MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ mention of various forms of abuse including SA, mention of suicide in some detail, mention of death
PREFACE
I understand this is the internet and I cannot expect people to have grace or mercy on me for any of this. All I can do is ask that if you’re going to give me your input, that you try and be as kind as possible. My heart is hurting and I really don’t feel I am in a place to hear that I need to entirely -drop- this therapist right now. My background of abuse and trauma will hopefully explain why that is, but I am not ready to let go. I am mostly posting this to vent, but also hoping that if anyone does have any advice that could help me even just in the short term with coping, that it will be gently shared.
BACKGROUND
I will try and keep this as short and sweet as possible but there’s a whole lot of history here. I am 27F, and I grew up in an unimaginably abusive home. Sex trafficking, severe physical, sexual, and emotional abuse from my father and my older brother (very patriarchal family), and a slew of very complicated and scary health issues including a liver disease and cancer. My family set me up to never be able to move out or live independently because they genuinely have viewed me to be their property. The severity of this can hopefully be summed up in just a few example:
Was never allowed to even get myself a glass of water in the kitchen or learn to cook Was not potty trained and had to rely on my mom to go to the bathroom into my teenage years Drinking only from sippy cups until teenage years Location monitored on my phone Every credit card transaction / finance watched closely Could not move away from college
My brother was allowed and able to do all these things, but I was not. My entire life, teachers and “adults” that were supposed to catch these things did not even bat an eye. They instead placed me in remedial classes and ESL assuming that I just had a learning disability or a language barrier (which I do not). When I told teachers in the past about my abuse, it was handled extremely poorly and no authorities ever got involved. My life felt worthless; meaningless. Like I could scream from the rooftops of my school that I was being abused and no one cared.
This past January, I did the unthinkable. I left my family and got my own apartment. Friends, therapists, coworkers, everyone who remotely knew me has been pushing me to do this for years and I genuinely thought I would die in my situation. I developed severe Stockholm syndrome so a huge part of my lack of leaving was due to my own internal thought patterns. I did it through the help of my current therapist, which is my… fourth? therapist that’s attempted to help. The last ones took advantage of how naive I was and hurt me (one of them has been arrested). This therapist, however, invested everything to get me out. He really wanted to see me free. And I am forever grateful for him.
MY CURRENT THERAPIST & BACKSTORY
I started seeing this therapist early in 2022 when I was still living with my family. I became severely bedridden and could not even go to the bathroom without my mom or dad escorting me. My anxiety and panic were at an all time high. I was on a leave of absence from work, and this therapist was the only reason I had for HAVING to get out of bed and forcing myself to drive, and most days I couldn’t even do that. He was patient, compassionate, and was willing to go to great lengths to help. Though mostly irrelevant, he’s 45M. He got into school for counseling later in life so when I started seeing him, he was just an intern under the director of the practice. At the time, the director of the practice was seeing an old time friend of mine (who happened to recently become my coworker). My friend had gotten concerned about why I wasn’t showing up to work and why I was struggling so much. I didn’t want to open up to her about it because I couldn’t open up to anyone at the time. However, my friend asked the director of the place if she knew anything about me. The director broke into my therapist’s file under the guise of “he is my intern, I can look at his stuff” and then relayed all of that information to my friend. It became an entire case against the state board and I fought tooth and nail to get that director in trouble. In the end, nothing was done and in retaliation, the director fired my therapist and I had to wait until my therapist found a new job in order to see him (he was pre-graduation by just a few weeks so he couldn’t ethically talk to me until he had another practice). During the worst moments of my life, I was without my therapist (no fault of his, and he checked on me frequently), but it was really only for a few weeks. To me that was a lot since I had been going 2-3 times a week, sometimes 4 because of my situation.
THE CRYSTAL AND THE SAGE
My therapist had gone out of town briefly and came back with a crystal he got. He told me when he purchased it he knew he wanted to give it to someone. And he said that it made him think of me and he wants me to have it. He said he wants it to be a reminder that he cares and others care and that it represents my truth to hold close. Months later, he went on another trip and said he got sage that someone gave him that was super special and he wanted me to have it. He was very invested in making sure I felt like he cares and has my back. I was never into spirituality in the same way as him so I respectfully accepted his kindness but kind of scoffed at him. It became more of a joke.
HOW MY BROTHER AND MY THERAPIST STARTED TEXTING
The director of the previous practice had tried to harass me with a fake number, as well as to my therapist. She wanted to try and get us to drop the case, I guess? When I continued to get texts from fake numbers, my therapist asked me to give him the number that was blowing up my phone. It turns out, timing was absolutely terrible. My brother (who moved out of state) was the one who started harassing me. My parents/brother allowed me to go to therapy to “work on my panic attacks” but they began hating the fact that my therapist was helping me become independent. My brother was outraged and texted me anonymously to kill myself. Because I still thought at the time that it was the director of the place, I went ahead and shared the number with my therapist. And that’s how it all began.
THE VIDEO THREATS FROM MY THERAPIST
Things got out of hand over the months. My therapist felt extremely protective of me and a “savior complex” kicked in. The reasoning for this is worth noting / important. My therapist lost his sister to suicide when they were young, and he also lost his father shortly after. His sister apparently had also been assaulted and my therapist had mentioned to me before how he views me as a friend, someone to protect, like a sister. He admitted his struggle with transference and said his main and only concern was to get me to move out of my family’s house. To take a leap of faith. He was desperate to do that. He offered to help me get an apartment near him so he could help me out, he offered to babysit my dog for me (my golden retriever is my emotional support animal that my parents have used as a bargaining chip), he offered to see me in therapy 5 times a week if I just moved. I just wasn’t ready. But my brother would not relent.
My therapist still does not know that I know this, but my brother showed me some of the videos my therapist sent him. Three separate threatening videos. In them, my therapist was shirtless with a ski mask on saying he was part of the FBI and that if my brother didn’t behave himself, that he would have his people come after him. My brother said that I was threatening him and that if I didn’t get this man to stop, it would be trouble. My therapist got extremely activated and decided to take it as a challenge.
My therapist also at some points asked my brother “how to assault me” because he wanted to know what my brother did/wanted him to admit it. But if an outsider saw the texts, it would seem like my therapist was asking to participate in assaulting me. It looked HORRIBLY incriminating.
THE MOVE OUT
I got the courage one night. Drove my dog over to my therapist’s house and moved in with a friend while I apartment hunted. My therapist was incredibly proud of me and poured so much love and care into my dog. I truly felt hopeful and optimistic and I eventually applied for my own apartment and got approved. Because of severe Stockholm syndrome and lack of knowing how to do ANYTHING, I would end up visiting home (somehow, they allowed that and I did not die!)
THE ASSAULT
Long story short (I am not super comfortable going into this part), people from the temple I was sex trafficked in (linked with my family), showed up and assaulted me at gun point in a van. I told my therapist. He was extremely upset on my behalf and called the police. He told me it was essential that I get restraining orders and that I stop going over to my parents house even if I have Stockholm syndrome. He said he could no longer be patient on that because I was actively being attacked. I told him I was still too nervous to go no contact and I could tell he was frustrated with me.
WHEN MY THERAPIST SECRETLY SAT OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT
My brother / someone from the temple decided to start things up once he figured out the person he was texting earlier was in fact my therapist. He threatened my therapist and challenged him to meet up. My brother was bluffing but my therapist took it seriously. My therapist arranged to meet him outside my apartment at 9pm that night. I had a weird gut feeling so I texted my therapist that night and asked him not to do anything stupid, but I had no idea what he had up his sleeve. Without telling me, my therapist sat outside my apartment waiting for my brother (who never showed) to meet him. Why my therapist chose to meet him RIGHT OUTSIDE my new residence was extremely irresponsible.
I went to take my dog out to the bathroom that night and my friend and I were hanging out. She noticed a dark car with someone sitting and staring with a mask on. We walked closer and it was my therapist. I yelled at him because I was so worried he would’ve gotten shot or attacked and that he would get hurt as a result of trying to fight. My therapist apologized and was so embarrassed. He awkwardly said “you weren’t supposed to know about this…” and drove off full force. We hopped in my friends car and followed him to wherever he tried to run off to. He then promised me he would leave. About 20 mins later, my friend and I decide to go out to get food and we see him sitting in another part of my apartment complex still ready to fight. I was so upset that he lied to me multiple times and that he was risking his life. What would’ve happened if he got attacked? But my therapist apologized again and said “I just need to look him in the eye” implying he was ready to kill.
THE DREAMS ABOUT MY THERAPIST’S LATE SISTER
As my therapist had told me, his sister had passed away from suicide when they were young. He admitted to have transference in a way where he viewed me in a sisterly way. For a while, I continually had dreams about his sister and it was very weird. I told him I don’t believe in a lot of things like crystals or burning sage but that these dreams felt incredibly vivid. In the dreams, her sister was assuring me that my therapist was sent in my life to be the brother I couldn’t have. That he was sent to me as a brother, and I to him as a sister.
THE HOSPITAL
Just within the span of days after he showed up to my apartment, I was hospitalized due to complications with my liver, and I reached out to my family for help. My therapist was upset with me for interacting with my family at all. My therapist even visited me in the hospital and said that I don’t need to call my family for help and that I have him and my other friends who will have my back. After I was discharged from the hospital, I asked my therapist if I could take my dog back for at least a weekend (he took my dog in while I went to the hospital in order to help me. He said he would hang onto him while I recovered and caught up on rest). So when he gave me my dog for the weekend, out of guilt, I took my dog with me to visit my family. I just felt the need to run back. My dad manipulated me a lot about missing my dog so I felt obligated.
MY THERAPIST’S FRUSTRATION
I admitted to my therapist that I had taken my dog to my parents for the weekend (after I already gave him my dog back). My therapist was so upset about it. He had put so much love and time into my dog and helping me, and then I took him back to the hands of my abusers. This is when him pulling back began. He felt like he was doing all of this extraneous stuff for me and I was just taking steps back.
THE SUICIDE METHOD
As he got over his frustration a little bit, I became very suicidal to the point where I purchased a rope and planned it out. I made him the beneficiary of my bank accounts as a thank you to him for everything. He told me he would do what he could to help me. He said I could bring my dog back to him if I just need a life break. He didn’t know I had the rope but he knew I was thinking suicide. When I went back to drop my dog off, I admitted I had a rope. I gave it to him. He realized I was genuinely going to kill myself and was so grateful I told him the truth. He told me he would be there for me to help me through it. Showed me grace and compassion and everything.
THE MAJOR PULLBACK
No warning. No indication. My therapist immediately pulled back. Hard. He told me to call him later that week (I usually have therapy 3x a week but he was out of town), and so I did as he said and called him to update him. He immediately flipped out. “Ugh, I cannot be in anything extra to your therapy space. I am going through things on my own and I need to pull back. I can’t take calls any hour of the day anymore. I can’t take your dog. You don’t even listen to me anyway. You do what you want and go to your parents. So, I don’t know what to say. I am committed to you as your therapist but that’s it. If you feel suicidal outside of that, go to a hospital and get sedated.” I was absolutely crushed and felt so awful and guilty like I did something wrong. I didn’t want to bother him. I didn’t want to lose him. He made me feel loved and cared for (platonically, as a brother) and I felt so safe with him. Until this moment. He was very hung up on the fact that I kept going home to my family despite his efforts.
After calming down he explained how he feels like he needs to step back because his emotions shouldn’t affect my therapy and that he’s doing it to help me. But it felt very selfish. He over exerted himself by showing up to my apartment and sending threatening videos when I never asked for it, all because HE wanted to. And now he pulls back because HE wants to. None of his decisions were based on what I would feel, but what would best serve him.
THE RELAPSE AND THE DREAMS
Because my therapist stepped back so hard, I relapsed and said “screw it” / went back to my parents. I still had my apartment but I backslid majorly.
During this time I was so distraught. This therapist made me feel supported. And no, I didn’t attach onto him in an unhealthy way where he became my only hope. But he did feel like the brother I wished I had, and he felt like such a deep and important part of my life and I was devastated.
I started having dreams again about his sister and I cried. I felt like I was given this gift and then it was taken away.
THE BACK AND FORTH
My therapist began telling me that he thinks I should have additional support in this season especially while he “takes a break from extraneous stuff” with me. He said when he was younger and going through things, he had two therapists.
A week later I told him I found a second therapist and he said: “ummm I don’t know. I feel protective over that. Maybe don’t get a second one. Find a support group but I don’t want you seeing another one.”
I stood my ground and said I might still find one and he said “well then make sure the other one is a woman and is closely in touch with me.”
It felt very wishy washy and he did a lot of similar things like this for a while.
But when I listened to him and decided against a second therapist, he pulled back again. He said he wouldn’t take any more texts or calls outside of session once again and made me feel like an obsessed freak when I wasn’t even really doing much at all. Or asking for anything.
VISITING MY THERAPIST’S LATE SISTER’S GRAVE
My therapist is a famous author and singesong writer. Online, it’s very easy to find his sister’s name and I did some digging and found out where her grave is located. I was feeling really awful, like I was grieving the loss myself which is so incredibly psychotic. I know. But it more so felt like I was grieving the loss of this brotherly love I once felt from my therapist. But it’s been a couple months at this point and he still refuses to take texts or calls, and is very argumentative and angry in sessions. And I just wanted to take some flowers to the grave in private, not tell him, and just accept that he can’t be what I needed him to be for me.
MY FAMILY FINDS OUT
When I went to the cemetery, the place was huge. So I had to go into the office and ask for the location of his sister’s grave. They gave me a piece of paper with her name and grave location on it and I eventually just threw it in my wallet. My dad stumbled upon my wallet while I was at home one of the days and noticed the last name and asked me if I was still seeing my therapist. They don’t like him for obvious reasons. But I admitted to my parents that I do still see my therapist and that he’s more like family than they’d ever be. They abused me. But I stood in my truth. At the end of the day I will not deny that my therapist DID help me immensely and if that means I have to be abused for the truth, I’ll do it.
MY THERAPIST INSISTS ON INFORMATION
He knew that I was hiding something. I told him my family was abusive again but I didn’t say why. He spent an entire session saying he needs to know what happened. I said no multiple times and that I didn’t want to talk about it. He used language like “you have to tell me before you leave my office” and “if you care so much about me you’ll tell me.” He even told me he was going to take my hand and promise me that he won’t react. He held it and looked me in the eye and promised he’d meet me with compassion. I refused. He then asked me if I’ve been lying to him. Deceptive. It broke me and I felt like it was just such an insult. But I stayed strong and he apologized for bothering me about it.
Last week comes around and it feels like such a hindrance. He’s continuing to be short with me and not answer my texts, not taking emergency calls, and just… is continuing to be cold. I even texted him that I was genuinely feeling suicidal and he told me he can’t help me outside of session. Period.
So then after my latest session, I told him I’d text him what happened because I was too uncomfortable to say it. I told him I visited his sister’s grave, about the dreams, everything. I said I felt really hurt at his pullback and how it felt selfish.
He responded by gaslighting me endlessly and it absolutely crushed me furthermore. He responded as follows:
“Ok crystals and dreams? I don’t believe in them. I don’t believe that was my sister. I don’t know how I feel about you visiting her grave. I am not your brother and I can’t be your brother. And yes it was a nice gesture I guess but clearly you are focusing on the wrong thing. Let’s not talk about the weeds and the details. Let’s focus on you.” And completely shut down any further conversation about it.
In the past I have insisted and begged him to process him showing up at my apartment with me because I am still shaken up. He just always says “I never should’ve gotten involved like that but we are NOT going to talk about this ever again” and has always refused to hear how I felt about it.
He went back on vacation this past weekend and refused to take my call when I needed help, refused to text me, or anything. I called off work two days in a row because I was so devastated at his anger toward me and the gaslighting. It felt so unfair. I wanted to talk to him over the weekend because I was genuinely so hurt and felt like I truly lost him. He didn’t care.
WHERE TO GO FROM HERE?
I had an appointment in person tonight. First in person one since I told him about everything. I am embarrassed and feel so guilty that I visited his sister’s grave behind his back. It makes me feel psychotic. But at least I was honest and didn’t wait until I got caught / did not gaslight him.
I have a major surgery tomorrow and he won’t help me with my dog. I’ve gone back to my parents for now until I am recovered.
I want to tell him how hurt I am but I have tried that. He never understands. I miss him. As a brother.
I ended up going to session and he asked me why I feel off in therapy. He literally said “other than me slightly having to pull back right now what have I really done?”
I don’t know if I ever can get him to see my side or my pain in this.
FINAL THOUGHTS / MISC
I was seeing him three times a week and one day he randomly cancelled my third session, and every week after “something came up” that day and he just kept canceling. Eventually he just exploded and said “I DO NOT work that third day anymore.” Without giving me any explanation or time to adjust or heads up. Like he clearly needed a break.
I was in the hospital just now for my surgery and I wanted so badly to reach out to him for support. I couldn’t. My heart hurts knowing that I once had this brotherly love in my life that I had lost.
Even now in session he uses the analogy of “if you were my sister” or “if you were my wife” after knowing I am clearly struggling with accepting he has pulled back. He used to say I am his friend over and over and now he just acts so cold. I know he’s trying to maintain boundaries. I know. But too late. He screwed with my emotions SO much.
I have horrible, horrible OCD and my brain keeps trying to do stupid things to fix this. I also keep asking myself over and over:
1. Will he ever take my dog back if I really needed him to? (obviously I can find other pet sitters but my brain is so hung up on —— if I asked him in an emergency situation, would he refuse?)
2. Will he ever stop ignoring my texts? I’ve reached out to him about being suicidal. About being in a state of panic. Previously, he would call me and stay on the phone with me while I got through an attack. I AM NOT EXPECTING THIS. I do not expect him to be available on demand. But his SUDDEN extreme pull back makes me think that I was the one that did something wrong.
3.Does this mean he emotionally does not care about me and my situation anymore? Did he just turn his emotions off? Did he ever even care? He would make me send him a text every day listing three things I am grateful for as a means to check in. He would also randomly send me quotes from books he was reading that he thought I could relate to. All facilitated by him. All of this has randomly stopped and it makes me feel like he hates me. Is it at all possible that this is a reflection of him not caring?
4.Is his pullback a temporary extreme and will he readjust and go back to being there for me? Or is this a permanent shift, likely? Can I expect things to even out or go back to him investing care and time? Again I KNOW the focus is on me having to do that for myself. I know I CAN move on from this if needed but I really, really began to love him (PLATONICALLY like family) and having him around. It breaks me so much. It was so important to me to have him.
I have been taking major time off of work and from seeing friend or leaving my house. I have completely self isolated. Refused medical treatment against doctor’s advice. Risked my job by calling off so much. Taking a leave of absence. Become bedridden. I know it sounds like I’ve become obsessed with fixing this situation and that seems psychotic and sad. But given my history with everything I have been through, this therapist had given me hope to feel like someone had my back. Losing him feels like a major major loss that’s soul crushing. Yes I have other people and no he cannot be my focus. But this is how I feel and I cannot help it. I do not want to be shamed for it. It just freaking hurts.
Again I know the majority of people will want to come at my therapist or me for doing wrong things. I know it doesn’t seem like this, but he really isn’t intentionally manipulative or gaslight-y, he’s just trying to regulate himself.
I have grace for him. And for myself. So please, please try and respond with compassion. I don’t want to lose him. But I feel like I kind of am.
What are your overall thoughts, in the most gentle way possible? Was I wrong for telling him the truth about the grave?

​
We have a responsibility for altering reality.

I pray that this text does more good than it does harm.
This text contains my observations and opinions that
I have formed through self-reflection.

Love:
By existing in reality, we are responsible for its modification
Our choices and actions can lead to both positive and negative outcomes,
and we bear responsibility for the consequences of our actions.
​
However, it's important to note that we are not solely responsible
for all changes in reality. Many factors beyond our control,
such as natural disasters or global economic trends, can also
cause significant changes in the world.
​
So how to live? Love is the answer.
It is what Christ stressed so much "Love God , Love your neighbor"
our neighbors are everyone and everything we share this universe with.
Love inspires us to take action to help others. When we care about someone deeply,
we often feel a sense of responsibility and obligation to help them when they are in need.
​
This perspective has important implications for how we think about our relationship
to the world and the responsibilities we have as inhabitants of this planet. It suggests
that we have a duty to act with compassion and empathy toward all beings, and to
work to promote the well-being of the entire ecosystem.
​
Moreover, recognizing that our neighbors extend beyond just the human species can
inspire us to develop a more inclusive and holistic approach to problem-solving
and decision-making. By taking into account the needs and interests of all living
beings and the natural environment, we can create more sustainable and equitable
solutions that benefit all members of our shared community.
​
The idea that our neighbors are everyone and everything we share this
universe with is a powerful reminder of the interconnectedness and interdependence
of all life, and can inspire us to act with greater awareness, compassion, and
responsibility toward the world around us.
​
Love can inspire us to be more empathetic and compassionate towards others, and to see their
struggles and challenges as our own. This can lead us to take action to alleviate their suffering,
whether through volunteering, donating to charity, or simply being there to provide emotional support.
​
Furthermore, love can give us a sense of purpose and meaning and can motivate us to work towards a greater good. When we love someone or something deeply, we may be more willing.
to make sacrifices and work hard to achieve our goals.
​
Love can be a powerful force for good, inspiring us to take action to help others and work towards
a better world, a better galaxy, a better universe and beyond. Whether we are motivated by love
for our family, friends, or humanity as a whole, our actions can have a positive impact on those
around us and contribute to a more compassionate and caring society.
​
The unity we are called to is not achieved through self-selecting communities that look like us
and talk like us and act like us. That's a specious, ugly, and above all wholly human sort of
unity. Rather what we're called to is a unity achieved through selfless love, mutual submission,
and patience, all empowered by the work of Christ in us through the Holy Spirit.

Agape
Agape is a Greek term that refers to a selfless, unconditional love or compassion for others,
regardless of their actions or characteristics. It is often associated with spiritual or
divine love, and is sometimes referred to as "God's love" or "unconditional love."
​
Agape is distinguished from other types of love, such as romantic love or familial love,
in that it is not based on personal attraction or a sense of obligation, but rather is
freely given and offered to all people. It involves a willingness to put the needs and
well-being of others before one's own, and a commitment to act with kindness and
generosity toward others, even in the face of adversity or difficulty.
​
In Christianity, agape is often described as the highest form of love, and is
closely associated with the teachings of Jesus Christ. It is seen as a transformative
force that can bring about greater compassion, forgiveness, and understanding in human
relationships, and is viewed as a central aspect of Christian faith and practice.
​
Beyond its religious or spiritual associations, agape is often viewed as a universal
human value that transcends cultural and ideological differences, and is seen as a
powerful force for promoting greater empathy, compassion, and social harmony.

Love 2:
In many spiritual traditions, love is seen as the highest form of human expression
and the ultimate goal of spiritual practice. Love is often seen as the force that
unites all beings and that connects us to the divine or transcendent reality.
By cultivating love in our hearts and expressing it in our actions, we can
experience a sense of wholeness, joy, and fulfillment, and contribute to
the well-being of others and the world.
​
love does not necessarily imply that life is easy or that we will always succeed in our
efforts to love. Love can be challenging and require us to confront our own limitations,
biases, and fears. It may involve facing difficult situations and working through conflicts
and misunderstandings. But the journey towards love can also be deeply rewarding and
transformative, helping us to grow in wisdom, compassion, and inner strength.
There are many ways to conceptualize the stages of learning to love, and different traditions
and thinkers may have different perspectives on this question. However, here are a few
possible stages that are often identified in spiritual and psychological approaches to personal growth:
​

1. Self-love: The first stage of learning to love is often seen as cultivating a healthy

sense of self-love and self-acceptance. This involves developing a positive relationship
with oneself, acknowledging one's strengths and weaknesses, and practicing self-care and self-compassion.
​

1. Empathy: The next stage is often cultivating empathy, or the ability to understand

and feel compassion for others. This involves developing the capacity to listen deeply,
to put oneself in another's shoes, and to respond with kindness and caring.
​

1. Compassion: The third stage is often cultivating compassion, or the active desire to

alleviate the suffering of others. This involves developing the capacity to extend love
and care beyond oneself and to work towards the well-being of others and the world.
​

1. Forgiveness: The fourth stage is often cultivating forgiveness, or the ability to

let go of resentment, anger, and blame towards oneself and others. This involves
developing the capacity to see the humanity and inherent worth of oneself and others,
and to work towards healing and reconciliation.
​

1. Unconditional love: The fifth stage is often seen as cultivating unconditional love,

or the ability to love oneself and others without conditions or expectations. This
involves developing the capacity to see the divine or transcendent essence in
oneself and others, and to extend love and care to all beings, regardless
of their actions or circumstances.
​
Of course, these stages are not necessarily linear or fixed, and different people may progress
through them in different ways and at different rates. However, they can provide a
helpful framework for understanding the different aspects of learning to love and
for identifying areas of personal growth.

Love 3:
It's important to note that unconditional love is often seen as the highest stage
of love, and that there may not necessarily be any "stages" of love beyond that.
However, some thinkers and traditions have identified additional qualities
or aspects of love that can be cultivated or deepened even within the
context of unconditional love. Here are a few possible examples:
​

1. Devotion: Some traditions emphasize the importance of cultivating devotion,

or a deep and abiding love and dedication to a divine or transcendent reality.
This involves developing the capacity to surrender one's ego and personal desires
to a higher purpose or calling, and to live in service to that purpose.
​

1. Gratitude: Another aspect of love that can be deepened is gratitude, or the

ability to appreciate and cherish the blessings and beauty of life. This involves
developing the capacity to recognize and savor the gifts of existence,
and to express thankfulness for them.
​

1. Joy: Some traditions emphasize the importance of cultivating joy, or a sense

of celebration and delight in life. This involves developing the capacity to
experience and express happiness, humor, playfulness, and spontaneity,
and to spread these qualities to others.
​

1. Wisdom: Finally, some traditions emphasize the importance of cultivating wisdom,

or a deep and insightful understanding of the nature of reality and the human condition.
This involves developing the capacity to see beyond appearances and illusions, and
to discern the true nature of oneself and others. It also involves developing the
capacity to act with discernment, compassion,
and skillful means in the face of life's challenges and complexities.
​

Human DNA:
​
humans are 99.9% genetically similar to one another. The genetic differences
between different groups of human beings are modest, and individuals
from different populations can be genetically more similar
to one another than to individuals from their own population
​

The Human Tribe:
​
Deep down, as human beings, we have a tribal instinct that has been
ingrained in us throughout our evolutionary history.
For much of our existence, humans have lived in small
groups or tribes, relying on cooperation and social bonds
for survival. Within these tribes, knowledge and experiences
were passed down from one generation to the next,
ensuring the collective wisdom of the group was preserved.
​
This transmission of learned experiences is an essential
aspect of human culture. Through storytelling, rituals,
and direct teachings, older members of a tribe would
impart their knowledge and wisdom to the younger generation.
This process allowed important skills, survival strategies,
and cultural practices to be preserved and handed down over time.
​
Even in modern society, this tribal instinct can still be seen
in various forms. Families, communities, and social groups
serve as contemporary versions of tribes, where knowledge
and experiences are shared and passed on. Education systems,
mentorship programs, and intergenerational relationships
also play a vital role in transmitting knowledge and
learned experiences to younger generations.
​
While our modern world has brought significant changes and
advancements, the innate tribal nature within us continues
to shape our behavior and the way we connect with others.
Acknowledging this aspect of our human nature can help us
understand the importance of community, collaboration, and
the sharing of knowledge for the betterment of society as a whole.

The Overview Effect
It is a cognitive shift that has been described
as a sense of awe, interconnectedness, and responsibility towards our planet.
It is the experience of seeing the Earth as a whole,
a fragile and interconnected system, and feeling
a profound sense of awe, unity, and responsibility.
The Overview Effect challenges us to think beyond
national boundaries and to work together as a
global community to address the challenges facing our planet.
The Overview Effect can inspire us to be more
mindful of our actions and their impact on the
Earth, and to strive for a more sustainable and equitable world.
It challenges us to think beyond our individual
interests and work towards a common goal of
protecting and preserving the Earth for future generations.
​

The orchestra
Viewing humanity as a symphony orchestra is a great way to illustrate the interconnectedness and collaboration among individuals to create something harmonious and meaningful.
​
In an orchestra, each musician contributes their unique skills and plays their part in synchrony with others. Similarly, in society, people from diverse backgrounds, professions, and perspectives come together to form a collective whole. Each individual brings their talents, experiences, and contributions, much like different instruments in an orchestra.
​
Just as various sections of an orchestra create different melodies and harmonies, people in society/tribe have different roles, responsibilities, and areas of expertise. They work together towards a common goal, creating a harmonious balance and progressing collectively.
However, like in a symphony, it's also crucial to appreciate the value of each individual's contribution, no matter how big or small. Just as every instrument and section of an orchestra plays a vital role in creating the total masterpiece, every person has a part to play in shaping society.

Every human has at least three things in common
​

1. Pain: Pain is a universal human experience. It can manifest in various forms, including physical, emotional, and psychological pain. Whether it's a physical injury, loss, heartbreak, or disappointment, humans encounter pain throughout their lives. Pain can be a source of growth, resilience, and empathy, as it often teaches important lessons, strengthens character, and fosters compassion for others who are also experiencing pain.
   
2. Uncertainty: Uncertainty is an inherent part of the human condition. Life is full of unknowns, and individuals often face uncertain situations, such as career decisions, relationships, health challenges, or global events. Uncertainty can be both unsettling and liberating. It challenges individuals to adapt, embrace change, and develop skills in problem-solving and decision-making. It also presents opportunities for personal growth, self-discovery, and the development of resilience.
   
3. Constant Work: The need for work and effort is a fundamental aspect of human existence. From pursuing education, building a career, maintaining relationships, to pursuing personal goals and aspirations, humans consistently invest time and effort into various areas of their lives. Work can provide a sense of purpose, accomplishment, and fulfillment. It allows individuals to contribute to society, develop skills, and create a meaningful impact in their own lives and the lives of others.
   

​

The effects of tribal exclusion
Tribal exclusion refers to the act of excluding or marginalizing individuals or groups based on perceived differences, such as ethnicity, nationality, religion, or cultural practices. This exclusion can have severe consequences, including the potential to escalate into violence. Here are some ways tribal exclusion contributes to violence:
​

1. Social Division and Conflict: Tribal exclusion creates an "us versus them" mentality, fostering social divisions and deepening animosity between different groups. When one group perceives itself as superior or feels threatened by the other, it can lead to intergroup tensions and conflicts. These conflicts may escalate into violence, fueled by a sense of competition, fear, or a desire for dominance.

​

1. Dehumanization and Stereotyping: Exclusion often involves dehumanizing or stereotyping those outside the tribe. It can involve portraying the "other" as inferior, dangerous, or unworthy of empathy and respect. Such dehumanization can erode compassion and make it easier to justify acts of violence against the excluded group.

​

1. Lack of Cooperation and Trust: Tribal exclusion hampers cooperation and trust between different groups. When exclusionary attitudes prevail, it becomes challenging to build relationships based on mutual understanding, empathy, and cooperation. The absence of trust and cooperation can lead to hostility and conflicts that may escalate into violence.

​

1. Economic and Resource Disputes: Exclusion based on tribal lines can exacerbate economic disparities and resource disputes. When certain groups are systematically excluded from economic opportunities or denied access to resources, it can create a sense of injustice and frustration. These grievances can ignite violence as groups compete for limited resources or seek to address perceived economic inequalities.

​

1. Political Manipulation and Power Struggles: Tribal exclusion can be exploited by political leaders or factions seeking to gain or consolidate power. They may manipulate or exploit existing divisions to rally support or justify violent actions against the excluded group. Such manipulation can fuel political rivalries and power struggles, leading to violence as a means to maintain or attain power.

​
Addressing the effects of tribal exclusion and preventing violence requires efforts to promote inclusivity, empathy, and intergroup dialogue. This includes fostering a sense of shared identity, challenging stereotypes, promoting equal opportunities, and addressing economic and social disparities. Building bridges of understanding and promoting peaceful coexistence between different tribes or groups is crucial for mitigating violence and fostering social harmony.
​

Diversity Matters:
Diversity within a tribe or any community can bring numerous benefits
and contribute to its total development and success. Here are some
key ways in which diversity enhances various aspects of a tribe:
​

1. Knowledge and Perspective: Diversity brings together individuals with different backgrounds, experiences, skills, and knowledge. This diversity of perspectives and expertise can lead to a broader range of ideas, insights, and problem-solving approaches. It encourages innovation, critical thinking, and creativity within the tribe. By incorporating diverse perspectives, the tribe can better understand complex issues and make more informed decisions.

​

1. Cultural Enrichment: A diverse tribe encompasses individuals from various cultural, ethnic, and linguistic backgrounds. This diversity fosters cultural exchange, appreciation, and learning. It provides opportunities for sharing traditions, customs, and beliefs, promoting a sense of cultural enrichment within the tribe. This exposure to different cultures helps break down stereotypes, builds tolerance, and encourages intercultural dialogue and understanding.

​

1. Social Cohesion and Unity: When a tribe embraces diversity, it sends a message of inclusivity and acceptance. When individuals from different backgrounds are welcomed and valued, it strengthens social cohesion and creates a sense of unity within the tribe. This unity can help overcome divisions, build trust, and foster a shared sense of identity and purpose.

​

1. Collaboration and Cooperation: Diversity can enhance collaboration and cooperation within the tribe. By bringing together individuals with diverse skills, talents, and perspectives, it encourages teamwork and cooperation. Different strengths and expertise complement each other, enabling the tribe to tackle challenges more effectively and achieve common goals.

​

1. Adaptability and Resilience: A diverse tribe is better equipped to adapt and thrive in a changing environment. The varied experiences and perspectives of its members allow the tribe to be more flexible, innovative, and resilient. Diversity promotes the sharing of knowledge and skills needed to navigate different situations and respond to challenges.

​

1. Personal Growth and Empathy: Interacting with people from diverse backgrounds promotes personal growth, empathy, and understanding. It challenges biases, expands horizons, and encourages individuals to step outside their comfort zones. This exposure to different perspectives and experiences helps tribe members develop empathy, open-mindedness, and a broader worldview.

​
Embracing diversity within a tribe requires creating an inclusive environment, promoting equal opportunities, and respecting and valuing individual differences. By recognizing and appreciating the unique contributions of each member, a tribe can harness the full potential of diversity and reap its many benefits.

Pass it on
​
Indeed, the passing on of information and wisdom can be considered a form of love.
When individuals share their knowledge, experiences, and wisdom with others,
they contribute to the growth, development, and well-being of those individuals.
This act of sharing is an expression of care, empathy, and a desire to see others thrive.
​
Passing on information and wisdom is a way to invest in the betterment of future generations.
It allows individuals to benefit from the accumulated knowledge of those who came before them,
avoiding past mistakes, and building upon existing insights.
By sharing wisdom, individuals can help others navigate challenges,
make informed decisions, and gain valuable perspectives.
​
The act of passing on information and wisdom also fosters connection and strengthens
relationships. It creates bonds between individuals as they engage in the exchange
of knowledge and learn from each other's experiences. This sharing of wisdom helps
to build a sense of community, as individuals support and uplift one another
through the transmission of valuable information.
​
Furthermore, passing on information and wisdom can be seen as an act of empowerment.
By equipping others with knowledge, individuals enable them to make better choices,
expand their horizons, and take control of their own lives. It is a way to uplift
and empower individuals, helping them to achieve their goals and reach their full potential.
​
The passing on of information and wisdom is an act of love because it
demonstrates care, empathy, and a desire to see others succeed. It strengthens
relationships, fosters community, and empowers individuals to grow and thrive.
By sharing knowledge and wisdom, we contribute to the well-being and development
of both individuals and society as a whole.
​

Kindness, Tenderness, Heart
​
​

If this post violates any rules please feel free to remove.
Background Information My husband and I got married when we were both 23 and we have been married for two years. Both of us were raised LDS/Mormon and although we are not currently active. I’m currently 25 and he’s 24. We started trying for a baby at the beginning of 2022 last year but I found out I have a condition called polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). This condition makes getting pregnant more difficult for me. My husband and I have tried different fertility treatments without any luck, although I completed my second IUI cycle a few days ago, so currently in the two week wait. Also quick clarification IUI is not the same thing as IVF. Plus my husband has been tested and there is nothing wrong with him. The last year, has been incredibly difficult and heartbreaking for me because I didn’t think getting pregnant would be difficult. I’ve been feeling lost and hopeless. I’m currently struggling with depression because I’m honestly trying to come to terms with the fact that I may never have children.
At the beginning of our marriage I received a bunch of gifts card and one was for BuyBuy Baby. I used that gift card to buy some baby supplies (Crib, pack & play set, swing, and a infant car seat). I have the baby supplies stored at my parents home currently. My parents were fine with this.
The issue is my husband and I live out of state but we will be moving back home in July once I graduate college. I have made it clear to my husband and parents that if my second IUI cycle fails I am done and I want to get rid of my baby supplies. I’m not getting my hopes up that my cycle was successful. I’ve been asking my parents to please give away my supplies to someone in there church or donate it for me. I’ve explained I do not want to come home and see my supplies there and be reminded of my failures.
I’ve received a lot of black lash from my parents that they want to hang onto the supplies and that getting rid of it is hurtful to them because they want grandkids. They said that the items are there’s even though I bought them. I originally had the items stored in my apartment but took them home with my parents permission to leave them behind last summer. I’m honestly super pissed and shocked by my parents reaction and feel hurt. My husband is on my side and supports me. I’m trying to heal and move on with my life because I’m seriously done with fertility treatment, I can’t afford to do any more cycles of IUI let alone IVF.
I’m posting on Reddit because I feel I am not in the wrong for getting rid of baby supplies and passing it to someone else that could use it. But a third opinion never hurts, so let me know what you think Reddit.

Previous
Writer's note: And things wind down.
Tune in next week for date night.
Enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So you're the two Muck Marchers that we had in the healing ward?" James asked with only mild disbelief. "On all... furry now?"
"Deep Sea Assault Force operatives." Driscoll corrected as the three of them stood in the castle's entryway. The battle was effectively over, and all that was left was recovering the injured or dead while also resettling the displaced civilians to temporary housing. James and the two were-folk were somewhat unnecessary as the royal army operated like a well oiled machine.
"Not anymore we're not." Five said in response. "And come on Driz. Even we called ourselves Muck Marchers some times."
James waved his hand dismissively. He didn't really care what they called their former unit. "And you're...." He gestured at the two of them. ".... members of the folk?" He asked uncertainly.
They both nodded.
"I was almost dead." Five said, her large squirrel eyes looking down for a moment as she remembered the drugged out haze she'd been in as a matter of comfort and survival. "Weren't a lot of other options."
"And I was only a few steps behind her." Driscoll added.
"Right." James said. He'd been aware of both of their states when he and Amina had left. ""Fair. And now you're not only were's... but also armed and dressed like ninjas."
Driscoll shrugged. "Only went for the change so that I could get back at the Agency." He said with a nod at the stream of injured soldiers and civilians being brought in on stretchers. "This is a start."
"This is a shit show." James said softly. "What the hell happened? How'd all of-" He gestured at the same scene. "How'd all this get kicked off?"
"Believe it or not, that part was Vickers too." Five answered. "He smelled the golems without even seeing them. Said you fought one kinda like what was out there. He remembered the scent even though he'd still been human back then. Investigated it."
"And caught the Agency off foot." James realized. "Nice."
James smiled and nodded as he saw Veliry enter the castle next to what at first appeared to be a walking door. Then the door turned and James saw Alixan carrying it in both hands. Veliry waved him over to them as Alixan leaned the large slab of wood up against a wall.
James turned back to the two former Muck Marchers.
"Look um... I don't know what you two and Vickers worked out with the King. But get those weapons turned in with Werner and the.... well, I guess it's an armory now if we're arming our soldiers too. Then just.... I don't know, help out. Or go zonk or something. Just don't make any trouble until I know what's going on."
"We can do that." Driscoll replied. "But what's zonk?"
"Is he gonna be okay?" Five asked uncertainly. "The chief I mean. He looked pretty bad. I've never seen anyone burned like that."
James thought about it for a second. "I don't know." He admitted. "Vickers is a tough old bastard. But elemental fire is one of the few things that can do lingering damage to you guys. Depends on what the healers say." Then he shrugged. "Gonna have to get him a can of tuna or something if he makes it though." He said softly, though with their heightened senses both of the Muck Marchers heard him anyways. "Behave." He said with a pointed finger as he moved away and towards the two mages.
-------------------------------
Amina was still going over the casualty list from the "battle" when her father finally returned to the command room.
The royal guard took assassination attempts seriously, King Farrick's own grandfather had been assassinated nearly two centuries earlier and so their protocols for defending against an attempt were intense. Even with the battle over, getting him out of his bunker was an affair of frustrating checks, double checks, and triple checks. And that was before they even took into consideration the fact that the current threat was from "people" who were being puppeted by an enemy through magic. And the fact that the Guardian herself was one of the people who was supposed to be part of the process only made matters worse.
"I understand that its over." He said as he laid a hand on her shoulder, startling her out of her reading and reminding her of how tired she was. Her feet hurt, and she was reminded of what James had said about them only a few days before in a different part of the world. "Such as it can be." Her father finished.
"Yes." She replied as she placed the scroll on the table in front of her and then stepped aside so he could resume his rightful place. Then softly she said. "I don't know how many more of these we can take." She pointed at a crudely drawn map of the affected area of the city. "Our people I mean."
King Farrick nodded, then tilted his head a bit as he noticed the jar sitting on the table. Normally only water or tea, and occasionally light snack foods if a situation took long enough, were the only foods allowed in the command room. The rule was in place to prevent vital documents form getting damaged, and to ensure that nobody was intoxicated during a time of crisis.
"Are those... onions?" He asked as he pulled one out. His eyes narrowed as he smelled the, surprisingly spicy, pickling brine on them. Then he pulled one out and took a bite. He himself hadn't eaten since he'd been spirited away. Yet another protocol in case the would be assassins were also trying to poison him. "Mmmm. Bit hotter than I like. But tasty."
Amina let out a low chuckle.
"You're not surprised to see me back?" She asked.
"Of course I am dear." He said as he swallowed the bite he'd taken. "And happy. And also curious as to why."
She nodded. Then she pointed at the pickles.
"James and I have some good news." She said as she sat down in one of the chairs and began loosening her boots. She decided then and their to stop wearing boots for the foreseeable future.
"Oh?" The King wondered as he turned his chair to face her. He had known from a glance as he entered the room that the situation was, for all intents and purposes, handled for now. "And what's that?" He asked as he took her hand in his. "What could possibly cause MY eldest daughter to set aside decorum and snub those damnable southern zealots by cutting her trip off early?"
Amina smiled. Then kissed his hand.
"You're going to be a grandfather." She said softly.
King Farrick looked down at the spicy pickled onion in his hand, suddenly realizing why she had them. Then he smiled warmly.
"Well then." He said as he offered it to her. "At least one good thing happened on this most terrible night."
Amina took the onion happily and took a bite of her own. Then she watched as a drop of brine dripped off and down onto one of her boots. It landed next to some of the dried brown blood that she'd stepped in earlier, and the smile faded from her face.
King Farrick saw what she looked at and glanced over to where a few of the castle staff were scrubbing at the stones near the door.
He couldn't let his daughter stay down like that.
"Your mother...." He began as he gave her hand a squeeze. Amina looked up at him curiously. "Also liked spicy things when she was carrying you and your siblings." Then he nodded as the memory came back to him. "But in her case it was cheese. Spicy food and cheese. She'd literally wrap peppers in that creamy cheese that they make over in the Nedari peninsula"
Amina smiled again. "That actually sounds fantastic." She admitted.
The King smiled and laughed gently. Then he gestured at the room around them, and all the people bustling within it.
"Go rest now daughter." He said. "You were not even supposed to be here tonight. I'll see to the rest of this." Amina was too tired and sore to argue it, even if her soldierly instincts told her to stay and see it through.
And as she stood up her father embraced her in a hug. The room quieted for a moment, then everyone made the determination NOT to interrupt what was clearly a moment with the royals, and resumed as they were.
"I think you're going to have to go fetch cheese next. Onion boy." One of the junior officers whispered to the one that had procured the onions earlier. They said it as quiet as was possible given the room's noise level. Even as juniors they knew not to let on that they had been listening.
---------------------------
Nguyen paused to drink from the canteen he'd been given from their new supply room as he took a moment to rest. He'd spent the last few hours helping the other Earth personnel as they did the most menial of tasks needed right now, moving supplies from one spot to the other. This of course only began AFTER several of the royal guards had ensured that their weapons had been returned to storage, and that all of them had been accounted for.
When it had become clear that they'd missed the action, albeit only by minutes, Nguyen and the new ACTING first sergeant had put their people to task helping move the injured and later getting supplies distributed to wherever the Petravians needed them. In this case they were helping move and unpack large tents. A past time that any soldier who'd spent any amount of time in the field knew how to do.
What had surprised him, wasn't that they were setting up tents. It was WHO they set the tents up for.
He had expected them to be used for the wounded, or the Petravian soldiers who had been called away from their homes so they could have a place to rack out for a bit. And he wasn't wrong about that. A few of the tents were being used for those purposes. But most of the tents were being used for the displaced citizens of the city. Those tired, confused, and scared people who had already been refugees in the buildings they'd been living in. Nguyen was surprised to learn that those buildings had been hastily built for them after their previous homes had been destroyed less than a year before. For many of them this was the second time the King had needed to temporarily house them on his own castle grounds with their military tents. Though the few he managed to talk to HAD mentioned that at least this time it was summer, and that for the most part not many of their houses had been outright destroyed.
He was reminded of a humanitarian mission he'd done after the War on Earth had ended. He'd been helping displaced Floridians set up a series of conex houses in one of the resettlement camps that had been needed after much of the Florida coast had been made unlivable. If anything, he thought these tents might have been the better option.
This is what we should have been doing over here. He thought as he saw Perkesse and another soldier lifting up the central support pole for one of the tents while others kept the lines taut. We should have been helping.
"Watch out top." Someone said as they trundled along. They and one of the marines were carrying one of the large red crimson bundles between them.
"I'm not top anymore." He corrected them as he moved out of the way. "Now it's just Sergeant. Williams is First now."
"Uh huh." The Marine said as she passed, clearly not buying it.
And just like that Nguyen was snapped out of his thoughts and moving to get the next bit of work done.
There was gonna be a lot of it to do if they wanted to make up for what they'd done.
What he'd LET them do.

Previous / First
Writer's note: And things wind down.
Tune in next week for date night.
Enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So you're the two Muck Marchers that we had in the healing ward?" James asked with only mild disbelief. "On all... furry now?"
"Deep Sea Assault Force operatives." Driscoll corrected as the three of them stood in the castle's entryway. The battle was effectively over, and all that was left was recovering the injured or dead while also resettling the displaced civilians to temporary housing. James and the two were-folk were somewhat unnecessary as the royal army operated like a well oiled machine.
"Not anymore we're not." Five said in response. "And come on Driz. Even we called ourselves Muck Marchers some times."
James waved his hand dismissively. He didn't really care what they called their former unit. "And you're...." He gestured at the two of them. ".... members of the folk?" He asked uncertainly.
They both nodded.
"I was almost dead." Five said, her large squirrel eyes looking down for a moment as she remembered the drugged out haze she'd been in as a matter of comfort and survival. "Weren't a lot of other options."
"And I was only a few steps behind her." Driscoll added.
"Right." James said. He'd been aware of both of their states when he and Amina had left. ""Fair. And now you're not only were's... but also armed and dressed like ninjas."
Driscoll shrugged. "Only went for the change so that I could get back at the Agency." He said with a nod at the stream of injured soldiers and civilians being brought in on stretchers. "This is a start."
"This is a shit show." James said softly. "What the hell happened? How'd all of-" He gestured at the same scene. "How'd all this get kicked off?"
"Believe it or not, that part was Vickers too." Five answered. "He smelled the golems without even seeing them. Said you fought one kinda like what was out there. He remembered the scent even though he'd still been human back then. Investigated it."
"And caught the Agency off foot." James realized. "Nice."
James smiled and nodded as he saw Veliry enter the castle next to what at first appeared to be a walking door. Then the door turned and James saw Alixan carrying it in both hands. Veliry waved him over to them as Alixan leaned the large slab of wood up against a wall.
James turned back to the two former Muck Marchers.
"Look um... I don't know what you two and Vickers worked out with the King. But get those weapons turned in with Werner and the.... well, I guess it's an armory now if we're arming our soldiers too. Then just.... I don't know, help out. Or go zonk or something. Just don't make any trouble until I know what's going on."
"We can do that." Driscoll replied. "But what's zonk?"
"Is he gonna be okay?" Five asked uncertainly. "The chief I mean. He looked pretty bad. I've never seen anyone burned like that."
James thought about it for a second. "I don't know." He admitted. "Vickers is a tough old bastard. But elemental fire is one of the few things that can do lingering damage to you guys. Depends on what the healers say." Then he shrugged. "Gonna have to get him a can of tuna or something if he makes it though." He said softly, though with their heightened senses both of the Muck Marchers heard him anyways. "Behave." He said with a pointed finger as he moved away and towards the two mages.
-------------------------------
Amina was still going over the casualty list from the "battle" when her father finally returned to the command room.
The royal guard took assassination attempts seriously, King Farrick's own grandfather had been assassinated nearly two centuries earlier and so their protocols for defending against an attempt were intense. Even with the battle over, getting him out of his bunker was an affair of frustrating checks, double checks, and triple checks. And that was before they even took into consideration the fact that the current threat was from "people" who were being puppeted by an enemy through magic. And the fact that the Guardian herself was one of the people who was supposed to be part of the process only made matters worse.
"I understand that its over." He said as he laid a hand on her shoulder, startling her out of her reading and reminding her of how tired she was. Her feet hurt, and she was reminded of what James had said about them only a few days before in a different part of the world. "Such as it can be." Her father finished.
"Yes." She replied as she placed the scroll on the table in front of her and then stepped aside so he could resume his rightful place. Then softly she said. "I don't know how many more of these we can take." She pointed at a crudely drawn map of the affected area of the city. "Our people I mean."
King Farrick nodded, then tilted his head a bit as he noticed the jar sitting on the table. Normally only water or tea, and occasionally light snack foods if a situation took long enough, were the only foods allowed in the command room. The rule was in place to prevent vital documents form getting damaged, and to ensure that nobody was intoxicated during a time of crisis.
"Are those... onions?" He asked as he pulled one out. His eyes narrowed as he smelled the, surprisingly spicy, pickling brine on them. Then he pulled one out and took a bite. He himself hadn't eaten since he'd been spirited away. Yet another protocol in case the would be assassins were also trying to poison him. "Mmmm. Bit hotter than I like. But tasty."
Amina let out a low chuckle.
"You're not surprised to see me back?" She asked.
"Of course I am dear." He said as he swallowed the bite he'd taken. "And happy. And also curious as to why."
She nodded. Then she pointed at the pickles.
"James and I have some good news." She said as she sat down in one of the chairs and began loosening her boots. She decided then and their to stop wearing boots for the foreseeable future.
"Oh?" The King wondered as he turned his chair to face her. He had known from a glance as he entered the room that the situation was, for all intents and purposes, handled for now. "And what's that?" He asked as he took her hand in his. "What could possibly cause MY eldest daughter to set aside decorum and snub those damnable southern zealots by cutting her trip off early?"
Amina smiled. Then kissed his hand.
"You're going to be a grandfather." She said softly.
King Farrick looked down at the spicy pickled onion in his hand, suddenly realizing why she had them. Then he smiled warmly.
"Well then." He said as he offered it to her. "At least one good thing happened on this most terrible night."
Amina took the onion happily and took a bite of her own. Then she watched as a drop of brine dripped off and down onto one of her boots. It landed next to some of the dried brown blood that she'd stepped in earlier, and the smile faded from her face.
King Farrick saw what she looked at and glanced over to where a few of the castle staff were scrubbing at the stones near the door.
He couldn't let his daughter stay down like that.
"Your mother...." He began as he gave her hand a squeeze. Amina looked up at him curiously. "Also liked spicy things when she was carrying you and your siblings." Then he nodded as the memory came back to him. "But in her case it was cheese. Spicy food and cheese. She'd literally wrap peppers in that creamy cheese that they make over in the Nedari peninsula"
Amina smiled again. "That actually sounds fantastic." She admitted.
The King smiled and laughed gently. Then he gestured at the room around them, and all the people bustling within it.
"Go rest now daughter." He said. "You were not even supposed to be here tonight. I'll see to the rest of this." Amina was too tired and sore to argue it, even if her soldierly instincts told her to stay and see it through.
And as she stood up her father embraced her in a hug. The room quieted for a moment, then everyone made the determination NOT to interrupt what was clearly a moment with the royals, and resumed as they were.
"I think you're going to have to go fetch cheese next. Onion boy." One of the junior officers whispered to the one that had procured the onions earlier. They said it as quiet as was possible given the room's noise level. Even as juniors they knew not to let on that they had been listening.
---------------------------
Nguyen paused to drink from the canteen he'd been given from their new supply room as he took a moment to rest. He'd spent the last few hours helping the other Earth personnel as they did the most menial of tasks needed right now, moving supplies from one spot to the other. This of course only began AFTER several of the royal guards had ensured that their weapons had been returned to storage, and that all of them had been accounted for.
When it had become clear that they'd missed the action, albeit only by minutes, Nguyen and the new ACTING first sergeant had put their people to task helping move the injured and later getting supplies distributed to wherever the Petravians needed them. In this case they were helping move and unpack large tents. A past time that any soldier who'd spent any amount of time in the field knew how to do.
What had surprised him, wasn't that they were setting up tents. It was WHO they set the tents up for.
He had expected them to be used for the wounded, or the Petravian soldiers who had been called away from their homes so they could have a place to rack out for a bit. And he wasn't wrong about that. A few of the tents were being used for those purposes. But most of the tents were being used for the displaced citizens of the city. Those tired, confused, and scared people who had already been refugees in the buildings they'd been living in. Nguyen was surprised to learn that those buildings had been hastily built for them after their previous homes had been destroyed less than a year before. For many of them this was the second time the King had needed to temporarily house them on his own castle grounds with their military tents. Though the few he managed to talk to HAD mentioned that at least this time it was summer, and that for the most part not many of their houses had been outright destroyed.
He was reminded of a humanitarian mission he'd done after the War on Earth had ended. He'd been helping displaced Floridians set up a series of conex houses in one of the resettlement camps that had been needed after much of the Florida coast had been made unlivable. If anything, he thought these tents might have been the better option.
This is what we should have been doing over here. He thought as he saw Perkesse and another soldier lifting up the central support pole for one of the tents while others kept the lines taut. We should have been helping.
"Watch out top." Someone said as they trundled along. They and one of the marines were carrying one of the large red crimson bundles between them.
"I'm not top anymore." He corrected them as he moved out of the way. "Now it's just Sergeant. Williams is First now."
"Uh huh." The Marine said as she passed, clearly not buying it.
And just like that Nguyen was snapped out of his thoughts and moving to get the next bit of work done.
There was gonna be a lot of it to do if they wanted to make up for what they'd done.
What he'd LET them do.

​
#gamecube #lifesimulation #retrogame --
The Sims For Nintendo Gamecube. Life is full of choices and with The Sims, you can choose who you wanted to be. Create your Sim and build a nice starter home. Pursue your dream career, achieve aspirations, and earn simoleons. Find your perfect match at the park or bar. Get the chance to play with life in The Sims. --
Hey check out similar videos here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05uKspxQ89s&list=PLVduyMnVQjzNYPljUBqwgAXdMPQ9CEKWY

The Bernina Pass is one of the most stunning rail routes in Europe - and a popular option for people interrailing. Lots of people continue beyond Tirano to Italy - and there are unfortunately 2 separate causes of disruptions on the Milan to Tirano route this summer affecting anyone thinking of doing that.
Firstly pre-planned engineering work has closed the line between between Tirano and Sondrio from 11th June to 10th September 2023 - with that section being replaced by buses.
Secondly on the 19th May 2023 a landslide on a different section of the same line as closed the line between Lierna & Bellano. A replacement bus is running non stop between Lecco and Colico - the reason for using these further out stations is so that the bus can stick to the highway rather than going down the local lakeshore roads. The smaller villages between Lierna & Bellano are being served by a replacement boat service. At the moment there is no public date for how long this will last.
Interrail passes are accepted on all the replacement buses and ferries but if using a mobile pass you may need to add them manually.
If you want to travel this route (the Bernina Pass is stunning!) you will therefore need to:
Get a train from Milan to Lecco. Then a bus from Lecco to Colico. A 2nd train from Colico to Sondrio. Then a 2nd bus from Sondrio to Tirano. (or the reverse in the other direction).
As well as the extra faff this will add about an extra 30-45 minutes heading South (Tirano -> Milan) to the end to/end journey times, and 60+ minutes heading North. Particularly if you are heading North and have a reservation in one of the panoramic carriages rather then using local trains you will need to leave Milan earlier. If have seat reservations beyond Milan that day make sure you will have enough time.
The times for the replacement buses from Tirano to Sondrio are available in the Trenord journey planner at: https://www.trenord.it/en/
More information on the landslide is at: https://www.trenord.it/en/news/trenord-informs/notices/from-monday-buses-and-boats-will-be-in-service-on-the-milan-lierna-and-sondrio-bellano-routes/ and the times of the replacement buses/ferries can be found at: https://trenord-europe-trenord-endpoint-prd.azureedge.net/fileadmin/contenuti/TRENORD/3-News/Trenord_Informa/Avvisi/2023/AvvisoTrenord_2023_069_interr_lierna_bellano-_new_new.pdf
At the moment Rail Planner is not showing any service after the 10th June across the whole route - this is incorrect - check both pages on the Trenord website.
Alternatively there are some other routes from Tirano into Italy to consider - these will likley add just as much extra time (and probably more) but it depends on your specific journey - and might be worth considering if you are mostly after a scenic ride through the alps:
There is a bus from Tirano to Lugano. Unusually this is included in interrail though you need a seat reservation. The bus leaves Tirano at 1420 reaching Lugano at 1730. In the other direction it leaves Lugano at 1000 reaching Tirano at 1300. This bus will show in the Rail Planner app for adding to an electronic pass but you must search to/from "Tirano Stazione Bus" rather than "Tirano". This bus does not run year round (and in the shoulder season does not run every day) but is running daily until 22nd October 2023. https://imgur.com/a/hwqjYvF There is more information at: https://tickets.rhb.ch/en/pages/bernina-express
Seat reservations for the bus cannot be bought through the Interrail Reservation Service but can be bought through https://shop.rhb.ch/en/bernina-express by following these steps: https://imgur.com/a/O1O0rNb Note that is is very popular - most June departures are already full. With most July departures only having a handful of seats left.
From Lugano regular trains run to Milan.
Another option is to get the local bus from Tirano to Edolo - these are not included in interrail and you will need to buy a seperate ticket. Buses leave Tirano at 0840, 1040 and 1240 taking 65 minutes. In the other direction buses leave Edolo at 0915, 1115, 1515 and 1715. There is no service on Sunday. You can check times at https://www.busperego.com/en/pdf-timetable (route A061) or on Google Maps. From Edolo trains run approximately every 2 hours to Brescia. Until late July this line is also replaced by buses between Breno and Edolo. However from 30th July direct through trains will largely return. Again check times from Edolo to Brescia at: https://www.trenord.it/en/ - this can be a good option if you are heading more to the North East of Italy (eg Verona, Venice).
Or you could get the ferry from Colico to Como - https://www.comoanditslake.com/timetablenavigation.htm (the current timetable is only valid until 4th June - hopefully a new one will appear imminently) - there are a few departures a day but journey times vary wildly depending on the number of intermediate stops. Once you arrive into Como it is about a 1km walk to the main San Giovanni station for fast trains to Milan - or the smaller Nord Lago station is about a 500m walk. The ferry is not included in interrail and you would still need to get the replacement bus from Tirano to Sondrio.
A final suggestion is to use local bus 811 between Zernez and Mals railway stations. This avoids the Bernina pass but still gives you a nice scenic right through the heart of the alps. More information on the bus is at https://www.postauto.ch/en/leisure-offers/excursion-tips/2022/zernez-mals-nauders-scuol - note that the 0934 and 1134 departures from Zernez require advance booking. As do groups of more than 10 on all departures. This can be made through that link. Times can also be found on Google Maps. The bus is not included in interrail - and nor are the Südtirolmobil trains which serve Mals. Once you reach Meran you can switch to Trenitalia and use your pass. Note though the engineering works are also affecting the Südtirolmobil line from Mals to Meran leading to replacement buses over varying parts of it: https://www.suedtirolmobil.info/en/news/details/venosta-vinschgau-valley-railway-1
And you can of course get one of the direct Zurich/elsewhere in Switzerland to Milan high speed trains - still scenic but not as much as heading right up into the alps! If you can and have the time I do still strongly think it is worth going over the Bernina pass and not trying to discourage anyone from doing so - more just trying to make sure no one gets an unpleasant surprise.

[There is no trigger warning for this, but it doesn't seem there is anyone feeling me on this particular content yet anyways.] --- None of this will ever sum up the whole of my experiences, or what I am really asking for, I am afraid I have lost the capacity for the Right words... I was just run out of Another support group for having different issues than the other participants. There are not really any places for people like me though, and in a general PTSD/mental health type space, shouldnt it belong to Everyone regardless of the source of our trauma? Everyone is different, that is part of what makes life so beautiful, and diverse groups so much more helpful- we can offer insight, and inspire each other and grow together whether we have the exact same problems or not. I Know that Certain things are triggering for me that arent for other people, and for some reason my experiences tend to jump up peoples egos. I just feel stuck. Most of my shit comes from political trauma- I mean, dont get me wrong, I am aware that my family life was fucked, but it was all intertwined. My father was also my general and political leader. My brothers and I were raised up into the armed forces and trained to fight from a young age. I know most people dont get this, but it really isnt all that rare. I think maybe that is what bothers people. Confronting reality? Child/teen soldiers are not uncommon. Neither is captivity, or torture, or any of the other things many of us saw in my time and field. When I was captive all I ever wanted was freedom, and to be rid of all of the pain. When I escaped, and found my freedom, I still feel this pain- why? That makes me feel guilty and undeserving- ungrateful. In addition- I have never really gotten to be much of a kid before, so I now find myself, when coming out of such harsh and stiff and stoic ways, to be reverting to a very silly and playful way at times [it is embarrassing.. When I pull back to being aloof I regret it so much]. Both my twin and I are queer, and in our society that did not go down well. Now, I have a very hard time being open about this, and that for some reason tends to piss people off. I accept You for who you are, Fully, and I Love you for it, my rebel brothers and sisters uprose to fight for all of these things-- I am just still afraid, why is this faced with such anger and frustration and hatred? I think I am realizing all I have ever needed was compassion. I do not respond well to censorship or when people get their egos bruised thinking someone is somehow taking a one up on them even though they are not- I see everyones experiences as different, not better or worse, so it hurts that so many people get all defensive of their egos and wont even accept me because of Their worries about their own lives, when all I want to do is connect and love them. There is no need any of us should ever feel to defend our own experiences, they Happened, and they left an imprint, that should be proof enough. It is sad to me, and it leaves me feeling alone. I left my home, and can never go back, I was cast out by my family along with the entire society. It hurts now that i have found myself some place new and focused on this widespread perception of "Freedom" and yet there is still no acceptance, even though everything I fought for in rebellion to that regime was in the pursuit of Love and Kindeness and Belonging. I am sad. & I feel dumb to be acting so soft, but when I have been angry about it I dont get good responses either. It doesnt seem to matter whether I yell or cry, it feels like there is just something wrong with Me... I do not want to believe this, but I am running out of hope that I will ever feel... Right, again? I may be coming up to my ledge, and I Really do not want to be there this time. Help? [I am sorry for sounding dumb. I am risking a lot right now being this honest and vulnerable.] Thank you for your time. < / 3

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Jbl Flip 6 Waterproof Bluetooth Wireless Speaker - Teal	$149.99	$169.99	$20.00
Jbl Flip 6 Waterproof Bluetooth Wireless Speaker - White	$149.99	$169.99	$20.00
Logitech G923 True Force Racing Wheel For Playstation 5/pc - Black	$479.99	$499.99	$20.00
Meta Quest 2 128gb Vr Headset With Touch Controllers	$419.99	$529.99	$110.00
Meta Quest 2 256gb Vr Headset With Touch Controllers	$489.99	$589.99	$100.00
Nautilus T618 Folding Treadmill	$1,199.99	$1,999.99	$800.00
Ooni Koda 16" Pizza Oven - Stainless Steel	$599.99	$799.99	$200.00
Samsung Galaxy Buds2 Pro In-ear Noise Cancelling Truly Wireless Headphones - Graphite	$229.99	$289.99	$60.00
Samsung Galaxy Smarttag Bluetooth Item Tracker - Black	$27.99	$39.99	$12.00
Samsung Galaxy Tab S8 Ultra 14.6" 256gb Android 11 Tablet W/ Qualcomm Sm8450 8-core Processor - Graphite	$1,299.99	$1,499.99	$200.00
Samsung Galaxy Watch5 Pro (gps) 45mm Smartwatch With Heart Rate Monitor - Black	$499.99	$509.99	$10.00
Samsung 55" 4k Uhd Hdr Led Tizen Smart Tv (un55cu7000fxzc) - 2023 - Titan Grey	$699.99	$749.99	$50.00
Samsung 65" 4k Uhd Hdr Qled Smart Tv (qn65q60cafxzc) - 2023 - Titan Grey	$1,199.99	$1,299.99	$100.00
Seagate One Touch 4tb Usb 3.0 Portable External Hard Drive (stkc4000404) - Grey - Only At Best Buy	$119.99	$139.99	$20.00
Sonos Arc Sound Bar - Black	$879.99	$949.99	$70.00
Sony Cyber-shot Zv-1 Content Creator Vlogger 20.1mp 2.9x Optical Zoom Digital Camera - Black	$949.99	$999.99	$50.00
Sony Wh-ch520 On-ear Bluetooth Headphones W/ Microphone - Black	$69.99	$99.99	$30.00
Sony Wh-ch520 On-ear Bluetooth Headphones W/ Microphone - Blue	$69.99	$99.99	$30.00
Sony Wh-ch520 On-ear Bluetooth Headphones W/ Microphone - White	$69.99	$99.99	$30.00

Samsung Shopping Event

Item	Sale Price	MSRP	Savings
Samsung 30" French Door Refrigerator; Electric Air Fry Range; Dishwasher; Cookware Set - Stainless	2999.99	3749.96	749.97
Samsung Galaxy Smarttag Bluetooth Item Tracker - Black	27.99	39.99	12.00
Samsung Galaxy Tab S8 Ultra 14.6" 256gb Android 11 Tablet W/ Qualcomm Sm8450 8-core Processor - Graphite	1299.99	1499.99	200.00
Samsung Hw-q750b/zc 5.1.2 Channel Wireless Dolby Atmos Sound Bar W/ Wireless Subwoofer & Speakers	599.95	1099.95	500.00
Samsung 55" 4k Uhd Hdr Led Tizen Smart Tv (un55cu7000fxzc) - 2023 - Titan Grey	699.99	749.99	50.00
Samsung 65" 4k Uhd Hdr Qled Smart Tv (qn65q60cafxzc) - 2023 - Titan Grey	1199.99	1299.99	100.00
Samsung T7 Shield 1tb Usb 3.2 External Solid State Drive (mu-pe1t0s/am) - Black	119.99	149.99	30.00

Outlet Center

Item	Sale Price	MSRP	Savings
Apple Macbook Air 13.3" W/ Touch Id (fall 2020) - Silver (apple M1 Chip / 256gb Ssd / 8gb Ram) - En - Open Box	968.95	1199.95	231.00
Open Box - Apple Ipad Air 10.9" 64gb With Wi-fi (5th Generation) - Starlight	729.99	759.99	30.00
Open Box - Apple Iphone 14 Pro Max 128gb - Deep Purple - Unlocked	1249.99	1549.99	300.00
Open Box - Google Pixel 7 Pro 128gb - Obsidian - Unlocked	939.99	999.99	60.00
Open Box - Nikon D7500 Dslr Camera With 18-140mm Ed Vr Lens Kit	1449.99	1499.99	50.00
Open Box - Samsung Galaxy S22 5g 128gb - Phantom Black - Unlocked	869.99	989.99	120.00
Open Box - Samsung Galaxy Tab A8 10.5" 32gb Android Tablet With Unisoc 618 8-core Processor - Silver	259.99	299.99	40.00
Open Box - Samsung Galaxy Tab S7 Fe 12.4" 64gb Android 11 Tablet With Qualcomm Sm7225 8-core Processor - Black	639.99	749.99	110.00
Open Box - Samsung Galaxy Z Fold3 5g 256gb - Phantom Black - Unlocked	2099.99	2404.99	305.00
Open Box - Samsung Galaxy Z Fold4 5g 512gb - Phantom Black - Unlocked	1969.99	2049.99	80.00
Open Box - Samsung 65" 4k Uhd Hdr Led Tizen Smart Tv (un65au8000fxzc) - 2021	849.99	899.99	50.00
Open Box - Sony Cyber-shot Zv-1 Content Creator Vlogger 20.1mp 2.9x Optical Zoom Digital Camera -white	899.99	999.99	100.00
Refurbished (good) - Apple Airpods Pro (2nd Generation) In-ear Noise Cancelling Truly Wireless Headphones - White	199.99	329.99	130.00
Samsung 65" 4k Uhd Hdr Qled Tizen Smart Tv (qn65q60bafxzc) - Titan Grey - Open Box	1019.99	1089.99	70.00
Samsung 65" 4k Uhd Oled Tizen Smart Tv (qn65s95bafxzc) - Open Box	2209.99	2419.99	210.00

Smart Home Sale

Item	Sale Price	MSRP	Savings
Amazon Echo Dot (5th Gen) Smart Speaker With Alexa - Charcoal	39.99	69.99	30.00
Amazon Echo Show 5 (2nd Gen) Smart Display With Alexa - Charcoal	69.99	99.99	30.00
Arlo Essential Spotlight Wire-free Indoooutdoor 1080p Security Camera - White - 4 Pack - Only At Best Buy	339.99	399.99	60.00
Click & Grow Smart Garden 9 (sg9s1us) - White	219.99	259.99	40.00
Eufy Eufycam 2 Pro Wireless Security System With 2 Bullet 2k Cameras - White	349.99	479.99	130.00
Eufy Touch & Wi-fi Smart Lock - Black	299.99	349.99	50.00
Ge Cync A19 Smart Led Light Bulb - Multi-colour	12.99	17.99	5.00
Google Nest Cam Wired Indoor Security Camera - Snow	99.99	128.99	29.00
Google Nest Cam Wire-free Indoooutdoor Security Camera - White	189.99	228.99	39.00
Google Nest Hub Max Smart Display With Google Assistant - Charcoal	238.99	299.99	61.00
Google Nest Hub (2nd Gen) Smart Display With Google Assistant - Chalk	79.99	129.99	50.00
Google Nest Wi-fi Smart Learning Thermostat (3rd Generation) - Stainless Steel	268.99	328.99	60.00
Nanoleaf Shapes Mini Triangle Panels - Smarter Kit - 5 Panels	59.97	149.97	90.00
Ring Wi-fi Video Doorbell Pro 2 - Satin Nickel	234.99	328.99	94.00
Sobro Smart Coffee Table With Refrigerated Drawer - White	1299.99	1999.99	700.00

Residential Contracting 101
With over 20 years of building experience, I would like to share with you my insights in navigating becoming a successful contractor. With many different avenues of the building world its key to understand what problems will arise on any given day. A man once told a saying that stuck-the 6 p’s in life- Piss Poor Preparation leads to Piss Poor Performance. Preparation builds everything in construction, without preparation the jobsite will not run correctly. The best advice I was ever given was to learn a little about every trade giving you the ability to understand trade lingo and secrets. An example would be painters use the terminology flash; this means when the sub structure bleads through the paint. Subcontractors will give the best pricing if they respect your knowledge of the industry. If the subcontractor feels they will have to hold your hand through the job they will charge an extra fee…i.e. I call it the aggravation fee. In this blog I will explain the key elements in finding success in all aspects of the industry. Contracting is a physically and emotionally demanding job which requires planning and foresight to complete projects on time within budget. Picking your customer is just as important as picking your employees or subcontractors. I have worked for some of the most demanding customers leading me to question at the end if the job was even worth it. Sleepless nights, constant changes, lack of payment, lawsuit threats, adding work that was in the contract are just a few things you could face with a tough customer. With so many moving parts at all times it is critical to be able to adapt to changes within a short time frame. Materials will come in damaged, subcontractors will be late, employees will get sick, but the deadline you set does not change. The stress can be overwhelming at times keeping your mind in a good place is key to navigating all that is thrown at you. Choosing your client picking the right jobs-Keep these questions in mind The first question to be asked is what the time frame is to start the job to see if it fits within the timeframe for your business. If the time frame doesn’t work then move on from the project or let them know when you would be available to start. If the client really wants to use, they will wait until you are available. Taking on too much work will only lead to problems. Construction is a serviced based business, staying on top of the project and client will eliminate an unhappy customer and construction issues that will be over seen. With online presence if details are missed and customer service lacks it will only be a matter of time the phone will not ring. The second question to be asked to the client is do they have a budget in mind for the project. If they answer yes this is good, follow through with what the budget is. If the budget seems low let them know, this will eliminate a tire kicker, educate them on what the price range could be. If the budget seems reasonable then continue the discussion to the next question. If they answer no let them know that you can give them an estimate to see if the project is feasible with their finical capabilities. Taking on a job that is not correctly budgeted will lead to an unsatisfied customer due to non-transparency of the construction cost. The third question to be asked is anyone else bidding on the job, if the answer is yes, understand you might just be number check for the contractor doing the job. Dig a little deeper and find out how many numbers they are getting and why. If your business model is to be competitive be completely transparent with customer, this will gain trust with them. Let them know you get what you pay for and if you they choose the lowest bid it could lead into lack of quality of work.
The fourth question I will ask is there any specific subcontractors they wanted to use. If the answer is yes then I would explain to them you only use the subcontractors you have a working relationship with. Otherwise, this could backfire as the subcontractor might not show, do subpar work, talk behind your back to the homeowner. In my experience I would stay away from using any homeowner to alleviate problems down the road. A quick conversation now can save headaches down the road. The fifth question I will ask are planning on getting the job permitted, this needs to be known it takes more time for the permitting process. Plans will have to drawn submitted and approved to the city before work can commence. The sixth question I will ask if a residential remodel is are you going to be living through the remodel if yes understand this will take more time to navigate the project due to answering questions and cleaning the house on a daily occurrence. I would recommend seeing if the customer would be willing to move into an Airbnb or friends for at least the demo portion of the project. If they do plan on living through the remodel add a couple hours a day to accommodate the extra time that will be required. The seventh question I would ask in a residential remodel is how old the house is to see if there is asbestos that would need to removed by a proper company. A home built before 1979 will most likely have some asbestos in the house, use a licensed company with proper insurance to dispose of the materials. If everything looks good to this point find out a little more about the client personality. If the client seems reasonable, I would bid the job. Unreasonable people can cause you more stress than its worth. These are some red flags I would look out for. Some jobs are not worth the money. Very demanding in the way you are going to perform your job- I.e., tell you how you are going to do your job- You’re the professional not them! Give you a hard time about your price- haggle with price you estimated- The price is the price! If they are a family with little money and you want to help them out is one thing, if they are trying to beat you down is another. Mention they have a lawyer-there is no need for them to bring up that they have a lawyer - Run for the hills as if the job goes south, you will be the one losing out! Tell you what the payment terms are. It’s your business you get paid how it works for your company. If you want to get paid every Friday, put it into your contract-If the clients do not agree move on it will save you frustrations If they talk bad about the last contractor, chances are they will talk bad about you. There is a reason why the contractor does not work for them anymore, unless he did subpar work this a red flag Clients are using an interior decorator that will purchasing all of the materials- The materials could be ordered incorrectly by the interior designer your company will not make the mark-up it deserves. Interior decorators usually add time to the job as well as act like your boss. Charging a little extra for the time and stress that it will entail is only fair. Clients want to purchase the materials- You are using your knowledge to buy the correct materials-The mark up on the materials keeps the doors open working for wages only pays the bills The husband and wife do not get along-You will become the mediator between the couple it will lead to taking sides a losing proposition- A drama free work place is always best! Dangling carrot-if you do this job the next one will be better-Only look at what there offering at the present moment, if its not a good fit do not take the job for a job down the road…Its not worth chasing a job that might not happen! The Art of the Sale First things first selling your company is all about presentation. In meeting your clients for the first time show up with a collared golf shirt tucked in, belt, nice jeans, and newer shoes. Have a truck that a clean, no dents scratches, preferably washed the day you are going into your meeting. Have a leather note pad that is clean no dirt or paint visible. Show up 5 minutes early, if you’re running a little late shoot them a text to let them know. Treat the situation as if were going on a first date, best foot forward. As you introduce yourself give them a warm greeting, letting them know you are very interested in the work. Find out a little about them, hobbies, where they lived, etc etc. You are going to be working with them on a daily basis its nice to know what makes them tick. Having a good working relationship from the start is key forming a solid relationship. As the conversation progresses find out who wears the pants in the family…ie who’s the final decision maker. If its fits the wife, chances it is…..then kindly let the husband know happy wife happy life when their in a stall mate on an issue. As your looking at the project throw in some suggestions of what you think would look good from past experiences, this will get their attention that you have knowledge and want what’s best for them. If you see ways to save them money in their project let them know, money is a large point of the sale keep that in mind. Mention that you’re not the least expensive contractor but you’re not the most expensive either. Your customer satisfaction is your number one goal which leads to more time spent on keeping them happy. One happy customer will lead to another, one unsatisfied customer leads to work in the future. Bring up the fact the finishing the job on time is key goal to your business, many contractors run several jobs at once causing the jobs to be finished way behind schedule. You must stand out as having integrity, good morals, and the ability to problem solve to get the job. The clients will be testing you to see if you’re a good fit as well. Keep in mind as you take your notes that you must not forget anything they mention as it will come back before the job is completed…i.e. we mentioned that to you before we started the job! Take pictures of the proposed area for work, that way you can use it to better right your estimate. Let them know you will give them a detailed outline of when the job will be completed letting them see how long each phase will take and correlate it with your payment schedule. Before you leave their house let them know when the estimate will be sent to them. MAKE SURE YOU HIT THAT DEADLINE! Once you sent the email over with estimate make sure you get confirmation that they received it. Wait at least 2 days before checking with them, hopefully they contact you first! If they want negotiate the price, let them know that it is the best price that you can manage, its not worth losing money before you start. I closed 80% of the work I estimated by being very transparent and friendly. If you come off with an attitude charge double what the going rates are you might only land 1 out of 10 jobs as well as getting the reputation of being expensive. Bidding the job Looking up industry standards on pricing is what I would go buy for pricing. If you google the coat of any installation there will be a cost range for everything. Looking at the cost ranging from high to low I would tend to be in the middle. Some items might be low on the internet if this is the case use your best judgment not to lose money. Closing sales is key to success and keep the doors open for business. Being in the middle on pricing is key as most customers shy away from contractors that are extremely low or high on the price range. I tend not bid out hourly as wages do not pay for retirement. Bidding is better as customers no the exact price of the cost of construction. It also keeps the job moving quicker as time and material contractors take longer to complete projects…Thus costing the client more money and valuable time they could spend in their house. Using a Contract Using a detailed estimate tied to a contract covers your butt in 99% of the time. Having a piece of mind that every aspect of the job is covered in the estimate and contract protects both your company and the client. Key terms to include in your estimate/contract are. Have a schedule on excel showing the start dates and dates of each trade this will show the customer you are organized with time lines. If not written in the detailed in the estimate the item is excluded- This ensures if its not written down its not included. TBD- To be Determined- A phrase on a line item that has yet to had final decision of products or service needed. -The pricing will follow the decisions to be finalized Give out what your written warranty will be for parts and labor this changes state to state. If the homeowner provides the product than no warranty will be given on that particular item. In the contract have a start date and end date with the verbiage subject to change due to weather, product delivery, change orders Have a progress payment schedule to ensure the client understands when funding will be expected-Including if not payment is rendered service to the project will stop. Have written terms of how change orders will be charged-cost plus 20% or a set fee Make sure in your contract that arbitration is required versus going to court- This will save lawyer fees and going to court Many contracts can be found online and each state requires different contracts
Finding leads Finding leads is easy with the right network of people. I personally do not find working for friends or family members a good fit. Relationships get strained when money is involved, causing undue stress for both parties. I have listed a couple of ways to build a network or find work using the internet. Get in contact with realtor’s- Realtors have a big client base of homeowners who need work done Contact local Architects to see if they are working with any general contractors Leave some business cards at your local materials suppliers-Doowindow/lumber-many times clients will ask salesman for a referral. Join a business networking group- BNI is one of many Join a internet website lead generation company- Houzz, Angie’s List, Home Advisor, thumbtack, Yelp run an ad on craigslist Use a marketing company to market your website-This could become costly with little results Create a Facebook business page Create a Yelp business page
Building your subcontractor base Having 2 subcontractors for every trade, gives you the flexibility of completing jobs on time if the one the subcontractors is too busy at the time you need their service. Your subcontractors are the face of your business, choose owner run companies that are professional. Check to make sure there license are up to date..ie workman’s comp, liability insurance, state license. Choosing subcontractors with lettered vans, logoed t-shirts is s key to looking professional in the clients’ eyes. In the past I have gotten a lot of subcontractors for material supply shops, stopping by jobsites, researching the internet using Yelp, Home Advisor, etc etc. Once you get one good subcontractor ask them if they know any other trades they would recommend. One good subcontractor leads to another in most cases. The key to having a good group of subcontractors is to let them know that you are there to get help them get the job done. They do work for you but without them you are nothing…keep that in mind! Make them aware a clean jobsite is required at the end of everyday to ensure the proper safety for all parties including theirs! Over the years I have referred a lot of companies work when there is only 1 trade needed. Referring work to subcontractors is a good way to get top priority when you have work that needs to be completed ASAP. Timing is everything in times of emergency having a good group of subcontractors will make your business run smoothly. Pay your subcontractors immediately after performing work, this will make them feel appreciated! A happy subcontractor is one that will gladly go the extra mile for you knowing that there not just a number to your business! Buying lunch once a week for the jobsite is always a good token of appreciation!
Supervising In supervising any jobsite its key to monitor everything from materials on hand, weather, vehicle parking (if applicable), jobsite safety, and subcontractors’ workmanship. If you hired a professional there should be little supervision in the work being performed, on rare occasions a new hire might need some mentoring to get the results completed correctly. If you see a problem with there work address it with the worker directly, no need to call his boss…. building repour with the worker letting him know you got his back goes miles down the road! Checking in on the job first in the morning to answer any questions or changes that need to be conveyed and once in the afternoon to make sure all work be completed is done per construction industry standards. A job that is run blindly will have many more issues than one that is watched over. I have seen many jobs with no site supervision, leading to subpar quality work as well as safety hazards. Its better to be like an eagle than cluck like a turkey!
Working with the City/Inspectors On permitted jobs the city and site inspector will be a large part of how smoothly the job runs. Each phase of construction has an inspection allowing for the project to continue. Make sure your subcontractors are aware that the project is inspected before starting the job. The best way to stay on his good side is to provide a clean jobsite and having the job built to the highest standards possible. When having the site inspected be courteous to the inspector asking any questions or concerns you have with the work during the job. Being completely transparent will save you aggravation of problems down the road. The more he trust you the better if you seem sneaky or rude he will make your life a living nightmare! Many inspectors will have an attitude towards you….I suggest keeping quiet and doing what ever he wants….he’s the boss no need to get in a pissing match you will not win at. How to deal with irate customer Stay calm during any argument with an irate customer. Never raise your voice or show that you are bothered by their disgruntled behavior. If the customer is trying to get more from you than agreed upon stand your ground. Worst case scenario is you walk from the job, which in the long run be more of a loss for the client. I have only run into a couple of these clients; they are unreasonable and not worth losing sleep over a few dollars. Its best to terminate the relationship as it would be my best guess that a referral from this customer would not be one you wanted anyway. If you feel it was just a miscommunication on your end, take reasonability and remedy the problem. Taking accountability for your mistake will go a far way in their eyes and on future issues that arise. Prepping the homeowner pre-construction Before starting the job, it very important to give the homeowners a warning of what will happen during the construction process.

1. All furniture in the proposed working area must be moved- I would recommend having the clients take care of this to limit the risk of damage to their belongings.
2. There will be dust that will be in the house up to 3 months after construction-I would recommend hiring a construction cleaning company at the end of the job even so after it is cleaned dust will be present months after words.
3. There will be conflicts between you in the homeowner at some course of the job. - You will do your best to eliminate them as quickly as they arise-i.e. material damages, miscommunication, job delays
4. All decisions on materials must be made before the start of the job- this will eliminate job stoppage due to materials not being on site.
5. All materials will be on site before commencement of job-
6. Payment structures must be made per contract otherwise job will stop until payment rendered
7. Cars are to be moved out of the driveway- Ensures ease of loading and unloading of materials/tools
8. Give the specific hours that workers will be present- i.e. 7-3:30
9. Determine what areas are allowed to be used as staging for tools/materials
10. If animals are present in the home that they put outside or in a room during the day
11. All valuables in the house are locked in safe
12. Ask if using client’s household bathroom is okay or to bring in Porter Potty
13. Being transparent as possible is key to keeping a great relationship with your client!

During Construction During construction it is key to take detailed photos to eliminate any damages that were not caused by the construction process. I would also make a video to ensure all areas are included. All subcontractors should also take progress pictures to ensure if problems arise in the future, they will not be responsible for any work that they did not perform. Keep an on-going log of progress to the homeowners and share the pictures for there records. This will keep homeowners excited of the progress being made. When the house is gutted to the studs it is important to have construction photos showing where all utilities are run in the walls or sub floor. If there is a problem in the future there will photos showing all utility locations. Protect all flooring with plywood or floor protective. I also like to protect front door and tarp all areas where subcontractors are to be working. Make sure to cover any chandeliers/furniture/doorways with plastic to eliminate dust. Ask the homeowners if they have any concerns that they could think of. We’re all human and possibly a detail was missed! Post Construction Phase If the project went smoothly appreciation should be shown to the customer. Find out if the husband likes a particular type of liquor. Bring the wife a bouquet of flowers. Send a Christmas card to the family letting how much you appreciated the work. You know you have done a good job if they tell you they will refer you to their friends. The best compliment you could receive is a good referral. In Summary Try to find a knitch in the market, I found kitchens to be a great remodel projects. Bathrooms are tough as they are small, expensive with little profit margin with every trade involved. Windows/doors are also another great knitch as they can be installed quickly. There are so many different remodeling items that can be stream lined to make the selling installing process flawless. Once the core group subcontractors are in place the job almost runs itself. Every day is a learning experience with new materials or methods in construction. Keeping up with codes, materials, fluctuating labor and material cost is a job within itself. Anyone can be a contractor with the right mindset.

Hello! We are a group of 56 people, 35 with tickets already, who were formerly part of a Burning Man camp (let’s call it "Camp Nameless" for now). As of last week, due to a difference of opinion about whether we had to follow the BRC Fuel storage requirements (BTW, we were on the side that felt adhering to the fuel storage rules was a non-negotiable requirement) we split from Camp Nameless. Let's call us "Camp No Name!" for now. We come with 6 amazing DJs (Dallas and Denver-based), a sound system, a two-pole circus tent (63' x 43'), kitchen carport (10' x 20'), shower, mutant vehicle with invitation to the Burn (Aladdin's Lamp: Making Playa Wishes Come True), 20 8' multi-colored Tibetan flags for the perimeter, an ice cream cart we will use to distribute cold towels soaked in essential oils, fire pit, and contracts for grey water and a 150kw diesel genie to be towed in. We have planned activities ranging from face painting, sunset cocktails and wishing booth, staffed bike-service station 1-2 hours per day with do-it-yourself access to pump and other bike tools when unstaffed.
Sadly, what we don't have is a fuel application for the diesel generator. We are too late to submit a new placement app for "Camp No Name!" and the BM website seems to say that without a timely placement app (which stayed with the old camp), we can't submit a new fuel app to get diesel for our generator. So, we are now looking for a new home, an established camp or village willing to accept a bunch of hardworking folks who need a home where we can either; a) piggy-back on your diesel fuel application to service our diesel genie, b) become members in and participate in your camp that already has a solid power grid with capacity for an extra 80-90 Kw of power and room for ~20 tents (mostly shift pods) and 6-8 RVs / Camper trailers. Additionally, we have plans to provide secured shade structure over our tent area & are more than willing to expand this if it would provide additional comfort to your campers.
Seems like a big ask, but our connection who used to work for the BMO says that these fractures do happen from time to time and to put it out there and see what happens. Hit me up if you are interested in opening discussions.
Thanks!

It's been a minute since I've talked about GCW, but it's time again for me to do that. So this time, instead of asking for everyone's favorite perks from Generic Cartoon World, I wanted to ask about items.
The items in GCW are often underrated, especially early on for baby jumpers or just in general when it comes to themed jumpers. There are a lot of GOLDEN items in this jump, and as one of the main cheerleaders of this bad boy, I don't often get to gush about the neat STUFF you can get here.

General Items:

The undiscounted items are actually some of my favorites. We start off with some baby-level quality of life items that are just fun, like Chester: a good boi hammerspace chest you can put goodies in, and Jeeves, a skilled butler & administrative buddy who can run a household as skillfully as any professional butler can.
As the undiscounted price for the items begins to hike you start to see the FUN stuff. From the largest movie theater in-setting, to a colony of microscopic toons who help you think *better*, the 200-400 CP items are starting to be a bit more drastically powerful & recognizable.
My personal favorite item in this jump... and possibly ever, in any jump, is the 800 CP theme park item. This absolute unit of an item is phenomenally powerful hence its GIGANTIC price tag (and it's not even the most expensive undiscounted item!).
This bad boy confers ownership over a hilarious number of massive theme parks that spread across the settings you visit, and the theme parks are both profitable and self-sustaining. They come with all sorts of world-class amenities, rides, and resources, and are honestly just so good that a jumper could, in the right setting, spend a WHOLE jump in the theme parks and not be bored. Also, a really sick aspect of this item, for baby jumpers who don't have super speed or infinite money yet, is the fact that you can easily take advantage of the infrastructure that connects the different parks, especially if they are on different continents.
In a modern setting, such as any of the mundane generic jumps, Chronicle, Levage, or the big sitcom jump, this is potentially world-shaking technology (especially since it's said, in-jump, that the infrastructure can be opened to the public, even though it doesn't start off that way by default). This is an incredible, world-class item. It's also actually something you can get FOR FREE if you do one of the scenarios.
The silver screen item is really cool, and if you aren't into its esoteric items it makes for a great personal home theater movie screen and a sick-ass shield. It's just neat.

Toon Items:

Two of my favorite items in the whole jump are in the toon line, but all of these items are bangers. Everything from the gloves to the assorted toon items & endless explosives are great, but if you purchase the half-toon perk "Not so funny anymore", associated toon items & endless explosives TREMENDOUSLY shoot upwards in power. They become NASTY strong, which is the best kind of strong. Lots of people will have a bad time dealing with a jumper who can make cartoon antics decidedly deadly, and infinite, human-scale explosives or a homing, flying safe that hits with all of the power of a mundane safe, are not jokes.
That said, probably the best QoL item in the whole jump, partially due to its low cost (there's an item in the Human origin that's this, but with SLIGHT modifications that are usually improvements), is A-Hole-in-the-Wall (AHitW). This portable apartment is fantastic. It's just REALLY good. I think this item REALLY shines in barebones survival worlds, like Minecraft, or post-apocalypse jumps, but honestly, it's so tremendously good ANYWHERE that I can easily picture jumpers, especially baby jumpers, living in this item full time. The Toon Medical Kit item is also extremely good and is a fantastic basic medical item that's a handy catch-all.
The three big boys of this origin's items are all powerfully unique items. Touch The Toon Sky(scraper) is a massive skyscraper that is, effectively, the skyscraper version of the monstrous movie theater item from the undiscounted line of items. It's a big building, and if you want to know what you could do with a big building here's a link to the website of the real-life Woolworth Building. This item is chonky, it's alive, and it's just neat.
The context-sensitive bag is just a little thing that lets you grab funny stuff. If you're in a situation that's life or death but saving your skin would be funny, well... This bag's probably got your back.
The capstone item for Toons is a personal Acme Acres pocket dimension and this item is SICK. I always go for the upgraded version of this item (which requires the Hammerspace Specialist toon perk), but even the base item is incredible. This is one of those pocket dimension items that, in the right hands, can save entire species and/or civilizations, but is also just really fun. This is a great purchase, that's also potentially free if you do a scenario. There's lots of uses for this one and really maximizing it will take creativity on your part, but it's cool as heck.

Human Items:

The first four of these items are neat, career-based, items. There's a toon-gun that fires... slighty-toonier bullet-bills, and writing & art items. And when you hit the 200 CP tier you get the one QoL item that's almost on par, and actually in some ways, better than AHitW; the Toon Vehicle.
The Toon Vehicle is exceptional, it's true that it's more expensive than AHitW, and doesn't have a portable mailing address, but in every other respect this item is the bigger, better brother of AHitW. This is a living vehicle that is, externally, potentially the same size as a mundane, real-world car, but can fit hundreds of people, and has multiple bedrooms & two bathrooms. If you're not into LIVING items that's a mark on this one that isn't present on AHitW, but other than that, and a lack of a mailing address, this really is just an improvement on AHitW. It can even drive itself! This is dope.
The 400 CP item is interesting but weird. It's Joe's. Ah, Joe's. This is a neat item. Basically, this is a QoL item that gives you some money, but the way it works is weird. Until you find Joe's, in-jump, or create an entrance to it, this just gives you the ability to make entrances to a massive greasy-spoon restaurant. Once you've made an entrance to Joe's, which you do by seemingly just finding an appropriate place and WILLING it to happen, the area you've targeted with this power becomes the newest entrance to the restaurant. You can live in the employee section of the restaurant (in a nice, condo-style apartment), and you passively get paid by Joe. Presumably how much you get paid depends in part on how actively you do, and how good you are, at your job, but you'll always get paid a little.
Tall Tale Heart is a nice little booster to your physical abilities that hits harder if your human but is still not bad if you're a toon or half-toon. If you're a baby jumper and take the human origin in this jump this is great for physical stuff.
Acme Studio Factory Lot is the animation studio version of the monstrous movie theater or skyscraper items. Which means it's really fucking good. And also that it's alive. But if you want to have an artsy jumper who makes a living doing entertainment stuff, this is the item for you.

Half-Toon Items:

If for whatever reason you are reading this and have never seen the half-toon perks in this jump... They are decidedly less comedy based than the toon perks are, and among other things can let your jumper do things like bring objects to life, de-humode-funny toon abilities, and even do long-range only-slightly-slower-than-instant teleportation! The half-toon items, in keeping with that trend, are also not quite as focused on comedy though there's plenty of funny stuff about them.
The baby tier items, the 50 & 100 CP items, are amusingly diverse. From a catalog of items you can order that will be instantly delivered to you (and the ability to buy stuff from PAST JUMPS! That's crazy! It's only stuff that would be sold in stores and restaurants, but god can you imagine going to a prehistoric jump and ordering one hundred rifles and bucket loads of bullets?!), to an eraser that at a glance looks mostly comedic until you remember the "Not so funny anymore" half toon perk and realize you can suffocate people by erasing their mouths with that perk's effects active, this is a RANGE of items that can be endlessly amusing.
The ink pen item confers some of the effects of the human perk "Eraser Immunity" and is a good, permanent ink pen. Ink & Paint Job lets you do what acme acres does to buildings in it (immediately, not what it does to them over long periods of time), anywhere you want, so long as its an inanimate object you want to hit.
The Spanner in the Works is a really, really solid creation & destruction item. In the context of creation using this and working on making something is about the same as having twelve people work on something. Where it really shines, though, is destruction. When you hit a building or a piece of complex machinery with this it breaks apart. No limits are stated on this, by the way, so someone could imagine that this would work on the Death Star, a space station and superweapon, which is certainly complex. That said, this part of this item is JUST powerful. It's a VERY good destruction item.
Now for the capstone item for Half-Toons... Congratulations on your Rule-Of-Funny item. This is an item run by the rule-of-funny, which can ABSOLUTELY be weaponized, so long as you attempt to be funny about it first. It's great, and I mean that unironically. The Rule(r) of funny is a size-expander, a funny super-device, and a ruler all in one. It expands the internal dimensions of stuff its put in, it helps make jokes, and you know the dimensions of stuff you see when you're using it.
The Rule(r) of funny is a weird item because to REALLY maximize its use you'd need something like the capstone from the trickster origin over in Germanic Norse Mythology (which makes it so that you get three of any item purchased with CP), because its three uses are so different from each other that it often feels like using it one way prohibits it from being used in other ways, at least simultaneously. If you use it outside of a place you want to make bigger (say, AHitW's actual square footage), then it's not making the place bigger, even though it can be great for dealing with an enemy with an annoying immunity, as you can temporarily shut off the immunity so long as you use the ruler and make a joke. But if you have more than one... Well, you can do the neat stuff you want to do, while keeping one in the space you want to make bigger.
What are your favorite Generic Cartoon World items? I love all of them, but some of these babies are just... they are just magical, gang.

I've been trying to figure out how to articulate all my feelings without spilling my entire life story lol
So I (28m) starting a WFH job next week and it's gotten me thinking about how I normally spend my days and what I want to change about it. I'm typically a shut-in who gets home from work and flicks on youtube in the background for many hours. But this job is flexible enough that I'll be able to do that WHILE working, so while I could theoretically keep it up after I clock out I feel like I probably should make an effort to get out of the house on weeknights or at least weekends. This ties into a few other things I'd like to change about myself.
I moved from the midwest to vegas last year, that went HORRIBLY, and I moved back to the midwest and have basically been starting my life over this year, hence the new WFH job. I live in a mid-size town I haven't lived in before and I have 2 close friends here but not much else to socialize with. I don't understand the process of meeting new people cause shut-in, but I want to figure out how to get that started. I've peaked at Meetup and googled hangout spots around town but the second I get close to committing to an event, I feel a wave of exhaustion take over and I spend the night in.
I've also never had a relationship. Tried dating apps in the past but they tank my mental health like nothing else & got me nowhere. Didn't have time to even think about it in vegas cause my life was falling apart. Now I'm back in a better place and want to give this thing an honest go without apps. Again, shut-in, so I figure dating is step two *after* learning how to go out in general.
To really combat the WFH sitting inside part of my day, I want to workout. I have minor physical issues like IBS and insomnia so I've been trying to research what kind of activity best helps that. No idea if that means a gym membership or some other way to go out and do stuff.
I have a terrible habit of getting overly ambitious, trying to change a lot at once, then getting overwhelming and relapsing all the way back to square one. I'm trying to find some kind of plan to make all these changes little by little so they become permanent. If any of you have any advice on any of these things, I'm open to suggestions! Hope y'all are on your way to something new as well!

long read, just venting
I have 3 kids with two different men. My youngest and oldest are by the same man, my middle son has a different dad. Long story. My middle sons father was extremely violent with me from the day I found out I was pregnant until the day he was arrested. I went through two years of violence, verbal abuse, financial abuse, sleep deprivation, PTSD, post partum depression & psychosis.. I didn't realize how badly it affected me until he was finally arrested one morning when my neighbors called 911. I filed for a restraining order the day he was arrested. The state picked my case up, they prosecuted him. It took two years but he took a guilty plea deal for a lesser sentence.
My relationship with my other kids father had always been good. We were friends long before we had a child together.. we also did a lot of drugs together for many years.. regardless of the drugs, he was always somebody I could depend on. He was someone that I trusted, deeply..
Eventually, I got help. I quit drinking. I quit doing drugs. (Sober from alcohol for 7 years, drugs 5 years) I started going to therapy. I started trying to better myself. Me and my oldest kids dad ended up getting back together after being split up for 5 years. That's when I got pregnant with our youngest...
After we got back together, he has been & continues to be extremely verbally abusive to me. He continued to use drugs. He lied, he cheated, he verbally abused me, gaslit me.. I have two children with this man now. Everyone tells me, "just get a restraining order." I've done that. It never gets extended because he has no history of being physically abusive. It just ends up making things worse for me. He threatens me with taking my kids away from me (I'm diagnosed with BPD & PTSD) he threatens that he won't pay child support, he threatens to fuck my life up. I hate that I keep allowing this to happen. I feel like it's my fault why this continues happening.. it's clear he doesn't love me or respect me.. even as the mother of his children. He has kept me unemployed for years because every time I seek employment, he talks me out of it. He always told me, "I work. You stay home with the kids." But then when he got upset, he would call me lazy & worthless. This has been going on for years. Our oldest is 11 now, our youngest is 5. They see how their dad treats me. They hear it. They see his drug addiction.. the sad thing is: I used to have a really good job, when I first met him. I had a good job. I had a nice car. I had a savings account. I have none of the now. I have nothing... These men have taken absolutely everything from me.. I am a shell of a person now.
If you would have asked me 10 years ago where I'd be now, I could never imagine being the sobbing pile of worthless shit that I am.
Sometimes I feel like I'm at my wits end because I can't escape him. No matter how hard I try. Why don't I deserve to be happy..? Why can't I seem to get this right? What did I do to deserve this? Why doesn't it stop? What is so wrong with me? The worst part is. I already know the answer to all of these questions. But I'm too much of a pussy to do anything about it after everything I've been through. I honestly feel like I have nothing left in me. I don't even fight back anymore.
(If you made it this far, thank you for listening. I'm sitting here on my bathroom floor sobbing. I try not to try in front of my kids. I try to shield them from all of this. I cry alone. I wipe my face. And I move on. I don't have a choice. I struggle a lot with my BPD & I struggled with self harm/mutilation for a long time... Thank you for listening. I just want to be heard.)