i've lurked on this subreddit for years. reading everyone's experiences makes me feel both seen but also alone.
i'm twenty years old. i've been mentally and emotionally abused all my life; physically too when i was younger, before i got the balls to fight back. a lot of my memories are blurry, a mix of adhd, c-ptsd, and drug abuse. i know what i went through was abuse, but sometimes i question how bad it actually was. sometimes i question if i was as much of a victim as i think.
sometimes i'm certain my family are full of narcissists. my earliest memory is my mother beating me for spilling a can of paint when i was four. all my life, i was conditioned to put my family and their image and needs above my own. it hurts to think about because i also know they sacrificed a lot to raise me and my brother, immigrant family and all. they say they did their best, but if this is their best, why am i so fucked up? why do i have a panic attack every time someone raises their voice? why do i have so much trouble asking for help? why do i feel like i'm always holding my breath when i interact with people, waiting for the moment the world crumbles down on me because i said the wrong thing?
sometimes i think my family are all monsters, but they are my family, and i unfortunately am also a monster.
i have a lot of fleas. it's the way i learned how to survive. that's part of the reason i feel so alone on this subreddit. yes, i'm a victim, but i never took it quietly. i never let myself get too hurt without doing some damage back. i stopped caring for them, i stopped viewing them as people. i knew how to attack them where it hurt and i gave them none of the power to hurt me. a combination of gray-rocking and back-and-front verbal-sometimes-physical violence for the last six years have left me with a lot of guilt, inadequate people skills, and the inability to open up and be vulnerable.
the last conversation i had with my nmother was her telling me i was abandoning her like my father did. it rolled off my shoulders. after that, i just cut into her for fun. because i could. because i was leaving already and burning this bridge so i might as well add kerosene because it's not gonna matter.
i told her her lack of self esteem was obvious and she was a leech who drained the life out of every single person she came across because of how truly empty she was inside. i told her she failed as a mother and if this was her best then she was pathetic.
she didn't even fight back. she had nothing to say except that she wished me well and that i found whatever peace i was looking for. she tried to tell me that if i ever needed anything that she was there, and i said that i would rather cut off my arm than ever need anything from her again, because anything from her came with a price. even things like food and shelter. i would never feel human being under the same roof as her. she used to make me feel like such a burden that i would starve in my room for days just to avoid seeing her in the kitchen.
she cried. i didn't care. i couldn't find it in me to care anymore. when you hit a dog, you shouldn't be surprised if it bites you. taking the high road doesn't satisfy me. what's satisfying about just taking whatever beating or insult or guilt-tripping for the sake of some moral high ground?
i'm being extremely emotionally volatile already but being around my family, particularly my nmom, makes my fuse 10x shorter. but it was honestly relieving. instead of just bottling up my anger and having imaginary arguments in my head i could say that shit out loud. and i didn't have to worry about what happens after because i'm FUCKING GONE.
i'm my worst self around my family. i want to hurt them the way they hurt me. and that makes me feel so alone on this subreddit. i feel like to be a "real victim" or whatever, i just needed to take their shit forever. but no. i hurt my family a lot. we were all terrible to each other. we were the four most incompatible people ever put under a single roof and we dehumanized the hell out of each other. my father left when i was fifteen and i hate him for it, but honestly? he had the right idea. it's lonely being a bad victim. i feel like a rabid dog that needs to be put down.

I'm talking about the entire scene with Roads math homeworks. Aren't memories of Noahs atleast 7000 years old? During those 7000 years no Noah was able to learn math for a 15 years old?

I just had my honeymoon (originally scheduled for Jun 2020). My wife and I are in our early thirties. It’s my wife’s first time in japan while it’s my fourth. I’ve benefitted immensely from stalking Tokyo travel reddit and would like to return the favour. I’ll provide some of my tips and observations to the end (skip to the end if the itinerary doesn’t interest you), some of which I think haven’t been mentioned before.
Thank God pretty much everything went to plan, and my wife thoroughly enjoyed the trip. We spent 12 days in Japan, most of it in Tokyo and 2 nights in Kawaguchiko. Many people were surprised to know that we’d be spending most of our trip in Tokyo, but I thought it was just fine because Tokyo had a lot to offer. My wife and I aren’t big on visiting shrines or tick tourist hotspots off a checklist. We don’t shop much, but we did a lot of it simply because it’s Japan and we bought lots of quality-of-life items (not fashion) for ourselves and others. Given how much my wife really enjoyed the trip, I think others with similar interests could find something helpful too.
Pre-trip planning

• Other than the hotel & flights, I booked the highway express bus to Kawaguchiko one week prior.
• Decided on the airport limousine bus to bring us from the airport to the city a few days prior.
• Studio Ghibli tickets booked one month in advance. International tickets were quickly sold out, so we used a free VPN to get onto the Japanese site which had more tickets & timings available. Simply Google translate the entire page.
• Booked a cooking class on cookly months prior.
• Did Visit Japan QR two days prior. It takes some time so do it earlier rather than later.
• Added all places of interests in a Google list, and all food places in another Google list. I tried the custom Google maps at first but didn’t feel the UI was easy to navigate.
• Planned itinerary based on location proximity, and also highlighted parts that were interchangeable in case we wanted to switch it up (which we did).

Planning during the trip

• The Google maps foods list was always just for consideration: if we had time or were craving something. We didn't hard-code food places into our daily plans. But when food was the primary activity (e.g. visiting Tsukiji market), we'd determine to visit particular food stalls. Otherwise, just needed to do a cursory Google review check on whether a random food place is worth eating it. As a principle, we didn't want to spend time unnecessarily queuing for food.
• I'd plan the next day's itinerary the night before, considering fatigue, interest, and proximity. I would create a brand new Google maps list for the next day, including potential food places.

Day 0 (Wed) - Arrival at Shinjuku Airport- Arrived in Haneda late, about 11. Clearance was quick but baggage took 30mins. I had no choice but to cancel my airport limousine and take the metro to our hotel in Shinjuku.- I tried Apple wallet’s Suica at first. It worked seamlessly but felt that a physical metro card was just faster so I eventually switched over.- Reached after midnight, so do let your hotel know in advance if you anticipate arriving at odd hours.
Day 1 (Thurs) - Shinjuku exploration- Originally planned to visit Tsukiji on day 1, but given that we arrive late the previous night, agreed with my wife to change the plan and spend the first day doing the Shinjuku itinerary.

• Walked to a popular Tsukumen place at 11. Queued for 20mins and it was an interesting experience as there were lines of people standing right behind watching you eat. Wife said it was her best Tsukumen ever!
• Sekaido for art supplies: My wife does art so it was a haven for her. We spent a few hours there!
• Tokyu Hands Shinjuku: but two floors were under renovation.
• Omoide Yokocho: A quick walkthrough. Many tourists.

Day 2 (Fri) - Kappabashi St., Fabric Town, Akihabara

• Kappabashi Dougu Street: looked at kitchen supplies and to find a nice knife! (Do research on what knife you need beforehand).
• Fabric Town: My wife just passed a seamstress exam so she eagerly anticipated visiting fabric town, we spent a few hours in Tomato.
• Akihabara (Animate, Bic Camera, Gyukatsu Don): It was drizzling the entire day so it was not the most comfortable lugging that many bags around a wet Akihabara in the evening. Wife wasn’t interested but I wanted to let her experience this unique culture. Had dinner at a popular gyukatsu don (beef cutlet that you’d have to cook yourself). It was fantastic and I had never eaten it. But it was a long one hour wait.

Day 3 (Sat) - Cooking class in Shinjuku, Shibuya

• Private cooking class in Shinjuku: Our host was great! We were invited into his cosy house and he taught us how to make Okonomiyaki, Yakisoba, and a Japanese salad. My wife absolutely loved the experience of getting to know a local and understanding his life story, Japanese culture, and some of his horror stories of guests. We got more food recs from him to understand where the locals really ate at.
• Shibuya 109: Paid $5 for a drink to have a bird’s eye view of the Shibuya crossing. It was Saturday so the people crossing was at its full force. Even if you think this is touristy, it’s amazing to see that many people like little ants crossing a street. There are several nice locations here to take some artsy shots.
• Ishibashi Music Shibuya: absolutely loved the vibe in this music store. Back home, I’ve been thinking about getting a particular keyboard but never got a chance to try it. I was able to play this particular one undisturbed and feel totally comfortable. Bought a few Japan exclusive guitar picks as gifts.
• Shibuya Tokyu Hands: This was amazing. I thought Shinjuku Tokyu Hands was the flagship store. So I only stumbled into this because I urgently needed to pee and someone said Tokyu hands had toilets. We were confused as its name was rebranded to simple Hands with a new logo. This is the Tokyu Hands to go. Each floor had 2 sub-floors so that’s a ton of floors! Lots of quality-of-life improvements one could get from this store. My wife got a buckwheat pillow.
• Shibuya Loft: After Sekaido, I didn’t think there was much to look at. But Loft was very different. Similar to Tokyu hands but seems more modern and fashionable. Worth visiting together with Tokyu hands! It also had packaged food available! It was late and my wife and I concluded that we didn’t have to to explore all the floors and that we’d return to Shibuya again.

Day 4 (Sun) - Komazawa Church, Harajuku, Shibuya

• Church in Komazawa: not a tourist activity, but we linked up with some partners from our home church and attended service at a little church held in a nursery. It was an amazing and encouraging experience.
• Harajuku: Way too crowded. I had anticipated this as it was a Sunday, but thought to just try. Takeshita street was so packed my wife feared there would be a trample risk (it wasn’t that bad). We did queue 20mins for pretty tasty crepe. After checking out all the recommended streets (e.g. cat street, uru-harajuku), my wife simply felt that she couldn’t stand the Harajuku crowd and the vibes. So we decided to go back to Shibuya again!
• Shibuya JINS: I didn’t mention this but previously in Shinjuku and Shibuya, I had been checking out recommended optical shops in the vicinity. I had something in particular in mind. Japanese-made glasses are highly-rated, but I couldn’t find something at the right price-point. At JINS, I found a design I liked. Though not made in Japan, it cost me less than 5000 yen. Took them 1 hour to make it. For some reason I loved the vibes at Shibuya, and I earmarked it to return again later.

Day 5 (Mon) - Tsukiji Market, Ginza Muji/Uniqlo, Tokyo station

• Tsukiji market: wanted to arrive before 8 and was 30m late. But the crowds weren’t that bad either. Everything we tried was lovely. Potato/corn fishcakes, strawberry mochi, tamago, wagyu beef, uni inarisushi, unagi. But the star was Masa burger, which we waited till 11am to try. By then, the tourist buses had come and the streets were packed. But Masa burger was in a corner and we were their first customers. The fried codfish burger + homemade ginger ale was so well done and packed with such fresh and interesting salads! It so so good we had it twice.
• Ginza Uniqlo/Muji: we wanted to take a look at some of Uniqlo’s exclusive items. Apparently they do have exclusive t-shirts for each region (e.g. Harajuku, Shibuya, Ginza). They tend to be collaborations with well-known food places in the area. However, they were always white in colour and not made-in-japan-quality. Muji was a disappointment, not a lot more than the usual.
• Tokyo Station Ghibli & Tenugui: Went to Tokyo station to check out the Ghibli store and to look for a particular traditional tenugui (Japanese towels) store as my wife were hunting these down to give as gifts.
• Shinjuku Ichiran & Mister Donut: We returned to Shinjuku for Ichiran ramen, specifically at 5+pm. No crowds at all. Yummy! We then saw a Mister Donut, and recalled news in our home country that when it first opened, people queued 5 hours for it. We thought to try it to see what the fuss was all about. Cash only, but the donuts were wonderfully textured and not too sweet. My wife doesn’t like sweet stuff, but mister donut really hit the sweet spot (no pun intended).

Day 6 (Tue) - Tokyo National Museum, Fabric town revisit, Akihabara revisit, Ochanomizu

• Tokyo Tokyo National Museum: We had a good time learning about Japan’s early history, and discovered that so much that we know of Japan resulted from Chinese/korean influence.
• Fabric town & Akihabara revisit, Ochonomizu: We decided that this was likely the right time to go back for items we missed out on or didn’t have time to see. My wife went to fabric town while I went to Akihabara’s Yodaibashi camera, which I felt to be better and with more varied things than Bic Camera. I then went to Ochanomizu to look at more music and sport shops. We met up again at Shinjuku for another Gyukatsu Don before heading to mister donuts again.

Day 7 (Wed) - Shinjuku Gyoen Garden, Mori Museum, Ginza Wakamatsu, Shinjuku

• Shinjuku Gyoen Garden: lovely large garden grounds. We spent almost an hour just lying under a tree and watching clouds float by. Wife was doing some rough sketches of the garden. We had mister donuts from last night for breakfast.
• Mori Museum: Saw the exhibition of Heatherwick studios, which was inspiring and educational. Paid for the rooftop access to have a quick view of Tokyo from 50-ish floors up.
• Ginza Wakamatsu: Because of one of the Uniqlo-ginza-exclusive t-shirts, my wife was curious about this traditional Japanese dessert. So we gave it a check and realised it’s been around for more than a century. There was a short line (mainly Japanese elderly). The shop interior transported us back decades. It felt surreal eating a dessert that the Japanese ate centuries ago. It’s certainly doesn’t excite and overwhelm one’s taste buds immediately as modern desserts do. But there’s an old charm to it.
• Shinjuku Okadaya fabric: Returned to Shinjuku as my wife wanted to check out another of their famous fabric stores. Prices were more expensive than fabric town, but somewhat different items.

Day 8 (Thurs) - Kawaguchiko

• Bus to Kawaguchiko: Packed light to Kawaguchiko, and forwarded our remaining luggage to our post-Kawaguchiko hotel in Tamachi. The Shinjuku hotel staff were very helpful. I was merely inquiring on how luggage forwarding was done, but he picked up the phone, called my Tamachi hotel to confirm the booking, and prepared the documents for me. All I had to do was roll my luggage the next night to them and make payment. Booked a 7:45am bus to Kawaguchiko and managed to catch a glimpse of Mount Fuji when we were on our way there!
• Cycling In Kawaguchiko: We lugged our bags to our hotel and headed out again. My wife was quite hesitant about cycling overseas and I was also worried it’d tire her out too much. I debated between cycling or simply taking the sight-seeing bus. Eventually felt it worth it. We unexpectedly walked by an e-bike place and decided - why not? Neither of us had tried an e-bike before and that could reduce the effort required for my wife. So we did and boy was it fun! It took a while to get used to the e-bike but it really reduced a lot of effort up the hills! I barely sweat. Kawaguchiko had pretty narrow roads so it wasn’t the easiest to cycle. But I had plenty of road-cycling experience back at home so I was not very deterred. We borrowed helmets from the e-bike place but saw that we were the only tourists that wore them.
• Kubota Itchiku Art Museum: Cycled here knowing that this museum would interest my wife. It had a garden that was free entry and it was beautiful! The pond had a singular vibrant-coloured Koi swimming in it. The Museum requires tickets. My wife was so enthralled by it. I was kinda sick of museums so I told her I’d wait for her outside. Wife took about 45m inside and even bought a heavy hard-cover book of Itchiku Kubota’s kimono art :/
• Momiji Corridor: was just 50m away. Still beautiful with only green leaves, but I’d imagine it would be majestic in Autumn/Spring.
• Oishi Park: Many beautiful flowers! It’s a pity that it had been cloudy the entire day, and Mt Fuji was not visible. That would have made the cycle perfect. Park was crowded with tourists.

Day 9 (Fri) - Fuji Q Highlands, Shimoyoshida Honcho St, Batting Cage
Planning for Fuji Q & Morning Jog: I didn’t plan to go to Fuji-Q highlands before the trip. Always felt it a bit of a waste to visit amusement parks overseas. That’s until I realised that Fuji Q had some of the most exciting, (I mean world-record-holding) rollercoasters in the world. Perhaps not anymore, but that intrigued me enough, because most amusement parks only had 1-2 coasters. Problem was that wife is terrified, and she said cycling on the streets of Kawaguchiko was like a coaster ride for her. So I decided I would reach at opening time, and buy time by paying for the fast passes and try their top three coasters. The night before, we felt that we had to make decisions on our itinerary as it was our last day at Kawaguchiko. If Mt Fuji wasn’t visible, go to Oshino Hakkai, if it was, we could try going to Shimoyoshida to get a nice picture.

• I took a morning jog that morning and my jaw dropped when I saw Mount Fuji towering over Kawaguchiko. I raced back to tell my wife (about 6am) and we both trekked up to a viewing spot to enjoy the view. This made it more urgent to not spend too much time at Fuji Q as we didn’t know how long Mt. Fuji would be visible for.
• Fuji-Q Highlands: Was absolutely amazing. Yes, I blew a lot of cash here buying fast passes for the three available coasters. But they were some of the craziest coasters. Took Eejanaika, Fujiyama and Takabisha. Total time it took probably a little more than 1 hour with the express passes. It was so good but so fast; I have little memory of it, except that there was a 90 degree climb to the top for Takabisha and I had a beautiful view of Mt. Fuji while climbing to the supposed world record of 79m for Fujiyama (this was 2 days before the news reported that Fujiyama got stuck in the middle of a ride and the people in the carts had to climb down :o). Had more time to take a few other rides, and enjoyed all the Naruto statues around for fun photo-taking. What I really enjoyed about the park was that it was mostly filled with Japanese tourists; in fact, there was a Japanese school having an outing there. It was nice to see excited students running about.
• Shomoyoshida Honcho St: This destination was simply to take the famous street view of Mount Fuji with Japanese shops lined in the foreground. It’s not easy to get to, and there was quite a walk. We noticed there weren’t much people around, and most shops were closed. But when we reached the destination, there were many tourists right at the particular traffic light. So much so there was a grumpy Japanese traffic police person managing the crowd. We saw the worst of tourists that day. People were disobeying traffic laws and just running in the middle of the road just to get a shot. We chanced upon a hidden udon shop and it felt like we were transported back to the 50’s! It was super old school, people sat on raised platforms, and several elderly customers were watching the tele while eating. There was only one udon option available, with free cabbage top-ups. We learnt that the shop had been around for 73 years.
• Batting Cage: I had never played baseball/softball and my home country doesn’t have a baseball culture. Yet I had seen batting cages in Japanese drama and always wanted to try. Loved it! My technique was probably pretty bad! I did well at first but as I tried faster balls, I tired out and failed to hit any haha. We ended the day eating ramen outdoors with a view of Mount Fuji.

Day 10 (Sat) - Kichijoji, Ghibli Museum, Kichijoji Jazz bar
Woke up before sunrise for a run and to attempt to catch a sunrise picture of Mount Fuji. Streets were completely empty. Even ran to the famous Kawaguchiko Lawson for a picture. Headed back for an onsen bathe (note: we never used the hotel bathroom, and always went for an onsen bath throughout our stay in Kawaguchiko). Took a 7am bus to return to Shinjuku.

• Kichijoji: Arrived at Kichijoji at about 10. Wife really loved the vibes there. We we tried the Tsukuba suisan fish cakes which were really tasty, and my wife was intrigued that a line had formed at the adjacent store named Ozasa. Apparently they sell traditional Japanese desserts and locals would go there as early as 5am to get a ticket. So we queued and managed to get three boxes worth of the snacks! Tried the Amane Taiyaki fish-shaped bean paste snacks, another traditional dessert. It was a small lovely old shop.
• Ghibli Museum: Requires a long walk through Inokashira park. Ghibli was fantastic. Many people have been saying recently that it’s over-rated, and that it doesn’t cater to foreign crowds and most things are in Japanese. We similarly struggled with that at first. But we found out that if you asked the staff, they actually had English language exhibition booklets ready for every exhibition! That was a revelation. And we managed to understand almost all the exhibitions by asking the uniformed staff (except the short film, which had minimal dialogue anyway). I mentioned this to one foreign group and they were really grateful for that. But I saw that many other foreigners that probably came earlier were just bored or simply going crazy at the Ghibli shop. My wife bought the museum book (which also has English explanations of each exhibit), and we understood Miyazaki’s vision for the museum - to make it suitable for kids and adults, with no pre-determined route, allowing for play, exploration, to help people be inspired by the artists’ process. Through that, we saw that everything in the museum was intentionally designed, all of the exhibitions, cafe, shop, and garden. Reading that helped me appreciate and enjoy the museum much more.
• Roaming Kichijoji and Some Time Jazz bar: My wife and I split up to roam kichijoji. I checked out some sports shops and saw that their prices were lower than Ochanomizu. We reconvened for dinner at Sometime Jazz bar. I’m picking up Jazz piano but had never been to a jazz bar. Booked it one day before, but was sad that our table position only allowed us to see some of the drummer and the pianist’s expression. Still, it was a very cool place and we had a wonderful time. We only sat through the first half of the performance that night. Note that there are seating charges, so that + dinner added up to quite a lot. But we rationalised that this was akin to paying for a performance. Checked into our hotel in Tamachi.

Day 11 (Sun) - Tokyo Sky Tree, Shinjuku, Back to Kichijoji, Shibuya
It was a crazy day where we simply hit the places we wanted to revisit regardless of proximity. Headed to Tokyo Skytree in the morning to check out another Ghibli store. If you’re not going to the Ghibli museum, this is probably the best store available. Headed to Shinjuku to try curry udon, then to Kichijoji to try satou beef balls and dangos and to make some purchasing decisions on some sports equipment. Then we ended up at Shibuya (my favourite place!) to the mega Don Quijote and Tokyu Hands to shop for gifts for others. It was a lovely end to our trip!
Day 12 (Mon) - Back home
Best trip ever, says my wife.
Tips for travellers

• Spread out your itinerary: I originally planned to front-load all the must-see tourist stuff and leave the remaining days for shopping. But in May, Ghibli Museum was closed for two weeks so we had no choice but to schedule it at the end of the trip. That was a better arrangement. It felt that each day was distinctly different, and we could remember the highlight of each day. Also, be specific about where you want to go. Don’t simply put locations like - Visit Harajuku, or visit Shibuya crossing.
• Plan your itinerary in consideration of weekend crowds: Places like Tsujiki market, Ghibli Museum, Fuji-Q Highlands and other stuff are likely going to be very crowded on weekends. If you want to shop in Harajuku or Shibuya, try to avoid weekends. I opted to put the cooking class and ‘less-exciting’ Museums on weekends.- Use your telco’s roaming or get an e-sim: My wife and I split up on several occasions, so we already knew the pocket wifi was out of the question.
• Carry more cash than you think you need: In my experience, the cash-to-card ratio was about 40:60. Considering that all metro card top-ups require cash, you really need more cash that necessary. Sometimes even bigger restaurants are cash only.
• Bring foldable tote bags, and use lockers where necessary: If you’re buying stuff, packing them in tote bags makes it easier. Bigger shops will charge you for bags. All stations likely have lockers and they are really affordable and convenient.
• Travel light by planning to do laundry: I only brought four sets of clothing, and we did laundry every 3-4 days or so. It’s really convenient, about 200 yen per 30m wash, and another 200 yen for a 1h dry. It’s worthwhile to check if your hotel has coin laundry available.
• Buy wisely: Many people say the kind of things available at places like Don Quijote or Uniqlo are mind-blowing. Fact is, most of them are made in China or elsewhere. Almost 95% of the items we saw in Daiso were made in China. In fact, many items in Kappabashi street were made in China. You’re more likely to get value for money by buying a made in Japan item. Sometimes the shop will highlight if a product is Japan made. But other times, you have to scrutinise the fine print. Learn to look out for these three words in Kanji: 日本製. This is where the camera function of Google translate is immensely helpful. This was not available or widely publicised when I last visited Japan years back in 2016, so use this tech to your advantage and scrutinise the fine print!
• Plan your toilet trips if possible: If you know you’re headed to low-rise areas like Tsujiki, Fabric town where it’s just shop after shop, it’s going to be hard to find a toilet. Make sure you relieve yourself beforehand at the train station. But if you still need to go, try to find a multi-storey building and chances are, there’ll be toilets available there.
• Avoid queuing for food by timing right: In general, I found that most popular food places that required queuing had queues mainly consisting of foreigners. I wonder if this is because of the reddit/youtube/google maps review effect (not a lot of Japanese review on Google I think). Simply put, almost all food places open at 11am, so be there at 11, or have early dinner at 5pm and perhaps you may avoid the queuing.
• Scrutinise Google maps to figure out the different train types: for daily travel, there are local, rapid, and express trains. Local trains stop at every station. Rapid skips a few, and express trains likely only stops at key location. They make a big difference to travel time, and to your comfort. When Google maps recommends a route, scrutinise the detail to ensure what kind of train they are recommending. It gets confusing at the station as the platforms on your left and right may end up at the same location, but one could be a local train and the other an express train.
• Learn just 2 essential phrases: I know it may feel weird to some, but just learn to say thank you in Japanese (arigato gozaimasu). The other essential word is - summimasen - excuse me/sorry. Useful for if you need to exit a crowded train, or if you need to get someone’s attention. We survived with just these two phrases. As our cooking teacher told us - it’s better to say something in Japanese than say nothing at all. For the rest, you can use Google translate app’s picture function.
• Other misc tips: as mentioned, bring trash bags. Some shops explicitly tell you not to walk around and eat their food. So the solution is to finish the snack in front of the shop, and say, “summimasen, can you help me to throw this trash?” That helped us avoid carrying trash around a lot. As a traveller, you’re gonna get a lot of carbs (a bowl of udon + a bowl of rice....?) and fried food. Try to go to the basements of shopping centres and get yourself some fruits. Also, if you exercise regularly like me, you'd be concerned about getting some exercise. I did pre-trip research on pools/gyms/parks to visit. But visited none of them. I settled with a daily morning routine of 100 squats and 100 pushups. That and walking an average of 18k steps daily helped. I actually lost some weight somehow.

Observations

• Drinking culture in Japan: we saw quite a few drunk people in the streets. Some of them at the parks. I had never really seen drunkards much in my home country (it could be because I don’t stay out late). When we walked by a bar area with our cooking instructor, he told us some of the people in them had been there overnight.
• The Japanese sleep late: when we arrived, we were still on the train to our hotel at 11:50pm. But the train was still packed with salarymen in suits and many others. In fact, it seemed the later it was, the more crowded the trains.
• Foreigner influx and how they stick out: there were way more foreigners this time than the last I visited Japan. I tended to feel very uncomfortable when large groups of foreigners were around. I had to tell myself not to be hypocritical as I was a foreigner myself. But I suppose one reason is that there were many inconsiderate foreigners. Speaking loudly, making brash comments, and just not behaving like visitors. We saw a foreign couple snuggling each other on a picnic mat in a park full of families. And they chose a spot right next to the footpath. Many foreigners also leave unkind Google reviews for places just because it’s not up to their expectations. I get it, we worked for our holiday and are paying customers, and there is often an innate tendency to feel entitled or complain when something isn’t up to our expectations. But I think it helps to remember that we are like visitors in someone’s home. Be self-aware, don’t speak loudly, note the traffic customs, where to stand on the escalators, how to behave etc.
• Japanese men have great hair: the Japanese men’s hairstyle feels frozen in time. I didn’t see the typical Korean-inspired center-parted hairstyles in Asian guys nowadays. And balding men were a small minority somehow. As someone whose hairline is slowly receding, I was envious to see many Japanese men have wavy long hair deep into their 60-70s! My wife commented that the women's hairstyles were more or less the same - dyed, curled etc. But the men were rocking so many styles!
• Physical shopping still matters: as the days went by, my wife and I began to covet the "made-in-Japan" label, we realised that we hadn't done such window shopping in years since online shopping became prevalent. I also recall people commenting that you could get these goods online anyway, so why bother shopping in Japan. Well, window shopping makes comparison easy, it allows you to ask for recommendations, and enables you to know the items's size, feel, and look on you (if buying fashion items). It also makes discovery of new items possible. I'm not a huge shopper or a foodie, but in Japan, it's worth it to be one. I suppose it's a blessing in disguise that our honeymoon got delayed 3 years, as we now know our post-marriage lifestyles and the items we'd need in the kitchen/around the house.

What car should I get? Budget is around $80k-90k and needs to be 4 door for work. Looking for: -fast, sporty, good handling -very luxury -CarPlay. -mid sized sedan -manual preferred but good automatic is fine. -would prefer lightly used for best value but less than 5 years old. -not terrible depreciation. -good looking/timeless design. -responds well to mods, won’t to go crazy but simple bolt ons/tune. Want to keep it reliable. -exhaust sounds good. No hybrids, 4 cyl, or EVs.
Current cars: -2012 CTS-V sedan manual (DD) -2014 Porsche 911 (fun) -2001 Honda S2000 (fun) -2020 Lexus LX 570 (family/dogs).
Background: I have owned BMWs and I am comfortable DIY, I do all my own maintenance and repairs. I would be planning to sell my CTS-V even though it kind of kills me. I want something a little nicer and more modern inside. Massaging seats would be awesome.
I’m in the south so don’t need awd but I would appreciate being able to put the power down without crazy tires/drag radials.
I’m kind of leaning F90 M5 Comp, G80 M3, or the CT5-V Blackwing manual but the G80 is so ugly and the Blackwing is real hard to get in manual and seem like they are over $100k even used. Also the Blackwing doesn’t look great IMO but better than the M3. Also I am a turbo guy…my current V supercharger is great but I just love turbos.
Also kicking around used Panamera Turbo S (cross truismo is sweet), Mercedes E63s, Audi RS7, or RS5 (but never been a fan of Audi, they are boring styling IMO). I would love an RS6 avant but seem way too expensive for my budget.
I love the look of the F90 M5 but depreciation will proly be brutal knowing my previous BMWs.
If I didn’t need a 4 door for work reasons I would order a Lotus Emira but they waitlist is insane I’ll proly never get one.
I only drive like 10k miles per year and love driving in the twisty mountain roads nearby.
Thanks in advance!

Hi, so...
I'm gonna talk a lot. It took me an hour to type this on my phone, apparently... 😅 But, if you just want the meat of my rant, skip to the very bottom, the "where life has me now" part. Or, better yet:
TL;DR - I have no friends anymore, my ex was my best friend and now I have no one. I've had a rough few weeks what with everything that's gone wrong (one after the other, thanks 2023), and I just don't have anyone to process it with. I miss my best friend...

Backstory, I guess

I was in a poly relationship for 7 years with this girl. Primary partner. She sometimes had other boyfriends but none ever stuck. I saw a few other people too but never even got to the point of calling it another date. It worked out more like we were open/ENM rather than poly, but anyway, just setting up some color to the backstory. We were all but married, owned a house together, raising her step-kids together, got pets together... all that. "Married" but not married.
We were both friendly with this guy we knew from community theater. She got close to him almost a year ago, they started seeing each other. Grew feels. We were poly so I was excited for her. Yay!

The decline...

After a few months, she reveals that he is monogamous. Ugh, not the first time she's dated a mono guy, but he wanted to chat with me and I did too, so I was hopeful we could understand each other better.
She started pulling away from my touch, trying to avoid contact with me so as not to upset her new boyfriend. Uhh... anyway, he was constantly busy and never had time to chat with me, and then she at one point asked if I would even care if she broke up with me. Obviously, lol, why wouldn't I be upset about it? Of course I would care!
We kept fighting over little things more and more for the next month, until I snapped and suggested we break up since she seems so sure I'm awful now.
When we talked about it a few days later, she said she's ready to be done with me, doesn't think she'll ever feel romantic for me again, didn't want to even try couple's therapy (unless it was necessary to salvage our friendship), and that she had these issues with me for years so it's not even new. (My takeaway from this is that she was convincing herself that I was worse than she remembered in order to feel less shitty about breaking up with me for her new boy.)
She had said when/before we broke up that she would take a break from her new boy too. Naturally once we broke up, she changed it to "just a break" with me, but no break with him, because "that wouldn't be fair to him" and "the heart wants what it wants".
Whatever... I still held out hope.

The break

So, for the next four months, we still lived together. At first we were okay with sharing the bed and just made it a point to not touch. Sometimes we'd sleep on the couch but usually just split the bed.
She continued to see him, sometimes 2 days out of the week, sometimes 6 days of the week. I kept making dinner and hung out with her two kids (13 and 15). Oh, I forgot to mention that I work full time and am also in college classes nearly full-time, so I'm always busy with homework too. No matter. The point here is that she's not around much, which is fine but feels like a lot at times.
I did reach out to her a few times after two months, asking to get some time with her, check in, hang out, whatever. She kept having plans already, so I'd shoot for a week or two out. She'd halfway make plans, then the conversation would die. When it would come around, she would blow me off, "oh they needed me for a few extra hours at church, sorry!". (I believe her, but it's clear I ranked lower in priority than anything). Other times she "could be home after lunch, which happens at 11"... but then "after" was apparently 5pm. (She goes to bed around 7:30, and doesn't usually want to do anything this late in the day.) After a few tries like this, I gave up.
I finally asked her if we were done. I wanted to have the conversation in a park or restaurant or something... she refused and instead we had it with her sitting in bed with her PJs on, practically hiding under the covers. I told her I had about 40% desire left to see us fix things, that it has been dwindling since she keeps acting like I'm a stranger, but there's still hope. She just repeated that she doesn't see us ever being romantic again, so when I asked her to put it to a number, she said 0%.
So, that's it. Done.

Moving forward...

That was about a month ago? We still live together while we work out the house. I want to move, and I'd rather sell altogether. She can't refinance to buy me out, but she wants to stay. Ugh... so we might work something out to where we split equity on sale later down the road.... that's a whole 'nother headache that I won't even get into just yet, because I've got other problems right now.
We split the room up a little... I now have a cot in here, so we sleep separately. For the most part we do okay as roommates I suppose, but it's still awkward as fuck living with my ex. I still consider the kids mine too, but it feels weird when they're all hanging out together. I guess it should, though. Hrm.
Anyway.

Where life has me right now

I haven't been great about keeping in contact with friends. I was friends with her friends, though, but while we rarely see them anymore anyway, I feel like they're even more unavailable now. (She actually told them not to hate me on her behalf, that she still wants some friendliness between all of us... but, whatever. It's dead.) So, I'm alone.
The kids are teenagers. I still feel familial with them, but there's always been a little bit of step distance between us. One of them just came out as trans.
My bathroom skylight has a hole in it. First people I brought out tried hard-selling me a whole new roof. Yeah, that shit was a horrible experience. Anyway, next guy who came out just quoted me for a skylight. Pfft. It's always something though right?
My old car has been leaking everywhere for the last few months, and finally stopped starting (intermittently). I suspect it's a head gasket, but I'm not a mechanic so idk. I've been considering car shopping anyway, so maybe now is the time, especially since the mechanics looking at my car have pointed out two sensors to start troubleshooting with for $580, and aren't sure if that's the fix. That's a little expensive for troubleshooting what could be a head gasket... so, cue car shopping under duress.
We talked with a lawyer this week about the house and splitting the equity on sale when she moves out, because again, she doesn't want to move (because of the kids), and I do. That turned into an argument where she thinks I'm the bad guy trying to evict her kids because I won't accept so little, and me standing my ground saying I deserve more than just what the current equity is right now because at minimum I should get interest on it since I'm unable to touch this money for 4 years (per the current plan), much like a loan.
Anyway, we talk and eventually she cools down. She lets me borrow the car for the weekend at least while she's camping with her boyfriend. Cool.
I realize I picked too high of a monthly commitment for the car I want, so I spent the long weekend re-budgeting to see what I can afford, and where I need to cut back on my spending.
I've been looking at cars and shooting a few to a coworker friend and an old friend who is also going through a divorce that I chat with sometimes. Both respond here and there but aren't engaged with helping me. I don't blame them, they have lives too, but it leaves me feeling like I'm on my own here. Fine, I can't expect people to help me make financial decisions anyway.
Go to the dealership by myself this evening... The dude I work with... It feels like he's misread me, like he thinks I want some hot new car, rather than something functional and cheap. He seems to be annoyed that I'm taking my time to look at things, and didn't fall for his lease pitch. We bargain, I get some good numbers, so it was all around fine... but it's clear we both want to be done with each other for the day. He mentions they're closing up shop, I take my leave to think about it for a day.
Anyway. Now I'm home again. On my cot.
I just want to decompress and process my day with someone, but I just don't have anyone to talk to. I mean, there's people I can talk to but goddamn I don't feel like I have anyone I can just level with, at least not when I need them.
Goddamn I feel so alone.
I lost my best friend, and the shell of her is sleeping one bed away from mine.
I... and, maybe I should get out more, but first I need a car, and my house fixed, and free time separate from school, and not worry about coming to an agreement with the house, and maybe it would be nice to have moved out so I can finally mentally move on.... Maybe then I'll have free time for making new friends. Idfk. Is this just another excuse? Am I just not a social person, and now I'm suffering for it during my most challenging period of life?
I hate this.

12th: Lauren AKA Scary Girl

Ohh this one might strike a nerve with a few people but I promise I can explain myself.
Okay so anyone who followed this series back in the day remembers as I went through each season my biggest problem with what show as it went on was that it started to lose all semblance of reality. Now yes this show is a cartoon and as such is always going to be ridiculous(I mean the very first challenge was something that no real person could really survive unscathed) but it was still somewhat grounded in a form of reality most importantly with the characters who above all else felt like people you could actually know irl. This season actually does a good job of harkening back to that style instead of making the characters weird pop culture jokes or insane maniacs the reboot focuses on having a relatable and more grounded cast, well with one pretty notable exception.
Lauren(Which is her actual name don’t forget) is introduced to the Island and immediately sets herself apart from the rest of the cast, not only is she dressed in some weird goth doll outfit that looks like Amy from Soul Calibur having a bad day, but she has a crazed slasher smile and a love for pain and violence that’d make even the Joker say to turn it down a notch. She quickly earns the nickname Scary Girl(A name she seems to take in stride) due to the fact that she’s kind of terrifying, given how she never seems to drop her creepy perma smile and takes immense joy in the suffering of others including the members of her own team. On top of that she may be the franchises first supernatural character and that’s beyond the standard iron bodies that every competitor seems to have(Except when they don’t apparently which I will get to down the road). She can turn her head around a complete 360, can apparently mess with the lights and the camera in the confessional without doing anything and has superhuman strength to the point she can punch out a bear like it's nothing(Although this one is something a few other competitors have shown they can do). Because of all this her team mostly tries to keep their distance from her, but in spite of that she proves to be a half decent competitor even clinching victory for the team during the relay race challenge due to her apparent superhuman abilities. Despite this though she proves to be her own undoing, as during the very next challenge she finds a jackhammer and just says screw it, forgets about the challenge and actually just straight up tries to murder people including her own teammate Damien. After losing the challenge the Trout make what is probably the most sensible decision in TD history and vote out Scary Girl, though not before she promises revenge on them for this so let’s see how many of them make it through the next season alive because this girl strikes me as the kind who follows through on threats.
Scary Girl feels like the writers took all that energy and strangeness that went into some of the more outlandish 2nd and 3rd gen characters(Max, Scarlett, Mike, Dawn, Leonard) and instead of spreading out so it infects the whole season ala PI just funneled it all into one character turned up to 11. Scary Girl sticks out majorly among the cast because she’s pretty much the only straight up cartoon character among them if that makes any sense. Every scene she has is completely over the top and insane but unlike the more annoying gimmick characters of old this works better because there's an actual contrast. You have all these mostly average teens with dynamic personalities and here’s this psycho goth girl who speaks in a weird sing-song nursery rhyme voice and just actually wants to kill people with zero ambiguity. She’s pure comic relief naturally with her gags of gleefully fawning over all the pain she sees and even purposely inflicting it on others just cause she can, plus her confessionals which all seem like lost Arkham Asylum patient tapes of her mad ramblings one things for sure this is a character you won’t forget. I personally have never been a fan of the super gimmicky characters like this and Scary Girl is by far the most gimmicky of all(With only Max and Leonard coming anywhere close) so naturally I have mixed emotions. I do think some of her scenes are pretty funny(I remember the hiding a body confessional getting a big laugh out of me due to the absurdity) and she doesn’t really overstay her welcome going out 4th so I can’t complain that she got too stale or outlasted more interesting characters. On the flipside, while I do like some of her scenes I also think the character is a bit too much, she pretty much defaults to a single joke(Creepy girl who likes pain and murder) and that joke can be a bit tiresome after the first few goes. I also think she’s too over the top to the point where it feels like she was transplanted from a completely different show given how heavily she clashes with the season's tone. All her scenes just feel so disconnected from everything else going on and kind of take me out of it whenever she pops in for a random bit. Even Izzy who’s probably the closest to her character wise still had moments of lucidity and reacted like a normal person to somethings, but Scary Girl is always in her default insane mode and doesn’t show any kind of depth or dimensions as a character which is generally what I like in my characters comic relief or otherwise. The character could work better if they toned her down, you know how I know that? Because that’s just the Goths from RR and both of them are great characters who are unique without becoming too over the top to the point where it becomes irritating. Hopefully they take some cues from them for the next season when it comes to Scary Girl because I think it could really help make her more interesting and less one note
Now don’t get me wrong, I do think her character has value especially with how she interacts with other characters.Scary Girl doesn’t get much in the way of interactions due to her relatively short stint on the show but what she does get is good. The main one is her weird “Friendship” with Pryia that happens entirely by accident and out of fear on Pryia’s part. It's fun for what it is and is the one bit of fun mostly from Pryia’s end as she tries to not suffer her wrath(and I’ll talk more about Priya maybe soon or maybe later who knows???). Who knows maybe they’ll revisit this or come up with some fun new interactions next season.
Scary Girl is an anomaly of a character in the season. I won’t deny she is entertaining for the most part and the fact that she’s the only insane gimmick character of the season means she stands out in a more positive way. However I personally found her to be a bit draining and far from the season's funniest character as well as just being a type of character I’m never really all that fond of. She has her place and doesn’t overstay her welcome too much but to me the 11 characters above all have something more that makes me feel they’re better so she sits in a respectable spot here(although admittedly i did go back and forth with the next ranked character but that’s a discussion for next time).
​
\"Give her a baseball bat and I bet she'd make a killer assassin(100 points to anyone who gets this)\"

Rankings

16^th: Caleb
15^th: Nichelle
14^th: Axel
13^th: Ripper
12^th: Scary Girl

I was listening to Reddit stories on YouTube, wondered about whether or not I had a story to share, and remembered this story of my old coworker.
For a bit of backstory: I manage a small restaurant under a larger company. Sometime in early 2022, one of my coworkers receives a company car, nearly crashes it into another car on the way from the dealership to the restaurant, and gets traumatized by the absolute chewing out he receives from the older lady he almost hit. It goes without saying that he currently avoids driving like the plague. So now, we just have a car sitting in our tiny parking lot. It's a shame, since it was a pretty nice looking car, a Hyundai Elantra I believe.
Around this time, I'm getting into basic car maintenance, such as changing oil, headlights, coolant, and spark plugs. Consequently, I also own one of those little bluetooth code readers that connect to my phone to tell me if there's something wrong with my vehicle.
Now to introduce the star of the story, Kevin. He describes himself as "street smart, not book smart." He's a nice guy to a fault, but lacks a great deal of common sense as it will be apparent later. Kevin longs to own and drive a car of his own, but has yet to make the steps towards getting his license. At this point, he's failed the written exam a couple times and has not progressed on to the actual road test. I give him rides from time to time, such as when he misses his bus.
After the whole debacle with the car, I decide that it'd be essential to install a rearview camera so that anyone driving it would at least feel safer doing so. I've done the installation job before on my own car, so how hard could it be? I buy an okay looking rearview camera kit off Amazon, wait a couple days for it to come in, and quick Google search, and I'm quickly removing panels and wiring the camera to the company car's brake lights in the restaurant's parking lot after work. While I'm at it, I figure that I should check this car for any trouble codes. It's a used car, so it's probably got some issues on it, right? I pop in my code reader into the car and wait for it to spit out data. I finish the camera job and check my phone for any issues. Two trouble codes catch my eye: low battery voltage and a misfiring cylinder. Cool, I can just drop by the nearest auto shop to have the battery recharged and grab a spark plug for the cylinder. Two birds with one stone, easy.
Kevin, done with the restaurant closing duties, steps out to check out what I'm doing. I explain that I'm just installing a rearview camera for the car and making sure it's running properly. I keep in mind that Kevin also wants to own his own car one day, so I go into more detail into car maintenance, quickly explaining about batteries and spark plugs. I give him a little demo of how the rearview camera works. He asks me if he could sit in the driver's seat, and I oblige.
"Man, this car is NICE! I want a car like this," Kevin says. He plays around with the controls on the dash for a little bit. "Can I take it for a little drive?"
I immediately shut this idea down. "Kevin, you don't even have your license. What makes you think you can drive it?" I scold him.
"I can drive," he shoots back. "I've seen you drive before. I think I can do it."
You just asked me the about dashboard controls. As if.
We get out of the car and we get ready to go home. I have the next two days off and I want to spend them relaxing. "Kevin, the car has faulty spark plugs and a dying battery. Under no circumstances, do NOT touch the car while I'm gone. I honestly this this car is unsafe." I repeat this several times before we go home. Satisfied by his confirmations, I throw the keys in the register head home. I feel like you could already tell where this is going.
Fast forward a couple days. I'm just chilling at home and aimlessly reading my emails. My parents borrow my car to get groceries. It's quiet, and I'm at peace. Until Kevin FaceTimes me. Usually, when I get a call from my staff, it's a question about food or where certain items are in the restaurant. It's not often that it's an emergency. I sigh and pick up the phone.
Immediately I see Kevin sitting in the driver's seat of a car. Before he could even say anything, I blurt out, "Kevin, are you in the company car right now?" A short pause and he purses his lips like he's eaten something really sour. "Kevin, I'm not going to ask you again. Are you in the company car right now?" More sternly this time.
Dodging my question, all he can manage to get out is "I messed up..."
One of my kitchen guys told Kevin that we're out of cabbage. Since there's a supermarket about a 10 minute walk away, he decides to go there during his break. He considers walking but realizes that bringing back cabbage would be heavy, so Kevin concludes that he should take the company car there since it would cut his time in two and it'd be more comfortable. Note, we also have a staff member who can drive. Apparently he didn't think about it at the time. He thinks, instead, about how this will get him points for being able to solve a problem at the restaurant without me being around.
Kevin grabbed the keys from the register, turns on the car, and drives off. He makes it about two blocks before the engine starts to sputter and subsequently dies due to the misfiring cylinder. To his credit, he manages to maneuver the car to the curb and turn on his hazards. He immediately calls me right after.
"Kevin, I thought I made myself very clear that the car was off limits," I said slowly. He proceeds to mimic a Mickey Mouse laugh and say, "I made a littly f*cky wucky."
Head in my hands, I sigh again. "Kevin, I have no way of getting to you. You're gonna have to call around to see if anyone can help you out." We hang up the phone and I make some phone calls of my own. The first phone call went to the senior manager (SM for short). It's his day off as well, but it can't be helped.
"What's up?" The SM seems to be spending time with his family, since I hear his kid laughing in the background.
"Kevin apparently took the company car to go shopping for ingredients, the car broke down, and now he's stuck," I explained.
There was a long pause. "What the f*ck? Is he dumb? I thought he didn't even have his license."
"I already told him that he's not to touch the car under any circumstances, and on top of that the car is in need of repairs," I continued.
The SM tells me to call the vice president (VP), since he's working today and he's in the area. Honestly, I don't want to have to escalate this issue that far, but I have no choice. I know that the VP has so much on his plate already, but I give him a call regardless. The call goes more or less the same as with the SM, but the VP says that he's on the way. He's about an hour away, however. God dammit.
In the meantime, I call my friends in the area, explain the situation, and ask them if they could do me a favor and save Kevin. I'm not really sure if it's actually the spark plug, but I think they'd at least be able to give him some extra support while the VP is on the way. Nobody's able to help out, so I give Kevin a follow-up call. Keep in mind it's been half an hour since he called.
"Hey Kevin, did you get into contact with anyone yet?" I ask.
"No, not yet," he responds.
"Uhh, any reason why?"
A long pause.
Fed up, I strongly recommend he call the VP to tell him what he did. We hang up again and I go straight into bed and nap, just completely drained from the entire interaction. I'll follow up later.
I wake up from my nap and call the VP to find out what ended up happening. The VP caught up with Kevin and started up the car with no issues. The VP makes Kevin sit in the passenger's seat and they drive back to the restaurant in awkward silence. He has no words for Kevin, and instead tasks SM and I with scolding him about it. Fair enough.
The next time SM, Kevin, and I are all working together is in a weeks' time. SM and I agree to mess with him a little bit. I tell Kevin that SM wants to have a meeting about what happened. I hype this up throughout the week, dropping hints such as "ooh Kevin, you're gonna get it!" A week passes by in the blink of an eye, but it probably feels like a drawn out hell for Kevin. We let him fester and reflect about his actions. The three of us sit down at a table before the restaurant opens and I open my mouth.
"Kevin, never do that again."
I end the meeting there. Kevin, who's as white as a sheet, has the color return to his face and appear to have a huge weight fall off his shoulders. "Is that it?" He shyly asks. I confirm that's it. He laughs in relief, since he believes he'd be fired. I add that he's young and bound to make really dumb, stupid mistakes. If I tell him something, he really needs to listen. On top of that, since he's working for a business, his actions, noticed or unnoticed, are representative of the business as a whole. "And Kevin, for the love of all that is good, get your license."
TL;DR Kevin drives a car in need of repairs to the store without his license and it breaks down en route. He calls me for help, but I send him my boss' boss to him. We make him think for a week that he'd be violently punished for his actions, but we gave him a life lesson instead.

Just select a different type of tree, and left click on a road (that has trees built in already). The whole section changes instantly.

I have been getting back into shape. Former 20-40 mile trail runner, but now have kids and I am restricted to about 3 days per week training, mostly on roads nearby. I am looking for a running program, maybe one of the automatically calculated ones online. Here is some background info:
52 years old. Just self tested vVO2Max at 6:10 min per mile (treadmill, heart monitor). I used to be below 5 min. Have been losing weight, target is about 8% lower weight. Very good running mechanics, have never had a running injury. Usual shoes, Vaporfly. Pretty happy with them. Available nearby: flat quiet road, hills up to 12% grade, school track, treadmill that goes to 12.5 mph. Resting pulse 48, max 192. When in my best shape, resting goes to about 42. Can train very hard. Do not like long slow runs (8+ miles) unless excellent scenery.
My recent training has been only 2x per week (mostly time constrained). 6-8 x 200m sprints, 4 x 1 mile intervals. Thus, probably need to add one longer run per week.
My goal is to get below 5 minutes for a mile and about a 17:30 5k. I estimate about half of the improvement will come from weight loss.
Do you have suggestions for a running program that would fit in 3 days per week? I remember places like Daniels seemed think you had a ton of time available 5-6 days per week.
Thanks.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowraHusbandDoesnt
(OOP has since deleted her account)
My husband(38M) doesn't think I(39F) love him
Originally posted to relationship_advice
Original Post May 22, 2023
For reference, let's call my husband Jack and my daughter Lily. Jack and I've been married for about ten years, dated for five, and have a four year old. Overall we've had an absolutely wonderful relationship Sure occasionally we hit a rocky spot but we always recovered stronger than ever. Most of our friends look at us as the ideal couple too. I've never doubted that he loves me and I've tried my best to reciprocate it, even when he wasn't home often during our first five years of marriage, he came back home after that since he got a promotion. We have great communication and I already am planning on how to approach this with him but a second opinion would be nice just in case someone else already dealt with something similar.
Yesterday he was doing some very acrobatic exercise in our backyard. He does this every day even when he's almost delerious from fever, which was hilarious to see. I joked that he'd leave me to become a monk. He just froze for a second and responded, 'maybe, after Lily grows up'. Sure this could just be playful ribbing but I had a bad feeling in my gut and kept poking at him. He almost fell down, which is very odd since he has excellent balance, made me leave so he could focus on his stuff. That especially made the feeling even worse.
The rest of the conversation happened at dinner. The gist of what he said is something like, "the signs are all there". He mentioned that we haven't been as romantic or intimate as of recent. He even said something about less attraction on my end, which isn't true. Then mentioned 'weeks of silence', I don't remember this happening at all.
frequent absence, I haven't been going out much except with my friends for dinner dates. Which isn't often just four times a week for now. Something about initiation. The only one that somewhat made sense was how I was cutting couple time for friend time or game time, which doesn't happen all that often. I can only count two or three times last week where I did that and we still had an hour or so out of planned three or four to spend together so he shouldn't have an issue. What he aiad next honestly broke my heart and I almost started crying right there.
"I don't think you love me as much as I do you, but that's fine. We'll raise our kid, grow old and exist till we die. I already have a few hobbies that make me happy. I can't make you responsible for all my happiness, that would be unfair"
And he said that with the most deadpan expression ever, like we were talking about the weather or how our day went. I tried to make him understand that this hurt me but it didn't seem to land at all. He just kept staring at me blank faced and I honestly felt terrified. Afterwards we slept in the same bed after he put Lily to sleep and cuddled like normal which was so jarring to me. I've put a lot of work into keeping us together, so to hear this from him has hurt me deeply.
It's even worse because what he describes sounds exactly like his parents. They're two old bitter people who stayed together to raise him and still stay together for god know why. I've never seen them be loving towards one another and only once towards him. He was always very particular about that stuff and said he never wants to have something like that. A few years ago he said that he was so glad we weren't like that and that he was so lucky to have someone who actually loves him and won't spontaneously stop because folded clothes wrong. Which made me fall in love all over again to know how much I meant to him.
And then there's all that's tuff he said and I honestly can't remember soemthing like not talking to him or silence. But I remmeber how his mother used to forget things. Like she'd do soemthing wrong, get that wrong thing pointed our and then forget it ever happened. One time she was saying something about how my kind of people are less likely to succeed in business and should become a housewife, which is wierd because she's a lawyer and he certainly hasn't said anything like that and is very proud of my passive income stuff.
My husband called her out on it stone faced like yesterday and defended me, I didn't like that he said that I made more than him at the time cause I was afraid his mom would say something, but she backed down after that. She forgot about that incident a day later. Couldn't recall that lunch or what we did or anything sound that one hour period. He didn't want to subject me to that but I insisted since family is pretty important to me so we went back a few times. This same thing has happened at least two times, the target switching to him, I'm proud of him for standing up to her and she can't remmeber any of it. Eventually I got a begrudging approval from her, his dad didn't care too much and was, 'Whatever makes you happy,' from the start, which was nice.
I'm crying my eyes out at a friend's house, I wanted to take Lily with me this morning but she was in the middle of some class with Jack helping her do some activity the teacher gave them so I just went on my own. I feel so heartbroken right now and I don't know what could have happened to make him think this way. I've been having a great few years since he's been home the last five or so years and lightened th e load on taking care of Lily.
What happened? Does anybody have expeirence dealing with something like this? This is a complete breach of my trust and I'm hurting so much from what he said, any advice is helpful. I plan on returning at lunch and dinner for Lily's sake but I'll try to talk to him after I've settled for a day.
Tl:dr Husband of 10 years doesn't think I love him anymore and we have a 4 year old. Has anyone dealt with this before and how did you deal with it?
Edit 4hrs in: I've cancelled my plans for this week and told my friends nothing about why. One of my close friends who is very friendly toward any husband, asks for him every time I go to their houses, and spoils and plays with my daughter then suggested it was my Husband and said he was controlling and other things. I told to stop but she didn't and nobody in the group did anything to stop her. Some even joined in.
I've cut them all off, can't believe this. .
.
. Edit 5?Hrs in:
Working on what to say tonight, also working on replacing friend time with date nights. Somebody said I have to "Make him fall in love with me again", that's a goal.
.
.
. Edit 7 hrs in: Went back home, mostly finished the list of things to say. Found him repeatedly smashing his shoulders into a tree and actually denting it. Lily was watching and eating ice cream. She seemed tired but didn't want to go inside yet.
I'm making dinner tonight.
Update May 23, 2023
Screenshots of since deleted update
This went better than expected. I wish I could say there were tearful embraces and we spent a passionate night rekindling our marriage in record speed like in a lifetime movie. But no. Still, this is what I'd say is one of the best case scenarios.
Firstly, I'll clarify from the other post on a few things I've noticed that people are getting blatantly wrong. Most seem to think that I:
Are gone without him several nights a week - 2-3 times max four was a unique case and I mistated that.
Don't initiate sex - I'm the only one initiating and I get turned down half time time which, as you can imagine, is doing wonderful things to my self worth. I literally have to spend minutes 'convincing' him to get any more than 3 times a week.
Cancel plans with him regularly for friends - I want to say no but I'm beginning to doubt my own judgement.
He isn't invited out that often to friend night - He is invited to every single friend night, he just prefers not to come.
Affair - I'm not going to parties or clubs or anything like that,that a hard boundary I set for him as well, the get togethers and dinners are usually held a few houses down at my former friend's house. A ten minute walk away.
Are seemingly disinterested in him, his interests or your family life. - I don't even know how to respond to this I'm tired.
Why are you laughing at him being delerious and still having the will to train? - I was next to him with a towel, a inflatable fall bed and water. He would literally drag himself with his fingers to train if he could, I think I'm entitled to a little chuckle after that much safety prep.
Now onto the update
That could've gone better but I can say with confidence that I've done everything I could when it came to yesterday.
Dinner was very good Jack and Lily loved their meals and afterward I did what a commenter suggested and asked Lily
"Do you love mommy?", she answered yes.
"Do you love daddy?" the yes was bigger.
"You think daddy loves mommy?" another adorable yes.
"You think mommy loves daddy?"
Silence.
I felt like I got slapped. I'm not sure if it showed on my face because Jack immediately came between us and rubbed her hair. He gave a very loud, boisterous 'Of course she does,' picked her up and carried her to bed while tickling her.
Pretty sure I was still reeling from that revalation but I snapped out of it. Weirdly enough he seemed annoyed when he got back, which is strange since he rarely ever shows something like that. Anyway I remembered my points and pretty much unloaded everything in a half blubbery mess.
I said that I was sorry for everything. That I got too caught up with old friends and I was blinded by all the activities and catching up and get togethers that I didn't realise how much time I was cutting from our plans and our time and family. I was sorry for leaving thud morning and trying to make this about me when he's trying his best for our daughter. 'I've been a bad partner I know.'
I told him that I really appreciate that even if he has doubts he's still willing to be true to me and I'm proud of him for having the courage to communicate because it really needed to be said and how I couldn't imagine how hard that was for him.
That I wouldn't be associating with that group again because I realised what they really thought of him and that I was stupid not to have realised it earlier.
That I know I hurt him and broke his trust and I'm sorry he had to go through all of this and that I never noticed because I was too caught up in my life when I should've been caught up in our lives and I'm sorry. That we should be a team and that I don't only want to stay together for Lily but I want him. If he had anything else to say or any doubts to please say it because I'll geniuinely listen this time and won't get defensive.
Cue handholding over table
That I do really care for him and I was so so sorry that I haven't shown it recently and to please just give me a chance. Just one chance, that's all I needed. To give me the the opportunity to show that I love him.
He just took a few breaths and said general issues that I pretty much initially dismissed. The intimacy was because I apparantly rushed it every time and it felt less like making love and more being a living, breathing dildo. That hurt a lot, I swear I felt chest pain right there and I don't understand what I did to possibly make him feel that way. He mentioned how little I spend on Lily as well and that he'd been trying to get us together more often, only to have me come home tired half the time.
He also said that it would be a while before he trusts me enough to say anything that might "send you running to your friends", which hurt considering the fact that I gave them up for him but I mostly understood where he was coming from now that I wasn't feeling attacked by what he said. It sitll hurt when he added, "You'll change for a week or two then change right back and forget it ever happened."
I told him that was fine and all he had to do was let me show him how much I care.
All in all that was great. All the planning paid off and it felt like a weight was off my chest. I even did the small gestures of comfort stuff during it like holding hands and meeting eyes. I could almost see a little change in his expression, mainly the eyes. He was blank faced throughout the whole thing but I could tell he was fighting to not break down since he rarely trembles. One of his tells is when his fingers start to spread out like some silly claw shape, that certainly didn't happen before. I knew there was hope!
I've already booked a babysitter on his free day and have a reservation for a fancy restaurant that he likes. He agreed to go out with me with a small nod and I honestly felt ecstatic. I immediately hugged him and even though he was a bit stiff at first he returned it! It's been a while since we've felt together now that I think about it and the feeling is different and bubbly.
We went to sleep in the same bed and got excited when he held my neck and brought us closer and stared my eyes while touching foreheads. Then disappointed when he just went to sleep there.
I know it'll be a long road and if everything goes well I'll touch on how my needs could be met a bit better. Sex seems to be off the table because as a commenter said, "you pestered him while he was stressed so much that it's a chore to him now and forcing it will only cause resentment". If he initiates, great, I'll try every now and again and not neg him if he doesn't seem into it. I've realised that my ego really took a hit when he refused when I initiated and that I had to beg him other times just to feel loved by the only person whose opinion matters when it comes to my body. We both have work to do, expecially when it comes to communication and I'm already looking for a therapist or counselor who fits our criteria. Also got the books recommended to find our love languages and making this work.
Since this morning I've tried my best to initiate regular cuddling, which he seems to prefer over sex at the moment, also little hugs from behind whne he's cooking or kisses and pecks make him jolt him sometimes. I don't know how I could've missed this. He even turned his cheek to the side one time but that might've been by accident. He's been very receptive otherwise and our daughter seems to be happier for it.
Might update one more time at the end of the week and that should be it. Thanks for everyone who helped me come up with points and what to do.
And to all those people who say he should leave me. Seethe. It isn't happening.
Tl:dr Second chance!
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

My cat had a best friend who lives across the road. He would come fetch him everyday for play time. My cat passed away 4 weeks ago today, and his friend keeps coming over to check if my cat is around. It breaks my freaking heart each time. This neighbour cat won't have anything to do with us (scared of people), I think he must be very loyal to his owners and found a friend in my little guy. I just feel so bad for him, his play mate is gone with probably no explanation! I'm venting here as I feel like my friends are all sick of me sharing my grief all the time, haha. I wish I could make everything make sense for my cat's old companion.

Special thanks to u/SpacePaladin15 for allowing fanfiction and giving us Tilfish. The man gave us a canon art of the bugs, and they're rad!
I'm surprised I got this motivation in my to write this part so quickly. I think the fine comments I got motivated me pretty well. Now, I'd appreciate your thoughts and opinions on this. If its flow is smooth and feels right, let me know, I'm not usually good with dialogue.
Also, Feenstra, thank you for your kindness and support. I don't know how to respond to it, honestly, but you're a cool cat.
[First] [Prior] [Next]
.*~*.
Memory Transcription Subject: Marullo, Tilfish agricultural practitioner.
Date: December 2, 2136
.~*~.
I gripped the fabric over the side window and pushed it aside, spotting a Tilfish on the other side of the door instead of a cluster of predators. He appears rather calm, even though he's alone out in the open. My grip tightened on the blind before I tugged the door open.
"Visiting hours are closed." I stated curtly, my antennae twitching outside of my control. Formi I'm still riled up, and I want this man gone so I can dig a hole in peace. I eye the visitor sharply, not seeing any garment or air to him that would tip me off if this was a visiting politician. He's too soft to be a farmer, and I know for a fact there's no appointments he could be attending.
"Oh, uh, is this a business?" I don't even bother with a reply and give the stranger a long look, waiting for him to either acknowledge the massive emblem on the wall right above us or get on with it. He fidgets in awkward silence for a long few seconds. "Uhhh... okay, okay. Off on the wrong feeler here. I'm concerned, is all. I could hear you yelling for the past hour."
My antennae dropped slightly. "What?"
"You uh, your window was open." The stranger explained, mandibles clicking slightly in concern as I shut the door behind me and scuttled down the steps into the yard. I felt my chitin warm around my skull as I looked at the aforementioned window.
Don't tell me I broadcasted that entire conversation to the world.
Stupid sand spitters. Stupid sand spitters!
"I... am sorry for disturbing the peace." I hissed. "I had to wrangle some insubordinates into line. How much did you hear?"
"Not much. Just a lot of yelling. We could hear you from the apartments."
I dipped my head at the mention of the living block. The Regional Agriculture Advisory building was on the edge of the business and government district, and down the road was the start of a residential area. Towering buildings loomed over there, and on occasion they provided a nice view from my old office window with the setting sun reflecting off their many windows.
I was lucky that the masses were too nervous to be out and about in this sector. There was an infestation of predators in and around the capitol building, and even more outposts spread through the surrounding sectors. Being on the streets wasn't popular any more, so the normally lively road we were on was all but abandoned the past several days.
Oddly, I noticed that this stranger was very much alone. There was no swarm to keep him safe, and no vehicle in sight. On the far end of the road leading into the residential sector was a hastily erected barricade that still stood untouched by the predator's roving patrols, comprised mostly of furniture and scrap wood and metal. Looking towards the other end of the road leading towards the capitol building was a more firm barricade that surprisingly still stood, but the filthy tire tracks that cut over the sidewalk and through carefully maintained gardens and lawns told me how the predators got by. There was still nobody else in sight.
"It won't happen again. I had to enforce who's the new boss."
"The predators?"
My mandibles clacked and the stranger flinched at my snap, but stood his ground as I side eyed him intently. "No, me. I'm in charge of this operation."
"Did the predators tell you that yesterday?"
You tar sucking wretch.
The airy accusation made me clench my mandibles and feelers, and my antennae grew still. It must've encouraged the stranger to keep going.
"Because replacing our leaders with more traitorous Tilfish won't work. We're not the Venlil."
So that was what this was really about. Okay.
"You're mistaken," I began smoothly, ready to cut down this wretch with words alone. "My daughter got into trouble while I was working, and was returned to me. I've been terribly busy as you've heard in the old Advisor's place, with everything ongoing. Their visit yesterday did not pertain to my office, and any insinuation to the contrary will not be taken lightly."
"There was a boy as well. He seemed unnaturally comfortable with the beasts."
I will bury you underneath my garden.
"Your vision must be failing, because I assure you I saw no such thing under my roof."
"Good, good. We cannot have the diseased among us, no matter the times. I was wary of calling the exterminators prematurely, so I'm glad I checked in."
"The dead Exterminators?" I asked sharply, cocking my head. "Or the ones leashed to the predators?"
"..." The wretch stared at me for a long moment. "The dead ones, I suppose."
"What a shame about them, really." I drawled. "Anyways, did you have anything else on your mind you felt worth coming over this way to ask?"
"What happened to the old Advisor?"
"Dereliction of duty and cowardice. He's fled to a different system by now. For all the good that'll do him." The wretch's antennae flicked in irritation. "Now, the office is closed and I have work to do yet. Admittance is by appointment only. Good day."
The wretch didn't leave, apparently unsatisfied. We stared at each other a moment more.
"Is something else the matter?" I buzzed firmly.
"The swarm is more than capable of defending itself without the Exterminators. Don't think yourself above it's reach."
Something cold settled in my carapace. My claws itched. "Be very careful; threatening the Agricultural office is a high crime. I'm more than capable of protecting myself without the Exterminators."
A twitch from the wretch. "Is that so?"
"Don't come around my office again. Bounders are not welcome here, same as any predator."
His antennae lowered and he remained quiet, and I felt a faint trill in my chest. "Enjoy your day..."
"Eat sod." I responded sharply. I eyed the wretch as he retreated down the sidewalk, and something clicked in my mind.
Twenty paces. In twenty paces I could retrieve the gun in the lobby. You won't even see it coming.
A flicker of movement, and another Tilfish stepped out from some ornamental carvings in front of the filing office down the way, joining the wretch. I waited until the two were out of sight and long gone, arms crossed and feelers clenching my chitin as I waited even longer, before turning back to my abode and striding around to the garden.
.*~*.
"Marullo?" The voice above me is hesitant, and I bury my tool into the soil and look up. Tugal is above me at the lip of the hole, and I realize that I've dug way too far down. My arms hurt. My legs hurt. I don't feel like stopping, but I might hit a gas line if I keep going. I feel a flash of pity at my brother's distressed state.
"What... what happened while I was asleep? Holywood and Aegan are fighting over burning the last of our food- those Nectar Pods the predator touched. I thought we threw those out, but somehow they're back. Muttart climbed up the wall and left tracks everywhere, and he won't come down because he's still mad about last night. Cleo's locked herself in the bathroom and won't stop crying and vomiting. She searched the net for something and nobody can get through to her now. She mentioned the predator wanted something terrible from you, but that's all I could understand through the door. And you're out here destroying the gardens?"
"I was in my office all day. Food distribution is back on track for now, but who knows how long that'll last. It was stressful, and this is how I'm handling it." I began. I clacked my mandibles and ran my feelers over my antennae.
Formi, I'm filthy.
"Why destroy the gardens? And the hole?"
"The old boss's taste in décor was tacky. I'm sprucing it up. Oh! The Head of Agriculture is still with us. He approved my promotion, so I'm now the new Regional Agricultural Advisor." I rubbed at my face, my antennae twitching aggressively once more now that I'm not putting my entire focus onto tearing asunder this pathetic excuse of a garden.
"I'm making a burrow in case we need to hide the kids outside the building. I've already made two others in case we need to retreat through the back and into the next property."
"What did the predator do? Are you okay?"
I kicked at some loose soil before stretching my legs and scuttling out of the hole. I pulled myself up and fruitlessly wiped at the filth coating my carapace. "I'm not okay. Nobody is okay, or we wouldn't be here Tugal. We wouldn't need to worry about predators, or pests, or starving, or the humans, or each other if we were okay. For once, our predator didn't do anything wrong."
Tugal became alert, his mandibles clicking quietly as he waited for me to continue.
"There was a Tilfish that left the swarm. He went into one of the predator nests to talk. They didn't hurt him- the humans are too patient to eat the first ones that come to them, but after he left some witnesses told the swarm about it." How I really felt about the matter was slipping through with every single errant twitch I couldn't control. We were not supposed to be the monsters in this story. We were not supposed to be so susceptible to our wicked past. We were civilized!
I lowered my voice. "A group took him away from the city and tore him apart while he was still alive. They tried to feed him to Bark Saws, Tugal."
"Are you certain the story wasn't deception?" Tugal whispered back. "It's what they're known for."
I flicked my antennae in confirmation.
"Maybe... maybe they were defending themselves. Don't look at me like that, how they did it was sick. I hope they're screened and dealt with properly; we can't have people doing that in these times. It's no excuse. I'm just trying to understand it." Tugal stated, making my innards twist. "But these predators we're facing hunt through social deception. They're tricky, and the more of us they corrupt the more susceptible the swarm gets. That man, he could've done untellable damage. I just... I'm sorry you had to hear that. We have to stand strong against them, but we can't lose ourselves doing so."
Tugal watched me for a moment more, then gently prodded me: "...now, why the burrows? What else happened?"
I swallowed, my mandibles clicking repeatedly as I tried to reign in my thoughts. It was hard to speak suddenly, and I gripped my feelers until my claws started scraping into my chitin. "Where does that leave Muttart?"
Tugal flinched and his mandibles flexed. "No. Marullo, no."
"He's not afraid of them, Tugal!" I hissed quietly, feelers trembling. "He isn't! How do I help him? How long can I keep him here before he's too curious and sneaks out? What if someone sees him? What if Cleo finds out? He's not a threat: he's still a child!"
"Marullo, he'll be fine." My brother stated firmly, gripping my arms. "Nobody's going to touch him. We just need to talk to him- he doesn't understand what predators are capable of."
"And what about us?" I buzzed back. "What are we capable of? How can normal people do that?"
"It's fear, Marullo. Fear breaks us. You freeze when you're terrified. Others abandon the ones they love. Some... some fight back. Everyone goes crazy when threatened, and those people will pay for what they did."
Too many things flashed through my head at once. It felt like I was boiling.
"It's not just them, Tugal. Someone down in the residential area was watching the predators last night. He asked about him." My brother's feelers tightened on my arms, and he grew still. "They asked about me as well, and I think they believe I'm a threat. They're no different than the people that mutilated that poor man."
"How many? What did you say?"
"Two, at least. They didn't give their names. I didn't tell them anything about us. We can't trust anyone else to keep quiet. One word to the wrong person and we're all dead. Our chance at making this right dies. I told them off, but I don't think it'll be enough."
"They might come back because of that."
"What was I to say? Was I supposed to advertise that we're one of the last resistance networks left?"
My brother's grip loosened and he stepped away, antennae flicking with concern. "I can figure this out. We'll... I'll set up a watch throughout the day with the exterminators. If they're on hand if a mob shows up, one of them in their gear should dissuade any further action. They won't get to you or Muttart. You did good. Can you- please rest. Go clean up, you'll scare Holywood and Muttart."
I twitched my mandibles a few times, looking at the ruins of a once barely acceptable garden. "Let me tidy up back here. I have to order flowers and a few trees, and work on other gardens in the public view. I guess that part can wait." I tacked on quickly, trying not to flinch under Tugal's sharp gaze.
"I'll go out to the market and pick up food afterwards. We shouldn't need to worry about basic necessities."
"If you're up for it. Be watchful out there" Tugal warned softly. I appreciated his concern, and bobbed my head wordlessly. He paused a moment, and asked quietly: "How did the predator come across that crime?"
"I... I don't know."
Tugal sighed quietly. "How did it affect it?"
I paused, wondering why Tugal cared. Absently, I ducked my head in thought. "It's furious. I... I almost want to say bitter. We got into a fight over the Bark Saws, and it escalated. It's angry with me, and I need to figure out how to fix that before we lose it."
"We can try and-""
"No." I interrupt, surprising my brother. His antennae raise, and I continue. "Because I've been handing off the conversation to you and the others, we accidentally crossed it. If I had been the one to talk to it first instead of you, I could've avoided starting the argument with the Bark Saw. Cleo, Aegan, Zoil- they're hostile towards it and it believes I talk like that now. It feels threatened. I need to do this on my own and try and fix it. I can bring it back to us."
Tugal buzzed quietly, thinking. "Okay. Get yourself cleaned up first. Give it some time to calm down and go bring back some groceries. I'll talk with the others and get them back on track. I think our window to do this is closing, Marullo. If we can't get this human the risks we took will be for naught. Every other option will be riskier if this falls apart."
"I know. I won't let you down."

I am selling my entire personal collection. 95% of these were purchased new by me. Immediately after purchase I put them into the plastic protectors and haven't removed them since. None are heavily damaged (bending, major dents, multiple large scratches, etc.). There may be tiny dents, scratches, and the odd spine slash here and there. When you are ready to purchase I will let you know if I see any noticeable damage, however minor or major.
 
These are all used and opened and none contain the digital code or j-card. The vast majority contain all the original discs but a few might be missing the regular blu-ray. Most discs have never been played but I have watched a few once or twice. No issues while playing any of them.
 
I will ship for free via Media Mail. If you would prefer I ship using First Class or something else we can work out an extra fee. I would prefer to use PayPal F&F but will accept G&S if you insist. I will ship with the plastic protector (or with the slipcover that originally came with the SteelBook) and I will ship securely in a box with lots of bubble wrap (see picture below).
(https://imgur.com/a/tfyky1A)
 
Prices are somewhat firm but it's hard to say what a lot of these are worth so feel free to make an offer. The more you buy the better deal I can give you. 10% off (possibly more) if you buy 2 and it only goes up from there. I would prefer to keep most of the collections together for now but could sell individually for the right price.
 
Proof (https://imgur.com/a/UOAZ2UL). If you want more assurance I have 224 transactions in DigitalCodeSELL (check my post history). I can also link you my eBay page if that is allowed. 3.6K items sold with 100% positive feedback.
 

Metal Tin SteelBook Collections (https://imgur.com/a/tzS3F1q)

Title	Retailer	Price
Game of Thrones Complete Collection (4K)		SOLD
The Hobbit Trilogy (4K)	Best Buy	$100
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (4K)	Best Buy	$125
Mad Max Complete Collection (4K)	Zavvi	$100
Monsterverse 4 Film Collection (Empty Tin)		SOLD

 

4K SteelBooks (Collections) (https://imgur.com/a/3J3XUjU)

Title	Retailer	Total SteelBooks	Price
Bad Boys 1-3	Best Buy	2	$45
Back to the Future 1-3	Best Buy	3	$100
Bond 1-5 (Craig)	Best Buy, FNAC	5	$140
Cars 1-2	Best Buy	2	$40
Dark Knight Trilogy	Zavvi	3	$130
DCEU 1-12	Best Buy + Amazon.es + Zavvi	12	$450
Equalizer 1-2	Best Buy	2	$45
Finding Nemo/Dory			SOLD
Frozen 1-2	Best Buy	2	$75
Godfather 1-3	Best Buy	3	$60
Godzilla + Godzilla vs Kong	Best Buy	2	$60
Halloween (78, 18, 21, 22)	Best Buy	4	$165
The Hitman's Bodyguard 1-2	Best Buy	2	$40
How to Train Your Dragon 1-3			SOLD
The Hunger Games 1-4	Best Buy	4	$70
The Incredibles	Best Buy	2	$90
Indiana Jones 1-3	Best Buy	3	$70
Indiana Jones 1-4	Best Buy	4	$55
Jack Reacher 1-2	Best Buy	2	$75
John Wick 1-3	Best Buy	2	$60
Jumanji 1-3	Best Buy	3	$55
Jurassic World 1-6	Best Buy	2	$70
Kingsman 1-3	Best Buy	3	$50
The Lion King (94,19)	Best Buy	2	$50
Maleficent 1-2	Best Buy + Zavvi	2	$45
MCU 1-30	Best Buy	30	$1200
Matrix 1-4	Best Buy	2	$95
Men in Black 1-4	Best Buy	2	$40
Monster's Inc/University			SOLD
Mulan (98, 20)	Best Buy	2	$70
A Quiet Place 1-2	Best Buy	2	$50
Scream (96, 22)	Best Buy	2	$40
Sherlock Holmes 1-2			SOLD
The Shining/Doctor Sleep	Best Buy	2	$150
Sicario 1-2	Best Buy	2	$70
Sonic the Hedgehog 1-2	Best Buy	2	$40
Space Jam 1-2	Best Buy	2	$35
Star Wars 1-9 + Solo & Rogue One	Best Buy + Zavvi + FNAC	11	$500
Terminator (91, 19)	Best Buy	2	$35
Top Gun 1-2	Best Buy	2	$75
Toy Story 1-4	Best Buy	4	$100
Trolls 1-2	Best Buy	2	$35
Venom 1-2	Best Buy	2	$40
Wreck-It-Ralph 1-2	Best Buy	2	$45
Zombieland 1-2	Best Buy	2	$30

 

Mondo X SteelBooks (https://imgur.com/a/76drd4b)

Title	Retailer	Mondo #	Price
Boyhood (HD)	Best Buy Canada	#002	$25
Nightcrawler (HD)			SOLD
Ghost in the Shell (HD)	Best Buy	#018	$15
It (HD)	Amazon.it	#022	$30
Friday the 13th (HD)	Amazon.it	#023	$25
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (HD)	Amazon.it	#025	$50
Justice League (HD)	Amazon.it	#026	$25
300 (HD)	Amazon.it	#028	$25
Wreck-It-Ralph (HD)	Zavvi	#034	$30
Avengers (4K)	FNAC	#039	$35
Doctor Strange (4K)	Zavvi	#041	$45
Black Panther (4K)	FNAC	#042	$40
Captain America: The First Avenger (4K)	Zavvi	#043	$40
Thor (4K)	Zavvi	#045	$40
Ant-Man (4K)	Zavvi	#047	$40
Iron Man 2 (4K)			SOLD
Blade Runner: 2049 (4K)	FNAC	#049	$100
Captain America: The Winter Soldier (4K)	Zavvi	#050	$40
Thor: The Dark World (4K)	Zavvi	#051	$40
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (4K)	Zavvi	#052	$40
Avengers: Age of Ultron (4K)	Zavvi	#053	$40
Avengers: Infinity War (4K)			SOLD
Avengers: Endgame (4K)			SOLD

 

4K SteelBooks (Individual Movies) (https://imgur.com/a/RvIWYiY)

Title	Retailer	Price
21 & 22 Jump Street	Best Buy	$30
300	Best Buy	$65
3:10 to Yuma	Best Buy	$20
Air Force One	Best Buy	$25
Alien Covenant	Best Buy	$20
Almost Famous	Best Buy	$45
Animal House	Best Buy	$25
Apollo 13	Best Buy	$40
Baby Driver	Best Buy	$30
Babylon	Best Buy	$30
Beauty and the Beast (1991)	Best Buy	$50
Beetlejuice	Best Buy	$40
Blade Runner: The Final Cut		SOLD
Bloodshot	Best Buy	$30
The Blues Brothers	Best Buy	$45
The Bourne Complete Collection	Best Buy	$60
Boyz N the Hood	Best Buy	$60
Brave	Best Buy	$25
A Bug's Life	Best Buy	$45
Bullet Train	Best Buy	$30
Bumblebee	Best Buy	$30
Carlito's Way	Best Buy	$30
Cinderella (2017)		SOLD
A Clockwork Orange	Best Buy	$30
Cold Pursuit	Zavvi	$50
Coming to America	Best Buy	$15
The Dark Tower	Best Buy	$15
Deadpool 2	Best Buy	$20
The Deer Hunter		SOLD
District 9	Best Buy	$45
Downton Abbey	Best Buy	$15
Dracula	Best Buy	$25
Dune (1984)	Zavvi	$35
Dune (2021)	Best Buy	$35
Edge of Tomorrow	Best Buy	$55
Encanto	Best Buy	$40
Ex Machina	Zavvi	$40
Frankenstein	Best Buy	$30
Free Guy		SOLD
Forrest Gump	Best Buy	$40
Gattaca	Best Buy	$25
Gemini Man	Best Buy	$15
Ghost in the Shell (1995)	Best Buy	$20
Gladiator	Best Buy	$100
Godzilla (1998)	Best Buy	$25
The Good Dinosaur		SOLD
Goodfellas	Best Buy	$70
The Goonies	Best Buy	$50
Grease	Best Buy	$45
The Green Mile	Best Buy	$30
Groundhog Day		SOLD
Hacksaw Ridge		SOLD
Heat	Best Buy	$50
Home Alone	Best Buy	$40
Howard the Duck	Best Buy	$35
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)	Best Buy	$80
The Hurt Locker	Best Buy	$30
I Am Legend	Zavvi	$45
Inception	Best Buy	$80
Inglorious Basterds	Best Buy	$25
Inside Out	Best Buy	$35
Interstellar	Best Buy	$65
The Invisible Man (1933)	Zavvi	$25
The Invisible Man (2020)	Best Buy	$25
It (2017)	Best Buy	$25
It's a Wonderful Life	Best Buy	$20
Jaws	Best Buy	$35
Joker	Best Buy	$40
The Jungle Book (2016)		SOLD
Jungle Cruise	Best Buy	$25
Kick-Ass	Best Buy	$35
King Kong (2005)	Best Buy	$30
Knives Out	Best Buy	$50
La La Land	Best Buy	$20
Last Action Hero	Best Buy	$25
The Last Duel	FNAC	$85
Lawrence of Arabia		SOLD
Léon: The Professional	Best Buy	$65
Lightyear	Best Buy	$25
The Little Mermaid	Zavvi	$45
Logan	Zavvi	$50
Looper	Zavvi	$45
Luca	Best Buy	$55
Mad Max: Fury Road	Best Buy	$55
Mary Poppins Returns	Best Buy	$20
The Meg	Best Buy	$15
Mission Impossible: Fallout	Best Buy	$20
Moana	Best Buy	$30
Moonfall	Best Buy	$25
Morbius	Best Buy	$25
Mortal Engines	Zavvi	$20
The New Mutants	Zavvi	$40
Nightmare Alley	Best Buy	$35
Nope	Best Buy	$25
The Northman	Zavvi	$55
The Nutcracker and the Four Realms	Best Buy	$15
Oblivion	Amazon.fr	$75
Ocean's 8	Best Buy	$15
Old	Best Buy	$15
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood	Best Buy	$20
Onward	Best Buy	$60
Parasite	Zavvi	$35
Passengers	Best Buy	$35
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales	Best Buy	$15
Pokémon Detective Pikachu	Best Buy	$30
Pulp Fiction (Brand New)	Best Buy	$35
The Princess and the Frog	Best Buy	$30
The Punisher	Best Buy	$40
Ratatouille	Best Buy	$70
Raya and the Last Dragon	Best Buy	$50
Rear Window	Best Buy	$35
Red Sparrow	Best Buy	$30
Requiem For a Dream	Best Buy	$40
Reservoir Dogs	Best Buy	$20
Robocop (1987)	Best Buy	$45
Rocketman	Best Buy	$15
Saving Private Ryan		SOLD
Saw (2004)	Best Buy	$30
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World		SOLD
The Secret Life of Pets 2	Best Buy	$15
The Shape of Water	Best Buy	$55
The Shawshank Redemption	Best Buy	$45
Schindler's List	Best Buy	$40
Shooter	Best Buy	$15
Shrek	Best Buy	$40
Shutter Island	Best Buy	$35
Sing	Best Buy	$20
Skyscraper	Best Buy	$20
Soul	Best Buy	$60
Spartacus	Best Buy	$65
Speed	Best Buy	$60
Spies in Disguise	Best Buy	$20
The Spine of Night	Best Buy	$15
A Star is Born	Best Buy	$40
The Sting	Best Buy	$25
Super 8	Best Buy	$25
Tangled	Best Buy	$65
The Ten Commandments	Best Buy	$25
Tenet	Best Buy	$20
The Thing	Amazon.it	$50
Total Recall	Best Buy	$35
The Town	Best Buy	$70
True Romance	Best Buy	$20
Turning Red	Best Buy	$20
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent	Best Buy	$35
Unbreakable	Best Buy	$40
Uncharted	Best Buy	$25
Unforgiven	Zavvi	$40
Universal Soldier	Best Buy	$20
Us	Best Buy	$20
Vertigo	Best Buy	$35
Wall-E	Best Buy	$100
War of the Worlds		SOLD
Warrior	Best Buy	$20
West Side Story	Best Buy	$25
Who Framed Roger Rabbit	Zavvi	$40
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory	Amazon.it	$35
The Wizard of Oz	Best Buy	$70
The Wolf Man (1941)	Best Buy	$15
The Wolf of Wall Street	Best Buy	$15
Zootopia	Best Buy	$25

 

Regular Blu-ray SteelBooks (https://imgur.com/a/i8u4gnU)

Title	Retailer	Price
The Breakfast Club	Best Buy	$15
Cinderella	Best Buy	$15
Django Unchained	Best Buy	$15
Ex Machina	Zavvi	$45
Plaines, Trains, and Automobiles	Best Buy	$15

 

TV Show SteelBooks (https://imgur.com/a/CR27Ciu)

Title	Retailer	Price
Chernobyl (4K)	Best Buy	$70
House of the Dragon S1 (4K)	Best Buy	$35
Westworld S2 (4K)	Best Buy	$55
Westworld S3 (4K)	Best Buy	$55

I will be honest in saying this, I love total war warhammer as a trilogy, but looking at the current road map, part of me worries that it might not deliver on some chars/things that GREATLY need some love.
I stress...this doesn't mean these things could become possible with a total war warhammer: age of Sigmar or "the old world", but I have decided to make a list of somethings that I feel just won't come into play that really should.

1. This is my biggest one and there is NO evidence of it coming to pass despite in game lore teases since TW2. NAGASH. Bluntly, the undead need a major rework (especially the vampire counts) to frankly poses anything more than an anoyance in the end game...and at the head of this should have been the GOD OF UNDEATH to be. Legitimately, nagash as a character is practically one of the most impactful chars in the end times as Archon, and as a legendary lord/hero frankly should feel as probably one of the most deadly and dangerous casters in the game...this could even tie into an idea mentioned in the next post.
   
2. The progenitor vampire lords: the fact that nefferata, abhorash, and ushoran are not in the game with their own interesting vampire factions seems like a major missed opportunity. You could definitely make all of them interesting hybrid factions with nefferatas lamians having cathay/vampire count mixes, abhorash having vampires with empire and bretonian cavalry, ushoran could be just a monstrous case using some of the more monstrous units across all the undead rosters, and you could have nagash at the head of those whom follow him (forget what they were called in lore). Each could be flavored interestingly and have interesting mechanics to justify a dlc for them (asking to the lords of chaos dlc). Maybe also a Konrad von carstein legendary hero...mostly just for fun
   
3. Thanqoul and verminlords: seriously, one is easily a cool legendary hero, but skaven should also have their greater demon of the horned rat most certainly as a legendary lord (one that is extremely limited/requires special conditions to reach) or as a monstrous end game unit.
   
4. Explore a bit more into ind and maybe nipon. This is honestly just to fill out the map a bit more where things are not present.
   

Honest thoughts from others? Also sorry if this seems very, very pro undead...I feel they need some love though, especially as they generally should have their own "feel" of menace in the "end times" that is immortal empires.

One time while I was riding the Tempe streetcar and noticed the history page printed on one of the stops (I don't remember if it was Paseo del SabeApache or Rural/Apache), I saw a mention that Apache Boulevard used to be a part of US highways 60, 70, 80, and 89. It seems odd for one road to have all those highway designations to begin with, and I wonder how they all happened to land specifically on Apache Boulevard. What happened to warrant all of that? Why didn't the other highways take other routes through the valley? Also, how did Apache Boulevard lose all those designations starting in the 80s? Why were US 70, 80, and 89 cut back (the former two no longer going to Arizona, and the latter being cut back to Flagstaff)? I understand the US 60 no longer going along Apache Boulevard, as it was too convenient to move the routing to the Superstition Freeway, though it's odd that US 89 was cut back to Flagstaff instead of being rerouted in line with the 60, and I wonder what happened with US 70 and 80 that did not warrant them going through Arizona anymore.
It's also strange to still see the ramifications of it being a former US highway despite all the redevelopment along the corridor that's happened as a result the light rail. I'm not sure if the history is more obvious east of Gilbert Road, as the furthest east I've gone along the corridor is the Stapley/Main Street light rail station, and it's odd to still see motels along the light rail line. I'm not sure if the old one just north of the McClintock/Apache Boulevard light rail station is still an actual motel, or if the owners allowed it to be used for other activities without getting rid of the motel branding, though there's a motel on the south side of the Stapley station that still seems open as a motel.
Also, if anyone has images of maps of those former highways, let me know.

I failed out of college my second semester freshman year back in '22 due to a combination of mental health and alcohol/drug abuse. I previously struggled in high school making friends and finding genuine connections with people in my class. I go through phases of weed and alcohol abuse that always begin as a coping mechanism for my loneliness, anxiety & depression. I usually start off buying vapes, which lead into weed carts - a couple months go by and I'm hitting a pen from the second I wake up until I fall asleep. I'm able to function, work a job, have responsibilities and be a normal family member, but these abusive-phases always end up accentuating my personal issues, causes new ones, and leave a nasty burnout/sober-back-to-reality mental adjustment where my brains not being blasted with THC every 30 minutes. Its nice to have the weed-pen thinking short term, its a break from reality and takes me away from my anxiety - until it wears off. That's why I've decided i'm not going to go down the same road anymore and I've been looking for ways to hammer positive habits into my life to replace the bad ones. I know for sure that I don't want to invite weed back into my life, I know it won't get me anywhere and will only serve to screw my life up long term - that's just me personally. I've been clean off weed for around 6 months now, and I only drink on occasion when the time is right and its usually just with my family.
I've been trying as hard as I can to follow "the path of self-development". I realize that as a person I am prone to "talk the talk, but not really walk the walk." I guess its just my personality, but I always say I'm going to do something or try this positive habit but when It comes down to the nitty gritty I'll take the route of least resistance.
However, for the first time in a while I have started to see some change. I've been going on 2.5 mile runs every 1-2 days for a month now where I'm continuing to push my PR. I go to the gym occasionally but lift at my home gym pretty regularly. I'm participating in as much self-help information-bomb-internet-education as I possibly can. I cut off old friends, who were all I had, but have put me down in the past. I've been seeing a therapist regularly for about 4 months now. I've deleted social media apps like instagram/snapchat that are toxic for my mental health as I compare my life to the highlights of others lives.
I'm back in school now as I've been taking online courses for a few semesters now at a local community college. This summer semester I'm set up with three courses alongside working 40 hours a week at a local chain restaurant. On top of this, my family has adopted a puppy which we are going to pick up in two days. I've been making an effort to fill my life up with as much habit-building positive reinforcing routines that will benefit me in the long run. I am constantly trying to foster positive new and old hobbies. I've been trying to take a step back from my everyday view of life and just analyze myself, who I am, and how I can get to where I want to be.
I'm a twenty year old guy living in my parents house on a rural northern lake. People move here to retire or when their kids have all gone off to college. But i'm still here. And I can't help but feel lonely, isolated, out of place, and like a complete failure. It doesn't matter how many miles I run, how good I'm doing at my job, or how many hours I spend reading the self-help book, doing my hobbies, listening to the audio-book - I feel like I'm making miniscule progress and I'm not where I should be. It doesn't help that the friends I grew up with are all either pre-med, direct admit to business school with 60 credits under their belt by now, and or have internships in big cities. I feel like an intellectual and emotional failure, and that I strayed off the given path, and now I'm trying to catch up to a 200mph bullet train on adderall while I'm running on foot.
Guys I know the right path isn't easy. But fuck dude I don't know if I'm doing anything right. What would I do if I didn't have my parents to bail me out of educational/financial failures? I've been actually thinking about these things now, and I kinda realized one day that I'm really all I have. Its kinda just me. I mean, its always been that way, i've just never accepted it or i've been bombarded with distractions my whole life. Now that I realize this is all I have and I have to make the best out of it, I don't really understand how I'm supposed to get to where I want to be. Ideally, saving up enough money to support myself on my own is my first goal here. I would like to not be reliant on my parents, and be mentally stable enough to make my own decisions that will support me in the long run. Therefore, I know I can't smoke weed, I can't overdrink, I know I can't be lazy and do nothing, I know I have to hammer down on my school, I know I need to keep working out, I know I have to keep trying new things and see what works for me and see what doesn't.
How can I be the best version of myself?
How can I socially succeed? I am so deadass when I say this: I have no IRL friends. It's so bad I don't think I've genuinely experienced it this bad in my life till now. Especially given where I currently live, literally the only thing I can think of is save enough money to move to a more populated area/get accepted back into college.
How am I supposed to find a partner? Am I even ready for a partner? Will I ever find a partner given my history of mental health issues?
Thank you to whoever has read to this point. I seriously appreciate any advice or anecdotes anyone can give.