This is my first time venting here so I hope I'm doing it right and not breaking any rules. I didn't figure out that my mother has npd for at least thirty years. Five years ago, I thought maybe she had borderline personality disorder because she would self-harm and threaten/attempt suicide several times during my childhood and later on during adulthood. But one thing my mom would do is repeatedly try to pit my siblings and I against each other and when I tried searching for that on google, the results showed that this behavior of hers is associated with npd and not bpd. So she probably has npd with comorbid bpd or something to that effect.
So three weeks ago, my elderly Nmom called me on the phone and I'm making small talk with her because it's impossible to have deeper conversations with her. So I'm talking about the weather, the local news, whatever, and she mentions to me that her brother (my uncle) is worried about her health and he offered to fly her over to his home in Alberta so that she can have extended family look after her health. So I said "oh that sounds like a great offer. It would be great for you to have better health care." And then out of nowhere she very casually says "yes it's great. Because all four of my children are terrible. None of them do anything to help their sick mother" and I was just like "....... ??????" I didn't respond because my blood was boiling. I'm not giving her the satisfaction of yelling at her anymore because it only feeds her "poor me" victim narrative. And honestly I'm just fed up of yelling at her. It doesn't do anything. It doesn't change her. It's like yelling at a brick wall. It's my blood pressure going up so really I'm only hurting myself by giving into her anger bait tactics. Ten years ago, I lost my temper with my mother during an argument and called her a "bitch" and she started self-harming right in front of me while repeatedly calling herself a "bitch" and it was a traumatizing experience for me personally. When I told this to a therapist, she suggested that I call 911 whenever my mom does something like that, but the thing is she did the same thing over a decade ago when arguing with my oldest brother and what's scary about it is that she would come over to me after the argument and try to convince me that my brother gave her those cuts and bruises and that she's considering filing a police report against my brother. She's cold-blooded nightmare. I'm sorry, but I'm not calling 911 if she's going to pull some DARVO move on me.
Anyway, so today she showed up at my apartment unannounced even though I've told her at least dozen times in the past that she can't appear unannounced because it's rude. I was taking a nap when she showed up and buzzed my apartment intercom system. I went downstairs to the lobby and told her, very calmly I might add, about how she can't show up unannounced like this and that she needs to call me on the phone before visiting me. She went all quiet and left so I thought, ok I guess that went well. Later in the evening I receive a phone call from her and she's crying on the phone, telling me that she's in the hospital now and she's begging me for my forgiveness. And I'm thinking... wtf? All I did was calmly ask you to respect my boundaries and you're self-harming because your fucked up brain interprets a respectful request as abandonment? I know she's self-harming and putting herself in the hospital purposely because she's desperate for attention and she wants her kids to swoop in to become her rescuecaregiveparental figure again and my siblings and I are sick of her dramatic bullshit.
It's 4am and I should be sleeping, but my anxiety is keeping me awake.

Hey, I'm at a point where I'm sorta just stuck and have no idea what to do or if I even want to do anything at all and it's really difficult, so rn I just want someone that I can vibe with for a while or maybe have it be a long term thing, idk. We'll see how it goes. Let's voice call and watch videos, play games, text at stupid hours of the day and do *other* stuff together of course. Basically, I just want a "situationship" type thing that can hopefully give us both some joy during what is a really shitty time rn.
Anyway, here's a bit about me!
I'm shy at first but open up quickly if I like you. Very talkative about my passions, could talk someone's ear off about football or a video game but I tend not to because I don't want to bore people haha. I have a lot of self doubt and I'm on the spectrum with a terrible habit of hyperfocusing on meaningless things that give me joy, aka my hobbies! Collecting, playing games, following football/soccer and basketball. Also a somewhat cynical F1 fan. I'm quite cute and I'd also hope that you're good looking too, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I guess I know my worth in that sense. However, I'm not everyone's cup of tea so I'd be happy to swap selfies with you right away. I wouldn't want to waste time if there isn't a mutual attraction.
So uh yeah, idk what else to say really. I'd prefer you to be 21+. Oh and I don't drive, no problem if that's a dealbreaker for you. Thanks for reading and have a great day.

Preface: this is my own personal opinion, art is subjective and if you think baryon mode is dope you're 100% entitled to that. But also you're wrong and I hate you (apparently necessary /s because some of y'all can't handle this show being criticized)
It just doesn't make sense, and is dumb in every regard.
It just comes out of nowwhere. Naruto gets mortally wounded and literally goes "Kurama, I need an asspull" and Kurama just goes "bet, here's some hax no one, not even you, knew I had, and you're instantly going to know how to use it with no explanation". Like, it envolves a blending (albeit a violent and destructive one) of Naruto and Kurama's chakra right? You'd think doing so would require some practice to get it just right, but Naruto apparently instantly knows how to flow in this state. Granted he ultimately over extends himself, and I'll get to that point, but even just not immediately going to far should take so practice.
And the explanation of how it works. I might be in the minority here, but I really don't like the technology creep of Boruto. I really loved Naruto's "era" of "modern day society set in a more or less ancient technological period with here or there advancements". I don't really like all the massive advancements of Boruto (and that could be a whole nother topic). But this one really irks me. Even with the technology level praent with Boruto, Kurama's explanation is just weird. "Yeah bro it's just like partial physics" yet with all the advancements this series presents, that's a concept that seems well beyond their grasp. Like "oh yeah it works just like nuclear fission" even though there's nothing in this universe that indicates that a concept these people would even have begun to hypothisise a about. And the series seems to be aware of this, as when Naruto doesn't seem to understand the analogy Kurama just kinda shrugs it off as "yeah you don't really get it". So either Naruto is just plain stupid, or this is a concept that shouldn't even exist in this era yet. Just the name seems our of place in the universe. Hell the name itself seems like an anachronism. Okay so is explained as being like a nuclear reactor, a concept we IRL discovered in the 30's. There's nothing else to indicate that nuclear physics are a thing understood in the Naruto universe but let's just give a pass on that for now. IRL Baryon particles weren't discovered until 50 years later. That a massive leaps in science, in a universe that already making massive leaps with no explanation
It's just kinda boring and uninspired. Every new mode Naruto unlocked in OG (Sage, KCM1, KCM2, SP) propelled him into a whole new tear and brought with it an entire new world of techniques. What does Baryon mod do? It makes him faster and stronger. Again, that's pretty boring. Those are feats he could have accomplished just through training. And why did he need baryon mod in the first place? It's never directly stated he no longer has access to SP powers (and Sasuke still has his, so why wouldn't Naruto?) And there's things about his visual design that would indicate he does still have those powers, just for whatever reason doesn't choose to fully utilize them. And again, why would he need a new mode? SP Naruto was capable of blitzing Juubidara (a pseudo Otsutsuki) AND Kaguya. Okay maybe Isshiki was strongefaster, but again Naruto could just train for those attributes, which you'd assume he would have been doing since discovering the Otsutsuki threat. But I guess not? Apparently he let his demigod status go to his head until someone basically killed him did he discover the concept of hubris, but luck for him he can just overcome all that because plot.
And personally I just think it looks dumb. Yeah it's fitting since you know Nine Tailed Fox, but the hair turning into fox ear just looks weird to me. The marking going from his eyes up into his haiears personallyooks weird. The clock turning into tails again, looks personally weird, at the very least the tail are too short, though I don't think making them longer would have looked better. And, I know this is unique to the anime, but it pisses me off nonetheless so I'm going to mention it (thanks Pierriot, cuz you haven't done enough damage already) WHY IS IT RED?! Both Naruto and Kurama are associated with the cor orange, so why fucking change that for no reason? Just make it a different shade (ya know, like the manga did) if you want it to be visual distinct.
But the biggest thing about it that bothers me is that it's an unashamed asspull. Powering scaling in Naruto is inherently fucked (which again is a whole nother topic). From the kurar of the series Naruto and Sasuke are aay too strong, so the only way we can create a convince threat is to make a massively OP antagonist. But oopse we made them too OP, and some of them are supposed to be defeated, so we gotta massively buff our protagonist to win this fight, but also this was suppyti be a show about a new MC, so here's an ability that kills two birds with one stone. We can have one of our protagonists outclass the completely broke threat, but also nerd them at the same time because this story is about a different MC who should be irrelevant in the power scaling unless we just went him as immediately born into God hood.
Shit baryon mode highlights what's wrong with Boruto at it's core, it's a complete fucking mess. People like to joke about all the retcons of Naruto and how Kishi was making it up as he went along, but he atleast had a blueprint. Boruto is just weaving plots because the barebones idea sounds cool on paper, with no regard for how irs gonna work out in the longer narrative. Granted the plot was fucked Ron the get go, the way Naruto was written it was intended to have a definitive ending, and as much as a love this universe and would like to see more of it, the OG story needs an overhaul to allow for a truely compelling narrative.

I am naturally more introverted and dread small talk because it feels so forced to me. I know that I am good at engaging with people and asking questions because I’m a very curious person, but my banter is not great. I am terrible at the quick-witted responses that acknowledge what someone is saying and prompts them to continue their story. I think this is because naturally, introverts do not have a million things to say at all times. A lot of the time, you are just taking things in and only really share if something feels important to say, however, this is obviously not how small talk works. For example, I was speaking to one of my professors recently and only had 1 question to ask him. He is very talkative and extroverted and this conversation seemed to never end. At one point, he brought up how he took his son out to eat and their hostess was a girl that sits next to him in his math class. You might tell me “just ask about his son,” but we had already kind of exhausted the topic of his son and though I did try to move the conversation along by asking him whether his son was a good student, he panned back to this story—a meaningless story with zero significance and no way to “dive deeper.” I’ve noticed that patients that I interact with at work (especially elderly people) share these random stories or make random comments that you can’t really respond to because there’s nothing to say and usually I’m stuck thinking about the best response to get me out of that dialogue. In these specific scenarios that I’m referencing, the conversations are supposed to be quick—whether that be because you dread small talk, because of your schedule (needing to move on to other patients for example) or simply because there is not much to discuss. Some people are going to suggest asking a question to change the subject, but that is really not the hard thing for me in the moment, it’s just that you have to first acknowledge whatever they said in order to move on to something else. I find myself in these conversations which should probably have already ended trying to find something to say that’s not “really?” or “that’s crazy!” or “oh my gosh, wow.” I usually just respond by laughing (if it’s lighthearted and appropriate) but can never really find the words to wrap it up in a pretty bow (and sometimes exit the conversation). I feel like “there you go!” and “I hear ya” are a few phrases you can use when you’re in small talk to acknowledge random stories where there’s nothing to say, but what are some other phrases that can improve banter and be used across many small talk interactions?

The room has shrouded itself in a cloak of darkness, a sombre lullaby whispering its melancholic tune, smothering the ears, coaxing you into slumber. Now is the time. But partial rest is not befitting this moment; vengeance is what it demands, eternal rest. Oh, how serenely you repose, you delicate, innocent child. A casualty of infidelity, suffocated by the treachery of your wanton mother and contemptible father. You were meant to be mine...
Fear not, sweet baby girl, for soon you shall find solace in eternal sleep, embraced by the stillness of eternity.
Now, then, how in the world can I accomplish this?
Ah, I've done it! I've stirred your tiny finger, unless it was merely a spasm... No, it moved again.
You see, it was your father who took my life. Oh, I had attempted to take his first, mind you, but then he indulged in pleasures with my wife, your dear mother. So, I apologize for the unfortunate circumstance, but it is not personal, my dear. I could not bear to exist in the afterlife, potentially for an eternity, while they revelled in their happily ever after.
Yet, in this realm, I shall watch over you. You may join me, if only I could manage to mobilize your stubborn limbs...
Listen closely, for I am uncertain how my ethereal essence will fit within your fragile form for full control. Possession has proven to be more challenging than anticipated, but that may be due to your mere few months of existence. Perhaps I shall attempt to curl up into a ball, compacting myself to gain entry. Would that be acceptable to you?
Ah, there we are! Your legs are moving as well. Well done, my little one. Now, let us endeavor to stand...
Good Lord, what weight you carry. Is the gravity different in your mortal plane? Ah, yes, I nearly forgot that you are yet to walk.
I had initially planned to guide you down the stairs, but I failed to consider the confines of this abode and how it appears to stretch endlessly to the ceiling from this vantage point.
Very well, shall we attempt to turn you over? Although, I must confess, there is the possibility of suffocation. But fear not, for you are already in a slumber.
Why couldn't your mother succumb to overwhelming stress and anxiety? Then, I could possess her wretched, unfaithful body, plunge a blade into your father's heart, and cast her out the window. Rest assured, I will do so once I am through with you. This is merely the initial phase of the grand design. You shall comprehend when you are older. Well, no, you shall not have the opportunity to grow older, but you would have understood.
Did you know they interred my remains in the garden? I still linger there even now, in a state of mild decomposition, considerably less appealing than before. Nevertheless, I am far more attractive than your father.
Right, here we go. Let us prepare to roll, my darling, in one... two... three...
No, no, do not cry! Blast it all. I should have deactivated the baby monitor. Stay right there... you are going nowhere.
There we are. However, your mother is approaching; I can discern her hurried footsteps ascending the staircase, that boorish creature.
Good heavens, it feels peculiar to have a door pass through one's incorporeal self.
Don't turn her, leave her be...
Damn, you wretched harlot! Embrace this unicorn teddy strike to your thick skull!
Yes, gaze around, for you shall find nought but darkness. If you dare turn her around once more, you shall face yet another strike. Do you realise how fucking hard that was? No, I refrain, I must not fuck this up. That's right, close the door behind you...
Hush now, my precious one, succumb to slumber. Once more, I shall undertake this feat, liberating you from this tainted realm.
Just surrender to the embrace of sleep, my darling. Let your eyelids drift shut. And now, we shall proceed.
Fingers, check. Toes, check. Are you ready? On the count of three... two... one... and roll...
Roll...
Blast and fuck, why is this blanket so confoundedly tight?
We shall prevail, my dear, as I keep watch over you throughout the night. There is a tranquil essence to observing your slumber, a serenity in being here by your side. You may not be mine by blood, but I shall forge an eternal connection. Just not tonight. Tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow seems auspicious.

It is now 5 days since the Siren have destroyed the Stronghold from Sakura Empire, the Stronghold has been repaired to 8%. Naval HQ announced to every Commander that a Commander meeting it is held at the Main Base of Royal Navy. Every Commander is coming with 2 shipgirls as escort. At the docks the Commanders and their shipgirls get guided by one of the maid shipgirls. As they were in front of a door, the maid requested the shipgirls to wait in that room until the end of the Commander meeting, no shipgirl said anything against it and the maid did then bring the Commander to the room where the Commander meeting is holded. The Commander of Royal Navy is already waiting in the room and one Commander after the next one is coming and they greet each other. The Commanders are sitting on a long table, but the Commander of Northern Parliament was not yet in the room. “Let's see how the new Commander of Northern Parliament is.” says the R.N. Commander. “You will not want to get to know him.” says the D.E. Commander. “Why that?” question the I.L. Commander. “He doesn't like us.” says the D.E. Commander. “Ok.” says the I.L. Commander confused.
​
“But where is the Commander of Eagle Union?” question the S.E. Commander. “I got from Naval HQ the information that he is sick and can't come.” says the R.N. Commander and the S.E. Commander hmmed. “So we are two Commander short.” says the D.E. Commander. “No, only one Commander short.” says the V.D. Commander. “What do you mean?” question the D.E. Commander. “Well I got the information that there will soon be a new Commander for Iron Blood.” says the V.D. Commander. “So that is why we have a Commander meeting.” says the R.N. Commander. “But where did you get this information?” question the S.E. Commander serious. “That is a secret.” says the V.D. Commander. “But how can you be sure that information is true?” question the D.E. Commander. “It is, because I got this information too.” says the I.L. Commander. “Well, let's see if that information is true.” says the R.N. Commander.
​
The door opens and the new Commander of Northern Parliament enters. Everyone salutes for greetings, but he only looks at them and goes to an empty chair on the corner of the table and sits down. “It is better that you introduce yourself.” says the S.E. Commander admonished, who sits in front of him. “I don't need to talk to people who can not do their job properly.” says the new N.P. Commander. “Hey. If you talk so big, then I want to know why we are doing our job not properly.” complains the Sar.E. Commander who sits next to him. “Because you didn't realize that the Commander of Iron Blood had allied with the Siren.” says the new N.P. Commander. “Well that is because he did that in secret.” counter the Sar.E. Commander. “And because of the Siren, I lost my wife and my son!” says the N.P. Commander angry and clenches his fists. It is short silence but the D.E. Commander breaks the silent “Everybody has lost some family members. I lost my Husband because of the Siren. So we need to hold together and not fight against each other.” says the D.E. Commander and again it is silent. The new N.P. Commander sighs, stands up and turns to the Commander “Ok. I sincerely apologize for bad behavior and I hope we can get along.” says the new N.P. Commander and salutes. The R.N. Commander who sits at the top of the table and next to the new N.P. Commander stands up too and extends his hand “We had a bad start. Let's start over it.” says the R.N. Commander, the new N.P. Commander grabs the hand of the R.N. Commander and shake it “Yes.” says the N.P. Commander and both Commander sith down on their chairs.
​
It knocks on the door, every Commander is looking at the door. “Come in.” says the R.N. Commander, the door opens and a young man enters. The young man closes the door and salutes “G-G-Greetings I… I… am the n-n-new Commander of Iron Blood.” says the young man nervous. Everyone chuckled short, the D.E. Commander stands up and goes to him and extends her hand “Greetings Commander of Iron Blood. I am the Commander of Dragon Empery, come sit with us.” says the D.E. Commander. The new I.B. Commander nods, grabs her hand and shakes it. Both then go to the table and the D.E. Commander points at the chair next to her and the new I.B. Commander sits down. “Oh yeah. My name is Wolfgang …” says the new I.B. Commander but interrupted from the I.L. Commander who sits in front of him “Stop, don’t say more.” said she. The new I.B. Commander looks at her confused and thinks he has done something wrong. “Why did you interrupt Wolfgang? Greetings Wolfgang, I am the new Commander of Northern Parliament and my name is Yuri …” says the new N.P. Commander but he got interrupted too. “Don't say your name.” says the Sar.E. Commander, even the new N.P. Commander looks confused. “Did Naval HQ forget to mention that you never reveal your name?” question the V.D. Commander. “Why that?” question Wolfgang. “That is for safety for family members, because there are some humans who the Siren worshipen.” says the I.L. Commander. “And that is why it is forbidden to reveal your name.” says the R.N. Commander. “Did it already happen?” question Yuri. “In some way, yes. The name from the Commander of Eagle Union was leaked and a family near the Main Base of Eagle Union was then held captive, but the family was not related to the Commander of Eagle Union, because the leaked name was partly wrong.” says the R.N. Commander. “And what happened with the family?” question Wolfgang worried. “The family was saved but not without casualties. The family then blamed the Commander of Eagle Union and even wanted him to be punished.” says the S.E. Commander. “And that is why nobody knows each other's name besides the Twins.” says the D.E. Commander. Yuri and Wolfgang nods that they have it understood.
​
“Where is the Commander of Eagle Union then?” question Wolfgang. “I got from Naval HQ the information that he is sick and can’t come.” says the R.N. Commander. “Oh. I really wanted to meet him.” says Wolfgang depressed. “Are you a little fanboy from our Commander of Eagle Union?” question the V.D. Commander jokingly. “He is my idol.” says Wolfgang who gets a little blushed. “I am not surprised.” says the V.D. Commander. “But can I then later meet him?” question Wolfgang. “No. If you enter Eagle Union territory without a permission to enter, it will be seen as a hostile act.” says the R.N. Commander annoyed. “So, I need the permission from the Commander of Eagle Union and I can visit him.” says Wolfgang. “That will not be easy.” says the D.E. Commander. “Why?” question Wolfgang. “Everybody tried to get in contact with him, but to no avail. We even tried to contact Naval HQ, but to no avail too.” says the R.N. Commander. “Don't worry Wolf… I mean Commander of Iron Blood, you will meet him one day.” says Yuri and Wolfgang nod.
​
“Now that everything is said. Commander of Sakura Empire, you said to me, there is something important to talk about.” says the R.N. Commander. “Yes. It is because of the Strongholds.” says the S.E. Commander. “The Strongholds, what is wrong with them?” question the Sar.E. Commander. “Five days ago, a Stronghold was destroyed from the Siren without being detected.” says the S.E. Commander. “How was that possible?” question the I.L. Commander. “We don't know, but Souryuu and the others are researching why that happened.” says the S.E. Commander. “And what do we need to do?” question Wolfgang. “You need to send some fleets to the Strongholds and if their communication is jammed they should return to Main Base and come back with backup or fight against the Siren. Depends on the Fleet Size.” says the S.E. Commander. “But there is a problem. I have only remote controlled Mass Production Ships, I can’t always be awake.” says Yuri. “Then you need to get in contact with Naval HQ and question them if they can give you some people to help you out.” says the S.E. Commander. “It will be fun to get in contact with Naval HQ.” says Yuri and sighs. “Commander of Iron Blood.” says the R.N. Commander. “Yes!” says Wolfgang nervous. “Don't be nervous. Nobody is going to eat your head.” says the D.E. Commander. “Nobody, until my Sis… ouch!” says the V.D. Commander and looks at his sister, who gives him an angry glare. “You two stop! Now back to what I wanted to say. Do you have remote controlled Mass Production Ships too?” question the R.N. Commander. “No. Naval HQ has given me humanoid pawns. There are robots who look like the shipgirls my predecessor had.” says Wolfgang. “But you still need someone who will take over if you sleep or do other stuff.” says the Sar.E. Commander. “No. I got from Naval HQ a special unit shipgirl as my secretary.” says Wolfgang.

Well, I got Core Keeper on Steam, played it for a while and decided I wanted to play it with my girlfriend. I then discovered that it was online co-op only, did some research and decided to try Nucleus Co-op.
I did the download and set-up and ran Core Keeper. Decided that it was a bit too small for her to see in split-screen (she has bad eye-sight), so we weren't going to be able to play it together with Nucleus. Oh well.
None of ^that^ is the problem.
The problem is this: After running it through Nucleus and stopping the instance, I tried to run Core Keeper regularly from Steam, and I got 12 FPS. I quit out and launched it again, but it crashed because it sensed another instance running. I then restarted my computer, thinking that would fix it. Re-launched Steam and re-launched Core Keeper. 12 FPS again.
Here is all the troubleshooting I've done:

• I verified the files in the game cache through Steam and ran the game again. 12 FPS.
• I deleted all Nucleus Co-op files plus the handler files
• I uninstalled Core Keeper completely, re-installed it and ran it again through Steam. 12 FPS.
• I restarted my computer *again* and ran the game again just to make sure. 12 FPS.

The game ran absolutely fine with no hiccups at all as I played it for a total of about 7 hours, grabbing a steady 240 FPS the whole time. After setting up Nucleus and running the game split-screen *once*, it's utterly ruined, no matter what I do with my game files.
I'm really upset guys, and I need a solution. There's absolutely no reason the game handler should permanently alter the way a game runs on my system. Are there hidden files for Core Keeper in other folders that the handler alters that would be missed by Steam's verifying process?
I'd really appreciate some answers here.

Hi guys, I'm a girl and I went through a trans OCD episode 2 years ago. It lasted around 3 months and it felt like hell. Fyi the thought about me being trans came out of the blue with little prior warning and I felt someone punched me in the face. I didn't know why I was thinking all these things, they didn't make sense to me. I felt as if my brain was pushing me to be a man, even though the idea of being a man made me want to throw up. I used to spend 8-9 hours a day doing compulsions such as: doing hundreds of am I trans tests, thinking about my past if there were signs, I always checked how I felt, I checked my body, I check if the way I talk is manly or if any body moves I made were manly as well. I was going through so much anxiety to the point compulsions stopped working for me.
I got over it somehow and and I was finally myself again and I was happy. I was looking at myself in the mirror and felt euphoric.
Just so you know I am a masculine girl, even though that's not always the case. Sometimes I feel masculine and other times I feel feminine. Either way I feel like myself and there's no gender dysphoria or any thoughts of me wanting to be a man. For me, being masculine doesn't make me want to be seen or treated as a man.
So fast forward two years later, about four days ago this thing came back to haunt me. It started suddenly. Like I looked at my breasts for a moment and my brain was like: you don't want your breasts, you want to be a man. And I started panicking. Started doing compulsions again and so on. There are times where I don't feel anxiety at all, just an uncomfortable feeling and a tightness in my chest and I feel sad and frustrated. The reason as to why I may not experience so much anxiety all the time, is because before I relapsed I used to watch transgender people in the media and I didn't react and didn't feel the need to question myself because I knew who I was. Maybe it was a form of ERP.
The thing is, sometimes when I'm around other girls who are super girly, make me feel like an awkward teenage boy, because I I'm not girly enough and I feel very insecure and I hate that feeling. But now ocd tells me I'm just trans and that is a big sign. Now everything feels so real and I've lost myself. My brain tells me I'm faking being a girl and I even stopped looking at myself in the mirror because I don't know who I am anymore. I feel so lost.
I'm into men, so every time I see a handsome one my brain goes like: you want to be like him, you don't like him. The thing is I never thought of being a man, never was jealous of boys, never wished to wake up in a men's body. I have guy friends, 2 to be exact, but never felt the need to be one.
Oh and another thing, there's this Snapchat filter that makes you look like a guy if u r a girl. I tried it weeks back before the relapse and I found it so funny. And I was like: if I was guy I would look hot and laughed about it. But it was true, I looked good but that didn't make me want to be a guy. I tried that filter yesterday and I started shaking. What if it isn't just the fact that I found myself attractive and want to be like this? What if all those characteristics that I find attractive in a guy are just signs I want to be a man?
I feel so lost and disconnected from myself. I don't know, my brain tells me I'm in denial. I'm so afraid to start to recover because I may end up actually being trans. I hate it so much. I really support the lgbtqia+ community but I don't want to be trans.
I haven't been diagnosed with OCD before because there's no licensed professional where I live. I've also been through HOCD, contamination OCD, fear of being blasphemous, intrusive thoughts I want to harm myself and my family, intrusive thoughts that Im a pedophile. I always felt, since I was a kid, that something wrong was going on with my brain and I didn't know what. 2 years back when I had my first TOCD episode, was when I found out it may be OCD and I realized so much to it. But now I don't even know. Everything feels so real and my brain tells me this time is different and it's not OCD.
What do you think guys? And if it's OCD do you have any tips as to how to start recovering?
Sorry for the long post, I needed to get this thing off my chest.
P.S. sorry for any mistakes that I made. English is not my mother language.

Michael goes on and on about how manipulative kristine is, yet his attourneys are using the catch phrase "22 years old" to get around the word adult. Um. Did they miss the whole she is not and was not adult part? Oh wait they dont actually care about anyones wellbeing. Theyre lawyers.

Instead of waking up and immediately thinking “oh fuck, I did it again”, now it’s more like “fuck yeah, I did it again”….stayed sober… on a Saturday night! I’m amazing myself.
Last night I cosied up on the sofa with my 7 yo son, ate snacks, drank chocolate milk and watched the Adam Project. That would never happen if I was drinking, it was always his dad that would have film nights with him.
I felt truly at ease and relaxed, and even though the voice was still there, it was more of a whisper that didn’t have a chance of changing my mind about staying sober.
Ultimately, I’m sobering up for myself, but the positive impact it will have on my children and SO are undeniably a motivating factor.
Today is a great day! Happy sober Sunday peeps. IWNDWYT

I was stuck in a relative rut. Despite tending to be gold, I was hard stuck silver 3. Probably because I basically didn't play. 73 games won / 73 games lost.
Then I found Zilean by happenstance, and boy has it been a blast just making everyone zoom across the map, even though by all logic and game balance, a Darius should not have 1000 move speed. Oh, and I positively love frustrating the enemies with E. And his ult is just chef's kiss, it's so perfect.
Won 80% of my games with him, and has now surpassed my games played on all other champions combined (for the season). Seems strong. And hasn't been touched by any patches is ages.
What are the general opinions on him?

I’m watching the conversation between her and tiff. Tiff is asking her politely to start having respectful conversations with her. She took blame and accepted part of the fault by saying she also needs to work on her communication skills, but that they both needed to feel listened to. ….but Mildred wouldn’t stfu and kept on interrupting Tiff. Tiff mentioned that they both interrupt each other and need to work on that so mildred responds with “oh so how often do you think I don’t let you talk??” Tiff says all the time… so of course Mildred gets that look on her face. Like ‘challenge accepted’ face. Mildred says”oh so I should just be quiet?!” Tiff says no. Then Mildred says “so when do I have permission to speak??” Tiff stays calm and mature and says “it’s not that you need permission to speak it’s just about having a common respect (mutual respect t)” so of course Mildred interrupts her and says “oh yea?! Because Now You’re telling me that I interrupt you when we’re having a conversation Clearly…” Tiff stands her ground and points out that she just now spoke over her. So Mildred says “so then how am I suppose to feel like I’m not interrupting you all the time?” Tiff says “well you just don’t interrupt and the same goes for me- I need to not interrupt you..we both deserve to feel heard and understood…”to which Mildred so eloquently responds “ but TIFF you talk a lot like you Don’t Shut Up” And then shortly after this blames the fact that she has no manners or respect on the fact that she’s Latina. When Tiff finally bites on to this and says she can not just blame it on her being Latina -Mildred finally gets the argument she’s been desperately gunning for and feels in control again. I effing hate Mildred for so many many reason but most definitely this conversation was the cherry for me. She’s so selfish, rude, narcissistic, nasty, and frankly dumb. That’s just MY OPINION 🤟🏼

Hello everyone, first time posting here or really much of anywhere but I have been lurking on this subreddit for the last couple weeks because I really have not been sure if telling my story would make me feel better, but here we go.
So first a little backstory, I am not the most traditionally attractive guy, but I have always put up a front of confidence and charm. So I will admit when I was younger especially I had very little issues talking to women. Despite this my love life has been quite the shit show. The main incident that is relevant to my story now happened a few years ago, I got engaged to my best friend of years and while when I talk about it to most people I simply say "oh it just didn't work out" the harsh reality is that she died and while I have had years to heal I still can't handle the look of pity if I tell them the truth.
Despite the loss of my fiance and best friend I moved on, as I know that's what she would have wanted for me. I went to college, first of my family, and had several relationships there. However, all of them where not long term or super serious, all where either sexual in nature or had known limited life spans,.like knowing the relationship was going to end when she graduated ect.
Then one day I met a girl, on a random chat site no less, and we hit it off. Now I have no idea what it was that drew me to her so strongly, she was kind, smart, beautiful, sexy, and just had this way of making me feel like through her eyes there was no man that could compare. She encouraged me to be the best I could be and washed away my insecurities. She truly helped me be a version of me I was proud of, and in return I was always there for her, I loved her, I did anything I could to make her happy. That was the big thing I just wanted her to be happy, and for quite some time she seemed like she really was.
We dated long distance, sadly of course she lived on the other side of the world but I had gotten my visa and had plans for me to visit after I graduated. For almost 2 years er where happy. Then a couple months before our 2 year anniversary she tells me she wants to break up, she is crying and saying how much she loves me but that the fact she found someone she can see herself spending her life with at such a young age terrified her, she was 21. I was heartbroken the first woman I let myself truly love since my fiance died was breaking up with me because she had met me too early? Despite this her happiness is what mattered most to me and I decided I would be supportive in any way I could. However, the way she treated me post breakup up is really what got me.
I understood she would have to distance herself to some degree, but she distanced herself hard, she treated me as if I was an ex that abused her, she did not trust me with things, and she made it very clear most the time randomly that we where never getting back together. I thought we had a genuine special connection and even if we where not together I thought we could translate that connection into a supportive friendship.
Two weeks after the break up, she sent on a date, it hurt but I understood and was not mad. However this guy did something to her that is not my place to talk about. I could tell she was hiding something next time we talked and I hate that I made her tell me what was wrong because it felt manipulative and that's not who I ever wanted to be. Anyway after hearing what he did I pleaded with her to not see him again for her own sake, she made it clear she was because he turned out to also be her drug dealer and she had taken up smoking a lot more than she had before which I did not have an issue with. Than on the day that would have been our two year anniversary I noticed she removed me as a friend on various platforms and I asked her about it, I wasn't blocked, she does not like blocking people. All she said was that she had a new boyfriend (the guy previously mentioned) and that he nor her was comfortable with her talking to me. And that was that have not talked since, I know it is her choice to live her life how she wants but I can't not worry to some degree about someone I loved so dearly.
Now for the first time I feel more alone than even when my fiance died. I treated my ex right, did everything I could and it still was not enough. I have always been a romantic stoic, that is to say no matter what happened in my love life I persevered but now I just don't know how to feel. Simply put I feel empty and for the first time in my life feel like maybe love is not meant for me.
I know this was long so thank you to anybody and everybody that took the time to read this, I hope you all genuinely are happy and are having a wonderful day/night.

I've had similiar issues in the past but always found a solution on my own. This time I cannot.
SBC says "Your audio device cannot be detected. Please check your connection."
Things I've tried:
Updating the driver.
Starting my PC up with my XLR & headset unplugged.
Shutting the system down, unplugging everything (Card from pcie & audio cables). Restart the system, launch SBC, turn off auto start, shut down system, replug the card in, start system up, plug the cables in, start SBC.
Uninstalled SBC and all AE9 drivers in device manager. Shut system down, Unplug card, start system back up, reinstall drivers and SBC, restart, update driver, shut down, plug sound card back in, start up, plug cables back in, launch SBC.
nothing worked.
Here are my basic specs:
Windows 11Mobo: Asus TUFF x570 wifiCPU: Ryzen 9 3950x (reminder: does not have integrated graphics)32 gigs of ram at 3600mhz
XLR - AT2020Headset - standard 3.5mm AKG K550 that I have just plugged into the mobo.- because I have been plagued with this wacky issue where if I use the AE9 audio out, my audio channels will flip and one ear will stop having bass, because I'll play a certain game or stream on discord. Couldn't find a fix to that issue either other than constantly switching from speaker to headset on SBC, but that got old (and is now impossible to deal with since SBC can't detect my card) and so I just stuck with my mobo audio. (Read several threads that loosely blamed strange bugs between x570 mobos and r9 3950x cpus not being very compatible with the Sound blaster drivers.)
Really not happy with this card, I've had strange issued with it after every update on either windows or it's own updates. I absolutely loved my old Sound blaster Z back in the day, and it carries on in my parents rig. But I'm really set on probably getting rid of this thing and finding another solution to using an XLR mic (Like not using an xlr mic and just getting a usb one or a headset combo lol). In the mean time though, it would be nice to stomp out this issue until I get a different audio set up in the near future, if not oh well,
Thanks for your time.

I've been playing with the idea of divorce the past year. I've told him numerous times how unhappy I was, that I wanted to split up. At least a separation! But I was weak. See, he just pretends that all the conversations never happened. That everything is okay and I didn't tell him the night before I wanted him to move out. His flat out denial was the last reaction I expected! I was flummoxed by this behavior at first, but at the same time.. i was just so damn tired of fighting. When he'd act all cheerful the day after a huge fight, I went along with it. I guess I let him think it was all good and that it was just me getting mad and ranting. I didn't mean it.
But I did mean it. Problem was I still loved and cared about him. I was not in love with him, I stopped having sex with him over a year ago. Aside from a snappy comment occasionally, he does not seem to care though. But I still let him stay and I didn't push the matter. I felt guilty for not being in love with him, for breaking my marriage vows where I promised him forever. Plus it was scary! To face being single in my 40s? To not have any guarantee that I won't die alone with 20 cats.
But now, I'm ready. I've talked about how I still cared, but not addressed the myriad of issues. My husband is a serious alcoholic and he has no desire to stop. I can no longer take it. Ive tried to help but can't help someone who doesn't want it. Now I have more than enough to justify my decision. My reluctance to put our marriage out of its misery has been a very expensive mistake this past week.
Wrecked my car, no license, no insurance. Drunk. His fault. Jail for 3 days. Almost a $1000 for new insurance and getting car of of jail (impound) not to mention the couple thousand dollars in damages to the car and oh yeah, getting sued by person he hit.
Moving this month. Was supposed to move a few days ago when "someone" ended up in jail. Instead of helping move OUR STUFF, he "had to work " So it cost a few hundred dollars paying for the truck and people to move the stuff my 5'3 self can't carry.
Tonight. Wrecked bicycle on way home from work. Drunk? Haha! You guessed it. Somebody called cops when they saw him laying in bushes on side of road. Cops called to tell me, he is fine. Maybe a few cuts and bruises, but it was either going to hospital or jail for public intoxication. Cost will be a massive hospital bill and Uber ride home.
I have had it. The car. Leaving me to move alone. The continued drinking. There's nothing I can do to make him stop and I can't deal with it. It's not only expensive and stressful, but it's causing me to be miserable and do stupid fucking shit. It just never ends between us. A never-ending drama, and I am sick of it.
Maybe it makes me a bad person to leave someone with an addiction. I've given almost a third of my life to him. I refuse to be miserable and depressed for the rest of my life because I am not happy in my marriage.
Yeah. I'm not perfect. I'm actually a hypocritical bitch. I have my own addiction problems. But I want something more, I want to stop. I'm 43, the party is over. I don't want to play anymore and his behavior enables me and gives me easy excuses to go get drunk and blow his money.
It has to end. I don't care if I'm wrong. If I'm being selfish. I'm not staying with someone who doesn't even count me in his top 3 priorities.

1 is himself

2 alcohol

3 work

That leaves me at maybe #4?
Yeah. No more.
The drama never ends... unless I choose to end it.

I just binged on reading this series and by god is it well written and well translated - I love it so much. However volume 6 brought me back a lot of memories. If you have had the unfortunate circumstance of being in a suicidal depression - that thought of accepting your death and making ammends before it happens broke me to tears. I am better now but thinking back again, oh how I just want to hug Mia and Bel.
I did not expect to bawl my eyes out as the clock ticked down, I doubt it was even the reaction the author was hoping for but her defiance against it all - I dont care anymore about what the Narrator says. Mia deserves nothing but everything for coming this far.