This past weekend I attended a wedding, Me being me I have my regular edc then my "nice" EDC, well anyway I get there and I'm early and I hear one of the staff saying that they can't find the corkscrew for the bar and it just so happens my small knife is a wood scaled Victorinox spartan. Needless to say the corkscrew got used for it's intended purpose For the next hour; later they found the bar corkscrew in the downstairs dishwasher. Not necessarily a save the day but just a right tool at the right time.

In case, people aren't aware, yesterday, a minor hindu girl was killed by a muslim guy in Delhi, India. Just because she was not agreeing to turn into a muslim. TW
He stabbed her around 21 times, everywhere, twice, when the knife just got stuck in her and when he pulled it out, she got lifted above and he stabbed her yet again. Then he tried to crush her with a cement/stone slab, so brutally, she was pushed into the small sewer. Many people walked by but did absolutely nothing, that guy was not heavily built either. It was revealed it was a muslim colony, where less hindus resided.
Is this what you do when people don't agree to leave their own beliefs and religion just because you want them to?
That guy then for the next 24 hours, sat in a restaurant, posing as a hindu to stay safe and even wore a rakshasutr.
I'm appalled and scared. I'm going for university next year, there, and it scares me knowing that if I talk to someone of this mentality, I might end up dead.

I (21f) and my bf (23m) have been fighting for months now. It’s been made clear to me that a lot of my efforts go unnoticed or my mistakes make my efforts look like they’re for me instead of for us as a couple. He has been complaining to me for a while now that I haven’t been spending a lot of time with him. I feel like I need to work on this too so I took an opportunity of using a hotel booking I was planning to cancel due to me not going to my moms wedding. I planned to go to the hotel, go to a go karting place, and then go to a nice restaurant for dinner. He feels I chose all of this for me since it’s more of my ideal date. Which it is more so my ideal date and I feel I was negligent in thinking about what his ideal date would be. But because of this he doesn’t see this as an effort to spend more time with him. He also complained about our sex life and how I don’t initiate. Ok so let me allow myself to be dominant (because this is something I crave. I just get insecure when I do it in the moment and it makes me freeze up mentally) but he refuses to see how that’s relevant when I tell him this is another effort I’m making. Today he wanted to play a game mode on castle crashes. I love castle crashes but sometimes I don’t want to play it just because it’s not what I feel like playing. I genuinely see nothing wrong with this therefore I told him no. He kept asking about it until finally I said fuck you and fuck off. I can’t say how my tone sounded to him but I can definitely see where it’s hurtful. I’ve apologized for this. It doesn’t entitle me to be excused though. I’ve acknowledged this. But I told him no three times before I said that. Why can’t he respect my consent? And his logic is, “well I play games I don’t like with you all the time. Why can’t you do the same for 10 minutes?” And honestly that’s hurtful. I never expected him to play games with me purely for the fact I’m playing it. And I feel it’s unfair for him to expect me to even though he dies it for me even when I tell him that’s not what I want. But I understand that’s part of his love language is to just spend time with me doing anything. But I’m not the same way. I tell him we’re two different people with two different minds and that’s ok. I genuinely don’t know what to do at this point. Everything I’m doing feels wrong or like it will make him mad.
TLDR: bf and I argued because I told him no to playing a game he wanted to play. What do I do??

Anyone know where I could get limestone slabs or tiles? Preferably in the Beirut area. Looking for about 1 meter squared

I'm posting this as a cautionary tale to anyone that currently feels like I did last year and also, for accountability.
I gave up drinking in August 2020. It was the best thing that I have ever done for myself and it helped me with my mental health enormously. My particular issue was anxiety, which started in 2017 as a - surprise, surprise - response to some of the things I had done whilst drunk.
In July 2022 I suffered my first real panic attack in a good while. It was in a social setting and I responded by doing all of the things that kept the anxiety and ended up developing rather bad social anxiety as a result.
I went to a wedding a month later and drank because I was anxious. I convinced myself it was a one-off and tried as hard as I could to stay sober. Unfortunately I continued to fuel my anxiety at the same time to the point that my mental health significantly deteriorated.
I drank again in December, this time on a football weekend away with a friend who had, for months, been convincing me to start drinking again. "It won't harm anyone, you have to live a little, you're so much better now than you were back in 2020, just have a drink."
Foolishly I listened. In February of this year I decided once and for all that I was going to start drinking again. I had convinced myself that I was fine, I was a different person than before and that I was going to do it my way, with a set of rules.
The rules were:
- Three pint maximum
- Never drinking in the house
- My partner had the ultimate veto
​
Within a couple of months I had broken those rules. I was drinking in the house again, but only 4 beers, and they were good beers, not the cheap ones, so I was doing it for the flavour and taste... The hangover I had the next day wasn't a proper hangover either, it was just a bad headache from not sleeping enough or a touch of hayfever, I didn't have a problem...
When I went to social events, the beer wasn't a crutch to overcome my social anxiety, I was just being normal, letting my hair down. I wasn't reliant on it. I had changed, I was a different person altogether...
I was lying to myself and I was lying to everyone else around me. The alcohol was ruining my self-esteem, it was ruining my routines, it was taking over. This past weekend just gone I went on a Stag Do and I did not have three pints. I had so many I can't count, I spent a fortune, I acted a complete and utter idiot, I made a fool of myself.
On Sunday when I returned from my two days of solid drinking I went to an engagement party and drank again. The anxiety was bad, my heart was beating so fast that I couldn't speak properly without stumbling over my words. I drank to calm those nerves of course.
Then, I was suddenly blind drunk. I pick a fight with someone, I was punched and kicked for acting like a complete and utter idiot. I was barred from the bar and punched by the owner for how I spoke to him. I was picked up by my fiancee who had my 10 months old son in the car and my heart broke as soon as I sat down next to him and he looked at me, his Daddy, with a big smile on his face, not having any clue what state I was in.
Yesterday I felt feelings I have not felt in years. I felt worthless. I felt pathetic. I felt suicidal.
Thankfully though I felt motivated to change. I have given up alcohol before and I will do it again. I may be at the bottom of the curve right now, but I will be working my way back up there. It starts with accountability and accepting that I have a problem, which is what this post is to help with.
If you are feeling like I felt and starting to think that you could handle drinking again because you've changed or are a different person, let my story be a cautionary tale to you. Sober you may have changed, but drunken you has not changed. They are still there waiting for you.
I will not drink with you today.

Introduction wall art canvas:

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Wall art canvas allows you to unleash your creativity and curate a living room that truly represents your unique taste. The options are endless: from bold and eye-catching holy cow canvas prints to elegant and modern abstract wall art. Take a moment to explore your personal style and choose pieces that resonate with you on a deeper level.
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Wall Canvas Prints: A Personal Touch:
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Elevate your living room with stunning wall art canvas. Make a bold statement and unleash your style with captivating artistic masterpieces

Hey fellow trophyhunters, as many of you, I'm kinda proud of some of my achievements and to not only have them sitting digitally somewhere, I was thinking about how to "represent" them in a certain way. Some of the trophy-images for the platinums look quite nice and I was thinking about printing them and hang them on the wall. I found another trophy hunter, who ordered "cards" specificially made for that platinum in addition to their username (can be found on etsy).
Do you have any ideas what to do? I'm not the most creative guy in the world, so all I could think of was printing them. Maybe a collection with 12 printed platinums each year as a calendar? some kind of "wood-carving" for platinums?
Any ideas are appreciated

Hello! Not sure if this is the appropriate sub pero i just want to ask mga married or to be wed brides/grooms here.
Im getting married with my longtime boyfriend, who is in another country for work. LDR kame for most parts of our relationship. I've been planning the wedding since this year and lately i have this feeling na parang natatakot or ayoko ituloy yung kasal. I've been really thinking about it. I still love my fiance very much nothing has changed, natatakot lang siguro ako sa future? im not sure, im really confused. Maybe im just stressed out sa planning kasi nappresssure ako sa mga need ibook and mga bayarin pero kasi i still plan and search suppliers so i don't know if yun nga.
I kinda asked him "if ever" ganon nga, (he knows im a very curious person and sometimes randomly ask questions of what he would do, kung magiging bulate ba ako mamahalin ba niya ako kind of stuff) sabi naman niya okay lang to delay or not matuloy "muna" yung kasal basta i won't leave him.
I feel so guilty asking him kasi i don't really intend to hurt him, syempre may onti kirot to hear that. I just want to ask you guys if you guys have the same experience or thoughts about this. I feel scared for the future or is this normal?

Hello Makkale! Please help me choose a college that's situated in Tamil Nadu. I have been interested in pursuing a Computer-related course from my childhood and not just because it has great placement opportunities compared to other degrees. I am confused on what to do as my academic scores are not that great. Kindly share your advice on admissions and opinion about these colleges. I have mentioned my academic scores and college details below:
Academic Details: 12th Mark: 559/600 PCM Cut-off: 184.5 Amrita Rank: 13934 JEE Percentile: 51%
College Details:

• I got CSe in SRM Kattankulathur, but the annual tuition fee is 5lakh. Hence, I'm looking to other options better than SRM
• I might get EEE, ELC in Amrita Coimbatore (Slab 3 - 3lakh annual tuition fee) and Mech in Slab 2 (2.35lakh) as per Career Guidance Ashwin
• CCE, ECE in Amrita Chennai (New campus so little sceptical, 1.75lakh) and CAI, CYS in Slab 3 (2.75lakh)
• I have applied for SSN Management Quota, but I am not sure if I'll get CSe there. I'm thinking of joining and wait for sliding to IT/CSe if I'm lucky
• I talked to 1-2 seniors at SASTRA and they say CSe (Specialisation in AI/CyberSec/IOT) is highly possible, but core CSe might be hard. I would study as a day scholar here (hence I wouldn't have to worry about hostel) and the annual fee is 75000 (Total course would cost around 8lakh)
• Not sure if I'll get CSe in top colleges under TNEA Counselling like CEG, MIT, SSN, PSG, etc with the cutoff I have

Hi guys, Loramaster of Sotek just yesterday launched community campaign on his discord and i thought i will reach out to people of this community who (like me) doesnt follow him up consistently but would have fun playing such event. We basicaly have 3 teams : Bretonia, Wood elves and Beastman and you get points for you teams by completing a sp/co-op/MP campaign once a week or being top 3 in a week in survival battle contest or winning in hosted MP battle tourtment. Get details at Discord.

Hi there! I'm Ron, a 21-year-old male living in the states. I love writing believable stories with flawed characters and occasionally bittersweet ends. I'm a sucker for melancholy and atmospheric scenes.
I'm looking for a partner that is:

• Semi-lit and above. I lean more towards literate, and would prefer you do too, but I'm not a fan of fluff when it comes to certain aspects like dialogue. Basically: literate when it counts.
• Third-person limited is preferred. I personally love first-person retrospectives, but this can be a bit awkward to integrate seamlessly into a roleplay where each character is individually played.
• At least 18 years old. Just a maturity thing, really.
• Typically active daily. I don't expect replies all the time, and not necessarily every day either.
• Willing to communicate OOC for planning purposes, corrections, etc. I don't mind if you don't want to beyond that, and I'm not too stingy.

What I'm looking for in terms of story:

• I'm interested in exploring a romance set against the backdrop of the JDM underground scene, primarily for aesthetic. It will involve elements of racing, drama, and perhaps mild action (nothing too over-the-top, though).
• I'd like the story to be contemporary, so supernatural or fantastical themes aren't what I'm looking for. Our narrative will take place somewhere in the transition from the late 20th to the early 21st century.
• Novella/novelette length. I'd like the story to be concise and focused. I don't want to draw things out. If you're a more methodical roleplayer, we can outline the plot from the start.
• Character-driven. The underground JDM scene may be secondary by the end of the story, with our characters and their lives being the focal point.
• Discontinuous time scale. I'd like for things to be in the form of chapters, to some extent. We could go as far as organizing this if we'd like, but it's primarily just to keep the focus on the stuff that matters.

If you're interested, I'd love to hear from you. You can message me through chat or PMs. Thanks!

This isn't for the big stuff like battleshock, but for subtle changes people might miss and unintentionally play wrong, as they use old 9th edition rules out of habit.
- Stricter 2 model coherency requirements starts at 7+ models now, so a unit of exactly 6 models only needs 1 other model in coherency.
- Ld tests succeed by rolling equal or above, not below. So lower Ld is better now.
- Models may freely move over other friendly models now (expect monsters/vehicles over other monsters/vehicles). No move blocking yourself anymore.
- Flying units don't ignore vertical distances anymore, but can move diagonally to/from terrain features. So they have to pay extra movement to get up on ruins (but not as much as other models) and can't just "jump" over terrain features, ignoring them entirely.
- Units embarked on transports can only ever shoot with 1 weapon. And it counts as the transport shooting with those weapons, so all special rules of the transport and none of the unit apply.
- All units can disembark after the transport made a normal move, no special rule necessary. But they can't move/charge normally.
- Units disembarking because their transport got destroyed only take 1 MW for each 1 rolled, not have a model destroyed, but each MW goes to the unit rolling it, no protecting 1 unit with another anymore.
- "Big guns never tire" changes: All non-pistol weapons take -1 to hit, instead of only heavy weapons and monsters/vehicles can be shot themselves while being in engagement range (also -1 to hit unless shot with pistols).
- Saving throws can never be improved by more than +1, ever, similar to the hit/wound roll limits. Contrary to hit/wound rolls they obviously can still be worsened by more than -1, though.
- Assault weapons don't take -1 to hit for shooting after advancing anymore.
- Monsters/Vehicles can shoot their pistols and their other weapons at the same time, now.
- Indirect attacks don't improve the cover saves anymore, but instead always give the target the benefit of cover, so are better against targets that would have been in cover anyways.
- Blast weapons gain a flat +1 attack for every 5 models in the target unit, instead of the special cases in 9th. This specifically makes the cut-offs 5/10/15/20 models, instead of 6/11.
- Heavy weapons gain +1 to hit if stationary, instead of -1 to hit if moving (and don't care about infantry).
- Charging models must end in base to base contact to their targets, if doing so wouldn't make the charge fail.
- All fight sub-phases start with the player whose turn is not on, so a "fight first" defender strikes before units that charged it.
- There is no "fight last" phase anymore. You either "fight first" or you don't.
- Models piling in must move into base to base contact, if possible.
- "Second row" fighting in melee change to BtB contact to a friendly model itself in BtB contact with the enemy, from the 1/2" ranges in 9th.
- Because of the melee stat block changes, a model can only ever use 1 weapon in melee. No more splitting up attacks at different profiles.
- Models consolidating must end in BtB contact, if possible. Also you can't consolidate towards enemy units you can't reach, so no more free 3" move after wiping out your enemy. But you can consolidate towards objectives now, provided you can reach them.
- The list of what a CP reroll can be used for changed. You can now reroll the die to see if a hazardous weapon kills its user, for example.
- Insane bravery is used after the unit failed its battleshock test. So you can try to see if you even need to spend the CP.
- You can overwatch almost any move made by your opponent, not just charges, but are limited to 1 overwatch per turn, not phase. So if you overwatch a move in the movement phase, you don't get to overwatch in the charge phase.
- Strategic reserves can now come in from the enemy battlefield edge (but still not in their DZ on turn 2).
- There is no dense cover anymore. Shooting through woods just gives the benefit of cover to the target, which still doesn't stack with actual cover, so they're much less helpful.
- Aircraft can't pivot before moving, so you have to decide on their direction next turn at the end of this move, instead of the start of the next.
​
Please comment anything else you found.

Hey Courtney!! Hope you are doing well. I have been watching your videos for years toghther now and you do an amazing job!!. I never thought ill be sending this out. Bur here we go To fully understand the story I'm giving you a bit of context first. I'm from India and here it is pretty common to live in joint families. I live with my grandparents, uncle and aunt and parents. Our house is built in a way where we have 4 houses in a common compound. It's like a duplex but each floor has different houses. So the story begins with when my maternal grandfather passed away. He passed due to cancer. My parents felt that since his passing my grandmother would be really alone in the house and hence asked me to say with her atleast during the night also considering the fact she is old too. My grandparents house is on the ground floor and it has 2 rooms
So the story begins here I'm a late night owl and I love to stay up till late hours in the morning and since I was in college it has become an habit. A few years since I started living with my grandmother I never has any weried experiences even when I used to stay up. I used to sleep in the same room as her and it was pretty fine. At some point few years later my elder sister too started accompanying me to sleep downstairs and considering how we both live to stay up, talk or watch we occupied the other room in the house. The fact about this other room is it wasn't used much as it was just my grandparents in the house. Fast forward to a year later I had my exams and I used to stay up for a full night to prep so I occupied the dining room and my sister was in the other room packing her stuff to go for a wedding the next day. Since I was sleepy and bored I got up washed my face all while talking to my sister about the wedding happening the next day. Mind that no one else apart from my grandmother, me and my sister were in the house and this was dead 2 in the morning. At some point of doing my skincare I went up to the door and continued conversing with my sister however while talking I saw my sisters face turn from having a normal expression to a horror. I didn't notice this in the beginning but when I observed my sisters face had turned pale. She looked horrified. I asked if something was wrong and why she would be staring at me that way. She then suddenly asked me to enter the room and shut the door. I was confused and kept asking her what is wrong and she being hesitant to say anything other than repeating me to come into the room and shut the door. At this point I thought she was messing with me and I played along too as I shut the door and sat down.
She then said the most horrific thing I have heard. She said she could see a shadow taller than me (I'm 5'10) behind me and she saw it stand behind me then walking past me. Even though she said all this I did not believe her at all I still thought she was messing around and asked her to stop messing with me. But in all honesty she said I'm not kidding or trying to scare you but it really happend.
Following a few days later we being ourselves were up at 3 in the morning doing our work, watching and stuff. By this time ny sister grew so apprehensive of the shadow incident she locked the room doors before sleeping. Anyway when we were working and laying on the bed we heard 3 knocks on the door. We assumed it is my grandmother asking us to sleep since it's already too late. I went to answer the door to tell her we were about to sleep and as I opened the door I didn't see her there it was just darkness. Assuming she knocked and went to use the washroom I went ahead to check there but she wasn't there either. Later I walked upto her room to check if she was awake but I found her in deep sleep and the next morning when we asked if she knocked on our door she said she was too tired and slept through the night.
At this point me and my sister grew more afraid of this. Following weeks and months things grew stranger and stranger. We would hear knocking and banging on the door between 2 and 3 in the morning and started having the most horrifying dreams we ever had regarding the room and the house. My sister was also being touched by whatever it was and things were so badly escalated it never ended.
Currently I do not sleep there anymore. There are a lot more stories these 2 are just the initial ones which we both experienced but individually and toghther we experienced a lot more. I will end this post with these 2 for now. I will definitely type the other stories shortly.
I request you to keep me anonymous Thank you Lots of light and love to you!!

Choosing a wooden ottoman bed can offer several advantages over other types of bed frames. Here are some benefits to consider:
Durability: Wooden ottoman beds are known for their durability. They are typically made from sturdy materials such as solid wood or engineered wood, which ensures their longevity. Wooden frames are less likely to bend or warp compared to metal or plastic frames, providing a stable and reliable base for your mattress.
Aesthetics: Wooden ottoman beds can add a touch of elegance and warmth to any bedroom decor. The natural beauty of wood creates a classic and timeless look that can complement various interior styles, whether it's traditional, rustic, or contemporary. Wooden frames also come in different finishes, such as oak, walnut, or painted options, allowing you to choose the one that suits your personal taste.
Storage capabilities: One of the primary advantages of a wooden ottoman bed is its built-in storage functionality. The base of the bed is designed to lift easily, providing ample storage space underneath. This is particularly useful for those with limited bedroom storage options. You can store extra bedding, pillows, blankets, or other items neatly out of sight, helping to keep your bedroom clutter-free and organized.
Space-saving: Ottoman beds are an excellent choice for rooms with limited space. The storage space provided by the ottoman design eliminates the need for additional storage furniture like dressers or chests, saving valuable floor space. By maximizing the use of the area under the bed, you can make the most of your bedroom's square footage.
Easy access: Unlike traditional under-bed storage solutions, such as drawers, ottoman beds offer easy access to the stored items. You can lift the mattress and the base effortlessly, providing convenient access to your belongings. This is especially beneficial when you frequently need to retrieve or store items from the storage space.
Versatility: Wooden ottoman beds are versatile and can adapt to different bedroom layouts or design changes. Since they come in various sizes, from single to king-size, you can find the right dimensions to suit your needs. Additionally, the neutral and adaptable nature of wooden frames allows you to switch up your decor style without worrying about clashing with your bed.
Enhanced mattress support: A wooden ottoman bed provides excellent support for your mattress. The solid wood or engineered wood slats evenly distribute the weight of the mattress, helping to prolong its lifespan. This support promotes proper spinal alignment, leading to a comfortable and restful sleep experience.
In summary, choosing an ottoman bed can offer the benefits of durability, aesthetics, storage capabilities, space-saving features, easy access to stored items, versatility, and enhanced mattress support. These advantages make wooden ottoman beds a popular choice for individuals seeking both functionality and style in their bedroom furniture.

Growing up, I never really understood it when people say they're in a "good/bad place" and yung sinasabi nilang "demons in my head"--I always thought they referred to temptations only. Until recently.
For reference, I am very socially awkward, not exactly anti-social, just very very awkward. You can invite me to a party and aside from being too lazy to prepare for it, I don't exactly have problems going, just don't expect me to be good at socializing. Nung highschool, I don't exactly have enemies--save for this one guy, but other than that, I get along fine with people. They don't hate me, I don't hate them either. Mejo nafi-feel kong there are people who don't like me and I do tiptoe around them but I really wasn't bullied, in my opinion. Not ostracized either (if they did, I won't know, but I don't think they did).
Of course, minsan may discussions and disagreements, but focused kami masyado sa pagsstudy so I don't think I had major conflicts with others. I don't have anything to complain much about them. Baka insensitive lang talaga ako so I often just get confused kung bakit may nararamdaman akong "aura" minsan na parang ayaw nila sakin, pero di naman nila ako explicitly inaaway and they're far too busy to backstab me just as I was too busy to mull over it. That's not to say wala akong friends--there were a few--but otherwise walang toxic eme. I can go around talking to people from different circles. Civil lang, ganun.
Same thing during college. Though I admit mas gusto ko yung college days ko kasi I genuinely like my course, and naturally, if you love what you're doing, other peoples' opinions don't really matter much to you. College was stressful, but far more fruitful. That was the time I realized what "friend" really meant, because I don't think na-orient ako nyan growing up. Di ko alam kung autistic ba ako or what, but when I was a kid, ako yung type na di nakakaintindi when other kids say "panget" or "maganda", ang nagegets ko lang is negative/positive sya based on the way people said it. Like, kung sinasabi nila "ew, maganda" with a disgusted face, I would think it's a bad word, ganern. As far as paano nasasabi ng mga tao na "panget" o "maganda" ang isang bagay--I didn't understand it. Basta yung mga adjective na masyadong subjective and abstract, I could not comprehend it.
Ngayong matanda na ako, of course I do understand those things, but that's just one example. There are still times na caught off-guard ako minsan kasi I don't understand how people can tell things apart.Same thing sa "friendship". I never really understood it, and I didn't understand why some kids would rather hangout with friends than rest at home and read books--my hobby. I just chalked it up to maybe yun lang talaga nagpapasaya sa kanila, but I didn't know why you needed a friend.
Di ako na-orient nyan as a kid. The girl na kapitbahay namin na I thought was a friend would one day play with me and we would be happy but the next day, she'd be mean and would laugh at me from their doorstep and when I ask if maglalaro ba kami, she would forbid her siblings from doing so. She switches from these modes often. It always felt like it was my fault by the way she looks at me and hates me, pero always akogn clueless. I don't thnk I cried or was saddened by it, but I remember being very confused every time she switches back and forth from being the Ate I could play with to being unreasonably mean. I would ask why but she will never answer and will snub me instead. Ako, helpless, would just be confused but helpless so I'd go do other things--like playing that old coin-operated Super Mario game machine or just going back home to read. I was never sad about it, but confused and frustrated, yes--frustrated kasi di ko magets kung bakit ganun nangyari. That for me was a "friend" so I really didn't think I needed one, because I figured people could be whimsical--one day magkasundo kayo, the next day, for some reason hindi na kayo friends. Ganun din parents namin eh.
Even "pakikisama" is such a foreign concept to me. Nung naging teenager ako, anime was the only thing from which I remotely learned about socializing, including paano maging reasonable and stuff. Being a mahirap na Filipino, realistic tayo by nature, so di naman ako nagka-chuuni syndrome. 😂 But I learned to appreciate emotions and people around me--specifically my family. When I was 12, my youngest sister was born. That was the time I realized what the word "cute" meant--literally; because just like panget/maganda, I also did not understand "cute" until I saw my baby sister. Ganun pala yung feeling makakita ng "cute". That was also the time I felt something na di ko maexplain, I just know na I decided I wanted to treasure this tiny little human blob. Perhaps I felt the same thing with my younger brother when he was born all those years ago, but that time, I was still a toddler myself so I was more jealous than happy hahahaha (hey, I love my brother, but when we were kids, we'd be at each other's throats due to early childhood rivalry, lol).
Anyway, sorry masyadong mahaba yung segue lol, basta the idea is, I have A LOT of things I don't know when it comes to interacting with people. Masasabi mong EQ = -1 ganern. This means I'm bad at talking. (Sa hinaba-haba ng post na to, di pa ba obvious?)
Chatting is just as hard. For some reason, I have grown to be very opinionated as well, so there will be times na I could go strong with my opinions. I've always been aware na perhaps I'm just wrong because there's an underlying connotation or social context clue na nami-miss ko. But when you're an adult, people expect you to have known things like that already--well, no I don't. I am aware na maraming mga tao who will find people like me who "can't read the atmosphere" irritating. The best I can do is just stay silent once I notice na I ruined the mood for everyone.
Seriously, I just wish there's like a manual for interacting with people. I even wanted to join etiquette classes so that I don't make people uncomfortable (pero wala tayong cash, bes, so tiis2 na lang tayo sa pagreresearch online).Rest assured, I am trying to hold back bombarding chat groups with my strong opinions (like for example mga issue ng mga artista). I'm not a know-it-all, that's for sure, but maybe the way I say things kind of give that vibe? Minsan pag may shine-share sila na link ng mga controversial posts, pinagkakatuwaan nila, but when I try to say the same things, they all go silent and it seems like I didn't have the right to say it?
Well, whatever the case I'm obviously still not doing good enough sa "pakikisama" portion. Baka awkward lang sila sa akin because I do tend to come off strongly with my opinions. I'm really bad at conversations except when it's work. But this isn't really the problem I'm worrying about. I know my friends aren't that shallow (ffs, we're too old for drama), and we do get along when we find a subject we can all relate to (the convo could go on until madaling araw). So it's really not that bad.
The problem I'm facing right now is that these things are haunting me these days for some reason. Up until a few weeks ago, I never had breakdowns and I felt content. Maybe I felt a little bad about my weight but I was otherwise okay. However, recently, I am having thoughts of how inadequate I am (for reasons I have narrated above, mostly about being socially awkward). It just so happened na quiet ang gc namin lately and somehow (despite this happening many times in the past, because we're kind of low-maintenance as a friend group) I felt like my presence was not needed which I think isn't really true, because these girls, despite being sarcastic to things on social media, were never mean to me. If there is anything, they are the type to say it to my face or will calmly advise me.
Like I said, I know they are not like that, but lately, it's like a little voice keeps telling me I'm not needed. It's not just about this gc either. I'm starting to think I might be underperforming at work kahit na I KNOW FOR A FACT I AM DOING VERY WELL at it. I even get thanks from the client sometimes! There's also the thought na baka I'm not being a good daughteate because I feel like I'm getting more toxic by the day, but I know that my sister and my mother don't feel that way.
Naiisip ko rin na maybe yung reason kung bakit wala pa akong boyfriend/partner is because there's something about me that males don't like. I'm kinda convinced that if I had a partner, they would cheat because I'm just not perfect (the ex did cheat). And I know that not all men cheat, but I think there won't be a decent guy my age (yung hindi red flag) who would take me--all the good ones are taken or married at this point, and the rare ones who are still single probably won't like me either. Pero sa totoo lang, kahit na I feel lonely, I honestly don't think may oras ako for that kind of relationship and wala akong boyfriend because yes maybe I am difficult to be with but I also don't go out and meet new people so malamang noh, wala tayong prospect. Anyway, I'm at the age na focused ako sa work, so di talaga big deal na wala akong jowa (mostly because choice kong magstay sa bahay).
But for some reason, since last week, bigla na lang na I'm feeling bad about myself because of these things. Always na lang akong may napupuna and I'm constantly thinking na kasalanan ko lahat. There's this stupid little voice that keeps saying that I'm useless, that the world is better off without me. And it's weird because I am sure that's not true. I may not be the best person in the world, but alam kong may iiyak when I'm gone; at least my sister would. I could not do that to her kasi may history din sya of trying to cut her wrists back then. The reason umuwi ako from working in Japan is largely to prevent that from happening again. She's come a long way now, and she can express herself as well. She's still very considerate of others (unlike a certain someone) but she at least now knows how to say "no" when she doesn't like something. She can now criticize as well! 👏 She's now confident of herself and no longer hides from the camera, she's even dressed up very beautifully and enjoying their graduation ball now as we speak! Anyway, I cannot bring her such grief now na magco-college na sya.
Di ko talaga alam kung saan galing tong mga negative thoughts na to. I feel like a wreck even now as I am writing this. Minsan, pag ako lang mag-isa, naiiyak ako bigla. I keep reminding myself that all those negative thoughts are just me overthinking things again (I had a history of chronically overthinking). Ang naiisip ko lang is baka yung slimming coffee na I started drinking ko is making my brain hyperactive that I'm now having these self-deprecating useless thoughts na di naman talaga totoo. Sabi nga nila, "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." I never really understood that until now. Baka sobrang bored ng utak ko na kahit ano na lang iniisip neto? Do I need a new hobby? Ito na yata yung sinasabi nilang "demons in my head", kahit anu-anong bullshit na lang pinagsasabi.
Yung coffee, ininom ko lang sya kasi I felt like I have been overeating. I've been over eating for years by the way (maybe 5 yrs now?), to the point na there were nights where I ask my sister "Ano kaya masarap kainin bukas?" while we are on the bed, trying to sleep--ganun kalala bes. Napapadalas na rin yung pangangasim ng tiyan ko sa dami ng kinakain ko, so I decided to find a way to stop overeating. Admittedly, na-curb na yung appetite ko with the coffee. I still eat regularly, just not as much. Di rin laxative yung coffee, di naman ako napapatae eh. It does dehydrate me more often (which means I have to drink more water) and I feel light headed after drinking it. I did stop drinking it for a few days, but the negativity didn't go away.
Anyways, I'm not sure if it's the coffee. Regardless, I have to make sure na kahit anong factors pa yan, I want to stop thinking negatively about myself like this. Once may ni-share yung friend ko sa gc namin. Kung may negative thoughts daw, either kelangan mo lang kumain, mag-exercise or maligo. I'm doing those. I feel like kelangan ko lang talaga ifocus yung attention ko sa mga mas importanteng bagay rather than this shithole, but I also don't want to burn myself out. I just probably need to be genuinely happy with myself to get rid of this negativity.
I cannot tell my friends or my family about this. I don't want my friends to go "here she goes again" and burden them. They are MY friends, I've already unloaded a lot to them over the years, so baka mamaya sila na yung ma-overburden. As for my family, as much as I love them, my parents unfortuantely cannot help much in that department. They're very strongly opinionated, and it will just be a long narrative of "you know, back in my day" and the conversation will then become about them--either that or if they're in a bad mood, they'll angrily ask me "what do you want me to do about it?" Hindi uso yung weak-minded sa kanila. Don't get me wrong, my parents did their best to raise us and frankly, they did awesome, but they themselves are also struggling to be happy. I cannot give them one more thing to worry about.
Sorry, this has been a long post. I'm just actually trying to yap away to dissect my thoughts. I'm glad we have this platform where I can write anonymously. Writing does help out a lot in organizing thoughts after all. Now that I've written this far, the rational part of my brain has some solid ground it can use to fight back against that "voice". I thought about private journalling as well, but somehow, I want people to read it too. Perhaps it's a narcissistic tendency? It's anonymous anyways.
If ever I have episodes of feeling badly about myself again, I hope I can read this and remind myself that I am not what those voices say I am.

Hi all,
So this is my first time using Capcut. I took a video of my brothers first dance at his wedding and at about 1:27 into the video I rotated my phone to get a better angle. I'm trying to figure out how to do the transition but having no luck.
Have you guys got any idea how to do it?
Cheers
P.s. I'm currently on the mobile app for Android. But can do on PC from tomorrow onwards.