Cargo x part 4

Looking for a new laptop for very basic web browsing and some Finace tracking, nothing too heavy, just basic everyday tasks. Would this be a good laptop?
Specs
Processor AMD Athlon™ Gold 7220U Processor (2.40 GHz up to 3.70 GHz)
Operating System Windows 11 Home in S mode 64
Graphic Card Integrated AMD Radeon™ 610M
Memory 4 GB LPDDR5-5500MHz (Soldered)
Storage 128 GB SSD M.2 2242 PCIe Gen3 TLC
Display 15.6" FHD (1920 x 1080), TN, Anti-Glare, Non-touch, 45%NTSC, 220 nits, 50Hz-60Hz
Camera 720P HD with Dual Microphone and Privacy Shutter
Keyboard Traditional, Grey with Number Pad - English (US)
WLAN Wi-Fi 6 2x2 AX & Bluetooth® 5.1 or above
Warranty 1 Year Mail-in

I'm 28M, she is 28F.
I want to vent as objectively as possible about our relationship to help me process through it. Sorry if this comes off as a big ramble.
Hurt does not describe the absolute crushing pain and disrespect I feel from the one person who I thought loved me.
We were together for 10 years from 18 to 28. Highschool sweethearts. So much and so little has happened in those years. We had a far from normal relationship. We were each others first real relationship and first everything basically.
We've gone through highschool together, college, navigating through our 20's moving up in our careers, bought a house, and were planning on getting married next year.
We've had a lot of problems since the beginning.
She was always insecure. Always seeking validation, during our relationship and even before we were together in highschool.
In the first 1-3 years, she was constantly building relationships with co-workers and developing crushes. I've found out one way or another whether it was direct messages she was having with them and hiding or her talking with her friends about them. She's stayed with the same company but has moved to different stores and there was always someone she would start crushing on no matter where she was. There has been about 4-5 different guys this has happened with. I know, dumb of me to stay and give her that many chances but love makes you do stupid things I guess. From what I know she did not do anything physical with any of them and was more so flirting conversations. This is a reoccurring theme of our relationship from year 1 to today.
Sex has also been an issue for us since those early years as we were not having sex or anything as often as I would have like and she never wanted too. We would have sex about once every 1-1.5 months. It was less of me trying to fuck and more so wanting to make love and just overall loving her in that way. It was always pretty basic. Nothing extra spicy. This coupled with her talking to guys hurt because all I wanted was more of her and she was giving time and energy to someone else.
During all these times, she was always projecting onto me, accusing me of talking to someone since that's what she was doing so I must be too apparently. She was wrong at first until I did seek out someone.
Eventually being hurt enough by this, instead of leaving I found a stranger online I was talking too. This went from being just someone to talk and vent about this stuff with to sending nudes etc. I know I'm not perfect here either.
She found out and this put a massive dent in our relationship with the already existing insecurities. I believe all these insecure issues shes always had with me stemmed from her and what she was doing and for some reason nothing she did was ever the issue and she made it known that I was the bad guy and I ruined us. She would hold this against me for years and could never fully trust me. Constant accusations. Always thinking I'm up to something no matter what I was doing.
Years 4-6.
She has a very normal/average typical family life. Nothing crazy, no drama.
My life has been the complete opposite. Very dramatic. My family had a falling out. I got kicked out of my home and her family took me in to live with them. I am so thankful and love her parents/family for taking me in as their own when my parents didn't want. They've done so much for me/us.
We both wanted me to live with them but this "forced" us together. This meant all those insecurities and issues we had basically never got fully address and we were never able to work through them.
We lived with her parents for 1 year, and decided to skip the apartment life and jump into buying a home. This took another year until we were moved into our home together.
Years 6-10.
We lived in this home for 4 years. Navigating living on our own together. Responsibilities of homeownership. This was supposed to be a fresh start for us. All these issues we had were supposed to be left behind us. I suppose that's hard when we never addressed them in the first place.
Im not perfect. I had my issues too. She holds against me cheating, being abusive, and having drinking problems.
I've mentioned my cheating.
The abusive part I am torn on. I am not defending myself because what I did was wrong. I was half asleep and she came angrily waking me up again accusing me of something. I woke up confused and became black out angry with how built up these accusations were and i realzied thats what this was about. I got so mad I pushed her and had my hands pushing on her on the floor. We've talked about this and she realized I was wrong for that but understood my reaction after realizing how the situation played out. I've never put my hands on her again since.
Drinking. I like to come home and have 1 beer. When I'm out with my friends, I do drink too much. I've passed out before at friends houses. I've never done anything wrong while drunk imo other than being too drunk with my friends and passing out or not texting her the whole time. Enjoying my time with them she would be upset when I'm not constantly talking/texting her.
I'm having so much trouble believing whether what I am/was doing was so wrong or if she's putting the blame of our failing relationship on me and ignoring everything she has done that has gotten us here while she continues to entertain other men.
She also did not have a lot of friends. She left her highscool friends when we got together. She has one girl friend from year 1 that was a coworker. That friend was also cheating on her bf at the time. So they were playing this game together.
She felt like she lost herself and who she was because we lived through my life, my friends, my family.
2 years into living together I thought things were going well. She started therapy and is still going for a year now today. I couldn't handle spiraling whether she was still doing things with guys at work or not and speculating. I decided to trust her and I genuinely did. She stopped seeing her original girl friend for a while once we moved in but reconnected and started hanging out with more Coworkers too. Whatever, I trusted her and thought we were past all those things.
Even through all of this, I proposed to her 2 years ago. We were supposed to get married next year.
6 months ago our house caught on fire.
We're in the middle of rebuilding. I work in the building industry so I've been managing all of it. We lost everything, all of our stuff, and our cat weve had forever. We moved back into her parents house together.
You can imagine how stressful this has been.
Since being at her parents, I now realize she was projecting her own actions again. She kept saying how she was worried about me "falling back into old ways" when in reality she has been developing a crush and building a relationship with intent to fuck this new coworker. She told me February is when she started talking about this extensively in therapy so this has been going on for months now.
She broke up with me 1 month ago.
We went on a trip to NY. Me not knowing this would be our last everything and she knew she was leaving.
The second we got home she told me to pack my stuff and leave because she "needed space".
In less than 10 minutes my life fell apart.
We officially broke up a few days after.
The next week we were supposed to take engagement photos on her birthday. Instead she went on a date with her new coworker interest.
She officially told me about her crush for him last night that was developing. This breakup was supposed to be her "learning about herself" "being on her own, being by herself". Yet she's been brewing and building this relationship with this guy. This guy is 10 years older. Her original girlfriend also has a man that is older and I firmly believe her flying monkeys contributed to this.
He's broken, suicidal, has a kid, and a whole lot more baggage. All of the guys shes talked to including me are broke. She bonded over his trauma while I was trying to rebuild our life. She was so stressed about our living situation being back at her parents, one day she came home and said she'd rather be at work than home with me and i realize now shed rather be at work with him than trying to be there for me when I'm also struggling.
The wedding is canceled. We're fully broken up. I thought we were past all of this and never thought we'd go through this same scenario at this point in our lives. I thought we were better. After 10 years and everything, she ended this the same way it started.
She kicked me out with no where to go in no time. While living at her parents. While I work on rebuilding our home and life. While working on our wedding. A week before our engagement photos. All to go through the same exact cheattling scenario that got us here and idk why I'm surprised.
She doesn't believe she was cheating but she was building this relationship with intention.
There's no right way to breakup but this was absolutely wrong and seeing everything as a whole, is so completely fucked, I'm so disrespected, beyond hurt. After 10 years idk who she is anymore. I should have left a while ago but our life events put us together.
I never thought someone who loved you and wanted to get married could do something so evil.
Idk how to end this but thank you for reading if you did. I hope it makes sense and not just a ramble. Owning the house together makes moving on harder and I'm afraid once we get closer to finishing, she might realize by then how fucked this situation is. Maybe the grass isn't greener. And she knows the house is tying us together and might come back. But I can't after how this unfolded.
I hope she finds what she's looking for in him. Or she is actually able to work in herself. Part of me doesn't think she's capable of actually owning up to anything and actually being self aware enough to evaluate our 10 years.
Idk. I'm working through it. Thank you.

I am active duty and have a retirement decision to make. I have the choice of “retiring” in 2 years, or accepting a promotion and retiring in 4-5 years. The promotion and additional 2-3 years of service would increase the lifetime cumulative value of my pension by roughly 350k in today's dollars. That starts at about $1,400 more per month and will also increase with cost of living adjustments over time. I will be in my late 40s and will probably pursue a second career for 5-10 years. But maybe even part time or one that does not pay a high income.
I have never owned a home, and after years of renting and moving from duty station to duty station we are anxious to finally settle somewhere and purchase a home upon retirement. For 20+ years we diligently saved and invested, but have watched the purchasing power of the down payment we've accumulated be destroyed by housing inflation. Our goal is to pay mostly cash for a house in a medium to high cost of living area and have a very small 15 year mortgage while retired.
I'm concerned that by staying in longer, housing will only get more expensive and the end result is us being further from our goal of purchasing a home. Basically working and saving more to only end up paying more. For example; if homes that are worth $600k appreciate by 3.5% per year over 3 years, those homes could be priced at almost $700k when it's time for us to purchase. It's scary to think they could be close to $1.0 million with another round of QE or a prolonged inflationary period similar to the 1970s. Even with 3.5% per year home appreciation, if we aren't saving/investing 20k per year the cost of housing is outpacing our saving/investing rate, and we are even further behind. (33k at 5.0%, and 45k at 7%). Our housing fund is a conservative allocation of broad market index funds, precious metals, REITs, T-Bills, I-Bonds, CDs, and cash. What asset allocation should be used for either time horizon?
Any recommendations on how to think about this decision or how to tackle this are appreciated. I would love to retire sooner rather than later to settle and buy a house, but in the big scheme of things this may be “tripping over dollars to pick up pennies”.

After a long chat with chatGPT (which got defeated) here's what we were able to establish:

1. The movie revolves around a teenage girl who dies.
2. The plot explores the theme of the parents' attachment to the girl's belongings (at least near the end).
3. The parents struggle to let go of the girl's objects and the state of her room.
4. Despite the fact that no one will use those things, they find it difficult to part with them.
5. The movie focuses on the parents' journey of struggling to let go and eventually getting rid of the girl's belongings.
6. The movie portrays a healthy grieving process.
7. The characteristic of the movie is the human attachment and sentiment to nostalgic objects, despite their obsolescence.
8. The movie does not have intense scenes or action; it aims to deliver a meaningful, reflective, and sad experience to the viewer.
9. The movie is set in complete reality, without any fantasy elements.

I think I saw it in 2014-2017 and it really moved me and changed the way how I decide what things to keep and which ones to throw away, same with old pictures and videos, because when you start hoarding all the stuff from the past without any inhibition you'll just end up cluttered with no space with things you'll never use, so often you have to come to terms with yourself and establish how much value a given item gives you.

There has been a lot of talk about initiation and self-initiation in this group as of late, most specifically with what sources for self-initiation are the best, and many different opinions have been expressed. What has struck me, however, is the lack of understanding of what an initiation into the Golden Dawn, and specifically through the "Elemental Grades" consists of. So, I wanted to share my views, training and experience on the matter.
Let me first give you an idea of where I come from in this regard. I was initiated into a Temple in Houston, Texas in 1992 at the age of 21. There were no self-initiation sources into the GD out at the time. (I think Don Kraig's book may have been out, but I did not have it then.) I progressed through the Outer Order in about four years, and spent another three working through the subgrades of Adeptus Minor. I was also trained as a Hierophant by the Hierophant who preceded me, just as I trained the one after me. Today I find myself serving as a chief in a newly formed Order. When that Temple dissolved, I spent the better part of a decade working through various self-initiation manuals, including Don Kraig's, the Cicero's SI manual (The Big Green Book), and LTC's Kabbalah Magic. Now, that may sound pointless given my previous initiatory experience, but each author and source provided some unique perspectives and experiences to draw from, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with exploring different points of view. More than that however, after the Temple I called home dissolved I realized the lack of temples for true seekers and the need for people to be able to make the journey to adepthood for themselves. How can someone grow spiritually if there is no temple for them to advance in. Fortunately today, there are many options including Temples and Orders that work at a distance as well as sources for self-initiation.
In my experience, initiation into the Golden Dawn must contain five parts. Now, initiation into different orders and organizations may not contain these elements. I know of several initiations (and have taken part in a few) that are nothing more than being accepted into a group and getting the "secret handshake". But, in this I am specifically talking about the Golden Dawn. In my opinion, initiation into the Golden Dawn tradition and egregore must contain four of these five parts, with the fifth being necessary in certain circumstances which I shall discuss. These five parts are: 1) acceptance into the group; 2) the formation of a specific magical obligation; 3) teachings of the appropriate nature; 4) aligning and manipulating the subtle energies of the initiate according to the nature of the initiation; and 5) the impression and inscribing of specific symbols into the subtle bodies of the initiate. Taking these one at a time I will explain them and their importance.
The first, acceptance into the group, is in my opinion the least important and is the one that is conditional, being necessary only when you are initiating into a Temple or Order. It is the acceptance and sharing of the energy of the group with you and, by doing so, the entire group works to help raise the vibratory rate of the initiate as it works on the entire group. Obviously, this is less important when doing self-initiation which is why I say it is conditional. It should not be ignored that a group is stronger than an individual and that if you have a group working together for the purpose of spiritual development, in our case through the process of initiation into the Golden Dawn, it can be beneficial even if the members of the group are all participating in self-initiation practices. In forming that group it still operates as a collective energy and creates an egregore for the group over time that assists its members in their work even if they are doing it individually. But, as many choose to go it alone (and that is a completely acceptable option), this requirement would not be required in that case.
The next four elements of the initiation, however, are absolute requirements for initiation into the Golden Dawn.
Second is the formation of the magical obligation. In my opinion, this is one point that is not taken nearly as seriously as it ought to be. When we take the obligation, and renew it as we progress, we are taking the first steps to connect to the tradition and the egregore of the Golden Dawn. That magical obligation carries with it not only commitment but consequences. It is the initial linking motion that the initiate makes toward the current of energy established by the Golden Dawn. The first steps toward spiritual development must be made by the initiate, and must be made before the Higher Consciousness moves to meet them. In this obligation are contained the necessary instructions to begin the work of spiritual development. Committing to them sets you on a path. Without this, you are not on the path, certainly not on the Golden Dawn path, even if you take parts of that path and apply them to your practice. All magic is intention, and without setting your intention you can not commence. More than that, by creating a magical obligation you are actually creating a magical current within yourself that will assist you through your progress.
Third is the teachings of an appropriate nature. Now, this is a difficult matter to look at. You may say that you can learn the material without an initiation, and indeed you can. But, there is a difference between learning and knowing. To elaborate on this, I will draw on some of the verbiage from my experience as a clinical hypnotherapist and an NLP practitioner. When you are in a physical initiation, you are blindfolded, led around poked and prodded, sprinkled with water (you assume), smell things, hear things and so on. All of this is before your blindfold is removed. When it is removed, you eyes, which are use to being in the dark, are assaulted with light, colors and sights that, hopefully, you were not aware of previously. This process works to overload the conscious mind and to place the initiate into a hypnotic state. In this state, which is apparent in the latter half of the Neophyte initiation, you are given a slew of information on the officers, the symbols of the temple and so on. This is not given with the intention that you will consciously remember it. Rather, by being in a hypnotic state it is impressed into your subconscious where it will grow and blossom. It actually becomes a part of you rather than something you consciously have learned, and this is far more powerful than studying alone.
The fourth element of initiation is aligning and manipulating the subtle energies of the initiate according to the nature of the initiation. Now we are getting to the heart of the initiation process. This is where subtle changes are made in the initiates energy body to align them with the intention and focus of the initiation. The initiation for each grade in the Golden Dawn is unique, and is designed to do specific things. To accomplish this subtle bodies are manipulated, energetic motions and actions are taken, and changes are made to the initiate. Pat Zalewski has likened this to psychic surgery, and I would have to agree. It is a powerful process that brings things into alignment and establishes connections. In some instances, it is singling out a particular aspect and working on it in the candidate, which forces them to work on it consciously over a course of time. This is the alchemical processes of separation, pruification and cohobotion, and is a process which is carried out over several grades and initiations.
Finally, there is the impression and inscribing of specific symbols into the subtle bodies of the initiate. With this, symbols are, for lack of a better term, "burned into" the subtle bodies of the initiate. These symbols serve to protect, to assist and to guide the initiate as he or she makes their journey through the grades and beyond. These symbols create a resonance between the initiate and other forces including the specific energies of the Golden Dawn. This brings a person into the influence and guidance of the current and permanently connects them to it. These can be removed, as when a member is expelled from the Order for some reason, but this process is complicated and well beyond the scope of this discussion.
When looking at initiation, whether in a Temple or through self-initiation, at least the last four of these must be met. If they are not, the initiate would be missing key elements in their progress through the Golden Dawn experience. Obviously, if you are in a Temple, you should be receiving all five. Now, Pat Zalewski notes in his Rituals and Commentaries book that it is possible for an inexperienced group to perform the ritual and receive initiation from it, meaning that all five points are met. Using his instructions, I concur. He then, in the same book, gives not only the rituals but a well detailed description of what each officer does during the ritual and the effects that the ritual should have on the initiate. He also recommends that each member go through all the initiations. So, you might be Hierophant one week and then go through the same initiation as the initiate the next. Provided that each member has studied the materials well and is applying them properly there is no reason why this can not work. This is not self-initiation, but the formation of a new Temple in the process of performing initiations. While a properly trained officer body would be preferable, this method will, in time, produce that and is, in my opinion, a reasonable second.
Next, let's look at each of the three self-initiation methods I mentioned earlier and see how they meet the requirements.
In regard to Don Kraig's book, he has made it easy. He clearly states that his method, while containing elements of the Golden Dawn, is not the Golden Dawn. What Don did is in essence create his own tradition and system. It is, in fact, one that I hold in high regard even if Don and I disagreed on parts of it. That being said, I respect it for what it is, and it is not Golden Dawn and does not meet the four essential requirements for initiation into the Golden Dawn.
Next, let's look at LTC's book Kabbalah, Magic and the Great Work of Self-Transformation. What struck me about his curriculum as I was going through it was not that it missed several of the parts of the initiation process but that he completely disregarded them. There is no magical obligation that is formed. While it does present teachings, there is no effort made to impart them into the subconscious, but presents them so that they pass through the conscious mind where the natural filters of the mind delete, distort and generalize the data. This is a natural process that we all do when learning consciously. This is also why it is so important to enter into the hypnotic state first, so that the information presented bypasses those filters. For the manipulation of the subtle energies and bodies, LTC relies on the LRP, Middle Pillar and other meditational and ritual exercises. While these do produce the effect of manipulating the energies, they do not manipulate them in the way provided in the initiation ceremonies. Also, in regards to the fifth point, the symbols that are impressed into the initiate's subtle bodies are not present in the LRP, Middle Pillar, LRH, or any of the adept grade rituals he recommends. How can they properly be impressed into the person if they are not there. Now, much like Don's book, LTC established his own way of doing magic and allowing others to self-initiate. And, Like Don's book, it is valid. But it is not an initiation that is in any way Golden Dawn in nature. It can certainly produce competent magicians, but not Golden Dawn members.
Finally, let's take a look at the Cicero's Self-Initiation into the Golden Dawn Tradition. As those who have followed my posts and comments no doubt know I am a huge proponent of this curriculum. However, I am going to attempt to be purely objective and look at it from the perspective of it providing the necessary elements of initiation. First, as the Cicero's have taken the initiations and modified them for self-initiation, they do take the initiate through the process of creating a magical obligation. Rather than being witnessed and empowered by observing members, it is witnessed by the godforms and the Higher Consciousness of the candidate and empowered by their energies. With regards to providing appropriate teachings, the ritual does just as in an initiation performed by an officer body. It is difficult, however, to enter into that hypnotic state where the teachings bypass the critical mind. They get around this by encouraging repeated performance of the initiation. The first time you preform it you are focused on getting it right. Through repeated performances you relax and slip into a comfortable point where you are experiencing it rather than being focused on the performance. This is another way of entering into a hypnotic state. This does then, if the process is followed and repeated, meet the element of hypnotic learning. The subtle bodies are aligned and manipulated in accordance with the ritual, and proper visualizations and instructions are given. Likewise, the same is true for placing the symbols in the subtle bodies. So, it can be said that all of the requirements are met for self-initiation into the Golden Dawn.
The Cicero's book, as well as the development of Orders that work remotely, mark a large step in the evolution of the Golden Dawn. As other developments come, we must take the time to evaluate them based not only on being a new development but also preserving the things that make the Golden Dawn what it is. If you radically alter something such that it is unrecognizable it is no longer that original thing. The Golden Dawn, in particular, has many teaching and nuances that are powerful and purposeful, but are mostly neglected by those who do not take the time to learn the entire tradition. Many people take parts of it without fully understanding what they are doing and present it as something it is not. I think that, with regards to initiation in particular and the entire tradition in general, we who truly seek to practice and develop it have a responsibility to offer our advice and experience in a way that helps others as well as helps the tradition to grow. It is common place to say in occult circles that you can do whatever you want. And, you can! However, while what you do may work for you it does not make it a part of any tradition. No better, no worse. Honesty and openness are always the best policy.