I beg for kindness. I've been in a dark place for a long time.
TL;DR: Promotions at work over the years + being an individual contributor on the team has led to my 3rd (and worst) burnout at the same company over the course of about 11 years. I feel unhappy with every role change for different reasons. What can I do to accept being overwhelmed at work with the volume of work expected and stress with what I'm doing? Will I just always be unhappy no matter what?
If youre still here, this is super long, so please bear with me. It all leads to my question at the end. I have an MSW. I graduated back in 2012 and couldn't find a job since I didn't have post grad work experience. I took the first job I was interviewed for and offered - at a temp healthcare staffing company. I started in August 2012 as a Recruiter...then less than a year later, all within 2 months of each other, 3 of the 5 of the team members left. I took on more work willingly, but my role changed since I was promoted, etc. Additional duties included a phone sales kind of role which I hated, since I'm an introvert, plus I was managing people while being an individual contributor on the team with screening and hiring temps. We had a huge project May-August 2014 where I worked all the time and was on-call for the Temps I'd hired 24/7. I was burnt out by August 2014. I got an opportunity to switch roles at the same company as a Contracts administrator in August 2014. I switched and have been in the same department since, save for a brief hiatus at the end of 2021. In this role, I put together our company contract template for clients, reviewed and negotiated terms to Client agreements, etc. It was more analytical and not at all sales-y which was perfect for me. As time went on, my original Manager left, and she was replaced by the Assistant Manager at the time (who is now over me and a bunch of other people). She's still my boss to this day, and you cannot find a better boss. She's wonderful, supportive, fights for her team, she's easy to talk to, great to work for. She and I are very close. She is also my opposite - she's very extroverted, outspoken, and quick to think on her feet. She handles things being thrown on her plate with grace, although she may complain to me privately. 😉 COVID hit our company HARD - but in a good way. We grew exponentially due to helping staff soooo many nurses throughout the country. Things also changed drastically. 3 of the 4 of our executives - who I was close to and worked closely with - left, and they were replaced by baby VPs so that our executive team dynamic changed a lot. Now, the days of being able to review and negotiate contracts are gone (the goal is to sign sign sign so the salespeople can close their sales), as is the support we received at the exec level. Since COVID, we've been so much more busy, to the point that I have been overwhelmed at my job since sometime in 2020. I would regularly work 8a-9p, weekends, holidays. I would break down in tears regularly also. I crashed and burned in Oct and Nov 2021. I decided I wanted a complete career change, so I landed a job at an ABA clinic working with autistic kids and studied for and obtained an RBT certification. I resigned from my job in Contracts, although they begged me to stay. They offered me a promotion and more money, and they offered for me to take the last couple of months of the year off paid, but I was tired of always being super stressed and having no support from the execs, who we work very closely with. When I say no support, I mean nonresponsive to emails, requests for help, lack of knowledge and accountability, never being available etc. (When COVID hit all the executives were allowed to work completely remotely, and most of them moved out of state.) After I resigned, I started working at the ABA clinic, BUT - within 2 weeks I realized I hated it. I liked the kids, but the job was so monotonous and did not challenge my brain enough to keep me interested. I had to be over the top enthusiastic and extroverted with the kids which was draining to me. I also had no flexibility whatsoever- if my kid was sick, my husband had to be the one to work at home and I realized I'd never be able to get off work to attend any of her school functions, which is very important to me. I let the ABA clinic know that I was sorry, but the job was not the right fit. I also asked my old boss if I could possibly come back. She told me in confidence that the executives had a meeting and agreed they needed to be more supportive to our department and be available, so that made it more positive to go back. I'd also have occasional remote work flexibility, able to attend kid's school stuff, and I could use my brain. It just seemed like the grass was greener on that side. I was welcomed back with the promotion and pay raise offered when I'd resigned. Well...since I returned at the beginning of 2022, I've managed a team of 5. I remain an individual contributor on the team as well, so I do the same job as several others + Manager duties, tons of meetings, etc. If COVID seemed bad, how I feel now is no comparison. I need about 16 hours in each workday to get done everything I need to do in between meetings now. I have started having to work most nights from about 10pm-1am just to keep up with my day to day stuff. As a disclaimer, I don't like working outside of work hours when my kid is around. I get too focused and I'm only half focused on her, and I get grouchy due to stress. I still break down in tears regularly, but usually on the way home from work. When I walk up to the building each morning, I feel like a heavy weight settles on my chest and I have to mentally prepare myself for the crap I'm going to have to deal with that day. I work with a lot of salespeople now, and I hate being a prime factor in them closing their sale (because they promise the client they'll get a contract over to them same day). When I can sleep at night, I've started having nightmares about work, where I freak out because I forgot something and wake up panicked. There are days I just want to get up from my desk chair, walk out, and never return. I also had something personal happen in my family in December that has affected my mental health drastically. I did seek therapy for a while for it, but I just didn't have the time to spend a couple of hours in session each week or text with my therapist....it became something else I fell behind on which made things worse for me, so I terminated the relationship. I did talk to my wonderful boss about how I feel overwhelmed all the time, and she wants to keep me, so we set a plan in motion to restructure duties in our department. It's been needed for a long time anyway. We'd talked about it in 2022 but didn't follow through with it. But now, I don't know if I'll be happy JUST managing people! OH MY GOODNESS....ALL of that to say...am I just destined to be unhappy, no matter what my job is? What in the heck is wrong with me? Why do I let the work stress get to me so badly? I know everyone has stress about work, how do you not want to leave your jobs and find something different? How can I do better?

Salvage is an absolute slog fest of chores, with add density akin to a lost sector. Practically fighting my teammates just shoot some enemies. Then at the end half the team doesnt see the giant symbol and just wander around aimlessly.
Then deep dive is a struggle to try and get my blue berries to find the taken whisp. Like i havent seen a single person even attempt that. I want more loot damnit, and with how rare the deep keys are, i want that tier 3 chest every time

Season 3 and 4, Nancy's outfits and haimakeup situations are horrible. Not just 80s old fashion horrible, I mean, horrible for any time period horrible. The makeup is SO heavy and cakey and makes Natalia way older than she is, in a bad way.
And her outfits are ridiculously impractical, especially in season 4. Like girl, throw on a t shirt and some jeans and reeboks. Everything she wears looks horribly uncomfortable and I can't imagine riding a bike in those outfits, let alone fighting monsters and saving the world in them.
-end rant-

My first three monsters were Promethean, Grulu and Lion. I had a back up for Promethean in goblin warrior and Lion with megataur but I never actually had to use them. There was only one fight I lost (and due to a miss click at that). It was real fun and plan to do it again.
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I am not sure if I am ready for permadeath though, certainly not good enough at the game for something like that. Even though I have been playing since early access, I still haven't learned the full ins and outs of the game. I do want to try it some time so if anyone has any tips for such a run let me know!

Hey everyone. I’ve been recently trying to get back into animal crossing. I’m struggling. Hard.
I’m trying to reset to get my “perfect” island. West river, far away Resident Services, apples, and a yellow airport. None of those beach rocks with the water in them, preferably.
Ive been resetting for a combined 16 hours according to my play time. I’m so stressed out. I just can’t get it. I have to do something, because my poor lovely friend had been holding my items for awhile (she says she doesn’t mind, but I still feel horrible!). I wanted this to be fun. It feels like I’m fighting so hard just to want to open up the game and try to get the island. If I don’t get it, it’s gonna bother me until the end of time.
Any suggestions? I know it sounds so beyond stupid, but I was really doing this because the game became more like a chore than fun and thought a fresh start would help. Ugh.

Wanted to share this story. I live in Mumbai. My parents gave me contact of a girl in Pune, encouraging me to meet her and stuff and get married. Her parents were very interested in me (I’m somewhat well-off). I started texting her and she seemed very chill. I went to meet her in Pune

1. First meeting

I met her at a Cafe in Pune. The first meet was very formal— we mostly spoke about work. I’m a backend developer and she is a frontend developer. We spoke about some fun experiences we had. She shared me some sad personal story about some relative of her who prepared for UPSC and then couldn’t crack it for 4-5 years and then committed suicide. I shared some stories about some harassment I faced in my workplace and it got so bad I had to change teams etc. She was aggressively projecting about how modern and liberal she is and how all the earlier guys she met before me were very traditional (expected her to stay at home and cook and stuff) and she liked how I’m not like the other guys and that our vibes match. No red flags so far— only thing I noticed was she was a bit vocal/dominating about her point of view. I noticed she had a really cool tattoo on her collarbone (at that time I didn't have any tattoos but I have 4-5 now).

1. Second meeting

Second meeting happened a week later. We had coffee, then went for lunch. We got very close in the sense we shared some more personal stories— about relationships and whatnot. I shared this story about how my childhood friend and I got close and we ended up kissing and 1 week later I find out her marriage got fixed which broke my heart (she used me for fun). She told me she doesn’t drink whisky and stuff because it affects her periods, so she only drinks wine. We had a discussion about how couples are irritating and I narrated her this incident about how two of my friends who are dating got into argument in the middle of the road and I had to intervene and stop it. She expressed deep resentment about how hypocritical society is when a woman does something as opposed to when a man does something (usually regarding sex, drinking, etc). I agreed with her that society is indeed very unjust towards women and even though we have made progress, we still have a long way to go. We later on went bowling. We had a fun time and at the end of the day she separately texted me that she had a really good time.
Now this is the fun part. After two meetings, both of us gave a positive feedback to our parents. Things almost became official between us. Suddenly she had a mood swing of some sort and she stopped replying to my texts and didn't answer my calls. Later on she texted me that she doesn't see my as my life partner. I replied ok and stopped bothering her. Later on she blocked me on whatsapp— unnecessary but ok her choice. My mother was confused that what the hell happened— yesterday she was fine and today she changed her mind. My mother tried talking to her mother and her mother claimed that she changed her mind because she thought I was some high-society boy. My mother was concerned that what must I have told her and was curious about what we talked about. I told her that I didn't say anything extreme— we just had a good time and I told her some funny stories and that we got along very well with each other. I basically gave my mom an idea that she is a very chill/liberal girl. This girl then randomly called my mother and got extremely triggered that I told my mother that she drinks or she has a tattoo. She thought I was spoiling her image so in order to get revenge on me she started spoiling my image— she told my mom that I drink every weekend, I watch porn, I harassed my childhood friend after getting rejected, I took advantage of another friend of mine when she was having a fight with her BF etc. She basically started a fight with me because she thought I started a fight with her and then impulsively said a bunch of rubbish about me to get revenge. My reaction was— what the fuck?! Why did she do this? And why did she even call my mother in the first place? Am I calling her mother and saying anything to her? You said No then khatam ho gayi baat. On top of that she is making a false molestation allegation about someone else. So shameless. I cannot imagine attacking even my worst enemy like that— let alone someone I went on two dates with.
She had blocked me on whatspp. She unblocked me and sent me a very toxic message (calling me a "coward", a "pathetic person" and that I couldn't handle her rejection and that I "bitched about her" and that is why she said all these things about me) and blocked me again, warning me that If I say anything to her she will complain to police. I'm like wtf? Basically, she said a bunch of things to me and if I say anything to her she said I will go to jail. Looking at her mood swings and impulsive reactions I could tell that she really wasn't stable. I really wanted to respond to her but she blocked me and using another phone would have made me look like the bad person. A couple of weeks later, she joined Telegram and I got a notification about it. I resisted the urge to reply her for 3 days. Finally I gave in— I crafted a very well thought answer to her original message— I called her a "psycho", "shameless", I called her out on her horrific lies (and potentially life-destroying) about "taking advantage" of someone and that she is "mentally unstable" and hence needs to seek help. After sending this reply I blocked her. Sweet revenge. A few hours later I was getting a call from an unknown number— it was her brother who was trying to rough me up. I blocked that number as well. The girl and her brother then called my mom and were creating a ruckus— accusing me of harassing her. My mother then called her out about the toxic message she sent me in the first place. Then the girl had a complete mental breakdown— yelling and screaming hysterically and threatening to take legal action through Police, CBI, Shiv Sena and whatnot. I was genuinely prepared for all of that— I messaged her only because she messaged me and I was extremely careful not to use any abusive words because that can invite legal trouble. I had collected and saved her messages and was prepared to use it in court. They kept threating and I kept ignoring them till the noise died down.
My advice to all young men here reading this is, try your best to avoid such situations. Because you are a man, people will automatically assume you to be the guilty one (male privilege) and in case you find yourself in this situation, be brave but don't be stupid. Indulge in controlled aggression and collect as much evidence as you can about such psychotic women (they can accuse you of any random crime like rape, harassment, molestation) as without evidence you are pretty much fucked.

i (21F) don't really know where to start but i'm just fucking miserable all the time. i'm nearly 22 years old, with no work experience, no social life, no friends, barely an education (struggling through an undergrad rn with mediocre grades), no skills or smarts and basically no will to live. my parents are overbearing and strict, they barely let me go out, they dont let me have friends, haven't let me work as a teenager and have impossibly high expectations of me. to top it off, they both fight constantly and have me play therapist (for some context i'm south asian, and this is fairly common in south asian families). im currently home for the summer and my will to live is decreasing faster than it ever has before. i'm tired of being lonely and isolated and useless but i also cant do much to change it. don't know if i'm just being stupid or overdramatic or what.

So, I've been writing a lot of these, and they're designed to outline the basic preoccupation of each instinct without a ton of extra fluff. The traits described are specifically chosen to outline the differences of the instinctual variants within the core type, for instance, to draw distinctions between SP 9 and SX 9. Therefore, this may not serve very well as a "VS" or "misidentification" post, as that was not the primary intention. However, I think it may come in handy for some people, the descriptions have very different feels and you can get a sense of that inherent coldness in 5 vs the warmth of 9.
As always, I'd appreciate your thoughts, particularly constructive improvement-oriented suggestions.
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In self-preservation 5 we see a preoccupation with avarice in the survival realm: maintaining tight control of what one possesses so as not to have it squandered. Everything is kept close to the breast. This leads to an extremely private and detached individual who prefers not to invite unnecessary wastes of time and limits their interactions as comprehensively as possible. There is a great thirst for knowledge as a buffer, to minimize the chances of surprises, and to give oneself a sense of security in an environment perceived as aggressive and demanding.

• Restrained: the self-preservation five finds a great difficulty in being spontaneous outside of their ‘mentally controlled areas’, which affects their social, emotional, and personal lives. They have learned to stay in the cognitive driver's seat or else experience catastrophic depletion.
• Independent: the self-preservation five stresses their self-conception as an independent body as a way to rationalize their over-detachment, which unconsciously incurs feelings of guilt. Then, conceives and pursues aims of further self-sufficiency as a way to bypass these uncomfortable feelings.

In self-preservation 9 we see a preoccupation with harmonious congruency in the survival realm: fulfillment of basic needs in a way that makes one feel comforted, soothed. Of course, from this stems a propensity for relaxation, physical comforts such as food and sleep, and habits / routines which give a sense of peace and space. These are used to numb out an existential hollowness which all nines experience at an unconscious level, a result of their resignation and inertia.

• Reserved/Resistant: the self-preservation 9 naturally resists anything which falls outside of their comfort zone in order to maintain their peaceful and comforted existence. This gives them a more reserved demeanor, of one who never goes too far, who is careful not to jeopardize their inner and outer sanctums.
• Straightforward: the self-preservation 9 has very basic needs and simple agendas. This can make their personalities rather cut-and-dry. Their motivations tend to be rather uncomplicated and they prefer a simplistic existence with not a lot of exertion.

Tl, dr: I'm divorcing her
I took someone's advice and gave myself time to cool off. During that time, I re-read the commemts, especially those who offered insight on how to save my marriage. Thank you for giving me something to think about.
People asked what happened two years ago that might be a culprit. We bought a house, and I had to work a second job for a few months. Before that, we had sex roughly twice a week.
I read comments and they did make me think. Here are my responses

1. It's a crock of shit to think I hate my wife over a fight we had. If you can always argue with your pinky out and a teatime voice, good for you! You're wonderful! People aren't the same.
   
2. My massages/romantic attempts were pressuring my wife; hence no sex.
   

If they were pressuring her, then why did none of my attempts lead to sex? Why did she still accept said efforts? And why did the fight start over me no longer doing said "pressure"?
3 Relationships aren't transactional.
But, they are. She wouldn't have married me if I didn't meet certain requirements and do the things that made her love me, and vice versa. Marriages are maintained by spouses making each other's happiness a priority. Not from obligation, but from love and the desire. If she no longer has that desire for me, why would I want to stay with her?
4 Keep up with the massages and romance, and hoop jumping in the HOPES that she will want me again.
But, what's in it for me? What do I get out of yet another two years of this? How many more times must I go on missions and side quests, just to be told that her libido is in another castle? I will "date" her for the rest of my life. But I won't chase her. She's not worth that.
I don't want to touch her anymore. I'm not entitled to sex and she's not entitled to my body either. I don't have to cuddle if I don't want to. That isn't cruel. It's my reasonable boundary.
Wish me luck

Hi, so...
I'm gonna talk a lot. It took me an hour to type this on my phone, apparently... 😅 But, if you just want the meat of my rant, skip to the very bottom, the "where life has me now" part. Or, better yet:
TL;DR - I have no friends anymore, my ex was my best friend and now I have no one. I've had a rough few weeks what with everything that's gone wrong (one after the other, thanks 2023), and I just don't have anyone to process it with. I miss my best friend...

Backstory, I guess

I was in a poly relationship for 7 years with this girl. Primary partner. She sometimes had other boyfriends but none ever stuck. I saw a few other people too but never even got to the point of calling it another date. It worked out more like we were open/ENM rather than poly, but anyway, just setting up some color to the backstory. We were all but married, owned a house together, raising her step-kids together, got pets together... all that. "Married" but not married.
We were both friendly with this guy we knew from community theater. She got close to him almost a year ago, they started seeing each other. Grew feels. We were poly so I was excited for her. Yay!

The decline...

After a few months, she reveals that he is monogamous. Ugh, not the first time she's dated a mono guy, but he wanted to chat with me and I did too, so I was hopeful we could understand each other better.
She started pulling away from my touch, trying to avoid contact with me so as not to upset her new boyfriend. Uhh... anyway, he was constantly busy and never had time to chat with me, and then she at one point asked if I would even care if she broke up with me. Obviously, lol, why wouldn't I be upset about it? Of course I would care!
We kept fighting over little things more and more for the next month, until I snapped and suggested we break up since she seems so sure I'm awful now.
When we talked about it a few days later, she said she's ready to be done with me, doesn't think she'll ever feel romantic for me again, didn't want to even try couple's therapy (unless it was necessary to salvage our friendship), and that she had these issues with me for years so it's not even new. (My takeaway from this is that she was convincing herself that I was worse than she remembered in order to feel less shitty about breaking up with me for her new boy.)
She had said when/before we broke up that she would take a break from her new boy too. Naturally once we broke up, she changed it to "just a break" with me, but no break with him, because "that wouldn't be fair to him" and "the heart wants what it wants".
Whatever... I still held out hope.

The break

So, for the next four months, we still lived together. At first we were okay with sharing the bed and just made it a point to not touch. Sometimes we'd sleep on the couch but usually just split the bed.
She continued to see him, sometimes 2 days out of the week, sometimes 6 days of the week. I kept making dinner and hung out with her two kids (13 and 15). Oh, I forgot to mention that I work full time and am also in college classes nearly full-time, so I'm always busy with homework too. No matter. The point here is that she's not around much, which is fine but feels like a lot at times.
I did reach out to her a few times after two months, asking to get some time with her, check in, hang out, whatever. She kept having plans already, so I'd shoot for a week or two out. She'd halfway make plans, then the conversation would die. When it would come around, she would blow me off, "oh they needed me for a few extra hours at church, sorry!". (I believe her, but it's clear I ranked lower in priority than anything). Other times she "could be home after lunch, which happens at 11"... but then "after" was apparently 5pm. (She goes to bed around 7:30, and doesn't usually want to do anything this late in the day.) After a few tries like this, I gave up.
I finally asked her if we were done. I wanted to have the conversation in a park or restaurant or something... she refused and instead we had it with her sitting in bed with her PJs on, practically hiding under the covers. I told her I had about 40% desire left to see us fix things, that it has been dwindling since she keeps acting like I'm a stranger, but there's still hope. She just repeated that she doesn't see us ever being romantic again, so when I asked her to put it to a number, she said 0%.
So, that's it. Done.

Moving forward...

That was about two months ago. We still live together while we work out the house. I want to move, and I'd rather sell altogether. She can't refinance to buy me out, but she wants to stay. Ugh... so we might work something out to where we split equity on sale later down the road.... that's a whole 'nother headache that I won't even get into just yet, because I've got other problems right now.
We split the room up a little... I now have a cot in here, so we sleep separately. For the most part we do okay as roommates I suppose, but it's still awkward as fuck living with my ex. I still consider the kids mine too, but it feels weird when they're all hanging out together. I guess it should, though. Hrm.
Anyway.

Where life has me right now

I haven't been great about keeping in contact with friends. I was friends with her friends, though, but while we rarely see them anymore anyway, I feel like they're even more unavailable now. (She actually told them not to hate me on her behalf, that she still wants some friendliness between all of us... but, whatever. It's dead.) So, I'm alone.
The kids are teenagers. I still feel familial with them, but there's always been a little bit of step distance between us. One of them just came out as trans.
My bathroom skylight has a hole in it. First people I brought out tried hard-selling me a whole new roof. Yeah, that shit was a horrible experience. Anyway, next guy who came out just quoted me for a skylight. Pfft. It's always something though right?
My old car has been leaking everywhere for the last few months, and finally stopped starting (intermittently). I suspect it's a head gasket, but I'm not a mechanic so idk. I've been considering car shopping anyway, so maybe now is the time, especially since the mechanics looking at my car have pointed out two sensors to start troubleshooting with for $580, and aren't sure if that's the fix. That's a little expensive for troubleshooting what could be a head gasket... so, cue car shopping under duress.
We talked with a lawyer this week about the house and splitting the equity on sale when she moves out, because again, she doesn't want to move (because of the kids), and I do. That turned into an argument where she thinks I'm the bad guy trying to evict her kids because I won't accept so little, and me standing my ground saying I deserve more than just what the current equity is right now because at minimum I should get interest on it since I'm unable to touch this money for 4 years (per the current plan), much like a loan.
Anyway, we talk and eventually she cools down. She lets me borrow the car for the weekend at least while she's camping with her boyfriend. Cool.
I realize I picked too high of a monthly commitment for the car I want, so I spent the long weekend re-budgeting to see what I can afford, and where I need to cut back on my spending.
I've been looking at cars and shooting a few to a coworker friend and an old friend who is also going through a divorce that I chat with sometimes. Both respond here and there but aren't engaged with helping me. I don't blame them, they have lives too, but it leaves me feeling like I'm on my own here. Fine, I can't expect people to help me make financial decisions anyway.
Go to the dealership by myself this evening... The dude I work with... It feels like he's misread me, like he thinks I want some hot new car, rather than something functional and cheap. He seems to be annoyed that I'm taking my time to look at things, and didn't fall for his lease pitch. We bargain, I get some good numbers, so it was all around fine... but it's clear we both want to be done with each other for the day. He mentions they're closing up shop, I take my leave to think about it for a day.
Anyway. Now I'm home again. On my cot.
I just want to decompress and process my day with someone, but I just don't have anyone to talk to. I mean, there's people I can talk to but goddamn I don't feel like I have anyone I can just level with, at least not when I need them.
Goddamn I feel so alone.
I lost my best friend, and the shell of her is sleeping one bed away from mine.
I... and, maybe I should get out more, but first I need a car, and my house fixed, and free time separate from school, and not worry about coming to an agreement with the house, and maybe it would be nice to have moved out so I can finally mentally move on.... Maybe then I'll have free time for making new friends. Idfk. Is this just another excuse? Am I just not a social person, and now I'm suffering for it during my most challenging period of life?
I hate this.

I (21f) and my bf (23m) have been fighting for months now. It’s been made clear to me that a lot of my efforts go unnoticed or my mistakes make my efforts look like they’re for me instead of for us as a couple. He has been complaining to me for a while now that I haven’t been spending a lot of time with him. I feel like I need to work on this too so I took an opportunity of using a hotel booking I was planning to cancel due to me not going to my moms wedding. I planned to go to the hotel, go to a go karting place, and then go to a nice restaurant for dinner. He feels I chose all of this for me since it’s more of my ideal date. Which it is more so my ideal date and I feel I was negligent in thinking about what his ideal date would be. But because of this he doesn’t see this as an effort to spend more time with him. He also complained about our sex life and how I don’t initiate. Ok so let me allow myself to be dominant (because this is something I crave. I just get insecure when I do it in the moment and it makes me freeze up mentally) but he refuses to see how that’s relevant when I tell him this is another effort I’m making. Today he wanted to play a game mode on castle crashes. I love castle crashes but sometimes I don’t want to play it just because it’s not what I feel like playing. I genuinely see nothing wrong with this therefore I told him no. He kept asking about it until finally I said fuck you and fuck off. I can’t say how my tone sounded to him but I can definitely see where it’s hurtful. I’ve apologized for this. It doesn’t entitle me to be excused though. I’ve acknowledged this. But I told him no three times before I said that. Why can’t he respect my consent? And his logic is, “well I play games I don’t like with you all the time. Why can’t you do the same for 10 minutes?” And honestly that’s hurtful. I never expected him to play games with me purely for the fact I’m playing it. And I feel it’s unfair for him to expect me to even though he dies it for me even when I tell him that’s not what I want. But I understand that’s part of his love language is to just spend time with me doing anything. But I’m not the same way. I tell him we’re two different people with two different minds and that’s ok. I genuinely don’t know what to do at this point. Everything I’m doing feels wrong or like it will make him mad.
TLDR: bf and I argued because I told him no to playing a game he wanted to play. What do I do??

Hello, hope you're all doing well :) I need to vent a little, I'm just really anxious Thank you for you time and I would love some advice if u feel inspired 🌻
Basically my boyfriend has lots of friends and like to go on weekends with them. We've been together since 2018 and I still dont want to go with him because I'm stressed out about food.
They are not vegan and I'm an hardcore one who refuses to eat if there's animal products on the table. My bff is vegan too but doesn't mind seeing animal products. Every time he comes back from one of those weekends, he tells me he only ate boiled potatoes and bread, while everyone else was having all sorts of meats and cheeses "delicacies"☠. He's always a bit disappointed about the lack of effort and nutrition, and reaaaally hungry when he comes back home 👀. To me, that's just not how I want to live, even for 3 days.
My bff is really sad that I never come so I agreed to come but I told him that the food situation was stressful for me. I've been meal planning all week, thinking about how to cook, store, transport, and reheat the food. He thinks I'm too much and sees all of my efforts as stupid...
To me, it's important that the food is abundant, healthy and delicious, because I'm staying 3 days with strangers in a stranger's house. It takes a lot of my energy to match their vibe, they all are childhood friends, i have nothing in common with them, for me it's not a fun & relaxing weekend and he knows that.
Since the beginning of our relationship, he knows my rule about animal products (and he had no problem forcing his parents to match my rule😂). But we dont want to force 15 people to eat vegan for 3 days (yeah I dont want them to hate me), but I also want a bit of comfort and safety and nourishment during a weekend of "walking on eggshells". But my bff doesn't get it. Every time he sees me prepare he's like "why are you doing that? It would be much simpler to go there without any preparation "... so we get frustrated with each other and fight and I'm exhausted. I dont want to go anymore. I was prepping for him too but the temptation of being petty and let him eat boiled potatoes with his friends while I would eat my vegan feast alone is there, not gonna lie. But it would make me look really bad and I would be the one suffering from this scenario so that's not an option😭.
Should I ignore him , meal prep for us, go and hope for the best or should I stay at home and relax?
Thank you ❤

Well, I did dump him last week. It took a text because he wasn't listening to what I was saying.
Immediately he started threatening saying he was going to take our cats and make them homeless, as it was my decision to dump him. But I held firm. He eventually calmed and said we were going to just be civil.
I returned to my house the next day and he instantly started arguing with me and trying to block me from leaving the arguement physically. A few light hits were thrown in, but nothing that hurt or left marks.
In the middle of our arguement, two of our cats got into a fight, and one (Blue) got an unlucky claw to a blood vessel on his tail, which bled a lot and had me convinced it was something more serious.
So I called an emergency vet and started to pack up Blue to go. The ex insisted he had to go, because Blue was "his cat and his property" because "its only fair". So I let him go with me, since he was keeping me from helping my cat.
On the way he screamed in my face and kept escalating to grabbing me and threatening to throw him and Blue out of my moving car or to run the car off the road if I didn't give in and let him have my car because he "needs it more than I do".
I made it to the vet, where he continued to act scary cornering me and throwing fake punches to stop close to my face. He threatened to hurt the vet for being too happy while treating Blue. It was pretty scary.
I had recorded a bunch of his behavior (not all unfortunately) and sent the videos to my sister. Who called my father. Who called the police. Who made him leave the vet. I had to buy this asshole an uber back to my house since he had no money, but it was worth it because the police let me take Blue who is safe, though traumatized by him to the point the vet suspected he was poisoned (he wasnt). The police said they will forward it to my town's jurisdiction and recommended I continue collecting evidence. I was given options on pressing charges, but first I am attempting an eviction to have him out because the charges would only extend his tenancy. I will likely press them if he is not out on the 8th (the eviction date).
He's currently trashing my house in the mean time and still threatening to take different cats here and there. Today he tried to charge me again when I went there to clean the litterboxes, but didn't notice my father in the corner and instantly backed off when he did. He probably won't take any of the cats despite threatening, but if he does I will sue him for them back since every cat is registered in my name at the vets and microchipped, though he didn't know I microchipped them.
It's not concluded, but I'd like to thank those who were kicking my ass in the last post and those who were kind as well. I needed to just get it over with. I'll probably shoot another update after the 8th passes.

So I notice after yesterday's Delhi murder there are multiple comments and posts on why the people around didn't do anything to help. Now some might be genuine comments but many I found trying to white wash the crime and shift the blame.
Everytime there are such henious crimes there is always an attempt to shift the blame on victim, oh she must be wrong, maybe she hit him first, what was she doing there etc. This time the incident was caught on cam so there is no scope to blame her. Now the blame has shifted to bystanders it seems.
"More shockingly about 15 people passed her while she was dying, and none of them saved her!! Those men are the most repulsive of all. What a shame... WhatsApp and Twitter Tak hi shimit hain ye community??"
Look at the above comment. In the entire scene op finds those passerby 'most repulsive' and not the criminal stabbing the victim multiple times.
Here is another comment
"Om Shanti to the sister!! I wish her brothers had been more brave so she could still be alive rn!! But sadly they always fight among themselves and have no sense of community."
The sarcastic tone here op tries to sympathise with the girl but blames the community for her death.
There are many more such comments or like a post asking what is wrong with Indian society, why are we afraid to intervene? Entire society is questioned because some people didn't intervene.
Bystander effect is not something restricted to India but seen all over the world. In cases of such heinous acts people freeze. Especially when a lethal weapon is involved a common man won't intervene. Yet somehow all these comments and posts blame passerby, the community and society but not the real criminal involved, his actions, or his community.
Do you see how smartly the narrative has been shifted from the criminal or his actions to victim community?
Then i noticed a tweet from a so called fact checker zoo bear who is known to dogwhistle and white wash crimes of terrorists and gangsters from particular community. Here he gives more credit to a dog than the people around.
"None even tried to save her. So many were casually walking as if nothing has happened, Except for the Dog behind."
This is the same guy who pushed NS in front of hungry rabid dogs. Now trying to dogwhistle and white wash a crime. You will never see him calling out the criminal or his community.
Do you see a pattern here? What are your thoughts?

Hi - recently moved in with a friend who owns a 2 year old female rescue off the streets, approx 45 lbs. Very under socialized due to pandemic and their social life. I own a 13 year old male, 35 lbs.
The younger female dog has been guarding her owners bed, her own bed, treats, bones, food, the cats, etc., from my 13 year old. A few times now, the younger dog has attacked my old guy. This is obviously really scary as my 13 year old is smaller, older, and not able to defend himself anymore. I even found a cut on his head the next day from a recent fight. To mitigate these problems, we have taken away all of these things (bone, toys, etc.) and feed them in separate rooms.
To give context, the female dog is a very anxious dogs. Doesn't like strangers, terrified of kids, (or even friends who have been over many times.) She will never warm up. She barks at EVERYTHING outside, and shows sign of fear. She chews things up; again, she is obviously anxious, lives in fear and has been very under socialized.
Friend is currently looking into a dog trainer but in the meantime does anyone have any advice? I am terrified that the dog is going to one day lash out on someone or seriously injure my old guy. My friend also fails to see how serious this problem is. I've tried to tell her many times but she doesn't seem to understand the severity.

This post outlines my research regarding whether my participation in the Amazon Vine Program (where one receives free product in exchange for reviews) might be subject to Canadian income tax. I joined the Amazon Vine Program in May 2023. I'm posting this so that other people don't have to start their research from scratch like I did.
Research Sources

• ITA 9(1) – “Subject to this Part, a taxpayer’s income for a taxation year from a business or property is the taxpayer’s profit from that business or property for the year.”
• ITA 248(1) – “business includes a profession, calling, trade, manufacture or undertaking of any kind whatever and, except for the purposes of paragraph 18(2)(c), section 54.2, subsection 95(1) and paragraph 110.6(14)(f), an adventure or concern in the nature of trade but does not include an office or employment”
• Moldowan v. The Queen, 1997 1 SCR 480
  • “…it is now accepted that in order to have a "source of income" the taxpayer must have a profit or a reasonable expectation of profit. Source of income, thus, is an equivalent term to business…”
  • “In my view, whether a taxpayer has a reasonable expectation of profit is an objective determination to be made from all of the facts. The following criteria should be con­sidered: the profit and loss experience in past years, the taxpayer's training, the taxpayer's intended course of action, the capability of the venture as capitalized to show a profit after charging capital cost allowance. The list is not intended to be exhaustive.”
• Stewart v. Canada, 2002 SCC 46
  • “The “reasonable expectation of profit” test should not be accepted as the test to determine whether a taxpayer’s activities constitute a source of income for the purposes of s. 9 of the Income Tax Act.”
  • “The following two‑stage approach should be employed to determine whether a taxpayer’s activities constitute a source of business or property income:
    • (i) Is the taxpayer’s activity undertaken in pursuit of profit, or is it a personal endeavour?
    • (ii) If it is not a personal endeavour, is the source of the income a business or property?”
  • “Where the nature of an activity is clearly commercial, the taxpayer’s pursuit of profit is established. There is no need to take the inquiry any further by analysing the taxpayer’s business decisions.”
  • “However, where the nature of a taxpayer’s venture contains elements which suggest that it could be considered a hobby or other personal pursuit, the venture will be considered a source of income only if it is undertaken in a sufficiently commercial manner. In order for an activity to be classified as commercial in nature, the taxpayer must have the subjective intention to profit and there must be evidence of businesslike behaviour which supports that intention. Reasonable expectation of profit is no more than a single factor, among others, to be considered at this stage.”
• 30 May 2012 Ministerial Correspondence 2012-0442371M4
  • From Martin v. The Queen 2003 TCC 155:
    • “The existence of a personal element must be put in perspective. There is frequently a personal element in the carrying on of a commercial enterprise in the sense that the person derives great personal satisfaction from the activity. This does not make the activity any the less a business… It is only where the personal element so overshadows any element of commerciality as to substantially displace it that one may conclude that the activity is merely a hobby and is not a business at all.”
    • “The appellant’s activity here has the necessary ingredients of commerciality to make it a business - the commitment of substantial capital, the organized and businesslike way in which records are kept and the devotion of enormous amounts of time by the appellant and his wife and, in earlier years at least, his sons as well as the intent to earn a profit.”
  • “Therefore, it is clear that if a personal endeavour or hobby is pursued in a sufficiently commercial and businesslike way, it can be considered to be a business activity, which is a source of income under the Income Tax Act.”
• CPA Article:
  • “…it is a question of fact as to whether a hobby activity generates a sufficient level of commercial activity to support a pursuit of profit and whether a taxpayer has established a clear distinction between a businesslike endeavour and a personal one.”
  • “…it is only where a personal endeavour is an activity primarily undertaken for pleasure, entertainment, or enjoyment rather than for profit, business, or commercial reasons that it may be considered merely a hobby and not a business.”
• CRA IT-490 Bulletin on Barter Transactions:
  • “The Department takes the view that barter transactions are within the purview of the Income Tax Act. Such transactions can therefore result in income…”
  • “In arm's length transactions, where an amount must be brought into income…, that amount is the price which the taxpayer would normally have charged a stranger for his services…”
  • “Where the goods or services given up cannot readily be valued but the goods or services received can, the Department will normally accept the value of the latter as being the price at which the transaction took place if the parties were dealing at arm's length.”

Analysis
Existence (or Not) of Profit & Intention to Profit

• Whether there is profit is questionable – the free product received in exchange for reviews has minimal value. These are new, untried products which are as likely to be excellent as they are to be garbage. This is why the suppliers are willing to provide free product – in return they gain honest reviews which will convince (or not) prospective buyers to purchase the product.
• It is also questionable how this would be valued. CRA’s barter bulletin indicates that the value should be the price the taxpayer would normally have charged a stranger for his services. I charge nothing for leaving reviews – it has no value to me, it’s just for fun. This would indicate that the value was zero, and therefore profit is zero. However, if the “goods received” are to be used as the value, it is also questionable as to whether the MRSP is the appropriate value for such objects, since these are objects of questionable value initially, thus needing further testing and review by Vine Voices to convince others to purchase them at that MRSP. In the U.S.A., where hobbies are taxed, and thus Vine Voices are taxed, the value assigned is not MRSP – a tax value is assigned which is less than MRSP, and for consumable objects, a $nil value is assigned. I would argue that perhaps the value is the value that the supplier gave up – the cost of the product, which depending on the cost structure and margins of the supplier, may be significantly less than MRSP. This is impossible to determine, as this information is not provided to Canadian Vine Voices – all objects are assigned a nil value on invoices. How does one even go about valuing a profit of questionable value, without such data?
• Further, true ownership of the product is not provided in Canada (differs from U.S.A., where objects transfer ownership at 6 months). The Vine Voice is limited by the Amazon Vine programs terms and conditions, which include the following:
  • “The product supplier retains all right, title and interest in a Third-Party Product until six months after the date of your review of the product, after which you may keep or destroy the Third-Party Product at your discretion, but may not transfer it.”
  • “All right, title and interest in Amazon Products will pass to you when the Amazon Product is delivered to the common carrier for delivery to you. You may keep or destroy the Amazon Product at your discretion at any time, but may not transfer it.”
• As “transfer” to another person is precluded by the agreement, there is no ability to convert the free products into cash by way of sale. One could argue this isn’t even true ownership, further muddying the waters of what the value of the product would be, given its limited uses.
• At most, “profit” could perhaps be considered to exist in a colloquial way, in that the Vine Voice “profits” (alternative definition – “benefits”) from the arrangement by being able to obtain free products that the Voice would otherwise have bought and spent money on. This is an indirect form of compensation – an expense foregone. However, this may not be the truth, as in many cases, the Voice may choose a product simply out of curiosity, rather than out of an intention to avoid some other purchase, or choose things that they never would have actually purchased, because they are “luxury” or “silly”. Here even the benefit is questionable.
• Finally, whether there is an intention to profit is also in question – given that the product may as likely be worth a 5-star rating as it could be worth a 1-star rating, the event of choosing a product to review takes on a level of gambling that is not consistent with business-like profit-gaining behaviour. I certainly have no intention of profit – every choice is a lark.
• Also, while this is taxable for Vine Voices in the U.S.A., the U.S.A. taxes hobbies (while Canada does not) and cannot be considered an equivalent tax regime, and as there are different terms and conditions of product ownership for American Vine Voices, this must be disregarded as comparable.

Sufficient Commerciality

• Court cases indicate that to be commercial (and therefore intend to profit), business-like behaviour must exist. Martin v. the Queen 2002 described the ingredients of commerciality: the commitment of capital, the organized way in which records are kept, and the devotion of time.
• My involvement in Amazon Vine does not include these factors:
  • Time involvement (on my part) is minimal. Those crazy Vine Voices who choose to pursue Gold Tier and obtain and review 100 products every 6 months likely commit significantly more resources and may in fact meet the standard of commerciality, but my occasional obtention of a product on a weekly basis is likely insufficient.
  • There is no commitment of capital on my part.
  • There is no true record-keeping. Amazon does not even produce enough information to allow for recordkeeping to result – invoices are assigned a $nil value. Canadian don't get a "tax value". The only records I keep are my usual household records – I keep a full home inventory of everything my wife and I own, for insurance purposes (we had a scare with a fire). This has nothing to do with Amazon Vine and everything to do with the fact that I’m an overly-detailed, OCD Chartered Professional Accountant on the autistic side of the spectrum. You should see my budget spreadsheets. I’m a nerd.

Personal Component

• I view Amazon Vine as a hobby. I never pursued Amazon Vine – being invited to the program was a surprise, as I’d never heard of it. I was entertained to learn that people actively try their best to get in, when I was invited on basically no real effort on my part – I just like leaving reviews, partly because I rely on reviews myself when buying items.
• I enjoy leaving reviews – I leave copious Google reviews on restaurants, locations, hotels, businesses, none of which I receive any compensation for. It’s just a fun thing to do when bored, and it feels useful, like I’m contributing something to society by being honest about the nature of existence. Certainly more useful than doom-scrolling Tik Tok, as leisure time goes.
• I view Vine much the same way – it is odd to be compensated for something that I otherwise do cheerfully for free. Getting free product is fun – sometimes its crap, sometimes its great. Either way, it’s an adventure. And that’s why I do it: I do it for the adventure.
• The quantity of activity I do on Vine is minimal. My time spent on Vine is never more than an hour or so a week. I spend more time on my other hobbies: reading, writing, cooking, baking, hiking, gardening, playing piano… It’s just another leisure past time.
• I have no intention of accelerating my participation in Vine to a business-level involvement. I have a full-time job. I am writing a book on the side. I have too many hobbies as it is. I don’t need another gig.

Conclusion
In conclusion, I would argue that there is insufficient commerciality, no intention of profit (and potentially no real profit, regardless) and a very significant personal component to my involvement with Amazon Vine. I would argue that this makes it a hobby, and not a business, and thus not subject to tax under the Income Tax Act. Individuals who engage with Amazon Vine on a more involved basis (i.e. crazy Gold Tier) may have a different result.
Should Canada Revenue Agency disagree, I leave it to them to try to value the damn income that would result, because the gods know Amazon doesn’t actually provide enough information to determine it. I wash my hands of this nonsense. I wish CRA had published guidance on this so I didn’t have to spend hours on this kind of research.
TL;DR: It can likely be argued that Amazon Vine involvement is a hobby for Canadian tax purposes, and thus not taxable (provided the Vine Voice in question isn't doing crazy business-like activity and pumping out massive amounts of reviews for Gold Tier). CRA needs to publish better guidance, because the interpretation is unclear.

I think I need an exit date/plan. I wanna stay, so badly for my 10 year old but I just don't think I can. My boyfriend the LLM here is her step dad and her bio dad is not around at all. Where do I start... BF's an alcoholic (a truly "not that bad" one.. but nonetheless). We have had sex twice in the last 2 years. Yet 3- 3.5 years ago upon getting together we had a lot of sex. Yes I got off birth control and there's been talk of a vasectomy.. but guess what- tracking my cycle + condoms do exist. Mind blowing dude, I know. Gahhh. Frick, you guys. This is shitty. My daughter is doing so well but ultimately I do take a lot of credit with that, I'm typically the one spending quality time and loving her up. She also has a strong relationship with my parents so at least there is that. I just... it's like. He saves himself constantly by being funny or cooking. Literally those two things are 100 percent why I feel like I can't leave sometimes lol. But it truly is getting down to just wow I'm just simply sad bc of this sexlessness... and we do fight sometimes (fuck alcohol).. and I want someone who cares about their health more. Gotta say I am sadly afraid of ever finding someone that meets my standards..(I'm also a little insecure about myself, should work on that) but I think I'd rather be alone?? I'll probably delete later as this is completely all over the place, I just needed to vent tonight. At the very least I think I need to give it like, 3 more months tops. If no changes I gotta be gone. It's been nothinggg but "I will figure it out" "I'm sorry I just don't know what is wrong with me" 🙄

I have to quickly jump into building a PC for the first time as my main laptop just got fried.
Most of my heavy duty work on my computer are things like:

• Photo Editing
• Video Editing/VFX
• Streaming on light games
• Planning to do Unreal Engine/Unity soon

Is the GHz significant for an extra $50?

• Intel Core i5-13600KF 3.5 GHz 14-Core Processor

vs.

• Intel Core i5-13500 2.5 GHz 14-Core Processor

This is the rest of my build if anyone can point out any glaring problems: https://ca.pcpartpicker.com/list/QF4mnt
I'll eventually upgrade my GPU down the line, but just trying to stay budget friendly for now.

New Delhi A 16- time-old girl was picked multiple times and her head was crushed with a gravestone arbor allegedly by her swain in Delhi on Sunday. While the police are still trying to find out the motive behind the crime, sources have told NDTV that the teen had refocused a toy dynamo at the man a many days agone
to scarify him down. The two had been fighting recently as the girl wanted to end their three- time-long relationship, sources said. The girl had indeed hovered him that she'd go to the police, they added. According to the sources, the girl also had a tattoo of another man's name on her hand. Sahil, who worked as a fridge and AC handyperson, allegedly picked the girl over 20 times before smashing her head with a gravestone in a busy lane of the densely peopled position in northwest Delhi's Shahbad Dairy area. The nipping footage of the incident, captured by the near security camera, showed the indicted cascading the victim to a wall with one hand and pecking her constantly. He didn't stop indeed when the girl drooped to the ground. He was seen remonstrating her and also slamming a cement arbor on her constantly. The 20- time-old has been arrested by the Delhi Police from his aunt's house in Bulandshahr in Uttar Pradesh. The police are also probing whether Sahil had changed his name to befriend the girl. Hitting out at Lt Governor VK Saxena over the incident, Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal asked him to" do commodity" as law and order in Delhi is his responsibility. Post a comment The Delhi women's panel also took note of the incident with its principal Swati Maliwal slamming the police and claiming that" no bone
is hysterical " of the police or law in the public capital.
healthylifehuman.com

The fear of long words.
Yes, whoever coined such a long name for this phobia was cruel. I’ve heard that joke a thousand times. But do you know what isn’t funny? The story of why I fear long words. And it’s a story that I’m going to tell here in the hope that it makes people think twice before being callous. I can’t speak for others with this phobia, of course, but I can tell you how it began for me.
It was 2005, and I was 10 years old. My friends and I were watching Mary Poppins. Amy, Stephanie, Brandon, my little brother, and me.
“Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,” I proudly said, pointing at the piece of paper on which I’d just written the word.
Amy beamed. “You’re so smart, James!”
I caught Brandon eyeing her coldly, but I pretended not to notice. I just thought him to be troubled. Unloved at home by his drunken dad. Envious of my relationship with Amy. Angry at the world. All of the above.
But there was more to Brandon than that. Or less, depending on how you look at it. And however you look at it, what happened next was a horror beyond words. In fact, after all of this time, I’ve finally decided that there isn’t a word for what happened next. And I know plenty of words. That’s what started everything.
“James,” Brandon said as we were walking out of school. “What would you say to a Spelling Bee at my house?”
I shrugged. “Sure. I guess.”
He was quiet for the duration of the walk home. As I said, he was always an unusual, unnerving boy, but I have to admit that he seemed particularly unhinged on this particular evening. I noticed that his driveway was empty as we approached the front door.
“Do your parents know I’m coming over?” I asked.
“Let’s go up to the den,” He said, averting my question and guiding me upstairs.
“Are we allowed, Brandon?” I asked, as he pulled on the string to the attic door. “Where are your parents?”
“They’re away,” Brandon said, beginning to climb the ladder. “Come on. It’s time for the Spelling Bee.”
He turned on the light in the attic, and I followed him into what I can only describe as the first of many traumatic memories. Chained to plastic chairs – yes, chained by a 10-year-old – were my friends and my brother. Stephanie, Amy, and Tom. They were all crying.
“What have you done?” I squealed. “Let them go!”
“Did you not wonder where everyone had gone during our lunch break, James?” Brandon asked. “I thought you were smart.”
“James,” Tom bawled. “I want to go home.”
“I’m gonna untie you,” I said, striding towards his chair. “One second.”
But Brandon lunged at me, pinning me to the rickety floorboards of the attic and wafting a multi-buttoned remote before my eyes.
“That isn’t how the Spelling Bee works, James,” Brandon hissed, dark eyes burrowing into my soul. “If you step out of line again, I press this button and… You don’t want to know what it does to your friends and poor little Tom.”
“I… I’m not little…” Tom whimpered.
Brandon leaned towards my ear and whispered quietly. “By the time we’re finished, he’ll be the littlest thing you’ve ever seen.”
“Just tell me what to do,” I cried.
Brandon smiled wickedly. “Three words. That’s it, James. The world’s easiest Spelling Bee. A word for each of them – Stephanie, Amy, and Tom. Spell each word correctly, and I set them free.”
“And if I fail?” I asked.
“It’s not a pass or fail situation, James. You’ll spell each word, letter by letter. As soon as you get a letter incorrect – sorry, if you get a letter incorrect – I’ll tell you the correct letter and repeat the word so you can continue.”
“But what’s the catch?” I asked quietly.
“Well, there’s a price for my assistance,” He said thoughtfully. “It’s like Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. You’d be using a lifeline. I’d have to… creatively… write the correct letter on the whiteboard for you. You lose if… well, we’ll get to that.”
Brandon gestured to a whiteboard stand to the side of my three loved ones. I couldn’t see a marker pen.
“Right, shall we start with Stephanie?” Brandon asked.
“Wait…” I whispered.
“The word is Pulchritudinous.”
I inhaled deeply, preparing to best Brandon at his demented idea of a prank, but I had no idea as to how deep his insanity ran. I was about to find out.
“P… U… L… C… H… R… I… D–”
“– T, not D,” Brandon said.
Then something horrifying happened. Brandon produced a pair of hedge trimmers from a small duffel bag on the floor and took long strides towards Stephanie. He clipped, clipped, clipped, clipped, and clipped.
She wailed as five fingers were severed, one by one, from her left hand. I screamed, as did Amy and Tom. A fountain of blood gushed from the stubs on Stephanie’s hand, and Brandon sinisterly shaped each of the five fingers into various formations.
He was spelling the word with her body parts. Sellotaping P, U, L, C, and H to the whiteboard, much to my horror.
“Need more,” Brandon hissed, a deranged glint in his eyes.
Stephanie was too weakened by blood loss to resist Brandon as he clipped away at her right hand, severing those fingers and moulding them into letters too. Our cries of horror must’ve carried a good mile, but Brandon’s family lived on an isolated plot of land.
“There we go. R, I, and T. T, James, not D. Pulchritudinous. Go on.”
“P… U… L… C… H… R… I… T… U… D… I… N… O… U… S.”
“Wow, James. Just wow. Second try? You really are a genius. And I’m a man of my word!”
Brandon pressed a smaller button beneath the big red one on the remote, and Stephanie’s chains loosened. Bawling, she fell to her knees and began to crawl across the attic floor, holding her stumped, fingerless, bloodied hands before her. But it was already too late – she didn’t even make it to the attic door before crumpling lifelessly and staring at me with unblinking eyes.
“Most unfortunate. Anyway, moving on to Amy. The word is Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis,” Brandon said.
Still unwilling to grapple with the terror of Stephanie’s death, I found myself collapsing to my knees and spelling Amy’s word before my brain had even caught up – I was in shock.
“P… N… E… U… M… O… N… O… U… L… T… R… A… M… I… C… R… O… L–”
“– L? What?” Brandon sighed. “The correct letter, after O, is S. This is going to be a long one, James…”
I could only observe from my knelt position on the floor as Brandon spelled out the eighteen letters I’d done correctly, plus the nineteenth that he revealed. Eighteen body parts. You can’t imagine my horror as I watched Brandon inflict the same terror upon Amy that he inflicted upon Stephanie. And when he had ten fingers on his whiteboard, what did he use next?
Not toes, as one might have hoped, to give Amy a fighting chance at surviving. No. He clipped her arms. I screeched at the top of my lungs, eyes swimming with terrified tears as Amy’s head swiftly lulled forwards, blood gushing from the open wounds on her torso. And yet Brandon continued to hack up her dismembered body parts, contorting them into each letter of the word and sellotaping them to the whiteboard.
“P… N… E… U… M… O… N… O… U… L… T… R… A… M… I… C… R… O… S... Well, I would say to continue, James, but… it appears you’ve failed. I don’t think poor Amy is moving, is she? That’s how you lose, James,” Brandon faux-sniffled, walking over to her limp corpse and puppeteering her lips. “You’re oh-so-smart, James. Why couldn’t you spell the word properly?”
I wailed inconsolably, horrified by the unfathomably and graphically gruesome spectacle before me. As I collapsed into a ball on the ground, my tormentor continued.
“Now, according to the Oxford Dictionary, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is the longest word in the English language,” Brandon said, unfazed by my hyperventilation. “But did you know that there exists another word – a far longer word?”
I sobbed, unable to breathe properly – nostrils clogged with snot bubbles, and cheeks strewn with tears.
“The Titin protein is the largest protein in the human body, which is why its full name is such an obscenely long word. 189,819 letters, to be exact. So, that brings us to Tom. And the third word is...”
I would include it here, but it’s far too long for a Reddit post.
You can imagine how many times I failed to spell a 189,819-letter-long word correctly. And though I’d accepted that I couldn’t save my baby brother, I hadn’t expected Brandon to make Tom’s end so horribly drawn-out.
The monster plucked minuscule strips of flesh from my little brother’s body to form the letters of the 189,819-letter word. I kept trying to spell it, watching as Tom bled out hauntingly slowly. He sobbed for the first hour or so, before uttering little more than the occasional hoarse grunt or inaudible whisper. Letter-shaped wounds formed where my brother’s skin had been, and Brandon continued to spell the word along the floor after he’d run out of room on the whiteboard.
It took hours for my brother to finally fall still, but Brandon didn’t stop, even after Tom’s death – after I lost. He made me finish the word.
We used up every last piece of my brother’s body to spell out the full word – limbs, eyes, innards, and bones. I don’t know why I kept spelling. There was nothing that Brandon held over me. My only explanation is that sheer shock drove me onwards. Horror at what I’d witnessed. A disconnect from reality.
When the word was finished, Brandon silently left the attic.
I eventually returned to the real world, in a sense, and called the police. It’s hard to explain what followed. I know that Brandon’s parents were found in their bed, throats slit. Their cars were in the garage.
The demented boy has been missing for eighteen years, and my town has never been the same. I’ve never been the same. As I type this post now, I don’t see letters. Not really.
I see body parts.
X