*disclaimer
Warning! This includes the death of a family member.
Please give me credit when you post the audio and leave the link to your channel in the coments thank you =)
Feel free to monetize!
If you want to patreon feel free just please message me the audio don't wanna miss your take on it 😉
Constructive criticism is welcome in the comments =)
You can follow the acting recommendations or give the script your own taste. Have fun!
[Noises] (Acting recommendations or pov’s so you know where in the story you’re at)
POV of VA: Your girlfriend was involved in a car crash with her brother. You got a call from the hospital, she's hurt but she's fine. Her brother though, didn't make it, how will you tell her?
Characters personality: You're a sweet kind caring boyfriend.
Begins script:
[Hospital back sounds]
(Worried accelerated) Excuse me nurse?
My girlfriend, she's here, I got a call, is she ok?? Please!! I need to know.!!!!
Her name is..........yes that's her!
(Releaved) oh thank god!.
(Worried). A man?....oh yes her brother, they were going shopping, how is he?
(The nurse tells you he didn't make it)
(Dramatic pause)
(Breath in shock)
(Shocked sad) I.....I ..what?
No, it can't be.......H-how am I gonna tell her?....
(Sad mad) Wasn't there anything that couldve been done?!?!
(Rethoric) Internal bleeding?
Oh ...(exhale)
(Dizzy) I'm ok nurse, I-I'm not gonna faint... just.....she loved him dearly you know?
(Rethoric) I can see her now?
Thank you.
(Rethoric) She's still asleep?
When will she wake up?
(Rethoric) Oh, shouldn't be long?
Yes please. Take me to her.
[Door opens]
[Heart monitor beep]
(Releaved accelerated) Oh god there you are!
I'm glad you're ok....the sole thought that....
(Sobbing) I could've lost you .....and.
(Sad) I don't know how I'm gonna tell you ....when you open those beautiful eyes, and all I have is bad news, just.....I'm so sorry love....
I wish...there was a way I could.....
I'm so sorry ........
(She wakes up slowly opening her eyes with no idea on what happened)
(Cute sad) Hey!
(She starts to hyperventilate in shock)
(worried) Whoa whoa whoa easy, it's ok, it's just me, look at me I'm right here...just breath....(breath alongside) in....and out......in ...and out......
(Rethoric) where are you?
You're at the hospital.... You had a car crash.
(Worried accelerated) hey! Easy....you're ok....
No no no! Don't move...
(She flinches in severe pain)
(worried sorry) I know it hurts, you broke 2 ribs love...
Want me to call the doctor for more pain killers? I know they're giving you some already..
(Rethoric worried) your...brother?
(Swallow)
(Very hard to speak) love......I'm so sorry but.......your brother didn't make it.....
(Sad comforting) I know, I know. ......I'm so sorry......
(She starts crying uncontrollably and yelling in a state of shock)
(Worried accelerated) no no no don't move! Love!!......please!!..I know and I'm sorry! But you're ribs are broken...you can puncture a lung...just breath please!!!!
Love!! Look at me ... I need you to breath please!
(She can't be helped)
(Extra worried) Doctor!!!!!
[Door opens]
She heard the news, and shes in a shock, she wants to stand up!
(super worried still) Love! listen to me, please!! I'm right here with you!
I know and I'm sorry but you need to calm down, please!!
The doctor is giving you a mild sedative.
Easy! We're not gonna put you to sleep. It's just gonna help you feel better!!
(Comforting sad) Hey! Shhhhhhh I'm right here.... I'm not going anywhere I promise.
(She starts to calm down but still crying)
Shhhh that's it...
I know how much he meant to you...and I wish I could turn back time...
I'm not leaving your side I promise.
Thank you doctor.
[Door closes]
(Comforting rasing tone) hey! No ok? Don't you dare blame yourself for this!
No! It was that stupid driver that didn't stop at the red light!
Yes, it was your idea to go shopping, but, that in no way makes you responsible for this you hear me!
No! I won't let you blame yourself for this!
(Comforting) I know...
But it's their fault not yours...
Hey hey hey!! Easy!!! Wishing that asshole bad is not gonna bring him back.
Don't go down that aisle.
You're the sweetest person I know.
I know it hurts right now but this is not you...
No, I have no idea how they are or where they may be.. all I care about right now is you....
(Sad raise tone) I could've lost you love!!!
I know, but I can't help it I'm sorry, you're my everything, I don't know what I'd do without you..
(She stops crying)
(Rethoric) your parents?.
(Normal) oh, They already called them, they're taking the first flight home, they should be here tomorrow.
[Door opens]
Oh, dinner time, thanks man.
Lets see what's on the menu for tonight...Ooh! Blueberry pancakes!
(Worried nice) I know, but you need to eat to recover your strength, so can you please try a bite for me?
(Thinking) hmmmmm
You're not on an official hospital diet according to the doctor, so I can get you anything, what do you fancy?
(Cute trying) I could order you some of that pizza you love?
Love, please! You need to eat.
(She refuses)
(Sigh) guess not tonight.
The doctor says you may be discharged the day after tomroow if all goes well.
Does your ribs hurt too much?
(Rethoric) not right now?
(Sad) I know,.. I'm so sorry.......I have no words my love....
(Comforting) Hey! Your eyes are closing in, you should get some rest.
Don't fight it, common..
I'm right here, I promise I'm not going anywhere.
Want me to sit next to you?
Alright. . ..
No no don't move, I'll manage.
(Cute) Just close your eyes.... Breath slowly..
Shhhhhhhhh
(She falls asleep)
(Whispery) that was fast.
(Talking to yourself) (Sigh) I wish I could take all her pain away right now.....my sweetheart....,

Looking for reassurance/advice.
Hi all. I am new here, and I don't use reddit much, but I am using it as a last resort, and I'm really sorry for the long story, and appreciate any reassuring or helpful replies.
Up until last Sunday, 21st of May, everything was fine. I know I already have slight anxiety from previous things in life, for example not wanting to go out much, and being scared walking around in public. I used a vape for most of my day to day life have used one on and off for many years, but stopped cold turkey and IMMEDIATELY after having this "anxiety attack". I am an overweight individual, and have been for a long while, because of my mental health, so I have been recently worried about my physical health, whilst not doing anything about it, and being super lazy basically. I've been having the odd heart palpitation for years, and recently had noticed when laying down at my computer chair, my heart would flutter, this started happening a little bit before I started working out (because it was sort of a wake up call to me). I started working out for only 15-20 minutes a day, it's not much but it's something. I did indoors cycling. Until on 21st of May, Sunday, I was laying in my chair and I decided to call the non-emergency medical service (111 in the UK), for health advice to do with these heart palpitations, for more information and to put my mind at ease. What followed was horrific, I finished up on the phone and went to lay down to see if I would feel better, because the palpitations then continued after the phone call. (I think at this point I had already started panicking.) After laying down for no longer than 30 seconds, a pulse went through my body, almost like the strongest heart beat I've ever felt, and I felt lightheaded almost immediately. I shot up, and vocally said "Woah", at that point I rushed for my phone, and called emergency services, because I thought I was having a heart attack, I remember my heart pounding out of my chest, and feeling light headed - My heart was beating... fast but not abnormally fast. I had asked for an ambulance, and in the mean time, somebody called me from a nursing team, and they started feeding me the idea that I was having an anxiety attack. I spoke to him until I calmed down enough, I eventually ended up falling asleep sitting up in my computer chair, 1 hour~ later, the paramedic arrived. They checked my heart with an ECG machine, and checked my bloody pressure - Both were apparently perfectly okay, according to the paramedic, but she advised that I go to hospital since I'd been having the heart thump for over an hour.
I arrive at the hospital, and I feel the same symptoms start up once again, but this time I tried to breathe through it, and it wasn't nearly as bad, but still scary. I was in hospital and I was having problems with my heart, it was very stressful. In the hospital, I had another ECG check, my blood pressure and I had blood tests taken as well. After 4-5 hours of anxious waiting for results, apparently my blood tests were also completely perfect and clear. They said it was most likely anxiety.
As somebody who's been overweight their entire life, this was a huge shock to me, and I really am grateful for it. But part of me is doubting that there IS something wrong with me now, because today, 8 days later, I am experiencing most likely worse symptoms than I was before.
My symptoms in order from when they happened (Sunday 21st May):
on the Monday - My heart continued to pound, non stop for days, and still is to this day. I started worrying that I was still dying and the doctors didn't check me properly. I didn't eat much, and I definitely had trouble sleeping. I started non-stop checking my heart rate and then got extremely anxious because it was hovering around 50-65 BPM. I kept checking my pulse to make sure I was still alive and my heart wasn't going 100 miles per hour, but I would only do that when I stop feeling my heart beat, which I assume is what it's normally meant to feel like, but because I'm so anxious about things, if I don't feel my heart beat I start to panic.
Tuesday-Friday - I had this weird pressure build up in my chest, that seems to spread from the top of my stomach all the way over to underneath both of my armpits and it feels like it's above my heart, not my heart itself, though I have felt slight pressure in my heart too. The feeling is almost cold like under my skin - I mostly only get this feeling laying down but I still have it very slightly sitting up; I found a very temporary fix for that, is to lay on my side, and not my back, though that makes my heart feel like it's beating harder. In the same category as this, if I do lay on my side, I can feel that part of my chest vibrating in a way, like it's a muscle spasm. If I do lay on my back, and move slightly to the left or right it alleviates some of the pressure for a short time as well. I started having some chest pains, and arm pains. The chest pains felt like stitches, and they were very sharp, neither lasted for longer than maybe 15-30 minutes at a time. I have had sharp pains in my arms too, but those are very quick sharp pains that don't seem to repeat themselves. I started taking an over the counter medication here called "Kalms" anxiety , I believe it's a Valerian root extract or something like that I'm not even sure that it's working, I think I'm too anxious to let it work. I also started having bad bowel movements (almost complete liquid) and nausea, which apparently is a possible side effect of the Kalms medication.
Friday-Monday (29th/30th May Current time is midnight.) - Throughout the week I've been trying to take the advice of many of my family members, it's just anxiety. I'm trying to tell myself that on repeat, over and over again, but I cannot stop worrying at all. I went to go and stay else where for a night, hoping that exposure to an anxiety inducing situation would help me, but I ended up not being able to sleep, and only sleeping throughout the day. I started having unstable bowel movements,
As of right now, I'm having tightness in my jaw (Like tenseness), tightness in my upper stomach almost like I've been tensing my stomach muscles or worked them out and now it feels weird to push my stomach out, not sure if it's relief or not to relax those muscles, but if you've held in your stomach for a while and then let it bloat back out, that's the feeling I get, still having the tightness in my chest, thumping heart beat still (and has been thumping since last week), I have lost my appetite completely and I am not eating nearly enough, I'm trying to eat super healthy (For example today I had half an apple for breakfast and then a small amount of tuna, broccoli and cauliflower, and rice, of course, I'm worried about that. I'm having extreme troubles getting to sleep because I cannot get my mind away from all of this. Throughout the week I have had random outbursts of literally weeping and crying. I am experiencing feelings of weakness in my likes, they feel like jelly when I stand up. Still experiencing lightheadedness, for example I went to visit my dad to again try and put myself into an anxiety inducing situation to "combat" it, I guess, I hadn't had much sleep at all, but for most of the time I was there I was slightly light headed, and just wanted to sleep the entire time I was there - he gave me food, and I ate it all as to not be rude. I felt nauseous after, but didn't puke, but immediately after eating I had diarrhoea. I don't think it was the food, and I'm chalking that down to the Valarian Root Extract meds I've been taking, but that made me anxious for sure. I only have small bursts of diarrhoea, for like 1-2 hours, then I just don't go to the bathroom. I tried listening to a 40 minute guided meditation for sleep on YouTube this morning, and after replaying it 3 times, I managed to get to sleep, only to be suddenly woken from a nightmare, wasn't able to sleep after that until later in the day.
The pressure is really getting to me now, I'm scared my life won't ever go back to normal and I'm certainly feeling extremely pessimistic about things, and thinking bad things. For the record I have been offered anti-depressants a long long time ago, but chose to never take them because I was scared of the side effects... But now feeling all of this I want to take them more than ever (thoughts on this?).
I really hope somebody can calm me down, as I've tried to sleep already tonight (from 8-10pm, but had a nap from 2-4pm) and I'm exhausted.. Just want an unbroken sleep. I've been told from multiple people that it's just anxiety, but I just can't seem to believe them for longer than 5 minutes.
Sorry for the essay, but I thought I'd go into as much detail as possible. Thanks in advance.

Growing up, I never really understood it when people say they're in a "good/bad place" and yung sinasabi nilang "demons in my head"--I always thought they referred to temptations only. Until recently.For reference, I am very socially awkward, not exactly anti-social, just very very awkward. You can invite me to a party and aside from being too lazy to prepare for it, I don't exactly have problems going, just don't expect me to be good at socializing. Nung highschool, I don't exactly have enemies--save for this one guy, but other than that, I get along fine with people. They don't hate me, I don't hate them either. Mejo nafi-feel kong there are people who don't like me and I do tiptoe around them but I really wasn't bullied, in my opinion. Not ostracized either (if they did, I won't know, but I don't think they did). Of course, minsan may discussions and disagreements, but focused kami masyado sa pagsstudy so I don't think I had major conflicts with others. I don't have anything to complain much about them. Baka insensitive lang talaga ako so I often just get confused kung bakit may nararamdaman akong "aura" minsan na parang ayaw nila sakin, pero di naman nila ako explicitly inaaway and they're far too busy to backstab me just as I was too busy to mull over it. That's not to say wala akong friends--there were a few--but otherwise walang toxic eme. I can go around talking to people from different circles. Civil lang, ganun.Same thing during college. Though I admit mas gusto ko yung college days ko kasi I genuinely like my course, and naturally, if you love what you're doing, other peoples' opinions don't really matter much to you. College was stressful, but far more fruitful. That was the time I realized what "friend" really meant, because I don't think na-orient ako nyan growing up. Di ko alam kung autistic ba ako or what, but when I was a kid, ako yung type na di nakakaintindi when other kids say "panget" or "maganda", ang nagegets ko lang is negative/positive sya based on the way people said it. Like, kung sinasabi nila "ew, maganda" with a disgusted face, I would think it's a bad word, ganern. As far as paano nasasabi ng mga tao na "panget" o "maganda" ang isang bagay--I didn't understand it. Ngayong matanda na ako, I do understand those things, but that's just one example. There are still times na caught off-guard ako minsan kasi I don't understand how people can tell things apart.Same thing sa "friendship". I never really understood it, and I didn't understand why some kids would rather hangout with friends than rest at home and read books--my hobby. I just chalked it up to maybe yun lang talaga nagpapasaya sa kanila, but I didn't know why you needed a friend.Di ako na-orient nyan as a kid. The girl na kapitbahay namin na I thought was a friend would one day play with me and we would be happy but the next day, she'd be mean and would laugh at me from their doorstep and when I ask if maglalaro ba kami, she would forbid her siblings from doing so. She switches from these modes often. It always felt like it was my fault by the way she looks at me and hates me, pero always akogn clueless. I don't remember crying or getting saddened by it, but I remember being very confused every time she switches back and forth from being the Ate I could play with to being unreasonably mean. I would ask why but she will never answer and will snub me instead. Ako, helpless, would just be confused but helpless so I'd go do other things--like playing that old coin-operated Super Mario game machine or just going back home to read. I was never sad about it, but confused and frustrated, yes--frustrated kasi di ko magets kung bakit ganun nangyari. That for me was a "friend" so I really didn't think I needed one, because I figured people could be whimsical--one day magkasundo kayo, the next day, for some reason hindi na kayo friends. Ganun din parents namin eh. Even "pakikisama" is such a foreign concept to me.Nung naging teenager ako, anime was the only thing from which I remotely learned about socializing, including paano maging reasonable and stuff. Being a mahirap na Filipino, realistic tayo by nature, so di naman ako nagka-chuuni syndrome. 😂 But I learned to appreciate emotions and people around me--specifically my family. When I was 12, my youngest sister was born. That was the time I realized what the word "cute" meant--literally; because just like panget/maganda, I also did not understand "cute". That was also the time I felt something na di ko maexplain, I just know na I decided I wanted to treasure this tiny little human blob. Perhaps I felt the same thing with my younger brother when he was born all those years ago, but that time, I was still a toddler myself so I was more jealous than happy hahahaha (hey, I love my brother, but when we were kids, we'd be at each other's throats due to early childhood rivalry, lol).Anyway, sorry masyadong mahaba yung segue lol, basta the idea is, I have A LOT of things I don't know when it comes to interacting with people. Masasabi mong EQ = -1 ganern. This means I'm bad at talking. Chatting is just as hard. For some reason, I have grown to be very opinionated as well, so there will be times na I could go strong with my opinions. I've always been aware na perhaps I'm just wrong because there's an underlying connotation or social context clue na nami-miss ko. But when you're an adult, people expect you to have known things like that already--well, no I don't. I am aware na maraming mga tao who will find people like me who "can't read the atmosphere" irritating. The best I can do is just stay silent once I notice na I ruined the mood for everyone. Seriously, I just wish there's like a manual for interacting with people. I even wanted to join etiquette classes so that I don't make people uncomfortable (pero wala tayong cash, bes, so tiis2 na lang tayo sa pagreresearch online).Rest assured, I am trying to hold back bombarding chat groups with my strong opinions (like for example mga issue ng mga artista). I'm not a know-it-all, that's for sure, but maybe the way I say things kind of gives that vibe? Minsan pag may shine-share sila na link ng mga controversial posts, pinagkakatuwaan nila, but when I try to say the same things, they all go silent and it seems like I didn't have the right to say it? Well, whatever the case I'm obviously still not doing good enough sa "pakikisama" portion. Baka awkward lang sila sa akin because I do tend to come off strongly with my opinions. I'm really bad at conversations except when it's work. But this isn't really the problem I'm worrying about. I know my friends aren't that shallow (ffs, we're too old for drama), and we do get along when we find a subject we can all relate to (the convo could go on until madaling araw). So it's really not that bad.The problem I'm facing right now is these things are haunting me these days for some reason. Up until last week, I never had breakdowns and I felt content. Maybe I felt a little bad about my weight but I was otherwise okay. However, recently, I am having thoughts of how inadequate I am (for reasons I have narrated above, mostly about being socially awkward). It just so happened na quiet ang gc namin lately and somehow (despite this happening many times in the past, because we're kind of low-maintenance as a friend group) I felt like my presence was not needed which I think isn't really true, because these girls, despite being sarcastic to things on social media, were never mean to me. If there is anything, they are the type to say it to my face or will calmly advise me.Like I said, I know they are not like that, but lately, it's like a little voice keeps telling me I'm not needed. It's not just about this gc either. I'm starting to think I might be underperforming at work kahit na I KNOW FOR A FACT I AM DOING VERY WELL at it. I even get thanks from the client sometimes! There's also the thought na baka I'm not being a good daughteate because I feel like I'm getting more toxic by the day, but I know that my sister and my mother don't feel that way. Naiisip ko rin na maybe yung reason kung bakit wala pa akong boyfriend/partner is because there's something about me that males don't like. I'm kinda convinced that if I had a partner, they would cheat because I'm just not perfect (the ex did cheat). And I know that not all men cheat, but I think there won't be a decent guy my age (yung hindi red flag) who would take me--all the good ones are taken or married at this point, and the rare ones who are still single probably won't like me either. Pero sa totoo lang, kahit na I feel lonely, I honestly don't think may oras ako for that kind of relationship and wala akong boyfriend because yes maybe I am difficult to be with but I also don't go out and meet new people so malamang no, wala tayong prospect. Anyway, I'm at the age na focused ako sa work, so di talaga big deal na wala akong jowa (mostly because choice kong magstay sa bahay). But for some reason, since last week, bigla na lang na I'm feeling bad about myself because of it, constantly thinking na kasalanan ko lahat.There's this stupid little voice that keeps saying that I'm useless, that the world is better off without me. And it's weird because I am sure the world isn't better off without me kasi alam kong may iiyak; at least my sister would. I could not do that to her kasi may history din sya of trying to cut her wrists back then. The reason umuwi ako from working in Japan is largely to prevent that from happening again. She's come a long way now, and she can express herself as well. She's still very considerate of others (unlike a certain someone) but she at least now knows how to say "no" when she doesn't like something. She can now criticize as well! 👏 She's now confident of herself and no longer hides from the camera, she's even dressed up very beautifully and enjoying their graduation ball now as we speak! Anyway, I cannot bring her such grief now na magcocollege na sya.Di ko talaga alam kung saan galing tong mga negative thoughts na to. I feel like a wreck even now as I am writing this. Minsan, pag ako lang mag-isa, naiiyak ako bigla. I keep reminding myself that all those negative thoughts are just me overthinking things again (I had a history of chronically overthinking). Ang naiisip ko lang is baka yung slimming coffee na I started drinking ko is making my brain hyperactive that I'm now having these self-deprecating useless thoughts na di naman talaga totoo. Sabi nga nila, "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." I never really understood that until now. Baka sobrang bored ng utak ko na kahit ano na lang iniisip neto? Do I need a new hobby? Ito na yata yung sinasabi nilang "demons in my head", kahit anu-anong bullshit na lang pinagsasabi.Yung coffee, ininom ko lang sya kasi I felt like I have been overeating. I've been over eating for years by the way (maybe 5 yrs now?), to the point na there were nights where I ask my sister "Ano kaya masarap kainin bukas?" while we are on the bed, trying to sleep--ganun kalala bes. Napapadalas na rin yung pangangasim ng tiyan ko sa dami ng kinakain ko, so I decided to find a way to stop overeating. Admittedly, na-curb na yung appetite ko with the coffee. I still eat regularly, just not as much. Di rin laxative yung coffee, di naman ako napapatae eh. It does dehydrate me more often (which means I have to drink more water) and I feel light headed after drinking it. I did stop drinking it for a few days, but the negativity didn't go away.Anyways, I'm not sure if it's the coffee. Regardless, I have to make sure na kahit anong factors pa yan, I want to stop thinking negatively about myself like this. Once may ni-share yung friend ko sa gc namin. Kung may negative thoughts daw, either kelangan mo lang kumain, mag-exercise or maligo. I'm doing those. I feel like kelangan ko lang talaga ifocus yung attention ko sa mga mas importanteng bagay rather than this shithole, but I also don't want to burn myself out. I just probably need to be genuinely happy with myself to get rid of this negativity.I cannot tell my friends or my family about this. I don't want my friends to go "here she goes again" and burden them. They are MY friends, I've already unloaded a lot to them over the years, so baka mamaya sila na yung ma-overburden. As for my family, as much as I love them, my parents unfortuantely cannot help much in that department. They're very strongly opinionated, and it will just be a long narrative of "you know, back in my day" and the conversation will then become about them--either that or if they're in a bad mood, they'll angrily ask me "what do you want me to do about it?" Hindi uso yung weak-minded sa kanila. Don't get me wrong, my parents did their best to raise us and frankly, they did awesome, but they themselves are also struggling to be happy. I cannot give them one more thing to worry about.Sorry, this has been a long post. I'm just actually trying to yap away to dissect my thoughts. I'm glad we have this platform where I can write anonymously. Writing does help out a lot in organizing thoughts after all. Now that I've written this far, the rational part of my brain has some solid ground it can use to fight back against that "voice". I thought about private journalling as well, but somehow, I want people to read it too. Perhaps it's a narcissistic tendency? It's anonymous anyways.If ever I have episodes of feeling badly about myself again, I hope I can read this and remind myself that I am not what those voices say I am.

I'm not even where to start, this is long I apologize in advance for errors, I'm on mobile...
Please bare with me as I have multiple chronic illnesses which cause my brain to be mushy 200% of the time... But I'll try to be as detailed as possible, I don't want to give too much away as this is a very serious issue and could get my husband in some serious trouble. Which he deserves to be in, BUT I'm currently waiting on a decision from social security disability so his full time employment means we have a home, food to eat and food for my 3 fur babies. He is supporting me and I do not have anything to fall back on in terms of support so I'm stuck still living with my husband.
The backstory: we've been together for almost ten years now, married for about 3. I have multiple slow progression painful chronic illnesses, I've been sick my whole life and he's taken on a huge responsibility being my partner... And I thought he accepted me for who I am not what I can offer. Mind you I'm not completely disabled, I'm able to do light housework, make his lunch for work, care for our pets and make simple dinners daily... So from chronic illness standards I'm doing pretty well for how progressed they are. Multiple of my illnesses causes severe pain so I take high dose pain meds to regulate myself on top of getting regular epidural steroid injections and ablations of the nerves in my spinal column to be able to walk. Back to the story, about 3 years into our relationship, the first time I noticed my meds were going missing I was on a low dose pain med called tramadol, he lied but eventually admitted to taking "a few". We moved forward but I had to hide my medication. The second time, fast forward a few years and we had moved into our new house. At this point I was taking lower dose Norco, but I was noticing I was light when I shouldn't have been. Confrontation again and I got a lock box. Third time I was spring cleaning and I found an empty checkbook full of my USED fentanyl patches, I had started using those due to not being able to keep my meds down completely. He had shaken them out of my sharps container then stored them away... Still not sure what he was going to do with them, it's basically skin cells by the time I take it off. I was ready to leave at this time but my parents had just moved 2 and a half hours away in a two bedroom small home. I had/have no where to go and no money to use to do anything about it... Things seemed fine for a couple years. The lock box was protecting my meds and things seemed ok... But I was still weary... Unfortunately my room in which I stored my lockbox got really cluttered due to many reasons so it became hard to use. Another part of me wanted to trust my husband. Stupid me, right?
Well to break down my dosage - I am prescribed a medium dose Norco 4x a day. Usually I only take 2-3 depending on pain and ration the rest in case of med shortage. But I was noticing my extra earrings were not as abundant as they should have been but I thought maybe I was taking a bit extra that month since it was winter. Due to recent medication shortages, my dose was increased but for 3x a day. Which I downgraded my dose to 2x a day to make sure I had extra as my pharmacy warned me they still can't get any in.
Come to the other day and I open my bottle to notice I only had a small handful... So I emptied the bottle and counted, i only had enough to take 2 a day for the next three days leaving me not only 3 Norco short for those days, but three days worth was completely gone... My heart sank because I knew what happened... I confronted my husband who lied about it at first but I asked him again and he finally admitted to taking "a few". I screamed at him for awhile before telling him to get out of my face and go to work, so he left. Sitting there I calculated not only did he steal about a months worth (1 a day) for May but he had to of stolen another two months worth during the previous months my meds weren't in the lock box... A MINIMUM of 90 Norco was taken from me when I absolutely needed them.
I wanted to file a police report that morning but was stopped by my mom who reminded me that I'm currently depending on him to survive. Only when social security goes through do I have any options of leaving... I currently pay about $315 a month on a student loan I'm not even able to use. It's not for not trying, I started working at the age of 14 but had to stop in 2020 due to multiple flare ups ending me up at 93 pounds plus in and out of the hospital on the regular.
Current situation, it's been 5 days, I asked him if he had anything to say to me at all, he said no. He still says I love you and tries to kiss me... I lean away in disgust... I'm disgusted with his audacity to take the medication that helps me be a person. I'm disgusted with myself that I do still love him but all feelings have been burned from his actions. It's obvious he has no respect for me and I'm not even sure if he married me because he loves me or if he just thought he'd have easy access to my medications for the rest of his life... Well my life. I feel obligated to continue my "wifely duties" such as making his lunch, picking up the house to the best of my abilities, make us dinner at night as he is the only one on the house so it's his, he's letting me stay despite my cold demeanor... Kinda keep the peace until I can figure a way out... It's selfish but so is he.
I do not have money to move on my own and I have to take my two large dogs and cat with me as he will neglect them, not intentionally, he has ADHD so he just forgets things. My parents said I could come up there but that means every doctors appointment I'm driving 5 hours both ways... And I have 5-7 a month. My best friend is in another state, my other bestie has 4 kids a husband and allergic to animals, 3rd friend lives with her aunt and uncle. I could crash at my brother's for a few days but not any longer... And my neighbor can't house my animals... That is my list of people, I have nobody else... Though who would want to roommate with someone who can't pay rent but can contribute to groceries, cook and light cleaning...
I'm not even sure why I'm posting... I'm very lost and confused. I've officially taken off my wedding band, I know I should file a report but he could lose his job which means he loses insurance meaning I lose insurance... I should leave him but I have nowhere to go... I told him the only way I'd even consider working on our relationship again is if he goes to therapy or rehab but he's said he'd go on the past just to not go or go once then never again...
My only plan I can think of is wait for social security to hopefully approve me then I can get my student loan waved, then I can look into low income apartments or housing... But who knows how long that's going to take, it's been in reconsideration since October of last year (22).
I'm gonna go potato now... Any helpful advice would be magical. Thank you

Disclaimers
This post will mention drugs to give context to my experience. I do not recommend them as any part of the AP journey. I don’t recommend anything at all, actually. I have no base of knowledge to do so. Just a soul trying to learn and make sense of what it experienced
I hope this type of post is allowed. If not I will remove. I read all the wikis and rules I could find. As far as I know I’m following all of them, but I make frequent mistakes.
I originally posted this in DMT because I thought I was having flashbacks and was looking for advice. Then I stumbled onto this subreddit, and AP seems a lot closer to what I experienced. Hopefully you all have some insight. Thank in advance for your responses!
The Experience
I just had an intense flashback that I am trying to work through and I am curious if anyone experiences them from DMT. I have heard of them happening with acid primarily. I am relatively new to DMT. I have had a few very intense experiences, but most of my trips have been pretty light with some odd feelings and visuals. So it seems odd to me that I would have a flashback that was more intense than most of my trips.
I often find myself in a state between being asleep and awake. Whether I am drifting of to sleep or waking up, there is some middle point where I get stuck sometimes. I hadn't ever really thought much of it until this morning. It’s hard to describe. I know where I’m at and I’m kind of awake. I’m half “conscious”, but can still slip into goofy, dreamlike thoughts. I can feel the bed under me, but barely. Like I’m not super connected to my sense of touch. It feels distant. The other half feels like it is hovering over my body. Like I don’t see my body under me, but I can feel the distance/separation.
I was stuck in the middle place when I had the sensation of the “hovering me” moving away. Next thing I know, I started to see vibrant, intense colors and I had the feeling of becoming one with everything. Everything was fractals. Very much like a DMT trip. I didn't see an entity, but I had the feeling of a presence.
This is where it gets kind of weird. The presence told me that my spirit had evolved enough to be invited into the realm. I got the feeling that he wanted to take me somewhere, but he couldn’t without my permission. I telepathically communicated "I really appreciate the invite, but I'm not awake enough to consent to anything and I am really unsure of anything that is going on right now. Let me wake up for a few minutes and get my bearings. If you still want to invite me back, I'll come with you." The colors dimmed, the fractals faded, and the experience was over. I made it back to the middle place just long enough to know I was there and then woke up.
So was this AP or flashback? Maybe a combo? Anyone who has a similar experience to share or insight on this topic would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you all!

I watched anime and loved it. Im extremely hyped to see a new season but if Im not wrong is going to be a long wait until that. The anime production is incredible, visuals music all is great followed by a great story but it is the light novel good enough for not waiting to see all the story animated? Also in case I read it, should I read it from the beginning?

trying to debug some issues, so i pulled out a device (PiKVM) which has not been plugged into anything, definitely many months before I got my FWG+. I did not even know which of the RJ-45 ports (3 of them) to plug in.
Eventually plugged the correct port, and got link active lights, the mini-display on the PiKVM indicated an IP address on the expected subnet, so I went and did some other stuff, figuring the PiKVM would just wait for me in quarantine.
After a while, my attention returned to the PiKVM and I went looking for it in the FW app. No new device alerts. Not in any group. I examined the traffic, and saw:

1. a bunch of blocks, which “diagnose” told me was because it was in quarantine.
2. 3 successful outbound connexions.
3. a bunch more blocks (of the same connexions)

At the time I was checking, the device was not in any groups. I know I did not move it out of quarantine. Who did?
I checked both devices I have FW app installed. They have historical list of recent alerts. Nothing from FW mentioning the new device.

1. Why was the new device alert not delivered?
2. Why was the PiKVM able to squirt out the connexion attempts when it was (per the “diagnose” of the just prior blocked attempt) in Quarantine?
3. Who or what caused the PiKVM to be removed from Quarantine?

Presumably, this is something FireWalla, the company, can answer. They might also be able to answer who else has access to my device. They should be able to tell me how many sessions are currently active, for how long, and what IP addresses. I know, if I am losing trust in the device, I will not have reason to trust the display of this information.
I really like this device. I really want it to not be another Enron or Madoff or SBF type thing, but if it keeps acting peculiar, I will have to rip it out and look for something else…

I know I may appear foolish by doing this, but please hear me out. Yesterday, around 1 pm, I was in the pine forest of Kodaikanal. Typically, I don't take sudden infatuations while traveling seriously. However, for some reason, as I was about to leave the pine forest near the entrance gate, I noticed a girl wearing a yellow-white striped dress. From what I can remember, she had a boyish or short hairstyle and appeared to be Caucasian. She was incredibly cute and beautiful. As I was leaving, we made eye contact, and it felt intense. I don't know why, but I have a strong desire to learn more about her.
If any of your friends or relatives happened to visit Kodaikanal on May 29th and have knowledge of a girl fitting this description who wore a yellow-white vertical stripe dress, please ask her if it was her. Additionally, I was wearing a blue-white striped half-sleeve t-shirt. I also have a Caucasian skin tone and a light beard. I don't understand why, but I am developing strong feelings for her that I haven't experienced in many years. Please help me find her.
I feel ashamed to ask for your assistance in this matter, but I kindly request that you prioritize this post for at least one week so that someone who might know her can respond to this message. I assure you, I am not acting irrationally by going to such lengths. However, I am genuinely feeling something for her that I haven't felt for anyone else in a long time. Please help me. I am counting on your support
I am hoping positive 🤗

I know I may appear foolish by doing this, but please hear me out. Yesterday, around 1 pm, I was in the pine forest of Kodaikanal. Typically, I don't take sudden infatuations while traveling seriously. However, for some reason, as I was about to leave the pine forest near the entrance gate, I noticed a girl wearing a yellow-white striped dress. From what I can remember, she had a boyish or short hairstyle and appeared to be Caucasian. She was incredibly cute and beautiful. As I was leaving, we made eye contact, and it felt intense. I don't know why, but I have a strong desire to learn more about her.
If any of your friends or relatives happened to visit Kodaikanal on May 29th and have knowledge of a girl fitting this description who wore a yellow-white vertical stripe dress, please ask her if it was her. Additionally, I was wearing a blue-white striped half-sleeve t-shirt. I also have a Caucasian skin tone and a light beard. I don't understand why, but I am developing strong feelings for her that I haven't experienced in many years. Please help me find her.
I feel ashamed to ask for your assistance in this matter, but I kindly request that you prioritize this post for at least one week so that someone who might know her can respond to this message. I assure you, I am not acting irrationally by going to such lengths. However, I am genuinely feeling something for her that I haven't felt for anyone else in a long time. Please help me. I am counting on your support
I am hoping positive 🤗

Another galactic summit, more issues to deal with, and more problems to discuss, not the largest being the Burg war, and the attack on earth. Though it had been thwarted by the planet's natural hellish landscape, there were still discussions to be made about whether the Rundi and the Vrul would help to provide a defense Nexus to the remaining planets. As well as disaster relief on the Gromm home world.
The GA summit chambers at the Rundi home world were, once again, rife with alien lifeforms. It was also, once again, rife with Rundi underlings who were trying very hard not to freak out with all the duties that were being placed on their backs.
At least one thing was made clear this time, there was no point in getting human food for the summit, since the human delegates always insisted on trying all the other alien food. Leave enough of the nectar orbs from the Drev home world out, and that seemed to keep the humans happy enough.
Dr. Krill accompanied the commander into the summit, as was usual.
Sunny was not with them today, seeing as she had work to do back aboard the ship.
That left just the two of them.
Felt almost like old times.
The captain was dressed up in his fancy UNSC uniform, and as such, he was obligated to behave.
Apparently behaving didn't mean avoiding arguments with his most important doctor, who –despite being a complete genius– was hardly capable of getting the captain to agree with him.
"I just think that there should be better security at these things. All of the most important people in the galaxy are here."
"Krill, there is an entire armada outside, I hardly think we need to worry about being attacked by the Burg. Besides, their attack on earth completely broke their spirits and they have retreated back to their own space. We haven’t heard anything from them in a month now… There is no way they would try getting in here."
Krill crossed both sets of arms,
"I disagree, commander. I have been looking into human history of warfare, and I think that a spy could easily-"
*"Krill calm down will you. Besides, spies rely on the fact that you can disguise yourself to look like the other side. The Burg are so fugly that they'd be noticed in half an instant.
They came around the corner, and the commander was nearly knocked onto his back as an Iotin brushed past, hurrying from the banquet hall.
The commander tripped back into a wall,
"Woah watch... yourself."
The Iotin disappeared around the next corner, and the commander looked after him with a frown.
"Didn't know those guys could move that fast. Wonder why he could be in such a hurry?”
Krill waved it off as the commander poked his head into the banquet room,
"Oh look, pink orbs!"
"Commander, don't you think we should wait until after the summit, when the food is being served?”
The man waved a hand,
"Oh no one will notice one or two of them missing."
He quickly snuck into the room and Krill rolled his eyes as the man came out munching on one of the pink fruits.
”Maybe three? I mean four orb fruits are not much right?”
"And they made you leader of the fleet?”
"Yes. Also that means I deserve at least five orb fruit… Also, technically they are thinking of making me leader of the entire Galactic armada, but I digress."
"Lord help us all."
The captain made a face.
"What? It's true!”
The man shook his head.
"No, not you, this fruit tastes... Weird."
"Good weird or bad weird?”
He shrugged and took another bite.
"Weird… but not bad enough for me to stop eating it, so good weird I guess?”
He stuffed the rest of the orb into his mouth and licked the juices off his fingers.
Krill sighed,
"I still can't believe they would choose you."
"Better believe it."
The two of them walked into the main conference chamber to sit down with the other delegates. The human delegation was near the top tier, and so that is where they went, taking a seat just to the right of the Rundi chairwoman's box.
The entire room was alive with the sound of alien life.
Commander Vir leaned over to speak with one of the delegates and Krill was left to watch the room.
Most of the delegations were here, though the Iotin delegation had arrived late. Seemed strange considering he had seen one of their number not long ago.
The light dimmed a couple of times, and the chairwoman took her pedestal and began to greet the delegates. Krill looked on politely as was his want, though he wasn't entirely interested in the whole thing.
The charwoman could be rather long-winded when she got going.
He sat there through a good few minutes of it, glancing over at the other human delegates on occasion. Vir looked almost sleepy, though that was almost to be expected, he was never very good at politics, even though he was involved in them so much.
He turned back to the delegation.
The commander shifted uncomfortably in his seat during a discussion about intergalactic trade laws, and Krill looked over again.
The man had taken to licking his lips repeatedly.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah fine, just thirsty."
He muttered, Krill let it go, though something made him turn back not to long after. The human was rubbing at his mouth, which appeared red, though he supposed that was supposed to be expected. Little lines of sweat were trickling down from his hairline.
He scooted a bit closer.
"Commander, are you feeling alright?”
He was waved off,
"Yeah, I'm ok, it just got a little hot in here as all... Feeling kind of... Faint. Maybe a little nauseous. I am sure I'll be fine. Probably just need something to eat."
The talks continued, but Krill wasn't focused on them anymore. The commander was not looking very good. He was sweating enough that the collar of his dress shirt was almost soaked. The tint of his face had gone from healthy blush to a yellow parlor. He looked as if he was about to pass out. A few of the other human delegates had started to notice.
Someone placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Commander are you feeling alright."
"I... I think I... Just need to... Walk around."
His voice was slurred.
"I don't think that's a good idea commander?"
Krill said turning his head to face him.
His pupils were unusually wide, despite the dark space around them.
*"The human was breathing hard now, one hand over his chest. His dry mouth from earlier was gone, replaced by saliva production so excessive he was having to clear his mouth every couple of seconds.
He looked at Krill, and the expression on his face was enough.
"I think I'm going to be sick."
The other delegates had leaned over, sensing the commotion, and they stood to let Krill and the commander pass as he stood and wobbled his way towards the stairs.
Krill could sense something was wrong almost immediately.
Dizziness, shortness of breath, nausea…
"Someone, help him walk."
Krill ordered, not caring about the delegation anymore.
Their sudden movement had caused a bit of commotion on one side of the room. The commander paused on the stairwell, and instead of turning towards the exit, he turned towards the delegation floor. Krill tried to grab him, tried to stop him, but the human – even in his weakened state – was still too strong.
A muttering had grown up around the crowd as he staggered onto the floor.
The chairwoman stopped speaking looking on in confusion.
"Commander, are you alright?”
The human paused at the center of the floor.
Everyone in the room was now watching him.
In the main lighting he looked absolutely horrific.
He was so pale his skin was almost yellow. The skin around his mouth was red. Sweat drenched the side of his face. He was drooling so badly that it was, at this point, impossible to control.
"The... food... Has been poisoned."
He choked out through heaving breaths.
And then he collapsed to his knees, vomiting violently on the white marble floor.
The entire delegation stood, shock and uproar filling the room. Krill ran over to help the human whose arms and hands were shaking as he tried to hold himself up.
The sight was horrifying. Saliva dripped in strings from his mouth. His clothing and hands were stained pink from the orb fruit from earlier.
Krill remembered he said it tasted weird.
Could he really have been poisoned?
A couple other human delegates vaulted over the railings and onto the floor, grabbing the man by the arms as his strength began to fail him. His body was shaking violently now.
Krill practically scream-ordered one of the assistances to grab his medical kit number three B (the one for poisons and toxins)
The entire room was in an uproar.
Krill jammed his finger at the Iotin representatives,
"Don't let them leave!"
The Iotins stood in shock as the delegations turned on them.
The Drev delegation, weaponless, still managed to make a circle around the group.
"Someone, go grab the food, and get me a sample!"
The commander had been rolled onto his side. His body continued to reject whatever toxin it had been given, though Krill desperately tried to avoid him aspirating and choking. That only got harder once the man began to cease and convulse. He had to reduce the absorption, but he also needed to keep the man from throwing it back up.
His kit was open on the floor, and he had the others help him with the tubes and medication. Adam wouldn't be helping him now, so he would have to get directly to the stomach himself.
He had one of the other humans hold him, as he inserted the tube and began with the activated charcoal. Hopefully that would be enough, before they got test results back. One of the Rundi came sprinting into the room, holding one of the pink orbs, handing it over to one of Krill's assistants who was ordered to test the fruit with one of the testing strips.
They did as told and the entire group waited for the results.
When the strip turned blue, Krill knew what it was.
It was at least similar to some toxins he had seen before and attacked the central nervous system in humans through absorption in the gut. The dosage had been too high however, and while the human could potentially choke to death, much of the toxin had already been rejected by the body.
"Someone cut open his sleeve."
The uniform was ignored as the sleeve was cut open and Krill placed an IV reaching into his kit for the antitoxin.
"You... Just have that lying around?"
One of the other humans asked and Krill nodded.
"I work with humans. I expect them to ingest stupid things that could kill them on a regular basis."
He was calm on the outside like a doctor should be, but on the inside, he was panicking horribly. The commander was not looking good.
But he placed the IV and made the injection.
"Someone test the other food. I want to know if this was planned for just the humans or for the entire delegation.”
His orders were quickly followed, and they found the toxin in almost every dish that had been in the banquet hall.
"You should be glad it was the human who took it first."
Krill was saying, the chairwoman asked:
"Why is that?"
"Because, the human body is the only one that would have noticed the poisoning before it was too late. The human brain responds to toxins that affect the central nervous system with dizziness and nausea. For any other species, you would have been dead before the symptoms kicked in."
On the floor the human convulsions had stopped. His heart rate was decreasing now, but Krill was keeping an eye on it.
The Iotins were still looking around in panic as the Drev glowered at them.
"What is the meaning of this?”
Their leader called. Krill turned on them anger in every line of his body,
"We saw one of you leaving the room before we entered, and they were in a hurry. So, forgive me if I am a little suspicious."
More uproar, but the Drev kept the delegates in check.
”Come on, commander."
Krill muttered. If he was going to wake up, it would be in the next few minutes, if only for a little bit.
One of the other humans had ripped open his uniform jacket, removing his tie and pulling the coat off, discarding it to the side. Krill was more than grateful for their help. Even more pleased when the commander opened his eyes bleary, his pupils almost back to normal.
"What... happened?"
He slurred,
"Congratulations, sir! You saved the entire delegation from death by poisoning. You're a hero!”
He groaned,
"I don't feel like one."
He leaned his head back onto the floor.
"Catch the bastards who did this for me will you?"
He licked his lips,
"I'm gonna pass out again now."
And then he did as promised.
Once again, the human body had managed to save the day.
Because as it turns out, humans are actually a lot harder to poison that one might first assume. Give them to high of a dose, and they will throw it up, give them too low of a dose and it won't kill them.
Plus, the human body is very good at letting everyone know when something is wrong.
It is especially difficult to poison a human when their best friend is an experienced doctor.
Whoever had done this, had not succeeded in their end goal.
And they wouldn't likely be free for long.
Previous First [Next](link)
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author

This is my story. I build my first pc years ago, it took very long for me to find the name because i lost all my receipts. Found out that is the CM690 v2. I absolutely love this case. I bought in the meantime 2 y ago another case of coolermaster, different model, for my gf and i found problematic not having the hard disk compartment, in fact it happened that 1 ssd got factory problems and now i have to unmount the whole pc and the motherboard to unscrew the ssd that is behind the mobbo on the other side. After 10 y i think is time to renew my PC but all the cases, not only of coolermaster but even other brands are all empty spaces full of RGB that i don't really care.
Having slots for my hhd/ssd is vital for me, because in 10h i changed many times the components with the minimum effort.
So after researching a bit i found out the MasterBox CM694. Beautiful, like my old case but with modular removable slots for making space for a big grafic card. Absolutely in love with it i tryed to buy , but noone is selling anymore, at least in europe where i live. Sold out everywhere since years (i see that the case is from 2019).
The thing that shoked me is that not only is not sold even in US, but coolermaster is following the other producer, for creating christmas tree like case, full of lights instead promote products that in my opinion were diamonds quality, in fact in the list of case, i think is the only one having all the option i need.
So here my questions:
Is coolermaster planning to sell more MasterBox CM694?
Is on the way the creation of a new version of the case maybe the MasterBox CM695?
I really hope someone of coolermaster can answer to me.
Thank you
​
p.s. i think there is many ppl like me preferring quality instead of a custom empty case full of RGB, so i don't really understand why coolermaster is giving up on this masterpiece.

FYI, this is a story COLLECTION. Lots of standalones technically. So, you can basically start to read at any chapter, no pre-read of the other chapters needed technically (other than maybe getting better descriptions of characters than: Adam Vir=human, Krill=antlike alien, Sunny=tall alien, Conn=telepathic alien). The numbers are (mostly) only for organization of posts and continuity.
OC Written by Charlie Stastarrfallknightrise,
Typed up and then posted here by me.
Proofreading and language check for some chapters by u/Finbar9800
Future Lore and fact check done by me.
Looking at the title, three guesses as to what happens…
Previous First [Next](link)
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Another galactic summit, more issues to deal with, and more problems to discuss, not the largest being the Burg war, and the attack on earth. Though it had been thwarted by the planet's natural hellish landscape, there were still discussions to be made about whether the Rundi and the Vrul would help to provide a defense Nexus to the remaining planets. As well as disaster relief on the Gromm home world.
The GA summit chambers at the Rundi home world were, once again, rife with alien lifeforms. It was also, once again, rife with Rundi underlings who were trying very hard not to freak out with all the duties that were being placed on their backs.
At least one thing was made clear this time, there was no point in getting human food for the summit, since the human delegates always insisted on trying all the other alien food. Leave enough of the nectar orbs from the Drev home world out, and that seemed to keep the humans happy enough.
Dr. Krill accompanied the commander into the summit, as was usual.
Sunny was not with them today, seeing as she had work to do back aboard the ship.
That left just the two of them.
Felt almost like old times.
The captain was dressed up in his fancy UNSC uniform, and as such, he was obligated to behave.
Apparently behaving didn't mean avoiding arguments with his most important doctor, who –despite being a complete genius– was hardly capable of getting the captain to agree with him.
"I just think that there should be better security at these things. All of the most important people in the galaxy are here."
"Krill, there is an entire armada outside, I hardly think we need to worry about being attacked by the Burg. Besides, their attack on earth completely broke their spirits and they have retreated back to their own space. We haven’t heard anything from them in a month now… There is no way they would try getting in here."
Krill crossed both sets of arms,
"I disagree, commander. I have been looking into human history of warfare, and I think that a spy could easily-"
*"Krill calm down will you. Besides, spies rely on the fact that you can disguise yourself to look like the other side. The Burg are so fugly that they'd be noticed in half an instant.
They came around the corner, and the commander was nearly knocked onto his back as an Iotin brushed past, hurrying from the banquet hall.
The commander tripped back into a wall,
"Woah watch... yourself."
The Iotin disappeared around the next corner, and the commander looked after him with a frown.
"Didn't know those guys could move that fast. Wonder why he could be in such a hurry?”
Krill waved it off as the commander poked his head into the banquet room,
"Oh look, pink orbs!"
"Commander, don't you think we should wait until after the summit, when the food is being served?”
The man waved a hand,
"Oh no one will notice one or two of them missing."
He quickly snuck into the room and Krill rolled his eyes as the man came out munching on one of the pink fruits.
”Maybe three? I mean four orb fruits are not much right?”
"And they made you leader of the fleet?”
"Yes. Also that means I deserve at least five orb fruit… Also, technically they are thinking of making me leader of the entire Galactic armada, but I digress."
"Lord help us all."
The captain made a face.
"What? It's true!”
The man shook his head.
"No, not you, this fruit tastes... Weird."
"Good weird or bad weird?”
He shrugged and took another bite.
"Weird… but not bad enough for me to stop eating it, so good weird I guess?”
He stuffed the rest of the orb into his mouth and licked the juices off his fingers.
Krill sighed,
"I still can't believe they would choose you."
"Better believe it."
The two of them walked into the main conference chamber to sit down with the other delegates. The human delegation was near the top tier, and so that is where they went, taking a seat just to the right of the Rundi chairwoman's box.
The entire room was alive with the sound of alien life.
Commander Vir leaned over to speak with one of the delegates and Krill was left to watch the room.
Most of the delegations were here, though the Iotin delegation had arrived late. Seemed strange considering he had seen one of their number not long ago.
The light dimmed a couple of times, and the chairwoman took her pedestal and began to greet the delegates. Krill looked on politely as was his want, though he wasn't entirely interested in the whole thing.
The charwoman could be rather long-winded when she got going.
He sat there through a good few minutes of it, glancing over at the other human delegates on occasion. Vir looked almost sleepy, though that was almost to be expected, he was never very good at politics, even though he was involved in them so much.
He turned back to the delegation.
The commander shifted uncomfortably in his seat during a discussion about intergalactic trade laws, and Krill looked over again.
The man had taken to licking his lips repeatedly.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah fine, just thirsty."
He muttered, Krill let it go, though something made him turn back not to long after. The human was rubbing at his mouth, which appeared red, though he supposed that was supposed to be expected. Little lines of sweat were trickling down from his hairline.
He scooted a bit closer.
"Commander, are you feeling alright?”
He was waved off,
"Yeah, I'm ok, it just got a little hot in here as all... Feeling kind of... Faint. Maybe a little nauseous. I am sure I'll be fine. Probably just need something to eat."
The talks continued, but Krill wasn't focused on them anymore. The commander was not looking very good. He was sweating enough that the collar of his dress shirt was almost soaked. The tint of his face had gone from healthy blush to a yellow parlor. He looked as if he was about to pass out. A few of the other human delegates had started to notice.
Someone placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Commander are you feeling alright."
"I... I think I... Just need to... Walk around."
His voice was slurred.
"I don't think that's a good idea commander?"
Krill said turning his head to face him.
His pupils were unusually wide, despite the dark space around them.
*"The human was breathing hard now, one hand over his chest. His dry mouth from earlier was gone, replaced by saliva production so excessive he was having to clear his mouth every couple of seconds.
He looked at Krill, and the expression on his face was enough.
"I think I'm going to be sick."
The other delegates had leaned over, sensing the commotion, and they stood to let Krill and the commander pass as he stood and wobbled his way towards the stairs.
Krill could sense something was wrong almost immediately.
Dizziness, shortness of breath, nausea…
"Someone, help him walk."
Krill ordered, not caring about the delegation anymore.
Their sudden movement had caused a bit of commotion on one side of the room. The commander paused on the stairwell, and instead of turning towards the exit, he turned towards the delegation floor. Krill tried to grab him, tried to stop him, but the human – even in his weakened state – was still too strong.
A muttering had grown up around the crowd as he staggered onto the floor.
The chairwoman stopped speaking looking on in confusion.
"Commander, are you alright?”
The human paused at the center of the floor.
Everyone in the room was now watching him.
In the main lighting he looked absolutely horrific.
He was so pale his skin was almost yellow. The skin around his mouth was red. Sweat drenched the side of his face. He was drooling so badly that it was, at this point, impossible to control.
"The... food... Has been poisoned."
He choked out through heaving breaths.
And then he collapsed to his knees, vomiting violently on the white marble floor.
The entire delegation stood, shock and uproar filling the room. Krill ran over to help the human whose arms and hands were shaking as he tried to hold himself up.
The sight was horrifying. Saliva dripped in strings from his mouth. His clothing and hands were stained pink from the orb fruit from earlier.
Krill remembered he said it tasted weird.
Could he really have been poisoned?
A couple other human delegates vaulted over the railings and onto the floor, grabbing the man by the arms as his strength began to fail him. His body was shaking violently now.
Krill practically scream-ordered one of the assistances to grab his medical kit number three B (the one for poisons and toxins)
The entire room was in an uproar.
Krill jammed his finger at the Iotin representatives,
"Don't let them leave!"
The Iotins stood in shock as the delegations turned on them.
The Drev delegation, weaponless, still managed to make a circle around the group.
"Someone, go grab the food, and get me a sample!"
The commander had been rolled onto his side. His body continued to reject whatever toxin it had been given, though Krill desperately tried to avoid him aspirating and choking. That only got harder once the man began to cease and convulse. He had to reduce the absorption, but he also needed to keep the man from throwing it back up.
His kit was open on the floor, and he had the others help him with the tubes and medication. Adam wouldn't be helping him now, so he would have to get directly to the stomach himself.
He had one of the other humans hold him, as he inserted the tube and began with the activated charcoal. Hopefully that would be enough, before they got test results back. One of the Rundi came sprinting into the room, holding one of the pink orbs, handing it over to one of Krill's assistants who was ordered to test the fruit with one of the testing strips.
They did as told and the entire group waited for the results.
When the strip turned blue, Krill knew what it was.
It was at least similar to some toxins he had seen before and attacked the central nervous system in humans through absorption in the gut. The dosage had been too high however, and while the human could potentially choke to death, much of the toxin had already been rejected by the body.
"Someone cut open his sleeve."
The uniform was ignored as the sleeve was cut open and Krill placed an IV reaching into his kit for the antitoxin.
"You... Just have that lying around?"
One of the other humans asked and Krill nodded.
"I work with humans. I expect them to ingest stupid things that could kill them on a regular basis."
He was calm on the outside like a doctor should be, but on the inside, he was panicking horribly. The commander was not looking good.
But he placed the IV and made the injection.
"Someone test the other food. I want to know if this was planned for just the humans or for the entire delegation.”
His orders were quickly followed, and they found the toxin in almost every dish that had been in the banquet hall.
"You should be glad it was the human who took it first."
Krill was saying, the chairwoman asked:
"Why is that?"
"Because, the human body is the only one that would have noticed the poisoning before it was too late. The human brain responds to toxins that affect the central nervous system with dizziness and nausea. For any other species, you would have been dead before the symptoms kicked in."
On the floor the human convulsions had stopped. His heart rate was decreasing now, but Krill was keeping an eye on it.
The Iotins were still looking around in panic as the Drev glowered at them.
"What is the meaning of this?”
Their leader called. Krill turned on them anger in every line of his body,
"We saw one of you leaving the room before we entered, and they were in a hurry. So, forgive me if I am a little suspicious."
More uproar, but the Drev kept the delegates in check.
”Come on, commander."
Krill muttered. If he was going to wake up, it would be in the next few minutes, if only for a little bit.
One of the other humans had ripped open his uniform jacket, removing his tie and pulling the coat off, discarding it to the side. Krill was more than grateful for their help. Even more pleased when the commander opened his eyes bleary, his pupils almost back to normal.
"What... happened?"
He slurred,
"Congratulations, sir! You saved the entire delegation from death by poisoning. You're a hero!”
He groaned,
"I don't feel like one."
He leaned his head back onto the floor.
"Catch the bastards who did this for me will you?"
He licked his lips,
"I'm gonna pass out again now."
And then he did as promised.
Once again, the human body had managed to save the day.
Because as it turns out, humans are actually a lot harder to poison that one might first assume. Give them to high of a dose, and they will throw it up, give them too low of a dose and it won't kill them.
Plus, the human body is very good at letting everyone know when something is wrong.
It is especially difficult to poison a human when their best friend is an experienced doctor.
Whoever had done this, had not succeeded in their end goal.
And they wouldn't likely be free for long.
Previous First [Next](link)
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author
Thanks for reading! As you saw in the title, this is a cross posted story written by starrfallknightrise and I'll just upload some of it here for you guys, if you are interested and want to read ahead, the original story-collection can be found on tumblr or wattpad to read for free. (link above this text under "OC:..." ) It is the Empyrean Iris story collection by starfallknightrise. Also, if you want to know more about the story collection i made an intro post about it, so feel free to check that out to see what other great characters to look forward to! (Link also above this text). I have no affiliations to the author; just thought I’d share some of the great stories you might enjoy a lot!
Obviously, I have Charlie’s permission to post this and for the people already knowing the stories, or starting to read them: If you follow the link and check out the story you will see some differences. I made some small (non-artistic) changes, mainly correcting writing mistakes, pronoun correction and some small additional info here and there of things which were not thought of/forgotten or even were added/changed in later stories (like the “USS->UNSC” prefix of Stabby, Chalar=/->Sunny etc). As well as some "biggemajor" changes in descriptions and info’s for the same stringency/continuity reason. That can be explained by the story collection being, well a story collection at the start with many standalone-stories just starring the same people, but later on it gets more to a stringent storyline with backstories and throwbacks. (For example Adam Vir has some HEAVY scars over his body, following his bones, which were not really talked about up till half the collection, where it says it covers his whole body and you find out via backflash that he had them the whole time and how he got them, they just weren't mentioned before. However, I would think a doctor would at least see these scars before that, especially since he gets analyzed, treated and goes shirtless/in T-shirts in some stories). So TLDR: Writing and some descriptions are slightly changed, with full OK from the author, since he himself did not bother to correct these things before.

I (M, 26) do wanna stop, I hate getting sick all the time and also never remembering my nights when all I did was sit in my room. I drink probably a pint of Smirnoff every other day or so, with occasional shots of Fireball that I steal from my father’s stash. If these aren’t available then I turn to Natural Light. Maybe 5-10 in a night. My father and mother both being avid drinkers have it constantly stocked.
My thing is: last week or so I had gone maybe a full day without drinking. Being depressed I have a weird and long sleep schedule and sometimes the hangover from the night before is so bad I have to force myself to not drink for a day or so. But last week my heart was beating so hard that it was shaking my whole body. It very well could have been because I was some hours late to take my anti-depressant but I’ve gone at most probably 4 or so days without taking my medication and that’s never happened (Prozac). My hands typically shake but this was something I’ve never experienced. I was worried and I even opened up to my mom and that I may be having withdrawal symptoms. I never thought it would get to this point. I’m aware of the risks of quitting cold turkey but also am unemployed with no health insurance so I feel medical detox would be way expensive, and don’t trust myself to “wean off” it. Rehab scares me because my brother has already gone to rehab (8 years clean 🙏🏻) and it’s very much one of “the family secrets” and I don’t want to be that. I’m not sure what to do, I’m sorry if this is insanely long I tend to ramble.
TL;DR: I want to quit drinking but am afraid I drink enough that I may have severe withdrawal symptoms such as seizures if I quit cold turkey.

Ok so...it is PEACE to me, paying my bills. It is peaceful for me to fall asleep at night and know my bills I have are paid. (Granted, I don't have a ton of bills - that is something I don't take lightly, I am very grateful!)
I know this sounds silly...but bettering myself & bettering my life is on my mind 24/7. I try to remind myself every single day to be consistent. But also NOT to be a perfectionist lol. I messed up in my very young adult life at 18/19 years old (I'm 24) and now I'm trying to repair what I screwed up. But in a way I'm glad I'm learning while I'm still young.
I'm low key proud of myself? I've been pulling doubles at work and it has been truly paying off. It's hard for me to "mask" 24/7 at work. I work in retail/food. So it can be a hellscape for those of us who are neurodivergent. But I just proved to myself after a seemingly long week of working 10 or 11 hour days, that even though it's hard, I CAN do this.
Do y'all do this? Is this common, like, the super hard focus on bettering yourself? I know this is a concern even for allistic people. But is it common for neurodivergent people to seem to worry or focus on it double time? I'm not "happy". I'm not at this random perfect place in my life by any means. But I just YEARN so much to do better & be better than what I was taught loosely in childhood.
Lol, when I was like 10, I would squirrel back every single dollar or bit of birthday money I ever got. So I know it's in my DNA to be one of those people who saves money. That was ingrained into my head at a very young age.
I have one credit card & will probably only have one for my whole life. I'm trying to pay off the amount I owe on it now.

Winter riding can be a challenging experience for motorcycle enthusiasts. The cold weather, icy roads, and reduced visibility can make riding a motorcycle in winter a daunting task. However, with the right equipment and preparation, riding in winter can be an exhilarating experience. In this article, we will discuss some of the best used motorcycles for winter riding.

1. BMW R1200GS Adventure: The BMW R1200GS Adventure is a versatile motorcycle that is capable of handling a wide range of terrains and weather conditions. It has a powerful engine, advanced traction control system, and a comfortable riding position, which make it ideal for winter riding.
2. Yamaha Super Tenere: The Yamaha Super Tenere is a durable and reliable motorcycle that is designed for adventure riding. It has a large fuel tank, advanced suspension system, and a comfortable riding position, which make it suitable for long-distance winter riding.
3. Ducati Multistrada 1200 Enduro: The Ducati Multistrada 1200 Enduro is a rugged motorcycle that is designed for off-road riding. It has a powerful engine, advanced suspension system, and a high ground clearance, which make it suitable for winter riding on rough terrains.
4. Triumph Tiger Explorer: The Triumph Tiger Explorer is a versatile motorcycle that is designed for adventure riding. It has a powerful engine, advanced traction control system, and a comfortable riding position, which make it ideal for winter riding.
5. Kawasaki Versys 1000: The Kawasaki Versys 1000 is a powerful motorcycle that is designed for adventure riding. It has a large fuel tank, advanced suspension system, and a comfortable riding position, which make it ideal for long-distance winter riding.
6. Suzuki V-Strom 1000: The Suzuki V-Strom 1000 is a durable and reliable motorcycle that is designed for adventure riding. It has a powerful engine, advanced traction control system, and a comfortable riding position, which make it ideal for winter riding.
7. Honda Africa Twin: The Honda Africa Twin is a rugged motorcycle that is designed for off-road riding. It has a powerful engine, an advanced suspension system, and a high ground clearance, which make it suitable for winter riding on rough terrains.
8. KTM 1290 Super Adventure R: The KTM 1290 Super Adventure R is a powerful motorcycle that is designed for adventure riding. It has a large fuel tank, advanced suspension system, and a comfortable riding position, which make it suitable for long-distance winter riding.

When it comes to winter riding, it's important to have the right gear and equipment. Some essential items include warm gloves, a thermal base layer, a windproof jacket, and waterproof boots. Additionally, it's important to check your motorcycle's tires, brakes, and lights to ensure they are in good working condition before hitting the road.
In conclusion, the best motorcycles for winter riding are those that are designed for adventure riding, have a powerful engine, advanced suspension system, and a comfortable riding position. With the right equipment and preparation, winter riding can be a thrilling and enjoyable experience.

Quinn tapped his impatient thumbs against the steering wheel, muttering under his breath as he stared at the red light. “Call him again,” he ordered, glaring at the light intently. It was as though he believed he could manifest a faster light change, that his willpower could overwhelm the traffic control system. The whole thing’s run by computers, Milo thought as he tried to call Allen again. Unless you can glare in ones and zeroes, staring won’t be doing you any good.
“Straight to voicemail again,” he reported, pocketing his phone. “Might be a good idea to circle back.”
“No!” Quinn snapped, gripping the steering wheel tightly. “She’s here now. We need to find out where she’s going or we’re squandering an opportunity.”
“Fair enough,” Milo relented. Arguing wouldn’t do him any good; from his experience with the man, Quinn hated being questioned above all else. It was like walking on eggshells with him.
Allen had texted that the target was on 12th Avenue before going silent. She was on foot, and they hadn’t seen any busses on the way down the road. They were nearing the southern border of the Pearl District, and had no idea where she was heading from there.
It’s not a hunt, Milo considered. She didn’t sound very dressed up according to Lee’s description, and it doesn’t fit the kill pattern. What is it, then? Does she have other obligations? Does she know she’s being hunted? Is this a trap? These and countless other considerations and theories swirled in his head, but one thought kept surfacing before all others, one idea that wouldn’t stop nagging at him.
“She’s not in a disguise right now,” he muttered, looking down the street. “When she hunts, she’s dolled up, but she’s clearly not trying to be noticed, or possibly trying specifically not to be noticed. This is a different part of her life. The feeding, the pattern, it’s an event. What does she do with the rest of her time?”
“She’s going down 11th," Quinn replied.
The light turned green, and as they continued south, Milo looked towards the intersection to their left. Sure enough, the Black Widow was there, crossing the street, heading in the same direction. “We need eyes on her,” Milo said, “but we need distance. Stop at the curb. I’ll follow her on foot. You can go back and look for Allen.”
Quinn shook his head. “You’re staying with me. We don’t know where Allen is. She could’ve killed him. We need to keep our distance, but there’s strength in numbers in case she sees us coming.”
Milo shot a text off to Justin as well: Can’t find Allen. Phone off. Look between 12th and 11th. If Allen was hurt but not dead, he wasn’t going to let Quinn’s obsession get the man killed.
As he looked back at the intersection at 11th, Milo noticed the tracks through the middle of the street. “Shit, she’s taking a streetcar,” he realized, pulling the Trimet site up on his phone. The car would be there soon.
“Well let’s follow her,” Quinn replied, turning towards the curb.
“She’d spot us if we were in the car,” Milo countered, holding his phone up. “We can track the car, keep an eye on the stops and wait for her to get off.”
* * *
They continued south, past the border of the Pearl District and through downtown Portland. Finally, as the streetcar turned onto Lowell Street and came to a stop, prepared to continue up the track and begin the long trek back north, she appeared. Still with her hood up, still with her hands in her pockets and her head down. Quinn turned into an alley between two weather-beaten buildings that looked nearly as old as the city itself, then stopped the car, lowered his seat and leaned back. “Tell me when she’s out of sight,” he ordered.
“Sure,” Milo agreed, taking out his phone. he watched as she turned right, heading down Moody Avenue. Go ahead and make yourself look as little as possible, he thought. I can still see you. As he prepared to send an update text to Justin, his phone rang. “Yeah?” he answered.
“He’s alive,” Lee said quickly. Milo could hear the smile in her voice, the deep inhales of someone who’d been holding their breath for far too long. It was the sound he chased whenever he went looking into missing persons cases, whenever he got to tell someone’s mother or father that their child was alive. He was far more familiar with wails of grief or the deafening silence of anguish.
“He okay? What happened?” he asked, watching as the Black Widow continued south at the three-way intersection up ahead, down a trail. Unbuckling his seatbelt, he nodded to Quinn and opened the car door.
“Are you on speakerphone?” she asked after a brief silence.
“No,” he replied, lowering the call audio before holding the phone close to his ear.
“That’s the thing: she knew he was there,” Lee warned. “She knew we were following her. It was a trap. Allen said that she destroyed his phone and told him that we were warned not to get involved.”
“Funny, I don’t remember getting anything in the mail about that,” Milo joked. He exited the vehicle, pushing the door shut quietly.
He heard Allen mumbling something unintelligible to Lee, his voice weak and raspy. “Exactly. She told Allen that she warned Quinn to back off, but Quinn told us that she was already gone when he found the body in Bennington.”
“Alright, I’ll keep that in mind,” Milo assured. “In the meantime, your car is parked by an auto repair place by the corner of Moody and Lowell. We’re heading south from here. There’s one more streetcar heading down here, so we’ll follow her for now and meet back up here.”
“Will do. Stay safe,” Lee said.
Milo looked back at Quinn, then to the path the Black Widow had gone down. “Don’t know if that’s up to me, but I’ll do my best.”
* * *
They continued down the street, then onto the trail. To the right of it were some old train tracks, one end of the old trolley they ran north from Lake Oswego in the summertime. The path was shrouded in darkness, but before long opened onto a street. They were down at the waterfront, approaching a small side road with nothing but large office buildings and larger parking lots.
Milo and Quinn kept their distance, allowing her to nearly exit their site before continuing. It was dark and the street was poorly lit, but all she had to do was take one look back. Really rolling the dice on this one, Milo considered. There was no one else on the sidewalk, or on foot in any direction for that matter.
They passed by an office building, then another, and the road turned to the left. As they rounded the corner, Milo saw that the woman was nowhere to be found. Either she’d quickly turned the street, or she’d circled around the hotel. There seemed to be a path going down that way, a stone walkway deeper into the darkness between these buildings and the shore. “Looks like a trap,” Milo said, retrieving a small crucifix from his jacket pocket. “Shall we?”
Quinn nodded, then gestured for him to go ahead. Coward. “So where do you think she’s heading,” Quinn asked. “Is this just a trap or does she have business here?”
“Business…” Milo considered. There were only office buildings nearby, and they tended to operate mainly during the daytime. Didn’t mean there weren’t reasons for someone to be there after hours. “I think she’s heading to work,” he suggested.
“She’s going to work?” Quinn whispered.
Milo began down the path, the grip on his crucifix tightening. “If you were a vampire all of a sudden, where would you live? Can’t live on the street without being hassled by people, and you need a place to doll yourself up so you can lure unsuspecting men to their demise. You need a home- probably an apartment if you’re in the city. She has to pay rent just like everybody else, right?”
“You’d have to assume she has money, though,” Quinn countered. “Vampires always have money squared away, right?”
“Assuming she actually is a vampire,” Milo pointed, squinting his eyes and hoping to see her up ahead, “what makes you think she’s ancient? Even if she is, why would that mean that she has a lot of money? Not like she can ever go to the bank during business hours.”
“Huh,” Quinn grunted, and as Milo continued down the pitch-black path, a shiver went up his spine as he could feel Quinn’s breath against the back of his neck. “That’s good to know.”
Milo whirled around, holding his crucifix up without knowing for certain what he intended to do with it, and inhaled sharply as a knife entered the side of his chest. Quinn pulled the knife out, then pushed it into Milo’s stomach.
Milo felt the grip on his crucifix loosening, and tried to tightening his grip. His strength was leaving him. “What… the fuck…” he whispered, unable to raise his voice. He tried to breath deeply, but a sharp pain in his chest put a stop to it.
“Don’t try to talk,” Quinn ordered, twisting the knife. Milo’s body tried to let out a shriek of pain, but he could already feel his strength leaving him completely. “I think I punctured a lung. Sorry about that. Or maybe I shouldn’t be.” He pulled the knife out, reversing his grip on it, then plunged it into Milo’s shoulder. “You did trespass, after all. You’re no use to me if I can’t pluck your strings, but the others are good little marionettes. Besides, maybe she’ll start to reconsider when someone finds your body. If you’re right, they’ll go around asking questions, put some pressure on her, and she’ll finally realize that I’m a dangerous enemy to have.”
You want her to turn you, Milo realized. He tried to say as much, but no words would come out. His body was in shock, and he couldn’t get a word out. You really think she’s a vampire, and you want her to turn you.
Quinn rifled through Milo’s pockets, retrieving his phone. “Can’t have you dialing 911,” he said, slamming the phone against the ground once, then again before throwing it into the grass near the path. “If this brings you peace in your final moments,” he added, getting to his feet, “this is as much your fault as it is mine, maybe even moreso. You just shouldn’t have questioned me.” With that, he pulled the knife from Milo’s shoulder, a quiet groan all that accompanied the shooting pain, and got to his feet.
I knew you were a monster, Milo thought, watching helplessly as his vision began to blur. Quinn stepped back into the light, onto the street, and continued back the way they’d come. Streetlights in the distance became vague blobs of light surrounded by an inky blackness that seemed to dance around it. Didn’t peg you for a killer.
As warmth and light began to give way to the cold dark, a soft laugh broke the silence. “At least he’s not boring,” a woman’s voice noted. Was it distant, or was he fading from consciousness for the final time? “You seem a little lost for words, friend, but I know what’ll put a pep in your step.”
He winced as the Black Widow lifted him by the shoulders, sitting him up. She held one of her palms up, then dug into it with a fingernail, drawing blood. “Drink up. You have a long night ahead of you.”
Her bloody palm was pressed up against his mouth, and while Milo resisted as best his could, he couldn’t stop the coppery liquid from reaching his tongue. As soon as it did, something passed through him. It was a chill, but it was electric. It made him feel restless, but he couldn’t move an inch. All he could do, despite his better judgement, was continue to drink.
She held him close as he drank, one hand pressed against his mouth and the other wrapped around him in a cold, comfortable embrace. “I’m gonna tell you something that I wish I was told. When I was turned, I thought that I would rise again as a monster, but I didn’t know how it worked. When you pass- and you will- your soul will leave your body behind. You’ll go wherever souls go, and you might find peace or be reunited with your ancestors, maybe some loved ones who you’ve had the misfortune of outliving, but then something will take your place. It will grow, and it will fester, and it will take your body over. It won’t be you, of course, and you may watch from above as it terrorizes the living world, but it’ll have your memories. It’ll believe that it’s still you, but it won’t be. It’ll be something new.
“It’ll remember how you valued human life, and how you cared enough to try and stop the big bad monster from taking more.” She turned his head, and as he felt himself fading once more, she smiled. “It’ll remember how much you loved your friends and family. It will remember your values, your beliefs, your fears, but it will inherit none of them. It will watch the lives of countless innocents end by their hand, and it will not care. It will take any life I tell it to, and it will not care who.
“Sleep. Sleep for the last time. And keep an eye out for your friends; they’ll join you soon enough.”

Here is my current mod list, I'm quite proud of it. What do you all think of it? Note: 1. A few of the mods are deactivated, they were all copied together. 2. The mods are not listed in order, they got automatically sorted alphabetically when I copied them.
Moonpath to Elsweyr SSE"
Moons And Stars - Sky Overhaul SKSE"
More Informative Console"
More to Say"
moreHUD Inventory Edition"
Moss Rocks"
Moss Rocks - 3D Rocks Patch"
Mrf's Markarth"
Mrf's Solitude"
Mrf's Solitude - Update"
Nate DBVO Pack - MALE PC"
Natural Hair Colors"
NL_MCM - A Modular MCM Framework"
No Grass In Caves"
No Grass In Objects"
No Grassias - A Universal Grass Fix For Grass Mods"
No Recoil"
No Spinning Death Animation"
Nordic Snow"
Nordic Snow - Projected Diffuse"
Nordic Stonewalls"
NORDIC UI - Compass Markers Restored"
NORDIC UI - Interface Overhaul"
Nordic UI - Menu Cleaned and Upscaled"
NORDIC UI - Miscellaneous Patches"
NORDIC UI - Ultrawide Fixes and Patches"
Nordic UI Ultrawide Patch"
Nordic...ish - A TrueHUD preset based on Nordic UI"
Nordic...ish - A TrueHUD preset based on Nordic UI - Recent Item Widget"
Northborn Scars"
Northfires Photoreal Mountains 3 for Majestic (8K)"
NPC AI Process Position Fix - NG"
NPC Animation Remix (DAR)"
NPCs Names Distributor"
NPCs React To Invisibility"
NPCs Wear Amulets of Mara PLUS"
Obsidian Weathers and Seasons"
Open Civil War SSE"
Optional Round Farmhouse Posts"
OSHA-Compliant Sovengarde Mesh Fixes"
Paarthurnax - Quest Expansion"
PapyrusUtil SE - Modders Scripting Utility Functions"
Paragon gems 4K"
Particle Lights For ENB - Aetherium Shards"
Particle Lights For ENB - Alchemy and Enchanting Tables"
Particle Lights For ENB - Apocypha"
Particle Lights For ENB - Blood Splatter Fix"
Particle Lights For ENB - Bugs in a Jar"
Particle Lights For ENB - Dark Elf Lantern"
Particle Lights For ENB - Dark Elf Lantern Particle Patch"
Particle Lights For ENB - Dragonborn Ingredients"
Particle Lights For ENB - Ingredients"
Particle Lights for ENB - Nirnroot"
Particle Lights For ENB - Paragon Gems"
Particle Lights For ENB - Staff Enchanter"
Particle Lights For ENB - Undead Creatures"
Particle Lights For ENB - Wisps - Witchlight"
Particle Lights For ENB - wSkeever Ingredients"
Particle Patch for ENB"
Payload Interpreter"
PELTAPALOOZA - Special Edition"
Penitus Oculatus Questline"
Pickaxe Redone SSE"
Picta Series - Improved Sky Meshes"
Picta Series - Improved Sky Meshes - Cathedral Version"
Populated Skyrim Reborn SSE"
powerofthree's Papyrus Extender"
powerofthree's Tweaks"
Precision"
Prisoner cart fix SMIM"
Pristine Vanilla Movement"
Project ja-Kha'jay"
Project ja-Kha'jay- Moonpath to Elsweyr Khajiit Overhaul"
Project New Reign - Nemesis Unlimited Behavior Engine"
Quality CubeMaps - HD Cube Maps Optimized"
Quick Light SE"
Race Menu SE - WIdescreen Fix"
RaceMenu"
RaceMenu - Male Khajiit Mouth Expression Fix"
RaceMenu Memory Leak Fix"
Rain Extinguishes Fires"
Rally's Civil War Document Tubes"
Rally's Riekling Outposts"
Reachmen Tribes Names"
Real Rabbits HD"
Real Rabbits HD - SPID Edition"
RealRainSE"
Reanimated NPC Animations"
Relationship Dialogue Overhaul - RDO SE"
Remi UnLux Patch"
Remiel-Custom Voiced Follower"
Remiros' Chitin Armor HD"
Renthal's Waterwheel Remastered"
Reversed Daggers Moveset for MCO"
Riekling Barrels SMIM"
Riften Architectural Details"
Riften Docks Overhaul"
Riften Docks Overhaul - Riften Extension Patch"
Riften Docks Overhaul - SMIM Patch"
Riften Extension - Southwoods District"
RS Children - Populated Skyrim Reborn SSE Patch"
RS Children Overhaul"
Rudification - Rudy Candles Expanded"
Rudy ENB Obsidian Weathers ADDONS and REQUiRED Files"
Rudy HQ - Falling Leaves and Needles SE"
Rudy HQ - Falling Leaves and Needles SE - Yellow Leaves Texture"
Rudy HQ - Hay SE"
Rudy HQ - Miscellaneous SE"
Rudy HQ - More lights for ENB - Daedric weapons"
RUGNAROK - Special Edition"
Ruins Clutter Improved"
Ruins Clutter Improved - Fixes"
Ruins Clutter Improved - Portcullis Collision Fix"
RUSTIC ARMOR and WEAPONS 4k-2k SE"
RUSTIC CLOTHING 4k-2k - Special Edition"
RUSTIC MAPS"
RUSTIC WINDOWS - Special Edition"
SABRECAT.by.Kajuan"
SCAR - Skyrim Combos AI Revolution"
Sconces of Skyrim - Markarth Braziers Improved"
Scrambled Bugs"
Scripts, Utilities and Core Files_separator"
SDA - UnLux"
SDA Patch Hub SE"
SD's Horn Candles SE"
Security Overhaul SKSE - Add-ons"
Security Overhaul SKSE - Lock Variations"
Security Overhaul SKSE - Regional Locks"
Serana Dialogue Add-On"
Serana Re-Imagined"
Serious Civil War Defense for OCW"
Serious Civil War Finale Sieges"
Shaders of Solstheim - Ash and Moss"
Shadow of Skyrim - Nemesis and Alternative Death System"
Show Player In Menus"
Shroud Hearth Barrow Script Fix"
Sigils of Skyrim - Shields"
Sigils of the North - Banners 4k"
Simple Snow Improvements - Giant Obelisks (BOS)"
Simple Snow Improvements - Skyrim (BOS)"
Simplicity of Snow"
SIRENROOT - Deluge of Deceit"
SIRENROOT - HD Texture Pack"
Skeleton Replacer HD"
Skeleton Replacer HD - Lux Patch"
Skeleton Replacer HD - Patch Collection"
SKSE - INI"
SKSE Output"
SKSE Plugins_separator"
SKSE Scripts - v2.0.20"
Sky Idles"
SkyFix SE - HD Blacksmith Signs"
SkyHUD"
Skyland AIO"
Skyland Farmhouse - Farmhouse Door Patch"
Skyland Whiterun - Epic Doors of Whiterun Patch"
Skyland Whiterun - Pompous Door of Whiterun Patch"
Skyrim - A Mountainous Experience"
Skyrim 3D Docks and Boardwalks"
Skyrim 3D Furniture"
Skyrim 3D Furniture - SMIM Patch"
Skyrim 3D Landscapes"
Skyrim 3D Rocks"
Skyrim 3D Windmill"
Skyrim on Skooma"
Skyrim Priority SE AE - skse plugin"
Skyrim Remastered - Caves"
Skyrim Remastered - Glaciers and Ice - IMR Edition"
Skyrim Ultimate Eye Meshe"
Skyrim Ultimate Eye Meshes - Vampire Fixes"
Skyrim Upscaler - DLSS FSR2 XeSS"
Skyrim Upscaler - Patreon BETA"
SkyUI"
Slayable Offspring SKSE"
Sleeping Expanded - Animations and NPC reactions"
Small Nordic Tent Replacer"
SMIM - Quality Addon - Unofficial Material Fix Patch"
SMIM Barrel Expansion - Mead Barrel - Oil Barrel - Butter Churn"
Smoke - Rudy Fix"
Smoking Torches and Candles SSE"
Smooth Moveset"
Smooth Random idle Animation"
SmoothCam"
SmoothCam - Modern Camera Preset"
Solstheim Objects SMIMed"
Sons of Nirn - Whiterun"
Soul Cairn Script Tweaks"
Spell Perk Item Distributor"
Spell Perk Item Distributor OLD"
SpellSword Moveset"
Splashes of Skyrim"
Splashes Of Storms"
Splashes of Storms - Rudy Fix"
SSE Display Tweaks"
SSE Engine Fixes (skse64 plugin)"
Stalhrim Refrozen"
Stalhrim Refrozen - Upscales Textures"
Static Mesh Improvement Mod"
Static Mesh improvement Mod - SMIM - Quality Addon"
Static Mesh Improvement Mod Improvement Mod"
Stockades of Skyrim 3D"
Stones of Solitude - Better Blended Rock Piles"
Storm Lightning for SSE and VR (Minty Lightning 2019)"
Strongholds - Largashbur"
Strongholds - Narzulbur"
Stunning Statues of Skyrim"
Subtle Wind FX"
TAA Deblur"
Take a Seat - New DAR Sitting Animations"
Tamrielic Names"
Tempered Skins for Males - Dressed Version"
Terrain Fixes for CC Mods"
The Eyes Of Beauty SSE"
The Eyes Of Beauty SSE - Elves Edition"
The Second Great War"
The Second Great War - USSEP Patch"
The Taste of Death Improved Shutdown"
TMB Vanilla Armors and Clothes SSE"
To Your Face SE"
Troll.by.Kajuan"
True Directional Movement - Modernized Third Person Gameplay"
TRUE FACES - A Character Enhancement Project"
TrueHUD - HUD Additions"
Unarmed Moveset for MCO"
Undead Snow Elves - Mihail"
UNDERDOG Animations"
Unique Map Weather"
Unique Map Weather - Vanilla Additions"
Unique Skulls HD"
Unique Solstheim Grass"
Unique Solstheim Grass - Complex Grass"
Unofficial High Definition Audio Project"
Unofficial Material Fix"
Unofficial Material Fix - Assorted Mesh Fixes Patch"
Unofficial Moonpath to Elsweyr Patch"
Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch"
UNP Female Body Renewal"
Unreal 4K Mammoth Skeleton ReTexture"
Use Those Blankets"
Valhalla Combat"
Vampire Lines Expansion"
Vampires Have Claws"
Vanargand Animations - Archery"
Vanargand Animations - Sneak Archery"
Vanilla Follower Expansion - Illia (VFE)"
Vanilla hair - Salt and Wind"
Vanilla Makeup HD"
Vanilla Warpaints Absolution"
Veydosebrom Regions"
Veydosebrom Regions - Complex Grass"
VickusDickus' Khajiiti Apex Armory"
Wade In Water Redone"
Wall mounted dead animals fixes"
Water for ENB"
Water in Wells - mesh-only animated wells"
Weapon Keyword Unification Project"
Weather of World"
Weathers & Atmosphere_separator"
WEBS SE"
Wedding Outfit Commission"
WeldingMans Smelter"
WeldingMans Smelter - Embers XD"
Whiterun Exteriors Patch Collection"
Whiterun Objects SMIMed"
Whiterun Trees"
Whiterun Trees - JKs Skyrim - Fortified Whiterun Patch"
WIDeadBodyCleanupScript Crash Fix"
Windhelm Bridge Stairs"
Winterhold Statue - Animated with ENB Lights"
Wispmother.by.Kajuan"
WiZkiD Riften and Ratway"
WiZkiD Signs"
WiZkiD Specific Signs"
Wolves of the Wild"
Wood Wall Trap Mesh and UV Fix"
Woodcutter Axe Redone SE"
Word Wall Transparency Fix for ENB"
Wyrmstooth"
XNFRain's Civil War Map Flag Replacer SE"
XP32 Maximum Skeleton Special Extended"
.NET Script Framework"
Landscape Fixes For Grass Mods - ASLAL Patch"
3D Riften Trellis and Roofs"
3D Solitude Market Trellis"
3D Solitude Market Trellis Expansion"
3D Trellis Improved - Gildergreen Plaza"
3D Whiterun Trellis"
3D Whiterun Trellis Expansion"
4K Carts Clean"
4K SMIM Carriage Seat"
4K Tusks"
A Matter of Time - A HUD clock widget"
A Matter Of Time - Legacy Settings Loader"
Actor Limit Fix"
Address Library for SKSE Plugins"
ADXP I MCO elden rim moveset collection (SCAR)"
ADXP l MCO Nordic Animation Complete Pack"
After the Civil War - Siege Damage Repairs"
Alternate Conversation Camera"
Alternate Start - Live Another Life - SSE"
Amber Refossilized"
aMidianBorn Book of Silence SE"
aMidianBorn Matching Armory - Glass Armor and Weapons"
Ancient Falmer Armor 4K"
Ancient Falmer Armor 4K - Armour Mesh Fixes Patch"
Ancient Nord Pickaxe Replacer - Rusted Textures 4K"
Ancient Nord Pickaxe Replacer 4K"
Animated Coffins"
Animated Forge Water"
Animated Static Reload Fix - NG"
Animation Motion Revolution"
Animation Queue Fix"
Another Jump Animation - Female"
Another Jump Animation - Male"
Archery Locational Damage"
Archery Target Retexture 4k"
Armor Mesh Fixes SE"
Armor Mesh Fixes SE - aMidianBorn Patch"
Armor Mesh Fixes SE - Orcish Environmental Map Fix"
Armor Mesh Fixes SE - Steel Armour Fix"
Ashbound - Solstheim Revisited"
Ashlander Nomads Names"
Assorted mesh fixes"
Attack MCO-DXP"
Auriel Bow - ENB Light"
Auriel's Bow and Shield HD SE"
Aurora Fix"
Authentic Eyes"
Auto Input Switch"
Axarien's Animations - Kaidan (DAR)"
Axarien's Animations - Lucien (DAR)"
Baby Chickens - Mihail"
Bandit Lines Expansion"
Bandit Lines Expansion - Dark Elf"
Barter Limit Fix"
Base Object Swapper"
Base Textures & Meshes_separator"
Basic Dining Set Replacer2k"
Bears of the North"
Bears of the North - 4k Textures"
Behavior Data Injector"
Belethor's Sister - Quest"
Bellyaches 16K-8K Dragon Replacer Pack"
Beneath Bronze Waters Start Fix"
Better Beast vampire fangs - fixes and adjustments - Argonian and Khajiit"
Better Beast vampire fangs - fixes and adjustments - Argonian V Fangs"
Better Blended Mushrooms"
Better Books and Letters"
Better Combat Escape - SSE"
Better Dialogue Control Widescreen Fix"
Better Dialogue Controls"
Better Dyndolod Red Mountain Plume"
Better Jumping SE"
Better Ladder UV Mapping"
Better tomboys DAR animations"
Better Wedding Guests"
Beyond Reach"
Beyond Reach - Arnima - Armour Fix 2"
Beyond Reach - Arnima - Dragonstar Armour Fix"
Beyond Reach - Arnima - Female Witchman Armour Fix"
Beyond Reach - Arnima - Forrsworn Texture Fix"
Beyond Reach - Arnima - Wool Plate Armour Fix"
Beyond Reach - Dunlain Falls Interior and Exterior House Fix"
Beyond Reach - House Texture Fix"
Beyond Reach - Infant Ogre Inventory Fix"
Beyond Reach - Shaman Fix"
Beyond Skyrim - Wares of Tamriel SE"
Bijin NPCs Civil War Legate Rikke Fix"
Bijin NPCs SE"
Bijin Skin - UNP"
Bijin Warmaidens SE"
Bijin Wives SE"
BiR's Remiel Replacer"
Blended Roads"
Blended Roads - Simplicity of Snow Patch"
Blended Roads Redone - Bridges - 8K"
Blended Roads Redone SE - 8K"
Blended Roads Redone SE - Meshes - 8K"
Blind people DAR animations"
Blood and Ash - Ash"
Blood and Ash - Blood"
Bloodline - Volkihar Family"
Bosmer NPCs have Antlers"
Bosmer NPCs have Antlers - Texture Patch"
Breton NPCs Have Elven Ears"
Bright Waterfall Fix for ENB - DynDOLOD"
Bucket Again - SMIMed"
Bug Fixes SSE"
Capital Whiterun Expansion - 3D Whiterun Trellis Patch"
Carriages and Stables Dialogue Bundle"
Cathedral - 3D Deathbell"
Cathedral - 3D Deathbell - ENB Light"
Cathedral - 3D Mountain Flowers"
Cathedral - Mushrooms"
Cathedral - Plants"
Cathedral 3D Mountain Flowers - Base Object Swapper"
Character Creation & NPC Overhaul_separator"
Chicken Replacer - Mihail"
Ciri DBVO - Live Another Life Patch - FEMALE PC"
Ciri DBVO - LotDB Patch - FEMALE PC"
Ciri DBVO - Wyrmstooth Patch - FEMALE PC"
Ciri DBVO Pack - FEMALE PC"
Citizens of Tamriel"
City & Settlements Textures_separator"
Civil War Couriers Framework"
Civil War Lines Expansion"
CLOUDS"
Clouds All Over - All In One"
College of Winterhold - Quest Expansion"
College of Winterhold - Quest Markers"
College of Winterhold - RS Children Patch"
CoMAP"
Combat Music Fix SKSE"
Combat Pathing Revolution"
Complementary Grass Fixes"
Comprehensive First Person Animation Overhaul - CFPAO"
Conditional tavern cheering (DAR)"
Configurable Commentary Rate Slider"
ConsoleUtilSSE"
ConsoleUtilSSE NG"
Cosmos Lucien Replacer"
Creation Club - Fishing"
Creation Club - Rare Curios"
Creation Club - Saints & Seducers"
Creation Club - Survival Mode"
Creatures & Fauna_separator"
Crouch Sliding"
Curated Bosses for True HUD"
Cuyi's Bosmeri Antlers - SSE"
Daedric Names"
DAR - Dynamic Swimming"
DAR - Dynamic Swimming - Argonian Mastery"
Daughters of Malacath"
DBVO Dialogue Interface ReShaped Patch"
Destination Weddings"
Destination Weddings - Lux Via & NPC's Wear Amulets of Mara Patch"
Detailed NPCs - Immersive Armors for NPCs (SPID)"
Dialogue Interface ReShaped"
Dibella's Blessing"
Dibella's Blessing Patches"
Disable Turn Animation SE I AE"
Diverse Skyrim - Voiced Addon (ElevenLabs)"
DIVERSE SKYRIM SSE"
DLC2dunFrostmoonTriggerScript Optimization"
DLC2dunNchardakDoorSeal Script Infinite Loop Fix"
DLC2dunSeekerInvisScript Fix"
DLC2MiraakScript Fix"
DLC2PillarBuilderActorScript Tweak"
DLC2TribalWerebearScript Fix"
Dodge MCO-DXP"
Don't sheathe bound weapons DAR animations"
Dovah Names"
Dragon Priest - Armour and Weapons"
Dragonborn Voice Over"
Dragonborn Voice Over - Nordic UI Ultrawide Patch"
Dragonborn Voice Over Old"
DragonPriest Retexture - SE"
Draugr.by.Kajuan"
dunFolgunthurBossBattle Script Fix"
Dwemer Pipework Reworked"
Dwemer Pipework Reworked - Decorative Pattern"
Dwemer Pipework Reworked - ENB Lights"
Dynamic Animation Replacer"
Dynamic Dodge Animation"
Dynamic Impact - Slash Effects X"
Dynamic snow For Map"
DynDOLOD Resources SE"
eeekie's even better Kaidan"
Elder Creed - Valhalla Axe Moveset AIO"
ElSopa - Papers HD SE"
ElSopa HD - Realistic Dark Elf Urns SE"
Elven Weapons for Silence SE"
Embers XD"
Emperor Penguins - Mihail"
ENB Helper SE"
ENB Light"
Enhanced Blood Textures"
Enhanced Enemy AI SE"
Enhanced Invisibility"
Enhanced Reanimation"
Enhanced Volumetric Lighting and Shadows (EVLaS)"
Equip Enchantment Fix"
Equipment & Apparel_separator"
ESO Style Cursor"
EVG Animated Traversal"
EVG Animated Traversal - Bleak Falls Barrow"
EVG Animated Traversal - Flat Footed Quest"
EVG Animated Traversal - Patch Collection"
EVG Animated Traversal - Skyrim Integration Patch"
EVG Animation Variance"
EVG Conditional Idles"
EVG Conditionals Extended"
EVG Conditionals Extended - Modesty Replacer"
EVG Conditionals Extended - Valhalla Patch"
Expressive Facegen Morphs SE"
Expressive Facial Animation -Female Edition-"
Expressive Facial Animation -Male Edition-"
Expressive Remiel"
FA ORCODONTIST - Orsimer Mouth and Teeth Fix"
Face Discoloration Fix"
Falmer.by.Kajuan"
Fancy Sword Moveset for MCO"
Fate Cards Remade - Legacy of The Dragonborn"
Feminize - Crafting Animation (DAR)"
First Person Combat Animations Overhaul 2.0 -SIZE MATTERS"
Fish Anywhere With Water"
Fix Note icon for SkyUI"
Fixed Mesh Lighting"
Fixed Nordic Metal Grate"
Flickering Meshes Fix"
Flies Around Corpses - Audio Only"
Flora & Landscape_separator"
Forgotten Argonian Roots"
Forsworn and Thalmor Lines Expansion"
Forsworn Matriarchs Names"
Fortified Whiterun"
Fortified Whiterun - Immersive Citizens Patch"
Fortified Whiterun - JK's Skyrim Patch"
Frankly HD Dawnguard Armor and Weapons"
Frankly HD Dragonbone and Dragonscale - Armor and Weapons"
Frankly HD Dragonbone and Dragonscale - Armor and Weapons - Mesh Fix"
Frankly HD Imperial Armor and Weapons"
Frankly HD Imperial Armor and Weapons - Leanwolf Patch"
Frankly HD Imperial Armor and Weapons - Long Sleeves"
Frankly HD Nightingale Armor and Weapons [SSE]"
Frankly HD Nightingale Armor and Weapons [SSE] - Leanwolf Patch"
Frankly HD Shrouded Armor"
Frankly HD Silver Sword"
Frankly HD Stormcloak and City Guards"
Frankly HD Stormcloak and City Guards - Falkreath Hue Fix"
Frankly HD Stormcloak and City Guards - Fix"
Frankly HD Thieves Guild Armors"
Fuz Ro D-oh - Silent Voice"
FYX - 3D Coal in the Shovel"
FYX - 3D Dock Ramp"
FYX - 3D Farmhouse Walkway"
FYX - 3D Honeyside Deck Floor"
FYX - 3D Shack Kit Roofs"
FYX - 3D Shack Kit Walls"
FYX - 3D Shack Kit Walls - BOS"
FYX - 3D Stockades"
FYX - 3D Stockades - Walls and Gate"
FYX - 3D Whiterun Castle Bridge"
FYX - 3D Whiterun Drawbridge Gate"
FYX - 3D Whiterun Drawbridge Gate - Lux Orbis Patch"
FYX - 3D Whiterun Guard Towers"
FYX - 3D Whiterun Scaffold"
FYX - 3D Whiterun Tree Circle"
FYX - Candlehearth Hall Chimney"
FYX - Fortified Whiterun Consistency"
FYX - Jorrvaskr"
FYX - RavenRock Docks and Fences Round Posts"
FYX - RowBoat"
FYX - SMIM Barrels - Smooth and New optionnal Metal and Wood Texture"
FYX - Smooth Wells"
FYX - The Temple of Mara (ENB Light Windows)"
FYX - Water Splash"
FYX - Windhelm Stable Roof"
FYX Smooth Wells - Invisible Well Fix"
Gameplay_separator"
Gesture Animation Remix (DAR)"
Giant.by.Kajuan"
Gilded Doublet - Ported to SSE"
GKB Waves Reborn"
Glorious Doors of Skyrim (GDOS)"
Glowing Mushroom Collision Fixes"
GOAT HD by Pfuscher"
Goetia Animations - Conditional Shouts"
Goetia Animations - Enchanted Staves"
Goetia Animations - Magic Spell Casting"
Golden Saint Armory Revamped"
GORECAP"
Grass Sampler Fix"
Guard Armor Reforged"
Guard Dialogue Overhaul - Second Great War Patch"
Guard Dialogue Overhaul - UHDAP Patch"
Guard Dialogue Overhaul SE"
Hagraven.by.Kajuan"
Happy Little Logs"
Happy Little Trees"
Happy Little Trees - Aspen Addendum"
Happy Little Trees - DLC Trees"
Happy Little Trees - Reduced Saturation"
Happy Little Trees Add-On - DynDOLOD 3"
Harvestables Cabbages Addon for High Poly Project"
HD CubeMap Collection"
HD LODs Textures SE"
HD Reflective Ebony Armor and Weapons"
HD Reflective Ebony Armor and Weapons - Ebony Mail"
HD Reworked Falmer Architecture 4K"
HD Reworked Horses"
HD Serpentine Dragon and Mesh Fix SE"
HD Skeever"
Hearthfire Oven"
High Hrothgar Fixed"
High Hrothgar Fixed - Lux Orbis Patch"
High Hrothgar Fixed - Lux Patch"
High poly Mudcrab n Retexture"
High Poly Project"
High Poly Vanilla Hair"
High Quality Food and Ingredients SE"
Highlandcow HD by Pfuscher"
High-Poly Inigo Replacer"
Hold Border Banners"
Hold Border Guards - Definitive Edition"
Hold Guard Armor Unchanged SE"
Horker by Pfuscher"
Horses Simply Turn Better"
Hunters Not Bandits"
Husky Wolf - Wolves Use Husky Model"
Husky Wolf - Wolves Use Husky Model - Shell Fur"
Hvergelmir's Aesthetics - Beards"
Hvergelmir's Aesthetics - Brows"
Icy Mesh Remaster"
Icy Mesh Remaster - Overwrite Handler"
IFrame Generator RE"
I'm Glad You're Here - Follower & Spouse Appreciation"
I'm Walkin' Here"
Immersive Armors"
Immersive Citizens - AI Overhaul"
Immersive Equipping Animations"
Immersive Equipping Animations - Shadow of Skyrim Patch"
Immersive folded hands (DAR)"
Immersive Interactions - Animated Actions"
Immersive Kaidan Start"
Immersive Load Screen Message Overhaul"
Immersive Patrols SE"
Immersive Rejections"
Immersive Weapon Integration Distributed with SPID"
Immersive Weapons"
Immersive World Encounters SE"
Imperial Centurion Armor for Solitude Guards"
Imperial Guard Centurion Armor SE - 4k"
Imperial Guard Centurion Armor SE - Officer Replacer"
Improved Closefaced Helmets"
Improved Follower Dialogue - Lydia"
Improved Loading Screen Colors"
Improved Table Transition Animations"
ImprovedDialogueLydia - UnLux"
INIGO"
Inigo Riding Patch"
Interface_separator"
JContainers SE"
JK's Riften Outskirts"
JK's Riften Outskirts Patch Collection"
JK's Skyrim"
JK's Skyrim All Lighting Overhauls Patch"
JK's Skyrim and Beyond Skyrim Wares of Tamriel Patch"
JK's Whiterun Outskirts"
JS Attunement Sphere and Lexicons SE"
JS Barenziah SE"
JS Bloodstone Chalice SE"
JS Common Cages SE"
JS Dragon Claws AE Anniversary Edition"
JS Dwarven Oil SE"
JS Dwemer Artifacts SE"
JS Dwemer Control Cube SE"
JS Dwemer Ichor Barrels SE"
JS Dwemer Kitchenware SE"
JS Dwemer Puzzle Cube SE"
JS Essence Extractor SE"
JS Initiate's Ewer SE"
JS Instruments of Skyrim SE"
JS Lockpicking UI SE"
JS Purses and Septims SE"
JS Shrines of the Divines SE4k"
Kaidan 2"
Kaidan 2 - HD Armor Retexture"
Kaidan and Inigo Banter Patch"
Kaidan Extended Edition"
Kaidan LotDB Patch"
Kaidan Lux Patch"
Kaidan Slap da Butt"
Keyword Item Distributor"
KG's AE Draugr Arsenal Reshaped"
KG's AE Draugr Arsenal Reshaped - Unofficial Amidianborn Patch"
Khajiit Has Wares - A Caravan Camp Overhaul"
Khajiit Overhaul SSE Unofficial Port"
Landscape Fixes For Grass Mods"
Landscape Fixes For Grass Mods - Military Camps"
LeanWolf's Better-Shaped Talos with Greatsword"
LeanWolf's Better-Shaped Weapons"
LeanWolf's Better-Shaped Weapons - Orcish Greatsword"
Legacy of the Dragonborn"
Legacy of the Dragonborn - Follower Room Patches"
Legacy Safehouse Plus - LotDB"
Less Distracting Blowing Snow Effects for ENB Particle Patch"
Leviathan Animations II - Female Idle Walk And Run"
Leviathan Animations II - Male Idle Walk And Run"
Leviathan Animations II - Sprint"
Lighting & Water_separator"
Lively cart driver animation replacer - SE"
Lively Children Animations (DAR)"
LOD Mesh Fixes for DynDOLOD"
LOD Unloading Bug Fix"
Logs, Outputs & LOD_separator"
Loki's Wade In Water"
Look Around - Searching Animations For NPCs (DAR)"
Lore-Based Loading Screens"
Lucien - Immersive Fully Voiced Male Follower"
Lucien - Moonpath to Elsweyr Patch"
Lunar Guard Armor"
Lunar Guard Arsenal - Battleaxe"
Lux"
Lux - LotDB Patch"
Lux - Riften Docks Overhaul Patch"
Lux - Via"
Lux Orbis"
Lux Orbis - Riften Docks Overhaul Patch"
Lux Orbis - Strongholds Largashbur Patch"
Lux Orbis - Strongholds Narzulbur Patch"
Lux Via - Strongholds Largashbur Patch"
Main Textures & Meshes_separator"
Majestic Mountains - LOD Pack"
Majestic Mountains - More Accurate Collision"
Majestic Mountains - More Accurate Collision - AME Patch"
Majestic Mountains - More Accurate Collision - Hotfix"
Majestic Mountains Main"
Males of Skyrim - Better Hands"
Mammoth.by.Kajuan"
Mari's flora"
Married NPCs Wear Wedding Bands (SPID - Left Hand Rings)"
Master Chief"
Master Chief DBVO - Alternate Start Patch"
Master Chief DBVO - Beyond Reach Patch"
Master Chief DBVO - Inigo Patch"
Master Chief DBVO - LotDB Patch"
Master Chief DBVO - Lucien Patch"
Master Chief DBVO - More to Say Patch"
Master Chief DBVO - Serana Dialogue Addon Patch"
Master Files_separator"
MCM Helper"
MCO - ADXP - Elder Creed - Blade"
MCO Universal Support"
Medieval Candlehorns and Sconces"
Medieval Torch"
Menu and Load Smoke Removed for ENB"
Mesh patches for Lux and Lux Orbis"
Metallurgy - Ingots Ore and Veins HD"
Mfg Fix"
Misc Dialogue Edits"
Misc. Blended Road Fixes"
Miscellaneous Textures & Meshes_separator"
Mists of Tamriel"
Mists of Tamriel - Rudy Obsidian"
Modern Female Sitting Animations Overhaul (DAR)"
Modpocalypse NPCs - All Vanilla NPCs"
Modpocalypse NPCs - Resources"
Moon Monk's Robes"

Goddamn, here we are again.
The only thing worth looking forward to when you finally put the bottle down is sleep. Oh sleep, you sleepy sexy bitch. Wanna entangle with you in my sheets every night and let you take me away.
And you know what's the best kinda sleep is? When you finally end the bender and your body can finally get into the routine of going into deep REM sleep.
Oh, but don't forget, you need to go through the worse nights of sleep before you can get to bedtime dream land.
It's 3am and I have work in 4 hours. My body will not go to sleep because my body is expecting a few shots. Give me a few back to back shots and all of a sudden my body will kick into low gear and slow down into slumber mode.
The 1st few nights fuckin sucks. Can't go to sleep. Wakes up at 3am. Still can't sleep. Lay there staring at the ceiling hating yourself and remembering all the cringe shit you've done. A ting of nausea comes and goes. You sweat like a lil piggy who just got back from the market. You kick the blankets off only for you to scramble to cover your gross sweaty body because the shivers and shakes are following close behind.
...but when you finally get through the first few nights, the sleep is like no other. You actually have dreams and not the "why the fuck is the sun out? I just closed my eyes" kinda sleep or the "is it a fart or a shart kinda morning?" Hint hint, it's always sharty kinda mornings
Anyways, just wishing I could either get drunk and get my half ass quality of sleep or to just time skip to later this week where I can finally get more than 4 hours of rest.
Alrighty! Promises my partner I wouldn't drink these next few weekdays and just be a "weekend" drinker, whatever that means? A long way of saying moderation, I guess?
Imma go back to staring at my ceiling again and remember the embarrassing moments from my childhood.
Chairs