Did andrew tate live in indiana

If there was one thing Soliloquy hated? She really hated being proven wrong. She knew she couldn't be right about everything but she HATED being 100% sure she was wrong. It made her look stupid and stupid was something Soliloquy most certainly was not.
She wasn't like the other kids. Mama said that was okay. We weren't meant to be like everyone else. What makes us different also makes us special. Soliloquy believed it because there's no way Mama would lie to her.
Mama was so smart. She'd picked up on all of the little things Soliloquy did as a baby and, then, a toddler. Mama knew Soliloquy was such a "special" girl. Only she truly believed in Soliloquy. She'd never known her Daddy. Mama didn't care for talking about him too much. From what little Mama did say about him? It's probably better off that way.
She'd been so little when the first incident happened. Mama knew for certain then. There'd been no doubt left in Mama's mind. Mama had been busy and didn't get Soliloquy's bottle warmed up for her in a timely fashion. She was just a baby and had no way of controlling her anger. It wasn't poor Mama's fault, either. She had her hands full being a single mother. It just exploded. Mama said that it scared her so! She was grateful she hadn't been close to the microwave because the glass went everywhere. Mama knew from that day that she could never be late with Soliloquy's bottle ever again.
Now? This turdy boy thinks a tomato is a fruit?! Why would he think that?! EVERYONE knows tomatoes are vegetables!
"Dummy! I'm trying to tell you! If you weren't so freaking poor? Maybe you could afford a cell phone and Google it, Stupid!" Grover Dill was not a nice, cute, clean nor smart boy. All he was to Soliloquy was trouble and headaches. He'd bullied her every since kindergarten and he hadn't let up one day from then until now. He hasn't even slowed down in the 6th grade. Mama always tried to talk Soliloquy down when he tormented her so. She really hoped she made it home this time so Mama could do it, again. Soliloquy knew if she had another "spell"? Mama would be so disappointed. Please, please, please, let her make it back home, again.
"At least I'm not named after a Sesame Street muppet!" Soliloquy could feel tears sting her eyes.
"And your name means you talk to yourself!" Grover just had to say something. He couldn't just let it go.
She was walking away. She was trying so hard. It was happening, though. She wasn't getting flushed. She was getting HOT!
"GROVER CLAUDE DILL! DON'T SAY NOTHIN' ELSE TO ME!" Soliloquy was burning up.
"NOTHIN', WHITE TRASH!" Grover was cackling and Soliloquy was coming unglued.
She kept trying to distract herself. It wasn't helping. Where would it go this time? What would it mean? She should "put it" somewhere. But put it where?
"Back off! Calm down!" Soliloquy shut her eyes and kept repeating the 2 phrases, over and over, more to herself than anyone. Something was cracking, splitting, something was breaking!
Soliloquy opened her eyes to see Grover Dill standing underneath a tree with a very heavy branch that was cracking and breaking. Of course? Being the hillbilly, redneck, The Hills Have Eyes inbred that he is? He was too busy cackling like an old mountain witch to notice.
"I should tell him. I should. Mama would be disappointed, but I just can't take anymore of him!" Soliloquy debated with her conscience. She knew it was wrong. You ain't suppose to be doin' wrong. Sweet little baby Jesus, she just couldn't take him, anymore. So? Soliloquy settled on, "What Mama don't know won't hurt her."
She looked up at the branch. It honestly could've went either way, at that point. She knew which way it would go this time.
The tree branch groaned in protest as it continued to break away from it's perch. Then? CRAAAAAAACK! In the words of John Mellencamp (one of Mama's favorites since she's from Indiana, too)? It came "Crumblin' Down."
It all seemed to happen in slow motion. The branch completely broke free and plummeted towards Grover's useless head. Soliloquy thought, "It's going to be more useless in about 3 more seconds." And? Soliloquy stifled a giggle.
Boom! Soliloquy couldn't believe what she'd seen. The branch fell on Grover just as he threw his head back to laugh harder. BAM! Smack in his face! Grover let out a guttural scream as the branch slammed his face and the rest of his body folded like an accordion as he fell to the sidewalk. He was breathing really funny and it sounded wet. Oh, no. She thought it would just knock him out! This was more than she could deal with. Mama would know how to handle this. She was so sure of it!
"Better look around and see if anyone was watching." Soliloquy began scanning the school, playground and sidewalk she was on. School had been over for awhile. No one was around. Don't ask? Don't tell. She ran all the way home.
Contrary to the skid mark named Grover Dill's opinion? She most certainly was not white trash. It was true that all that Mama could afford was a trailer. The trailer was clean and Soliloquy had her own room and she was happy. She didn't have a problem so why did that poster child for abortion have to say such mean and hurtful things? Did that make him deserving of a death sentence? As Soliloquy peaked the little hill right before her house? She saw Mama out in the front yard. Thank the Lord! She'll know what to do.
"Soliloquy, Baby? That you?" Mama looked up as she rounded the corner. Soliloquy ran to her until she almost passed out.
"Mama! I didn't mean to, Mama!" Soliloquy began to plead her case just as soon as she saw her.
"Baby! What's happened?" Mama's furrowed brow let Soliloquy know she was very concerned.
"Mama! I swear, Mama!" Soliloquy finally reached Mama and hugged her like she'd never let go.
"Come inside, Baby, and tell me what happened." Mama took Soliloquy inside and they both sat on the couch. Soliloquy was so happy to be home if not happy about her circumstance.
"Mama! It was Grover, again!" Soliloquy was tearing up
"What did he do this time, Soliloquy?" Mama asked as if she were irritated that his name even got brought up.
"I didn't know, Mama. I really thought tomatoes were vegetables. Grover told me they are actually fruit." Soliloquy timidly approached the subject.
"And that was the fight?" Mama knew there had to be more to this.
"No, there was more. That's just what started it." Soliloquy replied and Mama nodded her head in acknowledgement.
"He just wouldn't stop, Mama. He just..." Soliloquy burst into tears.
"Soliloquy? Did you have another spell?" Mama always got right to the point.
Welp. There it was. The time to cough it up. "I tried not to, Mama. Please, believe me!"
"Soliloquy? Tell me what happened and tell me what happened right now. I'm not angry, but I do need to know." Mama was getting more upset.
"Deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth." Soliloquy said to herself.
"Okay. We kept arguing and he was saying really nasty things and I was getting so mad, Mama!" She couldn't hold back.
"He was really hurtful and hateful and I... I....." Soliloquy tapered off.
"You had a spell?" Mama already knew.
"Yes, Mama. I did." Soliloquy replied and stayed silent.
"How bad was it, Baby?" Mama resigned herself to the fate of knowing it has most certainly happened, again.
"Bad, bad, Mama." Soliloquy placed her head in her hands and openly sobbed.
"Baby? Is he dead?" Mama needed to know.
"I don't know, Mama. I just don't know." Soliloquy was racked with sobs.
"Baby, this isn't your fault. I was hoping it wouldn't get this bad. I was hoping it'd would never go this far. This is something you just can't control. There's no way you can when you get older. It happened to me, too." Mama said without realizing she'd just turned Soliloquy's world upside down.
What did she mean it happened to her, too? Wait, what?
"Mama? What do you mean it happened to you?" Soliloquy was certain she'd feel better once she talked to Mama but she most definitely was not feeling better.
"Soliloquy, you've had these spells every since you were born. Well? Before you were born? I had them."
Mama had the spells when she was younger, too?
"I was born like you. I had spells from time to time and it was usually out of my control until I got older. I learned how to self soothe so nothing really bad happened. I thought it was all okay. I really did. Well, when I met your Daddy? I thought I'd never have another spell, again. I really did. I loved him so much. In the beginning? He was good to me, too. Then? Bethany. She just had to come along and screw it up. She was so much prettier and thinner than me and your Daddy just fell head over heels. I was crushed. I was devastated. How can I compete with skinny ass Methany? What could I do to make sure your Daddy stayed with me? Well, I thought of what women have thought of since time immemorial. I got pregnant. Your Daddy was happy at first. He really wanted you. As time went on? I got bigger and more unattractive as I got further along. Pregnancy isn't normally when a woman looks her best. Well, that just made your horn dog Daddy run to Bethany even more. I was losing him and couldn't do a thing about it. One day? A few weeks before I was due to have you? Your Daddy came to me and informed me that he's moving in with Bethany. He said he wanted nothing further to do with me and would see me in court over visitation and support. He very much wanted to be in your life, but not mine. Well, who in the hell does he think he is? I'll be damned if he's coming to see you but doesn't want me! So? As he stood at the bottom step of our front porch? Flames started licking his workboots and he screamed. I just laughed with delight the whole time he was burning up! When I had you? The "spells" moved onto you and left me." Mama just smiled at Soliloquy like she just told her what the weather was like outside.
Soliloquy's head was spinning. Mama killed Daddy because he only wanted me and not her? No. NO! THAT'S NOT IT!
"Mama, you just got mad and it got away from you, right?" Soliloquy hoped she said yes.
"Oh, no, Baby. The second he told me he wanted you but not me? I crisped him like bacon!" Mama laughed. She actually laughed.
Soliloquy didn't know how to get out of this. Mama actually KILLED her Daddy. She never got to meet him. She never got to love him. She'd never known anything more than the crappy little podunk town she'd been born and raised in. She could've known more. She could've known nicer. She could've known better.
"What's the matter, Baby? You look unhappy." Was Mama actually serious? What's the matter? WHAT'S THE MATTER? SHE HAS GOT TO BE KIDDING!
It started happening. The flames licked onto the outside of the trailer and climbed up its walls and doors.
"Soliloquy! What are you doing? Why are you burning up the trailer? Stop it this instant!" Now Mama was the one angry.
"No, Mama, I can't do that. You wanted me all to yourself. Well? Here I am. Both of us can head down to hell together." Soliloquy looked at her with a sinister smile. It was then she just had to laugh. Sesame Street was on the T.V. behind Mama sobbing. Guess Grover got the last laugh after all.

I tried googling but I only received some vague answers. My question is that during this long and slow period of Byzantium gradual decline and failed attempts restorations, what was the situation on the ground like for the average people and elites?
Was there a lot of disruption in people's daily lives, how did the average Roman interacted with the incoming Turks, what culture did both people adopt from each other?
How did the elite acted during this time? Did most of them made a deal with the incoming conquered and was allowed to kept their land and position or they were deposted.
Google told me it was a slow intergration between the 2 people, but there were also result of depopulation from the conquest etc, what was the population ratio between peopel who were there and the new comers?
I also found not that as late as early 1900s there was still huge number of people in Turkey still have strong Roman identities, but unfortunately they no longer exists in Turkey today due to the population exchange, I am just fascinated by that fact that there were still people that held on onto this identity after 500 years, where as in Spain all Muslum identity were gone after a few generations of reconquista.

[Download] Andrew Tate - TRW + HU2.0 (2023) ,Biaheza's Dropshipping Course [2023] ,Agency Navigator (2023)- ImanGadzhi And 5000+ Moneymaking Courses in a Folder . I sell my Whole Course collection (30 Terabytes+) at http://smmacourses.com/
Download this course here: http://smmacourses.com/

Get the course here: [Download Course] Dan Koe – Digital Economics Masters Degree (Genkicourses.site)
Our website: https://www.genkicourses.site/product/dan-koe-digital-economics-masters-degree/
​

Phase 0) Digital Economics 101

The Digital Economics 101 module will open 1 week prior to the cohort start date.This is an onboarding module that will get you up to speed so we can get straight into the material.This will be required to finish before the start date.

• Gain a deep understanding of all of the pieces in the digital economy.
• Learn about the future of media and code — the front-end and backend of the internet — so you can focus your efforts.
• Understand digital leverage, distribution, no-code tools, and digital assets so you can take part in the mental & financial wealth transfer.

Phase 1) Creating A Meaningful Niche

Every day I hear people going on and on about trying to find their niche.I also hear people talking about how they don’t know how to combine what they love talking about with what will sell.You already have the answer. You just don’t have the clarity.

• Develop a long-term strategy to create your own niche — meaning you don’t have to worry about your “competition” playing status games.
• Discover your life’s work, curiosities, and obsessions. I see too many people that are uncertain about this for years.
• Cultivate and turn your vision, goals, and values into a brand that attracts an audience you love interacting with (and that will buy from you, and only you).

Phase 2) Content Strategy

There is one thing that separates those who make it in the digital economy and those who don’t.It’s the quality, articulation, and perceived originality of their content.The content you post has to make sense to the people you attract.Everyone has a different voice and tone that they resonate with. That they are congruent with and trust.It has to change their thought patterns or behavior — that’s what makes you memorable.That’s what separates you from the sea of people posting surface-level copy-cat style posts.Example and putting my money where my mouth is:

• Become an expert-level speaker or writer on the topics you care about.
• Never run out of content ideas for your posts or promotions (without using content templates — that’s how you stay a commodity).
• Create posts, blogs, tweets, images, and videos that resonate with other’s on a deep level. People will actually ask you how you got so good at what you do.
• Separate yourself from the ocean of B-tier creators that struggle to sell their products, services, andhave their ideas stick in the head of their audience.
• Implement our Epistemic Research Method — which is just a fancy way of saying scientific research method… but it’s for researching your mind to craft brilliant content and product ideas.

Phase 3) Crafting Your Offer

Most people are sitting on a goldmine of skills, experience, and knowledge (that they can use to help people 1-2 steps behind them).That is what people pay for.Considering 95% of the market are beginners… if you are good at something, you can help them get to your level (no matter how “basic” you think the information is).Do you not watch basic content all day anyway? People don’t want new information, they want to be reminded of what works.

• Use our Minimum Viable Offer strategy to start monetizing immediately (and have something to improve over time, rather than procrastinating until it’s perfect).
• Have a strategy for reducing the time you spend working over time (as you build leverage and improve your offer).
• Know how to create your own customers from the audience you are building, instead of “finding” the right customer for your offer.
• Take the guesswork out of building coaching, consulting, or digital product offers.

Phase 4) Marketing Strategy

You aren’t making money because you aren’t promoting yourself or your offer.That is literally the only way to make money. Have something desirable and consistently put it in front of peoples’ faces.In Phase 4, I will show you how to systemize, automate, and be consistent with simple promotions.You will be able to make money without having the chance of forgetting to do it (or letting fear of failure get in the way).

• Learn to sell on social media, in your writing, and across different platforms.
• Have consistent sales coming in while focusing on your meaningful message (no need to sound salesy all the time).
• Learn advanced automation strategies that you can implement at your own pace, especially once you validate your offer.

Bonus) The Creator Command Center

The Creator Command Center is a Notion template that houses all of the systems.This is how you will manage your brand, content, offer creation, marketing strategy, and systemized promotions for consistent sales.

Bonus) Live Product Build & Launch

In the first Digital Economics Cohort, I built out my course The 2 Hour Writer.I have videos showing how I build it with the strategies in phase 3 and 4.There is a bonus module that shows how I had an $85,000 launch that resulted in my first $100K month.I did this to prove the strategies inside Digital Economics work if you stick to the plan.And, this past Black Friday, I blew my that monthly high out of the water in 4 days.That’s the power of these strategies if you stay consistent with your life’s work.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
​
If you're wondering why our courses are priced lower than the original prices and are feeling a bit suspicious (which is understandable), we can provide proof of the course's contents. We can provide a screenshot of the course's contents or send you a freebie, such as an introduction video or another video from the course, to prove that we do have the course. Should you wish to request proof, we kindly ask you to reach out to us.
Please be aware that our courses do not include community access. This is due to the fact that we do not have the authority to manage this feature. Despite our desire to incorporate this aspect, it is, unfortunately, unfeasible.
Explore affordable learning at Genkicourses.site 🎓! Dive into a world of quality courses handpicked just for you. Download, watch, and achieve more without breaking your budget.

If there was one thing Soliloquy hated? She really hated being proven wrong. She knew she couldn't be right about everything but she HATED being 100% sure she was wrong. It made her look stupid and stupid was something Soliloquy most certainly was not.
She wasn't like the other kids. Mama said that was okay. We weren't meant to be like everyone else. What makes us different also makes us special. Soliloquy believed it because there's no way Mama would lie to her.
Mama was so smart. She'd picked up on all of the little things Soliloquy did as a baby and, then, a toddler. Mama knew Soliloquy was such a "special" girl. Only she truly believed in Soliloquy. She'd never known her Daddy. Mama didn't care for talking about him too much. From what little Mama did say about him? It's probably better off that way.
She'd been so little when the first incident happened. Mama knew for certain then. There'd been no doubt left in Mama's mind. Mama had been busy and didn't get Soliloquy's bottle warmed up for her in a timely fashion. She was just a baby and had no way of controlling her anger. It wasn't poor Mama's fault, either. She had her hands full being a single mother. It just exploded. Mama said that it scared her so! She was grateful she hadn't been close to the microwave because the glass went everywhere. Mama knew from that day that she could never be late with Soliloquy's bottle ever again.
Now? This turdy boy thinks a tomato is a fruit?! Why would he think that?! EVERYONE knows tomatoes are vegetables!
"Dummy! I'm trying to tell you! If you weren't so freaking poor? Maybe you could afford a cell phone and Google it, Stupid!" Grover Dill was not a nice, cute, clean nor smart boy. All he was to Soliloquy was trouble and headaches. He'd bullied her every since kindergarten and he hadn't let up one day from then until now. He hasn't even slowed down in the 6th grade. Mama always tried to talk Soliloquy down when he tormented her so. She really hoped she made it home this time so Mama could do it, again. Soliloquy knew if she had another "spell"? Mama would be so disappointed. Please, please, please, let her make it back home, again.
"At least I'm not named after a Sesame Street muppet!" Soliloquy could feel tears sting her eyes.
"And your name means you talk to yourself!" Grover just had to say something. He couldn't just let it go.
She was walking away. She was trying so hard. It was happening, though. She wasn't getting flushed. She was getting HOT!
"GROVER CLAUDE DILL! DON'T SAY NOTHIN' ELSE TO ME!" Soliloquy was burning up.
"NOTHIN', WHITE TRASH!" Grover was cackling and Soliloquy was coming unglued.
She kept trying to distract herself. It wasn't helping. Where would it go this time? What would it mean? She should "put it" somewhere. But put it where?
"Back off! Calm down!" Soliloquy shut her eyes and kept repeating the 2 phrases, over and over, more to herself than anyone. Something was cracking, splitting, something was breaking!
Soliloquy opened her eyes to see Grover Dill standing underneath a tree with a very heavy branch that was cracking and breaking. Of course? Being the hillbilly, redneck, The Hills Have Eyes inbred that he is? He was too busy cackling like an old mountain witch to notice.
"I should tell him. I should. Mama would be disappointed, but I just can't take anymore of him!" Soliloquy debated with her conscience. She knew it was wrong. You ain't suppose to be doin' wrong. Sweet little baby Jesus, she just couldn't take him, anymore. So? Soliloquy settled on, "What Mama don't know won't hurt her."
She looked up at the branch. It honestly could've went either way, at that point. She knew which way it would go this time.
The tree branch groaned in protest as it continued to break away from it's perch. Then? CRAAAAAAACK! In the words of John Mellencamp (one of Mama's favorites since she's from Indiana, too)? It came "Crumblin' Down."
It all seemed to happen in slow motion. The branch completely broke free and plummeted towards Grover's useless head. Soliloquy thought, "It's going to be more useless in about 3 more seconds." And? Soliloquy stifled a giggle.
Boom! Soliloquy couldn't believe what she'd seen. The branch fell on Grover just as he threw his head back to laugh harder. BAM! Smack in his face! Grover let out a guttural scream as the branch slammed his face and the rest of his body folded like an accordion as he fell to the sidewalk. He was breathing really funny and it sounded wet. Oh, no. She thought it would just knock him out! This was more than she could deal with. Mama would know how to handle this. She was so sure of it!
"Better look around and see if anyone was watching." Soliloquy began scanning the school, playground and sidewalk she was on. School had been over for awhile. No one was around. Don't ask? Don't tell. She ran all the way home.
Contrary to the skid mark named Grover Dill's opinion? She most certainly was not white trash. It was true that all that Mama could afford was a trailer. The trailer was clean and Soliloquy had her own room and she was happy. She didn't have a problem so why did that poster child for abortion have to say such mean and hurtful things? Did that make him deserving of a death sentence? As Soliloquy peaked the little hill right before her house? She saw Mama out in the front yard. Thank the Lord! She'll know what to do.
"Soliloquy, Baby? That you?" Mama looked up as she rounded the corner. Soliloquy ran to her until she almost passed out.
"Mama! I didn't mean to, Mama!" Soliloquy began to plead her case just as soon as she saw her.
"Baby! What's happened?" Mama's furrowed brow let Soliloquy know she was very concerned.
"Mama! I swear, Mama!" Soliloquy finally reached Mama and hugged her like she'd never let go.
"Come inside, Baby, and tell me what happened." Mama took Soliloquy inside and they both sat on the couch. Soliloquy was so happy to be home if not happy about her circumstance.
"Mama! It was Grover, again!" Soliloquy was tearing up
"What did he do this time, Soliloquy?" Mama asked as if she were irritated that his name even got brought up.
"I didn't know, Mama. I really thought tomatoes were vegetables. Grover told me they are actually fruit." Soliloquy timidly approached the subject.
"And that was the fight?" Mama knew there had to be more to this.
"No, there was more. That's just what started it." Soliloquy replied and Mama nodded her head in acknowledgement.
"He just wouldn't stop, Mama. He just..." Soliloquy burst into tears.
"Soliloquy? Did you have another spell?" Mama always got right to the point.
Welp. There it was. The time to cough it up. "I tried not to, Mama. Please, believe me!"
"Soliloquy? Tell me what happened and tell me what happened right now. I'm not angry, but I do need to know." Mama was getting more upset.
"Deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth." Soliloquy said to herself.
"Okay. We kept arguing and he was saying really nasty things and I was getting so mad, Mama!" She couldn't hold back.
"He was really hurtful and hateful and I... I....." Soliloquy tapered off.
"You had a spell?" Mama already knew.
"Yes, Mama. I did." Soliloquy replied and stayed silent.
"How bad was it, Baby?" Mama resigned herself to the fate of knowing it has most certainly happened, again.
"Bad, bad, Mama." Soliloquy placed her head in her hands and openly sobbed.
"Baby? Is he dead?" Mama needed to know.
"I don't know, Mama. I just don't know." Soliloquy was racked with sobs.
"Baby, this isn't your fault. I was hoping it wouldn't get this bad. I was hoping it'd would never go this far. This is something you just can't control. There's no way you can when you get older. It happened to me, too." Mama said without realizing she'd just turned Soliloquy's world upside down.
What did she mean it happened to her, too? Wait, what?
"Mama? What do you mean it happened to you?" Soliloquy was certain she'd feel better once she talked to Mama but she most definitely was not feeling better.
"Soliloquy, you've had these spells every since you were born. Well? Before you were born? I had them."
Mama had the spells when she was younger, too?
"I was born like you. I had spells from time to time and it was usually out of my control until I got older. I learned how to self soothe so nothing really bad happened. I thought it was all okay. I really did. Well, when I met your Daddy? I thought I'd never have another spell, again. I really did. I loved him so much. In the beginning? He was good to me, too. Then? Bethany. She just had to come along and screw it up. She was so much prettier and thinner than me and your Daddy just fell head over heels. I was crushed. I was devastated. How can I compete with skinny ass Methany? What could I do to make sure your Daddy stayed with me? Well, I thought of what women have thought of since time immemorial. I got pregnant. Your Daddy was happy at first. He really wanted you. As time went on? I got bigger and more unattractive as I got further along. Pregnancy isn't normally when a woman looks her best. Well, that just made your horn dog Daddy run to Bethany even more. I was losing him and couldn't do a thing about it. One day? A few weeks before I was due to have you? Your Daddy came to me and informed me that he's moving in with Bethany. He said he wanted nothing further to do with me and would see me in court over visitation and support. He very much wanted to be in your life, but not mine. Well, who in the hell does he think he is? I'll be damned if he's coming to see you but doesn't want me! So? As he stood at the bottom step of our front porch? Flames started licking his workboots and he screamed. I just laughed with delight the whole time he was burning up! When I had you? The "spells" moved onto you and left me." Mama just smiled at Soliloquy like she just told her what the weather was like outside.
Soliloquy's head was spinning. Mama killed Daddy because he only wanted me and not her? No. NO! THAT'S NOT IT!
"Mama, you just got mad and it got away from you, right?" Soliloquy hoped she said yes.
"Oh, no, Baby. The second he told me he wanted you but not me? I crisped him like bacon!" Mama laughed. She actually laughed.
Soliloquy didn't know how to get out of this. Mama actually KILLED her Daddy. She never got to meet him. She never got to love him. She'd never known anything more than the crappy little podunk town she'd been born and raised in. She could've known more. She could've known nicer. She could've known better.
"What's the matter, Baby? You look unhappy." Was Mama actually serious? What's the matter? WHAT'S THE MATTER? SHE HAS GOT TO BE KIDDING!
It started happening. The flames licked onto the outside of the trailer and climbed up its walls and doors.
"Soliloquy! What are you doing? Why are you burning up the trailer? Stop it this instant!" Now Mama was the one angry.
"No, Mama, I can't do that. You wanted me all to yourself. Well? Here I am. Both of us can head down to hell together." Soliloquy looked at her with a sinister smile. It was then she just had to laugh. Sesame Street was on the T.V. behind Mama sobbing. Guess Grover got the last laugh after all.

Couple days ago, I bought a new container (yes, it was sealed when I bought it) of tomato sauce/marinara and used it the next day. Tasted fine, smelled fine, doesn’t expire until December. I closed the container, albeit a bit loosely, and put it inside my fridge overnight. Tonight I went to use the same container. Halfway into me screwing the cap off, it made a hissing noise. At first I panicked because I do in fact live in snake country, and I thought it was a snake hissing at me. But no. It stopped and I finished taking the cap off. As soon as I did, an audible release of scentless air came from the container. My first thought: fermentation. Co2. Throw it out. However, before I did, I was like… I just bought this thing. The exp is in December. How the hell would it be fermented that fast? When I googled it, I got the same two answers:

1. it’s definitely fermented. Throw it out or your skin will turn inside out and you’ll live the rest of your days known as the idiot who ate the CLEARLY CONTAMINATED sauce and got got.
   
2. Air from the fridge trickled into the container overnight and was released when I opened the cap. If there’s any bubbling that would indicate fermentation as well, but you didn’t have any. Congrats, you cheated death!
   

Help meeee!!!

If there was one thing Soliloquy hated? She really hated being proven wrong. She knew she couldn't be right about everything but she HATED being 100% sure she was wrong. It made her look stupid and stupid was something Soliloquy most certainly was not.
She wasn't like the other kids. Mama said that was okay. We weren't meant to be like everyone else. What makes us different also makes us special. Soliloquy believed it because there's no way Mama would lie to her.
Mama was so smart. She'd picked up on all of the little things Soliloquy did as a baby and, then, a toddler. Mama knew Soliloquy was such a "special" girl. Only she truly believed in Soliloquy. She'd never known her Daddy. Mama didn't care for talking about him too much. From what little Mama did say about him? It's probably better off that way.
She'd been so little when the first incident happened. Mama knew for certain then. There'd been no doubt left in Mama's mind. Mama had been busy and didn't get Soliloquy's bottle warmed up for her in a timely fashion. She was just a baby and had no way of controlling her anger. It wasn't poor Mama's fault, either. She had her hands full being a single mother. It just exploded. Mama said that it scared her so! She was grateful she hadn't been close to the microwave because the glass went everywhere. Mama knew from that day that she could never be late with Soliloquy's bottle ever again.
Now? This turdy boy thinks a tomato is a fruit?! Why would he think that?! EVERYONE knows tomatoes are vegetables!
"Dummy! I'm trying to tell you! If you weren't so freaking poor? Maybe you could afford a cell phone and Google it, Stupid!" Grover Dill was not a nice, cute, clean nor smart boy. All he was to Soliloquy was trouble and headaches. He'd bullied her every since kindergarten and he hadn't let up one day from then until now. He hasn't even slowed down in the 6th grade. Mama always tried to talk Soliloquy down when he tormented her so. She really hoped she made it home this time so Mama could do it, again. Soliloquy knew if she had another "spell"? Mama would be so disappointed. Please, please, please, let her make it back home, again.
"At least I'm not named after a Sesame Street muppet!" Soliloquy could feel tears sting her eyes.
"And your name means you talk to yourself!" Grover just had to say something. He couldn't just let it go.
She was walking away. She was trying so hard. It was happening, though. She wasn't getting flushed. She was getting HOT!
"GROVER CLAUDE DILL! DON'T SAY NOTHIN' ELSE TO ME!" Soliloquy was burning up.
"NOTHIN', WHITE TRASH!" Grover was cackling and Soliloquy was coming unglued.
She kept trying to distract herself. It wasn't helping. Where would it go this time? What would it mean? She should "put it" somewhere. But put it where?
"Back off! Calm down!" Soliloquy shut her eyes and kept repeating the 2 phrases, over and over, more to herself than anyone. Something was cracking, splitting, something was breaking!
Soliloquy opened her eyes to see Grover Dill standing underneath a tree with a very heavy branch that was cracking and breaking. Of course? Being the hillbilly, redneck, The Hills Have Eyes inbred that he is? He was too busy cackling like an old mountain witch to notice.
"I should tell him. I should. Mama would be disappointed, but I just can't take anymore of him!" Soliloquy debated with her conscience. She knew it was wrong. You ain't suppose to be doin' wrong. Sweet little baby Jesus, she just couldn't take him, anymore. So? Soliloquy settled on, "What Mama don't know won't hurt her."
She looked up at the branch. It honestly could've went either way, at that point. She knew which way it would go this time.
The tree branch groaned in protest as it continued to break away from it's perch. Then? CRAAAAAAACK! In the words of John Mellencamp (one of Mama's favorites since she's from Indiana, too)? It came "Crumblin' Down."
It all seemed to happen in slow motion. The branch completely broke free and plummeted towards Grover's useless head. Soliloquy thought, "It's going to be more useless in about 3 more seconds." And? Soliloquy stifled a giggle.
Boom! Soliloquy couldn't believe what she'd seen. The branch fell on Grover just as he threw his head back to laugh harder. BAM! Smack in his face! Grover let out a guttural scream as the branch slammed his face and the rest of his body folded like an accordion as he fell to the sidewalk. He was breathing really funny and it sounded wet. Oh, no. She thought it would just knock him out! This was more than she could deal with. Mama would know how to handle this. She was so sure of it!
"Better look around and see if anyone was watching." Soliloquy began scanning the school, playground and sidewalk she was on. School had been over for awhile. No one was around. Don't ask? Don't tell. She ran all the way home.
Contrary to the skid mark named Grover Dill's opinion? She most certainly was not white trash. It was true that all that Mama could afford was a trailer. The trailer was clean and Soliloquy had her own room and she was happy. She didn't have a problem so why did that poster child for abortion have to say such mean and hurtful things? Did that make him deserving of a death sentence? As Soliloquy peaked the little hill right before her house? She saw Mama out in the front yard. Thank the Lord! She'll know what to do.
"Soliloquy, Baby? That you?" Mama looked up as she rounded the corner. Soliloquy ran to her until she almost passed out.
"Mama! I didn't mean to, Mama!" Soliloquy began to plead her case just as soon as she saw her.
"Baby! What's happened?" Mama's furrowed brow let Soliloquy know she was very concerned.
"Mama! I swear, Mama!" Soliloquy finally reached Mama and hugged her like she'd never let go.
"Come inside, Baby, and tell me what happened." Mama took Soliloquy inside and they both sat on the couch. Soliloquy was so happy to be home if not happy about her circumstance.
"Mama! It was Grover, again!" Soliloquy was tearing up
"What did he do this time, Soliloquy?" Mama asked as if she were irritated that his name even got brought up.
"I didn't know, Mama. I really thought tomatoes were vegetables. Grover told me they are actually fruit." Soliloquy timidly approached the subject.
"And that was the fight?" Mama knew there had to be more to this.
"No, there was more. That's just what started it." Soliloquy replied and Mama nodded her head in acknowledgement.
"He just wouldn't stop, Mama. He just..." Soliloquy burst into tears.
"Soliloquy? Did you have another spell?" Mama always got right to the point.
Welp. There it was. The time to cough it up. "I tried not to, Mama. Please, believe me!"
"Soliloquy? Tell me what happened and tell me what happened right now. I'm not angry, but I do need to know." Mama was getting more upset.
"Deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth." Soliloquy said to herself.
"Okay. We kept arguing and he was saying really nasty things and I was getting so mad, Mama!" She couldn't hold back.
"He was really hurtful and hateful and I... I....." Soliloquy tapered off.
"You had a spell?" Mama already knew.
"Yes, Mama. I did." Soliloquy replied and stayed silent.
"How bad was it, Baby?" Mama resigned herself to the fate of knowing it has most certainly happened, again.
"Bad, bad, Mama." Soliloquy placed her head in her hands and openly sobbed.
"Baby? Is he dead?" Mama needed to know.
"I don't know, Mama. I just don't know." Soliloquy was racked with sobs.
"Baby, this isn't your fault. I was hoping it wouldn't get this bad. I was hoping it'd would never go this far. This is something you just can't control. There's no way you can when you get older. It happened to me, too." Mama said without realizing she'd just turned Soliloquy's world upside down.
What did she mean it happened to her, too? Wait, what?
"Mama? What do you mean it happened to you?" Soliloquy was certain she'd feel better once she talked to Mama but she most definitely was not feeling better.
"Soliloquy, you've had these spells every since you were born. Well? Before you were born? I had them."
Mama had the spells when she was younger, too?
"I was born like you. I had spells from time to time and it was usually out of my control until I got older. I learned how to self soothe so nothing really bad happened. I thought it was all okay. I really did. Well, when I met your Daddy? I thought I'd never have another spell, again. I really did. I loved him so much. In the beginning? He was good to me, too. Then? Bethany. She just had to come along and screw it up. She was so much prettier and thinner than me and your Daddy just fell head over heels. I was crushed. I was devastated. How can I compete with skinny ass Methany? What could I do to make sure your Daddy stayed with me? Well, I thought of what women have thought of since time immemorial. I got pregnant. Your Daddy was happy at first. He really wanted you. As time went on? I got bigger and more unattractive as I got further along. Pregnancy isn't normally when a woman looks her best. Well, that just made your horn dog Daddy run to Bethany even more. I was losing him and couldn't do a thing about it. One day? A few weeks before I was due to have you? Your Daddy came to me and informed me that he's moving in with Bethany. He said he wanted nothing further to do with me and would see me in court over visitation and support. He very much wanted to be in your life, but not mine. Well, who in the hell does he think he is? I'll be damned if he's coming to see you but doesn't want me! So? As he stood at the bottom step of our front porch? Flames started licking his workboots and he screamed. I just laughed with delight the whole time he was burning up! When I had you? The "spells" moved onto you and left me." Mama just smiled at Soliloquy like she just told her what the weather was like outside.
Soliloquy's head was spinning. Mama killed Daddy because he only wanted me and not her? No. NO! THAT'S NOT IT!
"Mama, you just got mad and it got away from you, right?" Soliloquy hoped she said yes.
"Oh, no, Baby. The second he told me he wanted you but not me? I crisped him like bacon!" Mama laughed. She actually laughed.
Soliloquy didn't know how to get out of this. Mama actually KILLED her Daddy. She never got to meet him. She never got to love him. She'd never known anything more than the crappy little podunk town she'd been born and raised in. She could've known more. She could've known nicer. She could've known better.
"What's the matter, Baby? You look unhappy." Was Mama actually serious? What's the matter? WHAT'S THE MATTER? SHE HAS GOT TO BE KIDDING!
It started happening. The flames licked onto the outside of the trailer and climbed up its walls and doors.
"Soliloquy! What are you doing? Why are you burning up the trailer? Stop it this instant!" Now Mama was the one angry.
"No, Mama, I can't do that. You wanted me all to yourself. Well? Here I am. Both of us can head down to hell together." Soliloquy looked at her with a sinister smile. It was then she just had to laugh. Sesame Street was on the T.V. behind Mama sobbing. Guess Grover got the last laugh after all.

If there was one thing Soliloquy hated? She really hated being proven wrong. She knew she couldn't be right about everything but she HATED being 100% sure she was wrong. It made her look stupid and stupid was something Soliloquy most certainly was not.
She wasn't like the other kids. Mama said that was okay. We weren't meant to be like everyone else. What makes us different also makes us special. Soliloquy believed it because there's no way Mama would lie to her.
Mama was so smart. She'd picked up on all of the little things Soliloquy did as a baby and, then, a toddler. Mama knew Soliloquy was such a "special" girl. Only she truly believed in Soliloquy. She'd never known her Daddy. Mama didn't care for talking about him too much. From what little Mama did say about him? It's probably better off that way.
She'd been so little when the first incident happened. Mama knew for certain then. There'd been no doubt left in Mama's mind. Mama had been busy and didn't get Soliloquy's bottle warmed up for her in a timely fashion. She was just a baby and had no way of controlling her anger. It wasn't poor Mama's fault, either. She had her hands full being a single mother. It just exploded. Mama said that it scared her so! She was grateful she hadn't been close to the microwave because the glass went everywhere. Mama knew from that day that she could never be late with Soliloquy's bottle ever again.
Now? This turdy boy thinks a tomato is a fruit?! Why would he think that?! EVERYONE knows tomatoes are vegetables!
"Dummy! I'm trying to tell you! If you weren't so freaking poor? Maybe you could afford a cell phone and Google it, Stupid!" Grover Dill was not a nice, cute, clean nor smart boy. All he was to Soliloquy was trouble and headaches. He'd bullied her every since kindergarten and he hadn't let up one day from then until now. He hasn't even slowed down in the 6th grade. Mama always tried to talk Soliloquy down when he tormented her so. She really hoped she made it home this time so Mama could do it, again. Soliloquy knew if she had another "spell"? Mama would be so disappointed. Please, please, please, let her make it back home, again.
"At least I'm not named after a Sesame Street muppet!" Soliloquy could feel tears sting her eyes.
"And your name means you talk to yourself!" Grover just had to say something. He couldn't just let it go.
She was walking away. She was trying so hard. It was happening, though. She wasn't getting flushed. She was getting HOT!
"GROVER CLAUDE DILL! DON'T SAY NOTHIN' ELSE TO ME!" Soliloquy was burning up.
"NOTHIN', WHITE TRASH!" Grover was cackling and Soliloquy was coming unglued.
She kept trying to distract herself. It wasn't helping. Where would it go this time? What would it mean? She should "put it" somewhere. But put it where?
"Back off! Calm down!" Soliloquy shut her eyes and kept repeating the 2 phrases, over and over, more to herself than anyone. Something was cracking, splitting, something was breaking!
Soliloquy opened her eyes to see Grover Dill standing underneath a tree with a very heavy branch that was cracking and breaking. Of course? Being the hillbilly, redneck, The Hills Have Eyes inbred that he is? He was too busy cackling like an old mountain witch to notice.
"I should tell him. I should. Mama would be disappointed, but I just can't take anymore of him!" Soliloquy debated with her conscience. She knew it was wrong. You ain't suppose to be doin' wrong. Sweet little baby Jesus, she just couldn't take him, anymore. So? Soliloquy settled on, "What Mama don't know won't hurt her."
She looked up at the branch. It honestly could've went either way, at that point. She knew which way it would go this time.
The tree branch groaned in protest as it continued to break away from it's perch. Then? CRAAAAAAACK! In the words of John Mellencamp (one of Mama's favorites since she's from Indiana, too)? It came "Crumblin' Down."
It all seemed to happen in slow motion. The branch completely broke free and plummeted towards Grover's useless head. Soliloquy thought, "It's going to be more useless in about 3 more seconds." And? Soliloquy stifled a giggle.
Boom! Soliloquy couldn't believe what she'd seen. The branch fell on Grover just as he threw his head back to laugh harder. BAM! Smack in his face! Grover let out a guttural scream as the branch slammed his face and the rest of his body folded like an accordion as he fell to the sidewalk. He was breathing really funny and it sounded wet. Oh, no. She thought it would just knock him out! This was more than she could deal with. Mama would know how to handle this. She was so sure of it!
"Better look around and see if anyone was watching." Soliloquy began scanning the school, playground and sidewalk she was on. School had been over for awhile. No one was around. Don't ask? Don't tell. She ran all the way home.
Contrary to the skid mark named Grover Dill's opinion? She most certainly was not white trash. It was true that all that Mama could afford was a trailer. The trailer was clean and Soliloquy had her own room and she was happy. She didn't have a problem so why did that poster child for abortion have to say such mean and hurtful things? Did that make him deserving of a death sentence? As Soliloquy peaked the little hill right before her house? She saw Mama out in the front yard. Thank the Lord! She'll know what to do.
"Soliloquy, Baby? That you?" Mama looked up as she rounded the corner. Soliloquy ran to her until she almost passed out.
"Mama! I didn't mean to, Mama!" Soliloquy began to plead her case just as soon as she saw her.
"Baby! What's happened?" Mama's furrowed brow let Soliloquy know she was very concerned.
"Mama! I swear, Mama!" Soliloquy finally reached Mama and hugged her like she'd never let go.
"Come inside, Baby, and tell me what happened." Mama took Soliloquy inside and they both sat on the couch. Soliloquy was so happy to be home if not happy about her circumstance.
"Mama! It was Grover, again!" Soliloquy was tearing up
"What did he do this time, Soliloquy?" Mama asked as if she were irritated that his name even got brought up.
"I didn't know, Mama. I really thought tomatoes were vegetables. Grover told me they are actually fruit." Soliloquy timidly approached the subject.
"And that was the fight?" Mama knew there had to be more to this.
"No, there was more. That's just what started it." Soliloquy replied and Mama nodded her head in acknowledgement.
"He just wouldn't stop, Mama. He just..." Soliloquy burst into tears.
"Soliloquy? Did you have another spell?" Mama always got right to the point.
Welp. There it was. The time to cough it up. "I tried not to, Mama. Please, believe me!"
"Soliloquy? Tell me what happened and tell me what happened right now. I'm not angry, but I do need to know." Mama was getting more upset.
"Deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth." Soliloquy said to herself.
"Okay. We kept arguing and he was saying really nasty things and I was getting so mad, Mama!" She couldn't hold back.
"He was really hurtful and hateful and I... I....." Soliloquy tapered off.
"You had a spell?" Mama already knew.
"Yes, Mama. I did." Soliloquy replied and stayed silent.
"How bad was it, Baby?" Mama resigned herself to the fate of knowing it has most certainly happened, again.
"Bad, bad, Mama." Soliloquy placed her head in her hands and openly sobbed.
"Baby? Is he dead?" Mama needed to know.
"I don't know, Mama. I just don't know." Soliloquy was racked with sobs.
"Baby, this isn't your fault. I was hoping it wouldn't get this bad. I was hoping it'd would never go this far. This is something you just can't control. There's no way you can when you get older. It happened to me, too." Mama said without realizing she'd just turned Soliloquy's world upside down.
What did she mean it happened to her, too? Wait, what?
"Mama? What do you mean it happened to you?" Soliloquy was certain she'd feel better once she talked to Mama but she most definitely was not feeling better.
"Soliloquy, you've had these spells every since you were born. Well? Before you were born? I had them."
Mama had the spells when she was younger, too?
"I was born like you. I had spells from time to time and it was usually out of my control until I got older. I learned how to self soothe so nothing really bad happened. I thought it was all okay. I really did. Well, when I met your Daddy? I thought I'd never have another spell, again. I really did. I loved him so much. In the beginning? He was good to me, too. Then? Bethany. She just had to come along and screw it up. She was so much prettier and thinner than me and your Daddy just fell head over heels. I was crushed. I was devastated. How can I compete with skinny ass Methany? What could I do to make sure your Daddy stayed with me? Well, I thought of what women have thought of since time immemorial. I got pregnant. Your Daddy was happy at first. He really wanted you. As time went on? I got bigger and more unattractive as I got further along. Pregnancy isn't normally when a woman looks her best. Well, that just made your horn dog Daddy run to Bethany even more. I was losing him and couldn't do a thing about it. One day? A few weeks before I was due to have you? Your Daddy came to me and informed me that he's moving in with Bethany. He said he wanted nothing further to do with me and would see me in court over visitation and support. He very much wanted to be in your life, but not mine. Well, who in the hell does he think he is? I'll be damned if he's coming to see you but doesn't want me! So? As he stood at the bottom step of our front porch? Flames started licking his workboots and he screamed. I just laughed with delight the whole time he was burning up! When I had you? The "spells" moved onto you and left me." Mama just smiled at Soliloquy like she just told her what the weather was like outside.
Soliloquy's head was spinning. Mama killed Daddy because he only wanted me and not her? No. NO! THAT'S NOT IT!
"Mama, you just got mad and it got away from you, right?" Soliloquy hoped she said yes.
"Oh, no, Baby. The second he told me he wanted you but not me? I crisped him like bacon!" Mama laughed. She actually laughed.
Soliloquy didn't know how to get out of this. Mama actually KILLED her Daddy. She never got to meet him. She never got to love him. She'd never known anything more than the crappy little podunk town she'd been born and raised in. She could've known more. She could've known nicer. She could've known better.
"What's the matter, Baby? You look unhappy." Was Mama actually serious? What's the matter? WHAT'S THE MATTER? SHE HAS GOT TO BE KIDDING!
It started happening. The flames licked onto the outside of the trailer and climbed up its walls and doors.
"Soliloquy! What are you doing? Why are you burning up the trailer? Stop it this instant!" Now Mama was the one angry.
"No, Mama, I can't do that. You wanted me all to yourself. Well? Here I am. Both of us can head down to hell together." Soliloquy looked at her with a sinister smile. It was then she just had to laugh. Sesame Street was on the T.V. behind Mama sobbing. Guess Grover got the last laugh after all.

Yesterday, I did two grams with two of my best friends. We were on a hike in beautiful nature. We talked and laughed for three hours. I've had smaller doses before, but yesterday was the first time I truly felt something profound. I was overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude for being alive and healthy, and for having a loving family and friends. In that moment, I was just grateful to be there, able to walk, speak, breathe, and see the beauty around me. Nothing else mattered. I could do whatever I wanted and talk to anyone.
At the end of the trip, after my friends left, I suddenly felt very sad about all the relationships I had ruined. I was lying on the floor in my living room, and I wanted to cry. After a while, I felt that everything happened for a reason, and that reason was for me to become a better person and never repeat my mistakes. I fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.
Normally I would wake up feeling anxious, but not today. I am ready to live a meaningful life again after many years of being lost. I am going to grow some more, and spread the word. Have a nice Sunday everybody.

I am a worker for a security company and I am currently on a company trip to another country that I will not be naming for security reasons. I use JBL live 500s wireless headphones and I was up late at night trying to watch YouTube. I turned on my headphones and I heard the pairing noise, meaning they connected to my laptop. However, I heard an extremely quiet, almost automated noise like a deep beeping that would beep in a pattern and then repeat over and over again. When I started hearing this, I assumed I had a video on in the background or it was some weird interference with Bluetooth. I checked my tabs and there was no playing audio. It continued playing and I mostly got over it and watched some videos that drowned out the beeping. I ended up going to sleep without incident. However, in the morning I turned the headphones on again only to hear the same beeping. I thought not much of it. I ate breakfast and started leaving my Airbnb with my headphones on. I drive with music. The second I exited my Airbnb, this beeping got way louder and faster. At this point, I’m just annoyed at the obnoxious noise but as I walk and get into my car, I hear in the quietest voice “He’s moving” or something along those lines. It could have also been “He’s leaving”. At this point, I thought I had just imagined this out of my sleep deprivation. I also checked my phone and my headphones were on but they were not paired to my phone. I start to get paranoid now and I keep my headphones on and try to listen carefully. I start and drive my car as normal. Weirdly, when I would accelerate, the tone of the beeping would change. I went to work as normal and I just came home and am writing this. The beeping continued on the car ride back and here at the Airbnb but it did stop at work.
​
Thanks this is my first time posting anyting like this also soory for my/russhed post

She had a way of falling in love with the potential she perceived in her partners. Envisioning a future of limitless possibilities. However, time and again, she would witness the facade shatter, realizing that their beloved was not the embodiment of their dreams. In ending few months of her last relationship, it got so bad she started hating herself for not being able to leave. One morning she slept on the couch and suddenly realized that she was, in a way, addicted. She wanted to leave, but she couldn't help but to stay and try to fix it, try to heal him, try to make it work. But she's already tried every imaginable way and nothing worked. And there she suddenly realized:
She recognized her pattern of projecting desires onto others and the dire need to abandon it. She slowely started to see her partner for who he truly was, without the rosy tinge of illusion, the brillant promise of hope. After a few months of healthy detachment they parted ways.
Dating became scary. What if she would continue the same pattern she always had? Despite cognitively recognizing it, she didn't yet trust her ability to live her newfound knowledge practically. So she went on dates, not for the prospect of finding a new partner, but to train. Train to stay true to herself, train to not give unwarranted help or advice, train to see people for who they are right now, train to accept her hopes and wishes but to not confuse them with reality. She recognized the way new relationships blind one with their exciting nature, with their dopamine rushes and with their blissfluss ignorance of the others true nature.
No longer would she be swayed solely by fleeting emotions or the intoxicating touch of a new relationship. She understood that true compatibility was a gradual revelation, not merely a temporary rush of dopamine. Months passed as she travelled on the path of exploration, testing the foundations of each relationship. During her introspective pilgrimage she learned to distinguish between the allure of potential and the compatibility of reality. She finally embraced the power to see what did not align, and thrived in truth. She rejected what she didn't want politely and slowely grew out of her old pattern.

[First post]
Dante:
​
I was watching him through some hidden cameras in his room, he didn’t sleep much, obviously. He is now looking out the window, observing the deep space. He has some things on his ears. Earbuds I think that’s what they’re called. He was exhaling smoke from his lungs while holding something in his right hand. It clicked in my brain what it was, humans call it cigarettes. I know it's bad for their health but it also calms them down. This made me a little sad and anxious. I’m tasked with keeping him safe, yet, there he is, voluntarily hurting his own body. In a somewhat fit of rage and fear I left my office and stormed towards his room. I stare at him, his earbuds were still on, he probably didn’t hear me come in as he’s most likely listening to something. I went towards him and snatched his cigarette and earbuds as I shouted at him.
“What are you doing, Dante?!” My voice filled with anger and care at the same time. I want him safe, not hurting himself.
“What are you doing? Give that back!” He tried to reach for the cigarette but I threw it on the ground and stepped on it.
“You are killing yourself, Dante!” I pointed my finger at him as I shouted. I don’t want to be aggressive towards him but I also care for his health, I can’t sit and watch him kill himself.
“And who are you to tell me what I can and can’t do Kaska?!” His face is filled with rage. It’s clear he is going through a rough time.
“Dante, please…” I took a deep breath. “Stop this, I want you safe, not dying…” I spoke a little quieter.
“That calms me down. Kaska, please, leave me alone… I need time.” For the first time, I saw true pain in a human’s eyes, right there, face to face. His mind might be filled with anger, with a desire for revenge but he's still a human… I want him to be happy but I understand this might be difficult right now. I took a deep breath and returned him his earbuds. “Fine. But we will have a discussion about this, Dante. Please, I want you well, not dying…” My voice sounded hurt, I truly care for him, seeing him hurting himself like this is hurting me more than anything.
I saw him sitting on the floor, observing the vast emptiness of the galaxy as he took another cigarette from his pack. His eyes remained hurt as he lit up the cigarette and watched the stars outside.
He took a drag from the cigarette and turned his eyes towards me. “Why do you do this, Kaska? Why are you helping me? Why is this United Galactic Alliance helping us?”
I sat beside him as he smoked, leaning my back against the wall. “Dante, you humans were always something fascinating to me. You live around a hundred years yet, you achieve so much in such little time. In a century, you went from riding on horses to being able to travel to the moon. Your species has such potential, it's amazing. No other species ever did that. I think it’s because we all live longer lives than humans. My species, for example, we live for around 600 years. We don’t have the same necessity that humans have to achieve great things right here, right now.”
I saw his eyes widen as he smoked and listened to me. “600 years!?” he said, clearly shocked.
“Yes, humans are actually the species with the shortest life span when compared with other intelligent life forms. Some admire humanity for having such greatness, others fear it.”
I took a deep breath before continuing my speech. “There’s a great debate in the United Galactic Alliance council going on right now. Some are scared of what humans can do. They want to… let you fend for yourselves.” A deep pain entered my heart once I said that. How could the UGA allow that to happen? They have a right to live just like us. We shouldn’t fear them but help them grow as a greater and kinder species.
“Fear us?” he replied as he let out the smoke from his lungs. “Why do they fear us? We have no desire to hurt anyone besides the Yaktar. They were the ones that took everything from us! They were the ones that killed our brothers! Our sisters! Our fathers, mothers, grandfathers! They took everything from us! What does the UGA expect us to do?! Sit and accept that?!” A great anger was built in his voice, I could see it in his eyes, a flame for revenge, hatred, a desire to kill. It sent shivers down my spine once more. I want to help humans, but, how far will they go? What if they turn that anger towards us?
He got up, I could only see anger in his eyes as he paced around the room, smoking his cigarette. “How dare they?! They expect us to do what?! Sit and watch?! Allow other species to die?! How can they say they wish to protect the galaxy and allow such monsters like the Yaktars to do as they please?!” His anger scared me a little bit. I knew humans could be angry and have a strong desire for revenge and justice, but this, this is something else. Fury, perhaps? No, something more that I can’t quite put my finger on.
“L-like I said, Dante. It’s just talks, nothing is decided yet. I swear, most species want to help humanity.” I’ll admit that I let my fear out as I spoke, he was really scaring me, such desire for anger and revenge was unheard of. Only the Yaktars had this rage for death. But, maybe, that’s what the UGA needs? A monster. A monster worse than the Yaktars themselves.
While this conversation was going on, another conversation was also taking place, in the planet called ‘Galactic Union’. This planet was the hub of the United Galactic Alliance, used only for diplomacy related reasons. It was filled with embassies the size of cities. There were hundreds of them, maybe 3 to 4 hundred of them, spread along the planet. In the central continent there was a big circular building, inside of it, a great debate was going on.
“You know their history, senator! Humans are unpredictable! Who knows what they’ll do if they get their hands on FTL equipment or any other equipment for that matter!” A voice shouted from one of the seats, a creature with six tentacles spoke, it had blue skin and 12 completely black eyes.
“That’s right, ambassador, but!” A voice shouted, seated close by. He had a glowing and translucent green skin. He got up from his seat, putting both his hands with 3 fingers each on the table. “What do you wish to do? Deny this Alliance its purpose? We were created with very simple goals; equality, protection and prosperity. Should we deny humans these principles? They have been clearly showing signs of development, they had an organization similar to ours! Don’t you remember, ambassador? “United Nations”, I think that was the name they gave it.”
That same voice responded, shouting back. “And what did that lead them to, ambassador? From what I recall from the reports, they still fought against each other. For such simple and barbaric reasons as money, territory or religion!” The translucent being answered. “That is indeed correct, ambassador. But may I recall that your species did exactly the same? In fact, pretty much every species seated here today were like humans once. Should we dissolve this Council? I think not, my dear ambassadors. We need to protect humans. Please senator, I beg of you, make the right call.” The greenish translucent being said, looking towards a figure, seated in the middle of this circle.
This figure was a tall and skinny red figure, with two white eyes and a white stripe going down her face in the middle of it. “I’ve made my decision, ambassadors. The humans are on they’re way to a remote planet in the galaxy A3-B, deep in our territory. They will live there for a while, we will help with medical and economical aid. We will only give them the necessary technological equipment to help them develop their planet. We will guarantee their protection as we watch closely and see them develop their type of government by themselves. If they turn hostile, we destroy them. The council is now dismissed. The senator leaves the big circular room. A lot of voices from different species talk amongst themselves, agreeing and disagreeing with each other but they don’t dare go against the senator’s words.
Back on the ship, in that same room, a little time passed by.
“I’m calm, Kaska, sorry…” He said, calming himself after shouting obscenities against the council and their wish to abandon humanity to its faith.
“I understand you, Dante. I just want you to understand how it might be hard, atleast at the beginning, but I promise I’ll be right there, for you. To help you out.” I said, smiling at him, trying to comfort him.
“Thanks, Kaska. That means a lot to me.” He said, smiling back. “But I want to know, when will I meet the other humans? I want to get to know them, speak with them…”
“Soon, Dante. If everything goes according to plan, tomorrow. Some humans, well, they didn’t take this as easily as you did.* I answered him, with a somewhat sad look on my face.
“Yeah, I can imagine… Honestly, I’m still in disbelief, like, I’m going to wake up in a few hours and you will just be a weird dream I had.”
“I can comprehend that, Dante… But you’ll meet them tomorrow, I promise. I’m going to bring you your lunch now.” I started walking towards the door and stopped before leaving. “Dante… Please stop smoking… I don’t like seeing you killing yourself like that” I then left the room with a sad feeling in my heart. I want him well and healthy. I know he can be the man that changes not just humanity but the whole galaxy’s faith.

It was late evening/night. Left some near by apartament and when I stepped outside it was pitch black, could barely even see with a flashlight on. Went back home and my parents where still awake and nothing unusual. Suddenly our phones started bombarding us with notifications & warning anouncements (the ones where they warn people of siren tests, storms and ect.). All I got from those nutifications is that Rusia is near 3(or 4) west fronts. My mom and I decided that it's better to be safe then sorry and started getting ready to leave. My parents left soon, but I stayed a bit longer and took all the documents, money, gold jewelry, essential electronics & some clothes. When I left I saw that quite alot of people started gathering outside and packing up their cars while talking. I found my family & relatives, we started geting into cars with all our stuf. And then I was woken up by my alarm. Notes: * I was slightly spooked by walking in the darkness, felt very voulnarable * when I left home a star was incredibly bright in the night sky (like the planets Venus or Jupiter but 2x that brightness)
As someone who lives in a country that borders Russia (with all the past horrors others encountered) & had many precognitive dreams, safe to say I don't feel any comfort in this. On a lighter note I'd like to jokingly blame the full moon on this dream xD Did anyone else had a bizare dream like this tonight or recently?

My wife and I have been married for 3 years. We are both in our late 20s.
About a year into our marriage I was beginning to lose interest in sex. There were three specific reasons why.
Reason one was I was always the one asking for it and doing all the work initiating things. Having sex felt like a chore for me, not because I didn’t enjoy it but because I would put so much time and effort into and get none of it back. That along with being the one exclusively in charge of starting sex meant I was getting rejected a lot when she wasn’t in the mood.
Reason two was sex was boring. Same thing every single time, she was never open to trying something new, and even if she said she would be open to try something she would change her mind in the moment. I’m not even talking about anything crazy kinky either. I’m talking about basic changes in position she didn’t want to do. We even got an app that was for “trying new things” where we both answered questions and it would show us the things we both were into. We matched on a lot but she never wanted to try anything.
The third thing is weight gain. I’m not gunna sit here and act like I haven’t put on a few pounds since we got married because I certainly have. The thing is she’s put on about 40 pounds and she was already overweight when we got married. Because of this my physical attraction to her has gone way way down.
I talked to her about about all this the first 2 points multiple times and nothing ever changed. I’ve never mentioned the thing about her weight to her.
Fast forward to more recently, we went from having sex once a week to not at all. I don’t know when it happened but I just lost interest completely overnight. She asked me about it after about a month of no sex and I said my sex drive has gone way down and she said “I’d honestly be fine never having sex again”. This was a major relief to me.
Then a few days later she became very insistent that we have sex that night. I wasn’t really feeling it but I kinda hyped myself up thinking she was going to put in some sort of effort. When the time came she didn’t. She didn’t do anything different, I still did everything and she was still not open to anything new. It was the absolute worst sexual experience I’ve ever had.
At this point I’m at a loss. She said she was fine never having sex again and that was something I was ready and willing to accept. She refuses to change her outlook on sex (or her work on getting healthier but this is a whole other thing). I can live never having sex again happily. I can’t live with this. It’s miserable. I don’t know how to say this without coming off as a jackass.
TL;DR: I’ve lost interest in sex for several reasons. My wife hasn’t, but says she is fine not having sex. I don’t know how to tell her I don’t want to have sex anymore.

Tonight my husband and I were returning from the airport and he got pulled over. We were about a half mile from our house and it was about 2:30 am so pretty late. We were coming back from the airport and told the officer that. I’ll say I live in a relatively small town and traffic is next to nothing at that time.
I was a little taken aback when I was asked for my ID (which I did provide) and was told to hand it to his partner who suddenly appeared on my side of the car.
Now I can see maybe if there was some sort of “suspicious” activity (excessive speed, erratic driving etc) but the “offense” was that one of our rear license plate bulbs was burnt out. Now if I want to be technical, our state (Rhode Island) law is that the rear license plate “shall be eliminated by a white light. “A”, one could argue, is ONE so having one of two bulbs out would be perfectly fine.
So, besides being bored, what reason would they have to ask for my ID? Did I have to comply? Is it even legal for me to ask for my ID??

Kubernetes
I have this demo project which prints a label that is read from the configurations.
This is my main class:
@[email protected]@RestControllerpublic class DemoApplication { private MyConfig config; private DiscoveryClient discoveryClient; @Autowired public DemoApplication(MyConfig config, DiscoveryClient discoveryClient) { this.config = config; this.discoveryClient = discoveryClient; } @RequestMapping("/") public String info() { return config.getMessage(); } public static void main(String[] args) { SpringApplication.run(DemoApplication.class, args); } @RequestMapping("/services") public String services() { StringBuilder b = new StringBuilder(); discoveryClient.getServices().forEach((s) -> b.append(s).append(" , ")); return b.toString(); }} And the MyConfig class is:
@[email protected](prefix = "bean")public class MyConfig { private String message = "a message that can be changed live"; public String getMessage() { return message; } public void setMessage(String message) { this.message = message; }} The bootstrap.properties contain:
spring.application.name=demospring.cloud.kubernetes.config.name=demospring.cloud.kubernetes.config.enabled=truespring.cloud.kubernetes.config.namespace=defaultspring.cloud.kubernetes.reload.enabled=truespring.cloud.kubernetes.reload.monitoring-config-maps=truespring.cloud.kubernetes.reload.strategy=refreshspring.cloud.kubernetes.reload.mode=eventmanagement.endpoint.refresh.enabled=truemanagement.endpoints.web.exposure.include=* And the dependencies in build.gradle:
dependencies { compile("org.springframework.boot:spring-boot-starter-web") compile("org.springframework.boot:spring-boot-starter-actuator") compile("org.springframework.cloud:spring-cloud-starter-kubernetes:+") compile("org.springframework.cloud:spring-cloud-starter-kubernetes-config:+") testCompile('org.springframework.boot:spring-boot-starter-test') runtime("org.springframework.boot:spring-boot-properties-migrator")} I'm creating the ConfigMap with kubectl create -f configmap-demo.yml being the content:
apiVersion: v1kind: ConfigMapmetadata: name: demodata: bean.message: This is an info from k8 When deploying in Kubernetes I get the following error on Spring Boot startup:
2019-01-02 13:41:41.462 INFO 1 --- [ main] trationDelegate$BeanPostProcessorChecker : Bean 'configurationPropertiesRebinderAutoConfiguration' of type [org.springframework.cloud.autoconfigure.ConfigurationPropertiesRebinderAutoConfiguration$$EnhancerBySpringCGLIB$$e13002af] is not eligible for getting processed by all BeanPostProcessors (for example: not eligible for auto-proxying) . \_\_\_\_ \_ \_\_ \_ \_ /\\ / \_\_\_'\_ \_\_ \_ \_(\_)\_ \_\_ \_\_ \_ \ \ \ \( ( )\\_\_\_ '\_ '\_ '\_ \/ \_` \ \ \ \ \\/ \_\_\_) \_) (\_ ) ) ) ) ' \_\_\_\_ .\_\_\_ \_\_ \_\\_\_, / / / / =========\_==============\_\_\_/=/\_/\_/\_/ :: Spring Boot :: (v2.1.1.RELEASE)2019-01-02 13:41:41.940 INFO 1 --- [ main] b.c.PropertySourceBootstrapConfiguration : Located property source: ConfigMapPropertySource {name='configmap.demo.default'}2019-01-02 13:41:41.942 INFO 1 --- [ main] b.c.PropertySourceBootstrapConfiguration : Located property source: SecretsPropertySource {name='secrets.demo.default'}2019-01-02 13:41:42.030 INFO 1 --- [ main] com.example.demo.DemoApplication : The following profiles are active: kubernetes2019-01-02 13:41:43.391 INFO 1 --- [ main] o.s.cloud.context.scope.GenericScope : BeanFactory id=416ee750-8ebb-365d-9114-12b51acaa1e02019-01-02 13:41:43.490 INFO 1 --- [ main] trationDelegate$BeanPostProcessorChecker : Bean 'org.springframework.cloud.autoconfigure.ConfigurationPropertiesRebinderAutoConfiguration' of type [org.springframework.cloud.autoconfigure.ConfigurationPropertiesRebinderAutoConfiguration$$EnhancerBySpringCGLIB$$e13002af] is not eligible for getting processed by all BeanPostProcessors (for example: not eligible for auto-proxying)2019-01-02 13:41:43.917 INFO 1 --- [ main] o.s.b.w.embedded.tomcat.TomcatWebServer : Tomcat initialized with port(s): 8080 (http)2019-01-02 13:41:43.952 INFO 1 --- [ main] o.apache.catalina.core.StandardService : Starting service [Tomcat]2019-01-02 13:41:43.953 INFO 1 --- [ main] org.apache.catalina.core.StandardEngine : Starting Servlet Engine: Apache Tomcat/9.0.132019-01-02 13:41:43.969 INFO 1 --- [ main] o.a.catalina.core.AprLifecycleListener : The APR based Apache Tomcat Native library which allows optimal performance in production environments was not found on the java.library.path: [/uslib/jvm/java-1.8-openjdk/jre/lib/amd64/server:/uslib/jvm/java-1.8-openjdk/jre/lib/amd64:/uslib/jvm/java-1.8-openjdk/jre/../lib/amd64:/usjava/packages/lib/amd64:/uslib64:/lib64:/lib:/uslib]2019-01-02 13:41:44.156 INFO 1 --- [ main] o.a.c.c.C.[Tomcat].[localhost].[/] : Initializing Spring embedded WebApplicationContext2019-01-02 13:41:44.157 INFO 1 --- [ main] o.s.web.context.ContextLoader : Root WebApplicationContext: initialization completed in 2033 ms2019-01-02 13:41:44.957 INFO 1 --- [ main] o.s.s.concurrent.ThreadPoolTaskExecutor : Initializing ExecutorService 'applicationTaskExecutor'2019-01-02 13:41:45.353 WARN 1 --- [ main] ConfigServletWebServerApplicationContext : Exception encountered during context initialization - cancelling refresh attempt: org.springframework.beans.factory.UnsatisfiedDependencyException: Error creating bean with name 'propertyChangeWatcher' defined in class path resource [org/springframework/cloud/kubernetes/config/reload/ConfigReloadAutoConfiguration$ConfigReloadAutoConfigurationBeans.class]: Unsatisfied dependency expressed through method 'propertyChangeWatcher' parameter 1; nested exception is org.springframework.beans.factory.UnsatisfiedDependencyException: Error creating bean with name 'configurationUpdateStrategy' defined in class path resource [org/springframework/cloud/kubernetes/config/reload/ConfigReloadAutoConfiguration$ConfigReloadAutoConfigurationBeans.class]: Unsatisfied dependency expressed through method 'configurationUpdateStrategy' parameter 2; nested exception is org.springframework.beans.factory.NoSuchBeanDefinitionException: No qualifying bean of type 'org.springframework.cloud.context.restart.RestartEndpoint' available: expected at least 1 bean which qualifies as autowire candidate. Dependency annotations: {}2019-01-02 13:41:45.358 INFO 1 --- [ main] o.s.s.concurrent.ThreadPoolTaskExecutor : Shutting down ExecutorService 'applicationTaskExecutor'2019-01-02 13:41:45.370 INFO 1 --- [ main] o.apache.catalina.core.StandardService : Stopping service [Tomcat]2019-01-02 13:41:45.398 INFO 1 --- [ main] ConditionEvaluationReportLoggingListener : Error starting ApplicationContext. To display the conditions report re-run your application with 'debug' enabled.2019-01-02 13:41:45.612 ERROR 1 --- [ main] o.s.b.d.LoggingFailureAnalysisReporter : ***************************APPLICATION FAILED TO START***************************Description:Parameter 2 of method configurationUpdateStrategy in org.springframework.cloud.kubernetes.config.reload.ConfigReloadAutoConfiguration$ConfigReloadAutoConfigurationBeans required a bean of type 'org.springframework.cloud.context.restart.RestartEndpoint' that could not be found.The following candidates were found but could not be injected: - Bean method 'restartEndpoint' in 'RestartEndpointWithIntegrationConfiguration' not loaded because @ConditionalOnClass did not find required class 'org.springframework.integration.monitor.IntegrationMBeanExporter' - Bean method 'restartEndpointWithoutIntegration' in 'RestartEndpointWithoutIntegrationConfiguration' not loaded because @ConditionalOnEnabledEndpoint no property management.endpoint.restart.enabled found so using endpoint defaultAction:Consider revisiting the entries above or defining a bean of type 'org.springframework.cloud.context.restart.RestartEndpoint' in your configuration. If I set spring.cloud.kubernetes.reload.enabled to false everything works and the configmap is read and put to use. Now my goal is to reload the configuration if the configmap changes but get the exception seen above. I can invoke /actuatorefresh manually so I don't think it is the lack of the availability for the refresh endpoint.
I created a demo project with all included at https://drive.google.com/open?id=1QbP8vePALLZ2hWQJArnyxrzSySuXHKiz .
Answer link : https://codehunter.cc/a/kubernetes/spring-cloud-kubernetes-spring-boot-fails-to-start-when-config-reload-is-enabled

Okay, so first off… please please pleaseeeee don’t ask “so what about your parent?” They are not in the picture.
or “why didn’t you just say no?” I should have…and I still should just leave, but now my safety is on the line as I don’t want to upset him.
Here’s how it started. I’ve been homeless for a couple months now. I left a very abusive situation at home in hopes of bettering my life. I have already graduated high school, and really want to get into college to peruse computer science but life took a turn. I guess it’s still a possibility but it’s hard to be forward thinking when this is ongoing.
A couple months ago some guy (mid 30s) sat next to me on the train and started flirting. He said some pretty flattering things that I have never heard before. I loved it. Anyways, we started hanging out quite a bit. He was homeless too, but he was always getting motel rooms (which I stayed in with him, doing the “you know what.”)
He was really good at showing (or faking?) that he cared about me so I really wasn’t aware of what I was really going on… I am still blinded. He bought me stuff, defended and protected me from guy after guy who tried making moves at me on the street, he told me how much he cared about me and so so much more. I still have trouble understanding the situation I’m in, and how much danger I put myself in.
A month into all this he started saying “oh I don’t have enough money for a motel room today” followed by “buttttt I have this friend who thinks you’re hot.”
I think you know where this is going. So yeah, “just this one time” I slept with his friend who ended up paying me pretty generously all so we can have a place to stay for the night.
…Except it wasn’t just this one time. It happened again the next day…… aaaand the next day. OH!!! He has another friend?? I guess I’ll do it again!!
Ughh. So now the problem is that I feel like I can’t leave. He says on top of me every second of every day. There’s really no escape. If I don’t answer his calls, he starts getting physical and yelling at me out in public. Super embarrassing. And then when I DO do what he wants, he says the nicest most sweetest things I have ever heard. It’s cringy as fuck to say this, but he melts my heart with some of the things he says. But yeah. That’s just the jist. I don’t know what I should do. I’m under 5 foot 98lbs. I feel super vulnerable. I didn’t want this to turn out like this nor did I expect it to… but here I am. I live in a pretty big city (California) but like I said, I’m homeless so no matter what I’m out in the open and don’t feel like I can hide anywhere. There’s nowhere to run to.

[this is a crosspost from Dreams]
Hi DreamInterpretation, I think I need help figuring this one out because I've had basically the same dream at least three times now. Which is really weird since I rarely ever remember my dreams.
For some context, my dog died on December 27th, so relatively recently. She was a sweet old girlie with a lot of health problems, it was her time. I loved her with all my heart and since I'm on the younger side (and very forgetful) I barely have any memories of life without her in it. That's caused some weirdness in the grieving process, since I'm sort of stuck within the denial phase since I have to rewrite my concept of home life without my dog in it.
Anyways, over the past month or so I've had this weird dream about my dog a few times. The "plot" of what happens in the dream is pretty straightforward, with me mostly just doing normal stuff around the house, though not interacting with my parents much (we live in the same house).
The weird part is that for some reason, my parents bought/adopted multiple copies of the same dog, specifically my dead dog. The copies are slightly off from the real one visually in coloring, but I don't think that matters.
All of these doggie clones act and look exactly like my dead dog did, they just end up doing different things at different times. The number of dogs in the dreams fluctuates constantly, the lowest I remember being 3 and the highest being around 13. And this isn't just a weird dream quirk, "dream-me" actually reacts to the fact that the number of dogs is constantly changing which is really friggin weird.
In fact, "dream-me" seems to be fully aware that none of this was normal, and I feel really vaguely unsettled throughout the dream. Just that weird, distant "something is fundamentally wrong with this" feeling that you get sometimes. Other than that distant feeling, "dream-me" is usually pretty comforted by the fact that I'm surrounded by a bunch of sweet, sleepy puppers throughout my day.
However, "dream-me" did approach my parents about the weirdness of the situation a couple times, to which (I think) either they didn't respond at all or just dismissed it like it was normal or something.
Other parts that might be somewhat relevant: - If I remember correctly, "dream-me" may be aware that the real dog is singular, and is dead - All the colors in the dream are muted to greyscale (or close to it, with light yellowish tints instead) - My house in the dream is somewhat different, looking more like an extended version of my poorly designed basement than the real thing
I would really appreciate help in deciphering what the hell any of this means. The closest things that I can possibly glean from it would be 1. I'm not over it (yeah probably) 2. My subconscious thinks my parents aren't over it and are trying to replace my dog (maybe???) 3. My subconscious wants me and my parents to know that my dog cannot effectively be replaced, it would feel wrong (possibly???)
So yeah thanks for reading through this weird clone-dog dream.
TL;DR: My dog died and now I'm getting recurring dreams about sharing a house with 3-13 clones of her, what the hell does that mean

The more I peel back the layers, the more I realize how deep this neglect has set its roots within me.
One thing that might seem small but actually had a huge impact on me was how, whenever my parents and I had a disagreement, they wouldn't really engage with me. Instead they would attempt to suppress and belittle me. There was no "I understand where you're coming from" or "I respectfully disagree", or any inkling of curiosity as to how I reached the conclusions I did. This made me think that the things I thought about, my opinions, boundaries, and even some of my preferences didn't matter.
One of the things I value the most is to find the utmost truth in things, but I grew up believing such proclivities were worthless. Everyone around me valued fitting in more than anything, and my parents fed into that notion. Such a fundamental part of my being was squashed so early on in life, and my confidence in myself was ruined. This has led me to self-isolate a lot, because my experience from then on has been that no one cares about what I have to say. I've just grown up to believe that I have no inherent value.
I've always been different, an outcast in that sense. Everything I loved was something that would cause my parents to either harass or ignore me. I can't help but scratch at my tongue to get this bitter taste out of my mouth, but nothing helps. It feels as though no one will ever understand me and I'll have to live with that fact. Part of me wants that closeness I never experienced, but part of me wants to stay alone. The world is not a welcoming place.