no intrest in 10 months you chose to get a Bank loan and pay ir all in one go and send the Bill to dad. Also HIM AAAAAA IF I AM LESS THAN 100% COMPLIANT I AM WRONG ANS SHUT UP , THEYRE IN THEIR 50S AND HE STILL SCREAMS CUZ SOMEONE DIDNT SEND THE RIGHT DOCUMENTS ON TIME EVEN THO WE HAVE 2 HOURS LEFT AND WE CAN ASK AND WAIT OR SO THE CONTRACT OURSELVES, AND YES I WANNA SHAVE CUZ IT ITCHES AND THE DOCTOR SAID I SHOULD, BOTH OF THEM PROHIBITED ME OF WEARING NON WHITE SOCKS, CERTAIN SHOES , ME WALKING WITH MY HAIR UNTIED, ETC AND IF I DISAGREE ON AN OPINION I AM THE ANTICHRIST, no i dont think main media is comunist... nor gay or black ppl being the devil incarnate also the clasic "im not racist cuz black is a color not race but those damn BLACKS!!!" , " im not against the gays , but i dont wanna see 2 dudes kissing and holding hands in The street." I ... idk what to feel... when i talk with the rest of the family they say to not abandon them.... but i just want out... i dont wanna comfort my mom cuz she drank a wine bottle and keeps asking for us not to leve her in a retirement home , or how "you chose to be my son só if im a bad mother its your fault" cuz she belives that... i even ofered to pay for therapy for her, she said she didnt had the money and asked if i tought she was crazy...after braging on how much she spends on shoes. She has a hair saloon that dad is paying for and rent and remodeling and she still says that He doesnt care abt us. While He makes breakfest for everyone every day at 6 AM, also she forces me to go to an expensive clothing shop every 3 months or só tô buy 600 bucks of clothes that i dont want, when i complain that its my montly part time job salary she says i am a cheapskate... i...idk what tô feel ya know? Also its in brazil.
And i have a lot more stuff to say but its already a text wall. : p thanks for reading my rambling
My dad is very easily influenced by other people (his friends and family) as a result he didn’t contribute to my education after my 1st year in college. His family suggested he save his money for my marriage and he probably listened to them. My mom although she is a housewife arranged for my education money from her parents and brought me up. I am paying for my brother’s college. My father has zero contribution in any housework. He had mentioned that he wants me to do a registry marriage if I marry because he has no money to contribute to my marriage (I thought he didn’t contribute to my studies because he was saving for this!!!) Once I had pox my mom called him to come back home and he didn’t. And as he is nearing retirement now,wants to come back home as if nothing has happened and be involved.
He behaves as if he has no knowledge of the things he did and the trauma that we faced. When I was in class 6 I had to pay my school fees from my puja savings(money I received from my childhood in pujas) as well as our electricity bills because he just stopped sending money as he felt he didn’t have enough.
The major reason I broke up with my Ex is he kept wanting to meet my Dad. He didn’t understand why I wouldn’t receive my Dad’s calls. It was also partly my fault that I never mentioned the actual problems.
I am ashamed to mention this to anyone as I don’t think anyone’s responsibility as parents end by just giving birth.
His work is in some other city. His monthly earning is 2.5 Lakhs. He is supposed to send us money every month for my mom and my brothers education around 20K, as we live in a Tier 1 city.
Meanwhile he has paid for my cousin’s education and is very proud of her achievements which makes my mother annoyed. I have become numb to his words. I expect nothing. My mom is still very hurt by his words, very maternal and sensitive. I am scared to get married because who will look after her if I move away. My brother has seen all these trauma firsthand and still refuses to study and lessen my mom’s stress. I am nearing 30s now and my mom wants me to have a life get married so that I have someone who would take care of me. If such a sensible pretty and caring woman can have a man who still doesn’t pays for monthly sustenance and stops payment whenever he wants. I can’t think of stopping my job or having kids who would have to ho through what I went through. Questions that bug me — 1. Why does my mom gets affected by his words still? Is it expectations? 2. Why has my brother stopped studying at all after seeing all this firsthand? Shouldn’t his reaction be the same as me - to not depend on my dad financially? 3. My mom refused to take my money this month when my dad didn’t pay. What is wrong in me contributing to my family? Isn’t that something children are supposed to do? 4. Why is my dad so excited about my cousins studies and marriage? Aren’t you supposed to look after your own kids first? 5. Why suggest registry marriage if I am willing to pay for my own wedding? (I just asked him to pay for gold because he said he saved for it. Now he says the money isn’t liquid) 6. I literally don’t want to involve anyone from my parents side in my wedding but in AM that would be a red flag. But how am I responsible for someone else’s behaviour? 7. I got a job offer in Canada last year and it was a huge pay increment. However I cannot payback my mom’s kindness and sacrifices. I cannot think about going anywhere without a plan so I declined it. But now I feel I am losing my potential. I think I want to move out and get more experiences but my brother isn’t willing to do his anything for home like going with my mom for her health checkups, etc. Sometimes it feels very lonely but I don’t want to explain about my family to anyone. I have maintained a good cover over almost 2 decades.
Both my brother and father have anger and violent tendencies, so we don’t say much. He had beat my mom once or twice when I was young. And my brother still charges towards us if we talk to him about doing something in his life. He isn’t bad like he is a good guy but he has no responsibility towards himself.
He comes home and talks about the son/daughters of his colleagues going outside. I just listen silently.
I would have left everything behind if not for my mom who is too simple and has no support other than me.
I have started praying to God again, just to show me some light.
As you know, this is a business talk, and I wanted to ask some questions since I'm new to business. What should I be aware of when we meet up for a business talk? I know dressing up in a formal business suit would be a good choice, talking politely and getting straight to the point if possible, having a nice small talk before actually starting our main topic, and paying the bills. What else should I be aware of? Any ideas? Thanks a bunch!
Hi Everyone! I know this is the wrong sub to put this into and it's very hard for me to post this kinds of stuff since my whole life I've never asked help from anyone. I am a lone cat rescuer. I've rescued like hundreds of cats now, some of them re-homed, some released back outside while some were adopted by me. I usually adopt kittens. Like days old to few months old kitten. Kitten formula is not cheap like baby formula, if you want something as healthiest or closest to the real deal, you get the most pricey one.
Thankfully as of now I have no baby kitten in my possession. I do have 8 cats, 4 adults and 4 months old kittens. I just recently lost my job. Funny how no matter how much effort and skills you put into your job, you are just expendable to the companies. I was underpaid and negotiated my value by the management thought of otherwise and just let me go. I'm doing my best and bursting out of my comfort zone to find a job, or any job that will pay for my expenses.
As of now I need some help as things are looking pretty cloudy (more stormy as days past) for me. Any job posting I find I tried to apply but weeks have past and none responded. I'm getting pretty desperate and depressed as I have bills to pay but I'd rather put those behind as my priorities are my cats. I wake up for them everyday even if I feel like not waking up at all most of the time. I try to eat one decent meal per day and just stay hydrated to reduce my food costs.
I'm just getting back to my feet as I moved out from my abusive mother's place but things do tend to throw you into deeper pit as you start climbing back up.
Anyways, I set up a fundraising campaign and any amount will do and much be appreciated. Even if your small amount feels like a pebble to you it's still a stepping stone for me to get out of this pit of misery.
Send to Maya account 09422189121
His dad died last July from a heart attack and every time I think he’s managing better any time a topic comes up even incidentally/ mildly related to his dad he starts to shut down and will often times leave the room. I don’t talk about his father at all and he doesn’t bring him up a whole lot unless it’s something really positive but I can’t help but feel so angry when I see him getting sad to the point where I can’t even say the word “hospital” or “death” without him completely freezing up and getting sad.
For context, his father was an incredibly horrible person. He once pulled a gun to my husband’s head (while he was just a teen) and told him to leave the house because he tried to intervene while he was attempting to beat his sister. He left his mom when he was young for another woman and stopped financially supporting them, his mother couldn’t afford to pay rent and they were evicted and put on the streets (he didn’t even offer them a bed when they were evicted). I can’t type all the horrible things that man has done without getting angry or emotional. When I met my husband he was living with his dad but he was only welcomed there because he had a job and was helping to pay the bills. Covid hit and he lost his job and things were starting to get rocky in his household again. I wasn’t making much money at the time and I was fresh out of college but I pinched all the pennies I could so we could get our own place. Since we moved his dad’s illness started to worsen. He abandoned his health all together so when he had his heart attack last year there wasn’t much the doctors could do.
My husband feels guilty for leaving at times or not checking in enough. He’s also very fixated on the good memories he’s had with his dad and never acknowledges all the overwhelmingly bad ones. I struggle to empathize with his grief because it’s like I can’t unhear all he’s told me. I can’t uncry all the tears that I shed and all the nights I struggled really hard to make sure I could afford a place for us so he wouldn’t need his dad. We never argue about this or talk about this because I know we will both say things that each other doesn’t want to hear.
To clarify, I’m not invalidating his grief and I understand that a loss is a loss. When he cried for weeks after I stayed up at night consoling him and my heart truly broke with his. What I struggle with is the image he’s created of his dad since his passing. Like he was this idyllic father. I will never challenge my husband on the grief he feels but I just don’t know how to manage my own emotions towards it.
Tldr Husband’s abusive dad passed away last year and I’m struggling to support his grief knowing all the horrible things he did to him.
I started out in my early 20s as a concrete laborer. I’m in my mid 30s now and have my own concrete/masonry business. It’s small but pays the bills and allows me to save money. I have some back issues but nothing that keeps me up at night. I used to do a lot of it by myself until I got a machine and some help. I would always have finishers on call when I actually poured. Anyway. I didn’t really grow up with a father and my mother was kind of insane so I thank God I had the forethought early on to get on a crew with a group of guys and man up. I also sobered up during this time. Some of the greatest times I have had was working on crews. The characters you’ll meet lol. I don’t know how my life would have gone if I went any other direction. I’m still young now and my body hurts, I have to watch what I eat and I go to the gym daily to stretch and do calisthenics. If I do those things I feel great. It’s the days I sit around I feel the worse. What I’m saying is I don’t really regret going into a trade. I’ve been outside, I’ve done work for homeowners that they are happy with. I’ve talked to so many different types of people whether working or just doing estimates. It’s helped me deal with people, to be more personable, to not be a push over. I was always very shy growing up. Hard work is a good thing, I agree you can overdue it to the point where you hurt yourself. But mentally? I doubt there’s anything else better than hard work/exercise. You don’t worry about much when you’re busting your ass, you’re present. I’m not an idiot but I’m not a genius either. The trade has been good to me. The money didn’t come easy either so I believe I spend it more wisely. Anyway, thanks for listening,lol
Hey, I've been reading here for a while. And thanks to this subreddit and other ADHD subs I finally realised this might be me as well. Got diagnosed a few weeks ago (ADD + PTSD) and now I should get tested for drugs and what not to get medicated.
I just realised this is going to be a wall of text that makes no sense probably. Also english isn't my first language....
I have effed up in so many ways. Financially I'm in trouble (debts because I just haven't been able to pay the bills because of symptoms and sick leave). Mentally I am a mess, stressing over money and the fact that if only I'd be able to work..... So I got a part time job. Last week as I was leaving home for my shift I made sure to wake up early (couldn't really sleep because mornings are stressful) and tried my best to function. Only to suddenly realise my "leaving home neurosis" had somehow made me late. Spent the shift dissosiating and thinking I should just be dead (not sui*idal though).
Am also moving in together with my wonderfully supportive boyfriend, who is the first person in my whole life with whom I've felt safe to be fully myself with. He is aware of everything that's going on with me, I haven't felt the need to mask and outright lie about my struggles.
As great as it is to move in together this past week has just been super overwhelming and today I woke up feeling physically sick (nausea and feverish) which sent me to a full panick attack. We still have so much to do until thursday and then I'm supposed to work again on saturday. But here I am, brain telling me I'm a complete fuck up, crying and hyperventilating feeling like my mind and body are failing me.
I hate this so much. I hate myself. I feel like a fraud since I am already 32 and somehow I was able to get stuff done (pretty darn well even) for about 31 years. How is it that I can't access that perfectionistic person I was before? How do I get my mask back? She was able to get ish done at least, even though she wasn't really me nor happy.
If anyone read this far, thank you.
been crushing on this smart girl for a long since i was transfered in the school,she always treats me as a close friend from the beginning even after i made a very bad mistake to her
we sometimes talk over text shes quick to respond too, she also wants me to join whenever us friends go out and even ask one of our friend to add me to a gc, she laughs at my jokes and we point and laugh when we unexpectedly look eachother, shes thankful when i pay the bill for her food
shes truly one of the people that actually accepts me even how i look and sometimes act
i eventually told her how i feel about her at the last day of the school year and she said shes fine with it, she didnt reject or friendzoned me, even tho shes been in the talking stage with her crush
whats ur thoughts? also did this to remove it from my chest
I am currently working on paying off my mortgage - not far off. My next step is to build a dividend portfolio that begins to replace all monthly debited bills (water, gas, electric, sewer, internet, cell phones, car insurance, netflix, etc).
Is there a brokerage that you can set up to automatically send dividends received into a checking/debit account? My goal is to point the gas bill directly to that checking/debit account. My gas bill is $25/mo - If I save up and buy 100 shares of O ($0.255/share dividend payed monthly) with this set-up, I hypothetically will never pay my gas bill again, and I just gave myself a $25/mo raise. And I wouldn’t have to pay the bill monthly ever again. At least that is the thought.
Thanks all for the help,