Car wash near edgewater nj

Just picked up a Model 3 Performance and plan on sealing and detailing for the first time. Like ever new person on here, I immediately bought all CG products and then realized they were shit and have returned them. Learned a lot in past few weeks.
I did use their no rinse wash and carnauba wax combo last week so I’m not sure if that wax (which I can already tell is fading) changes my planned strategy.

1. ONR wash with big red sponge, grit guard, ect.
   
2. Use opti-hyper seal as a drying aid. (Not sure if I should apply to windshield, headlights or the matte wheels? )
   
3. After opti-hyper seal cures, waxing with optimum spray car wax. (Again not sure if I should apply to windshield or headlights? Obv I know not the wheels)
   
4. Opti bond tire gel
   

Any suggestions or feedback appreciated, thanks

So, I’m writing this on my phone because I figured I should share my experiences. I’ve shared one already but I figured I should share more as I have had quite the run-ins with some odd things in the woods of the Pacific Northwest.
I live in Oregon, but I do tend to travel on my off time in the wilderness, despite my run ins I love the forest, nature, and all I just tend to be much more careful now.
This first story takes place in my home state. I have a buddy who is a park ranger and he shared me a story of his own. He works at Crater Lake National Park and was patrolling one of the trails that was reported by hikers who said they heard a bear in the area. He went out with a tranquilizer to move the bear out of an area that was close to a campground. He was walking as usual when he felt eyes on him…he began to hear movement in the woods, and he shouted out “anybody out there?”
No response.
He got his tranquilizer ready and proceeded toward the noise. But as he approached, he heard another noise behind him.
Now he was thinking, “Oh no there’s more than one out here.”
Not sure what to do he prepared for the worst but then to his relief it was two deer. He sighed in relief thanking God that he wasn’t going to be mauled that day. But suddenly he noticed blood on one of the deer’s antlers and next to it behind the bushes it came out of was the carcass of a black bear. The two deer just stared at him and returned to feasting on the bear. He wasn’t sure what to do, tranquilize them or risk being a victim? He decided it was best to take the shot and hit both. They didn’t even budge and just walked off into the forest.
He reported the dead carcass of the bear and just had a team remove the remains. Still gives him the Chills thinking back to that day.
The next story was when I went on a fishing trip with a friend in Washington.
We had set out to fish along this river that was calm that day.
We caught a few fish and even some crawdads. I love seafood so I wanted us to stay out longer to catch a few more fish. My friend ended up taking a nap while I continued to fish. All was well but I suddenly noticed something in the distance, something dark moving along the river. I thought it was some sort of log that was stuck and got free and was floating along the river, but its movements didn’t appear normal. It would move back and forth getting closer and closer. I began to get nervous; I can’t really explain why it just felt like I needed to get away from whatever this thing was.
I turned to my friend who was still asleep and heard a splash.
I looked back and the thing was just gone. I looked around wondering where it went, and I saw it. Perched on top of a tree, I thought it was a cougar, I grabbed my binoculars for a closer look, and it was crouched but was tall, lanky and had milky white eyes but covered in black feathers and wearing some sort of animal pelt. I felt a sudden sense of dread and fear I never felt before. I looked back to my friend to wake him but before I could I heard another splash and saw it was back in the water now headed to the boat. I said “F this “and then turned on the motor and hauled ass out of there. My friend woke up yelling at me and asked, “What the hell are you doing?” but I didn’t respond. When we got to the loading dock, I anchored the boat and told him to get in the truck and he protested about leaving the boat and I said, “We will get it later get in now!”
The car ride back I explained everything, and I saw how pale he got. He’s part Native American and explained to me that what I saw was a Skinwalker.
This next story takes place in the Canadian Wilderness. I was on a hunting trip with my buddy who has a cabin in Canada deep in the wilderness, off-grid type of deal. It was the beginning of winter so the snow wasn’t so bad to where you just couldn’t move. He had this goal to get a mountain lion. So, we headed out to a ridge where you could see out to a clearing where he said he saw this specific mountain lion every year. It always came to the same spot, maybe its home was nearby I don’t know. So, its nighttime, and we had a small fire going, I went to go take a piss when I noticed something or somethings… 3 humanoid figures were in the clearing, I quickly put the fire out, and my friend told me “Dude why did you do that?” I told him to shush, and we observed the 3 beings. The thing was this was way out in the middle of the wilderness, there’s absolutely no way that anybody else knew about this spot. Also, the 3 figures looked human, but I could tell they were much taller than normal and their arms, skinny and just moved unnaturally. They were circling something, but I couldn’t tell what exactly. Then one of the figures stopped and looked directly at us. We rushed to cover and didn’t really know what to do. So, we decided to not sleep that night and have our rifles ready just in case. The following morning, we went down to the clearing to see what those figures were circling and sure enough we saw footprints much larger than a normal human and the beheaded mountain lion that my friend wanted mounted in his cabin so badly but now not so much…
This story still comes across my mind to this day. Me and my buddy from our hiking club were going on a hike one day, it was a beautiful hike along a river, and we were looking for places to set up camp. We saw a campground with food and trash everywhere and at first, I was upset that someone just left this much of a mess here. But the longer I looked around the weirder things got…Their trash bag was still hoisted up on a tree branch but ripped open, the food was still there and if a bear or another animal got to the food, they would of ate everything. Also, there tents were still set up, but ripped as if from the inside, clothes still around and even 2 pairs of boots. The whole campground looked as if whoever was there was immediately in a rush to get out of there and just left all their belongings, not even bothering to take their shoes. The hairs on my neck stood up and both my buddy and I decided that we should call it a day and just hike back to the car. I reported the incident to the forest rangers, but they said they weren’t aware of anybody camping in the area and did not receive any reports from the area. Still freaks me out thinking what could have spooked these people so bad they left their tents, not even bothering to use the zipper and leaving their clothes and shoes behind.
This next one comes from a solo hike. I was doing a 3-day solo trip somewhere in Washington near the Canadian border. I was literally way out there no facilities or normal campground. I was just hiking along, and dusk was approaching, my campsite was already set but I just went for a stroll when I thought I heard a child’s voice calling for help. I thought it was my imagination, but I heard it again. I began to follow it and then I saw the child. He looked dirty; clothes still intact but his back was facing me. I called out to this kid, and he turned around but before he could speak, he was pulled by someone or something down on the other side of this hill. Then I heard a loud crash as if a metal down shut. I ran to where I saw the kid and saw nothing but the same clothes, he was wearing neatly folded and his shoes right next to them. After a few minutes to no avail, I made my way back to the campsite gathered all my things and headed back. I went to the forest ranger station and told them about what I saw. Never found out if they found that kid or not.
Now this story comes from my close friend in Oregon, but this happened in Washington. So, I was hanging out with my friend who has pretty much grew up in the outdoors all his life and I asked him what his most creepy experience in the woods was. He told me he didn’t have a lot of experiences like that aside from hearing weird things at night when he went camping. But, this one time he was out hiking with his dog, they usually are a pair for hiking with friends but this time he was out hiking with just his dog in the deep woods of Washington on a trail that had very little traffic, like you wouldn’t expect to run into anybody. So, his dog is off leash, roaming a little in front of him and as they come to a corner the dog just stopped and his hair stood on the back of his neck, did a single bark moved up one step and then just ran behind my friend, not behind his legs but down the trail behind my friend, about 25 yards behind him. My friend pulled out his firearm and aimed forward, considering this was an area where black bears are he thought maybe his dog saw a bear but after a few minutes he didn’t find anything, no animals, nothing. His dog refused to go near him even after he kept calling for his dog. He eventually left the trail with his dog and got back home in one piece. But he said he never saw his dog act like that, his dog and he have hiked plenty, and his dog has been spooked before, but he never acted that way and he would always come back to my friend even when spooked.
This last story I have for now occurred when I was hunting with my buddy in Washington. The area still had trees but was on the dryer side with us being closer to the desert.
We had a deer blind set up near a clearing and scanned the area for some deer when we noticed a big elk with a couple of doe. They were grazing and we just watched since we didn’t want this deer.
What was odd though was the weather began to get rainy and fog rolled in as evening was approaching. We noticed that the elk began to showcase defensive behavior, going back and forth making grunting noises and huffing as it began to set up a defensive area around the doe who were now cowering in a small area. Kind of like “Back up these are mine” This elk was staring at the tree line, and we thought, “oh shit maybe it’s a bear”. But to our surprise it wasn’t, it was another elk. We got a little excited thinking we were about to see these two elk go at it to see who gets to take the herd of doe home, but I stopped once I put it together. Why did the doe seem so afraid then?
Then I saw another elk and another and another all just staring at the protective elk.
But then to our shock all the elks began to stand. On two legs.
Now sometimes deer will do this as a protective or displaying behavior of superiority, but these elk were not.
The protective elk began to show more aggression attempting to scare them off.
My friend whispered to me. “What the hell is this, I’ve never seen this before in my life.”
My friend has been hunting for over 15 years from Alaska all the way to Colorado and parts in the East coast. A seasoned man who didn’t scare easily but I could tell this freaked him out.
The group of bipedal elk just stood there and then they all bolted towards the Elk and the elk charged them at the same time. Managing to impale two of the elks but he was outnumbered, and the elks didn’t use their antlers but began to bite the elk with what looked like jagged sharp fangs.
It was horrible. They then they circled the elk and just looked up to the moon and made these god-awful gurgling noises
It looked like some sort of F’d up ritual.
We decided that we should leave and began to grab our things to leave. I’m positive that we were too far for anyone to hear but I sweat as soon as we moved one of the deer stopped and looked right at us.
And that’s when we nopped out of there, we ran all the way to the truck hoping we didn’t run into those elks or whatever the hell those things were. I have seen deer display hostile behavior but never like that.
We were rushing to throw our stuff and sped out onto the dirt road. We got about 1/4 a mile away when we noticed a giant log blocking our path that wasn’t there before.
My friend said: “dammit we have to move it”
Luckily, we had a chainsaw in the back, and he cut some of the log away so we could move it. But God those logs were heavy, when we got to the last of the log my friend said, “help me move it!” I joined in, and we both lifted the last of the log out of the way out we noticed something on the road. It was one of those deer. Just standing looking at us. We backed up towards the truck my friend not even caring to grab the chainsaw and I swear it opened its mouth and said “hhe hhe-hel-help me moo-move iiiit”
It was distorted but sounded exactly like my friend.
We just ran to the truck from there and we hit the gas and this deer just ran towards the truck and hopped on the front and then the top of the truck and I’m just shitting bricks at this point and attempt to grab the shotgun from under the seat when my friend says “hang on” and just hits the brakes hard and this deer just goes flying off the truck and he quickly speeds around it .
We stayed at a hotel after driving 2 hours straight back to civilization.
Honestly, I believe deer just have some messed up ways, but I really don’t know what they were but I’m positive they weren’t deer, I don’t know what they were.
Part 2
I figured I’d mention this since I didn’t add it to my previous post.
These experiences I had forever changed my perspective on the woods and I questioned whether I should ever step foot in the woods again. I don’t know why I attract these experiences but part of it motivates me to keep going to share what I see.
This other story was a time I went out with a friend to explore. We were in the backcountry just exploring and I suddenly saw this weird structure. My friend decided we should check it out and we saw this stone-like structure covered in moss and it must have been there for decades. What was weird though it had this rectangular structure that had a door, the door was perfectly preserved as if someone just installed it. No rust on the door handle or any weather damage, it’s like it came fresh out of the store.
I went to get a closer look and I was about to try to open the door when my internal gut feeling was screaming to me that something was wrong and we should not be here, and extreme sense of fear flooded my entire being and my hair on the back of my neck stood up.
My friend told me “What’s wrong?”
I told him “Maybe we should just go”
And he said “we can’t just leave now let’s at least see what’s inside”
Just as I fought my fear off and went for the handle the door began to creak open and I felt something was just VERY wrong, and I think my friend just instinctively knew we had to run, and we just got the hell out of dodge.
We returned with more people and armed to the teeth to try the door again.
But we couldn’t find the structure anywhere despite me marking this area on my map before we even attempted the door.
I always wondered what would have happened had I opened that door….
This next one I was camping with my old roommate, and we were enjoying the night and headed to bed soon after our fire was put out.
Around 3 am I had to piss so I went to the tree at the edge of our campsite
I heard movement after I finished and thought it was my friend having to do the same as me. A few feet away I gave him the okay hand sign and he gave it back
But the way his fingers moved just looked …wrong
I thought maybe I was just tired and headed back to my tent.
The following morning, we made breakfast and I mentioned to him how I drank too much the night before and don’t like having to piss at night but at least I wasn’t the only one who had to go.
My friend looked confused by that last part and said “what do you mean only one? “
I told him: “you don’t remember? We went to pee at the same time.” Then I showed him the okay gesture that I gave him last night to jog his memory and he just told me: “dude I didn’t get up at all last night…”
A chill ran up my spine and I just played it off that I was dreaming.
I don’t know who or what that was last night, we never saw anybody out there and I checked around the campsite after breakfast for footprints, saw mine but nobody’s where I thought I saw my friend the night before.
This next one is like the previous one, but I was camping with my girlfriend at the time. We had a great night doing you know couple of things and then in the middle of the night I had to piss. Did my business at a nearby tree, and then I heard my girlfriend calling my name, in the woods. I figured she had to go to and just wanted to have some privacy. Maybe she needed toilet paper and forgot, as I went to the tent to grab a roll, I heard her call my name again then said help me.
I thought about going over to her but went to grab the roll anyway because I didn’t want to go out there then she tells me she needs the toilet paper. As I opened the tent, I just stood there surprised, my girlfriend was sound asleep still. So, who was calling my name?... I heard my name again but louder and my girlfriend's voice saying “COME HERE NOW”
I just decided to go in the tent, and just laid there silent, not sure what to do. I didn’t hear anything for the rest of the night and passed out after the surge of adrenaline just put me out.
I didn’t tell my girlfriend about it, and just told her we had to cut the trip short because I forgot I have a paper to write.
This Last one happened in 2019. I took a drive on a forest road about 45 mins in. Parked near this trailhead and took off to the trail.
I was admiring the flora and fauna and just going on a normal hike when I noticed my vision completely changed as if I was looking through prescription glasses that weren’t mine. The vegetation changed and it was daylight when I was hiking but now it was dark as if sunset just passed.
This happens almost instantly. It was like I was in a completely new environment.
I then felt something graze my shoulder, it was a hairy arm, like the one you’d see from an ape or Bigfoot, and it was about to grab me, but I managed to take a step back, and I just see the hand grab where my neck would have been. I felt this sudden sense of dread and just began to backpedal and after a couple of steps, my vision went back to normal. The sunlight returned as well as the flora and fauna. I just saw a fuzzy-like outline in a circular shape in front of me from where I just stepped out of, and it eventually disappeared the more steps back I took.
I just stood there completely shocked about what just happened and came to my senses as my internal red flags were going off and I just turned around and ran to my truck and got out of the area. I never had this happen to me before and it thankfully hasn’t happened since. Since this happened, I have never gone hiking alone again.
To end this off, I just want to add that I enjoy the woods and nature it is full of beauty and wonder. But there are things out there…things even the natives knew to stay away from. There are things out there, that don’t care about you, or that you have families, or loved ones. I still go out to the woods, but after that last experience, it took me a long time to get the courage to go out there again. I never go out for solo hikes anymore, and if I can’t go with someone, I always take my dog. Thanks for hearing my stories and I’ll be sure to share any future experiences I have.

For nearly the past decade I've used exclusively my hands to bathe. I didn't use a wash cloth or anything. When I was younger I used a loofah, but I stopped for some reason. I've been using an excessive amount of soap as a result since I never felt clean. Today I decided to finally try and use a loofah again.
The moment it touched my skin, I realized what I was doing wrong. It was the most satisfying sensation my skin has possibly ever felt. I finally felt like I was actually clean, and I used a fraction of the amount of soap I normally use.
This is so nice... maybe it's what my acne needed to finally go away... maybe...

This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 71%. (I'm a bot)

NEW DELHI - Rescuers waded through piles of debris and wreckage to pull out bodies and free people after two passenger trains derailed Friday night in India, killing more than 230 people and leaving hundreds of others trapped inside more than a dozen mangled rail cars, in one of the country's deadliest train crashes in decades.
Ten to 12 coaches of one train derailed, and debris from some of the mangled coaches fell onto a nearby track, said Amitabh Sharma, a railroad ministry spokesperson.
The debris was hit by another passenger train coming from the opposite direction, causing up to three coaches of the second train to also derail, Sharma said.
A third train carrying freight was also involved, the Press Trust of India reported, but there was no immediate confirmation from railroad authorities.
As dawn approached on Saturday, Jena said that at least 233 people were dead. In the aftermath, scores of dead bodies lay on the ground near the train tracks covered by white sheets, as locals and rescuers raced to help survivors.
In August 1995, two trains collided near New Delhi, killing 358 people in one of the worst train accidents in India in decades.

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I’m (22F) planning to rent a condo in Metro Manila soon (first time), but I have no idea which location would be ideal. To be specific, I’m looking around Shaw para malapit sa lahat and Pasig but I’m not familiar sa mga locations ng properties.
For context, I’ll be living alone and I want a place sana na walking distance or at least malapit ang grocery/supermarket for my convenience. Okay din na may near areas where I can run/jog and accessible transpo aside from Grab (but not necessarily train). I won’t be working on site and will probably be staying in most of the time but I’m considering the proximity so it won’t be hard for me to go somewhere from my place since I don’t have a car.
My current options are: 1. Avida Centera - 1 bedroom, around 36 sqm. Problem ko lang here is maliit ‘yung kitchen counter and walang balcony, di ba parang suffocating? I don’t have much insights about the property as well. 2. DMCI’s Sheridan, Brixton, Kai Garden, or Prisma - 1 bedroom also. 39 sqm or below. Has balcony. Has bigger kitchen counter. I’m considering DMCI properties because of positive feedbacks about them but I’m not sure sa mga locations if malapit ba sa grocery, restaurants, etc., like Centera. Their slow elevator is also being my concern but I can find a unit in lower floor, I guess. 3. DMCI’s Infina Towers - 1 bedroom. Has balcony. Has bigger kitchen counter. Not sure if may malapit na grocery pero parang wala. 4. Acqua Private Residences - 1 bedroom. Below 30 sqm, too small for my preference really. Partition is clear glass door, which I’m not a fan of.
I haven’t viewed any unit yet; I just look up their street views on Google maps. I want to narrow down my options so I can view units strategically since I’ll be coming from a province in the north pa. I’d like ask for your insights or suggestions about which property dapat ako maghanap ng unit given the considerations I’ve mentioned. Btw, I’m trying to avoid SMDC properties (also because of the feedbacks I’ve read).
Other concerns: I found a unit in Prisma at a great price but it seems like a building is being constructed in front of it. Will that be a big issue? Location is still a concern. Also, this is a bit farther from the center compared to other DMCI properties I mentioned.
I’ve been also trying to look for semi-furnished unit with AC, ref, and cabinet at least so I won’t have to buy them but some units I found are bare and I would have to buy everything. Would you recommend sticking with semi-furnished unit or is it fine to settle with bare unit and buy everything necessary? I’m considering since these bare units have lower prices.
Finally, can you give general tips about renting and looking for a place, please? This entire moving-in and living in the city thing actually scares me, but I have no choice. I would appreciate your replies. Thank you very much.

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I’m (22F) planning to rent a condo in Metro Manila soon (first time), but I have no idea which location would be ideal. To be specific, I’m looking around Shaw para malapit sa lahat and Pasig but I’m not familiar sa mga locations ng properties.
For context, I’ll be living alone and I want a place sana na walking distance or at least malapit ang grocery/supermarket for my convenience. Okay din na may near areas where I can run/jog and accessible transpo aside from Grab (but not necessarily train). I won’t be working on site and will probably be staying in most of the time but I’m considering the proximity so it won’t be hard for me to go somewhere from my place since I don’t have a car.
My current options are: 1. Avida Centera - 1 bedroom, around 36 sqm. Problem ko lang here is maliit ‘yung kitchen counter and walang balcony, di ba parang suffocating? I don’t have much insights about the property as well. 2. DMCI’s Sheridan, Brixton, Kai Garden, or Prisma - 1 bedroom also. 39 sqm or below. Has balcony. Has bigger kitchen counter. I’m considering DMCI properties because of positive feedbacks about them but I’m not sure sa mga locations if malapit ba sa grocery, restaurants, etc., like Centera. Their slow elevator is also being my concern but I can find a unit in lower floor, I guess. 3. DMCI’s Infina Towers - 1 bedroom. Has balcony. Has bigger kitchen counter. Not sure if may malapit na grocery pero parang wala. 4. Acqua Private Residences - 1 bedroom. Below 30 sqm, too small for my preference really. Partition is clear glass door, which I’m not a fan of.
I haven’t viewed any unit yet; I just look up their street views on Google maps. I want to narrow down my options so I can view units strategically since I’ll be coming from a province in the north pa. I’d like ask for your insights or suggestions about which property dapat ako maghanap ng unit given the considerations I’ve mentioned. Btw, I’m trying to avoid SMDC properties (also because of the feedbacks I’ve read).
Other concerns: I found a unit in Prisma at a great price but it seems like a building is being constructed in front of it. Will that be a big issue? Location is still a concern. Also, this is a bit farther from the center compared to other DMCI properties I mentioned.
I’ve been also trying to look for semi-furnished unit with AC, ref, and cabinet at least so I won’t have to buy them but some units I found are bare and I would have to buy everything. Would you recommend sticking with semi-furnished unit or is it fine to settle with bare unit and buy everything necessary? I’m considering since these bare units have lower prices.
Finally, can you give general tips about renting and looking for a place, please? This entire moving-in and living in the city thing actually scares me, but I have no choice. I would appreciate your replies. Thank you very much.

I live near the west Macgregor area, thought I’d post this reminder after what happened in my neighborhood. I was leaving my apartment around 5 pm and saw a big black Infinity SUV with dealer tags break in to a car parked on the street outside my complex. Two tall skinny black men in the car, one driving and one doing the crime. I called the police and tried to capture a good photo of the plate but they drove off too quickly. This is just reminder for the area, always hide your belongings and be vigilant about parking in street parking near here! The owner of the car said they had only parked for 30 minutes, these breakins can happen very quickly and even in broad daylight.

Nearly 15 years ago, I went to work for a company. The intent was for me to complete a project in quality and then move over into program management but someone quit and I was asked to fill in as a customer quality engineer. This meant that every month, I traveled to customer sites, did the first pass analysis of our defective products, and got yelled at - A LOT. It sucked.
Also worth mentioning, our branch of the company was too small to use the corporate travel so for every trip I was scouring discount travel sites to find the cheapest flight/hotel/car. I was ridiculously vigorous in seeking best prices. If the shittiest shitbox car was $32/day and the not-so-shitty car was $34/day, I picked the $32/day car to save the company $2/day.
One fine trip, several months in, was spectacularly awful. Not only did I have a truly terrible car, the hotel was all new depths of yuck. My shoes stuck to the carpet in my room and the security flipper thing on the door was plastic. Also, it was in the worst part of town and I worried about my safety to the point that I ended up pulling the little couch over to block the door and sleeping on it.
Adding to my misery, I was sick. I had some creeping crud that plugged my sinuses and made me long for death. Normally, I’d have canceled the trip but the customer was in an uproar about our continued repeating defects and required someone to be there.
I made this trek every month. And once during every trip, I would eat at the local Outback Steakhouse. It was a known quantity, the people who worked there were great, and it helped me to have that connection.
On this particular trip, I made my way to the outback for dinner and I was clearly sick and miserable. And the workers took care of me. They sat me next to the fireplace, brought me tea, and had the kitchen make me chicken noodle soup even though it wasn’t on the menu. I nearly cried I was so grateful. My bill for dinner was less than $10 so I charged $20. Yes, more than a 100% tip but their kindness kept me going.
I got home, did my expense report, and turned it in. My director called me into his office and screamed at me about how the corporate policy was 10% tip and it should never exceed 15% and what was wrong with me for paying them so much. Remember: total bill including “excessive” tip was $20. It broke me. Well. It shattered my loyalty to the company’s bottom line.
So, I made them give me the corporate travel policy where the tip policy was outlined and from that moment on, I followed the corporate travel policy exactly. No more shitbox $32/day cars; I’m in midsize or better. No more flying out at 4am in the center seat; the flights fit my schedule and I sat where I wanted. No more scary hotels in the worst part of town; now I’m staying at the nicest executive hotel allowed by the policy.
The cost of my trips were pretty regularly double or triple what they had been, adding up to thousands of dollars a year but I never disobeyed their allowable tip policy again.
The true irony: their corporate tip policy actually had verbiage that said “exceptional” service could be recognized with an additional gratuity but basically, don’t make a habit of it. Also, the allowable per diem was $50/day and a receipt was only required if over that amount so the tip that started the whole thing was within per diem, allowable for exceptional service, and the receipt for it had not been necessary.

I’m looking to purchase a used 2011 Volvo C70 from a dealership but I’ve never owned a Volvo before. I know they have a rep for not making cars that last long and that are expensive to fix, but I also hear they are some of the safest cars that you can buy.
I would love to hear thoughts and opinions on this model, as well as just your overall experience with Volvos as far as longevity and reliability goes. The C70 I’m looking at has 125k miles just for reference, I just want to know if I’d be purchasing a money trap that’s near the end of its lifespan… thank you in advance!! (Also I’m a college student just trying to purchase a good reliable car with what I can afford)

So ever since I moved to Dubai, all my formals (office wear) have only been bought from M&S - nearly 10 years.
Since probably 2021, I seen a marked slide down in the quality of the materials. The shirts material seems to have become 'thinner' nearly see-thru, and after a few washes, looks absolutely terrible and very aged. The same issue with the pants. The materials have sorta been downgraded.
So, question is, where can I find good quality formals for every day wear at the same price range or even slightly lower as M&S? Where do you formal wearing folk shop?

Well. Accident happened.
Was driving on a Houston highway. Truck with a landscaping trailer veered into my lane and hit my driver side back area. Long version short the guy came to me on the shoulder of the highway saying it was his fault. He literally said, “I’m so sorry, I have insurance, it’s not a problem. You’ll be covered.”
Told him fine. No worries. I’m ok. Will call the police and we can make a statement then.
Well. He changed his statement. When I spoke to the police they said my insurance will easily find him at fault due to how the damage looks. I asked them to write in the report. They said they didn’t need to. I asked multiple times. They stated they didn’t want to take a side but felt it was clear his trailer came to my lane and damaged my car.
Got my car towed to Tesla collision, but the truck drops me at Tesla Service (2.5 miles away from Collision). Turns out that Tesla collision is different than Tesla Service. This matters later.
Have spoke with my insurance multiple times. Finally they told me that if the police didn’t assign fault at the scene it was a he said she said and I’d be responsible. I told them the police stated it was clear w/the damage to my car that there is no way I could have caused the wreck. My back wheel didn’t impact them without my front starting a swerve.
Anyway. My last insurance person I spoke with had a deep southern accent and told me sometimes life just isn’t fair. Unfortunately I will likely pay for my claim and be responsible.
I told her this was not acceptable and I expect State Farm to fight for me given all the reasons above. She basically told me they will not.
I looked at my coverage tonight. My agent I signed up with apparently only covered me for 50k. My purchase price was near 70. My loan is now 49. And I put 24k down.
So. If this is my fault. I will loose my entire down payment. Even though I have gap coverage with my loan. I trusted my insurance agent and will end up out 24k because of that. And. Unfortunately, I will not be able to afford another Model Y at this time.
All the tint/ PPF/ ceramic is just a loss.
I’m so angry. I miss my car.
Oh. Also. Tesla can’t even look at my car til July 15th. So, I will exhaust all my rental coverage before they even can see my car. Just more out of pocket.
Finally. The tow truck driver left my car at Tesla Service off Hempstead Highway in Houston. Tesla Collision is less than 3 miles away. I told Tesla my car was not drivable and unfortunately the tow driver dropped me at the wrong spot. Tesla service refused to get my car towed. Same at Tesla collision. So. I am $150 out of pocket for a 3 mile tow from one Tesla center to another. This is absolutely ridiculous. They even sent me a threatening message in app that they would impound my car as they refused to get it towed.
All and all I had a terrible experience with State Farm and Tesla. I don’t think I’ll be able to replace my car with another model y. And that really sucks.

So me and my husband parked our car at the parking lot near GOBO VR and was about to go out when a lady approached us, she told us that she forgot the keys in her car locking herself out and asked us if she can make a phone call to her son in law to come pick her up. My husband dialled the number and put it on speaker (never gave the phone to the lady). She thanked and started telling us that she is going through a tough time right now and is in need of food but not asking for money. We bought her some food from KFC and went our separate ways after that.
Now, we realized soon after our interaction with her that she dose not have a car and might be making up stories regarding her son in law (and other details she told me about her daughter and husband). She didn’t ask for money just the food, so we helped her. But, I wanna know is this a scam? Have anyone else had a similar interaction? My husband was later worried about the call as it disclosed his contact number to some unknown person (he was worried because one of his friend had a similar experience and someone asked his friend to let them make a phone call and later it was disclosed that he made a ransom call from my husband’s friend number)

Hi all! I’m hoping to get some help with a strange issue. Our dog Meesha (5 yrs) has been sleeping in a crate at night ever since we adopted her 3 years ago with no issues. We do not crate her during the day, only at night to sleep. We recently (a month ago or so?) took a road trip and had her in the crate the entire time so that she wouldn’t be up moving around. She hates the car but seems to be more relaxed while in the crate.
A few nights ago she refused to even get in the crate. Tail tucked as far as it could possibly be behind her legs and wouldn’t get inside. Last night we were able to get her in there but around 3am she stated crying and would not stop. Tonight she did the same thing and I cannot figure out why! Nothing with her behavior other than this has changed. I washed all of her bedding today and gave her a few treats after she went in there tonight but she still was so anxious. She has access to fresh water, toys etc in there as well.
I’m not sure if it’s the crate in general or the size or what? Any ideas on what to do are greatly appreciated!

I have to come here with this because there’s nowhere else to go. I haven’t mentioned what happened today to anyone – I don’t know if I ever will. I know it happened. But if I say it to the people in my world, I’m not sure they’ll hear it well. They may nod and hum and if they do, I may retreat and convince myself that it was just my imagination.
There is immense power in grief and grief can be very manipulating. I’ve learned that lesson hard and I’m nobody’s fool. And all this time, I’ve been working to figure out what is, and what isn’t real. For you see, there are very many moments which remain mysterious to me since losing Suzanne. All the while, I’ve never stopped feeling that she was still with me somehow.
To this day, I quietly defer to her when I have to make a choice. I don’t think that’s altogether unusual and I’ve often spoken of her spirit here, for what that means to me. To me, her spirit is everything I ever knew of her; an understanding of what she might say. I will always depend on that.
It was different today.
Maybe I shouldn’t share this… I dunno.
When I went to pick PJ up today, I was driving the usual route along a fairly major road near here. It’s sort of residential, but it’s busy, with two lanes in either direction. I had a truck pull out in front of me and I needed to break for him. I’m not generally bothered by that sort of thing – people misjudge – it’s all good. The truck quickly and perhaps politely moved into the left lane as we went along. For a time we were traveling roughly the same speed together. Ahead of us was a major intersection where my only concern in the moment was that it was a long light and that it was currently green. I wanted it to stay green and so hit the gas a bit. So too did the truck beside me, and I remember looking over at the sticker on the tailgate, it was a “SeaBees” decal.
I can’t explain what happened and I won’t say it’s real. All I know is what I know. I felt a very distinct shove on my shoulder and I heard “Mack!” It caused my vision to snap forward and I saw a little boy; he was riding bicycles with his mom, his dad (I assume) and his sister, on the sidewalk, but for whatever reason, the boy swerved out into the road and I had a nanosecond to react. When I did, I made sure that I didn’t simply avoid him; I stopped dead, so that anyone behind me would too. It was so fucking close – it scared me to Jesus.
Moments later, when PJ got in the car, he would be typically PJ – rambling on about his day but I didn’t react to him, which he immediately noted. “What’s wrong?” He asked.
I told him that I almost hit a little boy and suddenly I was scolding him about the dangers of the world. PJ is rather good at assessing situations and he knew I was rattled. So he consoled me with the promise that he would be more careful.
I sit here now, with hours past to settle it all and I shrug and I say, “I don’t know.” Did the drama of the moment invent my experience? Maybe. I don’t know. Probably. The one thing that gets me most is that when I heard my name, it was, without question, her voice.
The mind is incredibly complicated and capable of amazing things. But then, so is the soul.

Context: I have taken driving lessons for over a year, but this week is the first time I am driving without anybody in the car. Although I know all the rules important for driving, I still find myself making errors that I can’t seem to chalk up to a lack of knowledge or experience. For example, where I’m from, if you are turning right on a green light you can always go, but if you are turning right on a red you have to stop unless there is no oncoming traffic. I have made many right turns according to this rule. However, today, for some inexplicable reason, I turned right on a red light when there was oncoming traffic.
The reason that I was thrown off was because the intersection was organized in a way that I had never previously encountered - you can only turn, there is no going straight. So, the green light is specifically for turning. This doesn’t change any of the rules. But, I was just thrown off and my mind blanked for some inexplicable reason. The light changed from green to red as I approached the intersection, and for some reason, I turned onto the oncoming traffic even though I knew the rule. I nearly crashed into the oncoming traffic, but was saved by some miracle. I could have easily gotten into a crash if the car behind that could have potentially intersected with me did not react so fast. To make matters worse, I had pulled into a lane that had closed off, and still recovering from that moment, I hadn’t realized that the cars behind me stopped to let me in. They honked to alert me to get back into my lane, which coupled with the initial honk from the first car who I had nearly intersected with, marked the second shameful incident in a timespan of ~10 seconds that occurred as a direct consequence of my actions.
My mind completely blanked since the setup of the intersection was altered slightly, but not so drastically such that it was some explicit rule that you would study it in driving education so that processing the situation would be near automatic. I’ve practiced with my parents and my driving instructor for hours, and passed the test that lets you drive on your own, and I haven’t made this mistake before. When practicing with an experienced driver, I would state my decision them to them, and they’d correct me. For example, if I were in that same incident from today with an instructor, I would have told them my intentions to turn and their reflexive bewilderment accompanied by a resounding “NO!” would have stopped me from turning into the traffic. The only way that I can learn to make the correct decision in that situation is to drive on my own, unless I plan to drive with an instructor or somebody to watch over my back for the rest of my life. I tried to chalk it up to it being a teachable moment, but considering that I was literal inches away from a major crash, it's not a lesson I want to learn again. I know driving rules, and I would easily be able to articulate them immediately upon being asked. It's just that my mind inexplicably blanks in certain situations. These are are my questions:

1. How do you get over the shame of this incident? How do you deal with the idea that you were nearly to blame for entirely causing a crash, and you were responsible for every single ramification?
2. If you chalk it up to more experience, then I need more in-car hours. But, the only time I would get practice going through scenarios like this would be driving on my own. Driving with an instructor, or reviewing the rules will only help a little bit, but they can’t truly replace driving on my own. The only feasible way for me to get over this processing issue seems to be to put myself in the line of fire. Should I just never drive again, and just stick to other methods of transport?I’m sorry if this is unnecessarily verbose, but I am just so ashamed of this moment and I think its important to explain every facet of the scenario so I can move on and avoid this situation in the future.

So, the other day I was at the gym with my girl. We were close to each other. We were supposed to be doing some sets of push ups. I was doing mine and she was doing hers. So, while she is doing her set this guy approached her (cause supposedly she was not doing it right), he started holding her by her waist with both hands near to her butt. I stand about 10 feet away from her and was actually watching the moment. He was holding her on her way down and up. I was expecting her to say something to the guy, or to tell him to leave her alone. She did not, she actually giggled in a flirting manner and said to him "You are actually doing all the strength for me". She seemed like she enjoyed him holding her. Myself I was really pissed, I became very silent for the rest of our other exercises and my face expression just turned serious. I think she realized how I felt and started trying to make conversation with me but I was just responding with short word answers. In one occasion she said "Ohh on Friday we goteg day and we will work out until we are exhausted, you will have to help me on my way out the gym".
I always walk her to her car but that day I did not, and did not even give her a good-bye kiss. She asked me "Are you sure there's nothing wrong with you?" And i replied "I dunno with a serious face and the left. So then, the day after she texted me, "is there anything wrong with you?" I didn't tell her cause I'm sure she knows what she did was wrong. She started asking what I wanted for my birthday and became very talkative (through chat).
Not to make this story long. I felt pissed when I saw the guy holding her and she not doing nothing about it.
This scenario would be the same situation as if I would go and hold another chick by the waist or near her butt in front of her (WHICH I CONSIDER VERY DISRESPECTFUL)
She has become more attentive with me after that, so...
I'm planning on dumping her. Do you guys suggest I tell her I didn't like that? I know I must not allow things like this, that's why I'm thinking about dumping her. Just want to hear you guys opinion on my situation.
THANKS IN ADVANCE.

I went in thinking 3-5 days to address suicidal thoughts. They ended up keeping me for 13 days, it drove me absolutely mad. I had to sign an AMA to force my way out, but my partners didn't want to pick me up because they knew I still wanted to do it. I called upon a gentleman I had met inside (I started up conversation cause he was reading Locke Lemora, he turned out to love all the right books and video games ❤️). That quality ass dude picked my sorry butt up and drove me down to a car rental. Hero. He even waited for me while I got the car sorted, kept my teddy bear safe. Love him for real.
The only vehicle they had at the rental was a fucking huge ass truck. Giant, white 4 door. I stumbled my way through her questions, knowing I intended the truck to be a one way deliverance to my End. The woman behind the desk was small, blonde, and seemed happy. She was apologetic that she had to give me a giant ass truck. She smiled and brushed over my stumbling mistakes. Accepted my muddled explanation with grace. 10/10, excellent service. She even complemented my bear.
My first destination was a panicked dash to collect my method. I won't tell you what my method is, so as to not give you ideas. I nearly didn't make it before they closed, but I got it. Then it's accessories. Then lots of weed. Then juice. Then vodka. Then notebook, sharpies, sharpie pens. At last I treated myself to my favorite, Massaman curry. Then I drove to a motel. Checked in. Dragged everything up in two trips. Oh and before we leave the car portion of the story let me remind you that I navigated all those streets and parking lots in a fucking huge ass truck.
Anyway, now we're in the room. I set up my pillow and bear on one bed. My method on the other. I arrange the weed, food, alcohol, and juice.
I want to do it. I had driven the whole way thinking how badly I wanted to do it. Sure I planned to have a couple of fun days, but i definitely planned to do it.
And why even do that then. Why bother living a few more days? Fuck it. Fuck life. What the fuck am I living for
Wait, one second. We ate 200mg of weed. And we're sipping fruit juice and vodka. Maybe if we can make it until they hit, it'll feel good.
I'm a crazy person, so I end up documenting my life and day on the walls if the motel bathroom in sharpie. It actually helped a lot. I figured it out. I need freedom. I choose life.
It's hard, the thought is still there. The wolf only has to get lucky once.
But I'm fighting.
Thanks in huge part to my good, good Ace love that I also met inside.
But even bigger to my dear beloved, my dear sweet beloved. Pineapple 🍍 B the only thing that kept me alive inside.
She was there for me. I was attracted to her immediately. Her intelligence. Her gorgeous hair. Her fucking slamming body. We played grab ass. Not enough to get in trouble with the wardens. But clearly thirsty. One time I ducked into her room as she washed her hands in the bathroom. I pushed aside the curtains, her shocked, excited eyes in the mirror.
"You're going to get in trouble" her eyebrows twitch upward as she turned to me, daring me to make real what the moment promised.
"I know," I tried on my best smirk and slunk closer. "Just once?" I begged with my eyes, leaned in
Her hand around my neck
Her lips soft on mine
A flick of a tongue
"Get out of there"
You slap my ass, I smile as I scoot.
Holy.
Fucking.
Shit.
B, that kiss made me think life could be worth living.
I fell in love with you right then.
And tonight you did me the honor of playing virtual grabass, admitting to fantasies. We go back and forth admitting to longings for one another. And in the end you reassured me how real and true our love is.
You saved me B.
And you're really fucking hot. Those curves. Tattoos. Your hair.
When you braided it. Mmmm.
You're also fucking brilliant, but you let people hurt you when you've decided to love them. I do the same thing.
I want to protect you.
So I'm here.
I'm this bed. Typing this account.
Choosing to live.
For her. And Her. And Him. And Him.
And my mom and sister and bestie.
And to my main line of defense. Piller and the Hero Caramel.
You're doing your best for them, Me.

Chapter 4: The Dew
We have a new cast member for this chapter! Her name is Molly, and let’s just say she’s the MVP.
It was almost noon when I woke up. Faaaaack! I scrambled to get dressed, slap on a little makeup, put my hair in purple pigtails, ask myself whether I was dolling myself up for FPB or for Axton... Yeah, that was a no-brainer. I engaged in basic some humaning (brushing teeth, applying deodorant, etc.), spritzed on some men’s cologne called Spicebomb (FPB really was kind of right about that), put on my new shoes, and dashed out the door. I looked at my phone to see if I had a missed call or an angry text from FPB. Nope. Good! He must have still been passed out.
I Ubered to FPB’s place to get my car, then I drove back to Sage’s house and parked on the side of the street. There were four Molly Maid vehicles in the driveway. I checked the door. It was unlocked. Was it possible that my absence might have gone unnoticed? As I entered the house, I could hear one of the professional cleaners yelling at Sage. I’ll call her Molly.
Molly: I’m charging you TRIPLE! I had to call in SIX extra girls. We clean up vomit, pee pee, poo poo, and your house smells like a distillery! You are nasty, nasty people!
I was damn near pissing myself laughing. One of the professional cleaners swooped past me, and I felt embarrassed to even be associated with these nasty, nasty people (even though all of them except for FPB had been super nice to me).
I found my way into the kitchen and accidentally interrupted Sage and Athena arguing over who was going to pay the cleaning bill. Sage was in favor of splitting it between the chummers, and Athena was in favor of sticking Mori with the bill since his nasty, nasty rules caused the nasty, nasty mess.
I cleared my throat so it didn’t seem like I was eavesdropping.
Athena: OP! Hey! Where have you been all morning?
Me: I ran home to get some sleep. The snoring was pretty loud...
Athena: I hear ya. We sleep in Sage’s bedroom, but Mori makes all the others sleep in the War Room or on the porch. You might be able to convince him to let you sleep in the guest room tonight?
Me: Isn’t it your house, Sage? I’ll play by your rules.
Sage: Yeah, but Mori’s in charge during Shadowrun weekends.
Damn, this really was starting to feel like a fucking cult. But I still found Mori hella amusing despite all his absurdities.
Me: Hey, guys? How much hell am I about to catch from FPB?
Sage: That would be... none. He’s still passed out in the backyard.
I made my way to the porch. I guess the cleaning crew hadn’t gotten there yet. There were toppled cups, empty liquor bottles, and several piles of puke on the porch; and the distinct scent of boozy pee clashed in an act of olfactory violence with the scent of stale vomit. I didn’t even want to take a single step outside. I was wearing my brand new shoes, after all! But the rest of my outfit was blissfully casual.
FPB’s absurdly formal clothes were draped over the hammock, and he was sprawled across a lawn chair in nothing but his black boxer briefs, snoring like a freight train.
Axton was sitting on a dry patch of the steps that led down to the yard, smoking a cigarette, and drinking what I hoped was coffee. Snorlax was passed out in the inflatable kiddie pool. And Mori was nowhere to be seen. Axton turned around and noticed me. Surely he didn’t remember trying to kiss me the night before. I mean, I kind of hoped that he did... but it would make my life a whole lot easier if he didn’t.
Axton: OP! Where did you run off to after you put us to bed?
Me: I went to sleep.
Axton: Where?
Me: Ummmm...
Axton: I won’t say anything to FPB, don’t worry.
I wanted to believe him. “I went home. I wanted to sleep in my own bed, and I wanted to have my car in case I get tired again. I seriously can’t keep up with you guys.”
Axton: That’s probably not anything to be ashamed of. Wanna come sit? Have a smoke?
I scanned the porch. “I’m not sure where it’s safe to step.”
Axton put his cig in the ashtray and stood up. “Combat boots to the rescue.”
He crossed the porch, picked me up, and carried me to the puke/pee/booze-free step. As he was putting me down his hand very deliberately grazed the length of my spine. Guess he remembered... I couldn’t seem to pull my hand off his shoulder, nor could I seem to take my eyes off his lips. But just then, FPB stirred. And he roared, “UNHAND MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”
He tried to stand, but his tall, hungover ass just withered to the ground.
Me: Good morning! Don’t worry. He was just helping me protect my new shoes.
FPB: So help me, Pretty Boy. If you touch my girlfriend again, I WILL END YOU.
Axton: Just trying to be gentlemanly, buddy. You want some coffee?
FPB grunted.
Axton turned to me. “You want some, too?”
FPB: DO NOT SPEAK TO HER, YOU FUCKING SKIDMARK.
Me: I’m good. I’ll hit Mori up for some coke later on.
Axton laughed and headed to the kitchen.
FPB: YOU WILL NOT GET COKE FROM MORI. I WILL LITERALLY KILL HIS (expletive slur deleted) ASS IF HE GIVES YOU COKE.
Snorlax was stirring in the kiddie pool.
Snorlax: FPB... Chill, bro. Seriously. God damn. You’re gonna pop a vein in your forehead.
Okay, it’s finally time to pause and give you guys some background on my relationship with FPB. It might be mildly triggering for some, so apologies in advance.
He repulsed me at first. I thought he was a snob, I hated his beard, and his circus freak height intimidated me a little. But he managed to humanize himself. He feigned vulnerability. He was attentive and affectionate (at first). And when we finally went on a proper date, it was actually pretty romantic. Plus, he had cool Bioshock tattoos! I wouldn’t find out about his Shadowrun tramp stamp until a bit later.
And I felt like I was gaining some maturity by looking past the unsightly beard, the constantly furrowed brow, and the shocking amount of time he spent standing on the most random soapboxes one could possibly imagine. I’ll also shoehorn in the fact that he had been “dating” a possessive, obsessive legbeard and I found myself feeling like a white knight for helping him out of that annoying situationship.
FPB’s triumphant, and probably fabricated, stories of his past facilitated empathy. He had dropped out of college to join the Peace Corps. He once pulled over to save a child from a burning vehicle. He had been bullied in middle school for being the only boy in the Color Guard. Blah, blah, blah. It was mostly a load of bollocks, and I’ll save the ridiculous details for another story. But his displays of affection in the early stages of our cursed courtship seemed sincere, and I believed him when he said that my “being there for him” was helping him grow as a person. What a rube I was.
The emotional connection gradually ran deeper as a result of FPB’s exceptionally well-rehearsed vulnerability act, but it was hardly a romance novel. After several relatively normal “getting to know each other” months, I discovered that FPB had been notoriously promiscuous in the past. A lothario, through and through. Many women apparently knew all about the “ladies’ man maître D” in midtown Wellsprings who would go home with absolutely ANYONE.
And I soon figured out that he had not left his promiscuous past behind him... at all. But even if I hadn’t become aware of his reputation, I could often smell his sexual escapades once he felt confident enough to interact with me immediately after he’d gone muff diving. His beard stank like a turtle tank, with heavy top notes of body odor and microwaved fish, and undertones of stale urine, dingleberries, and sometimes a gentle waft of rotting tampon.
He’d also had to treat his foul flavor-saver for pubic lice on a few occasions. I know I mentioned his beard crabs earlier, but it bears repeating (if only for the cringe). I can’t even begin to explain how humiliating the state of his beard was for me. I take care of all manner of personal hygiene, and I’ve certainly never had CRABS. To be known as the girlfriend of such a nasty beardo must have caused at least a few people to reasonably assume that I had a crab-infested crotch and a serious case of junk funk. #notmyjunk
Hindsight tells me that I didn’t care about his philandering because I wasn’t in love with him. His company wasn’t particularly enjoyable since he spent most of our time together complaining about “losers” on the internet and lambasting the insufferable management at the restaurant where he worked. But he could carry on lengthy conversations about luxury fragrance, which was... harmless. Plus, I enjoyed the idea of having a “boyfriend” since I was approaching 30.
And FPB could convincing behave like the *perfect gentleman* on the rare occasions when we attended respectable social events together. So all of my friends thought I’d won the dating lottery by landing myself a quirky, intelligent, polite, and visually striking boyfriend. This dreadful dating experience tempts me to spout some unsolicited advice along the lines of, “Wait for the right *connection* with a person who makes your life more enjoyable, and don’t get hung up on your relationship status... YOU are enough.” But perhaps that’s something we all have to realize for ourselves.
Aside from the philandering, things ran pretty smoothly back when FPB was still keeping “the crazy” under wraps. His goblinization unfolded in tiny, almost imperceptible increments. And by the time he had become a full-blown possessive lunatic, every attempt to end things with him resulted in death threats, slander, vandalism, bomb threats, or false police reports. I could easily write an entire lengthy story about every disastrous breakup attempt. But they wouldn’t be amusing stories. At least this current story has moments that I can try to frame as humorous, largely thanks to the Shadowrun crew.
I suppose the most honest answer as to why I had given FPB chance after chance is that I had absolutely NO prior experience being emotionally close to severely mentally unstable people. I’m one of the lucky ones who has never suffered from mental illness aside from occasional situational depression and some mild body images issues when I was a teenage girl on the high school drill team. I grew up in a loving family. And the only other serious romantic relationship I’d had prior to FPB fell apart because we were just in different stages of life (he was quite a bit older), and we eventually found ourselves unable to relate to one another. Nothing horrifying.
FPB was much closer to my age, we had common interests, and he was a (seemingly) genuine gentleman at first. Our relationship was like Beauty and the Beast... in reverse. I’m not so much comparing myself to Belle as I’m comparing FPB to a kind-hearted prince who gradually transformed into a stomping, snarling, tantrum-throwing BEAST.
Any desire that I’d ever felt for him died from poon fume inhalation. And FPB was pitifully butt-hurt when I closed the cookie to him. And despite displaying no interest in showing affection towards me, despite having countless randos at whom he could wiggle his whisky wang, despite griping incessantly about my terrible personality, my wretched taste in music, and my annoying sense of humor, he refused to end the relationship.
But if I so much as spoke to another man, FPB would call the police and report him as a TCAP Story, vandalize his property (usually with poop and/or semen), stalk him relentlessly, or make a slanderous website, crudely photoshopping the poor guy’s face onto obscene images that he got off the deepest, dingiest, most dumpster-fiery recesses of the dark web. This “retaliation technique” would eventually get his ass incarcerated, but not until many, many unfortunate girlfriends later.
Everyone had always told me that, “Relationships are HARD.” Guys, gals, non-binary pals... if you ever feel the need to cough out this fetid tonsil stone of “wisdom,” please operationally define the word “HARD.” If a relationship feels like a prison sentence and you find yourself fearing for your safety or for the safety of your loved ones, that isn’t “hard.” That is coercive control. RUN. But never forget that running is often much, mucheasier said than done. There’s no shame in getting help from friends, family, and law enforcement.
​
So, where were we? Snorlax was telling FPB to chill out, Axton was going to get some coffee for the lanky, bearded ball of rage, and I was standing on the one clean step, hoping the cleaning crew would come outside and save us all.
FPB was flailing about, trying to achieve a sitting position. Snorlax seemed to have gone back to sleep. And Axton returned to the porch with a cup of coffee and a bottle of water. He made his way down to FPB.
FPB: You’d better stay far, FAR away from her for the remainder of the weekend.
Me: Funky, he’s helping your hungover ass. And he hasn’t been inappropriate towards me in any way.
(That was kind of a lie. But I suppose it all depends on what you consider “inappropriate.”)
FPB harumphed.
Me: I promise you that I’ll punch him in the face if he makes me uncomfortable. Otherwise, please let me get to know your friends. You said that was an important part of the weekend.
Axton sat down the hangover remedies next to FPB’s lawn chair.
Axton: You want some Advil?
FPB nodded, and Axton took the pills out of his pocket and handed them over. FPB washed the pills down, took a few sips of lukewarm coffee, and leaned back in the chair, groaning miserably.
I sat down on the clean step and lit up a cigarette. Axton left FPB to his own devices and approached me cautiously. I gestured for him to come sit next to me. Axton grinned sheepishly, took his cig out of the ashtray, and sat down on the step. I wanted to keep FPB under control, so I said under my breath, “We’d better sit about two feet apart.”
Axton and I both scooched away from one another, the ashtray serving as a buffer, and we continued to speak quietly so that FPB’s hungover groans would drown out our conversation.
Axton: Are you really gonna punch me?
Me: Are you gonna make me uncomfortable?
His grin faded a bit, “Have I made you uncomfortable? If I did, I’m so sorr...”
I made eye contact with him and held it for about 3 seconds longer than I would have held friendly eye contact and replied with my own sheepish grin, “Not at all.”
​
Snorlax was sitting up by that time and he seemed to be in a world of hurt as well.
Axton: Yo, Snor! You need some hangover helper, too?
Snorlax (groaning): Pleeeeeeease.
Axton got up to fetch Snorlax some coffee, water, and pills. Those combat boots were going to need to get hosed down before he went back inside. Especially with Molly and her pissed off crew still at the house.
In fact, I could hear Molly screeching at Sage again.
Molly: There’s more mess on the porch? What sort of mess? More poo poo? A lake of liquor? You people are ANIMALS. I’m never cleaning your house again!!!
Sage: Ummm... I think it’s just booze and pee. You should be able to just power wash it.
Axton: There’s a ton of puke out there, too.
Molly: Jesus, save us all.
Axton ran to Snorlax and delivered the hangover helper.
Axton: Dude! The maids are on their way, and they’re pissed off. We gotta disappear.
I put my cigarette out, stood up, and dashed over to FPB, who was still reclining in the lawn chair with a pained expression on his face.
Me: Funky? The maids are coming. We need to get out of here.
FPB: And go where?
Me: I don’t know! I’ve never done this before. I think Axton knows, but I’m afraid to talk to him.
FPB: HEY, FUCK-FACE. Where are we running off to?
Axton: Garage! Go around the side of the house.
Axton helped Snorlax stagger around to the garage, and FPB managed to wobble to his feet. As he was standing up, I noticed a whisky wee aroma and an extra dark patch of fabric near the crotch of his black underpants. While I guided him to the garage, I tried my darndest to keep his wet boxer briefs away from my clean shirt. His crotch was level with my mid-section, so I curved my body away from him and let him basically use my shoulders and arms as a walker. In the end, we all managed to enter the garage though the side door. It was dusty, musty and stuffy, but it was blissfully devoid of puke and pee. Well, aside from FPB’s underpants.
Sage must have anticipated that we’d take shelter from the angry maids in the garage because he came out from the house and opened the garage doors for us, letting in a nice breeze.
Sage: You guys good?
We all indicated the affirmative.
Sage: Excellent. Mori should be back from the liquor store pretty soon. And he’s picking up hangover food, too.
Snorlax: What’s he getting?
Sage: Taco Bell.
Seriously? Not only were they having to restock the booze, but they were also planning to chow down on Taco Bell to help with the hangovers? There was no way in hell that was going to help.
At any rate, FPB and Snorlax were chugging the remainder of their hangover helper and seemed to be gradually getting their sea legs back. Axton had apparently been awake a little longer than they had, so his hangover seemed to have passed. I’m just assuming this since I was forbidden to speak to him. And with the only two non-hungover people there forbidden to speak to one another, the garage was eerily silent.
We were all sitting on the dusty floor and FPB, still wearing nothing but wet boxer briefs, tried to pull me into his lap.
Me (getting up and crossing the room): HELL NO. You peed yourself. I’m not sitting in your lap until you go wash up and put on some clean underpants.
FPB: It’s not pee. It’s dew.
Axton: It’s piss, bro. I can smell it.
FPB (snarling): You shut your fuck-nugget mouth, Asshat.
Wow, Axton’s ability to exhibit no reaction at all to FPB’s venom was impressive. I might have to try that and see if it would work for me.
Snorlax: He’s right. It’s definitely pee. No shame, though. I wet my pants, too. I had to get up and change at like... 6 in the morning. It sucked.
FPB: OP, please get over yourself and come sit by me.
Me: No lap sitting.
FPB: Fine.
Me: Do you want me to go get your backpack so you can change?
“Chill out, Miss Uptight! We all wet our pants every weekend. It’s tradition,” he said as he wound his long arms around me from the side.
I felt like I was in a cage. I rolled my eyes, and I think Axton noticed my exasperated expression because I could see him snickering.
FPB: What’s funny, you DICK?
Axton composed himself, and Snorlax gallantly stepped up to save us.
Snorlax: He’s laughing cause I farted. Sorry.
Always a sucker for bathroom humor, I burst out laughing. Axton started laughing again, Snorlax started laughing, lifted a cheek and really did rip one this time. The butt wind even kicked up a little dust from the garage floor. That made all the reasonable people in the garage laugh even harder. But not FPB. No, he was fuming.
FPB: What the hell is really so fucking FUNNY? Someone fess up to me or I’m gonna start flaying you bitches.
Axton: Dude. For real. We’re laughing at a fart. (more laughter)
Snorlax (also laughing): Yeah, just the thought of Taco Bell gave me gas.
FPB’s fury just made it even funnier, and all of us were in stitches.
FPB: I know you’re all laughing at ME.
Yeah, I guess it did kind of start off that way. But by the time his rage was hitting the boiling point, we really were just behaving like overgrown children and laughing hysterically at a fart. And everything was ten times funnier because we had this “stick in the mud” sitting there getting outrageously offended by the laughter. You know the feeling, right? When you’re not supposed to laugh at something, it becomes even harder not to laugh? Or is that just me?
FPB: I’m getting dressed now. OP, come help me. You two jabronis can stay in here and laugh at each other’s farts.
Instead of heading to the hammock in the back yard where FPB’s clothes presumably remained, he entered the house through the garage door and headed straight for the guest room to retrieve his backpack. Good. Maybe he was at least going to put on some clean underpants.
But, no. He wasn’t. That would have taken away from the repulsive debauchery that his whizzy boxer briefs allowed him to revel in. He really needed to settle on a story. Was he such a wild, crazy party boy that he was too cool to care that he’d wet his pants? Or was he a pathetic drunk who’d passed out and managed to collect afternoon dew in the crotch of his boxer briefs (and nowhere else on his body)? We’ll never know. His Shadowrun tramp stamp was in full view as he bent down and grabbed his wallet from his black leather backpack. He then marched into the kitchen and told Sage, “Bring me a maid.”
Sage: Ummm... they’ve got their hands pretty full at the moment.
FPB produced a hundred-dollar bill from his wallet. “I want my clothes steam cleaned. And I’ll need them spritzed with perfume. Athena’s got some here, doesn’t she?”
Sage: Yeah... But you’re gonna have to ask HER if you want to use her perfume. And you’re gonna have to ask the cleaning crew to steam your clothes. They’re all pretty annoyed with me over the condition of the house. There’s a new head maid. I’m having to pay TRIPLE the normal cleaning fee, dude.
In my mind, the considerate action would have been to forego the steaming and offer the cash to Sage, since FPB’s sparkle vomit and spilled liquor definitely contributed to the mess. Instead, FPB exited through the front door, made his way around to the backyard, and began removing his clothes from the hammock. The maids shrieked. FPB ignored the shrieks, gathered his clothes, and sauntered back into the house. Once we were back indoors, we could hear Molly going over the bill with Sage.
FPB: AHEM. Madam, I need these clothes steam cleaned.
He thrust his suit and the hundred-dollar bill in her direction.
Molly: Excuse me??? We were hired to clean this disgusting house. You want your clothes steamed, go to the drycleaners.
She sniffed the air.
Molly: And go take a shower. You smell like a diaper.
I stepped in. “Hey. Sage? Do you mind if I steam FPB’s clothes in the guest bathroom?”
Sage: Fine by me.
I pulled FPB aside. “Give me your clothes. You peed in your sleep after you took you suit off right?”
FPB: IT’S DEW.
Me: It doesn’t matter. Your underwear’s wet and you need to put on a dry pair. In the meantime, I’ll go in the bathroom, hang your clothes up, get the room steamy from the shower, and then they’ll at least be a little less wrinkled. We used to do it all the time in college.
FPB: But those bitches have professional equipment. If they can steam carpet, they can steam a suit.
Me: I think it’s a different type of steamer.
FPB: Oh, you’re an expert on steamers?
Me: Not the Cleveland kind.
Damn it, Mori would have appreciated my attempt at an obvious dirty joke.
FPB harumphed, and I put the plan into action. I turned the shower on as hot as it would go, sifted through FPB’s suit components carefully to make sure his pants were dry. Fortunately, they were. I hung the clothes as close to the shower curtain as I could without getting them wet and sat down to try and enjoy the steam room and the solitude. Maybe it would make me feel refreshed? But the sweetness of the solitude wouldn’t last, as I could hear a conversation taking place just outside the door.
Sage: What the hell, man? Why are you guarding the bathroom door?
FPB: I don’t want any of you pervs trying to walk in on my girlfriend while she showers.
Sage: Okay... I think she’s just in there steaming your fancy clothes.
FPB: She might be taking a shower, too. NAKED. I have to protect her from the male gaze.
Sage: Well... I’ve got a girlfriend. Mori’s not here, and Snorlax and Axton are both stand-up dudes.
FPB: I don’t trust Axton. I caught him picking her up on the porch, and then he tried to TALK TO HER.
Sage: “Picking her up” as in the crap you pull at work all the time? Or literally “picking her up” so she didn’t step in puke?
FPB: Uh... he made some lame excuse.
Sage: So... Picking her up so she didn’t step in puke. What a jerk.
FPB: Right?!
Sage: Listen, man. The door locks. And she’s a grown woman. Leave her alone for five minutes, for fuck’s sake. And put on some clean underwear.
FPB: IT’S DEW.
When I couldn’t take the steam anymore, I turned off the shower, retrieved FPB clothes, which did look spiffier, and opened the door to inhale the fresh, cool air. Ahhh! And the lovely cleaning crew had managed to get rid of the “poopy-pee-puke-pizza” pungency.
Apparently, being lightly mocked by the “vice principal” had embarrassed FPB enough to make him go find something better to do. No one was outside the door at that moment. I gathered FPB’s clothes, carried them to the guest room, and laid them out on the bed.
Now to find my seething anger ball of a boyfriend. Best guess? He was back in the garage, yelling at Axton and Snorlax. So that’s where I checked first.
I entered the garage from the house, and found Sage, Athena, Axton, Snorlax, and Mori all sitting around enjoying some Taco Bell and drinking beer. No FPB.
Me: Hey, guys! Have any of you seen a tall, angry guy in wet boxer briefs?
Mori: He’s on the back porch. Said he had to call his work.
Ah, yes. “Work.” That meant he was texting one of his randos. Probably the one who showed up at Sage’s house late last night.
Me: Beer me?
They all answered with a validating chorus of “Hell yeah,” and, “Go girl!”
I grabbed a beer from the cooler and scanned the room for a place to sit. Axton stood up and led me over to his spot.
Axton: Hey, guys! Who am I?
And then he pulled me onto his lap, wrapped his arms around me and started shouting in a caveman voice, “MY GIRLFRIEND. MINE. NO TALKING TO HER. DON’T EVEN LOOK OR I’LL STAB YOU IN THE EYEBALL.”
Everyone, including me, found this incredibly funny. And I was pleased to see that the whole team was acknowledging FPB’s absurdly possessive behavior. Maybe if the people he respected most in this world called him out on his insane possessiveness, he would reflect? Yeah, let’s see how that goes...
I stayed in this far too comfortable position for a minute or so. Axton was more muscular than FPB and he wasn’t “circus-freak tall,” so his lap was a much better fit. But I knew that if FPB rounded the corner and caught me sitting in another guy’s lap, he’d flip. Especially since my position in Axton’s lap had happened purely to make a mockery out of FPB. I leaned into him for a few more seconds, then slid over into my own cold, hard, lonely space.
Guess I needed to do some reflecting, too... Not because I was finding myself attracted to a guy who wasn’t my boyfriend. My boyfriend was a psycho and I needed to reflect on why I hadn’t been able to find an exit strategy that didn’t lead to terroristic threats or stalking.
Mori: I think I’ll add a new punishment tonight. But only for FPB. If he glitches, he has to sit in my lap and let me paw all over him. See how he likes it.
Me: Be sure to get a raging boner and jab him in the hip with it.
I couldn’t tell if the laughing that ensued was because I’d made a crude joke to the perfect audience or because I had unintentionally “called” the inevitable.
Mori (in a deliberately creepy tone): Oh, that won’t be a problem.
We laughed again.
And then, all the fun was sucked from the garage. FPB entered from the driveway and demanded to know what was funny.
Sage: Mori’s cooking up new punishments.
FPB: That’s... terrifying.
Me: Hey, I put your clothes in the guest room if you want to get dressed.
FPB: M’kay. I’m getting a beer first.
He cracked open a beer and headed inside. As he towered in the doorway, he turned to me.
FPB: You coming?
Mori: You need your girlfriend to help you put your clothes on? Are you in kindergarten?
FPB: Eat a dick, Mori.
Mori: Sounds delicious.
FPB shuddered and trudged inside. He hadn’t made any more demands that I accompany him, so I let him go put on his big boy pants all by himself.
*end of Chapter 4
As always, thank you so, so much for reading!
Hope to see you back for The Lap of Luxury!