Last ferry from capri to naples

So I started citalopram around 2019 for depression but really the depression was caused by my ocd. Around that time I’m not sure how long after I remember just my vision being completely fucked one night like a gritty dry sensation in my eye and it almost hurt to look or focus on anything. At the time I didn’t make the connection and just continued on as normal. As I had ocd I wasn’t aware of what was physical and what was like a somatic obsession that I was creating in my head. Over this period I noticed other side effects like increased sensitivity to light, so sunny days were especially hard for me and finding it particular difficult to see at night/in dark rooms.
I somehow managed but all throughout this time I avoided close up work a lot and feel like subconsciously I was afraid to be in situations where I had to focus on close up things. What makes it more confusing is that I am farsighted and have amblyopia (lazy eye) in mt left eye, so I never knew whether that was the cause for my vision issues. However, it seems hard to accept that from the ages of 0-18 I never had issues with my vision, just got on with wearing my glasses and then at 18 these things I was born with would be somehow causing vision issues.
A couple of times last year when my anxiety about it for really bad I went to multiple opticians and even paid for an optometrist to have an in-depth examination of my eyes and there’s never been a problem.
Anyway I stopped the medication in December of last year and have simultaneously tried to have a healthier lifestyle. A lot of the issues have subsided but I still find it hard to focus on close up work. Like when I’m writing I kind of zone out and lose track.
This is extremely distressing. Do you think this could be a residual side effect of the being on pills for multiple years?

We broke up last September after 6 years of dating. It was constantly on and off with the contact. Even tho she didn't want a relationship with me she'd occasionally reach out and we would have a great time with eachother.
But that surge of happiness always ends up hurting afterwards. Because I just wanted to keep seeing her and it wasn't realistic. There were even times were I thought I can handle it and not slip back into that dark feeling afterwards, but I couldn't. Right now we are on good terms. Last time we saw eachother she was crying about the relationship we lost and it seemed like she wanted to get it back. She told me she wasn't interested in the idea of meeting/seeing new people and seemed eager to spend more time with me. So we planed something out, only for it to not go through because she had a really busy work week. But she told me she was going to find the time after work and let me know when we can go out again. I hope on snap in the middle of that week and see her out drinkin/picnicking with another guy. I was so confused, and a bit hurt, but not surpised.
I'm done with this. I love her to death and wish the best for her, so if that means it requires a life w/o me, so be it. But I cant entertain her uncertainty anymore. It's caused me more than just pain over the year. I've noticed that I don't nearly hold myself as valuable as I once did. And that probably stems from the rejection/being an option to someone who knows every vulnerability and bit of me.
I want to go into no contact indefinitely but I dont want to just suddenly do it without mentioning it. I also want to get a few things off of my chest before I do so. You think that it would be a good decision to have one last conversation. Or should I just drop it and never speak to her again without reason?

I (24F) am finally taking the final steps to combat my severe anxiety. I’ve never been diagnosed, but I’ve always been an over-planner, a worrier, and have had debilitating stomach problems that get worse with anxiety. I’ve always had what I consider social anxiety, but I am in positions where I can avoid them or stick with situations I’m comfortable with. I do the same routine daily and if there’s a change that I have not made, I am paralyzed and can’t get anything done. When I mean paralyzed, I mean unable to move from one position for HOURS.
Currently, the biggest trigger is I am graduating from university on Friday and all I’ve heard for the last 6 months since finishing my final semester is “so what job are you thinking of getting?” “Have you applied to any jobs?” Etc. No job prospects and considering taking another year of school to get a specific certification in a relevant field to my degree to supplement and hopefully get a decent paying job.
I am fearful my doctor will prescribe me anti-anxiety medications as we’ve had the discussion of having a severe general anxiety disorder with OCD tendencies. No final diagnosis yet, but it’s coming to that.
What do meds make you feel like? For reference, I do not drink or partake in any drugs due to my anxiety (I like to be aware of my surroundings 100%).

i've lurked on this subreddit for years. reading everyone's experiences makes me feel both seen but also alone.
i'm twenty years old. i've been mentally and emotionally abused all my life; physically too when i was younger, before i got the balls to fight back. a lot of my memories are blurry, a mix of adhd, c-ptsd, and drug abuse. i know what i went through was abuse, but sometimes i question how bad it actually was. sometimes i question if i was as much of a victim as i think.
sometimes i'm certain my family are full of narcissists. my earliest memory is my mother beating me for spilling a can of paint when i was four. all my life, i was conditioned to put my family and their image and needs above my own. it hurts to think about because i also know they sacrificed a lot to raise me and my brother, immigrant family and all. they say they did their best, but if this is their best, why am i so fucked up? why do i have a panic attack every time someone raises their voice? why do i have so much trouble asking for help? why do i feel like i'm always holding my breath when i interact with people, waiting for the moment the world crumbles down on me because i said the wrong thing?
sometimes i think my family are all monsters, but they are my family, and i unfortunately am also a monster.
i have a lot of fleas. it's the way i learned how to survive. that's part of the reason i feel so alone on this subreddit. yes, i'm a victim, but i never took it quietly. i never let myself get too hurt without doing some damage back. i stopped caring for them, i stopped viewing them as people. i knew how to attack them where it hurt and i gave them none of the power to hurt me. a combination of gray-rocking and back-and-front verbal-sometimes-physical violence for the last six years have left me with a lot of guilt, inadequate people skills, and the inability to open up and be vulnerable.
the last conversation i had with my nmother was her telling me i was abandoning her like my father did. it rolled off my shoulders. after that, i just cut into her for fun. because i could. because i was leaving already and burning this bridge so i might as well add kerosene because it's not gonna matter.
i told her her lack of self esteem was obvious and she was a leech who drained the life out of every single person she came across because of how truly empty she was inside. i told her she failed as a mother and if this was her best then she was pathetic.
she didn't even fight back. she had nothing to say except that she wished me well and that i found whatever peace i was looking for. she tried to tell me that if i ever needed anything that she was there, and i said that i would rather cut off my arm than ever need anything from her again, because anything from her came with a price. even things like food and shelter. i would never feel human being under the same roof as her. she used to make me feel like such a burden that i would starve in my room for days just to avoid seeing her in the kitchen.
she cried. i didn't care. i couldn't find it in me to care anymore. when you hit a dog, you shouldn't be surprised if it bites you. taking the high road doesn't satisfy me. what's satisfying about just taking whatever beating or insult or guilt-tripping for the sake of some moral high ground?
i'm being extremely emotionally volatile already but being around my family, particularly my nmom, makes my fuse 10x shorter. but it was honestly relieving. instead of just bottling up my anger and having imaginary arguments in my head i could say that shit out loud. and i didn't have to worry about what happens after because i'm FUCKING GONE.
i'm my worst self around my family. i want to hurt them the way they hurt me. and that makes me feel so alone on this subreddit. i feel like to be a "real victim" or whatever, i just needed to take their shit forever. but no. i hurt my family a lot. we were all terrible to each other. we were the four most incompatible people ever put under a single roof and we dehumanized the hell out of each other. my father left when i was fifteen and i hate him for it, but honestly? he had the right idea. it's lonely being a bad victim. i feel like a rabid dog that needs to be put down.

May or may not contain spoilers for the sequel trilogy so if you haven’t watch them first
Episode VII: The force Awakens I would keep everything mostly the same except for the following 1. Finn and Rey’s force sensitivity is established earlier on. 2. While on starkiller base Rey finds her yellow crystal 3. Starkiller base isn’t destroyed in this movie, but it does manage to destroy the D’Qar while the resistance fleet escapes into hyperspace.
Episode VIII: The Last Jedi Once again everything mostly stays the same except for the following. 1. Scrap the entire Canto Bight plot instead the focus will be two main plots: the Jedi plot and the resistance plot Plot A: the Jedi plot 2. Finn and Rey meet with Luke on Ahch-To for training (Luke doesn’t toss the lightsaber) 3. When Rey goes into the cave instead of seeing own reflection she sees a female figure alongside two male figures (this will be further explained in episode IX) 4.shortly after this she crafts a new lightsaber from her staff and after the confrontation with Luke, she and Finn leave to face supreme leader Snoke and Kylo Ren. Plot B: the resistance plot 5. Poe and the resistance fleet are on the run from the first order while simultaneously trying to formulate a plan to make a second strike against Starkiller base, which results in the Holdo Maneuver with Holdo Jumping the Raddus into Starkiller base as the weapon is charging (now for this to work the weapon would have to be smaller or the ship would have to be larger than it is in the film Or assuming the ship remains the same size Holdo would have to specifically target the thermal Oscillator IDK take your pick) with the end result being the planet being left with a huge chunk missing where the weapon would’ve been. 6. Luke faces now supreme leader Kylo Ren in person and is presumably slain by him when he becomes one with force leaving only his cloak behind much like Obi-Wan did, leaving Kylo Ren baffled and infuriated.
Episode IX: The Rise Of Skywalker Everything remains similar to the original film with these few exceptions. 1. The fleet of Star destroyer is still the main focus with The Supremacy acting as a control ship, With it being destroyed incapacitating the rest of the fleet. 2. Leia still plays a part in redeeming Ben Solo. Instead of her communicating with him telepathically followed by the Han scene, she dies becoming one with the force and appearing to Ben later as a force ghost. 3. Kylo Ren/Ben Solo Heals his lightsaber crystal and it gains a white color and he uses a white cross-guard lightsaber instead of tossing it into the sea. 4. When Rey arrives on Exegol she finds Luke’s severed hand in a bacta tank where Luke as a force ghost explains that her father was a younger clone of Palpatine who was spliced with DNA from his own(Luke’s hand) meaning that what Kylo Ren told her about her being Palpatine’s granddaughter was true (from a certain point of view) but she was also technically HIS (Luke’s) Daughter (Note: the Reylo kiss would NOT happen in this version) 5. During the “rise” and “all of the Jedi scenes the force ghosts of all the previous Jedi should be seen aiding Rey, Finn, and Ben. 6. Rey uses both her own and Leia’s lightsabers in the final battle against Palpatine. 7. Ben Solo’s force ghost should be seen alongside Luke and Leia’s. 8. Finn uses the Skywalker lightsaber for most of the trilogy until the end when he and Rey bury it and Leia’s lightsaber
Post credits scene: a few months to a year later Rey and Finn are on Ahch-To where Rey is training Finn where it’s revealed he’s crafted his own lightsaber using some pieces From his old stormtrooper armor and we can see that their swordsmanship has improved. A ship lands and several strangers exit out of it and start asking for Rey Skywalker. Rey and Finn briefly exchange a confused look before Rey turns to the crowd with a slight smirk.
END I know my ideas might not be the most original but this is how I think the trilogy could’ve been improved. Please let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy reading this.

Hi,
I've been with my wife for 6 years, married for 3 (discussed kids next year) and we have had a great relationship up to now.However, she recently met someone (around 5-6 weeks ago) through her hobby which has caused some insecurity and trust issues for me as I found out she has a crush on him. She's quite conservative, though gets attention from guys quite often due to her hobby and I'm generally ok with it, since I trust her not to sleep around. However, they spent a lot of time together over these weeks due to a hobby project they did together (as part of a group) and feelings have emerged. I've been in a similar situation myself and managed to see the signs and get myself out of there. Her hobby is not something she is willing to give up, and I'm concerned she is going in the wrong direction on this and while she knows it's not good, she is also a little naive to see it could evolve to much worse.
She's out of the country for work for the next 2 weeks so can't see this guy for now, but she keeps notes on her icloud and has been adding comments about what they will discuss when they next meet and I can see them (she has her phone with her and I use her Mac here so just saw them without thinking). It's kinda innocent but basically lining up to be a date: her recalling what he said and how he wanted to hear about her past, dreams, and what she will share with him, comments he made about her (flirty but nothing sexual), what they will discuss when they meet, etc. I don't have access to her social media to check anything else and feel a bit sick thinking about that option since this is uncomfortable already.
She also has a note from last week where she wrote out how she worried about him all day since she didn't hear from him and that she feels very happy they became friends and it feels wonderful how close they became. She closes with it feels like a love letter, and she is limiting her communication because she's in a relationship but she wants to be lifelong friends. I assume she wrote this out and sent it to him so he knows her feelings too. Despite the friends comment, this is obviously way beyond what I can consider acceptable in a relationship and if she did send him (or even more since). I guess this is not one way and he's hinted or directly said something so this also brings my mind to: I'm not 100% sure he won't visit her where she is now and I'd have no way of knowing if he did either.I think it's very unlikely given the cost and time for him to get there, short notice, and she does seem conflicted and conscious of how she is saying these things, but I don't obviously don't see everything. Of course if anything like that happened the relationship is done, but I'm pretty sure that won't happen at this stage and she's just having a crush, feeling excited to see him when she gets back. She's not disassociated with me either and communication has been pretty normal while is is away so I don't think it's anything on this front.
I feel it's more of a situational crush (work wife/husband) type situation for now and if we get it discussed soon it will go away peacefully, but I can see a bad ending to this if I don't approach her about it soon. If she was in the country now I would just ask her directly, but do I really want to bring up how I know? And for the next 2 weeks we are in different countries so do I wait to see if any more comments are added to the note? I'm worried if I don't bring it up soon, her longing for him (however superficial it may/may not be) will grow and I'll be more paranoid in my messages and calls with her these next 2 weeks that she will get annoyed with me.
TLDR: wife has a crush on someone and is out of the country for a couple of weeks so I'm struggling on when/how to communicate that I know and that we need to resolve this (I do feel we can resolve and move past it and I'm sure cheating (physically at least) has happened yet.
Would really appreciate some advice - thank you!

Hey everyone. I just turned 18 and i'm graduating on Friday. I just stepped on the scale for the first time since last winter, and I weigh 150lbs (68kg). I'm 5'6" (167cm) and i was always the "skinny girl." I think I weighed 120lbs freshman year. COVID happened during freshman year, my grandma died, I started taking lexapro+ hormonal birthcontrol for acne, and I also ate a lot. I stepped on the scale before I went to shower and I broke down in tears. My scale said my bmi is 24 and my body fat % is 27. I always avoided looking in the mirrors and I cry whenever I see photos of myself (especially the past few years.) My boobs are 34DD now and I feel like I look huge no matter what angle. I think they were C when I was younger. I have no idea what to do. I'm a bit overweight and definitely not what I want to look like. I have no idea how I can lose weight. I'll barely eat for weeks now and stay active but the numbers won't go down (maybe from the bcontrol?). after i stepped on the scale i panicked. i dont want to see graduation pics/videos of me and only think of how fat i look. i dont want to look back negatively on those photos when im older. i feel hopeless.

I am a aroace individual, which means I experience LITTLE to NO romantic attraction, so I mix up platonic and romantic love A LOT. Being aroace has affected me, like being VERY LONELY! I get so lonely sometimes, that I used to start gaslighting myself into having crushes, which I don't do anymore thankfully, but this is one of my experiences with that.
Last summer, I didn't have a lot of people to talk to, which caused a lot of loneliness. I started thinking of my last relationship, which made me think of how lonely I was, and, surprise surprise, I made myself think I had a crush on one of my closest friends (lets call her Gecko I guess).
Couple days later, May 25 probably, I was talking to my friend (let's call her Ghoul), and the conversation went to crushes, she started to ask me if I had one, so I told her I did. Then she went on to guess almost every single person in our classroom at the time, which I immediately said no to all of them, but then she guessed "is it Gecko?" And if you know me irl, you know I suck at telling lies. She has the bright idea to play Cupid himself and try and set us up! She says "Oh! I'll go ask Gecko who she likes" and I couldn't say no to that! SURPRISE!!!! Gecko likes me back, she asks me out, I say yes!
Couple weeks, maybe a month or two later. I'm on a call with my friends, I'm laughing and having fun! I get a text from my new GF Gecko, and speaking of Gecko, couple days before this, I start thinking if I'm loosing feelings. I talk with Gecko, and she starts saying that she wants to breakup, and that she was sorry and that she still loves me deeply! I tell her, "It's alright! Y'know, I wanted to breakup as well, I think I mixed up platonic and romantic feelings!!" And we agree on staying friends and I move on with my day.
Couple hours later, I get sent to a GC on Snapchat. It has Ghoul and Gecko in it, which I thought nothing of. Ghoul starts typing while me and Gecko start talking in the GC, and in the middle of our conversation, Ghoul says "imagine not loving your first real girlfriend, you really hurt her!" Which I was shocked to say the least! I start trying to explain myself, so I start saying of how I'm aroace and it's hard to tell sometimes, but nobody would listen! Ghoul starts going on about how all my friends think I'm a b1tch, and that I hurt Gecko! I didn't know it hurt Gecko, I thought we agreed on it.
This was awhile ago, but I still wonder. . . WITA? (sorry if this was a little wrong, or my grammar was bad, I'm still working on my writing!!! Lemme know if you need more info!)

As of recently me and my girlfriend have had only toxic moments constant arguing everyday and she is almost always angry at me. One day she tells me she wants me to see me and the other days she keeps threatening me to cancel it and block me on everything. Oh yeah and keep in mind I booked this flight way before. So a few days before the flight the same things keep happening the threatening of canceling or her stubbornly saying she wants me to come. Last second until the 24 hour deadline when it is too late she decides to keep saying she won't pick me up from the airport and is constantly mad. Oh and another thing happened. She posted a text chat she had with me with a barf emoji on her close friends Instagram and one of my mutual told me about it and I confronted her about it. The flight already was going to happen so I said I was willing to forget about it and go on with the week and then we can go from there. She kept insisting that I tell her who the "rat" was or she would continue to keep ignoring me. She claims that I am in no position to be mad or whatever and I should only listen to what she says because she is the one who controls if I have a place to stay or not. Another story related to this topic, she keeps getting defensive over her behavior and covers it by saying "you need to listen to me" or throws insults at me or says "I'm providing the housing and driving you" when in reality she does not pay for her mom's house which is the place I am staying at. She also had a story where she told me her mom does not approve of me. My mom had given me 300 dollars for my flight expenses not the flight itself and I was uncomfortable using it just to cover my flight. My gf insisted that why not just use it all on the flight so we don't have to split. Eventually she understood but this is where her mom came in. She texts me 4 am or something and says my mom doesn't approve of you. I told her about the 300 and she said that if it's true love then you would pay for all. Her mom thinks that I would use her. I thought it was ironic that she thought that when her daughter has been seeming like she was using me not only for expenses but for attention. My belief is that we split half and half so that we both have a commitment for it. Basically the flight being too late to cancel she has the upper hand each time and whenever she wants things to go her way she would use it against me. For example, "if you don't tell me who the rat is, I'm gonna ignore you" or "If you not gonna do this I'm not gonna not pick you up." My flight is in almost 12 hours from now and I don't know what to expect. I am probably going to end things for good after this week but is there any hope of at least this week being good. There is way more to the story then this but this is just the general idea for now.

26F. No medications or medical conditions I've been using a topical steroid (betaderm 0.05% 3x a day) for the last 12 days for contact dermatitis on my face. (Photo of before treatment and today in comments) Most of it has cleared up by now (there was more on my forehead, hairline, and nose that is completely gone now) And I have only needed to continue the cream on my cheek, mostly in the one particular spot that was the worst area from the start. The redness in my cheek seems to almost start to go away but then flare back up a bit when I shower or wash my face or go in the sun even for extremely short periods of time. Is this just remnants of the contact dermatitis that's being stubborn? I'm looking for insight just because I've been using the topical steroid cream for 12 days and I was advised it typically shouldn't be used for longer than 14 days. Thank you!

Okay, I have a main job at a grocery store. Sometime near the end of last week, I got a little side job at a car wash that wasn't too far from my main job and I was able to walk to both.
Well I worked a total of 3 days and I was working alongside with the night manager, and two other guys. Well today, I'm working the night shift which is 6:00 to 7:00 p.m. I was super focused on doing the test at the night manager gave me, that I did not realize that coworker number 2 went behind my back on the job site and pestered the night manager to make my position more permanent.
I didn't know any of this was going on, like I've stated. But apparently he hoped that I beat out another temporary worker for the job to get on the official payroll because she stole a bicycle from him. I didn't know any of this and the night manager brings it up to me at the last few minutes we will do to leave for the night from the car wash. Apparently coworker number two gotten a hissy fit at something she said about the situation and left on his bicycle in a huff.
She basically complaints to me, like I had anything to do with the whole situation. And now as a result of him pestering her the entire time we were working last night from 6:00 to 7:00, now me neither me or the other temporary chick will get permanent position at the car wash now.
I was actually really liking working there than 3 days I have already and I was actually going to use that kind of money to help out a little bit with the food situation at my house, so wasn't just for kids through the novelty of working two jobs at once. And now because the co-worker number two, that's been taken from me now.
I was super almost low-keyed depressed because I had to walk home and tell my own mother tonight about me pretty much not getting the job in a more permanent role.
I have to show up tonight at 6:00 p.m. so the night manager can pay me. I know I work those 3 hours, an hour each night, but I'm really don't feel like up to it because it was such a shit show today. I'm frankly embarrassed to show my face around that car wash again, even though at the end of the day, I had nothing to do was what happened between co-worker number two and her.

I simply cannot live in India anymore. Every day I live here, it makes me more disgruntled and bitter.
I've decided to make it in another country. India is simply not for me. I've explained some of the reasons I want to move in the last post I made that you'll find from my post history that you can read if you want but the tldr is that it includes childhood trauma, abuse and an extreme aversion to Indian culture that I've developed ovef my life due to the regressive social norms present here.
Here's my situation : I will have an undergraduate degree in industrial design in a few more months. I'm looking to start my life afresh in a new country.
Currently, what I think is the best option for me is Germany based on the research I've done so far. I'm thinking of taking the plunge spending 11k€ on a blocked account to go study master's in a German university, and hopefully stay there thereafter. I might just be able to scrape together that amount of money.
But, I do not know how valued my profession is in the German market. I don't necessarily care about staying in the profession either. I could study something different in Germany that's valued better to improve my chances of getting permanent residence status.
My priority is permanent residence. The sooner I can get the assurance that I won't be kicked back to India, the better. The less hoops I have to jump through to get that assurance and the cheaper it is, the better. The sooner I get to leave India, the better.
I spent an exchange semester in Germany in 2022, and I'm thinking of applying to the same institute for my master's. (Master in integrated design). I do not know how easy it would be to get a job with this master's in the German market (or any other degree. I'm oblivious to how valuable designers are in Germany)
I want to know if there are better options out there. I do not mind the initial living standards I'd be having when I first move there. Because, in comparison, I'd rather not live at all than live in India. I don't mind learning a trade either and practicing that instead of a master's if that's necessary.
What would be a master's degree that someone like me could take in a foreign University such that my chances of staying after are good?
Is there any other country that I should consider? Is there any possibility at all that I could go to any of these countries directly after getting a job offer?
I am not looking to ever come back to India. I'm sure my priorities might sound strange to some of you, but I've got strong reasons as to why.

So I have a younger brother who i share the same mom with but we have different dads. We grew up kinda knowing as my mom cheated on my dad with his dad but it was never spoken about for that reason in particular and my dad raised both of us as if he was his own child. About 14 years ago when he was 3 years old his dad had passed away in a motorcycle accident and my mom had went to his funeral to pay her respects and i dont think she ever got to meet his wife as she was his mistress. Fast forward to now a tiktok storytime i just watched caused me to go on facebook and search my brothers dads name to see if he was using facebook back in 2009 and i ended up finding a guy of the same name on there. As im going through his pictures I can already tell he’s related to my brother just from the shape of his face and mainly his nose. For some reason its always the noses.
The first odd thing was that his last profile picture was from 2020 but i didn’t pay that much attention to it at first, and when i was done scrolling through his photos i saw a shared post from April and i was about to exit the profile but i ended up scrolling down some more. Sadly i found posts from friends and family giving their condolences to him as he had passed away in 2020 for reasons unknown and i feel so sad figuring this out. Turns out he was also a Jr and one post said that “he’s with his father now” which confirmed his relation to my brother. My brother cant really remember his dad so he never had questions about him or seemed to be hurt/talks about his death. He’s also about to turn 18 this year so idk if he ever plans to ask my mom about him one day. Now that i know this information i feel horrible and i’m wondering if i should either tell him, tell my mom or keep it to myself. What should I do?

I've been on 7 different antidepressants since January 2013 and none of them work. They all feel very much the same and also never really change over the weeks and months, even with dose adjustments.
Zoloft and Lexapro feel very similar, and are the only ones that don't make me feel a LOT worse. They both just make me feel a bit lightheaded and slightly nauseous on the first day and then not much after that. There will either be a very slight increase or decrease in my usual level of irritability which will revert to normal after 1-2 days. Then I pretty much feel nothing apart from an overall reduction in my irritability by maybe 10%. That's as good as it gets. Zoloft also tends to make my insomnia and OCD motor tics a bit worse.
Prozac and Trintellix felt the same, except Prozac was way worse and more intense. Day 1 felt uneasy and extra irritable. The next 2-3 weeks felt even worse, with my pre-existing feelings of constant dread and sense of impending doom much worse. Occasional worsening of my insomnia. After about a month, my nervous tension and social anxiety increased dramatically and my lifelong stutter came back (it had been much improved by taking Klonopin for the last 6 years). Weeks 5-8 just felt like a nightmare of constant worsening of dread, like something horrible was going to happen. After 2 months, I couldn't sleep at all and had to stop taking it. I had been taking an antihistamine every night for 6 years to sleep and never had a problem until now. The Prozac was just overriding both the Klonopin and the antihistamine. I stopped abruptly with no side effects except some feelings of relief. It took me a month before I could sleep decently again, despite doubling my dosage of antihistamine. It was also the first time in 6 years that I felt the need to take extra Klonopin, just to relieve the extra anxiety.
Effexor felt similar, except it didn't give me insomnia. It hugely worsened my sense of impending doom and constant dread though. After about 3 months I had to go off it as I just felt so miserable and paralysed by anxiety, I couldn't even deal with the 10 minute walk to my doctor to get more or try something else. I abruptly went off it and felt no side effects except relief.
Cymbalta felt similar once again, except for the first week it felt more like Zoloft or Lexapro. Very mild. Then I started to notice after week 2-3, that all too familiar feeling of worsening dread. Everything felt very dark and hopeless. Nothing brought comfort or relief except sleep. After week 4 I felt extra irritable and angry. SO sick of feeling so bad basically. I went off it, again abruptly, and again with no side effects.
In between each, I would go back to either Zoloft or Lexapro, just because they were slightly better than nothing.
The other one I tried was Moclobemide, which didn't make me feel worse thankfully, but instead felt like nothing. No difference, except excessive sleepiness. I kept falling asleep an hour after each pill, so twice a day, for hours, and that went on for about a month with no benefits, so I had to go off it.
Other than that, I was on Lamictal for months, alongside both Effexor and then Zoloft, which felt like literally taking nothing. Only after my dose got up to 150mg did I feel extra apathetic and dull, sleepy, as well as cognitively slow. I'd lose words, or use the wrong word, etc. After I stopped taking it, my mind remained slow for about 3 months afterwards.
I was prescribed Seroquel for sleep and anxiety, but it was horrible and made me so tense and wired, irritable and wide awake that I couldn't sleep at all!
The same thing happens with things like Benadryl, Hydroxyzine and Ashwagandha.
I tried Ritalin for apparent ADHD, but again, it felt TERRIBLE, made my body ultra tense and exhausted at the same time, and my mind so tired, bored, dull and depressive that all I could do was lay on the couch staring into space. I couldn't focus on anything and couldn't read or write properly. I kept skipping words. That was a dose of only 5mg and 10mg. I had to go off it after a week as I was just so non-functioning.
Even CBD oil makes me tense, uneasy and also gives me insomnia!
What is going on???

I haven't talked to my sponser about this yet because it's kind of late where I'm at, and I've needed silence with my thoughts before vocalizing my feelings. Me and my boyfriend are both in AA. We've known each other for a few years and reconnected at a meeting a few months ago and are together now (yes, both sponsers know). Last night, he told me about his past relationships. Both of us had relationships that were harmed by addiction and alcohol in our pasts (classic alcoholism). I'm just having a hard time knowing some of the details of his past. I literally have my own past mistakes and issues too, so I feel like a hypocrite for feeling upset. He's a really great person and cares about me and my feelings more than anyone I've ever been with. I guess I'm suffering from some of that good ole self-centered fear and am combining who he was in the past with who he is now in my head. Can anyone offer some advice in moving forward (other than calling my sponser...I will in the morning lol)?

I beg for kindness. I've been in a dark place for a long time. I posted this on careeradvice also, but I think this community is a good place for it too....maybe?
TL;DR: Promotions at work over the years + being an individual contributor on the team has led to my 3rd (and worst) burnout at the same company over the course of about 11 years. I feel unhappy with every role change for different reasons. What can I do to accept being overwhelmed at work with the volume of work expected and stress with what I'm doing? Will I just always be unhappy no matter what?
If youre still here, this is super long, so please bear with me. It all leads to my question at the end. I have an MSW. I graduated back in 2012 and couldn't find a job since I didn't have post grad work experience. I took the first job I was interviewed for and offered - at a temp healthcare staffing company. I started in August 2012 as a Recruiter...then less than a year later, all within 2 months of each other, 3 of the 5 of the team members left. I took on more work willingly, but my role changed since I was promoted, etc. Additional duties included a phone sales kind of role which I hated, since I'm an introvert, plus I was managing people while being an individual contributor on the team with screening and hiring temps. We had a huge project May-August 2014 where I worked all the time and was on-call for the Temps I'd hired 24/7. I was burnt out by August 2014. I got an opportunity to switch roles at the same company as a Contracts administrator in August 2014. I switched and have been in the same department since, save for a brief hiatus at the end of 2021. In this role, I put together our company contract template for clients, reviewed and negotiated terms to Client agreements, etc. It was more analytical and not at all sales-y which was perfect for me. As time went on, my original Manager left, and she was replaced by the Assistant Manager at the time (who is now over me and a bunch of other people). She's still my boss to this day, and you cannot find a better boss. She's wonderful, supportive, fights for her team, she's easy to talk to, great to work for. She and I are very close. She is also my opposite - she's very extroverted, outspoken, and quick to think on her feet. She handles things being thrown on her plate with grace, although she may complain to me privately. 😉 COVID hit our company HARD - but in a good way. We grew exponentially due to helping staff soooo many nurses throughout the country. Things also changed drastically. 3 of the 4 of our executives - who I was close to and worked closely with - left, and they were replaced by baby VPs so that our executive team dynamic changed a lot. Now, the days of being able to review and negotiate contracts are gone (the goal is to sign sign sign so the salespeople can close their sales), as is the support we received at the exec level. Since COVID, we've been so much more busy, to the point that I have been overwhelmed at my job since sometime in 2020. I would regularly work 8a-9p, weekends, holidays. I would break down in tears regularly also. I crashed and burned in Oct and Nov 2021. I decided I wanted a complete career change, so I landed a job at an ABA clinic working with autistic kids and studied for and obtained an RBT certification. I resigned from my job in Contracts, although they begged me to stay. They offered me a promotion and more money, and they offered for me to take the last couple of months of the year off paid, but I was tired of always being super stressed and having no support from the execs, who we work very closely with. When I say no support, I mean nonresponsive to emails, requests for help, lack of knowledge and accountability, never being available etc. (When COVID hit all the executives were allowed to work completely remotely, and most of them moved out of state.) After I resigned, I started working at the ABA clinic, BUT - within 2 weeks I realized I hated it. I liked the kids, but the job was so monotonous and did not challenge my brain enough to keep me interested. I had to be over the top enthusiastic and extroverted with the kids which was draining to me. I also had no flexibility whatsoever- if my kid was sick, my husband had to be the one to work at home and I realized I'd never be able to get off work to attend any of her school functions, which is very important to me. I let the ABA clinic know that I was sorry, but the job was not the right fit. I also asked my old boss if I could possibly come back. She told me in confidence that the executives had a meeting and agreed they needed to be more supportive to our department and be available, so that made it more positive to go back. I'd also have occasional remote work flexibility, able to attend kid's school stuff, and I could use my brain. It just seemed like the grass was greener on that side. I was welcomed back with the promotion and pay raise offered when I'd resigned. Well...since I returned at the beginning of 2022, I've managed a team of 5. I remain an individual contributor on the team as well, so I do the same job as several others + Manager duties, tons of meetings, etc. If COVID seemed bad, how I feel now is no comparison. I need about 16 hours in each workday to get done everything I need to do in between meetings now. I have started having to work most nights from about 10pm-1am just to keep up with my day to day stuff. As a disclaimer, I don't like working outside of work hours when my kid is around. I get too focused and I'm only half focused on her, and I get grouchy due to stress. I still break down in tears regularly, but usually on the way home from work. When I walk up to the building each morning, I feel like a heavy weight settles on my chest and I have to mentally prepare myself for the crap I'm going to have to deal with that day. I work with a lot of salespeople now, and I hate being a prime factor in them closing their sale (because they promise the client they'll get a contract over to them same day). When I can sleep at night, I've started having nightmares about work, where I freak out because I forgot something and wake up panicked. There are days I just want to get up from my desk chair, walk out, and never return. I also had something personal happen in my family in December that has affected my mental health drastically. I did seek therapy for a while for it, but I just didn't have the time to spend a couple of hours in session each week or text with my therapist....it became something else I fell behind on which made things worse for me, so I terminated the relationship. I did talk to my wonderful boss about how I feel overwhelmed all the time, and she wants to keep me, so we set a plan in motion to restructure duties in our department. It's been needed for a long time anyway. We'd talked about it in 2022 but didn't follow through with it. But now, I don't know if I'll be happy JUST managing people! OH MY GOODNESS....ALL of that to say...am I just destined to be unhappy, no matter what my job is? What in the heck is wrong with me? Why do I let the work stress get to me so badly? I know everyone has stress about work, how do you not want to leave your jobs and find something different? How can I do better?

I have 4 years of network and comms experience through the AF and I have CCNA, Sec+, GSEC and working on another cloud one too.. my SB for the last 6 months has been in cybersecurity with hands on experience..
Anyone know of recruiters or contacts in companies that hire vets like myself for decent paying jobs post military? I’m almost done, and applying for jobs rn but LinkedIn isn’t helping out and I really need to use points of contacts I think. It’s like my job apps and CV goes into a black hole of nothingness.
Would appreciate some help or advice from people who did SB and are in a good career place rn in the IT field… please point me in the right direction for some sweet real life good karma…

I (f31) live with three other women in our late to early 30s one of which is G (f33). G is polyamorous (like I am) has a very active sex life. She has multiple sexual partners and recently hasn't had any long term ones. Which is great for her. We're a shame free environment.
Howeve, she never tells us when guys are coming over to stay the night or in general. It's become a problem even more so recently because her latest fling will stay three or four nights in a row. She met him at a festival a month ago and bought him home and he's been here almost every weekend since.
G is super ADHD, and doesn't consistently medicate. This is why the other flatties and I have not really bothered bringing it up when there's only been the occasional (sometimes twice a week but with different guys and not consecutively) sleepover. We've asked her casually over the last year but let her get away with it.
Now that this guy is over for long periods all the time we had a sit down chat about (amongst other things) this very issue and asked her to let us know when guys were coming. She's majorly triggered by the idea of asking permission from us but we made it very clear we weren't saying no, we just want to be informed.
I feel like this is fair enough. She brings round guys she doesn't know that well. She left new fling at the house with no one home while she went to work. And we just want to feel like this is a safe home. Not to mention, G and I share a bathroom and we're super comfortable being naked and peeing with the door open! I need to know when there's a dude in her room.
Well a week after this conversation, G not only had her fling round without letting us know, she bought another guy home from a party without telling us.
So I matched up to her room and, finding I had no other way to put it anymore, yelled at her about her complete lack of respect.
G doesn't get it at all. She's told the other flatmates she thinks we're all anxious (true) introverts (also true) and other people would be fine with her way of living and having randoms over.
So AITA for wanting to informed when visitors, particularly overnight ones, are coming to our flat?