Bead and button magazine back issues

I believe there's an unenumerated right implied by the constitution thar citizens have the right to issue their own currency. So, if a person issues money that breaks regulations how can they guarantee they get to the Supreme Court? Can I just sue the Federal government to get the ball rolling?
That whole section of the constitution interpreted with the debates in mind, according to some Libertarian lawyers, implies the Federal Reserve is unconstitutional as well.bIf I can get to the court and win. I'd only expect the result to be crypto goes up in value, and the industry stops getting harassed by regulators.
If I get lucky the Fed would be shut down too. What would happen to the Federal government in that case? What about internationally? Would government spending go back to pre-1913 levels?

I hate being NEET but I also hate working low wage dead end jobs. It seems like a no win situation. I'm a mentally ill loser and I have a difficult time with employment. I've got maybe $100 left in my bank account and I'm tired of having to ask mommy and daddy for more money. I was maybe gonna do doordash just to get some money but my car is having issues so screw that I guess. My sleep schedule is completely messed up and it holds me back from getting some kind of employment. Idk what to do anymore? I'm just a failure. Sorry, I just needed to rant to the void.

Hi all,
I'm interested in getting an inflatable SUP. I mainly canoe and kayak and have done for years. I've paddled a SUP a few times. My issue is that I was born with club feet (they curve inwards) meaning that the majority of my weight is on the outside edge of my feet and I have limited ankle movement/flexibility. Once I'm up and standing on a SUP I tend to be ok, but I'm pretty much fixed in that position and I can't move around on the board. Even a tiny step can cause me to lose balance and either fall in or onto the board. I'm from the UK and would mainly be paddling over in the Lake District or calm, flat canals/lakes.
How important is it to be able to move around on the board? Kick/step back turns will probably never be an option for me.
Any recommendations for an iSUP that's stable and won't break the bank? (Again, UK based)
Thanks

Hi,
I have a problem with Diablo IV I had during the beta, but hoped it would have been fixed.
I'm running the game with a NVidia GeForce 1650 Super (not great eh), on medium or low with 50-60 fps, with roughly 50% GPU usage.
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However some random times, not even specially during a fight with tons of FX, I'm down to 15-20 fps and 100% GPU usage. The only way to fix this for me is to restart the game, and I'm then back to my usual 50-60 fps.
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I know I don't have the greatest of the GPU, but this sudden rise to 100% GPU usage looks really wrong to me, and doesn't look like I just have a not-good-enough-GPU to play the game.
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Does someone have any issue like this, and managed to fix it?

Any time i press the home button my oculus quest closes and i would have to power it back on. Is there a fix for this?

So I am aiming to hopefully get my bottom surgery between May and August next year, hopefully May so I can be back on my feet for school fully healed. So to get ready I have been trying to set up electrolysis. I know it's not necessarily needed for all surgeons, but as a MtF patient I just would feel more comfortable if I tried everything I can to make sure hair won't be a future issue.
However due to school and life in general the past semester, I probably won't actually be starting electrolysis until week after next at the soonest. So my question is if it is unreasonable to hope for a full clear by next year or how many hours I should be doing. I think I can afford maybe 3-5 hours worth at the most, but was hoping I would only need 3 per session for cost reasons.
Any advice on this?

Im 23 Had My Kidney Transplant 3 months Ago At OSU. And Was On Dialysis For 20 months. After My Transplant my body felt my energy SPIKE and so did my emotional state. that's mainly due to chemicals and meds and sh!+. NOW DO NOT GET CONFUSED I AM BEYOND Greatful for my best friend's donation! ... so anyway... lately i have been having these weird negetive thoughts for unknown reasons... like i feel useless to society even though i have a job lined up in August but it's mainly i didn't feel free yet.. i talked to my therapist about it and he told me routine = comfort your brain thrives on the comfort of routine no matter how unpleasent it is ... he agrees that my mental state has NOT transitioned to what my body feels like . it still feels stuck in the chair or its reminding me of all the Traumatic shit i went through and the issues of being so young on the treatment... now having clarity on that he told me one of the best ways to feel like your active again IS to go out again and live normally (within confines of transplant guidelines) so i went back to the YMCA pool and just enjoyed myself for a couple hours went to the store did some other stuff. NO i don't feel like im transitioned yet but getting out there is helping me escape those patterns. next week june 10th im going back to be a camp consualar at the camp at worked at before for chronic illness kids and i think that should help considering humbling our needs for the younger or weaker helps build us up... so if your stuck feeling like a prisoner or not normal still YOUR NOT ALONE!!! it takes time and reach out if you need to even Transplant Team can help with this as well.... well wishes everybody

I don’t have internet at home and the game seems to be to much for one sitting. Please fix what ever the issue is. What I have played was great. But if I can’t continue a save I don’t see myself going back to it.

Look I know this is going to sound bad but I’m going to give some context. I’m 24 and I’m staying with my boyfriends family. His mom, sister (17) brother and me.
Today we went out to eat and it was His mother, his sister and me. I had my vape on me. I went home, vape was on me. I put the vape on the seat Infront on me. I am sitting in the back alone. My vape slide until the seat Infront of me. Once home I got out and went around to get it. Literally a few seconds of walking around the car and opening the door
When I went to get it, it was gone. I have almost tore the car apart. And his brother cleaned the car out. I have no reason to think his brother took it. He’s like 15, not saying he wouldn’t but he is very health conscious.
His sister does smoke, and his mother completely disapproves. I have left my vape around them before with no issue.
When I was hanging out with his sister later I brought up the vape and how I was missing it (I had spent over 2 hours looking in the car. It’s somewhere here.) and she said suddenly she felt sick and needed to go to the bathroom. That hurt stomach hurt a lot. I don’t know but it seemed like she was guilty.
It was literally out of my line of site for 10 minutes. Sister was in the driver side and could of saw it. It was 40 dollars and I know I know I sound like a crazy nicotine fiend, this is a weed pen. I know you can very addicted to those as well. Thank you guys so much . I’ve also never, once in my 4 years of smoking vapes ever lost it .
I feel like I’m trying to drive myself crazy looking for a reasonable solution. But it was there, then it was gone
Would I be the asshole for assuming one of them has it currently?

Im 23 Had My Kidney Transplant 3 months Ago At OSU. And Was On Dialysis For 20 months. After My Transplant my body felt my energy SPIKE and so did my emotional state. that's mainly due to chemicals and meds and sh!+. NOW DO NOT GET CONFUSED I AM BEYOND Greatful for my best friend's donation! ... so anyway... lately i have been having these weird negetive thoughts for unknown reasons... like i feel useless to society even though i have a job lined up in August but it's mainly i didn't feel free yet.. i talked to my therapist about it and he told me routine = comfort your brain thrives on the comfort of routine no matter how unpleasent it is ... he agrees that my mental state has NOT transitioned to what my body feels like . it still feels stuck in the chair or its reminding me of all the Traumatic shit i went through and the issues of being so young on the treatment... now having clarity on that he told me one of the best ways to feel like your active again IS to go out again and live normally (within confines of transplant guidelines) so i went back to the YMCA pool and just enjoyed myself for a couple hours went to the store did some other stuff. NO i don't feel like im transitioned yet but getting out there is helping me escape those patterns. next week june 10th im going back to be a camp consualar at the camp at worked at before for chronic illness kids and i think that should help considering humbling our needs for the younger or weaker helps build us up... so if your stuck feeling like a prisoner or not normal still YOUR NOT ALONE!!! it takes time and reach out if you need to even Transplant Team can help with this as well.... well wishes everybody

Need alittle advice so I bought a controller the other day, seller says he opened the controller to clean it and when he closed it up and tried to test it all the buttons didnt work expect for the analog sticks , buttom bumpers and the main xbox logo button , I did confirm this to be the case , the sync button doesnt work at all and neither does any other button , so i cant connect it via bluetooth but if i do connect it via USB cable then only the suggested buttons work , any help or suggestions on what the issue might be

One of the most brutal experiments ever carried out in behavior science, the "hope" experiment, involved drowning rats. One Dr. Richter wanted to figure out if stories of humans surviving seemingly impossible odds had something to do with the concept of hope. So he started drowning rats, by the buckets-full. After drowning several hundred, he noted that on average rats could last for roughly fifteen minutes before they stopped swimming and sank. That was the control. For the other half of this macabre experiment, Dr. Richter would rescue the rats just as they were drowning, give them a brief moment of respite, then drop them back into the drowning tank. The rats that had been rescued - the rats that had been made to believe that they might have a chance at survival - those rats continued swimming for another two hours. By giving them that one experience of relief, Dr. Richter had shown that an animal can push itself far past its apparent limits, so long as there is some form of temporary relief and recovery from the situation.
Now imagine you are waiting for the shinkansen when the unthinkable happens - a massive earthquake hits Tokyo, leveling buildings and triggering a huge tsunami. You somehow survive, but are trapped under rubble, with freezing cold water pouring down on your head. You've been trapped like that, in that tight spot, shivering, injured, every aftershock tremor filling your heart will cold dread. You think this must be the end, you are at your limit, and there is nothing left to do but close your eyes and hope you drift off to a place that is more gentle and warm than the cold, dark place that will be your tomb. But then, somewhere near your face, you see it - the soft yellow light of a Boss Coffee machine. You can reach it, if you stretch out your arm, and sure enough with the last bit of your strength you manage to tap the vend button. A hot aluminum can of Boss Coffee rolls out of the machine, and by some miracle you manage to catch it in your arms. The warm liquid fills your belly, and gives your soul the strength of will that only coffee strong and creamy enough to be called "the boss" can bring. You're going to last, no matter how long you must wait. A few days more, you are sure of it, someone will dig you out. A tear of happiness rolls down your cheek, and you press the button again. And you drink more coffee, like a boss.

I want to preface this by saying I am a man (29). I would like to get a woman's perspective on a problem I am having.
I was in a relationship with an amazing woman. We dated for two years. It felt unreal and I am certain her and I were just amazing together. The only problem we had, which I was upfront about, was that I didn't want children. Fast forward two years and we are no longer together due to me not wanting kids. I don't blame her for wanting kids even though I was upfront about not wanting them. People change and I totally get it.
I've never really lingered on thoughts or emotions about someone after a breakup for too long. It's been 5 months and I still think about her every day. I go to therapy for other issues but I do bring her up quite a bit. I'm at a loss and I'm unsure how to move on. Should I have rethought the option of having kids? I work many hours and I am back in college to finish my bachelor's. I never wanted kids but I also do not have a lot of free time, but today I can say I'd throw that away in a heartbeat.
Any opinions on changing someone's mind about having kids or any stories about having kids when you didn't and being glad you did? We were both financially stable and in a good place to. I just lacked time and the want.
I am now ranting and I apologize. I am just at a loss and I wish I could simply want kids and make things better. It would be too late to reach out to her anyways I just feel a very deep since of regret in my decision to break things off.

Alright I'll start this one off by saying two things; I'll actually start caring about structuring my posts a little more. I've had too many people point it out, it's a problem lol. Secondly, a huge thank you to Albuquerque! I arrived here on Thursday and the streets were empty. I ended up using the abundance of free time to work on videos which I got three out thanks to that, and I took a break from writing.
I decided to post in Albuquerque to find out what I was missing out on, since everywhere I went was desolate. I ended up setting up my busking in front of a little food district and I made $9 mostly thanks to a really nice couple of guys also trying to make money washing windows. I heard from a user that there was an art walk happening Friday at 05:00 P.M. so I spent the next morning prepping the outlines for my next videos since I have to show some of my playing to my viewers.
The art walk was not only so incredible to see but also the city just came to life suddenly. Thursday night I got to see the clubs were active but everyone was indoors. I got to check out a book store and the owner actually ended up gifting me a book, which I plan to start reading after Cat's Cradle, which my aunt got for me. I ended up making so much money while I was here which really helped because going to Big Bend really set me back on finances. Some girl also bought me a taco and some other guy brought me a water. I also ended up seeing that person who recommended the art walk to me, so it's great to meet you guys in person lol.
There are a few bad things however. Most of them are about the concertina (which is my instrument). My case is destroyed. The top of it is just coming apart and needs to be repaired pretty badly overall. I've abused it. Secondly, I now have multiple reeds going bad and I lost one of my most important ones. The only place I knew to get concertina reeds from was in Alabama so I'm really worried about what to do. The reed that has gone sour is way off now and I can't get away with playing it anymore, and it also constantly makes noise when I'm not even using that key.
I'm considering just going to a cabinet shop and seeing if they can do anything about the box, but I feel like that might end up being pricey. I want to open the floor up to you guys about the box, because I feel like I can call and bug enough music stores to have someone help me take a look at the reeds. If any of you have any decent experience in woodworking, I'd be more than happy to pay you for your time even if you just end up glueing it up. I wanted to have my friend make me a travel box for the trip but he was short on time. I'm really serious about this though, if you or someone you know is in Arizona, California, Oregon, or Washington, let me know! I'll be trying to see if I can get anyone to fix it in person of course, especially the reed issue, but the box problem is something I can deal with for some time.
Sorry this ended up being such a long post, but I think that covers everything. Reach out to me if you want to help me get this box fixed! It might be worth it to do that through my Instagram since I have Reddit notifications off, but I'll be checking both (Instagram in bio). Thank you guys again for following along! I'll post again soon!

Process thus far, wanted to share some information and some insights for my fellow lurkers on here. Sorry for length.
Each agency is different but the biggest issue is honesty. If you find out you made an error on your SF86 it isn’t the end of the world. Be honest about the error and make it easier for the whole process by having evidence in hand to send or show during interview. This forum talks a lot about the whole person concept snd use the interview as a way to discuss what problems you may have had but it’s ok to bring up how you have improved. Take ownership of what happened because it’s your clearance no one else’s. Honesty is key!! Have additional contacts available because they may have already tried to call collaterals and they were not available. If you have any questions please PM me and I’ll reply as I can.
Timeline 3/16 Job Closed 4/6 Interview 4/21 CJO; TS Clearance Required 5/5 Clearance Coordinator phone meeting to talk about eQIP and quick discussion about drugs and foreign travel. After this meeting eQIP link sent 5/8 eQIP submitted 5/10 eQIP accepted 5/10 agency requires FBI check for my wife, paperwork sent, signed, and returned. 5/11 Soft check on credit report. 5/17 Received email saying fingerprints received and processed. 5/31 Investigator called and set up interview over teams. 6/1 Interview lasted 3 hours. 6/2 People I listed were contacted for meetings with investigator (they called me).
Red flags: Used one THC gummy March 2020, truck and motorcycle repo during divorce 2019/2020. Charge off on 3 credit cards. Total issue $32K.
Green Flags: Previous secret, previous TS for 19 years, public trust, when I ate the gummy it was 3 years after I left federal employment and even though PT was there it was inactive and I wasn’t working. Current job has a law enforcement BI, psych, poly, and I carry a badge (I am not a cop though). No foreign contacts. Zero law enforcement actions. Just bought a house.
First issue was the fingerprints because I had to mail them it took a while to get confirmation they were goo to go.
Interview was 3 hours, investigator was really nice and personable. When he called m to set up interview he said we will talk in depth about financial issues, and foreign travel. He sounded ominous and told me to pull my annual credit report and start working issues.
When I pulled it later in the day I found some items besides my repos that didn’t come up when I bought my house or during my background check for current job. I saw I had three credit cards that were charged off in 2017/2018 and had balances. So I called two of them s d paid them off and got a zero balance letter. The third one I called they sent me to a collections agency and collections didn’t have an account for me. I took screen shots of the website to show no account was present with my info.
Investigator and I start going over the SF86. When finances came up he told me what he had found. He asked why I did not list the charge offs I told him it didn’t come up during home buying and BI for work. I told him I had found the items and whole talking emailed the pay off from earlier in the day and screen shots. I apologized for missing it and told him wasn’t trying to hide it. He was happy I was proactive and had a plan in place. He said I was open and candid about the repos and with all dates around my divorce it was able to “tell a story” about my fuck up financially.
Take Away, review your annual report it has much more detail than credit apps show. Have a plan in place for red flags, be open and forthcoming on the how and why you have the issues. Have emails, receipts, or screenshots so it shows you give a damn
Drug use conversation was hard because I had never used any drugs previously and because of one gummy I had to talk about it. The biggest take away for anyone reading is he talked about that agencies are having to adapt to the fact weed is legal in a lot of places and they have to look at it differently. I explained I was waiting for my 14th sinus surgery and at the beginning of Covid I couldn’t get into a doc for pain meds (I’m allergic to a lot of over the counter meds) and wanted to try a gummy to see if it would help. It didn’t and I was embarrassed I had even tried it and would never try it again. Because of agency specific timeline a lot of questions didn’t apply because it was out of scope.
***Take Away be honest, don’t down play it and tell your story. Don’t rely on “it’s legal what’s the big deal”.
Foreign travel section had an issue because I messed up the date that showed I was in Ireland for a year, but under comments I shared where I was for the 10 days on vacation.
Take Away, double check dates! Use the comments section. If you know you have recent foreign travel make a list of cities, where you stayed (hotel, air B&B, tent). One thing that surprised me the specifics about how many drinks I had each day.
After interview had multiple emails back and forth today (6/2) and after sending all the evidence of working on charge offs he told me that “you have done more than I expected and will add that to my comments when I submit my report”. This meant a lot because I was freaking out because I had never had the financial red flags for my previous clearances.
Now the wait continues. I am hoping I will get an interim and be able to start work.

Age: 19 Sex: Male Height: 195cm = 6ft4 Weight:80kg=176lbs Race: White Duration of complaint : 12 hours Location - Czechia Any existing relevant medical issues - n/a Current medications - n/a
Yesterday, I was cleaning my ears with q-tips. My legs slipped on the humid bathroom floor, and my thigh hit my elbow, and the q-tip damaged something in my ear, I lost hearing instantly and i just hear static. I went to the emergency, where the doctor tried to put a filling inside my ear, but that failed. I managed to rupture half of my ear drum and I have broken an ear canal.
He told me to come back on Tuesday, where he will conduct "an audio test" and try to do something more with it, or schedule surgery. My inner ear is apparently fine, since I am not suffering with nausea/have not fainted, but there is something wrong with the ossicles (the 3 tiny bones in my ear). He told me that in worst case scenario, surgery should fix these issues. I am however extremely worried that I will never hear on that ear again, or would have to have hearing aids.
Today, I woke up with a few blood stains on my pillow, so apparently the ear drum was bleeding. Can someone tell me what are my odds of hearing again on the right ear?

I’ve been hospitalized recently, diagnosed with PMDD, and I recently did blood work that shows I have a 90% chance of having a pituitary tumor.
I’ve recently started seeing a new therapist who I really like. He had said in the beginning we’d start with weekly and then maybe eventually it could go down to less. I think it’s going well. I think therapy is helping. He has a structured program he’s going through that I like a lot. I think it’s helping. I told him about the very possible tumor in my Wednesday session.
But then he walked out with me to the receptionists desk (which he never does) and says “so we can come back in two weeks or 3 weeks, which do you prefer?” I wanted it to be next week, but I said two because I didn’t feel like I had the next week as an option. When he said it would be weekly for a while then we’d reduce I thought he meant it would be that way for months or even a year, not 4 sessions.
I was just put on the spot in front of the fucking receptionist (John) I started tearing up on the way to the payment window.
Then I went and sat at the bus stop where I wait for the dollar taxi to pass to go to the end of the island with the dock back to the island I live on. No one else was there so I just sat there and sobbed.
I didn’t understand why next week wasn’t presented as an option. Every therapist/psychiatrist/even fucking hairdresser I’ve ever talked to has said something along the lines of “I’m not available next week” or something like that when this.
So a this afternoon I panicked, left a shaky-voiced voicemail at the office, and received a callback from the John 10 minutes later saying he would put me on the books for next week same time (so NOT unavailable). He asked if I was okay and that I sounded upset (I was crying) and I said “I’m not okay but not in a dangerous way” and he said he’d have a word with Meservy (long-time psychiatrist who runs the small practice and was the person who diagnosed me with autism at 16) when he was out of an appointment about this. I didn’t receive a call back today but I’m not too concerned about that.
I think I’m going to call insight (private practice here) and ask if I could send them a list of all my issues and see if they have someone who can/is willing to take that on weekly. I can’t deal with decisions just being made about my care without discussion with me, especially when I told him immediately that I like excessive information, I like names for things, etc.
But seriously, I tell him I probably have a brain tumor and that means LESS therapy???
Today I also had a knock down drag out fight with my mom that’s such a blur but I know ended with her saying “I hope you have a fucking brain tumor because, if you don’t, I can’t love someone like this anymore.
I just feel so broken, I want to check myself into the hospital again but that was almost worse. I need someone to take care of me.

I own a discord server and one of my mods acts like the owner sometimes. (I know, it sounds like one of THOSE discord servers but I promise you it's not, it's just a server of hermitcraft fans) me and my mod both believe in "don't chronically online to the point where you're harassing people" but both of our problems are we fight for what we believe in, which is usually when people start arguments about chronically online stuff and we both bite and argue back, although I've learnt to just drop the Conversation and make it so people can't speak in that channel (if it's not general) for a few hours. but they still argue. Earlier in the morning when I was sleeping, somebody informed someone that they couldn't use a name as it was closed, they weren't being mean at all. One of our servers rules is it's not required as a mod to point out closed things but if people want to point it out then we don't have any issue with it. But my mod seemed to have an issue. They said "don't force it on them" and "they don't HAVE to change it" which wasn't true, I won't say what name it was but it was the name of a deity and I happen to work with that deity so I know it is disrespectful to use it without permission from said deity. Things like this have been happening for a while, infact the other day they got passive agressive at me for something I said roughly five months ago, and they just keep getting passive agressive at me and act like they know EVERYTHING all the time. I really want to tell them "you're not always right" because I think they need to hear it but I'm not sure if I'm being an asshole.

Rant about family:
I was officially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when I was 23yo, but looking back now I know I obviously dealt with it as a child/teen. I have had issues with SH, an ED, and SI since I was 13. I officially told my family about JUST the diagnosis a few months after it happened. Their response was seriously lacking. My family never saw actual therapists (besides weird conservative family therapists) and told me when I received the incorrect diagnosis of Schizophrenia at 16, that I needed to just 'stop'. I suffered from panic attacks since I was 12, and was usually told to 'stop making this about you'.
Fast forward to 2022; I spent three months in a DBT hospital program after an intense depressive episode. At this point, I had been laid off and was struggling to stay at a job. Family knew of my program, but never texted/called/checked in on me.
This year I had my worst episode since I was 16. I suffered from a HORRIBLE, debilitating depressive episode and, honestly, should have been hospitalized (but couldn't afford it - thanks America). My family was out of the country, so I didn't say anything. During a meltdown after they had come back, I called and explained what happened. The family member I called said, 'Oh. silence You know you do this to yourself. You cant keep a job and its ruining your life. You need to find a job you LIKE' (they do not understand that I apply for work in my career every day. Finding work is hard rn!)
I go to therapy every other week and I understand that my family is not a safe person to talk to. But like a stray dog, I keep coming back every time I get kicked.
I don't talk to many people who have Bipolar Disorder; I have intense social anxiety. So I guess I just needed to get this off of my chest and not in my head, and hopefully see I'm not alone.

Hi,
I've had ASD for over 20 years and been through periods of medication, several GP referrals (I'm in the UK) for a variety of possible causes and have got nowhere fast.
I had some time off work in January due to a combination of home and work situations tipping me over the edge and I asked my GP to refer me to a talking therapy service.
After 6 weeks waiting I finally started 1-2-1 counselling a few weeks back and feel like I have finally made some progress for the first time in forever. My counsellor is walking me through dealing with my self esteem issues and things seem to be making sense and, maybe, pointing towards solutions to what's been affecting me for so long.
I'm by no means cured and I know the journey has a long way to run still but I know things are now a little brighter than they were before I started. I've also realised that there are actually people in life who "get it" but it's finding the person who connects with you where the healing starts!
I'm not posting this for likes or upvotes or whatever I just wanted to highlight my situation in the hope that maybe it will resonate with someone else who is suffering and will help them.
Thanks

Our relationship about 2-3 years ago when we started dating in late Nov. 2021. I was attracted to my fiancee at the time because she was physically attractive, and she had a great personality.
In the beginning, we had plenty of great sex and spent a lot of times together. We do road trips. Often times, when we do these road trips, we would eat out a lot. Unknowingly throughout the years we both gained weight.
But I loved her, I introduced her to my family and vice versa. After seeing her get a long with my family and being so comfortable with her, I finally proposed after a year being with her.
Shortly after, we moved in together and decided within 2024 we were going to get married. But things started going down hill. The first time she started raging at people driving when she's not even driving, it turns me off. I try telling her about it, she said it was a southern people thing.
When we went to my friend's party and played party games, she would share stories of her sex life. I didn't like it. She shared stories of how she used to date this guy at this age, and she talked about her ex constantly. She told everyone at the party that she likes rough and kinky sex, and she said all Asian guy sex was boring, they were plain vanilla. Mind you I'm Asian, and she's white.
I didn't have this issues when I was in my previous relationship, this was a first. So, I confronted her and we try to talk about it, and things turned into an argument. After the argument, we agree that both of us have different kind of sexual kinks, we just kinda accepted it. After that, our sex lives decrease.
After moving and living together for a period of time, she wanted to make friends. I told her I didn't mind her making friends as long it's not a guy, I don't mind her making friends with girls. We argued when I was trying to set boundaries, but she ended up downloading some sort of app and make friend with some Asian dude in Florida.
I didn't like it, she told me she prefers guy friends because she was raised up around boys. It didn't make sense to me and I didn't even bother trying to talk to the dude when my fiancee told me that he was gay. Next day, when she learned he was acting "gay", he had a wife. Everything at this point was suspicious. The following day,, she went back to her family in a different state (3 hours drive) for a death of a family member still friend with that dude.
At the point, I wanted to end everything, but I didn't. I was frustrated in my relationship. I didn't like the fact my fiancee was talking to some dude, and when I tried to talk to her about it, it's like I can't even set my boundaries. So I downloaded a friend app to find female friends during the time she was out of state.
I made a few friends, so I sent my IG to one of the girls. When we were talking on IG, the girl I chatted with wanted to surprise me with something. At this point I was curious, and she sent two videos of her touching her boobs. Then she asked me, if I like it or love it. I couldn't say I love it, so I told her I liked it to show my disinterested. I didn't send nothing on my end. She asked again if I loved it and interested. I told her again I liked it, and sure she could send more videos if she wants to. Then, she deleted her profile there was no trace of her and I kept the msg there on IG and see what my fiancee at the time think of it. The reason why I left the msg on my IG was to check and confirm on the fact that my fiancee had been snooping around on my phone and deleting my friends on social media.
Days when she gets back, we had a lovely day together. That night when I woke up from a nap and went downstairs to fix myself a meal, she went upstairs. I deleted the msg, and after 5-10 mins, she went back downstairs with an evil look on her eyes. At first I didn't think nothing of it, until she asked me to check my IG and check my msg, I had already deleted it.
She was furious and sad, and asked me why I did it. Well, there was a lot of reasons. 1. The whole sex thing, during party telling my friends I was boring in bed. 2. Downloading friend app and make friend with a random dude on an app while she was out of town. It was the main reason why I downloaded the friend app. 3.Whenever she watched TikTok of these shirtless Asian guy dancing barely naked, she made moan sound. When I confronted her about this, she said everytime she watched it she thinks of me. I know for a fact that this is bullshit bcuz she like Asian dudes with long hair, and I have short hair close to baldness. It's fucking sad seeing someone you love moaning to some dudes on TikTok when that person is not you.
To her what I did messaging some girl on IG is cheating, but when I confronted her about the problem she has, she tries to find ways to dodge it, like she didn't even emotionally cheated herself.
So we talked, after letting out most of our grievances, she felt like it was my fault because I didn't give her enough attention. She gave me an ultimatum, she would pack her bags and leave or I have to change and work on our future together. I felt a sense of fault partially I shouldn't have engaged in the msg with the girl on IG. I try to look at the positive thing and put the future on the line and I didn't want her to leave, which I regret it.
Sex is now even worst. We moved to a different place and found better location to work, but I'm mentality drain before our wedding. I don't know if I'm mentality ready for it. We're supposed to lose weight together, but it's just me. Since last year, I worked on busting myself losing weight and she hasn't putting effort in it. As much as she wants me to put more into the relationship, I don't think I can. She expects more from me, and now she wants to buy a house together and open a joint bank account. I don't know if I'm ready for any of this, especially the wedding. Should I just be honest and tell I'm not interested in her anymore?