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The blade forging left Sorore exhausted, the failure left her frustrated, and the cold gave way to fear as the night drew closer. As day faded into dusk, she reflected on a morning that had been as full of ups and downs as the mountain paths they’d travelled. The very fact that she had been able to use magic, that it had crashed from the realm of fairy tales and church warnings into the very real everyday occurrence was already an earth shattering experience.
Then she’d moved water with a thought, seen monsters fall from the sky, and watched the paladins cleaving them in two. Her head spun with the strangeness of it all, the sheer onset of fanciful things blurring and mixing together with reality. She began to wonder what else might be true, of the fairy tales in the myth she had heard on the seas in her father’s ship. Of the old folk stories of Erratz, often dismissed as nothing more than old wive’s tales.
A new world had opened up before her, and she wasn't sure to be fascinated or terrified of it. Certainly the paladins didn't want any part of it, and they certainly didn't want her to be involved. And from everything she knew of the church scripture, they were absolutely right. She felt the danger, the power of the matter, and knew that it was only a small fraction of what it could do. She even felt a certain degree of fear towards the masked man in the black robes, as respectful as he had been as a tutor.
At least he didn't use a switch to reminder of when she had failed.
But even in the murk of her disquiet in that moment, she also felt a smouldering frustration underlying it. The knife had been hers, her project, her duty, and she had resolutely failed to craft it. Part of her shifted the blame elsewhere - it was a new technique she had picked up over the course of an afternoon. Efrain himself had said as much, even going as far to say that he hadn’t expected her to do it.
Now that was something she didn’t like at all. When people expected her to fail, despite all her efforts.
However, that resolution meant little now, given that she had been excused from the effort. At least now the mage had the basic shape to work on. She let her hand drift on the rough stone walls of the church. Thousands of individual perfections, many thousands of years old, the stone functioning despite it. Perhaps it would be enough, the basic, overall function, but she recalled all the pittances and channels carved in her vision of the knife.
She knew what was driving the doubt. It was curiosity, that sticking bug that clung to her, despite all her prayers to the contrary. She just couldn’t seem to shake it, despite the ‘assistance’ of church teachers when it reared its head particularly high. She had expected the snap across the palms from Efrain when he drew that piece of wood. It had been a relief when he’d tossed it over his shoulder.
The thought was an unworthy one, she immediately considered. She should’ve been grateful to the various priests and scholars who’d spent years teaching the twins. Some had even prepared their entire lives, just on the chance they’d meet the beloved Bequeathed. If they were strict, then so be it, it was for the sake of preparing her and Frare for their duties.
The church was once more a buzz of activity as people prepared for the night ahead. She and Lillian found their way to the altar, attracting only minor glances. The villagers clearly had gotten used to their presence, although some offered a respectful and perhaps wary gaze for Lillian. One of Frare’s eyes opened as they approached, but he quickly returned to his half-rest leaning on a pillar. Aya was still very much asleep, chest gently rising and falling under the furs where Sorore had left her.
Sorore sat on the wide steps, put her chins on her hands, and began to think. It was a rather dangerous proposition, considering her recent failure. She had a tendency to ruminate on them, and often her twin would find her staring plaintively before loudly disrupting it. This time was no different, as before anything but impotent frustration could boil over, he plopped down behind her back.
“Stop that,” he said, “I can hear your teeth beginning to grind.”
She leaned back to lie upon his lap, despite the admonishment she heard in her head about proper sitting position. His eyes were closed again, and she followed suit, letting the minutes wile away as night crept into the word. She was shaken out of this reverie by a loud pop and Aya’s yelp. The girl was both mid yawn and bright red as both the paladins and the twins turned to look at her. She insisted that she was fine, and took to straightening her clothes subconsciously.
It was a mere temporary distraction for Sorore, who was largely engrossed in considering the knife. Rather than merely wallowing in her problems, she was invested in its function. She could almost see the stone parting before her, revealing the source of that smothering cold behind the door. Maybe if she had tried one more time, maybe if she reduced the complexity of the form, then increased when she got the basic shape. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
It was all of very little use. She was inside her head once again, at a complete loss of what to do. Maybe, within the grand archives of Angorrah, the answer was contained in a dusty scroll. Some offhand fact or technique of forging, long forgotten in the darkness of the shelves. But these were several weeks of travel away, and she wasn’t sure that she’d see the next sunrise. So then, what could she do to get them to bridge that gap? Just one more day, that’s all they needed, to hold out until the next sunrise.
Nothing. That was the simple truth of it - she was a lost little girl in a small village surrounded by terrible things. The thought was not a comforting one, and she wriggled, trying to nestle deeper into the legs of her twin. Aya by that point had come to sit down beside them, looking greyer as the dark came on. No wonder, for she knew she all felt the chill roll forward as the fog waxed in the night.
Another meal of common fare came and went, though Sorore noted that many soldiers were taking care with it. Perhaps it was common practice, to relish what very well may be your last meal. For her part she found it rather difficult to keep it down, the coming dread of the hours ahead offsetting her appetite.
The faces of the paladins had settled into that implacable, stoney cast once more. They quietly rebandaged their injuries, readjusted their armour, and set to sharpening their great blades with long deliberate strokes. Sorore idly thought that their sleeping faces were significantly more pleasant, if rarer to see. Thus it was that they crossed over into the late afternoon, where the light was quickly fading.
“I would like to take one last little walk,” Aya spoke up, “before… you know.”
The paladins looked up, their eyes twisting with barely veiled misapprehension at the request.
“My lady…” Lillian began.
“We can’t,” Niche said, “Not now. Not so close to dark.”
“Just barely outside the door,” said Aya, “Just so I can see something other than the church. Just to stretch my legs.”
The paladins looked at each other, looked back, and set their faces.
“Well, I suppose it can be accommodated,” Lillian said, “only just outside the church, and only for a few minutes.”
Her tone warned of dire consequences if these conditions should not be strictly adhered to. The children all collectively nodded and the party of five set out past the doors. The barricades within the church had grown in size and strength, at least as far as Sorore could judge. The villagers, under the supervision of the soldiers, had proven diligent in the daylight hours. She could only hope that it would be enough for the onset of the creatures, should they breach the church.
She had a dread certainty that it would indeed be breached, sooner or later. Though she hadn’t heard of any specifics, whispers of just how many of the things lurked outside were passed around. It was a small stroke of fortune that the windows were narrow and ensconced in stone. The last thing they needed was one of the flying beasts to crash through the glass.
The faint red-pink cast to the grey outside was beginning to fade into blackness as the sun shrank. Occasionally, the banks of fog would strip away, revealing the abominable silhouettes standing still past the wall. They would close just as quickly, removing any clarity, and leaving only the icy fear in its place. The remaining soldiers and villagers watched them with anxiety and exhaustion.
The garden around the front of the church was almost non-existent. Most of the flowers had been trampled either in preparation for or during the course of the battle. The only things left relatively untouched were the central beds around the side of the church, which grew produce for its tenants. Some trees still stood, showing minimal damage from the fog and its creatures.
The five ducked under the boughs of the closest one to the doors. The additional chill brought by its shade was a trifling concern at the present. The green, muted as it was by the overcast sky beyond, was a lively anchor in the cold, dead mists. Such was the comfort of the place that Soroe let herself lean back onto the bark of the tree and eyes drift closed.
The trunk was solid, a comforting sensation that seemed to offset the malevolence of the fog.
Enough so that Sorore began to wander the netherworld of half-sounds and sights that characterised pre-sleep. They all wandered with her, some staying, some peeling off, guided by their own demented logic. Little and less was coherent, but it took her away from the horrible reality of what lurked a few hundred steps away all the same.
She fell deeper into this other-state, letting the visions wash over her as the real world slipped away. Time became a mercurial concept, which led her to question when exactly everything had settled. But settled it had, into a hazy blackness which the eye could not pierce. There, in the distance, a bright ribbon of twisting warm color glowed. A piece of fresh-forged metal perhaps, the day’s task going straight to her head. Or maybe it was the remnants of another dream that day, one that was already a blurry memory.
From a great distance, she heard a crash, unmistakable in its ringing clarity. A forge hammer singing out a song of its own, for now merely a rhythm. It shifted in tone as it rang out through the abyss once more, adding progression, then melody, all written in singing steel. Sorore’s fingers began to drum out the sequence on her thighs as she felt it reverberate through her. Then, with a sliding screech, she was left alone in the half-dream, with nothing but darkness remaining.
Still, the bright memory of the song remained, and in the darkness another voice took shape. It was a deep, rich, and handsome sound, that spoke of a confidence of such immensity that you were convinced its wielder could do anything. Sorore had never heard the likes of it before, either on the docks, or in cities, or on the open waves.
“Come now,” it said, “this little thing is giving you trouble?”
Sorore’s eyes slowly open, pulling her from the dreamscape back into the dreariness of the real. Aya had her knees pulled to her chest, leaning back into the trunk. The paladins, tired but alert, scanned the endlessly shifting banks of fog.
Sorore had a fleeting impression that the answers were just beyond the pale mists. Maybe something would come through, parting it like thin curtains, and impart the inspiration she needed. Or maybe a whole set of schematics will drop into my lap from the sky, she thought with dark irony.
The vision was quickly fading into the abyss of forgetfulness. Perhaps Aya had shared it once more with her, but she was in conversation with the paladins. Not wanting to interrupt, Sorore looked at her outstretched legs. Past them were a handful of leaves that had fallen despite the summer of the valley, with a couple long decomposed to nothing but their skeletons.
She reached out to grasp at the leaves, looking at the yellow-grey veins that raced across its surface. The large ones spread from the central stem and the hundreds of smaller capillaries that interconnected them. Holding up to the sky, she screwed her face, trying to discern the details of this piece of nature. After a few moments of tepid stillness, the clouds parted for just a moment, letting a ray of sunlight lance down to catch their hill in its beam.
For a second, the leaf seemed to glow, shimmering like metal catching glare.
And Sorore had her inspiration.
With that, she sprang to her feat so fast that one of the paladins almost jumped. Both looked around with questioning and slightly alarmed expressions. Sorore didn’t have much of an answer - in fact her mind was going so fast that she could hardly even articulate the solution that had been revealed to her.
“The- the- the-” she said, snapping her fingers, trying to put words to the idea, “I know what to do. I need to find him.”
“Find who? The mage?” asked Lillian.
The fiery certainty of the thought sent Sorore tramping out onto the grass, leading to calls from the paladins to slow down. She didn’t bother to wait for them, consumed by this need to find the mage, the knife, to try again.
The forge was more or less empty, save for the few labourers packing up the tools and ferrying them into the church proper. With a furious set of questions, she gleaned that he’d vacated the premises some time ago. The paladins called for her to stop as she doubled back, but she couldn’, not now.
The scenery seemed to blur as she rushed through the church doors, past the bustling barricades, and to the captain’s tables. A somewhat perturbed Damafelce told the young girl that Efrain had been seen entering the door at the end of the church. With that, Sorore broke out into a run, past the altar, through the door and down into the darkness of the Catacombs.
She stepped out onto the sand floor, the members of her party at her heels as she tried to seek out the path to the black wall. She stumbled more than once as she felt her way along in the darkness, fortunately with no skeletal interruptions this time. Down the stairs and into the long corridor she came, the smothering cold increasing as she pushed forward.
As she had surmised, Efrain was there, just about to start whatever process pried apart the stone. The tip of the blade was raised, pressed into the stone above his head. He turned at the approaching footsteps, cocking his head at the lack of isolation. Sorore didn’t even wait for him to say something, instead thrusting out her head for the crude metal knife.
“ I know- I can- I can do it now,” she said, breathless from the long run from the surface.
Delicately, Efrain removed the metal from the stone, and looked down at her. There seemed to be a questioning quality to the look, at least as far as she could read the emotionless mask. He looked at the cat, then back to the girl, and then to the rest of her party.
“How?” he said, “ If I let you undo this, we may not have enough time to recreate it before the attacks begin.”
“Leaves,” she said, putting a hand on the wall to steady herself as her lungs complained, “it- was the leaves.”
“The… leaves?” he said, “ All right. Stop, take a few breaths, and start from the beginning.”
And so she did, explaining how she sat under the bows of the trees, the half-awake dreaming, and the skeleton of the leaf.
“I got it. I was trying to build the whole thing out myself, all at once,” she said, stumbling over her words, “instead of letting nature do what it wants. The metal wants to come together - I don’t need to force it into its final shape. I just need to build a- a-”
She snapped her fingers at the air, trying to reach past this new blank as Efrain regarded the knife.
“You want to build a frame,” he said, “and let the metal fill in the rest of the empty space.”
After a moment’s hesitation, he turned over the knife, hilt first, to the girl.
“Well then,” he said, “let’s hope you know what you’re doing.”
She did, or at least she hoped she did this time. Within moments, the metal was flowing over her hands like a cold stream, but instead of trying to sculpt it, she began to spin filaments outwards. Like the skeleton of the leaf, little veins of metal stretched outwards, stopping abruptly, and folding back into themselves. If it had been hard before, it was now brutal, the smothering cold dragging at every attempt to shape the material.
Hands trembling, sweat beginning to bead on her forehead, she managed to split the metal into dark fingers. All she had to do was resist gravity and prevent it spilling over the imaginary bounds of the shape. From those dark fingers, snaking vines spread out and connected with each other. Slowly, slowly, branching and arcing, they filled in the skeleton she’d created and fused.
The final product wasn’t altogether too different from what they’d created during the afternoon. The shape, a heavy chisel tip, tapering out to twin furls like a plough, a longer tang. Sorore, half blind by stinging salt, didn’t fail to notice swirling furrows spreading across its surface. She had no idea how she’d managed to etch those designs, or perhaps the metal remembered, just as the stone did.
“Well,” said the mage at last, “suffice to say, I am impressed. Now, hold it up.”
She did so, despite the exhaustion of her arms, the tip wavering as his finger touched its point.
There was a rush of something, extending over the surface of the blade, stopping just short of her hand. It was like a coat of mail had been pulled taught, the links aligning at the same time, snapping together in a regular structure. From the tip of the chisel, down to the tang, the metal shuddered and settled. By the time it disappeared under her grip, it was rigid as any steel tool.
The mage gently took it from her, holding the blade up to that little flickering light above his head. Flicking it this way and that, he seemed to find whatever he was looking for, and pressed the tip to the wall. Sorore, despite her fatigue, was practically exploding with excitement. She’d done it, not only conquering the task, but she was about to see what was behind those dark walls.
Then, before he pressed the blade into the stone and drew it down, he paused.
“Paladins,” he said, voice quiet, “it would be best to take the children back into the church.”
Lillian frowned and put a hand onto her hilt as she stared at the door.
“What?” said Sorore, aghast, “ But I-”
“No buts,” said Efrain, “we don’t know what’s behind this door. It may be dangerous, it may not. But I strongly suspect it’s not something you would want to see. Very well done, little one, but this is something I should deal with on my own.”
The tone of academic authority was not an unfamiliar one to Sorore. But unlike in virtually all other occasions in her life, she attempted to object. Before she could speak more than a few words, Lillian took her by the shoulders, her mind apparently made up. All three of them were carted up the stairs as barely contained rage began to bubble up inside her.
“Do you think we should…?” said Niche, gesturing to the surrounding stone.
“No, not yet,” Lillian said, “putting aside everything else, we still might need him.”
Niche nodded and said no more.
They had made a steady pace, overtaking half the hallway as the scream of metal on stone echoed out. It was followed by a grating rumble as presumably the doors opened. If the temperature below the surface was cold when they came, the resulting drop was freezing. The mist that rose up behind them whispered things in long mournful sighs as the surroundings began to buzz with what must’ve been magic.
Then, from up the stairs there was a long, terrible wail.
[←Chapter 47] [Cover Art] [My Links] [Index] [Discord] [Subreddit] [Chapter 49→]

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http://www.otolaryngology.pitt.edu/centers-excellence/voice-centeconditions-we-treat/reflux-laryngitis

In her book “Living the Law of One 101: The Choice,” Carla says the following

Completing the grades of this school takes millions of years. This present grade, which the Confederation calls the Density of Choice or third density, lasts about 76,000 years. We are in the last decade of this long period, heading rapidly toward a planet-wide Harvest in 2012.

And

These gradations of light along the steps are guarded carefully so that we get a true walk into the thickening sunshine. When we are on the most comfortable of those steps in terms of the light, we stop. If that step where we stopped is still in third density, then we have not yet successfully made our choice, and so we will spend another cycle of 76,000 years working on those lessons which bring us to that defining choice.

And

Would you rather graduate, at the end of this lifetime, and move on to the Density of Love? Or would you rather spend 76,000 or so more years having one incarnation after another in another earth-like environment while working with these same lessons and playing this same game? Most of us would choose to graduate. The key to graduating is to achieve sufficient polarity to move on.

And

When we do meet that soul stream again after our deaths, it is very likely that we will either have just graduated from third density or just been slotted for another cycle of 76,000-plus years in another third-density environment, on another earth-like world.

And (this one is an analogy)

The patient has just awakened to the true situation regarding the harvest of planet Earth. He has almost no time in which to make the choice of polarity and become harvestable.

And then finally,

We have until the end of 2012 to make maximum use of the last of 3-D and to choose our polarity. It is urgent that we wake up, make our choice for love and become Players. The time is now.

So Carla doesn’t provide any citations from the channeling archives for any of this, so I’m struggling to verify it. Do any of the channeling confirm this?
It also seems like an awful lot of fear mongering. This book is dated as copyright 2009, and she’s pretty much saying “you have 3 years left to polarize before it becomes a lot harder.” In general, this book has a lot of this kind of thing. This all kind of surprised me considering the description of the book on L/L’s website says “This is a light–hearted book about the Game of Life.”
BUT the book also says (as part of a 2015 update)

So we would like to suggest that when you read her occasional statements in this book regarding seekers having only until 2012 to make this choice of polarity, that you simply ignore this statement. Carla’s emphasis on a date in time in no way affects the rest of the message contained in this book which, as you will soon discover, is largely concerned with timeless spiritual principles.

If she was wrong about this, how can we filter everything else this book says?

Motivation — A Close Reading of Tea Time

"I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking: maybe six feet ain't so far down?"
Nimander Golit
Chapter V of Weathered
2002 BS
Click Here for the Introduction to the essay series.

Prelude to the Close Reading

Why, hello there, again. It’s been a few weeks but I promise that this endeavor is still moving forward. For those that don’t know, this essay is a part of a collection I’ll be putting together which investigates the Eleint, their blood, and sorcery within the Malazan shared secondary universe. We’re still laying down our foundations, and today we’ll be covering a sequence of scenes in Chapter 8 of Toll the Hounds.
My intentions were to cover all of the scenes in a single post, but that has proven itself to be difficult. As such, I’ll cover the first scene in this sequence in this post. There’ll be one or two follow-up posts.
There are ten scenes that are in this sequence:

1. Nimander 1
2. Desra 1
3. Desra 2
4. Skintick 1
5. Desra 3
6. Nimander 2
7. Desra 4
8. Kedeviss 1
9. Nimander 3
10. Kedeviss 2

I’ll be approaching these scenes (including the one discussed today) through a few lenses.

A ringing of bells.

In his musings on writing, Erikson discusses the notion of a bell. I’ll let him speak for himself.
In the scenes we’ll be looking at, some of the bells that I believe are used are (and not all of these are represented in this first particular scene):

• Past versus present — ancestors/parents vs. living/children
• How others see us, and how we see others
• The word ‘beast’ and its many meanings
• The words ‘child/children’ and their many meanings
• The relationships between gods and mortals
• Portals/thresholds

Existentialism.

Particularly the genealogy of continental philosophy that led to Sartre’s existentialism and the shared/adapted/bifurcated philosophies of his contemporaries (such as de Beauvoir, Camus, and Merleau-Ponty). This wasn’t my initial intention when I decided to use this sequence of scenes as a launch pad into my collection of essays. However, the beauty of close-reading is that you go into a text with a hypothesis seeking evidence and support, and then end up with new insights.
Some of the concepts that will be brought up are:

• Anxiety
• Facticity and transcendence; Authenticity and bad faith
• The Look/Gaze and being-for-others
• The Absurd and Revolution
• Perception

Genre conventions as grammar.

Particularly, we’ll look at Erikson’s use of genre conventions from the likes of Gothic literature and Weird Fiction — namely the Sublime, cosmic horror, and the Weird — as the subtle language used to convey tension that is congruent with some of the other subtexts. If these grammars are subverted, we’ll try to point that out too.
We will later delve more into Malazan’s literary genealogy in other essays, but I want this lens to be present during the reading to see how Erikson aligns or subverts these genre conventions.
We’ll be using Professor Michael Moir’s YouTube lectures on Weird Fiction as reference.

What the fuck is happening?

This is a question about plot that I will answer at the end of all of the scenes, but keep it in mind as we go through. It has less to do with existentialism and Gothic literature and more on what Gothos was trying to do during these scenes.

Pre-TtH Context

We first meet Nimander and his siblings (unnamed) in House of Chains on Drift Avalii. By Bonehunters, they had left Drift Avalii and ended up at Malaz City, where they then joined Tavore Paran’s fleet while fleeing Malaz City. In Reaper’s Gale, we find the siblings had been ‘adopted’ by Sandalath while they traveled to Lether with the Malazans. Phaed wanted to kill Sandalath. Nimander stopped Phaed from killing Sandalath. Withal (Sandalath’s husband) throws Phaed out a window. The murder is taken as a suicide. The siblings intern Phaed and then meet Clip, who offers to lead them to Anomander in Black Coral via Kurald Galain.
This gets us to Toll the Hounds, where Nimander is being haunted by Phaed. They’ve left Kurald Galain and are now on Genabackis (but not yet to Black Coral). Nimander fears the future meeting his father and the rest of the Tiste Andii. The siblings and Clip ‘stumble’ on Morsko, where Clip is curious about its cult of the Dying God. A ritual takes place there. Nimander and Skintick are nearly enthralled, but are saved by Aranatha (and thus Mother Dark herself). The group then find Clip, who is in a coma. They collect him, and set off in a wagon to follow the Dying God’s priests to Bastion. Along that journey, the siblings stumble upon the High King, Kallor, who reluctantly chooses to not kill them and instead travels with them.
The sequence of scenes in Chapter 8 that we’ll be discussing follows some time after Kallor joins the siblings.
Now that the administrative stuff is out of the way, let’s dive into the first scene.

Nimander 1

Rum-induced memories.

We start this sequence thrust into Nimander’s introspection on ‘rage’ as a breaking of a vessel, impossible to fix. He recalls Deadsmell’s musings that ‘rage in battle’ was a gift while the two drank rum. Rum that awakened memories once ignored by Nimander.
(Note: in Scene 2, we’ll see Desra’s view of Nimander, and we’ll see that Nimander’s ruminations on rage here are what inform Desra’s view of him, and not in the way that Nimander’s doubt imagines.)
In the previous post, we discussed memories and their decay. So much of this series and the lore surrounding it is driven by the memories of ancient beings. Nimander is younger with respect to ancient beings (but ancient nonetheless), and even he struggles with his memories. Perhaps this is a result of the traumas he’s experienced with respect to his being in diaspora and perceived abandonment by his father (a symmetry itself with Rake’s — and the Tiste Andii as a whole — relationship with Mother Dark).
He recalls the rum lighting “a fire in [his] brain, casting red light on a host of memories gathered ghostly round the unwelcoming heart.” He reminisces on the time after Kurald Galain (but before Drift Avalii) and his father’s emotional indifference. He recalls the pranks him and his kin would pull on Endest Silann; the arrival of Andarist and his arguments with Anomander. It is unclear what the arguments were — if you’ve read Forge of Darkness, you might be able to infer what’s likely, but I’m curious if the argument is Andarist asking to take the siblings and Anomander refusing, or Anomander asking Andarist to take the children and Andarist was reluctant? Was the argument about Anomander thrusting the Hust blade, T’an Aros/K’orladis (i.e., Vengeance / Grief), onto Andarist or did Andarist already possess the blade? We don’t know exactly to my knowledge, but it’s fun to speculate.
Regardless, Nimander recalls, like a certain inscribed hearthstone, there was peace. Andarist was to take them all through a threshold, a portal elsewhere (as mentioned, portals end up being a rung bell, so pay attention). Nimander remembers Endest’s weeping as the children were pulled through a “portalway into an unknown, mysterious new world where anything was possible.”
Andarist raised the Tiste Andii children on that portal’s other side, on Drift Avalii. We know (or can infer) that this was a task to protect the Throne of Shadow, but Nimander and his kin didn’t understand this as children. But Andarist led them with his pragmatism, he ensured they learned how the world was. With our knowledge of Kharkanas, this is so powerful. We know Anomander’s hubris was abused as a motivating factor for Hunn Raal’s despicable acts. We know that Andarist likely lacks children of his own in response to this, and so his taking on guardianship over the children of his brother — that very same brother that rejected Andarist’s grief in favour of vengeance (and materialised in the T’an Aros/K’orladis dichotomy) — is a stark, challenging, and ultimately selfless decision.
But this pragmatism created child soldiers. The collision of reality’s necessity to survive and carry out the duty of protecting the Throne of Shadow came at the expense of what little remaining childhood innocence Rake’s brood still had (even as a people on the run, exiled from their home due to a sociopolitical schism). Andarist became a stern teacher, juxtaposed to the echoes of Endest’s gentleness. “The games ended. The world turned suddenly serious.” Nonetheless, the Tiste Andii siblings grew to love Andarist.
Nimander continues his introspection:

See a bored child with a stick — and see how every beast nearby flees, understanding well what is now possible and, indeed, probable.

This reminds me of a general rule of advice: ‘never fuck around when a child has gun.’ Tiste Andii or not, children can be cruel especially when mixed with unknown doses of trauma and violence. Regardless, I want to call attention here that this notion of children and beasts are each bells rung. To Nimander, Andarist “unleash[ed] them, these children with avid eyes.” He “had made them good soldiers,” ones that know rage.
Vessels broken.
As such, from his own experience, Nimander suspects that the Dying God is a child. He speaks to the dialectic between gods and their worshippers (another bell rung):

The mad priests poured him full, knowing the vessel leaked, and then drank of that puerile seepage. Because he was a child, the Dying God’s thirst and need were without end, never satiated.

The group stumbles on desiccated bodies staked among fields: dried up, tapped of their libations. This speaks to a particular exploitation between mortal and god, symbolised literally as worshippers feeding a god to then become the harvested. This perpetuates the Dying God’s power to accumulate more worshippers via addictive kelyk. The language here shows that the Dying God has stumbled upon a sort of cheat code, an exploitation of the god-mortal dialectic that allows him and his priests to arbitrage power. Like a cancer that, via the law of large numbers, is equipped with the mechanisms to divert a body’s resources to it while it slowly destroys the body.
The scarecrows being in fields is such a perfect choice of this analogy: things to be harvested. A product, a commodity — a thing with both use-value and exchange-value, for our Marxians out there. I believe Erikson has said that he was thinking of oil here, and that is fine by itself, but I do like the mirroring to Eucharistic transubstantiation in Catholicism (due to my being a very-very-lapsed Catholic). Especially with wine, an extremely addictive substance, transcending into God’s blood to cleanse us as cannibalistic sacrament.

Dal Honese burial practices.

Nimander sees these fields as “bizarre cemeteries, where some local aberration of belief insisted that the dead be staked upright, that they ever stand ready for whatever may come." This makes him recall some shipwrecked Dal Honese on Drift Avalii. He thinks on the ancestor cult and burial practices of Dal Hon: literally constructing their homes with their dead in the walls as both material and essence, the building stretching out with additional rooms as time moved on and kin died.
This reminds me of the Neolithic proto-city, Çatalhöyük, found in Anatolia within modern-day Türkiye where ancestors have been found to be buried beneath platforms in living quarters. See: Chapter 6 of The Dawn of Everything by Graeber and Wengrow.
With or without intention, I like to view this ritual via an existentialist lens, particularly Sartre’s notion of the Look. To Sartre — in contrast to other phenomenologies — being is in flux, some path of a given chaotic double-pendulum switching to and from poles of being-in-itself***\**¹* and being-for-itself***\**²*. The Look, to Sartre, is a sort of symmetry breaking — a realisation by being-for-itselves that decentralises it, the sudden awareness of its being an object, an Other, to Other consciousnesses.
A heuristic often used to showcase Sartre’s notion of the Look (or Gaze) is that of a voyeur peeping through a keyhole into someone’s room that hears a noise down the hall. Regardless if that noise is from another person (another being-for-itself) or not (say, the house settling), the subjective voyeur suddenly objectifies themselves, collapsing the chaotic pendulum from being-for-itself (nothingness as "no thing-ness") to their facticity — their being-in-itself, their thing-ness — whose meaning to Other being-for-themselves is relative to a separate centre than the voyeur’s own.
To Sartre, the resulting anxiety experienced snapping from subject to object is a proof against any nihilistic approach to solipsism. The fact that we can Other our own being-for-itself means that we can also recognise being-for-itself external to us since those we Other too can Other us as we Other ourselves. The reflexivity as a result of the Look is evidence against solipsism to Sartre.
As a result, this Dal Honese practice is a cultural self-burdening via Sartre’s Look by literally having your ancestors clay-filled bodies decentralise your subjectivity and externalise you as an object that can be judged by its facticity. This results in a sort of collective Dal Honese being-for-others, Sartre would argue. This isn’t inherently good or bad to existentialists, but it does necessitate a calculus that discerns if the living descendants are authentically expressing their freedom with each moment they accept this practice, or if they are living in bad faith.
Regardless, though, this is a haunting of the Past. This haunting isn’t something that is only important to existentialism or other philosophical traditions (such as post-structuralism — see: Derrida’s hauntology), but to the genre conventions and tropes of Gothic horror and its descendants (such as cosmic horror, weird fiction, and their influences on sword and sorcery, etc.).
There are mappings (some more subtle than others) between the Sublime and the existential anxiety and dread experienced in phenomena similar to the Look. The experience of looking upon the vastness of the sea, of stumbling upon an ancient statue, of learning of the size of the universe — which are described as the Sublime, the Weird, or Eldritch in some literary traditions (e.g., Romantic, Gothic, Horror, the Weird, etc.) — are the same experiences that are often analysed in continental philosophies using words such as angst/anxiety/despaiabsurdity/alienation.
Nimander goes on to further expose the relationship between this Dal Honese ancestor cult and inter-tribal conflicts that lead to deaths and stolen bodies that leave physical voids in Dal Honese architecture. He muses how this physical representation of wounds begets a cycle of vengeance (a cultural tradition, a product of facticity and bad faith): “blood back and forth,” he says. He mentions that this cycle is what pushed the shipwrecked Dal Honese from their homes, an act of revolt and perhaps even authenticity to Sartre. Eventually the Dal Honese recovered and “paddled away — not back home, but to some unknown place, a place devoid of unblinking ghosts staring out from every wall.”
I love that Erikson has this whole little short story in this scene, especially in the contrast of its being some rum-induced reflection by Nimander on his own past’s haunting of him and his siblings. Moreover, these Tiste Andii are travelling with Kallor, the Undying Unascendant: a being-for-itself that literally manifests the past’s haunting on the present — a man cursed, jaded, who carries the past with him wherever he travels. All of these together show that one’s freedom can have one flee (even be redeemed — which balances with other plotlines in TtH), but that doesn’t necessarily — nor sufficiently so — annihilate the past.

Finding a tower.

After this, Nimander’s reminiscing is interrupted by his hearing Kallor nearby (like a footstep in a hallway). Kallor comments on the use of the corpses and notes that the flora “[is] not even native to this world, after all.” Nimander replies that the corpses are being used for saemankelyk. The mention of the plants not being native to this world should orient the reader back to the Weird, especially since it brings upon a sense of unease, an Othering — the house settling that again serves to reduce both Nimander and the readers to our thing-ness
‘The past’ versus ‘the present’ versus ‘the future’ (and their hauntings of one another) bubble up again with some banter between Skintick and Kallor about the state of things. Kallor states ‘nothing changes.’ Skintick counters ‘it keeps getting worse,’ to which Kallor claims is but an illusion.
I find this dialogue to be a comical little conflict between Kallor’s perceived-postmodern, nihilistic judgement of the state of things being inert versus Skintick’s pseudo-Rousseauian, inverted-Hegalian, modernist grand narrative of things getting worse.
Again, it alludes to a haunting of the past on the current generation. Interestingly, this is a trend within the Book of the Fallen in general: not as an espousing of the ‘old vs. young’, but Erikson’s decentering/challenging/deconstruction of that binary. Think of Raest in GotM; Menandore, Sukul and Sheltatha in RG; Karsa in HoC; the Witness trilogy. He does this via a sort of Ancient's Hubris colliding with its differences to the Present’s Ingenuity, and this being dual to the Present’s Naivety colliding with the Ancient Wisdom.
Kallor eventually hits a sore spot with the Tiste: he brings up Rake. Unlike the Dal Honese whose freedom had them flee the cultural practices of letting their ancestors haunt both literally and figuratively, Nimander and his siblings were pulled/pushed away from their father (and people) as children — by what very well could be their father’s request. The Tiste siblings are haunted by Anomander’s active absence. Their continued distance from their father isn’t an act of expressing their freedom against an Ancestor’s Gaze — it isn’t an act of revolution — it is their facticity and a source for their Othering of themselves. We often see this from Nimander’s POVs up to and including this sequence.
Kallor sniffs out this weakness and presses upon the wound. Nimander gets flustered and retorts. To which Kallor responds:

'Anomander Rake is a genius at beginning things. It’s finishing them he has trouble with.'

Damn, Kallor.
Also, I didn’t need my ADHD called out so harshly, dude. What the fuck.
Without diving into what Erikson was dealing with while writing this book, this hits hard for Nimander, and is an interesting commentary nonetheless. His father, Anomander, is the leader of a diasporic people who’ve been without home, without a centre, for 400,000 years. I think Kallor’s words hurt Nimander so much because the Tiste siblings don’t know Anomander’s current plans nor have they experienced the "settling-down" from the unveiling of Kurald Galain in what is now Black Coral. They are unaware of Rake’s teleology for his people, for himself even. Regardless, we see again and again that Kallor isn’t just a strong skirmisher, his words cut nearly as well as his blades.
Kallor goes on to confirm that he knows Rake before the group notices a ruined tower among the alien plants and scarecrows. Kallor says its Jaghut. Kallor trudges forth indifferently, pushing corpses out of his way as he bee-lines it to the ruined tower. I don’t think such a sequence of action has ever described Kallor’s whole raison d’être and modus operandi so well: just a man seemingly indifferent to the corpses in his path as his will pulls him forward.
We get a small interaction between Skintick and Nimander that reveals Skintick’s acuity in reading Kallor’s take on Rake. Kallor sees their father as an equal (it isn’t just the readers that need to be keen to subtext, characters do too).
Skintick offers the idea of sicking Kallor on the Dying God, hoping he “decid[es] to do something for his own reasons, but something that ends up solving our problem.” I like the use of “deciding to do something for his own reasons,” as this aligns so well with authenticity in existentialism (and the absence of some absolute morality for authenticity).
As Nimander approaches the tower behind Kallor, both Nimander and the readers get a great sense of horror, the weird, the uncanny, and the sublime with how Erikson describes the scenery:

Drawing closer to the ruin, they fell silent. Decrepit as it was, the tower was imposing. The air around it seemed grainy, somehow brittle, ominously cold despite the sun’s fierce heat.
The highest of the walls revealed a section of ceiling just below the uppermost set of stones, projecting without any other obvious support to cast a deep shadow upon the ground floor beneath it. The facing wall reached only high enough to encompass a narrow, steeply arched doorway. Just outside this entrance and to one side was a belly-shaped pot in which grew a few straggly plants with drooping flowers, so incongruous amid the air of abandonment that Nimander simply stared down at them, disbelieving.

Nimander notes an incongruity of this place — its aesthetic of abandonment juxtaposed with a curated garden. “The cold despite the sun’s fierce heat.” This evokes a certain unsettledness to Nimander (and thus, the reader). These genre conventions are sources of tension and anxiety, similar to non-diegetic violins building up to a real or false jump-scare in a slasher flick.
Arrogantly, Kallor chooses to go out of his way and insult the presumed Jaghut within the tower. Classic Kallor. The Jaghut replies “nothing changes,” resulting in Kallor shooting Skintick and Nimander a “pleased smirk.”

Tea time, but before falling into a rabbit-hole and not after.

Before Kallor can announce himself, the Jaghut lists off Kallor’s titles, his facticity. Kallor’s reputation precedes him and there’s an asymmetry here in which the Jaghut knows who Kallor is but Kallor doesn’t yet know who the Jaghut is. This is our first hint that this meeting isn’t serendipitous, and is instead an intentional interaction with regards to the plot. And if this Jaghut knows of Kallor, does he know those who Kallor travels with? Who is this Jaghut’s intended audience among those options?
I also like the play here with facticity: the Jaghut lists out things about Kallor, but is Kallor some sum of those thing-nesses? How many are true, how many are manufactured myths? It’s an act by this Jaghut to Gaze upon Kallor, to show to Kallor that he’s being seen. It’s a deliberate tactic to destabilise and decenter Kallor: an offensive.
We as readers are informed of Kallor’s limitations from the Azathanai curses via Draconus, K’rul and Nightchill, but these limitations on Kallor don’t necessarily restrict his freedom until Kallor allows them.
We get a flash of Jaghut humour and guest rites — this ancient dismisses Kallor while inviting everyone in for tea. Interestingly, Erikson has this Jaghut use the proper noun of ‘Others’ which lends me to think that an existentialist lens hasn’t been the worst pick (not that ‘Othering’ is strictly existentialist by any means).
So, we’ve had corpses drained dry for kelyk, alien plant-life, a ruined tower of an unknown age stumbled upon beyond the urban, a preternatural creature to Nimander and his kin (something they’ve maybe only witnessed a handful of times) and then we get this description:

The air of the two-walled chamber was frigid, the stones sheathed in amber-streaked hoarfrost. Where the other two walls should have been rose black, glimmering barriers of some unknown substance, and to look upon them too long was to feel vertiginous — Nimander almost pitched forward, drawn up only by Skintick’s sudden grip, and his friend whispered, ‘Never mind the ice, cousin.’
Ice, yes, it was just that. Astonishingly transparent ice–

I love this. First: “it was just that” screams “no it isn’t” to anyone paying attention to the words Erikson is using to make the reader uncomfortable. We know: Jaghut + Ice = Omtose Phellack. The atmospheric setting here is directly being called out in not just a sublime way, but his description has an added layer of horror to Omtose Phellack.
Erikson uses “vertiginous,” giving both Nimander and us a sense of vertigo, being decentred and unoriented. This isn’t too different from descriptions found in works like Vandermeer’s Annihilation or other New Weird authors. This ice wall calls to Nimander, draws from him feelings of unknown when he’s caught himself staring for too long — emphasis on staring.
For all intents and purposes, this ice wall is a thing, a being-in-itself, neither active nor passive. But its effect on Nimander is similar to the Dal Honese ancestors’ Gaze — this ice wall objectifies him, calls to him, evokes his being-for-others, and emotionally alienates him. The pull Nimander feels is his submitting his being-for-itself with the freedom of those that Gaze upon him. A justification of his facticity, his bad faith. This will be important later.
Eventually we get this awesome line from the Jaghut host:

’Once, long ago, a wolf god came before me. Tell me, Kallor, do you understand the nature of beast gods? Of course not. You are only a beast in the unfairly pejorative sense — unfair to beasts, that is. How is it, then, that the most ancient gods of this world were, one and all, beasts?’

There’s so much going on to unpack in this paragraph.

• He’s called Kallor a beast, but says his doing so is unfair to beasts (damn, this ice orc just roasted Kallor).
• It calls back to Nimander’s thoughts on children wielding sticks and beasts fleeing as a result. With or without knowing it, this Jaghut is calling Kallor a child, too, in the pejorative sense, unfair to children.
• He says the first gods were beasts, but does he mean these early gods were explicitly Beasts (in essence, not the pejorative sense) or that they were beast-like akin to the pejorative sense used on Kallor (or some combination of both)?
  • Interestingly, we know that this wolf god is possibly an Azathanai d’ivers from FoL — with this knowledge, would Fanderay and Togg count as a Beast-as-literal-beast beast-god?

Later, again, we get this Jaghut saying Others as a proper noun, and then the Others are called Tiste Andii.

‘Ah, and what of the Others with you? Might not they be interested?’
Clearing his throat, Skintick said, ‘Venerable one, we possess nothing of worth to one such as you.’
‘You are too modest, Tiste Andii.’
‘I am?’
'Each creature is born from one not its kind. This is a wonder, a miracle forged in the fires of chaos, for chaos indeed whispers in our blood, no matter its particular hue. If I but scrape your skin, so lightly as to leave but a momentary streak, that which I take from you beneath my nail contains every truth of you, your life, even your death, assuming violence does not claim you. A code, if you will, seemingly precise and so very ordered. Yet chaos churns. For all your similarities to your father, neither you nor the one named Nimander — nor any of your brothers and sisters — is identical to Anomander Dragnipurake. Do you refute this?’

Above, the Jaghut goes on to describe genetics, but also calls out the fact that they are children of Anomander — dude definitely knows more than he’s leading on, that’s for sure, and is winking directly to us readers, seemingly going over the heads of both Kallor and the Tiste. Also, the bit about chaos in blood will come up again and again in later scenes and later essays.
Moreover, we see that the Jaghut says that which he scrapes "contains every truth of you, your life, even your death" — our genetics are facticities, among our thing-nesses. "Yet chaos churns," the Jaghut rebuts. That chaos in our blood is a source of our "no thing-ness," from which we may express our freedom against the determinism of genetics — of facticities — and transcend.

For each kind of beast there is a first such beast, more different from its parents than the rest of its kin, from which a new breed in due course emerges. Is this firstborn then a god?’

I love this for two reasons. One, it speaks to a criticism of the assumption that a prime-mover is necessarily divine. But, through the existentialist lens, it’s a challenge and criticism of the presumed Authority of Genealogy. Jumping back to the early musings on ancestry: if ancestors haunt us and dictate our facticity as a result of suppressing our being-for-itself, then where does that chain of dictating/suppressing end? And is that terminus also an Authority above all generations below it just due to its being something new, something sufficiently different from its own genealogy, its ancestors ‘behind’ it?
I also like the subtext of trauma as hereditary here with the double entendre behind ‘beast’, we can think of this Jaghut as asking if the primordial source of generational trauma has authority over its descendants? What does this dialogue mean for Nimander and his siblings and their place with respect to their father and the rest of the Tiste Andii people? Does this inform an analysis of Nimander’s chaotic double-pendulum between being-in-itself, being-for-itself, and his being-for-others?
A huge thing I would like to point out here, too, is that neither Skintick, Nimander, nor Kallor have used the Tiste Andii’s names, yet this Jaghut knows them by name. Kallor could deduce they were Rake’s children, but he didn’t know their names. Even though Skintick showcased an acuity to subtext when considering Kallor’s opinions of Rake, he doesn’t catch onto this subtlety. This Jaghut not only knows of Kallor, he knows of Nimander and his siblings. The evidence that this meeting isn’t serendipity continues to build.

‘You spoke of a wolf god,’ Skintick said. ‘You began to tell us a story.’
‘So I did. But you must be made to understand. It is a question of essences. To see a wolf and know it as pure, one must possess an image in oneself of a pure wolf, a perfect wolf.’
‘Ridiculous,’ Kallor grunted. ‘See a strange beast and someone tells you it is a wolf — and from this one memory, and perhaps a few more to follow, you have fashioned your image of a wolf. In my empires, philosophers spewed such rubbish for centuries, until, of course, I grew tired of them and had them tortured and executed.’

This sequence of dialogue is fantastic and reminds me of arguments foagainst the strong/weak Sapir-Whorf hypothesis/es. We see the Jaghut musing on a seemingly prescriptive Platonic idealism that Kallor interrupts with a more descriptive, pragmatic, empirical framework in which he follows with a jest of torturing and executing philosophers (remind me to never live in the Kallorian Empire).
Kallor speaks as if his words contradict the Jaghut and show the assumed idealism to be wrong. But, by Kallor’s own argument, the Jaghut’s words of ‘pure’ and ‘perfect’ are just as empirically contingent to one’s memories as ‘wolf’ is. The combinations of signs and symbols language users use give flesh to those signs’ and symbols’ own meaning — but bury that meaning beneath the flesh by doing so. The concept of a ‘perfect wolf’ (i.e., ‘perfect’ + ‘wolf’) emerging from one’s own contingency with the notion of ‘perfect’ and ‘wolf’ is entirely possible without that imagined ‘perfect wolf’ being actually some idealisation, i.e., some Platonic Perfect Wolf.
The Jaghut responds with laughter to Kallor’s absurdity: both in his misinterpretation of the Jaghut’s musings as well as the nature of Kallor’s brutal reaction to those that question things he finds to be rubbish. This pairs well with Skintick’s future POV in this sequence, but the contrast between Kallor and this Jaghut is entertaining nonetheless. Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish when Kallor is telling the truth about his brutality or if his mutterings are just words congruent to his reputation.
The two then have a pissing contest. We find out the Jaghut was in disguise — I don’t have the evidence or time here to say, but there are ideas that this particular Jaghut is a d'ivers and it is fucking awesome even if untrue. The discussion here points to some T’lan Imass’ Jaghut War. It being the Kron, I’m inclined to wonder if there is a relationship with the bones Karsa stumbles upon in HoC (where he and his war party find Calm).

Skintick squatted to pick up two of the cups, straightening to hand one to Nimander. The steam rising from the tea was heady, hinting of mint and cloves and something else. The taste numbed his tongue.

Don’t take candy from strangers tea from Jaghut, people.
We find out that Raest is this Jaghut’s child. We find out that this Jaghut took on 43 T’lan Imass and a Bonecaster, killing them all. This is a threat rallied back against Kallor’s assertion that he’s killed Jaghut.

Teeth bared, Kallor bent down to retrieve his cup.
The Jaghut’s left hand shot out, closing about Kallor’s wrist. ‘You wounded that wolf god,’ he said.

Oh shit. What follows is one of the first times I can recall that Kallor is scared. Contrast with his earlier treatment of Rake as equal.

'Oh, be quiet, Kallor. This tower was an Azath once. Shall I awaken it for you?’
Wondering, Nimander watched as Kallor backed towards the entrance, eyes wide in that weathered, pallid face, the look of raw recognition dawning. ‘Gothos, what are you doing here?’
‘Where else should I be? Now remain outside — these two Tiste Andii must go away for a while.’

The revelation: the Jaghut is none other than the Lord of Hate himself, Gothos. You can understand why Kallor, always so arrogant, submits to Gothos and listens to his instruction.
Immediately after the reveal, Skintick and Nimander succumb to the effects of whatever extra ingredient Gothos had slipped into their tea. We get this final sequence:

Nimander’s eyes were drawn once more to the walls of ice. Black depths, shapes moving within.
He staggered, reached out his hands–
‘Oh, don’t step in there–’
And then he was falling forward, his hands passing into the wall before him, no resistance at all.
‘Nimander, do not–’
Blackness.

Again, the readers eyes are drawn along with Nimander's to the icy, abyss-like, objectifying, Gazing threshold. Here's where the sublime and the weird really flavour the setting in this scene.
There's a bell’s echo here from the start of this scene: this sequence starts with Nimander discussing the uncertainty related to moving through a portal with Andarist away from the rest of his kin, a breaching. During these final lines of this first scene, we get a tension between us and the unknown, between what has happened and that-which-is-to-come, between what we’ve imagined about Malazan’s cosmos and some contorting of those assumptions. What’s beyond the veil decentres not only Nimander in its draw and pushing him to being-for-others, but it decentres the readers too. Hic sunt dracones, terra incognita, the sublime, the enigmatic, the terror. We’re made to feel small and inconsequential by this icy threshold.
It isn’t mysterious because it evades our Gaze like other fantastical things (e.g., many renditions of some archetypal tricksters found within various folklores), instead it invites our Gaze eventually since It Gazes back (almost Nietzschean).

Thoughts

Calling back to the genre conventions, this extended scene is one that definitely plays with the established conventions of Gothic literature and its descendants. Constantly, Erikson hits us with tension sewn into his choice of words in Nimander’s ruminations, his angst associated to diaspora, the notion of Dal Honese ancestors gazing upon their descendants from clay walls, absent ancestors that too haunt the same, the fields of scarecrows as desiccated (and harvested) bodies of worshippers, the alien plant-life, the ancient Jaghut tower, the ice threshold. Each of these (and those unmentioned) add onto to the dissociation (de-centering) of both Nimander and us, the readers. Each of us seem small and inconsequential to the dynamism of the cosmos: everything we know, including that of what we already know about the Malazan universe (and our own) can be challenged. We’re each just travellers who have stumbled upon a shattered visage in the desert that reads: “My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
This stands in contrast to — almost a revolution against — the modalities one can garnish from the Enlightenment and post-Enlightenment that favour an almost religious rationalism and positivism. This is why I believe (and hope I have shown) that the existentialist (and those schools of thought peripheral to it) lens is apt. The genealogy of Gothic literature serves as a grammatical sandbox that gives way to exploring the things that existentialism tries to frame in its study, such as the dread and anxieties — the nothingness (no thing-ness) — of being.
Not only are the Dal Honese clay-filled ancestors present to alienate the reader by entertaining a certain ‘exoticism’ (by the readers’ juxtaposing such practices against what we consider ‘normal’ — here's where Sartre is applied to White or Male Gazes), but they are there as conduits for understanding how Nimander is affected by Others, by their Looks — his siblings, his absent father, his dead uncle, Kallor, Gothos, and the icy threshold — even if this ‘othering’ is one done only by Nimander onto himself (the house settling perceived as a footfall). This becomes more important in the scenes that follow.
So, how does this relate to the Eleint, dragonblood or sorcery? If you want to know now, please read ahead in the text — i.e., he future scenes in this sequence in Chapter 8 of TtH — you’ll find out. Otherwise, I’ll attempt to provide more clarity in the follow-up post(s). Until then, I just want put forth some questions:

• Are the Eleint actually dragons in the usual fantastical/conventional sense, or are they something different, something alien, something terrifying, something that evokes horror?
• If meaning-making (and, as such, essentializing) — according to my reading of existentialism — is a choice of ascribing/burying the Real with its facticity, what does this mean for K’rul’s warrenification and the birth of sorcery? What does this mean for aspecting, particularly for the Eleint and the Azathanai?

Beyond those questions (which align with my grander narrative shared in this collection of essays) — in regards to the plot, I think it is smart to continue asking, ‘why has Gothos ensured that Anomander’s children and Kallor would stumble upon his tower?’
¹ the facticity of what can be understood as objective states ascribed to things, including social constructions — thing-ness — e.g., how things are thrown into the world, a mode of existence that simply is, the contingent being of ordinary things, such the language(s) one speaks, one’s occupation, etc.
² the mode of existence of consciousness that stands in contrast to being-in-itself, “no thing-ness”, that which negates being-in-itself

MODESTO COMMUNITY ACTION ASSOCIATION has announced that they are moving forward in development for the community wide effort at batting the escalating issue of unhoused and under housed folks in the area.
Since 2014, the Modesto Community Action Association has worked with various agencies and advocacy groups to build better, more accountable programs that provide real results to this problem. The group consists of both clients and providers of these services, which we feel often need to be given perspectives more often of those who actually use these programs and services.
Our goals include a drop in center and this project, Tiny Home Village.
Our outreach is done with many people who are involved in the daily struggle to survive. We are in touch with people who are dying to be active and involved, yet have no clue where to start. We seek to unite these people in the effort to make real and lasting changes in the waya service is provided and the responsibly we have to fellow human kind to give a hand up, not out, if we have those means.
This is a three phase plan that will identify and attempt to develop a plot of land we can have through either a partnership with a landowner or real estate agent, or with the city or county, using the resources of locally based doners to build a small community of affordable tiny houses and provide the homes as long term solutions for housing.
Each would be equipped with appliances and the community would be secure, with 24/7 on site security and manager who would be also living on site. The units would require the eventual occupants to provide in kind labor and solict financial assistance, to contribute to the effort. Residents will have a case manager and a plan towards self sufficiency, with check in required to be able to stay. There would be no restriction on length of tenancy, and rent would be adjusted to the work hours they contribute to the ongoing effort to keep the community solid.
Tenants meeting every week. On site manager On site security Fully equipped 200-300 square feet units for individual or family. Phase one - demo units (4), community outbuildings, and garden, and staff units.
Family units are larger, up to 340 sq feet. Individuals can be placed in one of three 150-300 sq feet units prr initial design and budget estimate.
The current goal is to raise the funds to raise funds. A funding campaign will be available online soon. We will seek the backing of both government grants and private donations. The committee is going to start meeting on Zoom (see schedule). We are going to be expecting to appoint the replacement of our founding Board member, Lola Kennedy, who passed away after a long illness last month.

I have a dinosaur island in my setting that is mainly inspired by Skull Island 2005 and the Jurassic Park films, and its inhabitants are troodontid dinosaurs that have developed a spiritual religion headed by four main gods followed by several "generals" which have their own army of spirits. To put it simply, I'm going for two main themes in the worldbuilding: the clashing of nature and monsters, and the wildlife resembling chimeras.
For example, there are two species of ceratopsians (one is a browser and the other is a grazer) and they can be summarized as "rhinos with porcupine quills". There are also several species of flightless pterosaurs that resemble deer, elf, and moose, monkeys and baboons, and giant, quadrupedal storks with beaks like hornbill birds that live in the temperate forest and swamp habitats. I've yet to do figure out a similar design philosophy for the Tyrannosaur, Hadrosaur, Ankylosaur, Plesiosaur, and Sauropod species (Saltasaur for the plains and Dicraeosaur for the forest) at the moment.
Also, this landmass has a history of being attacked, but never conquered, by outside forces and their influences. Or at least, the inhabitants believe they were being attacked. You see, generations over encounters with outsiders from different parts of the world would create a political view that says the glory days of their home was ruined by outsiders that intend to destroy them and their way of life.
That's about all I have for now, but I hope it helps. Feel free to share your thoughts!

Me (28 F) and my partner (28 M) I have been crying our eyes out for a really long time. My 8 month old border collie mix puppy has been going through changes. I have done sooo much research on getting a puppy, I’m talking about months and months and saved up a decent amount for its wellbeing and “emergencies” but I noticed recently that she has been more scared of her surroundings when she wasn't a few months ago and she is becoming more reactive to anyone that comes into my apartment and to my neighbors and dogs. She recently has bitten me several times out of frustration when she gets overly stimulated. I try to find things for her to do and give her a “job” since she is a border collie mix and they are job dogs. I live in a small apartment and a very dog populated apartment so it's hard to try to avoid people and dogs when we go on our walks. I try to pick hours when I know people are not outside to take her on walks. I do this so she does not feel stressed since those are triggers to her and it's been recommended by our dog behavioral trainer to avoid triggers as much as possible. She also has resource gaurding issues ( looks like some of her siblings do as we) and it has gotten bad over the last few days where she snapped at my foot for it being near her toy. Me and my partner are looking at our finances because it looks like she may have to get anxiety meds and more training which we are not sure if financially we will be able to afford it. But my aunt who is a foster and works for an animal adoption center came to see my dog for the first time, she wanted to help see what she could do, my dog could only hear my aunts voice in the hallway and went crazy! She barked and showed her teeth so bad I have never seen her like that. So we told my aunt to go. We could only imagine what would happen if my dog could actually see her and if there was not a gate there. We are thinking if all else fails and if we cannot afford training to maybe take her back to the adoption shelter. I think mentally I'm exhausted because I am nervous that as she gets bigger her behaviors will get worst and she will end up biting us really bad at some point. I do not know what to do and what would be a good decision. I reached out to the shelter and found out that her siblings and mom have all gone to loving homes but are all living in houses with big backyards and areas to run and really thrive. It makes me feel bad because I think would that be best for her? Is she frustrated due to her not being able to do those things. we are planning on downsizing our apartment at the end of this year to save money since prices have gone up. With everything going on we are very stressed. Trying to not let our pets feel how stressed we are so it does not affect them.

Just context, you can skip this long ass read. Tl;dr, everything was okay, for several years of varying stress levels, until it VERY suddenly wasn't. If you can, at least just skim the important bits and advise me on how the fuck to cope with this.
Everything was okay around a month ago. Our situation hasn't been good, but we were handling it and excited for a growth opportunity like we've never had.
She has PTSD, but she's always managed herself well, aside from a brief period years back where some impending doom set in while confronting some of her trauma. She sought out therapy, and even just by the end of her first session she was improving a ton. It wasn't long before she was back to her normal self, but even better for it.
Problem is, we've been under tremendous stress for around two years.
Our rescue macaw passed away from a viral wasting disease, and he was the closest thing we'd had to a child. We had him for most of our ten years together.
We had our (rental) home sold out from under us in the middle of a rental crisis. Basically the only option we had left was to move in with her family 2,400 miles away, onto their ranch. She couldn't continue therapy when we moved.
They were contributors to her childhood traumas, but she was so sure they'd changed and were ready to be the people she needed them to be many years ago.
I was extremely skeptical that the people who hadn't extended a finger to us, let alone a hand, through several years of struggling through a lot of hard shit, suddenly wanted to give us a near-free ride. But I think her sheer optimism for it just made me feel like I was being an awful cynic, so I just shoved it down and bought into her fantasy. For her sake, as I thought at the time. Maybe she was right, after all.
She was wrong, and it went about as well as you'd expect. Honestly probably a lot worse. Her grandmother and father are manipulative, narcissistic assholes, whether or not they realize that's what they are. They bait and switched on us hard, whether they meant to or not.
The picture that was painted was that we'd live in the spare trailer on their property and pay our portion of the taxes and the insurance, and obviously just do our share of stuff like yard work. Maybe occasionally helping out with some cows and fences.
We spent most of our savings to get there, and after a four and a half day U-Haul trip, they started moving us in.. to her grandmother's house. In a tiny spare room. For two (at the time) 26 year old adults, a dog, a cat, and a snake. We had to get a storage unit for the vast majority of our stuff, since we'd had nearly ten years of building a life together in the back of that truck.
That spare trailer stayed empty for the whole year and a half of us being there, by the way.
All the responsibilities were then handed off to us. We were expected to cook the meals for everyone, clean the house, do all the ranch work, fix anything that broke, etc.. Her father and grandmother just sat in bed, collected their retirement/inheritance/disability, and popped their pills.
Then on top of it, we were also expected to pay "half" of the bills, so we had to find employment on top of all the other full-time responsibilities.
We weren't allowed to see the bills, they would just tell us what we owed, but I'll tell you right now that I'd never in twelve years of being out on my own now, in comparably sized homes, paid $800 for a month of electricity. But allegedly the "half" we were expected to pay was $400.
My grandfather passed away, and I soft inherited my grandparents' property. My grandfather and I never had a good relationship, so it was a huge surprise. But with what little we'd managed to save up in that time, it got us off her family's ranch, and it also got us out of the vicious poverty inducing rent cycle, so it seemed like we'd finally gotten a massive break.
Then the housing problems set in.
I've replaced about half of the plumbing myself, because new stuff just kept breaking down all the time.
I wasn't confident doing a new gas water heater myself, so we had to get work to save up for a new one. Until that indeterminate future date, we had to boil water on the stove and shower with a pitcher out of a cooler. We took it in humor as best as we could.
Then our vehicles started breaking down, and became unreliable enough we couldn't leave the small town we're living in. Our savings at that point weren't nearly enough to get new vehicles, or even to get the level of work required done in a shop, and I didn't have the means to do that level of work.
She's been in healthcare (a very desperate field) for her whole working life, and is a fantastic worker, so she found work right away, four minutes from our house.
I sat on Google refreshing the job listing probably forty times per day, looking for anything even marginally close enough that the car could make it to, and I could plausibly continue to find a way to work even if it suddenly couldn't. I've done remote work before and would've been happy to go that route again.. except the best we get here is 7mbps internet, and I couldn't find a single fucking place that would accept that.
We're an equal home. Bills, large purchases that benefit both of us, food, housework, everything except stuff like the vehicle/house maintenance which she wasn't comfortable doing (though even that she was interested in learning). This was killing me to feel like I was leaching off of her, and I know it was really stressing her out being the only source of income.
Then set in the job problems. Put simply, she'd wound up in a very toxic work environment. To make matters worse, one of the people there is almost like a 40 year younger version of her grandmother, whom we'd just escaped.
My S.O. started to lose her identity there, just trying to mask and mirror her way through the social dynamics, which were more like a cliquey high school than a workplace. She felt her job depended on it. Gossip, cruelty, passive aggression, all completely out of character for her, but she felt like she didn't have a choice but to participate in it.
The manager also didn't want to do her own job, and given my S.O.'s glowing experience, resume, and letter of recommendation from her previous job, started putting the job of managing people on her..
But without the title, authority, or pay of a manager. So naturally, nobody gave a shit what she had to say. It still all fell down onto her anyway, and she was treated like shit every time her attempts to lead didn't go as they should've.
But she felt she couldn't leave, because the way she (understandably) saw it, our survival depended on it.
I did finally find work as lower management in a small casino in town, but she never lost that survival mode mindset, and had no interest in quitting despite all the stress it was putting on her.
How we landed here, per the title. This is where my heart breaks down completely. Mostly for her, but quite honestly, also for myself
About three weeks ago, she came home from work one day. She started her normal "today's bullshit at work" vent session, like we've always done for each other every day.. but this was different. First she seemed a bit disconnected, but it quickly devolved into extreme emotional reactions.
All of a sudden she starts talking about how everyone's behavior is changing around her. Suddenly the girls at work were chipper and kind. Everyone was doing their job correctly. She became convinced there was some kind of investigation for a hostile work environment or something happening, and that was causing the change.
It didn't seem totally out of the realm of possibility, especially because they'd just finished berating a transgender coworker out of there. And my S.O. has always been pretty sound of mind (albeit occasionally a little prone to unlikely fantasies of optimism, but I personally love that about her despite what it had just resulted in with her family). I agreed that it did sound like a possibility.
Pretty quick, she started getting squinty-eyed, told me my behavior has been changing too, and started asking me what I knew about the investigation. Caught me completely off guard, and I guess she saw that in my body language, but misread it as me trying to hide something.
She asked me what I was hiding, and at this point I was just massively confused how this went from a normal vent session about work, like we've had for ten years, to an interrogation.
Before I could answer, suddenly she jumps to angrily asking if I'm cheating on her, a look of almost intense hatred in her widened eyes.
Every question just confusing me more in terms of where she's getting any of this from. We have great communication, loyalty, honesty, trust, the whole package. I had no idea what was happening.
She ran to the bedroom and started packing to leave, and I was begging her to slow down and stop so I could catch up on what the fuck was happening. She told me I was in on the investigation but wouldn't tell her anything, and I was cheating on her with one of her coworkers (who has a loose link to my boss at the casino.. small town shit), and that's all she needed to know.
It finally clicked for me that this was some kind of stress breakdown, and I suggested as much. She finally slowed down and thought about it. Suddenly she's calling her sister, who lives in a completely different state a thousand plus miles away, surrounded by ocean. "Do you know anything about an investigation? Have any of the girls from my work contacted you?"
Her sister was also caught off guard, but honestly responded much better than I did, and I'll always feel like my uncoordinated response did damage here. Maybe because they share a lot of the same traumatic experiences, and the diagnosis, so she understood what was happening much more quickly? I'm not sure.
My S.O. backed down, had a good long cry while we cuddled, and it seemed like that was it. She understood that it was some kind of mental snap, and her grip on reality had basically fully returned. She said she didn't think she could go back to work there, and I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agreed after what I'd just witnessed. WHOLE. FUCKING. HEARTEDLY. Scared the shit out of me, but after hours of it, I was just glad it was over.
The next day, "I just wish someone would be honest with me. There is FACTUALLY an investigation happening, you all know something about it, and I know you're cheating on me. I need to just get away from everyone." Cue an hours long conversation trying to talk her down again, but this time on my own, because she'd decided her sister "wasn't in the loop enough to see what was going on anyway."
It went on like this for about three weeks. Off and on. All day. All night. Moment of clarity, back down the rabbit hole 30 minutes later. Moment of clarity, back down the rabbit hole.
She started making all these "seeing god in the stars" types of connections. Suddenly everyone on Facebook knew something she didn't now too, evidenced by how these posts they're sharing relate back to it. My family was also allegedly talking about her mental breakdown on Facebook, which meant that I'd told them everything about it and taken away her choice to control that information.
Neither of us were sleeping, eating, drinking, basically neglecting all forms of self care to sit there and hash, rehash, and rehash this out again. I'd guess I was averaging 5 hours of sleep per week, right alongside her, while still having to go to work and pretend everything was fine.
I tried to suggest returning to therapy god knows how many times, or even something in-patient since this was SO much worse than her last episode years back, but initially she was convinced this was me trying to manipulate her. Gaslight her. Convince her she's crazy.
I tried to get her to just think it through, like what evidence does she actually have for any of it beyond her gut feeling? The evidence doesn't exist because we're all smart enough to get rid of it and keep it from her. She just kept repeating that she trusts her body, and that's all she needed.
During one of her moments of clarity, she finally booked a therapy appointment.. but unfortunately not through her old therapist, who had been fantastic with her. She no longer lives here. Instead, she went through that BetterHelp app.
Her first appointment, she starts going into the stuff she needs to get working through, and in response she gets, "Holy smokes!" Yeah. That's it. Holy smokes. To be clear here, this is evidently not a platform for people in crisis, this is a platform for people whose dad yelled at them that one time and it makes them sad to think about, because these people are clearly not equipped for anything more serious than that. What kind of fucking psychology professional responds like that?
Anyway, the therapist also went on to say about the job situation, "I would've quit too." Now, this seems innocent enough when you're dealing with someone who's with it, but my S.O.'s currently fractured mind took that as validation for everything, not just the general toxicity of the work environment like the therapist was speaking to. Again, a psychology professional should've known better. And it was back on full force for a while.
A massive divergence happened a few days after this. I'm not even sure how or why. We had our usual rehashing session, and suddenly.. she just accepted it. She accepted that she's in perpetual fight or flight mode right now, and her mind is looking for any explanation to grasp at, any possible danger imaginable. She just had to trust us, the people who've loved and supported her all along and have no reason to betray her, and keep with the therapy.
For three or four days, she was totally with it. I mean, almost fully back to normal. All apologies for what she put us through, all forgiveness and "just happy to have you back" from us. Then on the final night, she sees that my step mother is Facebook friends with one of her coworkers. And we're back on.
Fast forward to the past few days, and she's become very despondent about the way she's feeling. She's fairly consistently aware that something is happening to her internally, rather than externally with everyone else, basically just seeking regular reassurances that we're being as honest as possible about everything. But her fight or flight just.. Will. Not. Disengage.
We had a conversation about trying another therapist, and she agreed, but she still didn't feel she needed in-patient care. She booked an in person session with one who specializes in behavioral health and trauma.
Then she starts experiencing distortions in her perception. Shadows when she closes her eyes. Rooms appearing smaller than they should. The voice track on TV shows not appearing to line up with actors' lip movements. Just little distortions, but they scared the absolute living shit out of her.
That fear led to some horrific dissociation, where it's like she's losing context on everything. She doesn't know what's happening and feels like nothing is real anymore. Nothing makes sense.
She was still stuck on there being an investigation, but it was evolving. It wasn't her old job being investigated anymore, it was her father for child abuse from when she was young. Then it was us for neglecting our pets (because we don't take our snake out very often and occasionally forget a regular nail trimming for the dog, but they're otherwise very well cared for). Then it was her father again, but for elder abuse, because her grandmother (who insists on managing her own medications) accidentally overdosed one day.
She became even more despondent, frequently breaking out into panic attacks and crying fits, which I just continued to try and help her through. Ice packs, reassurances that she was safe, there was no threat, etc. Truth be told, I was terrified too.
Finally, two days before her appointment, she had a massive panic attack about it being Memorial Day weekend. She couldn't explain why, just that it didn't make sense. She finally says she thinks she needs a hospital, which she's been completely opposed to until this point.
I rushed her to the emergency room, and that was a mess because it was the middle of the night so they couldn't find a bed anywhere in a more appropriate facility that late. They didn't really have any mental health resources themselves, so all they could do was give her some medications to calm her nerves and help her sleep through the night until they could find a bed.
The hospital.. was not good for her either. After a while, she just kept begging me to take her home. She just wanted to sleep together in our own bed, but they'd decided that between the bouts of confusion, paranoia, and admitting that she has had thoughts of suicide in the past, she was a danger to herself and couldn't leave.
They took her phone, leaving her in a blank room, and thanks to her work and the fact the most recent retraumatizing came from a healthcare environment, constantly triggered by the sounds of call lights and such in the emergency room outside.
All I could do was hold her, and keep reminding her that she's safe, and that everyone there just wants to help, but they're just limited in the ways they can until they find a bed somewhere. She just kept repeating that she wasn't actually getting any treatment, and to be fair she basically wasn't, but I just had to keep asking her to hold out a little longer, because they were trying to find her a facility that had the ability to.
They did finally, this morning, but it was about 130 miles away. They let me take her there myself though, which was a huge plus to know we'd get that last bit of time together.
On the way, however, she starts telling me how horrible of a person she is. At one point, she asks if I'm taking her to prison. I asked her what she could possibly go to prison for, and she just says incredibly minor things from the past like downloading a movie, (very rarely) doing this or that drug, etc.
I just kept reassuring her that I'm taking her to a crisis center where they'll be able to help her figure out where this is coming from, and that in no way is she in trouble legally. Everyone involved in this just wants to help her.
It's at this point I realize.. they took her phone. All these little connections she was making via Facebook and such, suddenly unavailable. She'd also decided once and for all that I wasn't the problem. So now all she had left was herself. She was being held at the hospital against her will. The "investigation" was no longer into her work, it was into her, because that's all that was left.
She tells me she's going to go away (to prison) for a long time, but to just know how much she loves me. She wishes we could've just had a simple life together, but she ruined that for us. She was just so sorry. I just kept reassuring her that nothing was ruined, and we can and will still work towards that life together, she just needs help that's beyond what I can provide so we can get back to that.
Then finally, after a long goodbye.. I dropped her off.
The facility is very small (literally a regular house in a regular neighborhood, so only a few patients getting a lot of 1x1 care), and very soft spoken and compassionate staff. Practically everything is optional right down to the daily therapy, which made me really happy to hear given it seems like that should ease her mind on the prison train of thought. She's even allowed to leave for good whenever she wants, with the one caveat being that I or a family member would need to pick her up.
It doesn't have visiting hours though, and I couldn't even go in with her.. that kills me. They don't have HIPAA forms, so just walking through the door is a violation. But she gets to keep her phone at all times with the exception of bedtime, just to make sure she gets some sleep. She told me a bit ago that she's nervous coming into this new environment, but everyone there has been nothing but incredibly welcoming and empathetic towards her.
Not to make this situation about me, because it's so far from it, but my heart is just so broken.
I've never felt anything so horrible. Not even remotely close. I feel like I, myself, need therapy after this.
I'm still so confused. Did I just miss the cracks of this coming on? Or was it really that sudden? I swear I would've noticed her behavior change.
I'm so angry with her toxic fucking coworkers, who it seems like ultimately sent her into this downward spiral. I'm so angry with her family for being.. well, who they are.
I'm so angry with myself for not trying harder to get her to leave that job sooner, just because I didn't want to press the issue since she's her own person and capable of making her own decisions. But I saw the stress it was putting on her. I should've done more.
I'm so scared of what comes next. Will she ever normalize out and heal? If so, when? Days? Weeks? Months? How is this experience going to change her? Admittedly, given we live in the US, how in the fuck are we going to afford this (though as long as she's getting the help she needs, that's far from my primary concern, but still something I have to figure out)?
It feels like my whole world came crashing down around me. She is my person. She's one of the biggest reasons I get out of bed in the morning. My favorite parts of the day are crawling into bed together and waking up to each other, like we've been doing for ten fucking years.
Her absence in our home is utterly suffocating, knowing the hell she's going through while there's practically nothing I can do for her except be there for her when she wants to text or talk on the phone.
I doubt anyone is going to read this whole book I've written here, but just being able to type it all out sequentially like this has been a bit cathartic. But I still just have no idea how to feel. What to do. I'm so lost.

Someone posted a while back claiming Ledger Live was connecting to all kinds of crazy stuff after the update, like TikTok and Facebook. Others in the comments disputed this. I thought I'd run it myself and also provide some commentary. I am not a security expert, but I am a web app developer and thus have some familiarity with making domain calls like these in your app.
As a refresher, Little Snitch is a reverse firewall, meaning it can detect and block outgoing data an app you're running wants to send. On principle it catches everything including functions that are a part of macos, and even its own updater. MacOS is actually pretty secure as OSes go. Little Snitch is a great way to make that even better by not allowing apps to send data anywhere you don't approve of.
I had Ledger Live 1.58 on macos, then updated to 1.6, which is the latest version. My Ledger was not plugged in. The results for each version were identical. It connected to the following:

Connections

ledger.com Obviously, it would need to connect to ledger. Digging deeper, it connects to subdomains called "explorers.api" and something called "countervalues." I don't know what these do.
statuspage.io - this lets the end user (you) check the status of a service. This is a function available in the Ledger Live app.
segment.io and braze.eu - these are generic tools that can do customer analytics. No idea how they are being used, but it's common for an app to gather simple anonymized statistics on things like which tabs are clicked most often by people in which countries, etc. While this is normal and doesn't particularly scare me, I think many in the hardware wallet customer base may want more details on what behaviors, if any, are being monitored.
fontawesome.com - this serves up icons, such as the ones in the left sidebar. A large percent of all web apps use this. Nothing special.
googleapis - Google has many APIs. Digging further, the only thing this called to is Fire Base Installations, which is a tool for managing installation of apps on devices. Probably needed for Ledger Manager.
sentry.io - helps developers fix slowdowns and bugs in their own apps. If you encountered a bug, this might let Ledger devs know a bug was encountered.
stackinsat.com, youhodler.com, bity.com and baanx - these are exchange-like crypto services, most likely needed for the buy/sell/swap features in Ledger Live.
b-cdn.net- Bunny CDN. A CDN is simply a thing that delivers content, such as static images, to the end user (you) quickly. Otherwise those assets would have to be stored with the app itself, which for the devs is inefficient and expensive.
digitaloceanspaces.com - Digital Ocean is among the most popular cloud server businesses. Developers (including me) use it to host their app.
sardine.ai - a safe payments / fraud prevention tool. Makes sense given that buy/sell/swap are features in Ledger Live.

Personal Take

I actually don't find a single one of these to be suspicious in the context of a regular internet-based application. Also, every connection was in the USA or Europe, with the exception of Digital Ocean, which is an American company with global data centers. Not that this really matters, but if you are worried about it connecting to China or Russia or something, it isn't.
However, I think it's worth saying the obvious: A hardware wallet app is NOT a regular application. It's unavoidable that having a slick-looking app with so many features comes with a security tradeoff of more connections. Contrast Sparrow wallet, an open-source bitcoin-only wallet with a boring interface. It barely connects to anything other than mempool related sites to check the blockchain and coingecko to check the price.
Really, this just highlights the need to open source the Ledger Live app, that way people can more easily scrutinize these connections.

Hey everyone. So I've mentioned I wanted to do a review of the older arcs some time now. For now, I think I want to just go back to one in particular (cuz it's the one I just binge watched), and I want to kinda go over why I think it works so very well. I kinda wanna keep this in the realm of positive, but comparisons to mod-ern SMG4 are going to end up being inevitable obviously. Afterall, the whole point of this was to go back and review this era of the show to contrast it with today, but I'm going to try and keep it constructive.
To make organizing this easier, I wanna keep this within four categories I've touched on before: Ideas, Story, Characters, and Tone. Some of these will be longer than others, but that's sort of par for the course. Just like before, I'll try to condense it into a tl;dr in the comments. So without further ado, let's begin.
Ideas: Here's where I think the Waluigi arc does something really well - it meshes very neatly into the show's core idea of being a skit comedy show about MEMES. Waluigi is one of the most memetically potent of the Nintendo cast, and this was at the height of the Smash Bros Ultimate memes where he got left out. So right off the bat, centering him as an arc gels perfectly with the show - it just feels like a very natural progression.
Story: I think the core idea of the story here is pretty strong - Waluigi is upset about his rejection and 'odd man out' status. It's one of those stories about feeling like you don't belong, like you're an outcast, and like nothing you do can get you acceptance. It's also about a struggle for identity, feeling like one has to stand out and be unique to matter. These are all things that are quite relatable, honestly, and it works for the arcs' benefit. You can relate to his pain and understand his escalation, while at the same time realizing he's become consumed by his anger. There's not a deeper lore or complex mechanics of reality, it's at its core a story about a sad, lonely person's desperation and anger metastasizing until it corrupts them, but it's also a story about friendship, brotherhood, and ultimately forgiveness and healing.
Something else I want to really touch on here is how the stories for each episodes largely revolve around either EXTERNAL threats or problems the gang has to resolve together, OR, the story is driven by competition and rivalry over simple things - not direct and persistent animosity and disagreement. This isn't just with Waluigi either: 'Stupid Mario Tennis Aces' involves Boopkins trying to join a tennis tournament, 'The Mario Hustle' gives the whole gang some time to shine while trying to sell rocks to people, 'Stupid Mario Paint' involves Mario ruining Toadsworth's painting and trying to replace it, 'The Mario Cafe' is the gang helping Bowser make his restaurant successful and them needing to work together as a team... I really think every single one of these, Arc related or not, are a big hit for that reason.
Characters: Get ready cuz this is the longest one. Of course it's the characters we all know and presumably love, but I think what really stands out is just... Everyone is nicer to one another? There is less inter-group conflict and animosity. In fact, very few of the episodes in this series have direct and real anger and conflict between the SMG4 crew and they instead spend the episodes HELPING each other. The most you have is limited to COMPETITION - Mario and SMG4 playing Smash Bros, or competing for tickets at the carnival, and then Tari and Meggy trying to one up each other at the shooting gallery. Even Bob is nice and gives Tari a duck from his prize counter even after she cleared him out - he didn't have to point out he had it and make her happy.
This is especially starkly represented with Mario and Luigi. Something that was mentioned lately is how mean Mario is to Luigi lately, and the difference between now and then is striking. Luigi actually used to stand up for himself, not immediately caving to Mario's demands. Mario also didn't ruthlessly bully him, steal his shit, and ignore his wants and needs. In fact, it's show multiple times that he deeply, deeply cares for his brother and is in absolute emotional despair and turmoil every time Luigi is in danger and he thinks he's lost him. Mario even directly helps Boopkins in the first episode of the arc, show real grief seeing his friends get t-posed, and never once acts like a manchild; a jerk sometimes, sure, but not a child.
I also got to give props to how they characterized Tari and her introduction in this arc. I really think they knocked it out of the park with her, and it's also why I was so peeved with how they presented her recently. Tari in the Waluigi arc is very introverted - she's shy, and doesn't have a whole lot of spoons for social interaction. However, she is also able to overcome that when it relates to her core interests - games. She is able to game in front of a crowd and stay focused in the face of Bob's trash talk, when Mario tries to grab her attention she's able to hang out with him despite her timidness especially since it relates to her core interest, she is also able to overcome it to help SMG4 feel better after Mario beats him at Smash Brothers. I honestly think that Tari in this arc is INCREDIBLY brave, actually, as she is both able to overcome her own social anxiety for the sake of others and even confidently risks her life twice to try and save Meggy, and then directly stands up to Waluigi at the height of his power! The fact she is such an over sensitive and cowardly wimp in the recent episodes is painful.
Something else too is that the cast feels way more utilized - both main characters and side characters. There is a society that these characters live in, whether they're interacting with the public (like in 'The Mario Hustle' or 'Mario the Scam Artist), watching a news broadcast (Like in 'Waluigi Apocalypse), or interacting with recurring background characters, it really feel like the world they're in actually matters besides a stage that centers them specifically. The simple inclusion of little side characters like Frankie, Wheelchair Koopa, Kamek, Jeeves, Toadsworth all add to the world, make it feel more rich, make it feel like things exist outside of the main cast's lives, and can provide outside motivation and assistance to drive stories. Jeeves does this in the first episode in the arc, Tennis Aces, and Toadsworth provides this in Mario Paint, and then Peach even is vastly different in that she actually saves the day during the T-Pose virus and shows herself to be a competent and intelligent ruler who takes her job as Princess seriously.
Tone: Finally, the last point. I really think the tone here is good. It's serious, but it's still goofy and fun. It's an escalation for the show, to be sure, but it also isn't so edgy and serious you cuz yourself on it. Melancholic moments are mixed very well with humor and levity, so the emotional beats are a part of the show not apart from the show, if that makes sense. There's actual stakes shown, and faced down, but also it ends happily with no one actually dying, while their victory and celebration afterwards feeling entirely well earned.
Phew... Okay, sorry, this was way longer than I originally intended for it to be, but I am chronically inclined to be comprehensive. Again, just like before, I'll get it trimmed into a tl;dr in the comments. So what are the take aways here? Well, again, I think the show could benefit tremendously from a show bible, but more directly I have a couple points:
-Arcs revolving around big memes fit with the core idea of the show. Building upon existing characters as antagonists can be better than bringing in whole new ones. -External threats and problems the cast has to solve together are far better than threats and problems caused directly by members of the cast and stoke animosity and bad blood. -Interpersonal drama either needs to find resolutions or it needs to be in rivalry and competition. -Giving everyone time to shine, either in small cameos or skits in an episode, or giving them more focus in their own personal ones, helps to keep the show fresh. -Dwelling on the greater world and society helps to give context to the character's lives. -Recurring minor background characters add spice and make the world feel more alive.
Don't know how to sign these things off. Go ahead and add your own thoughts and ideas about this, offer constructive ideas, and try to keep it a little positive or at least frame critiques within the context of other examples.

My roommate is a 65 year old gay man. I am a 30 year old gay man. He are each equally signers on a lease for a 4 bedroom house. He decides everything. It's pretty much his and I'm just here to give him money for his house. He even decides how my room is to be. I said maybe we could each pick another roommate to sublease for the other 2 rooms. He got so angry. He said those rooms are for his friends.
He gets very petty and self-centered. Ive had issues with drugs in the pass. I relapsed this weekend. I was gone all night. It was a horrible experience. He got so mad and rude. He thinks he's punishing me by depriving me of things. The psychological issues I have, which I have not invited him in to share, is a living hell. Not packing my lunch one day doesn't bother me all. I have bipolar and it impacts me significantly, but I fight as hard as I can. He's got no clue.
Anyway, if a young single guy goes out once every 4 months and parties and can do it safely and not lose any work over it, why should he care what time I come home Sunday morning? And to think of betrayed him having fun fucking and getting high is way wrong. I use because of psych issues, not to have a good time. There is no fucking, just anxiety, crying, and spinning my head around.
My roommate has had even worse struggles with drugs and alcohol. He doesnt drink anymore, but he is a stoner. He has bottles of booze in our fridge for when his best friend comes over and gets shitfaced stupid in front of him. He has at least 3 pot smoke seshes per day and doesn't hide it. It smells awful. I hate it. He gets twisted and can't think and talks so softly all over the place...And he comes after me for the rare occurrence I lapse?? I have a right to call him out and tell him not in my house. But I can't because he can be stoned and order me around, but I cant.
We're not in a relationship. We're roommates. I'm most likely moving out once the lease expires next February. Then him and his buds can get blazed together.
The hypocrisy, self-centeredness, and the control he wants over me is too much. I can't have a life. He asks me where I am if I'm not home before the designated time. He makes me feel shame and guilt for what I do, but his behavior is way worse on me. I don't care if he doesn't make me breakfast I would like to work on fixing my conditions, but it's a million times harder thinking he's a friend a supporter, not a spurned lover lol, having to deal with the shame he wants me to feel for hurting him. Nothing about my challenges is about him, but he makes it that way.

Hello guys,
I live technically in zone 6a, but just a few miles from zone 6b. I got several palm trees that I want to plant, but I'm not sure if I should plant them all in my climate.
I'm sure I will plant:
- Needle Palm
- Sabal Minor
- Windmill
But I'm not 100% sure about these:
- Pindo Palm (Butia Capitata), have them in 3G, 7G & 15G sizes - European Fan Palm (Chamaerops humilis), 7G - Sago Palm (Cycas Revoluta), 7G - Mexican Fan Palm (Washingtonia Robusta), 3G & 15G - Saw Palmetto (Serenoa Repens), 3G
I'm ready to invest my time, energy & money in protecting my palms in winter. I may build or buy a large greenhouse for them.
But if you think some in the above list will be too difficult to protect, I may reconsider planting them.

This post is for "Dyggoran Revival Project" ( Pronounced: Die-Ore-Rahn ) / DRP. DRP is my first, oldest and primary world building project which I have been working on since 2014. DRP began as a failed RPG Minecraft Server that was developed by myself and a few former friends. Due to a hard-drive crash in 2016, the only copy of the server's world was deleted before it could become a full-fledged server and after some time, I eventually decided to reboot "Dyggoran" outside of Minecraft as "DRP" and the rest in history.
Although DRP is predominately original, it is and always has been partially fan fiction-based. Aside from featuring a great many references too and elements from Minecraft, it also incorporates characters, details and elements from other works of fiction. The fan fiction elements of DRP make up an estimated 25% of the project with the remaining 75% being comprised of original work.
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Jonathan and Sherwin, the main characters of the 2017 LGBTQIA+ short film "In a Heartbeat" function as the primary protagonists of DRP's first and introductory story which is a rewrite of The Shadow of Israphel. As the protagonists, Jonathan and Sherwin replace "Honeydew" and "Xephos", the Minecraft Avatar's of Simon Lane and Lewis Brindley.
For reasons that should be obvious, The Jonathan and Sherwin of DRP deviate heavily from their original versions. They posses the same names and designs but their backstories, personalities and other character attributes are almost entirely original on account of the fact that Jonathan and Sherwin did not speak in IaHB and had no backstory given on them.
In DRP, the story of Jonathan and Sherwin actually begins 124 years before The Shadow of Israphel.
​
JONATHAN
In DRP, Jonathan's full name is Jonathan Reyes. He was born 24 years before the "Nether Crisis" ( 24 B.C ) in the now defunct Kingdom of Panachia. Jonathan's father was the 2nd Chairman and CEO of Julien Laboratories / J-Labs, a former Panachian Mega-Corporation that is based on Aperture Science ( Portal/Half-Life ).
Jonathan grew up very privileged, aside from the fact that his father possessed a net-worth of over 100 Billion from the immense profits of J-Labs. His grandfather and the "founder" of J-Labs had been knighted by the King of Panachia, thus making the Reyes family a legal noble house. Possessing the titles of SiSer, the Reyes were minor nobility but commanded overwhelming power with J-Labs.
Although Jonathan enjoyed the benefits of substantial wealth and minor nobility. He had an arguably unpleasent home-life. His relationship with his father was distant, similar to typical depictions of the relationship between Norman and Harry Osborn in Spiderman. Worsened somewhat by the fact that Jonathan wasn't even the heir to J-Labs, that was Jonathan's older brother by 2 years Arthur Reyes.
Like in IAHB, Jonathan attended a school known as "Newgate Academy" which in DRP, is a private school. Jonathan was a highly accomplished student and was part of the school's baseball team where he was recognized as the best player.
​
SHERWIN
In DRP, Sherwin is Dwarven. Like Jonathan, he was born in 24. B.C in the Kingdom of Panachia. The Dwarves of DRP are mononymous, this means that they don't utilize surnames and only posses one name. Furthermore, It's also important to note that "Sherwin" is not a Dwarven name. In DRP, it is actually a "Panachianized" form of his birth name "Shtravraz" which is rather unpleasant looking and sounding and too difficult for non-Dwarves to pronounce.
Being adapted to underground life, the Dwarves find the surface to be uncomfortably spacious and they don't typically live or work on the surface unless they are contracted by Human and Elven companies.Sherwin lived on the surface because his family was employed by a local "Super-Mine", Super-Mines are exceptionally large and deep mines that are specially built by Dwarven engineers and miners to achieve maximum resource output. Super Mines can operate for decades and this combined with the substantial pay Dwarven miners receive on account of being unionized, allowed Sherwin to gain an education at a private school such as Newgate Academy.
​
IN A HEARTBEAT AND AFTERWARDS
In DRP, Jonathan and Sherwin met in 10 B.C in the same way they did in IaHB save for the fact that no one had a sentient, anthropomorphized heart popping out of their chest. I've always held the opinion that the exact events of IaHB are a metaphorical depiction of what actually happened and this is the case in DRP. Whatever the case, Jonathan returned Sherwin's feelings and the two of them started dating.Jonathan and Sherwin's relationship was kept secret as homosexuality was frowned upon in Dyggorani civilization by 10 B.C. To most people, Jonathan and Sherwin were nothing more than good friends.
In 6 B.C, Jonathan's father and Arthur were assassinated. Following a socially suffocating funeral in which Jonathan mourned only his brother, he became Chairman and CEO of J-Labs at 18 years of age. Jonathan decided to enact multiple positive reforms to the company which aimed to greatly improve employee health and safety, expand employee benefits and encourage and enable unionization, Jonathan also disbanded several divisions of J-Labs such as the highly lucrative arms division and relocated the employees of said disbanded divisions to other departments instead of terminating their employment. Lastly, Jonathan cut his own pay by more than 50% in order to enact a minimum salary plan for the employee population of J-Labs.
Jonathan's reforms caused a sharp increase in productivity, retention and employee happiness, however, it diminished profits by a rather significant amount. The J-Labs Board of Directors was not happy about this and began conspiring to remove Jonathan from power.
In 5 B.C, the J-Labs Board attempted to stage a coup against Jonathan, using the J-Labs Corporate Security Force ( the company's private army ) to seize control of J-Labs properties. The coup ultimately failed due to the support of the Panachian unions. During the coup, however. Sherwin was grievously injured by a crossbolt that had been coated in an incurable poison, a bio-weapon that had been developed by the now defunct J-Labs arms division. Unwilling to let his boyfriend die, Jonathan put Sherwin in a specialized cryo-stasis pod until a cure could be found.
Over the course of the next 5 years, Jonathan suffered from severe depression and withdrew from public life, relegating most of his responsibilities as CEO to his secretary and only emerging when absolutely necessary.
​
THE NETHER CRISIS
The previously mentioned Nether Crisis of 0 B.C / 0 A.C was a cataclysmic event that caused a soft to moderate collapse of Dyggorani civilization.
"The Nether" is an alternate plane of existence that has been known to the Dyggorani for millennia as the source of "dark magic". As a dimension, the Nether is overtly hostile to all foreign life and matter and even though the dark magic sourced from the Nether is extraordinarily powerful, prolonged use of it can cause severe biological and mental mutations that can turn even the greatest mages into eldritch horrors.
At some point after the J-Labs Coup d'état attempt, Jonathan approached Black Mountain, another scientific mega-corporation that had historically rivaled J-Labs. BM was working on a large-scale project known as the "Netheric Energy Network" or NEN which, via technology that it partially stole from J-Labs about a decade or so prior, was supposed to power all of Panachia with Netheric Energy, turning the nation into an energy self-sufficient superpower.
Eager to put their rivalry aside and convinced that the power of the Nether could somehow save Sherwin, Jonathan negotiated a contract with Black Mountain in which the two companies would work together to complete the NEN which would be managed by a joint-venture subsidiary of both J-Labs and Black Mountain known as Encom Systems.
For reasons that have yet to be determined, the NEN suffered a catastrophic failure on the day of its intended activation in 0 B.C/A.C, opening a massive aerial Nether Portal that unleashed the horrors of the Nether onto Dyggoran, causing massive amounts of death and destruction. Jonathan was present at the activation ceremony along with BM's CEO and the King of Panachia. All of them, Jonathan included were presumingly killed in the disaster.
The Nether Crisis only lasted around 27½ hours but it both dramatically and violently altered Dyggorani civilization.
​
THE SHADOW OF ISRAPHEL
The Shadow of Israphel begins 100 years after the Nether Crisis ( 100 A.C ) in the J-Labs Science Center, a massive corporate campus in Western Panachia that functioned as the primary research and development center of J-Labs. The Science Center was abandoned during the Nether Crisis and never re-occupied.
After 100 years of neglect, the Science Center's power plant has gone critical and is in imminent danger of meltdown. As a result, the Science Center's emergency evacuation procedures are activated, this awakens Sherwin and a clone of Jonathan from a little over 1 century of cryo-sleep.
Both Sherwin and the clone of Jonathan have cryo-sleep induced amnesia. They have no idea who they are or where they are but they are able to determine a faction of their identities from the damaged stickers on their cryo-pods.After escaping from the Science Center an hour or so before meltdown, Jonathan and Sherwin survive in the winter snow-blanketed wilderness of Western Dyggoran for about 20 days before a mysterious entity by the name of Israphel causes them to have a run-in with an old man named Obadiah. The story of SOI begins from that point forward and the rest is history.
​
NOTES
The reason why Julien Laboratories uses the name "Julien" instead of "Reyes" is because the company actually began as a small-town lab that was founded and operated by a scientist named Dr. Robert Julien. Jonathan's grandfather ( who wasn't even a scientist ) purchased the lab in 85 A.C, eventually turning it into a mega-corporation. Per the acquisition agreement signed between Jonathan's grandfather and Robert Julien, the company name would remain unchanged.
J-Labs stopped functioning after the Nether Crisis, most of its staff was killed in the disaster and no one was left to manage the company, what was left of the company itself was absorbed by the Panachian Social Republic, a fascistic successor state to the Kingdom of Panachia that functioned until 97 A.C. The assets of J-Labs as well as other that of other liquidated companies of similar pursuits became the "Department of Science and Technology".
In DRP, Dwarves are not distinguished by being short so Sherwin's height remains unchanged.
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That's all I have for now, any questions and/or comments would be greatly appreciated as they help me improve my writing.

Sousuke Okita of the Okita family was treated badly for being born as the only omega in the family. After overdosing on heat suppressants, he lost consciousness and time-slipped to the late Edo period! There, he met the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi, Toshizou Hijikata, and was brought to the detention center as "Souji Okita."
Having no other option but to live with the Shinsengumi, Sousuke gr ... Read Mibu no Tsugai - Chapter 3 - MangaPuma. Read more at https://mangapuma.com/mibu-no-tsugai/chapter-3

Peeling back the curtain to take an exhaustive look at the scandals, love triangles, and controversies that have rocked our favorite industry over the years. Let me know in comments which ones were you most moved by and which ones you hadn't heard before. Please feel free to add more context or new gossips that you know of, in the comments.
I. Epic Love Triangles
1. Salman Khan - Aishwarya Rai - Vivek Oberoi: This tale begins with Salman and Aishwarya's sparkling chemistry on the sets of "Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam" in 1999. Their real-life romance soon hit rocky grounds with allegations of Salman's abusive behavior. Enter Vivek Oberoi, who offered Aishwarya emotional support during this difficult time. This resulted in Salman allegedly making threatening calls to Vivek, leading to a heated press conference by Vivek, and a chilly relationship between the two actors ever since.
2. Hrithik Roshan - Sussanne Khan - Barbara Mori: The industry was left reeling when rumors of Hrithik Roshan's alleged affair with his "Kites" co-star Barbara Mori started making the rounds in 2010. This reportedly led to a temporary separation between Hrithik and his wife Sussanne Khan. The couple later reconciled, only to eventually divorce in 2014.
3. Raveena Tandon - Akshay Kumar - Shilpa Shetty: In the late 90s, Akshay Kumar was romantically involved with Raveena Tandon, only to reportedly two-time her with her friend Shilpa Shetty. This led to a feud between the two actresses, though they later buried the hatchet.
II. Feuds and Fallouts
1. Shah Rukh Khan - Salman Khan: Their brotherly love soured at Katrina Kaif's birthday party in 2008, where a heated argument turned their friendship into a rivalry. Their relations have since been turbulent, though they seem to be on better terms now.
2. Karan Johar - Kajol: This iconic friendship hit a roadblock over a film release clash between Kajol's husband Ajay Devgn's "Shivaay" and Karan's "Ae Dil Hai Mushkil." It took them years to mend their strained relationship.
3. Kangana Ranaut's Feuds: Her spats with industry veterans from Hrithik Roshan to Karan Johar have been public and often bitter, leading to an ongoing dialogue about insider-outsider dynamics in Bollywood.
III. Controversies That Shaped the Conversation
1. The Nepotism Debate: The conversation around nepotism in Bollywood took center stage after Kangana Ranaut called Karan Johar the "flagbearer of nepotism" on his talk show. This stirred a heated debate about privilege and opportunities in the industry.
2. The Sushant Singh Rajput Case: Sushant's untimely demise in 2020 led to conversations about mental health, the cutthroat nature of the industry, and sparked an ongoing investigation into his death.
3. Deepika Padukone’s "Cleavage Controversy": When TOI published an inappropriate article objectifying Deepika, it ignited a much-needed dialogue about the dignity and respect of women in the entertainment industry.
IV. The Casting Couch Phenomenon
1. Shakti Kapoor Sting Operation: In 2005, India TV carried out a sting operation on Shakti Kapoor, where he was caught on camera offering work to an undercover reporter in exchange for sexual favors. The incident exposed the seedy underbelly of the casting couch in Bollywood.
2. Tanushree Dutta - Nana Patekar Incident: In 2018, Tanushree Dutta accused Nana Patekar of sexual harassment during a 2008 film shoot, marking the advent of the #MeToo movement in Bollywood.
V. Turbulent Relationships and Breakups
1. Abhishek Bachchan - Karisma Kapoor Breakup: This engagement had the makings of a Bollywood fairy tale until it abruptly ended in 2003, amid various speculations, including family disagreements.
2. Amitabh Bachchan - Rekha Affair: This controversial affair in the 70s between Amitabh, who was married to Jaya Bhaduri, and Rekha, the sultry siren of Bollywood, is still discussed today. Their alleged love story ended after the shooting of 'Silsila', which ironically depicted a similar love triangle.
VI. Sensational Controversies
1. The Underworld Connection: From extortion threats to film financing, the connection between Bollywood and the underworld has been an open secret. The incident of producer Gulshan Kumar's assassination in 1997 sent shockwaves through the industry.
2. Sanjay Dutt's Arms Act Case: Sanjay Dutt's arrest in 1993, under the Terrorist and Disruptive Activities (Prevention) Act for possessing illegal weapons, was a major controversy. His involvement strained his career and personal life significantly.
3. The Blackbuck Poaching Case: Salman Khan, Saif Ali Khan, Tabu, Neelam, and Sonali Bendre were accused of hunting blackbucks during the shooting of 'Hum Saath Saath Hain' in 1998. Salman Khan was sentenced to 5 years in prison in 2018 but is currently out on bail.
VII. Scandals that Made Headlines
1. Shahrukh Khan vs. Shirish Kunder: SRK allegedly slapped Farah Khan's husband Shirish Kunder at Sanjay Dutt's party in 2012 for his derogatory tweets.
2. The AIB Roast Case: The 2015 AIB Knockout featuring Karan Johar, Ranveer Singh, and Arjun Kapoor drew significant criticism and legal trouble for its explicit content, questioning the limits of freedom of expression.
3. Priyanka Chopra-Nirav Modi Controversy: Priyanka Chopra landed in controversy when she endorsed Nirav Modi's jewelry brand, which came under the scanner during the Punjab National Bank fraud case.
VIII. Unfortunate Tragedies and Mysteries
1. Parveen Babi's Mental Health: This yesteryear actress struggled with mental health issues, including schizophrenia. The glamour queen's tragic life ended in isolation, her body discovered in her apartment days after her death.
2. Jiah Khan Suicide Case: This case from 2013 shocked Bollywood when the young actress took her own life. Her then-boyfriend Sooraj Pancholi was charged with abetting her suicide, and the case is still ongoing.
3. Sushant Singh Rajput's Death: Sushant's death in June 2020 caused a national uproar and brought attention to mental health, nepotism, and drug use in Bollywood. The case is under investigation by various national agencies.
IX. Controversial Remarks and Public Outbursts
1. Salman Khan's "Raped Woman" Comment: Salman Khan faced public wrath for comparing his physical exhaustion during the filming of 'Sultan' to a "raped woman". His remark was widely criticized for being insensitive.
2. Kangana Ranaut's Confrontations: Kangana Ranaut has been at the center of several controversies, from her public feud with Hrithik Roshan to her claims of rampant nepotism in Bollywood, causing a storm in the industry.
3. Swara Bhaskar's "Vagina Monologue": Swara faced backlash for criticizing the portrayal of women in 'Padmaavat', especially her comment that she felt reduced to a "vagina" after watching the movie.
X. The Drug Controversy
The 2020 NCB investigation into drug use in Bollywood, which began following the death of Sushant Singh Rajput, has been a significant recent controversy. Several top actors, including Deepika Padukone and Shraddha Kapoor, were summoned by the agency.
XI. The Casting Couch Controversy
Casting couch allegations have been rampant in Bollywood, echoing the broader global issue faced by Hollywood in the form of the Harvey Weinstein scandal. Many actors and actresses have reported facing such situations, adding a layer of disgrace to the industry's glamour.
1. Ranveer Singh: Even male actors like Ranveer Singh weren't immune to this ugly side of Bollywood. Singh has admitted that during his struggling days, he was approached with casting couch offers.
2. Ayushmann Khurrana: The versatile actor has also spoken out about casting couch experiences in his early career, highlighting that this isn't just an issue faced by actresses.
XII. The Age-Gap Issue
Bollywood has often faced criticism for casting significantly younger actresses opposite older actors, furthering the stereotype and raising questions about the representation of women.
1. Shahrukh Khan and Alia Bhatt in 'Dear Zindagi': Despite the film's critical acclaim, it was criticised for the glaring age difference between Shahrukh, who was 51 at the time, and Alia, who was 23.
2. Akshay Kumar and Kiara Advani in 'Laxmii': This film also faced similar backlash due to the age gap between Akshay (53) and Kiara (28).
XIII. Wage Gap Controversy
Pay disparity between male and female actors has been a significant concern in Bollywood. This inequality reflects the systemic sexism within the industry.
1. Kareena Kapoor Khan: Kareena highlighted this issue, revealing that she was paid less than her male co-stars in several movies.
2. Priyanka Chopra: Priyanka also addressed this issue, stating that she was paid significantly less than her male counterparts for the same amount of work.
XIV. The MeToo Movement in Bollywood
The MeToo wave hit Bollywood in 2018, shaking the foundations of the industry. Several prominent names were called out for sexual misconduct.
1. Nana Patekar and Tanushree Dutta: Tanushree Dutta revived a decade-old case of alleged sexual harassment by Nana Patekar on a movie set. This case marked the beginning of the MeToo movement in Bollywood.
2. Vikas Bahl: The 'Queen' director was accused of sexual harassment by a former employee at Phantom Films, leading to his temporary removal from the 'Super 30' project.
3. Alok Nath: The veteran actor, known for his 'sanskaari' image on-screen, was accused of rape by writer-producer Vinta Nanda, sending shockwaves through the industry.
XV. The Trouble with Award Shows
Award shows in Bollywood have often been under scrutiny for their lack of transparency and allegations of bias. Several stars have boycotted these events, expressing their discontent.
1. Aamir Khan: Notoriously known for boycotting award shows, Aamir has stated that he doesn't believe in them as he finds them to be biased.
2. Akshay Kumar: Akshay too has expressed his mistrust in award shows, mentioning that he was once told he would win an award if he performed at the ceremony.
XVI. The Nepotism Debate
Nepotism in Bollywood came under severe criticism after the tragic death of Sushant Singh Rajput. Accusations were rife that the industry's preferential treatment of star kids was a contributing factor.
1. Kangana Ranaut: Kangana sparked the nepotism debate on Karan Johar's talk show when she accused him of being the "flag-bearer of nepotism".
2. Alia Bhatt and Varun Dhawan: These star kids have repeatedly faced flak for getting easy entries into Bollywood because of their family connections.
XVII. Tax Evasion and Money Laundering Allegations
Several Bollywood celebrities have been involved in tax evasion and money laundering cases, tarnishing the industry's image.
1. Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas: The couple reportedly faced allegations of illegal construction at their Mumbai residence.
2. Shah Rukh Khan: King Khan had faced a case of alleged irregularities regarding the foreign exchange rule violation for his IPL team, Kolkata Knight Riders.
XVIII. The Drug Controversy
Drug use in Bollywood came into the spotlight after the tragic demise of Sushant Singh Rajput. Many industry insiders were interrogated by the Narcotics Control Bureau (NCB).
1. Rhea Chakraborty: Rhea was arrested by the NCB for allegedly procuring drugs for Sushant. She spent nearly a month in prison before being granted bail.
2. Deepika Padukone, Sara Ali Khan, and Shraddha Kapoor: These A-list actresses were summoned by the NCB for questioning regarding the drug nexus in Bollywood.
XIX. Accusations of Plagiarism
Bollywood has frequently been accused of plagiarising content from Hollywood and other industries without proper credits or rights.
1. 'Barfi': Anurag Basu's acclaimed film faced criticism for allegedly lifting scenes from various international films.
2. 'Ra.One': Shah Rukh Khan's ambitious project was accused of being a rip-off of the video game character, G.One.
XX. Casting Couch Allegations
One of the darker aspects of Bollywood, and indeed many film industries worldwide, is the infamous casting couch phenomenon.
1. Tanushree Dutta: She accused Nana Patekar of behaving inappropriately during a film shoot, which led to the #MeToo movement in India.
2. Kangana Ranaut: Kangana too has spoken out about her experiences with the casting couch early in her career.
XXI. Censorship Issues and Political Controversies
Bollywood movies have often been at the center of political controversies, resulting in bans, protests, and even violent threats.
1. 'Padmaavat': This film faced extreme backlash from certain groups who alleged that it distorted historical facts. Director Sanjay Leela Bhansali and actress Deepika Padukone received death threats.
2. 'Udta Punjab': This film highlighting the drug menace in Punjab faced numerous cuts from the Central Board of Film Certification, leading to a public outcry about censorship.
XXII. Actor Feuds and Professional Rivalries
There have been numerous instances of feuds and fall-outs between Bollywood actors, sometimes even resulting in professional rivalries.
1. Shah Rukh Khan and Salman Khan: Although they have patched up now, these two superstars had a notorious feud that lasted for several years.
2. Kareena Kapoor Khan and Priyanka Chopra Jonas: Rumours of a rivalry between these two leading ladies have often made headlines.
XXIII. Social Media Controversies
Social media has often been a platform where controversies erupt, from insensitive tweets to online feuds.
1. Sonam Kapoor: Sonam was trolled for her comment on a meat ban in Mumbai, where she called the ban "misogynistic."
2. Abhijeet Bhattacharya: The singer has been involved in numerous Twitter controversies, from making derogatory comments about women to getting suspended from the platform multiple times.
XXIV. Controversial Statements and Interviews
Controversial statements made by actors during interviews have often sparked debates and backlash.
1. Salman Khan: Salman faced criticism for his comment where he compared his physical exertion in 'Sultan' to that of a "raped woman".
2. Ranveer Singh: Ranveer's statement about fantasizing about Kareena Kapoor Khan received backlash for being inappropriate.
XXV. Alleged Affairs and Love Triangles
Bollywood's rumor mills are always buzzing with whispers of secret affairs and complicated love triangles.
1. Amitabh Bachchan and Rekha: This alleged affair remains one of Bollywood's biggest unsolved mysteries. While neither has confirmed the rumors, their off-screen chemistry has always sparked speculation.
2. Shah Rukh Khan and Priyanka Chopra: There were rumors of a close relationship between the two during the shooting of 'Don 2,' although both actors have consistently denied any affair.
XXVI. Plastic Surgery Rumors
It's common for celebrities to face rumors of cosmetic procedures, and Bollywood is no exception.
1. Anushka Sharma: The actress faced immense criticism and trolling when she appeared on 'Koffee With Karan' with what looked like a fuller lip. Anushka later clarified that she used a temporary lip enhancing tool and not surgery.
2. Priyanka Chopra Jonas: She faced similar rumors early in her career. While she has admitted to a botched surgery, she denies undergoing procedures for cosmetic purposes.
XXVII. Scandalous Photoshoots and Wardrobe Malfunctions
These can lead to a storm of criticism, comments, and rumors for the stars involved.
1. Deepika Padukone: Her 'Cleavage Show' controversy sparked a debate on sexism in media when a leading newspaper tweeted a derogatory comment about her outfit.
2. Alia Bhatt: She faced a wardrobe malfunction during the promotion of 'Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhania,' leading to unwarranted media attention.
XXVIII. Controversial Remarks and Public Spats
When celebrities voice their opinions, it sometimes leads to public spats and controversies.
1. Sonakshi Sinha and Mallika Dua: Sonakshi's comment on an episode of 'The Great Indian Laughter Challenge' didn't sit well with Mallika Dua, leading to a Twitter spat between the two.
2. Kangana Ranaut and Diljit Dosanjh: Their spat over farmer protests in India became a hot topic on social media.
XXIX. Rumoured Relationships
There have been numerous relationships in Bollywood that have been kept under wraps, with only whispers and hints to keep the gossip mills churning.
1. Ranbir Kapoor and Katrina Kaif: This duo never officially confirmed their relationship, but their vacation pictures somehow found their way to the public, fueling rumors.
2. Sidharth Malhotra and Alia Bhatt: Their chemistry in 'Student of the Year' sparked rumors of a budding relationship. However, they both have remained tight-lipped about their relationship status.
XXX. Controversial Interviews and Statements
Sometimes, the words of these celebrities can stir a controversy.
1. Alia Bhatt's GK Gaffe: Her infamous blunder on 'Koffee With Karan' made headlines and led to her being trolled on social media.
2. Sara Ali Khan on 'Colorism': Sara's comment on preferring a 'fair and handsome' man led to a backlash, with critics accusing her of endorsing colorism.
XXXII. Pay Disparity Controversies
Pay disparity in Bollywood has been a point of controversy and a source of debate.
1. Kareena Kapoor Khan: She openly talked about the pay disparity in Bollywood, stating that she doesn't see her contemporaries being paid as much as their male co-stars.
2. Deepika Padukone: She called out the pay disparity in Bollywood in several interviews, stating that she was paid less than her male co-stars despite having a substantial role.
XXXIII. Allegations of Cheating
Even stars aren't immune to the pain and scandal of cheating allegations.
1. Hrithik Roshan and Kangana Ranaut: This controversy took the industry by storm when Kangana alleged that Hrithik had cheated on his wife with her. The ensuing legal battle and mudslinging was all over the news.
2. Amitabh Bachchan and Rekha: This is one of the oldest controversies in Bollywood. Though never confirmed, it's widely speculated that Amitabh had an extramarital affair with Rekha during the peak of his career.
XXXIV. Nepotism Debates
Nepotism has been a long-standing issue in Bollywood, causing major debates and controversies.
1. Karan Johar: Known to launch star kids, Karan has been at the center of the nepotism debate. The controversy escalated after Kangana Ranaut called him out on his own chat show.
2. Alia Bhatt and Varun Dhawan: Their debut in 'Student of the Year', produced by Karan Johar, led to allegations of nepotism, creating quite a stir in the industry.
XXXV. Alleged Link-ups
Sometimes rumors of link-ups between stars become a hot topic of discussion.
1. Priyanka Chopra and Shah Rukh Khan: Rumors swirled about a possible affair between Priyanka and Shah Rukh during the filming of 'Don 2'. However, nothing was ever confirmed.
2. Shraddha Kapoor and Aditya Roy Kapur: Their sizzling on-screen chemistry in 'Aashiqui 2' sparked rumors of a real-life romance, although they have denied these claims.
XXXVI. Film Set Controversies
Bollywood isn't all glitz and glamour; sometimes things can get heated behind the scenes.
1. Kareena Kapoor and Bipasha Basu: The two actresses reportedly had a major fallout during the filming of 'Ajnabee' (2001), which escalated during 'Aitraaz' (2004). They only patched things up years later.
2. Shahid Kapoor and Ranveer Singh: During the making of 'Padmaavat', rumours suggested that there was tension between Shahid and Ranveer due to the allocation of screen time. Both, however, have denied these claims.
XXXVII. Money Matters
When big bucks are involved, controversies aren't far behind.
1. Salman Khan and Vivek Oberoi: Salman reportedly threatened Vivek for getting close to Aishwarya Rai. Vivek called a press conference to disclose this, but the controversy adversely affected his career.
2. Kangana Ranaut and the producers of 'Manikarnika': There were rumours of budget overruns and Kangana taking over the director's chair, creating quite a stir in the industry.
XXXVIII. Career Controversies
Certain career decisions can also lead to controversy.
1. Deepika Padukone and 'Padmaavat': Deepika's portrayal of Rani Padmavati sparked controversy over the film's historical accuracy. Despite protests and threats, the film was a box office success.
2. Aishwarya Rai Bachchan and 'Heroine': Aishwarya was originally cast in 'Heroine', but after falling pregnant, she was replaced by Kareena Kapoor, causing a buzz in the industry.
XIX. The Tinseltown Tales of Southern Cinema
While Bollywood takes the centre stage in Indian film gossip, let's not forget the South Indian film industry, brimming with its own share of drama.
1. Prabhas and Anushka Shetty: Post 'Baahubali', rumours started swirling about the lead actors' off-screen chemistry. Despite the consistent denial, fans continue to speculate.
2. Nayanthara and Prabhudheva: Their love story caught everyone's attention, but their relationship ended amidst rumours of a secret wedding.
XL. Tollywood's Sensational Stories
The Bengali film industry, known as Tollywood, is no stranger to controversies either.
1. Rituparna Sengupta and Prosenjit Chatterjee: Once a popular on-screen pair, their professional relationship allegedly soured due to undisclosed reasons. The duo avoided working together for over a decade.
2. Subhashree Ganguly and Dev: Their reported break-up became the talk of Tollywood, as the duo decided to keep mum about the details.
XLI. The Mysterious Marathi Movie World
The Marathi film industry has seen its fair share of controversies.
1. Swapnil Joshi and Mukta Barve: Rumours of an affair started during their hit series 'Eka Lagnachi Dusri Goshta', but both vehemently denied any romantic involvement.
2. Sai Tamhankar and Amey Wagh: The rumour mill churned when the duo shared the screen in 'Girlfriend'. Both denied any off-screen romance.
XLII. Punjabi Cinema's Spicy Stories
The Punjabi film industry has had its fair share of controversies too.
1. Neeru Bajwa and Amit Sadh: They reportedly grew close during the shooting of 'Bikkar Bai Sentimental'. Though they never confirmed a relationship, the gossip remained rife for quite some time.
2. Diljit Dosanjh and Neeru Bajwa: Fans have long speculated about the duo's chemistry beyond the screen. However, both have always maintained their stance as 'just friends'.
XLIII. The Turbulent Tunes of Bollywood Singers
Even the crooning voices of Bollywood have been caught in webs of controversy and gossip.
1. Sonu Nigam's Tweet Storm: His tweets on the use of loudspeakers for Azaan (Islamic call to prayer) sparked outrage, leading to public debates and backlash.
2. Mika Singh's Public Disputes: His infamous slapping incident at a concert and the Rakhi Sawant kissing controversy kept him in the public eye for all the wrong reasons.
3. Ankit Tiwari's Legal Battle: The 'Aashiqui 2' singer was embroiled in a serious legal battle when he was accused of rape by a woman.
XLIV. The Dark Drama of Bollywood Directors and Producers
1. Karan Johar's Ae Dil Hai Mushkil Controversy: The film's release coincided with heightened tensions between India and Pakistan, leading to controversy due to the casting of Pakistani actor Fawad Khan.
2. Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s Padmaavat Debacle: The historical drama stirred massive protests due to its alleged distortion of Rajput history. Bhansali faced physical attacks and massive public outcry.
3*. Mahesh Bhatt and Parveen Babi's Controversial Relationship:* Filmmaker Mahesh Bhatt's relationship with late actress Parveen Babi was the subject of controversy and gossip. Their tumultuous affair, coupled with Parveen's battle with mental health issues, made headlines and created a buzz in the industry.
4*. Anurag Kashyap's Marital Woes:* Director Anurag Kashyap's marriage to actress Kalki Koechlin attracted media attention. The couple separated in 2013, and their relationship struggles and subsequent divorce were discussed in the public domain.
XLV. Priyanka Chopra's Reddit AMA Fall-Out
Priyanka Chopra's Reddit AMA (Ask Me Anything) session became controversial when she failed to address certain sensitive questions, leading to disappointment and backlash from the Reddit community.
XLVI. Bollywood’s Less Than Starry Behaviour
1. Salman Khan's Media Misadventures: His scuffles with the media have been well-documented, including an infamous incident where he allegedly snatched a reporter's phone.
2. Kareena Kapoor Khan's Fan Fiasco: A video of her allegedly snapping at fans asking for selfies caused a stir online.
3. Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone's Fallout: Post their break-up, they reportedly gave each other the cold shoulder at public events, fuelling the gossip mill.
XLVII. The Other Side of the Playback Singers
1. Lata Mangeshkar and Mohammad Rafi's Feud: One of the oldest controversies that rocked Bollywood was the fallout between these two legendary singers over royalty rights.
2. Abhijeet Bhattacharya's Controversial Remarks: Known for his controversial comments on various issues, Abhijeet often found himself at the receiving end of public backlash.
3*. Sonu Nigam's Azaan Controversy:* In 2017, singer Sonu Nigam sparked controversy when he expressed his displeasure on Twitter over being woken up by the sound of Azaan (Islamic call to prayer). His comments led to a heated debate on religious tolerance and freedom of expression.
4*. Anu Malik's #MeToo Allegations:* Renowned music composer and singer Anu Malik faced allegations of sexual harassment during the #MeToo movement in 2018. Several women accused him of inappropriate behavior, leading to his removal as a judge from a popular singing reality show.
XLVIII. The Many Shades of the Indian Film Industry
1. Dravidian Drama - Tamil & Telugu Cinema: The south Indian film industry isn't free from controversies either. The rift between the late Tamil Nadu CMs, MGR and Karunanidhi, both of whom were from the film fraternity, impacted the politics of the state for decades. Similarly, the Telugu industry saw the tragic fallout between renowned actors Chiranjeevi and Rajasekhar.
2. Bengali Cinema's Intellectual Ire: The Bengali film industry, known for its intellectual and artistic cinema, was hit by controversy when the veteran director Rituparno Ghosh's sexual orientation came under public scrutiny.
3*. Tamil Film Industry's Caste-based Controversies:* The Tamil film industry has witnessed controversies related to caste-based issues. Actors and filmmakers have faced criticism for allegedly promoting caste discrimination through their films or making controversial statements.
4*. Malayalam Film Industry's #MeToo Movement:* The Malayalam film industry witnessed its own version of the #MeToo movement, with several actresses coming forward to share their experiences of harassment and misconduct. The movement brought to light the dark side of the industry and led to discussions about the need for safer work environments.
XLIX. Unraveling Layers of Love Triangles
Apart from the ones mentioned earlier, love triangles have been a common theme in Bollywood. Some of the real-life instances that became fodder for gossip include:
1. The Madhubala-Dilip Kumar-Raj Kapoor Saga: In the Golden Era of Bollywood, the Madhubala-Dilip Kumar-Raj Kapoor triangle kept gossip columns busy, especially after the infamous court case during the filming of 'Naya Daur.'
2. The Shilpa Shetty-Akshay Kumar-Twinkle Khanna Triangle: Akshay Kumar was linked with Shilpa Shetty while he was reportedly in a relationship with Twinkle Khanna. This resulted in much speculation until he eventually married Twinkle.
L. Bollywood's Cheating Scandals
1. Hrithik Roshan and Kangana Ranaut: The alleged affair between Hrithik and Kangana, while he was married to Suzanne Khan, created one of the most publicized controversies in Bollywood.
2. Amitabh Bachchan and Rekha: The much-speculated affair between Amitabh and Rekha during his marriage with Jaya Bachchan remains one of Bollywood's most enduring rumors.
3. Govinda's Extramarital Affair: Actor Govinda faced public scrutiny when news of his extramarital affair with actress Rani Mukerji surfaced. The affair reportedly caused strain in his marriage and led to widespread gossip.
Indeed, the Indian film industry isn't just about glitz and glamour, but also about human flaws and frailties that often come to light, adding another dimension to our understanding of it.
Here are a few more controversies and rumors that I might have not covered yet (Apologies for any repetitions):

1. The mysterious disappearance of Divya Bharti: In 1993, actress Divya Bharti tragically fell from the balcony of her apartment at the age of 19. Her sudden death sparked numerous conspiracy theories and rumors surrounding the circumstances of her demise, including speculation about foul play and possible suicide.
2. The alleged black magic practices of Tantrik Chandraswami: Tantrik Chandraswami, a self-proclaimed spiritual guru with connections to several Bollywood celebrities, was accused of practicing black magic and having undue influence over prominent personalities. His alleged involvement in the political and entertainment spheres sparked controversy and speculation.
3. The secret wedding of Juhi Chawla: Rumors circulated in the late '90s suggesting that actress Juhi Chawla had secretly married a British businessman. Although Juhi Chawla never publicly confirmed or denied the rumors, they persisted for a considerable period, adding an air of mystery to her personal life.
4. The supposed curse of the film "Raaz" (2002): It was rumored that the horror film "Raaz" brought a curse upon its cast and crew. Alleged incidents of supernatural occurrences and mishaps during the film's production led to speculation about a supernatural influence affecting those involved.
5. The controversy surrounding the film "Water" (2005): Deepa Mehta's film "Water" faced significant opposition during its production due to its sensitive subject matter and depiction of the treatment of widows in India. Protests, threats, and acts of vandalism occurred on the film's sets, leading to the relocation of the shooting to another country.
6. The alleged rivalry between Madhuri Dixit and Sridevi: There were rumors of a rivalry between two Bollywood icons, Madhuri Dixit and Sridevi, during the '90s. Reports suggested that their competition for top actress status led to tensions and strained relations.
7. The controversial casting of Sanjay Dutt in the film "Lage Raho Munna Bhai" (2006): Sanjay Dutt's inclusion in the film "Lage Raho Munna Bhai" created controversy due to his involvement in the 1993 Mumbai bomb blasts case. The decision to cast him sparked debates about ethics and the rehabilitation of individuals with criminal backgrounds.
8. The alleged love triangle between Aamir Khan, Reena Dutta, and Kiran Rao: Speculation emerged about a love triangle involving actor Aamir Khan, his ex-wife Reena Dutta, and his second wife Kiran Rao. Reports suggested that the dynamics of their relationships overlapped, leading to rumors and discussions in the media.
9. The controversy surrounding the film "Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love" (1996): Director Mira Nair's film "Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love" faced controversy and censorship challenges due to its explicit content and portrayal of sexuality. The film's release was met with mixed reactions and debates about artistic freedom.
10. The alleged involvement of Bollywood celebrities in the IPL spot-fixing scandal: During the Indian Premier League (IPL) spot-fixing scandal in 2013, rumors swirled about the involvement of certain Bollywood celebrities in illegal betting and match-fixing activities. Although no substantial evidence was found to support these rumors, they generated significant speculation and discussion.
11. Govinda and David Dhawan's fallout: Govinda, known for his comedic roles, had a fallout with director David Dhawan, with whom he had collaborated on several successful films. Reports suggested that their relationship deteriorated due to creative differences and personal issues, leading to a strained professional relationship.
12. Aditya Pancholi and Kangana Ranaut's legal battle: Kangana Ranaut accused actor Aditya Pancholi of physical and emotional abuse during their alleged relationship. The legal battle between them attracted significant media coverage, with both parties presenting their sides and filing counter-allegations.
13. The alleged love affair between Rani Mukerji and Abhishek Bachchan: Rumors circulated about a romantic relationship between actors Rani Mukerji and Abhishek Bachchan during the shooting of their film "Yuva" (2004). Speculation about their relationship and its impact on Abhishek's engagement to Aishwarya Rai was a subject of gossip in the industry.
14. The alleged feud between Aishwarya Rai and Sonam Kapoor: Reports suggested that Aishwarya Rai and Sonam Kapoor had a strained relationship stemming from a comment Sonam made about Aishwarya's fashion choices at the Cannes Film Festival. The alleged tension between the two actresses garnered attention in the media.
15. The controversy surrounding the film "Fiza" (2000): Actress Karisma Kapoor faced backlash for her portrayal of a Muslim character in the film "Fiza." The film's depiction of communal violence led to accusations of misrepresentation and insensitivity, resulting in protests and debates.
16. The controversy surrounding the film "Rahul" (2001): Director Prakash Jha's film "Rahul" faced objections from the National Commission for Women (NCW) for its portrayal of a teacher-student relationship. The NCW raised concerns about the film's potential to promote inappropriate relationships and demanded cuts or a ban.
17. The controversy surrounding the film "Mohalla Assi": Starring Sunny Deol, the film "Mohalla Assi" faced censorship issues and remained unreleased for several years. The CBFC objected to its content, which included explicit language and the portrayal of religious figures, leading to legal battles and delays.
18. The alleged rivalry between Aamir Khan and Shah Rukh Khan: Rumors of a rivalry between two of Bollywood's biggest superstars, Aamir Khan and Shah Rukh Khan, have circulated for years. Reports suggest that there is an underlying competitiveness between them, with occasional subtle digs and comparisons made in the media.
19. The alleged tiff between Kangana Ranaut and Deepika Padukone: Reports of a rivalry between actresses Kangana Ranaut and Deepika Padukone have made headlines. While both have denied any animosity, occasional comments and indirect references in interviews have fueled speculation about a cold war between them.
20. The mysterious disappearance of actor Nadia: Nadia, the first female stunt actress and action heroine of Indian cinema in the 1930s and 1940s, vanished under mysterious circumstances in the 1940s. Her sudden disappearance left the industry and her fans bewildered, and her fate remains unknown to this day.
21. The controversial love triangle involving Guru Dutt, Geeta Dutt, and Waheeda Rehman: There were rumors of a complex love triangle between legendary filmmaker Guru Dutt, his wife, playback singer Geeta Dutt, and actress Waheeda Rehman during the making of the film "Pyaasa" (1957). While the exact nature of their relationships remains speculative, it added an intriguing layer of mystery to their personal lives.
22. The unsolved murder of director Bimal Roy's cinematographer Subrata Mitra: Subrata Mitra, the acclaimed cinematographer known for his work with director Bimal Roy, was found dead under mysterious circumstances in 1997. The case remains unsolved, leaving behind unanswered questions and speculations.
23. The alleged paranormal occurrences during the filming of the horror film "Mahal" (1949): During the shooting of the iconic film "Mahal," there were numerous reports of eerie happenings on set. Actors and crew members claimed to have witnessed strange phenomena and experienced unexplained incidents, adding a supernatural element to the film's legacy.
24. The enigmatic persona of actor Guru Dutt: Guru Dutt, the iconic actor-director of the 1950s and 1960s, was known for his introspective and melancholic on-screen persona. His tragic death in 1964, attributed to an overdose of sleeping pills, continues to be shrouded in mystery, with debates about whether it was an accident or suicide.
25. The controversy surrounding the film "Bandit Queen" (1994): Director Shekhar Kapur's film "Bandit Queen," based on the life of Phoolan Devi, faced legal challenges and controversies for its explicit content and portrayal of violence. The film's release was delayed, and it sparked debates on artistic freedom and the depiction of real-life incidents.
26. The alleged black magic practices in the film industry: Over the years, there have been rumors and claims of certain individuals in the film industry practicing black magic or being involved in occult practices. These rumors have fueled speculation and added an element of mystery to the industry.
27. The alleged rivalry between Raj Kapoor and Dilip Kumar: Two legendary actors of the Indian film industry, Raj Kapoor and Dilip Kumar, were rumored to have a rivalry during their heyday. Reports suggested that their professional competition and different acting styles fueled tensions and strained relations between them.
28. The controversial relationship between Kamal Haasan and Sarika: Actors Kamal Haasan and Sarika were in a live-in relationship for many years and had two children together. However, their relationship was marked by rumors of infidelity and personal differences, leading to a tumultuous and publicized separation.
29. The controversy surrounding the film "Sins" (2005): Director Vinod Pande's film "Sins" faced severe criticism and opposition due to its explicit content and portrayal of taboo subjects like sex and religion. The film's release was marred by protests, bans, and legal battles, igniting debates on artistic freedom and censorship.

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So I play this game called FFXIV, and like many others who play it am excited for fanfest this summer in Vegas. A friend of mine who was lucky enough to get an email for a ticket code had some big things come up meaning he wouldn't be able to go, so he decided to give the two tickets the code had to me and another friend that lives closer to Vegas. As for myself, I live in Wisconsin along the shore of Lake Michigan, meaning I'd be flying there by myself. I just recently turned 29, and I do have enough money to handle the plane ticket, hotel, and the convention ticket. However, I also have some unique challenges, aside from the fact I've never done anything like this by myself, I also struggle a lot with anxiety and am on the autism spectrum. And while some friends of mine have faith that I could handle this, my family has voiced a lot of concerns about things that could go wrong, from simply losing luggage or having a flight canceled to much worse. I've already got a hotel room booked from the 27th-30th of July, when initially this was going to be a trip with my friends before stuff came up. I do know and have been in contact with the other friend for a while and he's already said he'd be able to help me with the area, keep me company, get me to and from the airport, and just in general make sure I'll be okay. I also intend to strictly stay around the hotel and convention center. Which means the one big thing I still have yet to take care of is the flight there and back. I haven't really been on a plane in years and, like I said, never really been on one by myself, and I won't lie the idea does have me nervous. I've tried to ask any irl friends if they'd be willing to go with me but sadly no one can really make it. And I've found there's no single trip flights from where I am to Vegas meaning I'd have to take a flight stopping somewhere in between. So, what are some things I could do that could help this flight be a little less hectic? How would I go about getting a shuttle to the airport and how much do they cost usually? What do I do in the case of lost luggage or a cancelled flight? And what are some ways I can stay calm and safe?

Since Lottie passed over the Antler Queen title to Natalie in the '96 timeline, what's the correlation to bringing her back to the compound?
Was she really trying to save her life by keeping tabs and predicting her suicide, or did her delusions come back before we saw in the present day timeline and she brought back the AQ within arms distance to try to gain some control over her reality(the wilderness lives)?
We saw a glimpse of what happened with Travis in a super weird ritualistic scene that still isn't fully explained to us yet, but since it's implied that Lottie was involved, maybe that was the start of her hallucinations getting the best of her and slipping back into old trauma.
Bringing Natalie, the queen of the group, back to the healing center maybe wasn't so much for Natalies sake as it was for Lottie and trying to either end the wilderness once and for all, or trying to appease it one last time in the sake of saving it's queen.
Given the mental decline of Lottie during Natalies stay, this clearly doesn't work, but that scene with young Natalie falling into Adult Lotties lap feels 100x more loaded after watching the finale. That final death sequence dream of Natalie's also feels incredibly loaded with young Lottie telling her that it was okay, especially after what she said to Lisa. It's almost like she was giving her permission for acceptance and forgiveness, but as a diehard Natalie stan I fucking hate it because Lottie was the one who pushed this narrative on her in all storylines, and it really felt like a slap in the face.
I'm sorry for the rambling, I guess I don't have a fully fleshed out thought line on this, but the parallels are paralleling, and I just really do not understand the mind frame that Lottie was in and the purpose between bring Natalie/AQ back to the compound. It's really just continuing the question of was something out there or was it us?