2019 is probably the happiest year i've had since i became a teen/young adult.
it was my first year of uni, coming out of the gifted program in grade school with high prospects, i was living in a dorm room with my best friend, and i have always been a hyper extrovert (fit for the setting). for my entire life i've always noticed that i am most energized and happiest when im physically around people, and when i'm alone i feel drained. i hated schoolwork but i loved school because i got to see people every day. at the very least, i always prefer my nights to be spent on a group voice chat or something, otherwise i feel antsy and get insomnia.
that being said i had a baaaaaaaad time during the pandemic. the worst of it being that i got sick and diagnosed with type 1 diabetes which has been fucking with me relentlessly. otherwise it's been a constant battle with isolation and loneliness. the nitty gritty of which i'll be detailing in this post. my big source of frustration right now is:
i don't know if any of this is just me whining and inventing problems because im bored or if i genuinely have issues.
in 2020 i decided to change programs and schools and set my sights on a world class animation program (which i have still yet to get into x.x). it was bad timing since my parents decided to move to the city i was studying in with my previous university, and also, covid struck. the momentum i had in life was shot because i had to move back in with my parents in this alien city, where i've had trouble making real close friends in ever since. i have a girlfriend (nearly 6 year long relationship) who lives an hour away in the city i grew up in, and she is the sunshine of my life. wouldn't be here without her, honestly. for the past 3 years i've been limply attempting to make art and animation on my own, but without a group setting my creative process is shot. all my friendships are scattered so i never get the opportunity to have group voice chats like i used to. nevertheless, i almost never see people in person. lately i've had a running buddy that i've met up with a couple times, some art friends that i've picked up along the way on my journey towards the animation program, and, some people in the local competitive smash community have invited me over to their places a handful of times, though i still feel like i struggle to fit in with most of them.
the amount of isolation i feel like i've gone through has warped my perception of other people and myself. i feel like i've been desocialized so even though im constantly craving socialization, when i find myself in the rare situation that i actually get what i want, i lock up. i'm overly self conscious, i feel like i say the wrong things a lot, etc. the worst though, is when im alone. i would say 90% of my life has been a constant feeling of loneliness and rumination. i genuinely don't know what to do or what to think of myself. i'm unable to judge nor do i have the ability to get help. i don't have access to proper healthcare or therapy because im not in school so my preexisting mental health problems have been ravaging me too, which sucks.
idk. what should i do?
i know that im so priveleged to have a loving and dedicated girlfriend, but the fact that i feel like i need more socialization than she can give makes me unload a gratuitous amount of my problems on her which are not her responsibility. this leads me to have been feeling constantly guilty about the way that i treat her. i feel like im her patient sometimes which is totally selfish and not her fault at all. so. even the one amazing thing i have in my life, has been warped into a sometimes isolating experience. self-inflicted, obviously.
so yeah. thanks for reading this if you've gotten this far. it means a lot.

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Freehand FN #1, B/O: $2500

★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $822

★ Butterfly Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $616

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★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW #1, B/O: $1300

★ Bayonet Autotronic FN, B/O: $1050

★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW, B/O: $629

★ Bayonet Bright Water FT, B/O: $326

★ Bayonet Safari Mesh BS, B/O: $233

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★ Karambit Lore FT, B/O: $1110

★ Karambit Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $840

★ Karambit Freehand MW, B/O: $784

★ Karambit Bright Water MW, B/O: $759

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★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801

★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1801

★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $751

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★ Nomad Knife Fade FN, B/O: $1156

★ Nomad Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $544

★ Nomad Knife Blue Steel WW, B/O: $318

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★ Flip Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $646

★ Flip Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $574

★ Flip Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) MW, B/O: $552

★ Flip Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $257

★ Flip Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $255

★ StatTrak™ Flip Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $287

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★ Huntsman Knife Lore FN, B/O: $461

★ Huntsman Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $436

★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $353

★ Huntsman Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $212

★ Huntsman Knife Bright Water FT, B/O: $129

★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT MW, B/O: $129

★ Huntsman Knife Forest DDPAT BS, B/O: $123

★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Rust Coat BS, B/O: $127

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★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $375

★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $363

★ Bowie Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $269

★ Bowie Knife Crimson Web WW, B/O: $192

★ Bowie Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $159

★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $126

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★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $616

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $412

★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe FT, B/O: $227

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★ Falchion Knife Lore FT, B/O: $214

★ Falchion Knife Autotronic FT, B/O: $192

★ Falchion Knife Scorched WW, B/O: $105

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★ Survival Knife Crimson Web BS, B/O: $216

★ Survival Knife Case Hardened FT, B/O: $198

★ Survival Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $111

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★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $368

★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $228

★ Shadow Daggers, B/O: $201

★ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $108

★ Shadow Daggers Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $105

★ Shadow Daggers Black Laminate FT, B/O: $99

★ Shadow Daggers Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $85

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★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $1700

★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $223

★ Gut Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $203

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $191

★ Gut Knife Case Hardened BS, B/O: $127

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★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199

★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $199

★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $138

★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel FN, B/O: $111

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★ Classic Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $146

★ StatTrak™ Classic Knife Stained BS, B/O: $168

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★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $476

★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $375

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★ Skeleton Knife, B/O: $1137

★ Talon Knife, B/O: $608

★ Paracord Knife, B/O: $305

★ Survival Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97

GLOVES

★ Moto Gloves Transport MW, B/O: $204

★ Moto Gloves Polygon BS, B/O: $142

★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84

★ Moto Gloves Blood Pressure BS, B/O: $84

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $63

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★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Kimono WW, B/O: $1215

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike FT, B/O: $672

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander FT, B/O: $305

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander BS, B/O: $140

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web BS, B/O: $137

★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot FT, B/O: $75

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★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave FT, B/O: $359

★ Driver Gloves Imperial Plaid BS, B/O: $229

★ Driver Gloves Overtake BS, B/O: $77

★ Driver Gloves Racing Green FT, B/O: $48

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★ Sport Gloves Omega FT, B/O: $739

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious BS #2, B/O: $733

★ Sport Gloves Arid BS, B/O: $292

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★ Hand Wraps Giraffe MW, B/O: $212

★ Hand Wraps Leather FT, B/O: $160

★ Hand Wraps Desert Shamagh MW, B/O: $101

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★ Broken Fang Gloves Yellow-banded MW, B/O: $185

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point FT, B/O: $67

★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point WW, B/O: $59

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★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened BS, B/O: $65

★ Hydra Gloves Emerald FT, B/O: $65

★ Hydra Gloves Emerald BS, B/O: $62

WEAPONS

AK-47 Case Hardened BS, B/O: $130

AK-47 Bloodsport MW, B/O: $79

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Bloodsport FT, B/O: $70

AK-47 Neon Rider MW, B/O: $60

StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge FT, B/O: $72

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AWP Fade FN, B/O: $1039

AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139

AWP Asiimov FT, B/O: $139

AWP Wildfire MW, B/O: $95

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $93

AWP Duality FN, B/O: $81

AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79

AWP Asiimov BS, B/O: $79

AWP Chromatic Aberration FN, B/O: $60

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $68

StatTrak™ AWP Electric Hive FT, B/O: $55

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Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $623

Desert Eagle Emerald Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $241

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $81

Desert Eagle Printstream FT, B/O: $54

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M4A1-S Blue Phosphor FN, B/O: $434

StatTrak™ M4A1-S Bright Water MW, B/O: $55

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M4A4 Poseidon FN, B/O: $1465

M4A4 Asiimov BS, B/O: $55

M4A4 Hellfire MW, B/O: $50

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USP-S Kill Confirmed MW, B/O: $72

USP-S Printstream FT, B/O: $69

StatTrak™ USP-S Kill Confirmed FT, B/O: $139

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AUG Flame Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $234

P90 Run and Hide FT, B/O: $147

Five-SeveN Candy Apple FN, B/O: $61

Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory

Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. Commander, Crimson Web, Mogul, Forest DDPAT, Buckshot), Sport Gloves (Pandora's Box, Superconductor, Hedge Maze, Vice, Amphibious, Slingshot, Omega, Arid, Big Game, Nocts, Scarlet Shamagh, Bronze Morph), Hydra Gloves (Case Hardened, Emerald, Rattler, Mangrove), Broken Fang Gloves (Jade, Yellow-banded, Unhinged, Needle Point), Pistols - P2000 (Wicked Sick, Ocean Foam, Fire Element, Amber Fade, Corticera, Chainmail, Imperial Dragon, Obsidian, Scorpion, Handgun, Acid Etched), USP-S (Printstream, Kill Confirmed, Whiteout, Road Rash, Owergrowth, The Traitor, Neo-Noir, Dark Water, Orion, Blueprint, Stainless, Caiman, Serum, Monster Mashup, Royal Blue, Ancient Visions, Cortex, Orange Anolis, Ticket To Hell, Black Lotus, Cyrex, Check Engine, Guardian, Purple DDPAT, Torque, Blood Tiger, Flashback, Business Class, Pathfinder, Para Green), Lead Conduit, Glock-18 (Umbral Rabbit, Fade, Candy Apple, Bullet Queen, Synth Leaf, Neo-Noir, Nuclear Garden, Dragon Tatto, Reactor, Pink DDPAT, Twilight Galaxy, Sand Dune, Groundwater, Blue Fissure, Snack Attack, Water Elemental, Brass, Wasteland Rebel, Vogue, Franklin, Royal Legion, Gamma Doppler, Weasel, Steel Disruption, Ironwork, Grinder, High Beam, Moonrise, Oxide Blaze, Bunsen Burner, Clear Polymer, Bunsen Burner, Night), P250 (Re.built, Nuclear Threat, Modern Hunter, Splash, Whiteout, Vino Primo, Mehndi, Asiimov, Visions, Undertow, Cartel, See Ya Later, Gunsmoke, Splash, Digital Architect, Muertos, Red Rock, Bengal Tiger, Crimson Kimono, Wingshot, Metallic DDPAT, Hive, Dark Filigree, Mint Kimono), Five-Seven (Neon Kimono, Berries And Cherries, Fall Hazard, Crimson Blossom, Hyper Beast, Nitro, Fairy Tale, Case Hardened, Copper Galaxy, Angry Mob, Monkey Business, Fowl Play, Anodized Gunmetal, Hot Shot, Retrobution, Boost Protocol), CZ75-Auto (Chalice, Crimson Web, Emerald Quartz, The Fuschia is Now, Nitro, Xiangliu, Yellow Jacket, Victoria, Poison Dart, Syndicate, Eco, Hexane, Pole, Tigris), Tec-9 (Rebel, Terrace, Nuclear Threat, Hades, Rust Leaf, Decimator, Blast From, Orange Murano, Toxic, Fuel Injector, Remote Control, Bamboo Forest, Isaac, Avalanche, Brother, Re-Entry, Blue Titanium, Bamboozle), R8 Revolver (Banana Cannon, Fade, Blaze, Crimson Web, Liama Cannon, Crazy 8, Reboot, Canal Spray, Night, Amber Fade), Desert Eagle (Blaze, Hand Cannon, Fennec Fox, Sunset Storm, Emerald Jörmungandr, Pilot, Hypnotic, Golden Koi, Printstream, Cobalt Disruption, Code Red, Ocean Drive, Midnight Storm, Kumicho Dragon, Crimson Web, Heirloom, Night Heist, Mecha Industries, Night, Conspiracy, Trigger Discipline, Naga, Directive, Light Rail), Dual Berettas (Flora Carnivora, Duelist, Cobra Strike, Black Limba, Emerald, Hemoglobin, Twin Turbo, Marina, Melondrama, Pyre, Retribution, Briar, Dezastre, Royal Consorts, Urban Shock, Dualing Dragons, Panther, Balance), Rifles - Galil (Aqua Terrace, Winter Forest, Chatterbox, Sugar Rush, Pheonix Blacklight, CAUTION!, Orange DDPAT, Cerberus, Dusk Ruins, Eco, Chromatic Aberration, Stone Cold, Tuxedo, Sandstorm, Shattered, Urban Rubble, Rocket Pop, Kami, Crimson Tsunami, Connexion), SCAR-20 (Fragments, Brass, Cyrex, Palm, Splash Jam, Cardiac, Emerald, Crimson Web, Magna Carta, Stone Mosaico, Bloodsport, Enforcer), AWP (Duality, Gungnir, Dragon Lore, Prince, Medusa, Desert Hydra, Fade, Lightning Strike, Oni Taiji, Silk Tiger, Graphite, Chromatic Aberration, Asiimov, Snake Camo, Boom, Containment Breach, Wildfire, Redline, Electric Hive, Hyper Beast, Neo-Noir, Man-o'-war, Pink DDPAT, Corticera, Sun in Leo, Elite Build, Fever Dream, Atheris, Mortis, PAW, Exoskeleton, Worm God, POP AWP, Phobos, Acheron, Pit Viper, Capillary, Safari Mesh), AK-47 (Head Shot, Wild Lotus, Gold Arabesque, X-Ray, Fire Serpent, Hydroponic, Panthera Onca, Case Hardened, Vulcan, Jet Set, Fuel Injector, Bloodsport, Nightwish, First Class, Neon Rider, Asiimov, Red Laminate, Aquamarine Revenge, The Empress, Wasteland Rebel, Jaguar, Black Laminate, Leet Museo, Neon Revolution, Redline, Frontside Misty, Predator, Legion of Anubis, Point Disarray, Orbit Mk01, Blue Laminate, Green Laminate, Emerald Pinstripe, Cartel, Phantom Disruptor, Jungle Spray, Safety Net, Rat Rod, Baroque Purple, Slate, Elite Build, Uncharted, Safari Mesh), FAMAS (Sundown, Prime Conspiracy, Afterimage, Commemoration, Dark Water, Spitfire, Pulse, Eye of Athena, Meltdown, Rapid Eye Move, Roll Cage, Styx, Mecha Industrie, Djinn, ZX Spectron, Valence, Neural Net, Night Borre, Hexne), M4A4 (Temukau, Howl, Poseidon, Asiimov, Daybreak, Hellfire, Zirka, Red DDPAT, Radiation Hazard, Modern Hunter, The Emperor, The Coalition, Bullet Rain, Cyber Security, X-Ray, Dark Blossom, Buzz Kill, In Living Color, Neo-Noir, Desolate Space, 龍王 (Dragon King), Royal Paladin, The Battlestar, Global Offensive, Tooth Fairy, Desert-Strike, Griffin, Evil Daimyo, Spider Lily, Converter), M4A1-S (Emphorosaur-S, Welcome to the Jungle, Imminent Danger, Knight, Hot Rod, Icarus Fell, Blue Phosphor, Printstream, Master Piece, Dark Water, Golden Coil, Bright Water, Player Two, Atomic Alloy, Guardian, Chantico's Fire, Hyper Beast, Mecha Industries, Cyrex, Control Panel, Moss Quartz, Nightmare, Decimator, Leaded Glass, Basilisk, Blood Tiger, Briefing, Night Terror, Nitro, VariCamo, Flashback), SG 553 (Cyberforce, Hazard Pay, Bulldozer, Integrale, Dragon Tech, Ultraviolet, Colony IV, Hypnotic, Cyrex, Candy Apple, Barricade, Pulse), SSG 08 (Death Strike, Sea Calico, Blood in the Water, Orange Filigree, Dragonfire, Big Iron, Bloodshot, Detour, Turbo Peek, Red Stone), AUG (Akihabara Accept, Flame Jörmungandr, Hot Rod, Midnight Lily, Sand Storm, Carved Jade, Wings, Anodized Navy, Death by Puppy, Torque, Bengal Tiger, Chameleon, Fleet Flock, Random Access, Momentum, Syd Mead, Stymphalian, Arctic Wolf, Aristocrat, Navy Murano), G3SG1 (Chronos, Violet Murano, Flux, Demeter, Orange Kimono, The Executioner, Green Apple, Arctic Polar Camo, Contractor), SMGs - P90 (Neoqueen, Astral Jörmungandr, Run and Hide, Emerald Dragon, Cold Blooded, Death by Kitty, Baroque Red, Vent Rush, Blind Spot, Asiimov, Trigon, Sunset Lily, Death Grip, Leather, Nostalgia, Fallout Warning, Tiger Pit, Schermatic, Virus, Shapewood, Glacier Mesh, Shallow Grave, Chopper, Desert Warfare), MAC-10 (Sakkaku, Hot Snakes, Copper Borre, Red Filigree, Gold Brick, Graven, Case Hardened, Stalker, Amber Fade, Neon Rider, Tatter, Curse, Propaganda, Nuclear Garden, Disco Tech, Toybox, Heat, Indigo), UMP-45 (Wild Child, Fade, Blaze, Day Lily, Minotaur's Labyrinth, Crime Scene, Caramel, Bone Pile, Momentum, Primal Saber), MP7 (Teal Blossom, Fade, Nemesis, Whiteout, Asterion, Bloosport, Abyssal Apparition, Full Stop, Special Delivery, Neon Ply, Asterion, Ocean Foam, Powercore, Scorched, Impire), PP-Bizon (Modern Hunter, Rust Coat, Forest Leaves, Antique, High Roller, Blue Streak, Seabird, Judgement of Anubis, Bamboo Print, Embargo, Chemical Green, Coblat Halftone, Fuel Rod, Photic Zone, Irradiated Alert, Carbon Fiber), MP9 (Featherweight, Wild Lily, Pandora's Box, Stained Glass, Bulldozer, Dark Age, Hot Rod, Hypnotic, Hydra, Rose Iron, Music Box, Setting Sun, Food Chain, Airlock, Mount Fuji, Starlight Protector, Ruby Poison Dart, Deadly Poison), MP5-SD (Liquidation, Oxide Oasis, Phosphor, Nitro, Agent, Autumn Twilly), Shotguns, Machineguns - Sawed-Off (Kiss♥Love, First Class, Orange DDPAT, Rust Coat, The Kraken, Devourer, Mosaico, Wasteland Princess, Bamboo Shadow, Copper, Serenity, Limelight, Apocalypto), XM1014 (Frost Borre, Ancient Lore, Red Leather, Elegant Vines, Banana Leaf, Jungle, Urban Perforated, Grassland, Blaze Orange, Heaven Guard, VariCamo Blue, Entombed, XOXO, Seasons, Tranquility, Bone Machine, Incinegator, Teclu Burner, Black Tie, Zombie Offensive, Watchdog), Nova (Baroque Orange, Hyper Beast, Green Apple, Antique, Modern Hunter, Walnut, Forest Leaves, Graphite, Blaze Orange, Rising Skull, Tempest, Bloomstick, Interlock, Quick Sand, Moon in Libra, Clean Polymer, Red Quartz, Toy Soldier), MAG-7 (Insomnia, Cinqueda, Counter Terrace, Prism Terrace, Memento, Chainmail, Hazard, Justice, Bulldozer, Silver, Core Breach, Firestarter, Praetorian, Heat, Hard Water, Monster Call, BI83 Spectrum, SWAG-7), M249 (Humidor, Shipping Forecast, Blizzard Marbleized, Downtown, Jungle DDPAT, Nebula Crusader, Impact Drill, Emerald Poison Dart), Negev (Mjölnir, Anodized Navy, Palm, Power Loader, Bratatat, CaliCamo, Phoenix Stencil, Infrastructure, Boroque Sand), Wear - Factory New (FN), Minimal Wear (MW), Field-Tested (FT), Well-Worn (WW), Battle-Scarred (BS), Stickers Holo/Foil/Gold - Katowice 2014, Krakow 2017, Howling Dawn, Katowice 2015, Crown, London 2018, Cologne 2014, Boston 2018, Atlanta 2017, Cluj-Napoca 2015, DreamHack 2014, King on the Field, Harp of War, Winged Difuser, Cologne 2016, Cologne 2015, MLG Columbus 2016, Katowice 2019, Berlin 2019, RMR 2020, Stockholm 2021, Antwerp 2022, Swag Foil, Flammable foil, Others - Souvenirs, Agents, Pins, Passes, Gifts, Music Kits, Cases, Keys, Capsules, Packages, Patches

Some items on the list may no longer be available or are still locked, visit My Inventory for more details.

Send a Trade Offer for fastest response. I consider all offers.

Add me for discuss if there is a serious offer that needs to be discussed.

Okay so I went to a place near me called womens med center. They advised an SA. However i dont think they do ultrasound during or after the procedure. Does planned parenthood do this? Im wondering if I would be safer going to planned parenthood if they do in fact do this. Because the last thing im wanting to happen is have left over tissue and getting an infection. Thank you!

It took me a while to make the connection, but anytime I consume HFCS in the form of soda (rarely consumed), I experience pronounced brainfog, sluggishness, and joint pain/sensitivity for hours after. Honey doesn't have the same effect as this. I'll be avoiding HFCS from now on. Such a terrible thing to add into our already obesogenic food chain in the US.

>**What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.**
* Gaming PC with main focus on VR using Quest2 (with upgrade in the near future), Half Life Alyx, Into the Radius, some AAA Games. Minor use in Graphic Design (Photoshop or Gimp) and video editing.
>**What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?**
* $3k +/- $200.
>**When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.**
* Unless I'm waiting for a specific sale, now.
>**What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc\)**
* Tower only.
>**Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?**
* California. Near the Tustin Microcenter.
>**If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.**
* Have dual Samsung U32R591CWN 4K monitors, but plan on using living room Hisence H8G65 4K tv (nearest to VR area), Havit HV-KB395L keyboard, MX Master mouse Logitech, Xbox one controller(s).
>**Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?**
* No.
>**Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)**
* moderately sized SDD for OS (2TB?) and 4TB SSD for game files.
>**Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?**
* Mid-Tower (open to suggestions), something tech looking, black, window, no LED or minimal. Not looking for a show piece. Might even be hidden out of view.
>**Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?**
* No.
>**Extra info or particulars:**
Bad experience with a pre-built laptop (company bought) was over $4k, 3070TI ran super-hot, VR was choppy no matter what setting. I just want something that will give me a great VR experience.
Thank you for looking.

(All names used are fake)
There is a guy (17/M) who is interested in me (17/F). I'll call him ken. I'm a senior and he is a junior. We're from a small town where everyone knows everyone but since Ken is a grade below me so we never had a chance to interact before until recently. We have mutual friends and I've been around him before but we've never truly talked until 2 weeks ago at a party.
I thought we were getting along well and bonded quite nicely but in a platonic way. At the time, I didn't have any romantic thoughts about him. I just thought we had good chemistry and could get along well as friends. The next day, my best friends, who I'll call Carrie and Morgan, told me that Ken had looked really interested in me that whole night. I literally had not picked up on it at all. I didn't even think or want him to be interested in me because he had a girlfriend at the time.
Backstory on Ken's relationship, they were online dating so they had never actually met in person. Ken said he didn't like his girlfriend that much or and didn't know if he wanted to be with her or not. He talked like he didn't care for her and he talked about breaking up with her. Later on I found out she was being quite controlling and emotionally manipulating towards him but she was his girlfriend nonetheless so I stayed away.
For the next 2 weeks, I noticed how Ken was around me and I could tell, he had a crush on me. It was quite blatant. He texted me more, was awkward around me, and tried to be close to me at every point we were around each other. I was iffy about him. I liked the attention he was giving me because no guy had ever really been interested in me but he had a girlfriend. Even if he didn't like her, he was still dating her. Everyone around us thought we would look cute together. (They were pushing it because Ken said he was planning on breaking up with his girlfriend) I was still on the edge about it. Yeah, he's really sweet, respectful and we get along well, but I wasn't sure about him. I couldn't tell if I liked him or not. But as the 2 weeks went by I started to develop some feelings for him. Or what I think are feelings (I haven't had a genuine crush in so long nor have I ever been in a relationship so I'm not too sure what I felt or what I am feeling). I still kept my distance out of respect for his girlfriend.
That all brings us to yesterday. My friend group and I were going to the movie theater. We all went to a restaurant before and while we were eating, Ken started talking about how he broke up with his girlfriend. I felt sort of happy like "oh shit" but at the same time, if they had just broken up, I was not going to make a move immediately after. I looked across the table at Carrie and Morgan and they gave me a "now's your chance" kind of look. (I want to clarify that Carrie and Morgan were only wanting Ken and I to be a thing because Ken talked about breaking up with his gf. They wanted us to get together after ken's breakup. They did not and would never support cheating.)
Fast forward to the movie. Ken and I sat next to each other. During the movie, I was resting my hand near the cup holder and Ken grabbed my hand and held it. I cannot lie, I got extreme butterflies and could not stop smiling. I kept thinking "holy shit. holy shit. holy shit." We held hands the whole movie and that was it. I could not stop thinking about him after. Sort of like a switch and I started to think "oh shit, what am I feeling?". He texted me that night and told me he wanted to kiss me but chickened out. I told him I wanted to take things slow and he said he would. But he also said that if he was moving too slow to tell him.
Maybe I'm reading into this too much but to me it sounds like he doesn't want to take things slow and maybe just wants me for my body. I could be over thinking. I have severe trust issues and I am touch-starved so I don't know if I like him or not. I'm a hopeless romantic too so the thought of falling in love is something I want so badly but at the same time, I'm scared of relationships and change. I like being single. I don't know if I like him or the thought of him. I don't if I genuinely like him or my fear of a relationship is keeping me from pursuing this. I keep going back and forth of whether I like him and want to pursue this or not. I'm also going away for University in the Fall while he'll still be in our hometown. He doesn't have a car either so it'd be long distance and from how he treated his long distance girlfriend, I don't know if he'd stay loyal. I kind of want to enter University single because I will be meeting so many new people outside of my small town. I kind of want to keep my cards open. I don't know what to do. I don't want to waste a chance but at the same time, it doesn't feel like the best relationship. Maybe I'm too picky but I kind of wanted my first relationship to be with a woman. Someone my age who lived close to me. But I don't want to waste a chance. I just don't know what to do.
If you have any thoughts or advice, please share. I need help.
P.s. Thanks for reading my long shit post :)

(All names used are fake)
There is a guy (17/M) who is interested in me (17/F). I'll call him ken. I'm a senior and he is a junior. We're from a small town where everyone knows everyone but since Ken is a grade below me so we never had a chance to interact before until recently. We have mutual friends and I've been around him before but we've never truly talked until 2 weeks ago at a party.
I thought we were getting along well and bonded quite nicely but in a platonic way. At the time, I didn't have any romantic thoughts about him. I just thought we had good chemistry and could get along well as friends. The next day, my best friends, who I'll call Carrie and Morgan, told me that Ken had looked really interested in me that whole night. I literally had not picked up on it at all. I didn't even think or want him to be interested in me because he had a girlfriend at the time.
Backstory on Ken's relationship, they were online dating so they had never actually met in person. Ken said he didn't like his girlfriend that much or and didn't know if he wanted to be with her or not. He talked like he didn't care for her and he talked about breaking up with her. Later on I found out she was being quite controlling and emotionally manipulating towards him but she was his girlfriend nonetheless so I stayed away.
For the next 2 weeks, I noticed how Ken was around me and I could tell, he had a crush on me. It was quite blatant. He texted me more, was awkward around me, and tried to be close to me at every point we were around each other. I was iffy about him. I liked the attention he was giving me because no guy had ever really been interested in me but he had a girlfriend. Even if he didn't like her, he was still dating her. Everyone around us thought we would look cute together. (They were pushing it because Ken said he was planning on breaking up with his girlfriend) I was still on the edge about it. Yeah, he's really sweet, respectful and we get along well, but I wasn't sure about him. I couldn't tell if I liked him or not. But as the 2 weeks went by I started to develop some feelings for him. Or what I think are feelings (I haven't had a genuine crush in so long nor have I ever been in a relationship so I'm not too sure what I felt or what I am feeling). I still kept my distance out of respect for his girlfriend.
That all brings us to yesterday. My friend group and I were going to the movie theater. We all went to a restaurant before and while we were eating, Ken started talking about how he broke up with his girlfriend. I felt sort of happy like "oh shit" but at the same time, if they had just broken up, I was not going to make a move immediately after. I looked across the table at Carrie and Morgan and they gave me a "now's your chance" kind of look. (I want to clarify that Carrie and Morgan were only wanting Ken and I to be a thing because Ken talked about breaking up with his gf. They wanted us to get together after ken's breakup. They did not and would never support cheating.)
Fast forward to the movie. Ken and I sat next to each other. During the movie, I was resting my hand near the cup holder and Ken grabbed my hand and held it. I cannot lie, I got extreme butterflies and could not stop smiling. I kept thinking "holy shit. holy shit. holy shit." We held hands the whole movie and that was it. I could not stop thinking about him after. Sort of like a switch and I started to think "oh shit, what am I feeling?". He texted me that night and told me he wanted to kiss me but chickened out. I told him I wanted to take things slow and he said he would. But he also said that if he was moving too slow to tell him.
Maybe I'm reading into this too much but to me it sounds like he doesn't want to take things slow and maybe just wants me for my body. I could be over thinking. I have severe trust issues and I am touch-starved so I don't know if I like him or not. I'm a hopeless romantic too so the thought of falling in love is something I want so badly but at the same time, I'm scared of relationships and change. I like being single. I don't know if I like him or the thought of him. I don't if I genuinely like him or my fear of a relationship is keeping me from pursuing this. I keep going back and forth of whether I like him and want to pursue this or not. I'm also going away for University in the Fall while he'll still be in our hometown. He doesn't have a car either so it'd be long distance and from how he treated his long distance girlfriend, I don't know if he'd stay loyal. I kind of want to enter University single because I will be meeting so many new people outside of my small town. I kind of want to keep my cards open. I don't know what to do. I don't want to waste a chance but at the same time, it doesn't feel like the best relationship. Maybe I'm too picky but I kind of wanted my first relationship to be with a woman. Someone my age who lived close to me. But I don't want to waste a chance. I just don't know what to do.
If you have any thoughts or advice, please share. I need help.
P.s. Thanks for reading my long shit post :)
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Please don't message me saying this is kind of shallow. Most of these are physical attributes. If I can't find someone with these traits, then so be it. Please don't be harsh.
Non Nego: * at least 5'3 in height * shoulder lenght hair (longer the better) * Not Flat. or at least cup C? Lol. No malice or whatever reason, I won't ask you for any NSFW whatever, it's just pleasing to the eyes) * not Fat, chubby -> plus size (I don't care if you don't have the shape, maybe at least 50kg-55kg? I don't know) * 'PERSONALITY' (don't ever treat me like a toy or whatever, please have a good personality) Note: this means kind understanding, like that, not those 'talkative', 'outgoing' etc etc * 'NO SABIT' (please don't be someone na: di pa nakamove on kay ex, or currently engaged pero nasira ang relationship, anything related as long as no SABIT) * This is related to personality, but don't make this one sided * START WITH HONESTY, I WILL TOO. *above morena (fair skin much better bbut I think I'm asking too much at this point) *I don't care about your work, as long as it's safe, and it's not something that will get in our way. Much better if in different field. *doesn't drink or smoke, as I'm not.
Negos: *Near my location (Fairview/Commonwealth/Cubao) or whatever but I can adjust *Can cook? but not necessariy, we can learn together * Does not have a scary past, but it doesn't matter, as long as it won't hunt us * has all love languages but yes, nego.
Will update this if I remember anything else.

Just wanted to share experience with saving money on parking passes. If you are a commuter, I would recommend getting the 10 day parking pass pack. I bought the pack in Fall 2022. I bought the pack for $70!! (compared to the $240 for a semester pass). If you park in places that are commuter lots that don't require a scan in (like union deck does), you are playing the game of "will PATS scan my license plate today at the specific time when they are driving through the lots?". This would apply to lot 7, lot 5, east deck, lot 14, lot 23, or west deck.
For me, and another person I know, I ended up having more days left when I finished the fall semester, despite going nearly 3 times a week to campus. I had 3 parking days that CARRIED OVER to Spring 2023. Eventually, it ran out, in which I bought another 10 pack. I went to school very often again, I still go to UREC over the summer. I still have 4 parking day passes left...! 5/7 recommend (perfect score)*.
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*5/7 reference: https://cheezburger.com/5366277/16-times-brendan-sullivan-and-robert-graves-facebook-trolling-game-was-a-57

My adopted father(biological grandfather) gifted me a house(that he and I both lived in since 79 when I was born, him longer) back in late October or early November. He was taken to a hospital in November after that, where he stayed until he died(Wednesday the 8th). My questions are concerning the house, estate, and probate. He has a pretty basic will drawn up by a lawyer and notarized as well, stating his grand daughter gets his lands(ie his vacation cabin and the lands on it), and that I get any other assets(I guess his bank, 2 vehicles, any personal affects). His daughter(my biological mother who also lived with us) died August 15, 2022, she had his permission to use his credit cards and bank, and his power of attorney(not sure she needed permission with a poa). She ran up a massive credit card debt, nearly 25k before she passed, he lived on a fixed income and couldn’t or wouldn’t pay it and the debt became past his limit and fees ran it to over 38k before they stopped calling. Ok, so on to my questions, if more history is needed let me know. 1) is everything in the house mine, from when he signed the deed over to me? Or is some of the furniture, maybe tools, guns, clothes etc still legally his? 1a) follow up, if some of these items are his, how do I determine value for used stuff like this when I know nothing about them. 2) do the 2 cars and cabin have to be sold to pay off his credit card debt? Ie lose it all 3) what will the process for me to try to be executor of his state be like, I’m very healthy, and currently have 0 income, and 0 savings, we lived off his money, so far been denied disability but still fighting. 4) is it currently illegal to drive the vehicle in his name? 5) is it illegal to use his debt card or atm to pay bills or buy food? A bit more history the hospital claimed at one point I was abusing him, stealing his money, and stealing his house, and said very rude things and opened a case with adult protective services. They investigated, and interview him and myself on multiple occasions and said he was mentally sound to make decisions, his money was being spent with his permission how he wanted it to, and property transfered how he wanted it. Even complain to the case worker that his other grandson hadn’t brought a notary to sign the truck over yet(the grandsons has had possession of the truck since November, but never got it legally transfered). Trying to do as he wished, but wanting to make sure it’s legal. Plan to get a lawyer when I can afford.

Hey everyone, My son was born a week ago and lately he’s been so hungry. I don’t want to over feed him but I also don’t want to keep him from food he wants. We formula feed him.
His pediatrician told me to feed him 2oz every 3 hours, and if he gets hungry in between, feed him 2oz of non-caffeinated chamomile tea.
We’ve been doing that but it seems like the tea is starting not to do anything for him. He rarely cries for anything else other than for food. We even offer him his pacifier but he’ll spit that out and cry more, and won’t be comforted unless he eats.
We will feed him his formula, then 30 mins, or an hour later cry for more. Then we’ll offer him the tea, that’ll soothe him temporarily until his next feeding but it’s starting not to do anything for him anymore and he’ll want actual formula milk not long after feeding him tea. We are considering not feeding him the tea anymore since he doesn’t seem satisfied anymore until thenext feeding time.
Lately, we’ll feed him the 2oz of formula but he keeps crying and chewing his hands like he wants more 15 mins later, so we’ll offer him another 1oz but again only calm him for a little bit then want more. I’m afraid of over feeding him. He’ll literally chug his formula.
Has anyone experienced this with their baby? What should I do? Should I just feed him until he’s satisfied even if it’s over the recommended 2-3oz?

Been a smidge lonely lately and figured Reddit might be able help. Essentially looking to have fun around the city with a cutie. Some type of consistent fwb would be nice. Movie nights , museums, sending shitty memes, going out dancing (can’t dance lol) are up on the menu and more!
I work in LI but live near Manhattan. I like to stay active by lifting or playing basketball. Defiantly consider myself a foodie(Middle eastern, Italian, Spanish food are some of my favorite). I’m traveling to Spain this summer for the first time and can’t wait to stuff my face. Like everyone else I enjoy listening to music and watching shows. Always Sunny, The boys, GoT, better call Saul to name a few. Artist from Van Hallen, Linkin Park, Nas , Fred again, Pink Floyd. Highly open to suggestion cause who doesn’t need new music/shows am I right? I like weed, sneakers, sour candy and game a little too.
I’m 5’9 177lbs athletic build with black hair, brown eyes and a beard.
Ideally I’m looking for someone who is 24+ hwp. Please send a pic I’ll send one back! Tell me about yourself too!

I had a game where I killed two enemy teammates and one I shot down till low HP. I got downed and hoped my teammates would kill him but they just ran away and left me? Then they ratted behind a bush and got to top 10. He was literally the only enemy alive near us. They could have just killed him.
WHAT the FUCK is going on with this game nowadays? Why is no one actually playing the game instead of hiding in a fucking tree or a bush. Why do I get punished for playing the game.

Physical: * 5'7 in height * 62kg (from 64kg lol stressed out) * Above moreno (uneven skin tone as I've been driving around with my sportsbike) *average looks(don't expect too much, but personality is worth it) * dress decently (mostly blazers, trench coat, long sleeves, knee pants with high cut air force 1, black shoes with slacks)
Personality: * confident to say that I'm KIND, UNDERSTANDING, CARING and whatnot\ * loyal and faithful to the point that you'll get bored coz you won't get jealous of what lol * wil do anything to please you if ever * will respect your parents :D
Work: * Software EngineeFull stack dev * directly employed in an Australian Company (so considered as Freelance here in PH in technicality) *Fixed off (Sat-Sun) (Can adjust on other days if needed but not most of the time)
Hobbies: * Archery (for fun only) * Video games (but doesn't play that much anymore) * Driving around with sportsbike * cinema (mostly every weekends) * watching in general
Love Languages: These has no rating or order, I have all of them. *Words of affirmation *Gifts *Physical touch *Quality Time *Act of Service
Location: *Around Fairview/Novaliches border (near SM Fairview) * Would highly appreciate if you are near (but I can adjust if you are worth it)
Others: * No sabit (never been engaged, moved on from ex lol) * No sexual intercourse experience (but that doesn't mean I'm innocent , and being naughty from time to time will be much appreciated) * If you're a jelly type (easily get jealous), say no more, you'll be my friend, bestfriend, girlfriend and wife. Basically everything. Just make sure you are being reasonable, and you'll be fair with me.

I’m 6’3”, my GF is 6’7”. We get frequent comments related to our height (her more than me, obviously).
Usually it’s white trash/rednecks/addicts or goons/thugs who will go out of their way to comment on her height. I’ll basically try to dismiss it or shut it down, by making them feel awkward. Usually, they respond with “that’s so awesome. I love it.” While laughing/smiling.”
I’m like, “just because you you say it’s awesome and you love it (love some stranger’s height; doesn’t even make sense)”, doesn’t make your original comment, any less disrespectful/rude, etc.
Usually goes something like,
Societal scum: “Jesus Christ! You’re so tall.”
My GF and/or I: “Yeah, and you’re not.”
Societal scum: “I know. You’re so much taller than me.” It’s awesome.”
Us: “k3wl.”
Always found it weird that people can freely comment on people’s surplus of height, but poking fun at a deficit, is frowned upon. Commenting on stranger’s physical appearance (talking complete and total stranger) should always be frowned upon. I go out of my way to make the other person feel stupid/rude, and I encourage everyone else to do the same. Probably to no grand avail, but still, none of us should have to take BS from random strangers.
Nobody is obligated to speak their thoughts. Usually those with nothing to live foto lose (again, societal scum) are the ones most likely to say some dumb shit. It’s gotten to the point, where we can just look at someone, and approximate the likelihood that they’ll make a comment on her’s/our height.
Old, short white rednecks in a dirty wife-beater, beat-up truck, at the gas-station are near guaranteed to comment. Thugs (especially the larger the group/traveling neighborhood) are right up there as well.
I get hyper defensive/protective, when I see these types. People suck. I really hate that bothering someone who is tall is all too frequently seen as perfectly fine, but not someone who is super fat, short, etc.
If you’re not running up to little-people, commenting on their heights. Then, don’t arbitrarily do it to taller people either…
Talking to strangers about our height is a waste of our time. Please don’t go out of your way to waste peoples’ time.

I'm not sure if this is the best place for this, as it is not really a legal matter yet, but might be in the future.
I am a graduate student at a NYC school. I selected the school because they have a very good tuition rate for in-state students. The out of state (nonresident tuition) is almost double.
When I enrolled, they sent me an email asking me to prove residency as the information on my application was not sufficient. No problem. I uploaded the completed residency form and (what I thought) was proper documentation to their document portal. The problem with this is that students cannot see the documents one they're uploaded in any type of archive. They just go into cyberspace and we are to assume they'll wind up in the proper place. This was in November 2021-- my first semester was Spring 2022.
I never heard anything more from them and assumed everything was okay. The website states that students are to be made aware of any declined residency application in writing. Since they never emailed, I assumed it had gone through (all of my other documents such as my vaccination record went through fine).
In December 2021 I spoke with a new student liaison. While I know that she does not have the authority to determine residency, I did confirm with her that my documents had been uploaded and she said everything was good from there. Again, this is not her stating that my documents were necessarily received/accepted, but it does corroborate that I did in fact upload them in 2021 when I enrolled.
I completed two semesters (Spring 2022 and Fall 2022) after that. My tuition goes through federal student aid, so I did not get a bill each semester -- just a check from the school when they mailed me the leftover amount. I suppose this is where I was not as vigilant as I should have been.
At the end of this semester (Spring 2023), I got a bill for the summer session course I am currently taking (the reason I got a bill for this was because it is not enough credits to go through student aid). That's when I realized that it was really high. I checked my tuition records at that point and saw I am being charged a non-resident rate.
I immediately reached out to the Bursar who asked me to send her proof of residency. She updated my residency status and corrected my tuition for the most recent semester and all semester going forward. However, she told me that all semesters before that would have to be handled by someone else (graduate admissions) because the window for tuition recalculation had closed.
***
At this point, I have paid nearly $7,000 dollars over what I should have paid as a resident. I am seeking retroactive residency now to try and get this money back. However, the college has not been very helpful at all.
The woman from graduate admissions said she did not have anything on file from me back in 2021. I have no idea where the forms I uploaded went but I specifically remember uploading them. I still have the signed and dated residency form-- it is dated November 24, 2021-- as well as the email with the student liaison in which I confirm I uploaded the documents in 2021.
I re-sent her my documentation (including the original form) and she said it was not sufficient: they needed an earlier lease. I sent her the earlier lease and noted that, even if my original documents were not sufficient, I had no way of knowing that because nobody ever reached out to me to let me know my residency was declined.
I am wondering if I have any recourse here to get my money back. She is saying the issue will be forwarded to the school's legal department, but I am not sure they will be willing to review the case.
I am very frustrated because I know I uploaded the documentation and I am not sure how it fell through the cracks. As I mentioned, the school's website clearly says students are to be notified about any rejection in writing, but I'm assuming the issue is that they never even reviewed the documents I submitted, let alone rejected them.
With that said, I also recognize that I should have been more vigilant with my tuition during my first two semesters. I know legal will ask why I did not notice this sooner and my best response is because my tuition gets handled directly through financial aid.
I apologize if this is confusing and am happy to clarify any details. I'm wondering if I have any recourse to getting my money back and, if so, what I should be doing going forward.
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Tl;dr: I realized my college has been charging me a higher non-resident tuition rate for my first two semesters. I am now seeking retroactive residency to get this money back. However, they are saying they have no record of the documentation I submitted and I have no way of verifying this except for the dated residency form I submitted when I enrolled.

Granted, my suspicions come from a very weird place, so bear with me for a moment, yes?
Also, fair warning, it'll probably get a little gross. It's probably an infection, and I intend on discussing the matter in detail. Please be wary.
About a week ago or so I noticed my belly button hurt. The pain wasn't constant, and I rarely felt it at times, so I just assumed it would go away on it's own. If anything, probably just a stomachache. Then, sometime last night, right before I fell asleep, I noticed a strange texture around the belly button. For whatever reason I didn't think much of it. Then, I checked up on it in the morning. It was this brown, hard gunk. If I'm not mistaken, it's pus.
Inside the belly button, however? This red lump. It started off small, but it has grown. It's bright red, sometimes purple or blue.
I wouldn't think much of it if I hadn't also realized other changes. The biggest change has to be my loss of appetite. I knew it was a little more dire when I realized that in the span of three days, all I ate were a couple of breakfast sausages and a sandwich. On day two I didn't eat anything. I should be hungrier than that. For example, I just ate like five fries and a quarter of a burger. It was enough to make me not hungry anymore. This is quite literally the only thing I ate all day. I can barely eat anything without gagging or feeling nauseas.
On that note, my mouth is rather dry. I drink a lot of water and tea, so I don't see why it would be.
Also, there's a change of stool. It's more akin to diarrhea. I don't do that often.
If the behaviour change also counts, then consider myself more apathetic than normal.
Overall, I'm concerned. I don't know if I should be, but I am.

CRAWLING
LIBRARY INTERACTION: “That’ll be ten days.” “I’ll try to be a good Samaritan and bring it back.”
The phone rings and I answer it. “Quick”, he says, “What’s the capital of South Dakota?” This is another test from TLN (The Library Network). I hear his stopwatch click and I rush to the computer. I type: WHAT Is THGE COAITOK F SOUTH DOIKAS (caps lock was on). I rewrite my search to simply just “SOUTH DAKOTA”. I knew Google would give me that little box guy off to the side. It did, I read: Pierre, and I say that to the TLN Man on the phone.
He tells me that if I took any longer, I would be fired. The agents would come in and I would find myself in the snow, red hands from the cold and red ears from the embarrassment.
I listen to Apple Music’s “80s Dancehall Essentials” playlist. It has a clear Jamaican influence, every song so far at least. I stand at the front counter when the phone rings. “No grooving!” the TLN Man says. He hangs up before I can apologize I stare outside and if I squint really hard I can see someone hiding behind the middle bar of the doors. A skinny man, or person, maybe a woman, like Maris from the acclaimed sitcom “Frasier”.
We have a fan in the – who is we? – front lobby to reduce harmful particles in the air. I want to stomp on it. I know if I turn it off the TLN Man would call and instruct me to turn it back on. I would too, since I am a slave to authority, or so they tell me.
I’ve stopped listening to 80s Essential Dancehall Essentials so I don’t start grooving again. I get a text from my Dad: We had McDonald’s for dinner. I say: Sounds good. LIBRARY INTERACTION #2: A man whose daughter is hiding check out the Blu-Ray of “Knives Out” and “The Revenant”. I say, “Good variety in movies here.” He says, “There we go. Have a good night.”
TLN Man can see me through every camera. I cannot see him; I never have. The phone rings: “What were you just thinking about?” I hesitate. “Every second is five dollars deducted from your pay!” I say, “I was thinking about how I can’t see you.” He hangs up. My phone beeps I have had thirty dollars deducted from my pay.
I’ve switched to 70s light rock Apple Music Essentials. My co-worker comes up from the back – We aren’t supposed to learn each other’s names. She smiles at me and I feel furry like someone just shoved feathers into my stomach through my belly button. I attempt to smile but I think I look like a monster. She scurries away. I have struck fear in her.
My face feels funny and I call TLN Man. I ask to go to the bathroom and he tells me I’ll get no lunch of I do but my face is squirming and I only get a five minute lunch anyway. I go to the nearest bathroom, the public one, and I look at my face. The feeling is emanating from a mole on the left side of my face, the mole that I have a hair growing out of. Every time that I pluck the dang thing it grows back in days. It’s a thick hair, so it always is a little uncomfortable. I always scratch and itch at it until TLN Man calls and tells me to stop and that I am disgusting and will drive customers away. I want to tell him they are called patrons not customers or at least they used to until now I guess. Everyone is a customer and everything is a business.
TLN Man doesn’t know that I can access the cameras. I managed to get the software by sending myself an email from my boss’ computer. I use the cameras to write this journal. I watch Her as She walks. I am enthralled. My mole throbs. I try to ignore it. MY home is small and sad but the camera feed brings me light and brings my joy. I can be God for a moment too.
I am back at work and sometimes I worry my thoughts are projected above my head and I get scared because I think inappropriate things about Her and TLN Man. Different things but both bad. A patron customer comes up to the desk and asks me if I know anything about some apartment buildings down the street. I say no and she spits at me, claiming I shouldn’t keep information from the public. Another man comes over and asks if he can put real mail in our Santa mailbox. I tell him no and he turns on his heel as quickly as he can and steps outside and he pours his coffee into the letters to Santa mailbox.
The more my mole twitches the more I wish I had the money to pay a dermatologist to remove it entirely. If there even is a dermatologist around here. Maybe if I didn’t talk so much at work or slack off. They money I was docked could’ve been used to drive out to see a dermatologist in the town over. Nobody has cars here since nobody can afford to leave for an extended period of time. I’ve been here for six years now, they only place I’ve lived since my parents died. A man came into our house and shot them along with my siblings. They were nine years old. He came into my room and pointed the gun at me but he didn’t pull the trigger. I’ve always wondered why.
At work She makes a joke to me but I’m too nervous to respond. I just laugh and look down as my hands search for something to do. They find some rubber bands and I try to take a big rubber band and wrap the other ones around up in it but it snaps back at me and hits me in the face. My glasses fly off and she chuckles and hands them to me. In my head she leaps into my arms and saves me from this job. I hope the TLN Man cannot see this.
The last thing I remember about my parents was them fighting while making dinner. Mostaccioli. They didn’t fight often, so it was jarring when they did. I can’t remember what the fight was about either. We ate dinner quietly and when we were done we all went into our separate places. Nobody said goodnight to me that night.
I never know how old people are at work. A woman comes in and I guess she is nineteen but she is forty-three. Married, with kids, two kids, Joey and Marko. She lives at 14432 Cumberland Avenue. Her husband is fifty-four, John. I can find this very quickly at work as long as everything is up to date. I’m not a stalker but I could be.
I left my journal in my work bad on accident. I hope nobody finds it especially Her. Good thing TLN Man is never here, I bet he’d sniff it out. I tried to bury it in my bad, hopefully nobody knocks it over on accident. The page that works knocks the cart into the wall and I jump. The phone rings. TLN Man asks me why I did that and I shrug. He tells me never to shrug, answer with your words, like a man! My fists become tight and I hope he doesn’t notice. I’ve never hit anyone but I would hit him. My mole twitches abnormally, it feels like it’s pulling me in a direction. I let it guide me, I follow it, briefly, and it takes me face to face with Her. She smiles and I blush and walk by Her. The mole stops guiding me and throbs once, hard. Almost feeling like a punishment. I get a drink of water which’ll dock my pay but I don’t care I’ve embarrassed myself and needed and excuse after nearly running Her over. Not that I would ever hurt Her. I barely know Her, what reason would I have to hurt Her?
I believe the man is standing in front of the doors again. I envision him hurling the doors open and lunging at Her over the counter. I save Her, everyone cheers. My boss (not TLN Man) comes in and tell me I have a piece of tape stuck to my jacket. I try to grab it and can’t reach. Double embarrassment. I tried to take the jacket off and she walks by and I worry she can see slash smell my armpits. Every patron customer that has come in has been able to see the tape. They never forget it, I bet, I’ll be the tape guy forever.
Sometimes when I get home from work I daydream about how work should’ve been, how I wanted work to go. I have a dog – Bailee. She barks and barks and I’ve given up trying to stop her. She sees something I don’t, clearly. I sit and I think and I stare at the empty television. I wish TLN wasn’t there, or, I guess he isn’t there but he is present. I am his empty television, waiting for the static, maybe a picture someday. I search dirty things on my computer to take my mind off all this and I feel the one haired mole throbbing.
I am back at work and I see a text from my Dad. Usually I try not to check it at work to avoid TLN Man’s rage, but the phone is quicker than I am and my face opens the phone and I see the text. “Hi. Marla passed away”. She was an old across the street neighbor. TLN Man calls he’s so mad the words sound animalistic, guttural. I tell him my neighbor died and he tells me he can make one phone call and get another neighbor killed the next time I go on my phone at the desk. Phone at desk = lazy = no customers = no $$$. I’m not even sure how we make money but I don’t say that I just hang up. My dad should’ve known better than to text me while I was at work. He’s done this on purpose I bet. Jealous I have a job and he doesn’t. My head throbs, the pain crawling up and around the top of my skull. Fuck him.
I’m home and I go back in the camera feed to see the moment I took my phone out. As TLN Man is yelling at me I see Her behind me laughing at me. How can such an empty television feel so many things at once? I am ashamed and angry, ready to run and ready to gage Her eyes out, rip her tongue out, biblical punishment – thou shalt not laugh at me. I could be better than her, I could be the authority. She’d bow down to me if I had the strength to make her. The headache has moved back into my mole. I storm into my filthy bathroom and rip the cabinet door of the henges; I didn’t know it was broken. The tweezers are in my hand and I’m yanking at the mole hair, mostly missing. My face is bleeding from the poking and prodding and I finally grasp the hair. I yank hard and my face both throbs and tingles. Pins and needles shoot into my face by way of the mole. It feels explosive, volcanic. What’s the lava, I wonder. I feel movement and the hair comes loose, thick, mangey, twitching in the light breeze. I stare hard at the cause of my pain, is this my inhibitor? Is this the reason I am who I am? Maybe now I can be free. I will be the authority. Maybe I can be the TLN Man. My mole throbs – my head whips to the mirror. I watch the hair regrow: longer, thicker than before. I’m on the ground and my mouth is open and I’m wailing. My fists hit the floor and my eyes bleed tears. I remember my childhood exercise. “Weezer, Dolly Parton, Elton John, Dodie, Avett Brothers, Metallica, Disturbed, Bobby Darin.” All musicians whose music has been devoid of all meaning to me. It doesn’t even exist anymore. I sit alone.
TLN Man calls me and tells me my facial injuries are too gruesome for the customers. I notice She is looking at me while I am on the phone. She is stifling a laugh; not obviously, but I just know it. She brought Her friend up to the desk to watch me suffer. The phone has left my hand and has gone flying towards her face. The cord pulls it back and it hits me. She and Her friend laugh. TLN Man is screaming. Suddenly I am home. I do not look at the cameras.
Rejoice! The library is out of power. What a joyous occasion. Alas – I will not see her today, in person or on camera. Or perhaps ever. Tis a shame, although the pain I feel in my face as I think this overcomes the shame. It grips my attention. I turn on my 80s ballads Apple Music station – “Forever Young” plays. Alphabetville? The band name escapes me. I twirl and twirl, attempting to enjoy this lucky day and dismiss my facial pain. My arms were flailing and my brain was quiet. Then, horror! My music changes! I did not request this. MY joy is sucked out of my body; I can feel it leaving, dispensing through my pores. How dare my moment be ruined? I walk over to my phone and to my behest it stands up tall, sprouting two legs! “Ugly mole!” it says to me. I head to my kitchen and I slide one of my dull knives out of the slot and I go walk into my tiny bathroom when I hear a knock at the door. I freeze – who would be here? Must be a vagrant; a burglar; murderer; rapist. I keep the knife behind my back when I answer. Two police officers stand right outside the door, sternly. “Sir, we regret to inform you that there’s been a murder in the building. We have police stationed at all exits and we are doing our best to blah blah blah”. He went on for too long and I managed a weak, “Thanks, officer” and they left. I hope they don’t think I did it. I don’t think they saw the knife. And I was so careful about it all too.
I am back at work. I go home. Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.
It has been a week since the police came by. They still haven’t found who killed Her.
It has been two weeks since She was killed probably with a knife and my mole the mole on my face (not my mole, I do not own this, I do not condone this) has made me cry every single day. I can barely work, so I have been yelled at by TLN Man every day until he quit.
TLN Man has been reported as a missing person. Work is closed in remembrance. Not that I could forget him – I see him every day.
I cannot move. My mole The Pain on my face has spread, parasitically. I can feel it moving through my brain, down into my arms, all the way to the tips of my fingers. I am rigid with crawling pain. I cannot handle this. I am through. I grab my tweezers – removing the eight hairs might make the mole removal easier. I pull and pull on some of the hairs, then I get them into the grasp of the tweezers. I hear my skin rip apart, I can barely feel it, I’m already in so much pain. I yank and rip the hairs out and I look at the tweezers. In their grasp is a spider. Our eyes meet, the pain is fading, but so is my vision. The pain moves from all over my body back towards my face. Another spider rips its way out, then another, and another, and another. Then a swarm of them. The pain fades, and the pain fades, and the pain fades, and
BREAKING NEWS: The murder of two local people, both employees of the district library, has been found dead in his apartment along with the two bodies. More at six.
The end.

My bank has frozen my account without any notice or warning at a pretty terrible time. It's been over a week now and they have not contacted me. I've called the support line multiple times but they tell me they can't get me in touch with the department that froze my account and that I need to wait until they contact me (all 3 times). As of right now, the most I know about why it's happening is because my manager at work told me about it yesterday. The fraud department froze my account over an issue that had been resolved several weeks prior through customer support and my employer. They called my manager about this two days ago, and told him about this (they knew, this was an old issue) and actually suggested that they fire me. They have yet to contact ME about anything.
I'll try to summarize the situation that lead up to where I'm at, feel free to ask questions about any details. It might be long, but I really will try to summarize without leaving key details
The issue is over duplicate deposits on checks deposited via mobile. Earlier this year my employer came to me saying he noticed duplicate deposits on my checks. Confused and understanding that such a thing wouldn't be even possible, I check my bank history and searched for the check $ amounts that he mentioned and saw only one deposit for each. So I contacted support. I told him about what my employer said, gave details about the checks etc and asked him to search the history of my account for said duplicates. He immediately said if it was the same checks and both done via mobile then it simply wont work. This was my understanding. Regardless, he searched the entire history of my account for duplicates and reported back to me saying there were none. I reported this to my employer and showed him the screenshots of this conversation with the bank rep. He effectively said "ok no problem banks are silly we'll figure it out thanks" and I moved on entirely. MONTHS later I notice on my banking profile a withdrawal was made one morning, and it was labeled as a duplicate in the memo and matched the amount of one of the checks in question. Shocked and scared I immediately open up the support line again and ask what is happening, obviously confused as this had been cleared up already. A new rep comes in and basically explains that the previous rep was wrong, and that there WERE duplicate deposits. I said I still don't see them, and he told me to download the "eStatements" PDF. Something I've never done before, as the banking profile seemed to suffice. I downloaded the PDF, and searched for the amounts and sure enough saw them.
As for why any deposit "attempts" would even be made on an old check in the first place, there are several factors. A big one is that I was never at any point under any impression that it was ever possible to do such a thing. Didn't even consider it possible at any moment in time (and neither did the first rep I spoke to, so I'm definitely not too crazy for this one). To me thinking about it now, it's like believing I'd be able to use a gift card twice because I photo copied it or something. Digital footprints and IDs etc etc.. anyways I digress. When receiving my checks at work, I will usually attempt to deposit them right away via mobile. Throughout the years, there have been some instances where the check is finicky (handwritten) and simply wont deposit with the camera deposit app. Sometimes it takes 8 tries, sometimes 12, sometimes I give up after a few and set it aside to take home where I can control the lighting situation better and often get it to work. The problem is a few times I have misplaced these checks which are now signed. I keep my checks and stubs because my apartment requires me to, and it was also suggested to me as good practice so I file them away safely. I can remember one specific example where I had 2 checks set aside on my desk that were being fussy, and my girlfriend, while cleaning, filed them away with the rest not understanding that they weren't deposited (ZERO blame on her here btw just to be clear lol..). This prompted an investigation to find which ones were undeposited, so I used my banking profile "transaction amount" search function to see. I went through the checks, search for a deposit in that amount, then I put it away. Repeat until I found ones that didn't come up in search. Now we find out over the course of THREE YEARS there were a total of around 5-6 checks that were "duplicate deposited" through the storm of my ADHD and poor organizational skills. Currently, after this whole ordeal, I'm aware of the fact that simply "VOIDING" a successfully deposited check with the date and proper markings is one good way to avoid this completely. I'm sure the idea would have came had I any idea this could all be possible. But at the time a signed check, to me, meant it was dealt with. Queue camera app failing.. etc etc...hopefully it at least makes sense despite being a bit stupid in hindsight..
Anyways, back to current time. Resuming where we were with the new bank rep. After seeing the duplicates did exist in statements but not my banking profile, I explained everything to the rep who, for the record, was very understanding and on my side of things. I confirmed a few important things with them. It is not only possible but a KNOWN ISSUE that the banking profile (where you login to check your balance, transaction history, etc) can have "missing or inaccurate information", and that the best way to know for SURE about a transaction or your balance you must check your eStatements, as they are connected "directly to the server" and therefor provide liable information. Anything in quotes is direct wording but I want to be clear everything else is near verbatim and I have the whole convo saved despite being locked out of the account that can view it. At this point all was relatively well. Neither the bank reps nor my employer believed I had any malicious intent, and the ghost money was being removed from my account. I even got them to confirm in their words that how this happened made sense specifically due to the fact that the banking profile can have missing transactions. As a cherry on top, when I expressed concern about them all coming out at once resulting potentially in negative balance and overdraft fees, the manager rep told me that in this situation they would "have my back" if it came to overdraft fees. I'm finding out now it's a totally separate department came in WEEKS later independently of all this and decided to pursue it as criminal fraud and close my account without telling me a single thing.
What I need help with here is getting my money back out of the frozen account. My current understanding is that they do have the power to freeze my account under suspicion, but they will then need to essentially answer for the consequences (late fees etc and possibly even the several panic attacks, loss of sleep, and massive weightloss this whole thing has actually caused as well) if it turns out there is no criminal fraud. They still have the right to end services with me, but seizing completely unrelated money from me is not justified (again this is my current understanding, potentially all wrong). If I can't talk to anyone what are my steps to take for getting my money back? The support line I have access to tells me it's in the other departments hands and has failed to connect me to them over 3 attempts and multiple hours of being on hold. To be clear, the money related to this incident was already extracted from the account WEEKS before the freeze. What I'm after first and foremost is access to my own completely unrelated money to pay my bills asap. After that, I'll admit I would be interested in seeing what more I can do because the damage done does not stop at late fees. They called my manager for intimidation and actually suggested they fire me.... Pure luck that I'm actually close with my manager... Also, I'm actually a bit embarrassed to admit it but this HAS caused genuine mental and physical issues for me.
From the limited research I've done myself, and the several professionals I've spoke to for just advice, I understand that I do indeed need an attorney regardless of the scenario here. So what I really need help with is....how? I don't have the first idea on what to do here. I'm also nervous about money, as attorneys aren't free and I would not want to be trying to lowball an honest and important job.
I ask for any and all advice or recommendations on what I can do here.
Currently almost 2 weeks into the frozen account and not a single word given to me. Please help. I'm legitimately traumatized. I struggle with some pretty severe anxiety which makes things hard for me in general, but this has been pretty extreme for me. So I believe I want an attorney even if it's simply to have someone speak for me.
Edit1 for important detail: I'm in WA state