Bbl costume little girl

Trying to understand..
Here i am.. Having a really hard time understanding where the breakup came from..
We were doing absolutely fine, three days before i came home after being away.. And he was All smiles and happiness of seeing me.. He said that he really wanted me home, cause he just sleep better with me. Prior to the breakup he afsked me to cuddles, cause he really needed me. And he stated to weeks before and told his Family, that i was the girl he was gonna marry and have Kids with.
Then we had a small fight, and he admits that he out of the blue startes having a doubt about us, he couldnt really shake.. That he was tired All the time, and was lacking surplus, and that the only reason for that must be me. Besides the fact that his father just got diagnosed with terminal cancer, and my life was on the line due to an ectopic pregnancy.. And he has been working from 8am to 11pm 4 days a week..
A little knowledhe about him. He is 30 years old, he works as a full time bartender. He has an undiagnosed adhd disorder, and had a troubled youth. He only let his friends in on the happy joyful part of him, never more. I was the only one Besides himself who knew him. And still there was a lot of things i never knew. He has a troubled mind, thought flowing All together, lack of control in the thoughts.. Hard time figuring almost anything personal out. His job is his life, and some what an addiction.. Its being used to justify his weekendly alcohol abuse. He cant see for himself he needs help, and nobody Else really knows.. Cause they only see the good parts of him.
He said the pregnancy caused the doubt to start, and that he just wanted his life back. He has been struggling always, he parties a lot(every chance he get to drink) , and is a hug workaholic..(full time bartender).. Everything after work is just a lover.. Nothing quite compares.. So he took the decision to cut me out of his life, rather than realizing that the job he has is causing him to have a toxic relationshlp to alcohol.. And that it stresses him out a lot, and that he need someone to talk to. I think he thought it was easier letting me go, than potentially losing me like that again.. I know he loved me very much..
And here i am breaking.. Hoping he will realize what he lost.. I am really trying to understand this, but it just seem so meaningless.. Why leave someone you love, just because you get scared?

I should preface this by saying I love this woman and don't want it to end. But I can't seem to get over my trauma and learn to trust her.
It's nothing she did that caused it in the first place, I was in a long relationship prior which ended because I got cheated on. I suspected for a while and was told all the generic lines. She flirted with one of her friends and said she had a flirty personality and I accepted it and let it go. Well, turns out they celebrated their one year anniversary 6 months after we broke up. I was heartbroken and it took me a year before I even cared about wanting anything intimate.
In comes my new partner. I fell for her very quickly, we bonded like we were meant to be for each other, which js hard for me as I have autism and am really shut off and uncomfortable with most people. She just dragged me into being comfortable with her.
A few months in I started to get anxious when she started flirting a male friend and she blamed it on having a flirty personality. And I explained my past which she seemed to understand. But it started to trigger trauma in me still.
She has trauma of her own from the past and I put all of my effort into respecting it and taking things slow for her, to the point where she didn't even get nude around me till 2 years in, we still have yet to have sex as her traumas revolve around that.
I don't bring up the topic often and when I do she doesn't talk about it for long before changing topics, later I learn that her and a friend she has been talking to for a little less than I've known her have been talking about sexual stuff constantly, her likes and dislikes and all that jazz.
She even divulged that at one point he tried to hook up with her and was thinking about her while "busy" even though she had told him she was in a relationship from the start. Knowing that my alarm bells started ringing and I started to panic again. I brought it up but was told to trust her which I've tried to do, I regularly talk with her about my anxieties and the like caused by my issues but she refuses to meet me at my end and stop flirting and having sexual conversation with other people when she won't with me.
It's starting to get to the point where I see her smiling and biting her lip while looking at her phone and I look at discord to see him pop on and offline when she looks at it. My trauma and worries about her cheating are starting to surround my every thought with her and no matter how much I tell her and look for support I get no help on her end, I'm just told to trust her and it sets off all the alarm bells from my past as it's all the same. I feel like I'm going to fall apart if I keep being terrified of her cheating on me.
Do I ask for a break in our relationship to try and get help for my trauma or do I tough it out at the same time as therapy? Or do I do something different. I want to marry this girl, but I can't get past my trauma.

(Part 1/2) I went on two trips with a friend and caught feelings. Now she’s moving and might get back with her old bf
TLDR: I caught feelings for a girl. She’s moving back to Madrid soon and might be ignoring me in favor of her old relationship.
I (20M) studied abroad in Spain a little over a year ago and met a girl (24F) from Italy at the end of my time there on a trip to Ibiza. My flight home was out of Madrid where she was studying, and she ended up showing me around town on my last night in Spain. All of this was just as friends.
We kept in touch and I would text her in the mornings occasionally over the summer because I had a really boring job that started before any of my American friends were awake. Around the end of the summer, my on again off again relationship with my high school girlfriend came to an abrupt conclusion because she started dating a guy at her university. I had started having feelings for the Italian girl after she showed me around Madrid, but after this point I became much more emotionally invested.
We began to talk over the phone after a while because I started learning Italian. I honestly only really practiced because I liked talking to her and was struggling to find girls at school I really connected with outside of just a hookup after a messy end to my relationship with my high school girlfriend. After about two months of practicing Italian once every week, she mentioned that she wanted to go on a trip to New York and asked if I knew anywhere for her to stay. I told her I had never been but would ask some friends I knew who lived there. I gave her a list of my friend’s recommendations and added that I would love to see NY too if she wanted someone to go with her.
That trip never materialized but about a month later (in November) she planned a trip for March and invited me. It was honestly the main thing that kept me going in an otherwise really rough semester. I built up the trip so much in my head.
The time came and I went to New York. (We split all of the costs of the trip evenly) We had a great time and saw all the sights at record pace. The first night she was so jet lagged that she went to bed at 9:30. The second day we had lots of fun and the awkwardness of the whole situation wore off. I ended up making a move on her while we played Uno the card game on her bed that evening in our hotel room. We made out but when my hands started drifting lower she stopped me and said she was in an off again on again thing with her ex-boyfriend who she had starting dating 10 years ago(different from the guy later in the story) and it was kind of an emotional time for her.
After that, we just laid in her bed and talked about life for a while and made out a few times until we finally started having sex. We had more and more every day. She came onto me every morning and every night. We kept running out of condoms and eventually stopped using them. I was having such an amazing time. The trip was more than I had even dreamed of. I fell in love, I honestly don’t believe I have ever felt the same way about any other girl. By the end of the trip we were holding hands walking around, kissing in public, and she was leaning her head on my shoulder on the subway.
After probably the best week of my life up to that point, I walked her to the subway station, gave her a long hug and a kiss. We promised to keep in touch and she gave me a 20 cent Italian euro coin that had an image of a statue we saw at a museum over that trip on it. I watched her disappear into the subway and felt genuinely sad.
When I left for college my high school girlfriend insisted on dropping me off. I was indifferent about it. She called me from the airport crying after I had moved in and I cared but definitely didn’t feel the same way. When the Italian girl went down the subway steps I had a few hours until my own flight home and sat in the hotel restaurant playing with the coin and thinking about her. It was the first time in my life I was genuinely depressed about someone leaving. Maybe it was because I didn’t know if I’d ever see her again or maybe it was simply because of the amazing times we had but for about two weeks I was pretty depressed.
While we were in New York we had talked about visiting each other over the summer but made no real plans. About a month after returning from New York I mentioned to her the possibility of me visiting in May before summer pricing made the flights too expensive. At first she seemed a bit weirded out that I had mentioned visiting so soon after our first trip but then seemed to understand the price increase and was 100% on board for any trip I planned. (We split all of the costs of the trip evenly)
I came to Rome and expected to take it slowly at first because I hadn’t seen her in a while. As soon as we get to the hotel though she came onto me and we started having sex. We didn’t miss a beat and had more sex than in New York. I even made her squirt for the second time in her life. We were having a blast and she seemed just as into me as I was into her.
We traveled all over the country in a week and began hinting at feelings for one another. I had always talked about how if I were to live anywhere in the US after graduation I would go to St. Pete Florida. One night we were up talking about life which had become pretty common, and she mentioned that she would like to live in Florida and would want to live by me if she did. She also asked me to visit her in the town(in Italy) that she had just gotten a new job in. On the last day in Italy I got really sick. Fever, chills, nausea. Everything. She took really good care of me and I managed to make it out for dinner and we had a good time. She asked me to stay a bit longer because she was having such a great time. I told her I had a class in Oklahoma that I had to go to but otherwise I would honestly consider it. She (maybe not seriously) told me to take her with me….
(Part two linked) explains more. My question is…. What do I do next when she goes from being super into me to ignoring me over the course of a few days without me doing anything different or wrong?

I [M23] broke up with my ex [F24] about a little over a year ago. For the first half post breakup I didn’t want any kind of intimacy at all. Since then I’ve focused on my health, lost a ton of weight, changed jobs and now in recent times I’m really missing/wanting sex. I’ll meet girls and it seems like they just wanna stay friends or have no interest in doing anything relationship wise and to keep things platonic. It just seems like every connection I try and make ends up being a bust. Am I just bad with people? Do women find me repulsive? Maybe I want sex too much.

This little girl has always been stunted but only in the lasr few days it's started to develop these colors. I've never had issues with calmag deficiency in the past so I'm curious as to why the leaves are looking like this

I’m sorry if this has been asked before or a million times already but I’m new to this sub.
I adore junk jewellery, especially crazy earrings, but with that comes very sore ears, so I can’t wear them everyday.
So I had an idea that I do tiny stretches and put in legit good quality plugs then I can put my costume earrings through them, that way they’re not touching my ear holes, no irritation and I can be cool every day instead of just every third day when my ears are no longer sore.
Has anyone done this or is it a stupid idea? Will the weight of earrings ruin them? Do I need to wait a specific amount of time before wearing earrings through them?
I don’t know if it’s worth mentioning - I did used to have stretches about 16 years ago, I’m not sure of the size but they could hold a cigarette, (16 year old me thought this was so unbelievably cool) they healed perfectly to just earring holes with me wearing little hoops in them around 10 years ago - I don’t know if this will make a difference / make it any easier / harder etc. or if it’s just useless information but I’m mentioning it anyway (I used those plastic pointy sticks to do it which I now know from this sub that it is wrong but is that going to make a difference too, could I have any hidden injuries that may reappear)?

For context - I work at a club as an AV tech, so I usually dress very casual in old jeans, plain black parka and t-shirt and stuff like that. I usually stay in my own little booth with minimal social interaction and hidden out of sight. So I don’t really bothering dressing myself up.
Today, I finished up my shift around 4AM and went to get food at one of the few places open at this time in my city. Everyone that’s walking around is coming from clubs and bars. They’re all very well dressed and I already felt pretty out of place.
I ordered my food and was just standing around when I overheard the group standing a few feet away from me. One of the girls was asking them, “Why is he so dirty?” “I dunno I think he has depression,” replied one of the guys. I looked around and there was no one else there that looked dirty in my book. It literally felt like I was punched in the gut and it made me nauseous.
I literally showered 7 hrs ago, shampooed my hair, and trimmed my beard. The only thing I can think of is that I haven’t had a haircut in a while, and I kinda thought I look cute like this. Like yeah I do have depression but I’ve been putting effort into self care recently. Now it feels like it doesn’t even matter.
Do y’all think I’m overthinking this? Should I just get rid of all facial hair and get a haircut?

The room has shrouded itself in a cloak of darkness, a sombre lullaby whispering its melancholic tune, smothering the ears, coaxing you into slumber. Now is the time. But partial rest is not befitting this moment; vengeance is what it demands, eternal rest. Oh, how serenely you repose, you delicate, innocent child. A casualty of infidelity, suffocated by the treachery of your wanton mother and contemptible father. You were meant to be mine...
Fear not, sweet baby girl, for soon you shall find solace in eternal sleep, embraced by the stillness of eternity.
Now, then, how in the world can I accomplish this?
Ah, I've done it! I've stirred your tiny finger, unless it was merely a spasm... No, it moved again.
You see, it was your father who took my life. Oh, I had attempted to take his first, mind you, but then he indulged in pleasures with my wife, your dear mother. So, I apologize for the unfortunate circumstance, but it is not personal, my dear. I could not bear to exist in the afterlife, potentially for an eternity, while they revelled in their happily ever after.
Yet, in this realm, I shall watch over you. You may join me, if only I could manage to mobilize your stubborn limbs...
Listen closely, for I am uncertain how my ethereal essence will fit within your fragile form for full control. Possession has proven to be more challenging than anticipated, but that may be due to your mere few months of existence. Perhaps I shall attempt to curl up into a ball, compacting myself to gain entry. Would that be acceptable to you?
Ah, there we are! Your legs are moving as well. Well done, my little one. Now, let us endeavor to stand...
Good Lord, what weight you carry. Is the gravity different in your mortal plane? Ah, yes, I nearly forgot that you are yet to walk.
I had initially planned to guide you down the stairs, but I failed to consider the confines of this abode and how it appears to stretch endlessly to the ceiling from this vantage point.
Very well, shall we attempt to turn you over? Although, I must confess, there is the possibility of suffocation. But fear not, for you are already in a slumber.
Why couldn't your mother succumb to overwhelming stress and anxiety? Then, I could possess her wretched, unfaithful body, plunge a blade into your father's heart, and cast her out the window. Rest assured, I will do so once I am through with you. This is merely the initial phase of the grand design. You shall comprehend when you are older. Well, no, you shall not have the opportunity to grow older, but you would have understood.
Did you know they interred my remains in the garden? I still linger there even now, in a state of mild decomposition, considerably less appealing than before. Nevertheless, I am far more attractive than your father.
Right, here we go. Let us prepare to roll, my darling, in one... two... three...
No, no, do not cry! Blast it all. I should have deactivated the baby monitor. Stay right there... you are going nowhere.
There we are. However, your mother is approaching; I can discern her hurried footsteps ascending the staircase, that boorish creature.
Good heavens, it feels peculiar to have a door pass through one's incorporeal self.
Don't turn her, leave her be...
Damn, you wretched harlot! Embrace this unicorn teddy strike to your thick skull!
Yes, gaze around, for you shall find nought but darkness. If you dare turn her around once more, you shall face yet another strike. Do you realise how fucking hard that was? No, I refrain, I must not fuck this up. That's right, close the door behind you...
Hush now, my precious one, succumb to slumber. Once more, I shall undertake this feat, liberating you from this tainted realm.
Just surrender to the embrace of sleep, my darling. Let your eyelids drift shut. And now, we shall proceed.
Fingers, check. Toes, check. Are you ready? On the count of three... two... one... and roll...
Roll...
Blast and fuck, why is this blanket so confoundedly tight?
We shall prevail, my dear, as I keep watch over you throughout the night. There is a tranquil essence to observing your slumber, a serenity in being here by your side. You may not be mine by blood, but I shall forge an eternal connection. Just not tonight. Tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow seems auspicious.

Hi guys, I'm a girl and I went through a trans OCD episode 2 years ago. It lasted around 3 months and it felt like hell. Fyi the thought about me being trans came out of the blue with little prior warning and I felt someone punched me in the face. I didn't know why I was thinking all these things, they didn't make sense to me. I felt as if my brain was pushing me to be a man, even though the idea of being a man made me want to throw up. I used to spend 8-9 hours a day doing compulsions such as: doing hundreds of am I trans tests, thinking about my past if there were signs, I always checked how I felt, I checked my body, I check if the way I talk is manly or if any body moves I made were manly as well. I was going through so much anxiety to the point compulsions stopped working for me.
I got over it somehow and and I was finally myself again and I was happy. I was looking at myself in the mirror and felt euphoric.
Just so you know I am a masculine girl, even though that's not always the case. Sometimes I feel masculine and other times I feel feminine. Either way I feel like myself and there's no gender dysphoria or any thoughts of me wanting to be a man. For me, being masculine doesn't make me want to be seen or treated as a man.
So fast forward two years later, about four days ago this thing came back to haunt me. It started suddenly. Like I looked at my breasts for a moment and my brain was like: you don't want your breasts, you want to be a man. And I started panicking. Started doing compulsions again and so on. There are times where I don't feel anxiety at all, just an uncomfortable feeling and a tightness in my chest and I feel sad and frustrated. The reason as to why I may not experience so much anxiety all the time, is because before I relapsed I used to watch transgender people in the media and I didn't react and didn't feel the need to question myself because I knew who I was. Maybe it was a form of ERP.
The thing is, sometimes when I'm around other girls who are super girly, make me feel like an awkward teenage boy, because I I'm not girly enough and I feel very insecure and I hate that feeling. But now ocd tells me I'm just trans and that is a big sign. Now everything feels so real and I've lost myself. My brain tells me I'm faking being a girl and I even stopped looking at myself in the mirror because I don't know who I am anymore. I feel so lost.
I'm into men, so every time I see a handsome one my brain goes like: you want to be like him, you don't like him. The thing is I never thought of being a man, never was jealous of boys, never wished to wake up in a men's body. I have guy friends, 2 to be exact, but never felt the need to be one.
Oh and another thing, there's this Snapchat filter that makes you look like a guy if u r a girl. I tried it weeks back before the relapse and I found it so funny. And I was like: if I was guy I would look hot and laughed about it. But it was true, I looked good but that didn't make me want to be a guy. I tried that filter yesterday and I started shaking. What if it isn't just the fact that I found myself attractive and want to be like this? What if all those characteristics that I find attractive in a guy are just signs I want to be a man?
I feel so lost and disconnected from myself. I don't know, my brain tells me I'm in denial. I'm so afraid to start to recover because I may end up actually being trans. I hate it so much. I really support the lgbtqia+ community but I don't want to be trans.
I haven't been diagnosed with OCD before because there's no licensed professional where I live. I've also been through HOCD, contamination OCD, fear of being blasphemous, intrusive thoughts I want to harm myself and my family, intrusive thoughts that Im a pedophile. I always felt, since I was a kid, that something wrong was going on with my brain and I didn't know what. 2 years back when I had my first TOCD episode, was when I found out it may be OCD and I realized so much to it. But now I don't even know. Everything feels so real and my brain tells me this time is different and it's not OCD.
What do you think guys? And if it's OCD do you have any tips as to how to start recovering?
Sorry for the long post, I needed to get this thing off my chest.
P.S. sorry for any mistakes that I made. English is not my mother language.

Okay, so I’m a little confused. My (21 F) best friend (21F) always kisses me when we’re both drunk. She knows I’m bi and never tries to kiss me while sober or anything like that. It’s never like a full make out session or anything, but it’ll usually be a few pecks on the lips. She’s straight and has a boyfriend, but has mentioned being bicurious in the past (not in a suggestive way towards me or anything, but she’s mentioned it a couple of times in passing).
She and I recently went out with one of our guy friends who I have a crush on. She not only kissed me in front of him while we were both wasted, but she actually sent a selfie of us kissing to him. She’s kissed me a couple of times in front of her boyfriend too, and he doesn’t seem to mind.
I don’t really know how I feel. I’m not mad at her or anything like that, and I would like to clarify she’s definitely not violating me or anything like that because I always I agree to it. I love her a lot, but I’m definitely not romantically attracted to her. I’m rarely attracted to women and she’s not my type. I only kiss her because I’m drunk enough where I don’t really care either way and I also don’t want to hurt her feelings by saying no. It’s honestly my fault for not having the self-respect to say no sooner, but I kind of didn’t know if this behavior is normal between girl best friends or not so I just went with it.
I guess I’m looking for advice on how to start saying no without hurting her because I really do value our friendship. I’m also open to hearing any guesses about why she does this. I’m kinda assuming it’s an attention thing, but idk. Please try not to judge me too harshly, I’m a little embarrassed to talk about this and I didn’t really know who to ask for advice.😭

Last year there was a kid named Monty in one of my summer camps. Their name made me picture a posh little boy, but it turned out to be the most Southern little girl I've ever met. Turns out that Monty is short for Montana.
What other nns vs full names are like this?

Was just walking north up Van Ness, and near the intersection of Golden Gate Avenue some tech bro looking guy tries to mean mug me. I ask him what’s up but he ignores me and tries to walk past, and as clumsy as he is his face bumped into my hand. Then for no reason at all he swung at me but missed by a mile lol. He then scurries away and calls my police buddy who then calls me to laugh at lil tech bro whining and tattling like a little girl even after attempting to punch me.
Crazy times these days with nerdy zit faced tech bros having no manners on the street and punching skills like my side chicks’ 2 yr old girl.

I'm 20F, so I'm stuck in this toxic cycle of friendship. I met this girl (20F) in my first year of college, we clicked instantly and became very good friends. We did everything together, and we were super close. During the end of 2nd year of college, I came into a relationship with a guy and exactly after 3 weeks she was also in a relationship. At first, things were fine but after a few months I started feeling kinda lonely. She had made friends with all the people who were friends with her boyfriend and was always spending her time with them. As a result, i started spending more time with my boyfriend. Few more months passed and we stopped talking. We didn't fight, nothing really happened. I was super hurt when she found a new friend. When i confronted her she told me she started talking to another girl because she felt lonely. Since then over the last year, we've been going back and forth, sometimes we talk and sometimes we don't. I'm the one who's always approaching her, asking her if something's wrong and she never really put an effort. She simply found a new friend and is doing everything with her that she did with me, which hurts me a lot and also makes a little jealous. Even the thought of dealing with her, seeing her face gives me anxiety, my heart starts racing and I have trouble breathing normally. And it's bad because I'm her roommate. I just want some advice on how i can move on. I can't completely cut her off from my life because we have a mutual friend group. I just don't want to give her any attention or any f*cks. How can I let go of this friendship. Because I kept approaching her thinking that I might restore the friendship that we had before but she's changed as a person. And i want to detach from her and the idea of us being friends again. How can I do that?

Hello everyone, first time posting here or really much of anywhere but I have been lurking on this subreddit for the last couple weeks because I really have not been sure if telling my story would make me feel better, but here we go.
So first a little backstory, I am not the most traditionally attractive guy, but I have always put up a front of confidence and charm. So I will admit when I was younger especially I had very little issues talking to women. Despite this my love life has been quite the shit show. The main incident that is relevant to my story now happened a few years ago, I got engaged to my best friend of years and while when I talk about it to most people I simply say "oh it just didn't work out" the harsh reality is that she died and while I have had years to heal I still can't handle the look of pity if I tell them the truth.
Despite the loss of my fiance and best friend I moved on, as I know that's what she would have wanted for me. I went to college, first of my family, and had several relationships there. However, all of them where not long term or super serious, all where either sexual in nature or had known limited life spans,.like knowing the relationship was going to end when she graduated ect.
Then one day I met a girl, on a random chat site no less, and we hit it off. Now I have no idea what it was that drew me to her so strongly, she was kind, smart, beautiful, sexy, and just had this way of making me feel like through her eyes there was no man that could compare. She encouraged me to be the best I could be and washed away my insecurities. She truly helped me be a version of me I was proud of, and in return I was always there for her, I loved her, I did anything I could to make her happy. That was the big thing I just wanted her to be happy, and for quite some time she seemed like she really was.
We dated long distance, sadly of course she lived on the other side of the world but I had gotten my visa and had plans for me to visit after I graduated. For almost 2 years er where happy. Then a couple months before our 2 year anniversary she tells me she wants to break up, she is crying and saying how much she loves me but that the fact she found someone she can see herself spending her life with at such a young age terrified her, she was 21. I was heartbroken the first woman I let myself truly love since my fiance died was breaking up with me because she had met me too early? Despite this her happiness is what mattered most to me and I decided I would be supportive in any way I could. However, the way she treated me post breakup up is really what got me.
I understood she would have to distance herself to some degree, but she distanced herself hard, she treated me as if I was an ex that abused her, she did not trust me with things, and she made it very clear most the time randomly that we where never getting back together. I thought we had a genuine special connection and even if we where not together I thought we could translate that connection into a supportive friendship.
Two weeks after the break up, she sent on a date, it hurt but I understood and was not mad. However this guy did something to her that is not my place to talk about. I could tell she was hiding something next time we talked and I hate that I made her tell me what was wrong because it felt manipulative and that's not who I ever wanted to be. Anyway after hearing what he did I pleaded with her to not see him again for her own sake, she made it clear she was because he turned out to also be her drug dealer and she had taken up smoking a lot more than she had before which I did not have an issue with. Than on the day that would have been our two year anniversary I noticed she removed me as a friend on various platforms and I asked her about it, I wasn't blocked, she does not like blocking people. All she said was that she had a new boyfriend (the guy previously mentioned) and that he nor her was comfortable with her talking to me. And that was that have not talked since, I know it is her choice to live her life how she wants but I can't not worry to some degree about someone I loved so dearly.
Now for the first time I feel more alone than even when my fiance died. I treated my ex right, did everything I could and it still was not enough. I have always been a romantic stoic, that is to say no matter what happened in my love life I persevered but now I just don't know how to feel. Simply put I feel empty and for the first time in my life feel like maybe love is not meant for me.
I know this was long so thank you to anybody and everybody that took the time to read this, I hope you all genuinely are happy and are having a wonderful day/night.

Here i am.. Having a really hard time understanding where the breakup came from..
We were doing absolutely fine, three days before i came home after being away.. And he was All smiles and happiness of seeing me.. He said that he really wanted me home, cause he just sleep better with me. Prior to the breakup he afsked me to cuddles, cause he really needed me. And he stated to weeks before and told his Family, that i was the girl he was gonna marry and have Kids with.
Then we had a small fight, and he admits that he out of the blue startes having a doubt about us, he couldnt really shake.. That he was tired All the time, and was lacking surplus, and that the only reason for that must be me. Besides the fact that his father just got diagnosed with terminal cancer, and my life was on the line due to an ectopic pregnancy.. And he has been working from 8am to 11pm 4 days a week..
A little knowledhe about him. He is 30 years old, he works as a full time bartender. He has an undiagnosed adhd disorder, and had a troubled youth. He only let his friends in on the happy joyful part of him, never more. I was the only one Besides himself who knew him. And still there was a lot of things i never knew. He has a troubled mind, thought flowing All together, lack of control in the thoughts.. Hard time figuring almost anything personal out. His job is his life, and some what an addiction.. Its being used to justify his weekendly alcohol abuse. He cant see for himself he needs help, and nobody Else really knows.. Cause they only see the good parts of him.
He said the pregnancy caused the doubt to start, and that he just wanted his life back. He has been struggling always, he parties a lot(every chance he get to drink) , and is a hug workaholic..(full time bartender).. Everything after work is just a lover.. Nothing quite compares.. So he took the decision to cut me out of his life, rather than realizing that the job he has is causing him to have a toxic relationshlp to alcohol.. And that it stresses him out a lot, and that he need someone to talk to. I think he thought it was easier letting me go, than potentially losing me like that again.. I know he loved me very much..
And here i am breaking.. Hoping he will realize what he lost.. I am really trying to understand this, but it just seem so meaningless.. Why leave someone you love, just because you get scared?

Hello, maybe a warning comes first, this is mostly kind of a vent post, if you are interested in reading it thanks, if not its ok, i am not searching for any tips or anything else, i just wanted to put this out somewhere.
As the title says its been more than a year, things have gotten better, i have managed to clear my head on my life for once, i know what i wanna do, well i always knew but i couldnt see a path, but now i do and i see the finish line, i never had an enviroment where i could be free, i was too afraid to even get out and make my parents uncomfortable, but now i lost most of my fears, i understand now that there is no use being afraid of being good at something, one should shine so that others can gain confidence and follow on that, thats i how humanity works after all, however with most of social media bs out there i can sense that it has taken its toll on young people, its kinda ironic, we were talking about how she needed to go to university so i started going through previous subjects in case she needed me, i even acompanied her to see options. I took it to heart what my friend told me, "dont let those feelings go to waste" so i used them to be a private tutor, its been cool, i met some youngsters in trouble and confused, even strict parents with the same idea as my parents, be the best, that young girl was so pressured i decided to talk with her first. I recognized those gestures, the gestures of a pressured child that is afraid of letting her parents down, she thought her mothers love was conditioned to her academics, i tried to help her as much as i could, but as i learned i didnt go any further. It was not my place, i helped as much as i was able, not further though.
I took care of my project, i dominate that now, i feel invincible for the first time and i wanna help my teachers understand that it may be well worth it go through with this.
Turns out i never needed closure, i feel silly now for caring so much about her, i did all of that for so little, i was abandoned in my lowest moment when i always was there for her, always offered my company, never looked to her for just something physical, maybe i was the one being looked as something only physical, maybe i was the rebound guy in the end.
Thats why i felt so much rage towards me when she called me and told me her new partner cheated on her, and afterwards we even met with some friends, i did the right thing and took her home since i knew how late it was, i got hurt even there, "i did so much for him", "i begged him to stay with me".
Strange i never asked to be begged at, i just wanted to talk, to meet halfway and become better together, i got nothing, i never hated her but that night i felt rage towards her and myself. For being an idiot hoping that she ever cared for me.
I know it is way too much, maybe i shouldnt let these emotions take the best of me, but just this once i want to feel them, bathe in them, i have been too conditioned all my life and one moment of release is all i ask, so just this once i want to let it all go. You are with the people you deserve. I cared for her, i even wanted to understand her and her deceased ex. She told me everything about her, but never once she cared to learn of me, my past my traumas, my insecurities. Everything was about her and i feel rage to myself for letting that happen.
And i am gonna still feel rage to myself because even now to this day i still hope from the bottom of my heart that she find someone that loves her more than i did. The difference is that i managed to forgive myself and i am thankful. Thanks to her i learned that i have sooo much to give, i was always comfortable being alone, i dont like being the center of attention, and that allows me to be more free than most. I have been using that freedom, and now i have learned that i feel like i have to direct that love towards myself. It has been good, if i ever meet her again i will thank her for this. Hey the glass is always half full even if there is no water, air is in that cup making it full :v
Thanks i had to let this go somewhere. I will still se what i can do, maybe meet more troubled youngsters and seeing their curiosity allows me to see the world from a better angle.

Sorry for the rant and sorry if I’m not using reddit properly (total noob here). Am keen to hear all stories/tips/experiences.
TL;DR: MIL is furious we aren’t allowing visitors to see our newborn in hospital or home until we’re ready. Entire pregnancy has been a total emotional/psychological drain already. Sisters are equally painful. Why are people who DGAF about you pre or during pregnancy suddenly obsessed with your baby and take every boundary as a personal offence?? Are they really that clueless?
Today my partner and I told MIL that we weren’t having any visitors at hospital or the home until we were ready. For whatever odd reason, MIL assumed she was exempt from this?! and my partner made it clear it applied to everyone. She promptly left our house in a mood.
I wouldn’t say I have a bad relationship with MIL, I’ve always looked up to her a lot and found her empowered tbh. But lbr, she’s never actually made the effort to get to know me or talk to me properly beyond anything superficial. Most convos centre around her. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find it a little hurtful or weird but overtime I just figured “eh whatever, she’s a decent hearted person. She doesn’t find me interesting but my partner does, so whatever”. During pregnancy, she’s mostly talked about herself and her own pregnancy and only today did she ask me any questions about me - it was like being asked “how are you?” by a distant coworker who isn’t actually interested in the answer. She also didn’t know about my birthday but I figured my partner tipped her off when she arrived with a gift. It was pretty obvious/cringy she only wanted to say hello to my bump and talk about herself - which she largely did. Like I said - I’ve never thought anything bad about her, I’ve just found it bizarre that she’s so transparent about pretending to care about me and my partner when all she wants is to see a newborn. Why on earth would someone who seems so intelligent be so dismissive of our needs? We aren’t making rules up to piss people off or hurt anyone.
Now with my sisters. Sister A has three gorgeous daughters, she really lucked out with them. She’s fairly self absorbed but she has (every now and then) messaged to see how I’m going, even if it’s mostly to contact about something else. Sister B doesn’t have kids of her own but is baby/child obsessed. To the point where she resides with Sister A’s family and is practically their live in nanny. The girls adore their Aunty (no surprise as she’s great with them) and I’ve always thought “really weird set up, wouldn’t work for me but do your thing”. During my pregnancy, Sister B has occasionally sent a “how are you and Bub going?” text. Once again, very much like a random coworker. Any time I’ve mentioned concerns about my pregnancy, Sister A has minimised the heck out of it and Sister B (who seems to have zero life experience) just doesn’t engage in the convo (ie no follow up questions or anything to demonstrate curiosity or care).
My pregnancy (and I guess lots of others have been/are in the same boat) has been the most effortful/difficult/mentally and physically draining thing I’ve ever done so far (I’m sure the birth will be a breeze, hah!) I have a health condition that is best summarised (with genuinely no exaggeration) as: I have to manually keep myself alive. Whilst pregnant, I have to manually keep alive myself AND Bub - no waiting 9 months for that, hah! This health condition is already like having an unpredictable toddler around 24/7. Hence my partner and I agreed to no visitors until we’re ready - the mental/emotional drain of the actual pregnancy plus Covid and all the other crappy bugs floating around atm just makes me not want to be around anyone until my mind and body are ok so I can be the best for my child, keep them safe, and actually put up with company.
Throughout my entire pregnancy, my health concerns have either been minimised or completely ignored. Neither sister takes Covid (or any sickness) seriously (the beauty of health privilege that Sister B doesn’t acknowledge having). We asked all family to mask up around us and to RAT test. Sister A and husband did once, Sister B NEVER did. Sister A’s kids are little snot factories and didn’t test either (“it’s just a sniffle from daycare/school”). Throughout my entire adolescence and adulthood, Sister B has been cruel, indifferent, rude or wilfully ignorant about my health. She accuses me of being a victim… but according to her, worldview, “NO ONE should express their feelings” and “NO ONE should cry”. Yep, she has said these two things and she seems to live by them.
I’m mostly mentally prepared to send my family a text message re no visitors and I personally DGAF about my sisters’ reactions, I already expect them to be shitty and take offence. But I’m a bit disappointed that MIL took it so personally… is this normal???!! But really, WTAF is wrong with people and their lack of empathy and boundaries??? What is it about newborns that triggers this craziness and complete lack of self awareness and respect for others?