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2023.05.30 06:46 michaelwoff214 Reaching out for help in meeting $5000 goal for obtaining legal aid (RETAINER) PLEASE READ AND OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS I DONT KNOW WHERE TO POST. FEEL FREE TO FORWARD THIS TO OTHER COMMUNITIES IF YOU WANNA HELP
Well this was suggested for me to do considering the desperate circumstances I find myself in. I'm looking for Paypal or CashApp or Zelle donations to use for a $5,000 retainer to hire legal counsel! And here's why...
I will be brutally honest even though the truth may turn people from wanting to help due to the stigma and stereotypical mind sets people seem to carry towards those that suffer from drug addiction and mental health issues. I suffer from a mental health diagnosis called shizo-effective depressive type. I also had a heroin addiction for many many years. In 2017 I had been on methodone for several years at a 50mg daily dose at your local friendly methodone clinic. I also drank daily, Id buy a fifth of Captain Morgan on my way home from work everyday. Id drink about 3/4 of this fifth daily after work. For years this went on all the while I worked doing basement waterproofing 6 days a week, running a jack hammer daily or digging huge deep holes around the outside perimeter of homes. I rented a small apartment a mile away from the beach, had a live in girlfriend, paid all my bills with simply one paycheck out of the monthly 4 pay cycles. Life was seemingly perfect! Compared to my earlier years of homelessness and heroin addiction. Slept in abandoned houses on the east side of Detroit, drug houses, homeless shelters and warming centers in the winter months. I committed retail frauds daily to support my drug habit, to eat, to support every financial need I had. Inevitably I did alot of time in county jails. Visited over 12 county jails and was a repeat customer at several of the jails. I spent approximately 5-6 years incarcerated in county jails. Then despite my crimes being non-violent, petty in nature, low class misdemeanors and felonies... The judges grew tired of my revolving door antics seemingly serving 90 days in jail out for 90 back in for 90 for over 5 years this went on. With quite a few 6 month sentences and a couple 1 year sentences. After being viewed as a career criminal with no regard for the law I was sent to prison, twice actually! I served almost 6 years total with the M.D.O.C. AKA Michigan prisons. For a grand tally of almost 11 years of incarceration on the installment plan, in pieces not straight 11 years. Moving forward I got out in 2012 and turned over a new leaf after serving 3 years for stealing 10 cans of baby formula from the local Kroger market. I went on what they call M.A.T. (medicated assisted treatment) methodone. This is viewed as a "harm reduction" module, basically for the severely addicted that have a very difficult time accumulating any clean time what so ever! Methodone gave me what I imagine people would refer to as a normal life. I worked, I rented a place, I paid bills, I was a productive member of society for the first time in my life at age 30. I landed a job with the local 687 carpenters union out of Detroit worked as an apprentice on commercial cooling towers. I attended apprenticeship school, or trade school once a week for 8 hrs and collected $19 an hr to sit in class. I had a pension, an annuity, top class health insurance with an Express Scripts debit card that collected $120 a month to use toward prescriptions, doctor appts, copays etc. Life was grand I was finally proving myself to be more than the stereotyped street addict career criminal. Moving forward the carpenters union didn't pan out and unfortunately wasn't vested enough to collect any of my pension I paid into, my employer paid into for over a year. I then got into Basement Waterproofing and stuck with this trade from there on out. Well in the year 2017, 5 years out of prison now and heroin free I became ... What's the perfect adjective to use here... Complacent I suppose. Life was good had all I wanted, never went w/o. Even had the live in girlfriend situation going. Learning to step outside of my own selfish self-centered geared mentality. Into a loving compassionate individual that did my best to provide, support, love another human being. This was foreign territory for me absolutely! As before the world evolved around me me me. Safe to say I was growing and learning to live "normal" (despise that reference but seemingly fits here). I in fact was doing so well I decided I no longer needed to be on methodone and if I'm gonna stop that I may as well not drink either! I cold turkey approached a 50mg daily 5 year dose of methodone and quit drinking almost the daily fifth of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum. Now here in lies the confliction and perhaps even someone could view as controversial because I claimed to be growing and living my best life yet I was taking a strong narcotic medication and drinking daily on it! However I view this in a relative standpoint, in comparison to the way I lived prior ... Street junky retail fraud extradenair in and out of incarceration, not to mention around 20 inpatient substance abuse rehabilitation centers. So in comparison to that lifestyle I did view myself as experiencing "my best years." In fact I would still argue that logic, despite my own mother not seeing it in that perspective. Which brings me into mental health and my schizo-effective major depressive and substance abuse severe diagnosis. The classic coined term Dual Diagnosis, suffering from drug addiction and mental health issues. So to back it up briefly and quickly move forward with this because I'm honestly not wanting this to be long in the sense of people dont even contemplate reading it. But yes my decision to quit drinking and abruptly quit methodone against doctors advice to gradually wean down to a near 0mg dosage . I had made up my mind and couldn't of been more ready to see this thing thru! Well I'd say it was 10 days into my detox (methodone is a long drawn out detox due to a "half-life" term that basically means the medication builds up in your system and takes forever to not only complete a detox, but to simply feel like your self again) it gets in your bone marrow and does NOT see itself out as normally as say other drugs would! In fact I would argue that after being on methodone long term that you never fully recover from that. Simply put you never quite feel the same again, that the daily "norm feeling" is far from normal anymore. It is common knowledge that fatigue, depression, and for me, being in a never-ending state of not ever again experiencing pleasure in mundane things that (here we go again) normal people find joy in. There is no drive to do anything, to go anywhere, or simply go out and enjoy the company of socializing and interacting with other people, even loved ones. Simply put it is very difficult to find pleasure in anything, with no high or low emotions rather like being stuck at a constant medium. Combine that with chronic fatigue and a general baseline of feeling depressed. That is what it is like to come off a synthetic opiate that you took daily for 5 years or better! But I haven't even started on the mental health aspects of my experience. Back to the point of being about 10 days into my detox... I experienced what they call a drug induced psychosis. Which was basically like being schizophrenic but times 10. I was in such a state that when I watched T. V. I was being sent subliminal messages from corporate America trying to indirectly turn me on to something that was extremely important but yet no matter how hard I tried I couldn't understand "what the TV was truly trying to tell me." When I put music on I was convinced that the artists I was listening to had a direct feed into my personal life and were rapping about me, again sending me messages. When I walked down the street the traffic in the road was deliberately trying to lead me somewhere that I needed to follow or sometimes avoid. I mean it is very difficult for me to put in words what I experienced because it's like trying to write something that makes absolutely no sense, but then try to make the reader understand what I was experiencing and trying to explain. Another thing I recall was people around me in stores or wherever they would be on there cell phones talking but they weren't actually talking to anyone on their phones they were indirectly talking to me. Ill stop there with the attempted explanation of what a psychosis was like, I'm sure the reader can see it's basically going from never having any psychological issues to becoming absolutely crazy! It's like the most intense self-centered experience one could ever go thru. As everything, the traffic, people, music, television literally everything surrounding you is directed at you! As if the entire world is circulating around you because everything that happens has to do with someone or something directing a message or a signal to you. Basically I lost my fuckin mind ok. I went from never having any mental health issues perhaps a little situational depression due to my life choices, my addiction, being incarcerated etc. But nothing worthy of note nothing pre-existing here that got triggered in my detox. It wasn't like that, I wasn't previously even slightly off my rocker then thru detox it enhanced it. No it was more like being completely normal experiencing what I was considering my best life to being completely utterly insane! So naturally 3 weeks into this I had lost my job, my car broke down, and I wasn't leaving my apartment at all. It progressed and got worse for a period of, no exaggeration here, almost 3 years. I moved back in with my mother and step father in 2017. Having lost everything I worked for and accumulated, even my pets! My family thought I was gone beyond repair that I would never be myself again. I went to the psychiatric hospital a few times and they couldnt even explain what had happened or the why I ended up in such a long state of insanity. Id say it was about 2020 at which point community mental health workers had been coming to my mom's place 3 times a week to check in on me. I had been taking a medication called Abilify for quite some time at this point. And I don't know hard to elaborate on but I just kinda started to snap out of it. Then eventually I did completely snap out of it and I was wonderfully sane and capable of sitting down and having a rational conversation again. The catch was severe depression lingered, a depression that was more intense than the horrible adjustment phase of not having methodone to jump start brain synapses, and working with a completely deleted amount of dopamine and serotonin levels. It became my personality a general baseline of depressed. Sane again yes but depressed to the extreme of finding little to no pleasure in doing things. Sleeping 12 hours a day, chronic fatigue... Basically discontented at all times. At this point of my life I had been out of prison for 11 years, had 0 police contact, no problems with drug abuse at least not on the level of being anything remotely close to a street junky.
So this turned out to be way longer and more detailed then I had originally intended this to go. I'm writing this for a purpose because I am currently in trouble and I honestly do need financial assistance to acquire legal representation. A situation I never ever thought I would be in again. As I had over 10 + years outside of living in such a miserable existence of constantly worrying about being incarcerated or worrying about my next fix. So anyway I'm sharing my story here to first of all present an honest persective into my life. Yes I struggled for many years but I never once went into the how i got into heroin at age 17. I didn't play the point my finger at the adult game that turned me and my best friend onto the drug telling us it was only ketamine that is essentially non addictive. That I used heroin for the duration of a year before I new it was heroin. Finding out too late because I was already in a state of being chemically dependent. That it was in fact my best friend thru middle and high school, his older brother that turned us onto becoming junkies and mislead the whole way into thinking we were doing a drug that doesn't have serious addictive properties. I mean there are so many blame games I coulda orchestrated in this writing, perhaps sharing my own father being a crack addict that routinely embarrassed me in high school by going on crack binges then coming over to like my girlfriends house and trying to manipulate money outta them. Or having me in the car with him as a kid while he smoked crack telling me to turn my head while he blasted away 50 dollar rocks filling the entire car with crack smoke. My point is yes there was learned behaviors I picked up at an early age that perhaps made me more susceptible to turning out the way I did. Or the trauma I experienced as a child that had me running to drugs to get high at 13 years old. There were so many contributing factors but the simple truth is despite all that stuff, the trauma and learned behaviors all the things the licensed therapists will play on and then tell u it's not your fault. Well I kinda disagree with all that because no one forced me to do the things I did, I made a conscious decision every day in doing the things I did until it completely spiraled outta control and my life became completely unmanageable. Textbook powerlessness over the ability to simply say no and to just stop using. I couldn't do that, I still can't do that I have to be on medication to balance myself out if I'm not using. Because I dont feel normal or happy when I'm not on my medicine in fact I'm out right miserable. Which brings me to the current perdictment I'm in, with the legal issues. To get to the point of summing this up after 12 years of no legal trouble I did end up being charged with a felony. I had given an old friend a ride and he stashed a meth pipe in my truck, that had been there for over 6 months without my knowledge until the day came where I was pulled over. And with my history when I get pulled over they search my vehicle every time! And yes this happened and they find this meth pipe and apparently meth is like the worse drug in the world to be charged with. Over having a meth pipe in my truck I was charged with felony possession of methinphetamines. I go to court and because of my past the charges from over 12 years ago, it enhanced my sentencing guidelines. I was told I was going to do anywhere from 5 months to 41 months, for this pipe found that wasn't even mine. And it mattered not that all this time had went by where I didn't get in trouble and did well for myself. So with looking at prison again, and having mental health problems now being a bit older and settled down... I completely panicked over the ideal of long term incarceration again. So I signed up for the mental health court program which is basically the same thing as drug court for those that are familiar. And I did 18 months on this program of seeing the judge every single week to check in with status reports. Going to take drug tests 3 times a week. Doing mandatory counseling 5 days a week at community mental health on top of seeing my recovery coach once a week and my therapist once a week. To top it off with 5 NA/AA meetings a week. I did all this for 18 months only had 6 months of this intense probation left to go. Then my uncle died of lung cancer and the man was like a father figure to me. I relapsed and I can't really explain the why, it was like I was in a state of just not caring being so lost with grief is a overbearing thing idk but yes I relapsed. I immediately told on myself, told my therapist told the judge told everyone on the mental health team. And the judge was not happy I told her I had a rehab set up and I could get in that very next day. I went on to tell her that there was a 90 day program they offered at this facility and I was aiming to get into that. She then completely cut me off said I was to go there I was to do not a day less than 90 and if I deveaated in any way she would take me off this jail diversion mental health program that I would be resentenced on original charge and basically it wouldn't be good! And I do know from experience in my dealings with the judicial system and being around other inmates hearing there stories, that when put into one of these jail diversion/ sentence diversion programs like mental health court or drug court.. that if you sign up for it then end up messing it up not completing for whatever reason that they go to the very high end of your sentencing guidelines and give you every bit of time they are permitted to according to your scoring sheet.
Coming to conclusion here I went to this program and IMMEDIATELY found out that the 90 day program they offered was merely for a select few individuals that there was never bed space to get into it and unfortunately you had to of been from that same county receiving funding from that particular county in order to get accepted into it! So I was a far ways off from even being remotely close to being eligible for this 90 day program that my judge demanded me to do. Then I find out my program is only a 2 week program which is a far ways off from 90. And I knew my judge wasn't gonna wanna hear any kinda excuses or reasons. So what I did was I did 2 weeks then I applied for 2 week extensions at the end of my 2 week funding period. Long story short here I got 7 weeks in and then my funding source decided that was sufficient and I wasn't getting anymore funding for additional time there in the program. So I panicked and I ended up calling medicaid switching my address to a local address then I called the local funding source for inpatient rehabs and I gave them this new local address. Well they issued me more funding to stay and I thought I was good, no worries. Few days later I'm being told that I have to zoom in for mental health court that day which was not routine at all as I had been there 8 weeks almost at that point and never had to zoom in because the judge new I was in rehab. So I zoom in to court the judge tells me that I'm to leave the rehab and report immediately the following Tuesday to court for resentencing that I was being kicked of the program because I was no longer a resident of Lapeer county. I tried to explain and I was shunned wasnt allowed to explain then I got hung up on whole on the zoom app. I immediately call my therapist because she's part of the mental health court team. She tells me that in changing my address and using it to fasely acquire funding for medical services in a fraudant way was in fact a felony. Then she said that she was sorry but there was nothing she could do for me that the judge was gonna resentence me. So my life flipped upside down immediately here I am in rehab going on almost 8 weeks doing great participating the best I could attempting to get the most I could outta the experience so I could get out stay clean and move forward with my life and be off the court probation thing it under 6 months. To my reality becoming I'm not going to do 41 months in prison over a meth pipe which is technically a paraphernalia ticket but they trumped it up to a felony and now I have to go back after 12 years of being out. I stressed and stressed and stressed then I ran. I didn't go to court because honestly I'm scared to death over the idea of going back to prison. I struggle with mental health problem now, I'm older and simply just not the young healthy person l was when I had to go in last time! I convinced myself that I wouldn't mentally be capable of enduring that again in the current state of my well-being. And I left the trailer I own because staying there woulda been me being arrested with in a week. So now here I am staying with a friend no money no job no where to go family mad at me and im looking at 41 months :( .
I need help I'm trying to raise 5 grand to retain this lawyer that already knows the ins and outs of my whole case. And believe he can get me a deal to no prison time! Which is a miracle because as of now I'm looking at 41 months! So we're talking roughly 30 months being shaved off for an expense of 5 grand! That is worth the money it's worth me doing something like this that I would under normal circumstances not even think about writing my personal life to be painted on the internet for the world to see. And maybe just maybe a few individuals out there that have the means to help people financially will read this and decide I've suffered enough in my life time already and won't wanna see me go do 41 months in prison!
That's all I got, if your in a position where u can donate to my freedom clause GREAT, it's more than appreciated! If ya can't help well I hope you enjoyed the short version of my life story.
ASKING FOR CASH APP DONATIONS AT $shortchange214 IS MY CASH APP TAG NAME... MIKE W
OR ZELLE DONATIIONS USING THE EMAIL [email protected]
. (lowercase letters in email)
FINALLY PAYPAL DONATIONS USING EMAIL [email protected]
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God bless and thank you for your time and consideration if nothing else!
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2023.05.30 06:45 cs-living Master Room at Awana Puri, Cheras
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Room Detail: https://appoin.me/rooms_pbetK
Awana Puri Condominium @ Taman Mutiara Barat
ROOM FOR RENT
-Queen/single size bed -Aircond -Wardrobe -Study table
Unit facilities include:-
-Washing machine -Dryer -Wifi -Cooking allowed
Condo facilities include:-
-Swimming Pool -Gym -24 hour security -Mini mart -Squash court -Sauna
- walking distance to MRT Taman Mutiara (800m)
- near EkoCheras (350m) and Leisure Mall (1km)
- MRT 3 stops to Sunway Velocity
- MRT 6 stops to Pavilion
2023.05.30 06:44 Ok_Classic6013 Completely disgusted and disappointed
Okay, I have a main job at a grocery store. Sometime near the end of last week, I got a little side job at a car wash that wasn't too far from my main job and I was able to walk to both.
Well I worked a total of 3 days and I was working alongside with the night manager, and two other guys. Well today, I'm working the night shift which is 6:00 to 7:00 p.m. I was super focused on doing the test at the night manager gave me, that I did not realize that coworker number 2 went behind my back on the job site and pestered the night manager to make my position more permanent.
I didn't know any of this was going on, like I've stated. But apparently he hoped that I beat out another temporary worker for the job to get on the official payroll because she stole a bicycle from him. I didn't know any of this and the night manager brings it up to me at the last few minutes we will do to leave for the night from the car wash. Apparently coworker number two gotten a hissy fit at something she said about the situation and left on his bicycle in a huff.
She basically complaints to me, like I had anything to do with the whole situation. And now as a result of him pestering her the entire time we were working last night from 6:00 to 7:00, now me neither me or the other temporary chick will get permanent position at the car wash now.
I was actually really liking working there than 3 days I have already and I was actually going to use that kind of money to help out a little bit with the food situation at my house, so wasn't just for kids through the novelty of working two jobs at once. And now because the co-worker number two, that's been taken from me now.
I was super almost low-keyed depressed because I had to walk home and tell my own mother tonight about me pretty much not getting the job in a more permanent role.
I have to show up tonight at 6:00 p.m. so the night manager can pay me. I know I work those 3 hours, an hour each night, but I'm really don't feel like up to it because it was such a shit show today. I'm frankly embarrassed to show my face around that car wash again, even though at the end of the day, I had nothing to do was what happened between co-worker number two and her.
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2023.05.30 06:44 KoolAid1349 Jellycat Website down?
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So I was trying to go on to the Jellycat website to see if there was any stores near where my boyfriend lives and the website won’t load. The pictures I added are from me trying to access it from google and then from the link in their bio on Instagram submitted by KoolAid1349 to Jellycatplush [link] [comments]
2023.05.30 06:43 adanceparty [USA-SC][H] Paypal or Local cash [W] 12gb+ Nvidia Card 3080, ti, possibly 3090
Looking for an upgrade in the gpu department. I'd prefer something with 12gb+ of vram, so a 3080 12gb, or a 3080ti most likely. If the price is decent I may consider a 3090. Let me know what you've got. Can do local, but most posts aren't near me so I assume shipping will be required.
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2023.05.30 06:41 OrganicUpstairs7922 Is my boyfriend choosing his family over me normal?
For context I 22 F and in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend 23 M for over three years now. We visit each other and discuss getting married.
Today I asked my boyfriend if he would ever move to my state temporarily to be with me so I can spend time with my dad who needs me as he is not doing well. This was something I was asking him to do in two years time. We got in a fight because he says I asked for too much and he could never be one hour away from his sister who needs him. She is healthy and is around the age where she would be going to college so for that reason I said it was not the same.
I was just asking to stay closer with my dad for a couple years and so my boyfriend could meet my family properly but he won't consider it. I never ever want to keep him from his family, and I actually love his family. Is what I'm asking for normal and fair? I guess my real question is does someone who refuses to move temporarily to be with them really love the person asking them to move?
The situation is a bit nuanced. I live in a southern state that could make his family feel unsafe because my state's governor passes laws against lgbt. In that case I said that we would visit his family once a month where they are. But even then he said no. In fact he told me that he could visit me...which to me is weird because if you want to build a life with someone wouldn't you at least temporarily move near them in our long distance situation to get to know their family? I would do the same for him and offered to move to New York after a couple years of living in Florida together when I will be done with law school. Is this all just a waste of time? Would love an outside opinion.
Tldr: my boyfriend won't move temporarily to my state because he refuses to be more than an hour away from his sister.
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2023.05.30 06:41 N_reverie A very small car show near my house. Strangers teased me for my photographer's squat! lol
2023.05.30 06:40 offstagemismatch823 This urinals in a plant store near me.
2023.05.30 06:40 viewtoathrill viewtoathrill #105: The Gorgon (1964)
2023: #105 Total for this sub: #715
Watched May 19th As part of the Indicator Hammer Volume One Fear Warning! Boxset (055
Directed by: Terence Fisher Written by: John Gilling, J. Llewellyn Devine TSZDT: 697 TSPDT: 10,241
86 minutes. This is only the second Hammer movie I’ve seen, but if this is the middle of the pack I can’t wait to see what else is in store.
Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing ham it up as they try and figure out who is killing people in their town. Could it be The Gorgon? Everyone in the cast understands their assignment, but Lee steals every scene he’s in. He plays his character big and exaggerated, not unlike Nic Cage. He is not even the main character, but he was the most memorable part of me. Outside of the big reveal at the end of course.
I saw The Maniac recently, and it was not what I was expecting out of a Hammer movie. I thought they would be much more like this. Good on atmosphere and enough story to get to the main baddie near the end. This one is about the villagers in Vandorf who can’t figure out who is killing everyone. No one wants to believe it is the monster of legend, but more evidence points to it being a particular type of snake-headed seductress that turns her victims to stone.
This was a fun one. Easy to watch and perfect for chore day. This box set from Indicator is 2 for 2 so far, They have me very keen to check out more Hammer.
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2023.05.30 06:40 reverehealth Vein Doctor Near Me Revere Health
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2023.05.30 06:40 h8mayo How to find a job and best movers
I currently live near Phoenix, Arizona. My lease ends in early November. I may go month to month for a few months after my lease ends, but I'm wanting to move to Richmond, VA, ASAP after my lease ends. I've already started looking at and applying for fully remote jobs, as my current job, while still wfh, requires me to be in the Phoenix area. For those of you who have moved to a different state, what's the best way to apply for jobs, and when should I start applying to on-site jobs as well? I've heard 3-4 months in advance, but I don't know how accurate that is.
Also, I don't think I'll have a vehicle at the time I plan to move. In case I don't, for those with experience with movers, which company would be the best? I have enough saved up so I can spend a few thousand and still have a few months rent just in case, so it doesn't necessarily have to be the cheapest option, but also not looking for the most expensive either.
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2023.05.30 06:39 limegreensh0rts Do I tell my friend I’m in love with her?
Okay so, I’m (f) in love with my friend. We have been friends for 2ish years and I would say that we are decently close.
We each have a separate best friend and we don’t talk everyday or anything but recently we’ve gotten closer and eat lunch together more regularly and are hanging out outside of school more and more. (Always in a group setting but still more than we have in the past)
I think I started to grow a crush on her last spring but I didn’t realize that I liked her like that until September 2022. And it just progressively got worse from there and hit the point that I think I’m inlove with her in April. (This is the only woman I’ve ever felt romantic feelings for as well, so I’m very confused)
Recently she has lost a large portion of her friends so I’m considered 1 of the 3 outside of school friends she has right now. And I’m scared of that because if she sees me as one of her closest friends it will be harder for me to get out of the friend zone.
In the past I was able to hide my feelings for her pretty well and live with just being friends with her, but recently within the past 2 weeks I am struggling to even be near her and I can hardly talk to her without wanting to just spill her how I feel.
However, I also don’t want to change or destroy our friendship by telling her. Plus I live in an area and house where being gay is not very normalized so if we were more than friends it would have to be a secret.
I also think the main thing holding me back from telling her is that I have no idea how she feels about me.
Sometimes I think that she might have feelings for me too but other times it seems like she doesn’t at all.
I don’t want to get too into detail with why I think that she might like me back because I don’t think it’s that relevant in how I feel about her. But we have kissed once and it was not very platonic imo.
So essentially I feel the deep need to tell her how I feel and have been getting pressure from the few outside sources that I have told about her saying to tell her too.
I also feel like I have to tell her because this guy I was talking to that I ended things with because of my feelings for her said that if I don’t tell her he will be very disappointed in me and I feel like since I ended things with someone else bc of my feelings for her I owe it to that other person to tell.
Basically should I tell her? If I should how should I? And what should I do if I get rejected?
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2023.05.30 06:39 LordCoale The Mercy of Humans: Part 30 - How Bad Is It?
. - Previous
“Shit! Doctor Ngai, did you see that?” Lieutenant Gastaud’s yell broke me from my absent minded reverie.
“See what?” I asked.
“That hyper footprint. Drive signatures are Confederation. Probe twenty-nine is nearest. Cameras show what looks like two battleships, two battlecruisers, four cruisers, three frigates and twelve destroyers, plus ten large ships hanging, likely freighters or troop ships.”
“That is not good,” Lieutenant Smolyaninov said. The navigator had the conn for third shift while the captain and XO slept. “Silent running, engage full stealth systems.”
“Full stealth systems active,” Gastaud confirmed. “We are now a hole in space.”
“Time to wake the boss.” Smolyaninov said.
I thought Smolyaninov should have done that first. But it was not my place to correct him.
“Lucky you,” the helmsman Lieutenant Joanna Stojanov chirped. “XO is cranky when you wake him up.”
“Get the stewards to throw on some fresh coffee,” I advised. “That stuff they got on now is like tar. No matter what Chief Bishop says, you shouldn’t have to chew your coffee.”
“Talk to me,” I heard the captain’s voice over the intercom.
“A Connie battlegroup just dropped out of hyper, and they are closer to us than any other ships, at about twenty-five million miles. But they are stationary.”
“Set condition one. Wake up the ship. I want all hands on deck,” Nugraha ordered. “Any orders from the Flag?”
“Nothing yet. We’ve been running silent. Wait, orders just came in. ‘All personnel to return to ships. Prepare to leave orbit and retreat outside Confederation space at the first sign of aggression.’ Well, I guess that’s it for us.”
“Hyper footprint!” Gastaud’s voice raised a few octaves, and I did not blame him. “At least sixty-three point signatures and at least five battleship size. Getting a fighter launch. Lord, that’s over seven hundred of them.”
His voice calmed down and he added, “I’m getting an IFF on them. They’re ours. It’s Marine Expeditionary Force Twelve.”
“I don’t know if that is a good thing or not,” the captain said as she entered the bridge, still sealing her uniform. “It was always possible the Connies would pitch a fit over our presence. I didn’t expect a battlegroup, maybe a division of destroyers coming to frown at us and pushing us along.”
“But dropping an entire MEF on them? That’s ballsy,” Stojanov added. “Even for Marines.”
“It was MEF-12’s shuttles that got sent here,” the XO used the phonetic abbreviation. I had not heard him enter. “So, it makes sense that the CO would keep an eye on his people.”
“There go the Connies,” Gastaud’s comment was completely unnecessary, as we all could see the plot. “That was a lot of excitement I could have done without.”
“I agree,” Captain Nugraha frowned at the plot as the carriers recovered their freshly launched fighters. “But it was probably the best outcome, at least from our perspective. I wonder how long it lasts? The Connies came at us with a big stick and that is unusual.”
“Their admiral was unprepared for a bigger stick,” I observed. “It makes me think that this was not quite what they planned.”
When they all looked at me blankly, I continued, “Come on, the Connies are many things, but stupid isn’t one of them. They just brought a knife to a gun fight. A few ships coming here and shaking fingers at us and politely telling us to leave is one thing. And that is what should have happened.
“A small battlegroup like that is fine if they want to push around pirates or the Ku'kor'ae. But us? You’d better come at us with a full fleet in your pocket if you want to push humans around.”
“I am uncomfortable with the implications of this,” Nugraha mused.
The XO started to say something but was cut off by shrill alarms sounding.
“What now? Gastaud griped. “Oh, shit.”
The threw the data from his computer into the main holotank. “Every probe we have in the inner system just went haywire!”
Dal’tari is larger than Sol and considerably more active. It left the inner planets radiation scrubbed wastelands. Only Umsurrat’s distance and powerful magnetic field had allowed life to evolve. Mass coronal ejections had happened irregularly since records were kept. They’d caused many droughts and famines.
But the recent ones were unusual in their ferocity and frequency. One would be bad, but not something that would cause an extinction level event.
But with ejections at least twice as powerful than the any during the previous millennia? And over a dozen a week? Lasting several weeks? How could any planet survive that?
Since the Angel Fleet arrived, there had been no sign of them.
That just changed.
“That is an understatement,” I said softly. “I’ve not seen anything like that… ever.”
“Look at the magnetic and gravitational fields,” Keoki instructed. “They are completely unstable. The poles have flipped at least fifteen times… and there it went again. What the hell?”
I ran a quick analytics program on the data, something I created on the fly. It mapped the gravitational and magnetic fields for the entire system. It had every planet, every moon… everything in system, including all the ships.
“Check this out,” I said. “There is some kind of gravitational finger from the sun to where MEF-12 dropped out of hyper. It looks almost like the gravitational distortion we see on an event horizon.”
“They dropped out of hyper deep inside the gravity well, but I’ve seen ships drop this deep, or deeper, in a gravity well at least a hundred times before. What is different about this?” Doctor Keoki Nurhayati puzzled.
“I’ve never seen this many ships at once, Keoki,” I replied.
“Me neither,” Nugraha added. “But we’ve also never seen it with an unstable sun like this.”
“The storm will hit Umsurrat in,” I did the calculations, “thirty-nine hours, seventeen minutes. The hard radiation in fifteen minutes.”
“Who’s in command of MEF-12?” Nugraha demanded. “Get him on the horn.”
“Lieutenant General Ichiro Tokuda is in command,” Laz answered. “He’s a hard charger but capable.”
The holotank lit up with Tokuda’s visage. He had the hard, square jawed, buzzed haircut look of a marine lifer.
“General, I am Captain Nugraha of the science and survey ship, Rudy Horne. I cannot be a hundred percent certain, but it seems your arrival has triggered another massive coronal ejection event. One that is larger than any of the others that have been measured. Our probes have detected one heading to the planet as we speak. The hard radiation front is… thirteen minutes away.”
“How bad is it, Captain?”
“Very bad, sir. But I think we, rather you and the cargo ships can do something about it. If you were to create a barrier with your ships’ radiation and particle shields extended to their max distance from your hulls on the sunward side of the planet, you could deflect or absorb most of it.”
I sent him a diagram of a ships’ formation, a double layered grid with the largest ships at the core. “You have a total of a hundred forty-three ships in orbit. Your military shields are better than the civilian ships. I recommend putting your fifty-nine ships in the center with the deflectors at max distance from the hull. The civvies can hold the perimeter.”
“We won’t make it in time. It will take us over fourteen minutes to get there,” Tokuda said.
“Not if you let the heavies hold you back. But your smaller ships can it in time if you send them now. They can take the brunt of the first waves. It’s not perfect, but better than nothing.”
“We’ll cut our compensator safeties to the bone,” Tokuda promised. “I will shave as much time off the transit as I can. Tokuda out.”
We are much too far outsystem to be of any assistance other than monitoring the probes and reporting. Which meant we wouldn’t not much more than spectators for the next half hour.
The radiation wave moved at light speed and there was no room for error. The cargo ships had moved immediately. Admiral Pierre was obviously on the ball to herd that group so effectively. The destroyers made it first, mere minutes ahead of the escort carriers, assault frigates and troopships. The battlecruisers and fleet carriers arrived a minute later.
The carriers belched fighters. Seven hundred and seventy five fighters crash launched for the second time in almost ten minutes. I didn’t expect that.
Fighters and other light craft could not survive in hyperspace. The titanic forces surging in hyperspace required massive shielding and inertial dampeners that only capital ships could mount. Fighters just did not have the tonnage to mount this equipment. Fighter shields were less powerful. Designed against normal amounts of radiation, but even with their technological limitations the pilots still intended to contribute with sheer numbers.
I updated the plot, assigning ships to their individual positions. Most of the ships were in their assigned orbits by the thime the first waves of radiation hit. It is impossible to accurately describe it. The sensors showed visible light as well as down shifting the high ultraviolets and upshifting the low infrareds. The computer laced together all the imagery into something we mere humans could appreciate.
“As impressive as this is, I imagine what they are seeing dirtside is much more spectacular,” Nugraha said softly. “The light show down there has to put the most active aurora borealis back on Terra to shame.”
“The battlewagons are almost there,” Gastaud announced. He spoke into the silence absently, as if he needed to say something, to fill the silence with words worthy of the moment. “The planteside sensors show a minimal uptick on hard radiation counts. You’d get almost as much from a microwave. Looks like your plan worked, Captain.”
“I wouldn’t call it a plan,” Nugraha replied with a nervous laugh. “More like a desperate attempt to plug a hole in a dam with our fingers and lots of prayers. My god, that amount of radiation would sterilize most worlds and you stopped it.”
“It made sense, though. Our particle shields can handle the nasty shit hyper throws at us, and this is about equal to that,” Laz observed. “The fighters were a nice touch. Never thought of adding them to the mix.”
“Next radiation wave is in five minutes,” I added. “The battleships are on station. Their added shielding should keep most of the radiation from reaching the surface.”
“The sun’s calming down,” Keoki observed. “We’re still getting that odd tic every seventeen and a half seconds, but at least it’s stopped spitting corona at us.”
“Incoming transmission, Captain,” Stojanov announced as she activated the holotank. “It’s the general.”
“That was a good idea, Captain,” Tokuda said. “It worked like a charm.”
“I thought it had a good chance of blocking some of the radiation, sir. It was just a matter of how effective it would be. Now, the question is how quickly can we engineer and build a permanent orbital deflector array to protect the planet until we can figure out what is causing the sun to belch?”
“Even if we can figure out what is causing it, how realistic is it that we can stop it? I am just an old jarhead. I can figure out how to invade a planet, but I leave all the science stuff to people who are much smarter than me.”
“Have you had a chance to read our reports?”
“Not really. Can you give me the short and sweet version? Remember to use small words.”
My bridge staff chuckled at that. “We have found, actually someone on the planet found it and alerted us to it, anyway there is an odd gravitic and magnetic field spike in the planet’s gravitational and magnetic fields. It is exactly every seventeen point five seconds with not a femtosecond difference.
“An engineer found it when she was calibrating a fusion plant’s magnetic bottle. We took that data and looked deeper. The sun’s magnetic and gravitational fields are also showing that same tic, just on a grander scale. I intend to look at all the planets and see if they are seeing the same thing.
“Then the question is what is causing it? Nothing natural is that exact.”
“And if it is nothing natural, that means it is something manufactured,” Tokuda mused. “And if it is manufactured, we can find it if we start looking.”
“Exactly. The problem is, we are operating solo. We need the other three survey ships… to be honest, we need their survey probes. We carried only fifty. The Tombaugh and Leonard are our sisterships and have a hundred probes. The Edgeworth is a lot bigger. She carries one-fifty by herself, and I expect a cargo ship full of drones within a day or two. If we can flood this system with a thousand survey probes, we can narrow down where to look.”
“A thousand probes?” He asked. “That’s bound to be expensive. But if we want results fast then we spend the money, right?”
“Trust me General, it is not something I say lightly. Even if we can recover ninety-five percent of the probes to refurbish, that’s still near a billion dollars, plus the five hundred million for the five percent we lost. So, roughly one point five billion dollars.”
“Captain, that is just a drop in the bucket for what the Federation has spent to this point just in supplies, not to mention the costs of getting the supplies here. If you can find that needle in this cosmic haystack for just one point five billion dollars, then that is a huge savings against the costs of maintaining these relief convoys.”
“You are right. I hadn’t looked at it that way. But I can assure you that we’ll be working non-stop until we find it.”
“I will let you get to it,” the general replied.
“I will keep you updated.” I’d no sooner said that and noticed general looking uncomfortable.
“Not to put too fine a point on this, but I am not in your chain of command. You were ordered to report to Senior Rear Admiral Pierre. Admiral Pierre is the senior officer on station, and that makes him the system CO. He is in command, and that includes my forces until we leave. Hell, he can order me to leave right now.”
“I understand, general. I intend to keep you in the loop because we get more flares and need your ships to move, but as it stands, stay between the planet and the sun and you will block most of the radiation.”
submitted by LordCoale
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2023.05.30 06:38 McNuggieAMR My final assignment of college is giving me the most intense anxiety I’ve experienced yet and it’s literally just an 8 page paper.
Please can I just be fucking done I’ve done so much harder assignments in the past but the idea that I have to pass this single paper to get my degree is making it so much bigger of a deal for me than it needs to be. I can’t talk myself out of pure panic and it’s preventing me from sticking to a topic and really starting the research. It’s due in 2 weeks and I’m so terrified that despite getting through 5 years of undergrad without failing anything that this single paper will be my downfall.
School anxiety is so horrible. I thought it’d get better the closer I get to graduation, but it feels like until I have every single assignment turned in and graded I’m going to still be convinced there’s some chance I won’t graduate.
I can’t shut up about this damn paper to people around me because of the amount of anxiety it’s causing me. It’s unreasonable. I’ve done 20 page undergrad research papers with not nearly half this anxiety. I’ve made it through so fucking much to get this far yet I am still so convinced that I will fuck it all up.
SOooo ANGRYYY AND TIRED AND FUCKING OVER UNDERGRAD PLEASE JUST GIVe me my fucking DEGREEE
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2023.05.30 06:38 Bigsam411 My wife and I are exhausted. Our toddler just won't go back to sleep tonight after waking up with only 3 or so hours.
For context our toddler like most is getting harder to get to bed at night. She's getting older and learning more about the world around her and she just wants to stay up. Some nights are worse than others but lately we have to fight to get her to bed most nights.
Today (or yesterday at this point) for Memorial day my parents had invited us over. I was asked when we would come and I said after our daughters nap. My father seemed disappointed because he wants to see us longer. So we decided to try and make it work.
They only live 20-30 min away from us so that means a much shorter car nap for her. Usually after a short nap it's near impossible to get her back to nap for the rest of her normal nap amount. We got there around 11am and she had a ton of stimulation with my parents, my sister and her 4 kids, and some other guests.
At the end of it all our strategy was to do the before bed routine at my parents house and then she would fall asleep on mthe car ride home and we'd take her right to bed. And this initially was working. She slept for like 3 hours in the car and then in her crib.
And then at 10:30pm or so she just woke up and started screaming. This went on for a bit until my wife managed to calm her down. This involved the TV unfortunately and a eggo waffle. I was told I should go to bed as one of us needs to be able to take over. I did and then eventually they came up and the screaming happened again. It has mostly been going on till like 10 min ago.
Anyways I guess I will not be giving in to my parents demands and go visit around her nap time. Her schedule cannot be messed up because we are exhausted and she is a handful. If we go visit them it will be after her nap or well before it so she can nap there.
TLDR: parents guilted me and my family into coming before daughter nap and it threw off her schedule and that made me and wife more exhausted.
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2023.05.30 06:38 House-Blackwood [Unclaim] Blackwood
I know the endgame event isn't finished, and I'll probably keep paying attention to what happens with it, but I think my involvement is mostly wrapped up. I had some ideas for new plotlines to write, but I think my characters have largely reached a good conclusion to their various arcs, and I don't really have the time to give new ones justice. Plus, I'm interested in greener pastures. I might post a broad epilogue post or two, once the endgame event is wrapped up, but for now, this chapter in the history of the Blackwood Vale draws to a close.
The Blackwood forces currently raised can be commanded by Lansdale, or if they're inactive, Tully or Daeron. All my PCs who were with the force are now dead. Lansdale has full mechanical control over Raventree Hall, due to Tristifer's position as Lord, Osmund Butterwell's position as castellan, and Bethany's withdrawal. If Estermont and Mooton wish it, they can assume that Bethany introduces Warren to Zhoe once their mission is over. As for Bethany's mission in King's Landing, Warren can take over completely.
It's been an absolute blast writing with you all this game, and I've loved my time as Blackwood, for all its unexpected twists and turns. I've enjoyed conversing about lore and history, and I've enjoyed watching all of these little plot threads play out - and trust me, I've been paying attention to nearly every plotline in the game. I'd especially like to shout out ingan, Norlium, Vierwood, TT, Tellural, Mads, Art, Mia, Plasma, Goch, Stank, Pitchy, Bob, Prester, Rangi, and Razor, all of whom were wonderful writing partners. I know I can be abrasive at times, especially as this iteration got older, but I really do appreciate all of you who have taken the time to write in this community.
I'll see you all in 9PK, and I hope to see you all there to, along with whatever unexpected twists and villainy we come up with.
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2023.05.30 06:38 Spirited-Run3931 People near me have ran out of fresh material....have at it!
2023.05.30 06:38 cplmomma2004 Confused on what to do in Kansas
I saw an ex of mine today at work. I am currently traveling to other centers in our company to help out until they can get new staff hired and trained. Plus I get to learn a system/machine that we don't use in our center and I like learning new/different equipment.
The ex that I saw raped and beat me on my 18th birthday, nearly 20 years ago. I reported it to our local police then and they did nothing. I had to see him every day for the rest of the year and after graduation I moved away, joined the Marines and did the work to put him out of my mind and move forward with my life. I have not thought of him in years except for around my birthday because I have nightmares and flashbacks.
Now to the issue at hand. I recognized his name as soon as I saw it and instantly knew who he was on sight. Him confirming his date of birth gave way to any doubts that were hanging in the air. He still has the same haircut, facial hair and a scar on his face from where I scratched him while I was trying to fight him off. He still wears/uses the same Axe products he did in high school and the smell made me want to vomit. I managed to hold it together, maintain composure and professionalism and I did my job but was on edge until he left the building.
I am unsure if he realized who I am even with my name tag on. Should I report him to my boss or let it go and try to avoid him if he comes in again? Can I have him banned from the building? I know it is way to late to have him prosecuted due to the statute of limitations on rape cases but seeing him again (even by coincidence) threw me off and put my other clients in danger because I was not at the top of my game.
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to legaladvice [link] [comments]
2023.05.30 06:37 y2ktaurus55 Is it normal to get congested when drinking?
22F. Social drinker. Ever since high school, whenever I drink, I have a really weird occurance of getting super congested. It's mostly wine, but it happens with seltzers or liquor too. Don't drink beer nearly enough to notice if it happens with beer too. Whenever I get drunk it's easier to ignore, but if I just want a single glass of wine or smth to de-stress, all's I'm left with is a blocked nose that keeps me stressed. lol. Is this a normal occurrence? Also, back when I first started experimenting with alcohol as a teenager, I used to get a super red, hot, splotchy face (I am white, extremely fair-skinned), though that stopped happening as I got a little older. Do I have some level of alochol intolerance or smth, maybe a mild allergy? This is not bad enough that I've wanted to see a doctor, but after asking a few friends and having no one relate, I'm wondering if this is fairly common.
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2023.05.30 06:37 dragonagitator WTF IS THAT?! A handy guide for when the excitement is insufficiently subdued
Sirens, Police Cars, Fire Trucks, and Ambulances: Gunshots, Explosions, and Assorted Booms: Smoke and Haze: Strange Lights in the Sky: Giant Rocks on Trucks: White Fluff in the Sky in May:
what else should be on the list?
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2023.05.30 06:36 PostAnne How do I break the cycle?
I (LLF30) can’t seem to get on the same page as my husband (HLM31). Before we had kids, sex was easy. Our first child was a nightmare as a baby, and just when they were out of the “wake up every 20 minutes” phase, we had number 2. Now number 2 has been a dream, but I can’t get out of the funk and it’s been years of sex maybe a couple times a month if we’re lucky. It’s all me, too. I am exhausted being a parent, and completely overwhelmed and anxious all the time and it results in me rejecting my partner so much that he’s nearly completely stopped trying, so most of the time when we do have sex, I’m initiating because he’s sick of being shot down. He’d do it all day every day if he had the choice. How do I fix this? How do I fix me? I want to be the person I was when we first met.
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2023.05.30 06:36 KittenDealinMama I'm 14 And Pregnant (Final New Update)
This is a Final New Update to a series of posts previously shared here.
Originally posted by u/ThrowRasayde
nearly a year ago. There are a ton of posts so, due to character limits, I'm going to link the last BoRU collection here
, and provide you with a TLDR in this post in case you just need a refresher.
Trigger Warning: teen pregnancy, adoption, religion struggles, mental health struggles
Our OOP became pregnant at 14, in a state with newly strict abortion laws and has Jehovahs Witness parents. She wanted an abortion, her mother said no. She was planning to get medication sent to her from a Reddit Aunty but ended up trying to reason with her mother again instead. It didn't work. She had a very difficult, high risk pregnancy. The last we heard from her, she was planning to place the baby for adoption but the baby's father was trying to convince her to keep it and raise it with him. She was really struggling emotionally and physically. Received a shepherding call today
ExJW (This is a sub for former Jehovahs Witnesses)
Jan 12, '23
I’m very much annoyed as I’m writing this because I very much hate when the elders come and their tone is always very much condescending…like they speak to me like I’m stupid and gaslight me the whole conversation.. so my ex boyfriend who is also a JW basically went to the elders and confessed everything me and him did together which included “ fornication” which resulted to now I’m now pregnant.
I was under the impression from ex and his family we would keep this under wraps until the baby was adopted out. Because we are still in high school. but this man out of no where went to the elders to try to get me to stop the adoption. And well the elders didn’t outwardly say “don’t adopt out the baby” but they showed me freaking bible scriptures.. and one that really pissed me off was Isaiah 49:15 it says “ can a woman forget her nursing child or have no compassion for the son of her womb? Even if these women forget, I would never forget you “ Like what the hell do they mean by that with scripture?
They go on to say that our brother and sisters is a village for me and the baby and that if if I just cast all my anxiety and fears on to Jehovah that I will be fine… but they fail to realize that the moment I got pregnant and my mom refused to help me get an abortion because of this religion is when I was forever done with “ Jehovah .” My baby already has adoptive family that aren’t witnesses and will have a better life then be around people like this. Does the father of a baby need to sign off when giving up a baby for adoption?
Jan 30, '23
I hate to come and ask Reddit this but I’ve doing research on it all afternoon and can’t find a clear answer , but a little background me and the father are both and high school and I’m pregnant. I decided that we aren’t both fit to raise a child given we both don’t have jobs, still live with our parents and pretty much have no resources to provide for an infant.
With that I’m turning to adoption but slight issue, the father isn’t on board to give up the baby for adoption and wants us to keep it and we raise it together. I’m no way interested in that and I offered that he takes the child and I sign my rights over ( even though I’m bluffing I would never do that, but I need him to think that because I don’t want to give him the power to be able to trap me) but he’s not interested of being a single dad unless I’m involved. We got in a slight disagreement the other day and totally ghosted me and I can’t get in contact with him and I’m nervous because my due date is near and I already been hospitalized . So my question does he need to be present for the adoption to happen? I also reside in Oklahoma since I know always varies from states I lost all my friends..
Feb 23, '23
I feel absolutely horrible and so alone, but there is a reason why I did it, so I’m pregnant and where I’m from it’s very controversial for someone in high school to get pregnant. Plus im apart of a strict religion..so when I found out, I made it a point for people not to found …including my close friends, my plan was to give the baby up for adoption and just hope no one knew…I didn’t want to tell my friends because, for one it’s embarrassing and second I didn’t want to be the topic of any outside gossip.
I messed up majorly because I really ghosted my best friend and she facetimed me upset/ crying. That she feels like I don’t like her anymore..so I just told her straight up that I was pregnant… she didn’t believe me and when I showed her my belly.. she was still upset that I didn’t tell her and that she thought we were closer..Since then she has been texting me really vaguely.
I now just feel so alone and honestly depressed and been having some dark thoughts.. I’ve been getting unfriended/ unfollowed by my other friends and I just feel like such loser. I miss my old life so much. But I honestly don’t think even if I give up my son that I would actually get my old life back. It might be irrational but I’ve been having thoughts of keeping my baby, so I can just have some sort of purpose idk.. I needed to get this off my chest and sorry if my grammar sucks I typed this fast. My induction is in 3 hours and Im absolutely scared
March 2, '23
I’m honestly supposed to be sleeping but I can’t, because I have immense amount of anxiety. This is my first child and also Im considered extreme high risk pregnancy given my age and starting size. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia when I was about 22 weeks and it made my pregnancy absolutely horrible, I mean my hair is completely thinned out. I was constantly swollen and was just constantly sick, and I was sent on bed rest early on, plus the Braxton hicks were a lots of fun .
A part of me is glad like yes this will be finally over and another part of me is just completely scared, because I have an additional factor of I’m giving my son up for adoption and I’m nervous once I see him, how would I react and will I actually go threw with it. I feel stupid this is such a pointless post but I just need to get this out of my system lol AITA for not wanting to see my son?
May 22, "23
I ( F15) recently had a baby boy in early March (so close to 3 months ago) I made a tough decision to give up my son…I honestly have been in a deep depression ever since, and two weeks after the birth I went to a mental health facility afterwards, because I had a pretty intense breakdown. I was there for 3 weeks and I feel a bit better now. I tried so hard not to be attached to my baby and I thought I wasn’t until I of course held him for the first time and signed those papers over.
I used to regret giving him up, but now I know I made the right decision for him. I’m going into my sophomore year of high school and I know it would have been selfish on my behalf if I didn’t give him to a loving family, that would probably give him way more than I could ever possibly give and have a much positive and stable childhood then I had. I of course love him and I think about him almost every single day. He was also such a perfect and surprisingly calm baby given how much I cried during my pregnancy.
I haven’t worked up enough courage to open the letters or go see my son ever since I have given birth, I totally ghosted the adoptive parents and I feel absolutely terrible. But it has just been so extremely hard to see him. I’m afraid to get attached to him and in a way, I feel like I let him down. I don’t know if I can handle the pressure of being someone that’s a part of his life. my mom is saying I’m heartless for not wanting to go see him or acknowledge him in conversations. But it was just extremely hard to do without wanting to burst out in tears. So hold me accountable Reddit AITA? Also yes this is sorta an update for people who kept up with my past post..my mental health has been really tough for me. I am flairing this concluded as OOP has given birth and the baby has been adopted. As per sub rules, I'm flairing concluded with a note in the title and at the top that this is also a new update. Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.
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